How to Not Ruin Your Kids with Your Wealth ft. Dr. Becky
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The dad had become very successful and 16-year-old had a full-blown temper tantrum in an airport when he found out he wasn't flying first class. This is exactly what I do not want to happen to my kids. Well-rounded adults come from being able to handle and overcome adversity.

But at the same time, when you become an adult and you build yourself a level of success, you naturally want to make your life easier. The hard part becomes, how do I do that while simultaneously raising resilient and motivated kids?

As a new dad, this is something that I'm obsessed about. And it's why I've asked Dr. Becky to come on our show. And by the way, if you've not heard of her, Dr. Becky, you should look her up on Instagram. She's a parenting expert. She's like the hottest thing going right now. I find her incredibly fascinating. She has a website called Good Inside, a book also called Good Inside. And she's an expert on this type of stuff.

And on today's podcast, that's what we're going to talk about. We're going to talk about how to balance running a business or your career while being present with your kids, how to navigate your expectations and your kids and your family's legacy, and a ton more.

Welcome to Money Wise. I'm your host, Sam Parr.

But it's my opinion that a lot of these conversations should happen in public because the stuff you can't exactly Google and hence this podcast Money Wise. With Money Wise, we provide advice by speaking to people who have made a lot of money and they're radically transparent about all their numbers, meaning their monthly expenses, how they've invested money, their portfolios, things that people never talk about. And then more importantly, we talk about the issues and the problems that come with being successful and how they're solving them.

And by the way, if you love numbers, you have to Google this. Ready? Hampton Reports. See at Hampton, we have thousands of CEOs of companies ranging from tens of millions all the way up to hundreds of millions. And we're able to ask them all these amazing questions like how much money they're paying themselves, what their net worth is. We'll ask them different questions about their industry. So if they run a software company, we're gonna ask them about their CAC to LTV ratio. We're gonna ask them about the multiple that they're selling their businesses. We have all these amazing reports that are incredibly transparent on numbers.

So check it out, Hampton Reports. That's all you have to Google and you'll see it up top. Becky is not only a practicing clinical psychologist, but she also founded her own company called Good Inside, which is a website for parents that has a ton of amazing resources, workshops, a book, a blog, a podcast, all this amazing stuff, all on parenting. She's even been called the Millennial Parent Whisperer. It's got a nice ring to it. And here's how it all started.

You know, in my private practice where I was seeing adults for therapy, I was seeing couples for couples work, and I was also seeing teens, and I was seeing parents of young kids. Those are kind of like the four groups. It just started to strike me and that what struck me just got louder and louder inside me that all of the advice I've been told to give parents...

to raise young kids is completely counter to everything I'm saying to teens, to couples, and to adults in therapy. And the things that help 16-year-olds and 45-year-olds change their lives can't be that different from the things two and eight and 10-year-olds need. And

And if an adult was struggling with something, I would never say, okay, well, if you don't do what I say, I'm gonna take away your phone for the week or go to your room. And you think about it, like, it's just so bizarre.

And so I think I was forming a lot of these ideas around what parents need to know to help their kids during those years in private practice. And then they started coalescing enough. And I was talking to colleagues. I was doing presentations for years. And then I think I was talking my husband's head off about it one night after years of doing this. And I remember him saying to me, you should put these ideas on Instagram. It was like, I don't know if he was also saying, like, I'm trying to watch a TV show or, you know, I think maybe it was a football game.

February 28th, 2020 was the day I put out my first post. I think it was like, hi, I'm Dr. Becky, you know? And then two weeks later, I had 200 followers and New York City shut down. And I remember this post. I'm not a detail-oriented person. I just like put things out. I'm not a perfectionist, but my husband would always edit things for me because he's like, you're putting out things with so many typos. And there was this post on how our kids will remember more about how their family homes felt

during coronavirus than anything about the virus itself. Our kids are watching us. They're learning how to deal with uncertainty. And then the line was, let's wire them for resilience, not panic. And then there were nine slides, which is what I do, of like really concrete strategies to do that. And I remember my husband editing it. And I don't know why I said to him, I got to get this out there. Like, I don't someone would have been like, Becky, to who? Like, you have 200 followers. They're like your mom's friends and like, you know, random people. But I felt it.

And then that post, Sam did, it went viral. I was like, oh my goodness, what is happening? And then, yeah, that was kind of one of the explosive moments. Her business continues to explode, and we'll hear more about that shortly. But first, it's important to understand that Dr. Becky's expertise is coming from a few different places. One, of course, her education and career experience is psychology.

Two, as we'll learn in a few minutes, she herself is raising kids while growing and scaling her own successful business. And three, she herself was raised in an affluent environment and gives a lot of credit to her parents for doing a very good job raising her. I grew up in Scarsdale. My dad was increasingly more successful over my childhood. Did you grow up in a stressful environment of like alpha, type A, I have to achieve because my family did?

I mean, I think I grew up in an achievement-focused town. And it can, you know, maybe even get a bad rap. But, you know, some of my friends from high school and growing up are some of like the best, you know, most solid people I know. So I actually have a lot of good things to say. I mean, it was very pros and cons to living anywhere. But what I would say about my home, which maybe isn't true about all the homes of everyone I knew where I was growing up is...

I feel like I had actually very warm, very boundaried parents also. And parents who I actually really feel like they instilled the sense of capability and drive in me, maybe even over external achievement.

I think I've heard you talk about it like tell your child or congratulate them on the effort as opposed to the result. So instead of saying, you're so smart, it was you studied really hard and I appreciate that. Is that what you're kind of getting at? I think that's probably in the same vein. I mean, I think, yeah, if we zoom out, right, which I feel like we're kind of talking about internal motivation, extrinsic motivation, how much do I feel this pressure to be some narrow version of myself or how narrow...

is my definition of success. And definitely in some towns and some cultures, the definition of success or the picture of it is extraordinarily narrow. Like maybe there's one archetype.

versus the idea of there's many ways to be successful and maybe even, you know, redefining what that means. Can some version of success or the most compelling version of success be, you know, being attuned to what I like, to what lights me up inside? I mean, that's something I think about all the time. And now that I'm doing this, I'm like, this lights me up inside. This is the best, most addictive feeling in the world is like doing something that's aligned with your

values and your interests. And I think, you know, following your internal sense versus following some external definition of success probably over time leads to very different outcomes.

Now before we get into the weeds, let's go back and focus on something that a lot of us likely relate to right now. Dr. Becky is in the growth stage of building her business. Arguably, all phases of running business are in the growth phase, but I digress. At the same time, she's raising three young children herself.

My kids are 6, 9, and 12, and they all kind of turn in similar. So they're about to be 7, 10, and 13. Being a full-time business owner and media personality is demanding. Raising three kids, probably even more demanding. So how does she do it without neglecting the business or her family? It's as simple as setting boundaries. And, of course, waking up at 5 a.m.

So I think the thing that makes my world go round is that I'm a pretty early riser. And that's natural. And like, I don't mean that with morality because I know like people are like, oh, you wake up earlier like a better person. I'm not, by the way. I have no problem admitting I am not. I get up at about 7.30 or 8 and I go to bed at 1. Exactly. So for me, I'm generally up by like 5, 5.15. Like no matter what time I go to bed. And so...

I think I work a good amount, but when I speak about this, it's a core part of what I call sturdy parenting. Like, I really am a boundary queen. Like, I feel amazing about my boundaries. I didn't used to. I've worked hard to do that, but I don't think more is better when it comes to anything in life. What's that mean? What's an example of one of your boundaries as it relates to work?

On Thursday mornings, I work out with my friends. We make breakfast together after and I get into work at 10. And everyone in my office knows that's why I get in at 10. And I know that staying connected to my friends, that part of my life is really important to me and is part of, you know, my being a sturdy leader at work and not feeling burnt out. And I don't feel guilty about that. I'm not like, oh, you know, and like I generally hold that boundary unless I'm traveling or something like that.

Something that I've noticed since I've had my kid a little less than a year ago is that I've noticed my priorities, they've changed. My daughter means everything to me. And being a good dad, it's just the most important thing I care about. And suddenly everything else, everything that I thought was important, like for example, business,

Honestly, it feels a little bit silly. So for me, creating boundaries, it's largely about allowing myself to continue to build and do what I love and frankly, what I'm wired to do, but also to protect my time that I have with her. That's something that feels important to be cognizant of. And I think in many cases, those boundaries are made with the intention of holding yourself to account.

I know that at the end of the workday, I need to unplug and I need to be present, even though 10 or 15 years ago when I was young and single, I probably worked a lot more than I am willing to work now. But life changes. And when you notice these changes, you need to be active in following them. If you don't like those changes, then parenthood probably isn't for you, which is fine. I think that when it comes to being a parent, no kids deserve a half-present parent.

And so if you're going to do it, you got to commit. And you have to have these boundaries, not just for your kid, but frankly, for yourself. Otherwise, you're just going to feel guilty. And that shift in focus can go either way. Dr. Becky's business life came after her children. In some ways, I think my journey was probably almost opposite maybe yours in that I was working two days a week until my youngest was three.

And now, yeah, I run Good Inside. We have about 40 employees. You know, we just put out a digital product. We have a tech team, right? And so I think what was missing for me is I always knew I wanted to do something with more impact. And that was like kind of a need in my life that wasn't there.

And then I guess the challenge for me has been, okay, well, how do I still show up, obviously, as a parent, the way I want to show up, where I think a lot of people maybe have the opposite journey, where I have like the single focus, like you said, someone on their business or making money. And then they're like, whoa, my family also matters to me where I'm in this stage in my life, where I'm like, wait, this thing that lights me up at work, this matters to me in a way that's bigger than it used to. And so how do I incorporate that?

Now, notice when Dr. Becky talks about balance, she isn't talking about family and work life. She's also talking about your social life, and we can infer your hobbies and the things that make you as an individual happy. Look at it like the way airlines tell you to put your oxygen mask on before your kids. Making endless sacrifices can feel and seem noble, but the best way to be a good parent is to make sure that you are the best version of you.

But here's where we get back to a trickier spot. Making a lot of money means you can make your life as convenient as you want it to be. Remember when we spoke to this guy? So personal assistant is like doing anything around the house, basically like house management, returns, chores, laundry, managing the cleaning crew, managing like anything we want to do. But if you don't do the hard, annoying stuff, why should you expect your kids to understand that they should? How can you expect them not to be entitled to the lifestyle they've known their whole lives?

Dr. Becky has an interesting take on that, and we'll hear it after a quick break.

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To me, entitlement is essentially the fear of frustration.

entitlement when you're older often comes in a situation when you're struggling, you feel frustrated because something's not going your way and your body at the age of 18 or 48, whatever age you are, essentially,

has learned to become fearful of frustration. And so you get so angry that you're frustrated, meaning you're not getting what you want in the moment, that you externalize that and you yell at people or you demand things. And then I think a question is like, okay, well, how would you develop a fear of frustration? Well, what happens when kids are young? When kids are young in their early years, they are learning about how to relate to the entire range of emotions that they'll feel for the rest of their life.

And if they're learning, when I'm frustrated, do people solve things for me right away? Do they make it better for me right away? Is there always a kind of frictionless path in front of me, which definitely I'll say, Sam, money can make easier, right? Money can buy people's way out of frustration. It often is what people do with money. They buy their own way of frustration, right? But if you're doing that for your kids over and over when they're young,

and you're not tolerating their tantrums because you're like, I just can't deal with it. Here's the iPad. Oh, fine, you don't have to come with me on an errand because you don't want to. I'll drop you off at home with the nanny. Well, what I'm really doing when I'm making my life short-term easy is I'm actually doing the opposite of what I want for my kids as a value. I'm actually building circuits in their body where they learn when I get frustrated, I should expect someone else to provide me an exit.

And actually then, not only do they not learn to tolerate frustration, they learn to be scared of it. Because essentially what they noticed in their environment around them is everyone else is scared of me when I feel frustrated. They will, oh my goodness, will the adults around me jump through hoops to make sure I'm calm right away and I'm not frustrated. So I guess this frustration feeling is bad. It doesn't only overwhelm me, it overwhelms my dad. It overwhelms my mom because they will do anything

to make me exit this feeling and then fast forward. You know, and I've told this story before, but to me it's so compelling because these are the loveliest, most well-meaning parents. And the dad had become very successful and 16-year-old had a full-blown temper tantrum in an airport when he found out he wasn't flying first class. And the parents were like, how did we get here? And yet when I think about it, again, so well-intentioned, this was a family.

where generally this kid did get the easiest version of everything, the most comfortable version of everything. Frustration, tolerance is actually one of the most important skills for life, not only to avoid entitlement, it's actually the skill that helps you learn. It's the skill that helps you do hard things.

Because you and I know no one gets to any place by avoiding frustration. It's actually the people who are like, frustration is just the name of the game. When I'm trying something hard, I'm frustrated. So learning to tolerate frustration to me, it's one of the most important things I try to focus on with my kids and have other parents focus on with their kids.

Andrew Carnegie is one of my favorite people to read about. He's a very complex character because he did a lot of good, but he did a lot of bad. One of the lamer things that he wrote, he has this book called The Gospel of Wealth. And he wrote this story about God bless the young boy who's born without the burden of riches. He's being so blessed by being born poor. I feel so sorry for those who are born rich.

And I'm like, well, that's like a little extreme. Like that's kind of cringe. That's ridiculous. But I do believe a little bit of it's not a blessing to be born poor, but it is a blessing to not have everything handed to you. And so if I'm growing up and I have a cushy lifestyle as a grown as an adult that I've worked hard to achieve and I do want to fly private or I do want to fly first class.

What are your suggestions for kind of putting hard in my kid's life or putting adversity in my kid's life when I may not live a particularly high adversity life? I think first of all, step one is just asking ourselves the right questions. And I really mean that. It is. Okay. And just noticing that, wow, probably one of the reasons I got to where I am is because I learned to overcome adversity. We can't ever learn to overcome adversity if we don't.

face adversity. Now, and I get this, I feel like I'm at a place where like, I've earned my right to avoid adversity. I've earned it. Like I get when people say that to me, like you're 100% right.

And then if I'm honest, which I always try to be because I feel like people deserve it, if that's an operating principle of a parent's life 100% of the time, we just have to own that there will be cost to our kids. It just will happen because they won't have the same experiences that build resilience. And by the way, build confidence because avoiding frustration and adversity your whole life

actually makes you feel very fragile because you know you haven't been through anything. You know you don't have the skills. And so you actually go into adulthood looking to limit the range of experiences you have because you're like, I know I'm not built for anything else. So it's actually, when I think about entitlement, I actually find it very vulnerable. People feel very, very vulnerable. I mean, the entitled moment looks like a kid's being an asshole, but underneath is a kid who has no greater skills to deal with life than they did when they were one or two, right? So I think the practical thing

I don't know, solution, or at least maybe it's a roadmap, is, yeah, we have to pick our moments. We do. Pick what? Pick your fancy moments? Both, right? If your kids never see you fold laundry,

Why would they ever think they should be responsible for folding laundry? If your kids always fly a certain way, well, I would just say, we just have to expect when my kid has a tantrum when we fly coach and he's 16, like, I can't get mad at him about it. Our kids learn in the environment. Moments of, yes, it might be, okay, how can I as an adult tolerate frustration a little bit more than

than I generally do for my kids' benefit? Where are those areas? What makes sense for me and my family? How can I do that a little bit more this week than I did last week? So again...

operating principle. Frustration is one of the best feelings your kids can feel. Our job is not to take away frustration. Our job is not to make our kids happy. That makes them very long-term entitled and anxious, both. Our job is actually to help our kids learn to tolerate the widest range of emotions because guess what? They will always have the widest range of emotions. So here's another one. Let's say boredom

and waiting. Those are two things that like, I don't think anybody loves. It doesn't even matter your wealth. I don't think anyone loves to be bored. I don't think anyone loves waiting. I would also say they're part of the human experience. When my kid says to me in this, you know, I think about this in my own family, oh, can you drop me off at home? I don't want to go to the grocery store with you. Or do I have to go to my sister's soccer game today?

can't you make me a play date? Or maybe for some families they have, and this is not mine, but like maybe some families and I've worked with these families, they're like, we do, we have kind of like a nanny for each kid. So my son never has to go watch his sister's soccer game. Well, I would say if I fast forward, like again, how is the environment I'm creating today? Because it's true. My son probably doesn't have to see his sister's soccer game when he's 20. But that's just a very concrete manifestation of will my kid have to do things that they don't see as number one on their list?

to get along with other people and kind of just in general, like be a good human. Like I would say yes, I'm going to be on the side of yes. So am I setting them up to do that or not? And so things like, hey, I want to let you know we're going to go to your sister's soccer game as a family. Oh, but I have this and that. You're totally right. And we're going to do things a little bit more often together that are maybe first on a sibling's list and actually not at all first on your list. And I'm just gonna be clear about why we're doing this. It's just important. It's important to practice doing things that aren't,

completely for your enjoyment. I'm just going to say it straight to you, honey. It is. And we haven't always done that. And honestly, I need to do that a little bit more. But to end up being a good person and to like live in the world, we have to practice. And it would be kind of like the first time you practice a layup if you would never play basketball when you miss and you're going to find it's hard. I anticipate going to your sister's soccer game. You're going to say it's hard. You're going to say I'm bored. And I'm going to say to you, I know

It takes time to get used to new things. This feels hard. And you're a kid who can do hard things and you can complain the whole time or you cannot. Either way, we're going to sit it out. And so that's how it's going to be. Like that's one tiny example where patterns of those moments in either direction, having them versus never having them, have a massive impact on a child's worldview and their expectations.

When I was 17, I desperately wanted to meet girls. And I was like a goofy kid. I read this book on how to meet women. And the takeaway on the book, you're laughing at me, but I'm just like, look, you grew up in the finance world. I'm sure you were surrounded by nerdy boys as well who had to learn these things.

And one of the takeaways from the book was they were like, well, women like interesting men. And to be interesting, you should be more ambitious or you should have a hobby and you should bring people along to your hobby and people will gravitate towards you if you are passionate about something. And I was like, oh, so you're telling me I can get a girlfriend if I just become a better person and work on myself. That sounds like the greatest deal on earth.

And in a way what you're describing is like, "Well, in order to be a better father, I've got to actually do these hard things to myself as an example for my child." And on one hand I'm like, "Oh shoot, I wish you didn't say that." That sounds really fucking tough. But on the other hand, I'm like, "Yeah, that's indeniable. I can't deny that." You know what I mean? And so that's kind of like, when I hear you, I'm like, "All right, cool. That's like a straightforward advice."

Unfortunately, now I've got to go and do harder stuff. And that's the way to live, which would be better for me too. That's right. You know, some of the best piece of advice I ever got was from my second grade teacher. And I remember her saying to all of us, if something feels too hard to do, all it means is the first step isn't small enough. Okay. And I really think about that all the time at work and my personal life, anywhere I tell them to my kids when they're doing homework. And I would say the same thing to anyone listening. If you're like, oh my goodness, Dr. Becky says I have to fold my laundry. Like I'm not...

Again, I actually always get away from like the concrete thing on the surface because everyone's life is different. Concretely, folding laundry, you might be like, I'm never doing that. Cool, you know yourself. What I'm saying is what is a small step you might take? Again, only if this makes sense to you. Like if this hits somewhere in your heart where you're like, oh shoot, that resonates. Okay, well, if we think about something too big, you know what we do? We just say to ourselves, I'm not doing it. And then we get stuck. That's a shame. But what is the smallest thing you could do that's a little different that makes you say, oh, yeah, okay.

That would be a little annoying, but I could do that. Where I can do that lies is such a place of empowerment. And that's, I think, the starting point. That boils down to what is the advice every parent has heard a million times. Children do what they see, not what they're told. But it's also even more than that. Kids can feel your energy. They can tell when you're happy. They can tell when you're mad. And they can tell when you're nervous or anxious.

That sense of nervousness, whether you realize it or not, can be heightened if you're someone wired for productivity.

It can look productive on the surface, but I think my productivity can also be explained in I'm extraordinarily anxious when I have something I want to do and it's not checked off my list. And so out of pure anxiety relief, I do things quickly, which again can lead to a lot of productivity and at times could lead me to make not good decisions because there are moments of like, wait a second, there's not necessarily an action to take, right? And so for me with kids,

I like to do things that are like very manageable. And honestly, our kids benefit most from when we're just like present with them with no agenda, which is almost like the opposite of an urgency mindset. And I know I'm not going to be like that all the time, but it's why like one of my favorite quote interventions is just I call it PNP time, play no phone. And I tell myself, and you probably would do this too, like Becky, my job right now is to put my phone in my bathroom, close two doors, so I definitely don't hear it, and go sit on the floor and play with my kid.

and it's going to feel not productive for me. And I'm like, wait, we should go outside. We should actually kick a soccer ball. But actually, like my job is just to attune to their world. And that's actually what is going to fill them up and build their confidence and build our connection, which is what leads to more listening and more cooperation and fewer tantrums. And that's the most important thing to do right now. And that gives me like a 10-minute block to focus on. I feel like I could do anything for 10 minutes, which is a little bit of an antidote probably also to my like urgency rush culture.

I got lucky when I was 21, I inherited this misbehaved dog that became my dog. And I spent so much time training this dog to be wonderful. And training a dog is really hard, but it's very rewarding. And one of the most important things you learn is that energy is contagious.

The energy that I have, this dog can pick up very easily. And so I need to be calm, assertive, not anxious, assertive. But a lot of entrepreneurs, myself included, and I get the energy from you, there's an anxiety to you a little bit of like almost borderline frantic for me, particularly when it could be like checking net worth, checking stock prices. We could save money by doing this. We could earn more by doing this. We could be more productive if we do this. It's almost a frantic nonstop thing that is very challenging to turn off.

And I accept that I may be broken and I can improve, but you know, like maybe I can improve, but it's like, whatever. I might be a little silly, but I want to not pass the negative energy on to my family. How are you shielding that from your loved ones, your kids? I also, I mean, I just have this like constant stream of ideas and I do like to turn ideas into action. So that could be like frenetic too. Yeah.

And this is one of those places where I do feel like my husband has really helped me. Like, you know, we'll talk about a weekend and I'm like, wait, we can do this and we can do this. Is he type A? Is he type A? I don't ever, I mean, he just processes things for longer before he acts. I would definitely say that is true of him. Like the wise energy or something like that? Yeah, he definitely has this like wise energy for sure. And it was helpful when he was like, you know, it's nice to do things as a family.

which also goes to entitlement. Like, not every kid needs to be optimized. And also, just because there's like a free couple hours on our Saturday, like, how about we don't plan anything and we just like have breakfast together and like maybe do a puzzle or play a board game, which we actually really like to do and is like a good antidote to our, you know, screen life. And like, I need his reminder. I'm like,

Right, that's an option. Because I was like, there's this exhibit and we could go there and, you know, and we can fit in lunch, you know? And I honestly feel like, and this still happens sometimes, like I can feel annoyed by it. Like, oh, you don't want to go anywhere, you know? But if I'm honest with myself, I'm not the best at knowing when to slow down. I'm not.

And if I look at my partner as like, oh, he's better at that. And he also can signal to me when I might need to do that. Instead of feeling like, oh, I need to be better at that all the time. Like maybe I have a friend or a partner or someone who I can be honest with. And they can like in a loving way. I feel like, you know, the people who love you the most can like lovingly call you out on something. And if we take it in as like a reminder again of our need to balance or our values, then we don't need to be so defensive. And so I find that helpful in our family.

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And so we're starting with four or five of our major cities where I know a lot of you listening already are living at. So it's New York, Austin, Chicago, and San Francisco. Go to joinhampton.com. And by the way, if you're not in those cities, that's okay too. You can still apply and do one of the digital ones. I'm in one of the digital ones. It's awesome. So again, joinhampton.com. Now, back to the pod. Now, we've explored an idea quite a bit in a previous episode that happens to be one of my biggest anxieties for raising kids.

Now, I've been lucky and I have a good career and I've made a little bit of money and that money could potentially help them have a really awesome life. A life that's just fun all the time. A life that you never have to do hard things. A life that you could just coast. And guess what? That would be horrible.

The goal in raising a kid isn't just to give them a memorable and positive childhood, though that is definitely incredibly important. The goal is to raise them into successful, well-rounded adults. And something that I've thought about is once my kids are adults, I maybe don't plan on paying for their life. And so that begs the question, why would I start early? Here's what I think matters about allowance. Because I've seen too many people who have a lot of disposable income

essentially their kids spend their parents' money or they can just kind of get whatever they want. And then they have some quote allowance on top of it, but it's kind of meaningless because it's all play money. Where to me, the point of allowance again is to a little bit mimic what you go through in the real world where money is real and choices and trade-offs are real. I can do this, but then I'm not going to do this. And I think that's really important for a kid to learn in their body that

versus what can be hard for kids. Someone else would say what messes kids up. That's so final. I hate that term. I would never say what messes them up, but what doesn't set them up.

for resilience and groundedness in their real world is if the first 18 years of their life, money has no grounding in reality and it's just kind of always there or arbitrary. And so what I'd say to parents around that is that's something you're thinking about to set up money and allowance in a way where your kid has to make choices. And now, look, this might sound absurd, but I was recently talking with someone about this where...

The choices your kid might have to make might sound absurd and ridiculous to someone at a very different income level because you're like, my kids can't do any of that. And you're saying your kid is deciding whether to order sparkling water at a restaurant or just have tap water. Let's say that's like as quote ridiculous as that.

Well, if you're telling me a kid who has massive amount of wealth is at a restaurant when they're in teens with their friends, they say, you know what, guys? No, let's not order that. Because essentially, they're thinking, I want to get a candy bar later. And it's going to be like, that's actually really helpful for a kid. And again, I think this is where I try to take people like that's absurd. The situation on the surface. That's how I grew up, by the way. It was like, are we allowed to get a soda today or not?

Right, where like that thought process, what we want for kids is they pause. And I think what you're saying, when you've been through adversity or when you didn't grow up with any money and you make it yourself, you know the value of something. You know how hard you had to work for something. And if I do get that extra sweatshirt just because it looks cool, like, oh, like I don't work a lot of hours to get there. That means I can't buy this thing, you know, somewhere else. Everything in my life starting at the age of 14 was measured in 550 an hour.

So it was like, is this worth eight hours or not? I got my first job, I think when I was 14, working at a bakery, cleaning dishes. Are you, your kids coming up, they're a few years away from 15 and 16 years old. Are you going to advise them to get a job like that? I will. I think that's really important. And I think, you know, my husband...

grew up in a very different way than I did. Same. I mean, he worked at like a restaurant starting as like a busboy cleaning up. Yeah, I was a busboy. Yeah. Exactly. And he's always like, it's the most important life experience. Like, you know, when you're thinking about buying something, you're like, there's no way I'm doing that. Exactly. That's like 30 hours, you know? Or if you do, you take care of that thing. Oh my goodness. And...

The truth, and I think this relates to a lot of the things we're talking about, is as a kid, you know, as you're growing up, you can't ever learn to deal with things you haven't experienced. And no matter how much someone tells you something, it's the bodily experience of something that builds awareness and skills, right?

And so again, different people might have to be more or less creative because some might say, oh, like, does that mean I need my kid to be a busboy? It might, but again, it just might be, what is the main point? Okay, I want my kid to learn to work. I want them to learn that dealing with other people is hard. I want them to have to come home one day and say, I had a hard day at work. And internally, I'm going to be smiling to their face and say, oh, you did tell me about it. And internally, I'm like, yes, that's like such a good moment of parenting. How can I set up a structure?

to allow my kid to have the experiences that are going to help their long-term confidence, groundedness, and resilience. There's something about building wealth that makes you proud. And you have a right to be proud. Even with some luck, it takes a lot of work to build and grow a business. I used to think that when I died, it was the same feeling that I had before I was born, which is nothing. My life mattered to me while I was living it, and that was it. But then a major thing happened. I had my first child.

And that event made me realize that there is more to my life than just my time living here. My legacy will live on through my children and their kids. And to me, that gives me an urge to direct my kids down a path to continue on the businesses that I've built and grow the PAR legacy. Of course, if they're interested, and if they are, that would make me incredibly happy.

But I wanted to know what Dr. Becky thinks of legacy and if my dreams and hopes of having my children carry on my business, if that's a healthy mindset when raising my children. This might sound weird, but maybe it's not. Maybe it's consistent. I actually don't know in this moment if I want anything particular for my kids as much as I really hope my kids become adults one day who say...

I feel really at home with myself. I feel like I'm living a life that's in line with my values and the things I care about. And I really, really almost obsessively believe that nobody can know that for a person but themselves. And so I hope I parent my kids in a way that they can grow and like,

still return to some like inner core knowing. And I don't know what that's going to look like in life. Now, of course, does that mean whatever happens doesn't matter? Of course, you know, there's things that could be dangerous. But in terms of what I'm doing now with my career, or, you know, maybe someone would say it's ambitious. I don't actually wish that for my kids. I don't not wish it.

I guess I'm open to like a wide variety of options for them. Well, I think that's what you call emotional health, which is you're emotionally healthy, which is like a fairly rare thing. Well, I mean, I'm like rolling my own eyes as I hear myself talk. Like, you know, I'm not trying to say there's none of that, but I am always struck. I don't know if you've heard this quote. It's an Andrew Solomon quote from his book, Far From the Tree. It's actually the first line from his introduction. And that book's amazing because

And it's long. So I actually think just reading the prologue is like really compelling as a parent. But the first line of his prologue says, there's no such thing as reproduction. And he says that word is, you know, a representation of our ego-based fantasies that we will reproduce or reproduce the best parts of ourselves. He goes, you know, having a kid is an act of production. And what it really means is

is you're forever cast into a relationship with a stranger. That's what it means really to become a parent. That's kind of at the core of so many hard moments with our kids that we have some vision of who they should be or they're going to not have the worst parts. They're going to have the best parts and...

And sometimes, and of course this happens to me too, we can a little bit miss this like amazing but complicated stranger in front of us who like it's kind of our challenge to love and relate to. But I find that language for me, like I didn't reproduce anything. I mean, that's what they call it when you have a baby, but it's not actually a reproduction. It's a production. And I find that framework really helpful.

I loved having Dr. Becky on this podcast because I've been a huge fan of hers. And frankly, I have got one major and obvious takeaway. Do my laundry in front of my children. To do hard chores in front of my children. I don't want to. I really don't want to, but I'm going to.

And not only chores, but I definitely think that in the future, when my kids get old enough to kind of know what's going on, I'm going to do something that's a lot less fancy every once in a while to make sure that they know that they cannot get used to this stuff and that there's adversity out there and that not everyone has it this easy. And they should expect that their life not be this easy.

Dr. Becky was awesome to have on and I asked her to come on because I'm a fan of hers. And so this is not like a paid ad or anything like that. She didn't ask me to say this, but I do want to let you know that she's got an amazing website called goodinside.com. And she actually had an app go live the same day we recorded this interview. And so I want to give her a chance to plug it.

It's called the Good Inside app. It's available everywhere. And look, I think how Good Inside started was with like our first disruption. My first disruption was in the parenting approach itself. It's true. I don't think punishments...

are effective at the end of the day. They don't teach people skills. I also don't think permissive parenting and letting your kid run the show is effective. So we developed this completely transformative, disruptive parenting approach called Sturdy Parenting. It's equal focus. The first product was the book? Well, the first product, I guess, was actually we've had this membership.

for two years, but it's been on web. We have over 60,000 members in over 100 countries now. It's really global. I mean, it's so engaged. And what I realized about a year ago, and this really made me mad, and I don't know, I'm sure you think, I don't know if you think about this.

Every area of our life, I swear, has become more convenient because of technology and honestly, because of founders and thought leaders saying, I'm going to put my mind to making this part of life more convenient. Like, I think I can learn a language. I can exercise. I can do anything. I have an app. It's personalized to me. I feel like it's not easy, but whatever it is, is easier. And then when I think of parenting, I really had the moment of like, parents have been left behind of the technological revolution. Like, not only just AI, which is part of our app, but like,

Like, why is it still that someone's like, my kid's having a tantrum and I have no idea what to do. Like, if I was in your house, I would tell you exactly what to do and it would feel right to you and it would help you.

short-term and long-term, and parents just throw up their shoulders and are like, well, there's no way to figure it out. Maybe I'll find an SEO-optimized article that tells me nothing. Like, it's insane. I like your shrugging shoulders parent voice. Yeah, and it made me angry. And so I really saw how, yes, we had this disruptive approach. It really was. People always tell us this has changed

my life and my kid's life. And I realized that's not enough. I really want good inside, not only to have a disruptive approach, I want to have a disruptive first of its kind tool.

tool that actually caters to a modern parent who's running around. And if you're like me, you have three minutes when you're brewing your coffee or hiding in your closet or sitting on the toilet. That's all you have. The idea that I'm going to watch an hour long course most days, it's just like not going to happen. And I felt like I was failing those parents because I know with my friends, if they connect to me,

It takes sometimes 30 seconds, 90 seconds to tell them the one thing they need to be like, wait, my whole week just got better. I know exactly what to do. I like my kid again, by the way. Thank you for helping me like my kid again. And that's what we wanted to build. And so our app gives this deck feature. So it's essentially like decks of cards that are personalized to your kid, their issue, their age that you can swipe through. Super easy. We have an AI power chatbot that's, you know, essentially like having me on speed dial. We have these reminders that pop up.

in your chaotic moments. It's kind of like a whisper in your ear. And everything inside is obviously the approach. But now finally there's this tool that in my mind really gives parents what we've always deserved right there in our pocket. That's goodinside.com. Check it out. I swear.

All right. I appreciate you all listening to Money Wise. And I got to give a last couple of plugs. If you are a CEO, a startup founder, an executive at a company doing anywhere from $2 million all the way up to hundreds of millions of dollars, you have to check out my community, joinhampton.com. And if you're listening to this, I assume you like numbers and you like seeing how much money people are making. Google Hampton Reports. We have thousands of members and we ask them all types of anonymous questions like how much money they're making, how much money they're paying themselves, how much money they're

how their startup is doing, if they're in different industries, ecom, advertising, SaaS, whatever. We have all these amazing reports where we ask them all types of granular questions about their businesses and we post them live on our website. So check it out. joinhampton.com is the website. And if you Google Hampton reports, you'll see all the reports. And of course, I've got to give a shout out to Lower Street. Lowerstreet.co. I've said it many times, this podcast is a pain in the butt to make, but

But it's not a pain in the butt for me because Lower Street has made it easy. They helped me produce it, edit it, find guests. They've made my life so much easier. So if you're a company and you want a podcast like this, check them out. LowerStreet.com.