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Hello everyone, welcome back to Mayfair. As a reminder, if you enjoy our show, there's a few ways you can support us. The first is by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. If you're interested in listening to episodes early, you can also purchase a subscription to our show on Apple Podcasts or the Apollo Podcast app. As always, thanks for tuning in and sharing the show. We are the Watchers. Observers of the Strange Paranormal.
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Audio records of Dr. John Ryan, November 4th, 1975. I'm recording this for posterity, as I believe the technology I'm testing here today has the power to change the world. Up until five years ago, I was employed at the CIA's Directorate of Science and Technology, but I was unceremoniously let go from my job after being accused of misusing agency funds and resources.
Completely baseless accusations, I feel the need to stress. Well, I may no longer be employed by the Agency anymore, but I haven't stopped working. In my spare time, using what money I've set aside from my savings, I have been testing my hypotheses and trying to find their practical applications. These recordings and accompanying notes and photographs will serve as the basis for my grant application.
My work at the DS&T was concerned with teleporting photons, particles of electromagnetic radiation. I was part of the team that discovered a way to instantly transmit radio signals across any distance, technology that the military was very excited about. But ever since then, I've wanted to take that technology a step further.
You see, photons are weightless. Transporting them from place to place is relatively simple. If you get into atoms, molecules, then you start to run into problems. But my research has suggested that there is a way to circumvent the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. By doing this, it will allow for control and prediction of the exact location of individual atoms.
Theoretically, this information could be used to analyze, transport, and replicate complex molecular structures in any location. This is the first version of the Ryan Matter Transporter. I'm going to take a photo of it for the record. That will be included for review along with these tapes.
Now, this may look like a kind of nuclear placemat right now, but this is only the small-scale prototype. The flat surface contains a network of sensors, which are connected to this console. The console analyzes the data and sends it via radio receiver to whatever coordinates I so choose. I'm also filming this experiment with my wife's Super 8 camera. Let me just set that up. There.
As you can see, this is a wide shot with no obstructions, nowhere to hide any camera trickery. So far, I've been able to replicate my success with transporting inorganic material. This ordinary tungsten cube, for example. I place it in the center of the mat and set the distance vector to nine feet, roughly the length of this basement. And there you have it. Full transportation of matter.
Audio records of Dr. John Ryan, November 20th, 1975. This will be my second test of the transporter on camera. I will start by taking photographs of the experiment setup to fully demonstrate that there has been no tampering or sleight of hand. Now I will set up the video camera. After further research, I've made some minor adjustments to the sensors contained in what I've started calling the launch pad.
I've added a few more and adjusted their sensitivity. I've also changed some of the formulas used in the computing process to allow the machine to better interpret unexpected changes. This all amounts to the transporter being able to handle more complex and irregular shapes.
For comparison, here is the previous prototype. As you can see, the launch pad is much thinner. It's more portable, but it has fewer and less complex sensors. It's very good at interpreting and transporting cubes and spheres. Here's our friend the tungsten cube again. But when we start to introduce more confusing shapes, the computer doesn't quite know what to do with it. To demonstrate, this stapler.
As you can see, the stapler's been reformed into a cube shape. Not much use to anyone now. But, with a few adjustments, the new prototype is much better at interpreting irregularities. As you can see, this version is a little bigger, but it has twice the computing capabilities. I will now transport this empty Dr. Pepper can. And there you have it.
The logo is a little scrambled. I guess somewhere in transit it turned into a can of, uh, derberber. But it'll do for now. Training a computer to read is a whole other kettle of fish and not what I'm interested in. I hope that through this test I've successfully demonstrated the potential for this technology.
Obviously, my end goal is to transport a living person from place to place, but even if that's decades away, the Ryan Matter Transporter could revolutionize the shipping industry. Imagine being able to send supplies anywhere on Earth with just a few clicks. You could deliver ammunition and medical supplies into dangerous war zones, send original physical documents as easily as you'd send a fax.
We could even transport probes into space without spending a cent on rocket fuel. The technology works. I dare anyone to look at all of this documentation and try to argue otherwise. Audio records of Dr. John Ryan, November 20th, 1975. I'm continuing to fine-tune the sensory capabilities of the transporter's computer. I've been continuing to test the machine with increasingly complex shapes and textures.
Now, this is the hardest thing I've tried to transport. This is a clay paperweight my son Thomas made for me at school. As you can see, its form is quite irregular. Test unsuccessful. Still not quite sure what to do with irregular shapes. Audio records of Dr. John Ryan, December 26th, 1975. The next round of adjustments have been... challenging.
This is the point where I'm really starting to feel the limits of modern computing. Experiments with simple objects of uniform molecular composition continue to be successful. The computer has very much gotten the hang of analyzing the outside of an object. I'm at a loss for how it will be able to interpret the internal structure. This obviously is a significant hurdle, as in order to ship consumer goods, the machine needs to be able to tell the difference between the container and its contents.
This is to say nothing of the problems this will cause when it comes to trying to transport organic matter. Test one. Another Dr. Pepper. This time, a full can. It recognizes the can, but not the liquid inside. I'm going to have to... Shit! I'm running out of film. Hopefully, Sandra won't mind if I tape over our trip to Niagara a little.
Audio records of Dr. John Ryan, February 4th, 1976. New year, new possibilities, both for failure and for success. I spent the better part of a month refining the formula to no avail, but then it hit me. The problem wasn't with the way the computer interprets data. It was with the method of data collection. It actually came to me the other day while I was waiting in the ER with Thomas and Sandra.
Tommy fell off his bike and broke his arm. Anyway, he had to go in and get an x-ray taken. That's when it hit me. The sensors I was using were quite primitive, using weights and light meters to create a three-dimensional map of the object placed on the launch pad.
It worked up to a point, but then I had a realization. I was relying solely on visible light to gather input. But if I increase the frequency just a little, just for some of the sensors, they'll be able to measure input from inside as well as outside. This will be my first time testing the new and improved analysis method. I'm going to transport a can of Dr. Pepper. At first glance, it looks like the test was successful.
But first... Ha ha ha! It's still there! The soda's still in the can! Ha ha! Ahem. Uh, test successful. Audio records of Dr. John Ryan, February 14th, 1976. After extensive research and testing, and near-constant adjustments to the sensor layout, I believe the Ryan Matter Transporter is now ready to transport highly complex objects. Test one. A baseball. Beep.
Test successful. Test two: a copy of the King James Bible. Test successful. The pages still turn as they did before, but the writing is completely legible. Test three: a common household flashlight. Are you alright? I'm fine, darling! Test unsuccessful. Probably should have taken the batteries out.
Audio record of Dr. John Ryan, March 3rd, 1976. After a highly promising run of tests, I've decided that the machine is ready for the next big step: organic material. I'm starting easy with a simple apple. Fairly uniform shape and texture. The computer hopefully will play nicely with it. Test successful. Now, to cut it open. Insides look consistent with a regular apple.
Very promising. Tastes a little bland, though. Audio record of Dr. John Ryan, March 6th, 1976. Today I give the machine its first test on animal flesh. I have a dead squirrel here, which my son's cat Checker has left on the doorstep earlier today. Starting with dead, because I have no idea how this machine would be able to interpret even the slightest amount of movement. Let's see if it works.
Unsuccessful. Better clean this up before Sandra and Tommy wake up. Trevor Henderson here with an ad break. If you'd like to get early and ad-free access to Mayfair Watchers Society, consider supporting us on the Apollo Podcast app. This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Whether you're selling a little or a lot...
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So, this is what you do all day now that you're unemployed? Well, I won't be unemployed much longer. Audio record of Dr. John Ryan, April 9th, 1976. I have my son, Thomas Ryan, here with me. Say hi to the potential investors, Thomas. Hello. Now, stand over there and put the goggles on. Yes, sir. Now, I've had to scale up the project again to increase its computing power, but the results have been promising, especially when it comes to live objects.
Tommy here has generously donated the goldfish he won at his school's carnival earlier today to demonstrate the machine's capability to recognize the differences between different types and states of matter. If my calculations are correct, it will be able to delineate between the plastic bag, the water, and the goldfish. Test six... Oh. It's all right, Tommy. I'll buy you a new one.
Mom! Mom! Dad blew up my goldfish! Hey, what? Well, it had no problem with the bag or the water, but it still doesn't quite know how to deal with movement. That confused the data. The computer wasn't quite sure which organs went where. I'm in the doghouse tonight. Audio records of Dr. John Ryan, April 24th, 1976.
I've been down here for a few days now. Sandra doesn't want anything to do with me. It doesn't matter. I think I've been able to figure out what my problem is. Fixing it will mean starting from the ground up, but I think it's doable. The linchpin of this project is something I've been calling the transport equation. That's how I've been able to get around running into the Heisenberg principle. I can have the computer input a particle's location into that equation, and it gives me the best possible estimate of that particle's momentum.
Once a computer has that estimate, it can disrupt the momentum and move the individual particles to a new location that I predestine. The estimates are enough for plastic, metal, glass, even to inert organic tissue up to a point. But life? That requires far more exact data, more finesse than I can provide by estimations alone. One or two cells in the wrong place can spell death for even a very simple life form.
I haven't been keeping the recordings of some of my live tests. They're not pretty and I won't make you gentlemen sit through them. Anyway, I was reading back through the notes I took from the photon transporter project and I realized it had been staring me in the face the whole time. I've still been thinking too big. I'm trying to paint the Sistine Chapel with a fire hose here. I need to zoom in even further. I'm thinking atomic. I should be thinking on the quantum level.
I went out to the local community college yesterday and requested all the material they had in their library on the theories that Gelman and Zweig were working on. The Particle Zoo. I think if I can find a way to increase the sensitivity... Hey, Dad. Hey there, champ! You been down here all night again? Ah, well, the old man's on the verge of a breakthrough. What's up? Mom's got oatmeal on the stove. Sounds great. I'll be up in a jiffy. Hey, Dad. Yeah?
Checkers isn't down there with you, is he? I haven't seen him in a while. Oh, you know, I haven't either. But you know what cats are like, always getting up to trouble somewhere. If you like, I can help you make some posters later today. Sure thing, Dad. He'll forgive me when he's older. Audio record of Dr. John Ryan, May... something, 1976.
I did it. My hypothesis about quantum particles was right. Everything is different on the quantum level. Particles move in completely unexpected ways. It's just like what we were doing with photons back when I was with DS&T. So, I completely retooled the sensory input system, reprogrammed the console to work on a subatomic level. It works! These mice are from the pet store. There are five in here, and I've successfully transported four. I'm about to demonstrate, on camera, the teleportation of the fifth.
I imagine this is what the Wright brothers must have felt that day at Kitty Hawk. No trickery, no wires, no hidden doors. Test successful. I think the matter transporter is ready to be scaled up again. Audio record of Dr. John Ryan. Tommy, what's the date today? It's the 6th. Thanks.
Today, I achieve the impossible. My son, Thomas Ryan, will soon be joining the annals of history along with Amelia Earhart, Christopher Columbus, Benjamin Franklin, and Neil Armstrong. He's about to become the first human to ever be teleported on a quantum level. And you promise I won't end up like the goldfish? I promise. Well, as long as you don't tell your mother. Yes, sir. What are you looking at me like that for?
Come on, champ. Don't tell me you're scared. Remember when you jumped into the deep end at the pool for the first time? It'll be just like that. I'm right here. You promise? I promise. I'm only gonna set the distance to two feet, okay? See? The numbers go in here. Stand on the mat. Stand on the mat, Tommy. All right. Now it's going to scan you into the computer. It's gonna be just like when you get that x-ray done.
It feels weird. That's totally normal. And you've tested it on living things before. Dozens of times now. I promise it's safe. I wouldn't want you to do it if it wasn't. All right. I trust you. Test successful. How you feeling, champ? Fine. I feel fine. Audio records of Dr. John Ryan, 1976.
It's open!
Hey, Dad. Hey, champ. How's my quantum space traveler today? I'm all right. Still gotta think of something to bring for show and tell. Ah, thinking ahead for the new school year. That's my boy. Uh, sure. Sure, Dad. Mom wanted me to bring you some oatmeal. Thanks, buddy. Oh, god! Son of a bitch! Oh, sorry about that. Audio record of... Fuck it, I'm not bothering this time. Mm-hmm.
I am once again able to speak comfortably following the cuts I sustained on my tongue and lips. Fortunately, I didn't need stitches. The glass of my oatmeal was concerning, but I almost could have written it off as carelessness. Almost. I was down here working today. Tommy had one of his little friends over. He asked if he could show his friend the lab, and I said yes. He sounded so excited. He told his friend, my dad's a genius, and he sounded so proud to say it.
Of course, you always want to involve your kids in your work when you can. I told them it was okay to come down. So the Tungsten Cube, the first ever thing I teleported. I keep it up on a shelf above my desk. It's sort of like a trophy for me. Well, Thomas was showing his friend around. He said to his friend, Eddie. I think the kid's name was Eddie. Eddie, check out this computer. You've never seen anything like it. So Eddie turned his back to Thomas and to me to look at it.
And while this young boy's back was to us, Thomas, my son, picked up the cube from the shelf and pegged it square at the back of his friend's head. The boy's fine. He'll be fine. He was bleeding a lot, but he got to the hospital, and I'm sure he'll be fine. But the whole time, Thomas was screaming that the cube fell onto him.
I tried to tell Sandra that wasn't anywhere near where I keep the cube, but she doesn't come down here enough to know the layout of the shelves. She thinks I did it, either by carelessness or on purpose. She thinks I'm crazy. I told her to look at Thomas, to see the dirty look he was giving me, but she couldn't see it. Or maybe she wouldn't. She's always been soft on the boy. I'm going to hold off on more human testing until I can figure this out.
Audio records of Dr. John Ryan, 1976. Following recent events, I've decided it would be necessary to conduct a psychological evaluation on my son, Thomas. Want me to say hi to the investors? That won't be necessary. Now, Thomas, I'm going to say a few words, and you say the first word that comes to mind. All right. Light. Sun. House. Home. Horse. Cowboy. Father. Provider. All right.
Now, I'm going to show you a series of pictures, and you're going to tell me what you see in them. A head on a pillow. A motorcycle. A bear swimming in a stream. A praying mantis. Can I go now? Sure, champ. Dr. John Ryan, audio record... I think it's the... whatever, 1976. The psychological profile seemed normal, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. It was like he knew what I wanted him to say.
So I went up to go to sleep on the couch, as I've been doing again lately. I lay down and smelled something. I looked under the pillow, and there was one of the mice I tested the machine with, neck broken. Sandra laughed it off. "Checkers must be back, John. He gave you a present." What she doesn't know is, Checkers was one of the first complex life forms I tested the transporter on. Something is wrong with my son. What is it? Who knows?
We're in totally uncharted territory here. Maybe the process of teleportation caused some kind of neuron misfire in his brain. Maybe the human soul just can't be replicated on a quantum level. Maybe... well, we really have no idea what goes on in the quantum state. There could be states of life we haven't discovered yet. There could be doorways to other dimensions. Maybe while he was broken down, while his quarks and protons were going from place to place, he picked up a hitchhiker.
I think I have to do something about it. I don't want to think about what he'll do next. Audio log of Dr. John Ryan. Today I'm going to re-examine the quantum properties. I think perhaps if I can recreate the experiment with a different child... John! Not now, honey. No, I don't care how busy you are. I just got a call from the hospital. Yeah?
Yeah, Tommy started violently throwing up in class today, and the nurse had to send him to the ER to get his stomach pumped. Do you know why that is, John? I haven't got a clue, honey. Someone put rat poison in his cheese sandwich. You're the one who packs his lunches. How fucking dare you? That's our son, John. First you broke the paperweight he made for you. Then you kill his fish in front of him.
Then you let his friends walk into your death trap of a workshop. Now you're trying to poison him? He was at school? No, he wasn't. What do you mean, no, he wasn't? It's still summer. It's September. What? You've been down here.
Blowing our savings on all this quantum transporter bullshit for four months. It's not bullshit. It works. Oh, sure. Sure. I'm serious. I put Tommy through it. You what? He came out on the other side fine. Or at least I thought. Something's wrong with him, Sandra. Of course you think that. God, I'm surprised you even remember what he looks like.
Oh, recording this for the sake of posterity. I see. Well, here's something you might want to get on record. Audio records of Dr. John Ryan, September 7th, 1976. I got a new tape recorder. I haven't noticed any further outbursts from Thomas, but I don't feel safe. Whenever his mother isn't around, he gives me this look. He knows that I know. My work on refining the transporter's ongoing. It's a long shot, but...
Part of me thinks that maybe if I transport Thomas again... I don't know, maybe he'll be normal again. Or maybe it'll kill him. Who is it? It's me, Dad. Hey, champ. Having trouble sleeping? I took out the trash earlier today. And I saw Checker's bell in there. Ah, well, you know, sometimes cats... You killed him, didn't you, Dad? I did. You know, in the early days of testing any new technology...
Yes, I did. And you put me on that machine. You told me it was safe. Don't you pull that. Don't you dare try to get my sympathy. Not after what you did to me. Not after what I saw you do to your friend. Is that why you tried to kill me? Tommy's already dead. He died in quantum transit. I don't know what you are. You know you sound totally insane, right? Admit it!
Admit you put the glass in my oatmeal and the rats on my pillow. Admit it on tape! Mom! Jesus Christ, John! September 8th, 1976. Sandra's gonna stay with her sister across town. I've been told by the police that I'm not to try and pick up Tommy from school today. This is good, I think, because now that little shit is out of my life, I don't have to sleep with one eye open anymore. I don't have Sandra sulking upstairs, judging me.
I can focus on fixing the machine. Getting it ready for my next human test. Wait, this is the... This is the old prototype. This is the old prototype. Where the fuck is the... Oh, that little fucking bastard. That little fucking bastard! What the fuck? Hey, Dad. Is your thing back? Tell them what you did.
Tell him. Go on the record and say what you did. I know you're going to try to play this like it was my fault. I'm not going to let you. It was show and tell. I just wanted to show all my friends the transporter. We're down here. Help. Don't you dare try to put this on me, you little shit. You understand? I'm not going to sit here and let you... Thank you for listening, neighbor.
Mayfair Watcher Society is based on the works of Trevor Henderson. Class of '76 was written by Meg Tudden. Dr. John Ryan was played by Graham Rowett. Sandra Ryan was played by Rissa Montanez. Tommy Ryan was played by Tal Maneer. The dialogue editor was Daisy McNamara. Sound design by Brad Colebrook. Music was by Matt Royberger. The showrunner was Pacific S. Obadiah. Creative director was Trevor Henderson, myself.
and it's produced by Tom Owen and Brad Miska, a Bloody FM show.