The Hard Launch
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Okay, hi guys, my name's Shaden Beveridge. Welcome back to X's and O's, a podcast where we talk about queer relationships and sex. And speaking of relationships, I'm in one. 🎵

Okay, before we get into what's been going on in my life, like this week, I want to just go through kind of the last month and tell you guys what's been going on. I feel like my intros have been really short this last month because June was crazy. It was Pride Month. And even though Pride Month is over, the gays keep winning. We stay winning. This year is for the lesbians. I have said it and I will say it again. And I will keep saying it. But...

Yeah, I just wanted to give you guys a recap of my month, my life, what's going on, do my mental health check, do all the things that we usually do on this channel show. Why can I not think of what to call a podcast on this podcast? And before I jump into that, also, please remember to like or rate or rank or whatever the hell you do on all of these different platforms if you're on

iTunes, you can rate it. If you're on Spotify, you can rate the show. I don't know what they all are, but you can like it. If you're watching on YouTube, please like it. And if you are watching on YouTube, please comment below who you want to see on the show next. Because I have some things lined up, but I always want to know who you guys are looking to see on the show. So let me know. Okay, mental health check. Usually every week I do a mental health check. And I think literally since...

I don't even know. Since February, they've been pretty consistently me being like, I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. And guess what? I'm so happy. I'm still so happy. It definitely makes it less interesting when that's the mental health check. But yeah, I'm like feeling really good. If you watched last week's episode, then you know I've been thinking that when I got home, I was going to kind of crash. But I've been experiencing like no crash at all. If anything, I'm just like really stoked to be back home, getting back into the swing of life and things. I think...

Did the 4th of July like mess anyone else up? Because it being on a Thursday made all weekend feel a day late. Friday felt like Saturday. Saturday felt like Sunday. Sunday felt like Monday. Now it's Monday. It feels like Tuesday.

I feel out of sorts. If you're not from America, then you don't care about this at all. But if you are from America, then you may know what I'm talking about. It just like changed. It shifted the whole weekend. Not that I was out here celebrating America by any means. We are in shambles. And that is that is too dark, too deep, too dark a well to get into today. Was anyone really celebrating America this week? Probably. Honestly, yeah. Some people probably. Yeah.

Me? No. I did get to watch fireworks on a boat, which was awesome. On a little sailboat with my friends, like all my gay friends, and we were just out there like, woo! This is so depressing, but also fireworks pretty, but also America, ah! Anyway, again, this is too much for this episode because there's a lot to get into in this episode, so let's move along.

That's my mental health check. Although someone else asked me in my ask box on Instagram to do a mind-body-heart check-in and do one word for each. And I thought that was cute. So I'm going to do that. Mind. One word for mind. I'd say, what's like a word that means that you're like being torn in a lot of different directions? Like overwhelmed is the right word, but also not the right word. But yeah, mind. Overwhelmed. Body. Tired.

and heart ecstatic. That would be my one word for each. Okay. Also, I think we're halfway through the year now, which is fucking crazy. How are we halfway through 2024? Doesn't it feel like it just started? And then also, doesn't it feel like it should be over tomorrow? Like time ever since COVID, I swear to God, is not real. It's so confusing. I'm so confused.

stressed out about the time. I'm like, is it racing or is it going so slow? And every week feels different. Do you guys feel that way? I don't know. I've felt that way ever since COVID. Like I really cannot get my feet back on the ground. Like nothing feels real still almost in a really weird way. Like it's just like a dream.

If it's a dream, the dream is going pretty well for me. So it's definitely not a nightmare right now. Someone asked me what my intentions are for the second half of the year, which is awesome because actually an intention I set, I think last year, but then didn't ever get to

like fulfill was to shoot medium format film, which if you can see behind me, if you're watching, I have a Mamiya 7 here that my friend Steve let me borrow from Canada and I'm going to get to shoot with it. So that's like a huge bucket list thing I've wanted to do for a long time. So like my intentions for the next six months, that's one of them. Other ones just being to keep growing this podcast, keep working so hard to make it everything I know it can be, to keep making good content on my Patreon for you guys,

to keep investing in the relationships I have in my real life, my friendships, my romantic relationship, my like everything, just making everything better, stronger, being happier. I don't know how I can get happier, but to keep trying to be happier, like and stay happy. And yeah, I don't have many other intentions. I'm really focused on this podcast a lot and I'm really focused on

Just like always, I'm always focused on relationships in my life. Like that's always a really important thing for me. So I'm sure that will continue to be for the next six months and probably the rest of my life. And I don't just mean romantic relationships. I truly, I mean friendships and family and everything. Those are like the most important things to me in the world. Ow, this hat is too tight right now. Is your hat ever like squeezing? It's squeezing my brain. I feel like I'm losing brain cells. Okay, something I recently like realized but also had thought about in the past is...

I think when I went into this podcast, I started with this conception that everyone who was listening had followed me from the beginning or like had known me and been on this journey with me for all the time I've been on it, which is a long time. But then recently, I've really realized like I've been developing a new audience and definitely like people have come around who haven't been here the whole time or have come back who were around at the very beginning. And

Yeah, I think I like operate under this assumption that people know a lot about me already when that is not necessarily the case for everyone. So I thought since this is a solo episode and if you're watching this and you're wanting to get to know me better and you can take this into future episodes when I have guests and stuff, I should tell you guys some facts about me in case you missed it.

So I wrote down 10 facts about me, 10 facts about Shannon to let you guys know who I am, like what's been going on over here. So before we get deeper into other stuff, I wanted to just tell you guys this stuff in case you're new here, which also, by the way, this was inspired because when I was in New York, I got stopped a few times by people who were like, oh my God, like you're that girl with a podcast. And I was like, what?

It was the coolest thing ever. It was like literally the coolest thing ever to hear someone say like, you're the girl with a podcast instead of it being like, oh my God, you're Shannon Beverage. You're like, you're, I followed you since Tumblr, which also is amazing and so cool. I love when people say that too. But it was like the first time ever in the wild. I was having people be like, you're the girl with a podcast. I'm like,

I do have a podcast. That is nuts. So shout out to the people who did do that. I love you. That was so cool. Just like fun to have like a new experience. When you've been doing this for as long as I'm doing it, like it is fun to have like something just like feel like a new part of your identity, I guess. I don't know.

It was exciting and I appreciate it. I was born in Dallas, Texas. I lived there until I was four years old and then I moved to Ohio, Powell, Ohio, outside of Columbus and I lived there till I was seven. Then I moved back to Dallas, the same area of Dallas, and I lived there until I went to college and I went to college in Oklahoma.

And then I've lived in LA now for almost 10 years. I've lived here for nine years. Fact number two, I have one sister. Her name is Casey. She is five years older than me. You may know her from last week's episode. She's a therapist. She lives in New York. She's amazing. But I've also had seven step siblings in my life. So I've been the youngest kid ever.

In ways, I've been the oldest kid and I've definitely been like the middle kid. I have like a lot of experience with siblings and the order of siblings, which I think is like a unique experience. Okay, fact number three. I am a Pisces sun, a Libra moon, and a Cancer rising. And I can never remember which one is my moon and which one is my rising. I get it wrong every time and I always have to ask my roommate Zoe. I'm like, what, what, what am I?

Which one is it? But that's what it is. Fact number four. I think my biggest fear is probably claustrophobia. I hate the thought of like climbing into...

like some kind of like tunnel and then not being able to get back out. I think that's the only thing I'm really like truly like scared like phobia wise of. Fact number five, my favorite movie is Billy Elliot. If you haven't watched it, please go and watch that movie. It is so sad, but it is so beautiful and I would watch it a million times. I watched it this year on my birthday and it was so fun.

even though there were a lot of tears shed, but it's so good. Okay, fact number six. I started doing social media when I was in college in Oklahoma because I was in a sorority and I was really lonely and I was pretty sure I was gay and I was definitely not seeing much gay representation around me. So I went on Tumblr. I met a lot of other gay girls and I was like, this is awesome. I'm not alone. I

I cannot wait to possibly live my life like as an out gay person, even though I stayed in the closet mostly for the rest of college and just was like, one day I'm gonna get out of here and I'm gonna be able to tell everyone who I am. And then eventually, obviously, I did that. Now I can't shut the fuck up about it. Sorry. Not sorry. Fact number seven, I have a finance degree. Why do I do anything with it?

No, but I do have it. Fact number eight, I came out to my family after my freshman year of college and I came out to a few people during college and then I came out to everyone right after I graduated college. So I've been out since then. Fact number nine, I've been doing social media full time as my job since 2014. So 10 years, like honestly 10 years.

around now. It has been 10 years almost like exactly and I wouldn't change a thing. It's been so nice. It started with YouTube. Well, it started technically with Tumblr, but like as a job, it started with YouTube and then it's been YouTube and now it's turned into this podcast. I've only been doing this podcast since December. Okay, fact number 10. I have no dietary restrictions, but I probably should and this might be TMI, but I have

horrible IBS. Like, I've been struggling with it since I was in elementary school. And it started when I... It's like my IBS is like 100% anxiety related. I don't know if I've ever really talked about it that much. But I mean, who wants to talk about that? But I do think like we should just talk about it to normalize it in a way. But

It started when I was in elementary school when I had my very first sleepover. I went to this girl's house and she only had one bathroom in her house. And I was like, oh my gosh, what will happen if I have to go to the bathroom? And then I had to call my mom and ask her to come pick me up because as soon as I thought about it, it created so much anxiety that I convinced myself I had to go to the bathroom. And I was like, I can't. I have to go home. And I'm not kidding. Since that day, I've had like...

my anxiety is like completely and directly tied to my stomach and it has not changed one time ever and it goes through like waves of being better and worse but it's crazy because this year has been the best my stomach has ever been and I really think it's because it's the least anxious I've ever been which is so nice

And I attribute that to a lot of things, but definitely relationships that I have in my life right now have like made, like fixed my stomach in a really weird way. Like it's crazy. Anyway, moving on. Okay, I got a couple little random questions from you guys on Instagram that I wanted to just like go through really quick. And then obviously I'm going to go into talking about

Maybe what you would like to hear about, which would be my relationship. Maybe you're like, I don't even care about that. So there's something here for everyone. We all get fed today, I hope. Okay, one of the things I saw the most in my ask box was about friendship breakups and like going through them. I think that a part of getting older is

is realizing that you outgrow friendships, which is like really, really, I think a really tough pill to swallow. It's a strange feeling to be in your early 20s and like think like I know who my wedding party is going to be and then wake up and you're in your late 20s and you're like, wait, I'm not friends with any of those people anymore or I'm only friends with a few of those people or my friend group has completely changed.

So I'm not even talking about like the really tragic, crazy, like intense friendship breakups. But just in general, I think growing up, our friendships really grow and evolve and change and people lose touch. And people really, I think the thing that was really important for me to realize as I got older was everyone is living their own life.

life. When you're in high school and if you go to college, then you live in this like bubble of a world where you have this built-in community of people that you see really regularly. And that creates like really amazing friendships, really deep friendships, friendships that feel like family, friendships that feel like you will never ever ever grow out of.

But then when you graduate or when you leave and people start like really investing their time in their own lives and new people in their lives and their jobs and partners and potential babies, like really it's crazy how much your time, your availability changes so much for the people around you. It's not the same as those days when it was like, I get to wake up and I'm going to see you every day. Keep in mind, people move and

So things just like get crazy and it becomes harder and harder to keep friendships that you aren't seeing those people every day. Like the, what is it like, um,

like frequency, like how often you see people or whatever. As that changes, some relationships like cannot stand that test. Some people, some relationships do. And those are amazing. And you should keep them forever if you can. But yeah, I think just a part of growing up is realizing that you will lose some friends you thought you would have forever. And that just is like happens organically. It's not like anything dramatically.

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Whoa. Landing an account this big will totally change my landscaping business. It's going to mean hiring more guys and more equipment and new trucks for the new guys to drive the new equipment in. I don't know if I'm ready.

You can do this and Ford Pro Fin Simple can help. Our experts are ready to make growing pains less painful for your business with flexible financing solutions that meet the needs of your business today when you need them. Get started at FordPro.com slash financing. Friendship breakups where you're like, wait, what the heck? I thought we were best friends and now we're not friends are terrible.

They are terrible. I hate that. If you're going through it, I'm so sorry. It's a terrible feeling. I've been through them. They are in some ways to me worse than like relationship breakups I've had because one of the things you acknowledge when you get into a romantic relationship or at least I think you should realize is a possibility is that you will not have each other in your lives anymore if you break up and that

I think is also what makes love and falling in love so exciting because there's something on the line, right? There's like you're risking this thing and not only are you risking it, you're like you're worth the risk. Like I like you so much. I care about you so much. I want to I'll risk all of this for the potential of like not having you.

It's different with a friendship because with friendship, you don't have that risk or you are living in this like world where you don't think you have that risk, right? You're like, well, what could possibly go wrong? We decided to be best friends. There's no way that we'll break up. Like there's no like, this isn't like, it's not like a, it's not like hanging over you at all times as a possibility, the way that like relationship, like romantic relationships are. Yeah.

That makes it sound bad. That sounds bad. I don't think that if you're in a romantic relationship, that should be looming over you. But just like that is a possibility in romantic relationships that you could break up. Whereas with friendships, you don't live in this world where you think, oh, yeah. And one day if we break up, it's like, why would we break up? Why would that happen? But it does happen. Why does that happen?

I hate when it happens. It's terrible. And if you're going through it, I wish I could give you a hug because I've been through them and they are terrible. They're just so confusing. I feel like your nervous system isn't ready for it. It doesn't know that that was even ever possibly going to happen to you. And then it's happening and you're like, what the hell?

No matter what the reason, no matter if you did something wrong or they did something wrong or you don't know what happened, it doesn't even matter. It's just terrible. Always. But I think the thing that's really important to remember is that people who want to be in your life will make sure they stay in your life. And the people that are meant for your life will be in your life. The friends that are meant to be there will not...

will not risk losing you over anything I always talk about it with like my friends Rachel and Christy are two friends I've talked about this a lot with where I'm like if you guys ever did something that really bothered me or hurt my feelings I would call you I would just call you immediately and be like wait why did you do that I would not let time pass I wouldn't let a week pass I wouldn't let a day pass where I was like oh my god if it was something I would rather like

If it was something I could possibly lose them over, I would never ever let a second go by without just confronting them about it. Does that make sense? And you need to keep that in mind. If you have a friendship that you're losing, a breakup, a friendship breakup happening in your life, and that connection isn't there, that immediate like, let's fix this, whether it's from them or from you or both, then that's not someone you're meant to have in your life forever.

And the beautiful thing about life is you will constantly meet new people. You will constantly have people coming in and out and doors open and close. And it's a sad thing, but it's also a really, really beautiful thing because, wow, like life would be so monotonous if you didn't have that, if you didn't have people coming and going. So try to see the silver lining of losing those people like just that they were not meant for you.

And they're probably the lesson that you needed to learn in some way, shape or form. That's how I look back on the ones that I've had at this time. Like I'm like, okay, I learned a lot from that. Did it hurt? Yeah. Did I survive? Yeah. Same with breakups, all breakups. Did it hurt? Oh my God. Yeah. Am I alive? Oh my God. Yes. And I'm so happy. So look, you can get through

you can get through this to the other side. Okay, moving on from friendship breakups, the next thing I had in my ask box was how to stay away from a toxic ex. The only reason I even wrote this one down is because I actually recently heard some advice someone else was telling me about advice that they got, but basically that if you have a toxic relationship in your life,

The only way to get away from it is to starve it. You have to starve it out. Do not give it anything, anything at all. Like every morsel that you give...

to a toxic relationship. It just keeps that like fire burning longer and longer and longer and longer. And the best thing that you can possibly do is completely, like completely remove yourself from it and don't give anything to it.

Not like, not a text back, not a reaction, not a story like, not a story view. Like, just completely take yourself out of the equation of it and starve the relationship out. And that is like the only, that is the only way to get away from one. That is the advice this person told me and I am now spreading that to you. So if you're in a situation with a toxic ex and you like can't get away, starve it. Like starve it. Just go.

Don't give it anything. Also, like a lot of times we're almost like addicted to those kind of relationships or there's like an addiction to like the pain and torture and conflict that is going on in there. But if you are like asking the question in my ask box, like how do I stay away from a toxic ex? Like clearly something in you is saying I need to get away from this. Just starve it. Starve it out. Okay, someone else asked me how I'm managing creating, promoting and living and balancing all those things.

I will say I am like realizing more and more as time goes on that as one thrives, like the others tend to do less well. So I'm trying to find a better way of,

God, I talk about balance so much on this podcast between relationships and public and private and life and work and whatever. But I really do feel like finding balance in all things is just like a really tough thing to figure out. And for me, I just feel like as I'm feeling more creative, I'm having a harder time promoting things. And as I'm promoting things a lot, like I have a harder time living. And as I'm living a lot, I'm having a harder time doing both. Like,

It's just hard to like find a perfect balance. But I definitely think now that I'm six months into this podcast, I'm definitely learning a better flow of things. And I'm sure it'll just keep getting better. And if you're someone like with some kind of creative endeavor, you will also figure that out. It just takes time. All things like that take a lot of time. It's like workflow and you don't know until you know. And you don't even know what you're signing up for until you're in it. So it's just like...

give yourself grace give yourself time you'll figure it out that's what i'm trying to do for myself okay and last thing before i get into talking about relationship stuff um

my own relationship stuff is creating queer community. There was a lot, a lot, a lot of questions about how to make queer friends. I feel like I've talked about this on my podcast before and how lucky I am that the social media job that I have has like created so many connections for me in the queer space with queer people. And I have so many queer friends and like that started in one place 10 years ago. And by now, like I also have like so many friends that are outside of the queer creator world. And, and,

It definitely takes time. It's something that takes time, but it also takes nurturing. Like you have to... That has to be something you really want and a desire you really, really, like really want so that you put the time and effort into making it happen. But I think in all cities, there are queer events happening all the time. I know Pride is over. Pride Month is a great month to like really...

reach out and get into those communities. But those things happen year round. So like look up what's in your area, what's in the biggest city near you. Like are they doing queer bingo? Are they doing drag shows? Are they doing queer book clubs? Like go on. You have like the whole world at your fingertips with the internet, which is the best thing ever. Also, you can always use dating apps and have it very straightforward in your bio that you're looking for friendships.

I promise you, you are not the only person looking for friendships. Based off the amount of times I get asked this question, so, so many people are looking for friendships. And also the advice I always give is you really need one connected friend. You need one well-connected queer friend to get you into queer spaces, like to invite you to the right party, to invite you to the right book club, to invite you to the right restaurant for a dinner party with the right queer people, like everything.

You need one really solid gay friend who's going to bring you around other gay people. So try to find that person. And I think the best ways to do it would be either like dating app or looking up social events in your city, your area, going to gay bars in your area, going to gay...

meetups in your area just like look online for what's going on around you also I always will say I found all my friends online that's how I started all my queer friendships at the very beginning so go online go on Instagram look up local people in your area I'm sure you know of someone you went to high school with or like someone in the area some co-worker you have that's queer like follow them

Follow them. Look who they're following. You gotta work at this, but it will be worth it in the end because having gay friends is the best thing in the world. Okay, should we talk about my relationship status? Stressful, cause it's just stressful to wanna open back up about this stuff again, I have to say. It is a little bit stressful, but also I'm so happy, so...

Let's just let's just see what happens. I don't have anything like planned out exactly of what I want to say, but I'm just going to see what happens when I talk. I feel like in the last month or so, I definitely was teasing and talking about the concept of hard launch versus soft launch, private versus secret and just like dancing around those topics in general. And if you follow me on Instagram or yeah, if you follow me on Instagram or TikTok or Twitter,

then you may have seen that this week, this last week, there was a hard launch. A launch happened. There's a launch happening.

And I'm so happy about it. And it's been received so well. And I'm so stoked about that. It was definitely not something that just like haphazardly happened. There was a lot of talk that went into that. There was a lot of like conversations that were had before that post was made or those posts were made or before we shared. And yeah, like, oh, am I nervous? No, no, not at all. Do I have? No, I feel good. I feel good. I'm not stressed. I feel good. I do feel good. I just get...

I have anxiety around this topic as a whole of like every morsel that I share about it. I'm like, oh my God, then you guys get to have that forever. And I think that's just coming from my past experiences with having public relationships, knowing that like each and everything that I say, even though I know like most people will just hear it and like be like, oh my God, that's interesting. I just know there are some people like who will hold on to everything I say and it will follow me forever. So I'm like,

I think I'm just really mindful about talking about relationship stuff. Anyway, I mean, at this point, I might as well just, let's just talk about it, right? I'm dating Becca Moore. You may have seen, you may have heard, but now you know. And if you hadn't heard, now you've heard it from me. I'm dating Becca Moore. How cute. She's the best.

Okay. I think like the two biggest takeaways I want from this and from telling y'all about this today. Number one, I want you guys to just know how happy I am. And I feel like if you've been watching the podcast or listening to the podcast, then you know that's been a pretty common theme when I do my mental health checks and like when I'm talking about stuff. And

A huge, huge, huge, huge, huge part of that is because of Becca. Huge part. An amazing thing is that also a huge part of that is unrelated to Becca, which I think is just like,

great thing because I think in the past a lot of times I tried to draw a lot of happiness from my relationship and within this relationship and because honestly a lot of that is testimony to Becca and who she is as a person and how she is as a partner but a lot of that also is coming from just like other things in my life like my job my friendships and yeah it's not all because I

I'm in a good, healthy, happy relationship. But that's like just like the icing on the cake of everything else that's happening. But also she's such a great partner because she's like

totally encouraged me to invest in myself and invest in those things too into my friendships into my job um which I appreciate and really really adore about her so much so I don't want you to think like oh my gosh I'm only happy because I'm in like this honeymoon phase of starting to date someone because obviously yeah that's one part of it but also I'm just so lucky she's such a like such a good partner like she balances me out in such a like amazing amazing way I'm

Okay, I'm going to blush. I'm going to stop. Let's move on. Okay, I'm not moving on. I am blushing. Okay, the second biggest takeaway, and honestly, maybe this is number one. I mean, it's kind of number one for me, but what I want y'all to know is just how proud I am of Becca because it is so...

Cool. Like, I'm so, so, so proud of her for coming out. Like, I know she told y'all she's dating me and told her audience she's dating me, but, like, so much bigger than that, she also told...

her whole audience of people that she's dating a girl for the first time, which is like such a huge thing. Coming out is, if you're watching this, then you know you've probably had some experience, whether it's that you came out, that you're thinking about coming out, or if you're an ally, then you definitely know people who have come out. Like, it's not a little thing to do. It's a huge thing. Like, even if you are...

I mean, even if you are as cool as Becca, Becca has been like the most cool person about coming out of anyone I've ever, ever known in my life. Like, I feel like I've been like doomsday prepping her in a way of being like, are you, what if people, are you prepared for like bad reactions? Like, what if people are like this? And the whole time, everything I've ever said, like when I was like, what if people...

What if people unfollow you? Like, what if people are mean to you? She's like, well, then I don't want those people to follow me. And like, I don't care what those people think then. And just like so she's just so awesome and so cool and like confident and smart and funny and awesome. But yeah, but it's been so funny because I've been so way more stressed about her coming out than she has been, which is.

I don't know, adorable and amazing. And also, I don't know. I don't even know if she's aware of how impactful it will be for a lot of people that a girl like her is coming out and doing it. So in such a like, just cool, chill, like, yeah, I'm for the girls. I'm like, you are the coolest person ever. And I don't even know if you know it, but

I definitely think it will help so many people. And yeah, I'm just so proud of her. I'm literally so proud of her. It's awesome. And the reactions, it's so awesome. I can't even believe it. I feel like

I definitely am someone who's more like prepare for the worst, but I'm also very positive. So I was like, I think it'll be good. I think people are going to be happy, but I could never, ever, ever have prepared myself for how good it is and how kind everyone has been about it. Like, obviously there's this side part of it to me, which is like hard launching a relationship. But for me, I think just because of my, I don't know how much I think about the queer community and how much I think about just like being queer and how like,

hard it is for some people and how nice it is to have representation that like the bigger thing for me this whole time was just like making sure she felt safe and making sure that the reaction was good. Like I was just really hoping it would go well. And it's gone so well. And she wasn't even really that scared about it, which I'm like, how are you? How are you so cool? And also none of this is to diminish the fact that she had a lot of like feelings about it too. I'm just...

I'm just saying in general, I'm like, wow, I think that the impact of like someone coming out, anyone coming out is still so big. Like you don't know, even if you just changed one person's life or like one person's perspective on something, that is crazy. It is crazy that you could change someone's life. You could change someone's life. Like Becca might have changed someone's life just by telling them she has a girlfriend. Like that's,

That is the like one huge, huge silver lining of the Internet for me that I love and I will always love and I will always, always be so grateful for is just like the impact and the representation and the fact that you don't need anyone's permission to do anything. If you want to, if you want to tell people something about yourself, you get to do it. And that's like the impact and the ripple effect and the falling out from that is like massive. It can be massive. And I'm so proud of her. I'm so, so proud of her.

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I think a lot of people were like, are you apprehensive about sharing? For sure. 100%. I think I've been open about that fear since I started this podcast before I was even dating Becca. I was like, oh my God, like I would be a scary person to date. This is going to be scary to like share with the world again to ever like talk about someone I'm dating. It will be like, it'll feel like a lot of pressure. And

In so many ways, like, yeah, for sure, I have those apprehensions and I have those thoughts in the back of my head. But also, I just am never going to be someone who doesn't share my life. And I don't think it makes sense to have a podcast about relationships and sex and not be talking about the fact that I'm in a relationship and piggybacking off of that. I also am not intending to...

over share. Like I'm not looking to sit here and tell you all the inner workings of my relationship with Becca. And I think I'm just going to continue to play it by ear with her and like conversations we have with each other, how comfortable we are with sharing, whatever. We will be doing that together. We will be discussing those things together. And letting you guys know that we are dating, I think is like a huge step in

in and of itself and like everything after that I think we'll have to figure out together but I'm excited like I don't know I'm so happy

Did I mention? Did I mention that I was happy? Okay, but for today, I just wanted to share with you guys how we met because I got that question a lot. So, I met Becca on the set of Zoe's music video shoot. I creative direct on her music video shoots and Becca was a cameo on the music video shoot. Also,

I just realized I didn't like if you don't know who Becca Moore is then obviously I'm assuming you'll look into it, but she's a TikToker. She's so funny like hilarious. She has gone viral a bunch and also like amassed this huge following on TikTok from mostly from making these jokes about like things that are for the girls and not the guys and also doing story times and like talking about dates talking about her life talking about growing up and

She's like also doing her makeup. She tends to mostly just do her blush, but now she's fully doing her makeup. Yeah, she's so funny. She's from Ohio. She's the cutest person alive. She is, I don't know. I don't want to, I see I don't want to overshare, but anyway, I'm going to tell you how we met. So we met on Zoe's music video shoot. She was a cameo. I was creative directing and

And I spent the whole day like we talked when she got there. And then I spent the whole day thinking that she was not into girls because I had seen her videos before. And a lot of them were about like dating guys. But then towards the end of the day, I went up to her to talk about Raya, which is a stupid dating app that if you guys don't know, it's just like a dating app. You have to get approved to be on. And it's like kind of pretentious in my opinion. But anyway, a lot of people are on it. A lot of people in L.A. are on it.

and she her profile popped up as like nearby and then when you are nearby you can see who you have in common so I saw that we had one person in common who happened to be my old manager so I walked up to her and I was like oh my god like how do you know Elisa and she was like oh my god she's my manager and I was like oh my god she was my manager and then she was like did you swipe right on me and I was like

That was the only thing I clocked that whole day where I was like, wait, maybe she is into girls because why would she want like seemed like she wanted me to. Anyway, that was early on in December, I think. And we didn't end up actually starting to talk till later in December. And if you don't know, Becca also has a podcast that she just started, which is also like I think I would say has to do with the timing of us launching us dating because we

Her podcast is just about life and like herself and story times and stuff. But I definitely think, I don't think, I know that her not being able to talk about who she's dating or like at least just talking about her sexuality in general, I think felt like a filter for her. And so coming out was really important for her so that she can like go into this podcast with a really...

Being able to be as open as she has always been on TikTok, which is like her whole brand is to be very open and like talk about stuff and tell stories. So when we started talking about the hard launch, soft launch, whatever, it was like, we definitely, we need to tell people so that you can start talking on your podcast about like what your life has looked like in the last six months, because it definitely changed a lot. And there's new things you're experiencing. And if you were paying attention, you probably already knew that we were dating each other, by the way. But

It is funny because some people are like, oh, we knew. I'm like, yeah, you knew, but not everyone's paying that much attention, honestly.

But anyway, Becca has a podcast. You should definitely check it out. She just started it. I think she's on her third episode this week and she's hilarious and so cute and so funny. And I think she'll probably tell some more of these stories on her podcast. And I'm sure as time goes on, I will also share more about our relationship and things that are happening. But yeah, based off the discretion of us. And

And it feels good. It feels really good to be it feels really good to be dating someone who has the same job as me in a way. But like we have very much our own things going on. And she's very successful in her own right and like has built this whole thing is totally her own. And she's like, yeah, it's a completely different thing than mine. Like not just the queerness, but like her humor and the audience is a very different audience than mine.

I think we have probably some crossover, especially now that we told people we were dating. I think people would be interested in both things. But like it is nice. It's nice when you date someone. It's so hard because there's this part of me that when I was going back into dating this time, I was thinking like maybe I want to date someone who is an accountant or a lawyer or whatever.

just like a different career path but then starting to date Becca and like talking to her and having this like person as a confidant and like understanding each other in a way that is so specifically different is like also so nice there's so much about this relationship that has been so healing for me in so many ways I always tell people in real life when they ask me about Becca and about our relationship like what I like about it so much is just how light

I feel around her all the time. Like, I feel so light. Like, my... I feel like I laugh more and, like, I'm more myself and I'm more relaxed and I'm just, like, happy. It's just so nice to feel like that. And I'm so lucky. And she's so awesome. So, okay. And now I'm just gushing over her and...

sharing maybe oversharing so I'm going to end that part but you guys should follow Becca if you're interested you don't have to obviously no one has to do anything but you could check out her podcast I'm sure she'll be telling some stories this week too that are probably different okay I don't even know what I just said honestly because I feel like it blacked out um because I've definitely it's a mix of like high like good emotions and then also like nervousness

excited feelings. It's crazy to like not talk about something at all, really, like kind of at all and then talk about it. Like I'm definitely blushing like the whole time I'm blushing so much. So anyway, I don't know what I just said. Hopefully it made sense at all. Hopefully. Anyway, please, again, remember my takeaways. Number one, I'm so happy. Number two, I'm so proud of Becca. I'm so, so proud of her for coming out and

being so like fearlessly herself. It's like the most beautiful thing in the whole entire world when anyone does it. And when it's someone that you are as close to as I am to her, like you're like, I feel just like I'm like beaming for her. Like I'm so, so like,

Every time I look at this last video I posted on my Instagram dump today, I like tear up because it's her posting the post and she's like, so she's like, I did it. I did it. I literally could cry thinking about it. So anyway, I got to move on because I don't want to cry, but let's move on. It's completely separate, completely different. And I was going to talk about sex, but I don't really want to talk about sex this week just because, uh,

I don't know. I feel like this episode is more like cute and like already. I don't know. I mean, I don't need to not talk about it, but someone said, can you talk about sex like you did with Gabby? So I wanted to just plug this because I actually do think this episode of this podcast was amazing.

I think Gabby Windy is amazing and she has a podcast and she had me on as a guest. And I think it is kind of probably the most candid I've ever been talking about sex, which is mostly because I was on someone else's podcast and she was asking me the question. So it's a lot easier to talk about sex stuff when you're, first of all, right now I'm all by myself. So just be like, let's talk about sex.

feels off and I didn't have that many questions about it anyway but also yeah Gabby just asked me good questions and like we like had a really good conversation about it so I was thinking I'm gonna link that in the bio below you guys should check it out it's towards the end of the episode it's a long episode her podcast is awesome um but yeah we definitely got way into like sexual talking stuff so you could check that out there was one other thing I wanted to talk about which is so random this episode is so random if you think about it sorry but

It's random to talk to yourself for an hour by the way like alone That is a weird random thing to do and to think anyone wants to listen to you talk For an hour by yourself is also delusional and weird Podcasts are like public speaking but alone in your bed and same with YouTube So I guess I am very familiar with this because I've been doing it for a long time But like at the end of the day, this is weird.

This is a really weird job. Also, I think I've talked about this before. I was just thinking about this today. Mostly thinking about it because the posts that Becca posted about us dating went like pretty viral. Like lots of views, lots of likes and stuff on Twitter and TikTok, which is so awesome. Amazing because the reactions have been so positive. Again, back to the outing stuff. Such a big deal. So awesome. So many people got to see it and so much of it was so positive. So that's awesome. But...

It is crazy doing social media for as long as I've been doing it. I've compared it to this before, but I don't know where I saw this, but at some point I saw that apparently heroin, this is a crazy segue, but apparently the first high that you ever get on heroin is the best high you will ever have in your whole entire life.

And then you like addicts chase that high forever and ever and ever and ever. And then you never really achieve it again. And you never can. And you have to have more of it and more of it and more of it. And it still just like never feels as good as the first time, which is a crazy thing to be talking about. You're like, what? I mention it because social media is so like that. And it's

It's such a strange thing where it's like when I first started, I was like, oh my gosh, when I get 10,000 followers, then I'm going to be like feel so good. And then I was like, no. Okay, when I get 50,000 followers, it'll feel so good. Okay, no. When I get 100,000 followers, it'll feel so good. Okay, no. It becomes like you can't really quantify it anymore. It doesn't, the impact isn't there anymore. Like it doesn't matter how well something does because

It loses the impact in this weird way where you're like chasing this thing that you once got this high that you once felt, which is crazy. And I, I, but at this point I've been doing it for so long. I'm almost like grateful that I lost it so that I can stay like,

I can disassociate from chasing the numbers and chasing the likes and chasing the views and chasing the follows. Like I post my podcast now. Maybe this is a bad thing. I mean, I'm sure there's a double-edged sword to this, but I post my podcast now. I look at the comments. I'll look at the comments all week. I'll comment back to people and stuff, but I don't look at the views and like I don't care the way I used to. Like it used to be like, oh, like devastatingly.

important to me that each video did better than the last or at least hit some threshold and realizing that I would never feel that high again has been so important for me but it's been crazy this week with these videos and these things doing so well you'd think that because they're so much bigger and so much more viral it would be like I would get a hit of that dopamine or whatever again but no it's like totally like

That feeling, that really good, amazing feeling that I once got at the very beginning of doing social media, I do not ever get it anymore. And it's like good and bad for so many reasons. But isn't that weird? I just thought that was so weird because I thought maybe like, you know, I'd be like, oh my God, People Magazine wrote about it. And I'm like, it just doesn't, they're like high is not the same high, which is so nice because life just feels real. Like,

I'm as excited about us coming out as a couple with 100,000 likes as I would have been with 1,000 likes. Like the number itself doesn't change the happiness that I feel, if that makes sense. Although the number itself changes, the only thing that I'm really, really stoked about is the representation and the coming out part of it. I'm like, oh my God, yeah. It's just for my own personal ego. My ego isn't like, oh my God, yeah.

Does that make sense? I don't even know if I'll leave this in because like if it sounds cringy and weird, but it like is a really real thing that I've been experiencing for a long time. And I'm like, wow, so different now. Like my life is my my relationship with social media is so different now than it was when I first started. This is a really random thing to end on, but it is something I realize I have not talked about. And yeah.

I should just talk to you about it because I think it's important to be transparent about these things. But basically, someone said, what's your skincare routine and what's your med spa? Like, what do you get done at a med spa? Which I don't go to a med spa, but I do get 10 units of Botox in my forehead like every four months or so. So I just wanted to be transparent about that. I started doing it like the first time I ever got it was in 2021.

2020. But then I didn't do it again until like 2022. And then since then, I've done it like intermittently when I'm around and when I think to do it. And I get like 10, not a lot. I get like as little as I can in my forehead because I want my eyebrows to move. But I also like, yeah, I'm, I'm a girl out here doing these things. Not the guys can't do it. Guys can do it too. But I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm coming out.

I know Becca came out and now I'm coming out about this. Not that I was ever hiding it in the first place. Honestly, no one's really ever asked me before. Not that I can remember. I don't get a lot of like beauty questions other than like skincare routine, which I guess I could have said it then. I don't know. I wasn't like actively avoiding telling anyone this. I just never really thought I never like had an opening to say it.

And now I do. So now you know, the more you know. And my skincare routine is really nothing to write home about. I just, I think the number one thing that I recommend to anyone, anyone, never sleep with your makeup on and wash your face every night. I don't wash my face in the morning. I just wash my face at night and I use moisturizer every night. That, those are like the most important things. The makeup thing, like that is the number one way I ever break out. And I

I'm not even using fancy products, although if you follow me on Snapchat, then you do know that I accidentally bought $129 moisturizer at Sephora and I'm still upset about it. I really wish I did not do that, but I didn't know it was cost that much. And then she rang it up and then I haven't like,

I had this anxiety where I was like, oh, I can't tell her I don't want that now. So I guess I have to buy that now. So then I bought it and now I'm the proud owner. And by proud, I mean depressed owner of $129 moisturizer. And if my skin turns into something completely new and gorgeous, I'll let you know. Otherwise, I will be returning to CeraVe that you get at the drugstore when this little, tiny little...

A little bit of moisturizer is gone because it's not even a lot of moisturizer. It's just very expensive. This is a very random way to end this after what you just watched. But I hope you enjoyed this episode. And I'm excited for the future. I'm excited to... I'm excited for...

both Becca and I to get to be more transparent on our platforms, on our podcasts. If you didn't know, I forgot to talk about this, but if you didn't know before Becca told everyone that she was dating me, she had been using a pseudonym of calling me Sam on her TikTok. So she'd be like, getting ready for a date with Sam or getting ready to meet Sam's mom because she did meet Deb. But I'm Sam. If you didn't know, I am Sam.

And I'm also Shannon. So I'm happy for our worlds to meld. I think I've been a lesbian Hannah Montana before, which I talk about on this podcast where I was like out in real life. No, I was out online, but not in real life. And Becca's kind of having the opposite, I guess. She was like out in real life, but not online. It's fun to watch her get to have a new experience. But also I'm just stoked to be able to be more transparent and

Less secretive about things. And yeah, also definitely have to figure out what the balance of how much I am and am not going to talk about things are. And like same for her. And those might be different for us on our platforms. But no matter what you see here or there, I promise you we are talking to each other about what we are and are not allowed to say. So you can sleep easy knowing that. Anyway, I love you guys so much. And I hope you like this episode.

I love you. And if you follow my Patreon, there will be Patreon content up right now. So you can go check that out too. This hat was too tight. The whole entire episode's like killing my head. Speaking of this hat, you can still buy all my Friend of Dorothy clothes online right now. The link is in my bio. Check it out. Okay. Love you guys. America, we are endowed by our creator with certain unalienable rights, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. At

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