SOS Bobby Needs Stitches
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Hey, Australia, we added shows. We added shows down under, mate. Down under, mate. So listen, Australia, go to badfriendspod.com for those tickets. We're adding shows in almost every single city because you guys bought so many tickets. We appreciate you. Thank you so much, man. We're going to give you the best show you've ever seen. Best shows ever down under. So go to badfriendspod.com for those tickets. I'm coming to see you in the fall. I'm doing my tour for my new hour. It's called the Freeze Peach Tour. Come see me.

I'm going to be in Indianapolis, Charlotte, Iowa, Omaha, Kansas City, Cleveland, St. Louis, Grand Rapids, Detroit, Chicago, Durham, Atlanta, Charleston, Philly, New York, Phoenix, San Francisco, Boston, and Minneapolis. I'm all over the place. Go to AndrewSantino.com for those tickets. AndrewSantino.com. You two are bad. Who are these two idiots? I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Well, I'm back. I'm back. I'm back.

How was your world tour, guys? It was great, donkey. It was a great little tour, my little Asian donkey. Yeah. Had a great time in Scotland. You and Charlie Day, huh? Scotland. Yeah. Hollywood loves it. Let me tell you something. I've been hunkered down here, man. Oh, you've been hunkering? Have you been hunkering? I'm hunkering down here making things happen, dude. First of all, you've been falling out of bed bunks and busting your lip.

You have zero privileges anymore to talk about Andrew's headache. Yeah, my head bumps. Look at your dumb lip. Show your lip to the people. It's healed now a little bit. Whoa, you know what that looks like? A nasty disease. It was nasty, dude. It was gross. If I hit my head in a certain way, I could have died.

And you smile now. This is what I don't like about this show. And this is what I don't like about all of you guys, right? Dude, you mock me. When I had the earthquake and I hit my head, you did the same thing. It was a little bump, dude. Did you get stitches, dog? What? I almost knocked out my eye. You didn't, dude. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, you watch your tone, dude. That's insane. It's way too much. What I'm going to say to you is this. What were you dreaming about when you fell out of the bunk? I didn't fall out of the bunk, dude. You listened to my story, dude. Yeah. Listen to the story, dude.

All right, follow along, my friend. Also, I have some things I want to say about certain people. You know, people won't, anyway, what I want to say is this, okay, is I do the show, I'm in Savannah, Georgia. About the, this is fully loaded. I'm doing the fully loaded thing in Savannah, Georgia with Bert and everybody, right? Went up, it was okay, fun. You did great. We heard. I killed it. We heard. I killed it. We heard.

Great night with my friends backstage. Then there's a little powwow. You know, you know, I love powwow. You're a big powwow. I'm a powwow guy, dude, because I'm from Poway. Yeah. You know what I mean? So we really love it. And we go rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah. That's what you do in a powwow. That is. Yeah, yeah. We're on a campfire. There's always a campfire and there's stories being told. You smoke opium?

No, I'm sober now. Okay. Yeah, back in the day, though, we used to do that in the power. That's real powwow. And suck dick. Oh. Yeah, opium and dick and then vice versa. They go hand in hand. Exactly. So then I go, all right, so what bus am I on? And they're like, the last one, which is the fourth bus. With who? Big J and- No, I don't even get that bus. Who was on your bus? I don't even know. That's how bad my bus was. You were with the crew. No, I wasn't with the crew. You were with the riggers and stuff? No, I was with the- That's racist. That's racist.

I'm sorry, you're with the Riggas? Yeah, yeah, thank you, yeah. We be rigging. Yeah, we be rigging. So anyway, what happened was I, no, was it Cisco the sound, what's his name? The thong song guy, Cisco? Yeah, the thong song Cisco, no, what's his name? Oh, Sypha Sound. Sypha Sound. So he texted me, you know this, right? Right. He was like, your boy is not happy with me. And I was like, why, what happened? Because you texted me. I'll tell you. Well, yeah, what happened? May I tell you? Yeah, what happened? All right, so it's two in the morning.

And when I get on the bus, Kelsey Cook's, you know what I mean? Obviously bottom bunk. She's awesome. Her boyfriend, very funny guy. Chad Daniels. Both so funny. But they're like, we got bottom bunk. We've already established. Well, yeah, they're a couple. They get priority.

But they're not in the same bunk. They're separate bunks. You can't sleep in there with another person. You barely fit in there. I know. My point is, why do they both get bottom bunk? What does it matter? Because they want to pull the curtain back and have a little chit-chat at night. What about up and down? That's even better. You have to look down one at a time. Oh, that's true. That's true. Okay. Anyway. And by the way, when you're across, they can sneak, scurry across, and then scurry back. Ugh.

Disgusting. Okay. Anyway, so I go, so where am I? They're like, that top bunk. Dump bunk. So I got to take all the shit off. And then there's no mattress. Right. I go, where's the mattress? Oh yeah, we took it out so we can put the stuff on. So I go, where is it? You know, we had to put it in there. Right.

And then the pillow and the sheets smelled like Tony Hinchcliffe because he slept in it. It's misery, dude. It's camping. The worst kind of camping you'll ever- Once the pony's in there. Right. That's my stable. So I'm sitting there and I decide I'm going to watch Battlestar Galactica from season one. Nice. Okay. I'm watching. Then I drift. You know how I dream. You be drifting. I drift. I dream. And I fantasize.

Revenge fantasies. All the TikTokers I'm going to kill. You know how it goes. Yeah. And then around two in the morning, I go, you know how one does pee? Most do. One does. All do. Sometimes. That's right. All the time. So me, I'm like, should I wait? You know how you're in a sleep, you contemplate. You wake up because of the pee, you're like, can I sleep through this? Right. But then it builds like a dam. It's bubbling. It's bubbling.

You're bubbling, dude. Good to see you, man. Good to see you. And I go to the bathroom. So I open the curtain. It's pitch black. What's so funny? Let me guess. You forgot. Don't say Riga again. Once I say pitch black, you can't say Riga. Sorry. Sorry about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You forgot you were on the top bunk.

I didn't forget. Okay. Yeah, I know where I'm at. I'm not confused. Watching you swing your little legs over the top bunk and dangle them. Yeah. It's like the funniest shit I've ever seen in my life. I know. It's just your two little legs kicking in the air. Exactly. I shouldn't be up there. You'd have no business. Did they get you a ladder? Should have put a little ladder up there. No, no ladder. So what happened? So I scooped my little legs over, pitch black. In my mind, I'm like, how do I get down? And I said, this is a way.

You reach over to the other side and put your hand on the edge of the other bunk that's across the hall. So I reach and I go, there's no edge. And I fall. Yeah. And my head hits the edge. Hilarious. My head gets knocked back. I fall to the ground and I'm knocked out. You know what I mean? I don't know what the fuck. And then this pain in my mouth. I thought I lost teeth. And I open up and I'm drenched in blood.

So I take off my shirt and I put it on my face and then I go into the first half of the bus and I go to the bus driver and I go, "Hey, I got locked unconscious and I think I need to go to the hospital." It won't stop bleeding my lips. And he go, "Five hours away, bud." What am I gonna do? We're in the middle of nowhere. Five hours away, bud. You can't just sit there five hours away.

I go, okay. Like, I don't want to. Also, it's my first day on the tour. Right. My bus trip goes to the hospital. Then all the other buses up. I don't know how it works. But there's a group text and I text. I go, you know, SOS. Oh, I'll show you. I'll show you the text. Later. So anyway, I text everybody. So everyone's on the text. Et al. But then also Leanne Kreischer, Bert's wife. Everyone's on it.

And I take a photo of my mouth and I go, I don't know what to do. I'm bleeding profusely. Profusely? You got it. Yeah. Yeah.

And I'm in so much pain and I just don't know what to do. Can somebody help me? Nobody helps me. No one responded? They're all asleep. It's three in the morning. Oh, right. We're on the bus going to West Palm. Nobody heard you fall? Chad or? No, no, no. And you know, they don't like me. Yes, they do. But I'll tell you what pissed me off now. Here we go. All right. Cipher sound. Cipher. I'm sitting there, blood drenched shirt. Okay. He's awake. He walks out like he just came out of a fucking, you know what I mean?

Rave. I don't know. That's not... I don't know. It's something funny. Try it again. We'll edit. Oh, shit. All right. He walks in and comes out of like a smokehouse crack. A crack house. A smokehouse crack. It's just crack house. No, that's even worse. A smokehouse crack? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, it's not even a house. It's a crack. It's much more serious than a smokehouse crack. It's so fucking serious. Because a crack house is one thing, but if you're in a smokehouse crack, you're in trouble. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's insane. That's bad. Yeah. And so his assistant or his buddy... His buddy.

God rest this kid's soul. He dead? He's dead? No. What the fuck was that? I don't know. Thank you. You can't God rest someone's soul. No, I didn't say that. I said, thank you so much, God, for putting him in my life. This kid had come out like maybe a half an hour before Sypha and sat with me. He goes, you know what? I'll stay awake and I'll sit with you. That's very nice. Until we get to West Palm. Because you didn't want to go to sleep in case you. I died. In case you die. Sypha comes out. He goes, hey, I'm going to go pee.

And I go, he goes, P comes out. He goes, I go, well, I go, I got knocked unconscious. I don't know what to do. And he goes, I'm tired, man. And it went back. That's all. I mean, it pissed me off. But what could he have done?

Stay up with me. He was tired. Dude. He told you. There's blood everywhere. I have no shirt on. I would have stayed up. But the relationship is different. You don't even know Seif. You called him something else. You don't even know his name. Because I didn't memorize it because of the thing that he did. Oh, you knew it before and you forgot it. I only memorize if I know that he's going to be in my life. That's right. That makes sense. There's not a lot of room up here. You know that, right? I know. There's only three. Like the new girl. What's her name? I forgot. I forgot.

Wait a minute, let's honestly guess. Heidi, she looks like Heidi to me. What's the letter of your first name? D. Deanna. Whoa, it's D? I was way off mentally. Deanna? No. Deedee. Diana. Did I just said that? Dork. Dork. Dumb dumb. Dork us. Anyway, forget it. Whatever. So there's not a lot of room here, so I didn't memorize it. Anyway, we get to West Palm. I haven't slept. Blood is gushing out of my mouth. I had to get nine stitches.

No. Nine? Yeah. That's so many. It went all the way to the bottom, dude. Wow. Yeah. And then as soon as the bus, and thank God for Leanne. She's the greatest person on earth. One of the best. She runs to the bus, grabs me. Panicked, I'm sure. Panicked. Yeah. She's like, we got to go to the hospital now. We got to go. You know what I mean? She's number one. She got somebody, you know what I mean? And then, you know, they called the paramedics. It was the whole fucking nine yards. Wow. Right? And then I went to the hospital. Some Chinese man, you know, did it. Whoa, whoa, whoa. It was the best. Wow.

Dude, the Chinese are the best at it. The Stitcher was Chinese? The whole thing was Chinese. You were in China? We were at a Chinese restaurant. Oh, wow. Yeah, P.F. Chang's. No, we... You just get some duck and get some stitches? No, because we didn't go to the hospital. We went to like a clinic. Oh, right. So I go in there and there's a black lady there. Yeah. Excuse me. What was that? Was that her?

Or was that the Chinese guy? That wasn't the Chinese guy. Well, I can't tell anymore. My impressions? Yeah. It's not good. What, did she had an attitude because of you? No, that's rude. I was trying to make it comedic. But did she have an attitude? No, she didn't. She goes, can I help you? That's very nice. That's better. Right. And that's more real. But was there a white person in there with an attitude? No, they were all black. And I go, yeah. And she goes, nah, we can't do that. We don't do that here because in the mouth, right? You might have to go to the hospital. But then the Chinese doctor came out.

And he looks at me and he goes, "No, we do it now." - Whoa. - Like, "You do it now?" "We do now." He goes, "We don't know how, but we do it now." - If you weren't Asian, do you think he would have helped you? - No. - If it was me, he would have turned my back around. - No, no, no, hospital. - Hospital, yeah, gone. - And then, I swear, this is not a lie, all right? They had to move things around and then look for things.

That's not a good sign. I know it wasn't, but I'm like, he's doing it for me. It wasn't readily available? No, no. She's like, well, that's, you know what I mean? The sutras and all that stuff. Yeah. With the pad. We don't know where, you know, they don't know. They're like looking at things. Right. They don't know. They're like scrambling. They're bringing chairs in that aren't supposed to, you know what I mean? Right. And then she's like, he's like, there's no apparatus. He goes to the lady and she goes, he goes, open him out. Right. So she opens my mouth. Keep it still. So she's like doing this with her fingers.

Right. And he's like just doing it like, you know, I call it the first blood style. First blood. Remember the first blood when he falls off the fucking cliff? That's you. That was me, dude. Wait, did he, are these disappearing stitches or they take them back out? They're disappearing. They're the ones that mold into you.

They mold in well they go into your skin right don't they dissolve into your skin. Yeah, they did love in the skill me. Yeah Yeah, but what does that really mean is that? It's like you think there's I must scare could that be another scarecrow. Is that another vaccine? Oh, maybe they can actually dissolve by being absorbed by the body as wound heals But I just don't trust him. Oh, yeah, because it was a Chinese guy It couldn't but you know what it was bamboo probably I

Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. It was fucking bamboo, dude. You think he helped you because you were Asian? 100%. If you weren't Asian, he'd have sent you away. Go, go. Yeah. What if you were a black guy? Because the black girl was up front. No. He wouldn't even give me a suggestion, I don't think. The black girl would be like, bleed to death. Put some cussing on it. Yeah. Bleed to death. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. But he looked at me and he was like, I'm going to help this guy.

He felt like he had to do it for the motherland. Right. So then I go, you know what? All right. So I get the stitches and they're like, well, what about the show tonight? I go, I think I can do it. But I haven't slept all day. I've just been bleeding into my shirt. So I'm going to go to a hotel. Right. And I slept for like seven hours. Wow. I wake up and I couldn't talk. Right. You're swollen. I'm swollen and there's so much pain. Because I'm in AA and stuff, I can't take any medication for it. Right. Except ibuprofen.

And I just call them and I go, I can't do the show. I'm so sorry. And they're like, we understand. What did it sound like? I can't do the show. Like that. Yeah. Anyway, so they go. So I just took a flight back to LA. You came home immediately. I came home and I just spent like five days alone just weathering through it. Have you been real? Yeah. You seem like you were upset when we talked. Well, I was upset. Here's the thing.

I'm grateful that I didn't hit my head you know like you know what I mean like if I hit my forehead yeah I think it would have been way worse yeah you'd have been like Carlos yeah and I don't want to be like Carlos nobody does that's insane dude you have a good body thanks bro but I don't have that so I would have just your mind your body my body and it doesn't work it's endgame I get that yeah so no offense and none taken none taken okay good none taken yeah we're good at this point take some

Yeah. Take some. I secretly took some. Take one, leave some for others. Yeah, leave some for the other people. So, um... Did you hold your pee this whole time? All right, dude, it's not like I was bleeding in my shirt. I was like, I gotta hold the pee too. It's like, no, I went to pee. Okay.

That's what you were thinking about the whole time I was telling the story? Like, when's the pee happen? Yeah, when is the pee? That's insane. True, did you pee at any point? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, it's like watching a movie. You just assume, like, I just saw Planet of the Kingdom of the Apes, right? Yeah. Right, there's no shit scene, but you just assume that they...

The monkeys are shitting somewhere. I would like to see that. I would love to see a shit scene with a monkey. Why are they not showing that? Yeah, they don't show that. Because the ones that throw the shit, that's always fun. I'd love to see that. Yeah, you weaponize it. Yes. Weaponize your poo. So anyway, yeah, any movie. When's the last time you saw a movie and then go, oh, that's a good shit scene? Never. Not one movie you can tell me.

This is a comedy. Oh, yeah, I know. There's no dumb and dumber. That's the only one where you can't flush the toilet. I assumed that that in Pulp Fiction. Yeah. Right. I assume he was shitting because he took long enough. Oh, yeah, that's yeah. That's a pop tarts came up. So that's a good scene. Yeah. Let's think of another really like powerful one. There's spotting. Yeah.

Train spotting. Very good. Oh, I know one. What? But I don't think he was shitting. It doesn't matter. Just a good bathroom. All right, so it was the guy, the lawyer in Jurassic Park. Oh, so good. Runs to the fucking porta potty like a coward. Leaves the kids there. Yeah. It's just they're trembling and then there's fucking the T-Rex just... Oh, it's a great scene.

They split him in half, right? They split him in half. Yeah, bit him in half. Something about Mary. Such a good bathroom scene when he zips his beans over the frank. But rarely in a drama or a suspense. It's always in comedy. It's never in a serious movie. Well, because Daniel Day-Lewis is not going to poop on camera unless it's a vital part of the story. I would love to see Abe Lincoln poo, though. What is he thinking when he's pooping?

Three scores, four scores. How many scores? It depends on how many drops. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just hears like bloop, bloop, bloop. Yeah, yeah, four scores. I mean, that's the way he came up with that. Four scores. Yeah, yeah. So are you good now? I'm going to go back out two days from now. Oh, good. Yeah, I'm going to do two more and then I think I'm done. But they've been so nice and caring about what's going on. The tour is great.

You've done it. Yeah, I did it last year. It was amazing. And this one, you were with Whitney. No, I was not with Whitney. Oh, she's on it now. Yeah, I'm not on hers. I'm on another. The other leg. Yeah, mine tour is with Soder. Love Soder. Morel. Sam, the best. Yeah. What a crew. Dave Attell.

King. Greatest? Yeah. Big J, I said. Big J Okere. He's on Oprah's son. Yep. I love him. He's a great guy. Who else? Kelsey Cook. And Dan. Dan, yeah. I mean, not Dan. Matt. Wait. Why'd you say yes if I said Dan? Sullivan. What's his name? Matt. No, Chad. Chad O'Daniels. Chad Daniels. Not O'Daniels. I just met him, so I don't know. Chad Daniels. I just met him. He's going to be in my new... I'm going to put his name in here. He's very funny. But Psycho Psycho, no. No.

You don't like Sypha Sounds? Psycho Sypha Sounds is gone? I can't even memorize it, no. You know what? It's so funny because I know he called you in Scotland. Yeah, Dana. Is your name Dana? No. Okay, yeah, go ahead. Debbie. No. It's something hippie, like Dandelion or something. Danica. Dormat. Denise. Denise. No. No, it is. Darla. No, it's Denise.

Is it Denise? No, it's not. Okay. We'll figure it out later. Don't. Stop. Yeah. So, yeah. And I'm going to go back out. They assure me a bottom bunk this time. You should. I would hope. Yeah. I refuse to get on it. It's not the bottom. It's so funny if they made you go up top again. And I fell again. Who's sleeping in the backpack? Nobody. Why don't you sleep back there? I know. You deserve it. You busted your lip. Because they left. Yeah. I should do that. You deserve that. And I'd throw a fit. Yeah. I'm going to get back bunk. Back bunk.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Thank you so much. You deserve back bunk. What, are you texting somebody? I'm going to text. I'm going to text Bert. I'm back bunk. Yeah. But you know, I haven't broken a bone ever. I really haven't. And I've never been hurt like that as an adult. So it was sort of like, I was kind of like, when I was healing, I was like,

I'm just grateful. You know what I mean? You seem so disinterested. Who? Carlos. I'm not. Why? You're such a piece of shit, dude. I was looking at Andrew to see what he was doing. We're doing multiple things at the same time. It's fine. I mean, we are just talking about the same injury for 20 minutes. Oh, great. Not available. Did you hear him just now? I heard what he said. Where's the pill?

I'm going to take it tonight. Forget it. Not good for the lip. Is that the boner pill? Yeah, yeah. You're going to take that? Okay, this is what happened when I was cleaning the other day. If I don't get a pill at the end of this podcast, there's going to be another one. There's going to be another thing coming. Okay.

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At Sierra, discover top workout gear at incredible prices, which might lead to another discovery. Your headphones haven't been connected this whole time. Awkward. Discover top brands at unexpectedly low prices. Sierra, let's get moving. Well, during my pain, I was like, I don't know what to do tonight because I'm not going out. So I go, you know, when you don't know what to do, you go to the hospital store. Yeah, everyone does. Generational. My family has always done that in pain.

And I go, and they know me now. They go, hey, Bob. I go, what's up? And, you know, it's like, you know, cheers.

What's up, Norm? Was he there? Was Norm there? Yeah, Norm was there. Cliff was there too? And they go, you know what it reminds me of? You know in like Triple X or like Bond movies, there's like, you know what I mean? Come here and they open up a thing and there's like these gadgets. Yeah, I have that guy there. Mr. Lee, come on in. You know what I mean? And I go in there and look what we got. This black market. And they have all these like, you know, there's a new toy that I got, right? And I literally kiss it when I'm done using it.

I literally go, "Thank you." And I kiss and I put it to bed. What? What's the toy? It's just a new apparatus, right? And it's so powerful and it's so beautiful. It's a suck machine? It's beyond that. It's my girlfriend. How much does it cost? Also, I went online and I bought like four of them because you know what happens is- You break them. Not just to break them. They always discontinue things. And in my mind, I'm like,

I got, you know what I mean? As if it's like, you know, you know, um, it's goes out of season at some point. Yeah. Yeah. Like they're never going to make it. Let's say it's like those breakfast carnation bars in the seventies and eighties that I loved and they don't make them anymore. So I'm afraid that they're going to, um, discontinue, discontinue them. Yeah. Yeah. I get that. I showed McCone my collection. Did you like it? McCone? I mean, I've never seen anything like it.

I don't know. Oh my God, dude. It's so good, dude. Yeah, yeah. He's been very, you know, also he snaps on me now, McCone. Have you noticed that? Yeah, he gets a little attitude. Even when I'm running into him at the comic store, he'll snap.

What does he say? And so now I know that underneath there is a resentment and he won't tell me what the resentment is because I don't want it to get out of control. We know what happens when that happens. No. Yeah. And I apologize for that. I see. Well, do you remember what the snap was about? I remember exactly what it was. OK. I took a picture of your busted lip and then you said, let me see it. And then I said, it's film. Then you got mad. Oh, that's but that's not how we said it. Right. Yeah. Let me see it. It's film.

And I go, whoa, dude, just say it's film. Like, what's the fucking anger about? I was just texting Leanne. I said, you got to give my boy the back bunk. And what did she say? In a show with Burt, call you in a few. Okay. Probably going to discuss. We'll have to discuss the deal terms, though. But I will act as your attorney for this. Thank you. Look, I just think that given my client's trauma, I just believe it's safer and better for everybody, including Psycho Psychophones, to have you removed from his area. Okay.

No, I want to see Syfy. And I want to say about him, he's a very funny guy. He's great. He's dynamic. He also DJs, right? Yeah. Yeah. He's got the whole thing. And he really is a nice guy. In fact, I think he was too high. And in the morning...

Before I got shipped off to the makeshift hospital, the Chinese man, he was very apologetic. He was like, I was super high. I didn't know what the fuck was going on. Oh, that's nice. And so I was just, as a joke, putting him on blast. But it worked, yeah. But just as a joke. And he's a nice guy. He's a bright future. I'll never do anything with him. Right. But I'm sure he'll pave his way. He'll pave his way? I don't know. I guess so. Can't we only hope? I hope so.

I hope he has all the fucking equipment to do that. To physically pave? You mean like road work stuff? Yeah, because his limited days in comedy is over. No, I'm kidding. No, he's very funny. I just met him. He's a super nice guy. He was just super high and it was like a... Yeah, it was a moment. Yeah, yeah. It's funny who, you know, when I was in pain, it's like, who called me? You did a lot. Yeah, what the fuck? And you were in Scotland. I called you from Scotland. Hold on. Leon's calling right now. Let's discuss. Okay. But I do want to hear who called you. Okay.

Hi. Mister. Hey, you're on Bad Friends with me and Bobby, so don't say anything that you usually say. Don't say crazy shit like you usually do, okay? We have to be good with our audience, and I know that you're known to just say wild shit. I noticed that my client, Robert Lee, is injured from your tour. You know I'm an attorney at law, and I'm not going to take legal action, but

I am going to fight for my client. Okay. You mean the operator error that happened when getting out of his own bunk? Oh, wait. It was my client's fault. Yeah, it was operator error. Okay. My client tells me that the gap between his bunk and the next bunk was significantly larger than normal buses. Is this not true?

I think it's about length of arm, maybe. Length of arm. Yeah. Length of arm. But you know that your client, you know how his arms are not human arms. You know how my client's arms are very much smaller than normal human arms. You are aware of that. I am now. Well, moving forward. So let's put him on a bottom bunk, if you don't mind, please.

I can do that. I can make that happen for him. Fair enough. You will see no legal ramifications for this. I really appreciate you and have a wonderful day. Nice. I can't wait to have him back. We love you. I miss you guys. I'm sending him on behalf of me. I love you guys. Have fun. We'll talk to you soon. Love you. Bye.

She's the best. She's the best. Number fucking one. She's number one. She's too good for him. For Bert? Yeah. No, what are you fucking talking about? Oh, I mean, he's good too. He is really good too. No, but you see her and you go, wow, I get it. Every guy that's with a woman like that is always going to be worse than the woman. Like, they're always outkicking their cover. Yeah. You're going to end up with someone who's way better than you. Like, your wife is way better than you. Yeah, you're going to be with someone who's way better than you. That's how it goes. Look at Fancy. Fancy.

Look at Fancy. Above his league. His wife is stunning. Stunning. Yeah. Look at... That's it. That's it in the room. Yeah, that's it. And McCone, he outkicks his coverage. I mean, so does Carlo. You see anybody McCone? Not currently. Yeah. How about you, Carl? You just call him Carl? It feels better, right? Carl, are you not hooking up with anybody right now or dating or anything? I hooked up with someone last week. I don't think it'll last. I'm talking to a couple of girls right now.

- Yeah. - That's it? - Yeah. - Nothing fun, it doesn't sound fun. You sound a little low today. - Yeah, I'm not like super into it. I'm not like crushing or anything like that. - Well the summer's coming, don't you want to be a little free summer boy? - Like a white boy summer? - Yeah, don't you want to have a little white boy summer? - Kind of, but I'm just more hanging out. - He seems low. - I can't wait until you find, there will be one woman that he's gonna go, that's it. - Or man, it doesn't, I mean-- - Yeah, who knows? - Yeah. - Yeah, exactly, right? - Well it could, could it not be a guy?

It could be a really handsome, like, cool guy. No, honestly, can you see yourself marrying a guy? Be real. No. That's illegal, isn't it? Yeah, in some places, I think. No, I wouldn't marry a man. But there are guys, like Henry Cavill. So if Superman, Henry Cavill, goes, hey, let's get married, would you marry him? Yes. Why? Because he's so handsome. All right, so that's the rest of your life. Oh, and you wouldn't.

Henry Cavill or Tom Hardy or Austin Butler I would fuck one time for the story for the story you would marry No, I wouldn't 100% now. I would marry okay good. What's so funny? What do you mean you would definitely marry now? What? Shut up did no I wouldn't yes you would I would not marry erity I have security well You love the fame you would love the fame

Not as famous as you. You would love the fame. You're famous. No, I'm not. You are. And would I marry you? No. Yes, you would. Fucking nah. If I set it up right. What? If I set it up right. Operation? Yeah.

No, because you know what it is? Once you smile, I've heard sex. And once you smiled, we would erupt in a laughter and we wouldn't be able to fit it. It would be too funny. Who else called you while you were hurt, by the way? Oh, here we go. Because I called you from around the fucking world. Yeah. So you called, obviously the people from, you know what I mean? The two were called. Right. You know, people that were close to me, like my manager and stuff. Right. But no one else from this side of the, my business. Really? Yeah. None of these people. You do call?

I texted you. I texted you. You never called, though. Because you never pick up my calls, so I texted you. When it comes to lifetime injuries and severe things, you call. It's a call. Yeah, but he didn't reply because this is a call time. That's call only. Injury call. Yeah, injury call, dude. You don't text. I'm sorry. Nothing from Carl. Carl, you had nothing? Nothing from Carl. I don't want to bother Bob. Are you calling Bob now?

I always call you Bob behind your back. Yeah, you call Andy. No, you don't. I've never said it. You don't call Andy. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah. You hate Andy, right? Yeah, it's so gross. But why? Because now, because we're so close now, can I please be the one guy to call you Andy? No, I'd rather you make up a nickname for me. No, I want to call you Andy. Make up a nickname. And? No. Yeah, yeah.

Angie? Can I call you Angie? It doesn't have to be derivative of my name. It can be anything. Yeah. Like you, you're my dumpling, my noodle. I call you all sorts of stuff. Hot link. Hot link? Yeah. Hot link. Yeah, I'll be your hot link. Yeah. Or a red hot. HT, hot link. I don't know. I'm going to call you Andy. HT? Yeah, I'm going to call you hot link. No, I'm Andy. I'm going to call you Andy. No.

I want to be the one guy on earth. That'd be cool. And then people are like, I can call him that. No, no, no. This is reserved for me. Let me have the one thing with you. Make him cute though. No, Andy's so cool. Look at fucking... Piglet. Call me your little piglet. That's better? Yeah, I'm a little piglet. But what is your thing with Andy? It just sounds too childlike or... Yeah, it sounds like a kid. Yeah, people... You call me Bob. I don't like that. I let you do it. I don't often call you Bob. You have though.

And that'll correct you? Well, then I won't anymore. Okay. Deal. That's how offensive Andy is then? No, it doesn't really, it doesn't bother me. It's just as weird, I just don't, it's not my name. Okay. A nickname would make more sense for me than that. Okay. And Carl, you don't like that? No, it's like. No, you are Carl though. You are Carl. I don't like it. I like it. Yeah, yeah. Can we do Carl? 100%. Yeah, yeah. It's already changed. Yeah. Like there's a guy that I know that calls me, you know, because of Cheeto, he calls me Cheese.

And I don't like it, but I do like it. Is he black? If a black guy calls you anything, it's going to sound cooler than if a white guy says it. Right, because I have black comics call me Chan. Love that. What's up, Chan? Like Jackie? Yeah. Yeah. And then like the other day I saw post Chrissy D.

They were doing a baby pod about who's cuter, black babies or Asian babies. And Miss Pat was the guest. And she goes to her assistant, hey, you're not Chinese guy. I do this podcast sometimes. She doesn't even know my name. I know that, yeah. And she's done my podcast so many times. That's okay because it's just...

On brand almost. Yeah. But if anybody else did that, I'd be so mad that they forgot my name. She said all them Chinese babies look like Bobby Lee. Yeah, that's Bobby Lee. That's Bobby Lee. That's Bobby Lee. She said very funny. But it is true. Bring a bunch of Asian babies and she's right. Yeah, that's true. I mean, it's collectively.

Yeah, but the argument is... Which baby's cuter, black baby's or Chinese baby? Yeah, what is, do you think? Black baby, it's not even close. It's not even remotely close. Bro, look at the one in the hoodie, dude. That looks like Baby Yoda right there, dude. Dude, that right there, dude. I will bet on that baby over any black baby you find me. I'll find you. Look at that baby, dude. Yeah, look at that one. That's what they usually look like. Yeah, yeah.

Not cute, though? Just give me black babies. Yeah, cute black baby. Let's see. Not even close. Look at the first one. Click on the fucking first one. That's a 26-year-old guy. Yeah, you're right. Look at how good looking that kid is. Yeah. He's a baby. He wrote a book already, this one. He wrote, yeah. He's on tour right now with Matt Rife. Him and Matt Rife are opening...

Stadium. Wow. Oh my God. Cute. Little Black Babies is number one. Number one, dude. And then also when they have attitude, I love it. Yes. You know what I mean? Mister, I don't know. You know what I mean? When they do that, I love it. I love it. You know what I mean? And then it's like, you're two. How do you know that attitude? Amazing. I love it, dude. And the Chinese one, they don't have. They don't know. Right? They don't know, dude. No.

Yeah, yeah. Chinese babies. No, I saw this one Asian baby. She was so in touch. She's probably six years old. In touch with her feelings. She was basically, mom, I just want you to know that, you know what I mean? You're the greatest. And you know what I mean? Feel your heart. Cute. Right? And just live in the moment. Like all these fuck. I was like, yeah. At six, dude?

I didn't even know the English language. No. Yeah. You're still behind. You know what I mean? Eating my burger. And then there are these kids that are like, they have full sentences and they're very mindful, emotionally developed. And developed. That's weird. Like you, you weren't like that at six. Lunatic. If I asked you at six years old, I'd go, how do you feel about life now? I was snow far. I was at six? Yeah. You'd be a six year old. Yeah. Go ahead. Yeah. That way.

How do you feel about life so far? Yeah, no, me too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not toy. Toy, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. My dad's gone. The file. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, yeah. I put you on file. Break, break, break, break, toy, break, break. Yeah, yeah, that's exactly what it is. Yeah, that's it. Ruin, break, destroy. When did I even learn to even put a thought together? Probably 12. Mid-20s. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a real thought.

Maybe in my- Like, why am I here? Well, that one is- Yeah, that one, yeah. That'll get me. Yeah. Maybe teens, I started to think about stuff. Before I was a teenager, I didn't think about shit. You're just living. Yeah. You're just kind of going about your shit. I remember when I thought, why am I here? I was, and I know the guy's name. I was at Painted Rock Elementary School. We were playing softball, right? I was running from first base to second base, and-

You know what I mean? Kicked me in the nut sack. - Why? - I don't know why. - I don't like that. - And I fell to the ground and I remember it was so much pain. And I remember also thinking, wow, my nuts are so small, he hit it right on. So he was a sniper, right? And I remember going, why am I here? - Yeah, what's the purpose of that? - Like, what's the point of this? This is ridiculous. - What's that? - That's painted rock. - Yeah, I lived literally five minutes from there, painted rock. That's amazing that they have that on the internet.

- It's everything. - They have everything, yeah, yeah, you forget. Sometimes when I go to Poway, I'll drive by my house. - You drive by your old place? - Yeah, I drive by it and it just instantly puts me back. - Do you smell something? What is it? What's the moment that brings you back? Like what's the thought or what's the emotion? - I think of my dad, I think, mainly. - Like the way your dad talked or sounded? - Yeah, because I talk about my life as it was kind of grim, but there were pockets of joy.

And there were pockets of good memories with him and my mom. What was your best memory with your dad? My mom would yell at him like, you don't ever take him to nothing. You don't ever take him to nothing. Nothing. He was not one of those guys that's like, let's go to the ball game. You know what I mean? Let me teach you how to do this. Yeah. So one day he didn't know what to do. So he just put me in his car and he didn't know where to go.

So he's just trying to drive me around. And I just knew this as a kid instinctually. I go, this fool doesn't even know where to go. We're supposed to be at Father's Sunday. You know what I mean? And he just went to some like generic park with a bench. And he goes, I guess, you know, family come here. Yeah. Right. We get out and we just sit on this bench. Right. And I remember this because he yelled at me later because I forgot my jacket there. Yeah. But I remember being on the, and this is why I,

"Why are you smiling?" - I'm listening to a nice story of you and your dad. - So in my mind, I'm like, the reason why I remember this is because it was such an anomaly, right? And I sat there, we didn't talk, but I just remember thinking, "Go, he's trying." - It's really nice. - It was nice. But then later it was like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, we're not talking!" You know what I mean? And he hit me, I think, you know what I mean? But I just remember that day though was nice.

I like those moments. Yeah, yeah. Do you smell... Do you remember how it smelled in the house? I do. Do you know what I mean when you remember how a house used to smell? It smelled like kimchi. The whole time? Yeah. I remember having to tell people, you know what I mean? Hey, get a load of this. Prepare yourself for this smell. Right? And then... Because my house always smelled...

Now, when you're in it and you're like during the summer, you don't smell it. But then when you go to school and then you come back, you smell like regular, you know what I mean? Like a classroom. Right. And then always when you came in and go, oh, yeah, here it is. You know what I mean? It's like dead whale pussy.

That's what it smelled like. Dead whale pussy, yeah. What do white people's houses smell like when you were a kid? I love it. When you went to a white house. There was a little bit of moth, like with the cotton, moth balls. Yeah. There's a hint of moth balls. I don't know. I always smell a hint of coffee. Yeah, well, we're always drinking coffee. Yeah, a hint of coffee. And then it's always like, and I didn't know the word for it back then. Bologna. Soap. No. Oh my God. Pumpkin spice.

There was always a little pumpkin spider. Like a hint of that kind of like- It's a nutmeggy- Nutmeggy, like, you know what I mean? Like fall smell, which I love. Here's another smell that you hear, because I'm a connoisseur of white smells. I don't know if you know that. No, you're big. I've been in many white houses. Big with the whites. I've spent the night there, you know what I mean? And there's a little bit of leather-

Yeah. And you know where the leather's from? A baseball mitt, usually. We leave those around the house. Do you really? I have one in every room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, everybody. We're doing a Bad Friends live show. It's called Scary Times USA. Scary Time USA. And how do you watch it? Go to moment.co slash badfriends. It's Thursday, October 24th at 6 p.m. We're going to have exclusive merch available for it. So Bad Friends Scary Time USA. Hey, dude. America.

I always smell that. And I always talk about it. When I did NACA,

- Your college, the college. - The college thing. - Yeah. - You know, one night I was in Indiana and they're like, you have to spend the night at these old people's house in the attic for one night and then you kind of take the Greyhound bus to the next thing. - Right. - So I remember, and they're like, "Lights out at nine." Right? And it's snow, it's the dead of winter and it's cold as fuck. And they gave me a thin, like, you know, one that they fucking knitted. One of those blankets. So it's like itchy. - Yeah. - So I'm in this attic like this

creaking, right? And I'm like, oh, there's no way I'm going to sleep. There's fucking no way I'm going to sleep, right? But I remember going, let's analyze the smells. What's in there? All the things I told you about. Yeah. And that's how I'm an expert. Leather. Yeah. Leather stands out. Are you an expert of smells of people's houses? No, but I do walk into some people's houses. I do not like the way it smells sometimes. Yeah. Okay. So let's say I'm Armenian.

What would you smell? I'm not coming over. Really? No. Not even to play chess? No, of course I'm coming over. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no. It smells like cologne. A lot of it. Oh, a lot of it. Yeah. So much that it's, I can't, I'm a little, I can't breathe. I'm stuffy. I get stuffy. Right. I get stuffy. But what's, let me ask you something, pal. Andy, if I may. Go ahead. Right. What would be the perfect smell in a house? If I walked in- Laundry.

Mexicans. Mexicans. Laundry. Best smelling houses. Their houses always smell laundry. Way too much though. Doesn't matter. Why do they use so much? I love it. I use a lot because of them. They inspire me. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I over dump. I over dump too. I over dump. Yeah, I smell my shit. But that's why because I want to smell my shirt four days later and it still smells like laundry. Dude, they figure that out. They just overuse. I think they- And that's a good thing. Yeah. Yeah. That's cultural. Yeah. I love how they refried the bean. Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. I mean, they're clever in that way. If they're going to fry the bean twice, they're going to put in two Tide Pods. That's the thing. Dude, the thinking behind it. Might as well do twice, huh? Two times the concentration. That bottle right there, it looks like black people love that to drink. Right? Y'all got anything in the fridge? Yeah, we got Fabuloso.

Hey, we got a Coca-Cola classic, orange juice, Fabuloso. Holy, that just gives you diabetes once you drink it, I think. Fabuloso? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That gives you die? Yeah, you die. Yeah, you die. That's insane, that stuff. Yeah. So I want to talk about another thing, and I don't know what to do. I'm at my last. Your last gas? Yeah. And there's nothing I can do.

But you know, I spent some money to interior design my house. I have brand new funeral furniture at my house. It looks great. It looks like a movie, my house. But I can't sit on any of the furniture because of Ming. What's going on? My cat Ming decided...

I don't like this furniture, so I'm just gonna pee on every bit of the furniture. - Oh my God. - So she goes to every piece of furniture and just pisses on it, right? So then I go online, I go, okay, like the spray, you know what I mean? Like, you know what I mean? The anti, she loves it. She thinks it's like, oh, pee more. You know what I mean? Like, it's almost like you, I should pee here where the spray is, right?

And we went to the hospital, you know what I mean? Everything's fine, right? And I just don't know what to do. So it's just like, and I talk to Ming every night. I go, yo, dog. It's like, bro, it's like, I really do have these conversations. What if you keep Ming in one of your rooms? No, because I don't, I want my cats to be free as well. But I mean, does she do this when you're home or when you're not home? Usually when I'm not home. Well, that's right. So when you're not home, keep her in a room where she learns her lesson.

Right, but then when I'm sleeping, I don't want to know you won't do it. I don't yeah, I can't do it You got a coach her through it. Really right though. I mean you do that with dogs You got to train the cat the cats are smarter than dogs But she's 12 she knows what she's doing. She just started doing it because she's because she doesn't like your fucking taste She's she's doesn't like it. Yeah, like, you know, I don't like modern. I

Yeah. That she's doing? She's more of a contemporary. Oh, I see. That's what it is. No, I think what it is is because during the construction, we had so many people over. Oh, she didn't like that. It stressed her out. Well, yeah, you shouldn't have done that. That pissed her off. Yeah, I know. But anyway. You spent the fortune on all that furniture. It's all fucked up.

Yeah, but still it's still worth keeping a cat, my cat. I love her so much. Well, yeah, I'm not saying get rid of the cat. Yeah, but you know, I do look at her and I go, why? Why? Yeah, yeah. It was so nice to come home and see my dog. What was he like? She, what was she like? Freaking out. Freaking the fuck out. Piddled a lot. She piddles a lot when she sees me. When I come home off a road trip, I have to greet her outside because she pisses everywhere.

She keeps pissing. She pissed on you. She pisses on everything. She just pisses. Cause she's so excited. Yeah. She pisses. Yeah. They call it piddling or coddling or whatever. Yeah. But honestly, dude, she just keeps pissing and she'll roll over on her back and I'll scratch her. She likes bellies and she'll just be pissing in the fucking all over the inside the house. That's why I agreed her outside. I, whenever I come home from a road trip, like a, like a, like a show or tour. Yeah. I keep, I put my suitcases aside. I open the door and I let her run out and greet me outside because she pisses

- Everywhere. - Wow. - And it's gotta be weird for someone walking by, like, "Look at that, that's so cute." And it's just me smiling, scratching the dog and pissing all over the place. - Wow. - She usually pisses all over my clothes when I come home. - She does. - She's excited. - She loves you so much. - It's hilarious how much she freaks out. And then she'll lay on her stomach, on her back waiting for me to keep bellying her, but I don't wanna keep doing it 'cause I'm pressing on her stomach, so then she'll pee more. - That brings me to this question.

Yes, I lick it off. Or no, what is that? Yeah, do you eat it? Drink it? No. So I'm dating a vegetarian. Oh, no. What is it? Well, what? Now she's bringing up, you know. You should not eat meat. Yeah, you're such an animal lover. You know what I mean? Why can't you apply the same thing with dogs and cats to the cows and chickens, right? No, stop. And she makes complete sense to me.

Because, you know, whenever I'm eating meat, you go in denial. You think it's just that. No. You don't know that it's a part of a living thing, right? So it's like. But what did it look like when it was alive? Right. Bring up a chicken. I mean. No, I'm serious. This is my point. Yeah. No. I got no problem eating that. Yeah. I got zero problem. Yeah. Okay. The chicken. Yeah. Chicken. Okay, fine. Just eat chicken and fish. Right, right, right. But then what about. Cows? Cows.

I mean, look, I get the argument for cows. You do? Yeah, cows are cute. They're so cute. Look at that cow, dude. Oh, my God. It's so cute. Imagine how good that thing tastes. I know. Pig. What about pig? We shouldn't be eating pigs at all because they're so fucking bad for you. I mean, so shitty for you. Right. And also, you and I are Muslim. We shouldn't be eating them. We are so Muslim. Well, and also, they're very smart, right? Aren't pigs really intelligent? Yeah, they are.

I could stop eating pigs and beef. I could. But chicken, it's like, fuck that dumb bird. I'm eating that stupid fucking thing. It still have feelings. The chicken? Yeah. I doubt it. You ever talk to one? I don't. They have no idea. It has to have feelings. It has to have nerves. I don't know. Look at that guy. Dude. No, that's a chick, not a chicken. Oh, so you wouldn't eat her. I won't eat the baby. Cute. I'll eat the adults. Right. Yeah, I'll fuck up an adult. Yeah. I'm not eating a baby. Can we do like an age thing?

Yeah, what's the- Like, you know, how long do chickens live for, generally? Let's guess before you- Oh, yeah, yeah. I would say three, four years. No, I would say 12. They last a long time? I don't know, 12 years. A free chicken. Five to 10. Okay, we're both wrong. Split the difference. Yeah, yeah. So at age eight. Yeah, they're edible by eight. Midlife. Midlife, you know what I mean? What do you think? I'm eating it at midlife. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it as good, though? No. Well, you think at the younger, it's better? No.

Gross fancy fucking pervert. That's gross to even say. Yeah. But have you ever thought about that or no? I've gone veg. Vegan to me is out of control for I can't. But I've gone veg two times. I've tried this. I've done it for a month, a month or two stretch. And I didn't like the way I felt. I felt really tired. So I probably needed supplemental protein that I wasn't getting.

And I couldn't eat more fucking beans. I just couldn't do it. So I've tried it. I think the thing I could get away with is pescatarian. I could get away with just fish. Because fish I love. Yeah. If I can eat shit from the sea. It's okay to eat fish. Because they don't have any feeling. It's okay to eat fish. Is that a song? Because they don't have. No, that's a song? Yeah, Nirvana. What song is that? Something in the Way. It's okay to eat fish.

Because they don't have any feeling. Is that the line? Yeah, it's okay to fish because they don't have any feeling. Yeah. You know, they probably do. That's what I'm saying. I think Kurt Cobain was being sarcastic. Okay, what about a plant? They don't have feeling. How do you know that? Because they're just like, you know what I mean? But they have vibrations. Oh, yeah. Or like mushrooms, they're connected, they communicate. Correct. That's what I'm saying. Fungi, oh my God. Let's just, we're going to die. What should we eat? Soy. Soy.

Does soy have feelings? Yeah, soy's a bean. It's a plant. They're all connected. Let's just drink water. Right. Does hydrogen have feelings? Yeah. So are you thinking about it? Is that why? It's a philosophical thought that comes up. As time goes on, it becomes harder to do.

There's a certain level of hypocrisy that we're able to just bank and accept. And you have to judge your hypocrisy levels. Yeah. Like your phone. This is made by fucking slave kids. Why are you cool with this? I know. Why do you say that, man? You bring it up, dude. This is just this is a testament to you got to pick what you're OK with. So if you're OK with consuming animals, that's true. You got to pick.

Or there can be just a completely different revelation and revolution in our minds and then we just stop all of it. Well go veg then, I want you to try it. Try it for a week. Just go to the earth and we just mine our own food, make our own food, you know what I mean? No electricity, we just go back to the old days. Yeah, who's gonna stitch your lip when you fall out of a bunk bed? Yeah, let's see, yeah, yeah, you're right. You need it, yeah, you need to be, we need future. I just, yeah. I know it's hard. What, what, are you getting pressure to switch?

No, I'm not getting pressure, but it's interesting. We went to a...

Hope. Yeah. You ever been there? No, but I've seen it a million times. You know who told me about it was the Englishman. What's his name? Oh, James Corden? Yeah, Corden told me. You've got to go to Hope. Yeah, you've got to go to Hope. He produced a show I was on, and we were talking about my area where I lived, and he was like, you've got to go to Hope. Is he vegetarian? I think so. When I go there, I'm always going, oh, this is good. Yeah. It's good food. Yeah, of course it is. This is lying to yourself for a girl.

I'm worried. Well, he's going to keep eating meat. Yeah. You're going to give up bulgogi? Bestia. Oh, shit. Why'd you say that, son? I know what gets you horny. I love bulgogi, dog. You're going to give that up? You're going to give up Korean barbecue? That's like your wettest adventure. Dig brah. Yeah, you're right, man. Can't. I can't do it. No. Yeah, I'm just a hypocrite. You're allowed to. We're hypocrites.

No, it's not. We lie. We live in a lie. But it's not hypocritical to eat meat. It's hypocritical to tell other people not to eat meat and then you do it. Or you don't do that. Right. You don't say shit to other people. People make their choices. Yeah. When you're a vegetarian, I go, enjoy. Wonderful. No judgment. But they don't do it back. Well, they judge us. They look at us and they go, vegetarians to meat eaters are the way that San Francisco is to Los Angeles sometimes.

I get it, but I don't. Where they're like, LA. Oh, yeah. And we're all like, I love San Francisco. And they're like, oh, really? And also, I have my car window in place. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's not smashed in. Nobody's pooping in my car right now. Yeah. I'm going up there this weekend. Oh, you're doing Cobbs? Yeah, I'm so excited. I love San Francisco. Yeah, me too. I have so much fun. Every time I go up there. We never did. We never did our show in San Francisco, huh?

- Did we not? - No, Bad Friends never went to San Francisco. - Oh, well then we should do it. We should do it. - Let's just do one off. Let's do one San Francisco one. - I'm so down. - Let's do it. - 'Cause I love it up there. - Yeah, it'll be fun. What's this new feeling? - Can I tell you something before we move? - Yeah. - I will say this. - Yeah. - Had a great time in Scotland. - Oh yeah, tell me about your adventures. - It was amazing. I had a wonderful time. People are great.

The food is, and I mean this with every ounce of my heart. Great. The worst food I've ever had in my life. Yeah. It was un-fucking-real. You could be a vegetarian there because you can't fucking eat anything. Let me guess. A lot of potatoes? No, dude. It's just... Okay. When you get meat, and somebody told me, I don't know if this is true, but because of mad cow disease maybe swept through there years ago when that was a popularity, they cook meat to... It's not even fucking... It's burnt to a place...

Where you're like, is this a character from a Batman movie? McBain would eat it. What the fuck am I eating? What are you talking about? No, it looks all... Oh, right, right, right. It looks like... It looks like... Two-Face's face. Did you ever see this? You know that new Matt Reeves Batman? Yeah. Okay. This is amazing. So they cut out a Joker scene. Did you know that? No. Right? Where, what's his, Barry Kogan? Barry Keegan or Kogan. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's fucking amazing. And the Joker's face in it looks like the meat from Scotland. Yeah. So try to Google what he looks like in the... The deleted scene? Yeah. At the end, go toward the end of this scene, right? While he's leaving. While he's leaving. Right there, right there, right there. That's perfect.

Is that what the meat looks like? 100%. That's the meat in Scotland. That's the meat. That's the meat in Scotland. That's the meat in Scotland. When you go home, watch that scene. And that looks a little bit more tender than the meat in Scotland. Oh, really? But I think it was just, the food was just fucking unbearable. We had fish and chips like seven times. Yeah. And so, okay. But it must be the best fish and chips you've ever had. No. Of course not. I love fish and chips. I know, but we do, there's, Long John. Get it anywhere.

All right. And then they had haggis. I had haggis for the first time. What is it? Gonna eat haggis. What's haggis? Eat your haggis. It's fucking gross. It actually tastes good, but it's fucking gross. It's ground up organs. Go up to the description. I think it's organ meat ground up and spiced and flavored. Zoom in there. It's a savory pudding containing sheep's pluck minced with chopped onion oatmeal. Yeah, it's like minced meat. Yuck. Yuck.

encased in an animal's stomach, artificial, yeah. - There's no Nobu there? - Yeah, yeah, so it was the first thing I said when we landed in Edinburgh. I said, "Where's Nobu?" - Because when I was in Hungary, Budapest, every night I ate the Nobu. - Yeah, it was tough. - You just knew you were gonna get a good meal. - The meals were just weird and it just was not what I wanted. Couldn't get a good old fashioned blanket. - Well, go to France.

- Yeah. - Next time. - No, it's good. - Where's the good European cities to get food? - Italy. - France? - All of them. - Italy. - London. - Spain. - Spain, London. - Everywhere. - Right. Maybe not Eastern European, you know? - No, I'd love some, are you kidding me? I love some, what am I thinking of? - I have no idea what you're saying. - Well, I went to Czech Republic, Prague. Prague had great food. - You went to Prague? - Yeah. Yeah, it's delicious. - Yeah. - Why do you think the women over there are so beautiful? The Eastern European women are the prettiest women on the planet.

I know. Aren't they? Oh, yeah. For some reason, they're like the prettiest women on the planet. Yeah, you can tell their daughters when they're American, then they'll be hot. Oh. Because when they come over here, it's like there's something off. Whenever there's a hot girl on Hinge and it says Ukraine, it's like, okay, that doesn't count. You don't support Ukraine?

No, I just not gonna... Carl, what the fuck are you talking about right now? Come on, Carl. Right now... Explain yourself. Yeah. When you have a girl, she's super hot, and then you see, oh, she's not American. It's a whole thing with her. Why? What is that? What is it? It's like... Because she has PTSD from the war? No, it's like, they'll think you're cool. You need the American mind. That. That's why? You need the American mind.

You need to be validated by the- That affects the hotness. Yeah, only like Italy or Spain, but if it's like Bulgaria or something, it's like I'm not fucking with that. It could be like a sex trafficking thing too. You never know. Could it be? Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? What if it's just a girl from there that's coming here to- You're talking- Which website? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, what do you- Yeah. Yeah, you keep showing me this. Oh, like you don't know. What's her name? What's her name? Yeah. Dugan. Dugan. Dugan.

What is it? Just tell me. Delaney. Delaney. Delaney. Delaney. I'll remember that now because there was an old bar on Santa Monica Boulevard called Delaney's. And I think it's closed. Look at that. It's closed. Sorry about that. I've been bad all day. I'm so tired. I'm still on jet lag. I'm so fucked up still. Where's my pill, dude? Rhino. Yeah, get him his Rhino pill.

Do you not want to be on camera handing him? Yeah, just throw it on the table here. No, you keep the change. That's how it goes. You keep the change. That's how it works. That's how it works, Delaney. Delaney, that's how it works. You keep the change. She kept it? Oh, fired. She didn't know. We'll take it and let's roll. Thank you for being a bad friend.