Discussing The Hate
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people seeing people hate makes them feel better about themselves like that's what you have to realize too like if you are going through hate like a lot of the times a person on the other side is not happy with themselves and it's a them problem not a you problem exactly we've been telling ourselves a lot that a lot this week it's not an us problem it's a them problem we're your besties in your ear back for another episode of me girl pod

Welcome back to another episode of Mean Girl Pod. What a week! What a week, baby. What a week. Start a chant with it. Do you want me to do this with you?

What a week! What a week! Don't flip that, Alana. No, too dumb, too dumb. Too deotic, too deotic. Okay, this episode, well, this episode is we're going to explain everything that's been going on. We're going to talk to you guys about it. We're going to give you a window inside of our lives. But before we do that...

We're going to tell you who it is sponsored by. A thing in some brand that supported us no matter what. I loved his tweet. I hate when mean girls go viral and it's a Pink Whitney ad. Oh, wit is my hero. I love wit. Louder for the people in the back. Guys, we're good at what we do. Don't tell anyone. This...

Podcast is presented by Pink Whitney. Head over to your local bar today. Shoot your shot. We're all about shooting your shot. People don't have to like your shot, but you shoot your shot. Oh, yeah. Order Pink Whitney for you and all your best friends. Oh, yeah. This podcast right here is going to be taking some Pink Whitney shots tonight. Oh, yeah. It's the drink of every season of life, and we love Pink Whitney. My dad and my mom are coming, but my dad, for some reason, not for some reason, but he loves Pink Whitney, I mean, more than my mom. Aww.

Which I think is so cute. And he always is like, whenever he sees a shooter, he's like, should we grab one? Should we get one? Should we take one? And I'm like, I love this. Like, it's so cute. But they're coming today. And I'm sure my dad will be like, should we go take a shooter? Should we take a shot of Pink Whitney? Cute. Also, with Pink Whitney, we have a springcation sweepstakes where one person will win and they get to bring two lucky friends home.

on spring break to South Florida. And you get to go and have an Airbnb tricked out with all Pink Whitney stuff. Like how freaking fun. Do you guys want to enter? Because there's three of us. So if we all enter, we win organically. We rig the contest. No, like actually, can we? Because all you have to do is enter on pinkwhitney.com

and tag Pink Whitney when you're taking a shot. Just do it. It's so easy to do, so I think we should do that. Okay, let's do it. We need a vacation after this week. I might be in Miami when this one drops. We'll see. I don't even give a start. We need a palm tree. Want to dive in? Yeah. Should we start from the beginning and kind of how everything happened and what happened just to give some people some background if they don't know? Yeah.

Yes. That was a lot of words in one sentence. It was. It's been a long week. So I think we just start with like, we obviously work here at Barstool and Barstool makes a lot of content, a lot of conflict, all of that. We love, we knew, we know that about Barstool. Everyone knows that about Barstool. I don't even think that's really important here. I think what's important is every Monday, every

Every Sunday night, Alana sends us clips. We sit in here, we record for an hour, whatever it is. We laugh, sometimes we cry, we're vulnerable. We have the meat of the episode, which Alana calls the depth. Then we have the mashed potatoes and gravy where we laugh and we're just being ourselves. And Alana clips the whole entire thing.

And makes 17 clips. However many clips it is. She sends us to a Sunday night. We watch all the clips. And half of them I'm dying laughing at. And I'm like, no way. It's the back and forth usually. Sometimes you're like, that's a very serious clip. And that'll provide people value. That's what this podcast is. I think we love it. Yeah. Monday, Barstool Maine usually posts our clips. Because we send all of the clips to Maine.

You do You and your type A Little self over there You send those clips I'd also like to add that The company wants us To post like a certain amount Yeah That's why I clip Almost every third minute Of the show Otherwise I wouldn't

Yeah. Maybe in theory. Yeah. This is like what they want us to do. So that's what I do. And we send all of the clips like we don't get to choose which clips we send to social. They take all of them from us. Yeah. And it's promo for the episodes. Like it's the most it's it's a basic recipe, I would say, for a podcast in the social media. Yeah. Do the episode, clip it down, post the clips on social. So we do. We're proud of that. I say, yeah, they crush. I've never been not proud of a clip ever.

It's what's ever the choking one. Now I was going to say there was one back in November where we had an episode about choking people during sex and I about had a panic attack on the street. You remember that day? I do. I remember I was, I was up picking apples and I was like, I can't breathe. Like I was like, I'm gonna fall over on the ground because I can't have this go out. And I was like choking. I love it. Ha ha ha. And I was like, I am choking. Um, so needless to say though, we're, we're, we always try to get this podcast to a place where we're proud of it. We can sleep at night. That's like our barrier to entry. Yeah.

Monday, the podcast clip goes out about us washing our hands. And I mean, if we tell you a dime a dozen of these podcast clips of people here being like, I don't wash my hands. I mean, nobody here washes their hands. The amount of clips that have come out of this office about people not washing their hands is, well, it's almost everyone. And we're just riffing on it. Yeah. I didn't think twice about it.

I didn't either because I don't wash my hands. But I didn't even care. Like, it was just such a small thing we said in passing. Yeah. It was 30 seconds of an hour and 15 minute episode. Yeah. So that clip goes out. Don't think anything of it. You know, of course, the Internet's like, they don't wash their hands. And we're like, yeah, we've heard it before, you know, moving right along. What's another Monday? Then one of our coworkers here drops a blog on us. Mm hmm.

So I started reading it because I saw it first because you were at the chiropractor. Yeah. And I start reading it and I am immediately in tears and like I'm shaking and I can't breathe. Yeah. Alex called me and Alex never calls me. I don't do phone calls. No. Like I get, I panic when I see your name pop up on my phone. I'm like, what happened? And for good reason. Yeah. And I said, is that blog a joke? And Jordan's like, what blog? No, literally. Because I had no idea. I don't. And I also don't go on Twitter often. I'm not a Twitter person.

So a lot of the drama that happens, I'm so unaware about it until somebody else tells me. Yeah. I had no idea. You're like, send me the blog. I couldn't finish reading it. I still, until this moment, have not read it. Yeah, and I will never allow you to read it. I wanted you to read it to me here today. I know. Alex asked me to read it to her, and I... It was so bad. Like, when I was reading it, it's almost like...

You know when you see you hear something you feel like you just get punched in the gut when I was reading it I felt like someone punched me I was crying I hyperventilated it was I was so upset that I never want you to experience that and I will never read it to you you don't need to know what was said I don't I don't at this point I I do feel like I don't need to know it won't benefit you long term I think the biggest thing too is like because a lot of people now are saying like they're not brins um we're very friendly with this girl like

Like, I checked my DMs. Oh, I mean, you and I. Oh, we're friends. But I think we should provide some context around the level of blindside that happened. Yeah. And we feel... We're completely fine still. But it was just so blindsiding because, like, I checked my DMs with her. I tweeted a photo of her last week. It was like, you're a magazine. You've got text messages with her last week. Highly friendly. You sit by her, like... So it just came out of nowhere. Well, and...

Well, and like we've said before, it didn't come from a nasty news outlet or internet troll. It came from a coworker that we have seen on a weekly basis for a year and a half. One that I sit behind and I talk to on a daily basis and someone who we exchange very friendly conversations with every single time we see each other. Totally. Like one of probably the person, probably one of the people I talked to the most in this office besides you guys, because I sit next door. Absolutely. And so the basis of the claims were, if you're not following it,

that our clips sometimes are so stupid that they reflect poorly on the women at Barstool. Now, the problem with that is Barstool is an insane place that Big Cat calls the circus, and that is true. That is why people work here. They creatively let you be yourself. I don't believe...

That anybody First of all I think I think on a level of 0 to 10 Hand washing in dinosaurs Is a negative one Zero problem I think the internet Could use some more silly In fact Yeah If that's If that reflects negatively On people here Or women here I'm at a loss

Yeah, I mean, it's just so crazy to think because if you listen to the podcast, you see and hear what we talk about. We have meaningful conversations with depth, but we're all friends, so we're going to have silly conversations along the way. Like, you cannot tell me that you've never been sitting with your best friend and had a conversation when you're like...

I don't know if I want people to hear that, but we're best friends. We talk about it. And we just talk about it in front of a camera. And it's taken us, the thing is too, it's taken you and I a long time to get to this place where we feel comfortable sharing our entire lives with you all. And we're open. And now we don't, Alana used to send us clips and be like, I don't know about that one. And now we're just like, let's put it all out there because we're comfortable with who we are. And it's hard when the backlash comes for that. But I think it's even harder when you're like,

It's such a silly thing and it didn't feel like it came from a place that was helpful. Like if you really didn't feel like our clips were, they were bad for Barstool. We would have appreciated like a real text message or like a phone call or coming up to us. So I think we just have a little bit of a problem with the way it went down. Fully, it's really crazy because we've worked here a year and a half and not one person has ever came up to us or sent us a text saying they have an issue of our content. So how are we ever supposed to know that this was a problem?

And we are 97%, 95% serious in this room. And we always try, we never want to put anybody down. We always try to be as honest as possible and like truly feel and speak about how we're feeling. And then of course we're silly off the top. Yes. And I think we're proud of that. And if that reflects poorly on people,

If that's wrong, I don't necessarily want to be right. I'll say that. No, and I feel like we've built an amazing audience of people who love the serious conversations but also want a little bit of a break from the world because it can be a really bad place. And I don't know about everyone, but when I listen to a podcast, I love being able to just go out and brain break, listen to some fun conversation, laugh.

And it's like, it's not that serious. It's not. And we always say if people are listening to us, we don't want them to feel like we're even bitching about a situation. We've said that. That was one of our rules from day one. Was we're going to go up here. Yeah. You know? So that's what we're going to do. Uh-huh. So now we're going to... So do you think we've covered enough of what happened? I think so, yeah. Okay. So that's just to give you context of why we're doing this. Also, that led to...

the company, other employees kind of getting involved and giving their takes and seeming very low-key, like personally passionate about how much they dislike this show.

Which I think was shocking to all of us. Yeah. Also publicly. Online. Not in person. No one has spoken to us to our faces at all since this happened. But we're getting a lot of text messages that are like, love you girls. Keep going. Just a bad day. And it's like, it's all happening online. So I think the number one thing, not the number one thing, but one thing we did want to say was,

Fast forward to two years ago, you and I weren't really in the content world. No, not at all. So we didn't know what it was like to be publicly attacked. Now we're very well versed in it. I mean, I would say we've gone through six or seven storms being at Barstool. Yeah. This one's the worst. Like, I always, Graham is always like, oh, you and Jordan have weathered a storm together before. And I'm like, this one's different because it attacked me.

so many different angles and it was more brutal. Like, we're all for, like, a little, like, FU fight here in the office. We're like, that's funny. Like, Kirk, you want to go round and round? We'll go round and round. But this was very personal. We... I think, like, we cried a lot more than... This is definitely, like...

I don't think – I think I can confidently say out of the 27 years I've lived on this earth, my mental health has never been in this bad of shape in my entire life. And it's high highs of like we're okay, not that bad. But the lows are –

I mean, they're scary. They're scary low. And the thing is, you have to have this experience to have this perspective. Yeah. So I think that's why as people now with the following, we owe it to you all who are listening, who all follow somebody to one capacity, some capacity. And I think the message is you don't have to agree with what they're doing, but you also don't have to hate on it.

Exactly. And I think people need to understand, we all know that the world can be a very negative place, but the internet is a scary negative place because when one person says something negative, from there, two people latch onto that. From there, 10 people latch onto that. From there, 50. And next thing you know, you have hundreds, thousands of people coming at you from one comment that somebody that doesn't even have a profile picture said about you. And it's not, we're not going like,

This is not victim mentality. No. We're trying very much so to just be like, listen, we signed up for this. It's what happens when you put your life online. Yeah. We're subject to it every day and of course we can get it and of course we can take it. But as our listeners, we want you to walk away with the message of you don't have to comment on it or pile on or at a minimum, ask yourself to pause and just say, okay,

How much how do I feel about this? Do I truly feel so passionate about this that I need to comment? Probably not. And the Internet could be a happier, better place if we all just did a pause. We would have asked ourselves to take a pause back in Photoshop days like we learned so much from that. And that's why I say you don't have perspective unless you go through it. But just by pausing and saying pause.

Do I need to tell her to F off today? Probably not. Well, yeah. And you really have to think about why you want to. Because if you dislike someone, what I've learned is like, it's probably insecurity of my own. Like there's so many people in this world that I've been jealous of at times or disliked. But then I have to sit back and be like, Jordan, why? Is it because they have something that you want? Is it because they're bigger than you? And once you kind of figure that out, you're like, okay, this is a me problem, not a them problem. And they don't deserve the hate that I could potentially be giving them. Right. Very much so. Yeah.

I will say this about this week. What? In the weirdest way.

I Graham met me outside of his office yesterday and I was just having the cry moment. Right. Cause you, you know, you know how they are though. Like you just, they hit you and you're like in hysterics. And he said, he was like, I know this is so bad, but if you don't have times like this, you'll never go anywhere. Nobody that's anything that we look up to that's made it in the world. That's gotten to where they want to go. Had an easy path. Like you have to fall on your face and,

to get back up to walk farther. It's never just going to be a straight walk to get anywhere. Cause if it is, it wasn't a place worth going to fully. So in a lot of ways, I'm like, when it's just like, you know how this has probably happened to you this week, both, all of us. And you can't see the light. I was walking yesterday and I was like, I'm in a tunnel and there's not an end to it. And I think the walls are going to close in on me. And I think I'm going to collapse on the floor. And it's like in that moment, just knowing if I don't have this shitty week, I'm,

then I can't ever get anywhere and it's like your track I love the thing where somebody says your track record for getting through perfect days or your track record for getting through shitty days is perfect and it's like just simply putting one foot in front of the other but this week has made that more hard like more challenging than ever before oh a thousand percent it also really opens your eyes and makes you grateful for a lot of things around you like obviously I

I'm so grateful for both of you, but beyond grateful for you guys now and the podcast and the listeners. Like, the amount of love that people have shared and given to us. Like, when I'm talking about the listeners, like, it's been...

It's beyond belief. Like it's so eye opening. I've been reading DMs and wanting to cry because the things that people have been saying are so unbelievably sweet. And moments like this make you realize you have like we have such a great audience and listener base. So we're so thankful for you guys. And it's why like immediately like you both just started like launching missiles. Mike started just and it was like nobody even wavered.

At all. What do you mean we launched missiles? Like I just started texting and was like, this isn't right. Like, oh, yeah, nobody was like, what are we doing? Or like, should we stop with the clips? It's like in that moment when the attack happens, there was like five minutes where I pause and I was like, are the clips bad? Because you do when somebody comes at you and a bully comes at you. I'm sure we all three paused and thought, is she right? Because you have to.

And most of the time back in the day, what I would do when somebody came at me, I'd be like, you're right. I'll change. And you stop and you say, is there any validity to the argument?

And then you're like, no, there's not. And that's when it's hard because it's like you have cement blocks attached to you, but you know you have to keep walking. And it's hard to walk in your truth when you know you're right. But I think the reason you surround yourself with such good people and like Mike, Mike to me is my favorite example in this one because he's like a part of you, but he just got in there like online because he's an online person and he's just like, I know we're right. I know where these girls hearts are and I'll go fight for them instead of participating in group think, which I'm,

I sometimes think silence is a little bit louder than nothing or than commenting. Like I do think silence is like, I'm like, you didn't say anything. I tend to take the silence approach a lot in life. And this week I'm like, I wish a little, a couple more would have gone to bat for us that were texting us. And it's like, we surround ourselves with such good people that when the wind comes, we're like, we're good. We're standing strong. Yeah. And it's so important to be like surrounded by good people. Cause that meant that, that to me meant the most, like you two to me meant the most. And I think about Mike a lot this week too. Yeah. Mike was a sweetheart.

What was keeping me up at night was not what we said or our brand or how we are as people. It was just the hate of the situation and what people were saying to us. And that I feel like is very unique. Because in the past, things were a little different where maybe we were having a hard time sleeping at night because we didn't like what we said. But this time, so different because we're so proud of what we built and who we are as people and our brand and everything. And we just love being us and doing our own thing. I love that because you're right. We...

I think it's a really beautiful thing when criticism comes and then you meet it with like good reflection and then you have a good outcome. We've done that as a podcast in the past. I think there's nothing wrong with doing a gut check and saying, guys, we're going out, we're going on a bad path here. It's getting real sex or it's getting real something. Yeah. And we did right when we started, we were like, we're just, we're like being dramatic. Yeah. We're outside of ourselves. Yeah.

And we worked really hard to get to a place where we didn't ever want to feel that way again. And we had just got there. And we had just got there. And it's funny because this is all happening again. But this time when it's happening, we are all sitting here very proud of the brand that we've built. And really what feels better than that? Nothing. I think that's why we're all three like, okay, there's a war, but...

It's not about us. No, it's not about us. I think if anything, we now know we're really proud of us. Yeah. That feels nice. I mean, if anything, this moment in time has made me appreciate you guys more, appreciate Mean Girl Pod more, our listeners, be more proud of what we've built. It's just giving me the validation that I need to know that I love you guys and this brand so much. And I think we realize to a lot of people in the office, because sometimes when...

let's call them missiles are launched and like the drama starts, you're supposed to respond. I think a lot of our coworkers wanted us to respond and kind of like keep people talking. And I don't think we felt comfortable with that this time. I think we all know when that's when, when we can do that and it's safe. But on this one, it was like, we're not in those waters anymore because we're

We're having to argue that we're just doing our thing. Like we didn't even know what to rebuttal with. Cause it was just, it felt baseless I think to us and it felt outside of who we are. Like how, what did you guys think of that? I think it's because we didn't, we don't want clicks for being mean or controversial. We want,

We like them and want them for being ridiculous and honest and silly and stupid and whatever and girly and being ourselves. But not for being mean. So we're not going to do that, kind of. I think that was the mentality. And people didn't understand that for some reason. But I don't think it's that fucking hard to understand. That's the perfect way to put it. We don't want the mean clicks. No. Keep them. And we don't want to taint. We talk to our listeners all the time. We're like, positivity, high road. And it would be crazy if they were like,

Are those three in a war with their coworkers? Like taking shots? Yeah. And there were so many lies we could have responded to, like blatant lies. You know which one bothered me the most about us booking the pod room for six hours a day and sitting in it? When there's literal evidence of every Wednesday at 1130 to 130, we record.

That's it. For two hours. Yeah. That's all. Like, why lie? I don't know. It's weird. Alex and Jordan aren't friends anymore. Yeah. Like, that's weird. Like, why are you... That's weird. That went to me. I'm like, wait, how? It's just weird. But it goes back to people wanting to change you. Like, when people become...

people will try to change you and you need to know and like really understand yourself and your worth not to let them change you. Because we could have backtracked and we could have been mean. We could have been mean girls, but we knew that wasn't where we want to go and that's not where we're at right now. So we want to go forward with like being goofy and like getting clicks from ourselves and like just being silly and loving each other. Do you think that if Kelly had like called one of you or texted you guys about

and said, hey, like, I just want you to know from the outside, sometimes it looks like X, Y, Z. Like, you're playing dumb. Like, maybe you guys should recorrect that. Like, think about that. Would you have, like, respected that?

I wouldn't agree, but I would respect her for saying that to my face fully. Like, I don't have to agree with you, but I will respect your opinion. I think I would have said, let me call you back in 24 hours. And I think I really would have thought about it. Yeah. And said, do I think we are? And then I think I would have said, okay. Because I think that would be really cool. If somebody came to us and said, I want to help you. I think these clips are making you guys look dumb. Yeah.

And I would have, I talked to my old boss today who I was on the reality TV show with, and I have some of the dumbest clips on there in the entire world. But her bio about me was she's the most intelligent airhead I know. And she texted me today and she was like, Oh honey, you've always been. And I'm like, and I think that's what I think that's what we would have responded with. Yeah. I appreciate that, but we're okay. We're so confident in who we are. We're okay with those clips. Yeah. Cause I think a lot of people think that we are putting on a shtick or this is scripted, but yeah,

genuinely, this is how we are as people. Like, ask any of your friends, your old coworkers, your family, same with me, same with Donna. Like, this is how we are in real life. Like, and that's why I would disagree because if we, if she wanted us to change, I would have to change myself as a person and there's no way I could do that. And I think you and I are both,

Because we've called ourselves emotionally porous. Yeah. I don't think you are as much. I think Alana's less emotionally porous. What does that mean again then? It means you can conform to your atmosphere around you. Like we've talked about it before. Like when we're around certain people, we're like a little. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I don't think, I think you're more like this. You stand like firm in your, who you are. Yeah, are who you are. And we're, we can kind of,

But I would say, and so I think when somebody hits us hard, we're a little bit more to be like, is that right? Like, I do think we will check. Midwest. It's the Midwest. It's kind of that in it. And on this one, it's like, finally, I feel like we're sitting in here being ourselves and we're okay with it. And the anxiety is gone. She sends the clips. I'm most worried about what my face looks like. Yeah.

Yeah, that's my new worry. I'm like, excuse me, am I lifted? But now I'm not like, did I say that? Like not one of my friends texted me and was like, Jordan, that was so dumb because they know that's how I am and how I talk in real life. Like I've had the hand washing conversation with all of them and they know I don't wash my hands. And I know I'm not sure about the dinos. Like they know that. And when you said that, I wasn't surprised because I knew you didn't know that. And it's you. I've never sat across from you and like you weren't really yourself today.

Sorry. Just what happened to you? Oh, and have you ever walked out of this room being like, Alex and Jordan were not like themselves? No. Like what?

Like I don't know I know it's So that But I think you take that And you say Because we were talking Before this a lot About like the silence Like the power of the pause Yeah And stopping And it goes for a lot of things You got to do a gut check Am I being myself? Yes Am I proud of who I am? Yes When I look in the mirror Do I know who's looking back at me? Yes Alright I got a hater No

But I'm good with me. And I would say nothing feels better than that. But that's why it's so important to really go to your roots and be who you are. Because this Monday, let's call it an attack, came out of nowhere. Truly blindsided. That's why you got to prepare in the good times for the bad. Don't prepare in the bad times for the good. And we do a lot of time preparing and like self-reflecting and self-checking. And thank goodness we do because you never know. Yeah, never know.

Quick message to talk about better help because, well, life can come at you out of nowhere if we learn anything this week. Getting to know yourself can be a lifelong process.

Especially because we're always growing and changing. Therapy is all about deepening your self-awareness and understanding because sometimes we don't know what we want or we don't know why we react the way we do. That's why we're talking about anger as a secondary emotion. We would have never known that, but therapy teaches you that. BetterHelp connects you with a licensed therapist who can take you on a journey of self-discovery to really further figure out who you are.

Jordan, Alana, and I are huge proponents of BetterHelp, of therapy in general, and think that this week I'm not sure what we would do without it. Discover your potential with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash MeanGirl today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash MeanGirl for 10% off your first month. Woo! I would say if anyone out there is getting hate or feels... Hate feels like loneliness to me.

Isolation. Isolation. And you feel like nobody knows what you're going through. Us three are very lucky to have each other. You put this situation in high school and somebody writes a blog or a text or something about another girl, that's probably one girl. And that would be, it's leveling. Yeah, hate's so interesting because...

If you're looking at like a comment section and let's say there's 10 positive comments and three hate comments for some reason, all you can focus on are the hate and that gets magnified. And then you don't even realize there's positive comments. And then you think that everything is hate. And that's been happening to me a lot this week where I was starting to lose myself in the hate. And when I was at my lowest law, I'm like, not one person.

Likes me. Besides you two. Like I genuinely felt that way. Yeah. I remember looking at comments. But you know that's crazy. I know. You like. But I was in such a bad place mentally. And I was in such a low place where I was genuinely like not one person here likes me. And it was like.

it was the worst feeling I've ever felt in my entire life. Isolated, lonely. You didn't, you don't feel like you can continue. You don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. And it's just like an indescribable feeling you would never wish upon anybody. So the, the comments, the 10 good, the three bad it's because we're worried about what people think. I feel like we let, I wish I could remember right now. Jay Shetty nails it in the book.

I'm actually going to Google this because he does have... It's literally just you have to surround yourself with good people. That's the only way I'm getting through this week is you guys and my friends and just surrounding myself with very good people that I've worked really hard to find in my life. I do think, too, if you think about when you feel the tunnel closing in on you and you say, no one likes me, no one, everyone hates me, and you really stop and think like...

about the term everyone. Yeah, we were talking about that the other day. Yeah, I hate when people say everyone. And it was used against us this week. Everyone's been talking about them.

No, there's no scenario where everyone's doing something. So every like that just doesn't happen. And I think people use it as like a power tool. But if you use it against yourself and you say everyone feels this way about me. Think of one person. Think of your mom. Think of your brother and say they don't hate me. They love me. Call them. Talk to them. Yeah.

And, like, maybe that's your first step. And maybe they'll have something for you. But I do think if you live inside yourself when you're feeling hate, it's really bad. If you start to talk about it to just one person, even answer that phone call. Like, if you can reach out to somebody, they can pull you through it because they can see something that you can't. Well, and that's exactly what I did. Like, as soon as I started feeling that way, I reached out to people that I love and care for, and they...

Brought me out. I mean, it was talking to you guys on a daily basis. I mean, we were texting nonstop. Right. Like every single text we sent, I felt like I was coming more. I was like getting back to life. Like the real world. Yeah, because they want to just bring you down. Yeah. To this like deep level. You know what's so funny about everything? Like I remember the first time that was like you, everyone, I mean, that was, I remember the first time that was like used against me. And it like, I think about it every time I hear someone say, everyone hates you. Like,

Like an ex-friend of mine in high school. She and I were fighting and stuff. And I left a party early. Like Irish goodbye, whatever. And she texted me and said, like, good thing you left. Like everyone hates you anyway. No one wants you here. I'm like, holy fuck. So I called like my best friend. They were all still there. And I'm like, did I do something? Like, are you guys upset with me? And she was like, dude, what are you talking about? And I'm like, well...

so-and-so just said everyone like hates me and she goes dude I literally see her and this other girl outside texting right now through the window the two of them were outside in the driveway texting me saying everyone hates you that's what people do you know what I mean like that's what it makes me think of like everyone just two like one or two angry people it's insecurity yeah like it's just so gross when people are insecure because they know that

their thought isn't actually thought by anyone but themselves, that they have to use everyone because it makes them seem more powerful because they know no one actually is agreeing with them. It's the same thought process of rallying the troops. So if you're not so concerned about going and being like, do you think like I do? Yes. Do you think like I do? Yes. All right, I'll get my sword out. I'll fight for all of us. And then I'm going to say everyone. But I use the term everyone. I used to use it in college some. Yeah, same. No one...

Likes her Well I was only saying that Because I didn't like her And I wanted to make sure That the person I was talking to Also wouldn't like her So I said nobody else did And I wanted us all To fall into groupthink It's all about Like um When people are trying To pressure you When you're younger To like do bad things You're like Everyone's doing it

Everyone's doing it. And you're like, everyone's doing it? I gotta do it. Should I do it? That's like such a cop-out. It is a cop-out. Do you have the Jay Shetty thing? I do have the Jay Shetty thing. Okay, so if you... The reason your brain... It's so cool. It's actually like a neurological thing and like you almost can't help it. But it stems back to...

Our brain's wanting to protect us and keep us safe, so we're neurologically wired to focus on and remember more negative experiences than positive ones. Wait, why would that help keep us safe, though? Because you go into fight or flight when you see negative.

bad interesting that actually is so accurate now that i think about it yeah those hit you and you're like well do i if you read a good one you're like duh you forget the good comments immediately but you remember the hate comments forever all day or not even comments could be what a friend says to you like you remember your friend saying that oh yeah 10 years later and i remember all my friends on the phone being like dude she's a fucking loser like they're outside like pretending that we all are mad at you like like i'm literally watching them outside like

Like, you know what I mean? Like, and I have that imagery like in my head every time someone says everyone hates you. That's crazy. You know what I mean? That's crazy. That's but I think that's maybe that's like a really good takeaway when we start to think everyone on the Internet or if you're listening to this and you think everyone in your friend groups hate hates you.

No, your brain's trying to protect you. And it's focusing on the negative. And then think of one person that you know loves you. Call you and get outside yourself. And then you'll start to see. Everyone doesn't. And like you break it down. I like that. Catch it away. Call your grandma. She doesn't hate you. She's alive because the grandpas are dead. Except for Alex's. Oh yeah, you remembered. My grandpa's alive. But you're dead.

My grandma loves me, though. That's good. She does. And my parents are coming today, and they love me, and I can't wait to spend the whole weekend with them. It's going to be so fun. I know. They're coming. Like, the universe plays weird games with you. Like, they're coming the perfect week. Like, out of all the weeks. They haven't been here since...

a year and a half ago when was the last time your dad was here a year and a half ago wow and he just happens to be coming the week that this is all unfolding and I don't feel like you're typically this excited to see them Jordan needs mom and dad I'm also seeing mine this weekend I need a hug too so I get it I love it love it it's crazy I know I want to say that my brother's proposing but like what if he doesn't yeah we're not gonna say that just in case that could be the next week we talk about that

So a lot of people wanted us to like fight with hate and to like type hate and say hate. And it might have felt good immediately. Like I've said things where I'm like, oh, it feels really good. That feels really good. But then five hours later, when I go to bed, I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. I wish I never said that. Like, I'm not going to sleep at night. So the whole time people were pressuring us to say stuff, I'm like, I'm going to

Take a pause. I'm going to think about what I want to put on the internet because that's going to be there forever. And I don't want to harm anyone in the making of my thoughts. And I want to be able to sleep at night. I think we learned like the power of the pause. Usually we'll get some Twitter fingers. Yeah. But I think there's a difference when you're standing up for yourself.

And somebody, there's one thing you have to respond to. I think that there's a plenty of a time to say, I should say something here. But in this instance, the power of the pause was so beautiful because not one time did we regret not saying anything. Thousand percent. And there's nothing worse than somebody rehearsing their badass comeback to you. They're like, oh, I'm going to get her with this one. All right. And then you're like, okay.

Yeah. I mean, our statements, like your blog, my video, it's going to be on the internet forever. And I didn't want to put anything out where I was going to wake up the next day and be like, that felt good in the moment, but I feel really, really icky. I feel bad. I should never have said that. I feel horrible. And like, if I would have spoken right away, I probably would have said some stuff I did. I would have regretted. I do think the older we get, the more important it is to say,

Saying nothing is saying everything. Yeah. When you're the one being attacked. It's not worth saying the mean comments. It's emotionally exhausting and it doesn't do... It's not productive. It doesn't take anybody anywhere. It doesn't make your podcast bigger. It doesn't make your brand bigger and doesn't make your heart any happier. You're sadder, you're sicker and hate just propels hate. It's literally...

It's temporary happiness and then long-term regret every single time. It doesn't matter if it's to a friend, an ex-boyfriend, a family member, like every single time that you feel like you got that good jab, you're, you regretted it later. You felt great in the moment. And then three days later, you're like, why did I say that? Because now I have to live with that. And they have to live with, remember me saying that to their face. And it's so, and that, and you know what, there was times this week where it was so hard to

It was, it was just like that low hanging fruit. That was the one. And it's just like it. Don't you say one mean thing. Yeah. I think too, being adults, it's really important to understand where anger comes from. Like we talked, we've talked about secondary emotions in the past before, and we'll throw up the wheel so you guys can understand or see what we're talking about. But through therapy, we have learned that anger is a secondary emotion. It's not actually anger you're feeling. So for me, when I'm angry, it's because I'm usually sad.

For you, it could be completely different. And understanding that is very eye-opening for me before I make big comments or make decisions because I'm like, I'm moving or I'm making my decision based off sadness right now. I need to make sure I'm not sad anymore before I make this big decision. My anger, typically, sometimes it's different, but usually it comes from unfulfillment and like...

wanting to do more, do something different. And then, and then like right below that is I wasn't showing up as myself. So if I'm being someone else and then something comes from that, I'll get so angry at the person Graham, but I'm most mad at this one right here. Yes. And when I'm super angry, it's because I'm sad. And my name, what's your anger name? Oh, Jessica. Was it Jessica? Now I'm going to ask you, that's my new question with Jessica.

What are you really feeling? You're not mad. Because if it's not hunger, it's sadness. I'm just hungry. Well, anger is secondary. The first time it was hunger, but the second time it was because I was really sad. That was sadness. It was sadness. It was really sad. Anger is a secondary emotion unless you're hungry.

literally then I'm just that's hangry that's hangry that's angry but yeah it's just and that I mean there's a lot of other emotions but like my therapist always is like okay you're not angry or you're not I think I think happy is one too you're not happy there's something else you're feeling what are they they're actually interesting because there's some that you don't I haven't saved but there's some that you don't um think about but they're so true um here it is feelings wheel um

It's anger, sadness... Oh, that's... Fuck. I guess sadness is a secondary emotion. Anger, sadness, surprise, joy, love, and fear. So I guess for me, when I'm angry, I'm actually...

Okay, so actually I kind of take back what I said. So anger, from there you could feel rage, irritated, envy, or disgust. And from there you could feel jealous, resentful, annoyed, agitated, hostile, hate, revolted. So I go irritated, which I called unfulfilled, and then I go to hostile and it's all towards me. I think mine is anger to irritable and then to...

maybe aggravated or frustrated for I'm usually frustrated yeah yeah yeah yeah because a lot of times I get angry because I feel like people don't understand me so it comes from frustration um so yeah I guess I I guess I take back the sadness thing but when I am sad I think it comes from feeling neglect and then lonely because you guys know I have abandonment issues but yeah when I was sad actually it's because I felt neglected in this whole situation and then I felt alone totally

This feels actually very eye opening. I'm like, oh, this feels good. So basically, when you're feeling anger, think about I think if we can just recognize it. Yeah, it's hard to recognize when you're mad, when you're mad. But maybe let you know, recognize it and then say, what is it really? Because it's every single time it's something else. Well, understanding that it's where it's coming from. Every single time I've been angry at another human being, it's mainly because it's coming from like jealousy.

But when I run into somebody on the street, like actually physically run into them, sometimes I'm like, and I'm so mad.

Like, does that have any, like, little things that'll set you off? Yes. Physically bump into someone? Yes. And they weren't, they didn't move out of the way. It's because other things in my life are playing, are causing me anger and it's easy to take it out on the little things or people that you don't know. If you're having, like, a good day, you don't care that you ran into the person? No. That's probably true. Because it's so much easier. It's like, it's like writing behind a blogger going on a camera. It's so much easier to...

When you don't have to actually face the person because you don't know them. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Like take it out on that. And it's like, what are you so mad about? Yeah. Like something else. If I have a bad, if I have, if I'm having a bad day, literally someone could say hi to me in the wrong tone. And I would be like, what? They could just say hi. It's like me when I drink tequila, somebody could be like, you look cute. And I'd be like, uh-huh. It's like when I'm angry. Someone be like, I love you. Like you love me now. Right. It's like, what? Right.

Man, we're just, um, we're not very angry though. No, we're just, we're not, we're simply not, I'm not even angry right now. I don't think I was even, I think I was more sad this week than angry. To say we were sad this week is the understatement of the century. Yeah. I guess that's where I wanted to come from with the sadness thing. I thought, I assumed I was angry, but then I realized it was a sadness that was actually like coming out of me.

Yeah, I think I don't think I think there were some comments that were made that made us angry because they were so easy to say. You sit in a podcast room for seven hours. OK, it's two. It's obvious. But at the basis of it, I think we were like truly heart heartbroken, heartbroken. Yeah. Just like distraught. Like the call is coming from inside the house. Yes. Correct. Yeah. With summer and warm weather coming around the corner. Yeah.

We got to talk about Shady Rays because I don't know about you guys, but I love sunglasses. I love getting new sunglasses and Shady Rays are the best because they are, they have these new tangle free aviators and I don't know about you, but there's nothing I hate more than when I have my hair up and I put my sunglasses on and I put them on my head and I take them down and it rips my bangs down. It drives me insane. So these, these sunglasses are so nice. They're great. They don't get stuck in your hair. They're classy. They're,

They're such cute designs and styles. Also, the frames are seriously the light. They're so lightweight and very high-end looking. We love them. Also, another part of Shady Rays that I absolutely love, if you lose or break your pair, even on day one, they will send you a brand new one. You guys, this is awesome because we all lose our sunglasses all the time. So, what an incredible deal. So, if you guys want to get your hands on these new Shady Rays, the Tangle Free Aviators,

We have an exclusive offer for our listeners. Shady Ray is going to give you guys the best deal of the season. All you have to do is head to ShadyRays.com slash TangleFree and use code MEANGIRL for 30% off their best-selling TangleFree Aviator and much more. But I think a good message to say, too, is like...

every single person listening to this what could it possibly be that you're laughing at I was about to get serious it better be good what do I have a booger my hands are orange I just started thinking about the series matches bye bye bye and a lot of like that's in sync and I was like oh shit I wanted to screenshot that and you guys think wait and then I said dos and you said grok grass gracias

Oh, like grass. Oh, like grass. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So you're being shorthand. I just didn't finish typing it. I was like, does she think that that's grass? I was in the stall peeing and I was running out because I didn't wash my hands. I do. Now it's the pun. Now we're just that. Sorry, Alex. No, it's okay. You know, what was my train of thought? Let me get it back. Let me get it back. Okay. I think the biggest thing is everyone and like our listeners mean nothing.

You guys got us through this week knowing what we have built for you. And the reason we built it for you was because the messages you send us.

Yes. And that's how you form a community. Every nice message. Every time we put out an episode where we're laughing, we're crying, we're like spilling our hearts out. And you guys say that got me through something. That's why we do this. And that's why we were able to keep going. And like the mean girl community to us is beautiful. It's nice. It's empowering. It's together. It's uplifting. And like that. Women supporting women.

Women supporting women. And men supporting women, too, because we have the best guys, too. This guy bought our lunch yesterday. He was like, I'm a mean girl. We were like, no, bring it in. No, that's the thing. It's like within our community of mean girl pod listeners, like they are the best human beings ever. We've built a really good community. I...

The amount of like reading people's DMs, I'm just like, you guys don't understand. We apologize that we can't respond to every single one, but we are so grateful for all of you. I have a lot on a screenshot and I'm going to post them today because it's like,

That's the stuff. Sending a kind message goes a long way. Yeah. You know what? And somebody, I want to say this too. Somebody messaged me. It was like, you guys are pussies for not responding to Kelly. And you know what I wanted to say to that? A pussy would have responded. It was a lot harder to not reply. And that's kind of a ricochet shot. It doesn't have to do with the mean girl people, but I was just thinking of DMS and I was like, Oh, Oh yeah. The amount of the, Oh, I saw that at 1am.

Yeah, I almost responded at 3.30 when I woke up tossing and turning. Then I deleted it. Because people seeing people hate makes them feel better about themselves. Like, that's what you have to realize, too. Like, if you are going through hate, like, a lot of the times a person on the other side is not happy with themselves, and it's a them problem, not a you problem. Exactly. We've been telling ourselves that a lot this week. It's not an us problem. It's a them problem. And to the Mean Girl pod listeners, let's kick some serious ass.

Like, let's just keep going. Let's just like stay true to who we are. Cause that's what we're all about. We're like, don't look back. You're not going that way. This happened to us this week. We're stronger than ever. We're happier than ever. We're like more motivated than ever. Not in it. And then let me tell you who motivated us, us, nobody else besides the three people in this room are why we're motivated moving forward. And because we love you guys and tell the haters as in sync would say, bye, bye, bye.

I literally thought that was Britney. I did. I was like, as Britney would say, bye, bye, bye. And Alana's like, no, that's insane. And in my head, I was like listening to Britney. I was like, I can hear her. I was like, imagine her saying that. I heard her. Like that. Yeah, that.

And you're like, red? And I was like, oh, Brit. It's me, baby. One more time. Bye, bye, bye. Oh, a women's health PSA. Yes. I just want to say that one of my dearest friends just got tested for the BRCA gene. And she has it. She has to get a mastectomy, double mastectomy. And she has to have a hysterectomy by the time she's 35. Very sad. Very crazy. Very lucky to have...

discovered that at 26 years old. So I just wanted to say to go to the doctor. If you think something's wrong, act on it and just a little food for thought to put your health first. Take care of all the health, the mental health, the physical health, emotional health.

And I think let that give you perspective to a hundred percent that like we're going through this. But people I never like putting problems like mine's bigger than yours. That's not it. It's everyone has them and life's not easy, but don't get any help either. So like go to the doctor and take care of yourself, like take care of your mental health because life's hard enough. So it doesn't need our help. And you never know what people are going through, too.

So just like be very, very cautious with your words because you don't know if that person's having a good day or a bad day or what they're going through. You don't want to add on to their pain. That's the power of the pause. Think really, do I need to say this? Do I need to say it? Yes. We love you guys. We love you guys so much. Handhold.

A dry, dirty hand another truck can hold. Dirty, jerk. We love you guys. We love you. We're thankful for you guys. This week, best and worst. High highs, low lows, but like we're better because of it. Yes. Shout it out. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Kelly Clarkson? I think that's Kelly Clarkson. I think that's Kelly. No vices, no virtues. We're good. Amen, sister. You don't want everyone to like you. Bad spot. No, that'd be...

strange world yeah it'd be we'd be too soft yeah should we do a taylor swift quote to end up but i'm just kidding um you're being too loud you need to calm down it's too much uh it's too much we're good what did taylor say to kanye the old me can't come to the phone right now yeah she's dead

Oh, look what you made me do. Look what you made me do. The old us can come to the phone. The old us? You picked that one? I don't know Taylor Swift, so I don't know. I don't know Taylor Swift, though. I only know her Midnight album. It's fair. She's still maroon. How about that? She's... Now I love Taylor Swift, which is great. I don't even need to tell them to like, comment, subscribe. This isn't really that kind of episode. No. We just are so grateful for you guys. We love you, and we're so appreciative of all your kind messages, and we're... We don't know what we would do without you guys, so thank you.

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