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I'm getting hot. Okay, there was parts of me though that would like think about dates and then have a little mini mental breakdown that it's like, did they know that was a good date because a girlfriend asked for it before me and they couldn't provide it for her but now they're providing it for me. Espresso martini. No. Chalky milk.
Yes. So before we get into the juicy details, is the part of the episode that we did not get to experience first last week, but normally this will be here. It's called Rosebud Thorn. And the best part about it is that I learned it from a friend. It's not my idea. I stole it. But I think that it's the cutest thing where we talk about the rose of the week, which is like your hype, incredible. What was the blossoming flower of the week? Your bud, which is something to come. And the thorn, which is bad. It's just bad. So...
My rose this week is that my house is finished. I have been under construction for five weeks. I've been melting on the inside. I've had people in and out of my house. There's dust in areas that I didn't know existed in my house right now, but there's no more people in here. And that is the greatest blessing is just to have my space feel like my space again. I can walk around naked again. Wonderful. I've had to give that up for five weeks. So yeah, that's my rose this week. My bud is
It's a tough question. What's my bud? What am I looking forward to? Oh, okay. This is a bud.
That also relates to plants because I got a bunch of plants. Upon the ending of the construction, I was like, now I'm going to fill my home with greenery, right? I've killed every plant. That might be a thorn to some of you. I think some are salvageable. We're going to call it a bud because I'm hoping that either I learned something from it or it means that I'm going to get more flowers and it's going to be fine. But I am trying to grow star jasmine. So if anybody knows if that attracts bees, please tell me because I don't want bees everywhere.
on my deck patio, but I want my little lattice area filled with plants. So please DM me if that's an issue. And my thorn of this week. Guys, why is it so hard? Let me think of something. Oh, that's what I put on there. I've been, okay, that's not a bad one. My thorn of this week is that I've been an anxious girly. Yeah, I've just been not feeling like myself a little bit. I've been a little bit stressy and depressy, but the good news is that there's always a light at the end of the tunnel.
I just don't have any grounding techniques. I feel like that's what I need. I don't know how to ask for that, but I feel like I need to figure out how to chill out a little bit more in the most natural, healthy way. So we're working on it. But that's kind of the point, right? Life isn't about having all the answers all the time. It's about figuring them out together, just like on this podcast. So...
Let's get into the good stuff because I don't even want to keep I don't want to keep waiting I feel like I can't keep my mouth shut about what i'm about to talk about because it feels a little bit talk about stressy This feels stressy because no one really knows this aspect of my life. And that being said i'm going to give you a little disclaimer It's the fact that chances are you do not know who i'm talking about the men in these lessons because there were so many men There was look at me. There were so many men. I'm kidding. There was like three men Okay, I can't say that either because then you might get to the men are there was like 12 men
I'm really putting myself at a corner right now. The truth is, you might think you know who I'm talking about. You don't. So don't even try to guess. Don't even do the sleuthing. You found brew from a thumb in a video. Don't do the sleuthing. I don't even want you to know. But like I treated my breakup and like I treated my long-term relationship that I was in, that's when I say my breakup. I feel like that's... Anna's Guide to Feeling Better After a Breakup was inspired by...
A breakup, obviously. And that's also what inspired this podcast and the chance to kind of sit down and be more intimate with you guys. And so I think that everybody automatically assumes there's only one person I've dated. But the truth is when I was single, I was dating whoever I wanted to. And the best part about that was learning what I was looking for in a relationship, learning what I was not looking for in a relationship, and also...
I kept all of that very private until I'd met someone who was worthy of being shared with you guys because I love you so much that I didn't want to share with you someone who wasn't deserving of your excellence. So just keep that in mind that these are all lessons from my life. Similar to the way I treat my breakup, it's all about the experiences that I had and it's not to spread drama or any type of spilling of the tea about anybody because...
At the end of the day, they all turned me into who I am and I'm very thankful for them, whether they did me dirty or not, that they got me here. So let's get into it, y'all. So we're going to start with Anna's single era.
At a few months before I turned 24. That was. I went through this like breakup. Heartbroken. Sad. I never really dated anybody before the first person that I dated. In high school. I had crushes. I mean don't go wrong. I'm pretty sure I liked the same guy for like eight years. From elementary school through middle school through high school. And then never got asked to high school dances. Never got asked to prom. I mean I technically did. But it was like because a friend of a friend told him to ask me. So that I could go in the friend group with all the girls. It was never really like.
I never felt like I really had someone that I liked. So this first person that I dated meant quite a bit to me. You know, they felt like they had a lot of my childhood in their hands. But when the time came where I was going through a breakup, I hope that this is a universal experience. This is for the girlies. I feel like I knew it was coming, which is sad to say. But probably six months before the relationship actually, cold turkey, quit...
I probably knew. I think that you kind of mourn that experience much earlier than you're expecting to. I think most girls do. Maybe that's just a bad guess for my girlfriends that I've talked to about this.
You kind of just know that it's coming. You know, there's something else out there. You know, there's something has to end. And it really was just like a misalignment of the way that we were living our lives. But the truth is, when you go through a breakup, I feel like you not only lose the person that you're with, you're losing a piece of yourself. And so where do you turn to when you're going through a breakup?
I turned to the internet and I started making videos sharing these experiences that I was having about being single and about what I was feeling in those moments not about the relationship particularly but specifically about kind of like how I was falling apart. I feel like I had this sense of relief once the relationship was over because I had been going through it and knowing that something was wrong for kind of a long period of time but I knew at the end I was just kind of torturing the both of us and I
The truth is the internet became such a safe haven for me in being able to share what I was going through and turn to a community that was so supportive and helpful and encouraging and knew that they wanted to see the light at the end of the tunnel just like I did and knew that they wanted to experience feeling better just like I did. And I don't know how, but so many people were going through a breakup at the time that I was going through a breakup. Anna's guide to feeling better after a breakup was truly inspired because some people won't feel like, oh my gosh, I also am going through a breakup. Like I need this. So yeah.
I love that it became a place where we all could just relate to the fact that like life was kind of shit for a little bit. It kind of, it was a big thumbs down for a little bit. And the only part that I think was really positive is that we were going through it together.
And it's so wholesome to look back at those videos and see how much I've grown since then and like realize what truly is the value and see my confidence blossom in myself. I feel like I was so much more in my shell before and then after I was able to really like feel like the better version of myself. And that's so nice. That's such a nice thing.
Also, I was going through Anna's guide to feeling better for a breakup. I think there was one ideal that kept my heart healed through the entire process. Like as I was in this healing era, you were either going to a figure out that the person you're meant to be with and do everything you can your power to win them back or be go through a breakup, realize that they're not what you're meant to be with and you might be better off and then go off to live your life and find the person that you are meant to be with. So really, there's no losing in a breakup.
You end up just finding out the deeper, better parts of yourself and what's intended for you. Like, and I'm not saying like you should just go up and break up with everybody that you notice if you end up hurting after they're gone. But I do genuinely think that going through a breakup is only going to make you stronger and make your relationship stronger if it truly is intended to end together. A good part of the mentality too is it kept me a little bit removed where I could focus on myself. I could focus on my healing. I knew that I would just like
let it be, you know? It wasn't meant for me to touch it anymore. And the truth is at this point in life, like I wanted to be pursued. I wanted to have a moment where someone wanted to be with me and would do whatever it takes to be with me. I felt like I was the one putting in the work quite often. And I think that a lot of people can relate to that mentality. And that's not to be like, oh, I didn't do anything wrong or that kind of thought process. But truthfully, I wanted someone who wanted to fight to be with me and not in a way of playing games, not in a way of like
you know, wanting like more attention, but I did want someone who knew that I was a priority and would make me that. And truthfully, like the fact of the matter is like, it didn't work out, which I think says that at all, all that it needs to. Now, this is where I think once you become single, we get to single coincidentally, hot girl summer right around the corner. And people's first instinct is hookup culture, right?
It wasn't for me. You know what I mean? I am an emotionally unstable individual. That's not true. I'm not emotionally unstable. I'm an emotionally vulnerable person. That's the word I was... I'm very stable.
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This is nice little encouraging photos that keep me going when I'm in the editing room. So if you want to spice up your college dorm or new apartment just a little bit, keep some in command products handy, whether it's a cute string light above your bed or a functional hook for your many back to school outfits. Or for me, I keep my little cooking. What's the ship? My apron.
I keep my apron on a Command hook in my kitchen. She could go away, but she's there now. Command Strip has got you just like they've got me. Visit Command.com to find where you can buy Command products this back-to-college season. I was looking... I think I knew from the get-go that I was a relationship girly, okay? I...
I look someone in the eyes and if they gave me if they looked at me funny I was like I'm dating you I had so much trouble with setting boundaries which is a huge issue with dating we're gonna get to that in a minute but everyone thinks that once you're single you go into your hot girl summer phase and the truth is I didn't have much interest in that um I really only wanted to put my time in a man who deserved it and I felt like my red flag radar was peak what's the word I'm looking for
Peak sensitivity. It was looking for any chance to go off at this point. I would have a guy drink his water weird and I was like, it's enough for me, dog. And like that was the end. So I knew that like this was the era that I was really going to focus on myself, even though usually it's a hot girl summer era. Not to say I didn't try it. OK, I might have tried it a little bit, but I knew that I like was really interested in dating someone. And I wasn't really interested in like playing the games of like going back and forth or I don't know.
I also was scared of people seeing me naked. I'm not even going to be weird about that. I'm going to be so front. Like, I... That seemed like a lot. It seemed like a lot of work. And I wasn't really interested in sharing that with people who didn't deserve to see me naked. So...
While I'm in what I think a lot of people would have considered like a hookah bear, this is the time of my life where I did not find many men attractive. Like I thought men were nice. Like I knew I was attracted to men in that way, but like I had no interest in dating again. I had just like, I was a free woman. I wanted to remain a free woman for a little bit longer. That doesn't mean that I wasn't talking to some people. And what's really interesting in my life is, I don't know if this is something that everybody does, but it's something that I had to do because I realized that
at this time online as well people were maybe waiting a little bit not to say that i was like super special like people wanted to know who i was dating but if i alluded to dating people were kind of excited about it it was kind of slight i was like oh my gosh this is so cool but because of that i had to keep all of them a secret i knew that i couldn't let the world know who these men were so they had code names okay i think this is a universal experience because i remember guys from my girlfriends like by like actions that they did or things they did in my family oh my gosh we had a
We had, we had, this is, okay, here's what's funny. Brew also had a codename at one point because Brew and I had like a friendship that led to our relationship later down the line. Okay. So Brew was in the mix for a while. Okay. Brew had to see me. Oh, Brew had to see me date someone else, which is kind of crazy because we were friends. Like he saw me. Is he going to get upset that I said that? Anyway,
He was in the mix for a while. And I'll give you Brew's codename. Brew, we called Debbie in my family because Debbie Ryan played Radio Rebel and Brew's on the radio. So Brew was Debbie. So when I would talk about Brew to my family in like public settings or around people, I'd be like, oh my gosh, so Debbie texted me today and they said the craziest things. Like, but they were, that's nuts. I can't believe I just shared that on the internet. Um,
And, yeah. Also, another fun fact. These are all my, like, Anna in her single but talking to people era. I somehow only went out with guys who didn't have cars.
How did I get stuck driving to every date? Once again, she wants to be pursued. Bunch of men that weren't didn't have cars. It's giving. I should have known. Okay. It's giving. I should have known. But also one of the first dates that I went to in my single era was with a guy that my sister saw on the Internet. And she's like, oh, my gosh, he follows you.
And he's pretty cute. You should go out with him. I had so much trouble knowing how to find people because also, friendly reminder, this is during COVID. So the only people that you're really kind of seeing, it's not like during, during COVID. This is like 2021. Okay. It's still a little weird outside. I only really went on dates that were outdoors. Traveling was just starting again a little bit. But like, how do you meet people? And I know what you're going to say, dating apps. So I tried it, guys. I downloaded Raya. And you want to know what? I got accepted.
I didn't have someone to recommend it to me. And truthfully, I didn't want to ask any of my guy friends like, hey, would you be my little like recommended on Raya so I can get on dating apps? Because that's embarrassing. I didn't want to be bullied for being on the dating apps to all my guy friends. So I went in blind. Apparently like 10% of people get accepted like that. I felt elite. I felt cool. I'm not even... Listen.
one guy slid in the DMs on a picture of me holding my Philz coffee order and was like, what do you get at Philz? And I almost responded, can you read? Because it literally said it on the Philz coffee cup. But I was like, okay, we have to be nice to the world. We can't be sassy all the time. Ask what my Philz order was. I responded like, oh my gosh, I love the filtered solo with extra cinnamon brewed in the filter and extra sweet and extra creamy. And he was like, great, let's go get some tomorrow night.
instant ick instant no i got i was like this man is trying to steal me that's terrifying okay so immediately deleted all dating apps and removed my location from everywhere on the internet um
because that just didn't feel safe so my dating app story is short but sweet and if that man ever comes forward I'm really sorry that I stood you up I know that you wrote me to go get coffee on Friday never did but listen it worked out for me because then I met my boyfriend so like it's fine but I think that the lesson here the lesson of this like hookup culture dating who do we go see who do we go meet up with is truthfully you should just protect your peace
Life is better when you just know what makes you feel safe and know what makes you feel comfortable. And this will come up later in this episode as well, that like you're going to find the best relationships and the best things in comfort. I think it's one thing to take a risk to be with someone. I think there's value there, but you know that every risk that you take is a little bit calculated. There is the chance of something coming out good from it. A lot of the times that I was in this kind of like more risky situation,
choices, whenever I felt a sense of fear, I knew that it wasn't right. And like I had nervousness and I had excitement. I mean, I did some crazy things for like meeting people. Like I dated someone who at the time lived in a different country and like I would go see them. Crazy. That's crazy to do. By myself, I would leave the country. I'm just kidding. I took my sister with me. But I
The point of it is that there's this interesting thing of like, it was always a calculated risk. I knew that I had my sister with me to fall back on if anything went wrong. And, um,
In that same way, it's always smarter to protect your peace and protect yourself in the dating era. Even if you want to go out with your friends, even if you want to go and like meet a guy at the bar and go home with him, just be safe because you will never regret protecting your peace. Okay? You're never going to regret taking care of yourself and meeting someone in a way that makes you feel really excited to tell the story of how you met them. You know? That's all. So six months go by. Longer than that. Eight months go by.
I'm in my dating era. I'm ready to full force into the dating world. I'm like, you know what? I've always been the date to marry girly. Okay. That's just mentally. Like I said, hug of culture, not my cup of tea. I've tried it. It's a no for me, dog. I was not like you saying that Randy Jackson quote. I need to stop. I tried it.
It didn't make me feel very good. So I knew that I was dating to marry. So once I started dating, I, like I said, red flag radar. And I think that a lot of the times I would know within the first couple of interactions with people, whether or not it was a yes or no. And truthfully, I don't think that I had non-negotiables like non-negotiable qualities and people, because I just thought that like the right person would fit really well with me.
There were things that I made requirements earlier in relationships that were such arbitrary things. Like, I wish that I looked deeper into, like, the meaning behind stuff. The truth is the most important quality I think I had is that they had to be a good person. Like, they had to just be – I was very much, like, I wanted them to be like me. I wanted them to be outgoing. I wanted them to be friendly. Like, very – I consider myself golden retriever energy. I wanted, like, him to be this, like, really wonderful good person. Yeah.
But also I had tall on the list. I'm reading it off this wall right here and toxic. I think that like I said maturity of a 17 year old when I went to the dating world. I was like this man needs to be at least 6'5". I'm 5'6". I wanted this man to tower over me. Like I said, I had the maturity of a 17 year old. I thought that like men's I was like, oh my gosh, you know, I want him to like like cute in photos. Like I said, I was worried about stupid superficial things. Sometimes when I was first getting back into the dating world, I was like,
That being said, I still got a man that's 6'3". So I have no complaints. When I was dating, even though I say I'm like a marriage girl, I'm a relationship girly, all this stuff, I was never dating for my better half.
I was never dating for this other piece of me, this sense of other. I always knew that I would not date again. I would not be ready to date again until I was a whole piece, until I was full and they were the cherry on top. I knew that I was going to be confident,
successful, already completed everything I want in life. They were just gonna be this addition. They were gonna be this great little part of me that got to enjoy all these experiences that I had. Even at this time, I was growing on social media, had a career.
Was already in grad school getting my master's I had already had a degree I had the car that I wanted I already bought a place in la like my cup Overflowing with joy and feeling good and feeling good about myself. I was confident. I didn't need validation from any man I didn't need validation from the internet I was dating because I wanted someone to share this entire world that I was seeing that I would have had access to And that I didn't really want to see alone and
The truth is I knew that from the, from the get go. I was the Sunday and he was the cherry on top. So I think that's really important when you go into dating and being with someone is make sure your cup is filled. Make sure that you are exactly who you want to be and where you want to be, because there's no reason if you have someone, I think potentially this can be protected in my dating life because I knew that if they left, I wasn't losing anything. Okay. That's a serious ass quote.
If they were gone, it didn't hurt that bad. They couldn't take any piece of me with them. I was already filled. I was already there and I already felt good. So that was a way to keep my heart a little bit more protected. I think in this phase is that I knew that even without them, if they left tomorrow, I would be okay. I would be just fine without them. So that was something that I think really kept me in a safe mental space during my dating era.
This podcast is going through my phases and the next phase of dating was actually dating. Like I was seeing people. I was not exclusive with anyone until I met Brew. So truthfully, truthfully, truthfully, there was never like an exclusivity, but I always treated every relationship like it was exclusive. And that was a boundary that I kind of struggled with. Dating wasn't hard. That's like
I feel like I wasn't, I think I went in a little bit naive though. And oftentimes that kind of did me an injustice where maybe it was more awkward than difficult because I sometimes didn't know how much I was allowed to speak up about or how little I was allowed to speak up about. Now, that being said, like I said, we're going to refer back to this, this quote, this is the quote of the episode.
Maturity of a 17-year-old. The only people I dated before them were someone that I met in school. So now I'm in this different level of life where I'm dating. I'm 24. I'm supposed to be more responsible. Supposed to be. I'm supposed to like, you have to actually go out of your way to see these people, right? You have to plan dates. You have to see them. You have to like text people.
people and it's not like you're just gonna like bump into them in the hallways every once in a while like if you want to find someone you had to actually go out into the world and find them I got pretty lucky that the only people that I ever really saw were people that I met very organically I actually didn't end up meeting anyone from the internet I met them through friend groups that made it kind of nice where I never felt like an unsafe miss I had known them in person I didn't just like
get a DM from them and then meet up with them except for once. But even then there was enough footage of them online that I knew they were like a real human. And I really started with that idea of boundary. Like even in my first relationship, they had never asked me to be their girlfriend. It just like kind of was a point where I was a girlfriend. And at one point I was seeing someone who was really fun. There's like not really, they were just fun. They weren't like, this is so weird to talk about. Okay, honestly, what the?
I don't know why I'm getting embarrassed, but like, listen, Bru, I love you so much. You're my soulmate, okay? What's weird is like, I was seeing someone who was really fun, really adventurous, really outgoing, but...
I knew that I never liked them enough to really date them, which is really, really toxic of me to say. And retrospectively, it's toxic. In the moment, I was like setting these ultimatums, I guess. I was sending these ultimatums for them where I was like, okay, if they do this, this, and this right, I'll consider being their girlfriend. If they do this, this, and this right, I'll consider being their girlfriend.
Maybe then we talk about, you know, like if we'll ever be exclusive. We didn't see each other for a very long time by any means. Like we were in this like, I'm still going to call it a dating phase because we were seeing each other in person. I think the talking phase stops the second you see someone. But we weren't exclusive. Never really had the conversation. But I treat everyone like I'm exclusive. Even in this time, I had kind of gotten an inkling that Brew maybe might have been a little bit interested in me. And I knew that I had to set that really clear boundary between Brew and I at least that I was like, hey,
I don't pursue things with other people just to be safe from like hurting anybody's feelings, even though they might be sleeping with other women right now. That's not really like, that's not my business to know. I don't want to know, but I know that I'm not going to be someone who is wishy-washy in this era of my life. And at the end of the day, though, I knew that I never saw a long-term relationship with this person. It was always just little things that set me off. Like they didn't let me be right. Okay. What can I say? Okay.
Um, no, they tried to pick a fight with me over something that was a very simple engineering question. This is like literally here. I will actually give this to you. This is my fun fact. They picked a fight with me over water displacement and I have a degree in mechanical engineering and they want to pick a fight with me about ice cubes melting in a cup and it changing the level of the water. I'm going to let you guys Google that and figure it out. But I was right. And he was wrong. And even after we Googled it and he was wrong, he wouldn't let it go. And he was incorrect. Okay. Anyway,
That just came back to me and honestly gave me all that I needed to know that it wasn't going to work out. You know what I mean? But what I truly struggled with was that I was sparing his feelings. So I thought, but in reality, I was just wasting both of our times. It wasn't going to work. And I knew that it wasn't, but I didn't want to be the bad guy. I just wanted them, as weird as it sounds, like I wanted them to like make enough mistakes that like, I just be like, oh, look at all these things that are wrong. Nevermind. It's not going to work versus like just actually being genuine about the way that I was feeling about them. So yeah.
I'm sorry. In that era, I learned so much about myself. I feel like that era and very early on in my current relationship during the dating phase before I was exclusive with Brew, I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I'm a very jealous type. Guys. But I also truly believe that you only get jealous if they give you a reason to. So I think that's another boundaries conversation.
Okay, that could be an unpopular opinion. But I think that there's times where it's like, it's very easy to not be jealous if they don't give you a reason to be. Is that bad to say? Is that insecure to say? I don't really care if it is. Honestly, I still stand by that. I also have an anxious attachment style, which I think kind of goes hand in hand with being a bit of a jealous type. I think that I always just kind of felt a little bit worried if I wasn't getting updates. And I think it's because I really, I...
I learned very quickly that my mentality of this isn't also to like glorify myself in some way. I hope that it doesn't come off in that way where it's like, oh my God. Well, the second I saw someone, I knew that like I would never do anything with anybody else because they didn't. I want to spare their feelings. I'm such a good person. No, the truth is I learned very quickly that that mentality though was not universal. Like treating someone like a partner is
before they were your partner was not something that a lot of people did. And also not something that a lot of other people around the relationship, like if there was like someone else that was interested in your man before you and him were dating, they were a hundred percent shooting all of their shots with him before you guys could be exclusive. And I learned that just like level of like respect just wasn't universal. I definitely made mistakes. Do not get me wrong. I made so many mistakes like early in a relationship or just like misinterpreting things or maybe it was a little bit more protective than I should have been. But yeah,
I learned very quickly that that wasn't a universal experience and that you can trust no one. I'm kidding. You can trust people. But I think that there's just an element of it where it's like, don't forget to protect your heart because I think that I let myself...
get hit in my confidence. Like I just finished talking about feeling full before I dated someone. There were definitely times that dating took major tolls on my confidence and my security because of the things that people said made me question myself a little bit. And I had to definitely rebuild that before I felt comfortable enough to get back out there again. Um, like I had, uh,
I could go down the laundry list, you guys. I had people tell me that I was like the most insecure person they'd ever met because I didn't like a photo that they took of me. I had some people tell me that like it made them uncomfortable that I made more money than they did, which like that's such a sensitive thing. I was like, even I came from engineering before this too, where like you make good money in engineering, you make good money in film and TV, you make good money in influencing. Insane to me that people still exist that would say that because don't they realize that like
Bro-ski, the money I'm making is for the two of us. Take it, sugar baby. Like, come on. I, oh, that gave me, listen, I'm a, I'm a, my love language is spending money on the people I love. The way that drove me insane. I was like, bro, just let me pay for your dinner and chill out. It's giving toxic masculinity. Anyway, Brew loves when I pay for dinner. Brew also pays for dinner. But like, I love paying for it. I think that there's something so special about being able to be like,
Here, honey, I'll be your passenger princess, but I'll also pick up the bill. Hot. Anyway, I could go on about that for days. Another thing I learned about myself. This is a really fun segment. I feel like things I learned about myself that are probably exposing me to the Internet that they shouldn't know, but they're all going to know now is that I didn't realize that you could have emotions about the people that your partner dated before you.
I dated someone. They were my first boyfriend, my very first relationship. They were my first. I was their first. Easy. There was no, there was no like, oh my God, who's that girl? If it was, it was like someone they had met more recently. And it was like the easiest thing to be like,
I'm over it. Like no big deal. That didn't matter. She sucks. I just never want you to see her again, whatever. But oh my gosh, this is something that was crazy is dating someone who has past partners. Guys, I went through this really, I'm going to actually, I'm going to, I'm going to unload this phase just for a minute because I think that it's something that I never heard someone talk about. I just want you to know that you're not alone if you felt this way because I did. I've gotten over it since, but in the moment of dating someone,
Oh my gosh. I went through this horrible, horrible, horrible mental state where I was freaking out. Once we kind of started seeing each other really regularly, like me and any guy, I would have these like really horrible inklings that they were loving me the way they had loved somebody before me. Terrifying. Like I had this, like they knew that I liked stuff because they did it to another girl and she told him that she liked it. I hate that. I there's some, I just didn't feel special.
Do you know, like, there was just a part of me that was like, literally, guys, I'm giving myself the ick right now. I need to be so careful. I'm going to go home again and fight. I, like, I'm getting hot. Okay. There was parts of me, though, that would, like, think about dates and then have a little mini mental breakdown that it's like, did they know that was a good date because a girlfriend asked for it before me and they couldn't provide it for her but now they're providing it for me? So if you ever feel that way, you're not alone. Okay? Listen, it's normal. It could all be really broken.
I'm going to go with it's normal because it was just something that I'd never had to think about before. It's not something that you ever really do. And I think that maybe I dug myself. Actually, I don't know if I dug myself a hole. I love knowing about the person that the person I'm dating dated before me. I actually would prefer to know more about them. You know, the Olivia Rodrigo song that's like, I'm so obsessed with your ex. Okay.
Okay. Listen, there's something about it though, that I would much prefer know everything than find it out accidentally sleuthing on your Instagram and feel like you lied to me about it. Because I think that that feels worse. Does anybody else in the room agree with me? Okay. I'm, we're all on the same page in this room right now. There's something weird as you guys don't know, there's actually three other people sitting in this room with me. Um,
There's something weird about it where I just that was something that I never had to really navigate as an adult. And just knowing that like some like like what if they took the like what if they took her to dinner at the same place they took me before they took me and they knew about the place because she found it on her Apple Maps and she recommended it to him and now he's taking another girl to it. That made me feel bad for the girl. I felt bad. Like why was I feeling guilty? I don't even know her.
Gosh, that gave me so much stress when I first started dating someone. But that was for sure something that I experienced very early on in my dating experience. Another thing I learned was what I don't want in a relationship. I touched on this very, very briefly earlier, but something that's not a universal experience, but was a huge deal for me is, holy cow, do people want to take advantage of you when you are...
online and on the internet like they know they can get something from you i was seeing someone who like was very very very bothered by the fact that i would not share them online quickly and that whoa because i love my community i care about them i only want to share with you guys the best people i want to make sure they are a good person before i even like
open up their world to you I don't think people understand like the can of worms you open when you share your life online and I was seeing someone who like got so mad at me because I like wouldn't hold their hand in public and I was like I don't even think you know my middle name sir so I think you need to chill out like literally it's mind-boggling but that's something that I really I found very important I think that's why like dating brew became very easy because he kind of had his own world going on and I had my own world going on and even there was something great about it colliding there never felt like this pressure to share
And I really enjoyed that about our relationship. So that was one element. I think I shared a little bit about like comments about insecurity. They make comments about, I've had people make comments about what I wore, about like my success, how I made them feel like intimidated or insecure or things like that. And truthfully, what I think the best part of it all was is that
I had never felt more empowered though and more proud of myself for being able to stand up for myself in a moment like that where someone tried to belittle me and I knew my worth and I knew my confidence. And I think a really big part of that was the fact that I was healed.
Like I knew exactly what I deserved in the partner that I was looking for. They were my cherry on top. They were not going to eat my whole sundae. They were not going to take over my world. I knew exactly what I deserved. And because of that, it made it very easy to stand up for myself and say, you know what? The way that you're treating me isn't fair and it's not good. And I know there's someone else out there who's going to do better than you do. And it's out of healing. So the happiest relationships are going to happen when you're healed.
Now, what's kind of crazy is I end up meeting Brew actually very quickly. And I'm going to save...
our story for you guys for when I have him to share it with me because I think that he would love to be a part of that. There's also something kind of sacred about the fact that the internet doesn't know how Bru and I met exactly. There's a lot of twists and turns. There's a lot of comments that were made between each other. There's a lot of invisible strings. But roses are red and violets are Bru and I got to convince him to come and talk to you. You know what I mean? So we're going to try to make that happen. And...
I think that's something that made it really special to for him. And I, like I said earlier, was this lack of expectation when him and I started dating or even started seeing each other or even the first time we shared interest in each other. I mean, Lollapalooza was a very early era of our relationship, which a lot of people know that we went to together. Um,
It was just for fun. And it was like the first time I felt very safe and understood and cared for and appreciated. And someone who like genuinely wanted to see me happy and do well and take care of me without expecting something in return, which I can't say was like.
I think that during my dating era, something that, like, maybe I didn't disclose as openly on this, and it's just because I try not to, like, live in much negativity of stuff, is that, like, a lot of people expected stuff from you. You know? Like, you would be seeing someone and...
you know, you're excited to see them, excited to spend time with them, but all their effort really, like, relayed to being them wanting something from you, and that's something that I often felt very immature to be experiencing. I think that it took a lot of, dating took a lot of my naiveness out of, like, I lived in a happy little bubble of dating someone for, like, almost seven years that, like, kept me safe from expecting someone to not be good to me, um,
And dating kind of took that a little bit. And that's okay. I mean, I think it's part of growing up. It's a part of experiencing new people. I also hope that you guys know, like, I'm not saying you shouldn't date a lot of people or shouldn't. Like, it takes a longer time, I think, than we expect to find the person that means a lot to us. I got really lucky that I feel like I only have a few stories of, like, horrible dates or bad people. And luckily, like, there's only one that's really all that bad. But...
truthfully like I got lucky I found someone and the only way you're gonna know if someone's meant for you is by dating and finding out who's the right person and like finding the right human and um I just want you guys to remember that like you're a prize in this scenario and you are like what should be put on a pedestal and you deserve someone to love you so unconditionally and love you harder than you can even love other people or even love yourself and
It's just so I think the older I get, the more I realize how important it is to just like date someone who makes you a better version of yourself and date someone who makes you a better you. If you guys thought that this was a one way street, you are wrongfully mistaken because
I want to hear from you. I want to talk to you guys and hear about your questions, your problems, your thoughts, or things that you want to hear on upcoming and new episodes. And you can do that now with a new segment called Anna Answers, where you can ask me anything and I, Anna, will answer. So I'm going to give you a fan line to where you guys can call in. And you might not get me personally, but you will be getting my voice on voicemail. And I cannot wait to hear your beautiful voices. And maybe, if you're lucky, you get to be premiered on my podcast.
So the number you want to give a ring to is 323-433-0683. And each week I'll dive deep into something that either I'm struggling with or you're struggling with and together we'll map out a guide to where we want to go. So don't forget to give me a call. Once again, the number is 323-433-0683. And I cannot wait to hear your beautiful voices soon.
And our voice ones that we have today are surrounding the question, what was something that someone did on a date that meant they didn't get a second one? And man, do I have a list, but I'm not going to share mine. I'm going to share yours. Hi, Anna. This is Sarah. And something that a boy did to me that he didn't get a second date was he brought his dad to the date. I'm not even kidding. He actually brought his dad and he apologized for it at least, but it was really weird. And I did not want to meet his dad. Bye.
I wouldn't want to meet his dad unless his dad was hot. Unless his dad was hot. That's an instant no for me. Honestly, I'm trying to think. Okay, truthfully, I brought my sister. Like, I did bring my sister's backup because like, how did I know I was safe? So I had her there just in case I needed backup. But a parent, I mean, oh man. Okay, but in my defense, also one last thing.
I did make Brew FaceTime my mom before we went to Chicago together because that happened right after I may have gone to go see someone in another state. And it didn't end well. Like, it didn't go really great. And so my parents were like, you're never leaving the state again to see a man. And then a week later, Brew was like, do you want to go to Chicago with me? And I was like, oh, my God, yes. My mom made him FaceTime her to, like, prove that he was a real normal person. And this man...
blew it out of the water he had a ring light he stood up in front of the camera he's like hi mrs sitar my name is joshua brubaker and i am excited to take your daughter to chicago because i'm a boy scout and i believe in the buddy system and i'll take care of her and i also taught kickboxing so i can fight off anybody who's not nice to her instant win um but a dad on a date and an in-person date i'm so sorry sarah i'm thinking about you you're in my thoughts and prayers
The next one. On the drive home from a first date with a guy, he called his girlfriend on the car speakerphone. And then he broke up with his then friends with benefits on the car speakerphone while I was in the car at the end of the first date. So, yeah, we never saw each other again. Guys. Guys. What was he thinking? Okay. Okay. Playing devil's advocate. Maybe he thought it was a flex. Like, this is how good you are. Watch this.
Hey, babe. Yeah. I know that, like, you literally just bleeped my bleep yesterday, but, like, it's a no. I'm empathizing with that. I'm, like, I just got full-body chills thinking about that scenario. Um... I feel like CarPlay has done us such injustices because I feel like I have some CarPlay stories, like, seeing people who I should not have seen text my boyfriend when they did. Maybe we cancel CarPlay. But also that man. That man also just has to be canceled. I am so sorry. That...
how did you feel about like i mean he didn't get a second date i'm trying to think if i would think that's hot or not i'm kind of struggling over here is that toxic to be like listen i don't listen i just don't want to hear her voice or know that she existed that's i think what the real issue is here if he did it when you were not in the car i think we would have been on great terms but you being in the car sometimes i don't understand man you know what i mean sometimes i just wonder i wonder um he wouldn't have gotten a first date for me either though or a second date for me
Well, you guys, that's a wrap on this podcast episode. Thank you so much for listening. I hope that you enjoyed listening to Anna's guides dating for the first time at 24. I know some of those stories were a little unhinged, but I hope they gave you a fun little peek into the world that I'm living in and the era of my life. Truthfully, I'm glad it's over and I couldn't be happier that I ended up with who I did. So thank you so much for being there every step of the way and cheering me on as I went through all those different phases in life, whether you knew they were going on or not. And I hope that you enjoyed this episode.
And I can't wait for many more episodes indulging in the deep, dark secrets of my mind and the interweb. So if you guys want to stay in the loop, don't forget to follow me at Anna X Sitar or this podcast at the Anna Guide on Instagram and TikTok. You can also follow, rate, and review Anna's Guide wherever you get your podcasts and also subscribe to Anna's Guide on YouTube for the full video episodes. Next week, we're talking about why I don't drink. Drama! Just kidding. It's not that dramatic. Maybe it is a little bit though.
You won't know until next week. So I will see you there and I cannot wait to share another episode with you. I'm so happy that you're here and I'll see you next week. Ooh, so official because this episode of Anna's Guide is brought to you by Command Brand. Command makes it easy and worry-free to create a space that reflects who you are with damage-free hanging products. I know on socials you guys are always asking me about my DIY tips and tricks and honestly, Command products are my go-to whenever I feel like I need to make a quick change to my apartment or make my house feel more like a home.
My favorite part about Command products is that they're so versatile and I can change and move with my style as I feel and they leave no marks, no residue and don't ruin any of my walls. So you can visit command.com to find out where to buy Command products on this back to college season.
