How To Be Confident & Love Your Body: Ella Halikas On The Curve Model Industry, Getting Roofied, Fashion Week Inclusivity & Social Media Toxicity.
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What's up, guys? Welcome back to the Pursuit of Wellness podcast. I am so excited for today's conversation. We're talking to the self-proclaimed CEO of Confidence, Ella Halikas.

I love this conversation because I think the topic of confidence is so important in today's world. We're all comparing ourselves all the time and I feel like insecurity is at an all-time high. Ella is a model and a body positivity activist and in today's episode, she shares her journey from insecurity to unshakable confidence. She gives us actionable advice on how to nurture self-love and acceptance. We

We talk about navigating the modeling industry as a plus size woman and her struggle with size discrimination. I think no matter what position you're in, we could all use advice on building our own confidence and learning how to love ourselves for who we are. I know I personally took so much away from this conversation and I shared a little bit about my confidence journey as well. In today's discussion, we talk about developing confidence and a positive mindset,

comparison in today's society and how to avoid it, the pressure of appearance and success, size discrimination, date, rape, drugs, and Ella's experience. So trigger warning on that topic. How to manifest success, dealing with haters, inside New York Fashion Week, what it's really like and the inclusivity at Fashion Week, and a discussion around the plus size industry and health.

So I really, really enjoyed today's episode. Ella is so awesome. I think she's incredible and so uplifting. I think that's why she's been so successful on social media. She really is a positive influencer to follow. So I highly recommend you guys check out her pages for more confidence tips.

With that said, let's hop into today's episode with Ella. Okay, guys, today on the show, we have a highly requested guest. She's a self-made model, sports illustrated model, I should add. Content creator, speaker, entrepreneur and body positivity activist, Ella, welcome to the show. Yay, thank you so much for having me. I had so many requests to bring you on. So

So wild. And we met at a Bloom event and you're just like the sweetest, best energy person. And you have an incredible story. So I can't wait to hop in. You are the CEO of Confidence. Yes.

Self-proclaimed. I love that. I love that. And I think so many of us, women especially, struggle with insecurity. Yeah. We're not small enough. Our butts aren't big enough. We're not doing enough. We don't have enough friends. We're not posting enough. Right. Whatever it may be, I kind of want to know from the beginning what your journey to confidence has been like to get to where you are right now. Yeah. Yeah.

I would say it's taken a full 180. Like, I definitely was the girl that was so insecure in high school. Maybe you didn't know from the outside looking in, but we kind of spoke about this a little before. I had really bad acne. I actually was a lot smaller in high school. I played sports my whole life, but my body was switching. Like, so I started to get, like, hips, and then I developed earlier, and I got my period earlier. And I was like, I'm going to have to do this again.

And I didn't know how to handle the curves. I didn't know how to handle that. And I also didn't embrace it because I think just society that we are raised in, it's like the smaller you are, the happier and prettier that you are. And the more desired you are for a man, whatever it may be. So I think I was so insecure. And I think it took me so many years to find this confidence for sure. It was not an overnight thing. We can dive more into it. But

Very insecure. Then I went to Hawaii. When I transferred schools to Hawaii, everything shifted. I feel like after that, I was just so tired of like not living my best life. I was tired of waiting to put on the swimsuit and waiting to go on the trip and waiting to go on a date or do this because I was having my body hold me back.

But once you kind of just stop caring and just start embracing where you're at in that moment is kind of when everything shifted for me. I've heard you mention on another interview that you were so focused on how you looked every day that it was exhausting. And I've been there before, like with my acne. I've even said on the show, I feel like when I've been my leanest or when I was like the most dialed in to...

eating right and exercising, that's when I thought about my body the most. And that's when I was the most insecure. Right. 100%. It becomes mentally draining. That's the thing is like, you know, the saying it's like, you became so tired of being tired. That's where I was at. Every day when you're thinking of what food you're eating, how your stomach looks, what's the number on the scale? What are you weighing today? Well, if you ate this last night, you should have this this morning, but then you ate this too much this morning. So then we should eat less tonight. It's like,

every single day that becomes so draining. And I think so many women can relate to that feeling of just being exhausted. And it's not a good exhausted. It's not doing anything good for you. It's actually quite the opposite. And it's counterproductive. You don't get anywhere by thinking about it 24-7.

So I think I wanted to really make that shift of like, I'm tired of letting food and my body and the size I'm wearing control my mind every day. And it takes you out of the present. Totally. And the present moment is the only place where you can actually make progress and connections and really figure out who you are. Right. And I think so much of it is like, how do you define yourself? By the way you look or by the habits you have and the person that you are on the inside? What are some...

tangible steps or tools you use to get more confident? Yeah, I think the tangible steps I took were honestly looking at your environment. Who are you hanging out with? That's a big one. I think when you're hanging out with girls that are constantly comparing themselves or tearing themselves down or commenting on another girl's weight or what she's wearing at the coffee shop and it's like,

When you're around that energy, you start to consume that and that's who you are. And I think changing my environment for sure, changing who I was hanging out with, also watching the thoughts because I believe that your mind is the most powerful thing for sure. It controls everything. So if every day I wake up and tell myself I'm beautiful, I'm confident, and I'm just whatever, desirable, I'm worthy, I'm this, I'm that, you will start to believe it. It's almost like faking it till you make it.

But in a way of shifting your mind and the patterns and your thoughts, I think that's a really big one is focusing on the mindset of it and just start telling yourself every day. Even if you don't believe it, look in the mirror, affirmations, it sounds silly, but say it out loud, film yourself saying it, write it down, go on a walk, listen to a good podcast about self-worth, like just ingrain your brain every day with confidence so you have no room to think negative thoughts, if that makes sense.

totally makes sense you know I love that and I think also if you have the awareness that you're someone who tends to lean on the negative side or you are insecure like I personally wake up with outrageous anxiety I know that I need to wake up extra early so I can have my time alone I can go outside I listen to

positive podcast. Yeah, I fill my life with positive things because otherwise I will be down a spiral. So I think it's almost like anticipating the spiral and doing things to prevent it from happening. 100%. And that's different for everyone. It's like knowing what works for you. You know, it's like waking up early might work for you. But someone else might be like, first thing they wake up in their journaling for five minutes, or maybe it's going for a walk midday and getting a call, like whatever it may be, kind of learn what works for you in that routine. 100%.

How do you handle any negative thoughts that creep in now? Like, do you find that you still have bad body image days now? How often are you struggling with it current day?

For sure. I think no matter how confident you become, you still are going to struggle to some capacity. You're still going to have moments of doubt or self-doubt or, you know, wishing that you look differently or whatever. And those thoughts sometimes creep in. I think I know how to manage those thoughts now better. So when they do come in, I know how to like turn it off. And I talk about it a lot. Actually, I called it the light switch method. I'm like, maybe you should write a book about this one day. But it really changed my life because the second you think of a negative thought or a self-doubting thought,

You act like there's a light switch in your brain and you immediately just turn it off. And I think the second you turn it off, you replace it with something good. It could be something so quick and so just you look this today. You look ugly today. You look whatever. Your skin looks bad. Immediately shut it off. Like actually pretend there's a switch. And the second I started to do that, it became easier and easier. And then I was like, wait, the thoughts stopped coming more because I trained my brain to immediately turn it off and replace it with something good.

And so, yes, I have those thoughts sometimes for sure. And I think we all can compare ourselves at times. But I know that my confidence and who I am as a person and my worth relies way more than my body and how it looks that day and the size I'm wearing in that day or that season. Because, you know, I'm accepting that our bodies do change and that's normal. So when that does happen, I just realize like X, Y, and Z, like honor that thought, but then shut it off and replace it with something good. ♪♪

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I love that light switch method. It reminds me of, I don't know if you've heard of DBT therapy. No. It's a therapy used for, so I personally have BPD. Anyone who has emotional management issues, dialectical behavioral therapy. And it's a part of it is acknowledging thoughts just as thoughts. Yeah.

and letting them float away on clouds rather than embodying them. Like, I think what a lot of us do is we think things and therefore we think we are those things. Does that make sense? So true. I think my skin looks bad, therefore I am bad skin. Yeah. Like, that sounds crazy, but when my skin has been really bad, I'm like, oh, I am...

someone with acne. That's all anyone else is seeing. Yeah. You become that thought. Totally. You embody it. Every room you walk into, it's all you think about. So the light switch method makes a lot of sense to me. You brought up comparison. Yeah.

I'm curious because I think all of us talk about social media now and how easy it is to compare ourselves to everyone online. What's that like in your world, in the world of modeling? Do you find yourself comparing? Do you have active tools you use to avoid doing that? Yeah.

It's interesting because the entire modeling industry in itself is comparison. Like you literally walk into a casting and you don't get the job and someone else does. How could you not compare yourself to the girl that got the job? Or you walk in and it's between two girls, like I said, to get the job. Or if only you were a little bit smaller on your waist or we need someone with a little bit bigger of a hip measurement or, you know, we need someone with naturally curly hair. Whatever it may be, you are constantly being pinned up against your peers.

And I think I honestly say it truly, if you are not the most confident person, I would not recommend modeling. Like it is the most, I don't even know how to word it, but it is the most dependent on how you look. It's the most superficial industry you can be in.

And for someone that talks about inner confidence and inner work and love yourself for who you are, it goes, does not go hand in hand with the modeling industry. So I struggle with that at times because you get let down, right? You get put on a hold and then you see who else got the job because you got released or vice versa.

It can mess with your psyche and it can mess with your confidence. But I think knowing that what's for you won't miss you is huge. It's gotten me through most of everything. I think if you didn't get the job, it wasn't for you. And if that casting director doesn't want you, it's not you. It's just maybe they literally just wanted someone with blue eyes or someone with darker features or with blonde hair that I don't have. So it's like it doesn't – it's not a reflection of your worth. It's simply of what they're just looking for for that specific role. Yeah.

So I think knowing that it's not a comparison game of who's better. It's more of just like the industry in itself and what they're looking for. It kind of releases that pressure of feeling like, you know, you're comparing yourself to the next girl. Totally. I guess when you think of it from like a business standpoint and a character role they're trying to fill, it's less of a personal attack. Totally. I don't think I could ever. I mean, even moving to L.A.,

was challenging for me because everyone here is stunning on the streets I'll be driving by and I'm like 10 10 10 this is actually rude this is literally a walking runway going to Irwan I'm like I can't no the outfits the money I'm like okay I came down here with my little Honda which I loved my Honda I have another car now but I loved my Honda but

But you start... It's like the game of constantly thinking you need a new car. Maybe I need lip fillers. Maybe I need this. And it's a thing. It's a thing. No judgment to any of that, but... And then you go to another state. Like, I go home even to New York and I'm like, oh, wait. Like, we're fine. Everything's fine. Everything's okay. LA's a bubble and a half. I know. It's insane. I know. So you put that on top of modeling, on top of confident issues, on top of being curvy and not your stereotypical just smaller figure that's ideal in society. It's like...

It becomes a lot of pressure for sure. A daily battle. You know, a daily battle. But you have to know that, like I said, your worth is not lying within that and how you look. And you've had incredible success in a short period of time. And I can't wait to talk about all the things you're doing. What was the turning point when you decided to pursue your dreams? Like you spoke about struggling with confidence when you were younger. Like what was the moment you were like, I'm going for it?

So what's interesting is, okay, so I was working at a restaurant in Hawaii. So I was going to school out there. I went from my sophomore year to senior when I graduated. And I was working at this restaurant and I was late too many times. It's a problem. And I actually got let go from the job. And it was at that time where I really wanted more for myself. I started taking photos on the beach and my friends were like, whoa, how'd you do that with your face? You just turned something on. You should be like, you should do modeling. I'm like, oh, you're crazy. I can't. I'm a size 14, whatever. And I was like, I'm not going to do that.

But when I got let go, it lit fire in me. It was just like, what am I doing? I want more. And I remember saying, I will come back into this restaurant, a Sports Illustrated model. And they all thought I was crazy. And I left and I submitted my first video in 2018. Of course, I didn't get it. Tried out again in 2019, didn't get it. Flew to Miami, tried out, didn't get it. 2020 pandemic, finally got it. And

and it was in the magazine 2021 but I just remember when I got let go I felt so unworthy I felt so ashamed I felt so embarrassed I was like I know I want more for myself and I know I can accomplish x y and z and I'm just gonna go for it and I literally the day I got let go I submitted my first video I love the fact that you went back and tried so many times that like to me sums up

The people who are successful are just the people who are willing to fail. And that's in my case too. Like I did a number of things that didn't work out to get to where I am now. So I love the fact that you said that. Did you ever go back and show them your magazine?

I definitely went back in. I didn't bring the magazine, but like they all knew. They're like, oh my God, you've been killing it. I'm like, thank you. Thank you so much. Remember when you guys let me go? But no, we did a round of shots. We celebrated and it was great. A lot of my friends had still worked there. So we went back and drank at the bar and like it just was a full circle moment being there and being like, I did it. Like I did it. I conquered. I did it. And now...

I can just share my success and stuff with my friends. But yeah, it was a really interesting moment when that happened because I think when you lose something or some – you learn the most in your failures and you learn the most when you –

are going through it. You don't learn too much when you're winning. And I've noticed that even within myself. And so when I got fired and I got like, oh, I was at the lowest point in my life. And I think that's when like the greatness happens. It's so crazy.

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Oh my gosh, took the words out of my mouth. I say that every episode. I think hitting rock bottom for me was like the best thing that could have happened to me. Wow, I love that. I think so many people live life just tolerating...

being average. Does that make sense? Like if things are somewhat uncomfortable, like they kind of don't like their job and they're not really doing anything that they love. It's like, this is uncomfortable, but I'm okay with it because it's not that bad. But when it gets really bad, you have no choice but to make change. You have no choice. Yeah. I love that.

I know. And you could do two things. You can either like soak in that misery and uncomfortableness and then just say, well, this is my life. Or you can choose to do everything to get out of that position. You know, and I think our failures teach us the most. And I stand by that for sure. I'm the most grateful for every failure, every loss, every release from a job, everything. I honestly am more grateful for those moments. So you weren't necessarily scouted. You went out and did this yourself. Yeah.

Pretty much. So I went out, did it myself, but I did end up getting scouted on Instagram in like 2019, maybe 2020, going into 2020 from an agent in San Francisco, which was really cool because I was like, what? I could actually do this and not just on Instagram? So I moved back home, signed with them, worked at another restaurant to live at home and save money because my goal was to move to LA. Then the pandemic hit and I just was going through family issues and I was so unhappy and that was my rock bottom. Yeah.

And I just was like, I got to get out. And I told my parents, I was like, I'm moving out. And they were like, it's the pandemic. What are you doing for work? And I was like, I'll figure it out. I'm going to be a model going down to LA. Packed up my bag and drove myself down with my cousin and just like made shit happen. I love that. What does your family think of what you do now? Like, do they understand it?

I think more so now. I think at first they're kind of like, what are you doing? I remember telling my mom, you know, in junior and college, I didn't really do too many internships. I was studying journalism. I wanted to be a news anchor, but I wasn't really doing much with it. And she's like, all right, like you're a junior in college. You're about to graduate. Like, what are you doing?

What do you want to do? And I was like, mom, this sounds crazy, but I know I'm going to make money from videos online. I don't know how. I just know I'm going to make money doing videos or modeling or photos, something to do with social media. And obviously in that generation, they're like, okay, let's get a little bit more realistic.

Even, you know, my grandparents and people that were seeing my photos on Instagram, they kind of were like, what is she doing? Getting started out. And I just was like, I'm going to be a Sports Illustrated model. Like these bikini photos will make sense soon. And then they made sense. But I think now that my parents can see that I can be self-sufficient, independent, make a career off of this and actually do good and help a lot of people and make an impact in their confidence, they're like, they're on board. They're like, this is really cool. And they want to know more and be supportive.

I can relate to that in so many ways. I think with parents and family, this is such a new era of, I mean, who knew we could have careers like this, right? So my family still doesn't quite know what I do for a living, but it's okay because the support's there. 100%. No, I love that. In your journey to becoming a model, did you encounter any size discrimination along the way? Like what were those interactions like and how did it, did it fuel you? Did it hinder you at any point?

Totally. I mean, to be honest and transparent, it still kind of does. I think I've built enough around my name and my platforms and brand that there's more to than just my number of my genes when someone's booking me for a job, right? They're booking me for my personality, my energy, my platform. But I do think there are times where when I got started, I...

Went into a job and I was actually a little bit sick at the time. I think it was pre-COVID, but maybe it could have been COVID. I got sick. I was not eating. I didn't have an appetite. I was ill. I probably lost like eight pounds. I go into the job and within like a month, they were like, whoa, like you've gotten smaller, like the casting director. And I was like, oh, like I've just been working out a ton. Also, like I've been like I was sick the past month. And when I was walking out, she looked at me and was like, well, don't lose any more weight or you lose your job.

And I was like, whoa. Like it just hit me. I was like, wow. Like, okay. And that comment will always stick with me.

And subconsciously being a curve model, I have people ask me all the time, like, transparently, like, are you able to like not lose weight? Do you have to maintain your figure? And I'm like, well, first of all, that's mainly family that's asking me. And I'm like, well, first of all, I love my body. I don't want to change. If I want to change, it should be up to me. And it's all going to be onto like how I feel, not for some industry that's going to tell me if I'm worthy or not. It's going to be if I want to do it and it because of the way I feel. But for me, I...

I constantly get comments all the time. I mean, you can go into a casting and they're like, oh, well, your hips are a little bit this, your hips are a little, your waist measurements a little off for what we're looking for. So it's constantly down to literally your measurements. So I am hearing that a lot. And it's a double, it's a double standard. It's a, it's interesting when you're always told that you have to lose weight as a model, but then when you're curvy and maybe plus size, then you can't lose weight because you have to stay bigger. So it's,

It's like the weirdest and it does F with your mind a little bit. For sure. I guess being on the outside of the modeling industry, I didn't realize that there were such strict categories that you need to kind of be in. Like what if you did decide you wanted to do that? Right. I mean, as you mentioned before, I feel like people are hiring now more for your personality, your platform, you're well-spoken, you interact well with people. I've seen your videos everywhere. I feel like...

there's so much more to you than that, if that makes sense. Yeah. I think if I just did modeling, I don't think I would be a working model if I got down to a size 6 to 8. I think being at your 12 to 16 is a really good sweet spot for curve and plus size.

Although there are, I believe that's kind of BS because I believe if you're selling jeans that are a size six or eight, there's a model that can fill those jeans. Like don't tell me I need to stay at either a double zero or a 14 to work. What about the sizes in the middle? And I think those sizes are never seen. They're never represented. And so that's what's a struggle. But I do think as a society,

I've noticed it's more of a trend to be smaller. And now the BBL's out and everyone's losing weight in Hollywood. Everyone might be on Ozempic, whatever it may be. That does flow into the fashion industry. And you will see on the runway, most of the girls are more smaller now. There's not a lot of curve and plus size being represented in New York Fashion Week or, you know, vice versa. And I think...

There are more models that are killing it and working as the size 8 to 10 that I know right now. So, you know, it is ever-changing. And that's why I always say don't change yourself for an industry that's always changing. Don't change yourself for a trend that's always changing. If I shave off my eyebrows to be thin eyebrows because it's in right now, in a year it might not be in and no client will want to book me because they want the bushy look. Like it literally – like we can't always just change for a trend or what this industry wants. So, I mean, I feel like there always should be work, but –

the ideal spot to be in as curve plus size, they say, is like 12 to 16 and so forth. I've heard you say my body is not a trend. I love that. I think that makes a lot of sense. Do you feel like that applies to everyone? Everyone. Industry or not. I mean...

I think on TikTok, you see what's trendy, you see what's hot, you see what goes viral. And it's exhausting because then you're like, do I have to look like that? Or skinny waist with a big butt is in. And then actually having like the no hips, but like really big boobs and like skinny arms is in. And then having like the thick, I mean, it's just so draining. Like woman, and I heard this, it's so crazy. I heard men hate women and women hate women.

And it really shook something in me because women are not only being criticized by men 24-7, we're constantly criticizing other women too. So we are our worst enemy. We are constantly...

bullying each other and pinning each other up and comparing women and who wore the dress better. And not only is it guys saying you're fat, you're ugly, you're this, lose weight, girls are saying it too. So, I mean, girls are constantly our worst enemy. And I think women really are facing criticism and judgment and pressure every single day. I almost wonder if it's because we grew up in such a judgmental environment. I mean, I know a lot of

grew up as little girls being kind of nitpicked and having that insecurity that we grow up with that mindset and we inevitably end up doing it to other women too, which is so sad. Totally. And TikTok really is a breeding ground for that. So bad. I find it very bad for my mental health, I have to say. It's very toxic for body image. I think when I first got onto it in the pandemic, I remember a lot of younger girls that were very, very tiny and had the ideal like Coke bottle, whatever you want to call it, type of body image.

everyone in the comments was like, well, I'm not eating dinner. Oh, I'm going to skip dinner. Oh my God. If only I looked like this. Oh my God. I'm going to put my fork down. I would kill myself to look like that. I mean, literally the comments were so horrible. I know. And I just was swiping and I was like, someone has to speak out. Someone has to do something. Keeping in mind, these girls were 17 years old. Literally. In the videos. Not developed yet. Yeah. Not developed.

Pre-pubescent, pre-puberty. And that became the goal body. Yeah. It actually messed with me for a while too. And I had to get out of there. I was like, I'm almost 30 years old. Me too. Because not only was it the video that could be triggering, it's the comments in the army of women that all want to look like that. And all were talking about not eating, put the fork down, there goes my dinner, I'm going on a diet tomorrow. And I'm like, this is so toxic.

I'm like, does everyone really want this? Does everyone really believe this? And that's why it sparked something in me to really utilize the voice that I have to be like, well, I look like this and I'm confident and beautiful. And people are like, well, whoa, like you are beautiful. If you can look like that, then why can't I be confident in my body? And it started to like make almost like,

this, you know, the trend. Like, I want to be that trendsetter. I want to, like, really push that message because it's so needed. You had a viral video go out about being denied from a club here in LA, which I want to talk about and hear more about. I also have been denied from a club in New York and Fi was infuriated. Like, guys, this experience, we were like, oh. No, it's the worst. It's the worst feeling. Why did he not let you in? I don't know. To this day, I don't know. Could be for a number of reasons.

I mean, honestly, it's the ego and the power trip with them sometimes too. Like the little bit like, yeah, sure, sure, no. Or like if you come in really confident and hot, they'll be like, no, just because they can say no to you. It really is the worst because I could be so confident and so happy in who I am and I could feel so good and do so much inner work. And when you get to the door and he tells you to your face, you can't come in and you're not worthy to come in.

And I think in that moment, it questioned my entire confidence. It literally shattered it within seconds. And it's so crazy because I'm so confident and CEO of confidence. But in that moment, when you are scanned up and down in real life, not on the internet, in real life, and he says, not tonight with a disgusting look on his face.

You literally, it crumbles you. And that's what scared me so much was if this can happen to me, who's a model, who is a public figure, who's whatever and whatever, whatever. And that can happen to me. Imagine how many other women and girls this happens to every single day who may, does not have that confidence. Like that shatters someone that literally you'll never go back to a club. Maybe you'll never want to go out and drink again. It ruined your nightlife experience. You, it scarred you for life. Like it's not okay. Yeah.

And I think the fact that you posted about it and told your experience was really refreshing because for everyone who's felt that way, I think it was, it felt like we could support you in that moment and you could support us back. Right. How did you find people responded to it?

I mean, insane. I mean, everyone had a story. Everyone related to it. I had over thousands and thousands of, oh my God, this happened to me 20 years ago. I've never been to a club the same way, like since. Oh my God, on my 21st birthday, it happened to me in Vegas. I'll never go back. It scarred me. I had moms coming up to me on the street, like crying to me, like during news interviews. A girl like came up during like a CBS interview and she was like,

Like, thank you so much. I'll never forget when this happened to me like 20 years ago. And so it really, it was like a revolution. It really started a conversation that needed to be had within the nightlife industry, specifically in the club life that,

This happens every day and it doesn't get talked about. Most girls are ashamed of it or insecure about it and they go home and then they cry about it, but they never talk about it again. But for me, I was like, I'm not going to make this embarrassing about for me. This is embarrassing for you. This is embarrassing for the club. This is embarrassing for every man that works at the door. Like this is embarrassing for you. Like I flipped the script and I was like, this is going to be powerful. And within seconds,

literally 24 hours, like CNN called me Fox News, ABC. I mean, it was like on international, it was Canada, it was in Germany, it was international news within like two days. Wow, that's incredible. And you know what it makes me think? I mean, I'm not much of a nightlife person. So if I say anything incorrect, you can correct me. But it's interesting to me that men simply pay to go in. Right. But we are allowed or not allowed in based on our looks. Right.

Like I'd almost rather just pay like the men. Right. Do you get what I'm saying? Right. Like to make it an even playing field. To make it an even playing field. Like why are we let in or not let in based on how we look, but they can just pay up. Like our looks are our currency. Exactly. How weird is that? Like I'm just thinking of it in that way. It is really odd because I got a lot of men actually saying like, oh, we'll join the club.

Like they're always looking at us and we always have to pay money and it's whoever has the most money can get in or the nicest watch or clothes or whatever. And in some capacity, I did feel for some of the men that were commenting that because I was like, yeah, that does suck. And like that does suck that you have to front X amount of money and that we just get to go in because we're pretty. It's so the whole system needs to be changed. Like the entire infrastructure of nightlife needs to be changed and talked about and no one talks about it.

And so I'm like, why aren't we? And like, why does the man at the door get to like make the rules? And then who's telling the man to do it? Is it the club owners? And then, well, let's talk to the club owners then. And then is there any HR policy? Like nothing. There's nothing. There's no protocol. It's just literally how you look or if you have enough money.

And I thought it needed to be talked about. Yeah. And I'm glad you did. You also did a video that I was fascinated by the other day about your roofie experience. Oh, yeah. Which kind of shook me to my core. Like I came into the office the next day and I was like, oh, my gosh, did you guys see that? What happened there? Yeah. So I had went to an event that night, an influencer event. And then afterwards, me and my friend were like, let's go out. This is so fun. Let's just like keep going out.

We went out to one bar and then we were like, let's stop at this one other bar. And I should have just gone home. But I was like, you know what? Let's just go. I went. It was at the Abbey in West Hollywood, which is supposedly a gay bar. But I think now it's not as much anymore. I don't know. And...

I went with my roommate and my friend. And when we went in there, we immediately got targeted by these two men. And the second I get out of the Uber, these two men kind of cornered me on the street. Oh my God. Oh my God. You're so beautiful. You're so this like, let's go in. Let's go get a drink. Let's get a drink. And I had already been drinking. So I just was like, let's keep going. Like, let's like, you know, let's go in. Sure. I was flattered. These guys want to buy me a drink. Let's go.

And I wasn't thinking too much about it. And I always have the highest hopes and highest intent in people. And I guess it's really woken up a lot of things in me to not be as naive and to not trust as easily. And it really was an awakening for me. But I go in and I'm not thinking too much. I'm like, yeah, let's go in. Let's have fun. We go to the bar, but they were so persistent. And that should have been the first red flag is how persistent they were to buy me a drink. Then when we were at the bar, what we didn't realize in the moment, but we realized later was when one man was buying me the drink, the other was distracting me.

And he kind of had his back to the bar counter and he was talking to me and my friend while the other guy was buying me the drink. And we're dancing and we're having fun and I'm not thinking anything of it. But looking back, I'm like, oh, we were distracted. So when he gave me the drink, my friend had a bad feeling and he was like, don't drink the drink, Ella. Like I'll buy us new ones. Like let's just dance. And I'm thinking, what? Like, okay, whatever.

And I'm dancing and I'm holding it. But while you're holding it, you're not even really thinking. So I took a sip of it and he was like, fuck, like she drank it and then literally took it from me and was like, I'm just going to buy us new ones. But I had a big goal. So it was like about that much. But that was enough to alter my entire being. I mean, I literally he said within 10 minutes I was a different person. I could barely hold myself up. I like so many men were taking advantage and being like over sensual with me. I.

I it was just icky. I like wasn't myself. I didn't remember a lot. He would tell me things and I would just say, I don't remember. And I'd be like, how do you not remember? We just talked about this. And I'd be like, I don't remember. And it just was like, it wasn't you. Like you literally weren't there. And so when I went to the bathroom, we walked to the bathroom and it's a co-ed. And when I came out of the stall, I looked in the mirror to like fix my hair and they were standing behind me.

And I remember looking at my friend and I was like, oh my God, they're following me. And he was like, come with me, like grab my hand. We started walking out and the security guard who was this woman came up to me and blessed her heart, an angel that night for me.

came up to me and was like, ma'am, will you walk with me really quickly? And I was like thinking I'm like in school in trouble. I'm like, oh my God, am I in trouble? Like what? And she goes, are you okay? And I was like, I think so. Why? And she was like, do you know those two men that keep following you? And I was like, no, but they won't stop following me. And she's like, yeah, they're known to prey on women. We're going to kick them out. Please stay here. Wow. And like held my hand to stay there and then went and kicked them out.

And it was in that moment where I was like, yeah, this is bad. Like this, like something had happened. When we got home, I later woke up and I was ill. I mean, I was very sick for probably four days after that. And not just like a hangover sick, like projectile could not keep it in my body, was out of my body for four days. Not a day, not two, four days. And I was very ill. And the next day, I didn't really remember much.

I kept telling my friend I don't remember and we both looked at each other in the kitchen and he goes, I think you were roofied last night. And I was like, oh my God. And I just started crying because immediately in that moment it hit like I was.

And I just remember thinking like, wow, like how many girls does this happen to? What if I didn't have my friend? What if I didn't have the security guard there? The story would have ended differently. Something bad could have seriously happened to me. Their intent for me, I have no idea what their intention was with me, but they cornered me the second I got out of the car. And I think if they're known for that and the security knows these people, like these are sick people walking our streets. Yeah.

you know, and everyone has a story at the Abbey. Everyone. It's like so crazy. My stomach just dropped when you said that because the feeling, I can't even imagine how out of control you must have felt and taken advantage of. I mean, thank God you had those people in your corner. Yeah. But I think it's so great that you're telling this story, especially on this podcast. I have a 95% female audience and I want them to hear this because...

It's something we should all be aware of. Totally. And I mean, I want to know what's in that drug. Like that's insane. Who knows what was in it? Ketamine, was it horse tranquilizer? Like who knows what was in that drug?

But I'm just glad that nothing more serious happened or like I didn't have any serious like heart attack or anything because I also don't do like any drugs. So my body's not used to that. Yeah. Just so scary when something has been entered into your body that you didn't want to enter. Like I was assaulted. Like something came into my body that I did not give permission to.

Insane. And how is it so normalized? Like, why is this happening at so many bars, especially this bar too? How are we still in business? How are we allowing this to happen? The scariest thing is when bartenders are doing it. A lot of stories of bartenders doing it just for fun. Oh, stop. None of us are safe. Yeah. That's insane. And the fact that she recognized them anew

Right, and they were still able to come in. Right. Like, why are they in here in the first place? That's what I'm saying. Why are we tolerating that? I applaud you for talking about it and being so open and I'm so happy that it didn't end differently and that you're okay. Thank you. Still highly traumatizing, but I think...

so many people are going to take value from your story. So it's almost, I mean, you're one of the best people it could happen to because now you have this beautiful, positive platform that you can share it on. Right. And we can avoid this happening more frequently. For sure. I think so too. Thank you. So you have risen to success in the modeling industry very quickly. You have a large following. You've been in Sports Illustrated. You just walked in New York Fashion Week. Yeah.

What do you think are the main things that have contributed to your success? Honestly, persistency, consistency, and just knowing that like you can do it. I believe when you have a light and a fire inside of you to do something, you will literally do anything it takes to get there. No matter how many no's you get along the way, you still show up. And in my video on Sports Illustrated in 2019, I said,

never give up on your dreams no matter how many no's you get along the way was my exact phrase. And I didn't get it that year. And I came back the next year and got it. So it's like, I really do believe in what I preach. And I believe that if you want something, you go after it. And I let the no's be my fuel. I let it be my fire. I let it be, okay, I'll show you. I remember an ex saying, oh, she's a wannabe model. She'll never actually be a model. Now I'm signed to Ford. So it's like,

I love to keep climbing the ladder and proving all the haters wrong, but also just doing it for me, doing it for my younger self who never felt enough, doing it for all the young girls out there that never felt enough or never felt like they could model unless they had the connections or they had the nepotism or the famous parents to get them in. I'm showing you that you can make it from the ground up. You don't need...

the success, the famous boyfriend, the famous family. You know, I came to LA with zero connections just three and a half years ago. Absolutely zero with barely any following. Like if I can do it, you can do it too. Oh my gosh. Play that back, everyone. Like if you are listening to this in the morning, play that back. Every morning, listen to it. I'm going to play that back for myself after this interview.

You talk a ton about manifesting. Yeah. What is your process of manifesting? How does it work? When you think and believe something, it's already yours. So there's not too much of a system around manifesting. For me, it's knowing I will achieve it. I just don't know when. Knowing I will reach that success, but don't know when yet. And so when you have that within you, you know what's going to happen. So manifesting

Some things you can do that I do sometimes is I write it down, but vision boards to me is everything. I have it on my wall. I look at it every day. I see the life. I see my future self and my future me. And that's what like wakes me up every morning. Like that's what excites me. I wake up and I think of the future me and I think of the wins that I want to win and the impact I want to make. So for me, it's that it's, you know, it's listening to podcasts. It's listening to people that have done it and it's kind of following their steps and

seeing how they do it and getting, you know, inspiration around that and just keep pushing it and keep pushing it and staying consistent with it. It's one thing to want something, but it's another to everyday work towards it. You know, and I think there's, I preach about delusional confidence and people are like, well, it's not delusional if you actually do become it. And like you are, like you do have that confidence to do. I'm like, yeah, but it's delusional because it's so big to dream it and believe it that it scares everyone else in the room thinking, oh yeah, you're going to get the cover of Grease Vogue.

But knowing I will do it, you know? But it sounds so crazy and that's the delusion part of it. But just knowing you will do that. So you look at it every day. You talk about it. You're constantly talking about it in your friend groups, to your family. Like you are speaking on what's going to happen. I love that. And you are like evidence of that working. That's incredible. Do you feel like the more successful you've gotten, the more hate you've gotten or the more support you've gotten? So crazy. I feel like you can speak on this too. I mean, I think...

It's both for me. I think you reach – you get so much more applause when you're an underdog and you're not growing and you just moved to LA. I mean I got so much support. Let's go, Ella. They were fired up for me. But then you start to see when you actually hit those wins how quiet it becomes. Yes. And then you're like interesting but you were all rooting for me when I had no money but now that I got the car that I want and I'm doing what I want and I got the agency that I wanted –

The applause becomes lower and lower, especially from people you know. Oh, yeah. From outside people that don't know me that are just on the board and like on the, you know, on my journey with me. They're so excited and I love them so much in the community that I've built. Yeah.

but it's so funny because even the curve models and the girls in our industry those that were once my friends those i used to hang out and get lunch with those that really loved to hang out with me when i first moved here and didn't have much to bring to the table the second i had more and more successful and reached newer heights maybe they wanted that goal maybe they wanted sports illustrated they started to fall off friends aren't supportive anymore they don't hit me up anymore some of them haven't followed me off instagram and i'm like hmm i thought we were friends so

I think in this industry specifically, people have a misconception that the curve industry is so inclusive and friendly. It's probably one of the most cutthroat industries I've been in with people that are constantly comparing, constantly maybe envious or think that they have your best interest, but they really don't. And I think that's been eye-opening to me. I could not have said it better myself. I feel like they root for you until you make it. Like they want you to make it, but when you make it,

They can't see themselves in you anymore. I heard a fantastic quote about this the other day from Alex Hormozy, and I'm not going to say it back right, but it was like, they root for you because you're trying to reach your dreams and that reminds them of theirs. But when you do reach them, it reminds them that they never reached theirs. I have full body chills. Is that not- Lay that back.

Is that not the case? I'll try and say it again. It's so hard. No, I need to like really think about this because that's so crazy. Hold on, should I try and find it? Please. Can I have my phone? I really want to find this exact quote. No, you need to because that just like did something in me. I'm going to send you this. Do you know Alex Hormozy? It sounds really familiar. I'm going to send you this man because he says some things that I'm just like, whoa. Wait, so it's kind of like the quote, and I might be saying it wrong too, but I heard it. It was like, they want you to do well, but not better than them. Yes.

So the second you're doing good, okay, but the second you reach their level, their following, their success, they're not supportive. They're not happy for you. Yep. And it's such a mind F. It's such a mind F because I'm trying to be supportive and excited. And anytime I see anyone else get a win, especially in our industry, it's a win for us all.

Like a curve girl gets to go on a brand trip. Win for us all. A girl gets to book an X, Y, and Z campaign or a top beauty campaign or walk in a high-level fashion runway show in Milan and she's curved. I mean, that's a win for all of us curve girls, you know? So why are we constantly comparing? I love that mindset. I agree with you. I feel the same way even having a supplement company. I feel like if one's doing well, it means we're doing better too. Totally. I can't find the quote, guys, but it's a good- Well, you said it perfectly. You really did. And I need you to send it to me after. I will because it's so-

that people want to support you until you actually fulfill the dreams you were trying to get to. And then suddenly you make them feel bad. Totally. So they attack you. Totally. Someone said too, Deion Sanders, or the guy that's like blowing up right now, the viral Colorado college coach, but he said, don't let my confidence trigger your insecurities or something like that. And I constantly feel that with friends sometimes, people that I thought were friends, where my confidence has triggered

triggered their insecurity and has made them nasty to me, has made them jealous, has made them not friendly to me, kind of bring me down because they see I'm confident. And I get it. I have been at a time where I wasn't confident with myself growing up and it killed me to see other friends and people so confident. And I didn't understand how they could be so confident. So I actually get it because I was on that side.

but that's such a bad way to live. Totally. You know, you can't live your life just constantly blaming your insecurities on others and their confidence. Yeah, it's coming from a hateful place. And I get it. Like I've been there as well. And I will say, I think the more successful I've gotten, the more difficult it has been to make friends because I do think it intimidates people and it makes people feel upset. But then you end up

It's very isolating, actually. I'm interested to hear that you've had the same experience. But on the flip side, the support you do get, you know, it's real. Totally. You know? Yeah. When you do get that support, you're like, okay, that means a lot. Like you're a real one. Yeah. You're a real one. Because you're confident in yourself and your journey to be able to be like, good, like you're killing it. But it takes someone confident and happy with their own life to say you're killing it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

But there's another side of the people that you think are being genuine that are like, you're killing it, whatever, just to get closer, just to social climb, just to cloud chase. So you're constantly like, is it genuine or is it not? Like, it is so draining to constantly be like, is this real or is it not? Are you happy for me or do you just want to hang around me? Or do you want something? Okay.

Okay. And for dating, do you know how hard it is to date out here? I was going to ask you. Well, because you said intimidating with friends. I'm like, imagine dating out here in these streets. Like, it is hard because you always hear like the man wants the girl that they can help and make him feel like a man and whatever. And I'm like, okay, well, I'm confident. I'm independent. I pay my own bills.

I don't necessarily need you, but I might want you. But the thing is, is like sometimes there's not a lot of men out there that know how to work with that. Especially in LA. Especially in LA. I gotta go overseas. I gotta go somewhere international. Maybe go back to my homeland in Greece. Listen, I'm not single. I've been married for a while now. Actually, not a while, but I've been with my man for 10 years. Thank you. You guys are so cute. Thank you so much. But I think you should go to like...

Yeah. I went to a rodeo. Nice man. In Wyoming. Love that. And I was astounded. Really? I was astounded. Fee was single at the time and I texted her and I said, Fee, you got to come to this rodeo. No way. I was like, you got to be in the bleachers. Bring her to the rodeo. Like, we need men who can ride cows. Totally. Where did that go? Yeah, where did that go? And that are just like actual good men and like don't care about the BS and are just like...

I gotta get to Texas. I know. I think in LA we might be in the wrong place. I mean, not that I'm looking, but you might be in the wrong place. No, it's so hard because then they're constantly thinking, are you using them? Or then, are you using me? And then, well, you're not cool enough to do that. Well, then I'm not cool enough to do that. And then there's so much insecurity pinned up against each other. I'm like, you literally can't date here. No. Because,

It's so hard. Because you kind of need to be the main character right now. Like, you're in your career. You're in your era. Like, you're having a moment. Yeah. We either need someone to support that. Yeah.

Yes. And who's okay with it or nothing at all. But then I also want to build someone up and like want to be their biggest fan and help them become a better man. And like I want to build and grow with someone. But to find someone that's willing to deal with all of me and my life and my busy schedule and always traveling and always – it takes a really special kind of person, to be honest. A strong dude. Who doesn't get intimidated by it. And so it's like –

I'm just waiting out there. So if you're listening, I know we have 95% female on here. But if there's not 5% men on here that want to tap in, the DMs are open. If a man is still listening at this point. No, literally. He might be the one. He might be the one. If you're listening. If you're listening. Please DM her. Please. Oh my God. And now you know everything. So the cards are on the table. And it's like a real man to stand by and listen to this full conversation. What if he is like a rodeo guy? And he's like, wait. That's my husband. Wait.

Okay. Not me pushing the rodeo, men, like as if I know anything. I'll come back and let you know if someone came from the podcast. I'm dying. Okay. That's so funny. I have to ask about New York Fashion Week. Yes. Because there's a lot of smoke and mirrors with Fashion Week. It looks like the coolest thing ever, but I've also heard that it's absolutely not the coolest thing ever. Right. I have a few questions. Ask away. What was backstage like? Like, what's the vibe? Is it actually crazy?

It's chaotic. So in this specific show, most people were actually saying like the glam team was like, this is actually really chill. This is more of a calm show than I've ever been on backstage. But I'm over here thinking, okay, glam and hair is not done. We're about to walk out in literally 30 minutes. I don't know what shoes I'm wearing. I asked the entire team, what shoes do I wear? They're like, ask the next girl. I don't know. I don't do shoes. Ask the next girl. I'm asking who is doing wardrobe? What shoes do I wear? They were like, oh,

oh, you can pick any of the shoes right here. And I'm like, we just pick? Well, does it match the color of my dress? Wait, what dress am I wearing? Because I know I had a fitting with two dresses. Which dress did you choose? So I'm like trying to find my name on the rack of like what dress I'm wearing. And I'm like, okay, it's royal blue. Do we have any shoes that match? No shoes fit. I'm running around asking someone to puncture a hole to make my shoes tighter because they didn't fit. Literally 10 minutes before walking out, I didn't know what shoes or dress I was wearing. Like it is chaos.

And then you're like, well, how do I walk? No one taught me how to walk. So I'm walking backstage. I'm trying to practice my thing. How do I spin? Why do I have to walk in my dress to make sure it's not long enough? Like, I don't trip. There's so much that goes on backstage that people don't see. Oh, my gosh. It's insane. And are people nice? Yes and no. Okay. Yes and no. What's interesting for me... I'm dying at your facial expression right now. Because there's a lot I could say, but I'm trying to think of what I want to say. Yeah, yeah, no. You don't need to give us... I mean, there's tea. There's tea, there's tea. I just think that...

I talk a lot about this. I'm definitely an underdog in this industry. I've always been an underdog my whole life, even in soccer and sports. I was always good, but not good enough for this. I was always good, but not good enough to start above this person. I've always been deemed as the underdog. That's why I get so hungry for it and hungry for like this journey because it's so like exhilarating.

I was an underdog of this industry for sure. And specifically to walk in runway, to walk in New York Fashion Week is a very prestigious, very like big thing to do. Big goal of mine. An agent recently within the last month told me I was not developed enough and it would take me probably a year to be able to walk in New York Fashion Week. I booked my own show. Wow.

literally a week later and I walked into your without the agent no yeah and I just was like well I'm ready so I don't know what makes you think I'm not ready you killed the walk by the way thank you the one the way you were like watching it on the screen yeah oh killed it yeah smashed it thank you and so I knew I was ready it's like when you know you know like that type of like manifesting feeling

But even backstage, I get looked at. I was the only curve plus size really there of 46 girls, 45, 46 girls. And I felt like an underdog. I didn't really get much attention. Not a lot of like the casting directors or people on the team really came up to me. Super nice team though, but I just didn't feel like I got any kind of like attention or we're so glad you're here or whatever. But when I tell you after this walk,

I had every one of them come up to me. You killed it, Ella. You absolutely were insane. Oh my God, you look so stunning. I have to tell you before you leave. Thank you so much for coming. So sorry I didn't get to meet you. The next day I wake up to a group text with three of them on the team. We loved you. You absolutely look stunning. Here's the video. Here's the photos if you want to use. So sorry I didn't get to meet you yesterday backstage. I'm like, hmm. So they want you to promote them. Interesting. Yeah, but it's this idea of like, they're nice, but like our...

but I'm always the underdog. They never think by just looking at me that I'm going to kill it or I'm a great model because I might be curvy or I don't look the part or I'm always doubted. But then when I do it and I show up and I kill it, they're always there. Oh my God, you were so amazing. You're so beautiful posting me, tagging me. Like, hmm, interesting how that works.

So... Noted. Noted, for sure. So I constantly just have to show up and keep pushing and keep doing it. But to answer you, the team was nice. Everyone was nice. You do get some models here and there that aren't the nicest. Um...

I would be shitting myself back there. I would be. I'm terrified of models. It can be terrifying. Thank you. No, I'm always in there like, what's up, girl? Like, Ella, nice to meet you. What's your Instagram? Like, oh my God. Even if she's rude, I'll be extra nice to her. That must be lovely though, because I'm sure if it is this hostile environment. It's refreshing. It's refreshing to have such a great personality in the room. Yeah, for sure. Did you feel like the inclusivity was...

better this year in comparison to other years or were you still disappointed? I was still disappointed. Like I should not be one of 46 girls that look like me on that runway. I just shouldn't be. I think we're in 2023. Why is there the token curve, the token plus size on the runway? Why is it not blended in? Why are we not being treated like models? Why are we walking backstage and they're thinking we're on makeup and hair team because we don't look the part? That's what blows my mind. I'll walk into a job and they'll be like, are you the makeup artist? Yeah.

Like, no, I'm the model that was booked for X amount, thousands of dollars today. Thank you. Like, what do you mean? Like, I'll be at a shoot and I've had someone come in and say, are you the photographer? And it's just because you don't look the part. And I think that's what I'm constantly trying to speak out about and bring awareness to is that like that needs to change in the industry. I want to see a world where in the runway –

there's diversity everywhere. There's inclusivity everywhere. There's not one token girl that's maybe in a wheelchair and one token girl that might be a diverse or a different race. Like it needs to be blended. Do you know what I'm saying? A hundred percent. And that's inclusivity and not because you have to check it off a box, but because you know their worth, you know they're deserving to be there and you're putting them in

there. Yeah. You know, not the one girl that we decided to put in so we could cover our bases. Right. And make it look like we're so inclusive. I love that. You know who I think has done a good job of that? I feel like the Gymshark shoots have been great. Yeah. Are there any other brands you feel like who have...

done a good job of this. Good American. Do you work with them? Yeah, I love them so much. And I listened to their panel and heard from the founders like Chloe and Emma and Asha Graham was there too. And they spoke about how it was embedded in their brand from the beginning. Like they started with curve and plus sizes. They didn't jump to that. They started with that. They made it mandatory for that.

and suppliers that didn't believe in their vision and said, this isn't going to sell, they cut them off. Like they truly, truly believed in inclusivity from the start. And that's what I want to see with more brands. Not because we're banging on their door to please make more sizes because quite frankly, I don't want to argue to be in a room that I'm not wanted. Mm.

I don't want to argue to be wearing a brand that doesn't want me to wear their brand. Like, I'm not going to fight for that attention or fight for that inclusivity and fight to be seen and heard from someone or a brand that doesn't want to see me.

You know? So it's like, let's wear the brands that do. Let's talk about the brands that want to do that. Let's support those brands and not support the ones that don't. Yeah, 100%. And I feel like Good American is such a good example because we all love it. Yeah. Like, it's great clothes. Yeah, and they have clothes for all of us. Mm-hmm. You know? Every shape, every size, curve, this, that. Abercrombie, their rebrand has been huge. Yes. Rebrand has been huge. I love their pants, their jeans. Like,

they're so fitting. Like it's, I love, I love what they've done there. Abercrombie is slaying actually. We just got some jackets from them that we're obsessed with. Yeah. They've been killing it. Since this is a health and wellness podcast, I want to ask you about health and wellness. What are your thoughts on people who say plus size isn't healthy or curve isn't healthy? I want to talk about that era of. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that can be taken a lot of ways. I mean, I think at the end of the day, you can't look at someone like 99% of the time. You can't look at someone and tell them that they're unhealthy. Growing up, you may look at me society-wise and stereotypically wise and say, I'm not healthy. But do you know I work out four to five days a week? Do you know I have meal preps every day?

Do you know I'm naturally curvy? Do you know I actually suffer with PCOS, which I've never even publicly shared? Do you know that there's so many other layers to someone's life that you don't see? There's no way you can come online or see someone and say, you are unhealthy. You don't know their body. You don't know their genetics, their family history, their medical records, anything. So I think...

That is such a crazy assumption that people are making all the time. I know what's healthy for me. I know what's my best self. And every day I'm pushing to be the best me. So for me, health is everything. I mean, I think health is wealth. I think being the best version of me is my goal every day. But my best looks different than your best, looks different than the next best. And so we can't compare our best.

Because I could never be a size 00 even if I wanted to. I literally would be in the hospital if I ever, ever tried to get under 150 pounds. Like I actually probably would not. I probably would be sick if I got below 150. But to someone, that's very normal and healthy. Very normal. Yeah.

So you can't compare numbers. You can't compare gene sizes. Like it just doesn't work that way. I love that. And I've talked about this so many times on the show. I think bio-individuality is such a real thing. And I think coming from my corner too, you know, I had a weight loss journey. I lost 90 pounds and I look the way I do now. But

I think a lot of people kind of pin me as a weight loss person when I think of my journey. For me, it was all internal. Like the weight loss was kind of a side thing.

symptom that happened and that's okay right and I and I think in the curve plus size body positive community I've struggled with like you can't even say the word weight loss god forbid someone actually wants to lose weight I'm not that person I'm more like body neutrality and knowing that like being your best self is everything if that means that losing 80 pounds will help your joints help your knee pain help you not become pre-diabetic bring down your cholesterol I'm for that

cancel me if you have to. But like I'm for that because I'm for being the best you and being what's your best, most healthy self. And so for you, if you had to lose those 90 pounds internally, maybe for your skin, your overall well-being, your health, your doctors that you were talking with, like I'm so proud of you. That's amazing. I don't want anyone to like knock that. But I know what you mean by like sometimes you get like now pigeonholed into this box of being like the weight loss girl.

If I ever post old photos of me, it's like, why did you think that was less beautiful than who you are now? And I'm not saying that, but I know that that girl was not happy. Like me at that weight, I was depressed, anxious, unhealthy, could barely get out of bed. And it wasn't because of the weight. It was because of what was going on in here. So for me, fitness and health and all of the things that I love...

healed me on the inside. Totally. And that's what's important. And I've been leaner than this. I mean, as you were talking about, I don't think I can get under 150 pounds either. I've tried. Right. I was miserable. Right. Like I've had abs every day and I was miserable and now I don't and I'm living a much more balanced, healthy life and I know I'm happiest where I am. So I agree with you 100%. You never know what someone's health routine is. 100%. Speaking of, I know you have a solid core partnership now.

yes what is your favorite workout routine like favorite nutrition like what is the health routine that you're loving right now yeah so i work out with a personal trainer two days a week which has been amazing and we do like hit training we do intervals we do full body conditioning a lot of weight lifting i love lifting weights i feel so strong we do squats like all that stuff and like full body conditioning within those hit workouts

On those off days, love a good morning walk. I know this sounds crazy, but I'm not kidding. I've been my most like leanest toned self when I walk every day. It's like so crazy. It's so underestimated to walk, but I feel my best. I feel lighter. I feel free. I feel my joints are like less painful. Like everything feels better. So I love a good morning walk.

Get your coffee and go on a hot girl walk. But Solidcore is amazing. Love. It's like Pilates on crack. It's like the best. Like it burns in places that you didn't even know needed to be burned. Like under your arms and the weird crevice of your body, it's like burning. And I'm like, wait, this is incredible.

Like it literally works so many different muscles until muscle failure, which can be very scary and intimidating. But also, girl, I'm the girl that's on her knees in the class too. Like I'm not hitting the plank on just my toes. That shit is hard. Like I am on my knees and don't get it twisted. But I love solid core. Sometimes I'll do yoga. But honestly, I would say mainly Pilates and like weightlifting and HIIT. I saw you doing your weightlifting in your story. Oh my God, you were crushing it. Thanks.

Thanks. That looks so fun. Thanks. It is. And I have a great relationship with my trainer and it's like trusted and he knows my body and like what works best for me. So that type of relationship is really good to have. Yeah, exactly. Agree 100%.

Okay, so if you don't mind, let's do a little rapid fire audience Q&A. Let's do it. Because the girls had a lot of questions. Yay. How do you block out the constant diet culture and pressures to be skinny online? Knowing that your worth doesn't rely on how you look and your size and just knowing deep down, just forget it. Just forget it. Anytime it comes up in your brain, forget it. It doesn't matter. It doesn't hold power or weight over me. And just knowing that you bring more to the table than if you're a 2 or a 14. Love.

How do you pitch yourself to potential clients? Ooh, I will DM them or if I have a close connection, maybe text or email. I always, hey, my name is Ella. I do an introduction of who I am. If you want to see my Instagram and socials, here it is with my links.

I say why I love their brand and what I can bring to the table with their brand. I come up with some creative ideas. I would love to do X, Y, and Z. I'm going to New York and I'd love to wear your clothes and do a cute get ready with me. And I kind of embody and kind of display what a collaboration, what a shoot would look like to work together. Oh, I love that pitching the idea. That's great. This is an interesting one. How do you feel about some people using wellness or health as coded language for thin? Oh, yeah.

I hate it. And honestly, it's so crazy, but no one talks about it enough. Like I say, when you can't look at someone and say they're unhealthy, the same goes for the opposite though. Like when I was my smallest, even 30 to 40 pounds smaller than I was right now,

Every day I was getting compliments. You look so good. You look what? Little do they know, I was like starving myself. I was miserable. I had no glow. I was very pale. I was constantly fighting mentally. I was running every day. I was so unhappy. But on the outside, you look so beautiful. What are you doing? You look so healthy. Health is wealth. I'm so glad that you're like whatever. Yeah.

You literally can't tell. The girls that are so tiny in college, maybe they're doing Coke every day. But you're telling them they're healthy and I'm not. But yet they literally can't lift a weight. They never work out. They're very, very frail. They're doing Coke or drinking too much. That is not healthy to me. That is not a healthy lifestyle. That is toxic. That whatever. And everyone is able to do what they want to do and live their life how they want. But stop telling the bigger girl they're unhealthy and the skinny girl they're healthy when you have literally no idea. Yeah.

preach said it had to throw that so well yeah to throw that in oh i agree with you 100 because it's so wild the misconception yeah of the two even with acne i think there's this conception that if you have acne you're like dirty or unhealthy bad hygiene which is like oh my god you have no idea oh i can go on too yeah no idea um okay how to get delusional level confidence oh spend a lot of time alone thinking about what you truly want to do

And really, really think about what you want to do. And once you do know that, have it be such a big dream, such a big goal that it scares everyone. But then every day work towards that. Love. Scare everyone. Scare everyone. Tips for getting camera ready. I love a good blowout. You don't need it, but I love it. Love a good blowout. Honestly, for me, my go-to to get camera ready, which I believe you're beautiful the way you are right now. You don't need to change anything. You could be camera ready right now.

I love a good glow. So I love me a good spray tan and a good blowout. And honestly, just like something that makes you feel confident. Put on an outfit that you feel free and confident and sexy in and practice in the mirror and practice your poses and practice with a friend. Go out and shoot with a friend and see what works and what angles that you like and you're camera ready. Beautiful. What's coming up for you? Anything exciting?

So I'm actually planning to go to New York and stay out there for a month next month, which I'm super excited about. She's bi-coastal. I'm bi-coastal. I've never done this. I'm never even said this either, but I'm, yeah, I'm going to go subways and go stay out there for a month and like really push modeling and like try a new journey, like experience new things. I'm young. I don't have a boyfriend. I have no kids, no mortgage. Like this is the time to do it. And I feel so called to go to New York and have that new experience. So I'm going to New York.

And I'm doing a really fun interview next week with Women's Health, actually. Oh my gosh, fantastic. I'm picturing you like running around New York City for casting calls with the binder. America's Next Top Model. Running. I might cut my hair. I might get crazy. I might get crazy. Edgy New York vibes. Edgy New York vibes. Like high fashion vibes.

Might go on a fun brand trip next month. Just some fun things coming up. Oh, I can't wait. I can't wait to stay tuned. I started this podcast because I believe everyone's pursuit of wellness looks different. What does wellness mean to you? Wellness to me means living every day as your authentic self and living every day to be the best version of you. I think having a well and healthy balanced diet, healthy balance with work and life is wellness.

getting good sleep, having good friends, good company. That is like the epitome, I think, of wellness for me. Love it. Well-rounded. Where can everyone find you online? You can find me at Ella Heligas on Instagram and TikTok. And stay tuned for all the fun stuff coming up and also another recreation shoot dropping soon. That's a really fun one. So yeah, follow me online. Thank you, Ella. We appreciate it.

The content of this show is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for individual medical and mental health advice and does not constitute a provider patient relationship. As always, talk to your doctor or health team. Thank you for listening to today's episode. Go comment on my last Instagram at Mari Llewellyn with the guest you want to see next.

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