LA Riots 2k20
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Anchor! If you haven't heard about Anchor... It's the easiest way to make a podcast. It's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain. Oh, please.

It's free. Awesome. That's cool. There are creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or your computer. You do it from your phone like on the go? Oh, my God. That's cool. And on the bus or the subway you can do it. That's cool. Anchor will distribute your podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and many, many, many, many, many, many, many more. Go ahead.

You can make money from your podcast, too. No minimum listenership. How about that? You can make money with no minimum listenership. It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Where do we have to go, Bob? Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. I didn't want to come, and I don't want to be here. I'm the son of an Atlanta City police officer. My cousin is an Atlanta City police officer.

and my other cousin East Point police officer. And I got a lot of love and respect for police officers down to the original eight police officers in Atlanta that even after becoming police had to dress in a YMCA because white officers didn't want to get dressed with niggers. And here we are 80 years later, I watched a white officer assassinate a black man. And I know that tore your heart out.

And I know it's crippling. And I have nothing positive to say in this moment because I don't want to be here. But I'm responsible to be here because it wasn't just Dr. King and people dressed nicely who marched and protested to progress this city and so many other cities. It was people like my grandmother, people like my aunts and uncles who were members of SCLC and NAACP, and in particular, Reverend James Orange,

Mrs. Alice Johnson and Reverend Love, who we just lost last year. So I'm duty bound to be here to simply say that it is your duty not to burn your own house down for anger with an enemy. It is your duty to fortify your own house so that you may be a house of refuge in times of organization. And now is the time to plot justice.

Plan, strategize, organize, and mobilize. It is time to beat up prosecutors you don't like at the voting booth. It's a beautiful fucking speech. It's an eight-minute speech. It's gorgeous. I know. But he's getting certain amounts of criticism because people are like, you know, when people go, you go, stealing isn't the answer and looting and then people are saying it's—

Yeah. It's just an action reaction. It's science. Yeah. Right? And that's where we're at in this country. Yeah, the balloon popped. The balloon popped. So it's like if the system did the right thing, we would not be here. It's as simple as that. Yeah, but that's fucking – you're talking about a long, long time. It's very – but it's a simple thing. You charge as soon as that happens Derek Chauvin with first-degree murder. Yeah.

Right. You prosecute those four officers. Rodney King. That's why the riot started. Right. It's that simple. Yeah. If you just did the right thing right away, right away. Yeah. No riot. Yeah. No riot. But here's the problem with the riots is like that's what he's saying as well as like I'm in support of people fucking just getting out their anger because of the voice for the voiceless. But what he what Mike is trying to say is like, don't burn our neighborhoods. We need to get together. And by the way.

Both sides are right. I agree why Mike is saying, please let's protect ourselves because let's not hurt our community more. But anytime somebody burns something, I'm also like, yeah, let it burn. Fuck it. I don't know. That's how they're getting out their fucking frustration. What are you going to say? Go to a shooting range.

Go break something outside. What's the right way for them to fucking be mad? So that's why I agree with both people. I agree with Killer Mike and I agree with people going to light target on fire. Fuck it. Whatever. I too see both points of view. And I don't even necessarily – I'm supportive of writing. I hate it. No, no one likes it. I don't want the city to be on fire. I mean I saw footage of this –

African-American gentleman during... I watched that, yeah. You know what I mean? Telling kids. Yeah. And he's pleading with them, like, I worked so hard. You know what I mean? I came from the streets too. Stop burning my shit. It's heartbreaking.

I read in your face the sadness, even when you're like when I'm talking. OK, I'll tell you why. When I'm talking. Because I'm really bummed out. I know. When I'm talking, you have this little smirk, but your eyes are sad. Yeah, I'm really. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sad right now. Yeah, yeah. And they're dark and they're sad. You know, a little clown. You know also why? Yeah, why? Because I feel like I should say something about what's going on.

Outside of our show, like on social media. And other than Twitter, I haven't put anything on Instagram or anything. And I feel like I'm supposed to, but I don't know what to say. And it just comes to a point where we all – whatever your ideology is, we're all on the same page. Who else am I trying to –

convince because the other side whoever that other side is in the issue we're not going to convince them of anything so you're just touting to people that are on your side echo chamber yeah so it doesn't who cares why would you

For me, it's a given that George Floyd, him getting murdered, is an atrocity and it needs to be stopped. But what am I – who am I trying to convince? No, people would argue that you need to say something so people – so more power is brought to people by voice of saying like I'm also against this. It just – it helps. I think it helps in the grand scheme of things. It's like when somebody says voting doesn't matter. That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my fucking life. My vote doesn't even count. No, your vote does count.

It does count. And you should keep voting just because it's a good example to set for the next generation. Because as soon as people stop voting, then we're fucked. We have to get rid of the electoral college. Of course. For that to be true. Of course. But in the meantime. For that to be true. We still need to vote. Because you're setting an example for someone like her who won't vote. She can't vote. Her age range. Right. When they start voting, they'll start going, fucking who cares? My argument toward that, though, is we're a product of our environment, right? Yeah.

And the people that are going to vote one way are always going to vote that way. You're not going to sway gun-toting, Confederate flag-waving right-wing people. Let me play devil's advocate. Go ahead. If 99 of those people who are staunchly against your belief system out of 100, and one person is on a weird fence, and they grew up that way, but they may not agree with everyone around them, and they see your post and they're a fan of the show, maybe—

Maybe you change their opinion. Maybe make an argument on that. Okay. So I'm playing... Back to Warzone. But I play with a kid from Georgia. He lives in a small town. He doesn't live near Atlanta. And his family, everyone around him, are...

staunch Trump supporters. They're staunch right-wing people. And he, because I play with him all the time, he's going to move out here. In fact, Tiger Bell, we might hire him. We love this kid. What's his name? Raimi. Raimi.

And he goes, I don't know, Bob. I was just born in this environment, and I have always been into anime and into ethnic causes and liberalism. And everyone – my dad, my mom, everyone – my sister, everyone around me are huge Trump-touting – you know what I mean? And he goes, I was just – I don't know what it is. I was just born this way, right? Right.

So what you're saying to me isn't true. I just think that there's some people that are just born, even no matter what environment, but it's like my parents were very – Koreans are very racist. Yeah. And they would say very racist things. And I just remember being at dinner going, I don't know why I'm that way. I don't know why they didn't influence me. But I, as a kid, just looked at the world around me and went –

This seems like the right thing to do, and this set of things is the wrong thing to do, and I don't care what people are saying. I think you're just born that way. No. You contradicted yourself by saying you are a product of your environment. You are a product of your environment. I did contradict myself, and I tried to double down. The point is you can change people. You can? People change.

People who are on the fence about how they really feel, maybe they grew up a certain way, whether or not they grew up a righty or a lefty around people around them. The only way for them to gather more information to make it their their choice on what they like is through stuff like that, through social media to being like, hey, man, check out shit like this. This is a way to inform you about how I think the world works. And then you decide what.

I agree with this. I disagree with that. But if you go, I'm not even going to try to reach out to those people. Well, what the, what the, what do you mean? That's that it's, it's worth it. It's worth it. I don't think so. I think it's worth it. I think shaking it. I think putting your hand across the aisle is very important. I think, cause if you just go, I'm this way, you're that way. Fuck you. Then we don't get anywhere.

But if we do the thing where we go, hey, let's have a conversation. But that's not what you're saying. That is what I'm saying. No, because when you tweet your point of view on there, it's not reaching your handout. That's not true. Not everyone that listens to me is a fuck it. You think all of my fans are all liberals? That's impossible. Of course I have fans that are Republican. Yeah.

We have fans that are both people. Yeah, that's an insane idea to think that all I'm yelling at is one side. No, but I need all my fans to know how I feel about issues, whether or not they agree with me. I'm still going to voice my fucking opinion. Yeah, I'm gonna say this is right to me. This is wrong to me. It's not a fuck. This isn't about Trump. This is about me saying, here's how I feel about this fucking guy getting killed. This I feel about this this way.

Yeah, you know. I mean, the bigger issues like Trump or like fucking your party, that's a whole nother thing. But about this, we should be saying something about it. Yeah. It's important. I have to learn as an entertainer to express my opinions and not take comments personally. Yeah, why? I don't know why I'm tied to comments. When I look at someone like Tommy Lauren, is that her name?

Tommy Lauren? Tammy the girl. Ralph Lauren? No, the girl that's right-wing blonde girl. Oh, oh, oh. Tommy. Yeah. Lauren. Whatever that fucking, I don't know. Tommy, Tommy. Tommy Lauren. She expresses, she says crazy shit. Yeah. And then I read all the thousands of comments of her. You cunt and all that stuff, right? I know, I know. And I think to myself, there's no way she reads this. She does. She does.

But how does she – She loves it. She does. I want to get to the point where I love negative things. No. Because – Then if I wasn't attached to people's criticism or people's point of view, if I wasn't attached to that, then I would be able to say whatever I want to say, like do what Michael Rapaport does and just go on these tangents. I want to do that. But that's not who you are. But I'm so afraid – You're not going to do what rap does.

That's a very rap thing to do. You do the way that Bobby does it. Right. You're just not like them. And you don't need that negativity because people that eat negative stuff, that it fuels them, that's sad. Yeah. I don't want that shit around. Get the fuck out of here with that shit. Yeah, yeah. You want to be negative? Take a fucking walk. Then don't be around me. I don't need your bullshit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You look good, by the way. What do you mean? I like the color pop. This orange and the trim on there and this yellow hat. You two are- Who are these two idiots? Woo!

I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Oh, you two are something. We're bad friends. You look real. It looks good. You know why? Huh? Everybody going to the party. Have a real good time. I want to say that we had started yesterday. We started yesterday. We did a whole thing. We did a whole thing yesterday. And then we went, oh, we cannot air that.

No. We cannot air that because it was like we were just in a spot. It was a bad spot. It was a very bad spot. We did a bad – we can talk about it. We did a bad Reddit AMA that we did – both of us didn't really like. We didn't like it. It's just those things are not – they're hard to do. It's hard to be like I have to type as fast as I can and we both are like – Not only that. It's just like Brendan Schaub is a good dude.

Well, they were trying to – yeah, they were trying to – Yeah, Brendan Shaw. Let me just defend Brendan Shaw. Boy, let's give it context. People that don't know. We were on a Joe Rogan subreddit that – should we mention his name who put us on that? Everyone knows. Okay. Everyone listen, okay? Okay.

Out of the bad friends organization, who would put us in a situation where it's not good for us? Let me tell you something, Bobby. Bobby. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something, Bobby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. George threw us into a fucking rut. I'm trying to help you guys. I'm trying to create content and trying to expand our horizons. It's like, what? Let me tell you something, Bobby. It's like an old car starting up. It's going to do whatever.

So we did that, and then we have to answer questions. A lot of the questions had to do with Brendan Schaub. They were all trolls because of Rogan. Yeah, if Schaub was fucking your girlfriend, what would you do? It's like, what? Film it? What do you want me to say to that stuff? First of all, I wouldn't do anything. I would laugh. I would break up with Kalilah, and I would move on. If a guy that big did fuck your girlfriend in front of you, ugh.

So embarrassing. What, where you left? No, no, no. I'd just be heartbroken. Why? Because then it's just a big, big penis ruined it forever. That's it. You can't go back in there after that. Bro, ask Kalilah about my fucking machinery. I know about it. I've seen it a thousand times. It's delicious.

It's delicious. You know what? When you go to like a milk tea store or a boba store, it should be a topping. Yeah, Bobby Dick? Like boba. You know what I mean? Like inside it. Okay, so you want sprinkles and then you want taro. You want taro, boba, and Bobby Dick? Bobby Dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Bobby Dick for you. And it's like, it's chewy. It's chewy. Yeah, it is. It's dark like boba. You have a really dark penis. It's, well, you know, that's what I'm saying, dog. No, no, no.

Wait, speaking of nudity. But let's go back to the thing. So we started yesterday. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't roll your eyes. No, no, no. I'm just – the trolls. I'm thinking about all the bullshit. Yeah, so then that's – we had to answer the question and it put us in a bad mood. And then we started and in my head I was trying to go, how do we talk about –

You know, this George Floyd, how do you do this? Yeah, how do we bring it up? I'm so angry about it and so like just hurt and emotional about it.

And then so I just in my head came up with like different ideas of trying to spark something and just came out wrong. No, we all we just couldn't meet. We couldn't meet on it. But what we just said at the beginning of the podcast, I think, is, look, we'd be remiss to not talk about what's going on. It'd be stupid. People come here to listen to us because they want comedy and us to have fun. We do, too. But we'd be stupid to not mention that we're fucking bummed out. It's a little it's we're it's it's difficult. It sucks. Right. This is a fucking shitty time. It's also crazy to think that like.

We kind of forgot about the pandemic, right? Dude, it's really weird. The pandemic has kind of taken a backseat because people need to get out their fucking anger. Like the pandy had to sit down for a while. Yeah, I think – let me ask you this. I don't know this for a fact, but it's just a question. Are the numbers going to spike because of that? No, no, no. That's not what I'm – I hate when people do that. My mom used to do that. I do it to you all the time. I don't like it. That's great. I'm going to keep doing it. Do you think that you should go take a shower?

No. You should. I know. Your mother said that for a reason. She did. But do you think that because the country was in quarantine for a couple of months and people financially are in trouble and you have all this pent-up rage along with seeing a murder on camera, you think the combination –

started it or do you think there are different issues? No, I actually agree with that. I was talking to a friend about it the other night that like I think this was going to happen regardless but I think the pandemic amplified it. People are frustrated. People that aren't making money right now. You're hurt. You're mad. You're angry. You see this. This was going to happen anyway but it was like the pot boiled over and the candy didn't help. I think Ahmad it started there as well.

Yeah. Right, because remember they didn't arrest those dudes right away, right? Yes, yeah.

That in itself, because remember that fucking, we were like, what? Yeah. And then two weeks ago that happened? Three weeks ago? Three weeks ago, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then this happens. It's just the cascading effects. Yeah. Yeah, and it's like, it was inevitable. Yeah. It's inevitable. It's going to happen. So my message to law enforcement is, number one, don't do that. Obviously. Obviously. Yeah. Don't do that. Don't be a piece of shit. But if you have one John Wayne-y kind of like character in there...

Right? I'm not— What are you— No, I'm just saying, if somebody does do that, which I hope that we've learned our lesson— Oh, that we prosecute them immediately. You fucking prosecute them right away! Immediately. Immediately! Yeah. It should be like the same day, look at the tape. But it's them protecting their own. That's what I don't like as well. Well, here's what I'll say is like there's been plenty of cops that get online that say this is disrespecting the pledge that they took. There's a lot of people who have been—a lot of cops have voiced their opinion being like,

This makes us look awful. The people that take an oath that do the right thing. Dude, I have cops in my family. They get disgusted and embarrassed by behavior like this because they've done the right thing as much as they can for so many years, right? They do what they can and they try to be a member of the service and a part of the community. And then when cops do shit like this, it makes them all look bad. And then my family members get thrown into this thing. And so immediately they have to be a part of a thing without...

They're certainly not going to say, like, I'm not like that guy. Because to them, to people that are mad about it, they're all the same. Cops are all the same to them. They're all bad people to them. And look, they have a right to feel that way. But at the same time...

There's plenty of cops out there that are saying this is not okay. These motherfuckers need to be shut down immediately. They need to pay for what they did. But those cops, nobody wants to hear them right now. Do you know what I mean? But I have to say that I can't say who it is, but we, as the Lee family dynamic, we have somebody very close to us, almost a family member, who's a LAPD police officer.

Is Eric Griffin an LAPD cop? What? Yeah. You have someone in your family who's a cop? Yeah, and... Do I know them? Yeah, you know them. Oh, shit. But someone in our family member, and he is in riot gear right now, downtown. He hasn't been home in a couple of days. And he... I have to say, I don't want to say his name, but politically, he's on, obviously, our side. He's liberal. He's the most appalled, right, when he sees...

Police officers act that way, not because he's a police officer, but he just knows the rules, right? And there's just ethics that he applies to his profession. Yeah. And he sees something like that, and it destroys him. He cries. Of course. And he really is – I love the guy. He's a good dude.

He comes over more than you or anybody else to check how we're doing in my family. And so I know – That he's hurt. No, not even – I know there are police officers out there that are really good, nice police officers that do the right thing. Of course. Right? Of course. In the LAPD 50 years ago, you could probably –

say that most of them are the worst people on planet earth yeah but now i think um there are times have changed times have changed yeah but we still but you still have these rogue guys and um i think it's as a police officer i would just be like if i was in the precinct if i even saw somebody you know i mean get written up right i would pull the dude aside and go hey man

That's it, dude. Yeah. We're not friends. That's it. We are done. Yeah. That's it. That's your last, you know. Well, especially being a minority. If you're a minority officer working with white officers, there's a whole another dynamic that happens there. Like that's a whole another thing of like how they handle situations together like Tom Tom or whatever the fuck his name is. Yeah. He stood there like he was fucking. I mean, I know dudes. I mean, listen. Okay.

I know that kid probably was an incel. Tom Tom? Yeah, Tom Tom. You know what I mean? Derek Chauvin's partner. Yeah, his buddy, yeah. You know, he's probably, you know, oh, I become...

Okay, do it. We're allowed to make fun of a piece of shit. Yeah, a piece of shit. I don't know. I get no pussy. You know what I mean? I have no friends. You know what I mean? My uncle and my aunt, they're all scientists. You know what I mean? Or whatever it might be. I don't know what it might be. Right? Right?

I love True Crime TV. He loves True Crime. CSI. I love CSI. And The Mentalist. Bones. I love Bones. I love Bones. What a good show on the radio. Right. He's like, maybe I become worse and worse. Right? Right? So then he joins the Academy. Yeah. He joins the Academy, right? Yeah. He's smaller, right? I don't want to talk about it.

And you know what? They link him up with Tert Chauvin. I can't believe that I get linked up with this white guy. He'll rock me. John Wayne. John Wayne, right? And so they probably tease him around the precinct. Yep. Right? Yep. Hey, Hopsing, you know what I mean? Yeah. Do you make any arrests today? Yeah. You can't because you're 5'2". Hey, Kim Jong-un. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you pull anybody over? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's shit all over. And he also laughs at those jokes. Because he has. I finally people rock me. Yeah.

Yeah. Right. And then the incident happens. Because you see the photo that he has. I saw the video. Look at the photo. But the photo that they show online. Yeah. This is the photo. Look at me. You don't have to look it up. I want to do a side by side of you and his face. What's it? How do you spell his name? I don't know. Tom Tom? I don't know. Tom Tom. But and so he's probably sitting there going like if it was me, which I would never be in that position. But if it was me, I'd be like, I'd fucking put my...

Derek in a headlock and go, what the fuck are you doing? What are you doing? Asian cop. What's his name? You know, Rudy. Do you know? It's T-A-O. Oh, here it is. Tao Tao. Hold on. Hold on. We'll do a side-by-side of you and Tao Tao. What a fucking, what a piece of shit. He's acting like... You know, this fucking asshole. Bobby.

Let me say this. We're fine. We're not cutting this out because I don't know. No, no, no. I want to say this. Yeah.

We're trying to bring a little bit of lightheartedness to a terrible fucking human being. And this guy's a piece of shit for standing by. And he deserves to be fucking thrown down to the bowels of hell for watching a man kill another man. So we have to make fun of this fucking piece of shit. It's also just like, I just, you know, you're a minority too. How the fuck? How do you stand by and watch that? How do you stand by a white dude killing another minority? I cannot.

Did you see this fucking piece of shit, this piece of shit from Mississippi, the fucking mayor who was like. Oh, my God. This piece of. This. Oh, this. Hal Marks. Did you see this? Hal Marks. Did you see this guy, the mayor? Hold on. Well, they removed his tweet. Oh, what do you mean? The Mississippi mayor, they removed the tweet that he had. It's gone? It's gone. Wait, why? He deleted it. No. Yeah. Because I had it on my Twitter. Yeah. Yeah.

Look at this. You have it? Well, no, look, yeah, well, Mississippi Mayor, I retweeted. Oh, you don't have his actual tweet, though. I didn't see anything unreasonable. If you can talk, you can breathe.

Look at this fucking... Look at this fat piece of shit. Fat piece of garbage. So I tweeted, step on his neck if you could find it. That's hilarious. And did anyone comment? Yeah, I got a lot of good comments about that. Good, good, good. Yeah, people... No, but look at this fucking... You know what? Somebody had the funniest comment to me, replied to mine, and goes, this guy's got a lot of nerve talking like that when Leia killed his father with a...

Can I just say something? It's a job of the hut, 100%. No, I have a question for you. What friend of ours, right, if they took a I can turn white pill, would turn into that? Just throwing it out there. If there was a pill I thought you could get out of the gas tank, I could turn white, right? I'm not saying it. And they immediately take it, they transform into that. What would it be? Just the skin color would change. I'm not saying it. I'm not saying it.

Fuck this guy. Fuck that guy. Fuck this guy and fuck people like him. If you can breathe, if you can fucking talk. We're not editing that out either because I've helped that guy out. Yeah. Okay. That's fine. His Twitch channel, right? His Twitch channel, when I'm on it. Yeah. And he just thinks, listen, he just thinks, we're not going to tell you who it is. They know. They don't know. But I'll just tell you what he said today. Today he goes, it's early, but I want to thank you for streaming with me on occasion. It does help.

And my channel is building up. I bitch and fawn and complain, but I appreciate you. Mm-hmm. Can I read it? Can you open it up and I can read it? Why? Because I want to read it like I think he sounds it. Like it sounds. Okay, okay. But you don't know who it is. Yeah, I do. It's early! Ah!

But I don't think you're a Cajun screaming on occasion does help. My channel's building up. I bitch, I fun, I complain, as you say. But I appreciate you. Yeah. Kill your bullshit now. Love you, you little fat dwarf fuck. Yeah. Yeah, he's a sweetheart. We know. We love him. We love him. We love him to death. Blue Chews. This episode is sponsored by Blue Chews. Guys, remember the days when you were always ready to go? Vroom, vroom. The engine was hot, baby. Now you can increase your performance and get that extra confidence back.

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Be sure to use the promo code BADFRIENDS at BLUCHU.com. Now, I'm going to ask you this. Why won't you play Warzone? I downloaded Call of Duty on my phone. And I tried that for five seconds. I'm even getting to the point where I'll give you money. How much? To buy a PlayStation. How much? Whatever a PlayStation is, I'll buy it online and send it to your house. How much are PlayStations? Rudy, do you know? Also, can I say this? Do they have PS5s already? No.

I have to stop saying stuff like that. PS5. Ooh. Can you buy me a PS5? What I realized about our friendship is— Look at how pretty that looks. I know. What I realized about our friendship is you say you're going to do something and then you don't follow through. True. That's your character defect. Yeah. And there's two things that are very important to me that you said you would get involved with, but you just don't. And you say it. What were the two things?

Well, how long have we done this podcast? 15 weeks. All right. Korean spa. Yep. The pandy. No, even before that. There was like three weeks before and we were both on the road. It doesn't matter. Okay. All right. Do you want to go to the spa now? Do you want to go to the Korean spa now? So that's one thing, which makes me go, I don't know if he's, I think he's, but I'm going to let that slide, but that's fucked up. That I won't go to the Korean spa with you? I'm the type of guy that if you have to be impeccable with your word.

And when you say something that you're going to do something, you fucking do it. Like if I said, hey – I said you promised me that you would play Warzone. I will. No, you won't. Why do I have a timetable? Why can I do it whenever the fuck I want? Because the pandy is eventually – it's now ending. You're not going to have the time. You're a busy man. That's right. Right. So – I told you I will and I will. You won't. I don't know when it's going to happen, but it's going to happen.

I want it to happen this week. So you're a man of your word. So when you say it's going to happen, it's going to happen, right? Yeah. So when you say, like, let's show up for 2 o'clock to shoot, and then you come at 2.56. Okay, but can I say this? I'm just saying that there are elements that you're not aware of. What happened? Number one. You slept in. No. Kalilah texted me. So yeah, Kalilah texted me. Go ahead. You pointing at Rudy? Go ahead. Yeah, yeah. Did you not have yoga?

What time did you end yoga? Two. Okay. Yoga, right? And then she had... Did you take a shower afterwards? Yeah. Because you get what? Because I was sweaty. You're sweaty. Was Bobo up at two? Yeah. But like just getting up? Just getting up. That's right. It's... You know, there was something that you did yesterday, right? Yeah. That you knew that you were going to get in trouble for.

I told you. There was something yesterday that you knew you were going to get in trouble for. And I said, you know what? I'm not going to rat you out. I told you. Have you ever seen a mafia movie? A movie about – it's about – Trust, loyalty. Exactly. Family. Right? You have none of those qualities. You're a rat. Give me your sandal. Give me your left one. The left one. Yeah. Here. Look at this.

Look at this. Yeah, I know. Can we buy her new sandals? I see her play with them sometimes, and it blows my mind. It blows my mind. It's just that her feet... So she has impeccable morals, but her sandals don't matter. No, what happens is because she gets hairy feet, her feet are gnarly. So the hairs rip this? Rip through it. Wow. Wow. All right, give me that hand sanitizer. I'm tired of your... Yeah, give me some, too. Just for no reason.

She doesn't side with me ever in the house. No, I know. I see it every time you come into here. She really doesn't. She's obviously not on my side. Why aren't you on Bob's side? I hear something that she didn't think I was going to bring up, but I wrote it down in my notes. Hold on. Let me just do this real quick. It smells like the beach. Okay. We had to go to the vet, so we went to the vet for our dog Rami. Just listen to me.

And so we go, we have 30 minutes because we dropped off the pet. We have time to get milk tea or boba. Yeah. So we're trying to Google places around, you know, and we go, okay, we found a place nearby. And we call, we go, hey, can we preorder? We would like, me, I would like a Thai. Thai iced tea? A Thai, yeah, a Thai iced tea. Oh, so good. And then this girl goes, can I have taro?

Taro? Have you heard of it? No. Okay, exactly. So then they go, no, we don't have that. And both Filipino girls in the car went, shut the fuck up! This happened! Right? So I'm just like, just order something else. Maybe something that they have on the menu. Yeah. Right? Yep. No, we're going to call somewhere else. So they call another place. Do you have, we'll have one Thai, Taro. We don't have that. We don't have it. They freak out.

You know what I mean? So then we find a place that's like 30 minutes away. Yeah. Right? They go, yeah, we have it. Probably in the shed back in the storage room. You know what I mean? We have to dig it out. Yeah. And then I go, I just turn around and I go, why can't you guys order something normal? That everybody has. I got Thai, right? And she goes, Uncle Tito, taro is more popular than Thai. Where? Exactly. Not here, bitch.

Back home, is taro very popular? Yeah. What is it? It's ube. It's ube? Yeah. What is that? What's ube? Is it a fish? What is it? No, it's the purple thing. It's a squid. It's the squid's left eye. Ube and gobe. Is it a fruit? I don't know. I don't know. But it's the flavor, the purple thing.

The purple thing No but maybe I have had it I think I know what you're talking about I know what taro is, taro is a fruit I think Yeah I think it's a fruit I know what it is but it's not the debate is what's more popular Thai iced tea Exactly Everyone knows that You know I've never had boba in my life Oh you should try it Dude I got it one time I'm not kidding and the smell of whichever one I got grossed me out so much I couldn't do it

Bobo has no smell. This one did. I don't know if I got a flavored one or something, but this was not. It smelled nasty. It smelled like it went bad. You know when milk goes bad, it smelled like that. Yeah, but you know what Bobo is, right? Yeah, little squishy balls. Yeah, but it's rice. I know, but the smell of the drink made me nauseous. Oh, yeah, but it's not the Bobo that was smelly. I know. It was the milk. Yeah, whatever. Go to a nice place. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. Anyways. I'm not going to have Bobo, though. So did I win that argument?

Oh. See, they don't – and here's another thing that happens in the house is that everything's my fault. Today they called me. Today they go – I was talking about Andrew Schultz. Yeah. And how – He's my boy. He's my boy too, and he's going to be a very big talk show host. Yeah, of course. He's very talented. He's going to have a great career. Great career. And then they look at me, these two, and they go, yeah, you would too, but you're too lazy. I think Lila said it first.

And then I said it, then I said it. Only at home. That's really mean. It's really fucking mean. First of all, Bobby's an actor, a stand-up comedian. He has two very popular podcasts. What do you do? What the fuck do you do? What the fuck do you do? The house that you live in, all right? Was it built on lazy bones? Was it built on doing nothing? Then only at home.

Only at home? Only at home. That's his place of rest. It's quarantine, lady! You got a lot of nerve talking like that. You have a lot of fucking nerve, woman. You got a lot of nerve talking like that, Reed. That is really not okay.

You know what? House chores now? You're doing all of them. You're doing all of them. All of them. The trash? You. You. You're doing the trash too. You. And you know what? You're going to take out the trash even if there's nothing in the can. Yeah. You're just taking it out just for exercise. I mean, I can't believe your mouth and your mindset right now. Young lady, I am disappointed. Disappointed in you. I'm disappointed in you. And this is what I need you living with us. Well, that's not okay to say. Yeah. Yeah.

Because if I had an ally, were you going to pick up your phone and play your little game again? You're going to text Auntie Kalilah? She is. Oh, Uncle Tito and Uncle Andrew is mean to me. I'm not. All right. What are you playing? Nothing. Okay. She was playing a game. I know. I know. That's what happens. I just can't, you know. Tell me why you really said that, though. Was it just because Auntie Kalilah said it? Or did you say it because you mean it? Be honest. I said kind of lazy. Kind of lazy. Yeah. What does that mean?

Sometimes he's lazy. All right, get closer to the mic, first of all. Just pull it towards your face. Yeah, you can sit how you want. And so what are some of the lazy things that I do? Just be honest. He leaves all of the plates everywhere. And when he eats, it's like, I don't know, he throws food everywhere. He throws it when he eats? I don't know. Like he eats and it just gets messy? Yeah. And you have to clean it? Does Kalilah clean it? No. You do? No.

But is that lazy or messy? Lazy and messy. It's both. Why is it lazy? Because after he's done eating, he doesn't... He doesn't put it away. That's not... You misunderstand my behavior. It's a misinterpretation of my behavior. What would you like him to do? The reason why I do that, right, is I'm eating. I purposely spit things out. Like if I have a piece of bagel... If you don't like it? No. So she has to clean it.

I really do. I know. I'll take peanut butter off of my bagel and just smear it on the table. Because you know she's got to clean it up. Because it's like we feed her. You do. You clothe her. We clothe her. Shelter, right? We take her to San Francisco. Did we not take you to San Francisco? Yeah, but you weren't there. I think Lila took me.

They're a unit. We're a unit. This is a family. Have we not taken to Seattle? Yeah. Okay. Was I there at Seattle? All right. So, you know, it's like I'm going to smear a little peanut butter on the table. So you got to clean it up. Clean up a little bit. That's all. That's just a life lesson. You think you're a slave? No. Okay. Are you upset? Right now you seem upset. No. Do you sometimes hate?

Be honest with me. This is the opportunity to say something. I want you to voice your frustration. Does he ever do stuff that really hurts your feelings or pisses you off? Only when he buys a lot of things. When he buys stuff? Yeah, because like food. And then I have to like sanitize it. And put it all. And put it away? But do you get to eat some of the food? Sounds like a treat, huh? Yeah. I purposely order like...

Beyond us, we had six pizzas come in, frozen pizzas, huge ones like this. I know, I saw. The next day, another six arrived. We have no fucking room in the freezer. You have 12 frozen pizzas in the house? Oh, we have like 15 now. Right? From different companies around the country, right? And then she has to, I could see her take all the stuff out of the freezer and try to organize it. And still we have no room, so we have to give some of them away. Yeah. Right? Right?

But she thinks that I'm just doing it just to get her mind to just get crazy. Is there a piece of it that is true? Oh, yeah, I do. Yeah. I have fucking all kinds of stuff coming. You constantly are ordering shit. Oh, yeah. You know we ordered pasta the other day? Was it good? No. And I don't want to be mean and call out the business, but I bit down and back here. It was hard corona. No, no. What was it? I go like this. I spit into my hand. Right? Right.

Back of my gum is cut. I look down. It looks like a piece of plastic. Oh, my God. I start getting grossed out. I'm like, dude, what if I ate a bunch of fuck? What fell in the pan while they're cooking it? Yeah. I call the place. I go, hey, man, I just want to let you know. I just paid a bunch of money for all this food. Yeah. And now I'm grossed out. I don't want to eat it because I don't know what the fuck is in there. You're one of those guys. Fuck. Yeah, dude. No way. I don't know. Oh, you're one of those guys.

No, no, no. Yep. I said, I don't want, I just want you to be aware. I don't know what was in it. So now I'm weirded out. Why can't you do this? Go, okay. There was like a lady's earring. No, no, no. It was like little pieces of stuff. Oh yeah. Multiple pieces. What if it was some dude's filling out of his mouth? His tooth? Yeah. He's like, it's in the back. Lies out. Yeah.

I got grossed out and I totally said, I'm not, I go, why don't you just not order from that place again? And why do you have to make a call to get money? Did you get money back? No, no, no. I just wanted to let her know. I said, I don't know if something broke in the kitchen, but something's in there. And she goes, well, we'll refund your money. I said, I don't want the money back. I'm letting you know, I'm not going to eat it because I'm afraid some

Something's in it. You should look with your cook to see what might be in the fucking... What if other people's shit is like that now? I'm just being conscious for her. I was not mean at all, too. I was like, I never mean to them about that stuff. I worked in a restaurant. I understand. But I was like, hey, man, you could get in some fucking trouble if someone chokes on some shit that fell. She goes, talk to the chef. He was cracking clamshells, and he thinks it's pieces of clamshell that got in there. And I was like, okay.

Did you order clam shells? No. Oh, gross. Yeah, see? I was like, that shouldn't be in my fucking mouth. You don't want shit that you didn't order in your food. No matter how delicious. Fucking gross. But this is the shell of the clam. It wasn't even a fucking clam. Look, you can see it cut in the back of my mouth. Yeah. I was bleeding because I was like, what the fuck? It was sharp as fuck because he had cracked it and pieces had fell into my fucking pasta. So Callan and Schaub, I don't understand. Boo! Go ahead. I don't understand the upside of this.

of them doing the road granted their their point of view about you know they just are doing american and i want to exercise my right you know i mean no one's going to tell me what to do and uh i mean i know why thing is a hoax whatever it might be but it's just in terms of logistics and and the upside there is none we should call him and make fun of him i should call him and just to make fun of him but it'll go to voicemail he always leaves on voicemail

Shob will pick up. Yeah. Are you going to call him to see if he picks up for you? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's mean. That's mean, but it's probably going to work. I'll call Shob on this line. We'll see who gets who first. Yes. Brian. Yeah. So annoying that you didn't answer my fucking phone call.

I literally knew that you were both together. You're a fucking asshole. I knew you were together. I was, I literally was like, I was like, who is it? My girl goes, it's Andrew Santino and I'm stretching. And then Bobby called me and she goes, they're together. And I go, yup. What do you guys fucking want? What I'm saying, are you in Houston right now? Yeah, I'm in Houston. You couldn't hear it? You couldn't hear it? You mean the audience applause?

That's right, brother. The noise. Hey, the rumor is you guys can't even pack a half room. Andrew! Andrew! No, seriously. We read the Texas Gazette and it said these two clown farts from L.A. came in here, couldn't even sell half a room. Nope. The Texas Gazette is a liberal magazine. They're left-wing pieces of shit. So what's it like, Brian? I mean, are people wearing masks in the audience? Yes.

Fuck no. Fuck no. I was at a Latin bar salsa dancing amongst, oh, I don't know, 300 people. This guy that you're talking to doesn't, not only does he not observe the shutdown, never has, and I'm probably irresponsible for it. Oh, no, I'm not. But also, you'd think after four months of not being on stage that I'd miss at least a beat. Well, Texas Gazette just said, we hate him, but he didn't miss a beat. Yeah.

So, you know, that's that's what happens. Right. And that's fake news. Yeah. But how is how is Frankenstein doing on stage? You know, Bobby. Yeah. I was Franken Franken. What? Brendan is actually fucking crushing. He's got a serious 20 minutes. Are you guys are you guys sharing sharing time?

No, Andrew, I do a solid hour because that's what I am. You can't do a fucking hour. Dude, I've seen you. 20 minutes of you is exhausting. I don't know how people sit through an hour of your shit. Guys, guys, one thing we know for sure. They're going to high kick your way right out of comedy. It's a 20 minute bit about your thigh muscle. We know two things for sure. One thing is Bobby is actually Chinese.

The second thing we know is I am, without a doubt, the gold medal winner in comedy. We know this, yeah? Can I say something to you, Callan? Honestly, I watched a little bit of you on Whitney, on Whitney's show. Yeah, yeah. Boy, oh boy. Don't go back on that.

Come on. That was, dude, you were terrible. It was so, it was the worst podcast appearance I've ever seen in my life. Hey, Bobby, when we did the podcast, you were talking about how you were molested and we were laughing. Yeah. Somebody posted, why hasn't this guy been canceled yet about me? Because I was laughing. So thanks for ruining my career. Actually, don't laugh. You know, when we had a little conversation with someone about you laughing at his molestation, it's why your show got canceled on ABC. Yeah.

That's exactly right, dude. They called us. Disney called us. The mouse called us and said, he's going to get canceled because he promotes molestation. I wasn't laughing. Bobby was trying to make us laugh because he makes light of all kinds of things. Are you doing meet and greets after the show? Fuck no. I would, though. You would? I'm afraid to. I'm not allowed to, though. Yeah.

So are you booked? Now you're going to do more dates this coming next couple of coming months? Well, let's see. I'm a man. So, yeah, you guys, well, you guys take naps and drink glasses of warm milk and hold each other because you're afraid. I'm out there bringing laughter to the masses and making fucking bank. I read it. I read a great I read a great post online that said Byron Callen is back at it.

Yeah, Byron Callen is back at it, out on the road, entertaining the masses. We really wish some real comics wanted to get out there, but we'll take this stuff for now. That's what it said. Andrew, that's not cool. I had so many of my audience, so many fans hit me and Bobby up and were like, you know, it's fine to take the CVS brand, but

but we'd rather the original. Like they really want the real thing. So they want the name brand. They'll take you guys for now. They'll take the fucking store brand. No, don't say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's a little bit cheaper. I get it. I'm only getting more famous. I'm only getting more famous. If the three of us were in a car and it was firebombed and we all perished, it would say the great comedian Brian Callum, friends. Yeah.

Let me tell you something. You're the only one that wouldn't get out of that car because you'd be strapped into your seatbelt. We'd be trying to get you out of it. And your little sore hip wouldn't be able to mobily get out during the fire. That's a fucking age. It's not an age thing, dude. And you know when people say you're really showing your age? Yeah. Byron, you're really showing your age lately. So when you debate... My name is Brian. Byron, when you debate Donald Trump in this next couple of months, I mean, do you have...

Do you have an agenda? I mean, have you been practicing? Yeah, do you have anything lined up? Yeah, I have been practicing. And that is that I think Chinese people like you... Look, I'm just saying. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, Brian, thanks for picking up my phone call. I really appreciate it. I know...

Now your feelings, your real true feelings toward me. Thank you so much. And fuck the redheaded freak. I love you. I know you're ethnically Korean. We're going to cut this part out. We're going to cut that part out. I knew why you didn't answer the phone for me. We need to keep the Chinese in. I know why you answered the phone for Bobby and not for me. I understand. I know exactly why.

You know why, too. Guys, guys, I did a hundred questions about stopping. No, you know why. It's because you're threatened by someone like me that's so young and talented and on the rise, and you don't care about Bob because she's old. You don't give a fuck. You don't like the young guys on the come up. I get it. I'm on a hit TV show. I'm on a hit TV show. How's your show? How's your show? Whoa. Anyway, Brian, I love you. Thanks for picking up. You're the best. Good luck on your shows, okay? Miss you. I love you. I love you. Bye, baby.

I want to say something to our fans. And I mean this. I'm sick and fucking tired of people watching our show every week and not subscribing to our shit. It's the weirdest thing in the world that we have all these people that watch and they don't subscribe to the show.

Yeah, because it only helps our show if you subscribe. It helps the numbers. I don't understand. It helps the numbers. It helps us keep going. You know, we want to keep going. I don't get it. Hundreds of thousands of people watch it and listen to it, and then they won't subscribe to it. I don't get it. Take other shows out of your subscription list if you have too many. Get rid of stuff like Fighter and the Kid. Get rid of that show. Nobody likes that fucking show. Get rid of D'Elia's show.

Gone get rid of Whitney gone. These are all shows you don't need to watch. It's track their trash garbo. They're garbage This is the only one that's worth it. Yeah, this is the only one the sting in the sting What's which one's that one? Oh the guy and the girl of the yeah. Yeah. Don't listen Don't listen to that stuff either listen to our show and that's it. Yeah, I can see the change I Ripped one you farted in class in cloud face. Oh

By accident. And then she hits me from behind. You farted in yoga class? We have to do this, you know, that pose. What's that pose called? Downward dog. It wasn't downward dog. It was... It was like almost a tripod. Almost a tripod. And I had to bend over and I ripped one in Kalia's face. And then she fucking punched me in the ass. Yeah. Yeah, but it wasn't like I was... Like...

I'm not an expert farter. Like, I'm amateur. Yeah, yeah. Right. I don't have my black belt, you know, so I can't do it at will. What kind of farter are you? Are you a blue belt? I'm probably... I think I'm white belt fart. You're brand new? Well, not brand new, but, like, maybe I got two stripes on the white belt. Oh. Like, I'm almost to get to the yellow belt. You're close. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm almost there. What belt would I be? Probably yellow. Yellow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm pretty good. But you're not black belt. No. You can't fart at will. No way.

I used to know a girl that could. Yeah. In junior high, I knew a girl she could swallow air and fart. Yeah. I'm not kidding. I know a girl that could queef that way. Same. Yeah, yeah. Same. They can queef at will. And then I had a girlfriend like that. And then sometimes she was on a period and she would queef in my face. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I could pretend I was in Fight Club. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Right? Yeah. So, yeah. Queefs are funny. Queefs are always going to be funny. They're always going to be... Yeah. I used to have a joke about it years ago that when you're having sex doggies down and she queefs, it's...

Like you're moving positions and she queefs. It's impossible to not laugh. I know. It's impossible. But you don't. You don't. But inside you're going. No, you're doing the face. You're doing the face, right? Yeah. You're holding. And she's like, stop it. Stop it. Stop it. And you're like, I'm not. I'm not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even your dick is like. Yeah. Or when you queef. Yeah, when you stick your dick in. Yeah, it goes. And it goes like that. Oh, my God.

It is humiliating for everyone in the room. The cameraman's laughing. Right? The boom operator. The squishy toys that we used to have as kids where you put your fingers like... You know what I'm talking about? Like the gel things? What were those? The snake... Don't look at her when we're talking about stuff like this. No, no, no. I moved on to the toy. We are going to get in trouble. I talked about the toy. I'm talking about the toy. Yeah.

Okay, let's address it. Yeah. Bobby got in trouble for saying gross stuff in front of Rudy, but Rudy's a legal adult and is okay with it. Can we get your okay on that? Yeah. There it is. Well, I read a text today and I texted a direct message or whatever from a woman and she's like, will you be nicer to her? What do you mean? She's like, be nicer to Rudy.

You're so nice to Rudy. I know, but the thing is, why... Do you think he's mean to you? No. Do you want him to be nicer? No, he's already nice. See? Yeah. I'm so kind-hearted. Who's this woman? Someone on Instagram. Well, let's put her name out there and let's... No, I don't want to do that. I'm kidding. But...

Was it a white woman telling you how to live your life? She was an Asian younger girl like her. And she's like, be nicer to Rudy, please. I'm like, what? I'm so nice to her. Yeah, you are nice to her. When she first moved into the house during the quarantine, she wouldn't say anything to me. Rudy never talked to you? For weeks, right? You would rarely say anything to me.

She would go, good morning, Uncle Tito. Good night, Uncle Tito. And that was pretty much during the day, nothing else. Doesn't Tito mean uncle? Yeah. So.

So it's Uncle Uncle. Yeah. Good morning, Uncle Uncle. I make her sick. She says Tito Bobby, but I want her to call me Uncle Tito. Yeah. But then over time, she starts lipping off a little bit. Yeah. I like it. No, she's shown her personality to me. We've gotten closer over time now. I really feel like we're family now. And at first, she wouldn't look me in the eye. That's probably because I'm the white devil to you. But for the most part...

Now she's comfortable with me. You're much more comfortable with me now than you used to be. Yeah. She was hesitant. Yeah. She was nervous. But I don't think talking about pussy farts is sexual. No, we're making a joke. It's a kid. We're kidding around. Holy shit. You think her and her friends don't joke about that stuff?

Do you guys joke about pussy farts? Yeah. What do you mean? Of course. Like when people are surprised, it's like, how do kids know that? You're like, what? Do you not know what the internet is? Yeah. Go on fucking the internet for 10 minutes. Everything is there. Also, people listening, there's such thing as dick farts too, but the hole is so small you can barely hear it. It goes. No, it's like the, yeah. There's a little bit of air in there. Like when you're squirting water out of your teeth? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So there are dick farts, but we would have to have put, you know, NASA equipment to hear it. Did you watch the rocket launch? Did you see any of that footage? You know, NASA and SpaceX threw a rocket into outer space this weekend. We did it in the 60s. I'm not impressed. I agree. That's funny. Right? Once we did it, we did it. We did it. Get over it. Get further. Yeah. Can we go to another galaxy? Can we get out of the solar system or whatever? Yeah. But a rocket in the sky? Big fucking deal. Kim Jong-un can do it.

He's done rockets galore. How crazy is it, though, that now people used to wear suits and go to Air Force Base, and watch them go off, and it was like an event. Now it happened, and people on Twitter were like, okay, and then moved on. I bet you, Manny, you're on the moon as an astronaut, and you're just like, ugh. Nobody cares. Even you as an astronaut, you're like, oh, this place again. Yeah.

It's so great. Who gives a shit? Open a Starbucks. Yeah. How come there's nothing to do on the moon? You imagine they both say, at some point they go, okay, we did all the gravity trick things that we could do. I think about all the gravity fun things, though, like blowing a snot rocket at your buddy and letting it float to him while he's sleeping, just hoping it floats right into his mouth. I have fantasies of being an astronaut and then drifting into space and getting caught. I don't know if we talked about this. Yeah. Nebula, but it goes further. Yeah.

And then all of a sudden I land in a M-class planet, right? But for some reason, I'm three times the size of everybody and the strength. But there's humanoids there. So, no, but are you your size now and everyone's smaller or you've grown? Because I've been so small here on Earth that now I'm three times the size of everybody, right? And I end up on like a beach and a tribe. They don't know who I am, but they saved my life because I'm like an astronaut. They take the clothes off.

And then these tribes are being hunted by a big, like, capitalist city. They get hunted as slaves. But then I protect them. Oh. Right? Yeah. And there's an uprising. Oh, oh, oh, oh. So you're the leader. You're the leader of this. No, of this little, because they took care of me. I know, but there's a coup against the tribe that's owning them. There's tribes being hunted down, right? And I'm there, and there's an uprising, and I'm the leader of this uprising. Of course. And then we take over.

And everybody bows to you. Well, then what they do is they build, in the fantasy, they build a shrine. So I live there. And there's different kinds of foods that they deliver on these gold plates. And then I get all the women, too. And the boys. If their pussies are tight enough. Yep. Yeah.

Yeah. I have all these. Do you have fantasies when you like go to bed? I fantasize in the shower all the time. Yeah. When I go to bed, I can, my brain's like kind of dead space and I can't really think clearly, but in the shower for some reason, I like blackout and I think about all sorts of, I have so many fantasies. My one fantasy that I keep having over and over again is someone offering me a certain amount of money to disappear.

Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, like a guy comes up to me, like a tiny little Arabian guy. Why Arabian? I don't know. I don't know. And he's like, I will give you $100 million to disappear forever. Yeah. Because they want to replace me. They want to use the shell of my body. And someone's going to live my life. So then where do you go? I don't know. That's the best part. They won't tell me. Oh, they tell you where to go? Yeah, they tell you where to go. What if it's like somewhere bullshit? Doesn't matter. I got 100 mil.

And they're like, you can't come back. You're in Anchorage? Yeah, Anchorage, Alaska. What? And they're like, you have to be Fisher, man. That's Russian. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I want them to offer me a bunch of money to go away forever. And then somebody takes over my body. And they're living my life. Because they're aliens. They're Arabian, you fucking fuck. Yeah, aliens. Yeah.

No, no, no. But they have access to these aliens and these aliens. Oh, so. These rich. Look back. Back up. There's Arabians. Yeah. Who are also. They're in conjunction or in cahoots with fucking aliens. Time out. Time out. This is your fantasy. Yeah, I'm telling you. Oh. They're so rich that the aliens have come to them and the aliens are like, you're the most. I feel like you're making it up. Yep. No shit. I'm making it up. What the fuck? This isn't real. I hope.

Oh, really? Yeah. So this isn't really a fantasy? No, it's a real fantasy, I'm saying. No, I don't think there's a real fantasy. I think you're making up the fantasy. No, the aliens have found that these Arabian Nights are the richest people. You would have said fucking aliens way before that, fuck.

That's a very important thing in the fucking fantasy. The Arabians aren't aliens. They have, the aliens have befriended them. Right. So they go, you have the most money, you have the most power. Yeah. How can we take over human bodies without them knowing that we're going to wear their skin? But then the aliens, right, angels, are directing them too? No. No, the aliens are aliens and they're on their own agenda.

And then? Yeah. And then? Yeah, yeah. And then? And then what? And then LA's on fire. It is. LA's on fire. And, you know, were you here during the riots? No. You were a kid, probably. Chicago. How old were you? LA riots. 10. 92. I was, um, in 92, I was 20. 9, 10.

Old man, take a look at my life. I'm a lot like you. So I was 20 and I was working at a coffee shop. But you were in Orange County. Or I mean, you were in San Diego. I was in San Diego. There was no riots there. No, San Diego. But I remember going home because I lived with seven people in a two-bedroom house. Is this when you were in the band? No. No. And I remember watching it on the TV, right? Just being in awe.

But, you know, when Fairfax last night burned to the ground, it's five minutes from where I live. And my brother lives on Orange. Yeah, he lives right down the street. He lives right down the street. Just a little bit east of there. And I call my brother, are you okay? And he goes, yeah, I hear sirens and fire and helicopters and stuff, but I'm making fried rice. And he is. And I go, what? Yeah. Yeah, I'm just making fried rice.

Are you okay? Yeah, he's fine. Yeah, sunrise. Yeah. Yeah, so that's what he's doing. He's going to be okay. You'll be fine, you know? And then we played a war zone until five in the morning. We watched the news all night long. I know. You called me. You freaked me out. And then I watched some of the... Well, dude, I got a text message from Tim Dillon saying something like the improv was...

They were trying to set the improv on fire. The place next door is called Double RL, Ralph Lauren's. They shattered all the windows and stole a bunch of shit. Oh, my God. And so they thought they were going to try to break into the improv because they were just breaking windows. But they didn't because we have video. People drove by, and they didn't do anything to it. Yeah. But you know what bothered me the most about all that shit? What? Seeing white kids breaking a bunch of windows and looting.

It's so it's like that's not for you. What are you doing? What do you mean? This is not your call. What are you doing? If you're white and you're trying to march alongside black people for this for this cause, then you fucking march. You don't start looting and breaking windows.

What the fuck are you doing? Yeah. What the fuck are you doing? Don't do that. You know, there's a part of me... No one should be looting, okay? But if a white kid is doing it, when you're trying to be fucking side by side your black brothers and sisters to show your solidarity, you shouldn't be fucking looting. Yeah. You're making it fucking worse. You shouldn't be breaking fucking windows and stealing shit. But if you are looting...

Loot from Target. If you're looting, you better not be white. No, just stop. You better not be white. I know, but if you're going to be white and loot, but don't loot a small business. Yeah, that's the other problem. Why are you looting small businesses? Because now some of these stores on Melrose are...

They probably – Decimated. Not only decimated. You have to understand that we've been in quarantine for two months, right? Yeah, they lost all that money. And now that was – yesterday was the day that we were supposed to open retail stores, right? And some of the mom and pop stores are like, okay, we barely made it. Yeah. We're finally – we get to open now. We're able to stock our shelves. That's all the money.

And then all of a sudden, it's gone. And now they're done. I know. It makes me sad. Target, they made so much money off of the quarantine. Yeah. Like Walmart. Yeah. Target. Amazon. Amazon. They killed it. I don't believe in looting, but if you're going to loot those places, I don't feel as bad. Well, no shit. Yeah. Right. They're corporations. They're corporations. They'll get back on their feet. Don't loot mom and pop. But I stand by what I said. Yeah. Little white kids. Stand by me.

You are from France. You're from France? Yeah. I stand by what I said. If you're a white kid and I see you looting, shame on you. Fuck you. You're an idiot. You're a fucking idiot. You got no business doing that. Dude, it makes me so fucking mad. You know, we said earlier in the podcast, I said,

I don't agree with setting things on fire and causing havoc and chaos. I think if you do peacefully, it gets more done. But I understand the anger of people that want to take out their aggression, and there's no right answer. It sucks. You shouldn't do it. I get the aggression. Things are coming to a head. It sucks. But if I see a white kid stealing stuff—

And they're not even fucking part of the protest. They just want to steal shit and take advantage of what's happening. You're a piece of shit. You're a fucking piece of shit. And I hope the cop tackles you. And I hope they fuck you up. Yes. Yes. Stop. Yeah, I hope they do. I hope they tackle every white kid and they throw his fucking ass in jail because that's not what this is about. Okay. Stop. All right. We'll be right back with KCAL 9 News. Stop. I get passionate. Stop. Stop. I get passionate.

Let's – this is a moment in history. Yeah. Okay. Yep. And we have to learn from this moment in history. And the lesson to be learned, right, is if you're a cop and you murder an innocent human being, these are the consequences of those actions. This is what happens. This is what happens. Chaos. Chaos, right? Because –

Like the analogy I said about filling a balloon with water, it'll pop. We're in a popping time in this moment. So there are negative consequences that I don't even agree with, like looting and people getting hurt and tear gas. The whole fucking thing. It's awful. It's all shit. It's terrible. But let's look at why. Why did it happen? Yeah.

And so let's learn from this. Yeah. But we won't because I'll tell you why. We might. No. I do think this could create a big change. Dude, this is happening all over the world.

Last night, one of my favorite documentaries of all time is – The Epstein documentary? I watched it. I loved it. I Am Not Your Negro. Oh, yeah. Have you seen it? Yeah. It's about James Baldwin. He was an author, right? And he was supposed to write a book or a play about his three friends that were murdered. A play. It was a play? Yeah. Metzger, Martin Luther King, and Malcolm X. That's right. He was friends with all three of them.

And there was a clip in there where they showed a protest in Birmingham, I think. And a cop had his knee on a black woman's neck, right? And it showed it. It was a still, right? It was a still. It wasn't video. It was a photo. It was a photo, right? And I thought, oh, wow.

They've been doing this shit forever. Forever. Yeah. Right? And this is in, what, the late 60s when this happened? It hasn't changed. No, I know. Right? Now we just have social media to show you what's going on. Right. So my point, though, is that...

I'm not a black guy living in America. I wouldn't even know. I'm an Asian guy. I have my own experiences with this, with racism. But it's not remotely even close to what African-Americans have witnessed and lived through in this country. So I have to be, as an Asian guy, mindful and try to get as much information about the history of

And learn from it myself. And I'm at guilt too because I haven't done anything to help. I'm a bystander. I watch it. I watch it. I hate it. You know what I mean? When Trayvon Martin, all these kids get killed, right? I'm the first to follow it on social media and on the news. I read all the articles. It kills me. It destroys me. It breaks my fucking heart. But I have to admit –

I haven't done anything. What do you think you should be doing? I don't know. Okay, so that's what, but. I don't know, but I need to do something. Small steps help, right? Yeah. Like I said before, posting about it on social media, that stuff helps. It helps to get your voice out there because people who respect you and love you that go, man, I love Bobby. I'm doing it now. I know. I'm saying it now. So what I'm saying is you are helping. Yeah. I'm saying that it's got to stop. And if riots and these things need to happen, they need to happen.

They're going to happen. They're going to happen. It's just going to happen. And so what needs to get fixed is the fucking system. And it's got to be a complete mind shift, a shift in America's mentality and perspective and ideology. We really have to do a shift in this country in the biggest way. And the first thing that we need to do

is get that guy off out of office. He, I'm sorry, you, regardless of what your political point of view is, right? He enjoys this. He, you know, he ignites it with his words. He knows he wants a civil war, right? Because the guy, the people that support him are on the other end of this thing.

Right. So the more he ignites it, the closer they become to her and more loyal to him. Right. And this is we need somebody in the middle who's going to reach out to everybody. Yeah. But that's hard to find. Almost impossible to find. Why can't we have you? Will you run? Yeah, because if I was president. Because you're. I would change things for my own personal benefit.

That's what they all do. No, I would tear down the White House. Okay, cool. And rebuild it made out of Vicodin. Oh. So when it gets stressful, I lick the walls. No, yeah, yeah. I'll lick a wall, right? President Lee, you've been eating part of the West Wing this entire morning. Right. We have to rebuild it. And because I'm Asian, there would be no West Wing. Only East Wing.

Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's very good. Yeah, and then there would be a lot of designer toys. What would your menu be if you were in the Wise House? What's your... Oh, my God. And everyone would have to eat it. They do. They all have to. Yeah. I would have Lou. Oh, Lou. Kang? Lou Kang? No, Lou Malinati. Oh, Lou Malinati. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you'd have my stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm coming over. On Mondays. So Lou Malinati's on Mondays. Yeah, Lou Malinati on Monday, right? What's on Tuesday? Tere. Well, who's Tere? Tere, there's a Mexican restaurant. Yeah.

You mean that right down the street from me? Okay, so you want that chef to come work in the White House? Well, it's not a chef. It's a woman that owns the restaurant. Okay, so the woman you need to- Well, I'll tell Terry. Hey, Terry, all your cousins and stuff. Come live at the White House. Yeah, yeah, you live at the White House. In the basement. On Tuesday. Well, you don't want them to live in the main house, do you? No, no, no. You know what I'll have for them? Yeah. For the Mexicans? A south wing. A south wing, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would have a south wing. But there's a wall. There's a wall. Oh, definitely a wall. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'll never, yeah. Yeah.

I'll never see that. So your menu is Lumanati's Monday, Taco Tuesdays. And then Wednesdays I would have, well, this is a little bit of hoity-toity, but I go to a place called Asanebo. Oh, Asanebo. You know what it is? Yes. What is it? Sushi. Yeah, where? Do you want to talk about it? Yeah. So Asanebo is a Michelin star sushi restaurant. It's super expensive. It's only one star, by the way.

It got a star. Yeah, well, you got a star. You got a star. Did McDonald's get a star? It did. What do you eat? It got a half star. And I don't eat McDonald's. I think people have looked at my body and your body. They'd go, you eat McDonald's. You fucking, when you get 48. You're wearing their colors. When you turn 40, fuck you. You look like McDonald's. You look like a fry. When you turn 48, see what you look like. You look like a box of fries. You're going to look like Greg Fitzsimmons when you're 48. Because you have the same color of the box and your little yellow arms sticking out. You look like French fries. Fuck you. So then on Wednesdays, Asanebo. Asanebo. Yeah, yeah.

And then Thursdays, I would have to go... Something light. What do you mean? Something not, you know, like something a nice, like a salad place. Like a salad place. No. I'm president, bitch. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. You'll be my vice president? I'll be your VP. Yeah, you will? I don't have to do anything. They don't fucking do anything. I know. I just have to make a couple speeches where I'm like, oh, I'm concerned about the environment. And then I'd go eat out to the neighbor. Yeah. And then Thursday, I would probably do... I'm, you know, a big fan of pot pies. Really? Oh, yeah. Do you like empanadas? Yes.

Have you ever had Nona's empanadas? I love empanadas. You ever had Nona's empanadas? But it's not my favorite. Oh, my God. Have you ever had Nona's? Yeah, I've heard of it. She makes the best empanadas. Oh, yeah? Have you ever had empanadas? Yeah. Do you like them? Yeah. Have you ever had Nona's? Do you know Nona's? They're all over. There's one in Beverly Hills. I just like white Americana. Oh, okay.

Chicken pot pies. What about – so you want chicken pot pie? I like chicken pot pies. I like any kind of pot pie. Roast. Piping hot. Piping hot. Straight out of the oven. Slaky crust. So when you eat it, you go – Yeah. And it burns you. Oh, yeah. And I would also do some sort of like a ramen-y place on a Friday or something. You've had a pudo, right? Pudon, ramen. You've had a pudo? A pudo ramen? Yeah, I've had a pudo ramen, bro. They brought one here to LA. Yeah. And I went over there. Yeah. It wasn't good.

I was so disappointed. I said, I've had upuro in Japan. Did you really? Yeah. And then I said, I had it in New York, too, and it was better there. And the woman was like, oh, you didn't like it? I said, no, this is not good. Anyway, shut the fuck up, Vice President. I don't care what you want. Sorry, sir. Sorry, sir. No empanadas. I'm sorry, sir. All right? Yep. And no fucking upuro. Can we have some Chinese food, please? Oh, shit, yeah. We've got to have Chinese food. You know where I would go? I would go, oh, what the fuck it's called? It's called...

We eat it in Alhambra. It's called something coast fishing. Do you know what it is? No. You've been there, though, right? With a big lobster dish? Yeah. Oh, my God. Coast something? It's in Alhambra. Well, I'll get it later. Okay. But I'm going to go there.

And then Sundays are free for all. That's just whatever you need to eat, you gotta eat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever, when you go down to San Diego, when you go down to the Hoystort, have you ever had El Pescador, the fish market? Right around the corner. Do you like fish? Yeah. What? I'm Asian. Fuck you. Yeah, but I don't feel like cooked fish. I love all kinds of fish, bro. Okay, relax. Have you been to Mama's Fish House? No. In Maui? No. Oh my God. I know, I've heard. You've talked about it before. It literally is. Well, it's a two-month reservation. Yeah.

Yeah, and you talked about getting – you got in because you're special. That's special. Well, no, most people there didn't know you, but one guy was a fan. Are you out of your mind? Yeah. Yeah, you get it. So anyway, let's go back to I Am Not Your Negro, the documentary. Yeah. Honestly, if you're somebody that's like, oh, why can't they just get over it and all that stuff, you have to –

Open your eyes and your heart and start fucking watching shit and learning about it. I really think that that's, you know, vital viewing. Yeah. You need to watch stuff like that. That specifically. Yeah. I love that guy. James Baldwin. Meanwhile, I did watch the Epstein documentary last night. I don't know who that is. Jeffrey Epstein. No. Jeffrey Epstein. He's a lawyer. You don't know who that is. You have no frame of reference to what happened socially.

What? Do you know who Jeffrey Epstein is? I know what he did. What did he do? Who is he, though? Just let her. Just tell me and then I'll... Stop. What did he do? Is he the one with Trump with the human trafficking? That's right. Little girls. Little girls, dude. He's a pervert. You don't know about Jeffrey fucking Epstein? It was a big thing in the... You couldn't escape it.

I'm sorry. They said they killed himself. Please cut this part out. No, we're leaving it. Yeah, but I don't know. How do you not know who fucking Epstein is? Cut this part out. They said he killed himself, but he didn't. He probably was fucking murdered at the hands of what I think the Clinton administration. Clinton's had him. Did the Clintons kill him? Dude, he used to be friends with Bill Clinton. He used to fly to this. They had a private island with little kids.

You don't know any of this stuff? This is blowing my mind. He used to pay high school girls $200 to come over to his house. You know who Mixik Choi is? Mixik Choi? Yeah. Yes. Who is he? He's a DJ. No, he's not. He's not a DJ. Mixik Choi. How does that feel, though? Mixik Choi? Yeah, you don't know who Mixik Choi is. Who's Mixik Choi? Do you know who it is? No. Get the fuck out of here, Bobby. Mixik Choi was in The Old Boy. He was the actor. Oh, it's him? Yeah. Yeah.

Dude, Jeffrey Epstein, it's like the most famous case of the past decade. Do you know who Kaiser Soze is? Yes, and who Kaiser fucking Soze is. Mixik Choi. Do you know? Do you know who Tashira Mifune is? Tashira Mifune? Tashira Mifune. Tashira Big Spoon? No. See, you don't know. See, two can play this game, my friend. No, no, no. Everybody knows who Jeffrey Epstein is. No, they don't. Yes, they do. Yes, they do.

It was the biggest case of the past decade to talk about. I know who he is. Pretending, pretending, pretending, pretending. Fucking idiot. Where did he... He was in the New York prison and then he killed himself. Did not. I know he didn't. He was murdered. But they say that he killed himself. And there's many photos of him. Clinton's.

There's also many photos with him with Trump as well back in the day. Dude, but people, but not just Democrats, and I mean not just Republicans, lots of Democrats. The human trafficking thing. Gross. Disgusting. It's, come on. I don't like it. What?

I hate it. I gotta tell you something. I'm gonna go out on a limb. I don't like it. Human trafficking, I'm not a fan. Can I ask you something about human trafficking real quick? Uh-oh. No, because let's suppose I had the whim. Let's say you and I woke up one day and I called you. Yeah. I go, let's just try to start one up. Just to hear me out. I would go, ha ha ha. No, but I don't know how. How would you...

Where do you even start? Is there a kid? I'll give you the guy's number.

No, you gotta be... I mean, do you capture people? I mean, what do you do? The point of this documentary is you become rich and powerful, and the very rich and powerful have access to everything. Leslie Wexler. Do you know who Leslie Wexler is? You ever heard of this name? He was very good friends with Epstein, one of the richest men at one point in America. Owned a company called The Limited. Remember the clothing brand for girls? Also bought a little company called Victoria's Secret. Which, by the way, if anybody wants to know the story of Victoria's Secret, I don't know if you've ever heard of this, uh, uh,

And he bought the company from the guy who started it for a million dollars. Here's how disgusting and tragic it is. This guy who started Victoria's Secret with him and another partner, they had dumped their entire life savings into this boudoir era lingerie company. It was taking off. It was netting $6 million a year. Okay? $6 million.

It's very vague, and it's been theorized that Leslie Wexler basically strong-armed this guy into selling him the company for a million dollars. Because why the fuck, if you're making six million, would you sell a company outright for a million dollars, right? He takes this company, grows it into a multi, multi-billion dollar Victoria's Secret. It's fucking huge, right? Not too long after, this guy jumps off the Golden Gate Bridge, kills himself.

So Leslie Wexner is one of these fucking super powerful, I'll get anything I want guys. And he was paired up in Buddy Buddy with Jeffrey Epstein. In the documentary, they try to make him out to be like, I didn't know. And I didn't know what he was up to and all this stuff. Bull shit. They would use his mansion in Ohio. Why did the guy who's doing Own Victoria's Secret? Because he went fucking broke.

He sold for a million dollars. He thought he was going to use that money to start a new company. Then he saw how much money Victoria's Secret made, and he got fucked. He got fucked. I know, but you know what? When you tie yourself to money, and that's not what life is about. Correct. Correct. But when you get fucked over, it probably hurts even more. It doesn't matter. It's like— All right, well, I'm going to take all your money from you. I'm going to take— That's fine, but I would never kill myself. Okay. I take all your money.

Your family and your friends that you think are your family and your friends, they leave you. They want nothing to do with you. Or you're all alone and you're broke and you had everything, but you got everything taken away. I would go to Washington, right? Hitchhike if I have no money. State of Washington. Right. And I would go to a woodcarver. Okay. I'm the woodcarver. Go ahead. And I go, hey, man. Hey, what's up?

Listen, I just need a place to stay and some food. Okay. I want to also learn from you. Okay. Wood carvings. Let me see your hands. Put your hands up. I'm sorry, man. Can't work with those little Korean hands.

Why? I can pick up. I have... No, too tiny. You got to be a man-man. You got to have big old man mitts over here. Yeah, but I can carve it. I want to carve little ornaments like little animals and stuff. Oh. Oh, little tiny work. Yeah, yeah. We can have you do that. Thank you. Why don't you go live in the shed? Yeah. I'll give you $5 a day. Yeah, and I would pray. No praying. No praying.

I would pray, right? Yeah. And get into Eastern meditation. I would figure it out, I think. You'd find your own way. Yeah. Yeah, but when some people have been fucked over their whole – when something fucks them over and their life goes upside down, it's kind of hard. I know. I can understand that, but still it's like – Because there's so much vindictive power in money. Do you know the story of the guy who made Beanie Babies? Do you know about this guy? Have you ever heard him about Ty – I don't know his last name. What's a Beanie Baby? You know what a Beanie Baby is, right? Don't you? Yeah.

The one with the neck? What's going on? Yeah. You guys don't know Epstein or Beanie Babies? I feel like I'm going to fucking... The neck? A Beanie Baby. A little tiny plush toy. I know what a Beanie Baby is. Go on. The story of this guy is fascinating. He basically wanted to fuck over his dad. Told his dad to go fuck himself. Yeah. Because he got fired from the toy company he used to work at. Went traveling.

around Europe or something, went to Italy or some shit, saw that they were making all this money on, plus choice, came back here, started this company, if nothing more than to bury his father, basically, just to get back at his daddy. And he spent his entire youth, because he hated his father, trying to fuck his dad's girlfriends. He lost his virginity to one of his dad's girlfriends. Wow. His entire goal in life was to gain power and money from his father and fuck him over because he had daddy issues. Indeed he did. Yeah. Yeah.

But that's what most of these psycho rich people are. I know. They're psychos. The money thing is like, money's not even the real thing. They just want the power and the ability. It's gross. I think right now, because I did yoga right before this. Yeah, you seem calm. I'm very calm. And I think I'm looking at it in more of a namaste kind of a lens. I like it. Give up all your possessions then. How about this? If you're going to be namaste,

Can I keep all the money that you would make from the podcast? Yeah, you can, but I won't do it then. Huh. If you want to do it on your own, bad friends, or if you want to do it with Theo Vaughn or Big Head. What's his name? The one that goes... Who is that? Shubh.

Bandishub. You're the only person I want to do anything with. You know that. Okay. Or if you want to do it with – You're my prince. Let me just do impressions of – right? Mm-hmm. D'Elia. Yeah. Okay. You want to do it with her, right? Yeah. If you want to do it with – Callan. No. Whitney. Whitney.

No, Theo Vaughn. Oh, Theo. Oh, you were holding your hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was holding the mullet. I don't want to do it with anybody but you, baby. You're the only one that I've ever cared about. You're the only one that I've ever loved. You're the only person that's ever had my heart. And you know that. How do you think this is going to end? Do you think these riots are going to fizzle away? Or do you think something needs to happen? Like...

Derek Chauvin getting first degree murder. Well, Trump needs to get on the television and try something and at least say something. No, he went to NASA and did that speech in the NASA. No, he needs to fucking get on TV. Yeah, he needs to get on TV and say and say something. Seriously, you can't say anything and heal the country if you have no empathy. Yeah, that's probably true. He needs to. But he he he can't. He doesn't have the capability to say something. But regardless, he needs to say something right now is the time.

The time is now to make a statement, and it needs to be meaningful. He just doesn't have it, my friend. I'm so sorry. I understand why people support him, and I'm not angry at people. I used to be. I used to be. You used to be mad at the people that voted for Trump? Yeah, I was a little confused and kind of angry. I know comics. I'm not going to call them out. Go ahead. I know comics that support him, that they don't say anything, but I know they do.

We can say it. No, I can't. D'Elia. Chris D'Elia is amazing. No, no, no. So, but – and I used to be kind of like, well, why would you vote for that guy or whatever? But I think I'm getting to the point where it's like I've never – I haven't walked in their shoes. Namaste. And I don't know why they come – why they like them. Namaste. Really. Yeah.

And I don't know if it derives from some sort of trauma. Namaste. Trauma namaste. Yeah, yeah. I don't know what it is, but it's not my job to understand. I have to accept it. You have to accept it. Yeah, namaste. Namaste. Yeah. Namaste. I want to kill them sometimes. People get so mad when we get political on the show, but I will say this. No matter what you believe in, if you support Trump or if you don't like him, as a community, as people...

We need to do our part on the lowest level to look out for each other. And I'm being very genuine when I say that. I don't fucking care what side you're on. We need to be better people to each other. That's a fact. That's true. I mean that. I mean it, mean it. Yeah. I mean it. I think we need to... Supporting black people during this time is a very important thing for whites to do if you have enough fucking gumption and balls to make a statement about it. But...

We do need to care about each other. I think that's the hardest thing right now. Namaste. Namaste. Namaste. Namaste.