Anna's Guide to Meeting the Parents
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Hey besties, happy new episode. I'm always like triple quadruple checking these cameras are running because I swear there's going to be one day where they're not and I'm going to get really, really sad. But today I'm happy because not only are they recording, but you're here and we're kicking off the start of this episode. I mean, happy Thursday. It's still Thursday, right? When people are seeing this, maybe Friday morning, it might be your Friday morning, depending on if you're on the East coast or the West coast. Um,

But this episode is cute because we have a time of the year rolling around that I absolutely love. And that time of the year is the holidays. And what happens on the holidays? You get cuffed. And then what happens when you get cuffed? You have to meet parents.

And this can either be a wonderful experience for you or a terrifying experience for you. And I'm really lucky that I feel like I slayed meeting the parents. So I'm going to share with you what I learned while meeting the parents. If the parents are listening, please tell me if I'm incorrect in any of this. I feel like we popped off more best friends. I mean, I'm still here, so I feel like we're doing great. But...

Today's episode is going to be really fun. We're going to deep dive into some relationship stuff, some tips and tricks, whether you're meeting them for Thanksgiving, Christmas, it's your first season or maybe your fifth season of meeting them.

I just want to share with you some behind the scenes because I know this can be an intimidating era of life and there are people you want to impress. I mean, if your partner is somebody that you want to spend the rest of your life with, these will potentially become your family. So how do you leave a lasting, wonderful, good impression? And we're going to dive into that in today's episode. But before we get started, we're going to do a rosebud thorn. And

If this is your first time here, welcome. The rosebud thorn is my rose of the week, which is my best part. My bud is my thing that's coming up that I'm looking forward to. And my thorn is my thumbs down of the week. And so for this week, we have, let's start with a thorn for this week. So my thorn for this week is something that's silly, but it's valid. It's that I don't own a cat.

let's be so for real right now that's such a thorn that's not something sad to happen this week that's something that happens indefinitely in my life um and i still mourn every day that i didn't take marshall home when i was in marshall um but that story is for another time because it's much sadder than you expect it's not it wasn't my decision not to take him home okay that's just a little inkling of the pain that i had to go through when i had that cat my thorn is i don't have a cat my bud for this week

Is that, oh, this is cute. I am going to San Francisco this weekend and the I'm speaking at a conference with TurboTax. OK, the students don't know that I'm coming.

they're like sponsoring students from all over the country and i get to meet a bunch of you guys and you have no idea but i know that i'm going so how cool is that like i feel like i'm in on a secret and i love surprises not for me i love surprises for you i hate a surprise but like i love giving them and i'm gonna be giving people a surprise this weekend so i'm really looking forward to the fact that no one knows that i'm going to san francisco for one day and hanging out with a bunch of college kids the dream like literally my dream come true so that's what i'm really looking forward to this weekend and

And my rose of this week, hmm, hmm, ooh, I know. It's that I am home, obvi, but because I'm home for long enough, I ordered rooftop furniture. I know that might seem like a bud, but I am going to put together my rooftop space and I'm going to have a couch and a fireplace up there.

I'm making s'mores. So that's what I... That's gonna be my roast for the week is that I'm really looking forward to having a little, like, s'more station in my home. Also my roast for this week, I'm drinking hot chocolate out of a Loyola Marymount University mug. Delicious. I already have a bellyache. So...

Now that we've covered my rosebud thorn of this week, let's get into this week's episode, which is all about Anna's guide to meeting the parents. This feels like an intimidating part of life, but it's

of the circle of a relationship you meet someone you fall in love and they start to wonder am i important enough for them to take me home and when they do then you meet the people who created the person that you love and this can be scary because first off you want them to like you because like i said earlier in the episode these could be the people that become your future family like you can end up spending all of your holidays with these people they end up becoming members of the people who take care of your children i mean you're literally going to be sharing their genetics

When you make babies. So it's kind of a big deal. And it's kind of exciting. But also can be really scary. And I feel like my first true experience of meeting parents. Which I mentioned on the podcast episode. When I had Bru on here. Was that Bru's family felt like my first true experience. Of like meeting the parents. Because prior to this. My partner and I went to high school together. So it made it really easy to just. Like I knew his parents through the school system. I knew his parents through like.

Just seeing them around town and things like that. Like, it wasn't, like, ever an official, like, meeting. Versus in my adulthood, meeting the parents felt so much more intimidating and felt so much more serious. So...

I'm going to start this episode with telling you about meeting Bruce's parents. And I want to say that I got so lucky that when I met them, they were, I'm also obviously from Michigan. I was going back to Michigan with Bruce to meet his family because they still live there. And I had the most wonderful experience meeting his parents. It was wholesome. It was sweet. I felt cozy. I felt at home.

And this is the rundown of our first time meeting Bruce's parents. The story begins when Bru and I started dating. Two weeks later was Thanksgiving break. I was still in grad school at this time, so I was going to have a week off for Thanksgiving. And he asked me if I wanted to come the days before Thanksgiving to meet his parents. And I was like, absolutely. Why wouldn't I? That sounds phenomenal.

We were only dating for two weeks, let me add, at this time. So we are very fresh. Like, we had not said I love you yet in our relationship, but he was bringing me home to meet his mom and dad. And I, for, like, a split second realized how nerve-wracking that is. First off, I would be staying in their home with them. People I've never met before. Second, I'd see a big peek into my partner's relation, like, my relationship by, like, seeing...

my partner where he grew up, seeing his hometown. And there's just these elements of it that like, it felt very serious at the time. And I kind of started to freak out. I remember asking so many of my girlfriends in grad school, like, what do I do? Like, do I have to bring a gift for them? It's Thanksgiving. It's not Christmas, but I'm not going to see them for Christmas. Do I bring something with me? Do I like get them something? I mean, I'm flying in from LA. So it's not really like I could bring flowers. Like those would not

Those would not live well on the airplane, but they were picking us up at the airport. So I didn't have time to like quote freshen up before I'd really get to meet them. They were about to see me fresh off of a flight. And if we want to add one more element to this brew and I decided to fly a main cabin red eye into Michigan to me as parents. So I'm talking, we had a three and a half hour flight. That's all I slept that night. We flew in from LA into Michigan and,

I took a middle seat because I always take the middle seat when I'm flying with Brew because I want to give him the window so I can sleep on him. That way he has a window and I have him. We slept on the flight, landed, and his parents picked us up in their truck. And they were so warm, so cozy, so nice. Like some of the sweetest people I'd ever met. And I remember like being stressed like...

Have I like I didn't brush my teeth. You know what I mean? Like I think I actually did stop in the bathroom and wash my face and brush my teeth before I met them because I was like there's no way that these people are going to say hello and the first thing they're going to get from me is a morning breath. Okay. I would rather have jumped off the flight. Okay. We land. They pick us up. They take us home. Now.

We get back to the house and I packed only a carry-on, which was great because I was only there for, I think, two or three days. We get out of the truck, we go inside. And this was an element that I really remember. Brew and I had talked about me meeting his parents. And I kind of asked before we got there, like, hey, like, what are your parents like? Like, are they really strict? Are they not? Like, for example, my parents, super strict. Okay. Like, usually, usually prior to Mr. Brew on the radio,

There was no sharing a bed in my household with your partner, which I think is a quite universal thing. Some parents don't care. My parents cared quite a bit until Brew came along. Then my parents did not care. My parents let Brew and I share a bed the first time we went on vacation the day he asked me to be his girlfriend with my parents in Vegas. And they gave us a hotel room with our own bed. And that was like unheard of in my family.

So I asked Brew the same thing, like, what is your parents' dynamic going to be like? And he had said, like, oh, my gosh, they are. Like, they're, like, pretty strict on that front. They've never let a girlfriend and I stay in the same room. I'll normally give my girlfriend my room and I'll sleep on the couch.

And I was like, oh, slay. Okay. I get the bed. No, I'm kidding. I was like, okay, good to know up front. That way I like know what I'm preparing for. Okay. I know not to like push this boundary. I'm just going to let them decide where they want to put me. And I'm just going to like go with the flow because I'm not, I'm not really that picky. Okay. I'm not going to like disintegrate just because I'm not sleeping in the same bed as my boyfriend. And it's also not something I'm going to pick a fight over. You know what? It's your house. I respect your decision. This is your choice.

we get there and his mom is like i'm carrying my luggage and she's like helping me go up the stairs and i'm like okay she's putting me in in his room like he warned me like he's like oh i'm gonna sleep on the couch you're gonna see my room i get in there i put my my suitcase in there and then his dad comes in it puts bruce suitcase in there and i was like oh they're just putting in here because it's like this is where we're gonna keep our stuff you know that's what i'm thinking and then she's like so this is the two of yours room and i was like oh i'm

Oh, that's okay. We don't, we don't have to share a room. Like at this point now I'm trying to be like, don't put me in the same room. I said, that's gross. Like I'm like trying to be like, like I priorly thought that like there was no other girlfriends allowed sleeping in the room. So I'm like, wait, am I being tested right now? Should I not be sharing a room with this boy?

it's okay. Like, where am I? Am I going to share with his sister? Or like, do you want me to, I'll sleep downstairs. And she's like, no, no, no, you guys are old. You guys are old enough. You should share a room. And I remember for some reason that felt off the bat really good. Like that was like a, Ooh, like she trusts me in the same room as her son. Great feeling. I mean, at this point, brew and I are both what? 24 and 25 years old. Like,

we're grown adults we both own our own places in LA we both live on our own in a big city like he's moved out of Michigan and stuff like that so I think to some people's perspective it felt like probably that would make sense that they wouldn't they wouldn't really have an opinion about it but for me it's like a big respect thing to just trust the parents know what they want for their kids and like I'm not gonna overstep that boundary and for this to be something where they were so like no you're good you guys can share a bed I was like who okay yeah

I like felt so good that they like, I don't know, trusted me and knew that like I respected their space enough to not like not, I don't know. There was just something about that that I was like, okay, win. Like that felt good. And I'm pretty sure that immediately brew and I went to bed because we had landed at like six o'clock in the morning and obviously didn't sleep much. I think that we might've immediately gone to bed and taken a nap until about 11 o'clock in the afternoon. Um,

And then we spent the day with them. We hung out at the house. We did different activities. They had some like games set up. I think we went for a couple drives and like saw the downtown. I obviously got to see where Brew grew up and we were in his house, like his childhood home that he really remembers. We were sleeping in his childhood bedroom. All these elements that like led into me meeting the parents. And I remember that I was so nervous on the flight to get into that day. But the second that we touched the ground and the second I like gave his mom my first hug hello and his dad my first hug hello, I was like,

all worry dissipated because I could tell who raised Brew. Like I could tell that they were the same person and I knew we were going to get along right off the bat because they just felt like him. You know, like I could see his own qualities and his traits and who he got them from, from the second I met his parents. And because I like loved him so much, I felt like I already loved them and it made it so much easier. So now,

That's a great story. I think it's so wholesome. I love telling it. I love talking about meeting his parents because it's so great now to have a relationship with my partner's family that just feels effortless. Like even if Brew's not around, I will go home and visit his family if I'm ever in Michigan, either to see Katie or for a wedding or for anything.

anything I always feel comfortable like their home is my home and like I can always text them and just be like hey are you guys around I would love to see you things like that and I think having that relationship was something that I've never had in a relationship before is like that comfortability where it feels like they already at this point in our relationship are an extension of my own family

And I think it's interesting because my first time meeting Brew felt really intimidating because it was like we are going to Michigan and like staying with his parents. And that's how we were going to meet for brew meeting my family. He had joked about it during our episode as well.

He had just come over to help me get my bathroom ready and like help during this like remodel era that I was in with my first place that I lived at. And so he met my family in a way, almost like in passing, like it was for two hours and that was it. Like he checked in, met my family. And then once the work was done, they left and we left. And I actually think I hung out with him for a little bit longer after. And then I ended up going home that night as well later. But what I think is really sweet is like for him and I, I think when he met my parents, we still kind of,

felt like friends in a lot of ways. I think he joked about that in the episode too, that like he was not expecting my sister to grill him on questions because we had just kissed and had maybe been seeing each other for like two weeks, three weeks max, I think. So it was so early on that he still could have been considered like a situationship. He was considered a situationship at that point. And he had met my family, but it's just because

Like right place, right time, same room. It worked out. I also think there was this element that was great. It's like my dad, very easy person to get along with. My dad is friends with everyone. My little brother, very easy person to get along with. I feel like I didn't feel scared to invite brew to come. It didn't really feel like a big decision to me either. Like it didn't feel like it had to be this big pressure moment for him, but

And because it happened so casually, it made it so much easier that we're like, we took him, I think the following weekend, he drove home with me and actually went to my parents' house. We all went surfing together. My brother taught Brew how to surf. And like, then he really got quality time with my parents and things like that. And like, it felt a little bit more intimate on that time when he came home to see where my parents lived. But once again, I think he didn't really have to like for him to,

Meeting my parents. He wasn't meeting them in like my childhood home. Like my parents had moved when I graduated high school. So they were already in like this home that I never really spent all that much time in except during COVID. I lived there and it kind of just felt like very easy because he had this like icebreaker with them of he installed the toilet with my dad. I feel like it doesn't get much more casual than that. So yeah.

I think his experience with me and my parents was so different. And the luck is that we all got along so quickly. And I think a big part, something that his mom said to me right when we first met, which I really appreciated about her, was she had said, like, I knew when he, like, met you and was so excited to tell us about you. And, like, you were just, like...

this girl from Michigan like I knew that we'd get along instantly and I knew that was such a root and such a big part of myself is like that Midwest value that Midwest side of me and I think that's what really ties us together to like getting along so well is the fact that I was just myself when I met them I didn't feel like I had to show up and be this LA girl I didn't feel like I had to show up and like be someone that their son wanted to be with you know I just was myself and even I

off of flight with like super messy hair and like not put together and no makeup on and maybe like I don't know maybe morning breath it was just me and I think of that like authenticity and that down-to-earthness broke down any barrier of worry so when you're meeting your partner's parents for the first time don't feel like you have to put on a show I hope you just feel like you can be yourself

Because like I said, they're an extension of the person that you love. So like if, you know, your person loves you and you have this like

you know, they're obviously a mosaic of what their parents are and what their family is and what their upbringing is with all of that being known. Like it makes it this really great dynamic that, you know, if you're accepted by him and you're accepted or accepted by her or accepted by them, then it's so easy to be accepted by their parents because also if they have a decent relationship with their parents, where their parents kind of like trust their instinct and their intuition, um,

Um, they know they'd pick somebody to be with that makes them happy and i'm sure every parent really just wants to see their children happy So like I said, we're about to get in the holiday season Which is like more likely that you're going to get brought home or taken to meet your partner's family So how do you feel like you need to prepare for this? This is what I wanted to talk about with like when I said I was asking all my girlfriends like what do I do? When I first went home to meet bruce family. I took everyone in his family a seized candy box of chocolate

Do you know how easy that is? I feel like the top secret to meeting a family and leaving a lasting first impression is to never come empty handed. I think that's a universal thing. Maybe it's a Midwest thing. I cannot tell you a time my parents have ever gone to somebody's house even and not brought something with them.

And so I think there's like this really great element of like a little box of chocolate is easy to fly with, easy to travel with. I think my entire carry on bag was a bag of chocolates. But it really made everybody feel so special and nice. I think I wrote them like a little note, like, so happy to meet you. Can't wait for many more holidays ahead. Love, Anna.

Put it in, give it. I think that those little actions go such a long way that it kind of like became a staple of mine that every time I went over there, I brought them a box of chocolate. And it's really easy to ask your partner like, hey, does your family like dark chocolate or milk chocolate or white chocolate or a mix? Like that little attentiveness really makes a big difference. Or if you know like your partner's family collects something or like has a passion or has something in their home they really love or you've heard your partner talk about their parents and having like

I don't know, maybe his, like, mom loves Sudoku or something. Like, bring her a fresh book. Bring her a fresh something. Be like, oh my gosh, I was thinking about you, or I saw this, like, little, you know, card, or I saw this little gift, or this little something. I feel like having those, like, little memory starters is such a beautiful way to leave a great first impression, because when they...

look at that or see that or eat that chocolate. They're always thinking about you and like this kind action that you did by meeting them. So another aspect I think is so important is to remember something that I said earlier and that's that these are the people that raised your partner. Getting to know them better is going to get to know your partner better. Seeing like

I don't know. I love hearing about people's past lives. Do you know how many lives our parents have lived? Like if we feel like we've lived so many lifetimes, like even myself, sometimes I think about like, okay, I did engineering and then I did film and then I did, you know, content creation. And now I'm like in this new era and I want to be an actress and I want to do this. Asking your parents what they wanted to be when they were growing up.

Asking them what their life was like before they met their partner. Asking them about like what their first apartment looked like, what their first home looked like. Oh my gosh, I love those questions. I love those stories. I mean, even my mom was so excited to talk about how she met my dad. I love asking that question from like a partner's parents. Like, how did you guys meet? Like, what did you love about them? What's the first thing you noticed about them? How are they with your parents? Like, how did you know they were your lifetime partner? How did you get engaged? All of those questions are...

really sweet to know from your perspective but I think people love sharing their life with you I mean look at what I do for a living I love sharing my life with people I love telling stories like I think parents love feeling valued and feeling appreciated and like feeling like they can share knowledge with you because they are so knowledgeable so like being able to take a moment to like listen to your partner's parents just teach you something even if it's something that like

you might not be that interested in the moment in giving them the chance to like speak their truth and speak their mind and talk about their history and their past and how they feel and things that they've witnessed oh my gosh it makes you feel so valued when you feel heard and i think

Having that and being a great listener to people's parents is so, so, so nice and like really helps develop that deeper relationship than just being like, oh yeah, I see them on the holidays. Oh yeah, like we get along great. We visit when like we're all sitting at dinner versus like having something where you feel like you know them as an individual. I love feeling like I have a really...

like strong connection with my partner's parents and that might not seem valuable to everyone I think a lot of times in our adult adulthood we're realizing that as we're getting older we're transitioning out of being in the family unit that our parents first created for us and building our own family unit between our partner and potentially like our future children or things like that you kind of become your own family you know even though your parents will always be there you start to like integrate into doing things as an individual you know couple and

Man, I think that there's something so amazing about having a really strong connection with the parents and being able to like have people that you go home to and feel really comfortable around and know that you always feel safe with. I do think like boundaries are really valuable in a relationship, which I'll talk about in a minute when I talk about first impressions. But I think that like being able to not only have like a strong rooted relationship and feeling like you can get along with your partner's parents without your partner around and

It makes all the difference, in my opinion. Like, I think that's a huge element that people often forget about. Like, you think that, you know, you can only be around your partner's parents when they're there. I think being able to have your own individual relationship with them almost as your own people to look up to is really nice and really great. In my adulthood, I really valued that aspect of my relationship. When you go over to the house, whenever you meet the partner's parents, be helpful, right?

I truthfully wish I was better about this. This is something that I still think I work on because I get afraid that I'm going to do it wrong. Okay. Like I get afraid of like offering to help with dishes. Cause like there might be a certain rhythm. Like I definitely think that families and people have their, like, like my family loads, the dishwasher probably different than Bruce family loads, the dishwasher. And so I don't want to step on anybody's toes or clean their dishes wrong or clean off the table wrong or put stuff away in the wrong spot. But I think saying like, how could I help?

Is a great starting point. You don't even need to be proactive. You just need to be like aware that like, hey, maybe mom is cleaning or maybe dad is cleaning. So like, how can I step up and help in those ways? And how can I kind of like fill that void? Or like if everyone starts carrying their plates to the sink,

follow suit, grab your plate and take it to the sink. You know, things like that. I often feel bad because I feel like when I come to Brews, I'm very comfortable. And like, I am somebody who grew up working at the kitchen table. So I love working at a kitchen table when I'm like doing my work versus I think a lot of people work in their bedrooms. Okay. Like maybe that's more of their family dynamic. But just kind of like always making sure that I like clean up after myself and take care of my little things when I can. And

I think that that goes like a little goes a long way. I also like to be around people when I work. So if like I notice that like Bruce mom is in the kitchen and like is cleaning or hanging out and like even if I've worked as we done, I love sitting close to her and just like having someone to keep company. Even if we're in silence, it's like nice to have this sense of being around each other. And that goes right into my next advice. And that is do not hide.

It is so uncomfortable when your partner cannot be comfortable with your parents. And don't get me wrong, it's intimidating. Meeting parents is stressful. You don't want to let

your partner down by like not leaving a good impression on their parents or making your parent making their parents like think ill of you or you know like I obviously want to create something that's gonna be like a lasting relationship so it's a lot of pressure to like leave a really great first impression but man nothing is more frustrating than a partner who doesn't know how to like carry a conversation without me around right

You know? Or I can just, like, I've seen it before in, like, other people or my friends or, like, I've heard my girlfriends talk about this where it's, like, their partner, like,

kind of hangs on them the whole time and has no individuality from them this is actually a really interesting thing I remember talking to brew about this idea of like hiding when him and I were talking about meeting his parents and he actually brought this up and that's where I think I started to notice it in other friendships or relationships that I had where like they would have partners who did this um it's this really interesting thing where I was like he had said like not don't hang out with me when we're at my parents house but like

the attention should be on the parents and on the family and on getting to know the other people in the room i think it's weird and i even have like friends who have siblings who like they've told me about this with their partner where like they'll come over and like the partner will like hide in the bedroom and like not really want to be around the family you know or like try to pull the like i

I'm giving an example using Brew and I. I obviously you've listen to me. I'm a talker. There's no way you're locking me in a room ever. Okay, but like picture like I come to Brew's house and like I want to sit in his room and I just want Brew to come and hang out with me in his room the whole day even though we're visiting his parents and like his parents don't see us all day because I'm like sucking his attention in like a

another space that's removed from everybody else like I'm treating it like it's really one on one quality time I am so hyper aware that like the time we spend in Michigan is quality time with family like everything that I do and everything that I want to do it's I'm out of a place of expectation it's out of a place of like wanting to be a part of his family is that like you

There's no reason that I should be removed from the family at any point when I'm there. Like, that's even why I like to work in the kitchen. Like, I would rather be distracted but be around them than be removed and be disconnected from them. You know? And, like, get more work done. Like, I'll get my work done. Like, you know...

if I have to stay up late at night to get it done when everybody else is asleep, I'll do that. But I would rather do that than like not have good quality time with the family. And I think that's a huge thing in relationships is like when you get there, even if you're nervous, even if you're scared, even if you don't know how to like act around them and you're, you know, you have to break that ice and it takes a little bit more of that extroverted side. Get out there and be around them. Even if you don't have the right thing to say,

Dude, just go sit with them. Just go watch whatever they're watching on the TV. Ask about the shows that they're watching. Ask about the food that they're eating. What are they cooking? What are we cooking tonight? Oh my gosh, do you need somebody to go grocery shopping with you? No? Where do you go grocery shopping? Oh, what's your favorite snack? Oh, that's really cool. Are you like a big dessert after dinner family? I love a good dessert. Oh my gosh, what's your favorite? Chocolate cake? Literally same. Stop. I'm obsessed. Also, I'm like a big brownie person with warm brownie cold ice cream.

slay the house down like that's what I mean you can easily make like cheesy conversations that don't have to be like the deepest root of their soul but just give you the chance to be connected with them so be helpful don't hide spend quality time with them don't come empty-handed like all these little things make such a big difference on a lasting first impression and also my last thing this is a communication thing between you and your partner before you meet their parents now

Maybe I'm alone on this, but I'm speaking this into existence because I hope that you have this relationship with your partner. My partner is my best friend. Okay? My partner is the person that I share everything in life with. Okay? I'll tell them anything about me. Maybe talk about things that you don't bring up in front of your parents before you meet the parents. Okay? A hot take.

Sometimes there's stories that don't need to be told. Maybe there's like details that you've intentionally left out from like your college years that your parents don't know about that. Like in case it comes up in funny banter with your parents, you still don't want that to be disclosed. Maybe you guys don't talk about your sex life in front of your parents. You know what I mean? Like maybe there's things like that where you're like, Hey, let's not joke.

About that stuff. Maybe you don't talk about like your first, maybe your parents both think that you don't kiss. Okay. Also, that's another big thing. PDA in front of parents. Some parents are so anti PDA. Some parents could not care less. Truthfully, I actually think.

I think when I was younger, my parents were super anti-PDA. This kind of goes hand in hand with like also like sharing a bed with my partner. My parents were like super anti-sharing a bed with your partner. My parents used to be also super anti-PDA. Like they just thought that it was kind of like, why are you kissing in front of us? Now my parents will like know if my partner isn't affectionate enough towards me and will actually tell me. Like very bold of them to do that. But they'll be like, is everything okay? Are they checking in on you enough?

it'd be nice to see them walk over and sit in the seat next to you and cuddle you a little more don't you think and I'm like oh my god why am I having this conversation with my mother right now but also they've just gone to that point like they feel very comfortable with oversharing and um it's a good thing I think um it's kind of walking the line of that boundaries conversation I also always let my parents talk it out because I think my parents know me better than anybody else but there is this element of it where I think having the PDA conversation

And maybe the what we don't talk about conversation are both things. Maybe you're, like, my family feels very private at times, okay? And, like, sometimes there's just things that, like, happen to my family that I've shared with my partner that, like, they don't need to know that my partner knows, you know? I think it's a very universal thing, and I think that that's totally fine. Like, some stuff can stay sacred between you and your partner. Sometimes you share things that frustrate you between, like, you and your family, and that should stay sacred between you and your partner, you know? And...

I think that's a very normal thing. So a big recommendation is PDA Convo, what we don't talk about Convo, and then all the other things.

I think the last thing that I really want to talk about is really the lesson that I want to tap into too. And I'm going to start with the lesson and then we're going to talk a little bit about boundaries. But I think a big lesson when you're meeting your partner's family is to treat them the way that you would want your partner to treat your family. I think all families are very different and all families are very complex. And I think that there's so much about family that has altered the way that we are raised and the way that we perceive not only relationships but the way that we act in relationships that sometimes those relationships

different situations can become really dynamic and confusing. Like I'm really lucky that I have a close, close, close-knit family, but at times that can become difficult with boundaries. Openly, I'm just going to share that. They're like,

I think my family has always been very involved with each other. We grew up in a small town. We grew up on a lot of acres of land. We grew up very separated from the world. So because of that, my family has always been, we are all of each other's best friends. We are all of each other's company. And trying to add a person into that unit, I know is complex from even my own perspective of my family. I...

100% will always choose my family over everything. I think my family is like one of the most important things to me. So whenever I... There's very few part... Actually, I think I can like truthfully say I've only had two partners meet my family because they mean so much to me that I only want to introduce them to the best people that I've ever met. And I just...

I think that like I'm really lucky that I have a good relationship with my mom and dad where I can communicate boundary with them. I have really good relationship with my sister and my brother where I can communicate boundary with them and I can talk to them about anything in my life and they will always be supportive and accepting but they will never not tell me what they're thinking.

I know that's not a universal experience. Some people have really difficult relationships with their dads, really difficult relationships with their moms. They have complex women dynamics that's difficult to integrate a person into those. And if that's you and you feel like that's a really difficult dynamic to have to, if it adds so much stress to your life to like have to balance like how you meet your family, don't be afraid to maybe set those boundaries. Like,

For example, like, Brew and I stayed with his parents the first time we met them. I would not have been offended if Brew had a difficult, like, relationship to where he was like, hey, let's go meet my family, but we're going to stay somewhere else. And I don't think that you should take offense if you're meeting someone's family if they know better than you their own family dynamic.

And truthfully, I think if when it's your partner and it's someone that you love, they are protecting you in a lot of ways. I hope that you have trust in that. If you're stressed that you haven't met their family yet or you're like, oh my gosh, we've been dating for two years and I haven't met your mom and dad. I absolutely think that's a conversation to have with your partner.

I think if it's something that you really, if you really want to meet them, you should have the opportunity to like make your first impression to have the chance to meet them. But also consider that like family dynamics are really complicated and maybe they have a reason for protecting you or maybe they have a reason for protecting their family or maybe they have a reason for protecting themselves. Like you might not even know that maybe they have an overbearing family that would be difficult to,

to share someone with because they just want it to stay as sacred and safe as it is just between the two of you. And I know it's difficult to accept when you're in love with someone, you want to like scream it from the rooftops. And so you're like, why wouldn't they want to scream it from the rooftops about me?

You never know. I think the boundaries conversation goes hand in hand with like the comfortability with you and your partner and just kind of getting to know them better and getting to know their family better. I think the more you know about their family, the better before you go into it. Because you also kind of then know how your own person ticks and how to make them feel the most comfortable. And I think that it's I made a video about this when Brew and I first, first, first started dating, like in the first three months.

It's a different energy to watch your partner love your parents. It is the most inexplainable watching Brew get along with my mom or watching him get along with my dad or like when he includes my parents in things. It makes me just, oh, it makes like my insides melt into like

a buttery fudge brownie okay like literally makes me so happy I remember like in that video I had brew and my mom sharing a blanket on the couch where they were facing each other like they were sitting together like this like my mom was facing him and he's facing her and they had one blanket over the two of them and they were both laying with their heads on the couch and they were just like talking about life and it was one of those dynamics where I was like oh I didn't know that I would ever find a partner that would really mesh with my parents in the way that brew does and

And that same thing said, I think the other part of the video is him and my dad shopping for beers together. And I'm like, I just love that. Like they sometimes like they were even walking around the store like the same. And I was like, this is a little bit weird, but like also it's really wholesome that like he feels comfortable with my family. And I think that's something that I didn't know was so valuable to me in a relationship, but it really is. And I hope that he feels the same way when he sees me interact with his family, that he enjoys the fact that like

In my brain, we get along so well. And I love being around his family. I love getting to know them. I love sharing life experiences with them. I love hearing stories of how they grew up and where they came from and what they looked for in their partners and what it was like raising kids and what brew was like as a baby and all these things. So yeah, I just want to share that. I think there's something really beautiful about like having a partner that you can watch, love your family the way that you love your family and who can understand them

hopefully at some point to nearly the same level that you do. So...

Yeah. Now, on this segment of Anna Answers, I reached out to all of you over on Instagram, but you can follow me at Anna Exotar or at The Anna Guide to see these little prompts. And you can give me a call at 323-433-0683 and answer the questions for me because you'll get my voicemail, but I will get you on the podcast. And I really want to hear what your takes are and hot takes are on these different subjects, this week being, what is your most awkward meeting the parents story? And I...

Love this question because I'm trying to think what I think my most awkward moment was like the in the bedroom moment where I was like, I can sleep anywhere. I don't just I don't have to sleep in the same room as your son. Like that to me was my most awkward. I doubt in the moment anyone thought twice about it. But for me, I was having a mini panic attack. So I want to hear what your most awkward stories are. Let's hear caller number one.

Okay, so you posted the most awkward meeting, the partner's parent story. So here's a little story, Tom. This was April of 2021, so a little over three years ago, and I went and met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. Well, for some reason, I decided that I was going to jump on their trampoline. I was 16.

I don't know what I was thinking. And as I'm jumping on the trampoline, I pee myself all over myself. And I am in these burgundy leggings and you can see it. So I literally went and locked myself in the bathroom for 45 minutes. His parents kept asking if I was okay. Did not tell him what was going on.

um was like we just i just need to leave i just need to leave i just need to leave and then we just ended up going on a drive i probably smelled like pee let's be real and then i went home and i bawled my eyes out for two days but now we've been together for three and a half years and hopefully he'll be proposing soon um there's my story i love you anna

okay also i hope he proposes soon that is so cute also shout out to you for still sticking around even though you were nervous like that is guys oh my gosh i didn't know what to expect i totally thought it was gonna be something like i don't know his parents called you like i was expecting to honestly listen my born right of my brain first go like his parents to call you his ex's name or something that would do me in but i don't even know what to say

I wasn't expecting that. But also, wait, I'm going to give you a better, like, you're 16. You're young enough. That's okay. I feel like you can still get by at 16 with that happening. Now, me, 27 on the trampoline and paying myself might be the end of the road. I might, listen, I'm an adult diapers indefinitely. But like, oh man, that is so, I'm so sorry. But also, you did it.

You still won him over, even smelling like pee on the drive home. I'm so proud of you. Slight. That's so funny. Okay, let's hear another caller. Hi, Anna. This is Allison. Hi, Allison. You asked most awkward meeting the parents story. When my husband and I were dating, I had sent a package to my dad's house instead of my husband's house. Oh, no. And my dad drove all the way to come and drop off this package and

where my boyfriend and I were at and it was a package of lingerie so that was super awkward he didn't know that was the package but it was just so funny knowing that that's what he drove all the way to drop off at my boyfriend's house so thanks love you bye okay love you bye wait okay also though say that your dad didn't open the box I'm trying to think if there's been anything like that in ours I mean I know there has to be

I will say like that is my own little secret embarrassment thing. My mom will sometimes like come over and like whenever she comes, she cannot sit still. She is cleaning. Anytime she comes over to my house, even if there's nothing too clean, she's taking out the trash. She's doing the dishes. It's just like, it's just the modica way. You bet your bottom dollar every trash can is cleaned out before my mom gets here because you just, you just never know what you're going to find in one of those trash cans. And I'm always scared that it's going to be like flipped upside down. It's going to be like worse stuff at the bottom that I forgot I threw away from like

you know the one little panicked pregnancy test when i wasn't even late like something you know i mean like i'm so worried my mom will find like something like that which like we know modico be losing a marvel so she found one of those but like oh man i can only imagine i'm just glad you didn't open the box i think that would be worse like what if your dad thought it was for him and it was like with a note in your life god i'm painting horrible pictures anyway shout to the dads who drive all the way with packages that we need love you dads um and moms love the moms um

Is there anything else to say about this? I think I'm going to cut us off there because those two stories were enough embarrassment for all of us for the next six to eight months. Okay. Well, guys, I appreciate you so much for not only calling and sharing your stories, but tuning in for this episode. I'm so happy that you're here and I'm so glad that I got to share today's episode of Anna's Guide.

to meeting the parents. I hope that you learned a little bit and have some tips and tricks in your back pocket for when you're meeting your family, your future families, I hope, over the holidays. I'm so thankful for you and don't forget to follow along at the Anna Guide over on Instagram and TikTok. You can follow my personal Anna Sitar at Anna X Sitar, which is me.

um over on instagram and tiktok as well also don't forget to rate and review this podcast give me a beautiful little five stars if you got some free time and follow along at youtube for the full video episodes like comment subscribe everywhere you get your podcasts i love you all so dearly i'm so thankful for you and we got some good episodes to come so don't forget to tune in next week