Heartbreak + Bachelorette Parties
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So I don't even know where to begin. You're going to have to help pull this out of me a little bit. Well, I'll say the basis of the conversation we were going to have was how to properly get over someone. If that's what you still want to do. I just feel like...

It'll be good to give the people listening to the podcast a little bit of an insight of maybe where my head's been at. Because I feel like the past few episodes, I haven't even been in this room because of my mind. And I mean, it just has not been here. I ended, I guess we'll just call it a relationship. Like, I'm sick of the situation. Yeah. I ended a relationship last week that has hurt me. Like, I've literally cried every day. I don't know what's going on. And it was only five months, but I'm like...

in tears every day. And I'm like, how do you properly get over someone who you didn't end because you stopped liking them, you ended because they couldn't give you what you needed? Welcome back to another episode of Mean Girl Pod.

Oh my gosh, right on the cusp. I can't say good morning because it's afternoon. Good afternoon. Good afternoon. How are you? I'm excellent. How are you? Good. You have a nice little glow. You know what? You know what glow I have? What? It's funny. I have my period glow. Same. And this morning, Graham woke me up.

And he was like, what's wrong? And I was like, I'm in a bad mood. And he was like, why? And I was like, oh, because I'm on my period. And he was like, right, but why are you in a bad mood? And I was like, you're never going to get it. You don't understand. Like, I can't get out of it. I can't fix it. It's hormones. Like, you're never going to understand just being in a bad mood. And I'm jealous of that. Like, I was like, what's that like?

To just not have that. Okay, so question. Because there's two different reasons I'm in bad moods during my period. Because I'm also on my period today. I started it today. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. Are you in bad moods because of physical pain or this like over...

like, suffocating irritability that comes along with your period. So physical, I, like, welcome. I think it's cool. Like, I'm like, oh, I've got cramps. Like, my feet hurt because I can attribute it to something. I got a manicure last night. I don't like my pointer finger. Like, it's filed slightly wrong. And I'm like...

But I know, I'm like, you're not, you don't give a fuck about your pointer finger. And it's not, it looks all the same. It's the most irrational. I'm like, just let it go. And I have gone to that point in my life where I can be like, you know you're mad for no reason. And in three days, you're going to laugh at yourself. But it's just like,

You know, so I just kind of mope around and I'm like, oh, it's the time. But he doesn't. Okay, I went to PBR and the guys, I asked them if they wear cuffs when they ride bulls and they don't. And I was like, God, that would hurt so bad. Like to have your balls squished. And he's like, you don't, like you're never gonna know.

I mean, I feel like it might be kind of like getting your boobs just like smashed. No, no. You know what's so crazy? So my period symptoms have changed over the past few months. And I think it's probably because we're syncing up.

But my boobs hurt so bad where I was at the chiropractor the other day on my stomach getting cracked. And I literally was like, oh, my God. Like, this hurts so bad because any pressure was killing me. Maybe I gave that to you because that used to be my biggest one. I think you did. I don't have it anymore. You gave it to me.

But it's crazy because like my boobs get really big up into my period. But the second I get my period, it's like a balloon popping. They just shrink back down to the normal size. Yeah, I love period boobs because they're like big and I'm like, cool. No, literally. I got out of the shower like two days ago and I was like, damn, girl, did you get a boob job? And then I got out of the shower today and I go, it's because I got you today. Oh, they don't stay big during your period? The moment I get my period, it's like that's when the balloon happens and it just goes –

I'm all for the period glow because my skin's better. What? Yeah, well, you could give me an Advil and tell me it's an Adderall and I would think I could focus the whole day. So I read one time in Allure when I was like 17 years old

that the best part about your period is that your skin has like a little extra shine to it and you have a little extra glow. Whether that's true or not, I don't know. I'm never going to Google it. But I always thought since then, I was like, oh, my skin's better on my period. You are shining today.

Good for me. Like, I would say we're glowing, but my skin isn't better on my period. I get, like, more redness. And, like, if I ever get acne, it's during my period. But I do think I have the glow today, too. I feel like we both do. Yeah. It's like a little extra shine. Yeah. It's scary how much it mimics pregnancy symptoms. Yes. Yes. I know. I love that for the pregnant people, though. Because it's like, if we're going to have the period and we're going to have the babies and all that, give us some good things. Yes. Yes.

Um, okay, before we go any further, let's talk about the one and only Pink Whitney because this podcast is sponsored by our favorite Pink Whitney. So go to your local bar today because we are well into, we can no longer say the new year because it's the third week. So I think we're done with that. I think if you're doing dry January, you just kind of punt it and go to your local bar with your friends and order a shot of Pink Whitney because it's still tis the season.

I feel such crazy energy coming off you today. I'm like, I think it might be a good episode. I woke up and I was like, I'm psyched. You woke up and you're like, wait, what does that say? Where it's like, I woke up and chose. War. Yeah. You woke up and chose destruction today. Yeah. I've been choosing that the past like nine months.

Weird of me to say nine after we talked about pregnant. Anyways, Alex, how was your weekend? It was great. I went to Cabo. That's why I said you have a nice glow because I was referring to a tan. I went, I chose Boar that day. When I, we had a boat day and I was like, I don't know, no sunscreen. Alex. I know, but I never...

ever do that on your face even on my face well now now granted i do know my lotion every day has like 45 in it so i always have some protection on and then my tinted moisturizer also has some on it so i was probably wearing like 80 but yeah i was like you know what well no i'm cooped up i always put on sunscreen and i just wanted to let it fly what okay

If you don't follow Alex, you should. But there was something around your neck that was pretty large the whole weekend. What if you would have gotten a tan line? And I'm referring to this massive necklace you wore all weekend. What the heck, Alex? Are you trying to bring back Francesca's necklaces and stuff? No, that's not my question. My question is the tan line. Yeah, I was worried about that. Well, I had a spray tan. Oh.

I know. I know. Can you imagine? You come back, you just have like this legit line like down your neck. Just like it's right here. I got that. Okay. So the theme was, um, Bel Claire cause her name's Claire. So it's like Bel Air. Um,

And on one of the nights we did like old Hollywood. So I Amazon like chunky jewelry for like $9.99. I was kind of here for it to be honest. Thank you. A lot of people were like, what are you doing? I'm like, why do you fucking care what I'm doing? I'm wearing a necklace. No, like I kind of was vibing with the swimming suit with the chunky necklace. So was I. I kind of felt it. Then I wore it with a sweatshirt.

Felt that too. I was like... I thought you looked adorable the whole time. Thank you. I honestly did too. I was like, I love this little necklace. I loved like the little hair thing you had in like the... On the bow. Is that what it was? Yeah. Like you had like a wrap in. I had a scarf and I just like tied it. Yeah. I vibed with your... I vibed with everyone's fits. I thought you guys were an adorable bachelorette party. That is so sweet. Thank you. Whoever doesn't, fuck them. I took... I took... You know, we did like the whole thing too. I was due for a bachelorette party. Here's the thing. Oh, were you? I was. I went... I've...

I've been a bridesmaid back in my day. Do you have any single, like, like, like single, single friends besides me?

I feel like a lot of your friends are married. Yeah. I would say, I would say I have like three single friends that I just thought of. Okay. So you have a few more bachelor parties coming up. I had a couple more left in the arsenal. Um, I love them though. Like I love any excuse to celebrate somebody, but this one was extra nice because we're a little older now. Like I probably haven't been on one. I went on like one last year, but it's probably been a couple of years, like four years since I was really in the heat of my bachelorette parties. How old's the bride? Uh,

Turning 30 in a month. Okay, so you guys are all in your 30s. Like, near 30s. Yes, yes. And so it's like, it was so nice because we had, like, we would drink during the day.

All day, but it wasn't like shots. Like we weren't like falling over. Like I wasn't, I've thrown up on bachelorette parties. I've been so deathly hung over that. It's so nice to go on a bachelorette party now and be like, Oh my God, I'm mature enough to enjoy it. Like I know my limits. I know I need, I should go to bed and get some sleep. I should wake like it was so refreshing. And this is my biggest tip now for bachelorette parties, simplify meals, right?

I went on one last year and then this one where we just made meals so simple. It wasn't go to brunch, go to lunch, go to dinner, get ready for all three because then you spend your whole entire time eating. It's expensive. You're waiting on the check. The vibe totally depends on the restaurant you're at. These last two I went on, we would eat dinners at the house. Easy. You're like in your pajamas. You're getting ready. It's paid for or it's significantly cheaper.

And then we did one dinner out and that was fun because you got dressed to go to the dinner. But other than that, like meals were easy. Love that. And that was like my favorite thing ever. No. How many nights were there? Three? Three nights. Yeah. Yeah. Three nights. And it's nice too because people are like older now. So when the check comes, like I thought about, I made this video and I was like things I've done on this one that I haven't done on other ones. And it's like,

This excludes like the past three years, but the ones I went on like right after college, like I had to have my parents help me pay for things still because they were, they're so expensive. Yeah. So if somebody's like, Hey, this is going to be $1,500. You're like, I don't have that right now. Just sitting. And now it's like nicer the older you get. Cause you can like save. And you're like, I would love to get a round of drinks. I have a question for your bachelor or for bachelor parties. Um,

Does the bride pay for anything or do you split it amongst all the girls and you also pay for the bride's like airfare and hotel? It depends. So like this bride paid for her own stuff and she actually paid for a lot of our stuff. That's really nice. I like that. It was destination. It because she chose Cabo. She paid for I mean, honestly, we were so spoiled. Like I left so thankful, so relaxed, like happy.

I didn't make money on the trip, but like damn near didn't go in the hole at all, except for like my flight. Yeah. And it was, I felt so appreciated by her now. So I felt like a really loved bridesmaid. The other side of that is everyone in your bridal party is so happy to split the cost for you because we're celebrating you. So I think it just depends on, it depends on the mood and like the tone set really early on though. Like when you're invited, she's like, Hey, we're picking Cabo.

I'm going to pay for X, Y, Z. Like you would get a pretty good gauge on how things are going to go. Or when the first text is sent out, it's like, Hey, we're going to Miami. We're staying in hotels. This is going to be the cost for everybody. I think the biggest thing is like laying out the cost early. People are, they're so much less mad, right? You have to do that. That's the most respectful way to do it.

Totally. Like getting it out early. And yes, I agree. Okay. One other. Okay. I have three things I want to report from the trip. Okay. Let's hear it. So the bride is in phenomenal shape. She's in, I love, I love a bride diet. She's stunning. She's stunning. She's the cutest thing ever. She really is. She's so stinking cute. I actually, I want to take back my verbiage. I just use, I don't love a bride diet. I love a, I love a bride in preparation to be a bride.

in arguably one of the best days of your life, going to take a lot of photos. I think people like to get in shape for that moment. I loved, somebody said to her like, oh, you're so tiny. And she was like, no, I feel so good. And I was like, I love that. Like, she doesn't want to be skinny. She doesn't want to be X, Y, or Z. She's like, I want to feel good. She's in shape. She's eating healthy, but she's still like having a blast. Like she went full send. And I love, I was like,

I'm not here to say how you should or shouldn't describe a girl's body because that's to each their own. But I thought, what a cool thing to say, not about how I look, but how I felt. No, I love that. I, and we've talked about this on the podcast before. I don't think you ever should use some, like ever compliment someone around their weight because then that makes them feel like their worth has to do with their weight. You should never say someone's skinny. You should never say someone's bigger. Like,

It's never a good thing. You should always ask how they feel versus saying anything about how they look. What about, like, you look great? That's fine because you're not saying, like, you look so tiny, so you must feel great. Or you're not saying anything about the size. You're just like, you look great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then I think also I've learned this. Like, I know...

Some of my friends who want to be skinny, like they don't want to be toned. They're like, I'm going for skinny and they'll drop like little hints. And then I'm like, then I know. But then I'm like, I know I can give you you look tiny and they're like, thank you. But it took me like years to understand like that's their thing. And I will give them that compliment if I or if I know somebody loves their skin.

You know, like they love to take care of their skin or something. I'll be like, your skin looks good. Like giving people the compliments that you kind of know they like. Yeah. I have worked really hard on this to never... Like if I'm company you, I'm never going to be like, Alex, you look so small in that dress. No. I'll always be like, you look so good in that dress. Or that dress brings out your eyes like...

I have worked on that for so long because it affects me so much to all, to never comment on someone's weight. And if I do, I like last night I was with one of my friends and I was like, I was like, your butt looks so big. Assuming like that was a compliment. She was like, that was kind of hurtful of you to say, but I didn't even think about it because yeah, it would be. But in my mind, I'm like, if someone told me my butt looked bigger, like hell yeah. My Nona did that over the summer. She was like,

Oh, my God, Alana, you have such a beautiful body. It's shaped like a pear. And I started crying. No, I would have. I wish you understand is a little bit of a language barrier. Yes. So she she just meant like I'm skinny on top and like curvy on the bottom. Beautiful curve. But, you know, I don't know why the word pear is triggering. And everyone was dying. And I was like, I was literally tearing up. And she was like, so confused. Oh, my God.

But I just thought that was funny. No, I never. I thought that was funny that you said that, like, you have friends that love to be skinny. So you'll compliment that. I have friends that are like that. Like, they don't eat. And I'll never. I don't encourage that at all. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'll purposely not say that because I don't like the connection. And I don't. You know what I mean? And it's.

Like I, my old roommate actually like didn't eat like, and she, other people would be like, you look so tiny. You look, you're this big. And it would make me cringe because I knew I lived with her and I knew the behavior around it. It would fuel it. So I would never, you know what I mean? I didn't want to fuel it. Yeah. I think I'm so in tune. Like I, I feel like I have so much eating habits.

knowledge where I can immediately sense like I struggle with it for two years like so I understand so I know the relationship somebody has with food if it's bad whereas like I have a really close friend here in New York who like works out a lot but I know her thing is she's like oh I kind

to look tiny. And I'm like, I will give you that because I know it makes you feel better. But yeah, if it ever was like a trigger for somebody, I would never do that. But I don't even like think about that because that's just like I would that wouldn't be like an option. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I have to work on that too because I

sometimes that was a good point like if I was like oh Alex you look so skinny today for all I know like you could be having huge fights with Graham and not eating because you're so stressed and then in your head you're like well probably should keep up this fighting because it's making me skinny it's making me look good I just got a compliment and it's just really toxic but you told me I had a big butt or a good my butt was good one day and I was you loved that I was elated like that for me was good but

I learned from my other friend. I was like, okay, I shouldn't have said big, but I should have said your butt just looks so good. Cause it did. Her butt looked incredible. I was like shocked. But in my head, I was like, I should never have used the word big. I'm so sorry. But like, it just looks incredible. Right. But this is the other thing too. I don't ever, I also, I don't love like removing words or not giving compliments out of fear of like how the, like, cause that's the other side of it is like,

you're like, well, what do I say to them? Because they do look really good. Like what if you are diet and exercising and people don't notice? So it's like, that's why I think if you can pick it up in the, but you, it has to, I mean, I'll only probably compliment my core people that I like. No. Yeah. With a specific one. Yeah. Like I know I can say you have a juicy fat ass and you'll probably do some

jumping jacks of joy. And I'll do some squats the next day too to make sure it stays that way. Anything around my butt, I'm like, compliment all day because I would love a fat ass. Yeah, but I feel like our moms hate the butt comments. My mom hates when I say, like, your butt looks good. She's like, oh, and I have a fat ass? I think because

I think because they grew up in an era where they weren't supposed to have a fat ass. But like now, like we praise. The fat ass is everything. That's actually a good point too. I feel like all of our moms also grew up in a very glorified, like one body was accepted and that was the bone thin kind of era. But now we're in, we're so many bodies beautiful. And so should the, the,

flip side of social media is it gives us so many examples of really pretty people in every type of body. Yeah. And I feel like that, like being able to be like, your ass looks good now. It's like big asses are cool. Like they're beautiful. It's like we accept everything. I love it. Little boobs, big boobs. I just love big boobs and big butts. See, now I'm in small boob phase. Oh, I love that. I just, I think it's more of...

I don't know. When I had the period boobs, I was like, I would thrive if my boobs looked like this every day. But honestly, if anyone looked at them, they'd probably be like, they look the same. I hate my period boobs. They're obscene. Really? Yeah. They're offensive. I feel like our period boobs are like...

Just enough. Yeah. Just a little, just enough. And it's like, you, my dear, are perfect. I mean, I'll wear a low-cut shirt and it's like, no one noticed, but I noticed. Oh, hell yeah. I feel like when I'm on my period, granted, I have an A on a good day. I feel like I could walk to the door and like hit the door with my boobs. I feel like they're so big and it's like, they're not, no one, no one noticed. No one does. My own husband, like, will not notice. Oh my God, that's funny. Okay, what else did you learn on this trip? Okay, um,

I'm also, oh, okay. You know how when you give a speech at a wedding and you're writing it and you're like, oh, I'm going to say things about her that are really funny, but they're offensive. Like you're telling the story about her throwing up.

Junior year. Couldn't get her shit together. And it's like in your mind when you're writing it, you're laughing. But the hater speeches, when you put them out loud every time,

Every single time they fall flat and your grandma's not laughing. And mixed with alcohol too. Yes. A little slurred. And it's like this person's now like marrying somebody and like his or her parents are there and you're just doing like, you're doing like the locker room talk of like the bro time. Like remember when? And it's like, it just falls. We talked about that. We were like, hey, nobody do a hater speech. If I get married and anyone gives a speech at my wedding and it's a hater speech, they

there's the door right like i also don't want to know anything my future husband did i don't want to be finding out about it on my wedding day do you know the big you know what the biggest like no-no is like okay so my one of my funniest stories about this girl has to do with an ex-boyfriend yeah you don't tell it no if you tell an ex story in a rehearsal dinner speech it's like

We don't want to think about that. Like you have to pretend like this person only loved one person, make a list of their good qualities. Yeah. And only talk about that. Also on their wedding day, the only...

The only man and woman that exist are the bride and the groom. Yes. I hate when the friend makes it about, like, just their friend. Like, they forget it's for the couple. Oh, God. Like, this is not a yearbook entry. No. I don't care about how you guys met and the rocky times. You two... This is not your wedding. This is about the couple. You know what I mean? Or when they make it about themselves. Yeah. Like, no one cares. Stories that, like, yeah. Inside jokes. Yeah, inside jokes are like...

You tell a story, but you're the main character of the story and they're a supporting character of the story. Don't tell that story. No, please don't. And I don't care if you like the person they're marrying or not. At one point in the speech, look at the other person, give them a compliment or seven, compliment them as a couple. The way it goes, the way the speech has got to go is love the girl, love the guy, love them together. Couple of funny stories. You got to be really self-aware.

on someone else's wedding day. Like, if you have any anger about that person marrying that person, on their actual wedding day, you got to put it aside because you had months before to tell them. But like on their actual wedding day, just let it go and let them get married. Yes, yes. The true duty of like being in somebody's wedding and getting to give a speech is it has nothing to do with you. Is like the objecting at a wedding actually a thing? I've never, I've never. I would love to see it.

Does anyone object? I object. I would die. That'd be so entertaining, but horrible. I think it would be...

I think it would be awful. But, like, can you imagine if, like, someone, like, came up there, professed their love and was like, I've loved you forever. X, Y, and Z. I just was too afraid to tell you. What if the bride, like, what if a guy objected and was like, I've always loved you. And she's like, fuck, I've always loved you, too. I just never thought you loved me. And then she looks at the groom and she's like, it's over. I don't know what I would do. I would cry. I think I would...

Someone professing their true love vulnerably in front of everyone makes me wish for that. It's a rom-com. It is a rom-com. I just feel really sorry for the other person.

There's no way it would happen. You'd have to do it before. You can't. You got to do it before. You got to write her a note beforehand and say, I'm in love with you. Well, I don't think weddings actually ever ask if people object, do they? Oh, no, they definitely do. They do? Yeah, because I was at one. I mean, not all the time because I do always look for it. But I've definitely been to some where they're like, if anybody at this moment, and they make a joke out of it. If you object, please stand up or say I. And then they're like, oh, got that out of the way. You know, and everyone kind of like laughs. I've only been to like three weddings.

Me too. Ever? Like four. Jason's was my fourth wedding ever. Yeah. I have been to, I can't even. I've been to second marriages. Oh, that's cool. Trust me. Just imagine like one day,

When all my friends start to get in relationships and it adds up, I'm going to have so many weddings throughout my 30s. Literally, it's like, bachelorette party, wedding, and I'll be like 30 starting all of this. And you'll be like 30 being like, I finished it all. I'll be in babies by then. I'm already in that. Oh, I'm already there too. Attending baby showers. Okay, the other topic is when somebody says...

Oh, well, I'm a guy's girl. I just want to look at that person and say, that's a cop out.

that's also you're insulting yourself i need to know the context of how that yeah can you said describe the story a little bit like what we're talking about that in 2023 a lot a lot of girls do a lot like be fucking for real you know what i thought though i remember us using i'm just a guy's girl back in the day i think i remember like in high school and maybe the beginning of college people would say because they thought it made them cool they thought it made them the one

I'll text the guys because I'm the guys girl. And I don't get along well with other girls. But it's like, no, no, no, no. Getting along well with girls and guys is like the entry fee into the world. Also, being a girl's girl is a good thing because that means you have your girl's backs. You can still be friends with guys, but being a girl's girl just means like,

At the end of the day, you're there for your girls. It's a cop-out if you say I'm a guy's girl because you're giving yourself an excuse to not get along with other girls. Or to be kind of bitchy. Not saying your friend was, but that's what I think of. No, it's a huge... No, no, no. We were talking about a scenario of... We were talking at the table of a scenario of a girl that... I don't even know who it was, but she had said...

She was talking about how she's the guy's girl. And one of the girls was like, that doesn't, we don't do that anymore. Like we're all old enough now to know we're all girls. We're girls, girls. We're in a bachelorette party is a perfect time to realize girls, girls get along really well. Like it was a drama list. Like no, everyone knew everyone showed up.

Everyone gets an A plus on like performance and sometimes you don't have those. I think that's maybe where the story started of like, well, she's just a guy's girl. So she's okay. That person's okay pissing off other girls because she's a guy's girl. One time, I think you were included in this story. Someone was talking to us and they literally said, but like, I'm just a guy's

a guy's girl. Like, I just have more guy friends. And immediately, I was like, I will not be friends with you. Oh my God, who said that? Well, I can't say right now. I remember this conversation. I can't remember either. I kind of do too. Yeah. Like, you seem like a really nice girl, but any girl who refers to themselves as a guy's girl, I was like, I can't be friends with you because at the end of the day, you will never have my back. Yeah.

Or my best interest in mind. No, you can be a guy's girl, be a girl's girl, be everyone's girl. Yeah, just be everyone's girl. Not everyone. You know what's the saying I love more and more? What? I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but I am some people's shot of whiskey. But you can be a girl and a guy's shot of whiskey. Like, have a certain...

maybe you love more like a personality type or like stand for nothing, fall for anything like people like that. But that doesn't have to be sex specific. Like that could be like girl, guy, anything. Yeah. Like you have your tribe, people like that in your tribe. You like more. Yeah. Like it's okay if your tribe is all guys and you're a girl, but just like,

To me, if you're like, I'm a guy, that means you don't even try to be nice to the girls. That's what it is. You can have primarily guy friends. If you were a girl that grew up with all brothers, I think a lot of times you're like, I don't know, I just vibe with them a little bit better. Yeah. Still love girls. Exactly.

That would mean growing up. Yeah, guys. I never would have said that about myself, but I definitely, until I was 20 probably, used to take so much pride in the fact that I was the one that the guys would... I was the liaison. And that made me feel good about myself. I would never have said, oh, my guy's girl, but I'm a girl's girl for sure. But I used to think it made me cool, which looking back makes me cringe. And even when you met some of my guy friends, they were like...

Alana is our favorite, like blah, blah. And that was making me cringe so much because like five years ago I would have been like, fuck it. Like, I'm cool like that. Now I'm like, I really want to like throw him off the balcony. I was like, shut up. That's so embarrassing. Like, I don't know. You know what I mean? Yeah. I think when you're younger, you just like care so much about like male praise. Yeah.

Or still to this day. I'm just kidding. But I would never... Like, I'm a girl's girl for sure. Yeah, that's interesting. Like, the male praise and then you being like, still. Well, I mean, it's because I'm trying to work on not getting my worth through men. Well, no, but that's what I was going to say. I think that's what's so interesting is because you're single. Yeah. So now, like, being married, I have this, like... It goes to the topic of can you actually be friends with a guy? But it's like...

See, and I think yes, but it's like, I don't even feel like I have an option to be like a guy's girl anymore. But now actually I do like, ironically tomorrow I'm going on a little guy's trip with all of Graham's friends. And Graham was like, you, you just can bro out at the table with them. And it's like, I guess that's okay. But I don't want to be like, I don't want to go with like a group of our guy friends here on like a trip.

Unless Graham goes, like, then you're not the guy's girl. That's kind of interesting. I think guy's girl and girl's girl just is like...

at the end of the day like do you have your girlfriend's back like that's like genuinely how I think of it no I actually agree with that at a surface level point of like if you're if you say I'm a guy's girl yeah you're right you're just down it's a cop out to stab the girls in the back and be like I'm just a guy's girl they don't because because what happens guys care less aren't dramatic don't give a shit girls care more I don't want to deal with that exactly like we all can bro out but at the end of the day like if you're

If you're crying and you call me, I'll be like, sorry guys, I'm going to go console Alex. Yeah, not I'm a, oh, I don't give a shit because I'm a guy's girl. What? I'm going to stay here and drink beer. Hang out with the guys because I don't want drama. It's like, no, my friend's fucking crying. I'm going to go hang out with her. That's my favorite. The sentence of, I'm just a guy's girl because guys are so much less dramatic and there's no drama with them. In what world? In

There's drama is just different than ours and it's more intense, I think. Yeah. And they hold on to grudges forever because they don't deal with their drama. And imagine trying to fit in constantly. Like we're a girl, like we're just talking about our literal periods. Literally. Like we're like, I have hormones. And it's like, imagine just constantly trying to be like a bro and not like be in touch with the girl side of things. Nah, no, that take, leave that and leave that in your teens. There's the door.

That is teenage shit. I feel like guys don't even know their best friends. They don't know them as intimately as we do. Don't even get me started. They don't know anything about them. Did guys partake? I specifically remember MySpace top 8 and top 12 was huge in my life. I know. I remember that. I actually was too young for MySpace.

You were? I wasn't allowed to get my space. I just went straight to Facebook. But it traumatized my friends. Yes, but I don't think guys ever participated or cared or gave a shit about their... Like when it comes to picking your bridesmaids, it's a way bigger deal to us than the guys are like, let me know the number. I'll call up the boys. Okay, but you want to know my theory behind that is I think guys, the guys they meet in high school, they like imprint on and they carry those men their entire life. Like think about like grams of your face right now. What am I saying?

even know about 10 years later. Like, his groups were his high school friends, right? Or, grow up. He had, he had, I'll gotta give it to him, he had, like, two for every stage of life. Okay. That's good. But, like, my brother still to this day will be like, my, like, I'll be like, who are your best friends? And he'll say his high school friends, I'm like, gee, when was the last time you guys talked? Okay, bro. Okay.

You know what I don't care about at all is your high school experience. If I didn't go to high school with you, amen. Graham will tell me people will tell me I'll catch on very early on in a conversation. Like, okay. So in high school and I'm like,

leave high school in high school i'm like aren't we 27 like 28 29 college okay because what was college semi a level playing field for everybody and like your university i could maybe relate to a little bit i don't give a shit what you did in college or in high school i don't even refer to anything pre-new york anymore like so in high school i am like in high in high school i'm a

I'm literally like last year. Your parents paid for you in high school. Like if you were like, hey, Jordan, about seven years ago, this I'd be like, what? Yeah. Like this person really hurt. Like my memories from high school, even real. They just like a vague dream. Legitly. Like, I don't remember. I love my high school. Like girls like that's great. But but we're all. Well, OK, even if your high school friends are still your best friends, fine, as long as you keep up with them. I don't want to know a lot of stories from the past.

No. Like, I'm... Your game days? I don't... Like, okay, so for game day, so here's what we did before. Like, do you want me to sit here and tell you a story about my volleyball game days and what music we listen to? Like, does it help you? But do I know something sad with that? Is those are probably the people their best time of their life was high school. So they're living in the past still.

Like we don't talk about it because like our best life is still happening. But a lot of people praise the high school days. So they refer to the high school days. I don't get it though, because like we're not going that way. I asked someone one time and I was like, what was the best time of your life?

And they were like, probably high school, maybe college. And they asked me that question. I go, I haven't hit it yet, bro. Boom. That's right. Don't know. Stay tuned. I haven't hit it yet. Mic drop. And I'm down if you enjoyed high school. I loved high school. It was cool. I was happy. It was a phenomenal time in my life. But it's...

however many years ago exactly I don't we're not I literally don't know who that person was no yeah we're not Benjamin Buttoning over here no we are well well does that make sense I do down to do a little Benjamin Buttoning what's your favorite age like your ideal like if you could freeze time you would live in that age no

Now? 27? Probably 27. You know, somebody asked me the other day why I don't have kids yet. And I thought about it. And I thought about it. And I mean, I fucking burned it in my brain. And then I realized the answer. What? I was like, I'm at the happiest time in my life. And it wasn't an easy path to get here. Fuck no. So I kind of want to just sit in it for a little bit. Wait, I love that actually. That's really sweet. Like, no, same. Because...

Which we'll talk about maybe in a little bit. And it's when I ended something with someone, I was very, I'm very sad about it. But deep down, I was thinking, I'm like, but the part of me that's okay is like, I'm okay not being in a serious relationship because I'm in such a happy time of my life. And I just want to like,

enjoy it yeah the heart like the hard times are hard so the good times are even better and it's like I I don't want to throw a wrench in this right now because of course I want kids one day I want four and I want to name them all these little things but it's like right now JW Bennett JW Bennett biz Bennett Beck Bennett I have all these I have all these ideas but it's like I don't want to do that right now because we worked if you're at a happy time like I think it's okay to

to want to sit in it and be like, yes, this is a fun one. And like, it was, listen, give us a month. We'll be like, crying for the microphone. Oh, four hours ago, I would not have said what I just said. Then I would be in therapy. Yeah.

I'm happy. Let us be happy for a second. You know, it's like, damn, I don't know. Yeah, very contradictory over in this household. Let's do talk about your situation if you want. Yeah. Want to insert a therapy hat on your therapy hat?

Yeah. Thinking of therapy, let's get into BetterHelp, baby. Okay. Quick pause to talk about BetterHelp because this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. When you are at your best, you can do great things. But sometimes, as we just talked about, life gets you bogged down and you may feel overwhelmed or like you're not showing up in a way that you want to.

Working with a therapist can help you get the best version of yourself because when you feel empowered, you are more prepared to take on that everything life throws at you. And here at Mean Girl, we are huge proponents of therapy because it's playing offense, not defense. So prepare for the good days and the bad days. If you're thinking of giving therapy a try, BetterHelp is a great option. It's convenient, flexible, affordable, and entirely online.

Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time at no additional charge. That's incredible. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit betterhelp.com slash mean girl today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash mean girl. Because Alex, what's the greatest flag of all?

A guy that goes to therapy. It's the greenest flag of all. That's one of my favorite lines we've ever said. It's a green line. No, that's so true. Like literally, if a guy was like, I go to therapy, I'd be like, marry me. Literally. Let's get this going. Yeah. It's like, thank you. I know. They don't though. That's okay.

As long as they can go eventually. Yep. As long as they have a core good group of people around them where they can be vulnerable with, I guess. Yeah. They journal. Just kidding. Maybe a red flag is a guy journal. Like, I don't know. Oh, that's sweet. It's so sweet. But I do imagine walking in the room and Graham's journaling. I think I'd be like, oh, wow. I actually can't believe I'm saying that. I don't know. That's just how I feel. I might be like very in touch. No, he does journal. I just don't see it because it's really early in the morning before I get up. Oh,

I think that when I think of a guy journaling, I think of them writing how much they love me. And when you think of my journals, how much I hate them. I do journal. I journal with the thought that if I'm dead one day and Graham goes back and reads all of my journals, he would be like, if anyone got my journal, they would think I was a serial killer.

Yeah, yeah. The anger that goes into that journal, but that's because anger is something that fuels my sadness and a lot of other emotions in my life. So I try to get all my anger out on paper so then I release it from my body. I usually do that and the only time it doesn't work is the hormones. Yeah. Have you tried that? To journal out the anger with the hormones? It's like, no, I don't journal during my period. Oh, that's smart. Yeah, it doesn't work. It's like so sad. I only journal like...

Maybe like once or twice a week now. And it's just to get like all the bottled up like last minute emotions out that I can't let go of. It's the best release. It really is. Also, I definitely recommend anyone who's like going through like a confusing time in their life to journal because then you can go back and read your emotions and feelings and remember how you felt. And it kind of helps you figure out where you're going. And... Like if you're dealing with a bad breakup. Yes. Remember. And I think...

I think if it gets knotted up in here and if you are forced to put it out on paper, then I think it helps you process it and it doesn't seem as big to you. Yes. And it helps you organize it. Exactly. Talk to us about your thoughts. Yeah, I was like, all right, I'm avoiding this conversation, so let's get into it. I actually feel a lot better today, so I'm in a good place to talk about it. Yesterday, if we would have recorded yesterday, I would have been like tissues, like sweatpants and a sweatshirt, but I feel better today. I went to therapy this morning and it was an incredible session. Like,

Nice. Yes. Good. Well, I feel this way tomorrow. I don't know. Yes, I was a little scared. I know. A little timid and nervous. Oh, yeah. I had to leave the office yesterday because I was in tears. I was like, I got to go home.

But I haven't cried today, so that's good. That's amazing. Good for you. Did you go to Tasty Delight yesterday? Yes, I did. I also took an edible. I thought so. It was good. Because I was so upset. That's where the ice cream was from? Yes. No, sorry. No, no, no, no. I went to Pinkberry. Oh. Yeah, Froyo. You can't. No. No, I saw it, though, and I was like, oh. It was really good. I forgot how good. Sorry, I'm avoiding. Talk. Talk.

So I don't even know where to begin. You're going to have to help pull this out of me a little bit. Well, I'll say the basis of the conversation we were going to have was how to properly get over someone. If that's what you still want to do. Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just feel like...

It'll be good to give the people listening to the podcast a little bit of an insight of maybe where my head's been at because I feel like the past few episodes, I haven't even been in this room because of my mind. And I mean, it just has not been here. So, yeah, I feel like I ended, I guess we'll just call it a relationship. Like, I'm sick of the situation. Yeah, I ended a relationship last week.

that has hurt me. Like I've literally cried every day. I like don't know what's going on. I usually don't cry or handle my emotions very well. Um, I like am realizing maybe I don't properly, properly deal with breakups or ending things. Like I had a boyfriend of five years and after we ended things, I didn't cry. I ended things with someone after a year and I was like, all right, let's, let's move on. But now I ended this with him and it was only five months, but I'm like,

In tears every day. So I've never fully explained the full timeline of this relationship because it's been all over the place. And I've also dated people because him and I have been on and off since August. So it's been over. It's been five months and I've dated people in and out of that. But he's the person that I talked about back in that episode. I don't remember what episode it was.

But it was the people treat how you let them. He was that guy. From the wedding. From the wedding. Oh, yeah. He wasn't at the wedding, but the drama happened via phone while you were at the wedding. I forgot about all of this. Oh, my God. So, yeah, he was the people treat how you let them guy from that one wedding that I had to end it with because he wasn't ready. And then I dated another guy in between. But then...

I reached out to him. And then, like, two weeks later, we were, like, back on. And we were back on for a few months before ending. So, he's been in and out of my life for a while. So, yeah, I would say middle of November, you turned it back on. Yeah. Yeah, like, beginning of November, we saw each other. And then we started talking again. Yeah. Yeah. So, then it's been... We were exclusive at the end of November, yeah. Yeah. So, that was the thing. And then it just recently ended again. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So, you were on for the month of December, really? Yeah, a little bit of November and then all of December. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. So it was like on and off for like five months. Yeah. Which like, I don't know why I beat myself up about this, but I know some people listening will be like, Jordan's only five months and you're that distraught. And it's like, my therapist was like, you can't allow people to come at you about that. I don't know why, but in my head, it's like, I don't, I'm not allowing myself to have valid feelings because it wasn't long enough. I know it's crazy. Yeah.

Your fate. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. If anybody doesn't understand how girls are wired, it can be a week. Also when you like someone, you like someone. It can level you. You don't even have to have talked to them. Yeah. And you can be like, I can't get over it. Like, no, it doesn't. Time has nothing to do with. Yeah. No, no. People have, if there's a girl listening, she will not hate on that because she has the same brain we all do. That's true. That's true. And I'm like,

How do you properly get over someone who you didn't end because you stopped liking them. You ended because they couldn't give you what you needed. A.K.A. what you and Graham went through a little bit. Because you didn't break up because you stopped loving him. You broke up because he cheated on you. Right. Correct? Correct. So I was like, hmm, who can I ask these questions to? Miss Alex Bennett? Yeah.

Like my biggest thing is like, how did you, I know like very different. I mean, you guys dated how many years before he cheated on you? Maybe three, three years. And like, he cheated on you. Very different situation. I'm aware of that. But like, how did you properly grieve someone you had to end things with? Because it was for your better wellbeing, not because you stopped loving him or caring for him or liking him. Yeah. So it's a loaded question. No, it's, it's not loaded. It's just, it,

It hurts and it's hard to answer because looking back on it now, I know...

I'm trying to not answer it knowing I had a success story. Oh, because I think that's very detrimental because the largest part people will DM me a lot and they're like, how did you know you were going to get back to? And I'm like, that's the least important part. The most important part is if I can put myself right back to when I got the phone call that he cheated on me once and I got another one on one day and I put myself to the next day.

when I wake up and it's like, you are devastated, sick, you're all these different feelings. But what you know is you have to break up with and end it with this person because they don't serve you. And you know it in your heart of hearts. Is it going to be hard to do? Yes. Are they going to try to get you back? Probably. And you just, the thing is like,

The first step and the most important step is like knowing it's over. And I think a lot of people hold on to this, the what if. Well, we could, but what if he apologizes? What about this scenario? None of it matters because you can't get back together with somebody who is

hurt you, can't give you what you want, any of those things, unless you fully, because you get to be selfish and it's hard, but you have to say, it is over. I am going to move on.

Is there a chance that something else happens moving on? Yes. But you have to say it's, you have to end it for yourself and let go of all hope or what is in your head. No, that's, I appreciate you saying that. Cause I think that's the part that I've been struggling with the most is I

Because when you end it with someone, usually it doesn't just like end like that cold turkey. They're going to want to talk again. They're going to try to apologize. They're going to try to win you back. And that all happened in a very short time. And it was like a roller coaster of emotions. And we ended on a really positive note. Like at first we ended on a very bad note. And I was fueled with anger and I was fine. Like two weeks ago, I was like,

Like, I literally was like, fuck him. He hurt me so bad. I'm going to live my best life because I'm fueled with anger. But then you sit in it and then you have another conversation and you guys have a good conversation and then you start to be fueled with, like, sadness. And you're like, oh, my God, now I actually miss you. You hurt me, but I miss you now. Mm-hmm.

So my brain over the past few weeks have just been like contradicting itself. It's like one moment, one moment I feel like this and I feel good and strong and I'm like, today's gonna be a great day. But then I hear like a song or I wake up or I smell something or like a memory or I see him and I'm like distraught in tears. And I'm like, maybe I should give him that one more chance. And it's just like an exhausting, like I was in therapy this morning and she's like, what's like the biggest emotion that you're feeling right?

She's like, don't say sadness. And I was like, it's the exhaustion that's just coming with this whole thing. Because at the end of the day, it's like so sad that someone you cared about didn't seem to care enough about you to show you and give you the love that you thought you deserved. And it's just like this exhausting feeling that I think a lot of people feel. And it's like, how can someone that I cared about so much not have cared about me enough to show me that?

And I just have to remind myself like every day that at the end of the day, you were hurt and that hurts never going to go away. And like, that's a big enough reason not to go back until maybe they change or

But I don't know about you, but another thing that I can't stop thinking about is, well, what if like what if he comes around in six months? Like, I don't know if you felt like that. If you're always like, what if Graham does come around? So that's OK. So I was trying to I'm trying to make mental notes as you're talking. So I just said a lot. No, no, it's good. The first thing was questioning how can somebody I love that much hurt me that much?

You can't process that. Yeah. You can't understand it. And I would say the quicker you stop asking it, the more of your emotional strength you'll gain back. Yeah. Because there's not an answer to it. Well, there is. It's their problem, though. Yeah. It's not something that I can ever figure out on my own. It had nothing to do with you. It's their demons. Always. For Graham, it was entitlement.

For your guy, it's something else that lies within them. But if they wanted to hurt us and then they didn't care, we would know that because they would never try to get us back. They would never say sorry. So the answer is they're actually the problem with that. We can't put our self-worth on that. Yeah, you can't be like, I just want to understand it because you're not going to understand it. And then the other thing is, okay, holding on to this what if...

What if in six months they change? I think is, I think is the worst problem that we have as people, because I think we say, I'm going to break up with them 99% in my heart, but I'm going to leave the 1% in case it does work out. And I think it's the worst thing we could do fully because I think it's

It's no longer in our control. If these guys, and it could be, roles could be reversed, but if somebody is going to hurt somebody to the tune that I was hurt, to the tune that you were hurt, we have to break up. We owe it to ourselves to end it with them 100% to go on other dates to say it is over because if they don't,

I almost hesitate even saying this part. I almost texted it to you, but then I was like, no, because it, you have to take it out for what it's worth. And it's don't count on this happening. But if they want you back, it can be, they can knock on your door every day for six months because you need to know if they hurt you that bad, they will never fucking hurt you that bad again. Because once, once somebody hurts you once cheats on you once fine, right?

Fool me once. I do think it's shame on them. But if they fool you a second time, it's shame on you. So what do you want to be? Damn near certain with every bone in your body that it doesn't happen again. And what does that take? It takes time. So it takes you fully shutting them off, saying, no, in a way, fuck you. And I'm saying, fuck you, because I need that. Yeah, I need that for me. And I need to say, I'm going to date other people. I'm going to give myself a chance and I'm going to go run. And if you want me.

By the time you've caught me, it will have been so relentless that I will never, ever, ever question that you'll ever do it again. And it's like that level of like, we are broke. And it took, it makes you even want to cry thinking about it because it took every ounce in me.

And it took days where I would just ball and be like, I can't not respond. Like I want, well, cause what do you want to do? You want to hug them and you want to accept them back. Yeah. But it's so short term that it takes something inside of you being like, we're,

And you have to mean it. And you have to let go of that what if. It's almost like you redate a new person. You've broken up with that. Yes. That might be the best way to actually think about it. That person you broke up with. A new one can come along. But it's the best way to think about it. Graham said this.

He said, I said, what was going on when you were doing... Oh, God. I feel like I'm going to cry if I hear what Graham had to say. It actually did kind of make me tear up a little bit. Well, first of all, he's like, when you were going on other dates, he kind of had a mentor in the process. How long was it? Was it six months or was it a year? It was a year before we were fully back together. It was six months of like, do not talk to me. When did he start the letters? Like, I don't want to... That's not part... I'm just like curious. Was it like a week? Oh, shit. I mean, it was pretty fast. Um...

So I would go on other dates with people. And the thing that his mentor told him was good. Let her do that. Because a, if you do get her back, she won't have any question about that because she will have explored other options. And if things do work out here, she's seeing all these guys, aren't you? Which was, that was what was happening. Um,

He tried for a very long time with zero response from me, which every day him relentlessly doing it did show me that he meant it. But this was my biggest one. He knew to his core that he wanted to be with me. And he said he knew it from the day we broke up. And he said his biggest piece of advice to people would be if you don't have that like burning feeling, like that 100% feeling like this is my person. I'm going to start crying.

He said, I would say, go enjoy your life and don't bother with that person because...

He said, getting the right person back is hard work. It's emotional and it's emotionally exhausting and it takes a lot out of you. And it's a, you're signing up for like a shit storm of a year and just a lot of pain. So that's getting the right person back, but getting the wrong person back would be draining. And he's like, we're all young and we have a lot of life left. So if you don't have really, if you don't have that every ounce of being in you, this is my person. He's like, I wouldn't bother because it's just a mess. Yeah.

Well, and like, you'll know when you have that feeling. And if you haven't felt it yet, that's okay. That means you haven't found your person. But like, everyone who's experienced that feeling knows it. It's just something that's intuition. Because I feel like people will be like, well, how do you know you have that feeling? It's like, you'll know. You just know. You just know. You never had another breakup that you felt like this for? So I learned in therapy that I am someone who mourns losses constantly.

During versus after. So like with my five-year relationship, I knew for about six months I wanted to end it with him and I mourned it throughout that time. And so when I was ready to break up with him, I was already... I'd already mourned it. I was there. Okay. With like that toxic relationship, it was...

It was never good. So I was mourning it every single day for an entire year when I lost my grandpa. Everyone knew he was sick for so long. So she's like, you're just someone who mourns pre. But with this situation, I didn't mourn it pre because it was so, I think, I mean, on and off for so long where this is the first time I'm like understanding that it can't be a thing, if that makes sense. So now I'm mourning it.

You had hope before. I mean, you guys, you guys knew how much hope I had. Would you almost say too, though, like that's, that was so fascinating morning, like during. Yeah, I didn't know that was a thing. No idea. Would you say you never even got to fully enjoy this one either because it was so much? Or do you feel like there was a, there was a time when you fully enjoyed it and that's why it hurts so bad now or that you felt like you never got the best out of it? I think both. I feel like

I never got the best out of it, but I don't blame myself for that. Let me tell you what. Don't. You can't. Yeah, no. I didn't get the... I think what I truly mourn is I never saw the best version of him because he has so many things he has to deal with that he wasn't allowing himself to give me his best version because he was always pushing me away.

Okay. If that makes sense. That does make sense. Yeah. So it's like, it's like I'm mourning the person I met because the person I met is not the person he is today. But yeah, I also think too, something that what you talked about how you were saying like the fuck you, that's something I need to work on. Cause this morning I was talking to my therapist and I was like, for some reason I feel so guilty about,

going on social media and seeming happy because I don't want them to think I'm happy because if they think I'm happy, they'll think I'm over them. And then in my mind, if they think I'm over them, they'll stop working on themselves. Not that I even know if they are working on themselves. And she was like, say that again one more time. And I did. And she was like, so you're telling me

You only want someone to work on themselves if they know you're not over them. And I was like, wait a second. That's so valid. I want someone to work on themselves because they want to, not because they want me to want them to. You have to, and anybody that deals with this has to say this.

I, it's not when I say fuck you is almost a mentality. It's like nobody wishes ill will towards any of these people. Like it's just very much so of a you go be happy. You go look forward and whatever happens with him.

You saying I want you to still work on yourself is entertaining a little bit of like what can happen in the future. Yeah. And you got to go all for Jordan right now. I got to let that go like fully. And it's hard. It's so much easier said than done. But you being like, I don't want to show that I'm happy on Instagram. Yeah.

you go be, you go be your best happiest. I know. Fuck that. I know. Why would you try to not be happy for someone else to spare someone else's feelings that fucked you over? That's very valid. I have no idea. Like,

I don't know that because I'm crazy, but I know you're sweet, but I think it's because you also want a little bit of him to be like, she's hurting. I can keep trying to suffer kind of. Yeah. And you think if, if he does know you're hurting, he'll keep trying. And it's like, that's holding on to false hope.

You just hit the nail on the head. Yes, that's true. You're almost trying to make him work on it so he comes back. Exactly. This reminds me so much of my first boyfriend that he left me for another girl. And he... I would do anything for him. Like, he would call me and I would let him pick me up wherever I was. And, like, I would hook up with him and stuff. And he was, like, dating the other girl. Because I really thought, like, if... Like...

that was going to go away. And, like, every time he came back, I was, like, he was coming back to me. But the problem wasn't going away. Like, the other girl was not going away. But I was just so blinded by the fact that he was even just coming back that I would just do whatever he wanted. The second you allow yourself... It's difficult. But, like, um...

If he's let's say he's OK, in my in my scenario, I was getting letters every day. I thought I'll respond to one a week just to make sure he still sends them because it's a little easier knowing he's thinking about me as much as I'm thinking about him.

But holding on to that isn't letting anybody go forward. So fully being able to be like, I can be happy. I can show him my story that I am happy. I'm allowed to go be happy. I'm not going to talk to him. And I'm going to give it a real shot and be going forward 100% when you really cut that off. Knowing he might stop.

They might not, but you don't care. Exactly. And if he stopped like that shows you you're not his person. And if you baby him and give him little carrots, you're not going to know if he really wants it. If he really has it in him to want you back, you will know without a shadow of a doubt. But the only way you're going to know is if you fully cut off and you go save yourself. I know. I also learned to that.

Right person, wrong time still equals wrong person. Every time. And I had to say that like three times to myself today. I was like... That's a good one. Right person, wrong time still equals the wrong person, Jordan. You cannot change that. No, no. Whatever you do doesn't change that. Exactly. And that's like...

Like I said, I just never felt the sadness after the relationship. So this is such a unique feeling that I've never felt before because I've learned that I mourn all my relationships during. Yeah.

Which is probably why your mentality is, if I show him I'm sad, then he'll stay here. Because you're used to being able to be sad and mourning it, but they're still there. So you haven't had to feel the pain right then. But now you're having to feel the pain and cut them off, which is probably foreign to you. Oh, that's a really good point. You know, like, that you're having to do both, and you're usually just do one than the other. Yeah, I'm learning a new way of mourning. At 27 years old. Yeah, and then that's okay, though. Like...

And that's just, I mean, it's shitty, but that's why it's hard to cut off the full thought of maybe it'll happen again. Because typically if you're still with somebody, but you're like, I don't even love this person, but I don't want to end it yet. Yeah. You know, because by the time you ended it with those people, you were like, thank you. Like, wipe your hands off. But with this one, you were like, wait, I still liked you. Exactly. It's kind of like your first heartbreak, probably. Feeling it this way fully. Yeah.

Yes, a thousand percent. I'm like, literally, I'm like, I don't remember the last time I cried every single day. Like, it's been like two fucking weeks. When is the tear going to stop? You know what's so funny about that too?

Don't you wonder? Because right now you're so in it. So you probably can't really see till Friday right now. You know, it's hard to see two days in advance when you're the one with your heart broken. Yeah. And then one day you'll wake up and like you won't cry. And it's like, I feel like when you have your heart broken, it's one foot in front of the other. But you cannot look a mile down the road. No. I've never been this present in my life.

Yeah, you're like, I'm stuck here because I can't even imagine next week because am I still crying next week or am I over him next week? Literally. Like for you, like because a lot of people have DM'd us and I swear to God, like not to bring astrology into it. Mercury retrograde is just destroying relationships left and right. So a lot of people have been DMing us and they're like me and my ex or me and my relationship.

relationship just broke up. What do I do? Like, what do I do? What I do are the next steps. So like for you, for someone who went through it, like, like, how did you get through it? Like, I feel like we should just leave people with some like tips or tricks, even if there might maybe aren't any, just so they don't listen to this thing. Like that was a really sad story. What are you going to do now, Jordan? Right. Okay. Well, this is my biggest tip.

When your heart breaks, it broke for a reason because you were happy before that and you were in a good relationship or at one point this brought you joy. So anything after that, of course, is going to break your heart. I remember I was in bed for three days and I don't really remember the three days. And I woke up and my roommate had come in and removed all of his pictures out of my picture frame and turned them upside down. I was in that mode. And I think...

I think the biggest takeaway is if you're in that mode, know you're normal. Know it sucks, but know that there's life on the other side of it. The one thing you can't do is make it easier on yourself and go back to them. If you know in your heart of hearts, and by knowing in your heart of hearts, you have to close your eyes. You know, you've got to get quiet and you've got to say, and your heart will tell you, this isn't, it's going to suck. Yeah.

It's going to be a bitch for a couple months. You're going to cry. You are going to have a classic human heartbreak, but you'll get through it. Do not go back to that person because it's easier at the time because at some point you'll get what's coming for you. So surround yourself with good people. Lean on your friends. Lean on your girls.

plan something fun. Like when you're so in your head, at least turn on a rom-com, but get through it. Journal a little bit, put one foot in front of the other and know that you will be okay. But reach out to somebody too, that seriously had their heart shattered because they'll pull you through it. But plan fun things and just know, also know this every day. It does get a little bit better. Yeah. If you go back to the shitty situation, you've just reset it. Yeah. Yeah.

So keep going. Yeah, like yesterday I told you guys I cried all day, but today I haven't cried once. And accept that win. Tomorrow you might cry. Yeah. But every day you're like, I'm further away from the problem and you are. And let go of, I'm not kidding you, let go of any chance.

That you will get back together. Yeah. Because like release that to whoever you want to release it to, because it'll take care of itself. If you're supposed to get back together, there will not be a doubt in your mind and that person will come get you, but you got to go. Yeah. No, I love all of that. I think like the two things I've learned is like, one, you have to cut off, cut off communication. Like we all, you got to send the text or tell them in person, like you have to be mean. Like I had to do it. I was like, you have to leave me alone and give me my space. Cause I,

One, you lost your right to check in on me the moment you hurt me. But two, we're not together anymore. Like, you've got to let me go. Like, you... I know so many people struggle because they don't want to be the mean... Like, the bad guy. But you've got to tell that person...

to pretty much fuck off. Like you said, like, not like you don't have to say like, fuck off, but like, leave me alone. Let me mourn. Let me get over you. Let me move on. And that's to save yourself, not hurt them. Exactly. Like, and they know, like deep down in their heart, like they know you're not doing it because you hate them. They know you're doing it because you need to take care of yourself. You're protecting you. It's not, we don't want to be mean. Like, I agree. It's not being mean to them. No. And then also, like you said, let go of the idea that

they're ever coming back. But also remember that your feelings that you felt are always valid. Always valid. I have to remind myself that every day. Because your brain will try to switch the narrative on you consistently all the time.

But like you felt a certain way, you made a decision, you have to stand firm in that decision and your feelings were valid. It sounds so much easier said than done, but like I have to like tell myself that every night, every morning I wake up, every night I go to bed, I'm like, my feelings are valid. Yeah. Yeah. And they are valid. They're so valid. And they're like valid, but they're also valid.

When you say your feelings are valid, you mean like you ending it is correct? Oh, sorry. Like when I felt hurt by him, those feelings were valid. Yes. Like I was hurt and that was a real situation and I felt hurt and those feelings of feeling hurt are valid. Yes. Yes. I didn't just like make up that situation in my head. Like I was hurt.

Correct. Yeah, that kind of goes what we were saying last week. When somebody does hurt you, you start to look back and think maybe what were you culpable with and whatnot. But it's like at the end of the day, you were hurt to the tune that you needed to end it. So if that is a situation that somebody is experiencing, remember that.

that that is valid and accurate. Exactly. Because you'll start to feel the butterflies and you're like, but remember all the good times? And it's like, and remember the really bad ones? Mm-hmm. Those were worse. Because the bad's always going to outweigh the good at the end of the day. Mm-hmm. Well, that was really nice, Alex. I liked what Graham said, too. And it's 1-1-1 right now. Oh!

Wow. Wait, that's crazy. It's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. I do think that's a good point though. If you don't feel it in your heart of hearts, don't try to get this person back just because it's easier. Yeah. Don't be selfish. Like let it go for both of you. Unless you like, that was so powerful. Like unless you feel that feeling, which you will know if you feel the feeling,

If you feel that, fight for them all day, every day. Fight till you're blue in the face. But if you don't feel it, don't be selfish just because you don't want to be alone or because your ego is getting in the way. Or it's harder. It's harder at the time. It's pain. I close my eyes and I'm like, it's painful. Yeah. But we have to. That's... This is...

This is just your 20s. I mean, there's a heartbreak. Between the age of 18 and probably 35 is a heartbreak in there that you think is worse than everyone else's.

It is just a shitty feeling. Yeah. Well, the thing that sucks is like I've gone through plenty of heartbreaks in my past and I truly thought like the next person I dated, like I thought I was done with the heartbreaks. Oh, no. There's no set amount of heartbreaks in this lifetime. No, and you don't get to write the rules because people laugh when we do that. It's always the one you don't think. Yep. I was like, there's no way I'm going to experience another heartbreak. 27 years old, baby. JK Jordan. 2023. I like the idea of thinking that it's just...

it's not unique. I don't know. I find solace in that. Wait, what do you mean? I find comfort in reminding myself like, oh, everyone, this is a human emotion. This is a human experience. Like this isn't unique to me. You know what I mean? Like I'm not going to die. Yes. Well, it gives you confidence to when I know I'm going through something that everybody else has gone through. I know I can get through it. Yeah. Also think about like

Your past, like I've gone through really shitty situations and I was okay. Like I'll be okay this time. Right. You know, you'll look back and be like, yeah, literally gag and four months when I was flying to, it's hard to see right now because you can't see when I was flying to, um, back to New York, this guy was on my flight.

And I looked at Graham and I just started laughing because he was the guy in high school for me who I remember. It was the only time I cried. I got in the backseat of my parents' car and I was just in hysterics, bawling because I was like, I like am obsessed with this guy. I'm supposed to marry him and he doesn't even know I exist. My mom turned around and she was like, that's heartbreak number one, honey. There are many more coming and we all go through it. Yeah. You saw the actual person on the plane, the actual person. He got on the plane in Oklahoma City and I was like, oh, like he just hit me. That is so.

funny and i was like but at the time little 15 16 year old alex i couldn't see past that and i was devastated yeah my high school boyfriend destroyed me and now i'm like who just saying like he actually taught me great lessons i think oh same i'm so thankful reaction my reaction to the way we broke up like changed yeah my first cheating situation i was cheated on i was first relationship like

Like, like, I would like let him just like come have sex with me. And then like, like, it's so embarrassing. Like, no, my high school boyfriend, my first boyfriend ever cheated on me. And I just like allowed it. Yeah. Yeah. No. Also to learn to be vulnerable with your friends because every single human being has gone through a heartbreak. And like, I have such amazing people around me. Like, it's been so good to like even hear you say more because I don't know everything about you and Graham's.

Because you're married now. You don't want to live in the past. But hearing what you just said to me, that was so powerful. You're two people who went through the ringer. And yeah, it doesn't always end up that the two get back together. But you still went through the pain and felt the pain. And you were still okay at the end of it. And that's really powerful to see and hear about. I do think I owe people this too, I guess. If you're...

If you're in a scenario where you were very much so hurt and you are back together with the person, that part of it too is really hard. And there was like six months where I was still really afraid of him. Or if we were out and he even left me at a bar for 10 minutes, I was like, oh my God, were you talking to another girl? And I feel like that part of it's part of the healing process. And so if you're like a girl or a guy listening to that and you're going through that, just...

being really sweet to each other and like validating each other and knowing that it is okay because there's still pain there, even though you've kind of gotten to the other side is...

Just part of the process. I'm so glad you said that. Like, especially if like Graham being the person who cheated on you, like he needs to know that there's going to be baggage that comes along, like getting back together with you and he has to help you unpack that baggage because you guys are a team. Yeah. And he would, he would hold me physically and he'd be like, it's okay. And I would, you know, but it, that's part of it. Cause you, that's where you gain trust back. Um, yeah.

I love that. I feel like maybe one day too, we can like, cause I know some people are, have asked, like we can, we can dig into the, like, how'd you know you're supposed to go back? How did you know you were supposed to go back to Graham? Like, when did that change? Like what would that process was like? I feel like that could be a whole nother episode that people would want to listen to. Yeah. We could definitely do that. Yeah. But this, we don't want to make this episode too sad. No, I know. I'm about to like cry. And I'm like, why? No, same. I'm going to leave this room and be like, I just need a minute. I'm just kidding. It's just, I think it's,

just sad in general because you you're feeling it right now you felt it I felt it and it's like you don't ever want that for like you feel that once and you really don't want that for anybody no oh my god no I would never wish this pain on anyone not even my worst enemy no I know it's like oh wait heartbreak is the most upsetting feeling ever and it doesn't matter like the length of the relationship no um

So last night I was with my friend and she comes up with these like crazy would you rathers. I have no idea how she thinks of them off the top of her head. And she put on her close friends, would you rather have all of your internet search history leaked or all of your texts leaked? Internet search history leaked. Like, spooks.

spew it out into the world. Do not show my text messages. See, I said text. I think I would do text too. What? I don't... My internet search history? No thank you. My text, I don't fucking care. Wait, what do you guys Google? I mean, mine would be like porn and like just like all this stuff. Ha!

Oh, my Google search history is so... No. Wonder what yours is? Dumb proof. NASCAR, how to be a cowboy. That's literally it. Like, you could read right now. If you read my text messages, I just feel like you'd be like, you idiot. That's actually a good point. Like, what's wrong with you? Like, that's the oddest... That's actually valid. Yeah.

don't even know sometimes I believe everyone was saying text and her and I both sit in there and we were like what like what would you say I don't know um

Maybe because I'm not a big texter. I don't care. Yeah, I feel like my texts aren't... Yeah. My search history is just, like, dumb. Like, my brain? No. No one is allowed to ever have this leaked. Like, what I verbally say to people? Yeah. But I'm not a big texter, so I don't really mind. But sometimes I just feel like even my text messages, I would rather paraphrase. This is why I don't want my text leaked, actually. Because sometimes...

Okay, if I paraphrase to you the conversation I had with somebody, it would make sense. If you read it, you'd be like, well, you didn't. And then you, it just like doesn't. True. You're like, wait, but you're saying something different. And that's like a little different. And it's like, it's all for the greater good of the greater point that I'm getting to. But my words to get there were a little odd. My Google search history is like,

do cows shit yeah i embellish a lot so maybe my text would be incriminating actually sam you know i mean you guys know me embellishes my middle name yeah it's like you said this to this person but then you said this to this person and then that's the other person that's valid and you told this person you were sick you weren't sick yeah you're that's bad that's good that's good point yeah the shit we say over text sometimes google's straightforward

Yeah, except my search history is not good. No? It's dirty. It's dirty? Well, it's like porn and stuff. I would almost rather something dirty about me be out there than I would like... Alex, I don't think you're thinking about how...

porn can get. No, I'm not. I'm just thinking like passionate lovemaking. It can get really specific and really weird. I've never. Yeah, I don't. I don't even. I can't. I don't even know. I feel like it could change your the way you look at someone fully. Yeah, fully. Oh, so you guys is Google search history is like that. I

You guys, I legitimately, so I went to the Apple store on Monday to get a new phone. The first thing I did before I walked into that store was clear my search history. What? Because I was like, I don't know. What if something, they need to go into Safari and they start Googling and something pops up? Like, I don't even care about. They literally were going into my text to see if stuff was sending. I'm like, I don't care. But I was like, do not touch my search history. Oh, wow. No, I don't even know how to clear it.

Oh, God. Wow. No. Yeah, she dirty. She a dirty girl. But yeah, my texts. I don't really care if either are leaked. I think the one I wouldn't want is my images leaked. Like, I don't want my photos released. That's a good one. That to me is like, please, please don't release that. But you made a good point, though. I guess texting would cause a lot of you having to explain yourself, which my brain capacity does not have time for that. But like,

search history you could be like yeah I like porn whatever but text you'd be like okay let's just take a few steps back I wasn't sick that is true no the other day I had Graham's iPad on the plane and this boss is sending him all this stuff and I click on it and I'm like you motherfucker you're not sick

You're not sick. And he's like, oh, God. He would have a plane to Cabo. Yeah. He's like, in his head, you know, he has this perfectly expletive. And I'm like, that made sense in your brain only. But when you take your brain and give it to everybody else, people start thinking things. That's so true. Yeah. Like, no one would last a day in anyone's brain. No, because we wouldn't understand it. No.

And like you give yourself these passes and you're like, that works. I'm being a good person, but this works over here. You can't give that up to everybody else. Our moral compasses are all very, very different. Yeah. We're just trying to survive. That's funny, actually. Everyone's brain does work differently.

Yeah. You know what I just learned from TikTok? What? So my whole life, I always like saw calendar, like this like visual calendar in my head. It's like a ring kind of.

And like I'm inside the ring. Okay. And it's like shaded and like January, February, March, summer's behind me. I found out that that's like a thing. It's called synastia or something like that. I thought I was the only person in the world that did this. People who are like super creative? I don't know. It's like a, it's like a something like you see things. Yeah.

like so in my head if I think oh February 20 27th like it's like right there on this like ring in my head I I think talk I when you said it's right there I got what you meant uh-huh like February I know where that's at in my my area and like there was this diagram that's literally exactly like what I see and I've always like try to explain to people and they're like what are you talking wait what we if you can finally something yes I just think of like an old school calendar in my head and I'm like that

February. Do you put the page on your calendar? I guess if I'm envisioning a calendar, I am envisioning one that's like...

Like a physical calendar? Yeah. Mine is like this like spatial ring. And in the summer, I'm behind the ring, like staring at it. The fuck? But anytime after September, I'm inside of the ring. September to April, I'm in the ring. I'm always just staring at a calendar. Mine's a Monopoly board, like laid out flat or like a like a sorry. Mine's Candyland. Sorry. It's Candyland of months, but they're flat and I see them. So I know when you say February 26th, it's there. Uh-huh.

interesting send that video wait that's so fascinating wow yeah our brains are crazy but it's interesting how there are similarities there are but yeah on that note on that note oh by the way before we get into that actually watch us on youtube sorry i forget you have to cut the part of where i went like this on youtube because i thought i bled through

Keeping it in. Gonna leave that part of the Zoom in. So, Amy, do what you do best. Like, comment, subscribe. Follow us on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat. I think that's all. And subscribe to us on YouTube and on all the podcast forums and leave us a five-star review. Yes.

Love you guys. And we hope that if any of this stuff resonated, if you're going through a breakup, you're not alone. We love you. We love you. I'm sorry if it resonated. Yeah, I hope it doesn't. But if you are going through a breakup, like we're all in this together and you got this and it'll be better on the other side. We can go through it together. Okay, bye. Bye.