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- I'm telling you two or something. - We're bad friends. - So anyway, let's start with love. - Well, let her start the show. Go ahead, Rudy. Start the show. - Hi. Yeah. - Talk to the audience.

How are you guys? I'm Jules or Rudy or whatever you want to call me. And this is Tito Bobby. This is Tito Andrew. And over there we have Carlos, Andres, and Mikko. They know the show. Oh, super.

What we want is going to sort of write our biography. So just where he was born, family, and then me too. Okay, we'll start with Tito Andrew. Tito Andrew is from Irish, Ireland. Yes. He's 38 years old. Sure. They moved to the US when he was eight years old. What city?

In Ireland? Yeah. Where are my family from in Ireland? Chicago. Chicago, Ireland. That's right. Chicago, Ireland. Yeah. Where the bear is. Yeah, where the bear is. The bear is. Yes. The football team. No. She's talking about my mom. Oh, wait. Andres, congrats on España. No, boo. I don't want to even. We're not doing that. We're not doing that. Let's go back to the biography. Tito Andrew has a cute dog. He does. He has... What's his name?

Name is... You got it. Name is Curly Tops. Curly Tops. Curly Tops. I love Curly Tops. Curly Tops. Okay, let's go over to Tito Bobby. Okay. Tito Bobby is from North Korea. Yes, that's true. And he moved to the US when he was 10 years old. 11. Oh, 11 years old. 11 years old. With his brother and his... Say it.

Abusive father. Abusive father. I like the fist. Yeah. That was nice. Yeah. And then he got famous over a video where he got a down syndrome boy. That's right. That's right. That's right. You think that's why we're famous?

Isn't that funny? That is how he got famous. Well, that's what TikTok. Or TikTok. Yeah, TikTok. That is true. They should call TikTok facts. Yeah. The facts channel or whatever. Tick facts. Yeah, tick facts. Quick facts on tick facts. Yeah, yeah. How about Carlos? Where is he from? Ooh. Mexico. Mexico. Yeah, that's right. What city in Mexico? Do you know?

mexico city mexico city mexico yeah and i don't know how he's that white but yeah whitewashing you know what michael jackson did at the end that's what he's been doing he's been bleaching his skin which is not okay uh we can say it this podcast will come out significantly afterwards but um congratulations to to españa uh in the euro cup one of the it was kind of

It pissed me off. It really pissed me off so much. Did you want the British to win? No way. I did because they won the 60s. You guys always win. Everybody wanted England to win that game. Spain wanted England to win. It's been 50 years. I'm going to say this. In terms of players, I think England has the best players right now. Obviously not. And don't give us a Spain flag emoji. And we won Wimbledon too.

That is true. That is even more heartbreaking. What's going on over there? What's up with these Spanish players really showing up? I think we all was there. No. Let me ask you something. When you guys went to Africa and stole all those black people. Yeah. And you're putting them on the ship. No, it was you guys. You guys invented that. Am I not right? Yeah, 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, why did you push them in the middle of the ocean if they were a little sick or whatever? What was that for? What was that all about? Testing. You're testing? Yeah. Can they swim? Oh, so you heard a stereotype. Exactly. Right? And you were like, maybe it's wrong. Well, was there a control to your experiment? You had to have a control. Yeah. Can Spaniards swim? Most of them. Yeah. I don't know. I've never seen a Spanish swim before.

Don't forget the Filipinos. Whoa. Oh, yeah, that's right. Spain went to... Yeah, what's up with the colonizing, dude? Yeah, what happened down there? You know what's so funny? That should be that country's slogan. Don't forget the Filipinos. Philippines, don't forget. What did you see at Sanespia last night, Macon? I saw Midsommar. So great. Yeah. Have you ever seen a movie in the... We talked about this on the show. Have you ever seen a movie in the cemetery in the summer?

- No. - Oh my God, it's the best. - I bombed there once on a show. - You did that live show there? - Yeah. - Oh, I said no way. - And I bombed so bad, I was like, I can never come back to the cemetery. - You died as hard as those that are around you. - Yeah, yeah, it works, I think, yeah. - It's one of the coolest venues. - That's it? - Yeah. It's one of these pieces of LA that people don't know unless you're a local and it's beautiful.

It's great, and you gather around. I watched Kill Bill 1 and 2 last time I was there. Let's watch a movie there. What's next? Well, let's see. Bring up the calendar. Oh, there you go. There you go. Empire Records, Bridesmaids, True Romance, La Bamba, The Nightmare Before Christmas. Yeah, there's six left. Yeah. I would do True Romance. Go up a little bit more. No, let's go see La Bamba. Dude, La Bamba's great. It's so good. I had a dream too, Richie. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

That's the only line I remember from that. Hey, say, say, let me hear you say that. Have you heard of Richie Valens? You are toned. You've never heard that song before. It's not like that. It's Don't fucking correct us. If you correct the host again, I don't know. I can't continue. You stepped on his toes five times. You're talking shit when Bobby walked in. Oh, it's

I thought they were just going, but I guess they're saying something, but who gives a shit? Yeah. So para bailar la bomba. And how awful does that sound? Para bailar la bomba. Necesitita una poca de gracia. Say it the way that you know it. What? Say it the way you know it. I was just doing it. No, the way you know it. A la la la bomba. Better. A la la la bomba.

Better. Better song. Yeah. It's more familiar. Right. Right? What do you think? That's it. That's a better version. Yeah. I want to buy that record. Yeah. Or what about this classic? Oh, Donna. Oh. Oh.

What fucking song is that? I don't know what that is. Yeah, that's a fucking Richie Valen song. Oh, you're... Oh. I do the oh really long. It's way longer. Yeah, yeah, I love it. Oh, Donna.

It's such a great song. It's a white girl, Donna. And their love wasn't permitted because of racial tensions. And that's what's gross about this country, man. And we're changing it one step at a time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One step at a time. We're trying. Oh, Donna. Have you heard that song? No. No, she doesn't. I'll tell you.

I had a girl. Donna was her name. Dun, dun, dun, dun. Since she left me, I've never been the same. Dun, dun, dun. Dun. Cause I love. Yeah, whatever. You got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But guess what? You know how he died? How?

Guess. Tragedy. Guess. Guess the tragedy. How he died. Like... You're psychic. We know you're going to get it right the first time. Like... Who's that rock star? Elvis Presley. That's right. He died on a toilet. Yeah. Because he was too constipated. That way. Same. Wait. You're saying that

Many, many years before Elvis died. Right? So Elvis is a hack. He stole it. He stole the death. I'm going to die on the toilet. Somebody get me a peanut butter sandwich. Wow. I'm going to die on the toilet. Incredible. Richie Valens died on the toilet. It was a tragedy because... It's awful. Not only did they... It took three huge acts. Yeah. That's like Radiohead, Billie Eilish...

Back then? Taylor Swift. And Taylor Swift dying on one plane crash. Imagine the tragedy. Crazy. Crazy. Was it the Big Bopper? Big Bopper. Yeah, and... You got it. The guy with the glasses. You got it. Come on. Fuck, what's his name? The guy with the glasses. Give me the first name. No. Give me the first initial. B. Benny Hooligan. Benny Hooligan. No, no, no. B. Give me the last initial.

Z. It's not that. I don't think it's B either, you fucking liar. What is it? The song is. It's B-H. I just said it to you. The song is like. It's B-H. Every day, love the little closer. I gave him the hint twice. Going down a roller coaster. Come on. Love like that will take. Buddy Holly. There it is. Buddy Holly. I got it. I got it. Buddy Holly. But so Big Bopper, Richie Valens, and Buddy Holly died in one plane.

And back then, they were like huge. Spirit Airlines. It was Spirit Airlines, yeah. Even back then, it was bad. Even back then, it wasn't good. Yeah, yeah. Allegiant, maybe. Allegiant. Yeah, yeah. That's sad. Speaking of dead celebrities, and thank God we didn't call them out because sometimes we call people dead on the show. Richard Simmons died, and right after Shelley Duvall died? Like, back to back. No, Shannon Doherty died. What? Today? Or last night. Wait, are you fucking kidding me? Bro.

Yeah, it's been a bad. So young. We got three though yesterday, right? She's your age. This week. I know, 53. God, that's awful, dude. What is going on? Richard Simmons. I know. He died cancer as well. I guess we're all going to get it. And you just got to hope it's an easy one. Or one that doesn't hurt a lot. I want the butthole kind. You're working on it. Yeah, yeah. Your diet. I know. Yeah, I met him once. My dad had prostate cancer, which is good because you beat it. If you find it quick. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, he was a lovely man. Skin cancer. Oh, he had skin cancer. Well, he has that skin, you know, he's played out in the sun too much, I think. He played in the sun is such a funny way to say that. What do you mean? He's playing out in the sun too much, like he's a nine-year-old. Doing all that in the sun. Dancing in the sun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not good for the skin. It can't be.

Well, it depends on who you are. Yeah. But he was a white. What? You're white. Yeah. Whites were not. All right. You know, she's right. Filipino bastard. No, she's right. We're not we're not supposed to be in the sun. We're supposed to be inside and you're supposed to be outside in the fields. I get it back out there. No, but no. What a bad awful. It was a bad. It's awful. Darker skinned people are less. What did you just bring up? Are less likely to experience sunburn? No shit.

No shit. Can black people be in the sun longer? Yes, fucking Carlos. By the way, it is funny. When EP came over to my house and we were outside and he was like, give me some sunscreen. And I was like, come on. You're black. I need it. Oh, really? That's like stealing oxygen from somebody who has COVID. You know what I mean? Like taking their tank at the hospital. I need it. Yeah. You don't need any sunscreen. Can I ask a- I'm on the brink. I mean, look at this. Very sensitive question. Yeah. Yeah.

And I wanna be able to approach it in a very non-racist way. - Okay, I wanna be delicate here. - Yeah, dance lightly. - Oh, very lightly. I've been on a beach. - Yeah, you've been on beaches. - I'm a beach guy. - No, you're not. - Just for the story. - Okay. - Right, she's right. You've been to a beach.

Hawaii you go to that been a lot of beaches and that's a truth. I've been on pieces with you Yeah, but you hate being I know but I'm still I didn't say I love being there I said I've been on them. That's what we share in common. I hate him you could do I love you so much I have zero why am I there? Yeah, I'll just go to the pool. Why am I why am I there? Yeah, I just don't like sand in any of my cracks and it gets in all your cracks And you have a lot of crap more cracks. I've triple craps that I

I have triple cracks than most humans. That came out weird. - You're cracked up. - I'm cracked up. Anyway, let's go sensitive. Thanks for the humor there. I appreciate it. But I've been on the beach before and I've seen African-Americans. - At the beach? - At the beach, which is great.

Come on. What are you saying? You've seen them at the beach, yes. But I've seen them put the oil, suntan, you know. Suntan lotion or oil? Suntanning lotion. Suntanning lotion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. And then they lay out, you know. And I'm talking about like Delroy Lindo Black. You know, I'm talking about. Go ahead and finish it. I've got to try, dude. I'm talking about Samuel L. Jackson Black, right? Successful. Yeah, successful, great guy, people, spiritual, right?

No, no, like umbrella. No umbrella. Just out in the sun. Right. And I always think to myself, and this is, and here's where the racism might be construed as, um, what's the point? What you doing? I always want to go. What you doing? Well, what, what, what catching some beautiful vitamin D.

- Oh, is that what it is? - That's just a little bit of vitamin D. - Okay, that's all I wanted to hear. And thank you so much for cleaning that up. Thank you. - Just a little bit of vitamin D. I'll tell you though. - What's so funny? - Nothing. - Have you ever thought that? - No, never. - Oh my God. - I'm the only one in this room that has thought that. - Look at me. - Yeah. - Yes. - Are you being fucking real right now? - Why would I? - I've never thought it though. I just literally just thought of it now. - In your mind, you go to the beach and you see a black person at the beach and you go, get out of here.

No. That's what you say. No, no, no. You go, hey, you get out of here. No, I just want to go up to them and just go, hi. Right? And they're like, what's up, man? What you doing? That's all. And then they're going, yo, man, I'm tanning. And I'll be like, have a nice day. I mean, that's all. Tanning complete.

Yeah. Full tan. Yeah. You're 33? 33 years ago. Or whatever, you know what I mean? But, you know. First of all, this comes from a place of humor and jealousy, okay? Because I can't be out in the sun for more than five fucking seconds without it hurting. It hurts. I'm in pain right now. I think I have a mini sunburn on the side of my neck. Yeah, you look red, dude. I took out the trash. I take out the trash. I'm fried. It's disgusting.

I belong in a basement, in a windowless basement, programming on the dark web. Can I ask a theoretical question? Yeah. What if, though, okay, I'm doing my Bill Nye here, dude. I see it. You see my Bill Nye right now? You are a scientist. Yeah, yeah. What if blackness is infinite? Well, black people are infinite. No. Forever. The color black.

that it just gets, you can get black or black. And at some point, it gets so black, right? It just looks all black, right? But it gets blacker, you know what I mean? Scientifically. And what are you saying? I don't know. I'm just... What? I'm just...

It's a theoretical question. Can we ask Neil deGrasse Tyson? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is black... Oh, yeah. Oh, Vantablack absorbs 99.965. That's what... They're trying to get Vantablack is what I'm saying. Maybe black people are trying to get Vantablack. In the next Black Panther movie, if Vantablack isn't a superhero, that's a character. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Vantablack. Yeah.

It's a beautiful, I mean, black. Dude, look at that. Gorgeous. Yeah. Well, it's my favorite color on there. Yeah, yeah. Black is the best. Black is the best color. Yeah. It looks the best on every, look at that's Vantablack. That's so black. I've never even heard of that. Yeah, yeah. You've never heard of Vantablack? No. Zoom in. Zoom in on that. Dude. Zoom in. Oh my God. Wait, wait. Zoom into the original, the Vantablack, the guy holding it. It looks edited. Yeah, it looks fake. It looks like edited black. Wait, zoom in a little bit.

You can hear it. Listen. Hey, motherfucker! Keep that in. You gotta keep that in. That's funny. That's funny. I went to the San Diego Zoo once. And I learned that rhinos also get sunburned. Oh, they do. Yes, they do. And they get into mud to protect their skin. So I never thought that a rhino would

How does an animal born in the sun not... Like, how has that not progressed? They can get sunburned. They're like one of the only ones that can. Whoa. What are the animals in the animal kingdom that can get sunburned? I think all of them. No. Theoretically, all of them. Lions can't. There's so much fur. Just as clothing and shade protects against... Pigs...

Pigs get sunburnt. Hippopotamus, warthogs. Oh, cute. A little sunburnt. By the way, a little sunburnt pig. Oh, my God. So cute. How cute. Yeah. A little bacon in the air. A little guanciale. Huh? Yeah. By the way, I had- You had guanciale? I had guanciale the other night. That's great. Oh, my God. Is it good? It's so hard to eat a pig because look at them. Look at how rad they are. But boy, oh, boy. Is that a sunburnt pig? Yeah. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. It looks like glitch on. I have a question. Okay, here we go. This is the good part of the show. Okay. I can't wait. Since...

Since there's like a derogatory name for black people. What about. Man, is it Sunday today? It's Sunday. The Lord's Day. I was asking, what about for white people? That's like really, really bad. I mean, we haven't come up with the best one, but I'll give you some of them. We're still trying. Yeah. Cracker. I'm just telling you, right? It's tough because I love Ritz crackers. They're so good.

White Devil? Yeah. Yeah. White Devil. Honky. Honky is one. Colonizer. Colonizer, yeah. Bitch Ass. Bitch Ass. We get Bitch Ass, don't we? No, you get Bitch Ass. Well, I'm just telling you that's what happens. But if you're, yeah. He says it so. There's no filter. I mean, he says it like you would say French fries. Yeah. It's unbelievable. There's a term. It's W-I-G-G-A.

- Wigga. - Wigga. - Is that, can you say that or? - That's a positive, I think. - No, well. - I think that's a positive. I think that's a positive. - I put this in my first special. I used to, kids used to call me a wigger all the time. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - When I was a kid, I got made fun of a lot because I wanted to wear, I wanted to wear clothing that all my black friends wore. So people made fun of me a lot and said that. - Okay. - Yeah.

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- Blue Chew! - It's my penis, can I say that? - I think so. - It's so dynamic right now because of Blue Chew. - It really is, thanks to Blue Chew. - Because it would be a zombie.

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Just as a scientist, and this is not, it has nothing to do with race. What does soap do? Yeah, that doesn't have anything to do with race. You set it up like it was going to.

- Wait, what does soap do? Kill the bacteria on your skin. - I was in the shower last night using soap, lathering it, but in my mind I'm like, what is it doing? - Well, look, dude, there's parts of the world that don't have access to soap and they get just as clean by water on their skin. You're just washing off dead skin bacteria that can just build up. - But you don't need it. - Not really.

I mean, dude, we use it for germs. You need it if you're touching something that's bacteria-laden. You're touching raw chicken, you need to wash your hands. Right. Because you don't spread disease. But in the Philippines, you guys use soap? I mean, for the most... Is that terrible? That's a legitimate question. We have soap in the Philippines. No, that's not... Hold on, stop, stop. Of course. What are you talking about? No, of course they do. I've been there!

I use soap there. What do you do? Do you guys have Irish spring? No, it's called mud. But anyway. No. Here, look this up. Is that a bad question? No, it's legitimate. I think it's a legitimate question. Well, this is a forever never-ending race. This is a race thing that I've talked to about many black friends. White people don't use washcloths.

Do you use washcloth? What's a washcloth? Wow, you don't use washcloth either. What do you use? I might be one of the only whites I know that uses a washcloth. What is a washcloth though? A little tiny towel in the shower that you use soap to get the reaches of your body, not just soap in your hand. You use for your back and- Well, I use- This is another joke. White people don't wash their legs.

Do you ever wash your legs? No. See, white people don't wash their legs. Wow. Yeah. I use one of those loofs, the long ones. What do you call them? A loofah. But not the spongy kind. Yeah, but there's a loofah on the end. But the long sheet kind. Mm-hmm. And I put the soap on it. That's a washcloth. That's not a washcloth. What? Is it cloth? No. Are you washing with it? It's not cloth at all. What is it? It's what do you call that? Loofah. Sponge.

It's not even a sponge. It's the blue. It's like plastic. It's like a... Plastic? No, look it up. No. What are you fucking... I don't know what you call it. Hold on. Washcloth blue thing? No, it's not that. It's... Bob, where... The fourth one. The fourth one. That one. The color ones. Rainbow color ones.

Like a microfiber towel? Yeah, I have that. I have that. What? It says washcloth right on it, you fuckhead. Nylon washcloth. Loofah towel. It's all the same thing. The fuck? Come on.

That's a washcloth. It's a cloth that- There's no cloth in it. What are you saying? Cloth is just a term for a fucking woven material. Yeah. That shirt is cloth. This is a metallic chicken. If it's a regular chicken, it's not a fucking- What are you talking about? Is it a metal chicken? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. That's a washcloth. It's not a future metal chicken, dude. It's like a fucking chicken, dude. You can't just use a fucking word and then have it not be that fucking element. It's a washcloth.

There's no cloth in it, dude. It is a broad term for something in the shower you use to wash other parts of your body. Oh, so it's not made out of cloth. Fuck. It doesn't have to be. Okay. It's a washcloth. Nylon. It's a nylon washcloth. That's what I use. That's what I use. That's like two minutes of the same thing. But you know what I do, though? What? People want to know my ritual. Okay. I take two soaps.

So I lay it down on my... I have a nice little shower. I know you do. You know what I mean? And I do two... So I get like a body wash, you know, like an ax. Really? You're an ax guy? No, a ghetto ax. Then I put a high end in it. Oh. And I mix the moisture, the smells. A little science experiment. A little science experiment. You are Bill Nye. I am. Dude, I'm so Bill Nye right now. Bill Nye. Bill. And I really get in there. So do you do that? And I...

But the first thing I do is my legs. I do. I always do legs and feet. But that's also because when I sweat and work out, my legs get sweaty. I get sweaty legs. Do you immediately shower after you work out? Yeah, man. I cannot stand not. I don't like sweat on my skin. Okay. I noticed in SoulCycle, and I noticed... You go to SoulCycle? With Atikalay. Oh, wow. I didn't know you do that. And I noticed mostly white girls after...

after the workout, they dry their underwear in the... That's disgusting. The what? What's it called? The air... Yeah, the air dryer thing. What? They dry out their panties in a fucking... What do you mean, what's it called? A hair... The hair...

- Hand dryers. - Yeah, I mean, you know what it's called? - Well, they might not have them. - What the word? - Oh, sorry, my bad. - In the Philippines, you wash your hands and you just go like this. - Yeah. - Okay, okay. - So they wash their, they dry their panties in there? That's so fucking gross.

go home and shower that's what i noticed these white girls man these white girls are gross you know what's hot what the other day i was in my he's inside the hair dryer yeah right what the other day i found some female underwear in my bedroom i don't know who it's from but it's kind of cool were you sniffing it you did you little pig you sniffed it didn't you is that wrong

I mean, it's in your house. It's somebody that you had over. So obviously, no, it's not wrong. I mean, it's not wrong. And I did. Yeah. If it's not wrong, I did. I mean, if it's someone that you know. I don't remember. You can't do it to someone. You never walk into somebody else's house and do it. Would that be weird? If I went to your house. Oh, my God. And sniff my wife's underwear. Stop, stop, stop for a second. Everyone, you're getting angry. And I just stop, stop.

What I'm saying is what's the problem? It's so gross. I know, but what's the problem? And you explain to me what the problem is and I won't do it. Because it's your little greasy face in her underwear. I know, but what harm is it doing? I just said it. Your greasy little face in her underwear. I'll wash it. What if I grabbed your wife's underwear? Sniffed it then washed it? No, and I said, dude, I will wash it after I sniff it. No problem. Get to washing. Okay, good. Hand wash though. And I went...

What if I went to the bathroom with it? Would that be weird? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Would that cause a rift in our friendship? Yeah, it'd probably be a little bump. Okay, my bad, dude. Are you sniffing? Holy shit, dude. So insane. Now, if you sniffed mine, fine. Yeah. That doesn't bother me. Interesting. Doesn't bother me. Yeah. Okay. Don't sniff. I won't sniff. Don't sniff. What are you confused about?

I don't know. It's just crazy. It's crazy town. Yeah. It's crazy. I will say, I noticed that when you go to certain people's houses, some people give you a towel, a hand towel, and a washcloth on top.

We always do that. I provide when people come three towels, a body towel, a hand towel, and a little washcloth. What do you want when people come? When people come and stay at the house, family, friends, visitors. This is a very, Bill Nye again. I don't think, no, take Bill Nye out. It's not a science thing, okay? But can I ask you a question? Yeah. I don't know how to, okay. Over the years, I think I've lost friendships over this.

I've had friends from San Diego. I just had Shayma Tosh, a comic from Las Vegas. And they say, dude, I'm going to be in LA for a couple of days. Can I stay at your house? And I always go, nah, never. Right.

They should know better. You would never. I know, but what I'm saying is, you know, if it's a woman that I'm seeing, you know what I mean, dating, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm totally fine with that, right? But for some reason, like my friend from San Diego, a guy, you know what I mean? Like, I want to be there for four days. I always go, no. I'd rather get you a hotel. Yeah, but is the goal... I'll pay for your hotel. Are they hanging out with you? That's the problem. I don't know what they're up to. But if they're coming to see you, clearly they can stay at your house. No. No.

So they're coming to hang out with you, but they can't stay with you. I don't want them to come up to hang out with me then. What do you mean come up to hang out with you? Hey, Bob, I want to come up from San Diego. Yeah, I don't do that. And I want to spend a couple days there. And that's the difference between you and I. That I have real friends. No, that's not what I'm saying. That's literally what this is. You don't have towels. Is it a towel problem? It's not a towel problem. No. Do you not have towels? No, I'm just... How do you dry off? Dude, you standing out of the shower just like shaking your body dry. Like, what do you mean when I dry off?

Do you have extra towels for guests? Yes. Yeah, he has a lot. Thank you so much. So what are you going to do with them if no one can use them? I use them. Okay. So they're your towels. Yeah. I mean, I use them like if I have 12 towels, there's 12 days of towels. You use a towel every day? Oh, yeah. You change towels every day? Do I not? Yeah. That's insane. That's how I do it. Every day? It's America. Wow. Exactly. Yeah, it's a great country. Okay.

Because I don't know. I'm like, I'm oddly clean. Tito Bobby, like his bathroom smells so good. Thank you. It should. Even if there's a lot of poo stains, it smells good. Yeah. For some reason. God damn it, there's no poo stains. Yes, there is. No, there isn't. There sure is. So, like I do hang out. So I want to tell you, last night, I was at the comedy store. And Finance is in town. Yeah, Ian. We love Ian Finance. And...

The other day we ran into this guy and he goes, "There's a Hollywood party Saturday night, man. A lot of women are gonna be there." And he said it for me and Ian Edwards at finance. And we were like, I'm like, "Oh, okay." And Ian was like, "Let's go." So Saturday night he's at the store and I actually went. - You went to the Hollywood party? - Yeah, it was way up in the hill. - Was anybody famous there?

We couldn't even get in. What? Why? So I parked my car, right? Five miles up a hill we have to walk. Yeah. It's 1230 at night. We go and we go and then we overhear somebody in the car goes, yeah, you need a yellow bracelet. Well. I know. Not human. You're like, I'm wearing it. Yeah. Yeah. Not a human. Yeah. You know what I mean? Okay. Like a Livestrong? Like for. I don't know what it is. No, it's not like a. Yeah. Yeah.

Like a Lance Armstrong? No, no, no, no, no. No, it's so, and we were outside this fucking gate for an hour. Not one person saw you and didn't go, that's Bobby Lee, let him in. No. And then the guy that invited you shows up. Shows up. The guy invited us shows up and he goes, oh, don't worry about it. You know what I mean? And he keeps texting the guy. And then all of a sudden helicopters come

appear. Cops? Yeah, and then all of a sudden ambulances and cops and they're all now there. Oh shit. Going in and my instinct is like Leave. I guess it's over. Yeah, I'm gone. No, we'll get in. The cops are there. I know! I know!

It's not a great story. Did you guys try to get in still? No, I made Ian go and call. We left. It's not a great story. No, it's a good story. I'll tell you why I tell that story though. Because I've never done that before.

I've never been to a Hollywood Hills party before. And not gotten in? No. I've gone to Tim Dillon's house. That's in the Hollywood Hills? I understand that, but it's a little different. Why? Because it's not like... You know what I'm talking about where it's like clubby. But time out. I think you're missing what's right in front of you. We're doing the metallic chicken thing again with the cloth? Is that what we're doing or what? Tim doesn't have any washcloths at his house. No. No, dude. Uh...

Tim is famous. He has very famous people there. It is a Hollywood Hills party. I'll tell you why I don't think it is. And you're right. You're absolutely right. So what is it? Andrew Santino is absolutely right. Thanks. Okay. But I'll tell you why I don't think that. Why? It's because they're all people I know.

Because you're famous. No, I'm not. No, what I'm saying is I'm famous in a certain way. So it's like if I show up at a house and I see Whitney Cummings, I'm not like, oh my God. I know, but to the outside. I understand that. What I'm saying is I want to go to a party where it's like, oh my God. DiCaprio. Yeah, that. Right, you never will go. Yeah, I know. We'll get over it. Okay. They don't want us there. I know. What would we do? You've been there. To where? Those parties. No, I haven't. Dude.

You're going to make me so mad right now, dude. I've been to a couple of like- No, you've been to golf resorts in Washington or whatever with super big guys. Yeah, but- That's a party. Only people I know. Gladiator's party. Yeah, Gladiator party too. Gladiator house. Yeah, Gladiator party. That wasn't a Hollywood party. It's still very high end. It was weird. No. See, that's what I'm saying. I've never been there. Actually, I have. Yeah, you have. Let's move on.

Yeah, you 100% have. Let's move on. Can I ask you a question? Is it a real question? You know, I've thought to myself with you, I want to be more, you know, open with you and honest. Okay. Okay. When I got off the stage the other night when we did the show together, you and your wife were standing there in that little opening. Yeah. And you guys looked at me with shame. Is that what the look was? Yeah. Yeah.

No. What the fuck are you talking about? Did I look upset? You guys both looked at me like you were upset with me. Well, I'll tell you why I was a little upset. I wanted, selfishly, I wanted to go up after you.

I didn't want, because you brought up another comic and then they brought me up, which is fine, but I like going after you or- Vice versa. I just like that. So I was a little bummed that I had to wait because I prefer to, I think it's a nice synergy. So I wasn't upset at you, but I do love when we're paired. It feels good. It's funny what- The rhythm is really good. It's funny what one mind does. We assume all these things that aren't true. Yeah, it's not true. Yeah.

But I was just bummed because I saw you were having a great time and I thought, fuck, I would love to go up there right after you and have fun. Because I saw you guys do this. I think your wife was doing this. Yeah, well, she was airing it out. She's got to air it out sometime. And she was like, you guys were like,

Yeah. Yeah, because we knew we had to wait for another. And I go, bye. Remember? Yeah, and I had to wait for another comic. And I was like, I'd rather go right after Bob. That's what it was. That's almost always what it is. That's selfish. But can we talk about, though, if you ever had any grievances with me that you would say it or no? Yeah. Or would you hold it in your soul? No, I would tell you. Okay. I would tell you because I love you, but you're hard to grieve. Now, some people in the studio, easier.

To grieve. Yeah. Yeah. I got some vinces with some of these people, including McCone. Well, get it out because I knew you were going on a rant earlier. McCone has made his way into my social circle. Yeah. He's found a way to infiltrate. By the way, and I can't stop doing favors for him. He's getting free furniture for his new apartment. I think you're doing him a disservice. I know. I know. Not being real. I know. I'm sorry. No, it's true. Because what I realized over the years-

It's in the struggle where we find it. And he doesn't get to struggle. He's not struggling. You're not struggling. Not anymore. Well, so do you... You never did. You're 20 what, four? 25. Oh, excuse me, Gary Oldman. I mean, like...

You've been in the business for a long time, excuse me, what, 25? - Wow. - Wow. We struggled for at least a decade. - Yeah, a long time. - Do you think we should decrease his pay? - No, I'm just saying, when I look at you with him, I'm like, God, he's giving him so much love. - I know, I don't know, I'm having a hard time with it. - And then it makes me be the guy, 'cause I want him to grow, to be the dick. I'm like in a position where I have to be the dick. I'm being real.

That's what I realized, you know? And then you look at me with resentment and anger because I'm doing more love. I'm giving you more love. Tough love. Good love. The good love. Good love. That's the real love. The real love. I give you fake love. He gives you fake love. Yeah, I'm a phony baloney. You're not. You love him. I do. It's a deep father-son kind of connection, but I'm just saying that it does him a disservice. Speaking of real love, we were talking about you at dinner the other night, me and Spade and Swartzen.

Why aren't I ever invited to those dinners? You were, and you said no. That's right, all right. Go ahead. So annoying. But Spade was choking about Swartzen the way he orders, and he orders exactly like you order. Who does? Swartzen. So does Spade.

He did a little bit, but he was, well, we made it, we told him he was paying for the meal. Wow. So he immediately was like, okay, slow down. And Nick was like, we'll get three more orders of the Toro sushi with the caviar on top. You went to Nobu. We went to another sushi place. Unless I say it again. Another sushi place. We went to the other one. I know that one. And he goes, can we get the Toro with the caviar on top? And Spade was like, come on. And Sporzano goes, six pieces. And the guy's like, oh, okay. Well, you have six coming. He goes, keep it coming.

And Spade was like, all right, that's enough. Also, can I tell you something about Spade? When you're eating with him, he sits like a 12-year-old rich kid like this. Yeah, like he grew up in Aspen. This is a fucking seat. And he's just like eating like this. You know what I mean? It is really cute. It's fucking crazy. It's so cute, though. It's so cute. You see everyone looks because he looks like a cutie. And he stands up to talk to you.

He stands up, he lets you know. Yeah, he does. In the middle of the meal, he wants to talk to you. Yeah, and then here's another thing I hate about it. No, we love Spade. I know, I love him. I'm just saying, so I go, every time, you go to the host and you have to go, I'm here for David Spade. And they look at you and they go, really? And I go, yeah, how do you know that? How do I know that he's here? And they go, okay.

And then they walk me and I'm like, are you his driver? Yeah. I mean, that's what it feels like. Yeah. That's what it feels like. Yeah. They have to, the hostess of a restaurant eyes me up and down. You're with Spade, huh? Yeah. You're with Spade, huh? Hmm. In what capacity? And then I feel like I have to explain myself, but I, you know, but usually they do it. Yeah. And then he's so not, he's great. He is a sweetheart. Anyway. He's a little sweet prince. Which is, this is cool. Can I just say a cool thing that happened? Yeah.

It was one of those things where I want to do for somebody else one day. Go ahead. Right? I was with a date, okay? And we were on the west side. We're walking and we walk by this nice restaurant. It's just during the day. And I see this older, nice lady eating a meal. And then Adam Sandler's there with her. Oh. And Sandler looks at me and he calls me over. That's hot. It's the best. Isn't that cool to look like? He goes, Lee.

What's up? Yeah, yeah. I go. And Sandler goes, dude. He looks at my dad and goes, this guy. What a funny guy. What a great guy. Right? And he does one of these taps. And I do like, hey, man, it's good to see you. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I go, see you soon. See you soon. But it was just like one of those gestures where I'm like, very good. I like. You know what I mean? It was like. It makes you look really cool. Like, I want to do that for somebody else. You do do that for people. You say hi to people and it makes people feel good.

No, I want to help a guy get laid. Oh, that would be tougher for you. Well, what I'm saying is... What I mean is... You don't have that transferable... That's what I'm saying. Well, I don't think... No, no, no. Well, you're not can. What I said before was I would like to do that with somebody and then you're like, yeah, you can. And then now I'm explaining it to you and now you're like, oh, yeah, you can. Well, you're not going to help someone get laid. No, so you don't think that... You think a woman is going to walk up with a guy

- And then you see the guy and you go, "Hey, buddy." And then you say to the girl, "This guy is the man." She doesn't care what you say. - That's what I said before, but then you build me back up and now you shut me back down. - I'm so sorry, but it's not gonna happen. - I know, but don't build me back up then. - I'm sorry. - I was already falling. - I'm sorry, buttercup. - Okay. - I apologize. - Could you do it? - No, but that's-- - Yeah, you could. - We don't have that power. - Are you fucking minding-- - We don't have that power. We don't have that power. - Yeah, yeah. - They told Andrew has the power. - Thank you.

I love you. But you don't think that I do? You have, Tito, Andrew has this kind of power. You have this kind of power. I think so. I think so too. I love you, Rudy. I think so too. Okay, can I tell you what? I did a nice thing. Did I talk about this on the podcast? Go ahead. A police officer held the door for me to get, I was going into Jersey Mike's and he held the door very politely for me and my lady. And then I said, you know, I'm going to buy his sandwich.

And then so I got to the front and I turned around and I said, are you going to get chips and a drink? And he goes, no. Why? I said, why?

Because you know, I'll get the sandwich, but I don't want to get the meal deal. Do you know what I mean? I'm not going to pay for the whole fucking, you know what I mean? Just a sandwich. I'm kidding. No, but I said, are you going to get chips and drink? He said, no, just a sandwich. I said, well, whatever he gets it, put it on there. And I paid for it. And he looked at me so earnestly and he shook my hand and he said, thank you so much. That's very nice. Very nice of you. And I said, well, thank you for, you know, because honestly,

How many people say anything nice to a cop during the course of the day? I'm being serious. I'm scared of cops. Well, you should be. I had to go to a police station. Well, you're fucking illegal, dude. Wait, why are you scared of cops? You had to go to a police station?

I'm just scared of them in general, but I had to go to the police station to report my missing passport. And did they help you? Yeah, but I was crying before I went because I was so scared of them. Have you had bad interactions with them when you were a kid? No. So why are you scared? Just like the idea that they're kind of superior. Right, right. When you cry, oh my God, your eyes bulge out. Yeah, it's an ugly cry. No, like a cartoon, like...

- Yeah, yeah. It's like crazy. - But were the cops nice to you? - They were really nice. - So then stop being so scared. - Yeah, after that, I stopped being scared. - You changed your mind.

I'm imploring all of our fans to buy a cop a sandwich or something if you see. You know what you're also good at? Say hi. Be nice. Another thing that you do is, and I do it too, you always say thank you for your service to military people. You should. I do too. Because I don't have the balls to do that. So fucking we should all say something. Although when we were coming back from somewhere. No, no, this made me laugh.

I don't know where we were traveling from, but you know when they call the airport lines and then they say, families, military. Do you know what I'm talking about? Of course I do. Of course I do. There's a guy that walks up and Bobby's like, that guy's not in the military. I was like, yes, he probably already served. He's like, no, he's not a military guy.

Like you knew that he wasn't in the military. I don't think he was. You think he was stolen valor just to get on the plane? When you see a guy that looks like Ralphie May, right? And going, yeah, I'm in the Marines. I'm like, that's not the guy. What is he, an explosive guy? I mean, what does he do? Well, he lays on the bomb. He's the IED guy. All good. All good.

Yeah. But you know what I mean? You can tell sometimes. Sometimes he looked a little bit like he might have, well, but look, he might have worked in the computer. He might have just been a- Maybe, but I'm just saying that guy shouldn't go. When I say military, you have to be either on a boat, in a war. So you're saying- Jumping over one of those large fucking things, you know? You're doing a- With a net. A tough mutter. Yeah, yeah. You know how they do that? You're the wired fence and they're underneath crawling. You have to be doing that. What you're saying- You have to be-

You have to be in shape military to get on the plane first. That's what you're saying. No, he's just got to be like in military. He's got to be like a guy that we're like, yeah, John, war. War. Yeah, not, you know what I mean? Get in the office and do whatever. Right, yeah, right, right. Yeah, yeah, I can't do it. I get it. Yeah, and then it's also this. It's like, can I say another thing? Yeah. It's when they go, all right, people that need help to get on the thing, on the plane. Yeah. I get it.

- What a headache, right? - You mean people that are like disabled. - And my heart's out to you, okay? But there are some, and I've tried to call them out, right? Where it's like, they get wheeled up.

Right? I know. No, no, stop. Right? They get wheeled up, right? And then? And then all of a sudden they're fucking Carl Lewis. They get up and they start running to their fucking seat. It's like, what is that? That's deception and lies. Right? I don't like that. And we should call that out. Don't you think we should call that out?

- Yes. - That's insane. - It sounds like you couldn't get from there to there, but you can run to the rest of the, I don't get it. - Also, you're right, what drives me nuts is when they say people that need help get on the plane and it's like one person disabled and nine family members that get on with them. - I hate that. - And they're like, we're all helping. You're not all helping? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's crazy. - I hate that. - That is crazy. - Okay, so one time Gabriel Iglesias, right?

This is before us. I love him. I love him too. Yeah. This is before us, which means, you know what I mean? I wasn't where I was. Yeah. So I was, you know, I would do, you know, coach, coach guy. What do you mean? What'd you say? Oh, coach. Oh, right, right. A flight coach. Right. I was in Canada playing yuck yucks. Mm-hmm.

I know. I was at the airport and I was like group nine or something. I was like the last group. You were in the cargo? Yeah, to the point where I had to like, there was no more overhead compartment space. So I had to wheel up my thing and go, can you check this? Right? Like one of those guys, right? I'm sitting there and I see Gabe with his entourage. In first class. No, they weren't just in first class. Gabe walks up to me and goes, what's up, dude? And we hug, all that. Yeah. I go, you seen Flyer? I go, yeah, I seen Flyer.

And he goes, yeah, we get on before everyone. Like they get on before even, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? All those guys, right? Yeah, yeah. They get on before, right? And I go, and for a split second, I was like,

I don't like because if I saw this and I was outside the you know, I mean the circumstance had nothing to do with me. I wouldn't like it if I saw it. You'd be pissed. I would be pissed. Right. But I did go on. You went with them. I mean, I'm not going to say now. But then what would they go to first class? Then you just kept going back to the back with the very back in the middle seat in the back. Yeah. And then I couldn't even go. But I got on first. I had the overhead, but it's underneath now. I already checked it.

Yeah, anyway. I know what you're saying though. It is uh... I don't like it. What is this? What is that you're showing us? The private celebrity friendly terminal? Yeah, at LAX. I would've done that. Whoa, is that new? No, have you done that? It's new. Right there. Have you done that? I don't know. Be honest. Have you done a private jet? Wait, stop, stop, stop. Yeah. Look at me right now. Stop, stop. Because when we talked earlier, we're upfront and honest with each other. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Have you done that? I don't know. No.

Have you done it? Have you done it? - I don't know. - Yeah, you have. - I don't think so. - When you looked at it, you're like, "Oh, I know what that is." - What does it look like? - No, no, no. What's that like? - It's so cool. It's so cool. - Who's there?

They, it's really cool. I'm not a member. I was brought by a friend, right? And if a friend has a pass, you can bring people. And what you do is you park your car there and then you see where all the planes are across, right? You get to sit, you can have breakfast, drinks, lunch, whatever. And then they drive you in an SUV to the plane. And then you get on from the outside stairs that go up to the plane. Okay. So what do I need to do to get there? It's,

It's pretty expensive. I think it's, I don't know how much money it, well, it says it runs $3,500 and then you pay a monthly fee and then other stuff. What do you mean? $3,500 a month? 3,500 is to get in. One time. No, no, no. That's to have the membership and then you pay monthly fees. And what is the monthly fee? I don't know. I don't, I don't, I don't do it. I've just, I was a guest, but I will say it's fucking unbelievable. Okay. So I,

Can you zoom in? Because I can't read that. Annual fee, $4,800. So $5,000 and then $750 per person you bring with you. A time. One time. Every time. Every time. I see. And then the private suite rate for four travelers is that, $3,500. And then they valet your car and then... Per person. Per person.

Now, let me think. Is that worth it? I don't think so. I don't think so. It's so fancy. Why do you need it? I mean, look, it was very cool. It was very nice to be a part of it. But also, I just don't know. I don't know. Yeah. I don't really...

We're of the people. You know who does that? And I can just guess. Bert and Tom. 100%. Well, they take private jets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those guys are private jet guys. Yeah. I think Theo does that now probably. They're more famous. Yeah, you and I won't do it. Well, they're more famous. No, let's do Southwest for life. I'll do Southwest. I don't give a fuck. I'll fly Southwest. I'm going to Vegas in two weeks. I'm flying Southwest. I don't give a fuck. Why do I care? I love Southwest.

I wouldn't say I love it. You know that I don't, right? Yeah. I thought you were going to jump on me for that. No, but I'll fly it. I just don't give a shit. Me too. Do you know what's like slay pussy purr? I know slay. Slay pussy purr? Mm-hmm.

Slay is a term in the gay community that means like go off. Yeah. But pussy purr, I don't know. Yes, pussy purr. It's the same thing. But my friends, like the girls, they see it in like one line. You make the pussy purr. You better believe it. Not actual pussy purr. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like you say, oh, slay, pussy purr, purr, slay, purr. Uh,

Hmm appropriating gay culture very good stealing from the gays give me another one. So you're doing another one slay clean Hmm. It's a new I don't I don't really use it but skibity skibity skibity do dask We started see we are generation Skibity is a word that means nothing. Oh No, it says it's bad like

It's bad. Well, let me tell you. The Today Show says, cool, dumb, bad uses a filler word. So how would you say it in a sentence? I don't know. It's the younger generation. I know. If it's nothing, it's like... Skibity. How was the party last night? How was the party last night? It was all skibity, dog. No, that can't be it. That's it. It was nothing. You sound like an old guy going, hey, young kid. No, I'm not.

No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, that sounds weird. Skibbity toilet. What? Skibbity toilet? I don't know what skibbity toilet. See, even you don't know. Stealing is phantom tax.

Stealing is phantom tax? Phantom. Phantom. Phantom or phantom? Phantom. It's got to be phantom. Phantom tax is known as phantom income or dry income. What are you talking about? Taxes? That's what they're saying. I know what phantom tax is. It's residuals in our world. Yeah, phantom. Right? Residual. Because sometimes...

Like, for instance. Phantom tax, an internet slang term describing the theft of food between friends. F-A-N-U-M. Phantom tax. It's the theft of food between friends. Man, the future is fucked. It's fucked, dude. What are we talking about? Phantom tax. Stealing food from your friends. So if you, I have french fries. Go steal it. Here. I'm going to charge you a phantom tax. Is that what it is? Skibbity no. I don't fucking know. I don't know. I don't know. When we were young, though. Yeah.

Do you remember, I don't know if this was like this for you, but like at lunch. Yeah. I never, okay, my parents never, my parents worked. My mom never made lunch. So I had to buy lunch at school, school lunches.

And all the time, I didn't want to spend money, so I would steal, or I'd just ask friends for their side shit, or their leftovers. Did you do that? No. Oh, yeah, you were rich. I wasn't rich. I just wouldn't do it. I'd rather starve. I would just be like, can I have that? No. Can I have your apple? That's insane. Yeah, people would go, yeah, I don't want it. Yeah, but you would rely on it. So sometimes you probably got a bunch of no's, and then you didn't eat. Some days. Yeah, yeah. So your mom didn't pay?

No, I'm kidding. Your mom didn't pack you a lunch? No, no, no. No, she never did. But here's what she would do. She'd leave me $2 on the planning desk, on the desk by the door. She goes, there's $2 or $3 there. And then what I would do is, if I'm being real, I'm not joking around now. All jokes aside, I wanted the money. So I would save the $2 a day and just steal other people's food. Oh, you're a hustler. Yeah. So then by the end of the week, I'd have $10 to $15. Look up Korean school lunch. They're so good. Do you ever see the photos of these Korean school lunches? No. What do they give them?

What does that say? Grilled Australian shepherd? Dude, that's at school, dude. Wow.

That's insane. It's insane. That's an American school lunch on the left. Yeah, yeah. By the way, zoom in. Dude, I am having flashback nightmares. I know. In the top left, the fucking peas and carrots cut up. They're hard as a rock. They're not even cooked. It's so fucking gross that they fed that. That shit was so gross. It was so whack. The patty and the hamburger, I found an ice cube in one in high school.

The full blown ice cube in there. By the way, that carton of milk never was cold. It was left out on a shelf. Oh, there's different states now. Well, Oregon. Yeah. Of course, Oregon's better. Yeah, way better. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's all China. What state has the worst school food? Oh, let's guess. What state has the worst lunch food? High school or element? High school lunch food? Okay, let me try to guess. State. Mississippi. I don't know. Mississippi. Louisiana. Fuck, we're right next door. Wow.

It has the worst in the country based on several factors. How many fruits and vegetables? And the state is followed by Idaho. And the most popular lunch is pizza cheeseburger. Pizza cheeseburger? That's good. I bet it. Yeah. Pizza cheeseburger does sound fucking good. Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah. Wow. That's incredible. Oh, by the way, when I was up in San Francisco, when I went to go golf at this place, they do a famous thing called a burger dog. Look up Olympic Club Burger Dog.

This was, dude, I got here. A buddy took me as I was a guest. This, I could eat fucking a thousand of them. Oh my God. They look so good. Dude, I'm not even kidding. Yeah. You have one of these fucking things and you're like, I don't even feel like playing golf. I could just eat this all fucking day. I could eat a hundred of them. They're so fucking good. And I don't know why no one else does it. That looks so good. It's like a Philly cheesesteak almost a little. No, kind of. Yeah. Kind of. Yeah. I think we should wrap up by talking about the David Chang thing that we did. No. Oh,

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. What? No, we don't have the picture. I mean, we were there, dude. Yeah, I know what they look like. I lived it, you know? Is he bringing it? Oh, no. Please don't bring it. Did you see us do David Chang's Dinner Time? Who's David Chang? Ugh.

You don't support us. We were trying to get you a visa to stay in this country. You don't support us. You don't love us. You say you love us. You don't clean his house when you're supposed to. I don't know who's David Chang. You really hurt my feelings. Famous chef. A very famous chef. So he has a Netflix show where he cooks stuff for his friends. We were on it live. So Andrew and I did it. So good. It was very good. And I have to say. Go watch it on Netflix. What did he make?

Oh my God. He started off with Wagyu sliders in little Hawaiian rolls. Yeah. Wagyu sliders. You ate all of it. I couldn't stop. Wow. I couldn't stop. Dude, it's so good. And then he made us...

lightly fried scallops and lightly fried crab. - Crab, yeah. - Crab, so good. Then we had ramen with more Wagyu in it. - With ramen? - With spicy tofu. - Yeah, with burnt rice. - Burnt rice, crispy rice. - Crispy rice, I mean, yeah. - Then he made us-- - Dude, then he made a creme fraiche.

Cheesecake. Cheesecake. With caviar. Yeah. And the breading was Ritz crackers. Ritz crackers. Right. And then a bunch of caviar. And I'm telling you right now, dude, that was the best thing I've ever eaten in my life. It was so soft. So good. You know what? What do you think a cloud tastes like if you could bite a cloud? Yeah. It tastes like I ate a little slice of heaven in my mouth. And by the way- Like Jesus pussy. Jesus pussy? Yeah, yeah. And he never made it before. He never made it before. He improvised it. Oh.

He's a culinary genius. And he's a really good dude. And we did it. People should watch it on Netflix. And you should have watched it, by the way. Yeah, that was a fun- Is he better than your other chef friend, Tito Bobby? Careful. Who's the other chef friend? The one on the bear? Matty Matheson? Oh, Matty. Yes. They make two different kinds of food. It's not competition. Okay. There are two different styles. I think during that thing, though, I think I overdid it up front.

Because you gave me a look. What are you talking about? When we did the live. Yeah. For some reason, because it's live, I'm like, I got to stand up and do things. Yeah, you put on a show. I try to put on a show. You're a showman. I know, but then you were sitting there and you were looking because you were so calm in the pocket. And I looked at your eyes and just through your eyes, you were like, you're doing too much. Well, here's the funniest part. Bobby forgets we're mic'd up. So he turns to me at one point and he goes, do you think I'm doing too much? Am I doing way too much? And I go, no, but they can also hear you. And he goes, right. Right.

I don't know if it made the cut. I hope it did. I don't know if they cut it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's so funny because I was like, dude, we're mic'd up. Yeah, yeah. Everything that we're fucking saying. You're right. I think you're right. I think you're right. You weren't too much. Here's the deal. I'm going to end the show like this. You're a showman. You're a scholar. You can and will help someone get laid one day, and you will crush tonight in front of Michael Bay. He'll be begging to put you in his next film because that's the future that lays in front of you. You too. It's a great band. And don't forget the 2026 special on Hulu.

Spain won today. That's all you get. And take what you get. And by the way, before you come here, I don't know if you need to stretch or something, but something's not working up there. All right, Rudy, say goodbye to everybody. Thank you for being a bad friend. Who sings? You don't know Sting? Sting is a singer, was in the band The Police. And he was also a solo artist. You don't know this guy Sting. You've never seen Sting before?

Really? This is a fun game. Sing a song. What? Sing a song. The most famous song you would know. I know this one. I'll get one. Go ahead. Roxanne. She doesn't know that. Okay. You know what song she knows if she's going to know anything. What? About stalking. Come on, dude. The whole song is about stalking. What song am I thinking of? Gonna stalk you tonight. Gonna stalk you, stalk you, stalk you all night long. I'm staying. No, what is it?

Seriously? Every breath you take? Oh yeah, that's a great one. Every breath you take. I told you she would know it. You don't. Okay, you do know. She likes stalky stuff. She's a stalker. Have you ever stalked someone? Everything she does is magic. How do you say it? Everything she... Every little thing she does. That's right. Every little thing she does is magic. Wait a minute. You've stalked? Who have you stalked?

- Like crushes. - I'm bombing you. - Or ex. - Oh wow, you stalked, she's a stalker, she's admitting. You stalked the ex. - Yeah, I have a specific account for stalking people.

What do you do? Do you do anything shady? I wouldn't say this out loud, I don't think. But they don't know the account. Yeah, they don't know the account. That's true. A little stalky account. Because you look at your exes, what they're doing. Yeah, if they got fat, if they got uglier. And did they? Just pathetic. Did they get fat and ugly and pathetic? Yeah. Catfishing kind of. Do you ever talk to people through the stalky account? No, no. Is that what catfishing is? No, that's what catfishing is. It's catfishing if she spoke to people through it.