Sofia Franklyn on Childhood Trauma, Mormonism, Healing From Cancel Culture, Therapy, Insomnia and Partying in NYC
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The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Hi guys, it's Mari and you're listening to The Pursuit of Wellness.

What's up guys and welcome to today's episode of the Pursuit of Wellness podcast with Sophia Franklin. I first met Sophia when she interviewed me on her show, I think a year and a half ago, maybe two years ago, and she is absolutely hilarious, super entertaining, so funny, like comedian level funny, but there's so much depth to Sophia and I felt like we really got into that today.

I got to hear about childhood trauma, growing up in a Mormon society, healing from cancel culture, her journey with therapy, abandonment issues, and more. Now, I do want to add a small warning that this is one of my

This is my raunchiest episode that I've ever done. Way more explicit than you've probably heard from my other episodes, but that definitely is Sophia's brand and who she is as a person. And it was really fun to sit down and laugh with her. But if you have kids in the room, maybe relocate yourself or listen to this episode a bit later because there is a lot of cursing and a lot of explicit language. Just wanted to warn you guys. That being said, I really think you will enjoy it.

If you are related to me in some way, which I'm sure you're not because my family doesn't listen to this show, please tune off now because it's a bit too inappropriate for you guys. I'm so sorry. Okay. Anyway, you guys will love this episode. Let's get into it. Sophia Franklin. Hi. How are you? I'm going to hype you up for a sec. Okay, do it. I wrote you a haiku. I'm kidding.

to be like, no fucking way. That would be incredible, by the way. You should do that with every guest. Should I? How much work, though? How long is that haiku? Isn't it like four or five lines? Yeah. Isn't that the point? Yeah. Okay. Today on the show, we have a fan favorite, a podcaster, sex symbol, an icon. She's real, raw, candid, and isn't afraid to say exactly what she thinks. Sophia with an F.

Um, I'm crying. That was the best introduction I've ever had. Sex symbol. Sex symbol. Sex symbol. You know what's funny? I ran this intro by my husband and my assistant and both of them were like, yeah. Stop it. Leave it in. Really? Yeah. Okay. I feel so flattered. Like my ego just is through the roof now. She came in here with a Kelly bag. Yeah. I'm gonna start treating people like shit between the bag. Okay.

Between the bag and you saying I'm a sex symbol, like it's done. I mean, look at it. I know. It's gorgeous. It's really cute. Guys, by the way, if you can't see the visual, I walked in here with a Kelly bag. The bag entered the room before Sophia did. And we were all like, oh, yeah. Everyone greeted the Hermes bag before they greeted me. And now it's propped up on the table and for everyone to see. Kelly, how are we doing? I didn't know that there was a difference between a Kelly. I thought a Kelly was a Birkin.

Right. But it's not. No. So Hermes, they have the Birkin, which is the one that everyone knows. And then they have the Kelly and they all come in different sizes. And it used to be, by the way, I just would like to preface, I'm about to sound like an obnoxious, rich as fuck bitch, which is not the case. OK, I'm I had I had a trade in. This kind of isn't true, but kind of sure I might do it. I was dating a guy who gifted me a Birkin. Stop.

And I it's too big. Hey, you said take it back. It's too big, Sophia. No, but I like to be financially savvy. And I'm like, OK, you know what? I'm going to justify buying this Kelly by trading in the bag he got me. I'm dying. Have I done it yet? No. Is that rude? So you have both right now? I have both right now. So you're just like.

You're loaded up right now. I'm loaded. You could put the Kelly inside the Birkin. I could. That's how big the Birkin is. Like, I could jump inside of it. It's a big boy. Are you kidding? Yes. But back to what I was saying, the Kelly. Now the Kelly and a lot like a lot of them are more expensive than the Birkin. Interesting. It depends on the size and blah, blah, blah. I'm really into this bag. Thank you so much. Thank you.

You're welcome. You're welcome. Thank you so much for having me on, though, because by the way, Mari came onto my show, Spheeth and F, and killed it. And all of my listeners, my sleuths were obsessed with you. Well, you were a big inspiration for me to start a show. You literally insisted that I did. Yes. So now I'm here. Guys, the reason she has this show and the reason we're sitting here is me. Period. She's taking full credit. Thank you, Sophia. Period.

For making me get a show. Of course. So I ask all of my guests, if an Uber driver were to ask you what you do, what do you say? I own a book. See, I own an Hermes Kelly bag actually too. Can you imagine? That'd be amazing. Actually too.

I can't even answer that question when an interviewer asks me, let alone an Uber driver. You know what I mean? Do you just skip over it? I think I say I work in entertainment. Okay. And then a whole slew of questions like, oh, are you an actress? Like, blah, blah, blah. And I say, I have a podcast.

I have a clothing line. I need to get way better. I need to come up with like a solid, just inspiring, good elevator pitch. Yes. Because you get a whole slew of questions.

You like what I did there? I really thought you were doing that. I know. That was really fucking good. What do you say? I say I'm in the fitness industry, which isn't a good summary of what I do at all. People assume you're a personal trainer. Yes, immediately. And then when I say no, they're like, why not? Right.

Which is crazy. And you're like, but I am. Because you know what? I actually get intimidated to say what I really do. Intimidate in what way? Like if a man is like, what do you do? And I say, oh, I own a company. Right. The way that they look at you is just not...

right vibe like I'd rather just keep it to myself like they're kind of like so you're lying but I'm gonna yeah no they think you're lying fully like they would probably think you and I were lying no I know that's true because because Sloop Media is the company that I do my podcast and everything under right I would never say oh I own a media company I own Sloop Media I wouldn't hello and then they have and then they would ask what's this what's slew like

And then we would be into the whole salute definition. Right. And then I have to say, you know, it's a play on the word slut. And then by that time, the Uber driver is like, you're lying. You're there's something wrong with you. You're on drugs and, you know, get out. And then you're kicked out of the Uber. Yeah. Yes. I feel like a lot of us know present day, Sophia. Uh-huh. You are very entertaining. Everyone knows you for your podcast. Right. But I feel like not a lot of us know you prior to your public appearance.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. So can we talk about growing up? Yeah. Childhood trauma. Give us all the tea. Do you have 24 hours? Yeah, I do. I'm here. I'm ready. That's actually a really great question. I feel like most podcasts I go on, it's like, you know, superficial, like whatever. So I actually really like that.

So I was born and raised in Utah. Yeah. Which has a highly, highly concentrated population of LDS people, which is Mormons. But you know what a Mormon is, right? Sophia, I went to prom with a Mormon. Wait, what? In high school. No, you didn't. I dated a Mormon. Wait, where did you grow up? I grew up in Scarsdale, just outside the city. We had one Mormon.

kid in our school and I dated him. Okay. And how was that? He like wouldn't touch you? No. Would not touch you, right? No. And I didn't know why. Truly. Like now I get it. But at the time I was like, I guess I'm doing something wrong. Like this guy's so straight edge. Yeah. You're like, I'm sexy. Like what's wrong with you? But...

That religion is very, very conservative. Don't show your shoulders. You know, they wear garments underneath all their clothing. No caffeine. No sex until marriage. No. But there's just very conservative in that way. And my grandparents were Mormon. And my mom was born and raised in Argentina. Came over when she was, I don't know, 17. Yeah.

and threw me in private school, private Catholic school. So it was this very bizarre upbringing because if you went to a private Catholic school compared to this Mormon state, the kids that go to private Catholic school are like, it's like a counterculture. So they're fucking insane. So like it was kind of a rivalry in a way?

Or just super different? A little bit. Rivalry is a kind of way to say it, but it's kind of like you're either super, super, you know, on the left side and very conservative and, you know, or you are on the complete right side where you are doing drugs and fucking. And I was out of control, okay? Let me... I was...

Let me just let me just this is a statement. This will make it very clear. I was smoking Oxycontin in high school. Is that a laundry detergent? I mean, maybe you could smoke laundry detergent. I don't know. Should we try? What is Oxycontin? That is so fucking funny. No, there is a laundry detergent. Is there not? Is there not a laundry detergent? Someone tell us what that laundry detergent is.

OxyClean. Sophia was smoking laundry detergent. I was fucking wild. I was smoking my mom's laundry detergent. No, I.

Oxycontin is a very intense painkiller. And you can smoke that? You can smoke a lot of things. This is very educational for me. Yeah. So the Oxycontin, it's like a Lortab, but I think maybe like more potent. Okay. It's intense. It's like what they give you if you have back surgery and you're recovering. Okay.

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Hi guys, my name is Sarah Nicole and I am the host of the Papaya Podcast, where each week we dish out some sweetness mixed in with some seeds of wisdom all through candid conversations in a very real and tangible way. I want everyone to know that they're not alone and that we share in these experiences called life. And sometimes when we get to know somebody else's story, it changes ours a little bit as well. So I want you to tune in with us on Mondays. Subscribe, rate and review it and keep these conversations going with us. You can tune in behind the scenes at

the papaya podcast and the birds papaya on Instagram as well. Can't wait to see you next week. So were you ever following the LDS guidelines or not at all? No, absolutely. From the beginning, no. I mean, my grandparents would take me to church, which Mormon and I am not talking shit on the Mormon faith, by the way.

And because I've gone shit for that before. I'm not. But I hate a church. But I think Mormon, Catholic, whatever, every fucking kid hates going to church, right? So I went to church when I was younger. But I and I also think my mom was kind of stepping away from the Mormon faith as well. Why do you think? Because it was so different in Argentina versus Utah. Oh, my gosh. That's so interesting that you point that out. That's exactly why. Because the Mormon faith

This culture in Utah is so different than in Argentina. It's clicky. It's it's you know what I mean? Judgmental. Yes. I actually haven't been to Utah before, but I've heard it's gorgeous. It's beautiful. It's amazing. It's if you're like an outdoorsy type person, you like to ski. It's there's no better place at all.

Or if you like Oxycontin. If you love Oxycontin or painkillers, there's a plethora for you there. So how did you get into that whole...

side of things if everyone else was so religious? So I'm going to private Catholic school. So those kids are not right. They're not Mormon. So they're kind of they're wild. And there was a lot of money at that school is mostly, you know, fairly wealthy kids. Do you fairly? No, I feel like all kids just get into drugs.

Not all kids. That was quite the generalization. Not all of them. Yeah. So the reason I started doing that, to be honest, I, you know, I grew up, my father was never in the picture. So I grew up with a single mom. I met him for the first time. I think I was in high school. I

And I remember going to therapy because my mom had me in therapy since diapers. Oh, yeah. That's that's an interesting approach. I like that. I loved it. And I think she did that because she felt a lot of guilt for me for like raising me without a father figure. Yeah.

But it was great. And I think that's also contributed to me and my EQ is very, very high. Yeah. Did you have you continue doing therapy since? Yes, off and on. But I'm definitely doing therapy now. I think everyone should be in therapy. Are you in therapy? Since I was 14.

Okay. I think it's so important. It's beyond important. Yeah. Beyond. And there's a lot of options now. Like, I know a lot of people have said, oh, it's expensive. I don't know how to do that. There's a lot of options now online. Yeah. A lot of things you can do. And I think talking to someone makes everything. Right. It sounds silly because you would think, oh, I can talk to anyone. But talking to someone who actually knows you

how to give professional advice and even science behind what you're feeling, I think is so helpful. Yes. Yeah. One hundred percent because they have, you know, background and knowledge that your friends and your family don't. And the amount of times that I've had a therapist point out something, why I'm acting a certain way or doing something. And I'm like, holy shit, light bulb moment. That makes sense. You know,

And so I think it's really important. What the fuck were we talking about? I literally don't know. We're talking about therapy. Oh, okay. Me being in therapy since I was in diapers. Yes. And yes. Yes. So then my therapist and my mom, I remember in high school asked me, would you like to meet your biological father? My mom was like, I just want to give Sophia the option. I was like, sure. Like, I guess whatever. Met him twice.

twice. Once he came to the States because he lives in Spain. And then one time I met him in Spain. And after that trip, he never spoke to me again. And so I think that has contributed to like, you know, abandonment issues, like issues with self-worth. Right. Because it's one thing to grow up with a single mom and

It's enough. And you never be your dad. It's a completely different thing to meet him. Do you regret meeting him? I don't. I don't. I think, you know, I think I would have regretted not meeting him. And I know my mom told me he reached out to my mom and was like, you know, I just I don't know how to connect to her. Like, I don't know what to do. Can you help me? My mom was kind of like,

You do it. Like, what do you mean? Like, I've, you know, brought you guys together. It's like now you can take it upon yourself if you want to. So there's no relationship there.

Then can I just keep talking about my trauma? Because I could just keep going. I'm loving this. I love a little trauma work. OK, but I'll make it quick. And I and I had an amazing childhood in so many ways. My mom is such an incredible mom. She's my best friend. She seems like a ride or die. Oh, yeah. Beyond beyond. But when I was six, she met my dad.

dad, not my biological dad, my, you know, not I call him dad, though. And he is also a great guy. I call him dad to this day. He had serious substance abuse issues in and out of rehab. You know, it like started with Coke and then it was like methamphetamine. And so like that was in the house a lot.

So there was definitely trauma there. They divorced. And so I think growing up in a household like that, where there's like a lot of turbulence, like,

I think that probably somewhat contributed to me being a little bit wild in high school. But I also think I was just kind of just like a wild child. That was just my personality, you know? I was going to say, have you always been so entertaining? Because I think people find you really interesting and fun to listen to.

Yeah. Thank you. Wow. Have you always had that in you? I have. You know what? I'm going to just own it. Please. Yes, I have. I was always a class clown. I was always, you know, being like kind of out there even in middle school. I kind of was always like that. And I can fully relate to the turbulent household. I think it just

yes we're all experimenting when we're kids but also just makes you angry I think it makes you a little like uh-huh fuck this I'm gonna go out I'm gonna show them do my own thing I've been there too and I think it's interesting how much our relationships with our parents just changes who we are right and how the relationship you have with your parents and your childhood changes

it never goes away. Like I'm still that girl, right? In so many ways. I know. And that's why I think therapy is so important. Right. Because you get to go back and it

It hurts. It's painful. But you get to uncover those things and dissect exactly what happened and run through it until you do that. I feel like you don't ever heal a thousand percent. I totally agree. And I also think, you know, in some ways and this is the silver lining, I think it kind of was cool. It wasn't cool that that shit happened to me. It was dope. It makes you unique.

But it added to my personality. You know, I have depth. I have layers to me. And I think it made me a really strong person. It made me weak in some ways, but very, very strong in some ways. And it forced me to deal with things at a young age. So now that I'm older, I can...

you know, handle things in a very adult, healthy way. And I think a lot of people who are super successful in the entertainment industry specifically. Yeah. They all have trauma. Right. Everyone. Right. Everyone I talk to has been through something. Yes. Because it fuels you. Yeah. In a way. Like, I don't think we'd be here right now when we didn't have trauma. Yeah. I totally agree with that.

So growing up in Utah, were topics like sex, mental health spoken about in your household or were you kind of the trailblazer? So the once again to the Mormon faith, their views on sex and how they talk about it is don't talk about it. Don't do it. It's like that scene for Mean Girls, like you will get chlamydia and die type thing.

And there's a lot of things that go on because of that. Like there's a lot of loopholes. I'm sure you've heard of soaking. No, I always end up having to talk about. So I may have heard you speak about this before. It's just when a guy puts his penis in a girl's vagina, but he won't he won't he won't like. Yes, yes, yes. Move right. He'll just marinate, park it.

I hate the marinade. I hate the marinade. It's not for me. But that's the shit they're doing, right? Because it's not considered sex. That's not sex? No. That's crazy. Or I'm going to take it up one level. Sometimes I'll have their friend go under the bed.

and put his feet up on the mattress and like push it up and down. No. So it's not like he's. This seems like a lot of work. Right? To avoid it. And what a friendship too. Like you would have to be homies for that to happen. Are you just not speaking do you think during? Like.

I don't think so. There's probably no... Oh, wait, yeah. You couldn't be like, wait, slow it down. Yeah, no. Speed it up. No. There's definitely no conversation. So your friend is literally in control of how that sex is going to go down. I'm terrified. Wow. I would definitely pick a friend with like, you know, that does not skip leg day. I'm just saying that right fucking now. We need someone lifting a lot of weight for that one. Yes, we do. So not spoken about? No. In your household either? No.

My mom coming from Argentina, they are I mean, Europe, South America, they're a lot more open about talking about sex than we are here in the States. So my mom would talk to me about it a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. She was open about it. She was.

But I the way that I would talk about it so openly, I could not tell you where that came from. Really? And I it wasn't that I was even that promiscuous. Like I wasn't even, you know, having sex with like a bunch of people at all. I lost my virginity at 17, you know, but I just thought it was like fun to talk about in my house. No one spoke about it. We didn't even talk about periods. So when I got my period, I didn't tell anyone.

What did you think was happening? I was dying. Stop. And I was also older, which was interesting. I was like 16, 17 when I got my period. And you didn't run to your mom like, I'm bleeding down there? No, no. Because I think when the conversation isn't hard...

you feel embarrassed. Right. You feel like something's wrong with you. Right. So having shows like yours and having you speak about it, I think is so important for people like me, like younger girls that are listening and realizing, oh, it's OK. Yeah. You know, because in a lot of households, I don't think people talk about it. They don't. They don't. It's crazy to me.

how much sex is still not talked about and how much of a stigma there still is. You know, to this day, my mom, who's very open, she will to this day call me and say, Sophia, like, did you really have to talk about like sucking dick like that and be that graphic about it? You know, and I'm like,

Women are out here sucking dick. Men are out here sucking dick like sucking dick is happening, mom. And I am talking about it. And why do I have to like? Does your family listen to your show? My mom does. Religiously, like every episode, every episode, which we love. We do. But it's super fucking annoying because she'll be like, why did you why did you have to say the F word that many times? Like, just don't listen.

So it's like, why do I need that type of feedback? Okay, so this was my question. Do they have input? And it sounds like they do. Yeah, my mom wants me to say the F word less. That's her big one. She would like me to not be so graphic when I talk about sex. But I mean, my show, I'll talk about sex. I also talk about mental health. I talk about my life. Yeah.

Yeah, you have your show has become really well-rounded, I feel like. Yeah, thank you. Was that an intentional shift? No, it wasn't intentional. My old show, it was all about sex, the entire thing, right? Yeah.

And then I think just as I evolved and got older, it was like, I still think sex is very important and something we should talk about. But I also think mental health is just as important. And I have more depth to me than that. It can get a little tricky, though, because I'm very open about my personal life, you know? Right. What is that like to share intimate details of your life? Because I think obviously your audience loves it. Right. And they want to hear everything. Yeah. How do you balance that?

It's fucking hard. And it's very, very hard because I refuse to lie to my listeners. Like I will not do that.

But I also have to protect, you know, the people in my life as well. So, for instance, the last show, I was very open about who I was dating. And that was the biggest mistake of my life. Right. I mean, for those of you who don't know, like there was a whole public thing and he was kind of like ripped apart on the Internet and blah, blah, blah.

And so I was like, never again will I want to talk about a guy that I'm dating. So it's hard. It's difficult, right? I mean, do you ever feel were you ever scared to be public and open about your husband? He was there from the beginning. I actually feel like I've shifted away from that. I used to share him so much and now I don't. Oh, because it felt like it was getting in the way of our relationship.

Like if I was like, oh, hop in this photo or will you film this video with me? He clearly didn't enjoy it. And it was causing arguments. And I was like, it's just not worth it. Right. To beg him to be in this photo. Yeah. You know, even though the audience loves it and I appreciate that from them so much, if it's causing an actual fight in my relationship, I'm not doing it. Right. So I've shifted away from that. Oh, that's so interesting. So you started heavily like

having him involved in the whole thing. Yeah. And then it's kind of faded out. People ask where they think we like broke up. Right. Because he's not. Now it's just Fi in all my content. Are you married to Fi now? What's happening? But I shifted away from it. Yeah. When you go on dates, are people like, whoa, don't talk about me on your show. Does that ever happen? That has happened before. And I am like, who?

Who the fuck do you think you are? Like, do not flatter yourself. You're not entertaining enough for Sophia. No, I know. Like, I've gone on one date with you. Like, what? And then below key, like, I absolutely want to talk about that on that week's episode. I mean, it's good content. But for people I really care about, you know, I I try to protect that as best as I can. But I think it's going to hit a breaking point.

Because I can feel like my listeners kind of being like you're hiding a huge part of your life. They know. Yeah. You know, when I was recording in the other studio yesterday, they were all like, Sophia, we want to hear about Sophia. My audience loves you. Really? They want the deets. Okay, well, I fucking love them. They love the collab. They love it. They do.

when you first we should we should do like a spin-off show you can teach me about all the drugs and in all the drugs i'll tell you about all of them and then you can tell me how to take care of myself yeah you know no i love and not just like walk in here with a fucking confetti cookie like that's also what i had for breakfast you will teach me about oxycontin and i will teach you about wellness

And we'll find like a balance. We'll find a balance. You know, because it can't just be like all fun and, you know... Imagine the audience we would get. Imagine the mix of what type of person's listening. Right. It can't be all health all the time. And it can't be all fun. Right. Doing drugs all the time. And I also need your help finding out where to go out in New York. Because me and Fi want to hit the town on Saturday. And we're like, where do we go? Thank God you said Saturday. Can I come? Well, listen, we...

We're coming with you. You don't know that yet. We were actually just going to go wherever you were going. I'm telling you that live time now. Okay, well, I'm going to set up some things. We're going out. I'm just so happy you said tomorrow because I'm like, we're going out tonight. No, God no. I better go take a nap. I'll be in bed by nine tonight. Oh, me too. But I will tell you about all the hot spots. You want me to tell you right now? Give us some right now. What are we... Am I going to the box tonight? Saturday night? Okay, so the box is like...

I have a personal obsession with the box.

The box used to be really out of control. I've heard really crazy stories. They had to calm it down. I mean, I remember one time a woman, you know, sucked a goat's penis until it came in her mouth. I'm not, this isn't a joke. Stop it right now. I'm not kidding. Were you there for that? I wasn't there for that. But around that time, I remember like my friends telling me about it.

They tell me, they told me something. There was a woman who was like in love with a horse and did some, and I think gave the horse a handjob. Don't give me this. I don't know. I'm in my horse era right now. I really am. I've been horseback riding. I love them. I hate hearing this. No, she loves, I mean, she loves the horse. Well, like, yeah, clearly. Like, what the fuck? I don't know. Maybe the horse loved it too. I mean, who knows? But like. Sophia. I can't wait for our spinoff show. I really, the soundbite. I am.

apologize guys I'm obviously fucking around that's a bestiality is fucking disgusting I do not support it at all ever under any circumstances PETA do not come for me I care about animals I try to eat vegan as much as possible oh maybe we'll go there at some point in this interview yes yes

Okay, so the box used to be insane. And then I'm sure, you know, PETA caught on to what they were doing. They were probably pissed. And I'm sure they didn't like that very much. And so it's a little bit toned down, but it's still fantastic. I went there a couple weeks ago and like this man, he came out as a man, but then took his top off. And it was, he had tits. Amazing. And a penis. Amazing. And he took a shit on stage.

And this is the toned back version. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And then he was he was throwing glass at people. It was it's incredible. And that's where we're going tomorrow. I'm taking you. I and you're gonna have the best time. Should we podcast live time? Oh, I'll be giving you guys all my feedback. Like as I get hit in the face with glass with glass, but also his penis like like he was like

Did you get hit in the face? I didn't get hit in the face with his penis, but my friend did. I mean, that's what he claims. He could have been just like being dramatic, but the penis was like right here. Best night of her life. Okay, so we're going out Saturday night. What about Acme? Acme is a solid place to go. We were told it's a direct quote dick vortex. Okay, a dick vortex. This is not for me. I'm married. This is for my assistant. Okay.

She's so mad right now. I love how you just throw her under the bus for everything. She's the best content I have. She's way more interesting than me because I'm wifed up. Yeah. Oh, so you have to live vicariously through her. Yeah. Every guy we pass on the street in New York, I'm like, I love that. But it's a solid place to go. Yeah. That used to be my old stomping grounds for sure.

So I listened to a recent solo episode you did and you said you feel like you've had the most growth you've ever had in the last six months. How so? What's happening? I think in the last six months, I moved back to New York after a two-year hiatus. So that was a huge change. I went through a breakup. That was about six, seven months ago. I turned 30 and...

my first apartment alone and I just had to deal with a lot of demons and things that I think I was running away from and hiding from. I had to really get my business off the ground and running. I mean, I started so few than up two years ago, but, you know, for a

a lot of that time, it was just trying to keep my head above water. Right. You were healing. So I was healing. It was like a startup. It was like startup culture. I'm like, I don't know how to start a team. I don't even know what type of people I need on a team. You know, hiring is the hardest part. Right. Right. What am I going to talk about on my show? Where am I going to do my show? You know, all of those things.

And so I think, yeah, that's where a lot of that growth has come from and and being, you know, single somewhat.

somewhat somewhat I'm going I always say this my listeners get so annoyed and I'm gonna give them a full just like I'm gonna tell them all of it I can't wait I am for that episode I think it's gonna be next episode so where would you say you're at now mental health wise versus 2020

A complete 180. Really? A complete 180. What tools did you use? Like, how did you heal from that? I mean, so there's there's so many. I think it was time. You know, I think it was therapy.

I think it was because it was a form of PTSD. Bully. Oh, my gosh. Bully. I can imagine coming back to New York even was triggering. Yeah. And I think I avoided New York for two years for that reason. Right. So that was like when I came here, I really had to just like, you know, be head on and straight on and just face all of the face the music. You know what I mean? I think it was therapy. I think it was time. I think it was.

It was taking those hurdles and doing the things that were scary to me that made me grow and made me stronger. And like just getting my self-confidence back. Right. Yeah.

I remember even just like starting the show, I was still a little bit like meek and self-conscious and, you know, and I just have really come into my own. You so have. Yeah. I feel like everyone's talking about your show right now. You're all over TikTok. You had quite the comeback. Yes. Thank you. You have a huge range of guests. Yeah. Super interesting topics. It's been amazing to watch. Honestly. Thank you so much. That actually means the world to me.

What is your view now on cancel culture after going through it? Do you feel like it's improved or do you think people are just scared to say what they actually think? What a great fucking question. I think it's a mixture of both. I think that when cancel culture first, you know, like hit its peak. Which is kind of when it happened to you. Yeah. You were one of the first. Yes. Yes. Canceled big time. Big, big time.

And canceled for what? Like, I'm sorry, did I say something, you know, homophobic or racist or derogatory or did I murder someone? Nope. I had a business disagreement with someone. Which I've had. We've all had business disagreements and they should stay private. And they should stay private. I mean, I actually I went to a dinner. I went to this wedding.

And they sat me next to another very famous podcaster who had also had a business disagreement with his co-host. And he was kind of kicked off the show and canceled. And he ended up in a mental facility for trying to kill himself.

And no wonder they sat us next to each other. I'm like, oh, that's how ironic I'm sitting next to a fucking pod famous podcaster that was canceled. But it's kind of a blessing to get to talk to someone. Oh, it felt so good to talk to him. But I'm just pointing that out because it's not a joke.

How it mentally affects people, you know? We're not designed to handle that. I mean, social media in itself, we're not designed to be seeing what everyone's doing 24-7. No. That much feedback is like unfathomable to even be able to handle that. Right. To feel like, and in my instance, the entire fucking world wanting you dead is...

is not a good feeling. Do you have a lot of other public figures ask you for advice when they go through it? I have had a couple people reach out and what I tell them is...

It will pass. Obviously, I think there are certain things that are so bad that certain people deserve to be canceled. Yeah. You know, like there are certain things, but those are very few and far between. People make mistakes. And I think cancel culture is just complete bullshit. It

It took two years and I'm not even... I'm basically, I think... Actually, I will never say I'm fully healed. It'll always be a part of you. Right. But I mean, I'm just the happiest I've ever been. But I will say, and I'm sure you feel the same way. It's kind of...

I can't just get on the microphone and just talk however the fuck I want. Yeah. Do you feel nervous now of getting canceled or do you not even think about it? I love how you said, I can't just get on a mic and talk about whatever I want after I just got done talking about a fucking woman giving a horse a blowjob.

Anyways, I do talk about a lot of things, but I am just a lot more cautious about it, which is a good thing. But I think sometimes it can be debilitating where it's not good. I think there's a line. Like, I think it's good to think about what you're saying and the impact it's having. But at the same time,

There's no one's going to learn anything if no one's saying how they actually feel or able to debate something like if we disagree with someone that should be OK. Right. Exactly. I mean, the Johnny Depp Amber Heard situation and the and the people just sucking Johnny Depp's dick like, oh, my God, he's a hero. Did a like number hurt like villainizing the fuck out of her. I don't know what went on in that relationship. I'm sure they were both fucking crazy, but like.

You don't know her. And she is now canceled forever, right? Career ruined. Career ruined. And it's not fair. Like you weren't in that marriage. And I don't know. I think it's bullshit. Amber, if you're listening, I will have you on my podcast. I just DM you. Ignore everything I just said. Come on the show. You just said you turned 30 recently, correct? Any advice? I'm turning 30 relatively soon. Okay. Two years. Two years.

Is there any mindfuck? How do you, what is your view on turning 30? Because so many people speak about it as if it's like terrifying. Let me tell you a little something about turning 30. Okay. Because I walked into it thinking it was nothing. It's like, it's, it's what, oh my God, just because there's not number two in front of it. I'm a fucking different human being. Mm-hmm.

The thing is, is like I preach that so much. It doesn't mean shit. Like 20s are the new 30s or your 30s are the new 20s.

And then I did subconsciously like start realizing there is, I don't know if it's just because society has made us feel this way, but let me give you an example. You will look in the mirror and you'll see something shining in your hair and you'll be like, oh my God, my hair's graying. You're overthinking everything. My hair is going white and I'm going to have to, holy shit, like I'm aging insane.

I have very bad bags under my eyes right now from lack of sleep, right? Because I have been dealing with insomnia a little bit. I'm getting it under control. But I looked in the mirror and I was like, your eyes look so hollow, so sunken in. The circles are so dark. You are old as...

as fuck. And it's like, first of all, you look amazing. So this is crazy. I see no hollows. I see a mature Kelly bag 30 year old next to me. Kelly bag. Kelly bags, plural. Yes, but it's like,

Hmm, Sophia, maybe it's not the fact that you're 30. Maybe it's because you haven't fucking slept in four weeks. You know what I mean? What's the deal with insomnia? I've actually never had it, but it sounds awful. It is. It is awful. Because the thing with insomnia is you don't sleep.

And then when you get in bed, you get so much anxiety that you're not falling asleep. But it becomes this vicious cycle, right? Yeah. So like it got to a point where I was scared of my bedroom. And I would just sit on the couch until like 5 a.m. until I couldn't keep my eyes open. Because if not, if I got in my bed...

I would start getting so much anxiety. Oh, my God. What time is it? Oh, my God. You have all this shit to tomorrow. The clock is ticking. I get that. I don't even have insomnia. Oh, really? Do you do that? You count backwards being like, I'll get this many hours of sleep if I go to bed at this time. Like last night, I couldn't. I was in bed by nine. That's I'm a grandmother. But I see. I want to be like that. Are you not like that right now? I'm a three, four a.m.

If I go to sleep. I love how different we are. Sometimes I don't go to sleep at all. I love the difference in our routines. That's why we're going to start our show. So how are you improving this insomnia? So...

How am I improving it? I have not been improving it in the healthiest of ways. I did see a psychiatrist. He prescribed me temporary Ambien just to get it on to like a regular schedule. But if it's helping you sleep, then... Yeah, but I need to get off of it at some point. But I have tried a bunch of other things. Shutting off...

down work at a certain hour. Yeah. And you probably do this, too. Maybe I'm working in bed right at 10 p.m. sending an email. Oh, no, that's not. That's definitely not. No. So then my brain doesn't shut off because you're stressed. Yeah. On high alert. Yes. I've started a bedtime routine. I give myself at least 30 minutes to just chill and wind. I've really tried to, you know, not look at the electronics. But what about weed?

See, that's the thing, Maris. I can smoke Oxycontin and be perfectly fine, but marijuana sends me straight to the hospital. I swear to God. She's like laundry detergent or nothing. No, I've tried some hardcore drugs in my day, you know, coke like a lot. And I and I. But no weed.

I don't know. Marijuana just, I can't handle it. I don't know why. See, I'm big into it. See, I really, I want to train myself to be able to. Could you help me? Yeah, I'll help you. I got you. A training camp. You'll help me get more into hard drugs. I'll help you get into weed. Drugs are not good, by the way, people. Not those kinds. No, just greens and flute merch. Right? Flute merch. Flute merch. I love my flute merch, by the way. Right?

We have options. I love wearing that as a married woman. I'm like, I have just so you know, husband, I do have options. Anytime you guys get in a fight, you come downstairs in the crew. That's my fight outfit. That's a fighting outfit. It's a fighting outfit. Love that. Let them know what the fuck is up. I have options. Any Sophia listeners, if you're married, just save it. Yeah. Save it for a nice fight. Even if you're married, you have options. Just saying. What's a wellness trend that you're into right now and one you're not into? Well,

Wellness trend. I am into meditation. What? Huge. My favorite app is waking up with Sam Harris. I am obsessed with him. I'm obsessed with that app. I'm obsessed with meditation. I feel like it's I feel like that's actually been a big part of my healing and becoming because it's you know, your your brain is for most people out of fucking control. Right.

Yeah. You know, and meditation just teaches you how to be in control of your brain and, you know, handle emotions in a different way. Yeah. Wellness trend I'm not into. I don't know. I'm not going to say that one because I think that one's very, very rude. Journaling. Journaling. I'm sorry. I have to say I think I don't know. I don't get it. That's

That's fine. Do you? Are you a big journaler? I was for a month. Listen, I was. Yeah, but the meditating, I think I did it with meditating. And I think the meditating was more powerful than the journal. OK, if I'm being real, I get, you know, sometimes I will write down my thoughts in my note. Yes, we love the notes. The notes app on the phone is fine. If anyone were to read my notes app, they'd be terrified, terrified.

I'm terrified. That's my worst fear. Yeah. But it's the journal. Like something about like the journal and the journal is like, I don't know. I don't know. You know what ended up happening to me? I would write the same thing every day. And I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? What am I grateful for? Food. Oh, oh, you would write down what you're grateful for. Oh, I thought you meant like you had the same like issue every single day. No, but I did.

I kept writing the same thing. I was like, this is not helping me anymore. I'm done with the journaling. But I love the meditating. The meditating is so transformative. And I see it in you. I feel like you've definitely changed a lot in the last few months. And I feel like it's the meditating. I mean, you kind of are a therapist in yourself. Like, I already feel just better about myself on this podcast. Should I quit my job?

Yes. Should I quit Bloom? Yes, but actually don't because I fucking love the matcha bloom. Thank you. Obsessed. Thank you. What is the mixer thingy? The electric mixer. Isn't she powerful? I use her for everything. I think she could mix cement.

She could mix anything. I think so. I just I love her. I use her every single day. And I just I love everything that you do. I really do. That makes me happy. Yes. Delaney is the one that introduced me. You are a huge inspiration. We love Delaney. Yes. Shout out Delaney. For her fitness journey. You're like the huge inspiration. Thank you. Yes. Sophia, where can people find you online? Where can they listen to the show? So my podcast is called Sophia with an

You can find me anywhere you listen to podcasts. And then my social media is very fun. It's Sophia with an F, Franklin with a Y on all my social media channels. And I just got verified on TikTok. Oh!

So I'm kind of famous. I'm kind of just like on top of the world. And that's just me. Killing it. We love you, Sophia. See you at the box. Yes. Saturday night. Thanks for having me, Mari. Bye. Bye, guys.

Thank you for listening to today's episode. Go comment on my last Instagram at Mari Llewellyn with the guest you want to see next. I'll be picking one person from the comments to send our bloom greens to. Make sure you hit follow so you never miss my weekly episodes. If you enjoyed the conversation, be sure to share and leave a review. See you next week.

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