Being a Man (feat. Dax)
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Back to this week's episode of Unlocked. I'm so excited to have you, Dax. Welcome. Man, it's your boy Dax and we back at it like a bad habit. If you want something in this life, you better go grab it. And today, baby, we finna make a big play.

I love you called me and I was like this is the most energetic human being right what did I say talk to me don't lie to me yeah I was like what is happening I gotta set the standard hey I like it I like it you have had huge success thank you I mean over a billion views on YouTube which is insane wild right that's how many how many millions is that it's

So if you get to a hundred million, that's a hundred. And then times 10 of those. I think so. It's wild when you really put it in perspective like that. That is, it's insane. Yeah. And then you, okay. So I have to tell you, so I was going, I was like scrolling through Instagram and I

Or was it Instagram? No, it was Spotify, I think. Oh, wow. People scroll on Spotify? Hey, okay. I love like New Music Friday. Amazing. Okay. So I saw the song with you and Darius Rucker. So it was on like the country New Music Friday. Yes, ma'am. And I was obsessed. Wow.

because I feel like, because it's to be a man. And that we're in such a culture to where I feel like all that's been spoken about is women and how women feel and not to like dismiss it because obviously I am a woman, but we don't speak enough about men and their mental health. Right. So I think it's. Yeah, I think, you know, as a man,

Growing up we're sort of you know taught how to understand a woman because we have to understand one in order to you know Get one you know so I think the song is sort of touching people because it is the first time sort of like it's bringing understanding for the other side and musical form and like a whole thought process So what brought that song about like what inspired you was there any personal? Story that inspired you to write this yeah, there's a lot of personal attachment to the song like first of all being a man mm-hmm

and spending now 29 years on earth in a man form, which is me. Shout out to everybody in between and on each side. So like I always tell people, I couldn't have wrote the song when I was 25 years old. But now that I'm 29, there's more things I have to deal with, more responsibilities I have, more people I have to take care of. And I'm starting to now feel and not only feel, but understand, like looking at my father, like how he felt.

So the song is really just like one of those songs that it took me my whole life to write because I had to actually experience what it was like to be a man. And I couldn't, you know, I couldn't have wrote it at 19. Yeah. You know, there was no one I had to look out for. Were you at all scared to release that song?

I wouldn't say so. I think, you know, there's a lot of, like you said, it's sort of a big topic right now. Man, woman, you know, I tell people this all the time. The relationship between a man and a woman is the most important thing in the world. Why? Because that's how me and you are even here because a man and a woman decided to have us. Therefore, by process of elimination, that's the most important thing in the world. You know, so I think the topic is huge because who you decide to make another human with is the most important decision you make.

Without a doubt. Right. So to me, coming off of your question, I didn't really have much fear because I knew I wasn't attacking anybody in my song. Mm hmm. You know, and like.

For example, there's a bunch of women who had heard this song before I put it out and a lot of them were moved to tears. - I was because when I heard it, because you speak in it just about how men are expected to be a provider, they're expected to show up, they're expected to do all these things.

And never really is someone like, but are you okay? Right. You know, it's just, there's this expectation. It's just like, oh, that's just what you do. Right. Like, that's just what you do. It's just like with women, like, oh, you have kids. Like, that's just what you do. Right. But people don't take into consideration the aftermath of what you do. Exactly. And it's crazy because I have a song actually called Dear Mom.

And like every time I make a song that's important to me, I completely and wholeheartedly dive into the subject. So I remember there was a time when I made my song called Dear Mom. And like what I'll do is I'll really start doing research on what it's like to be a mother. You know, so I started following all these things.

about motherhood. And then that's when I found out about postpartum and all these different crazy things. And I was like, wow, so you saying that, okay, like sometimes women don't understand what men go through. And then on the other side, we don't understand what you go through. Really connected with me right there. That, that's awesome. I mean, when I heard it and too, I will say when I heard it, it kind of,

when I heard your song, it kind of put me in my place a little bit. - Uh oh, uh oh. - Because I was like, I do, I expect a man to do like all these different things. But I believe that you can have expectation while at the same time,

and caring about a man's emotional state. And I think that's where we get it wrong. We have expectation without caring about how that expectation weighs on someone. - And then even what rhymes with expectation, appreciation. You know what I mean? I think that's like the biggest thing. I think sometimes people may hear the song and be like, oh, like, you know, it's not that, I don't think men want sympathy, you know, 'cause if anything, that probably makes men feel worse. It's more just like respect and appreciation.

For what it is. It's like, I see you. That's the biggest thing. That phrase in itself. I see you. Right. That's all that people want is to be seen and not for what they do. Right. That's awesome. And so you also, I feel like your songs hit on like very...

real issues that maybe not a lot of people speak on because you have a song that talks about like being an alcoholic. Right. And so what was the inspiration behind that one? You want the full story? Yeah, I want the full story. Here we go. So there's so there's so many stories, long winded stories. So alcohol for me. So I go back to I was born in 1994, 1994, baby.

Newfoundland, St. John's, Newfoundland. I was born on a rock. You can't even drive there. You got to fly there. Okay. I was there for eight months. Left to Ottawa, the capital of Canada. I'm from Canada. Okay. 11 years old, I find the law of attraction. Anything you think about manifests, positive or negative. Me being 11 years old, curious, I want to test it out. I think about my favorite car. The video was called The Secret, by the way, for anybody who wants to go and watch that. It'll change your life.

I think about the BMW 3 Series. All of a sudden, I start noticing that car is everywhere. So as an 11-year-old, I think I found a superpower.

So then I make the decision I want to become a basketball player. So what does that involve? Okay, who do I look up to? For me it was Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan. What's specific about them that I like? Their work ethic, their mindset, the mentality. Kobe, the mentality. So I commit my whole life to basketball, each and every single thing. I'm doing six hours a day, waking up early, 5 a.m., the workouts, all of it. 666, no devil affiliation there, but that was what Kobe had is to work up the six hours. It was the 666.

So that involved me shunning every single thing that had to do with having fun in high school. So I was very antisocial in high school. I didn't do anything. I just worked on my game because I was trying to get out of Canada. So finally, I become the best basketball player in my city in Ottawa. You know, won a national championship, all the great stuff. And I'm like, OK, maybe I can like rest now. So I hadn't drink and I've been to a party up until 17 years old. That's awesome. Right.

So 17 years old, I decided to go to my first ever party. Right. Also, I love how I say that's awesome when like obviously it's illegal to not drink till you're 21. But you don't hear about that. I feel like it's starting earlier and earlier. But continue. Right. So I decided to go to my first party. So me being a guy who's always in my head and I like to I think everything. I'm like, you know what? I see what some of my friends do when they drink.

So I want to see what type of drinker I am. Because I had some friends, they drink and they fight. You know, some are drinkers and they're lovers. You know, there's all these different types of things people do, have an affinity to once they start drinking. So I'm like, what am I? So I sit in my basement and I grab a Heineken. I look at the Heineken. I'm like, okay, Daniel, that's my real name. See, look, we're taking it back. I love it. This is your first drink, bud. So I open up the Heineken, start drinking. I notice immediately that

I was blinking. That was the first thing I noticed. Oh, wow, I blink. That's crazy. We're blinking all the time, but we don't even realize it. Yeah. So I was having a head rush.

So I ended up going to this first party in high school and I was super social. As someone who was shy, you know, I was social. I was talking to everybody, you know, hitting on girls, doing everything. But no one had knew I had been drinking. I just did it by myself at my house, in my basement. So then at that age, 17, I'm like, wow, this is like a superpower for me. I can have a little bit of this, be tipsy or drunk or whatever. And then I'm super social and it brings out this person in me that I want to become.

So now it's a 10 year process of trying to, like I say in the song, I've been chasing the man that I am when I start to drink. So now I'm chasing this super confident guy and seeing if I could like become him all the time. So it was easy to regulate when I was in high school and college because I played basketball. - So you only had so much time. - Exactly, pretty much drinking on the weekends. But then all of a sudden as a junior I start, I write my first poem, that turns into music.

And then I finally, you know, make the decision to become a music artist after poetry. And then it was like, OK, well, now there's no umbrella of safety of life. There's no work during the week. And then it's like every day's Saturday. The life of a musician. Right. Every day is Saturday. So I go on my first tour with Tech N9ne. I'm drinking before every show. Then I do my first own tour, Canadian and American. That goes by. Pandemic hits. And then all of a sudden I wake up one day and I'm like, damn, when was the last time I haven't drank two days in a row?

I didn't know. And then deer alcohol all of a sudden came to me. Do you still drink? So when I first dropped deer alcohol, I was six months sober. Okay. Went on my first vacation ever, had a couple shots of tequila. But I always knew I was like, okay, the biggest battle for me is going to be going on tour and not drinking.

which I failed at. I drank, I drank before my show. I need a couple of shots to kill before you go up there in front of, you know, now hundreds of people, you know? So, um, I've now, I've now, you know, took an away the perpetual cycle of drinking every day. Mind you, I was never a blackout drinker. I'm the type to like drink and do pushups and like it sort of adds just like at my everyday tedious work and stuff like that. But I'm no longer in the perpetual cycle. Like I can like, okay. Do you think,

obviously you got to a place where you were like, all right, I don't need to be drinking anymore. So do you think you'll get back to that place? Do you think now you're drinking, like you said, to chase that person you want to be? So it sort of ties back to being a man, you know, in like that, in the original song, I say in the first, as a man, we got to pave our way. There's no respect for you if you ain't paid.

So it's like now that I feel like I've done more for myself, I feel like I no longer need to be the nervous one when I walk into a room. It's sort of like switched to where it's like people are more nervous. You've gained some more self-confidence? I feel definitely. I think with accomplishment, I feel more sure about myself than I would back when I was 18 or 17. Without a doubt. So I don't need it in situations because I don't feel the nervousness I used to feel. Mm.

I'm sort of aware that now, like, you know, in most instances, people are potentially more nervous meeting me. Yeah. You know, I see that. That's just complete transparency, you know? No, I love that though. Because even hearing that song, like I heard it and I instantly thought of people in my life, you know, that I'm like, I literally see that.

And two, it also made me take a step back once again and instead of being judgmental, you're like, whoa, this may be how this person feels. And so it does give you a different perspective on how to look at things. And obviously in a lot of your songs, I was curious when going through your profile, was it you that labeled yourself as a Christian artist or did other people label you as that and it stuck?

That's sort of what other people have labeled me as um I've always said to myself like I call my genre of music impact I

So it's like, I never know what a song is going to sound like when I stepped into the studio, I hear the beat and I do what comes naturally. And then I allow people to sort of classify it. I haven't, obviously I know, you know, what some people are going to do or where they're going to put it based off of how I'm sounding. But it's like, I could go in there and, you know, I've screamed on songs before. Sometimes I've rapped fast, fast as ever. You know, other times I've sung nice and slow. I always didn't go that, you know, so I don't mind where people put it. I know we as humans, like,

is strong and big. So we got communities of everything. So I am a Christian. I'm not a Christian music artist. I'm a music artist who's a Christian. - Okay, see and I think that's the biggest misconception because a lot of people label you as a Christian music artist. And then you have some of your songs that come out that obviously have cuss words in it and people are like, oh wait, I thought you were a Christian music artist.

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using a cuss word here or there in a song? - That's a good question. I would say, you know, first and foremost, like probably like the last like six or seven songs haven't had those, like from "Dear Alcohol", "Depression", "To Be A Man", "God's Eyes", "Life". Most of them haven't had those. That was sort of like more before.

But I would say, you know, I think it's interesting. I've always said it's like, okay, when was the, you know, the B word? You know, I was talking about this with my friend. I was like, the B word came in like the late 1800s, you know? Okay. So in my brain as someone, I consider myself a logical thinker, you know, there's always going to be a continuation of new curse words that come to the forefront, right? Yeah. I think.

In my opinion, when the Bible was talking about, and people are going to, people, I already know they're going to come at me. So for example, what's the difference between me calling someone a name, but then actually cursing their life? Is it like, like if I look at a child and I go, you are never going to be anything. You are terrible human being. You will never amount to anything. That's a curse. I agree with that. Or if I just look at, you know, I'm joking with the child. You know,

- Yeah. - So I think there's a line there that people need to really think about in terms of what cursing really means. I think in the Christian community, it's very easy to point at people when they curse because it is the most like, it's on the surface. - Yeah. - Like I see you did that, so you're bad. Whereas like same person, you know, is going home and doing what God knows what behind closed doors. - See, that's why I always say that it's easy to point the finger at someone else.

but take a step back and look at your life and what you're doing. And so, cause I did see a lot of judgment come your way with using curse words. And I was like, it was kind of to me, I was like, okay, you're, you have this judgment and then,

Like how are you judging someone for saying, just the judgment itself. - And here's the thing, I don't mind. For example, I don't try to use curse words. You know, I think in my earlier days, like people always say, oh, like it's, I think it's not hard to not use them. Now that I'm more aware,

And I'm getting older as a man and I'm thinking like, okay, I don't need to say that there. I could just replace that with this. Whereas back in the day I was more impulsive. You know, I, I drink more. So it's like once I record, I was like, no, I'm not going back.

That's what it is. But now it's like, I don't, I don't really mind. But that's the thing that shows growth. And that's what I don't like being a Christian too, is not about, Hey, I'm going to do everything perfectly. It's about, Hey, I'm going to be imperfect. I'm going to learn through those imperfections and become better. And that's the hardest thing for me. It's just like seeing the judgment of people. It's crazy. And to also it, the fact that you didn't label yourself as,

as a Christian music artist. That label was placed upon you, which I feel like had to have added some stress or expectation to you that you didn't ask for. - Well, me personally, as a competitive guy, I love pressure, pressure builds diamonds. So I don't mind it. You know what I mean? I think I like the challenge of, you know, not cussing in songs. You know, my biggest songs have no cuss words now. So it's like, you know, what are people going to say?

Yeah. You know, so it's like, I don't have to cuss. I never tried to. It was more just a form of expression. But I challenge people to really think about that. What is a curse? Because I think you can curse people in multiple ways. I love that. And I didn't think of it that way. And so with your, a lot of your music obviously does have God in it or talks about the struggle with God, the devil, whatever it may be. And what is,

led you to such a deep conviction that you started to write about it and sing about it? - Oh man, once I popped out the womb. Really, I had no choice. Once I popped out the womb, my mom, like, I have like holy water. I have all like, everything you can think of my mom is, my mom is an amazing woman, you know, first and foremost.

or my dad are great um and she is like all in to god like since i came out the womb so it's like i people always ask oh did you because i made this song called dear god where i asked multiple questions i think most believers would have through like the course of their life and what were those questions i could recite the whole song for you dear god there's a lot of questions i have about the past i don't want to hear from a human you made it there's a lot of questions in there tell me what's real tell me what's fake why is everything about you a debate what's the point of love every time i showed it

I was forced to, I was broken and it's forced when we wanna hate. Why is there only one you but multiple religions? Why does every conversation end in division? Why does everybody wanna tell us how to live but they won't listen to the same dang message that they're giving? Tell me how to feel, tell me what's wrong. I tried to call, pick up the phone, I'm on my own. Everybody says you're coming back then why the hell is it taking so long? Why do I hurt? Why is there pain? Why does everything good always have to change? Why does everybody try? It just keeps going questions upon questions upon questions. - And those are questions that

- Everyone has and they're afraid to ask. - Right, right. But they've asked them though, 'cause if you said them in your mind, God knows the heart, mind and the soul, so you've asked them. But I think this song voiced it for people and allowed them to be like, okay, there's other people who think the same. - They realized it was okay to ask those questions and that they were not alone. - Yes, ma'am. - So did that, was that song therapeutic for you?

It's crazy because like back to where my faith came from, it came from my mother and her strong belief. So I've never personally had a thought that God wasn't real. I see God as like, and God, Jesus Christ, all these things. I see the Bible as just like logically it makes sense to me. So I've never had a question whether or not it was real or not. But I know growing up, I had conversations with now so many people.

So I knew that song was going to be important because I know people ask these questions and go through it, you know, especially depending on, you know, some people have harder backgrounds and stuff like this. So that causes people to question God. And how do you, have you had people come to you?

that know that you have such a strong conviction. Like you just said, you're a logical thinker. So all of this makes sense to you. And like, I say this from, I grew up Christian, private Christian school my whole life, my grandfather's Southern Baptist minister. Like I grew up in it. So what do you say to people that are like, okay, that's logical to you, but none of this makes sense to me. I don't believe in this. So I always, I started like this, you know, depending on what they're wearing, what they're holding, what they're driving and say, okay, who made that?

Oftentimes they'll give me a manufacturer or this, the brand. I'll say, "Okay, well who made that? "Who made that? "Who made that? "Who made that? "Who made that?" And I say, "Okay, well we as humans accept "as a creator of everything, this microphone, chair, "so why wouldn't there be a creator "of the most intricate thing ever built, "which is the human body?" Not to mention the 40,000 plus different species that all recreate life as well.

And then you have plants and all like, how could there not be logically someone who put it all together? And what if they respond and say, all right, it's science. I just, I just say it's, it's, there's no, it's a case. If you're going to accept that somebody made the iPhone, which is nowhere near on the level of the human eye, then you have to accept that somebody like somebody made that as well.

- In my opinion. - See, I love your way of thinking. And I'm over here playing devil's advocate and it's killing me because I believe what you believe. But it's just so many people and that's what I hope, they can listen to your music and take something from it and start asking questions.

- Right. - 'Cause it's okay to ask questions, that's where you learn. - It really is. And a belief in nothing is still a belief in something. So then I go, well, why not at least, you know, you might as well, like, you know, let's say, you know, you're a gambler. Well, at least put, you know, your cards on your money over here. - Yeah. - 'Cause at least it's something. - At least it's something. - Right.

That, I love that. So how did, to be a man, how did the collab happen with Darius Rucker? So I have amazing people on my team that knew amazing people on his team. I love him, by the way. I love, I mean, I love you now too, but like, I love him. So that, I mean, cause that was amazing. It was, yeah, it was, it's, it's amazing. I look, it's crazy. I've only been listening to Darius Rucker songs for like the last year.

probably a month and a half since I like the verse came in. Okay. You know, so it's like, I've really been diving deeper into it and just like, cause I engulf myself in every single thing I do. And it's like, yeah, so there's people on my team and people on his team. He heard the song, he loved it. Then I went to his show and that was great. Got to meet him. Went on the,

on the bus, backstage, all of it, you know, it was just great. We hit it off. It's my boy, you know? - I love that because it was, I mean, and to what you already have over 3 million views. I want to say like 3 million views. - We're getting there. We're getting pretty close to that. - Yeah. Which is crazy. Within how many days or? - It's been about 10 days now. - Yeah. That's absolutely insane. Absolutely insane.

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Terms apply. Learn how to get more out of your experiences at AmericanExpress.com slash with Amex. And so, okay. So one of the, I got to get, I got to pull up my phone because you did a song that was very controversial. I think I know what you're about to pull. I think, I think, did I, was it a remix? Yes. I know what you're about to say. I posted it on

Oh, man. Yes. Is this a toxic remix? No, not that one. No. Oh, this one. I thought you were talking. No. That was controversial? Yes. Wow. I missed it. Very controversial. Dang. Because it's the...

Who sings this original song? Oliver Anthony. And what's the song called? Richmond, North of Richmond. Okay. Yeah. So when that song came out, obviously that was very controversial. And then you did a remix to it, which I loved. Thank you. I loved because it says everything that we all want to say, but we're too afraid to say it.

And how did that remix come about? Like how did you? - How did that come about? There's been a couple, so I've remixed songs for a very long period of time. Like when I started, the first thing I ever remixed September 1st, 2016 was like the first time every song I dropped, first song I ever dropped was a remix to Drake, One Dance. So I've remixed things periodically throughout my career. As I continue to grow, I've remixed less.

and less and less so now it's just like when something is like compelling to me and i felt the overall importance of this song i felt as though what he was talking about in his original song i lined up with in terms of views and i could expound upon it with words okay so and did you when you heard that song because obviously i mean

he has been offered insane deals. For people that don't know, you can look it up, Richmond, North of Richmond. And it's, I mean, it spoke to millions and millions and millions of people. And then when you remixed it, you basically, like you spoke about youth and kind of how it all starts with the youth, which I have said before, like children are what you leave behind. So what you teach them

leaves an impression. And how did you come up with that remix? Because you talk about what we're teaching them in schools and how they're able to make decisions when they can't even tie their own shoes. Right. So how'd I come up with that song? So every song comes to me, I just, I sit there and the words just start coming to me. That's how every song comes about.

in terms of the thought process that came in line with the youth talking about, I think about this all the time. So some people will be like, "Okay, well, what do you mean?" You know, it starts with the youth, right? So the more money people make, the longer out they think.

Let's go back to the very beginning. Someone who has zero money or let's say, you know, quote unquote homeless is thinking about what am I doing tomorrow? Yeah. Where am I sleeping tomorrow? What am I eating tomorrow? As you make more money, you expound upon how long you think about. So someone who makes a billion dollars isn't thinking about tomorrow. They're thinking about generations. So where do you go? You go to the youth.

Right. Because you're understanding that, OK, I'm not even thinking about now I have so much money a month from now. It doesn't matter. Now, two months doesn't matter. I'm thinking about generation upon generation upon generation. So that's how I have the thought process of, OK, it starts with the youth. I love that because now when I start thinking of it, you think about like the iPhone, you think about how they're looking to get to people online.

100 years from now. Right. It's not about now. You got a billion dollars. Tomorrow doesn't matter. Yeah. It's like, well, let me let me let me let me change generations. 100 percent. I mean, I heard that. And when you're talking about the youth, like I think of Chloe and I think of and I'm like, all right, what are we teaching these kids in school? What are we teaching?

And because people have like hounded me before for certain beliefs and things that I've said and done. And my thing is, it's not about like left or right. It's about humanity. And it's about setting people up for success and for the future and all these things. And just letting kids be kids. And that's what you said. You're like, let's let kids be kids. Right. Well, I start the song essentially talking about.

You know, it's not about what science is about. For me, for me, it's always been common sense. I'm not someone who, you know, partakes necessarily in like political views. I just partake in common sense. I feel like I. Well, to you, it's common sense. But I do think there are. On both sides, they would be like, but that's not common sense if they don't agree. But that's that's that's one of the problems. I think I think there are certain things that are not subjective. Yeah. Like the sky is blue. Yeah.

That is accurate. You know, but I think if you, if I have three, if I'm the one person sitting right here and there's five people around me and they continuously for years upon years upon years upon years shout at me saying the sky is green, eventually I'm just going to be like,

All right, leave me alone. The sky is green. It's green. But now it's now we're all saying it's green. And then that goes to my kid. And I'm telling my kid, well, you know what? I don't want them shouting at you. So you better say it's green too. So they leave you alone because I want you to be chill and I want you to have a good life. And then that just goes and goes and goes. So I think that's where we're at in society. It's like there are certain things that I believe aren't subjective, but there's just people who are continuously yelling. It's this, it's this, it's this. So then this person is like, well, I just want peace.

Have seen that time and time again of people that are just like, well, I was just tired of being bullied or I was tired of people coming at me and I was tired. So I just I just folded. And that's like a place in my life right now. Even personally, it's like I speak up heavily on bullying.

prison reform and our corrupt system and people are like you should stop you should stop like and i'm like i'm not like i'm gonna stand for what's right and what's wrong needs to go right and it's just that's the time that we're at is i feel like we need to be stronger in our convictions and i don't care if i would rather have five good people around me than a thousand people who just want me to believe what they want me to believe right yeah because we're right near the end

You know, I terms like the advancement in technology that has happened within the last 60 years, you know, like we got flying cars now. The last thing is teleportation.

- If they figure out teleportation, then God's back. - He's back, without a doubt. - So I feel like we're there, you know? So yeah, it's crazy times. That's why me, I'm not a political guy, but I just know common sense. And if something is like, I could just, yeah, that's not right and that's not going in a good direction. And no one's benefiting from that. - But I love that because you speak about it in such a way

That like in your music, I feel like I'm taking something good away from it. I feel like it's making an impact. I feel like people are listening. That's my word, impact. Impact. Yes, ma'am. I feel like people, and right now, more than ever, people are searching for something to believe in. Right. And I feel like just since the past few years, like everyone's been lost. Everyone, no one knows which way to turn and they just want something to hold on to. That's powerful.

Just something. And that's why it's like I'm listening. And like I said, to be a man that you did with Daryl Shrucker, I was listening to it and I was like that. It gives a different perspective. And me as a woman, I'm like men don't always have to be strong. They don't always have to provide. They don't always have to be expected to do these things. And if you do expect it, then you need to check in. Like you need to appreciate it. You need to understand.

men's mental health is a big thing. And that's people just don't, we don't bring enough awareness to it. Right. Powerful. Yeah. I think, yeah, what you were saying in terms of like the, and, and the thing is like, really, it's like,

you know, quote unquote, good men want to do those things. Yeah. But they also want to be appreciated for those things. I think that's the biggest thing. Like we want to do those things. We just want to feel like our efforts are being appreciated. So what, for women listening, as a man sitting here that wrote this song. Okay, talk to me. What does appreciation look like in your eyes? What does appreciation look like? Appreciation looks like not continuously listening

moving the goalpost. You know, so it's like, okay, I'm doing this. But sometimes once you start doing something consistently, it becomes expected. And once it becomes expected, now you're expecting, okay, well, what's next? So it's almost like not consistently moving that goalpost on the man. Yeah. You know what I mean? So it's like, okay, you've been doing this. Like, it still means something to me. And chances are, if you're, and correct me if I'm wrong, if you're being appreciated, you're moving the goalpost yourself. Right.

- Yeah, I think it's 'cause I truly believe that like, you know, when a man truly loves a woman, he wants to give her the world. There's absolutely no doubt and that's his goal, you know? The only thing that I think changes a man's feeling is when he feels like his efforts are going unnoticed and then it becomes jaded. So I think just, like I said, not moving the goalposts all the time, you know, reassurance, you know, listening to understand, I think that's a big thing. - I have always said that, I'm like,

We live in a world to where we'd listen to respond, not understand. Right. That a big thing just, you know, as men, like, you know, letting a man finish his sentences.

You know, like these are like little things, but it's like those types of things where it's like, where you step into a space and you're like, you know that like, you know, you know, you and your women are on the same accord in that. Like it's, you know, like stuff like that I think is like very small things, but like men truly appreciate. Yeah. You know, but that's good. Like, cause for me, I'm like, I don't have a right to tell you that that's not valid or that's not. And I think I'm trying to, cause I'm very independent, like very independent. I'm,

I do my own thing, I provide for myself, I do all these things, but I also want to be like vulnerable and want to be submissive and want to do all these things. And I feel like a lot of women are like, well, if I'm submissive, then that means that I'm not strong. When in reality, it's totally different. You can be strong and submissive at the same time. And by not being submissive, a lot of times it does have the tendency

emotionally hurt a man. Right. Yeah. I think like, you know, these are tough conversations, you know, this is, this is, this is, this is a great conversation right now. And I think, um,

It's always, it's crazy. Cause I think like most men, like even like right now, I feel like I'm sort of walking on eggshells. You know what I mean? In terms of like, you don't want to say something crazy. Yeah. It's crazy. You know what I mean? I think it's crazy. I think that's why the song is so important because his voice is that without me having to like, you know, go on these like big explanations. But I think it's like, even just, I know a lot of women get triggered by the word submissive. Mm hmm.

You know, I guess in my mind, I just think it's like at the end of the day, it's like I look at it from a godly perspective of a woman is to be submissive to her husband as a husband is to his wife. Right. I think. Yeah, exactly. And I think, you know, like I said, a man, you know, putting his life on the line, you know, trying to provide for family is, in my opinion, a term of submissiveness. Yes. Without a doubt. Sacrificing.

your life, your happiness in order to make sure these people are good. So yeah, I agree. - And that's the thing, it's like this podcast, when I started it, I was like, I want it to be a safe space for tough conversation. Doesn't mean we have to agree, but learning

learning where someone came from, what their life experience is like that shaped their opinions and beliefs. So it's valid and respect it. Even if we don't agree, respect it because that's who someone is. And I hope that that's how people take it because it's just, that's what it is. Right. And you want to know what's crazy is like,

One thing I, until I started writing poetry and making music, like people would think I'm this like master communicator, you know? But like in reality, I've never been that good at actually just like sitting, like communicating how I feel and all this stuff to an actual person in front of me. But once I started writing poetry and making music, my life changed because then I was able to then do that. So it's like, I think a lot of men feel like I do right now having this conversation where it's like, Oh, I don't want to say this. I don't want to say that. That's where the song comes.

comes in because it speaks. I think too, as a woman, I hate that men feel like they have to walk on eggshells in order to not offend me because I would rather, and it's just my own point of view. I would rather know exactly where you're at emotionally, psychologically, and be offended than

and have the chance to say, "Hey, what you said really did hurt me and this is why." And give you the chance to correct it and give, that's where growth comes from. And you're never gonna truly know who someone is if they feel like they have to walk on eggshells. - Right. - At Hotels.com, we know some travelers crave an ocean breeze.

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- But I also say that a lot of the men feeling like that comes from past experience of trying that out and it not being successful and dealing with their counterpart who may say they want them to do these things and when they actually do and try it, they don't get the response that they thought they were getting. So I think it's like you have this passing down of men, especially now with the influx of social media where they're going like, "Hey, she's saying to be vulnerable, but once you do,

understand it's not going to be the same. Yeah. So it's almost like, I think, you know, you know, every man goes through this phase in life where it's like, okay, they finally listened to the girl. Okay. I'm gonna just let it all out. I'm gonna be emotional. I'm gonna let it out. And I'm gonna just, I'm gonna speak my feelings. And then all of a sudden they don't get the response that

that they thought they were gonna be getting. So then they become hardened. - So it's a letdown. It's like, you got your hopes up that like, oh, I can finally be open and honest and vulnerable. But also too, I feel like it goes, it kind of goes both ways. You know, like, 'cause it's harder for men to be vulnerable because you've always been told

You're not allowed to be. You're supposed to be strong. And that's where your song comes from. It's like you're always told you can't be these things because you have to be the protector. You have to be the provider when reality, you're a hell of a lot better of a protector. When you teaching your kids, it's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to talk about how you feel. It's okay to deal with these things. But I also want you to think about it like this.

So on one spectrum, as men, we're always being told we have to be providers and all these different things. So we don't want to express our emotions. But there's also the side where the women are also being told that men are supposed to do this, this, this, this, this, this as well. Yes. So it's like I always tell people like this, right? People literally commit crimes. Then they get a defense lawyer knowing they're guilty to defend them. Yep. And everyone like both. They know they're guilty, but I'm still. So it's like sometimes I tell my brother's like, well,

women are always going to say, I want you to be vulnerable because saying that otherwise doesn't sound good. Because as men have been taught not to feel, do these things, express your emotions, the women have been told men shouldn't be like that. So it sounds great for you guys to say out loud, oh, be vulnerable, be this, be that, but your actual programming like ours isn't built for that. Yeah. So once the man does...

We don't know how to react. Exactly. But obviously like, you know, defense law, I committed a murder, but I'm defending me and I didn't do it. Yeah. So it's you guys. It's like, oh, my whole, my whole upbringing, lifestyle, Disney movies, everything that's in the culture has told me men are supposed to be like this out loud. I'm going to say, be vulnerable. But once it actually happens, you're not ready for it.

But that's so true. It's what society is teaching you that like a man is supposed to, it's the Disney movies. A man is supposed to rescue you and fix it and do all these things. You don't see a Disney movie about a woman rescuing a man. Like you don't, it's just not what it is. But do you think that now it kind of goes back to the remix that you did about how it starts with children? If we start to normalize, which I feel like,

In the past few years, like mental health has become more normalized, like it's OK to not be OK. So if we start with the youth and with boys saying like, well, how do you feel today? And normalizing that, do you believe there could be change? Do I believe there could be change? I look at myself and I don't think I would be who I was if I was normal.

Super emotional Like I don't I don't necessarily think it's A positive for men To be super emotional I I don't It's kind of a double edged sword It's a double edged sword I think like Like I'm happy The way I was like You know I would want You know my son To sort of be the same way I think it's more about Just like

Like, like I made the song for understanding. Like, so like it's, it's not that we want to be more emotional. It's just that we want to understand the woman, like the woman we care about to understand what we're going through. Okay. But we don't, we don't, we don't want to cry. We don't want to, because that makes us feel weak. But why do you not? If, but if you're writing a song about, Hey, like I want you to know how I feel and how I feel is all these negative things because of expectation. Right.

You want us to know, but you don't want us to fix it. Because you can't fix it. We have to bear it. We just want you to understand. Understanding is the key to communication. We can speak all we want, but if we're not understanding, nothing's being accomplished.

So the song isn't for sympathy. It's for understanding. This is what we go through. Understand. So maybe next time when you want to, you know, go off on this tirade, you can be like, you know what? Maybe not today. Maybe not today. You know what I mean? Just, just for understanding. I love that though. Like, because I love getting different points of view and I love sitting across from you and be like, okay, that, that actually makes sense. You know, that's awesome. Okay. So what's next for you? What's next for me? Um,

More songs that impact people's lives. I'm just warming up. I have so many that I'm excited to release. It's just sort of now I have to take time because I want each one to actually get to the people. So you promote it and you do all these things. Yeah, just more music and reach more people. I don't have any goals that are outside of my control.

I know how, you know, this whole, the music and the industry works and, you know, it's people pushing buttons and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So all I'm focused on is like getting to more people with the music and whatever comes with that. God is good. I love that because clearly it's happening. Clearly it's happening. And too, I'm, I'm blessed that Instagram, um,

put you on my feed and Spotify and all the things I'm blessed because I truly do feel that more people need music like yours that speaks to people and that touches on topics that we're scared to touch on. And like, there's things that I believe that you speak about and I'm like, oh, I'm afraid to, but you're like reposting your song.

it's my way of speaking it right just not speaking exactly you know that's why i love music man it's really blessed my life you know i was always like a very angry child but i like i i always changed my anger into like motivation to work harder but where did that anger come from i just think anger is such a great thing anger can you know if used the right way can really motivate you to achieve great things so the anger for me always came from feeling like you know people didn't

you know, respect me, what I was doing, the work I was putting in. It just was from all different angles. Yeah. You know, there's a lot of, there's some things I'm taking to my grave, but you know, just, it came from a lot of different places, you know? But that's what life is. I feel like what you're doing now, it's like, I talk about it and there's been a ton of things that's like you said, like, I'll take it to the grave, but like you, if you can take your anger and

learn how to deal with it effectively, which I feel like is what you're doing now. Like music for me has always been therapy. Now I don't, I can, I have no musical talent, but listening to music, like I would get in my car at 16 and just drive, just drive and drive and drive and listen to music. Cause I felt like it was the only thing that got me. And so I feel like what you're doing now is taking that anger away.

And like impacting people's lives with it. Amen. So it doesn't, it didn't go to waste. It didn't. Right. Yeah. I'm blessed. I found it at 22. So yeah, God is good, man. I love it. Well, thank you for just showing up today and have a tough conversation and I could talk to you forever. So thank you. Thank you. Social media is exhausting. I mean, I love it. The memes, the drama, the tea.

So I started a podcast to digest all that is going on and give you an opportunity to just sit back and soak it all in. The Perez Hilton Podcast. We talk trending topics, cultural reset, and in case you missed it. So if this sounds like your world, your cup of tea, give my podcast a listen. The Perez Hilton Podcast, available wherever you get your podcasts.

Or curating the best pop playlists you've ever heard in your life.

and even editing all my socials to keep up with what's new. Oh yeah, I look good. Post it. Which all in all suits my steady poppy main character vibes to a T. Period. Find and shop your fave tech at Walmart.