Chilly Chill and Mr. Hollywood
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What's going on here? I can read things, man. What's going on here? Well, what's happening is... We're not going to put this out. Andres abandoned us, so everybody needs to go to George underscore Kimmel and follow me on Instagram. Because Andres, he's a clout thief. Everybody knows he's a clout thief. That's my clout that he's taking. I've slaved away for six years to build up that clout.

I've slaved away for you for over nine years, but you know, and Andres just made you, bro. Yeah, I made you, bro. I slaved away to help. I know we helped each other, but I'm just saying without me, there is no you. Without me, there's 75% of you online. That's fine. 75%. That doesn't hurt. You think he's...

You think 25% of you is because of him? Online you. Online you. Not anything else. That's a quarter of your credit worth on the internet he thinks he built. I found those fans. You're the one that told people not to follow him. Is this his defense right now? Yeah, this is his defense. Well, what do you want to do? You want to tell the fans to not follow him still? Well, I told the fans that we want to bring his fucking followers to a thousand. How many are you at right now? I went up to like 17, 18. What's fancy at?

He's a 27 now, I think. He is.

He does not deserve any of those. He deserves 2,000 followers. He's going to grow exponentially. He didn't even know what Instagram was. When Instagram came out, Andres thought it was a filter app. He didn't even know other people could see the photos. You're never going to catch him. He did not even know people could see the photos. And now he has more followers than me? I have to take a shit. How does that happen? When you talk, I shit. When you talk, I shit. When you talk, I shit. I have to take a shit because when he talks, I shit. You two are bad. Who are these two idiots? Woo!

What's that for? My Tito Chito tour. Shirts. God, you just...

You're just blowing up, huh? The t-shirts I'm selling on sale, I'm just selling my image on the road. No, but you're doing projects with other people. I'm not doing projects with anybody else. You're doing Hollywood stuff and you're leaving me in the dust, huh? You're going to Hawaii again. You went to New York again. You keep going, you're jet setting. I'm staying in LA, begging for work. Please, please. No, no, no. Bro, you're currently on a show as a regular. It's over. It's over.

But are you not a regular on a show? Yeah, but who knows if it ever comes back? I'm not a regular on no show, dog. Who knows if it ever comes back? I do two lines here. Oh, mister, mister, you want me to carry the laundry? No. Yeah, yeah. Those are the kind of parts I get. First of all, you want me to turn the light off? Is that what you do in Magnum P.I.? Yeah. Is that your role? Hello, Magnum. I drive your car. Thanks a lot, Wang. Here's the keys. And sometimes I, like, hold onto the car and go wee.

Like that. What's the name of your character on the show? Ching Chong's. Is it Ching Chong's? Plural. Oh, two? Ching Chong's. There's multiple of you. Yeah, I'm like five Ching Chong's in one. It's like the Olsen twins. They had to get two just so one of you gets tired. Yeah, the shit that I do. When I was in Hungary, I lied about it. When you were in Hungary shooting a massive Kevin Hart movie? Bro. Grow up. I wasn't in the movie. I lied.

I was Eli Roth's shoeshine boy. Were you? Yeah. Shine him up, boy. Like, because he needs to wear between every setup when he's setting up the camera. He needs new shoes? He recycles shoes, and I'm scrubbing, and he says, do the accent.

I saw me roll right right right do you really do that for you man you think I'm blowing up dude you're blowing up nothing going on when I was in New York yeah what were you doing in New York Bob I'll tell you what I was doing yeah let me know streets cleanings street cleaning yeah with a machine or by yourself by myself just with your hands broke all the street cleaner yeah yeah and they could use your face

Really? I go, but I have... Do the accent. But I have... Right? You have to do an accent? Yeah, and then they go, I have to... Right? Use your fucking gook face. Oh my God, they say that? Right, so I'm like... Why would they ask you to use your face? I'm like a rickshaw. Oh, they rickshaw you? Yeah, pulling me like a rickshaw. I'm like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do they say use your face? Is it because it's...

Exactly. Because it's... Flout. So what I'm saying to you is that all these things that I've been doing are all lies. So you've been lying to me about all the work you've been getting. Yeah, I apologize. It's so weird it came out this way. Because it feels like it's definitely real. And you're doing Hollywood stuff. I'm not doing Hollywood stuff. I'm not doing anything. But the TV show is in its last and final week. But you got another thing with another guy. I do. I'm developing a thing with another man. A pretty big guy. Will you ask him this too? Mm-hmm.

Ask that guy if he has a problem with me. I'll text him right now? Yeah, text him right now. Honestly. Well, he's not going to text back right now. Let's find out. Bobby thinks that you have a problem with him. Why? Do you have an issue? Because when he was a young kid, this is 15 years ago. Wait, you know him from that many years ago? I know when he started, yeah. He used to have the best parties of all time.

Like house parties? What? House parties, you mean? Yeah, yeah. Okay. I'm done. And what? Did you do it? I sent it. All right. People, by the way, always say Tito's on his phone. Only when he asks me to. So you said these. And then every year or twice a year, I would go to his parties. And I'm the dancer. Well, yeah. At every party, I'm the dancer. Yeah. You know what I mean? I just get into it. You just have a stroke? No, no, no. But I get my shoulders into it. Oh, you're that kind of guy. Yeah. You know what I mean? I do the noise. I think that.

You know what I mean? And the music goes, right? And everyone, there's always a sea that parts. There's a crowd. No, they part. Oh, for you. Yeah, like a Moses. Oh, wow. Right? And they, Moses, Moses. Moses, sir. Moses, sir. They don't do the accent with that. They don't do that? I don't know why. Right, so they do the part. And I do the, you know, like back when they did Solid Gold.

Yeah, of course. Yeah. Back in the time doing it right. And I do that. And I go down the fucking with the sea of people. Do it again. I turn around. Pop, pop. Do it again. Why are you pinching your tits? What does that have to do with it? Why are you pinching your tits when you dance? I have fake breasts on when I do it. Oh, you have big fake tits when you dance? Yeah, because they think I'm a woman. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then so he used to have these parties. And then when he blew up.

It was just... I got nothing from him. Like he never texted you or called you again? Yeah. That's just because people get busy. I know. Do you think so? Well, also, how... Okay, other than me, for real, who else do you actually text? Other than me, who do you really text with? Kalilah doesn't count. She doesn't count. George doesn't count. Eric Griffin sometimes. Okay. Well, let's look at my text now. Yeah, let's find out who else... Your phone's up there by your squeegee. Who else do you text in real life? All right, so...

Let's look at my phone now. How about this? When was the last time you sent a genuine what's going on? Like, hey, what's up text? So this is Juliana. Oh, that's her. Doesn't count. But I go, let's go. Doesn't count. So my mom. Doesn't count. Why? It's not like a friend. It's like family or work people. My friend Jean. My friend Janina. Who are those people? Janina was the actress I was in Hungary with. I shined her shoes too. You shined her shoes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And who's Jean? Jean is...

A producer on Magnum P.I. Okay. Who's my friend. Oh, right. Ari Shaffir. What did you say to him? He's just like, let's have lunch next time. Never going to happen. Why? Because you don't like Jewish people. You've said that before on this show. I like Jewish people when they look a certain way. If they look like Liam Neeson, I'm in. But Ari Shaffir. Yeah. You don't like him. When they look... When they look like Ari? No. Ari looks like if you drew...

A cartoon of a Jewish person. Like everything's exaggerated and long. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No text back. I know. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry. I know. I told you. That's okay. I don't care. It's okay. But so yeah, I text people. What was the question? Oh, yeah. So you don't text, but you never really send out a, hey, what's up? How are you text? You don't do that. You never do. And you complain when I text you. Unless. Unless what? Unless it's like you're going to get something out of it. Then you don't say anything.

What do you mean get something out of it? You think I'm a weasel? You know exactly, yeah. You think I'm a weasel? You said on the episode last week you were a weasel or a rat or a what? What did you say? Yeah. Yeah. Pauly Shore. I like you, Bobby. Oh, God. Yeah, yeah. So I have some friends. Mm-hmm.

All right. Anyway, let's get back to the matter at hand. Which is what? We are excited to announce George has been shut down on Instagram. He's plummeting to the bottom of the gramola. Look at this. 18,000 followers, boob. He was above 20. Weren't you above 20, George? Dude, I know bus boys with more followers. 100%. We do. What is it? What? How many were you at? I was at 21, and now it's down to 18. But I...

I'm mostly mad at Andres for being such a clout thief, but a little bit mad at Bobby. Do you think he's a clout? Wait, wait, you're mad at me about what?

I gave you a job, dog. Uh-oh. This is purely about Instagram, Bobby. Yeah, it's nothing. I'm slaved for those followers. Yeah, but you know what? It means a lot to him, and you know it does. I know it does. It means the world to me. Can I say something else? Because look, he put his baby up. Look at that stupid picture with his baby and a tiger belly shirt. Can I also tell you another thing that he does that I know for a fact? Salt mines of clout. I'm in the salt mines of clout. All right, you're done talking now, producer.

This is what he does, and it's so gross. Give it. So if we have a local show, like if I'm playing the Bray Improv or Irvine, or even if Annie Letterman's doing Bray, or whatever, if there's an event, a stand-up event. Let me guess. Go ahead. It's so gross. Go ahead. Does he ask for tickets for other people that you've never met before? No, it's worse. What? He goes and hangs out in the lobby to fish for recognition. George! George!

George, that's yucky. Literally, I'm not kidding you. I've seen it too. George, you wait in the hallway to try to see if fans are going to recognize you? And they do, right? Of course. That feeling. That feeds his ego. It feeds his ego and he's addicted to it and he like does selfies and whatnot, right? George, do you do this?

Well, I get stuck in the lobby when people see me. You get stuck in the lobby? You come into the back of the green room with us. What is the reason why you're even there? There's no purpose. We're not filming it. We're not recording it. I just wanted to go, and then so many people came up to me to see me that I got stuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. George, you're allowed to be in the green room with us, and you know you can go to the back. He doesn't do that, though. But you go to the lobby on purpose. Yeah. Don't you? You know what he does, too? He'll be in the showroom and fake take photos or fake work. Oh.

Oh, right. Right. So that people look at him. Right. So he'll get on his knees and like do a shot, line up a shot. Do you do this? And then people go, hey, bro. You know, there was a Hispanics at the show. Oh, hey, well, so. Yeah. And he feeds on it and he loves it. It like warms his soul.

It's sad. It is. George, what do you need in the world? You have got a beautiful wife, a wonderful baby. Why do you need this attention, attraction from the pod fans? No, I'm just envisioning what it would be like to shoot something there. So sometimes I get lost in my own thoughts. You're going to go back and shoot a sketch at the comedy club? George, can I ask you a real serious question? Mm-hmm.

And let's be real for once. I know in podcasts we fuck around and this and that. Yeah. And that's all for show. I want to ask you a real legitimate question. And we'll edit it out if, you know what I mean? We're not going to. It's too real. I know we're not. Yeah. But be honest for once in your life. And your life depends on it. Does it feel good to get recognized from people?

Oh, yeah. I was recognized just at the Panda Express the other day. The guy even waited outside the Panda Express to take a photo with me. You swear to God. Yes. What did the guy say to you at the Panda Express? He said he's been a fan since when Bobby was on JK News. Wow. And he's followed all of the podcasts. But did he say he was a fan of yours? He took a photo with me.

Yeah, because he can't get to the real thing. It's one degree of separation. Right. All right. It's like when people take... You know, if you go to... So he's going to Photoshop your head on George's body. Right. Look, I met Bobby...

Bobby Kimmel at the... Or when people go to Buckingham Palace, they want to take a photo with the queen. But they can't. But they can't. So they take a photo with the soldier. With the guard. You know what I mean? That's what you are, George. The guy with the black puffy... By the way, the next time you take photos, you're going to have to be our soldier guard. You cannot smile and you cannot make any motion, just like the soldiers do. You're not allowed to smile or talk. You just stand there stoically.

Fine. But do I get to be in the photos? Yeah, but you have to stand there stoically. Absolutely. That'll be the new thing. I want to see fan photos with George stoically standing up tall. Yeah, so this dude, you know, it's like, and it's because in reality, you know, he would never get this kind of attention. Otherwise? I'm going to say something very mean. Go for it. No! I can tell you why. I don't want to.

Let's let it out. I want to see it, but I feel like it's going to turn into a cancer. Let's let it out. Let's let it out. Yeah, if you let it sit, it gets worse. The kind of attention that he's getting would never be based on his skill set. Yikes. Did you feel that, George?

No, because it's not real. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, he says no, it's not real. Right. So you think that if you weren't the producer of Tiger Belly or Bad Friends or any of these podcasts and stuff, that you would be able to gain notoriety on your own skill set? I'd be producing something else that was also great. Ooh, interesting. And that's why I like it. That's interesting. Can I say something, George? Confidence. I was being mean, right? Jokingly mean.

But by you saying that right now, I believe you. Do you believe him? I don't. I don't either. I don't. I don't either. I was just trying to boost the guy up. He'd be working at CVS. CVS. I get it. And when I say working at CVS, not one of the good jobs. I know what job he would have. His night crew with the carpet cleaner. No, even worse. Even worse. He's the guy. You know how sometimes you go to like the toothbrush section or you go to the aspirin section? Hit the button.

Not the button, but you have to have the guy open up something. Right, yeah. So he's the guy with the key, and he opens up, here's your girl game, sir. He's Keyboy. He's Keyboy. Keyboy. You'll be the Keyboy at CVS. Your new name is Keyboy, by the way, Key Kid. Yeah. Although the CVS, I have to say. George, you are very skilled and talented. We like you. You're going to do perfectly fine in this career when we fire you in a week.

We should just fire him just to see how we land. Yeah. What do you think about George, Rude Rude? I'll be honest though, Rudy. I like George. But you don't like Pete or Andres? George. Whoa. That says everything. I'm going to give you the order from number one, two, and three. Okay. And you can't be even. You know it's not even. Okay.

So let's go third. Third place is... Last place is... The one that you like the least. And this is not because... No, I like him, but not as much as the... All right, so let's go. Number three. Who's three? Who's three? Pete. Pete. Come on. Pete. All right, who's two? Who's two? George. George.

George. Be honest. Andreas. Damn, you like George the best? What is it, though? It's because he panders and does whatever you say and he doesn't ever create any conflict? No, I think I've known him longer. She has loyalty about how long she's known people. Yeah, but George is just a white piece of shit. Don't you like Andreas? He's a foreigner. He's like you. He's a foreigner just like you. He's an immigrant like you. I was...

No, you didn't. You went for George. You went for a white. And look at him, by the way. That's like Hitler's wet dream, this blonde, blue-eyed. I mean, this is the cause of all the issues in America is a guy like George. A white, privileged, upper middle class, never picked up anything heavy in his life. This is the problem in the United States, Rudy. And you like this guy? I'm going to say something. If Hitler was, let's say, you know those hacks?

He would have loved George. You're a pretty great guy, George. I like so many things about you. He would love George. No, you know those hacky scenes that they have where it's always about a nerd in school where they're picking a baseball team? Of course. And they pick the last, the nerd. That's the guy. 100%. I think Hitler would pick him last. You too? Yeah. So let's say there's...

100 people, right? Yeah. Hitler's choosing like a kickball team? How about this? He needs 100 people, right? And there's 101 guys, you know what I mean, on the field. Oh, right. He has to choose. And it'll go down to, right, George and some guy, Scolios, some Scolios' guy. You know what I mean? He could barely stand up, right? Yeah. And he spends 20 minutes on it. He's like, listen, both of you offer kind of the same thing. Yeah.

A high level of unathletic ability that I just can't decide which of you is the worst.

I guess I'll go with scoliosis, boy. Oh. And he's like, and scoliosis kid's like, thanks, Hitler. No, no, then the scoliosis guy, he dies. Right on the spot. On the walk. Oh. And then he's like, okay, yeah. No, no, Hitler's like, I guess 99 is good for me. I don't need 100. Yeah, yeah, that's funny. George, you know what? We love you, George. We love you to death, inside and out. And you know what? Should we reverse this following because the fans are? No.

No, we gotta get him down to a thousand. So guys, let's get George down to a thousand. Please unfollow him rapidly, rapidly, rapidly. In fact, you know what? If you've liked any of his photos, go ahead and unlike his photo, please. Go ahead and click the heart and unlike it. I'm gonna try something mean. Turn it black. I'll try something mean. Yeah, this is pretty mean. George, George. Yeah? We'll get you followers right now, but what are you gonna do for us? Oh my god. What do you mean, Bobby?

I'm here now. Fancy is not. Oh. Oh, you're trying to say that. That's true. And you know what? He has the ability to fire fancy behind our backs. He could. He really could. Yeah. Because he stomped in here with a little bit of confidence. George, can you show your camera down there that you're wearing a snakeskin cowboy boots? Do you see this? He's wearing snakeskin cowboy boots today. Oh, yeah. Is it real snakeskin? It is. Are you sure? Is it real snakeskin, George? It's alligator skin, yeah. Alligator skin. I thought you said snakeskin. What country made the shoe? I think they're made in Mexico. The Philippines.

The Philippines. I think so. Are there alligators in the Philippines, Jules? Gotta be. Yeah. What do you mean? They eat people all the time. Where? I see them in the zoo. You're going to go to college? George. Yeah. Get into Google. Okay. I want you to Google how many people are killed by alligators in the Philippines a year. I bet you it's going to surprise you. Can I make a guess? Yeah, let's both guess. Two. Two.

Seven. A year. Seven a year. Seven? Two. Two, seven. How many people give alligators a year? Does crocodiles count as well? Yes. Okay. Ten. Ten. Two, seven, and ten. At the zoo. Some zookeeper. No, dude. This is in the wild. There's alligators there. Let's see. Let's see. Crocodile attack. Look at that. Brazen crocodile preys on a Philippine town.

Yeah, but that doesn't necessarily mean anyone died. It's not even Google-able. Crocodillo. Crocodillo deaths in Philippines. There it is. He's got it down. Well, well. Oh, Philippine boy eaten by crocodile in the latest attack. He's won. I guess it doesn't happen that often. 12-year-old girl survives a crocodile attack in the Philippines. She's alive.

That's two in 2019 then. Okay, two in 2019. Crocodile kills high school student in Palawan. Is Palawan in the Philippines? Yeah. Okay, there's three. 2019. 2019. So that's a different year, different year. No, these are all 2019. No, they're not. Yes, George, are they all 2019? Yeah, all three of those were 2019. Look at that. Crocodile eats 10-year-old boy alive in front of his siblings. 2019. That's four so far. Oh, shit. Go to page two. This is good. This is good. So you're already out, but Jules and I are still in. Yeah, I'm out. Go to page two, baby boy.

Crocodile died in the Philippines. Huge saltwater croc. Kills fisherman in latest attack. What year? 2019. That's five. Boy eaten by saltwater crocodile in latest Philippines attack. Six. It's the same kid that you're fucking reading over. No. Every article is different, but they're all the same. Guy.

I think there's only two so far. No, that's not true. They're the same kid. George, are you taking note of this? How many people are dying by the hands of crocodiles? I lost count because it was so many. All right, let's call it seven and I won. Very good.

Either way, imagine getting your... They rip... First of all, you know what they do, right? Yeah. They... Are those alligators or crocodiles that spin you? They both do it. So they spin you. Yeah. And then they rip your limbs off your body. But you know what you do when that happens? Give up? No, you spin with them. Oh, you're just like... You're dancing. Yeah, yeah. What the problem is is you go the opposite direction.

Right? So, like, if he's going counterclockwise. Then you go clockwise. No, you don't go clockwise because you get ripped. You go with him. Oh, you go, okay. And you go, wee! You know what I mean? Wee!

And eventually, about 20 or 30 spins, he gives up. Yeah, that makes sense. Right. And then what I'll do is I'll attach myself and go the other way sometimes. What if he just stops at some point and he's like, I just want to have sex. And you're like, fine, just ask. Just get consent from a deal. And then he's like, where's your pussy? I'm a guy. Oh, okay. Fine. Fine. Who cares at this point? Yeah, they roll you around and they rip your limbs off. When you see at the zoo a little kid fall into the cage. Love it.

Love it. I root for the animal. Of course. I root for the animal every time. Every time. And I want the mom to jump in there too, two for one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get in there. And then when they shoot the animal, I always go, cheating! I always yell, cheating! You know what I mean? Wait, do the video. This is so mean. Do raccoon in orangutan cage. Did you see this video on the internet this week? No. Oh! Wait, wait, wait. There's a raccoon that gets... Orangutan wins.

Dude, it's like seven of them. And they, dude, it's mean, but it's hilarious. They grab by the tail and they whip it around. I don't want to see. Am I going to feel bad? It's so funny. I would feel so bad. No, that's not the one. It's brand new. But he gets in there, this poor raccoon. Yeah, yeah. And you know, like orangutans, they're strong.

So strong, dude. They grab by the tail and they're all like watching like, oh, they're all like laughing and kind of, and the guy, he swings it in the air. I swear to God, like a lasso. Like a lasso. Yeah, he lassoes it around and then throws it. It's so awful. But the raccoon, what are you doing in the tree cage? And when he goes, ooh, ooh, he's really saying, hee-haw, hee-haw, hee-haw, yeah. Orangutans, you're not going to find it, maybe. You're not going to find it, man. It was on the YouTubes. You don't know how to do it. It's fine. How was New York? Didn't you just get back? I went to New York and I shot...

I'm on Sex and the City. It's great. Yeah. It's great. And you know what I'm playing? Definitely not someone she has sex with. It's just a guess. It's just a guess. Why do you say that? Do you have sex with someone on the show?

No, it's a good guess. I've never had sex with anyone on a show. Neither have I. I've never been in a love scene. No, no. When I was on Sling Up Together. They tried to write a love scene for you, right? Well, they did. They had a seat with me and Lindsay, right? On the bed. And she said. Right? And I got too close to her in the bed. We were just having a conversation. And the director goes, cut. Bobby, a little bit more separation. So I go, oh, okay. And I went to the other side of the bed. You know she called him to her trailer before. She's like, about this love scene with Bobby. Do you think we could? What if it's just like a buddy scene? Like we're friends. Yeah.

But in Sex and the City, you don't have sex with anybody, do you? I mean, it's a good guess. Dude, they're not going to hire someone who looks like you or looks like me or looks like me. I'm including myself to be the hot guy that comes to have sex with someone in Sex and the City. That's not who we are. We don't get hired for those. We're asexual? Yeah, fine. We're not asexual. We're sexual beings. Well, maybe we could be gay characters.

Yeah, we're definitely not going to be the guy that comes in the cameo, the hot guy cameo. You can't compete with those guys. But you know who I love? Those guys are hot. I did a scene with I did a commercial with Jane Lynch. Yeah. Where we make out. Yeah. And she went for it. Yeah, because yeah, she has no attraction to men. She doesn't. Oh, is that what it is? Well, she's gay. She is?

Bobby. I didn't know. So I thought she was like, oh, she's into me. No. Oh. Good God, no. Maybe she thought I was a woman. You do look a little feminine sometimes. She's like a butchy little dwarf. If you pulled your hair back and wore a dress, you could be a cute Korean girl. I look cute as a girl. You do, actually. I've seen some photos. You do. So on Sex and the City, I play a podcaster.

Oh, right. Yeah, you said that. That's right. Oh, there you go with Jane Lynch. Yeah. Yeah. No attraction. She's not into that at all. Oh, she's not? Look at this. Do a list of sexy guys on Sex and the City. Or what would that be? List of hot guys on Sex and the City. I mean, you look at the lineup that you have to go up against. It's insane, dude. It's insane. Just do images and let's see what comes up.

Oh, there we go. Sexton City's 15 hottest guys. Okay. You can't make this list, bud. I'm going to. You think one day you can make this list? 15, probably. There's no pictures. Go back to images, maybe. Let's go to images. I mean, look at some of these guys. Okay. You can't compete with these bros. Wow, those are bad. He looks sick. That's a bad combination. He all looks sick. Yeah, he doesn't look great. He looks hot. Cute.

You can't compete with these guys, bud. This guy? Look at that guy. I don't even know who that is. Yeah. That's Smith Jared. Oh, look at the fucking... Are you a Sex and the City fan? The president of Smith Jared's fan club over here. Love Sex and the City. You do love Sex and the City. You know Pete's a big fan? Do you really, Pete? I really do. Oh, wow. Which character are you? Who? Pete. You know, all the girls that watch it, they name themselves after one of the characters. Oh, they do? I'm probably an Aiden. I'm not a girl, so I'm an Aiden.

Pete, the joke is everyone that watches the show identifies with one of the female characters on the show. But I'm not. Just because. But I'm not. I'm not a girl. Pete. Oh. Oh, God. I see why you put him at three. Now I see why she put you at three. I mean, the unwillingness to just go along with the fucking bit. I'm Sarah. All right, bring up the girls because I want to see which is which because I'm not smart. Oh, you think you're Sarah Jessica Parker?

Or I'm Carrie Bradshaw. That's Sarah Jessica Parker, right? Yes. So this guy thinks he went from being an ancillary character being the star of the fucking show. How delusional must you be, Pete? Pete, bring up the Sex and the City girls, and we'll see who each of us are in this room. Do you know the Sex and the City of the show? Yeah. Which one are you? I don't know the names, but... There they are. There they are. I can obviously only be the red one. This is Miranda. I'm Miranda for sure. This is Charlotte. Charlotte. Carrie and Samantha. Samantha's not on the show anymore. What happened?

I don't know. You do. It seems like you know and you don't want to tell me because your face looks like you know. Well, because I told you the story of what happened between her and I. No. I never told you that story? I don't think so. What's the actress's name? Her name is... I'm just not good with this stuff. Let me get it. What's her name? Pete. I don't know. Oh, you love the show? I just know the character name. I know the name. It's at the top of my head. Her name is... Oh, Rudy knows. What's her name?

Barbara Palvin. Barbara Palvin. Barbara Palvin. That's Barbara Palvin. Yeah, yeah. No, what's her name? Because I have a story about her. What is Barbara Palvin's real name? By the way, I want to tell you something. Yeah, yeah. He's going to look it up. The other day, I was wearing my Bad Friends Greatest Rock and Roll Band of All Time shirt. Which person? And a dude goes, I love that shirt. I was like, oh, thanks. And I'm thinking, he's a fan of the show. I go, thanks a lot, man. And he goes...

who, wait, who, what's, wait, what band? And I was like, oh, he's not a fan. And I was like, it's a bad friend, the bad friends band. And he's like, oh, sick. We're, I thought it was another, I thought it was something else. I go, yeah. And he's looking at it and then he sees the, the names and he goes, Blythe Mulawe? Who's that? And I was like, oh, it's George Turner dad. They're all the members of the band. And he's like, oh, that's, that's cool. Yeah.

So this guy's going to be Googling Peter Blythe, George Trinidad, trying to find out who the band is. But I realized I forgot the names are at the bottom that you made up because at first I'm like, hey, he can just tell this is not a real band. Yeah. And then he's looking deep into it. Is that a bad friends shirt? It's a whiskey ginger shirt. Oh, that's a really cool shirt. Thanks. You can have it. Do you have a medium? Yeah, I'll take this off and give it to you. I don't wear that one. What do you mean? I'm clean. I just showered. I can't do skin to skin.

Are you out of your mind? I won't do skin to skin. I just got out of the shower. I will not do your skin to my skin. Why? Because I'm white? No, it's... You're such a racist, dude. It's not that... If it was a Korean guy, would you do it? You have a dry, flaky body. And you have a shitty, gross body, too. I'm moist. All right, go ahead, Kim Cattrall. Give me your Kim Cattrall story. I met... This is how I met Eric Stonestreet. I auditioned for a commercial. It was a Pepsi commercial for the Super Bowl or something.

And Michael Bay directed it. So it went down to two people. And Kim Cattrall was in the bathtub. And they were looking for one towel boy, right? So we were downtown. I didn't know who Eric Stone Street was. And we're sitting in the lobby. And we're just sitting next to each other. And they put Eric in first. And he was crushing. So I go, I should just go home now.

You were that discouraged because you could hear the laughs? I hate when you can fucking hear the laughs. I couldn't do it. But then I went in there. I did okay. I did good. Then they go, all right, leave. But wait in the lobby. We're going to bring the other guy back. They bring the other guy back. To give him another shot? Yeah. Then they bring me back in. Ask Eric. And then they brought us both in at the same time. No. Yeah. And they said, let's do it together and see what happens. And they were laughing because him and I were just kind of – so we both got it.

So I'd never been really on a shoot before. So I didn't know what a mark was or anything like that. So there was this scene where Kim Couture was in the bathtub and there was a mark and there was like one light shining toward the entrance when I was walking into this thing. And I had 15 towels that was stacked. So the joke is I'm like as a towel boy coming in with these towels, right? And I walk in and I hear, cut the line from Michael Bay.

Holy shit. And I go, what light? I don't know what that means. You're blocking the light. I know, but I didn't know what it meant. I know. Right? So he goes, see the light? And I go, yeah. He goes, you have to feel that light on your face or we can't see you. So I go, okay. I close the door. I have this fucking towels too. And I'm like trying to go, maybe if I go like this, you know what I mean? Like just couldn't get the towel in and you know. Right. So I go in. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

I'm not kidding you he's even intense on Pepsi commercials yeah yeah yeah that's insane the light the light I did it probably 8 times did you ever did you get it right never never so now what happens is he's now right here and he grabs my face I'm not kidding you he goes like this here

Here! He turns you into the light. Yeah. Here! Meanwhile, Kim Couture's freezing. In the tub. In the tub. She's like, you're freezing, right? And the whole shoot was like that. Oh, what a miserable... And so she hates you. She hated me. Yeah, because you're the guy that kept fucking it up. Right. And then Eric would nail everything. Right. He seems very professional. He does everything. Yeah, and he's super fucking funny. He's like improvising. He's like twirling. You know what I mean? The whole crew, me...

They're like, the light! Yeah, cut! Why is your back turned to the camera? Yeah, and I'm like... Over your shoulder? And I go, where's the camera? Right there! Right? You know what I mean? That's what you did, but that's what happens. So this is what happens. So now me and Eric are talking, and I'm like in complete shame. Yeah. Right. Rightfully so. I know. You fucked up. I know. And then Eric's, oh, don't worry about it, buddy. He's a nice guy, right? Mm-hmm. And Kim Cattrall walks up to us. Mm-hmm.

And she looks at Eric in the eyes and she goes, honestly, you're going to be a very big star. To Eric? Yeah. Wow. And you're right next to her. Literally next to each other. She looks at me and she goes, and she just walked away. Fuck you. She really just kept walking. What a sweet. Now I love this girl. Yeah. So what is her name on the show? Kim Couture. I don't know her real name. Samantha. I'm a Samantha. Yeah. That's me.

And so it was my bad. 100%. I know. I was green. I didn't know. I shouldn't have even been there. No, you definitely should have been there. But that's what happens. You get your lumps. You do dumb shit. You learn. When I did my episode of The Office, they were done. Like, they were so tired of doing it. You can tell they were all kind of like...

Krasinski was directing. He was very nice. And Josh Groban. Josh Groban? Josh Groban. Love him. Josh Groban. Yeah. The singer? Josh Groban. Josh Groban. I have a story about him. I literally have a story about him. He's in the episode. Oh, really? And he's kind of like improv-ing in the boat a little bit. And I say to John, I was like, hey, do you want me to like, you know, whatever the improv was. I don't even know. And he goes, yeah, that's fine. And I was like, oh, I mean, do you? And he goes, hey, man, whatever you want to do. I don't care.

I was like, oh, all right. All right. So then I'm like, I'm thinking in my mind, I'm thinking he trusts my fucking instincts, but really he doesn't give a shit. Yeah. He's like, hurry up, dude. We have other shit to do today. It's the 10th fucking season. We're done. We're going to go home. Wrap it up. Right. So then I do the scene where I'm smacking Ed Helms on the hand. Yeah. On the boat. And.

It was my first gig. He goes, Krasinski's like, hey, man, similar to this. That's why I'm saying we've all been here. He goes, hey, man, use your left hand because your right hand is going to block that lens on the other side. Right. And I go, you got it. Not hard at all. Yeah. What do I do? What? I use the wrong hand. He goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Dude. He goes, also, when you go to smack him, make it look like you're going to smack him. Like, act like you're going to hit him.

you know like like he's like you're like tapping like go to hit him you know i go okay he goes also other hand right so my mind i'm like but don't hit him too hard but i don't want to really hit ed hums on the hand that hard yeah okay again wrong hand again i'm blocking the lens and then he said this how i know he goes hey bud hey bud hey bud same wrong hand remember that and then now i feel like a child hey bud remember that like a like a little boy like a little tiny boy hey buddy that's like when you say to your kid at the playground hey bud don't eat the wood chips leave

leave it on the playground right bud oh my god so then I go I go oh I'm sorry I've got it nobody on the crew at this point you know sound guy's like let's go you fucking moron it's your left you know I can feel him being like left hand dude let's go it's not that hard and then of course on the third take same exact thing and I use the wrong hand and I miss his hand and I hit the wheel I miss his hand embarrassing yeah and now he and then he and Ed goes let's go just go to the other piece and John goes yeah we'll go to the other piece

Moving on. Yeah, so I had to get it. They had to use it from the first take when I did it the first time because I fucked up. And I felt like such a... Like, dude, then the rest of the day, I sat on the boat. Yeah. This is me in between takes. Yeah.

Sitting on the boat. Everyone got off the boat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just sat on the boat by myself in the marina. Yeah, I was so embarrassed. It's so embarrassing. Because I didn't... When you're young, you don't know any better. Yeah. And you don't want to upset people. And when you've already made some mistakes, you feel dumb. You really feel dumb. And you're like, well, I'm not any good. This is fucking embarrassing. And then you start going, well, this is going to get back to my agents. And then they're going to be like, you fucked up and you're dumb. Yeah. But then you learn as you get older, nobody fucking cares. Yeah.

Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Everyone's making mistakes. Nobody gives a shit. Nobody cares. As long as you're nice, nobody fucking cares.

But you think you're done. Yeah. Yeah. You imagine all these things. Well, that's it. But it's also when you're doing these things, even if it's a big thing, even if you don't know your lines or you fuck up, because I've seen the biggest people not know their line and go, what is it? And then have to read it again. And they get really crazy notes. I mean, it's just a part of the process. Totally. Yeah. I have a Josh Groban story. What happened?

By the way, I barely got to meet him. He was in and out. So I did a breakdancing movie called Kicking It Old School. Bring it up. Oh, I remember this. Yeah. Was Jamie Kennedy in this? Yeah. Wait, was it his movie? Yeah. So Jamie was in it. It's called Kicking It Old School. Yeah. Jamie Kennedy. Yeah. I don't remember. Was that Maria Menoudos? Look at the poster. Yeah, it was a Jamie movie. I'm in the middle there. Zoom in. Zoom in, zoom in. Zoom in. Oh, bye. There it is.

Who are the other two? Right. Is that Ralphie Mae? No. Is that Ralphie Mae and J.B. Smoove? Don't put me on the spot. I forget. Don't put me on the spot. Who's the girl? Maria Menounos. That's who I thought it said. That's Maria Menounos. So, okay. There I am. Chilly chill. So when I was in Canada, right? There he is. I took like six months of dancing classes, right?

Six months? Yeah. So the dance teachers, they go, all right, everyone do it. You guys were training. And when I did it, they were like – they pulled me aside and they said – Listen, chilly chill. We got to get you a body double. Because your dancing was so bad. So bad. So I go, oh, okay. Right? So I show up on set and they couldn't find a man with my body.

So if you look at the movie, it's a woman. It's a woman. It's a Korean woman. It's a fat Korean woman. That's amazing. Right. So if you, if they cut away, you know what I mean? It's a, it's a woman. Right. Do chili, YouTube chili, chill dancing. Please, please. We have to see this. I want to see it. It's not going to be online, but. Chili, chill. I hope so. Chili, chill dancing. Oh, there you are. Chili.

Do you dance here? I don't remember. I'm sorry. Ancient Korean technique. If do right, no can defend. By the way, they have to do that. That'd be so fucking racist. Guys, come on. It's the first step on the road to becoming whatever the hell we want. White guy, Korean guy, black guy, super overweight Mexican guy. Yeah. That's like, this is like NBC's dream. Yeah.

I want to see Chili Chill dance so bad. You got to know when you call me. No, I don't, man. Come on, Chili. It's red. Yeah, he's in red. There's Chili. There he is. What do you say, Chill? I don't know, man. Chili Chill. Popcorn. The funniest thing is they assumed, because it's breakdancing, right? That if all these guys are like, well, the Korean guy and the black guy got this down. Because they're like, the black guy's got it. And they look at the Korean guy and they're like, come on, man. This is like...

This has got to be... I don't want to watch this right now. Let's watch it. It's so embarrassing. Press play. I do want to see it. Chili Chill. Let's go back to the story. Let's hear your Josh Groban story, Chili Chill. But congratulations. By the way, Chili Chill? Yeah. Very tight. Please don't call me Chili Chill, man. What do you mean, Chili? What are you talking about? You're my Chili Chill boy. Oh, my God. I'm blushing. Anyway. What's wrong with Chili Chill? Anyway. All right, Chili. Tell us your Josh Groban story. So Maria Munoz is in the movie, so she invites me to her Christmas party. I'm not being rude. I'm looking up the box office mojo for...

For kicking it old school. I want to see how much money it made. What do you think it made? I don't know. Let's take a guess. Let's do our guess. How much money do you think kicking it old school made? And this is not a slight because Jamie Kennedy, I'm not making fun of you or you or anybody. He's a good dude. Three million. Huh? Three million. Three million domestic, worldwide. What are we talking about? Domestic. Okay. Domestic, three million. And international, how much? 12 million. 12 million. All right. What do you say, Ruud?

Domestic, 1 million. International? International, 5. Oh, wow. All right. Domestic is 4.5 million, so 4 million. International is fucking going to blow your mind. What? Ready? Yeah. $189,000. $100,000 overseas. That's like eight people went to go see it.

Yeah, because when my dad was still alive. Rest in peace. He went to the 8 o'clock showing with my mom opening weekend in Arizona. My dad called me at 8 o'clock. This rings in my head when I go to bed. He goes, there's nobody here. That's so mean. And he left. There's nobody here. They never played it. Oh, man. They just left. They got their money refunded and they left.

Did that hurt a little bit? Bad. Nobody... Because in my head, I'm like... Because... This is so embarrassing. Come on. Because when I was shooting this movie, this is...

Before this movie came out, I was shooting... Were you on Mad at the time? Yeah, Pineapple Express. Oh. So when I went to Pineapple Express, they were so busy one day that they didn't really have a trailer for me, and I complained. I go, well, I'm in Kicking It Old School. Oh, Bob. Oh, Bob.

They're like, listen, Chili Chill. Yeah, they're Chili Chill. Just stay here for the day. You're in Pineapple Express with like five huge names. Huge. And you're like... James Franco, everyone, right? You're like, you guys know I'm... I'm so embarrassed. Anyway, I don't know why we took this detour. Let me hear Josh Groban.

This whole show should be called Detour. I know. What happened with Josh Groves? I met Maria and I don't know anybody. I don't know what music is. I don't know anything. The only kind of music I like is Fugazi and punk and whatever. I love Fugazi. So I was at, I don't know who John Mayer, I know who John Mayer is. I know John Mayer. I'm not really familiar with the music. Sure. Okay. So I'm at a party. No one will talk to me. Everyone's there. And I'm sitting there at like on a, like a bench. And there's this guy there.

drinking his drink. He goes, hey, you're Canadian, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, what's that like? And I go, because at the time I was playing clubs, but like sack punchline. What's wrong with that? But it fills 200 seats. It's fine. Yeah. But I was bragging.

Oh, you thought you were hot shit. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So I was going, yeah, like last Saturday I sold out the Sacramento Punchline 200 seats. That's pretty cool though. Right. But I kept bragging. Yeah, it's like tour money. It's like I'm pretty killing it. I do like 150, 200 people a show. You know what I mean? I have to comp half the room, but still cool. Still cool. Yeah, I'm killing it. You know what I mean? Chilly chill. And I talked for like 20 minutes without even letting him say a word. Josh Groban.

Just stepping on his toes. I go, what's your name? He goes, I'm Josh Groban. And I go, bye. That's it? That was it? You were done? Yeah, I just walked away. Because you didn't realize. And I then got in the car and drove home. Because you were like, I don't know who that is. I don't really care. I knew the name. You just didn't know anything about him, though. Yeah, but I knew that he was a big star at the time. Big star. Like you do stadiums and shit. Yeah, but your 200 seats are cool to you.

I know. That's cool to you. But there's so many moments in my past where I wish I could take back, like social moments or situations. No, because those make you what you are. I know, but it's like there's so many of them in my life. Yeah. I'm still like when I was in Hungary, I was at a fucking burrito place.

There's a place called Chimichanga. They have burritos. Yeah, I know. It's terrible. Yeah. And these two girls walk up to me and they go at all. I go, hey. And this guy in back of me goes, not you, me. Oh, Bob. Right. And they walk by and I'm still. Oh, you know what I mean? I still have those moments. That's when you turn and engage and go, no, you say hi to me. I'm Bobby Lee. I'm chilly chill. I blush and I start sweating and I go, why did you do that?

There's just so many instances in my life. Does that happen to you? Do you get embarrassed like that, Rude? Yeah. All the time? Yeah. Recently? Recently? No. Who are you texting, by the way? Diego? Are you playing with tape? That's how we keep her entertained. Yeah, she doesn't. Let me ask you. No, honestly. What the fuck? It is funny. I'm listening. But you are a fixture of the show. You can add whenever you want.

Pull the mic towards your goddamn face. Here's what we'll do to get her to get into the... Episode? Not episode, but to get her to become a better podcaster is to add her own information. She doesn't know how to do that. I know, but what we'll do is every episode, there has to be three incidences throughout the episode where she has to just bring up a topic or ask a question or something. Yeah, and be involved. Be involved. Be involved.

It's like anything. It could be anything. Hey, do you guys see the Olympic or whatever it might be? Right. But it's got to be something out of the blue and it's got to be something that like, um, don't laugh. A topic that you want to talk about. This is real. We might have to fire you. Speaking of bands. Yeah. Josh Groban and such. Rudy wants to show us that she's, uh, she's, she knows her knowledge about bands as well. So we're going to go through your favorite band. One direction, right? Rudy.

Yes. All right, let's hear it. Okay. Hello, everyone. Hi. I'm going to be presenting. Introduce who you are. Yeah, we don't know who the fuck you are. We walk into this. Ladies and gentlemen, to do her first TED Talk, I mean, we have from Northridge University. From the Philippines. From the Philippines. Yeah. Juliana Kuhn, a.k.a. Rudy. Then you come up on stage.

- Hello. - Hello. - I'm gonna be presenting about One Direction, my favorite boy band. - Great. - I hope you like it. - Your name? - I'm Juliana Kuhn. - Wow. - I do like that. - When she does that on stage, imagine a thousand people are watching. She goes, "I'm Juliana Kuhn." And everyone's like, "Oh, fuck." - I would go like this, I go, "This energy is real." - What is going on here? - All right, let's hear it. - Okay.

Okay, so the members of One Direction is Harry Styles, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Niall Horan, and Louis Tomlinson. Do you want me to show which is Harry Styles? I know which one Harry Styles is. I know which one Harry Styles is. Bottom right. Okay, who is Zayn Malik? Bottom left. Oh, who is Liam Payne? Left. No, no, top right.

Who is Niall Horan? In the top left with the blonde hair. Louis Tomlinson is in the middle. That's right. Okay. Do you know that to be true? Yeah. Oh, that's right. You're right. Sorry. What kind of TED Talk is this? Are you going to ask her questions? She asked me. Okay. I just responded. I think you should do all this without any of this on screen. Yeah. Take this off the screen. Why? Because you're cheating. You're cheating, I feel like.

Go ahead. But then there's no pictures of them. We'll put up a photo. How many albums have they sold? They have sold four. Four albums. Four or five, yeah. You mean they've made four. How many have they sold? I don't know. Five. They sold five albums. Got it.

The biggest boy band in the world. I will tell you the names. Yeah. Of what? Of the albums? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Up All Night. Up All Night. Up All Night. One of my favorites. Four. Four. The number? Yeah, four. Oh, okay. That's their...

Four is one of their albums? Yeah. They were lazy that day. Yeah. No, because it was their fourth album. I know, but what do we call it? I don't know. It's our fourth album. Let's just say four. Fuck it. Fine. Made in the AM. Made in the morning? In the morning. AM is the morning. You know that, right? I know. What does it stand for? Okay. What does it stand for? Anatomically motorized.

In the morning, the sun is anatomically motorized. Did you know that, Tito Bobby? Yes. Of course he did. In the evening, the sun is prematurely motorized. It's been prematurely motorized. Okay, let me finish. Please wrap it up. I know, but it's like you're missing out on the... No, I don't say wrap it up. Because I don't even know if she knows anything about the band. I'm feeling like a little bit... Let me finish. All right. All right.

Okay, so I'm a fan and so you also need to be a fan of the One Direction. Why? We want to be. Why? Because I love them. But what is it about them? Where are they from? They're from England. How do they meet? They're British. How do they meet? They were from X Factor and even though they didn't win, Simon Cowell made them into a band. What are their favorite foods? Louis likes carrots.

That makes sense. No, I'll give you like some facts about them. Sure. Okay. Louie likes carrots and he likes girls who eat carrots. Liam is scared of spoon. Of the band Spoon? Oh, no. Spoons? Oh. Spoons. Harry works... Why?

I don't know. Something happened to him. I got to tell you, I get it. The shape is weird. It's a weird shape. It's a weird... Yeah, what is that? It's just a tiny ladle. Give me a big one. I don't like little baby ladles. Give me a fucking... Give me a big ladle. No one's scared of a spoon.

Are you serious? That's a real phobia. Google it right now. People are scared of spoons. I bet you my life people are scared of spoons. Finish the fucking presentation. Why are we Googling everything? Phobia of spoons. Are people scared of spoons? Let's find out. I don't know what people are doing with their spoons. I don't want to know, but Liam isn't the only one with a spoon problem. It turns out there actually is a name for his phobia. Zoom in.

Say it out loud, Rudy. Co-tell-a-phobia. Which Liam is well aware of, to find it extreme and often an irrational fear of spoons. Okay. You'll find that for any eating utensil. Fear of forks. Fear of forks. Are people scared of forks? No, that's, no. Yeah, right there. What is that? Amriagophobia is the fear of silverware. Oh, so it's all the silverware. Yeah.

Argyophobia? Argyophobia? Like being poked by a fork. That does scare me a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because when someone's eating aggressively in a restaurant, I think they could just throw a fork at you. I'm just saying there's a fear of everything. There's a fear of people are fearful of guacamole. People are fearful of roosters. What's your irrational fear? I don't really have one. You don't have any irrational fears? Avocado anxiety, first world problem. Yeah.

That's got to be a white guy thing. Yeah. Yeah, I don't have any fears. You don't have any irrational fears? Do you? I'm scared. I'm not. I'm scared of. I guess I just don't. Drowning scares the shit out of me. Oh, yeah. I'm scared of being buried alive. Right. Yeah, but that's everybody. No. Really? Imagine being buried alive, right? You're getting knocked out. You wake up and you're now in a casket. That's fun. Eight feet.

Six, isn't it? But mine's eight. Oh, yours is two feet lower? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the first thing you would do is you can't see. Well, you can. How? Your eyes would adjust at some point, right? There's no light at all, though. You would never adjust your eyes. Your eyes would never adjust. There's no light. What about your cell phone in your pocket?

You don't have – you wake up in a casket. Are you okay? I'm fine. You wake up in a casket completely naked with nothing. They don't bury you naked. Yes, they do. Do they? Yeah. No, you have clothes on when they bury you. No, it depends on where you are. El Salvador, no. Okay, El Salvador naked. All right. So now you wake up, right? You're in a casket. You're completely naked, right? Mm-hmm.

There's no light. So what would the be? The first thing is like, where am I? So you would use the other senses, which is your hands first. You would feel and you would feel the wooden box. You go, holy shit. I think I'm in a casket. I'm in a casket. Right. And then. Is it a nice one? No, it's not even. It's one of those makeshift ones. It's not padded. It's not padded. It's just wood.

It's like bad wood. What's bad wood? You can get splinters. Ow! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where am I? Ow, ow! Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the fuck? Right. That would hurt. And then the oxygen is slowly running out in that little thing. And then you would probably go, hello? What?

Quietly? Hello? I think you would. Hello? Hello? Anybody? But you, I bet you because of all the dirt, it's so muffled. Only you can hear it. That you realize, like, oh shit. I'm buried alive. I'm buried alive. What do you do then?

You try to claw out. Well, then you're going to let the dirt in. It doesn't matter. I mean, you would have to figure something out. You would do what Uma Thurman did. You know what I mean? Uma Thurman did fucking kill Bill. You know what I mean? And do karate. You know what I mean? Tight, tight, tight, tight. You would do something and then you're dead. And then you're dead. Yeah. So would you rather just, would you rather, how about this? Would you rather just die of being buried alive and being in the casket?

Or would you rather try to get out and die that way? If there was a – yeah, right there. Right there. But she had a light in this. Right. Right? So it's like – because they're not going to do a scene in pitch black. Kind of tough to shoot. Hard to shoot. But wait a minute. Would you – seriously, Rudy, would you just sit there until you die or would you try to get out and die that way? You're going to die either way. I think –

I think I'll sleep and just wait until I die. Yeah, you guys are big sleepers. That would be easy for you to just sleep and die. Yeah, I think I would do go like, all right, you don't,

You're going to die anyway, right? And just stay still. Because who knows? Maybe in eight hours, someone might get me. You could last more than eight. Oh, you think the air is just going to run out? I think the air is going to run out. See, I'd rather just say, I wouldn't want to break the box and let the dirt in. I'd rather just let the air run out. Because when you run out of oxygen, you probably just get dizzy and go to bed. Okay, would you rather have that or this? This is what my dad said. The Japanese did to the Koreans during the war.

Their occupation. Yeah. So they would go to a village, and I guess they had these gigantic pots of boiling water. How were they carrying around boiling pots of water? They would get a big pot of boiling water. I don't know how. Maybe people just had them around in a village. Just boiling pots of water all over the place. Right. Got it. I'm just trying to understand the logistics of it. Yeah, but also it's like you're not from another culture. You don't know.

Are there a lot of gigantic boiling pots of water in the Philippines just hanging around? No, I don't. Okay. So in Korea, there are. Fine. Fine. So let's just suppose in your little pea brain, right? Your little pea brain. There was a big pot of boiling water. I think your dad is making this up. Okay. You know what? My dad's dead and that's rude.

When did he die? A couple years ago. You know he did. We did a song. Seriously? Daddy, while you die. You remember the song? That was for your dad? Yes. It wasn't for anything else. My dad. Okay. So anyway, a pot of boiling water. And he goes, they used to. He probably did make it up. Dude.

Now you're realizing it's insane. Now what he's saying, as my dad, it seems like he's saying, Bobby, let me tell you bedtime story. Right? You're like six. Okay, dad. You know what I mean? Back in the day when the Japanese, so they used to boil in water. They used to tie Koreans by their, what do you call it here? Feet.

ankles ankle right right how does he say ankle uncle uncle right and they go upside they hang outside from a tree so they would hang Koreans upside down no way from a tree and dip them in the boiling and they would dip the fucking body in the boiling water and every time the body would come out it would be losing a layer of skin oh my god right and they would dip it 10 times until they're dead

But apparently it was like the most painful thing. Did he see this? No. Will you Google dipping Koreans? There is no dipping Koreans. What do you mean? Dipping Koreans in boiling water. All right, there you go. Dipping Koreans in boiling water. The dipping Koreans sounds like a baseball team. Five to four out here, the dipping Koreans are really taking it. Before you do that, let me just go back to my question. Death by boiling, there it is.

Death by boiling, bro! That's so awful. See? Death by boiling. Boiling liquid. Is there a reference to it during the occupation? Historical practice in Europe? No. Asia, for sure. Yeah. Look at that. Look at the size of that big pot. Fuck, I told you!

told you! Yeah, but they wouldn't go town to town. They brought you to the pot. They had to bring you to the pot. Yeah, look at that pot. Bandit Ishigawa Goemon was boiled to death for the attempted assassination of warlord Toyota Hideyoshi. Anyway, so I'll give you three options. So, buried alive, dipped by boiling water, right? Or, do you see Game of Thrones where they, I think it was Game of Thrones where they put the bucket on the stomach? No. So they put a bucket...

right, tied to somebody's stomach. But in the bucket is like eight rats. Oh, and they're going to chew. So they burn this end so that the rats would burrow through the human body to escape. What do you say, Rudy? So you have those three options to die. Which one? So buried alive, boiling, or death by rat chewing through your abdomen. Buried alive. Buried alive. What do you say? Rat. Rat. You want to feel it, huh? I don't want to feel it. You're going to feel it.

The claustrophobia of the fucking buried alive, I wouldn't be able to do psychologically. You're okay with it? It's a slow death. But now you feel the rats eating away at your body. That's slow too. But I always feel like somehow I could survive it. If they bury around, if they avoid the organs, they were smart rats. That's their heart go around it. That's the liver. They just went through non... Then they make a home inside of you.

Or they just burrow right through you. To your butthole. Not to my butthole, but through my back. They go around the spine. They don't fuck with any of the vital organs. They hit nothing. They hit nothing. They're smart rats. Okay. Come on, guys. And also, he's not going to die either, so we did two good things. We're both alive. Well, I guess that's the right way to do it. Right. And then I would probably hold both with my back like this, like this.

And tell my torturer, that was a good one. Oh, you would say that's a good one. Yeah, but now he's going to go, now get in the casket. So now you're going to bury the lie. And we're going to dip the casket in boiling water. Yeah. By the way. Which one would you do? I think I would do the casket for sure because I think you run out of oxygen. Otherwise, the boiling...

I couldn't do boiling. It would suck, but every time you come up, because they dip you and then they bring you up. Yeah. It would only be fun if you could, not fun, but every time you came up, you made a joke.

All right, so, right. Right. I tell you, so... If they dip, yeah. I pull you up. Dip you down, and I go, it's not that warm. It's not that hot at all. And then dip you back down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go, well, let me take another look. I think it's down there somewhere. You know what I mean? All right. Are there supposed to be apples in here or what? I thought I'm bobbing crap. If you do a hacky throwaway joke... Right, right, right. Then at least the guy lowering you is just like... Best spa I've ever been to. Right, right. Well, this is kind of a weird spa. What do you think? And then they dip you back in. Yeah. The rope guy might go...

Yeah. They might let you live. I know, but then... But imagine this, though. Every time you get popped up, a layer of something is gone. Yeah, so now you're a skeleton. What a weird spot. Jaws fall. This is terrible. Terrible. Terrible. It's so terrible we're even talking about this. How did we get here again? We're talking about it in present day. How did we get to this, though? George. That back to George. Unfollow him. It's unfollow George. Unfollow him. No, no, hey. Hey, hey, hey. No, hey. You must unfollow him. Um...

Yeah, so... By the way... But my dad was right, though. Yeah, it's a real thing. Okay, good. But your dad did make up a lot of stuff because he was kind of a crazy drunk, so who knows? Yeah. You know sometimes people make up shit and it turns out to be true? You've done that before where you guess and it's right. What do you mean? Yeah, where someone's like, what year did that happen? And you're like, I think probably the 50s. And you look it up and it was and you yourself go...

Oh, yeah, yeah. I do that all the time where I'm like, I think. What year was – in what place was this invented? You go, Albuquerque, New Mexico? And they go, yeah. Yeah, it was. Did you know that? And you're like, of course I did. Yeah, and you have to be back then. No, you have to go back. You go through – of course I knew. Okay, now add information. Give us a different – steer the – Oh, yeah. We have to keep funneling her. You know, we'll do a thing. I'll go like – I'll raise this. Every time I raise this, you have to come up with a different thread of questioning. Any topic –

78 weeks we've been doing this show. 78, dude, honestly, 78. It's hard. No shit. Be in our shoes. Let's just talk about something else. Yeah. Right? And then I will lift this. I really want this to work because I think this is going to help her like- Well, because truth be told, I don't know why we have her on the show sometimes. People love her so much and she is just sitting there not contributing, not wanting to pay attention, not adding anything. Oh, you just hear what she says when I say we have to get in the car to come here? So bummed. Yeah, Jules, get ready. Why? We have to do that-

You don't have to. You know what? I don't. Why don't we just not have her on the show anymore? Do you want to take a break for a year? She does. You want to take a break? No. You like it? It's okay. No, she doesn't like it. It's okay. What is it? How can we make this better for you, Jules? Where's Diego, by the way? Did he hit you up?

Are you done with him? Yeah. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Did he see the episode? Yeah. A lot of people are asking him to follow. Oh, because he's private. Do we give away his Instagram? No, but I follow him. Oh, and they just look up you. Yeah. Let's just talk about something else. No, it's fine. Have you been watching the Olympics? It's way over by now. Yeah, but wasn't the Olympics amazing? Yeah, it was great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We did the Olympics last episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Have you seen Outer Banks on Netflix? No. No, what is it? What is it? It's a teen movie. Yeah, me and Bobby love teen movies. What is it about? These teens go on a quest and go find treasures. Look at what these kids look like these days. Oh my God. Where are the ugly kids?

Remember how ugly you were as a teenager? I know. I was so fucking ugly. I was so jealous of these kids too growing up. I hated these kids. Hated them. Hated them. Yeah, yeah. They had nice skin, good teeth. Yeah. I had pockmark, pimple face, bulging teeth, big, huge... Fucking my grandfather used to say, because my hair was so orange and my ears were so big, he's like, you look like a taxi coming down the street with the doors open. Yeah. My fucking family. Yeah. Yeah.

You look like a taxi coming down the street with its doors open. Yeah, yeah. And I was so skinny and I had fucking big feet. I have 12 and a half now. When I was like in high school, I had 10 and a half or 11s. My grandfather goes, Jesus Christ, look at those fucking things. And I go, oh yeah, I got big feet. He goes, you can water ski just without, you water ski without skis. And I was like, what? My dad once said, you know, I walked into the room, right, his bedroom. He goes, you look like you did a 100-yard dash in a 90-yard gym. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

That is so funny. My dad's face was that flat. Your dad is very funny. I'll bring him back. So one time in La Jolla, do you ever see, what's that one with Fred Savage? Wonder Years? Wonder Years. Winnie.

So I guess her grandmother – I used to have such a big crush on Wendy Cooper. I auditioned for Mad TV with her. Look at her. But her grandmother or something – I was walking by – I was a kid in high school. I was walking by her grandmother's house and my friend goes, oh, you know that girl from Wonder Years? Her grandmother lives there. Wow. And I took an – I don't know why I had an avocado. Oh.

But I threw it at the house. Why would you do that? Because I just didn't like, you know what I mean? You didn't like Winnie Cooper's grandma? I just didn't like, you know what I mean, anyone that was doing well. Oh, right. I get that. How old were you? Fuck you. 16. Cool. Yeah, yeah. There's Winnie Cooper there. Yeah. She's very pretty. She's still pretty. She was so cute as a kid. She's so nice. The side bob, the side ponytail. Yeah. Wait, will Luke do that picture of her? Is that Dancing with the Stars? That's got to be, right? Up, up, up.

Up to the right? Yeah, that's got to be Dancing with the Stars, isn't it? Yeah, of course it is. Would you ever do that show? Huh? Dances with the Stars. I would do Dances with Wolves. If they bring that... If they make Dances with Wolves a TV show where you actually have to train and dance with wolves, I would do that. I would 100% do that. Yeah, but what... Welcome back. I'm Tom Bergeron. Welcome back to Dances with Wolves. Oh!

Who's going to die this week on Dances with Wolves? People just getting mangled and shit. D-list celebrities getting their fucking heads ripped off by wolves. That kind of show I'm into. I would never do some shit like this. Why? And I don't... I'm not shitting on the people that have done it. Why would I do that? Why would Andrew Sandzino... Because I feel like you can dance. I can dance, but why would I do... I think that if you trained with a real guy... And I think because of... That's the fear is that I fall in love with my guy. No, but Mid-America would love it.

I mean, America will love you regardless. No, because I get this sometimes now because... Because you're a leftist cuck? Because you're a left coast cuck? What do you get sometimes? What do you get? No, come on. Finish the statement. What do you get? I'm just teasing you. No, I know. It's fine. Well, I'll get recognized for things that normally... When I was doing the thing, I was like, what am I doing this for? Yeah, but America loves it. But you'll get people that you normally wouldn't...

you know what I mean, like you or know about you come up to you and go. Like black people? What do you say? No, no, no. Like Midwestern people. Like I've had old men come up to me or women and go, young man, I loved you on that Magnum PI. Of course, yeah. What I'm saying is that if I didn't do that show, I wouldn't ever, these people would never know about me. Well, that's great. I know it's great. Because a certain kind of person watches a show like that. Same with dances. What does that mean? What kind of person? Just people with regular lives. Huh.

What do you think? What do you think I'm getting at something? You sound a little pretentious. No, I'm not. I'm not. That sounds a little pretentious. No, they're. You mean regular. Are you going to. You mean regular Americans? Good old fashioned Americans. I love Midwestern American Americans. Me. I'm a Midwestern American. I'm from fucking Chicago. I couldn't be more Midwest. No.

What am I? You're Hollywood. Fuck you. I'm not Hollywood. Bro, I grew up in the suburbs with regular Christians and everything too. I grew up with Christians too. I know, but at some point, right, you and I chose... If I look at your phone, Blake Griffin, oh, there's so many

celebrities on your phone. That's for work. No, it's not. You live, everyone listening, this piece of shit is the most Hollywood comeback I've ever fucking seen. Which one of us lives in the Hollywood Hills?

Which one of us lives in the Hollywood Hills? I don't live in the Hollywood Hills. None of us do. Because I don't live in the Hollywood Hills. Okay, you live in the hills. I live on a hill. What does that make? I live in the flats. You do live in the flats. I live in the flats. But in a nice compound. In a flat. You're not even in a house. You're on a compound. You guys live in the hills. Who's more Hollywood, him or me? Both of you. Jules, you're fucking fired. Lift up the fucking... I have a question. Thank God. Where's the Hollywood Hills?

Throw that thing at her. You've never been to the Hollywood Hills? No. Have you ever seen the Hollywood sign? Yeah. Yeah. That's where the hills are. Look at that. That's the Hollywood Hills right there in the mountain. You've been over Laurel Canyon, right? Yeah. That's the Hollywood Hills. That's the Hollywood Hills. Those are what the houses look like. Yeah.

And producers, mostly producers. Yeah. Mostly people that don't actually like act or perform. We're sandwiched between two producers. Yeah, the guys that move money around the most. That's who lives in all of these. Yeah. That's a nice house. People that are able to just know people and that's how they make a ton of money. Meanwhile, we break our backs and then one day they don't want you anymore. But those guys get to keep living up there and we don't. The Hollywood Hills is for uber rich people.

Like that house has got to be 15, 20 million dollars. Yeah. Sebastian money. That's the I mean, what was his house? They told they said 26 million. Is that his house? No. Sebastian Monaco's house was at least 20 million. A good family friend of mine just broke. It's public knowledge, so I can say it. Yeah. They broke the real estate record of price per square foot in in Malibu. Make no mistake. This is not me. Nobody. This is not my money.

They bought, it's not even the number. It's the price per square foot. What? 11.8. They bought Pamela Anderson. Look up Pamela Anderson's house. It'll show you. It'll be top story. $11.8 million. Yeah. And it's about the size of, it's a little bit bigger. Look at that. Look at the house. 11.8 million for that little bungalow. Yeah. It's only 2,600 square feet. Oh my God. 2,600 square feet. Do you know how small that is? Yeah. Look at this. 11.8 million.

Okay. Yeah. Divided by 2,600 square feet. It's a cute house though. That's $4,500 per square foot. $4,000 per square foot. Oh my God. What's the average square footage in America? Google that. Average square footage in America. It's a beautiful home. It's beautiful. Beautiful. Average price per square foot in America. Look at that. They broke a record in Los Angeles real estate. It's insane. The average is $122. Okay.

divided by 122 that's 37 times the national average is what this person paid for 37 fucking times that's insane they're rich they got a lot of fucking money but it's Malibu Mel Gibson lives there I mean I think his neighbor I think their neighbor is Harrison Ford or something like that yeah does that matter to you hey Harrison see who's Hollywood nice this worked

See, you love it. I say it's ridiculous and you go, makes sense. It's either Harrison or when I lived on Beachwood, what that lady next door did to me. The one that ate poop? The one that yelled at me before not picking up dog poop. Right. And they put flyers all over the town. Yeah. I either get Harrison or that. I pick Harrison every time. There's a middle ground. And if that makes me fucking Hollywood. You are. No. You are Hollywood. George, it's Bobby Hollywood. Oh, yeah. Who's more Hollywood, George? Can't Pete interact a little more? Fine, Pete. Who's more Hollywood? George.

Can I tell you something real fast before you answer? You're on the Chalking Block. You're on the Chalking Glock. You're on Chalking Glock. You're on Chalking Glock. Juliana, you're on Chalking Glock. Everybody in here is on the Chalking Glock. So let me tell you something. You're on the Chalking Glock. Just know that.

All of you. George included. You're on the Chalk and Glock as well. Yeah. Big Chalk and Glock. Why does that sound racist? Chalk and Glock? You know you. Hey, that motherfucker's a Chalk and Glock. You know him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're on the Chalk and Glock right now. That's our next podcast name. The Chalk and Glock? The Chalk and Glock. Pete, well, who's more Hollywood? Damn it. Pipe up, kid. Let's go. Have a stance.

Andrew. Whoa! Bitch. Do you know why he said that? Because he knows. Because he knows the truth. No. Honestly... No, because Pete works with me. You literally... Because Pete works with me. I drive a Pri...

damaged Prius. That's because you're lazy. You drive fancy cars. That's because you're lazy. I like nice cars. I walk into your house, it's like a showroom in there. You walk into our house, it's like a fucking animal farm. My house is a showroom because we have to rent it out. Everything about you is fucking Hollywood, dude. Nothing is Hollywood about me. Yeah, you hang out with Hollywood folks. I do not. You don't hang out with anybody because you're too lazy. No, no one wants to hang out

with me. Yes, they do. You're just lazy. No, they don't. Tomorrow night, let's go out. You want to go out with a bunch of people? Yeah, tomorrow morning, I'm going to Hawaii. Exactly. To do what? To fucking shine shoes. Shoot a TV show. Fuck you. Shoot a TV show. What's your name on the show? Wong? What is your name on the show? Ching Chong's with plural. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, Ching Chong's. Yeah.

I am not. You are definitely more Hollywood than me. Who can we ask? Have you ever gotten your nails done? Never. Look at how shitty my hands are. Have you ever gotten a facial? Just from this guy I know in West Hollywood. No, I've never gotten a facial. Who can we call to ask who's more Hollywood? I'll call somebody right now. Who? I'll call somebody right now. We have to settle the score of who's more Hollywood. You're definitely way more Hollywood than me. You wear shirts of bands you don't even like. Okay? You wear Golden Goose shoes. Pre-dirtied up shoes.

We talk all in. Yo. Griff, you're on the podcast. I need you to settle the score with me real fast. It's Griffin. Okay. Bobby and I are fighting about who's more Hollywood. And I say clearly it's Bobby. He says it's me. And the cowards in the office won't take a real stance. No, no, no. Because they're afraid of losing their jobs. Pete said that Andrew was more Hollywood. And really think about your answer here, Eric. Griff, who's more Hollywood, me or Bobby? Oh, man, this is actually tougher than I think. Yeah.

I mean, if I'm being honest, but Bobby is more Hollywood. Yes! Thank you, Griff. I love you to death. I'll call you after. Yeah, please. All right. And he's our most honest friend. Literally our most honest friend. I don't trust it. You don't trust our most... Let's just call... No one is more honest than Griff. Let's just randomly call the comedy store and talk to whoever... Whoever the phone kid is? Whoever picks up the phone. Fine. All right? That's fine. You have to tell him you're on the show. I know. Hey, Bobby. What's up? Hey, what's up? You working the phones?

Yes, I am. This is Jake. Hi, Jake. I know who you are, and I love you. You're on the podcast of Bad Friends right now. Okay. He may not know what that is. I have a podcast. You know what Bad Friends is? I haven't seen it, but I know what it is. It's me and Andrew Santino have a podcast? Yeah. Okay. So I'm just going to ask you a question because we're just calling random people. Okay. Okay. Who's more Hollywood in your eyes? All right.

Me or Andrew Santino? And be honest, and there's going to be no hard feelings. I feel like it's even, but Andrew seems a little more like low-key Hollywood. Whereas you are much more seemingly outspoken and out there Hollywood. Right on. He's out there Hollywood. You're right, dude. He's like ostentatious and annoying and demanding and bratty. Jake, that's your final answer? Thank you, Jake.

Yes, final answer. Okay. Thank you, Jake. Love you. He's right. I've got to get one more. Keep going. Keep swinging. This is great. Keep swinging because everyone's going to tell you the truth and you're going to feel what it really is. No, no, not. You're Mr. Hollywood. I'm not Mr. Shut the fuck up. Hollywood has nothing about me. And you have to call, by the way, you have to call a source. Adam Egan.

Great. Great. This is perfect. Great. The guy, for people that don't know, he's the guy that used to manage the comedy store before he became a prostitute in Austin. He's a male prostitute in Austin. Yeah. But he only does orals. Yeah. Your call has been forwarded to an automatic. Wow. Can you believe he did that to you? That fucking hurt. He's probably doing something. That fucking hurt. No, what do you mean? He's probably busy. Let me see if I can get a hold of him. Adam Egret. Let's see. If he answers my phone call. Well, he knows we're together now. Ari Shafir. Fine. Are you FaceTiming him?

He doesn't only have face-fying audio. It's a race. Fuck. You both look so Hollywood right there. Your phone's up trying to call famous people to see if it's Hollywood. George, you're on the talking block. Watch it. Okay, he's not picking up. Okay, no one's picking up. One more time. I gotta get one more. Can I tell you something? This is how un-Hollywood we are. None of our friends are picking up our phone calls. This is the most Hollywood proof that no one wants to pick up our phone. Who is it? You'll see. Your call has been...

No one's picking up. Who is it? Who was it? That was Tom Segura. Oh, yeah. He's definitely not going to pick up. Should we call Rogan? No. Come on. Let's call Joe. No, he's not going to say anything. Yeah, you will. Whitney Cummings. Sure. Last one. Sure. Call Whitney. All right. Last one. She's probably drinking blood or something. What do you want, Bobby? Panic. Something like that. Yeah. Panic. You know how Scrooge McDuck had a vault of money? You know she has one of those in her basement. She swims in money in the morning.

Someone says, how does she stay so young and active? Swims and money in the morning. Coins. Text me. Text me. That's her voicemail. Text me. We're not going to get anybody. What does this prove? That we both suck? That we're both not Hollywood. That we're both not Hollywood. Oh, there she is. Hey, Whitney. Whitney, you're on Bad Friends real quick.

Oh, God. Okay. I just want to ask one quick question. Just real quick. We're just calling our friends. Oh, yeah. No, I do not want to do a television show with you. That's not it. No, I do not want to co-host your podcast when you're in Hawaii. No, no, no. It's a mediocre show. Who do you think? Time out. Hey, first of all, be nice. Be nice to Bobby. We're giving you a boost right now. Okay, you know what? If you're with Bobby, how about a guest star on Dave? What?

Thank you. Can I tell you something? You want to know something? Yeah. I can say it because the episode's already out. The first episode, we were in Korea. I literally said, what about Bobby Lee? For any character in Korea. Yeah. And they go... Why can't it be like a Korean spa maybe or like a massage envy or like a... Like...

You know, like comedy, like a spa shooting, like hilarious stuff. We wanted to put him in. I asked to put him in the Korean episode. And Sonny, you know Sonny. Yeah. He said they actually pitched it, but there was no role for him. So they wanted you in there, but there was nothing funny. They were Korean armed guards. So, yeah, I did try to get him in. How many shows have you tried to get us in? How many shows have you tried to get us in, Bobby? That's the funniest thing I've ever heard.

How many shows have you tried to get us in, Whitney? I think we're – can we get to the fucking point of the fucking – We're off on a bad start. Oh, right, right, because your podcast normally has a point. We should have called her because she's mean. Well, no, let's say something mean. She's nasty and mean and she's not nice. This is my only chance to ever be on Bad Friends. That's exactly right. But just be honest with us, okay? Who's more Hollywood, Andrew Santino or Bobby Lee?

Andrew Santino hands down no way I love you Whitney fuck you I'm gonna give you a nice gift go drink more baby blood goodnight I love you

Bad source. And she's the oracle. Bad source. She's the oracle. Bad source. In your fucking face. Bad source. Even the doorman at the comedy store was like, even. Source. She said, Anderson, do you know? Hands down. Bad source. Eric Griffin said you. All right. So we asked everybody to submit some videos. How many do you have? Let's just let's see a few. So who's going to get invited to Bobby's 50th birthday party?

Ooh, I'm excited. How many do we have? We've got a lot, but we can play some now and some later because we have plenty of time. Hey, Bobby, Andrew. I'm just submitting an application to come party with Bobby on his 50th birthday. I got two shots, so I'm double vaxxed, all that good stuff. I believe in masks. I think masks save lives. Okay.

I like your guys and your comedy and everything like that. I like this guy. I got a couple cats, so, you know, I'm a wild guy. I'm also sober, so I won't be doing any crazy drinking or anything like that. Look at the size of this guy's penis. I can't stop staring at this guy's penis. It's so nice. Doing shots or any of the Mary Jane around him or anything like that. You've got little titties, too. Little tiny cute titties. I'm half black and half Irish. My mom's Nigerian and my dad is Irish, so...

I'm technically half ginger as well, so I've got... I like it. I like it. You know, it's a full dose of... Look at this little kiwi tip, though. ...worns that have an N and I, two Gs and E and an R. I like him. I like him. Okay. Put him... Do a... I don't know, a flag or checkmark. Do a checkmark next to him. So you like him? Yeah. Logan. He doesn't seem like he's going to be intrusive. He doesn't seem like he... Yeah, okay. Here's another dude right here. Here's me. Here's Andrew.

Okay. Move the player. Friends. Happy birthday, Bobby. In advance, happy 50th. You an old motherfucker. I just wanted to tell you why I should come to your party. I'm fun at parties. You know, I'm probably going to get fucked up because, you know, you can't. You know, you want to be lame when you're on 50th, which is cool. I get it. But, you know, I'll get fucked up for the both of us, you know.

And, you know, it'll be a good time. So we out. He's on the pooper. I love the pooper guys. You think he's cute? He's okay. Okay. Cute? What do you mean? Because you're going to be there. I want some... He looks like he's fucking 30. Yeah, you're right. Sorry, my bad. I mean, you can say he's cute, I guess. All right. Move that play bar. Physically. There we go.

What's up, bad friends? My name's Kyle. I'm submitting this video to be invited to General Robert E. Lee's big 50th birthday party, man. Shout out. Whew! Hawaii Five-0. Halfway to 100, man. Way to go. That's cool. Papaya. Yeah. There he is. All hail the Slut King. Andrew. Jules.

Fancy B, Pink Dick, love to meet you all. I fucking think we have a blast, man. A little bit about myself. Sometimes I like to drink water while I'm peeing and I pretend that it's going straight through me. Funny bit. My favorite sexual position is trial and error. That's about it, though. I'd love to meet you guys. I think that'd be a lot of fun.

I know how to party. I like this guy. So let's give it up to you. They're all good. I can't invite everyone. What's the criteria here? I mean, it's your party. Yeah, I'll have to go through it again. Any women or is this all dudes? I mean, it's probably mostly dudes. Can I tell you an idea before you play the next video? Yeah. When he said he wants to meet everybody, and I'm sorry I'm eating right now. It's only because we're doing this at an off time because Bobby's got to – Bobby's Hollywood, so he's got to go. I do think, and I'm being genuine when I say this,

People are going to want to come and meet people and say hi. Wouldn't it be cool if we put George like in a cage or what if we put George upside down, suspended by his ankles in the boiling pot like we were going to do before? And if people donate money, the more and it goes to charity, the lower he goes into the pot.

A boiling pot of boiling water. So we hang George upside down. And if you donate, all the money for that is going to go to our favorite charities to support because you don't need people's money. We want to donate. Do you want their money? Yes. Oh, okay. Well, we'll keep it and just tell them it's for charity. Okay. So can we do something to torture George at your party? Yeah. Yeah? We're going to boil George. All right, guys. We're going to boil George. We're just letting you know in advance. We're going to be boiling George. George, is this all guys? Go ahead. Answer. Yeah.

Hey, buddy. So I'm with Anderson. You know, you're on bad friends real quick. Oh, fuck. Oh, shit. You just have to answer a question. I miss you. I love you. Can you just answer a question? Can you ask, answer a question? Sure. And you can be completely honest. Be honest. Be honest. Between me and, between me and Andrew, who's more Hollywood? Yeah.

Santino, for sure. I love you, Adam. Why? I miss you, and I'll talk to you later, okay? I love you so much. Fuck you, Adam. Stay in Austin, you piece of shit. Bro, it's fucking real. This is real, dude. No. By the way, you know why he got kicked out of Hollywood? He got ran out of L.A. It's a fact. He got ran out of L.A. because he's a kook bag, and we don't want him around. That's right. We don't want you anymore. Hollywood, let's go here. Shut the fuck up.

I'm not. It's so funny. I'm so not Hollywood. So Hollywood. I'm more man of the people than you are by far. You play golf. What's wrong with golf? It's Hollywood.

Everybody plays fucking golf. They're all Hollywood. If you don't play golf, you're not Hollywood. That's not true. Yes, it is. It's gross. America plays golf. Not every American. It's a lazy guy's sport. No, it's not. Yes, it is. It's where you and your rich friends hobnob, right, and create these projects and stuff on the fucking course. I've been busting my ass to try to get jobs for fucking 15 years. You've been sitting on your little Korean ass getting stuff handed to you for 15 years. Let's see what she says.

Okay, I'll make this short and sweet. You gotta pick me. You guys live in my ear all day, every day, at work. Like, if it's not Whiskey Ginger, if it's not Tiger Belly, if it's about friends, like, you guys live...

In my ear. Okay, so it'll be a fucking privilege to celebrate the 50th birthday with you, Bobby, with Andrew, with Lila, with Rudy, with everybody, with all the crew. So... Say no more. She's coming. She's coming. Push pause. She's coming. She's coming. She has to come. I don't even give a fuck what's left. Mark her as a... Absolutely. Say, what's her name? I can't read it.

I think it's... Lillivia. Lillivia, yeah. Lillivia or... Lillivia? Lillivia? Yeah. She's fucking coming. Anybody that has to deliver mail to people all day long and tirelessly deliver shit... I just like her. Next person. She's coming. Move the bar, dude. Hey, Bobby. Hello. Hey, Kalilah. Hey, Tiger Belly family. Bad Friends family. My name's Ashton. I'm a registered nurse here in San Antonio, Texas. This is my fiancée, soon-to-be wife, Victoria. Hi.

She's a music therapist right now. And so I think the reason why we would be excited to go to your 50th birthday party would just be hangout. I'm sure you get this a lot, of course, that I've been a fan of you since Matt TV. I used to run home from middle of work on my lunch break just to watch episodes to see if you were in them. So you're my favorite comedian of all time.

So why do you think we should go? So I definitely think we should go because he always looks forward to your podcast. That's how he de-stresses from his day. He has a really stressful job. So to be able to listen to you guys is like a big relief for him. This is your birthday. I want it to be as special as it's going to be for you. And you know what? You know what it's going to be, your birthday? Hollywood-themed. Ha ha ha!

Thank you for being a bad friend. Tom. So me and Andrew are doing Bad Friends. You're on air. Yeah. I just have one question for you. Is that okay? Sure, buddy. Just in your heart of hearts and just really be honest. Who do you think is more Hollywood? Andrew or Bobby Lee? Oh, man. That's really tough. Like you're both kind of like pieces of shit in a way. Yeah. But it's kind of like which who's like

the more rotten piece of shit. Yeah. Yeah. You know who it is, Tom. Tom. Yeah. I'm going to, I'm going to side with my white brother on this one. Wait, wait, excuse me. I'm going to side with my Caucasian friend.

Oh, Tom. Love you, Tom. Tom. Thank you, Tommy. I want to just listen to my words right now. Yeah, listen to his words. You break my heart. Yeah, it's barely there. It's barely fucking there. You break my heart. Love you, Tommy. I love you, Tom. I'll be later, bye. All right, bye. Bye. Bye. Even 50-50. Even is the great. Ha!