Shownotes Transcript
My first ever experience with love and interaction was to a boy in my class when I was in 5th grade. I never knew him personally but I had heard stuff about him. He was apparently the topper of our grade. He had his fair share of experience with socializing, defying stereotypes of academic will doers that they were loners.
But even still, he was quiet and just overall kept to himself. Never really raised his hands in the class, never shouted or even had a brawl of violence with other kids. Appearance wise, he was a bit short and skinny. I would say prepubescent, so makes sense. He had a brownish, caramelly skin and an affection to PE lectures, especially football.
He always sat in the last bench of the third row which was isolated and cornered to the walls, kept to himself. And I, I was on the first bench of the first row. I stared at him like a hawk, like a creep whenever I got the chance. I learnt all his habits, behaviours, how he laughed, it was hypnotising. He was the sole reason why I woke up in the morning to go to school willingly. And he never knew me. Until he was made to sit next to me for a month.
Now that day I was so ecstatic, I just had to tell my friends, you know, that happy rush that something good finally happened. A boy who was so far, suddenly so close to me. I made myself presentable and a bit ignorant to make sure that he wasn't suspicious that I was into him. He was a bit distant and he clearly could live if I wasn't near him, even for 5 minutes unlike me.
I lost it when he told me he too liked me during a truth or dare game during the lunch break. I got a bit excited and I told him the same, assuming that something would happen. But nothing really ever happened after that confession. We just went our ways, did schoolwork, whatever. But of course, it all came to an end when we realized that the guy sitting ahead of us told everyone. He told the whole grade.
my crush he got teased a lot and so did i getting called by each other's name for me it was a bit fine considering i was kind of bit used to getting bullied and being called names but i felt really bad for the guy because you know he was quiet living his life suddenly he's getting a tease and he's the butt of the joke everywhere i'm near him
I basically ruined his school life. That's what I thought every time. I felt bad for opening my mouth that day and apologized to him. He forgave me but he told something harsh that day. Something I should have been told years ago, in my opinion. And he told me after 5 years. He lied. He never liked me. He said he confused friendship for romance. That left me with a bruise I thought would never heal.
Eventually time did its job and I kind of got over that stupid thing. But then again, I realized that I essentially made him get bullied with a girl's name he never even liked. Which was far worse considering it would have been fine if he wasn't to me. But he wasn't so I felt even 10 times worse for what happened to him during our school days. But that saint hearted idiot still forgave me.
I saw him in the farewell three years ago. He was still white, still quaint, kept to himself, still a bit reluctant to be near me. I think PTSD considering even if he were within sights or near me, he would get teased and so would I. Now, he was so reluctant, he wouldn't even want to get photographed together in this single frame with me. He basically...
rejected any form of communication between us in the most irrespective yet rude way. Now, it did hurt me but I did realize something else that night. He lied through his teeth. He still hates me for what I did to him. But now, now I'll never know what he thinks. 'Cause now he's somewhere else in life and I'm somewhere else behind.
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