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I've been doing porn for like two years. I've been doing it since I was 19 and I'm 23 now. And my brother was on Tumblr because he was scrolling through and he literally saw a picture of me fisting my own ass. You two are... Who are these two idiots? I'm an Asian dude. You guys are weird. Andrew looking good. Have you seen a Korean guy around here? Who, Bobby? You two are sociopaths.

You two are wholesome and decent. Oh, good. You two are back together. You guys are freaks. You two are dangerous when you're coordinating. You guys are gross. Oh, you two are something. We're bad friends. So do you want to start the podcast telling people that you don't care that you hit my wife's car last week? Well, I mean, you could be anybody's car. I wouldn't give a fuck. You hit my wife's car. I don't give a fuck. And guess what, dude? How much do I owe her?

15 grand. Well, I'll give it the 15 grand. Well, then give it to me cash.

It doesn't cost 15 grand, though. Yes, it does. You have no idea what it costs. You have no idea what it costs. You know what costs 15 grand? What? That stupid haircut that you have. 15 grand. You think my haircut costs 15 fucking grand? Yeah, it's so fancy. Is that like you're doing a Leave it to Beaver kind of thing with a Nazi heart? It's not Leave it to Beaver. You have a Nazi heart. It is a little bit of a Nazi. It's a little Hitler Youth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone has to be tidy on this podcast. Wow. So I'm going to be nice and tidy. Look, dude, I do not appreciate you hit my wife's car and you don't give a fuck at all. You don't even know how much- Well, then ask me then. Ask me if I give a fuck. Do you give a fuck?

Yeah. Bob. I do. No, you don't. Did she hurt? No, she's not hurt, dude. No one was in the car. I know there was a- You hit a parked car while you were parking. It means nothing to me. It really doesn't. It means zero. That's so fucked up. When you hit- You're my friend, right? Okay. And I want to be completely like upfront and honest with you. Yeah. I literally don't feel anything. But just say I'm sorry. No. Bob.

You know how many times you've hurt me? Not... I haven't hit your car. I know, but you physically hurt my fucking vessel. I've hurt your body. My vessel. I understand. Your body. Spacesuit. That's not a vessel. It is... Where does my soul live? In my vessel. You think you've got a soul. It's not small.

It's a very, very small soul. Let me tell you something. Your vessel can be hit, and I incurred little damage over the years. You hit my wife's car. You didn't even care at all. You didn't even say I'm sorry, and I said, you hit my wife's car. And you said what? I don't care. How much is it? I don't care. I said, I don't give –

I say it like this. I don't give a fuck. I don't. What? I don't. No. That's Stephen Hawking robot you. I don't. Oh, yeah. I thought you were doing an Asian accent again. I don't give a fuck. I don't. That's an Asian accent. I don't give a fuck. This is what you're doing. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. How much do you think it costs to fix a bumper? I don't know. Two grand. Okay. Okay. Give me two grand. I will. Perfect.

I won't. Why? I will not. You just said you were going to do it. I refuse. Okay. Let it go. I'm going to make you a deal. Yeah, make me a deal. I'm not going to make you a deal. I'm going to just say something. Okay, say something. All right.

I purposely hit your wife's stupid fucking car and there's no feeling behind it. I know. And I don't give a fuck. I know. I know you did. And that's the honest truth. I'm not going to give you any money. No, I know. No apology. I know. You get nothing from me. Yeah, I get it. Right? You can hit mine all day long. Yeah, I don't want to hit your car because it's a priest. It's already a piece of shit. Hitting a piece of shit doesn't make it worse. It just continues its piece of shitness.

If I hit your car with my nice car, what a waste of time for me. My car is nice. Yours is a piece of shit. Your car is you, by the way. You know, when redheaded people- It's filled with trash. They do the redheaded thing. It smells like shit. They don't do the face as well. You want to do the face as well? The red face? Yeah, I'm going to do the red face. Don't get upset with me because of the way I look. Because I don't get upset with you by the way you look. I look good. No, you don't. For my type? What do you think you are on a scale of one to ten? What's the- on cuteness?

If you're on hot or not.com, bro, I have facts to prove that I'm cute, bro. Really? Dude, when I do it to me, when I was on that monkey show, yeah, I was on a monkey show called animal practice for about 10, 15 minutes. I remember it. 13 episodes. Yeah, no, it was a really good show. It was written extremely well. Everyone liked it. Everybody wants it to come back. Yeah, right. So once you guys say about your show, mixed drinks or whatever that was.

At least I got to work with Larry Charles. Oh, and I've done work with him as well. I know, but who did you work with on The Monkey Show? The Russo Brothers? Okay. Okay.

Are they bigger than Larry Charles? The guy who did Borat? Are the Russo brothers bigger than the guy that did Borat? They did Avengers Endgame? Yeah. Let me see the parallel of comedy for the monkey show between Avengers Endgame. All right. George, you be the deciding factor. In terms of money making, in terms of cultural impact. I'm saying. Avengers Endgame or Borat. I love Borat. It was one of my favorite comedy movies of all time. Not money. I was also in The Dictator.

Larry Charles. Anyway, go on. Yeah, you were in The Dictator. Yeah, I was. You were Kim Jong. No, that was the interview. You were Kim Jong-un or Kim Jong-il. No, no, no. The Dictator was Sasha Baron Cohen. Wait, no, no. You were Kim Jong-il, weren't you? That's Randall Park that was on that other podcast. Oh, he's great. I love that guy. All right. He's one of my favorite Asian actors. Yeah, I love Ron Howard. He's one of my favorites, too. He should be. He's an iconic person who was in Andy Griffith as Opie Taylor and then went on to be one of the greatest characters of all time in Happy Days. Okay? Let me ask you something, George. Piece of shit. In terms of culture impact. Impact.

Endgame or Borat? Borat. Yes, Borat. What's quoted more? 100%. My wife. Who quotes Avengers? Give me one quote line from Avengers Endgame. Let's go in the building. That was in it, right? Ah, when they got shot. Oh, ah was in it. Ah was good. Let's go in the building. Hulk metaphor for five times. Hulk metaphor for five times? Yeah.

And he went, go, go, go. And he did that. A go, go, go? Yeah. He goes, go, go, go. I'm Hulk. Bobby, where have you been, by the way? Tell everyone you've been in Hawaii. I haven't. Yeah, I was in Hawaii. What were you doing in Hawaii? Well, as you know, my dad died. No, that's not why you went to fucking Hawaii. Yes. No, it's not. My dad died. Okay. Fuck you. Okay, dude. All right. A lot of people's dads are dead. All right.

Okay. Not that big of a deal. Is your dad dead? Not literally, but metaphorically, I guess. But you don't know how it feels. Yes, I do. That your dad died? Your dad hasn't died. My dad's not dead, but I don't know him that well. Did he abandon you? Yeah. I'm so happy about that. Yeah, I know. Yeah. But I was in Hawaii. Can I explain? Yeah, please. So the first leg of Hawaii, I had to shoot I reoccur on a show. Tell them what the show was. Called Magnum P.I. Yeah.

Why are you laughing? No, it's a great show. Right? It's better than Mixed Nuts, the show that you were on. Not even on it anymore. It was eight years ago. Go ahead. Okay, so and then... I'm laughing because I think it's funny. Do you know the cultural relevance of the original Magnum P.I. or no? I have no idea what it is, no. The original Magnum P.I.? No. Do you know there was one before the one you're doing right now? I just found that out, yes. Holy shit. Do you know who the star was? Tommy Sarlacc.

Tom Selleck. Tom Selleck. Mustachioed man of the 80s and 90s. And then there was a helicopter black man. What? There was a man in the original who was a black guy and he rode the helicopter. Sure. And that's all I know about him. Let's not talk about helicopters and black guys right now. That's very weird. That's you. That's a bad... I didn't know what you were talking about when you said that. That was my Ari Shaffir joke. That was good. It was great. You did a great job.

Let me finish. So I did Magnum and then my mother's never gone anywhere in the world except for Korea and the United States. She's never been to Europe? No. My mother took care of my dad for the last 12 years because he was really sick. Prior to that though? She never got anywhere. I'm asking why not.

Because she just didn't want to, and my dad is not a traveler. He doesn't give a shit, and so they just never went anywhere. Now your dad can go wherever he wants. Yeah. He can float there. Do you believe in ghosts? Well, he floats underground. You think your dad's in hell? I don't know, man. He wasn't a spiritual guy. No? No, but anyway, my—no, he wasn't. Really? No. He didn't go to church? No.

No, my dad was a rageaholic. You already know this. I know. Yeah, he's a bad... He was like, I love him, but he was just a really rage... He was too much. Yeah. Okay, so go on. So then I went to Hawaii because... And then at the tail end of it, my mom flew to Maui. How nice. And we stayed at the Grand Waialea. One of the best hotels in Hawaii. Hotel and...

We did a lot of eating and traveling around, and she really loved it. She's never seen a waterfall before. Really? Yeah. What was that like to feel her watch a waterfall for the first time? Was that really a moving moment for you? Huh? Yeah, because it didn't happen yet. We have to lie to the camera.

You know, but it's weird to talk about something that didn't happen yet. It doesn't matter. They don't know that we didn't do this yet. I know, but it's like, what if something happened in Hawaii where I was thinking, like, you know, my mom didn't have a good time. Well, let's try to predict how it went. Right? I'm your mom. I'm your mom. Anyone listening now, let's just say it. Anybody listening right now, we're taping this early because Bobby's going to Hawaii to shoot a bunch of Magnum PI episodes, and I told him not to do it, but it's fucking up the release of the show. Anyway, let's pretend that we're in Hawaii. This is what's going to happen. Yeah. I'm your mother. Yeah. And you're you, and we're seeing a waterfall for the first time. Ready? Yeah, yeah.

Bobby stop peeing. I'm your fucking mom. Oh, I'm fucking. You're you. That's the waterfall. Why did you think Bob, you're pissing in this fucking episode? Because of this. It was sort of like, I'm who am I? Can we back up though? You're Bobby Lee. Who else are you supposed to be in this fucking scenario? I don't know. There's other people going. There's two characters in this scene. You and your fucking mom. Which one do you think you should be?

Which one do you think you should do? I think I'm closely, I think I better understand the character of Bobby Lee. You're right. Would you like to be your mother and I'll be you? Yeah. Okay, let's do that. Let's role play. Okay. Here we go. We're at the waterfall. I want to do the sound. I'm Bobby Lee. I want to do the sound. Do the sound. Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am, do you like waterfall? Have you ever seen before? I haven't done that before.

That's exactly what you sound like. Mom, do you like waterfalls? Do I really sound like that? You sometimes do, yeah. Oh, God. Mom, how do you like the waterfall? It's okay. You don't like too much? Let's go back to the hotel. Why? I'm tired. Oh, okay. Well, waterfall here, first time for you. All right. You're doing a dad fan impression. No, I'm not. You're doing a dad fan impression. All right, I'll be you. I'll be Bobby. Ready? All right. Mom, why don't you like... You do the sound... Why don't you... You do the sound...

Why don't you like the waterfall, mom? I'm being you, but I'm just... Why don't you... I'm me now. Oh, shit. I'm sorry. Yeah, that's right. You fucked it up. Bobby, this waterfall crazy. You're doing the same fucking accent, you fucker. No, it's not. It's the same accent, you fucking cocksucker. How is it the same? Do me. Do me real quick. Mom, mom, you like the waterfall? Okay, and then do my mom.

Bobby, this is a waterfall. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a little different. It's a little different, right? It's a little different. Okay, good. Yeah. I don't want to do this waterfall game anymore. All right, fine. We won't do it anymore. It's ridiculous. All right. So yeah, for the fans that want to know, yeah, Bobby's in Hawaii shooting. So that's why we had to come back. So here's the thing. We haven't gone to Hawaii yet. About to. And three days ago, the Ari Shaffir thing happened.

We're taping this episode prior to the release. Yeah, it did happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Ari Shaffir thing, the Kobe Bryant thing happened. Because I don't know where else to talk about it. You can talk about it now. Talk about it now. Yeah. Unless you talked about it on Belly or you're going to talk about it on Belly. I haven't talked about it on Belly. Well, then don't talk about it on there if you're going to talk about it on there. I'm not going to talk about it on that. So what do you want to say? Go ahead. You did say before the episode for the people at home, Bobby said, I really want to talk about it. I said, this episode isn't going to come out for a month. Here's the thing. Here's the thing, okay? Yeah. Is that people threatening his life is...

Is crazy. Number one, you're not going to – no one's going to do anything. He's getting death threats, right? Yes. He's getting death threats from people. No one's going to do anything. Number two, people saying, yo, dude, you're a goof. You're not funny. You know what I'm tired of is when people comment – I get it sometimes. When they go, you're not funny, it's like I am.

Right, of course you are. We all are because it's impossible to get to where we are without going through 10,000 obstacles. Right. Right, being vetted, showcases, you know what I mean? Just constant. You can't get to the place that you're physically at without any talent. It's impossible. Right, so why are they in? Yeah, because these people are insecure. They have their own fucking issues. Yeah, right. So I wanted to say this before you continue real fast. Somebody told me that Ice Cube retweeted or put on Instagram-

Ari's video and now I can't find it. Did you hear this? No, but I know that Rap Report did it. Well, Rap did it. And then here was the other thing that happened with it. A lot of people kept saying, look at this racist piece of shit. Yeah. And a lot of like, a lot of dudes on Twitter, a lot of black dudes were like, racist, racist. And it was really funny to me because I was like, you could say a lot of other things. This wasn't him being racist. It's him just making a fucking, a shitty Twitter joke or Twitter, Instagram joke. It could have been a white basketball player. Rarely though, by the way.

That doesn't happen much. They can't afford helicopters? White basketball player is kind of an oxymoron. I mean, there's a couple. It's like Chambers from the Phoenix Suns. Do you remember him? What? Who? There was a white guy named Chambers. Was that his name? Chambers? What? Will Chamberlain. Not Will Chamberlain. No, there was another guy. Will fucking Chamberlain was black. No, there was a guy named Chambers. Bobby, if you're looking for a white guy, there's plenty of white guys that do play basketball. I want to look it up now. Chambers? Yeah, Phoenix Suns, Chambers. Chambers.

This is insane. Yeah, let's just Google it. Well, I got it. Here, put your phone down. Is there a guy named there? Chambers? Yeah. Yeah.

Tom Chambers? Yeah. Wow. How do you know that? That's insane for you. What? Because you're so bad at stuff like that. Because my brother used to have this NBA game. And he hit Tom Chambers or somebody that was on the game. Back then, back in the day, he did this move. Wow. I just remember and then I memorized his last name. Tom Chambers. He was an American basketball player. Was he white? Huh? There we go. Larry Bird, white. None of these guys play anymore. Can you name me one white guy in the NBA that plays right now?

Yeah. This is insane. Blake Griffin or Eric Griffin? Blake Griffin. Blake Griffin. Blake Griffin is not white. He's half white. He's not black. Yes, he is. There's something going on. Yeah, he's half white, half black. Yeah, but there's also some redheaded thing going on. Like he's like mixed with Sinbad. What?

You know what I mean? There's like a carrot-toppy kind of vibe. That's his white half. Oh, so probably his white half was redhead, some freaky redhead like you. Irish, they were Irish, yeah. And then the black was probably like some weird black, and then they mixed. What do you mean weird black? I mean just like a Delroy Lindo black, you know what I mean? Am I digging a hole? Yeah. No, I don't think that's racist what I'm saying. No, I guess not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's up to you. All right.

Tom Chambers was a first-round draft pick in 1981. He's very good at what he did. You know who selected him? Who? Your hometown. Phoenix Suns? Your hometown. San Diego Clippers. Oh. The Clippers were at San Diego at one point? The San Diego Clippers in 1981. Can we go back to Ari or no? Yeah, let's talk about it. So when they say death threats, that's crazy. You're right. You can't say you're not funny anyway. It's like that doesn't make any sense.

But do you think what he said was funny? Let's clarify that. Do you think what he said? No, you don't. No. I need a switch or an obvious punchline or something clever. So here's my point real quick, not to cut you off. The reason that they're saying you're not funny isn't because they don't think his collective whole career is not. They're saying that isn't funny. That's not what they're saying. They're saying that Bobby, they don't know who he is. So when they just see him for the first time, they go, you're not funny because that's not funny. That's what they're saying. Oh, I see. So you said it's not funny. Okay, go ahead.

And I thought it was – the reason why – you think that tragedy plus time – Equals comedy. You know how they say that? Yes. That has been said since the vaudeville days, right? Because it's a vetted thing. It's something that is truthful. It's one of those – it's like you've got to let – I can do – I do Pearl Harbor jokes, but this is 70 years past, right? Do you think it was 70 years ago? In the 1940s or whatever. Okay. Yeah.

When did it happen? No, I just wanted to make sure you knew your timeline. Because you're trying to, you know what you're trying to do? We've done timelines before. I know, but you're trying to insult me and ridicule me. I'm not at all. You're setting it up like, do you even know? This is what you do. Do you know? And if I say it wrong, you go, idiot. I don't say, I would never say idiot. I've never called you an idiot. Not once. I know, but you think it.

Maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So go ahead. So you think not enough time had passed. He did it the same day it happened. He did it probably hours after it happened. You know, I just think that when children are involved and innocent people are involved, families are being ripped apart.

I can't imagine what these people are going through. Right. It's a nightmare. Yeah, it's awful. Yeah, and so the timing was super bad. And also the rape thing is, it's not as if Kobe Bryant is systematically a rapist, right? It was one incident. If it was Bill Cosby, yes. It's systematic, right? What did he do? I don't remember, but he did something, right? Did he? I feel like he didn't do anything. Yeah, he drugged women and

That one woman that... I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you thinking of Michael Jackson? No, no, no, no. Bill Cosby. What did Jackson do? He made great music. He did. Thriller was so good. Off the Wall is amazing. Oh my God, Off the Wall was good too. ForHims.com

For him. 66% of men start to lose their hair by the age of 35. Do you know that, Andrew? Less than that, dude. I started to lose my hair way less than that. Once you've noticed thinning your hair, it can be too late. It's almost always too late. Yeah. It's thinning slowly. Is it moving backwards? Any bald spots? Is that hairline slowly starting to move backwards? Are there any bald spots? You just said that. I know. I'm sorry. The best way to prevent more hair loss is to do something about it while you still have some.

Why do guys turn weird solutions or do nothing when they can turn to medicine and science? Both good. I've been losing my hair since I was seven. I started losing my hair when I was seven years old. Basically, what 4Hems is, and I'm just going to now improvise a little bit, is that because I know about this product. I love this product. Like you say you're going to improvise. Just improvise. Yeah. Is that you can affordably get professional advice for your hair loss.

And for, you know, other problems that you might have, you know, sexual wellness for your penile problems. Right. And, you know, back in the day when I was a young man, I didn't there was no service like this because I had no money and I didn't have enough money to go to a real professional. Right. And this is a great thing for you to do.

If you have these problems, and Andrew and I both have these problems. Everybody has these problems. You can take care of hair loss, skin care, and sexual wellness. Not everyone's ding-dong works as well as it used to. And there's no snake oil pills or gas station counter supplements here. This prescription solutions, these are backed by...

by science, guys. This is not phony nonsense, okay? Right now, our listeners can get started with their first month for free, which is good. Not everyone is super-duper rich like Bob. So go to 4hims.com slash badfriends. That's 4hims.com slash... Badfriends. Yeah, baby. Prescription requires an online consultation with a physician, which is a good thing, right? You can talk to a pro who determines if a prescription is appropriate.

Bad friends. Bad friends. What?

You like a sleep? I love a sleep. Well, then what do you use when you sleep? Buffy. A Buffy. Okay, so we got a Buffy for me. I got a Buffy. You got a Buffy. I got a Buffy. And I've been using the Buffy in my house. And? And it's like I'm not hot anymore. I told you. It's the best. I told you. You know, I used to sweat like a little Cambodian like a pole pot. But now I sleep like an angel. You sleep like a little tiny Korean baby.

It's airy and it's cool. And it really is the most comfortable blanket I've ever used in my life. I told you. Thank you. Thank you for that, Andy. Andy, thank you. Don't be condescending. Don't be condescending. All right. Anyway.

Buffy makes the Earth's most comfortable bedding. What's it made out of, Bob? Everything is made from ultra-smooth eucalyptus fiber that feels softer than cotton. It is softer than cotton. Eucalyptus fiber is breathable and cool to touch to help maintain the ideal sleeping temperature and feel cozy without overheating. And it's a fact because how many animals sleep in your bed with you and Kalilah at night? Six. Six, and you still don't sweat? Including my girlfriend.

You can look at this fiber. It isn't softer than cotton. It's more earth-friendly, guys. It's sourced from renewable forests. It consumes 10 times less water to grow and is transformed into ultra-smooth fiber through a waste-free production process. That's incredible. All of their products are cruelty-free and hypoallergenic. Hypoallergenic. What does that mean, Bob?

That means that it's like there's no allergies. You're not going to get the sneezes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's no allergens. There's no down feathers or animal products here, baby. That's right, dude. Their product is almost 20,000 five-star reviews. It's got to be good. Not that many people can lie all at once. 4.6 stars on the average rating. You guys, Buffy's offering a free trial. If you're a fan of our show. It really is great. You should get it. I swear to God in my life, it's good. Seriously, we're not joking around. It's my favorite thing. I've used the duvet cover as well.

And it's beautiful and nice, and they come in a few different colors. Free shipping, free returns every day. Try their products in your own bed for free before you commit to buying. If you don't love it, what can you do if you don't love it, Bob? You can get it for free. You can return it at no cost. Ha ha ha!

That makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For $20 off your Buffy batting, please visit Buffy.co and enter the code. Bad friends. Bad friends. Once again, for $20 off your Buffy batting, go to Buffy.co and enter the code. Bad friends. Thank you. Anyway, yeah. You think because it involved children. It's like prison rules. That's what I said to somebody. Prison rules. No women and children type of shit, right? Yeah. If you kill a woman and a kid or rape them in prison, they kill you. They fuck you up. Right, right, right. But if you kill a guy or an adult male, people are like, hmm.

Who cares? Yeah. So you think the children on board escalated it to a point for you where you're not comfortable with it? And also, so the rape thing is one thing. It's allegations. Right. He got acquitted of the rape, correct? He got acquitted. Isn't that right? Yeah. Yeah, he got acquitted. And so you can't really use that as well. Like, ha, ha, ha, a rapist died. We don't know. Yeah. We don't know. Well, if Cosby died, you go, ha, ha, ha, a rapist died. Yeah, he was. Because he's been convicted of rape. Not only that, it's.

20, 30, 40 women out of the woodwork coming out. Same with Harvey Weinstein. So you can make that joke. Of course. But with Kobe, you can't. And he's also a good father. It's not just me saying it. It's like everyone says it. Is that something that you know on a personal level? No, no, no. I mean, you can just tell. Sure. Right? Just through the photos in itself. Right.

Look, I don't disagree with you. I'm just playing devil's advocate. I don't know what kind of guy he was. I don't know his character. I never knew him on a personal level. I assume from the public eye and the media perception of who he was, I think he was a cool, great dude. I also don't know, dude. I don't know that fucking guy. There's one weird thing that he does that I was just like. What? Well, he doesn't talk to his parents. He hasn't talked to his parents for many, many years. You know that for a fact? Yeah. Yeah.

I do. Why didn't he talk to his parents? Because they sold a half a million dollars worth of memorabilia. Oh, right. I do remember this. Yes. Right. Yeah, they sold his shit. And then he just cut them off. It's like, who gives a shit? Right. He also doesn't give his sisters money or anything. They're smart girls. They can handle themselves or whatever. There's some truth in that. Yeah, he has that mentality, which I think is a little weird. But other than that, that still doesn't make him a bad guy. Doesn't make you a bad guy. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you didn't talk to members of your family.

My brother Steve, I will take care of for the rest of my life. When it comes to my blood, I've been sending my parents a lot of money for the last 20 years. Every chunk, piece of money that I make goes to my family. Right. And I will take care of my family. I take care of my own. That's my... I understand. Yeah. I'm also saying I don't know the content of Kobe's character based on anything other than what I've seen in the media. It doesn't mean I'm saying...

The joke was justified. I just don't – I don't know. I don't care about Kobe enough to understand if that's relevant or not. My point is Ari got – It's just Ari has a hidden rage because he beat the shit out of me. You know that. Well, yeah. A lot of people know that. But it's something that – well, you want to tell the story? No, I don't want to tell the story. I'm just – I don't like your – oh, yeah. Well, it's a common thing. People know that Ari – Yeah, but you almost – it made me seem like a lot of people want to beat me up or something. I –

I wouldn't say a lot of people, but I say there's a few people that definitely want to hit you in the fucking face. Really? You know who I'm talking about. And that's exactly why I want to even bring that up. So tell me who wants to punch me in the face. You want me to say it in the mic? Yeah, you can cut it out. We're not going to cut it out. Go ahead. You know who. No, tell me. I don't know. I don't want to do this. I'm not going to say who wants to beat you in the... No, just do it. We'll cut it out. Just do it. I want to know. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Say his name. Kevin Shea. Kevin Shea hates your fucking guts.

You think that he hates my guts? No, I know he hates your guts. We've done this before. I'm just saying. You think... I think that he is one of the worst human beings I've ever met in my life. Sure, I know. We've done this before. My point is, there are people that want to hit you in the fucking face. Okay? Yeah, for no reason. Sure. It happens all the time. Yeah. Okay? And I know people that want to punch you in the face. Fucking... Let's go back. And I can name names too. Yeah, okay, go ahead. You want to call them out? Do it. No, I don't want to. Go ahead. Move on. No, you fucking move on. So look...

Have you said anything to Ari? No. I wanted to. You don't plan on it, do you? No. Did you text anybody about it? Oh, yeah. Who did you text? You didn't text me. We talked to each other. Yeah, we did talk on the phone. Yeah, I called you. We talked on the phone. Look, I talked to Kevin Christie about it. I talked to... What did he say?

Well, you know, it's sensitive because I do love Ari. So do I. Yeah. It doesn't change the fact that we're talking about what happened. Yeah, so there is, you know, I do love him, but, you know, it's like when my dad, my dad one time almost killed one of my cousins. On purpose? Yeah. Holy shit. Why? Because my cousin didn't say hello to him. Oh, that makes sense. My dad, my cousin was 12, though.

And my dad took his head and did Muay Thai knees to his face like 20 times. Dope. And then when my cousin, we call him Dong Hyung. Dong Hyung? Yeah, which is shit brother. Dong Hyung means shit brother? Yeah, yeah. So shit brother, his head flew back. And I remember his face just being split open and just blood gushing out. And I just remember... What color is you guys' blood? Yellow. Yellow.

Go. You remember his face split open? It's like alien blood. It burns. It burns, yeah. What happened? His face split open and what? I remember the ambulance coming and this and that, and I remember looking at my dad. And so it's like I do love my dad, but when he acts like that, when he used to act like that, it's like, what do you do?

Well, what do you do? What do you do? Nothing. There's nothing I do. Nothing. So you're just going to let this thing pass and let it die out? Yeah, I will never bring it up. Never, right. Yeah, we won't. Would you? Like if you saw it, you wouldn't bring it up. No, no. It's just because I don't know. Why do I care? I don't care. Yeah, I don't care. I treat that like you treat my wife's car. Yeah. Yeah, you don't. Everyone would treat your wife's car the way I treated your wife's car. People don't just hit other people's cars.

Nobody does that. But that's the problem with the United States, I think. That's the problem with the United States? That's the problem with the United States. I'll tell you why. Okay? I mean, how stereotypical to be a bad Asian driver. It's almost like such a hacky joke. It's so hacky. It has nothing to do with being a bad Asian driver. But you are a bad Asian driver. But the reason why is because I have Asian mentality. Which is what? I don't give a fuck. No, no. It's not what it is, dude. You don't fucking get it, dude. What is it? I'm going to explain it to you, fucking fucker. Mm-hmm. All right? Is that, have you ever been to Bangkok or Asia or...

Right, not Japan. I've been to Japan. But not in Japan because it's more like the United States. It's good, yeah. It's one of the good ones. Go ahead. But it's like, you know, in Bangkok, for instance, right? You get a fender bender, right? They'll stick their heads out of the car, see if there's no smoke.

And if there's no smoke, they go, okay, move on. Have a good day. Okay, go ahead. Go ahead. There's no like getting to the side of the road and exchange. It's a dent. Who gives a fuck? But they people in the United States, right? You get a little like I one time keyed a Porsche.

Why? Just because it's just a shell. That's so... Is that fucking up the engine? That's so fucked up. No, but to me, I have Asian mentality. So I keyed it, and then I heard the guy, and he never knew it was me, but he put flyers around, who keyed my car? Right? And all that stuff. And I giggle, you know what I mean? Giggle, giggle, giggle.

You know what I mean? But it's like, I don't give a fuck. You don't care? The car moves. I know, but that's someone's property. Look at my car. Look at my Prius. It's someone's property. I bang it against shit. I don't give a fuck. But that's because you don't care. Other people don't care. I don't think anyone should care. I'm going to come to your house and throw a rock through your window. Do you care? Yeah, that's different. Why? House still works.

No, it doesn't because the house is supposed to protect you from the elements. When there's a crack in the window, it doesn't protect you. What if a tsunami goes through that little fucking crack? I'm going to throw poop at your house for the next couple of days straight, and there's going to be poop everywhere. That's fine. Do that. Okay. Yeah. And I'm going to throw poop on your property. Okay. That's the reaction. Okay. So when you hit someone, they should be allowed to just hit you back.

Yeah. What do you mean? My car, you mean? I'm going to hit your... Next week, I'm going to hit your car with my wife's car again. And I'm going to hit your wife's car again. It'll be fun. Because you're going to care. I'm not going to care. You know what's going to happen? You know what I want to do? I'm dead serious. What? Whatever money we make from the first month of the show, I want to buy...

Two cars and I want to get in it and hit each other with it as hard as we can. That's fine. On the street fast. That's fine. And George is going to be, and George will be in the middle of the cars. Yeah. But do you understand my mentality when it comes to a car? I get it. I get it. I think it's fucked up, but I totally get it. It's not fucked up. It's, it's honestly the truth. No, it's your, it's your version of what's okay. It doesn't mean it's everyone's version of what's okay. Yeah, but whatever their version is. Have you ever stolen from a grocery store? Have you ever taken a food item? No, I don't because that's wrong. Why is that wrong? Because it's somebody's property.

Exactly, Robert. Right. It's somebody else's property. Right. You damaged my property. It's wrong.

Yeah, but it's not like the store is moving around, right, trying to get around other stores. Yeah, it's a metaphor. It's a fucking metaphor. The store isn't on wheels. It's not moving through the streets, dude, okay? Vons isn't on roller skates. It's a fucking stable place that's someone's property that if I took from, you'd say it's wrong because it's property. Okay, let me make an adjustment then. Please. May I make an adjustment? I already said please. Okay. Accidentally, it didn't purposely hit your wife's car. It seemed like it.

It was. You fucker. I fucking know it was. Let's move on. Let's move on. All right, look. So I tweeted about we're going to take a phone call because I really want to do this because I want to see what people say. I said to people, we're going to take a phone call. We want to pick at random. I'm going to pick three names. But what are we talking to them about? That's going to be the best part. We're going to grill them. We're going to grill them about life. I'm going to pick three names. You're going to tell me which one you like the most. Steve Bliss. Yuck.

Isaac Beak. Okay. Chloe Casey. Let's do that. Is that a girl? Chloe Casey. Let's do a girl. Okay, we'll do Chloe Casey. All right, we're going to call Chloe Casey. We're going to see what she... FaceTime or... Maybe it's he have to say. No, we're going to call right now. Oh, if Chloe is a guy, oh, that's going to be fun. All right, we're calling right now. Okay. We're set up, George? Yep, I think so. You better be. Here we go. You should be able to hear this in your headphones any minute now. Oh, you hear it? You good? Yo, what's up? This is insane. Like...

Hello? Hello? Hello? You fucked up. You fucked up. Chloe? Wait. No. No way. What do you mean no way? Chloe, get your shit together. Get your shit together. Get your fucking bullshit shit together. Why did it say Oklahoma? Because that's where we live, Chloe. Because we live in Oklahoma, Chloe. Get your fucking shit together. We live in Tulsi.

You know what? Tulsa. You get your shit together, okay? I thought this was a sales call. Hey, Chloe? But no, it's my two... Chloe? What? Don't ever talk to us that way. Don't ever talk to me like that. That's insane. Don't ever do that again. That felt weird. Chloe, where are you right now? Where are you? I am in College Station, Texas. Ooh, Sean. Have you ever been to College Station? Have you ever gone down there for shows? Is that a place? There's a college there. Do you know what college is there? No.

What city is it, though? It's called College Stations? That's the city. Is it near Houston or the big ones? It's not the worst city. It's not the worst city. Are you a student, Chloe? Yes, I go to A&M. Oh, A&M, I've heard of that. They're orange, right? They're orange. The football team has an orange. I guess everything is kind of like brown and orange. It's red, really. It's maroon. That's what I meant. Bobby's colorblind. What's your major?

Psychology. Wow. All right, teach us something. Give us a psychological review of our friendship. Go ahead. Yeah, go ahead. Honestly, I could not do that because I don't go to classes very often. Oh, yeah. All right, well, Chloe's... But Chloe, let me ask you. Are you in a relationship, Chloe? No, Bobby, I'm not. Why?

Because I have a lot to work out on the inside. Oh, that's why you're a psychology major. No, I'm totally down for one. You're damaged? Are you damaged? Chloe, are you damaged? Sounds like it. Yes. I just got half hard. Wait, Chloe. That just made my whole day. Chloe, is it because you have... Do you have daddy issues? Yes. What happened? What happened?

Speed it up a little bit. Oh, shit. Oh. Okay.

And I'm not going to let that define me, you know? Well, you know what, Chloe? You shouldn't. And we love you. We want to let you know Bobby and I both love you very much. And you're going to get through it because Bobby also went through something like that recently. Yeah, my dad died in August. Yeah, his dad died. She knows. She's a fan. She knows your dad. Everyone knows your fucking dad's dead. Might as well wear a shirt. Yeah, I follow all you guys. Okay, Chloe, let me tell you something. We love you. You are going to find love. I want to say this to everybody out there. Her name is Chloe Casey. She's in College Station, Texas. Her phone number, of course, as we always do on this show...

Love you so much, Chloe. Kissy kissy. Bye bye. She was great. Is that her number, really? Mm-hmm. You can't do that. Yes, I can. Yes, I can. Yes, I can. You're going to cut that out, right? Greatest country in the world. I can do whatever I fucking want. This isn't Korea, dude. I can do whatever I want here. Yeah, I've never... Anyway, well, imagine her, though. Imagine... That's the saddest thing in the world. She really fucked me up. Imagine if she was hooking with a dude and he died, too. Then, at that point... Bob! But at that point...

It would just be like, yeah, cat lady. Yeah. You want to do one more? Let's do another one. Yeah. All right. I'm going to give you three. Let's try to find a point, though, to it. We do have a point. What is the point? We're trying to find out who they are and what they're doing and why they love us. Yeah. I need to see their faces, though. We're going to have to FaceTime. Yeah. What does Chloe's face look like? We're going to have to FaceTime next time because we're going to have to find a way to do it so we don't have our fucking number. Can we do that? There's got to be a way. There's got to be a way. All right. How about Elton Roberts? No. Or A.J. Hines? No.

Kelsey Harrington. Because Theo Vaughn has a screen. They're very technologically advanced. No, we're working on that right now. Yeah, but they have a technologically advanced. And when I say we're working on it, I mean I'm fucking working on it with George. While you've been fingering your little fucking butthole, your little dumpling butthole. How about Marco Pandeo?

Yeah, let's do that. I love Mexicans. Yeah, Marco Penedo. Penedo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's get racist. Look at this guy, though. Look at this guy. Hey, Marco. I'm going to call out Marco. Marco, I said, hey, email us your number. He just wrote, call me. I don't have your fucking number, you dumb shit. Come on, dude. What are you doing, you dork? So he's out. No, he's out. I don't have his fucking number. Let's call somebody. Here we go. Here's one. Here's one. Gustavo Robles. I love it. We love it, dude. We love these kind of guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do that. What is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, here we go. We're calling him right now. This is Gustavo Robles. Gustavo Robles. Where do you think he's from? Soar Brown. South. South? Deep South. Your call has been forwarded to an automated message system. Let's leave a message. 9-5-1-4-5. Oh, no, we can't put his number on the phone. That was going to say his number out loud. We could just beep it out. We don't need to. We don't need to.

He doesn't deserve to get a message from us. He didn't answer his phone. I said be ready. How about we do this? How about we do someone? You want to do another girl? You like girls, don't you? I like girls, yeah. Either Dawson Bailey or Jessica Kaye.

Let's go Jessica Kay. You like that, huh? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Oh, oh, oh, look at this. What? He's calling back? No, no. She goes, my number is blank. I'm kind of interesting. I do porn and I love comedy. You should call me. I'm a huge fan. All right. We'll call Jessica Kay. Let's do the Mexican thing though still. Oh, just for Jessica Kay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. For no reason. Jessica Kay. Jessica Kay. Okay, here we go. This is Jessica Kay. She says she does porn.

And she's a fan of us both. Okay. My fear is people don't want to answer unknown numbers. Yeah, the Oklahoma's weird. Why would it matter? Do you really think these people think I was going to call them from our real fucking number? Maybe it's restricted. No. Hello? Jessica Kay, how are you? How you doing?

Jessica, who is this? Hello. Hello. Who is this? This is Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee, obviously. That's right. Jessica, where do you live? I live in Oregon.

Ooh, fancy. That's nice up there. Hippie stuff. There is, yeah. Is there a Burning Man up there, too? Yep, there is. Well, it's called Burning Them. No, there's no male or female. Burning They. Hey, Jessica, are you really a porn star? I am, yes. I mean, I'm not like big time or anything. I'm mostly a cam model, but yeah, I do it full time. Jessica Kay, cam model. That's my job. That's your full time gig?

Yes. Wow. How do they find you? How do they find you? How do they find your videos? I don't know how they work because I'm a Christian. Well, my Twitter is just at Jessica KBDSM, but I'm pretty shadow banned on there because I hate sex workers. So other ways to find me is like my mini vids or my OnlyFans, which is just really easy to find. Jessica.

Jessica, we're looking at your vagina. We're looking at your vagina. Your vagina is very pretty. Yeah, we're looking at your vagina right now. It's like a flower. That's cool. Oh, thank you. Yeah, yeah. I try really hard to keep it nice and everything. Yeah, yeah. You shave as well, it looks like. What's inside of there, Jess? Yeah, that's cum. I do. You let people cum inside you? Um...

Not generally, no. Oh, okay. Maybe that's just pussy vagina juice. Okay, we're getting a little gross here. And then I do a lot of like, I do a lot of like lesbian stuff as well because I like girls more than guys in general. Right on, right on. So yeah. It feels weird looking at a butt plug in your butthole and talking on the phone so cordially. This is a very wonderful thing. But Jessica, I do know that... Oh my gosh. No, it's great. It looks awesome. Wait, sorry. Can I tell you a quick story? Go ahead. Yeah.

you might want to hear. Well, about how my brother found out that I did porn. Oh yeah, give it to us. Because I have two siblings and they're older. They're much older. I'm like the youngest. I'm the baby. That's why I'm so fucked up, you know? And so, um, I, um,

Whoa.

And then, like, dropped his phone. Yeah, and then he had to, like, have that conversation with me, like, I know that you do that. Wow. What was that? At Thanksgiving? It was quite interesting. When did he ask you? When did he tell you? Was it at a holiday? Yeah.

It was really just a normal Wednesday. I don't know. We're pretty close, my family. Well, you got a little bit closer then, didn't you? I was like, hey, how do I avoid that? I'm not a doctor, but the rectal muscle is there for a reason, though. I wouldn't use your fist. Well, I know that Dr. Drew says only the okay side. I've gone way past that. Yeah.

You know, it's part of my living. But I'm very careful, and I haven't prolapsed my anus. That's not my goal. Okay. That's good. I'm pretty careful about it. So do you have limitations? Yeah, you shouldn't prolapse because you do know that's really bad for your tushy. If you do that, you know you won't poop right for the rest of your life. Well, it's horrible.

Yeah, it's actually very bad to prolapse. I do not advocate for prolapsing anus. That's right. That's right. That being said, we are very into people that do prolapse. Well, I like tails. Yeah. Bobby loves when a little tail pops out. Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jessica, this is pretty incredible. Let me ask you one more thing. You live in Oregon. Oregon is very sex positive, sex forward. There's a lot of strip clubs up there, right? Yes. Do you strip as well? Uh-huh. You do. What's the name of the club? I do not. I have never done that.

Oh. No, I don't. I do not. But you do stand-up as well? You do comedy? Is that what it says? She's a comedy fan. Oh, comedy fan, I see. It is pretty funny. Oh, no, no. I'm very into comedy. I'm very into comedy. So I know a lot of, like, pretty much all the comedians and everything. Let's do a little game. Let's do a rating. Oh, boy. One through ten, who you like, okay? Theo Vaughn, one through ten. Who do I like? No, just give me a rating. An eight?

Eight out of ten? It's out of ten, Jess. Yeah. Okay, Brian Callen. Yes. What number? One through ten. Six? Andrew. I love him. Yeah, what about Bobby? Hello. What about me? What about Bobby?

Bobby Tens. Okay, we're Tens. We're Tens. Okay, I accept it. I'll take it. I'll take it. Jess, we love you very much. We do appreciate you. I do mean it. If anybody wants to see Jessica Kay's anus, you should have a lot of good butt shots on here. Your booty is out there. Your Twitter is JessicaKBDSM. Can I see her face, though? Let me see her face. Yeah, she's got a very pretty face. I want to see her face. I don't want to see her asshole. I can't judge a person by their asshole. Oh, thank you.

She's very pretty. Very pretty. Yeah, she has a very pretty face. So go ahead and go on Jessica Kay's Twitter. And she's got great boobs. Are those yours? Are those yours, Jess? Is that a tattoo or a bra? They're fake. They're fake. They're fake and that's a tattoo. Jessica Kay, I hope you get a lot of new fans from this. You got a super nice butt and a super good personality. We love you very much.

Love you guys. Thank you so much. She was great. She was great. She was wonderful. Let's rank her asshole. One through ten. We can't show the fans. We're not going to show that. I'm not going to show you. That's smut. What do you think? Honestly? Yeah. Can you see that, George, on the camera? You can't see that. Okay, good. What do you think it is? Her asshole? Yeah. I think her vagina is an eight. Yeah.

Very nice vagina. Yeah, yeah. Her asshole is a four. See, buttholes are hard for me because I don't like buttholes. Yeah, but I want it all there. I can't see the fucking muscle or nothing. Because she's put a lot of stuff in there. Yeah. I have an asshole story. Please, please. But I can't say the name. So what? You can still say the asshole story. You don't have to say the name. So I was at an AA meeting a long time ago, and I ran into a couple of British bodyguards.

British bodyguards. Yeah. They used to bodyguard old rock stars back in the 80s. Are they twin brothers? What do you mean? They're just two dudes? Two English dudes that used to just be bodyguards for bands in England. Awesome. You can't name the band? Can you not? Fuck. No. I'll tell you off. I know, but I know they want to know. So they took one dude to Thailand, right? Some big rock star. And he was fucking little boys there. Oh, shit. I know. That's why I can't say it. Yuck.

It's yucky. Yeah. So he's fucking underage boys. But so, you know, there's a madame there and he went in and fucked a boy and the boy's asshole came out. Why is that funny? I'm not. It's not. You laughed, right? No, no. I didn't mean to. And he said to the madame, I don't know if it's true, but he said, can I have another one? This one's broken. Broken. Yeah.

You can't break it and then claim that I want another one. Can I have another one? This one's broken. I'll tell you who it was. I want to know who it was. Let's call one more person. I think it's very fun.

Can I have another one? I wish you could share. If you shared, is that you think that's not okay to do to say who it was? It's basically like – What did you say? I tried to Google it and nothing came up. And it's just like the Ari thing where it's like the Kobe thing. It's like one incident. I can't, you know what I mean, call out a guy and ruin his legacy. I know.

Off of one story. I know. By the way, side note, did Ari lose something from that? Something, right? Did Netflix not going to do something with him? Someone said that he dropped him. I know that Aqua left him, dumped him. He was his commercial agent. I know that I heard his manager might have left him as well. Really? Yeah. Huh. I don't know that for sure, though. Here's one of your own. Here's Albert Choi. He's a Korean? It says Bobby Lee's cousin.

Is it Andy or Albert? It says Albert Choi. I know an Andy Choi. That's my cousin. But Albert, I don't have a cousin named Albert. Liar. Albert Choi is a liar. Call him it now. You want to call this liar? Yeah. Okay. I don't know if you want to call a liar. He's from Southern California. But please open it up with an Asian accent. Of course. Because if you can do it in front of strangers, then I'm okay with it. Yeah. What do you mean? All right. Ready? We're calling Albert Choi, who says he's your cousin. Obviously a lie.

But you do have an Andy Choi cousin? I have 28 first cousins. I might have an Albert. See? Let's find out. I mean, this, you know, what if this is a long-lost connection that we're making today? Oh, that'd be great. Because I won't give a fuck. I'll have no feelings about it. These people are so afraid to answer. But I get it. Your call has been forwarded to an audience. Too bad for you, bub. Albert Choi, you're not going to get the phone call. We're going to do just one more of those. If that doesn't go through, then too bad.

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Bad friends. Shipstation.com. Make ship happen. Oh, let's do that one together. Make ship happen. Shipstation. Kendall Cavanaugh. That's like a Kendall. Kendall? That could be a boy or a girl.

What's your money on? It's a girl. Yeah. You know why we're doing this? You know why we're calling women instead of men? Because men get all... It is enough with men. It's enough. You've gotten enough your whole life. We're sick of it. It's also because it's way more fun. Kendall Kavanaugh. That girl was incredible, Jess. That was incredible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Incredible. This is Kendall Kavanaugh. And I'm curious to know, but I'm going to look it up and not say anything. These people are scared to answer that random phone. There it is. Kendall. Kendall.

Kendall. Kendall. Hello. Hi. Hi, Kendall. Hi. Hi. Hi, Kendall. Hi, Kendall. What are you doing? This is Andrew and Bobby Lee. Yeah. No, I mean. I'm Albert Choi and this is. And I'm Andy Choi. Andy Choi. We're the Choi brothers. Hi, guys. I'm a big fan. We're big fans of you, Kendall. What are you doing right now?

I'm waiting for my pork chops to be done. Oh, my God. We're vegans. We're vegans. We don't eat stuff like that. That's nasty. Kendall, what do you do for a living, Kendall? I am a controller for a concrete company. Whoa. Kendall! Concrete's interesting. Yes, it is. The whole planet. What's the coolest thing about concrete other than it dries? Uh...

I mean, it holds shit up. That's about it. It fucking holds shit up. So do you, Kendall. We love you because you hold the world together. You're a controller. What is it? I fucked up. What was it called? You're in an office. Are you in an office, Kendall? Yeah. Exactly. I control everything. Damn. Whoa. You're kind of like the Wizard of Oz. You're the Wizard of Concrete. And you know what? Pretty much. You know what the Yellow Brick Road was made out of?

Brick. Concrete. Concrete. Hey, Kendall, you have kids? Yeah. How many? I do not. Oh, why not? Zero. Why don't you have any? I don't know because I'm 27 and I'm not ready for that. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Are you single, Ken? Dull? I am not. You can call me Ken. All my friends do. Ken. Okay, Ken. So you're not single. And what does your husband or boyfriend do?

He works at the concrete company. Of course. Of course. Do you like to get out there and reach out? Yeah, you really want to break out of your comfort zone. You really want to really drive yourself to a place where you're going to meet someone different. I got him the job. Oh, he must be very happy. And I said, I can get you a job. You gave this guy pussy and a job? You're like the greatest woman on earth.

He seems to think so. He should because he, fuck you, you're holding his life together without vagina and money. He's not in the office though, right? He's out there with the concrete or did you get him off his job? Oh yeah. He's heavy duty labor. Hell yeah. That's hot. Get him out there sweating it out. Let me ask you something. When he's out there, he's sweating, he's working hard all day. You're in the office, ticky tack typing away on your little computer with your air conditioning unit, comfy as

fuck when he comes home at the end of the day from being all sweaty and disgusting and dirty do you go right do you guys go right to fucking or do you make him clean up or do you like the smell of that concrete still on his body well we shower together every day yeah yeah that's you ever suck a sweaty dick do you ever you ever eat a sweaty balls have you ever tasted his nuts after he has a long day yeah yeah that's awesome truffle oil what

Our concrete motto is great start, fantastic finish. Wow. Is that really it? It really is. That's cool. Very catchy. Well, let me tell you. It really is. I've got the t-shirts to prove it. What's the name of the company? Mar B. Olson. Mar B. Olson. Great start, fantastic finish. One last question. Where do you live, Kendall?

Petaluma, California. Petaluma, yeah. Can I tell you how great that is? Has your boyfriend ever shot a nut and said fantastic finish? Next time you guys fuck, will you say great start and as soon as he comes, I want him to come all over and go fantastic finish. Will you do that for us, please? Yeah, I'll do it tonight. Yay!

Kendall, thank you so much. I want you to say one thing for me. I want you to say, I'm Kendall Kavanaugh. I love it when my boyfriend's sweaty concrete nuts are on my chin. Will you say that? All right. I'm Kendall Kavanaugh, and I love taking a shot for my boyfriend's sweaty nuts. Thank you. Hey, you're one of our bad friends. I love you, Kendall. Thank you so much. I love you guys, too. Bye. Bye.

She's great. She's fantastic. Kendall Kavanaugh. What a great... That's a cool name. And also, you know, boyfriend concrete business. Yeah, I'm not good at that. What do you mean? You just did a great job. No, but the whole thing, I just don't know. I'm not good at it. I think you did a great job. I know. I'm just telling you right now, man. Ask George. I start sweating. No, fuck you, man. I start sweating. I don't know why. Why? Because these people want to talk to you. Look at my face, though. Yeah, they want to say hi. Is that what it is? Yeah, they want to say hello and have a normal conversation with you.

I do that after a show. Yeah. I get really sweaty when I talk to people. You do meet and greets? Yeah. What do you do? You make people line up and you do photos and shit? Yeah, I mean, I was in Nebraska and I had never played that place before. Lincoln? Omaha. Yeah. And I did a meet and greet. And, you know, people have tattoos on their faces, but it's fine. And I take photos and I don't sell anything. I just like to meet people. You just like to say hello and take a photo.

Sometimes I don't, but when I feel like I haven't been there before, I like to meet them. Is it predicated upon whether or not you had a good set? If you have a bad set, will you still— I will not. I refuse. I fucking refuse. If I have a bad set, I even say it out loud. No, I'll even say it on stage. I was going to go out and say hi, but you guys were terrible. Wait, why? It's not like it's their fucking fault that you did bad. It is their fault. Why? Why?

Do you really believe that, that sometimes it's the audience's fault? No, because it's like, you know, when you watch Taxi Driver. Oh, when I'm just watching Taxi Driver randomly? Some people will watch Taxi Driver and go, that movie sucks. Right? I mean— But it's still a good movie. Do a lot of people think it sucks? There are people that, yeah. I can't watch it. You don't like it? No, I love it, but, like, people will say, I can't watch it. Oh, I think it's a great movie. Let's think of another movie. What's a movie that sucks? Rise of the Skywalker. Okay. Okay.

Do you see it? No. Do you know what it is? I have social reference. I understand what it is. I don't like it. I don't like shit like that. You're right. But a lot of people go, it's a great movie. What a great franchise. It's not. It's not. It's just not. It's not. You know what I mean? So there's nothing you can say. It's just not. So that's one of those kind of things. Yeah, it's not. It's not. But I mean, what's, yeah, but I don't like any of that shit. You're right. Maybe my rhythm would be wrong sometimes and maybe it's not their fault. It's not their fault. But your energy is always so good up top. Your expectations are through the roof.

Yeah, it's so funny. Last night, have you ever done this? I did. So I'm trying to come up with new shit. You're writing new jokes? Yeah. Uh-uh. Yeah. Are you really? Yeah, so I went to Santa Monica to do Neil Brennan's show. Such a good show. Right. So I have my new shit. Yeah. But the place is packed. I mean, it's not— It's packed every night. Every time he does that, it's sold out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's sold out, right? Yeah, because Seinfeld went one time. People being turned away. Yeah. And I'm up there, and I try a couple of jokes.

I know that work. Yeah. They didn't. But they're new jokes? No. Some tried and true shit. Because the thing is, is that- Do you know why? I know why. Because you should have done new shit. They can tell when it's not new. That's not what it is. No? I'll tell you what it was. Okay. Is I went in with Bobby Lee club energy, and you have to be more inward. Yeah, that's right. You have to be a little bit- So I came up like, what's that? You know what I mean? I did that, and I realized-

Oh, fuck. I'm eating it. So then I went inward and I just started talking. And then as soon as I started going into the new stuff, places where I thought were going to get laughs weren't. And then I just would just segue right into an old joke. Because you got nervous. I got nervous. And then I went, Bob, you got to try this other thing. And I would try it. And then when I drove home, I had tears. Bob.

Of just like, you fucking idiot. Why'd you go over there? You know? Why? New shit is new shit. It's not supposed to work. Those shows aren't supposed to be for like... No, it's not the fact that I... It's the fact that I bailed on them. Yeah. I didn't finish them. Oh, you're mad at your delivery. Yeah, I'm mad that I wasn't brave enough to finish the fucking thing that you went over there to fucking do. Well, then you're going to go back and do it again. Well, now I'm just like, fuck it. I'm just going to do it at the store.

No, you have to go back. I am going to go back over there, but tonight I have a show at the store. Okay. I'm just going to fucking do it. Yeah, you have to. Yeah, I don't give a fuck. Can you tell me? I don't want you to have to share a joke, but will you tell me one of the premises of one of the new jokes that you know works? None of them work. Give me one of the premises of the new joke. Well, there's a story. It's a story. What? Well, because, you know, Kaleid has been calling me pussy all the time. Yeah, you are a pussy. Go ahead. Okay.

The reason why she called me a pussy is because a month ago we heard a noise in our house in the backyard. Freaked out. And she goes, you check out there. And I go, no, you. Right? Yeah. And then she goes, you're a pussy, right? Yeah. So then this actually happened. I was at a check cashing place. Why are you at a check cashing – like a fucking check advance place?

No, I go to a check cashing place for money. You don't go to a bank? I have a bank too. Why do you go to a check cashing place? Shadow money. What are you doing, dude? I have shadow money. So what do you do? You go to a check cashing place and you cash it? Right. How much do they charge you to do that? I don't care. Can I tell you? Do you know you can go to your bank and have them cash it and just get the cash? I don't want to even do that. I do the cash cashing in place.

You know, you could just go to your bag. I want to go to the cat check-in. Okay, okay. Yeah, so I was at the cat check-in place. Cat check-in place. And there was a Mexican lady in front of me, and she was wearing a dress. Okay. And some Mexican guy next to her was, hey, baby, nice dress. Oh. And she didn't say anything. So then he starts going aggro.

Right. He's like, I said nice fucking dress, bitch. Yeah, yeah. He goes, hey, nice dress, bitch. She didn't say nothing. I told you, fucking stuck up, bitch. And she started going aggro. And I was like, because of all this pussy shit. Yeah. I'm like, I got a man up. You do. I have to fucking fight for defenseless people. So I look at him. How do you know she was defenseless, by the way?

Because you could tell she was scared. She was scared. Yeah. Okay. So I look at the guy like, stop fucking doing this. And he looks at me then and he goes, what are you looking at, bro? And I go, pretty good. So I'm going to tell that story. Yeah, that's a good story. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretty good. I said pretty good. And then I just kind of clammed up and I just looked on the ground. Do you ever say I don't speak English? Have you ever done that?

Has someone ever gotten aggro with you and you've been like, no, no English. No, but I do do a character. Like I have some sort of like social anxiety. Yeah. Yeah. I'll go. I don't know. Like I'll do that. Yeah. But I won't do, you know, you won't do no English to him. Yeah. When people say shit like, you know, like I'll have people say random like racist shit.

Really? Yeah. Like being serious? No. They do it to try to start a conversation. Give me an example. Like I'll be at an airport. This actually happened. I was sitting there waiting for a big board. And this like Texan kind of an older man sat next to me. That guy was crazy.

Going on, gookalook. Yeah. And he just kept looking at me. And maybe he recognized me. I don't know. Yeah. But he wanted to start a conversation. Right. You look like someone people want to talk to. I don't know. You do. But so he, instead of saying, hey, man, I'm a big fan of your work or, hey, where are you going? You're going, you know, wherever. Right. He just said, my daughter loves Hello Kitty. That's how we fucking opened it. Yeah, but that's a Bond experience. No, but so then I go, um.

I didn't invent it. Maybe he thinks you might have. No. You kind of look like the creator of Hello Kitty. Yeah, but my point is that people will do all kinds of stuff. Was he trying to be funny or trying to be funny? No, no. He was just trying to like – he didn't smile. He was just like – Hey, man, my daughter loves what you guys do. Hello Kitty. And I understand it's not racist. He's trying to just start a conversation. No, it's racist. No, it's racist.

You think so? Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? How is that not racist? It's the same thing as when people go. Were you wearing a Hello Kitty shirt? No. Well, then it's fucking racist. Or it's like when people start like, I'll get, you don't know that we have to go through this, but people always go, you Korean?

Sometimes I go, yeah. Yeah, they guess. Yeah. Yeah, my best friend Toby Cho was Korean in high school. Right, right. And that's the same thing. It's like, what the fuck? I don't know Toby. Yeah, who cares? Bitch. But I do that all the time. To ethnic people? I go up to Asians and I go, hey, you Japanese? And they go, no, I'm Korean. I go, I know. My best friend's Bobby Lee. He's Korean. Yeah.

Do you get that? White people don't go through that, huh? No. Most whites don't go through... But I get the red-headed joke thing that's so annoying and hacky. Right. I do it too much. Do I do it too much? No, you're my friend. You can do it as much as you want. Right. It's just like me doing the Asian voice to you is hacky, but it's funny because we do it together to each other. Right. But people in public think it's funny. George probably gets made fun of for looking just how he fucking looks. Yeah. But the red hair... Because he...

If you're going to be white, don't be like that. Don't be a bruch white. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bruch white. You chose the wrong everything. I looked up bruch in the dictionary and George's face was there. No, no. Most whites, right, they don't deal with anything like that. Typically, yes, but sometimes people fucking do this hacky, hey, is it a carbon match and drapes?

And what do you do? How do you respond? I can't imagine you responding in a delightful way. Honestly, do it to me right now. Literally, this happened to me. This happened to me. I'm not kidding. Amen. At a bar. So I'm at a bar. Go ahead. Amen. Hey. Does the curtain match the drapes? I swear to God. Oh, really? I don't say anything. Yeah. I stare and make them uncomfortable and then they go, I just was fucking around and they don't know what to do. Yeah. Also that, you know, like I'll get someone will say like, yeah,

Like a girl, like a drunk girl, right? There was a drunk girl in Vegas and she was like spilling at the, at the table. And I, and I remember I turned her and I go, lady, come on, man, get it together. Like she's spilling on the fucking and the, and the, the, the pit boss had to go, ma'am, please move. She, they think she's with fucking me. So now I'm like, I, this, no, she just blacked out. She's spilling on the table.

And she and I go, lady, come on. Hey, come on. You're fucking bumping into people like I'm trying to be nice to her. When I say it, she goes, shut the fuck up, firecracker.

Oh, what'd you do? I beat the shit out of her. No, no, what'd you do? No, I beat the shit out of her. I choked her and I beat the shit out of her. Nothing. I didn't respond at all. What am I going to say? But do you think about it when you leave? When I was a kid, I used to get defensive and fist fight people because that's how that happened. But as an adult, I don't have any patience because I know she's a fucking moron. I know she's a fucking moron. So it's not even worth my time. I get submissive.

Like one time I was doing that. That's why Kalilah's saying don't be a pussy because she's training you to not let someone step on you. Right. I was in a Chinese restaurant. I'm not fucking kidding you. And I'm going to the bathroom. Yeah. And some guy just goes, where's the soy sauce? Shut up. Or some sauce. Yeah. Hey, where's soy sauce? I worked there. Yeah. And you know what I did? I got him it. I got him it.

I went and got it. I put it on his table. Yeah, well, you know. He was like, thank you. You did know where it was, to be fair. But here's the one I regret. Yeah. Is I was in Nashville. Love Nashville. I love it too. And I was at a barbecue place with my friend Marissa. She's a nobody. Marissa Tomei, the actress. No, no. But she's this cute white girl. She's a friend, you know, having dinner. Yeah. And some probably six foot eight.

Probably a 70-year-old man wearing a leather. Six foot eight, 70-year-old? Yeah, just this gigantic man. He was with his family. And he comes up beside me and he puts his hands around me. Well, I'm talking to my friend. He goes, son, pull up your pants. And you know what I did? To you? Yeah. I went, sorry. Sorry.

I'm so sorry. I did that like a fucking bitch. Like a child. Yeah, I should have went, hey, dude, don't fucking touch me, bro. Yeah, do not fucking touch me. Don't fucking touch me. And also, you should have taken your pants off. You should have Bobby Lee'd the shit out of it. Yeah. You should have doubled down. But I'm no longer, I'm not going to do that anymore. Why? No, I'm no longer going to be submissive. Right. I'm not going to, because I think about it way too fucking much.

Like, it kind of – I, like, lay in bed sometimes, and I'll think about that one incident. Yeah, because you need to stand up for yourself. That's what it is. Okay, here. Let's play a scenario, right? Yeah. You're out. You're with – not Kalilah because that's too good. It's got to be somebody who's – somebody who works for you, like Gilbert. Okay, I'm with Gilbert. Okay, you're out with Gilbert. Yeah. Right? Gilbert's kind of – he's a very nice guy. He's a little quiet, but he also is very, like – he commands, right? Mm-hmm.

You guys are at like Cafe 101 Okay ready and then you're sitting there with Gilbert Just you know be talking to Gilbert about something God your face is so flat today That's something I would say I know I know keep going What do you mean It's just like you did a 100 yard dash in a 90 yard gym But like I hit a wall that fat Hey You Bobby Lee Yeah I don't like your comedy at all Okay nice to hear man Okay well you're also in my fucking booth I sit there

So get out of my fucking booth. No. Get out of my fucking booth. Okay. Let's go, Gilbert. I said no once. But you did say no once. The first time. But the second time. Well, after that, you don't want to fight this guy for a booth. Why did you do it that way, you fucking asshole? You got so aggressive right up. That's what I'm saying.

That would never happen. All right, let's do a one. That would never be real about it. I'll be very real. Ready? I'm with Gilbert again? Unfortunately, yeah. Here's the situation. You pulled into a gas station. Yeah, yeah. And we're both kind of waiting for a pump. You kind of snuck in there before me, but technically it's yours. Okay? But you don't know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, ready? You get out of your car. Go ahead with Gilbert. All right. So Gilbert, did you...

You used to drive a steamroller and you fell off and your head got that way? No, man. All right. I'm going to pump gas. Hey, bro. Yeah, man. I was here too. I was waiting for this spot. You literally just swooped in front of me and took over the pump. Actually, my car was a little ahead of yours and you know that I was in front of you. You weren't in front of me and I think what you're doing is fucking rude. All right, dude. How much is gas for you? To fill up my car? Yeah. It's about $285. Here you go.

You're just going to give me your money? Yeah. Shut the fuck up. Really? Shut your fucking poor face up. My guess is $800. Is that $280? Yeah, well, you already paid, you fucking dumb idiot. I wouldn't do that. Let's rewind a little bit. Ready? Yeah, go ahead. Hey, man. No, seriously, you did cut me off. I want you to apologize to me for that. I'm sorry. Bob! All right, do it again. Bob! Do it again. Do it again. Do it again. Do it again. Okay, ready? Yeah. Hold on.

Hey, man, you stole my pump. I was here first. Relax, dude. I was ahead of you, and the nozzle's already in my car. I'm pumping already. Okay, well, I want you to take out the nozzle, cancel your credit card. I'm not doing that, dude. I was here, dude. I don't give a fuck. Call the cops. I don't give a fuck. You know what? What? I want to call the cops. Call them. You're not going to say sorry for cutting me off? I will not say sorry. To the end of my life, I won't. What's your name? Dominic. Dominic what? Cruz. Cruz.

The actor? No, the MMA fighter. The MMA fighter, Dominic Cruz? Yeah. That's you? Yeah. You're the shit, dude. Thank you. Who's that ugly flat-faced kid in the car? It's a tiki statue I got from Hawaii. Let me see how you would handle it. That did great. You did great. Let me see how you would handle it. Yeah, go ahead. All right. Hey, dude, that's my fucking pump, bro. Fuck off. See, that's good. Yeah. Done. Because you have a physique, though. Fuck off. Yeah, but you're...

Let me handle it how I really would. Let's do it for real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here you go. I'm pumping. Okay, but I'm going to tell you who it is. Yeah, go ahead. I'm LeBron James. Okay. I got to get there in my head. Okay, yeah, I'm there. Ready? Yeah. Okay. Yo, man. Yo, man. Yo. I was ahead of you, dude. It's like, remove that nozzle. I'm going to park where that is, and you're going to back up because that's my slot. Michael Jordan's the greatest basketball player of all time. Yo, dude. Shh.

That's really good. That would shut him up. Yeah, he would laugh. He'd probably laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you made a joke, he would laugh. Wow. Or punch me. Either way, I'm getting fucking paid. Yeah. Knock me out, LeBron. Knock me the fuck... That's the best part. You do it, but you're Kevin Bacon. I'm Kevin Bacon? Yeah, you're Kevin Bacon. Okay, ready? Let me try. Yeah, yeah. Why am I doing this?

That is a bacon-y thing to do. It's very footloose-y. He was in Footloose, right? Yeah. All right, here you go. Ready? You're at the pump. I'm Kevin Bacon. Hey, man, you took my spot. I was at that pump before you. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, I wish that you had died and not Bill Paxton. I am dead. Oh, fuck. Bill Paxton's alive. Bill Paxton died. Did he? Holy shit.

This is bad. How do we not know this? I know this. Is Kevin Bacon dead? Kevin Bacon's alive. No, he died. No, Kevin Bacon's alive. Wait. But by the way... Bill Paxton. Yeah, Soce Bacon. Bill Paxton's a lot... Died. Yeah, Soce Bacon was a tiger belly...

I've been on a podcast. I love her and I love her dad. That was just a kidding scenario. We're allowed to joke around. I love you and I want you to live forever. Why Bill Paxton? Why did he pass away? What did he die from? How do we not know that? He had an operation that went wrong, right? Oh my God. Bill Paxton. This is crazy. Yeah. Bill Paxton died. I can't believe you don't know he died. He died in 2017 after running into a tiny little Asian man at a gas station and an argument ensued.

After the argument, Paxton drove away and died of a stroke. Dude, you fucking killed Bill Paxton. Oh, yeah.

Boo-boo. It's crazy that he died. I mean, what a great... He was so incredible. Yeah. I'm really annoyed that I didn't know he was dead. I apologize. That was my fucking fault. Did you not know he... I thought you were still doing a joke. No, I wasn't doing a bit about that part. The Kevin Bacon part, I knew he was alive. I was just joking around. Yeah, yeah. But I didn't know that Bill Paxton passed away. People die and I forget. Don't you forget sometimes? No, name me somebody that's dead and I'll tell you if he is or not. Yeah.

I'll name a bunch of people that... There's got to be a website called People You Didn't Know Were Dead. That should be. Try to mix in people that are still alive and I can tell you. Betty White. Alive. Oh, yeah? Yep. She is. Val Kilmer. Alive. Hold on. What's the girl's name from Star Wars? What's her name? She's dead. Yeah. Yeah.

You're not good at this. Okay, okay, okay. Hold on. This is a website. Yeah, yeah. All right, here we go. Brittany Murphy. Dead. Okay. Don't look at the screen. I want to name you one. Okay. Tara Reid. Dead? Alive. She's alive. Fuck. She's so bad at this. Okay, okay, okay. How about Harold Ramis? Dead. Let's see another one of these. How about... Because I knew him. Oh, you did? Yeah. Wow, he was fucking one of the greats. How about Michael Clark Duncan? Dead. Fuck. Okay.

Rowdy Roddy Piper. Dead. We knew him. He was at the store. He's not there anymore. You know what? I just realized this website is actors that are dead. You have to mix in people that you think. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. What is this? Oh, this is great. Okay. Here's some lists. This is really good. Angela Lansbury. Dead. That's right. Yeah. Drew Carey. Alive. Nope. Dead. Drew Carey's not a dead. He's alive. Yes, he is. No, he's not. Willie Nelson.

Willie Nelson. He's alive. He's dead. Is he really? He's dead. Fuck. He died. Yeah, yeah. Wait, is he alive? Yeah, he's alive. Be honest. I'm doing it. Dick Cheney. Alive. He's dead. Is Dick Cheney dead? He's not. He's alive. He's alive. I'm not playing this game. Why? It's fun. Carl Reiner. Carl Reiner died. Yeah, that's right. David Attenborough. Ooh, dead. He's dead. Bobby Lee.

If you were dead, you would be the fucking worst ghost of all time. You would be the shittiest ghost. Oh, it would be great. Because you'd walk around going, diggy, diggy, diggy, diggy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're really good at knowing how many people are dead. But it's funny because I don't think you would know celebrities. Okay, if you died. Yeah.

And you got to visit your funeral. Uh-huh. Right? And if I didn't go because— I know you won't go. If I didn't go because I had to do Magnum PI or something. Fuck. Would that rage you? Are you fucking serious? Would that put you in a rage? I would haunt you, Kalilah. I would haunt everyone you're associated with. Because I have to work, you fuck? Work? Work.

You call Magnum P.I. work? I know what you do. You go out there and you drink coconuts. You don't do shit. I know. If you didn't show up to my fucking funeral and I saw it, I would be so fucking mad. Is there any excuse that you would have for me, though? Yeah. What? Something with your family.

If something bad happened to Steve or your mom, then I would excuse it. Okay, if I died, right? Yeah. And you, let's say you got a Steven Spielberg movie. Yeah. And you have a scene with Julia Roberts and Tom Hardy. Okay. Right? I don't even need Julia Roberts in it. Just Tom Hardy. I like him. He's hot. It's one day in New Zealand, right? It's an epic scene, right? Yeah.

And if you don't make it, you're not on the movie if you're not there. Right. If you miss my fucking funeral, I would be okay with that. Here's the deal, though. Here's the best part. I would go to the funeral and be able to get on a plane and fly to New Zealand because you go back in time when you go down there. Wow. That's smart. Or is it forward? Fuck, I don't know. Whatever. Is it backward down there? But regardless of what it is. Whatever it is. I would do both.

No, even if you couldn't, let's say you couldn't. I would do your funeral. Yes, you mean more to me than fucking that. I would not do the same for you. You fuck. I really wouldn't. What? If it's a big deal, I wouldn't. Bob, it's one day. Look at it like this. It's one day in a movie where you're insignificant as fuck. Tom Hardy, megastar, hot guy, awesome, cool, will steal the movie. And who was the other person? Julia Roberts? Yeah. Okay, first of all, they would never be in a movie together.

Second of all, she's the fucking – she's a shining star, brilliant, beautiful person. Your one day couldn't be a substantial role, so it means nothing. You'll be just another little fart, poo-poo, nugget, dumpling character that they threw to you, and it wouldn't mean anything to the movie. Would you be mad if they didn't put your name on the Comedy Store awning for at least a day? Livid. I would be fucking – if I didn't get a Make God Laugh sign on the Laugh Factory and a RIP in the store, livid. You know what I would be livid at? Huh? If Jamie put Make God Raff.

for me, for me.

I would be like, my goals, I would not think it was funny. People would think it was funny. If it said, make a god a raff. Yeah, god a raff. Make a god a raff. It would infuriate me. Oh, my God. You know what? What? I'm going to save money. I'm putting that on a tombstone for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make a god a raff. Yeah. But like, yeah, I would have to be in the awnings. Yeah, no. For how many days, though? That's the point. Yeah. So some people got a whole week. Some people get like a- How did Brody get? What did Brody get? Brody got more than a week. I think Brody got a substantial amount of time. Like seven days.

Well, that'd be just a week. I just said just more than a week. I think he got over a week. Oh, yeah. How about this? Two days and you're out. Would that be mad? Yeah. Two days? Monday, Tuesday? It's open fucking micers. I want the people to see. Or how about just Friday, Saturday, your weekend? Yeah, that's good. Just two days. But in La Jolla? No La Jolla. No, I want to be in La Jolla too.

For Friday and Saturday. Yeah. And on one side it should say, the headliner's name, on the other side it should say, but really, rest in peace, Anderson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's pretty dark. How about this? This is good. This is really sad and weird and fucked up. Yeah, yeah. When you're dead, when you're dead and gone, and if you ghost to the memorial that they have at the comedy store for you, if you found out certain people were there that attended your funeral that you don't like, how would you feel then? Yeah.

You know who I'm thinking about, a couple of people. You can name them. I don't give a fuck. Okay, there's a chunk of people that you know that we both know you don't like. If they showed up, how would you feel about them now? There's a couple of people that politically they have to. Who? Who's political? They would just, to save face, they would show up. Yeah, okay, okay. I know what you mean. Yeah, yeah, never mind. Because I'll be honest with you. When Freddy Soto died, right? Yeah. He didn't like me.

Why didn't Freddie like you? We just had a beef for some reason. Comedy-wise? Yeah. Like I don't think you're funny type of shit? No, it wasn't that. It was something else. But I don't want to get into that. But I had no problem. I loved Freddie. Yeah. He just didn't like me. Yeah. Right? But I showed up anyway. You did. I sat in the very – you know where the back of the main room is? Of course, yeah. And when they showed his baby photos –

Because you know how they – that's bullshit. That is. That makes you cry. As soon as the baby photo of Freddie, I literally burst into tears where – and nobody wanted me there because this is when Eleanor hated me and all these people hated me. Why did Eleanor hate you? Oh, she didn't talk to me for 17 years. You know that, right? Why? I mean I know, but why didn't she? I thought you guys just didn't get along. Because of Freddie. Oh, that's it? Yeah. I thought there was a thing that happened. I ratted them out.

I ratted people out. I'm a rat. What did you rat them out for? It's a long story. All right. Don't tell it. I can tell you. Tell it. All right. I'll tell you. Tell it. So Freddie didn't like me. Yeah, we got that. And Freddie was very big at the comedy store at the time. Yeah, he was. And Eleanor was the talent coordinator. They were best friends. Freddie's girlfriend, Princess Corrie, was also a talent coordinator, right? Yeah.

And I wasn't getting spots, right? So I would call in, and then somebody told me that, oh, they're not even giving Mitzi the Urovels. Oh, shit. Right? So I started getting paranoid. Right, as you do. As I do, right? And I was also working there as a doorman, so I'd just sit there weak on just no spot. So then what happened was Polygas did Kirk's back, and Kirk is a Thai man.

And he's like very Paul Potty. Yeah. If you show up one minute late, you're fired. Never come back. Like he was one of those guys. I love that. Right? Yeah. But Kirk would go to me, you want to go up? Right? He loved you. Yeah. I go, now? Prime spot? Yeah. You can do whatever you want with me. He loved you. He loved me. So he would just put me up. That's so wonderful. It's so wonderful. But everyone hated him.

All the waitresses hated him Everyone in the club hated him So then they did a What do you call it A sign up sheet No to go to It's like a petition Thank you George A petition But also shut the fuck up A little too loud and aggressive So they did a petition To fire Kirk Oh shit Somebody gave me the petition

Sign it. I'm not signing. This is the only reason why I'm getting spots. Yeah. And they go, and Pauly can't know that we're doing this because Kirk's Pauly's guy. Right. Right? Right.

So the first thing I do is call Paul. 100%. Right, call Paulie. Yeah. And I go, yeah, and Eleanor, they're doing a petition, and they're trying to get a – that's how I said it. Kirk, and they're talking shit behind your back. Like your little kid out of breath. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is an abomination. Right. And Pop McDean, really, bro? Hell yeah. What is that, real? So he goes, and he wreaks havoc. Right.

But then he goes, Bobby call me. Bobby call me. That's what you get. Right, right? And then all of a sudden, just sheer rat.

I was a rat. You're a rat. That's a rat. No, I'm not. That's not a rat? I'm a cockroach. Right. You never die. Right. Rats die. Yeah, you don't die. Cockroaches don't. You've held on for the long ride. Listen to me. All you fucking young guys that talk shit behind my back, they say that he's old. You know what I mean? He's not relevant, all that shit. Nobody says this. Yes.

I'm the new shit. I know it's in my head, but I believe it. Literally nobody says that. But I'm just saying, if you are doing it, remember, right? I am cockroach.

I ain't no go nowhere. You know? So anyway, what happened was Kirk, they found out, and he stayed on for a while. He still kept the job. But man, that fucked it up with me, Corey, Eleanor, and Freddie. Damn. Real bad. Damn. For a long time. For 17 years. After Freddie died, it changed. No, it got even worse. But you and Eleanor are good now. Because one day, I don't know what happened. This only happened once.

Two years ago. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, you're in half a cup. You remember when it happened? When I knew George, Eleanor hated me. I've just never been in the same room with you two. Yeah, because I would avoid her. Right, but you avoid a lot of people at the store. Not that you dislike them. There's just some people you just avoid. So I just assume that to be natural. But one day we were, it was so weird. I was downstairs and there was a bunch of people down there and I'm just talking to people and I turn and Eleanor's right there. And I couldn't get away because people were like,

And she just said, do my podcast. I'm like, okay. You said yes. And then that next week we did it, and it was squashed. See, people grow. People change. You know, when Ari beat the shit out of me all those times, right? Yep. And I literally adamantly was like, I will forever hate him. And one day it just passed. Things change. You know, you just let things fly by and let things simmer down, and things will change.

Don't react violently. Well, if it's necessary, you have to. You have to do what you have to do. Yeah, but so that was a huge thing for me. It was a big step. Yeah. Corey still doesn't talk to me. Who? Princess Corey, though. I don't know who that is. Freddie's wife that was the talent coordinator. Oh, sorry. She still doesn't talk to me. Well, do you want to call her? No, no, no. We called a lot of people. She would have to come up to me and go, let's just squash her. But I'm not going to say anything.

Well, maybe we should reach out to her sometime. Do you want to do that? No. All right. All right. You want to look into the camera and sign off and say goodbye to the kids? Did we do enough? I think we did a good job. How long? I don't know. We did some good time. How long did we do? Don't keep asking how long we did. I want to know. How long did we do? Over 120. That's great. Yeah, that's over 120. That's good.

Well, Bobby here. We're slowly making our moves in this thing. Bobby Lee here. No, no, no. Signing off. No, no. We look in the camera, and this is a main one, and we say thank you for being our bad friend. Remember? Hold on. Ready? First of all, please don't talk to me like that. Robert, hold on. Okay.

Ready? Please don't. Thank you. What is it again? Thank you for being our bad friend. Ready? One, two, three. Thank you for being our bad friend. Well, don't fuck it up. You fucked it up. Thank you for being. No, no. Just let me count it in. One, two, three. Thank you for being our bad friend. That was good.