RIP To The "Cool Girl" & Disagreeing In Relationships
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I think if you try to be the cool girl, you end up going crazy. Like, you will be batshit crazy and they will be like, holy shit, she could not keep it together. The cool girl is suffocating me and we are spiraling. It's like that, that's, when I tried to be the cool girl, I ended up being insane. I was insane. You're leaking. You do. You're like, I'm cool. I'm cool. And then you're like, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm crazy. Guys, welcome back to another episode of Mean Girl Pod. I had sex.

Jordan broke the cycle. Oh, yeah, Jordan. But before we hear all about the sexual intercourse that you had, the journey you embarked on,

We have to talk about our sponsor who lets us talk about sex. Amen. The one, the only Pink Whitney. The seasons are changing. Our outfits are changing. Jordan's sex life is changing. But one thing is staying the same is that is when we go to the bar, we order Pink Whitney shots. We cheers the Pink Whitney shots and we shoot our shot.

So go to the bar, go to your local bar, order a pink Whitney shot, order your friend a pink Whitney shot and have the best night of your life. Okay. I was like, I was inspiring. Drink alcohol and be inspired. Alex is back.

Okay. So I was thinking we could talk about, I'm just kidding. What happened? Okay. So I'm thinking like, should we dive into, or do you, do you guys want to talk about like the deep stuff first? Should we go like through like the, just tell us about the first question. Was it P and V? Like you had like, you fucked.

P and V? P and V. Vaginal penis in vagina sex. Yeah, it was vagina or penis into vagina sex. Because before you talked, you brought up butt sex randomly. It's just on the mind. Okay. No, no, no. It was regular penis into vagina sex. How was it?

It was great, but you guys, it was drunk. It was drunk? Always drunk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. But it was, I mean, it was, it was great, but it was not sober sex like I promised. Okay. Were there feelings involved? Take it back in a note. Well, everyone, I'm just,

myself in the position of a listener and what would I want to know? And I would want to know, this is a random one night stand at the bar. Is this a wedding one night stand? Is this a guy that you had feelings for one night stand? Paint the picture only a little and then we're going to talk about the actual sex. Okay, yes. No, it was with the guy that I do have feelings for, yes. Currently still do.

I'm just asking what the listener would want to know. Yes, Alex Bennett. I do. Okay, so you have feelings. It just happens. Yeah, I do. Yeah, yeah. Good job. So you have feelings for a guy and you had drunk sex with him. Yes.

Random question. Have you ever had feelings for a guy and the first time you've had sex, it's been sober sex? Because I feel like drunk sex kind of breaks the ice, actually, in that scenario. I don't think I've ever had sober sex with anyone for the first time. Besides, obviously, in high school. Yeah, no, me either. That's a really good point. No, because even my boyfriend of five years, we were like, I mean, he's someone I hooked up with on the first night. We were drunk. Yeah, the first time I had sex with Graham, we were drunk. Yeah. Yeah.

That's a really good point. No, yeah, it was. Actually, no, it was morning. Did you count morning sex as sober sex or no?

I don't, but I also don't count it as like true sober sex. Correct. Yeah. Okay. So you had drunk sex. Did paint the... Tell us what happened a little bit. Are we going to get info on the sky or not really? Is it going to kind of remain a little cryptic for this episode until we get more details? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I have a story that goes along with it. So it's not like I want to dive too much into it, but we'll get into that. We'll talk about the fun, spicy stuff first. Okay. No, the sex was great. I have a question for you guys. Have you ever...

had sex with a guy like you're hooking up with not someone you're dating not someone you're in a relationship with not even someone you're like you have sex multiple times like the first time you ever have sex with someone where they go down on you but they don't require you to go down on them all of the time I don't think I've ever given someone head before they did it to me alright wait I've never given a guy head before he did it to me I don't you know what I mean so he goes down first I always receive first

Well, no, no, no, no. It's fine to receive it first, but I'm saying like that you don't give them head at all. Are they asking for the head? Like why? I have been gone down on so many times and that's just like a gift for you. Like what? Does somebody want it back? So guys that I've hooked up with for the first time, and this is not talking about guys that I've had sex with multiple times. This is not talking about guys that I've dated. This is like hooking up for the first time ever. I don't think, I'm 99.9% sure I've never...

like had a guy go down on me and me not go down on them for a few reasons. One out of guilt, out of them asking or out of it just being like, assume that I need to do that. So a guy goes down and eats you out first. Yeah. And then, and then you out of guilt, like most of the time, do they ask or you're just like, let me go now. Like, let me go down on you now. I mean, it's like a few different things. One, it maybe could be me feeling guilty to a guy goes back to the head push. Um,

Or three being like, kind of like, hey. They make it like transactional. Yeah. It's known that they want it to. I think in this world, it is just fine to receive. Like, isn't that crazy that I left that experience and I was like mind blown because I... I have to stop saying mind blown. I was mind blown because I was like, wow, I didn't have to go down on him like I would have, but I didn't. Well, this is why I love 69 so much because it's like two for one special. But like...

I can't even... I'm more shocked at the fact that when somebody goes down on you, it would never enter my mind to do it back to them. Ever. Like, never. Yeah, I mean, he didn't make me feel like I needed to at all. And I was like, wow, that's never happened. What? Yeah. But like...

Also, this is for first-time hookups. Yeah. Like, not, like, relationships or anything. But, yeah, I know. Isn't that crazy? I think a lot of girls feel that way. A lot of guys, like, want it back. Huh. Yes. No, I mean, I'm thinking back to college and things, and I'm like, what? But I think back in those days...

There was very rare, like maybe it's more, maybe it's a more mature hookup culture where he would even go down on you because it takes a confident guy to be like, I can go eat her out.

Yeah. But then to, but I don't, I wouldn't like it if a guy was eating me out or eating you out. I wouldn't like it if a guy was eating somebody out in general, knowing that they, they wanted it back. Like to give only to take, I would hate that. Yeah. If they want to eat you out because they like enjoy it and they're like confident enough. It's hard to look at you and say that they're confident enough in their abilities. That's cool. Yeah. Push your head down after. No. No.

No, no, no. I know. I know, Alex. That's the world that a single girls are living in, especially in this city called New York City. Oh, I know. It's it's it's just I think also something that girls assume that they need to do, unfortunately, because of the society we live in. Like there's been multiple times where a guy has not pushed my head down or made that action. But in my head, I'm like, I have to because this is just what you do after they eat you out. It

It's like fucked up. Did you come? No, I can't come when I'm drunk. So it was like a warm up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was before we had sex, yeah. But I don't care if this man is God. I cannot come when I'm drunk.

Oh, right, right, right. It's not happening. You can try every single million way direction. It's just not happening when I'm drinking. That's why I like sober sex. Okay. So I got to remind me later. I did try the double orgasm thing. I, I, nice. Thank you for telling me it's possible. Um, I have a question. So you have a question. I have a question for you. Cause you've been doing vibrator sex. Um,

And orgasming. But wait, did you orgasm during the sex that you had with an actual human? No, because I was drunk. Right, right, right, right, right, right. I am. I actually am so far behind. Because I was wondering if you did orgasm, if that felt like just like a 12,000 times more intense release than the vibrator. No, I didn't because I was drinking a lot. How many times did you have sex in one night?

I think it was like three or four. Nice. So what's the break like in between that? What's your wait time? So first off, I don't think I've ever had sex that many times with one person in one night. Yeah, I know, right? What? Well, I don't know. I guess you usually have sex with someone and you're like, all right, what's on TV? I don't know. Well, because think about it, a lot of the guys that...

I like hook up. I've hooked up with in New York City. It's like more of a one and done. See you later type of thing. Like we have sex. I'm like, peace. I got to go home. Like this was earlier, not earlier in the day. This wasn't like super late at night. So like we like hung out. But I don't know. It was just like it's like hour breaks, like 30 minute breaks.

I don't know. I'm trying to think like... Jordan, do you think it's because there was feelings involved or... Oh, that's a good question. Yeah, probably because I was like, I'm not leaving. I like you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not getting rid of me. Like, I'm staying. How long were the breaks? I'm trying to think. I feel like we would have sex and then we would like hang out and talk. And then, you know, when you're talking and you start like kissing again. And then next thing you know...

Sex is involved. Again, was it on a couch or in a bedroom? Sorry, sorry, sorry. It was in a bedroom.

It's hard on a couch in the bedroom. That's the best. I love it. I love it. I love a location move. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's off to that. I think probably like maybe like 30 minutes in between, maybe an hour. I don't know. It was hard to say. It was a long night. Tough to tell. Yeah, tough to tell. Tough to tell how long it was in between. Tough to tell. Okay, so what else do you have to say about this boy? Yes. This boy? This boy?

I don't like you today. We're just confirming what the listeners want to know. It was a man. Yes, it was. It was a man. Oh, not a boy. It was a M-A-N. A man. B&B with a man. Upper 20s. Yeah, he's a man. Oh, yeah. Do you know his social? I hate you. I feel like I haven't been grilled on this podcast since our first episode, so I'm getting back to it. I'm like, oh, this is what it feels like to be Alex, because it's usually you I'm killing. Yeah.

So I have some sad news, but I have a good lesson along with it. Wow. So, yes, like the obviously great story. I had sex, you guys. I'm no longer a four-month virgin anymore. It's funny because for the podcast listeners, it's going to start and end in the same episode. I know. In the first 10 minutes. But for us, it lived so long. Yeah. Okay, now let's kill them off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had sex. It's sad. It's sad.

It's like Game of Thrones. Like, I love this new character. Everyone's like, there's a boy. Now we're like, and the boy just died. I will say, though, like, I did get, like, the sexual tension I wanted. Like, a lot of pros. A lot of pros to it. But there is a con overall. Okay. So, last week in therapy, I learned a lesson that, like, changed my life. Okay. And it was people treat you the way you let them. And at first, I was like, okay, cool. But then I was like, holy shit. People treat you how you let them.

And I was like, that could go into marriage, friendships, like work relationships, how your boss, like how your boss treats you, your manager treats you, how your boyfriend, girlfriend, or even a guy you're casually seeing treats you. And before I heard this lesson, me and this guy that I had sex with, it was an interesting thing because we hung out a few times and we

Overall, he was extremely honest with me. He told me, he was like, I don't want a relationship for multiple different reasons, but I really like you. And I was like, oh my God, that's fine. I'm a cool girl. I don't want one either. You know, like be that cool girl. So I like let that live for honestly only a few days because that happened like on a Sunday. And then on a Wednesday, I went to therapy and my therapy, I was like telling my therapist how I'm struggling with this. And she was like,

People treat you how you let them. Like he's going to keep treating you like a casual side piece because you're allowing him to, because one, you told him, um,

no fault to him you you told him yeah yeah he this man has done nothing wrong I know that's hard for me to say usually men always I always have a problem but he has done literally nothing wrong he was so honest with me from the get-go he's like I like you but I don't want a relationship so if you want one I'm not the guy okay um kudos to him kudos to him love honesty so that kind of just happened and after she told me that I was like wow

wait, maybe I actually really like this guy and I actually could see myself being more serious with him. I was like, all these things were happening. I'm like, I haven't had a relationship in four years. I haven't wanted a relationship or even to be with a man seriously in two years. I was like, what is going on? But I had this like revelation because she was like, we're going to,

We're going to figure out why you don't want one. And I think the overall arching theme was like, I like being that cool girl because I know a lot of people have... When you're single, they're like, come on, we got to get you a relationship. But a lot of people also praise you for being single because they're like, you're independent, you're successful. It's so cool. You can be alone and be so strong. So I always felt...

like if I got in a relationship, people wouldn't think that of me anymore. Okay. Does that, you know what, does that make sense? In total sense. Very well said. So for, I think for the longest time, I just wanted to be a cool girl who's single. Cause that was kind of my identity. But then I was like, no, I don't want to be a cool girl. I want to be loved. And I want to be in a really, not necessarily a relationship, but I want to be with somebody. And I want to like be with someone who can like potentially get into a relationship and,

And this guy that I was talking to was like, I'm going to be honest, he's one of the first guys I've talked to in a really long time where I actually could see something more than just a casual fling. Okay. And I was like, oh my God, all this was happening in like a week span. It was going crazy. I mean, you saw it all unravel. Right, right. It was a lot of work for a week. He did really good with it though. Yeah. So as the week went on, he was being really, he was being like distant, but nice. And then we went to this wedding and, um,

After the wedding, because weddings also just like make you like nostalgic emotionally. You're kind of like, what the fuck am I doing? Like all these people around me love each other and I'm over here just like fucking around. Oh, it was ironic timing the night of the wedding. It definitely, the wedding had something to do with it because you know how you're at a wedding and you're kind of like, I'm alone. What's that quote about weddings?

I still can't remember which one it's from. The crazy thing about weddings. The funny thing about weddings makes you think about yourself. Yeah. It really fucks me up at weddings. That's why I don't love weddings being a single person. There is no greater mirror. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Whoa. You know, like there's, it's so ironic because you're just staring at yourself. So, I mean, that happened. And then like Alex saw me, I was like up in the room. I mean, I was exhausted. So I was getting ready for bed. But like you saw me, I was just like.

I was like, I can't, I can't do this. Like, I was like, I can't be casual. I'm not a cool girl. I don't like being casual. I'm a zero to a hundred person. I've never been someone who can date multiple people. Like I either have to, I just have to like, like I just have to be honest. So I sent him a text and I was like, long story short, I was just like, I appreciate being honest, but unfortunately I'm starting to develop feelings. So I don't, I don't think we can like half-ass talk anymore because if we do, I'm just going to get hurt.

And I sent him that text. He responded so nicely back. But long story short, like we decided not to talk anymore. And it sucks. But I'm also so freaking proud of myself for being honest because I was allowing him to treat me like a casual person. But I didn't want that. You did not. No, you. I think the first thing is like you didn't know that.

Before, thank God you have your therapist, but like, yeah, like at the time you didn't know yourself like enough. You just thought like, oh, he wants casual. I want casual. But then when she really made you dig deeper, like I think you told me in the therapy session, she was like, it's okay to want to love someone. And you were like, oh my God, no, I do. I think I do. And it was like this big revelation for you. And then it was, so that was on Thursday. Yeah.

Wednesday. Wednesday. So Thursday I went to the wedding. It was three days later that you were able to send the text. Like that's a lot of growth in a fast period of time. Like, you know, I mean, that's typically that's something that would take people a really long time. And if you hadn't have sent the text, you'd still be like half-assed talking to this guy. And like you were in like a knot. And I was, I was hurting. Like you saw the pain. I was just like, Alex, Alex.

I was like, I can't sleep. I don't know what's going on. You weren't sleeping. Like, I remember you were like, I haven't slept. That's so funny. And then you slept like a baby that night. Yeah. And it's not because like...

I'm obsessed by any means, but I'm a very sensitive person and I am very emotional and I feel things strongly. So stuff like that affects me. And also I've realized too, there's a difference between... Because by no means I'm like, let's be boyfriend and girlfriend, but there's a big difference I'm learning about talking to someone casually that...

could lead potentially into a relationship and talking to someone casually that would never want a relationship. Yeah, that's so true. And I think this might be wrong, but if you both truly wanted casual sex,

And like, you didn't give a fuck on the other side. And you're like, I don't care if he texts me. Like, cause like truly wanting casual would be like truly not caring. Then maybe you would both end up in the same spot, but like you did want more. So you did kind of want to text and like, you did like him and like your energies were on match. So it was hard to form something out of that. Like, could this come back around and happen later? Yeah, it could. But like at the time, like,

what you wanted versus what you were saying didn't, it wasn't, it wasn't the same, but you didn't know it. Yeah. And also for, if anyone else is struggling with this, like, yeah, it might sound great to keep talking. Cause like, at least you have that person, but would you rather cut it off now and get over it or let it linger for six months and be so much more attached and it'd be painful to end six months later? Yeah. That's such a good point. Like, I think, I think the cool girl saying like wanting to be a cool girl is,

I think it's exhausting because...

Like I've tried to be the cool girl too, right? Like, well, we all have. We're lying to ourselves if we haven't. But then you're trying to be somebody you're not and you're like, cool girls don't have feelings. Cool girls don't care. Cool girls talk to multiple guys at once. And it's like, all that's painful. And like, as human beings, like you want to love somebody. Like, I want to love you as a friend. Like, I'm not ever going to be too cool for that. Like, I want to be a cool wife and like, I want alone time with my husband. Like, we're not too cool for that. Also, it's like...

In our genetics to literally want one person like people who and this might piss a lot of people off, but I feel like I can say because I was this person. People who say they want to be casual and date a bunch of people. It's like they are struggling emotionally and have emotional damage that they need to work on. Like, that's why I said it for two years, because I was struggling with so much emotional damage.

Well, I think I do think at that point, though, like if you got out of a serious relationship, you might actually want to be casual while you're working through. Like, I do think there's a phase where it's OK, but you're out of that phase. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. If I just got over like when I first got out of my five year relationship, I was like, I can't date anyone for at least a year. More of a red flag. If you're like, I want another serious relationship. It's like there's too much. There's too serious. Yeah. But then I went from like.

literally not being emotionally ready to turning into a cool girl because I like it just sucks but like that's like what society teaches us to be but it's like it's not it's cool to be the girl who has standards and knows what they want and to be vulnerable and if you tell a guy like if you're like I think I you know if he says I just want to be casual and you say I really I'm looking for a relationship I guarantee you he's gonna check himself and be like fuck I

I just said that to her because I thought that's what she was thinking or he really did think it. But most of the time, I bet if you'll go first, they'll go second. Well, also like a lot of girls, I feel like hold back from that because they don't want to seem crazy. But it's like, just think about if they said it to you, how you would feel. And before I sent that text, I thought like, how would I feel if he sent that text to me? And I would have responded the same way. So I,

I would have been so like overwhelmed and like happy with that text. I would never have been like, oh, she's crazy. Yeah. Honesty does. Honesty. Honesty is never lost. Like it's always one. But also I think if you try to be the cool girl, you end up going crazy. Like you will be batshit crazy and they will be like, holy shit. She could not keep it together. The cool girl is suffocating me and we are spiraling. It's like that. That's when I try to be the cool girl. I ended up being crazy.

insane. I was insane. Wait, Alex Bennett. It's true. You start leaking. You do. You're like, I'm cool. I'm cool. And then you're like, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm crazy. You just hit the nail on the head. Is that the thing? Oh my God. Yes. Every single time I've tried to be the cool girl, I've turned crazy and I felt myself turning crazy. You stopped it. You saw, I like literally, I mean, you saw it all unraveled. You're battling. Yes. Yes.

The cool girl turns into the crazy girl. Every time. Brutal. It's brutal. We're not being ourselves and we're like suppressing feelings. When you suppress feelings down, they come out the side. Feelings are cool. And if you, if that person doesn't respond the way you want, that's just the universe letting you know that they're not your person. No better to know up front early on. It's the biggest favor you can, it's a gift honestly. And it's like, we say growing up is cool and fun. Like, and, and it's not that being a cool, a non cool girl is fun, but it's just part of growing up. Like,

it's just okay to be like, this is how I feel. I'm really proud of you. I'm very proud of you. Do you feel good? How do you feel? Well, obviously like I'm sad because I'm not talking to this person anymore, but I know I'll be okay. And also I'm so freaking proud of myself. Like,

Two years ago, a year ago, six months ago, I would never have been able to do that. I would have been that girl who just let it linger and I've been like, I'm fine. Everything's fine. And then next, you know, I'm like heartbroken crying. So I'm very proud of myself for growth and realizing like what I want and what I deserve.

And knowing like how I can find that in a partner one day. Yeah. I'm so, it was really cool to watch. Also, like I think time's our biggest asset and like you didn't lose any of that. It was three days, three days. So your, your therapist told you and then three days later you fixed it. We talked longer than three days, but like the whole like mind shift of like,

understanding that was yeah like a week long but with him and I talked longer than three no yeah but what but the moment you found out what you really wanted yeah took you three days to act on it yeah I'm a jumper I like when I know something I do it immediately I am impulsive so I can't waste time life's short

Correct. Life is so freaking short. That's why it's also like, I want to shake people. And it's like, if you feel this way about a person, just freaking tell them. Yeah. I mean, so much easier said like brutally hard to do. Like how many times have we said rejection is so much greater than regret? Like I would rather be, I was rejected, but I don't have regret because now I know.

But a lot of people will keep them around because they're like, just what if, what if, what if? And it's like, oh, the what ifs are so brutal because it's just you know in your heart. Like, you can close your eyes and ask yourself and yourself will tell you. So overall.

It's like a shitty situation, but I also feel like I have had a very pivotal moment in my life and now I'm back on the dating apps. Oh, yeah. Yay. I think that you will actually... We're done guessing your dating future. Keep us posted on the dating app. You're on Hinge, right? Back on Hinge. Yeah. I had a day yesterday, so I decided to drink a full bottle of wine. Don't worry. I was with people. I wasn't alone. I don't want to be alone. That's fine, too. Yeah. No judgment. And I was like...

I'm buy a bottle of wine and drink it. So I drink the whole bottle of wine. And then when I drink wine, I get horny. So I download an inch and yeah. Um, wondering Everly well add. Yeah. Okay. Speaking of feeling better, if you've been experiencing symptoms and don't know where to start, Everly well is committed to listening and supporting your journey towards better health and wellness.

Everly Well is a digital healthcare design just for you at an affordable and transparent price. So Everly Well are at-home tests and you can do, so like we did the food sensitivity test and everybody's different. So foods that I can eat are going to be different than foods that Jordan can eat. So for instance, I'm sensitive to gluten, but allergic to dairy. So the way Everly Well works is it ships products straight to you with everything you need in one package, but

You take your at-home lab test, simply collect your sample, use the included prepaid shipping label, mail it back to the certified lab, and then your physician will contact you. It is such an easy and such an affordable process. The better you feel, the better your mind feels. I really can't recommend it enough.

So for our listeners of the show, Everly Well is offering a special discount of 20% off an at-home lab test at everlywell.com slash mean. That's everlywell.com slash M-E-A-N for 20% off your next at-home lab test. everlywell.com slash mean. So obviously I'll keep you guys posted on everything, but I haven't been on Hinge. I haven't been on a date since May, you guys. I haven't been on a Hinge date since like...

You used to be a big advocate for it, too. I used to be a... I was a little bit of a serial dater for a while. And as in, like, going on a bunch of first dates. I haven't been on a hinge date since pre-Most Dangerous Games, like, April. I wonder if the pool would be different. I wonder if your mindset would be different. Okay, so that's what I want to talk about. Okay. So, I have a bad... I don't know... I know why I have a bad...

perception of hinge because I want like a fun story of meeting people organically. But once again, my therapist, she's going to be out of a job soon. She was saying like people in New York are very busy. A lot of people meet in school or like she's like, everyone that you know that's in a relationship, when do they meet? And I was like, pretty much everyone besides you, but you and Mike work together, met in school or met growing up or met on a dating app. She's like, there's not like that in between where people meet anymore. Yeah.

And I was like, wow, that's really fascinating. But the biggest thing she said with Hinge is when you're looking at people's profiles, pay a lot of attention to prompts because a lot of people will do like half-assed answers or just like one word answers. And she was like, the people who are doing that probably

aren't really into the app and don't really want a relationship. Whereas people who are putting time and effort into it and have like these funny good answers are people who actually are wanting to use this app for the good and to find someone. So she's like, just like really pay attention to that. And also like make sure your prompts are like well put together because that shows people that you actually care.

And the Jordan now does care and wants a relationship and will give it all on Hinge. And you'll look for someone that does the same. I really like that tip. Good tip. Yeah, so girls, if you're looking for guys, don't look at just like how hot they are. Like really pay attention to the prompts. Okay, that's a phenomenal tip. Yeah, and I'll keep you posted on my dating life. I can't wait to hear. I'm so excited. I'm going to Nashville next week, so maybe I'll meet a Nashville boy. This week, I guess, when this comes out. Yeah. Oh, yeah, this Wednesday. Two days. Yay. Nashville bound. Okay.

Now, should we go into Alana's question? Yeah, I think so. Okay. So someone in my life brought to my attention this thing I never really thought about was, which is that like her and her boyfriend, they get along so great. Like everything goes, is going perfect for them. Really? The only time they really, I guess, have like tiffs or disagreements is

is when it comes to like moral things. Okay. You know what? Okay. I see what you're saying. So like, are we supposed to be with a person that thinks the exact same as us? No, I think it's dangerous. Boring. Yeah. And I, and I think it's nice. Like, okay, this is what I just thought of.

When Graham cheated on me, the person he told out of all five of his closest friends, he picked the one that would agree with him. Who was like, yeah, bro. Yeah, did you, bro? And I read their text messages and I was like, holy shit. You didn't tell your best friend who would have been like, dude, call me. What the fuck is wrong with you? So if nobody challenges your beliefs...

And maybe makes you think a little bit differently. Then I think, I think we go to a dangerous place in our brains. Yeah. I think it only would be an issue if like the, the moral thing you're disagreeing on, it actually shapes your, like your life. If we're talking about if it's okay to steal something or not. Yeah. Yeah. Correct. There's a moral, like, like literally the only thing I can think of would be a deal breaker is like the not to get political, but it's like the Roe v. Wade thing. Like, that's the only thing I can think of right now, other than like,

cheating, stealing, killing. Right. That would like actually affect me, but everything else, I feel like you could communicate and work through it. Like if you take taxes, for example, I don't even know much about them, but if there was something there where it'd be like, think about if we paid less though or think about if we paid more. It's like, okay, let me think about it. Like then you're learning, you're in the learning space. But if you hit and ran a car and he's telling you not to, like you don't need to go back and tell them, okay, well we have a huge...

moral dilemma. Yeah. Yeah. That's when we're in muddy waters of like, no, we're different people. Or even like someone who it could be as simple as like they shoplift because they're like, well, this business is massive. They're fine. I'm just going to take this like $5 thing. It's like, that's not okay with me. And I think, okay, so if you shoplifted and I said it to you once,

Like the way you reacted would tell me a lot. Like if you were like, no, I'm sorry, I don't agree with you. Like I think if you bring it to their attention and then right out of the gates, if you're like, sorry, like I'm not, I think that it's stupid that you think that like this is a public company with just loaded and the rich get richer and you like wouldn't see my side.

then yeah then we'd have a problem that's super important too because it's like if your friend and her boyfriend are like let's say the adam levine thing for example if if he or she can't see the other side not saying they have to agree but can't get to a place where they can listen appropriately and have an honest conversation like that's an issue too i feel like you just have to be able to like under like there's plenty of things that you've probably said i'm like i don't agree with but like

We have like different things have shaped our experiences in our lives. And like, I don't agree with you, but I respect your thought process. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. And I think like, you know how you pick, um,

When you get married or like when you're dating someone, if you do stay with him, like it's that one forever. So I always think about when I tell my friends that are with somebody, if I told you something and I knew you were going to go home to Mike and tell him, I would never want to assume Mike was just always going to take a lot of side because that just like screws the rest of us. Yeah. Like I want to know we're going home to somebody that's like, well, hold on.

Did you think about it this way? Like, I like, I like the person that challenges it a little bit, you know, like the rose covered goggles for the partner. I think that is like, if your partner does something and the other, if Graham did something and I was always like, no, my mind's perfect. Thank you. Like, I think that's when we enter into a dangerous place. So I really like the disagreements. Like, I think it's a good thing. I think it may, I think it broadens our brains. Yeah.

It's so true. I like that. Yeah, that's so true. And you and Graham do a great job with that. Like, I like telling you guys both things because you truly have different views. Like, I remember at the wedding, there was a few things where I told you guys, I was like, I don't like Alex's response, so I'm going to tell him. Because at least he'll probably be a little bit more sensitive. Yeah, I know you did. And then he was. And I was like, I don't agree. And then you talked about it and it just helped. So yeah, I feel like...

I mean, overall, I can't really answer the question because I'm single, but I feel like you have to just be respectful, understanding, and open-minded. Yes. And if every time you brought up something that you didn't agree on and you were used to the person yelling...

then that's what you would think would happen every time. Like, I feel like the way we disagree is so important. Yeah. Because if you're, if you make confrontation like a safe space, you'll enter it more. Yeah. Even think about your friends. Like it's boring when you guys all think about the same thing. Like that's why I love an Austria of conversations because we all think so differently, but we're very good about respecting each other's thought process and like opinions. And it's like,

a fun conversation because I feel like we're like yesterday when we were talking, like we all just had a really shitty day yesterday, but I felt like we were like learning from each other. We got, and we got somewhere. Yeah. The needle moved. And then today we were like, Oh yeah. Okay. I've processed it. Group things dangerous. If everyone, if you're dating someone that thinks the exact same as you,

I just think it's a dangerous spot to be. But to your friend's point, like if they're disagreeing and they're yelling at each other, like just as much, actually that might be worse because you're getting more cement in your spots. Then you're pissed off. You're like, no, I am right. And then you're just like angry. Yeah.

You know, I've been there. I've been angry. I've been mad and yelling and disagreeing. Also, it's a little dangerous too. I just realized it's like if you're with someone, you agree with everything from the get-go. And then all of a sudden one day they disagree with you. Like it's going to be a bigger deal because you're like, wait, wait, wait. You always agree with me. So true. I remember the first time that Mike and I got in like a major disagreement. And it was like bad. Like we were at a bar and some guy was like, I didn't realize it because I'm so naive. He was like hitting on me.

And it got too far. Like he, I think he asked for my number or something. And I was like shocked. Like, I didn't know, I didn't know what was going on. Like, I thought we were talking as a group. And then all of a sudden he asked me for my number and Mike freaked out. He was like, he was trying to fight him. Like he literally like jumped across the table and was like, get the fuck out. And I was like, wait, I had no idea.

idea. Like I felt so bad because I actually was like being so dumb and I was like, stop, like, it's okay. Like I could deal with this. Like I, you know what I mean? I guess I put the wrong idea out there and he got really mad at me that I was like trying to like defuse him. Like I wasn't like backing him up, but like, I don't like fighting. Like, you know what I mean? And he got so mad that I was like,

Not taking his side, I guess. I wasn't like, yeah, fuck him up. Do you know what I mean? Right. And that was a big fight we got in. What was the resolution of that? I just apologized and was like, I just misunderstood the situation, I guess. Next time, I wouldn't react like that, kind of. But I also don't like fighting. So don't be so explosive and try to fight a guy in a bar. It's a big thing. Tone.

tone yes that's a huge thing um because like I feel like if not not to like put this on mic but let's fast forward because I mean I probably would have done the same thing he did but if if he was like hey man that's my girlfriend not cool like said maybe even exactly what he said but in a lighter tone like it could have been a whole oh totally that's kind of my that was like my point kind of like he like freaked out was like I'm going to fuck you up and I was like

I can't handle any of this situation. Like, you know what I mean? But that's fair. Like, and you were like, I'm not in the middle with that. Tone's powerful. Yeah. Well, yeah, I feel like you're right. Like if somebody, the first time I would like visit at Graham, I was, I still can't believe I did this, but I had finished my Chick-fil-A and I got out of the car and I sat on the curb and I got back in the car.

And he was like, all right, miss thing. Wait, what? I like you littered. I littered. I full blown put it in. I can't believe I cannot believe I did this. I don't know. Like, did I used to do that? I don't know. Oh, like you were done. You just littered. I had finished it. I put it all in the same sack, wrapped it up. Like if I drop a piece of trash out of my pocket, now I'm turning around and getting it. But I, I went and put it on the sidewalk and I got back in the car. Were you like 19? Yeah. Yeah. I was like, I think I was 20 and he was like, okay.

And like, this is our first date and I'm visiting him in San Diego. First day, like first time hanging out, like me visiting him. And he's like, okay. He was so sweet. He was like, you're the cutest little thing ever. And you littering is it's beside the fact that it's awful for the environment. I hate it. I hate littering. And I was like, Oh my God. But the way he said it was so like, it was sweet that I was like, Holy fuck. Like I didn't feel embarrassed, but I like got the message that,

Trust me, there have been plenty of times that man has used the wrong tone. He's used the wrong tone a lot. But in this instance, I was like, oh my God, thank you. Like your message is only as loud as you say it. And so I was like, oh, and I like got out and got the trash and I was like mortified by it. But I was like, thank God he didn't yell at me. I probably would have had to have like, I think I would be so embarrassed if somebody yelled at me. I think I would like the first day if somebody yelled at you, what would you do? Oh, it'd be done. First date? Oh, I would never see them again. I don't think I would either. I'm trying to think about that.

No, but that goes to show because if Graham would have yelled at you, you maybe would not have been with him to this day. If he was like, Alex Bennett, what the fuck are you doing? You can't – made you feel like belittled you. I feel like maybe you guys wouldn't be together. Yeah, probably not actually. Like how he handled that was really nice. Yeah. Then he gets in bar fights though and I'm like, you mother fucker. Yeah, I hate – I can't stand bar fights. Like that's where I – I'm like –

boys. Yeah, I can't stand bar fights. You guys, men are not black and white. It's so unattractive. And they're like, and I think they think it is. Yeah. Yeah. A man's mind, I'm realizing, is not black and white. Graham loves bar fights? Not anymore, but at the beginning, like he, oh, there's been times where I look over and I'm like, he's in the middle of that. He's throwing the guy on the ground. He's throwing, we're throwing the guy on the ground. Yeah, and I'm like, oh my gosh, but it's the same thing. My ex-boyfriend would like to get into fights too.

Like why? It's like the opposite of hot. I think it was bottled up anger and trauma and emotions on my end. Not me. I mean my ex. That's like why he would do it. Yeah. Maybe they like don't know what else to do. They just like do that. Yeah. They're like, I think I will throw a boast. Yeah.

I'm not getting a girl. I guess I'll get in a fight. I'm going to knock him out. Because if I need something to like stimulate them, they're like, well, if I can't have sex, let's get in a fight, man. I've never seen either like a guy get in a bar fight. Like I've never, even when I was single, I've never seen a guy like throw a bow and then looked over and been like, that was so hot. Like bar fights are hot. Like I've never thought that. I'm always like, holy shit, violence. If a guy gets in a fight, I'm not going to think it's a turnoff. I'm like, gross.

Gross. Yeah, like way more attracted to be like confident and be like, yo, man, like that's my girl rather than that's my fucking girl. Yeah. Maybe that would have been hot. What? If you would have said like, that's my girl? Maybe we punched him. A lot of us are like, wait a second. Wait, fuck. I think I was so confused that I was like, wait, stop. That's how naive I am, I guess. And then I'm embarrassed about that.

And I'm embarrassed about it. But also sometimes when you talk to guys, the wrong signals just are going off in different directions. You being nice to a lot of guys is flirting, but you're like, I'm just being nice. Yeah. Right. Yeah. That's confusing, actually. Because someone said that to me once. What? That you were flirting. He was like, you're really nice, so a lot of guys sometimes... Remember he said this? He was like, they could take that as...

um like you wanting to hang out them they could take that as a date but like you're just being nice and then they might feel like an idiot so you just have to like be cautious like you being nice guys might think that's flirting but just you being nice and i was like that's actually really makes me more aware of how i do communicate with guys sometimes or vice versa like i might be flirting but they're like she's just a really nice person right right that she doesn't actually want to go on a date like she's just being nice yeah yeah it's confusing it's confusing

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We talked about emotional versus physical cheating like last episode or the episode before that. And then the Adam Levine thing came out. And so I love this listener question and I'm just going to paraphrase it. So basically this girl has been talking to this guy, like really talking to for like three to four weeks. And he's been like asking her to hang out, asking her to hang out. She's finally like, I'm going to hang out with him.

And like we all do, she Googles his name because she's like, wants to see his profile of job, blah, blah, blah. Well, when she did that, his wedding registry popped up.

And it was like legit wedding registry. Legit. He's getting married in November. So she's like benefit of the doubt. Maybe like they broke up. So she goes to the girl's profile and they're like full blown, like engaged. This girl's like so madly in love with him. And he is like straight up texting another girl. Does he not have Instagram? No,

I think he's like private or something. Maybe he doesn't post a lot. That's sad. No, I was like devastated. That happened to me in Minnesota. I was on Hinge one time and I matched with this guy and he seemed great. And I Googled him and his wife popped up. Yep. Here's, this is what I asked her. And she's like, we were DMing. Um, I was like, would you, cause before the Adam, like, I think that it just kind of sparked some thoughts for some people. Right. Yeah.

I'm like, I don't think I would have ever told this woman. I think I'd be like, that's shitty. And I would have moved on. But now I'm kind of like, are you going to tell her? Like, are you going to DM her and be like, you're getting married and you should know, like, here's the screenshots, here's the receipts. It's really hard. And this is something I battle with and it's definitely not the best, but I would for sure confront him. But I think I would have a really hard time telling her because at the back of my head, like,

I would have to live with the idea that I potentially, even though I know they shouldn't be together because he's cheating on her, but like that I ruined this marriage. I don't know if I could, if I could deal with that being such like a random bystander. Like that's messed up. Well, you didn't know. Yeah. I don't, I don't think I could tell her. I think I would sit in guilt. I don't know why.

I'm sure there's a reason why, but if he, if it wasn't with you though, it would be someone else. I know, but I'm saying me, I don't think I could. Really? Yeah. I don't know. I don't, the idea of like destroying someone's marriage. Like I don't, I don't want, I need her to realize that on her own.

See, I think girls got a lot. I think, I think I agree with that. I see what you're saying or I don't agree with it, but I see what you're saying. Yeah. Like I, I see you're like, she'll figure it out one day on her own, but I think I'm telling her. Yeah. I would definitely ruin her marriage. Yeah. Not you. And she might not believe you, but I'm like, here it is. We will never speak again, but here's the receipts. Yeah. I definitely would be like, bro, you need to tell her ASAP. Never talked to me again. You're a scumbag. Yeah.

But I don't know if I could. I don't think he's not telling her. No, of course he's not. He's cheating on her. Yeah. But I think it's like... Yeah, I think... Can I bring up the Adam Levine thing for a second? Yeah, of course. Okay. The Adam Levine thing, the Sumner girl that made the video, I just wanted to say to her, Sumner, why are you putting it on TikTok? Just call the wife and tell her. Like, at no point...

So the Sumner girl didn't apologize. She was culpable in the situation. The person that DM'd us found out he was married and said, uh-uh. I actually have no idea what's going on with that in the Levine situation. Oh my God, please. I'm deep in it. Because I'm sure so many people have, but I truly have no idea what's going on. Basically, he had an affair with a girl for a year and she made a video about it and showed the DMs.

and then she ended it, but then he DM'd her and was like, hey, I think we're going to have a boy, and I think we're going to name him Sumner. Yeah, why didn't she just tell the wife? Why is she going on social media? That's why I have an issue. She wants clout. She wants clout.

That's like where I'm an issue. It's like, yeah, keep, keep it private. Well, and I'm like for her, this, this girl that made the videos in the wrong, you knew he was married to one of the most famous people on the planet and you still chose to do it. But in this instance, you said, no girls look out for girls. I'm not doing that. I'm not going to be culpable here and I'm going to deliver it straight to the woman.

Like, that's what I like. That's where I think I'm at with it. Yeah. I definitely... Sorry. I definitely think girls should look out for girls, but I don't know why... I think I'm being super selfish right now, and, like, that's so selfish of me to be like, I can't live with the guilt of ruining another person's marriage. Like, that's so guilty, but I don't... I also, like...

It would be really scared that they would, like, come after me and attack me. And she'd be like, you are in the wrong. You're a slut. You don't even mean. Like, all these, like, things, like, what if I'm afraid of. I think if you didn't know and you didn't do anything and you didn't tell her and then she found out, then you're wrong. Yeah. But if you do tell her, then you're being, like, the...

The helper, I guess. You're helping them. You're helping her. He ruined their marriage regardless if it was with you or in 10 years with someone else. That's true. And I guess she would have a choice. She doesn't have to end it. She could still stay with him if she wanted. And there's always that lingering chance with girls they don't believe you. Yeah, that's not on us. That's her problem. Yeah. Isn't it interesting though? I think... You know what she's going to do? No, I don't know what she's going to do. I actually might circle back. Don't ask her. But I think that...

Adam brought kind of like some interesting things to the surface because it's like, are they going to stay together? Adam and his wife? Who's his wife? A hottie. Who wants better sex?

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No, please. No, I just remembered it. Let's talk about it really quick. Yeah, please. Why? I couldn't do it. Really? It was so sad. Wait, so you mean you couldn't have like two different types of orgasms or you just couldn't have two orgasms in a row? I forgot what that double orgasm was. Well, the problem... This is the problem. Uh-huh. Um...

Because I found the boobgasm and like it makes me orgasm so fast. Like I'm talking like 10 seconds in. So like sex has been very short. It's been amazing, but it's been really short. And then it's like no fun for Graham. I was like trying to fix it. So I did try the double orgasm thing and I was just like, don't during sex. Yes. You need to clarify though. It's a double cause I'm confused. It's a double orgasm, like two different types, like boob and then vagina. Or is it just like an orgasm after an organ?

Like another two orgasms in one sex time. It's like he touches the boobs and then like he'll go in. Then I, I mean, I, I will orgasm in the first two seconds. But yours was just having two orgasms. Um, mine was different points in time, different things, different. So it's not just like, yeah. So like,

What I was saying was I always orgasm before from something different and then I have sex and then I'll do it again probably and then sometimes maybe after. Okay.

But I don't orgasm twice from penetrative sex. We're talking about like getting eaten out and then having sex. Getting eaten out, coming, having sex, coming. You guys, I really want to have an orgasm from a man. You guys are really making me sad. It's uncomfortable, I think, at first if I'm having sex, for sure. Is there a hump you have to get over? A little bit of a hump, yeah. Like the tempo doesn't really stop. I change positions right then, so I like...

I don't know. Okay, so I'd like to try that because here's the- Yeah, well, can you tell me more about this? Like, what happened? Okay, it's- So you were, like, really turned on and you started having sex and then- Keep going. I have to pee my pants. Okay. Okay, so we will start having- Okay, we will- He'll touch my boobs. Uh-huh. We don't do, like, a lot of foreplay, but he'll do the boobs. Yeah.

Okay. He will touch my boobs and I'll be like so turned on and then like he'll go in and I will orgasm. I'm not kidding you. Like one, two, three, done. Okay. Orgasm. It's as close to a boobgasm, but not. Okay. Then I'll be like, well, that's no fun for you. Like this keeps happening to him. Yeah. So then I was like, okay, let me just keep going. Maybe I can orgasm again. And I'm like, get out.

You're like just not about it. No, but maybe there's a hump. You're saying there's a hump I need to get over, like keep going. Yeah. And I can at least last longer. Like this isn't fun for him. Well, it's also I think you're in a routine, right? Like it's kind of like how it is. Yeah. Needs to not be. I think it's a lot of like your mindset. I'm going to push through. Like I don't like – I'm not like mentally like, all right, I'm done because I came. That's not the period for me anymore. Yeah.

That's it right there. Yeah. That's not the, so the goal line, you've moved it. Yeah. There's not, I don't really have a goal line anymore. So you're like, I orgasm. I keep going with other guys I've been with. Like if I came, I'd be like, get the fuck off me. I don't even care if you did or not get off. Okay. No, this is good because I would like to make sex last longer for him. Yeah. I'm, I was so used to and accustomed to like, cause orgasm for me. She's like, I peed. Yeah. You were peeing for a long time. Yeah.

It used to be I would orgasm and that for me was the time. So then when you're trained that way, then you're trained that way. Because it didn't used to be the boobgasm wasn't a thing. So I wasn't orgasming early on. But now if you're telling me that I can move the goalpost, I'll move the goalpost. Maybe get lube. I would like to orgasm from a man. I would like to. With my vibrator, I can do three or four in a sitting. See, for me, if I masturbate and I cum, I'm like...

Oh, now instantly. Like I, I do it. Like, why did I just even do that? I could like, so over it, like in 0.5 seconds, like could start like cooking eggs. I don't know. That's me. I'm like, okay, what's next? Get off me. Don't touch me. I'm ready to. Yeah. I'm, I'm moved on. Yeah. Came from a guy. I'm not kidding you guys. I think was in 2019. I don't know because I was going to say, I was going to say like, I don't know. I'm pretty sure it was 2019. I'm really thinking about all the guys I've, I've had sex with.

And I'm pretty sure 2019, 2019, 2019. You know what I thought about the other day? Cause people always be like, a guy came up to Graham at the wedding and was like, no masturbating Graham. You know what I said to him? I was like, and it's taken me, you know, four weeks to get here. I was like, what if I am hot enough and maybe I'm in my prime to him, to Graham? I was like, what if I'm just good enough that you don't want to masturbate? He was like, yeah, that's a thought.

Was this that one guy? Yes. I fucking hate that guy. There was like, there was like, there was a little gnat at the wedding. Every wedding has a gnat. Yeah. Don't they? Yeah. Yeah. But I was like, well, what can't that be a thought? Also, I just, people, you do realize like,

men are just so hooked up on this because of their own insecurities so i know i just keep thinking about it because i'm like trying to i'm trying to i'm exercising my mind on it i'm like maybe not well i don't care if somebody masturbates or not i actually somebody told me it's really really really good for you and really good for guys and i i love that people said you don't get one of the things to not get covid was to masturbate i think that's fair i never got covid which i

I wish I knew more about the masturbating culture. I wish you would just try it out a few more times. I will. I'll keep trying it. I just like... Is Graham going away anytime soon?

Oh, when you're in Miami. Do you ever mutually masturbate together? Yeah, but like we tried that that one time and I'm like, I just want your hand. Like something about the hand. I respect that because I just want the toy. Yeah, but like, you know, it's like if you're used to the hand, I guess. I'm just used to the toy, I guess. Yeah. I'll have sober sex one day. It's coming. It's coming. It's coming. It's on the horizon. You're closer to the finish line than you think. I'm on hinge, so you never know. Okay. Okay.

Like. Do what you do best. Yeah. Like, comment, subscribe. Follow us on YouTube. Follow us on TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat. We're on every social media platform that you could possibly think of. Leave us a five-star review because you've made it this far and we're worth five stars on Spotify or Apple. And watch our vlogs that come out Thursday night. We love you guys. And just remember, people treat you the way that you love them. Oh, good period there. That is nice. Okay, bye. Love you.