Sexting & Do We Want Babies?
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So when I signed up to do Rough and Rowdy, I was like, afterwards, we can start talking about the baby thing. What? Yeah, well, like, because I've always known... I'm gonna have an anxiety attack. What? What? Welcome back to another episode of Mean Girl Pod. We're back in the studio. And guess what? What? Mercury is out of retrograde, and this girl...

Is dating again. Yay! What? How does it feel? Good. I'm back out there. I'm back playing the game. No, I'm just kidding. I'm playing the game. I'm back. I'm swinging. I'm playing sports. There was a question I saw come across Answer the Internet, and it was like, if you were to get rid of one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? And it was drinking, sex, and sports. And people were having a hard time. I'm like, obviously sports. Yeah.

You have to get rid of one. No, I understood the question. Like sports. What about the culture of like going to a game? Alex, I can count on one hand how many games I go to in a year. I can count on one finger. One. Wait, what were the options? Drinking, dating? No, drinking, sex, or sports. Drinking, sex, or sports. Yeah, I'm killing drinking in that scenario. No wine for the rest of your life? Well, yeah.

Hard to say yes or no to that, but easy to put it up against sports and sex for me. I guess you love the Oklahoma Thunder and you love basketball. I love a culture of any sporting event. Yeah. I like people feel so passionate about them. That is true. I think I would be sad if I couldn't... Once I wasn't allowed to have it, I would always want it. Absolutely. Yes. You know what? You sure would. Okay. Before we hop into this...

I just love the season changing, but the seasons change. Our sweatsuits change. But what's one thing that doesn't change? The fact that we drink Pink Whitney. Yeah. So everyone, we always do shoot your shot. My favorite shoot your shot from this past week. Did you read those? I thought they were so good. Can you remind me what they say? My favorite shoot your shot was the girl that broke up with her boyfriend that wasn't giving her enough attention. I was like, go off, queen. Good for you. Know your worth. Because why?

Because people treat you how you let them. Yes. And she, I was like so proud of her for that because I feel like that's hard to do. So to that girl and to everyone that's listening, go to your local bar today and order Pink Whitney shots. I love that. Now... So how are you and Graham? Graham and I are great. We are... Things are normal, I would say. No, but actually something that's funny is yesterday...

No, on Tuesday, I was like, I've been in a weird mood. I've been watching Yellowstone and watching TV shows during the week makes me severely depressed. I know this about myself. I have known it for years. If I watch a TV show, though, I get hooked on it and I can't stop.

Wow, that zero to 100 personality, man. Do you, is there something like, today I was talking to someone that's like, why would you drink multiple cups of coffee knowing that it would result in a bad thing for you? And I was like, oh, because you love the taste of it and you love the feeling at the moment. But then of course it gives you a bad result. Like you have things like that, I'm sure. Candy. Yes. Boys. Yes. Life. I feel like we all walk around and to him it was so simple to me. I was like, no, of course. So I watched one episode of Yellowstone Sunday night.

I cannot watch TV on Sunday past noon. It ruins my life, it ruins my week, and it fucks me up. And this is what I did. I watched Yellowstone. It makes me feel bad. I watched five episodes of a show Jordan told me to watch yesterday. That's okay, but you don't ever like binge? Do you start method acting with your shows? What do you mean? Like I get upset. You are in the show? I'm the character, yeah. I'm the man, the toxic man.

- I'm the girl. - Oh, we're talking about Tell Me Lies, if anyone's curious. - That's why I can't watch TV shows. I am in them. And if I don't live in the place where the setting is set, it just messes with me and it depresses me and I start listening to the type of music. So anyways, I go spiraling down these holes. - How about you watch Gossip Girl? - I should. - It's in New York City. - Honestly, I could probably handle that. But I can't watch one episode. I need to read it and I need to journal it. Alex is best when she does that.

Anyways, I got out of bed because I was bedridden the past two days. And I just thought Graham was so cute. And this is true. I was standing up and I was choking him standing there. But it was playful. I was like, hi. And he was like, it's creeping me out. It's creeping me out. We were talking about choking earlier. And I was like, oh, I did that. I did it not sex related. I did it in the middle of the day.

A true joke. In the middle of my, but I was like, you're so cute. And he was like, stop. Alex was like, he would choose, he would choke her in tiny words. You're so cute. I was flirting. The head would pop off. Became a murderer. Do you and Graham choke each other in the bedroom? Okay, let me ask you this. If I answer this, does it change your perception of me or him? When, for instance, you got to look at me and know the answer. Are you cool with that?

Yes, ma'am. And with him, when you're sitting down at dinner with him and you know whether or not the kid likes a little joke at night, you're cool? Dude, I know Graham like the back of my hand at this point. One more thing is not going to change my perception of him. Okay, because I've been thinking about this lately. We obviously share so much on here and I have grown to really love that and I feel like

I don't know. Like, I tried to check myself the other week and I was like, do you care that you share whether or not you choke each other in the bedroom? And no part of me cared. Like, I was like, do you do care? And I was like, no, because like, we're all just humans. So anyways, just a disclaimer, I guess I felt like I needed to. Well, if it makes you feel better, choking is seen as a taboo and people are afraid to admit that they like it. So you're helping people by admitting that you like it. I do like it. I because I think it shows like

Okay, you know how you're so passionate sometimes in the bedroom? Like, there's different levels of sex. Yes. But if you're in, like, the really passionate one...

Yeah, like sometimes I'm like, I love like a hair pull or I love like a choking situation. But now I'm wondering why that is. Do you know? Do you and why? Yes, I do know. You know why people like to be choked? Oh, I know why I like to be choked. Why? So I'm such, and this could be the same for you, like we have such dominant personalities and we're always in control. And I feel like I'm in control of everything in my life that...

In the bedroom, I don't want to be in control for once in my life, and I would prefer to be submissive. So I like when people choke me because they're being dominant and showing me that they're more dominant than me. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love being choked. It's my favorite bedtime activity. Okay. I have a few things about choking. Okay. Just going to get right into it. Okay. So if a guy insinuates that he likes to be choked or wants to choke me, my whole body, like, you know that feeling you get, like, when you're getting super turned on?

Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. You can feel it head to your toe. Yeah. Even right now, I'm like, oh my God. My body will just break. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I think a lot of people struggle with choking because it can be a little bit iffy if you're first dating. So I feel like for somebody, if they want to start choking. If you'd like to start choking, here's what you guys can do. If you'd like to start choking.

choking one-on-one how to choke your partner the appropriate way let's get into it everybody I feel like all you have to do really is like softly like start touching their neck and usually what a person who likes to be choked will do is they'll grab your wrist so like if you're if it doesn't matter if you're a guy or girl like just like gently start to like

Crust the neck and that person, if they like it, they, you know what I mean? They'll usually grab your hand and keep it there. Yeah. Does that ever happen? Yeah. Do you know what I'm talking about? Mm-hmm.

And that's a good point. Then you can kind of know that that is something that they like doing because they're holding your hand there. They're not like pushing it away. Oh, you're saying this is a tip for if to ease into it to see. Yes. Yeah. OK. If you don't feel comfortable being like, can I choke you? You could just like gently caress their neck. And then that person, if they like it, I would bet nine out of nine out of ten times if they're aware of what's going on, like they're in tune with their body. They'll probably grab your hand as like a reflex to keep it there. Do you prefer to be choked or to choke?

Okay, so. Or both. I love being choked, but I just choked someone for the first time the other day. I just did the choking, and it's not as fun. No, I just choked. I think I probably choked guys in the past, but I choked somebody once, and it was such a, like it turned me on to choking him. Were you on top?

Yeah. Yes, I was. Nice. I don't like the choke on top. Uh-huh.

Nice story. But I've never, like, fully choked someone. Because I don't think a lot of guys I've slept with like to be choked. Because I feel like they're probably like, oh, I'm not dominant then. Like, I don't want my girlfriend to choke me. No, I agree with that. Yeah, but this guy liked to be choked. And I loved it. I loved choking. I loved it. No, but I did really enjoy, like, the choking of the person. See, I don't...

You can never choke Graham. He's too sweet. I don't like choking him because I feel like sometimes I do have a more assertive personality, like you were saying. And when I'm choking him, I'm just like, I want you like, okay, it's hard for me to imagine a girl fucking a guy.

I know it's possible, but I always think like the guy fucks the girl. That's what I like to think of it. Oh, got it, got it, got it, got it. Sorry, I was like, what are you talking? Sorry, are you using fucking as in like that type of sex? Yes. Okay. I think I like to think of the scenario of him fucking her. Yes. Therefore, I like to think of him choking her. Yeah, that makes sense. That's fair. I don't like to do the choking because then I'm like, I'm dominating you and I like to be dominated. Okay, yes, yes, wait, wait.

I was just mind blown. But yeah, because that's why you said I like being choked because I like being dominated. But for some reason, I also did really enjoy choking that person as well. But maybe it's just because at the end of the day, I still am the person I am. So that part of me is coming out. Right. Like that dominant part. And you hadn't done it. Yeah, and I hadn't done it. Not a lot of guys are like, yeah, choke me. Right. Because they're little babies. Little bitch ass boys won't let me choke them. Right.

Don't be a little bitch boy. Let me choke you, okay? But no, I think at the end of the day, if I had to choose, I would prefer to be choked.

100%. 100% would rather be choked than do the choking. Yeah, I agree with that. Like, you guys should know I love my necks being touched. If a guy, I don't care if it's a stranger, comes up to me and grabs back my neck, I'll melt. But do you like when it's like a little, it's like the fingers more? Or the fucking whole. Wait, do you like when it's. There's two different ways people do it. I feel like there's one where it's just like them pushing their fingers into the sides. I recently had this conversation. And there's one where they use their whole.

Okay, there has... I don't like the latter. I agree with that. There is a scenario. We do need to put out the disclaimer. Like, choking can hurt. And there are scenarios where you're like, holy fuck. Have you ever gotten bruises on your collarbone? Yes. And you're like, whoa. Choking is more the art of, like, I'm dominating you, less about I'm choking you. It's more of, like, I'm owning and I'm driving the car, less about... Yeah. So in the terms of choking, if your partner likes to be choked...

And you realize that and you see, okay, so if your partner likes to be choked and you start choking them and you see the way they react to it, I think eventually it can start to turn you on. Because like initially Graham was like, I don't understand the boob thing. Fast forward to now, he's like, I know it turns him on so much. He's like, I want your boobs. And it's like, but that took a little bit. Yeah.

It took me saying it and him understanding that, and I think it can start to turn them on. Well, there's nothing more sexier than seeing your partner being turned on by what you're doing to them. Yes, then you feel powerful, but you wouldn't know if your partner likes a little bit of choking if you didn't try it, but you wouldn't know that they don't like their neck kissed if you didn't try it. Yeah. So it's like, what about the pigtail situation? You ever heard if you wear pigtails, it means, you know what that means?

What's it mean? Wait, what? Oh, I thought you were asking why I was wearing pigtails today. No, but... Did it spark a question in you? Yeah. What's it mean? Well, I don't know. I feel like guys just like it. They love it. Really? One time I wore my hair braided and Graham was like, ah, and I was like, huh? Yeah, Mike told me to wear my hair like this today. Yeah, they love it because I think it... I don't know. Is that kind of weird? Is that like a...

That's like a schoolgirl thing. Yeah, but I think I like it. I'm here for it. No wonder I got so many weird looks of a frat with my pigtail. So I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I have the French face. Is she like, yes? No, drive. Not the cow. Not the cow. Oh, my God. Have you ever sexted? Do you want to know something crazy?

Yes. I have never, ever, never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, I have never properly sexed before. And when I say properly, I've probably sent like a risky, risky text when I was in high school or college, but I've, I've never like properly been like, I want you or I want to suck your dick or something. I don't even see, I don't even know how. Yeah. That's,

I don't know how to sext. Okay, so we do these in-office questions, and yesterday the question was, who's the worst person to send a sext message to? And I was like...

Easy, because I've done it. And I thought about this all last night. Like, who is the worst person? And you ready for who I think it is? I think it's the one I sent it to. I have one for you. I don't know if it's the same one. Okay. I had Graham's grandmother programmed in my phone as Graham's grandma in college. And that's bad because that's Graham. Graham's first name is in front of the grandma, right? Oh, no, Alex. Yeah. Wait, you did this? Yes. No, stop. Yes. I don't want to hear.

No, and my roommates were phenomenal because they immediately were like, we have to take shots. Like, we have to go to bed and forget that it happened. What did you text her? It was just like, I can't even play it right. It wasn't that bad, but it was very flirty and it was obviously not meant for her.

and it makes me sad because... Oh, my God. Like, I think... Because your own parents will forgive you, right? They're like... It's bad to send, like, one to, like, think about your dad. That's bad. But that's still your father, and, like, I think he'll... We can come back from it, I do think. Did you come back from it? What did you say? I called her, and I was like, listen, I...

Yeah, I called her like 1 a.m. You confronted her head on? I had to. What was I going to do? Was she a texting grandma? Yes. She's just tech savvy. She's the sweetest, most tech savvy, most forgiving. She's lovely. You called her? I called her and I didn't know Graham or like I think I had met her one time. Oh my God, Alex. What was the text? It was very...

He wasn't like, suck my dick. No. Or I want to suck your dick. What's even worse is me and my roommates were FaceTiming him at the time. Like we were on FaceTime with him and I was like texting him, but I was actually texting her. And then I was like, I just texted your grandma like the wrong, and my roommates were like, why the fuck are you texting him right now? And I was like, oh no, it was bad. It was very bad. But I called her and I was like, listen, I sent you a text message that was not meant for you.

She was so sweet. She was like, technology these days, it's such a good lesson. You do have to be careful. And I was like, yes, I have you programmed as Graham's grandma. And so then, I know. I think that's the worst. Do you know what you're notorious at? What? Texting the wrong person or group chats. Yeah, I'm really bad about that. Horrible. I don't understand because you have pinned. You have people pinned. I know. At that time, pinning didn't exist. But you have group chats pinned, but you still text the wrong group chats. I err to be a little careless sometimes.

Really? And I let things fly. And that was a bad moment. Okay, who do you think the worst person to send him when it's two? It would be either my dad or brother or...

one of my exes that I would never want to see again. A brother's bad. Yeah. I'd rather, I think my dad would be worse. Cause like my brother, I could be like, yo Colton, delete it, delete it. And cause he would get it. He's like my age. He gets it. But my dad would be like, Oh my God, no, you don't touch boys right now. I can't even see it. No. And then you have to go to Thanksgiving and you're just like, yeah, brutal. Do you, have you ever had, speaking of like the sex thing, have you ever had FaceTime sex? Um,

Okay, so another thing I can't do, I can't fathom doing, and I wouldn't know how to do it. Like, literally, I can't do anything electronically with sex. No, that's a lie. Yeah, vibrators are electronic. Dude, I just got a new vibrator yesterday from Adam and Eve. Oh, you used that?

No! You used it? Good or bad? What is this face? This face is either good or bad. That's euphoria, Ally. Honey! What did that mean? Honey! Euphoria is good? Yeah. Best vibrator I have ever tried in my entire life. It was a flower, right? Well, it was like a flower, but then it has a little pedal that sticks out. It looks like a tongue. Yeah, and it just flaps. What was so nice about that? I mean, it mimics. It mimics what? A tongue? A tongue. Oh. Have you ever had one that does that?

A tongue? Or a vibrator? A vibrator. No, no, and this is my first one. Have you ever had a tongue? I've had a tongue down there before, yeah. Phone sex. Listen, I find all that stuff really hard. Like, I have tried it, yeah, because when we were long distance, nothing is the same as the person. I just don't know how, I would laugh the whole time, like,

Hey, baby, I want, like, what? No, I could never. Well, FaceTime's, like, at least better, but it's still, like, so awkward because you know they're doing it to themselves. Like, I had the hardest time. Like, I would just start laughing. I'm like, I get it. Yeah, you're doing it to yourself. Like, I don't know. I had the hardest time with it. I think phone sex works for some people, but I seriously don't get how you're going to, like, FaceTime somebody and be like, what are you telling? Like, you touch yourself there. I'll touch myself here. And then it's like, yeah. It's awkward.

I mean, you guys know even like dirty talk is something I'm still working on. Like, it's just, it's hard. Yeah. Yeah. The phone sex, like, and then, or like, have you ever seen people like moaning to their phone? I'm like, no, no, no. Like when it comes to electronics, your girl can't do anything sexual, but in person,

That's great. Perfect. I think in person is so much better. It is. And it also, I will say makes me appreciate the sex more because I don't like do the other things. Yeah. And I think even if you did do the other things, like in person, still going to Trump all, I think it would be sad actually in this might pertain. I think there's probably people like this. I don't think either of you are though that like prefer like sex.

doing it to themselves over like doing it with a person but I'm just not that way. No, I'm not that way either. Sometimes you have to do it though if you're in long distance. I mean like, yeah. You have no choice really. It's like the reality of your situation. 100% and that was ours but I'm saying put it up against. Oh, of course. And I was like, I don't even think. I mean, it's sad. It stinks. Yeah. Yeah. I'd rather just have them like send me a sexy pic and then I'll just like

masturbate to it. It's so much work. FaceTime sex is so much work. You've done it. Oh, a lot. Yeah. Oh. No. Oh. Oh. No. A lot. To the point where I fucking hate the idea of it because it was like, oh, so much work and like, I don't know. It's like- You have to talk and move. You have to act. Yeah. You have to put- It's not a natural thing and you have to- Do you feel like you're role playing? Yeah, kind of and it's like-

I don't know. Like, I had to do it a lot in college and stuff because I was in long distance. So it's just like every time I'm going to get that FaceTime, I would like know it's like that kind and be like, Jesus Christ, like I really am not in the mood to do it. Or like a normal FaceTime would turn into it. And it's like, God, I got to like lock the door, you know, fix my hair. Like, I don't know. It's just like one time when I was studying abroad, my roommates walked in on me doing it. And it was actually no, it wasn't awkward. What'd you say? You're just like, yeah, I was like, I'm having FaceTime stuff.

oh, okay, that's cool. Like I would be, when you phrase it like that, I'd be like, oh, okay. But it's like so awkward.

- Yeah, and to me FaceTiming is such an intimate thing that I find special because I'm not like someone who loves to have that phone call like you. Where I would wanna, like every time they FaceTime me I would wanna be like, ugh, we have to have sex now? - Well, 'cause it's not sex, it's masturbating. - Yeah, I can just do that on my own. - It's masturbating, it's not sex. - Bro, I don't need you to get me off. - When we hang up I'm just gonna feel lonely and sad.

That's actually true. I've never I know I said I like had never faked an orgasm, which was very true. But I have faked definitely like the FaceTime stuff because you are you're acting. You're just like that. You know what I wonder, though? OK, so like girls clearly hate the FaceTime sex from our end. Do guys love it? Because like usually I never called him.

He always was calling me. Like, dude, is it good for them? Because for me, for us, it's miserable. So actually, I think that brings up the listener question that I have. Oh, let's do it. Because guys are so visual. Like, that's what they want. They, like, want to see. Once they see you naked, they're, like, turned on. But that's not how girls are. You know what I mean? Like, they need the anticipation. Like, I can't just, like, take a picture of myself and be like, or see a picture of your penis and be like,

turned off like that's not hot to me you know what I mean yeah so the penis is so much less hot than any photo of a girl's body you can send like I wonder if guys have ever thought about that the fact that we see like a penis it's just like but girls like their bodies are beautiful I know before you read the listener question can we do better help yeah because we're all going to need therapy after this

Now, a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. It can be tough to train your brain to stay in problem-solving mode when faced with a challenge in life. But when you learn to find your own solutions, there is no better feeling. And it's nice to say that J-Dub and I both are now in therapy. And we were talking about it this weekend. There's nothing better we can do for our mental health than go to therapy, right? 100%.

What has been the most beneficial thing for you lately? So one of my favorite things about therapy right now is I love talking to a person who is not biased. She is unbiased. I can tell her anything, and I know she'll never judge me, and she also doesn't know a lot about my life yet. So it's just such an unbiased response, which I really appreciate. And she's making you journal, which I know you're loving. Yeah.

She's making me journal. She's making me do so many practices that I found very uncomfortable in the beginning, but now they've benefited me so much. And all of our listeners can benefit as well because if you're thinking about giving therapy a try, which we would completely endorse, BetterHelp is a great option because it's convenient, accessible, affordable, and entirely online. So no excuses. You can get matched with a therapist after filling out a brief survey, and you can switch therapists at any time, which is very important.

When you want to be a better problem solver, therapy can get you there. Visit betterhelp.com slash mean girl today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash mean girl. Amazing. Okay, what's this listener question? Okay. I'm excited for this one. You said it was going to be a good one. I thought it could open up a can of worms, kind of. Alana's like, let me drop a grenade. Yeah. Pandora's box, baby. I just can only see pictures of steak. I don't know what's going on. Okay.

What? Sorry. I couldn't find my picture. Hey, new follower, but I love you all. Here's a tricky one for you. So it's a man. This is a man. Okay. Good to know. My wife and I's intimacy isn't even close to what it used to be. And she is frustrated when I ask her for blowjobs and sex. We aren't on the same level physically, but we are on everything else. I just miss the physical. Am I the asshole? So that got me thinking that, um,

Kind of like what we were just saying, that, like, guys and girls are kind of, like, turned on by different things. And I feel like maybe there's, like, a disconnect in what she finds intimate and what he does. So I thought we could talk about that. Yeah, right out of the gates, I wonder if she feels intimate.

Like if he's just like, we're supposed to have sex. So let's just, when we hit the bedroom at night, like I want a blow job. And then from there, they're not bridging the gap between like feelings and like loving a person and like,

wanting to feel intimate and having sex because we're actually talking about right now like masturbating and doing things like that which there's no emotional connection to like you're just checking a box because like you want to you want to have you want to come I guess right but then when we're talking about something very different of like intimacy with a partner there's so much else that goes into that which is like loving each other touching each other flirting which we always talk about and like that leads to the bedroom and

So it would be interesting to hear from her, but that's my initial thought is they're not bridging the gap. I think you got a big problem if you're missing the emotional connection. But if you have the emotional connection, great news. Capitalize on it. Because all girls want is to feel loved and you're handheld or whatever her love language is. She wants that. And that translates into the bedroom. I also, the way I'm thinking about this is he doesn't seem to think that there's a gap in the emotional part, but she is.

So he just needs to help fill her emotional gap and then the physical will come. Yeah. Do you think he could even, I think some people would have a hard time with this, but I think it would be good if you sat, if they sat each other down and they were, and she's like,

Or he says, I feel like emotionally we're connecting. I want to feel that intimacy translate into the bedroom. And she's like, no, you're not even asking me how my day is. Yeah. I don't feel like we're emotionally connecting. And then we get into the bedroom and you're like, fuck me. And I feel used. And like, I feel like a prop. And he's like, wait, why? Or she's like, I want you to take me to dinner. Like it feels like you're right. He's getting it. She's missed. Yeah. And also we don't know how long they've been married. Things change in a relationship. Routine is dangerous. Yeah.

And maybe he's just doing the same thing that they've always done. And she's like, that doesn't fulfill me emotionally anymore. So we need to change it up. But also there needs to be more communication. Yes, there does need to be more communication. And you're right. It's a miss, right? So like what we were just talking about, if a guy sends a dick pic, they're like, this is awesome. But on the receiving end of that, you're like, none of that turns me on. I really just want to have like a conversation with you. I want to feel loved. And I think your dick pics ugly. Like I,

What am I supposed to do with this? I think guys are like, I gave her a gift. When guys send a dick pic, I think they're like, you're welcome. And we're like, I just get a piece of long skin. That's the photo I'm getting. And when we send a photo, it's like a beautiful silhouette of a body.

And I feel like that's what this is. It's just, like, taking that concept and translating it into emotions. And it's just, like, maybe we don't feel the same because girls do operate a little different. Do you think that love languages can change throughout life in a relationship? Like, if physical touch was maybe you and – or I won't use physical touch. Let's say, like, access service was you and Grams in the beginning, but then over time it turned into quality time. Like, do you think that's possible? Okay, yeah.

I feel like it's so possible, and I don't know that last week I would have ever answered it that way, but can I bring up the kid thing right now really quickly? Yeah, of course. Okay, it just fits here.

But I've been thinking about timelines of when to have a baby. And so then I've been thinking about ways that Graham and I communicate with each other. And I feel like when a new life situation arises or when something big happens as a couple and you get through it or you have to talk to each other about it, everything in the way you operate shifts.

So like my love language used to be, it still is physical touch, but like sometimes I'm noticing I need like more communication, like random acts of kindness. Like the more we get into things and the more we deal with. And I'm like, that's so interesting. Like it's changing. Then I'm like, why is it changing? And I'm like, because I'm changing. Like I'm starting to think of like where I want to put my roots down.

When do I want to have a baby? And then things change. So I can only imagine when something big happened, when you had a kid or when you did move or when somebody got a new job, I would think, I would think your love language would change. Yeah. Cause it's like how you're communicating with somebody. Has yours ever changed?

I haven't had a relationship in a long time, but I feel like it definitely could because when you first start dating a person, you just want to be with them all the time. So it could be quality time or physical touch because you just want to be touching them all the time. But then as the relationship develops, maybe you need more affirmation or reassurance that things are going okay. So it's going to be like words of affirmation. And then maybe you get married and have kids, so you need more acts of service. So I feel like it would be healthy for your love language to change over time with your partner.

Yeah, and maybe only natural. But we have to remember, like, we aren't mind readers, so we have to communicate that to one another. Gosh, I do think, like, that's so true. The communication aspect. Yeah. I have to tell, I literally tell myself every day, Jordan, you are not a mind reader. You cannot predict the future. So stop trying. Right.

Like, name a scenario that we've encountered in life since we've known each other. Last week. Where communication wasn't the answer. Oh, I thought you were going to say where we've predicted the future. I was like, last week in Nashville, actually. Yeah.

Last week in the pizza place. That was creepy. That was crazy. But like communication, I feel like in every single scenario has been, we're like, oh, well, they just communicated and talked about it. And it's hard though. I actually think we can sit here and say that because we do communicate so often now. And it's like a hard habit to get into. But once you do it, like in this scenario of this couple,

It's going to be a little awkward. You're going to sit down and be like, I want to be more intimate for a guy to say that to a girl is going to be tough. Like, Hey honey, I want to be more intimate with you. Yeah. She's all she's going to do is appreciate that and love it. And it's going to make things so much better. But I do think if communication is not your strong suit, it will be a bit awkward, but it will be so beneficial. Yeah. And she needs to let him know that she's not being fulfilled emotionally and give him tips on how he can fulfill her emotionally because she's

Like, men and women, we don't know how... We don't know that. We aren't just born with, like, knowing what our partner needs. Right. And he clearly thinks that she... He thinks there's something wrong emotionally. Yeah. Like, that's what he's sitting there thinking. He wrote it in. And it's like... Yeah. But she does. He doesn't get the difference, I feel. Yeah. Like, I'm thinking about, like, times I'm so excited to have sex. And it's like... It starts in the morning. You know what I mean? It starts, like, when... Like, he tells me I look pretty. When he holds my hand. And...

Like, he makes me a sandwich. You know what I mean? It's like all these like little things of like intimate, non-sexual things that like just makes you know someone cares about you. Like grabs my ass. Do you know what I mean? Like, and guys are just like, oh, it's 830 and I'm horny. Like, that's not how women operate. Well, and also like think about the way you fall in love with someone or you start to like someone. It's usually...

like the little things that they do. Like, oh, he remembered this about me or, oh, he asked about my day or he checks in on me or says good morning, like little things. And that turns into bigger and bigger things. But most people aren't like, the sex was so great. I'm in love. You know what I mean? Right.

It's like, no, it's like all these cute little emotional things that lead to bigger things. Yeah, that's actually a really good point. And none of those things, it's funny that we as humans reserve sex for nighttime, like late at night, because you're right. In the morning, I am the most turned on. I'm in the best mood. I'm in the best head space, the middle of the day even. But to go home, like once we've,

like wound down, brushed your teeth and to like have sex and then go to bed actually kind of seems backwards. Like you'd think you would put sex at any other time of the day besides night. Wait, that's actually so true. I almost think nighttime sex is a result of a buildup of like emotion all day. Yeah. Like morning and afternoon sex is like, that's when it's like on the spot, like, Oh, you just turned me on for some reason. But when it's at night, it's like, because all day, like I, you've been doing these things that makes me like attracted to you. So I want to express that.

And don't you want to have sex when your brain is the most functional? And like for me, I'm a morning person. So between 6 a.m., my app says between 6 a.m. and 10 a.m., I'm my most, like my best self. So I'm not having sex. It doesn't make any sense. And once you have sex, like there's, okay, once I have sex, if one of us orgasms for about 30 minutes afterwards, I don't want to be touched. But after that 30 minutes, I am like cuddle, all that. And you don't get to reap those benefits if you do it at night because you went to bed.

So it's like if you did it in the middle of the day or in the morning, like Saturday at 3 p.m. sex is the best because then you go out to dinner and you're like, I love you. We're having so much fun. We've already been intimate. Like we're doing it the wrong time. Do you know what's so messed up? The reason why I don't like...

like afternoon sex is because it ruins my makeup and hair yes valid so valid oh my god i become a greasy dog after sex my hair is greasy my makeup smeared everywhere my face is usually chafed because i have such sensitive skin oh no i feel like i just worked out and i'm ready to go

Wait, what? After set. I know after working out you don't look your best, but I'm down to get re-ready. I know that's weird, but I see what you're saying. You're a wet dog. I'm high maintenance when it comes to getting ready. You can get ready in like five minutes. You're like... And I'm like, one hour later. Two hours later. Which is funny because I don't wear that much makeup, but it takes me forever to get ready. You know what I like, actually? I'm going to go on just a slight get ready tangent. I love what... I don't like when someone's like,

Like you just are who you are in that scenario. You're like, I'm going to, I learned it at the wedding, but I was like, listen, I'm going to need an hour to get ready. And you were like, I'm going to need two and a half. And I was like, thank God. Just tell me. Yeah. And then like, you're going to be on time. You love taking your time getting ready. But I hate when girls have to be like, oh no, I can get ready fast. It's like, not me. It's like, you don't have to let me wrong bitch. Like, no. Yeah. And just like, be okay with that though. Be like, I take a long time to, I'm that friend. That's actually so true. And I've learned to be more communicative about that.

because it's not something I can change or want to change because I love makeup and I love getting ready. So I like to dilly dally. And I think that's phenomenal. Because it's not like, and I,

And when people hear I take an hour and a half to get ready, they're like, wow, either she's one high maintenance or two wears a shit ton of makeup. And it's like, okay, it might be a little high maintenance, but I don't wear that much makeup. And even if I did wear a lot of makeup, who cares? But like, that's like why I never like to tell people I take so long because they'd be like, she's fake. She just wears a lot of makeup. No, you own it. I loved it. I was, you went back from the beach earlier than me because you're like, I'm going to take longer to get ready. Yeah, I was like, Graham.

Take me home. Yeah. And I was like, no, she knows. And then as a result, you were comfortable in what you like had gotten ready with. I thought it was great. And then I wasn't in your way. You weren't in my way at all. It was great. I do think own that. The key literally to a successful life is just communicating. I'm realizing that. Actually, the key to a successful life is no days wasted. Hell yeah. Ever thought about that? Yeah. And.

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Also, side note, on my dating app, on Hinge, I did a voice prompt of how to pronounce opinion. I love that. It's like, try to change my mind about how to... I think the prompt is, try to change my mind about this. And then I did a voice and it's like...

You pronounce opinion, opinion, because it starts with an O. You'll never change my mind or something like that. But it's killing it on a hinge. I was going to say, that's a great response. And then people can hear my voice, too. My horrible voice. What? I just hate hearing my own voice. Wait, what? I love voices. I know. As I'm on the podcast. I love voices. Like, a voice to me is like...

And I'll be all. I love a good voice. Okay. Would you rather have a hot guy, but he has like kind of a high pitched voice or

Or a not as hot guy, but like his voice is so hot. Second. Really? I have always been obsessed with like radio voices my entire life. Like I've always been a voice person. But you're married to this person and he's like hot, but he kind of has a high pitched voice. Nope. Or he's not that, and he's like a sexy voice. Really? I think voices are part of like, I, someone's like physical appearance. Like I take it on, I look at a voice like I do a face. Yeah.

the body. I don't know what it is about a voice, but if someone has a good voice, I will just like lay and listen. That's why I think I like, I liked radio and podcasts for so long because I usually gravitated towards the ones with the good voices.

Over a very hot guy. Yes. Okay, I'm just making sure. I love a good voice. That's fair. That's fair, but that's like, okay. Yes, a voice to me can change someone's appearance. Oh, I like that. That's cool. I love, love voices. But what I was going to say about the unpopular opinion is I think...

I really like to go out more on the weekdays versus weekends because we always say when we go on the weekends, the next day it's like Sunday. We have the Sunday scaries, but really it's because you have nothing going on. And yes, I know on the weekdays you go to work and you feel a little hungover, but your brain is so occupied with everything throughout the day that I don't get the scaries. Like I went out last night. Till four? Out.

I'm here and I feel great. Okay, so I'm going to go with you on this. I think I would have been against you like two weeks ago. Okay. But I'm going to go with you. One, Nashville changed my thought on that. But you're right because the weekends could now be for like recovering, like sleeping, watching TV shows. Yes.

You know what? We're going home anyways right now. Like, what are we doing? What are you doing on a Monday? Exactly. And then you can use your Saturdays and Sundays to get caught up on sleep and you can relax. Like on Friday, I'm taking a me day and I'm going to sleep and lay in bed all day and work. And I'm going to work. Also, I like to reserve my splurge meals for the weekend. Yes. Yes.

And there's nothing worse than taking a splurge meal hungover because you can't stop eating it and you're not really enjoying the taste. But if you do it sober on a Saturday at noon and you're like, I'm eating the pancakes, like you appreciate the pancakes. I agree with you. Yes. Forget. Okay. We're going to contradict this next week, but, but no screw weekends. I'm with you. We're team weekdays. I am my, I mean, our favorite day of the week is Thursday. You went out to four.

Let me ask you, if your favorite day of the week is Thursday, why don't I always call you ma'am? Yes, ma'am. No, ma'am. No, ma'am. Hi, ma'am. Um, uh, if you're, what's your favorite day of the week to go out on then? Like which day do you want to be hung over on? Oh gosh. So I went out on a Tuesday and honestly I'm thriving on a Wednesday. So what about tonight though? Like, do you, do you mind the Thursday? Am I going out tonight? No, I'm just saying like, I'm saying would you?

On a Wednesday night with a Thursday day hangover, Thursday night, which day do you want to be hungover? You know what, Alex? What? I think Tuesday might be my favorite day to go out on the weekday because, one, Tuesday's the worst day of the week, in my opinion. And that way it kind of gives you a little something spice, like a little action to put in your week. Because then by Thursday, I don't want to go out

If I have weekend plans, because then Friday's ruined. My Friday's still going to be ruined if I go in on Thursday. Right. You don't want to sacrifice the Friday. That's my question. What day are you sacrificing? Oh, Wednesdays. Okay. Yeah. I fucking hate Wednesdays, too. I think it's a Wednesday or a Thursday is the sacrificial lamb of the day. You can't sacrifice a Thursday. Well, I like the Thursdays, but do you want to go out on a Thursday? No.

Or what's so great about Thursday if you're not, like, what are you doing with it? That's valid. I don't know. I feel like Thursdays are always, like, the day, like, your girlfriends get together and you, like, go out to dinner. I do agree with that. Thursday's a girl day. Like, Saturdays are for the boys. Thursdays are for the girls. And it's, like, Thursday you want to go out on and then have the hangover on Friday. That's nice. And then you feel better by Saturday. Has anyone ever trademarked Thursdays are for the girls? I do think somebody did do that. I've seen that. I was like, can we?

Can we start that? Let me Google it. Who invented Saturdays are for the boys? Feidelberg. Yeah. No, you guys, I'm kidding. I know who did. I thought you were going to be like Jordan. You work at the place I did. Oh. Well, I wasn't going to be rude. Really? For once. Feidelberg. I was going to say what it's ever stopped you. Yeah. It's here. There's posters. That makes me sad. That is sad. I wonder why. Where did that come from? Saturdays are for the boys? No, no. Thursday. Oh, I was like Feidelberg. Yeah.

I don't know. I feel like a lot of people say Thursdays. I think it's because in our heads, like, Girls Night Out is usually Thursday at a bar. Yeah, that's true. Kind of trademarked. That's my favorite day to go out to, I think. Yeah, I love a Thursday. I agree with that entirely. Alex, you mentioned the B word, which is babies. Has that been affecting your life lately? Well, kind of, because, so when I signed up to do Rough and Rowdy, I was like, afterwards we can start talking about the baby thing.

Yeah. Because I've always known. I'm going to have an anxiety attack. What? I know. And that's like, I just kind of told Graham that and then left it there and then never thought about it. And then I realized like I owed him a follow up on that conversation because I had just been like putting it out. I'm a goalpost mover. Right. So I'm always like, if I get there, if I get to this spot in my career, if I do all of these things, then I can have a baby. Mm hmm.

because I feel like naturally that's like what I'm supposed to be doing. But internally, when I check in with myself, I'm like, no, I have so many things I want to do before I do that. But I feel like I'm like, I'm 29. Am I supposed to? So I was talking to my therapist about it. I was like, what do I do? And she was like, listen, like you'll never feel fully ready to have a baby. It's not one of those things, but she's like, you will have,

You will kind of naturally know, like, I am okay to take that step. But it's kind of like you don't ever want to look back and be like, I do wish I did these things before. Like, it's just kind of an internal feeling. Like, you know, do I want to have kids? Yes. And I know that. Does Graham? Yes. Graham always jokes and he's like, I was ready when we got married. But for me, I'm like, I'm not ready yet. So I've had to communicate that to him already.

But I felt bad because I was like, we could do it after rough and ratty. You're like, we could at least start talking about it. It's also, I think, going to be hard for me because my period is so off. So like, that's going to be a whole other slew of things to like deal with, but that's a separate combo. But my therapist was like, what do you need to have an order to have a kid? And I was like,

I don't know where I'm going to live. I don't know. You know, like I'd have to move apartments. Where do I want to be in terms of my career? Like it would be weird for me to be pregnant up here by myself. Like neither of our families are here. And she was like, none of those things actually have to be solved. Like you can do whatever.

You can do life first. Like you can do these natural steps. You want to like, you're so okay taking a risk when it comes to work, moving cities, all of those things. Like you're not okay in this scenario. And I found it like so fascinating because I put all this pressure on myself for timelines. Like I was like, I'm 29 and I'm supposed to have a baby. And it's like,

No, you're not. Like, you can be 35 when you have a baby. Like, you can have a baby whenever you want. And it doesn't... I don't have to, like, look around and feel that pressure because I'm trying to do two things at once. I'm trying to do a career and then, like, I'm trying to do family. But it's like, I was...

Kind of avoiding it, but I needed to address it. Once I addressed it, I did feel so much better because I just felt so normal. I was like, it's okay. Have you addressed it with Graham yet? Yeah, so last night, I was like, I owe you a combo. I owe you a follow-up on this. I was like, I...

am not ready to have a kid yet. I will be one day, but I was like, I'm not quite there yet. And there's some things I want to do beforehand, but I feel bad because I know you want to, but also I just kind of left you hanging after rough and rowdy. And he was like, all I needed was just to know. And he's like, we're good. Like, he's like, I'll never, cause there's two people that have a kid. Like I'm the one that carries it, but like he can be the one that wants it. Yeah. So why do you think that

if you have a kid, like you can't also can't do the career thing. Is that because like you, when like you want to be a mom that should like a stay at home mom or because of like a societal thing that you think that like you can't do both?

that's actually a really good question because i know for sure if i was pregnant like i don't even think i would need maternity leave with this place yeah i think i could i could sit in here nine months pregnant i think i could literally have the baby and i think i could come two weeks later we're recording the pod yeah and the water broke we're delivering it on the pod yeah like i think i think in that way we're really fortunate because i'm like you could easily do that yeah um

And societal norms, I think I felt bad because most of the time I think the girl wants the baby first. But why can Graham still do his job and in your head you're like, I don't want the baby yet because there's more things I want to do in my career. But he doesn't have that.

You know what I mean? Yes. I think it's like we're going to Miami. It's like these travel things that the fun part that comes with this job that I love. I feel like I'm like bust that out. Barstool versus America. I could have done that. Things like that that I really like. I think they're unique to this job. OK. So those are the things I love doing. Nashville, you know, Nashville.

But I feel bad because I feel like I should be the one that wants the baby. And then I'm the one that's going to carry the baby. But it's like he wants it. And I'm like, I just need a second. Yeah. Kids. Kids are hard. It's so hard for me to talk about this because I don't know if I want kids. But kids are hard because everything you talked about, I noticed moving to a different state or moving careers, changing apartments. It's all...

Kind of temporary change. Like you can go back, but with a baby, you can never go back. Once it's born, it's here forever until the day you die. Like there, and like that, your life, it's the one thing that,

that you truly like even with marriage you can get divorced but with babies it's the one thing that's permanent right like there's truly nothing you can do once it's born like it's here to stay yeah and you have that kid you don't have it it's scary it's it's very scary and we had a conversation with somebody a few weeks ago and remember he told you like really good advice do you remember the guy I'm talking about he was like do everything you want to do I don't remember exactly what he said

Yeah, get it all out. But see, I do remember this person. Like, get it all out. But this guy said, do everything and get it out of your system before. I hate that, though. Because I feel like...

That's saying once you have the kid, life is over. That's so true. It's those comments actually that put the pressure on me. But I look at my friends having these kids and they're like, my life has just begun. They feel this way towards a bit. And I love that. And I'm like, it's so sweet. Oh, I'm going to start crying. I know. No, you just hit something inside of me.

I guess their priorities change. They totally change. I'm the oldest. My mom didn't have me until she was 32, and she used to work for L'Oreal. And when I was a baby, she would go to Paris all the time. And eventually she was just like, I'm not going anymore. I don't want to go anymore. That makes sense. She would go because she was like, this is what I love to do. But then once you have a baby, you kind of grow out of it, and you're like, I don't want to go anymore. It's kind of like the way I think about it, too.

Being single, what I struggle with is that's what hit me. I was like, oh my God, I just feel like I went to therapy all over again. I'm scared to get into a relationship because...

I'm like, I need to get all the fun stuff out before I get into a relationship and then I'll be ready. But that's not supposed to be. You're supposed to get in a relationship and want to keep doing the fun things. More fun things. Yeah, more fun things. Like you're not supposed to look at it as like an ultimatum. You know what I mean? So true. It's like your life just isn't a different. There's so many more things to do. Doesn't mean things are gone. Yeah. Just like more elements. Like in Harry, when Harry met Sally, it's like.

When you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start right now. Yes, that's how my friends are with these babies. They're like, I don't know how I knew life before you. I'm so crying. It's so crazy. I do think, though, that maybe you guys just taught me this. My mom gave up everything. She wanted to be a mother, and so I watched her give up everything to have me and my brother, which was phenomenal as a child. It's not how I see me doing it,

So it's hard for me to look at that and be like, I'm going to mother differently. So there are people I follow on Instagram, Morgan Stewart, for example, she goes to fashion week, she owns a business, she has two kids. And it's a good example for me of like what I want my life to look like. And it does help walk me to the water a bit, but it wasn't how I grew up. So sometimes that's hard for me because I'm like, I live in New York, but she just, she lived in, you know, she drove a car. I'm like, how it's hard for me to see it, but maybe I don't need to see it. It,

In therapy today, my therapist pretty much told me that our parents are wrong and to ignore everything that they did because it does not match because I've been struggling with fulfillment.

And in my head, I feel like the only way to be fulfilled in life is through your job because that's what our parents told us. And it's similar to like the only way to be a good mother is if you're a stay-at-home mom because that's what our parents told us. But it's like, no, you don't need... Like what our parents did is not the way we can live our life to be happy. Like I can find fulfillment in going on dates, hanging out with my friends, reading a book. But my dad...

only seemed to be fulfilled by doing a job because that's what they were told. And same with my mom because she was a stay-at-home mom too. She was looked at as a good mom because she stayed at home. People who were working moms were looked at as bad moms. Now, a working mom like Morgan Stewart looks like a badass. Right.

So it's like we just have to pretty much delete everything our parents went through and told us because the way they lived their life is not how we can live our life. No, and there's bits and pieces we'll take from it and be like, this applies, but there's so much. Yeah. Like we're so far off that beaten path already that it's like there's going to be so much that doesn't apply to us. And it's like, that's okay. It's just, it's scary sometimes to stop and be like, why am I so oppressed?

afraid of this thing and then it's like oh because I think it's supposed to look like this but to me it just looks a little different and why does it have to be so serious like we are literally put on this earth to enjoy life but we never allow ourselves to enjoy life because we're so caught up in like timelines and what society says and what our parents said it's like if you want to have a kid have a kid if you don't don't have a kid

Or have a kid and be a working mom. Or be a stay-at-home mom. Like, just do what makes you happy. Yeah, yeah. And don't listen to what other people have to say. And, well, the thing was, too, like, no one's really saying it to me. The person that was was Graham. So that's what weighed on me so hard was I was like, you're 50%. You know, and I do owe you that. But it was as simple as a conversation. He was like, I don't even, like, I don't care. Communication. So it was so key. And I was like, wow, I have to have...

These conversations with him. But inside of me, I was like, what am I so afraid of? I didn't actually know until we had this convo. Probably what I think it's supposed to look like when you have a kid versus what I'm seeing people do these days. All my friends are doing their thing. I have phenomenal examples of it. I grew up a little different than it. And so I think it was messing with my head a little bit. But it's like, I don't have to know where I'm going to live for the rest of my life to have a child at all. I can move 10 times.

Literally. And the most beautiful thing about New York City is I feel like there's no timelines in this city. And I know not everyone listening lives in New York, but like where you live too shouldn't have a timeline either. But like in New York, it truly, there is no timeline. You could be 40 years old and pregnant with your first baby and people be like, I'm so happy for you. You could be 21 and pregnant. People would be like, I'm so happy for you. Yeah. I feel like the world's working towards that. Yeah. Like I do see that a lot of places where it's like celebrated. Yeah. Yeah.

I think the pressure was coming from me, I think. Like, you're married. I'm single. But no one blinks twice when they hear that we have a podcast together where you're married and I'm single. Yeah. Like, that's cool. Totally. You're married. You're single. Great. Love. You're in New York. You want. Yay. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's true. And I was listening to this podcast talking about how easy social media has made it to move.

and to do things. And I'm like, it's so true. Like we're not tied anywhere. We don't have to do anything at any time. Like the world's really progressing, which is exciting because there's so much more opportunity and there's ways to do things differently. And you can explore those within yourself and,

So I'm just kind of doing that vulnerable thing right now. Yeah. And it's, I think the most important thing is like, you're just continuing to communicate with Graham because you're right. He is 50% of this baby's choice. Totally. Which I really love that you see, cause I know a lot of people don't. And I love that you're like, I need to also communicate it with my husband. It's really sweet. Yeah. I had a selfish moment where I was like, I get to pick. And then I was like, no, he gets a vote. Yeah. He's half the vote, which I love. I think that's really sweet of you to do. Thank you.

Wow. That was sweet. Tied that in nice and low. Went from choking to timeline. Babies. Choking on babies. Choking on babies. Title of the podcast, Choking Babies.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding you. That's inappropriate. I'm sorry. If there's an and in there, I think it would work. Choking and babies. Anyways, A, B, do what you do best. First. Oh, add. We're going to talk about how fall is in full swing and getting weeknight dinners right now is easier than ever because I think this is a huge meal prep proponent podcast. And that's easier than ever with EveryPlate, America's best value meal kit.

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58%? Dang. Okay, but check this out. Get your first box for just $1.49 per meal by going to everyplate.com and entering code MEAN149. That's code MEAN149 at everyplate.com. I'm really excited to use this. Do you feel like groceries are so expensive all of a sudden? Yes. Like a week's worth of groceries for two people, like...

Are you fucking kidding me? - And you need to go again on Thursday. - Yeah, also-- - I'm doing this immediately. - What a great thing to do with Mike too. - Yeah, maybe he'll actually cook for me. - Yeah, or like such a great partner thing to do, or if you have me and my roommate actually did it together.

that's so fun. This will be phenomenal for college. Like, cause you get so, you don't have your home cooked meals and you get sick of it. Like you and your roommates could do it. That's amazing. Yeah. Oh, speaking of, I have to go eat. Yes. So do what you do best. Follow, follow us on Instagram, Facebook. We are phenomenally large on Facebook. It's our new platform. Snapchat. Big on there too.

Okay, Snapchat, TikTok, Instagram, subscribe to our YouTube channel and leave us a five-star review. On Apple and Spotify. On Apple and Spotify. And what's it called? A review. Leave the review. Actually, write the review. Yes, we love reading them and we want to read yours. Dun, dun, dun. We love you guys. And watch us on YouTube.