From A Drug Addict in Jail To An Award Winning Personal Trainer: Childhood Trauma, Recovery, Fitness as Medicine, Doing the Work & Learning to Love Yourself Again with Doug Bopst
58:07 Share

Welcome to the pursuit of wellness.

Hi guys, welcome back to the Pursuit of Wellness podcast. Today on the show we have an incredible transformation story with Doug Bopst. Doug went from a former incarcerated drug addict to an award-winning personal trainer, author, speaker and podcast host. Doug says he is lucky to have survived his 25th

birthday, but through perseverance and a complete mindset shift, he turned his pain into purpose. I absolutely love this story, guys. I think if you know someone who has struggled with addiction or you have yourself, or if you're just at a rock bottom place in your life, like I was a couple of years ago, I think so many of us can take away so many lessons from this story and it can help you in your day, in your life.

It's so inspirational. We talk about childhood trauma, addiction to validation, coping with anxiety and depression, finding the strength to push past rock bottom, fitness as medicine, tips for staying disciplined, doing the work, learning to love yourself again, and overall advice for those who have struggled with addiction or may know someone who has.

I hope anyone who's listening to this who may be struggling knows that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I think listening to Doug's story will show you that there is hope and there are so many tangible takeaways from this episode. With that said, let's jump right into this episode with Doug.

Doug, welcome to the show. Mari, thanks for having me. Of course. I'm excited because I've been on Doug's show before and I know you have an awesome story and I can't wait to share with the audience. I'm excited to be here. So I want to start all the way back at the beginning. What was your childhood like?

So the ironic thing is, you know, you mentioned you came on my podcast, which is called The Adversity Advantage. And during my childhood, I used adversity to my complete disadvantage. And I had a lot of insecurities growing up, a lot of trauma and a lot of pain. And a lot of that for me looked like divorce. My parents got divorced when I was five. So that was...

30 years ago when not a lot of people were getting divorced. So I was started to develop this mentality of like, what's wrong with me? Like, why are my parents divorced and my friend's parents aren't right. So I started to think like that. On top of that, I love sports, love playing sports, love watching sports, love collecting sports cards, but I was as unathletic and uncoordinated as they come. And I didn't make any of the like travel sports teams. I was picked last in gym, stuff like that.

And then I never got any attention from girls throughout elementary school, middle school, like high school, never had a girlfriend. So I had this mindset that there was something wrong with me, that I was different from all these other kids. And I wondered why I was like, it seems like I'm a good kid. I have all this talent that I thought. And so I needed to find a way to escape that pain that I had when I was a kid. And initially I numb the pain with food.

And the problem with that was because I was eating things like cinnamon buns for breakfast, tons of pasta and processed foods. And I don't think I had the best genetics and combine that with maybe I was, you know, eating more than the average kid. I started to gain weight at a young age. And now I'm like 10, 11, 12 years old. I'm wearing like Husky pants. I'm getting pudgy and I'm looking down. I have some body fat and I'm like, why am I having

having fat, like why do I have fat on me? And like other kids don't, right? So I started to again question what's wrong with me? Like why am I feeling like this? Why am I like this? And the first real opportunity I got to escape all this pain from my childhood was

was with pot. And I want to preface this by saying, like, I know now pot is legal in many areas. And my point is that I never thought in a million years that me starting to smoke marijuana would end up landing me to being incarcerated on felony drug charges like nobody does. Right. And so I'm offered a hit off a marijuana pipe when I'm 14 years old.

And when I take that hit, I immediately feel all this weight come off my back that I could finally be at peace with who I was. I didn't have to worry about whether girls were going to accept me. I'd have to worry about if my friends were going to pick on me and I didn't have to worry about what success was going to look like. All my fears, my troubles were gone in that moment.

And it wasn't necessarily the pot that became addicting. It was that numbing feeling that I had to continue to chase. And so I started to develop a habit, started to smoke every single day. And then I was also like working at jobs where I wasn't making much money. So it was hard to support that habit financially with the money that I was making from these jobs. So I started to sell a little bit on the side. And then eventually my mom busted me with a little bit of pot on my 16th birthday. And I

And I think her when she did this, you know, I think her intentions were good She kicked me out of her house and I completely changed schools within 24 hours went to go live with my dad full-time And I think their their idea was alright clearly his life is not going well. Clearly. He's making all these mistakes. He's doing drugs He's not behaving. Well, let's remove him from a situation and have him start over and

But in reality, all that did was it gave me more trauma, resentment, abandonment issues, more pain, more sadness, all these things that I'm not carrying with me to a new school. So the first thing that I did when I got to this new school, which is an 11th grade, which I just tried to fit in whatever I could. So I found new friends to get high with. I found new friends to use with, found new friends to party with. And I barely graduated high school.

Because all my friends and I would do is we would ride around, get high, listen to music and eat. And then after high school, I began to sell pot to now make some money. So now I'm picking up weight to sell to other people. And what was really interesting about this is...

That became addicting because my phone would be ringing off the hook because now I'm feeling wanted. I'm feeling needed. I'm getting all this validation from people that actually wanted to spend time with me because I had something that they wanted and that was addicting. And now people that didn't like me all of a sudden like me. Now people that wouldn't give me the time of day before now did. I was invited to these parties. I was invited to doing these things. And that became so addicting that that was hard to let go.

And then along the same lines, when you start like graduating a drug class, you start meeting other people who were not only selling drugs, but also have hard drugs. And so not too long after that, I started to experiment with cocaine. And when I started my first line of coke, I felt like this massive sense of euphoria and self-confidence where now I was like,

I don't have to worry about what people are gonna think of me because I have the confidence to like do what I want. I have the confidence to ask what I want. I have the confidence to be around certain things that I didn't think I could be around before and that became addicting and I ended up getting to the point where my addictive tendencies caught up with me and I'm now snorting like an eight ball coke a day or something.

But the problem with that is I had a lot of anxiety growing up. So anxiety and cocaine go about as well as somebody trying to lose weight and eating tons of pizza every day. It just doesn't work, right? And so I started to develop crazy amounts of panic, panic attacks, and anxiety.

You would think in this moment though, like I'm at this crossroads where I'm snorting coke, selling drugs, my life's falling apart, having panic attacks. I would be like, all right, it's time to change that. Clearly whatever you're doing in your life right now is not working. Let's change. But no, this lifestyle, the community, the validation, the drugs, all of that was so addicting. I couldn't let that go. So I needed to do whatever I could to maintain that lifestyle.

And eventually what brought me to my knees was Oxycontin. And one of my friends offered me a five milligram Percocet. And when I took that five milligram Percocet, I felt that same feeling I did when I started to smoke pot. That same weight came off my back. And I could maintain that lifestyle that I was doing before, selling drugs, doing drugs, partying, smoking cigarettes, all that stuff.

without having anxiety because now I'm sedated from the painkillers. My addiction to that took off super quick. Five milligrams a day turned into 10, 20, 40, all the way up until when I'm like,

I think I was like 19, 20 years old. I'm doing, you know, three, 400 milligrams a day of Oxycontin to support my habit. Is that just a pill that you would take or is that snorted as well? It was a pill that you would take, but eventually that like you go from, you transition from taking it to snorting it. So, you know, you would get like a Percocet or like Oxycodone or whatever that they would give you for like a surgery or like if you got your wisdom teeth pulled, you know, how they give you the painkiller that's got a lot of Tylenol in it.

But the stuff that I got into was OxyContin, which was like the brand name. It had OC on one side and then the milligram on the other. So what I got into was 80s. So it would have an 80 on there. And there's a coating on there that's meant for like time release. So it's meant to be like the dosage is meant to be released over the course of like a day or hours or whatever it is. I would lick off the time release, crush it up.

And then get it like into a super fine line. And I would snort it. So I get this massive adrenaline rush super quick. Wow. So morning to night, what does a day in the life look like for you when you were addicted to drugs? In the thick of it, it was I couldn't get out of bed without snorting 150, 160 milligrams of Oxycontin. Could not get out of bed. Had no appetite. Had no drive. Had nothing. I felt completely like abnormal. I didn't feel alive without it.

And then it's like, it's like a weird religion. Like you don't care about anything else unless it has to do with you getting high, who you're getting high with, what you're going to listen to afterwards, what you're going to eat afterwards, where you're going to do it, when you're going to do it. Who do I have to scheme to get more money? Who do I have to scheme to get more drugs or whatever? So it becomes this pursuit every single day to just get my needs met emotionally and mentally with my addiction. And so I would get up, do the drugs,

get super high. And again, it's not like I was getting up at 6:00 AM. I'd be getting up at like noon, one o'clock, two o'clock. And then I'd go and eat my first meal, which was like, I mean, an example would be, I go to like a pizza shop and I would get a whole pizza, I get a cheese steak and order a fries. And that would be like a meal for me. And then I get high again. And then you'd go to McDonald's or we would go to Burger King or something like that. Same type of meal. Right. And then throughout that day, I was also selling pot.

So I was having to drive around all across town to sell the pot that I had so I could make money to continue to support the habit that I had created with doing the Oxycontin and everything else.

So I just had an amazing podcast guest on called Darren O'Lean and we were talking about everyday conveniences that may have dangerous ingredients in them. And that could be from your shampoo, conditioner, lotion or toothpaste. Toothpaste is something we all use every single day and we don't really think about what's in it.

And did you know you swallow 5% to 7% of toothpaste every single time you brush? That's insane. And I think a good reason why we should all be super cognizant of what is actually in the toothpaste. Most commercial toothpastes are filled with harsh chemicals, artificial flavors, and preservatives, not things you want to be putting in your mouth, let alone eating.

And that's where I found Bite. I actually talked about Bite with Darren O'Lean and he said he is a huge fan of the brand. I am too. The toothpaste tablets are made with clean ingredients that are sulfate-free, palm oil-free and glycerin-free. Now you may have noticed I called them tablets. Bite toothpaste is actually bits that you pop into your mouth, chew up and start brushing. It turns into paste automatically.

but there's no plastic tube. They come in these refillable glass jars and send refills in compostable pouches. So it's better for the earth and our bodies. Plus the glass jar is so, so cute. So easy to travel with. Throw it in your purse for a meeting or on your carry-on bag.

It's so easy and great for travel. Byte is offering our listeners 20% off your first order. Go to trybyte.com slash pow or use code pow at checkout to claim this deal. That's t-r-y-b-i-t-e dot com slash pow.

Morning routines in my house are chaos. I'm sure you guys can relate. We now have a brand new puppy, another dog, a husband with a very intense fitness routine, a wife with a very intense fitness routine. So when we wake up, it is go time. And one thing we find so important in my household is nutrition. We never skimp on our nutrients. And thanks

thankfully the stress of breakfast has been taken care of by daily harvest with daily harvest i'm getting meals that give me quick nourishing foundation for my entire day and they're delivered right to the door

They keep the freezer full with options like fruit and veggie packed smoothies, forager bowls and lattes. They also have tons of options for any time of the day. So flatbread soups and harvest bowls. I personally love the apple and cinnamon forager bowl. So, so delicious guys and so quick and easy. By working directly with farmers, Daily Harvest secures the best ingredients and freezes them at

peak ripeness to lock in that always in season taste and just pick nutrition. What you see is what you eat. When it comes to better choices, Daily Harvest makes it easy. They support farmers who invest in improving the biodiversity and health of our soil. I've done many podcast episodes about that. I think it's so important. Even their recyclable and compostable packaging makes me feel like I'm making a positive impact on our environment. All I have to do is eat and enjoy and

Take the stress out of your mornings with Daily Harvest. Go to dailyharvest.com slash pow to get up to $65 off your first box. That's dailyharvest.com slash pow for up to $65 off your first box.

dailyharvest.com slash pow. I always get asked about how I stay healthy while traveling, and it really is a challenge, but I feel like I've gotten into a groove where it isn't as hard for me anymore. I just find ways of incorporating walking, drinking enough water, eating well. And this is where we found Western hotels. We've actually used them for the

We traveled to Coachella this past year and the whole team stayed in the Western Hotels. And with over 200 destinations around the world, Western Hotels make it possible for you to keep up with your wellness routine while traveling. You can work out the way you want with a variety of fitness options to keep your wellness routine on track while you're away. You can maintain focus in Western Workout Fitness Studios equipped with state-of-the-art equipment.

equipment. I know hotel gyms aren't always the best, but I can say from experience, these are amazing and you can really replicate the same workouts you're doing at home. You can eat well with Western's Eat Well menu designed with foods that make sure you're meeting your nutritional needs. Western chefs have crafted dishes with your well-being in mind. You can choose what's right for you and your desired portion size and nutritional balance.

And most importantly, in my opinion, you can sleep well and recharge your body and mind with restorative sleep in Weston's renowned heavenly bed. I think sleep absolutely affects everything else and making sure we're sleeping well while traveling is super important as well. At Weston Hotels, there's amenities and offerings aimed to help you move well, eat well, and sleep well so you can keep your well-being close while away. Find wellness on your next stay at Weston.

I thought it was so interesting what you said about, you know, when you became a dealer, all of a sudden you felt needed. And it was kind of this feeling of like a dopamine rush because you're getting invited places and people are texting you.

I obviously haven't been an addict, but I've had a lot of vices that I've used to deal with the pain that I have, whether it be shoplifting, partying, alcohol. You know, there's food is a great one. I think there's so many ways that

people try to numb pain. And it's just interesting to see the different paths you can go down and such a good point because I think back in my college days when I was going out every night and saying yes to any occasion, whether it be a Tuesday, a Sunday, I was out at the bar because it gave me that feeling of being needed and wanted, even if it wasn't the best thing for my health. So what would you say to people listening who don't

maybe understand addiction and say like, why don't they just stop? I mean, there's a couple definitions of addiction that I've heard through the years that I think are the best. Number one is addiction is an internal disease that's displayed externally. What that means is nobody who is addicted to drugs, they're not happy with themselves. They're miserable. They are hurting. They're in a lot of pain, a lot of pain, trauma, insecurities, resentments, pain, anger, sadness. Like they're really, really struggling.

So I just invite people to understand that just because somebody is behaving the way they are and they're not changing their life, it doesn't mean that they don't want to.

It just means that I believe that they lack the self-confidence, the self-esteem. Their life has been poor for so long that it's created this new level of normalcy for them. That's all that they're used to and they don't know anything else. And so that's why I say I think addiction is an internal disease displayed externally. Like you see the symptoms, you see the addiction, you see the shoplifting, you see the anger, you see the drama that can be caused from addiction, but it all I think stems internally. And the other thing is

It's like it's a continued use of something despite adverse consequences.

is like what I've heard how addiction is defined to. Like that's how you can kind of tell if you're quote unquote addicted to something. Like how is it impacting your life? Like is you going out to the bar, you know, three, four nights a week, like how is that impacting your marriage? Is your husband or your wife saying to you every time you get home, like you're coming home too drunk, you're coming home too late, like you're not even helping me with the kids and that's, you know, leading your life to fall apart, but yet you're continuing to do it. Well, then you might have a problem.

Whereas a healthier relationship, somebody could go out for a happy hour, still come home to read to their kids, help out around the house and like life's good. Right. So there's a difference between the two things. Where would you say everything came to a head for you? I mean, there was a couple of moments. I mean, the biggest moment I think was Cinco de Mayo 2008. I was riding around with a few of my friends to pick up some Oxycontin and make a drug deal. Had a half a pound of pot in my trunk, had a couple thousand dollars of cash in the glove box, 20 years old.

Had a busted headlight that I had been meaning to fix forever. But like I said earlier, unless something involved my addiction journey throughout the day, like I didn't want anything to do with it. So changing a headlight didn't, even though it should have, it just didn't fall into that narrative. Right. And I saw a cop running radar and I ended up flashing my high beams at him to hide the fact that I had a busted headlight. But in reality, this cop, he was probably like, why is this guy high beaming me? Gave him a reason to pull me over.

I see like the lights, his lights go on. My heart sinks in the pit of my stomach. I'm shaking. I'm like panicking. And I'm like, oh my God, my life is over. Pulls me over. One thing leads to the next. I stammer to get my registration and license out of the car, give it to him. He ends up searching the car, finding the money, finding a scale, finding the pot. And then I'm in handcuffs.

And I just remember like sitting in the back of the cop car and everything came to a head for me. And I don't know if anybody's listening to this, Mari, I don't know if even within your story, you've experienced this to where all of a sudden, all these decisions and bad choices I had made in my life were coming before me.

I was thinking about divorce and I was thinking about the kids who picked on me and I was thinking about not getting cut, not making the sports teams. And I was also thinking about all the choices that I made along the way. And I was like, how did I get here? How did the kid who just wanted to be loved? How did the kid who just wanted to fit in? How did the kid who just wanted to be good at sports? Like, how did he end up in the back of a cop car now facing felony drug charges?

And as I look back now, it was obviously a result of my inability to cope and my habits that came along with that. And so I'm taken to jail. I'm charged with a felony, which the felony was possession with the intent to distribute marijuana. My dad bailed me out. The next day I get out. And again, you would think in this moment, my story that I would clean my life up and be like, all right, you're facing felony drug charges. You might go to jail if you don't like clean your act up. Like you gotta like do something.

But of course, the insecurities became even greater. Fear became even greater. Anxieties, all that stuff that I needed to do what I could to numb and to cope. And so I kept on the addiction path and ended up going to court September 30th of 2008. And the judge, in my mind, threw the book at me because he found me guilty and convicted me of the felony.

sentenced me to five years, but suspended everything but 90 days, meaning that if I violated my probation, he also gave me five years of probation, if I violated that, if I failed a drug test, if I didn't do community service, if I did anything that would like, you know, violate the rules and regulations of parole and probation that they gave me, that I could potentially go back and serve the full five years.

He also gave me 200 hours community service, all kinds of fines and drug classes. But he looked at me dead in the eye and he was like, Doug, you're young. You're 20 years old. This felony conviction is going to haunt you the rest of your life. He was like, I'm going to give you a deal. And I'm like, deal? Like, where's the deal? I'm going to jail and you're putting on probation for five years. He's like, if you complete everything without messing up, no misprobation appointments, no failed drug tests, like you do everything perfectly.

I will take the felony conviction off your record at the end of the five years and give you a PBJ, which is probation before judgment. And I'm sitting there and I'm like 20. And I'm like, man, I didn't even think I was gonna live to see my 25th birthday. Like I went to funerals for people that I hung out with before that. So the odds of me living that much longer were just not very good. And so, but I had no choice. I was like, all right, whatever. I'll take the deal. He gave me a few weeks to gather my belongings and to get my stuff straight before I reported to jail.

And I reported to jail a week after my 21st birthday. It was about a week. It was a little over a week after my 21st birthday, October 21st, 2008. And the craziest part of all of this is when I went into jail, I cried because I didn't want to go in for obvious reasons because of all the emotional stuff I was going through, all the fear, all the stuff that I was afraid was going to happen to me when I was in jail, like everything. Plus I had a horrific opiate addiction to detox from cold Turkey when I went in there.

And when I left jail, the day I left jail, I cried because I didn't want to leave. And when I walked into jail, obviously, like I said, I had a detox from Oxy for the first few weeks, which felt like having the worst case of the flu. Uncontrollable bowel movements, vomiting, sleepless nights, tons of aches and pains, anxiety, depression, like everything. But the feeling that bothered me the most, which ironically I think was the most transformative for me during that detox process, was you feel like you're trying to crawl out of your own skin.

And as I look back now, I can see that it was like the old me trying to leave so that the new me could become like whole and new. And my soon to be cellmate was sitting there playing Scrabble

And he looked at me, he was like a more jacked version of Brad Pitt from Fight Club. And he could just tell that I was unconfident, low self-esteem. I was walking around like a zombie because I was going through this detox. He could just tell I needed some help. He was like, Doug, when you get through your detox, you're going to start working out with me. And I was like, dude, there's no way. Like at the time I could have been a model for Pillsbury. I'm 50 pounds heavier than I am now. Like there's no way I'm going to work out in jail. He was like, all right, man. All right.

And then not too long after that, I see him work out. I see him doing hundreds of pull-ups, doing tons of push-ups, running. He's like one of the most fit people I've ever seen. And then the conversation that really changed my life was a conversation I had with him not too long after that in the cell where he was like asking me why I went to, why I was in jail. He was like, so why are you here? And I was like, well, my parents got divorced and the girls rejected me and I got bullied and all this. He's like, no, no, no. He's like, quit being a bitch.

And I just was like, "Well, what do you mean?" You know, I wanted him to like pat me on the back and be like, "It's alright, Doug. Like, the world's against you. The world is horrible. Like, it's okay." He was like, "You're blaming everybody else for your problems but yourself." He was like, "There's plenty of people that went through what you went through that aren't in jail, right?" And I was like, "Yep." He was like, "You have two choices. Be a man, look yourself in the mirror, and say you got yourself here. And it's up to you to change. Like, no one's coming to save you. No one."

Or you can be a bitch, go cry in the corner, say, "Woe is me, blame everybody else for your problem." He's like, "Most people will do that." And at that time, like the drugs had started to come out of my system and I was just thinking to myself, like, I clearly don't have everything figured out. I don't know what I'm doing. I had 21 jobs by the time I was 21, damaged relationships, I'm addicted to drugs, I'm in jail for selling drugs. My life's falling apart. Like I'm having severe like mental health struggles. Like I need to change.

And that inspired me to start working out with him. And I remember the first day we started to work out, he asked me to get down on the ground and do a pushup. Couldn't do a pushup. Couldn't even do one for my knees. And I looked up at him and I just said, like, Eric, like, why can't I do a pushup? He's like, cause you're fat. And I hated that work. Cause I was called that a lot as a kid. And I never wanted to be called that ever again. And he said, he's like, dude, I'm not going to sugar coat this for you. He's like, you have an excess amount of body fat. You have no core strength.

You're weak. He was like, so you're going to collapse every time you try to do a pushup. And so I remember getting up and I would walk up and down the steps. I could barely make it because I was also smoking cigarettes before I went to jail. And I got down and do one for my knees. Couldn't do that. And I just felt like super invigorated and motivated to be like, all right, I got to like change something. And we set a goal to be able to do a set of 10 pushups and run a mile by the time my 90 day sentence was over.

which thankfully I was able to do that with his motivation and inspiration training me in there every single day. And I felt for the first time in my life that I was actually ready to change because I had this new level of self-confidence because I was able to do what I never thought I could do. Like at the beginning of my sentence, if you had said, you know, Doug, you're going to, you're going to be able to do a set of 10 pushups and run a mile by the time this is over. That would have been like me today saying tomorrow I'm going to climb Mount Everest. Hmm.

Same thing. It was so impossible to me, but because we just started stacking these small wins, it was like one push-up from my knees led to two push-ups from my knees, led to three, four. Now I'm able to do like a set of ten on my knees. Then we go back to trying it on my feet now. I've built some strength. Do one for my feet and that's stacked all the way up to being able to do that set of ten push-ups. Same thing with the running. I didn't just start running. It was like walk and then it was like fast walk and it was light jog, then it was jog, then it was run.

And so over time, I built this discipline inside of myself and I got really comfortable being uncomfortable. And I got comfortable taking the masks off. You know, I was purely naked spiritually, mentally, and emotionally when I was in jail. And I had to change the way I dealt with stress.

And I was forced to do that when I was in jail. I couldn't numb out with drugs. I couldn't lash out at people. Like I had, there was no option to do that. So I was able to use fitness and, you know, walking and running and just the way I talked to myself as a way to transform how I dealt with my insecurities and my emotions.

And so I had this new level of self-confidence, this self-esteem. I was just feeling hyper-motivated and I was like, I'm never gonna look back. And honestly, as much as I kinda haven't looked back, I haven't touched drugs since the day I left jail, I didn't really believe

That was going to be the case. But I had to lean into this little bit of like faith that I did have in myself because a lot of people I think make the mistake of when they are in the thick of it, they focus so much on the situation that that situation just overtakes them and that overwhelms them and they don't have any, you know, they don't have any space in their brain to like look at like what's ahead.

And I got really good at like looking at that small part that was ahead that was like, all right, I know that there's a lot that I can't control, but if I can just be relentless about doing everything that I can, that I know I can do on a daily basis to make myself better, at least gives me a shot to make it. And that served me really well. And then the day I left jail, like I said, I cried. He gave me a workout plan. So I never forget. And I keep it now at home. So I never forget where I came from and completely changed my life.

I can relate in so many ways. And I think, thank you for sharing all of that. And for anyone listening, two major takeaways, I feel like from what you just said is that no one's coming to save you. That was a huge realization for me because I think weirdly, a lot of us go through life kind of expecting to be caught, you know, like, oh, if I fall that hard, someone will catch me or someone will be there to make it right.

Not to be, you know, morbid, but no one is coming. At the end of the day, no one cares about you as much as you. Like, you really need to have that self-love and find that value in yourself in order to make that change. And for me, that was a big shift. And I, too, had the same issue with victim mentality. I was looking for reasons that I was the way I was. Oh, it's my family's fault. Oh, it's my...

boyfriend's fault. It's because I'm at college right now. It's because there's food trucks everywhere. Like, no, no, no. Like you did this to yourself. And I think that's such a good realization. And then also getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. Such a good quote and such a good life lesson and something I can relate to a hundred percent. And the thing is, you just continue to level up as you go through your journey. The

The thing that felt so uncomfortable for you at the beginning is now easy. And now there's a new level of uncomfortability and that's how you keep growing. Yeah, so true. And I think with the no one's coming to save you, like I think what also happens, like it did with me, is that because my life was so, that I thought bad and that all these things were happening to me that I couldn't control that were bad, I thought that I deserved someone to come in and save me, that I was like, all right, life has to get better. Life has to give me this big gift because of what I've went through.

But I wasn't even ready to give that gift to myself. Like I didn't believe in myself enough. I didn't think I was worthy enough to change or transform. And I think once you realize that no one's coming to rescue you and you take your power back, I think things definitely do get better. It's not going to be easy. It's going to take some time, but that's the only choice, right? Because in hard times, the thing that we want is we want to feel better. We want our situation to get, you know, to improve from where it is now.

But waiting for somebody to save you and rescue you gives you the exact opposite thing. You're just going to be in the same spot. So even if it's like just starting small, like it doesn't, you don't have to make this massive transformation overnight to quote unquote rescue yourself.

It's just like the simple things compounded over time, you know, and it's like I said with my story, I know with your story, like you just start where you're at and then you slowly improve off of that. And then over time, what you'll realize is these things compound and you'll look back like two weeks from now, three weeks from now, two months from now, and you'll be like, wow, like I'm so much further along now.

than I ever thought I could be. I'm so much further along than where I was when I started. And it all came from like just compounding these small wins each and every day. When you came out of jail, did you have to kind of reevaluate your circle? Did you have to cut a lot of people out of your life? Yeah, it was hard because, you know, a lot of the people I spent time with, they weren't like bad people, right? They just, they were doing things that I didn't want to do anymore. And what I often will say is you have to spend time with people who have common futures and common pasts.

Right? Because one of the thoughts that was going through my head was like, well, I've known these people for like 10 years. I've known some of these people for 15 years. They've spent a lot of time together. They've been there. They've been there through me during hard times. I've slept on their couch and I was kicked out of my house. Like they were there. Like I can't let them go. But over time, what I learned is

is that as I started to change myself and what I stood for, where I became more obsessed with health and fitness, where I became more obsessed with even like, you know, helping other people, where I became more obsessed with just bettering myself. When I would go and spend time with them, it was like being on an awkward first date where you had nothing to talk about. It was so strange to me because I was like, why does this feel so weird? Like I've known this person for a long time and I feel like we can't even have a conversation because I'm

You know, they may have been more interested in where the next party was or when they were going to get high. I'm more interested in like, do you have an oven I can cook my chicken breast in, you know, or something like that. So you kind of showed up as the new version of you. Yeah. And I hadn't had no other choice. Right. I couldn't go back to being the old version of me. But the other thing that was very powerful for me in this same situation was I got really comfortable being alone.

Because let me tell you something, you'll feel way more alone spending time with the wrong people than you ever will intentionally spending time by yourself. I can promise you that. I promise you. That's such a good point. And so when I was living with my grandparents after I got out of jail, I mean, I'm like 21 years old. That's like, you know, you're in the prime party mode, right?

Like my friends would be out like on Friday, Saturday nights partying and I'd be choosing to stay home and like watching the Food Network with my grandparents and like building that relationship and really creating something meaningful there.

but it taught me that just because i'm spending time by myself doesn't mean i'm a loser it just means that i don't have anything in common with with these people right now i want to spend time focusing on myself i want to be able to get introspective i want to have this self-discovery journey where i can learn like who i am all over again i can learn what i want in my life and then over time what happened

was once I got super comfortable being alone, when I would see friends out, it didn't even matter to me anymore. Because I'm like, all right, that's their journey. This is my journey. This is where I'm at right now. I'm not on that path.

And then over time, I started to develop quality friendships along the way with people that were going where I was going. People that were invested in fitness. People that were invested in making the world a better place. People that were invested in personal growth. And it takes time and it takes a lot of patience.

But again, I think a lot of this comes back to choices and you have to choose your heart with this. It's really hard to be alone for a period of time and then work on yourself and develop new relationships. But it's also really hard to be around people that mistreat you or be around people that you don't have anything in common with or be around people that you feel more tempted to do certain behaviors when you're around them. That's really hard too. Do you have any tips for people listening who want to find like-minded friendships?

Myself included. There's a couple things. I think the easiest place for me that I'd tell people was the gym. And I say that because as intimidating as it is, and I know you talked about on my podcast how to deal with the intimidation of the gym, typically people in the gym, first of all, nobody's there to judge you. Nobody is.

Right. And I mean, they're there just to work on themselves and better themselves. And they're worried about the same. They're always like worried about their own insecurities in the gym, too. You know, it's not like they're paying attention to you. You will find most people in the gym are there because they want to better themselves. They're looking towards the future. They're trying to improve themselves. So it's a great way to not only like change like the energy of your environment, but

but to organically meet new people. So whether that's taking a class, whether that's just walking up to a person and maybe asking them a question about like what they're doing, maybe to help you, maybe that's complimenting somebody, you know, that leads to a conversation, like whatever it is, right? Like the same tactics you would use if you're meeting somebody new at a party, work at the gym, you just go up and start talking to somebody, right? It's all the same. And then the other thing is to really identify again, like what you want in your life,

who you want to be and then like you know jot that down on paper and be like all right where do these types of people hang out so if it's somebody who's in a personal development into personal growth into health and fitness they're probably hanging out at like nice coffee shops they're probably hanging out at a gym yoga studios maybe they're going to like wellness retreats networking events conferences and then you start to you know plug yourself into these networks and you'll slowly realize that you meet you know certain people

And I think the hardest part about all of that is letting your guard down. Being vulnerable. Being vulnerable and then trying to not make it about you when you go into the situation. Because I think, at least for me, sometimes when I'm in a new room, I'll talk about myself or I'll talk about this and that. And it's like, it can be off-putting to people, right? Because it's like when you're trying to form a nice relationship, you want to make sure that it's mutually beneficial for each other, that you're helping each other grow.

And so I think it's important to kind of let your guard down, know that if somebody's judging you for what you're about to say, they're not meant to be in your life. And the only way to meet new people is to let your guard down. If you don't let your guard down, you're not going to meet new people. And that's going to be way harder later on in life anyway. You got to think about the positives that are going to come from letting your guard down. You're going to get better at facing your fears. You're going to have higher self-confidence. You're going to hopefully meet new people. And then also like just learn to ask questions.

You know, be a good listener. That's something that I've really taken pride in. The podcast has helped me a lot is like being a good listener. The podcast helps a ton. It's like a really great way of practicing actually. And I think those are all such good points and something I think all of us can be better with. The thing that you're the most insecure about is probably the thing that's going to help you connect with more people. And I think also practicing sharing things that we're nervous to share is really helpful because it kind of makes it less...

daunting in our own heads too. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's so true because I remember I was sitting in a room with like 10 other fitness professionals and we were just sitting here and we were like, we were like networking and talking about each other's businesses. And I was super insecure about how much money I made.

And I never forget this because it's really humbled me that I made like the and I didn't I wasn't making millions or anything, but I made like the third or fourth highest amount of money in this group of 10. Like there's people that couldn't even support their families. There was people that were making like 20, 30 thousand dollars a year. And here I am like bitching and moaning that I'm not making like multiple six figures or something. Right.

And it really humbled me and I was like, man, like we all struggle with the same thing, right? We all struggle with certain insecurities, but you know, it's all just dependent on our own reality of the situation. You know what I mean? Like my struggle at that time with money was relative to other people who were struggling with money. And what's interesting is when you open up and you share,

You know, typically somebody is like, they gain some respect for you because you've now established that you trust this person enough to share something like that, which is big. But then also like a lot of times that person might have struggled with that in the past or they're struggling with it. And then it creates this idea that you're just not alone, which we all feel alone when we're going through hard times. 100%.

More and more today I am hearing about scalp health and how important it is. Apparently hair loss affects over 80 million Americans. It's so common that by the age of 35, two-thirds of men will experience some form of hair loss and 40% of Americans who experience hair loss are women.

And I personally know people who are close to me that have experienced this and it can take a serious toll on your confidence and just like overall way that you view yourself.

And that's where I found Divi. When lifestyle blogger Dani Austin went through an emotional hair loss journey, she took it upon herself to research and learn about the importance of routines behind scalp health. And that's where the creation of Divi's first product came. It's a scalp serum that improves the appearance of breakage, nourishes hair follicles and removes product and oil blemishes.

build up. So Divi is good for many different types of hair issues, whether it's hair shedding or thinning due to stress, postpartum, menopause, or medical related conditions, scalps with a lot of product or oil buildup, anyone with a dry scalp, those who wear tight hairstyles, or anyone who's just looking to start a healthy scalp routine. I think so many of us could benefit from a product like this. I know personally, I really, really need to focus on my scalp health more. It's

Some of the key ingredients are copper tripeptide, caffeine, tea tree oil, amino acids, and hyaluronic acid. It can be used by men and women of all ages who want to start or continue their scalp care journey. Do you want to take back control of your hair and scalp health and do it with clean science-backed ingredients? Well, we have a special offer for the pursuit of wellness audience. Go to diviofficial.com/pow or enter pow at checkout for 20% off your first order.

That's use diviofficial.com slash pow pow for 20% off your first order. I get asked all the time, how do I drink alcohol and stay healthy? And I think this is such a good question. It's something that I have spent a lot of time thinking about and making the right choices around. And that's where I found June Shine. They now have

canned cocktails like margaritas, vodka sodas, rum cocktails that are about 8 to 10% ABV, but they have no added sugar and they're made with premium ingredients, unlike many traditional canned cocktails that traditionally have 20 gram plus of sugar, tons of calories and cheap liquor.

That kind of thing always gives me a hangover. I'm 29 years old now and I can barely get away with two drinks. So if I am drinking, I want to choose something with good ingredients that doesn't have too much sugar. I personally love the margarita option. If you're a tequila fan, the margarita pack is made with four different flavors, spicy, mango, tropical and lime. I love the spicy. All made with high quality tequila. The leading case

canned cocktail margarita is made with 27 grams of sugar which is absolutely insane so june shine has made a delicious margarita with six grams of sugar which is all made with real ingredients like orange and lime june shine's margarita tastes so so good has zero added sugar and is flavored with only orange and lime juice premium tequila and a hint of sea salt

June Shine can be found in over 10,000 stores across the country. It's available at all the retailers you're already visiting for groceries and alcohol like Whole Foods, Target, Ralph's, Vons, Albertsons, Kroger, Wegmans, Total Wine, BevMo, Safeway, and more. We've worked out a special offer for our listeners. At any store, you can buy one June Shine package and get the second one for only a

penny. That's $12 to $20 in value. I recommend trying one of their best-selling variety of packs. It's a great way to try all of their delicious flavors. Go to juneshine.com slash pow. Text them a photo of your receipt and they will Venmo you immediately. It's that easy. That's j-u-n-e-s-h-i-n-e dot com slash pow p-o-w. Music

So speaking of, I want to talk about your career because you're now the author of three books, host of the podcast, Adversity Advantage, and you're a public speaker. How did you begin your career after coming out of jail and going through what you've been through? It was tough. It wasn't easy, but things actually did end up flowing. But when I got out, I stayed on the workout plan that my cellmate Eric had given me. And then I lost a bunch of weight, ended up hiring a

personal trainer or two along the way that kind of helped keep me accountable. Like I would just save money because I worked actually at a liquor store with my first job. Wow. When you're a convicted felon, like you have to check a box, you know, like have you ever been convicted of a felony? Like check. So it was hard to get a job. So I had to take. So that was never removed from your records because didn't he say he would remove it for you? Later on it did. Okay. But at this point it's 2009, you know, and he gave me the five, it was five years of probation that I had to complete first.

And so I had to take whatever job I could get because part of the rules and regulations of being on probation is you had to maintain some level of employment. So I had to get a job. And then as I, you know, but when I worked at this liquor store, I was never able to hold a job at all. This is another thing that fitness is so key for because it helps you establish discipline. I was disciplined at this job. I showed up early. I would stay late. I never missed a day unless I was like brutally sick. And again, it just all stemmed from me developing discipline from fitness.

And then I started to get this nudge. I was like, man, I'm like in a great spot fitness wise. I want to share my gift. I want to help other people. I want to pay it forward. I want to like use the gifts that Eric had given me and pass it on to somebody else. And so I ended up applying a job at this local wellness center. The company was called the Maryland Athletic Club.

And I went in, crushed the interview. Like I told like the hiring manager about my story, how I'd lost all this weight and that it fitness changed my life. And I wanted to help other people. And she was like, oh, great. Like, when can you start? I was like, well, there's one other thing. And she's like, what's that? I'm like, I'm a convicted felon. And I just was like, listen, I'll do whatever it takes. I'll pee in a cup every single day. I'll give you whatever you need documentation. When I was like, I swear to God, like I promise you, I will do whatever it takes to get this job.

And after going back and forth with HR and just talking to other people, I got hired. And I was so excited. Like I was jumping up and down at my grandparents' house when I got this job, which is kind of funny because I was so excited to help people. And it's just, you just know when you're in the, when things are flowing and you're doing the right thing because business just grew. And my first year I became like the highest grossing personal trainer the company had ever had.

and like broke the personal training record. And there was, there was a decent amount of trainers there. It wasn't like there was just 10 trainers. I mean, they had three different locations at the time. And then I just found this new high in helping people because I could relate to people because most people, Mari, and I'm sure you can relate to this, that if they don't want to lose weight, they want to feel better about themselves. They want to improve their self-esteem, their self, their self-confidence. And so I was able to get deep

with people when I was asking them about like their fitness journey. I was like, "Oh, what's your goal?" And they're like, you know, "I want to lose 30 pounds." It's like, "Oh, I think that's important. Like, why do you want to do that?" And they're like, "Oh, like, I just don't like the way that, you know, my clothes fit." I'm like, "Oh, like, I understand, like, definitely important, but why does it bother you so much that your clothes don't fit you?" And then they'll say something like, "Well, I'm out with my friends and they all look good in their clothes and I come home and I'm like bawling my eyes out because I hate the way I look."

And then I'm like, yeah, I understand. You know, and I can, then you can relate to them in that moment. And then I share a little bit about my story as I see fit to their story. Then you create this connection. And that really helped me build my business. And then time flew by. And like I said, I hadn't, I didn't mess up with my probation stuff. And it was, my probation was, was over and it was time for me to write the judge a letter so that he could grant me my day in court for modification of my sentence. We wrote him a letter and he gave me my day in court and

And in January of 2014, I ended up going back before the judge and he took the felony conviction off my record and gave me a PBJ. And I never understood like how much somebody's life can change in a matter of moments going from being somebody who, you know, was limited as far as some of the things I could do to now being a completely free man. And it really inspired me. And that led me to writing my first book from felony to fitness to free and

to give people hope that they can turn a negative into a positive that they can make the most their second chance but also that life's about choices you know a lot of my pain came from choices that i made a lot of my success out came from different choices that i made and writing the book was hard because i barely graduated high school i thought like i didn't think i was myself as a real author i was like i'm not an author like i'm not you know john grisham or whoever are these popular people who write books

And I remember I initially had like a ghostwriter that was gonna help me do it and then I was just kind of dissatisfied with it because I was like, man, I can write better than this. I mean, I just thought that I could.

And then I remember going home and it was like an emotional dump of like a book into a Word document. And it was so therapeutic and healing for me to get my story and get my emotions really onto something. And then ended up self-publishing that and then ended up doing a book signing at a local bookstore that I had ironically been fired from like years prior. No way. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yes. It was so cool. What a full circle moment. Yeah. And then people would come up to me.

And parents would be like, I bought your book for my kid. My brother's in jail. They would buy my book for me. I'm like, wait, what? Why? Oh, my book's actually good? I wouldn't say that, but I was thinking that to myself.

I was like, man, I guess my story is pretty powerful because it's all my own reality. Your reality is your reality. Like I was like, all right, cool. I have a cool story, but does anybody really care? You know? Yeah. It sounds like over the years after leaving jail, you just continued to boost the confidence that you'd already built in jail with fitness. Then you boosted it again with your story. And I,

could totally see writing a book being so therapeutic, kind of brain dumping onto the pages and getting it all out there. And I think a lot of the time when we have trauma, sometimes we kind of black it out. Then coming to terms with it and actually speaking about it and helping other people while doing it must be

the best feeling. It was. And I think a lot of what I've been able to do has been as a result of like this, what's next mentality. You know, I can do one pushup, what's next to three, what's next. I can run, you know, a couple of laps in the jail. What's next, the quarter mile, a mile, you know, you see where I'm going with this. And that like was,

That transferred into when I got out. I was like, all right, I did all this in jail. What's next? Oh, I'm gonna lose more weight get more fit become a trainer. Never thought I could do any of this. What's next? You know, the felonies can come off my record. What's next? I'm gonna write a book and it's like holy crap like if you had told me that I was gonna be able to do all this stuff when I was entering jail I've been like there's there's no way but again it came from just getting really good at embracing the process and achieving these small things over time and

And then when I wrote the book, yes, it became so therapeutic. And then when I was sharing my story, it became healing for me because I was able to see like how much this pain that was in my mind and in my heart and how much that had caused, you know, how much pain that had caused me through the years and how now I'm able to like transform that into helping other people, which I think is huge because there's so many people that struggle with addiction. There's so many people that struggle with mental health. There's so many people that struggle with their self-confidence. And if I can just be a beacon of light for

Just a one person. Every time I get on a podcast like this that inspires them to not give up on themselves and to not quit, then at the end of the day, I feel like I've done my job. I think I know the answer to this question, but I like to ask people with trauma, if you could go back and take away the years of addiction and jail time, would you? No, no, because it completely transformed my life. I mean, obviously there's certain things during my past that I regret, but

One of them is my relationship with my mom. Like my mom and I are great now, but I don't have the same emotional connection with my mom that other people do because I got kicked out of her house when I was 16 and that created a lot of tension amongst us. And so I like developed like coping mechanisms and survival techniques to like, almost like not black that part out, but like

create some distance there that is like Transferred with me into my adulthood. I mean now all the anger and everything has been gone for for a long time Her and I are very very good. We're the best we've ever been but as far as like having that deep emotional connection I mean a lot of that I think is not there because of not having a close relationship with her when I was younger and and then like alongside of that is

I wanted these things to save me. If you told me when I was 18 years old, like, Doug, I'm going to give you a few gifts and take all your pain away, but you can't use drugs anymore. What would they be? But if I give you these things, you can't do it. And I would have said, yeah, I want big biceps. I want to be ripped. I want to date pretty girls and I want to make great money legally. And I did those things in my 20s.

you know, after I got out of jail and in my mid twenties and I still wasn't happy. I was, in fact, I was more miserable because I chased this thing for so long. And I thought that this was the answer to like being happy in life. And I wasn't, I was miserable. And that forced me to do the work in that I had to be comfortable with me.

I had to be happy with myself internally for these external things to matter. Now it's not to say, I mean, do I still think physical attraction to like women is important? Absolutely. Do I still think health and wellness is important? Absolutely. Money? Yes, you bet.

But it's the way I view it now that's way different. Like it doesn't fill me up. You know, it's not the end all be all for me. It's just a byproduct of how I feel about myself and then what I'm doing to help people along the way. What advice would you give to someone listening who has someone in their life who is struggling with addiction? What tips could you give them to help? This is so tough, but I think what I'll often tell people is...

Number one, just know that you're not alone. There's so many people that are struggling with addiction. And two, which I think sometimes gets forgotten is you have to take care of yourself. Like if you're a parent, you're trying to help your kid, like it's going to be a lot harder to help your kid if you're having your own struggles and if you're not taking care of your own health. So make your own mental health a priority. Seek counsel, go to support meetings, make sure you set and uphold boundaries with whoever it is.

And that no matter what, as much as it would be super easy to just say, you can just flip on a switch and you can fix that person by doing whatever, they have to be ready to change. They have to be the one that wants to do it. And so just be there, support them, love them, do your best to not talk down to them. Because let's face it, people who are struggling with addiction,

They're already in so much pain, so much sadness. They are hurting so bad inside. So telling them that they're a piece of crap or that they're a failure, all these things like you're going to make the situation worse. So do your best to like practice the pause when when talking to them.

and come back and from a place of love it doesn't mean you have to like pay their bills it doesn't mean like that's enabling right but no just loving them and just being like hey like I know you're going through a hard time like what how can I help you like I love you no matter what and I want you to get better like let me know if there's anything I can do for you that was awesome thank you so much now it's time for the question we ask every guest I started this podcast because I believe everyone's pursuit of wellness looks different what does wellness mean to you

Wellness to me today, it's multifaceted. So it's taking care of my mental wellness, like making sure that my mental health is a priority, physical health, making sure that I'm staying as strong as possible, making sure that my heart is as healthy as possible, like doing what I can from a physicality standpoint to take care of my health, but making sure it's not out of control to where I'm being too strict with what I'm doing to where then that negatively can impact my mental health or even my physical health.

Spiritual health is important to me. Like having a relationship with God, helping other people, remaining grateful. That's all part of like the wellness part for me. And then emotional wellness. Like how am I treating other people? What are my relationships like? How am I treating myself? What is my responsiveness like to other people? How can I, how do I handle coping in my emotions? Again,

I say all this and it's also just, I say all this, but I'm not here to say that I'm perfect with all these things. This is always, it's always a pursuit, right? It's always this pursuit of wellness, if you will, that every day I'm learning every day, like I'm learning how I can get better. Some days I'm phenomenal at it. Every once in a while, I'm like, Oh, I shouldn't have done that. And I think that's life. And I think the more you can understand that, that like, once you're on this wellness journey, it's not going to be like straight up. It's going to be like, you know,

up a little bit down, up a little bit down, up a little bit down. Then over time, hopefully you're much better. But again, if you're having a bad day, if you do something you wish you didn't do, do your best to not feel ashamed of yourself, give yourself some grace and then onto the next day.

Doug, you're amazing. Your story is incredible. Thank you so much for sharing with us. Where can people find you online? Well, thanks for having me on. I really love the combo. The best place to find me is my website is www.dougbobst.com. My Instagram is where I'm most active on social media. It's at Doug Bobst and then the Adversity Advantage podcast, which you came on, is available wherever you get your podcasts. So yeah, thanks again for having me on. Thank you, Doug.

Thank you for listening to today's episode. Go comment on my last Instagram at Mari Llewellyn with the guest you want to see next. I'll be picking one person from the comments to send our bloom greens to. Make sure you hit follow so you never miss my weekly episodes. If you enjoyed the conversation, be sure to share and leave a review. See you next week.

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.