Shownotes Transcript
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Hey, bad friends. Hey, everybody, bad friends. We have merch, merch. We're doing a merch competition for our fans to see who can create their dope designs. The best ones. End up on our shirts, our hats, beanies, whatever. Because they're creative. We want to see how creative you can get. Send your creative designs to carlosinthebooth at gmail.com. carlosinthebooth at gmail.com. I'm sure we'll put it on the screen right there. Send in your ideas for your bad friend merch and make it a reality. You two are bad. Who are these two idiots? I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.
- I'm telling you two or something. - We're bad friends. - Oh, she kicking it all square. - Wow. - Wow. - I am scientist.
Put your headphones on and we'll talk. Oh, so we're doing sketches now. Put your headphones on. Oh, it's all making sense. This is like, now I'm having fun. Ladies and gentlemen, Chili Chill is in the house. Yeah, Chili, what's up? There it is right there. And who am I? Who am I? Do you know who I am? I am a scientist from North Korea. Well, it's that and a combination with that and Drugstore June. I'm the pharmacist. Yeah.
Your favorite movie, Drugstore June, Pharmacist. Oh, God, guy. Look at this. And the boys, you know what they are? Nick Goosen. Yeah. Well, you're the North, you're G. Soon Park? Mm-hmm. He doesn't even know what it is. That's the guy your mom likes. Yeah. Who are you? No, that's son. Who are you, Pete? Me? No. Pete.
Uh, me? Yeah, you're the Pete. Oh, that's me, yeah. My God, Pete is back. Hey, guys, I missed you. Pete, what did you bring us, Pete?
Well, for Bobby's birthday, how my kids do some portraits of you in that blue bag over there. Some portraits of you. Let's get it out of the way real fast. Happy birthday. No, no, no. Happy birthday. No, no. Happy birthday, dear Robert. Happy birthday to you. All right. Let's see the photos. Okay. Photo number one.
Ooh. That's my son, five-year-old son. Oh, I thought it was a priest and the exorcist. Ha ha ha.
Yeah, yeah. That's what your five-year-old son thinks Bobby looks like? The priest of... Fantastic. And let's see the next one. Oh, shit. My three-year-old. This is four in the morning, Bobby. Let me see. That's right now, actually. I can't sleep. Doing wide eyes. I can't sleep. A little wide-eyed Bobby. Yeah, yeah. All right, who's the next one? My three-month-old. Oh. Wow. Your three-month-old...
- Oh, no. - No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding, he's a good guy. - And what's an-- - He's not a good guy, you're right. - What's an extra? - He's a good guy. - I tried, I tried to make it. Oh, and this is Pete's. - This is, this is you? - That's, I tried to make. - Yeah, whoa, right here, what is this? - Pretty similar to the three month old. - Yeah. - Pretty right on par. - Yeah, so thank you so much for these. - Happy birthday. - Happy birthday. - That's the present?
They worked really hard on that. All right, all right, all right. Rudy, what did you get? Other than being chilly chill, probably costume of the day. Chilly chill. What did you get Bob for his birthday? Okay. He can open it. Give it to me. I'll give it to him. Are you sick, by the way? You sound sick. She was a couple weeks ago. Oh, that's nice. Nice bringing it here. I'm not contagious. She's not contagious. I promise. Yeah, all you people say that. All right, so this is great. Can I just make, okay, I'm going to guess. A candle. Nope.
Soap. Nope. Well, kind of. Body wash. No. Okay. Just open it. Okay, fine. Oh. Let me see. What is that? This is kind of cool, dude. This is for the bath, dude. Show me. Is there a price tag? No. I can't. I get it. Oh, that's nice. This is bath salts. You could smoke this. Yeah, it's really nice. You could smoke this and get ripped. Yeah. So this right here is...
I don't know if you'll like it, but I know you really like perfume. It's a cologne for men or women? I don't know. I just like the smell, and I thought you'd like it. That's a sweet gesture. Oh, it's too dark to be good. No, I think it's going to be good. Oh, shit. How is it? Really good. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me smell. Pass it. It's musky. I can kind of smell it from here. Yeah. What brand is it? I don't know. Filii Fragrance. Oh, is it Filii Fragrance? Yeah. Oh.
No, that says fragrances. I really like it. I'm sorry. Oh, this is Pogostemon. It's really good. Pogostemon. Do you know this? And then the next one because you smoke a lot. Yeah, you do. Yep. We got to quit. It's an ashtray. Fucking amazing. Let's see. Can I say something to you? Whoa. Dude, what a great gift. Yeah? Honestly, I have to give it a nine out of ten. Nine out of ten.
That was really good, Dan. Any gifts from the room up there? You know what? It was thoughtful.
You thought about it. You're not just giving me socks like Steve does, my brother. Is that what he got you this year? Socks? No, but he'll just go, hey, happy birthday, dude, and give me like a pack of socks. Well, you do like socks. I know, but still, it's not thoughtful. All right, let's see what the boys got you. Okay, so. Go ahead, Carlos. You want to set it up? Yeah. Me, Andreas, and McCone went to Echo Park. We put it out there on Instagram to all the fans to come do a video for us. And this is from us and the fans to you. All real fans pulled up to Echo Park. That's amazing. Yeah.
Happy birthday, Bobby. Thank you so much for making me laugh during my childhood on MET TV. Happy birthday, Bobby. We love you. Happy birthday, Bobby. You have put me through a lot of things and I'm so appreciative of you. Happy birthday to my bisexual brother. I'm sorry about everything on the road in 2023. It's almost 2025 now.
so we can move past it all. Happy birthday. I love you. Happy birthday, Bobby. We love you so much. We wanted to show how LA loves you. So we pull a call out and LA answer. Happy birthday, Bobby. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Bob. Happy birthday to you. LA answer. So funny. That's so funny.
That's good. Well, that's cool. Five people showed up. They came in droves, huh? Wow. I guess that was hard to contain. Did the cops show up? Because that was too much of like a... I mean, the photo before, though, looked like there was a lot of people. Yeah. That one. What's that? That's a stock photo. Yeah, a stock image. The Y didn't look as good.
I thought that was it. I was like, oh, that's cool. No, five. But there was only five. Yeah. Okay, well, thank you for showing up to that. God, you guys really love to do this to me. We have a video from Fancy, too, because he's not here today. Okay. Yeah. Sad that he's gone. Yeah. Happy birthday, Bobby. I'm sorry I'm not there celebrating with you, but I'm doing something nobody else has ever done for you.
I took a plane last night and I'm here in Springfield, Ohio looking for your favorite treat. Happy birthday. It's so topical. It's so topical. He's right on beat. Very good. He's on beat, that guy. He doesn't miss. Yeah. He's looking for cat meat. Well, I got you a gift. Thank you. I actually got something really special and custom made for you. Thank you. You want to come here, Ben? I got you something real. Actually, look at me.
Very special for you. Thank you, man. This is my good friend Ben Baller came by. Whoa, what's up, Ben? Fuck yeah, homie. Ben, can you sit? You want to sit in the seat for two seconds? I love you. Dude, you came all the way over here, Ben? He just landed. Wow. And you came here for what?
Not just this. There's no way you came here for this. He did. He came here just for this. Why? Just mail it to me. No. Nah, this can't be mailed. This can't be mailed. Oh, wow. Ben, oh my God, dude. Dude, I'm like, today, what a day. Rob Lowe earlier and now Ben Baller. What did Rob Lowe do for you? You just talk to me for a second. You just talk to me for a second.
But anyway, no, I'm just saying running into people. You're filled with joy right now. Pretty joyous. Your 53rd birthday. This is great, dude. How old are you, Ben? Shit, I know he's older than me. He is, yeah. How old are you, Ben? 51. Fuck, dude. But look at how much better I look. You do look really good, doesn't he? Yeah, Rudy agrees. Right? You look really good for your age. You think? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, cool it out. Cool it out, relax. Cool it out. That's enough of that. Yeah. Pervert. Yeah. Ben, you're married, right? Uh, yeah.
in the middle of a divorce and the kids are outside. - Oh my. - Oh, they are, they're outside? - It's all good. - Okay.
Thanks for bringing it up, man. Sorry, sorry, sorry, my bad, my bad. I even told you, don't bring up the divorce. You'll find somebody. No, no, I'm good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're killing it, you're killing it. No one's worried about him. Oh, yeah. But he's got a special gift real fast. Okay, I'm so, dude, already, dude? It might be better than hers. I did something for you that you probably won't believe. And I called him up, I said, I need a favor from you, and I need you to help me out. It's brass knuckles, please tell me. Do you want to show him what it is? You want to show him? A little something, just a little something from me to you. Nothing crazy.
But if there's one person to call, it's Ben Baller. And I said, Ben will get you something dope and he'll know what he wants and it'll be great. And I think this is your style. Why are you, is it alive? Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Okay, I'll close my eyes. But I said, you got to match Bob's style. And he goes, I know exactly how to match that guy's style. I know what he wants. I know what he needs. Is that Bob Smith?
We don't have to talk. We will talk about it in a minute. Okay. You can tell him after. Wow. Put it around his neck. There's no fucking way. Take off your headphones. There's no way, dude. Take off your headphones. There's no way, dude. Put it around your- There's no way, dude. Okay. Wait till you see how heavy this is. Wait till you feel it. You're going to have to- Oh my God, your head is fucking huge. No, his head's not big. It'll go up. Trust me. Okay, okay, okay. Wow. That's over a kilo of gold. That's a kilo of gold. All right.
- Wow. Well, here's why. I said to Ben, I know Korean culture, big on church, we're trying to get you back into religion. - The weird thing that you would give me though, 'cause I don't, I was cross, I'm not a Christian. I have to walk around with this all and go, hey. - First of all. - I mean, thank you, I appreciate it. - You told me spirituality was important to you again. - Yeah, but not Christianity. It could have been a Buddha would have.
It's 120 carats. I understand the carats and the gold and all that. I'm sorry. Are you joking? No, you fucking ruined it with me. What the fuck? I thought it would be cool. I thought it's like when we... You really don't like this? No, it looks cool. I'm just saying that it's like I'm not a Christian.
It's more than that. Okay, okay, it's cool. Thank you. First of all... I mean, a Buddha or... Or even the yin and yang, maybe? Do you not like it? No, I really love it. Because this was not cheap. No, I love it. No, I'm serious. How much was this? Tell him everything about the piece he's wearing around his neck. Yeah, tell me everything about it. It looks beautiful, though. It's about 130 carats. There's actual glacier blue diamonds on there. It's over a kilo in gold. It's about $260,000 together. Ha ha ha!
You don't like it. Give it back. Stop. You don't like it? You have to give it back. No, don't take it off. I have to take it off. I'm going to be so offended if you take it off. I'm not kidding. I'm going to be fucking pissed off if you take it off. Can I be completely honest with you right now? Can I just, because you're my friend, I love you.
Can I be completely honest with you? I've been ball. I love your shit, dude. It's so beautiful, right? But can I be honest with you? It's so heavy. I can like feel it yank my neck for it. Like it's so heavy. Well, this can be exercise. I know, but it's like, I have to literally. Yeah, you should stand up straight. Yeah. It's just, it's like on me. Okay. It's $2,000. You don't like it. I love it. But why'd you spend that much? Get me a car.
- Okay. - I'm sorry. - I'm super offended. - I love it. - I can't believe that. - I love it. - He hand designed that. It's for you. - I'm kidding. I'm playing it for comedy, of course. It's great. - You don't like it. - No, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's
Of course I love it. Are you disrespecting the culture right now? No, of course I love it. But can I just, for right now, so I can perform, can I take it off my neck? No. I can keep it on the whole fucking show? Yes. I have to wear this all the time? I spent $260,000 on it. I have to wear this every day. Like when I go to Hawaii tomorrow. It's a condo. I bought you a condo and I thought you'd be appreciative. Thank you so much, dude. What a fucking pleasure. What a beautiful present. Cheeto, to be fair. Yeah.
In about 45 minutes, he needs some Advil. It'll cut the circulation. It's a kilo of gold. Well, it might... Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Bendos. But still. I feel like you're trying to kill me. Maybe. Yeah, yeah, no. So, honestly... Can I talk to you? Talk to me on the mic. We're on the show. Talk to me on the mic. We're on the show. Yeah, maybe. Okay, but... Can I...
Maybe I have to cut this part out, but... Why the fuck? Sorry. I don't even care. He set the wire yesterday. Or it was Friday. He's paid. He doesn't care. It's over. You spent that much money on this? Are you out of your fucking mind? Did this guy or did this guy not talk incessantly about, I better get him something extravagant, unbelievable, expensive, over the top? Exactly.
I had to call my business manager and like move money from a private fucking account to get this done for you. Yeah, but then... Yes, what the fuck? You think I have that money just like sitting somewhere? I had to pull it out of my savings. Ben, are you being offended right now? What are you doing? I'm chilling out. You're like doing a Yakuza fucking thing. Like you're going to fucking kill me. Well, he will fucking kill you. With our legs? No, namaste. Thank you so much. Very good. I like it. So what I'm saying to you is very beautiful. It is. What do you think, Jules?
It's really cool, but I feel like you would die from it. Exactly. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. So, dude, I think you're being real. So here's the deal, dude. Okay? I don't know. Can you get your money back?
You know how about this you don't think of anything just take your money back. No, dude You can't get your fucking what are you talking about those? That's it. It's over. It's done I'm gonna put this in a vault then there's no way I'm gonna because it's so expensive I'm gonna put this in a vault you're not gonna wear it out You don't even want to like show it to people that it's a thing that I got you you wear that in Hawaii You will look like a fucking G. You'll be a king Don't you want to walk around a king that you are you're saying that if I walk away walk around with this fucking thing and
Well, can I see what it looks like underneath the shirt? That's the whole point is to be on the shirt. No. Yeah. No one knows it's there. Nobody knows. You can actually see how bling his neck is right now. Yeah, you're iced out on your neck. It's beautiful. Oh, really? How about with no shirt? Yeah, no shirt would be nice. Yeah, no shirt would be really nice. Oh, my God. Yeah. I'm just chilling on a beach. Look at what you look like. I'm chilling on a beach, dude. Are you married, Bobby, or no? No. Oh, you're getting pussy in your mouth.
Bro, just look real fast. Really good? Just look at what you look like. Holy shit, dude. Yeah, dude, I look like a future monk or something. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't look normal. Okay. Yeah. Do me a... I'm going to do this one last time. Okay. If you don't like this piece... Yeah. I mean... Then what? Just tell me the consequences. Okay.
I'm being what I'm trying to play it for comedy but I think you're being real and I want to be completely honest with you thank you so much but it's a little too much like what I bought you was a couple of grand of little knickknacks right you $250,000 is so stupid $260,000 yeah $260,000 I know but I'm just saying that I think but how about this then no yes I'll keep it I'll put I'm gonna buy a vault
And I'll stick it in the vault. Do you have a safe at your house or anything? I do. Okay. But I'm going to get a better vault. Because I don't have anything that's worth this much money. Can you tell them how hard this is shining from across the room? I mean, look at how beautiful. Okay, it looks shiny. Is that what you're saying? So, Ben, Ben, are you telling me that... I swear to fucking God, dude, I don't want to threaten you because you look like you know some people.
So I would've never started. - He is the people. - I know, but look at what he's doing right now. I don't know, what are you doing right now, dude? - Just chilling. - You're eyeing me down, dude. I appreciate it. But what I'm saying is that I will bring this to Hawaii and I'll wear it every fucking day. But I'm telling you right now, I feel like I'm gonna get stares in a weird way. And also somebody's gonna jack me. - No, they're not. - Yeah, they're gonna be like, "Goddamn, that's 90, quote, quote, whatever." And then I'm gonna be like, "Well, no, it's not, it's plastic."
Right? And then they're like, yank it out. What's wrong, dude? I'm sorry. You're a very craftsmanship. Well, I'm a little. I know you're killing it. All right, so. Can I go? No, no, no. I can go? Yeah. Appreciate you. Thank you so much. I love you. I'll text you in a little bit. It's really nice to meet you. Nice meeting you. I'll text you in a minute. All right, take care, John. I didn't know you were older than me.
Wait, is this your iPhone? Is this yours? Yeah, it is. Okay, okay. I'd rather have that. No. God, it looks so good. All right. All right, guys. Take care. I'll talk to you in a little bit. All right, dog. Thank you. What? No, please don't take it off. No, no. I'm serious. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. Oh, my God. Bob, Bob, Bob. Stop. Stop. Stop. Okay, okay, okay. It really hurts my neck, though. I know, I know. You have to leave it on for the show. It hurts my neck. I swear to God, it hurts my neck.
It really hurts my neck, dude. You look very cool, Tito Bobby. Told you. Yeah, I do. You look so dope. What's up? Blue Chew. You guys, I'm a 53-year-old man now. Yes, you are. And I'm sexually active. Yes, you are. And guess what? What? I use Blue Chew, and guess what? It works! That's right. Does it work? You better believe it does. It's an online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra, but at a fraction of the cost in a chewable form. The process is simple. Sign up to bluechew.com.
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- Seriously, I hear your mind. I don't care if you and I are married. - When you walked in the door and you asked me and you were like, why are you-- - I don't care if we're married and we're lovers and we lived for 40 years together. You don't give somebody a $260,000 gift for no reason. - No, but there's a reason. - What is the reason? And then why would you give me this symbol? - Because-- - A bad friend, yeah. You know what I mean? - First of all, Ben was like, in the Korean culture,
because God has so much movement. I want God to move through Bobby. And I said, what was the piece that you think of making? He said, I want to make a dope ass cross, like old school hip hop cross. And I said, that's so sick. And he goes, does he like color blue? I said, he loves the color blue. And he goes, I'm icing that up. I don't actually. No? No, I feel like you don't know who I am. Color blue is not my favorite color.
No, I didn't say favorite, but you like the color blue. I like, it's like top 10, but it's like not even the top five. Okay, I'll take top 10. You know what I mean? So it's a six? Yeah, yeah. Six is fine. And then it's also like, I don't know about the carrots. Well. It's so shiny and stuff, but it's like, are these real diamonds? There's no way they're real diamonds. What are they, dude? How much was this? $20? Oh, you know what? I know you so well. I know when you're frustrated and I know when you get mad and that's what you're doing right now. So-
So what I'm doing is, thanks, dude. Wow.
And then, you know, here's another problem I have with this. Now we're going to one up each other. So what do I have to get you next? A Maserati? That's more than a Maserati. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Two months. I mean, that's my point, right? Here's a yacht. And all of a sudden I have no money. I'll have no money, dude. And then all of a sudden we're broke, dude. We're like, there's two guys from Trading Spaces.
You know what we're like? What? You know what we're actually like? What are we like? Two bears, one slave. That's right. That's right. Wow, that's crazy. Thanks a lot, dude. Oh, hey, buddy. What, Dax Flames here? Dax is here. Oh, man. Holy shit, Dax. Thank you so much, Dax. Dax, are you... Well, get sit down at least. Do you want to sit or do you got to go? What should I do?
Do you have to go? What do you mean? We asked you to sit down. What should I do? Hi, nice to meet you. Dax, are you, how did you know, did you... You got me a Hi-Ho cheeseburger? I heard that you like burgers. Yeah. And you got me a high-end one, probably one of the best ones in LA. You know, that's classy. Okay, check this out. Yeah. Ask Dax, Dax, do you like his chain? I got him a chain for his birthday. Yeah, yeah.
Do you not-- do you do like it or no? Uh, I like it. Yeah. Would you wear it? I wouldn't wear it. Wait a minute. That's-- no, wait, stop. Thank you, Dax. Do you-- are you shirtless just for your birthday? No, no, no. Yes. No. He's trying to emphasize the chain. Yeah, I want you to put this shirt back on. No, no, please off. Please, it looks so much better off. Okay.
So Dax, this was Andrew's present. Okay, nice. Yeah, and now, can I just say something, bud? Sure. It hurts my neck so bad. Oh, yeah, maybe with the shirt on, it'll be a little cushiony. Yeah, no, I'm just saying the weight of it is kind of pushing my fucking neck forward, and it kind of hurts. It's very heavy. Just sit straight. Sit straight up. There you go.
But so Dax, if you got this, you wouldn't wear it. I would wear it in front of the person who gave it to me. Right. And then what would you do when you got home with this? Maybe just send them a text thank you and after wearing it. Okay, then what would you do with it though? Give it to someone who like would wear it. Right. This is $260,000.
- That's what I'm saying. - Yeah. - So then would you give it to a friend or would you put it in a safe? - I would sell it and just use the money on something you like. - Oh, that's so good. - I prefer you to not do that. - Yeah, I'm gonna do that. What do you care? - That will end our friendship if you do that. - You bought me a beautiful two and a half- - And that's what it's supposed to be. You don't sell it and then take the money and do something else with it. - Yeah, I wanna buy other things with it. Like something that I need, like a car.
You know that my car got totaled. You have the money for that. They gave you money for the insurance. I know, but maybe you could have got me a car instead of this thing that I'm not going to fucking wear. Think about what you're doing, dude. Why would you ask Ben Baller, fucking Chinese mafia, to come over here, you know what I mean, with his fucking glare, and then do this to me? He's not Chinese. Whatever he is. What is he? He's Korean. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay. He's so hot.
Rudy what? He's so hot. Yeah, he is pretty hot. You think he's a hot guy? Yeah. You better watch your mouth. Watch your fucking mouth. And he's 50 something? Yeah. He looks good for 50 something, huh? He's so cool. Okay, so he's 50 something and then what are you going to say about... You guys are... Yeah. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm getting stepped on today. I thought it was a good person. You guys are what? Like, okay. And Ben is like...
High up. So Ben's a hot guy and we're losers. Not losers, just okay. Ugly? No, okay. Okay or okay-ay? Okay or okay-ay? Okay. Okay. Okay. Ben is like, okay, okay, okay. He's okay, okay, okay. Okay. Yeah, I get it. So Dax, thanks for stopping by. When did you get the cheeseburger? Just a moment ago. Really? Yeah.
Can I open it? May I? Yeah, go ahead. When did you get the cheeseburger? Yesterday. What do you think? He got it today. I don't know how some of you guys work. Sometimes you guys will get me a cheeseburger from yesterday. Never have we ever. Yeah, but from hours ago, whatever. You've done that before, hours ago. It's been delivered 15 minutes before you're here.
But he went and got this for your birthday. Really? Thank you so much. He also wanted to sing you happy birthday while you took a bite. So we, we hold on. Will you take a bite and you sing a Dex? You said you had a special version of happy birthday for him. Yeah. Go ahead. While you take a bite. So wait, wait until I grab it.
I'm sorry. Can I just say something? Really appreciate it. Pretty cold though, huh? Is it cold, eh? Yeah. Honestly, when did you get this? Maybe 35 minutes ago. Okay. That's not bad. All right, here we go. Go ahead. And go. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Bobby. Happy birthday to you. And there's a little card for you as well.
That was the rendition? That was your own rendition? Oh, happy Bobby day to you. Happy Bobby day to you. I'm going to change the words in tune a little bit. All right, let's not eat. Let's read the card. Let's read the card. I'll eat this later, Ben. Thank you so much. Ben? I mean, that's it. You still got Ben on your mind? Yeah, Ben's still on my mind. Sorry. Ben Baller's still on my mind. Do you know Ben Baller? Did you meet him on the way out? He's incredible. And Rudy thinks he's really hot. He's a very handsome, cool dude. He's the man. He looks handsome. He is. He very much is.
Oh a card, what does it say? Can I see it? No, no you may not. Well let him read it. I memorized it, that's how short it was. What did it say? Keep up the good work. Well that's true, isn't it? No, there's no, that's nothing. Well you know who gave it to you, he just gave it to you. It doesn't matter, like when I, 20 years from now, because I keep these in a fucking box. Maybe he'll sign it for you. And for memories I'll, no, fuck off. Hey, what? No, I'm sorry, this is bullshit. My neck hurts. So what?
Grow up. All right. You're 53. Fuck you, man. Fuck you. I'm sorry. Is that me? Yeah. I'm reading the wrong one. All right. All right. Sorry, McClellan. Thank you so much, Dax. For sure. Dax, thank you, man. This was great. I appreciate it. Thank you, Dax. Thank you so much, Dax. We'll see you later, buddy. Thanks a lot, man. Bye, dude. Thanks, Dax. Very nice. What a sweet, sweet guy. Like, honestly. Honestly.
Rudy has something to tell us. What? You fucking know. Don't play dumb. Don't you dare play dumb with me. That's so good. Did the Bobby. Is that good or no? Hold on. I'm going to try to see if I can get it. No, that's going to hurt, dude. No, it won't. It's sticky. Hold on. Can I have this?
No. No. Why do you want to take that home? Because I need to shave. Yeah, but that's for men. That's for men. It's better. Is that womanscaped? I know, but men's razors is usually better. Why? I don't know. They make it better for men. Why would they make it better for us than for you guys? That doesn't make any sense. I don't know. Isn't it the same? Because sometimes I'll go out on the road, I'll use a woman's shaver on my tucci.
You do it on your tutu? Yeah. They say men's razors are better. It's more sensitive for sure. I have a little gripe. Can I tell a little gripe or not? Please. I thank you so much for your happy birthday messages on Instagram. But, you know, next time you do that, you don't have to throw in a fun fact. Give us some fun facts. So today I get, happy birthday, buddy. By the way, Pat Morita, you're older now than Pat Morita was when he did Karate Kid. Wow. When he was...
Wow. You are right. It's insane. And then guess what? Two hours later, I bought a bonsai tree.
Wow, Pat Morita during Car Cry. How old was Pat Morita when he did Car Cry? 52. Yeah. You're 53. I'm 53. So you're older than Mr. Miyagi. Dude, I'm older than Mr. Miyagi in that movie. Wow. Isn't that crazy? That's beautiful. No, I don't like that. I love that because look at how much younger you look than he looks. That's a compliment. Oh, no, you look the same. Never mind, you look the same. Pretty good. Let me hear you say wax on, wax off. Wax on or wax off? No. How do you say it? Really go for it. Wax on or wax off? Wax on or wax off?
Kind of play it out. Play it out? I don't even know what you mean. Your notes? Play it out. Oh, play it out. Mm-hmm. Bring up the wax on wax off scene, please. Yeah. Bring up the wax on wax off scene, please. Okay. I think I'm doing it way too much, I think. I think his is more understandable. His is more subtle. His is more low. Yeah, yeah. Here it is. Have you seen this movie? Oh, my God. You have to watch this movie. What are you doing? What are you doing, dude? That was literally...
Very good. Karate Kid, dude. That's how you learn. Met by Emanuel Leiber.
I feel like the Jackie Chan version is better. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What? Oh, my God. I just. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do we mean? What do you mean? What the fuck do you mean? That movie is so good. No. Oh, my God, dude. Have you seen it? Have you seen it? I've seen it. It's with Jaden Smith? Yeah. No. No. Ralph Macchio, my guy. Ralph Macchio guy. I even cried at the end. You would. Oh.
Why? Because there's black people in it? Because he won. What? He won. Yeah, so did fucking Ralph Macchio. No, this is better. No, you haven't even seen Karate Kid to say that this is better. Did Jaden do the crane? Yeah. Yeah.
He did. It did a great job. Oh, really? It's actually really impressive. Honestly, it's actually a really good movie. But don't do that to Pat Morita. Not on his birthday. Not on his birthday. Yeah, yeah. But I never saw this version. Did you? Yeah, it's pretty good. It is pretty good? Yeah, it's very good. All right. It's actually very good. It is, okay. Well, Jackie's incredible. Yeah. Jaden is phenomenal. He's the child of an egomaniacal sociopathic maniac. So he, of course, is going to be a good actor. Yeah, yeah. It's like, what are we talking about?
The guy's incredible. Wow. The whole family, he breeds talent. All these kids have talent. All of them. That's amazing. What does it say on the hill? Cheap? Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap. Let me see. Zoom in. Oh, it's written in this way to dog hill. Oh, is this in Springfield? Wow. Wow.
- It's interesting. I think you should watch it. You'd like it. - Do you think Koreans got offended by this Haitian stuff? - We're the one that eat the dog. - Do you think or not? - That is our thing. - That's our thing. - That's us. - Yeah. - Don't take credit for dog. - Yeah, so I'm gonna watch that movie then. - You should. - Okay. - It's actually really good. What do you have to announce to Tito on his birthday? You told me before the show you wanted to ask, tell him something. Tell him what it is. Go ahead.
that I just wanted to say that I appreciate you. I see you as like a father figure. I think you've, you've, um, you've always been there for me. You're very supportive. And I think, yeah, you're just, I love you. I mean, coming from her,
That's huge. That's the best. I believe it. She said, I love you. Go ahead, Carlos. Me? You want me to say something? Way to go, McCone. Go ahead and do it. Try it again. Yeah. I don't think you know what you're doing. He's jerking it. It's the way the arrow goes. I think it's a loss. Dude, that's your guy. That's my guy. That's your guy. That's my guy. Yeah. Wow. That was so sad. Here's the best part. Hey! Shit!
Here's the best part. Well, Carlos said it because Carlos has to clean that up. That's the best part. Yeah. Happy birthday. Thank you, man. Anyone else have a speech? Oh, I have one. Okay, go ahead. Bob, I've met you like 14 years ago and you were one of the only people in Hollywood or in my life that's ever just been consistent.
And I just want to say thank you. Thank you, bud. And I've always looked up to you. Thank you, bud. You're the man. Thank you, bud. You got me through some of the toughest times in my life. Back when I was FedEx driving during the pandemic. Didn't know where I was going. This is before I met you. Yeah. But parasocially.
He sang. He was a fan. Parasocial. Okay. Been a fan. Okay. And then through you, through Tiger Belly, I heard about Brandon Dermer, got a lot of my first jobs through there. And then also you were nice enough to talk to me that one night at the comedy store. And I was so happy that you did.
I walked three miles home to my apartment in central Hollywood because I couldn't believe that you talked to me and you were nice. And I was so nervous. I was stumbling over my words. And she said, slow down. It's okay. Let's take a seat. We sat down and we talked. I remember that. You gave me your number. And I couldn't believe. I was calling. The front patio. Yeah.
- From Patio. - Yeah. - I remember. - Unbelievable. And then I just, I always look back and love-- - That's good. - That's enough. - You're doing too much. - That's enough. - Just stop. - God. - God damn, dude. - I love you. - Yeah. - All right, Pete. - Pete. - Bobby, I've been a fan of yours. - All right, that's good. So let's get back on the show. Let's just kind of continue the show. - That's not real. But anyway, let's go back to the show. - Jules? - He already did it. - What's going on in your life? - Yeah, what's going on?
Well, in class, we made fruit flies drunk. And I learned that they don't have any lungs. So they just breathe through their skin. We're trying to get you citizenship? We're paying for a citizenship? This is insane. You're getting fucking fruit flies drunk? Wait, why? To find out what? Just to find out if...
- I don't know. They're doing research and we're doing that kind of procedure for the flies. - And she's already becoming a nurse. - Already. - Look at that. - No! - Start with the insects. - Researchers suggest that alcohol stimulates the flies' brains as a reward in a similar way to sexual conquest.
points to a brain chemical called neuropeptide F, which seems to be regulated by the fly's behavior. Something with the brain. Yeah, well, I just read it. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Just read it. You're in school. Uh-huh. I thought you were done. Didn't we think you were done? No, next year. Next year, you're done. You know, I rewatched some of the paranormal activity movies. Do you want to creep yourself out a little bit? Do you see? No. No.
You've never seen Paranormal Activity? I have, but I haven't seen anything recently. No, like the first two. Sure. The original ones. Yeah. Have you seen it? They're like 20 years old. Oh, yeah, yeah. From 2009. Yeah. I'm just saying that they're good. No, they're very good. You're talking about like it's in a theater now. I know.
I know, but what I'm saying is that that's a horror movie where when you do watch it alone and you actually go to bed, any creak, anything, it gets you. It gets you more than the modern shit doesn't get me anymore. No, that Paranormal Activity got me. Got me good. Have you seen it? No. It's incredible. Oh, it's so good. Yeah. But my question is, I know it's an old movie, but that guy Micah, do you remember Micah in it? Oh, no. What? What do you, what?
- What do you want? I just have a question. - Yeah, I'm waiting. - That guy. So he's the husband of that first girl in the first movie. - Yeah. - You leave. I leave. Right, you leave? - You can't, that's your- - No, you leave. - You can't. - Yeah, dude. - You don't break up things that are so good. Look at this. You stay. - If you and I- - Even when it's hard. - If you and I were camping. - Mm-hmm, go. - And there was a ghostly presence in the forest. - Yeah. - Okay. And I go, you know what, I'll do an experiment.
And you're telling me, and you're fucking telling me, oh yes, ever since I was a baby, a ghost has been fucking haunting me. Yeah. Right? And then I go, I have some baking powder.
out of nowhere. Sure. Just have some in my trunk. Just in case. Right. So I did an experiment. At three in the morning, I put baking powder outside our fucking tent. The next morning, if we saw ghostly footsteps on that baking powder, you'll never see it. No more bad friends. That's it? Yeah, it's his friend. Just friend? By yourself. Old friend. Yeah. Because there's no way. Anyway. Is this real? Yes. Yeah, it's real. What do you mean? I don't know anything about it. It's a fucking movie. Oh.
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Find the detail that moves you with immersive dining experiences from Sapphire Reserve. Chase, make more of what's yours. Learn more at chase.com slash sapphirereserve. Cards issued by JPMorgan Chase Bank and a member of FDIC. Subject to credit approval. You've never seen Paranormal Activity? No, not yet. How not? Why not, dude? It's such a good movie. It's such a fucking good movie, dude. I watched the David Chase documentary about Sopranos.
Oh my God. Did you see Chimp Crazy? Oh my, we watched it together on the plane. What are you talking about? We were both watching it. Do you see Chimp Crazy? I want to see that. I haven't seen it. Oh my God. Chimp Crazy is so good. Donnell. Donnell Rawlings. Wow. Wow. Good to see you. What's up? What's up? Okay. What's up? You don't want to wish, you want to wish Bob a happy birthday? What's up D?
Before we even start, I just want to say Diddy is not my boy. Yes, he is. Yes, he is. I've got to be clear. Kim Jong is not your boy. And Diddy, Sean Puppy Kong, Sean John is not my boy. Have you met him before? Yes, I have met him before. Pictures of Donnell Rawlings and P. Diddy together. No, wait, wait, wait. They're on the internet. Let's see what's on the internet. Wait.
Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Spaghetti-o. Someone's been to the island. Whoa. Uh-oh. Where? Where? There's got to be photos of them together. Boys. Yeah. Okay. Zoom in. Zoom in. Oh, wow. There's the dogs. Just be. Okay. First off. Okay. What do we got here? Photoshop. That's not Photoshop. That's 100% you. That's you. That's not me. That's you partying in St. Barts with Diddy. Okay. Yeah. It wasn't Diddy. Diddy was the freak. I was with Sean Combs. Oh, sorry about that. Oh.
Oh, my bad. I was with Sean Combs. That was a very good night. Okay. I bet it was. There's Dave.
Interesting that this would take place also on an island. Is that Tiger Woods? No, that's not Tiger Woods. That's so funny to say that. Is that Magic Johnson? Yep, that's Magic Johnson. To the left. No, it's not Magic Johnson. The fact that y'all think everybody looks like Magic Johnson. First of all, that's Magic Johnson on the left. No, it's not. It's all Chris Spencer. Yeah, that's what it looks like. French Montana. Serena Williams.
No? Yeah, yeah. Okay, the kid from Black-ish. Oh, God. Hold on, let me guess. Honestly, tell us who that is. No, no, let us guess. Okay. Dave Chappelle, Sean Combs. Russell Simmons. Let me guess. Okay. Okay. That guy on the far left is Bo Diddley. Above Bo is... The Invisible Man from the book. That's Invisible Man. Right next to him is Whitey Ford. Yeah. And next to me is a bottle of baby oil.
One of the thousand, one of the 10,000 bottles of baby. - Do you remember that night though? - Big time. - Yeah, I faded. I was supposed to be in faded. But the thing about it was I just did a podcast a while ago and I say, you know, it's hard. Like it's when someone you know gets in trouble, you have mixed feelings because you have a relationship different from what the media. - Sure, sure. - And I know it's crazy as it may sound. This is something that he does every like Christmas, during the Christmas break.
And it's a very, very family oriented retreat. I know it may sound crazy, but that day was a great day. It was filled with candy canes and popcorn and all the festive things that people like for the holidays. - Candy canes huh? - But I will say-- - Who likes candy canes? - I left that party at a reasonable hour.
And I tell people all the time, Puffy throws the best party, but you got to leave before four o'clock in the morning. Four o'clock in the morning. Four o'clock. It's going to go crazy. Can I say something? Do you have the same disease Gary Coleman had? I don't have a disease. Okay. All right.
Don't know. Take this the right way. I have never in my life seen a black person with a candy cane. Never. Me either. I mean that in my entire life. Me either. I bet you can't even Google black guy with candy cane. I'll tell you this. There's two candy canes that black people fuck with.
Oh, shit. The colors. All the colors. All the color when we fuck with them. But the peppermint. There's a candy cane right there, dude. I've seen that. Who's that? What? Who is that? I've never had a candy cane. That's Donnell's uncle. I've never had a candy cane. D, is this you? No, that's not. That was in your Instagram slides. No, it wasn't. So what kind of conspiracy is this?
Yeah, when he comes in, we're just going to shit on the fact that we all connected a week ago. It was a love fest and we had a good time. We hugged up each other and everything. Now it's back to like, okay. Okay, D, we're done. We're done. What did we learn about each other last week?
We learned that I'm consistent with not liking you. And I thought that was just reserved for Hollywood, but it works in the Midwest. Anywhere that you show up, you are an asshole. The funny thing about it is people say, I don't know if this is white culture or whatever, and I'm not going to make everything race. He said rice. He's not going to make everything rice. Sorry, but I'm not a fan of yours. Yeah.
I'll tell you what I'm not a fan of. What's that? If I may. Your feet.
Yeah. You don't know anything about my feet. Yeah, I saw your feet. You don't know anything about my feet. That whole day, you know what I call it? The black arrow. Because his foot is like an arrow. I got something for you. Since you're talking about... Socks. You got socks. Because I figured out that... Here you go. What color do you want? You only have options now. All right. You don't have any options. But speaking of feet, this is what I do to protect the innocence of my feet. All right?
And what did you learn about my people? They're shaped in an unusual way. They're like an arrow. Yeah. Very girthy and long? No, pointy. Skinny. Pointy and skinny. I know you're not familiar with that. Oh, boy. I'm just saying, we're going to do it, Bobby. Let's just do it. We're not doing what, dude? All right. You come onto my podcast, I'm not doing anything. I'm like, welcome. You talking about my dick, dog? No, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about lack of. That's what I'm saying.
People can speculate whatever they want. You go on record as-- - It's his birthday, let's be nice. - It's my birthday, dawg. Thanks, man. - I got him a nice gift. Do you like the gift I gave him? - What? - That chain.
Did you bring a chain in just because I was going to be here? Insane to think that. That's nice. I knew that he was going to have that twisted fucking thought. Yeah. No, I thought he was like this. Oh, Don, I think this is real hip and cool. Wait a minute. Are you dressed like a doctor? What is the, what are you? Let's not talk about clothing over here. Okay. Let's not talk about it. No, you got a doctor. That's a doctor's dress. Yeah. And look at how she's dressed.
It's for his birthday. We're playing his famous roles in movies. She's Chilly Chill right there. And I'm in his favorite all-time movie, The Banger, that is Drugstore June. Okay. See, I didn't know that. There's some history I didn't know. Thank you for bringing me. But I bought him this chain from Ben Baller. I had to- 260 grand, dog. That's friendship right there. How long before you sell it? See, that's what I said. Yeah. Now, let me ask you something. Is it something that you would do? What, give somebody a chain? No, no. Sell it.
If somebody gave you a $260,000 chain, would you sell it? It all depends who gifted me. Me. If they gave it, I would definitely sell it. I don't want any memories.
He slammed you too, dude. No, I don't want... He comes in here with fucking... This is what he does to me all the time. Yeah, what the fuck is your problem? You asked me last week, I go, yo, man, I'm going to be in town, dog. Can I do your podcast? I go, yeah, you're welcome. And you come here and you fucking do this? Horrible impression of me. What? That was a horrible impression. Yo, dog, why you had to do all that shit? Now, if I would have been like this, and you was like this, don't know, you can't go through this asshole, then that would be wrong.
You can't do that special. I didn't do that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - When I saw you, I did roll up to you and play Kung Fu Fighting. - You did. - I thought that was good. - In his car, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I thought that was good as well. - So I saw your toes, didn't like 'em. - They got man toes. I got man toes. - No, honestly, they're not. - I don't do pedicures. - Yeah, so then we did the show. - Yeah. - Very funny. And then what did I do to you on stage? Do you remember?
- I don't. - Yeah, I tackled you a little bit. - I don't remember that. - What did he show you? He showed you something on stage. - No he didn't. - Yes I did. - Yeah he did. - What? - You commented about it the whole time. - Inside of my butthole. - You know what? Damn, you know how something sounds like it's a good idea?
And you start off, you're like, this man, I would love to. I fucked up. And you stared a little too long, dog. No, I didn't. What I did tell you. He went like this. Yeah, you did that. I didn't tell you. I said that what I did tell you was that black people are one of the races to still hold tight to being homophobic. And with that said, you crossed the road to me every time you try to get close to me. And I told you to get the fuck away from me.
but you're used to people being aggressive towards you, being negative, so that wasn't anything. That just made you more excited about being an asshole. - Right. - But this podcast is not gonna be about my disdain toward you. - Good. - All right. - What do you mean, man? - It's gonna be about a bond. - Yeah, good. - There was a fucking bond. And I'll tell you another thing, Chachi, okay?
Yeah. Oh, go ahead. I'm just trying to make it. Yeah. This is what... So this is the truth. You want to hear the truth? Yeah. I got the truth, dawg. Give it to me, baby. Okay. You want me to preach? Preach. What's the truth? The truth is this. Mm-hmm. Player. Okay. You and I got booked on... Let me talk, dawg.
You and I got both got booked on a TV show, right? - We did. - "Burke Reister the Cabin." - You weren't the first choice. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me finish. Can I tell the story? - Default, okay, go ahead. - Yeah, can I tell the story? You thought you were gonna do the show with Bill Burr. - Right. - You woke up that morning, what?
- Excited. - About Bill Burr. - About Bill Burr, right? - Not excited about Bill Burr, excited about the history and what I was told about the shows. This is gonna be a show where you go out in the woods and you bond with your boys, you have great conversations. I didn't know it was gonna be a show that invited a person like Bobby or would be excited about Bobby getting there. And when I was there, 'cause I hadn't talked to Bill in a while. And this was what my response was.
I looked at the trailers and I was like, where's Bill's trailer? Right. Then I look and it was a, and he didn't have a plaque. It was a piece of tape. They just wrote his name. Right. That's when you know, the person wasn't supposed to be there. And I saw it and I said, Bobby, and I said,
Fuck! And I was like, he's going to be naked. I knew it. - No, it wasn't. - Not one time. - It took away from what a show I thought it was. I was like, it's one of those shows. And sure enough, soon as I walk in the joint, this naked ass. - No, no, no. I'm so offended by what-- - Bring up the picture of Bobby naked in the cabin on Netflix.
I'm so offended that you would even say something like this. Are you? Yeah, yeah. I'm so offended. You were naked on the cabin on Netflix. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. On a bare skin rug. Not a bare skin. What are you guys doing? I mean, bring up the photo. There's a photo of it. Yeah, you're butt naked right there with Burt. This is what I walked into. Right. And this is what Bill said? No, no, no, no. I'm sorry. May I say something?
He got naked first. - He took you. - He took you. - He took you. - Right, he got naked first and he-- - What are you doing? - Guys. - We're not watching the show. - Oh yeah, there we go. - 10 seconds on set. - 10 seconds he got there. - No, I asked politely. Did you hear me ask politely? Thank you. - Oh my God. - Street cred gone.
Yeah. Is that not a joyous occasion? For you, it was. Yeah. Did you not think that we did good together? Good chemistry? I think that there was a part of the show that we had good chemistry. Other than that, I just wanted to get the fuck out of here. Can I just say this? I promise you this. I guarantee you. If you did that with Bill, ours still would have done better. We wasn't doing that at all.
You do that. You're comfortable. You want to do it. And that's, I sense that. You want to do it. You want to do it. You fucking want to do it. And you're too afraid to say yes. And I'm saying you're going to get there. Help me out here. Well, I agree with you. You're comfortable exposing a body that looks like an old man and a baby in the same person. Here it goes. How are you shaking? Here it goes. How are you shaking like an old man and a baby? Don't do this. It's my birthday, dog. Peace. All right. All right. Honestly, dude. Ah!
Yo, honestly, dude. Give him a hug, Donnell. You smell good. They're like Cuban cigars. All right. No. Thank you, Donnell. Thank you, Donnell. Very good. Very good. So, Donnell. I gotta take this off. It's so heavy. Take it off. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Be careful taking it off. I can't believe I'm here. Ben Baller was in here before you got here. He gave me that. Oh, yeah? He just gave me that. And then you just give to him, so it wasn't like a gift. I didn't give him that shit. That's $260,000. That's for real. It's yours. You didn't give it to him. I didn't give him shit. No, that's going right back to Ben. That shit was all fake. Oh, yeah? Oh, fuck yeah. I thought that was my big gift, and it wasn't. He thought that was his big gift, and I 100%— We 100% had— I was— You know, dude, okay, let's go back to real. You do have a real gift coming. Honestly, though, dude. Hold on. Hold on. Put your shit on. Go ahead. Okay.
I want to be real with you. My bad. I'm sorry. And I'll never do that again. You will. I won't. You will. I won't. It's in your nature. I've never done anything like that to you ever. I've only shown you love and respect since I've known you. And secondly, dude, I literally, you're like one of the few guys, I think, in the country where I just wouldn't want to follow.
On stage. Yeah, thank you. That's why we made him close the show that we did. You're a fucking destroyer, dude. You really are. And I... You are equally. And I... Let me just get this off my chest. All right. I honestly only feel pure respect and love for you, dude.
And when, you know, it's like, I think I sense certain things like a sexuality or energy, but I know, but I'm probably reading it wrong. I'm probably, no, honestly, I think I'm reading. I'm sorry. I do see that with you too. I think I'm reading it wrong. I don't know. It might not be. I don't know. Because I'm usually right. Right. So I feel a sexual tension, but I'll ignore it. I'll bypass it. Welcome to the show.
Honestly, we will never do that again. We'll never hug. It wasn't a we. It was a you. I didn't participate with that. Right. All right? It wasn't a we. It was a you. That's what he's saying. It wasn't reciprocated. He was bummed about it. That's what he's saying. Thank you so much. Yeah. It's his birthday. It's a two-way street. Yeah. It is a two-way street friendship. What can you do for your birthday that you haven't already did to embarrass yourself and ruin your career? That's a three.
How do you celebrate? What do you mean? How do you celebrate? You've done everything despicable, everything that you canceled. How do you celebrate during your birthday?
He's never fucked a guy. Yeah, that's true. Thank you so much. Well, you didn't have to fuck a guy, but if you got fucked by the guy, that's the same. Fuck a guy. It's in the same boat. You know what I'm saying? No! I didn't fuck him. He just fucked me. I still gangster. Give me my chart back.
Please. Yeah, yeah. Give him that charm back. That's the only thing that's going to keep them together. So anyway, yeah. I mean, what is it that scares you about flesh and flesh? Yeah. My flesh is what scares me.
- Here's another interesting thing you did last week. 'Cause Andrew and I were in Springfield, Ohio, Yellow Springs. - You were at Yellow Springs. - In your neighborhood. - Don and Dave. - Hanging out all night long, right? - Don, Al and Dave. - Yeah. - And late at night, I swear to God, and if you don't admit this, I'm gonna lose my fucking mind, all right? - You're gonna do what? - I'll lose my mind. - Again? - Yes. - Okay.
- I just wanna be clear. - You turn to me, right? We're close to, no, just stop, stop, stop. Fucking stop. - Okay. - Sorry, I got a lot. - That's okay, it's your birthday. - It's my birthday, yeah. - You go nuts. - Thank you guys. All right, with your little beautiful eyes, you looked at me and you go, "Yeah, dawg, yeah." - I would say you have beautiful eyes, but I can't see them. I mean, if we're gonna do it, let's just do it, Bobby, all right?
Wake up. Wake up. There he is. Still asleep. You look at me and you go, yo, man, come to my house. Let me cook you something. No. Yeah, you did.
Yeah, you did. That's not what I said. This is what you said, Bobby. Yeah, and I said, I don't have my lube. I don't have my lube on me. Shut the fuck up on your birthday. How about that? That's the gayest thing I've ever heard. No, what I said was. Three in the morning, come to my house, let me make you some fish, dog. Well. Did you not say that? Did you not say that? Did you not?
I'm going to let you do you. I'm going to let you calm down. I'm going to respect the fact it's your birthday. This is what I said. Okay, sorry. Too much? No, this is what I said. Keep going. You said, Daniel, where is it a good place to get some food in Yellow Springs? I said, at my house. And you said, this is what you said. You said, I don't want your fried chicken, your collard greens, or your chitlins. He did not say that. Yes, he did. He said, no, he said, I don't want pig's feet. He said, I don't want pig's feet. That's right, pig's feet, yeah. He said, I don't want pig's feet. Yeah, yeah. I don't want grits or okra. That's all he said. Or jammy jam. He doesn't want jammy jam. That's
- Yeah, I don't like your jammy jam. - Then after he started talking to people in town, he realized that there's one thing, it's a cool town, but it's not good, it's not known for its food space. And what I was doing was I wanted to offer that to you because I like cooking for people when they come in. - It was three in the morning, you said to come, I don't see it that way, you said, "Come over right now to my house now, now." Right? And I go, "Wow, it's three in the morning," in my mind.
Let me cook you up something. Now, to me, from where I'm from, dog, right? You would have jumped over. Where you from, if I would have invited you over. It is. Where are you from?
- Exactly. - That's where it's from. - That's where it's from. - That's where it is. - That's where it is. - Where you're from, you would have jumped on the opportunity to come to my crib. - I would have loved to see where you live. - Yeah. - I wish we went over to your house. We weren't there long enough. - Yeah, but I invited you. - I know, we were there for-- - Three in the morning, it's a little weird. - We were there for 17 hours. - Yeah. - And I couldn't get an hour of your time?
David had most of our time. - Yeah. - Okay. - That's not my fault. - Right, I tried. - I know you did. - I thought it was a good experience and I was excited to see you guys hanging out. It was good, I thought. - That was a really fun week. And I'll be honest with you, I mean, what did I do in the car? - Bob started crying. We were leaving the shack, shed? The shack. - The shack. - We were leaving the shack where we were all hanging out with,
our beloved Dave Chappelle and beloved, what the fuck is that? That's good. Beloved, we do beloved him. We beloved him. I beloved him. And we were riding home after hanging with you and the family and Talib Kweli and then he turned to me and he said, "You know what?" And he just started bawling. He just started crying in the car. I'm a hand to God. Hand to God. He was like, "I'm just getting really emotional. This was such a wonderful day, a great moment in my life. It was really, really nice." He goes, "I just really wish
I really, really wish that, I really wish Donnell wasn't there. Yeah. And I could agree with that. And he started crying and I said, I wish Donnell wasn't there either. And it hit me in my chest and I said, why did Donnell show up? Because, because, no, because honestly, because honestly, when I saw your fucking crooked feet, I saw your turkey, turkey feet, right? Like that, right? Sticking out like that, right? I go, I wish I hadn't seen that. No.
Because it gave me PTSD and I have to do fucking trauma work on it. I know. Because those are fucking nasty. I know. I know. When I, when I, when I, when I, when I, when I, when I, when I, yeah, yeah. He did, he did, yo. I want to say this. Yeah, yeah. When we did Burke Reitzner's show, I heard about the stereotypes of Asian little Chinese looking motherfuckers, right? And I, I went through it.
- Then I would be in a situation where I saw what was close to an Asian penis. And then I said to myself, and I didn't think about it, and I said, "This is why they like anal so much." It's the only place that it fits and you know it's there.
You know what? He did really cry in the car. I really did cry in the car. For real, he did. I really did cry. And we got emotional. It was such a beautiful day with you. We had a lovely, lovely day. We had a beautiful day. And then you went on stage and you killed. I didn't think this was. I'm so sorry. Hold on, I'm sorry. Give him a minute. We'll give you a minute, dude. Give you a minute. Okay. What's going on? Birthday cake. Oh, we got a little birthday cake. Why now? He said there's no better time than now. Okay, okay.
Wow, Donnell, look at this. This is from Donnell. I love Hogwarts. No, say thank you to Donnell. He did this. Did you really make this? You brought this? If a penis pops out, no, I didn't. And I know what you're wishing for before you even open that box. Is this a trick? No, it's not a trick, bud. Wow. That's not one of the greatest cakes you've ever seen? I mean, I'm listening to the song. Oh, sorry. Where's the cake? Right here. Oh, it's cake inside. Yeah. Is that Korean love music? No, no, no.
Do it again. One more time, Donnell. Okay.
- So, you have no money. If you don't have any money, what's the second one? - If you don't, - Come here. - Yeah. - - Yeah. - If you don't have no money, get the funny. - Yeah. - If you got money, you can fuck.
This is really fancy. Who bought me this? Donnell did. Really? Donnell, you really bought me this? Yeah, I didn't. Yeah, there's no way you're going to go buy it. The reason I did, I wouldn't have done it because it's making you happy and I would have never wanted to do it. I know. But you didn't even know it was my birthday today, huh? I didn't. Yeah, yeah. And I would have loved to stand you up on your birthday. Yep. Why are you so mean, dude? You bring the worst out of me. I know, but you know you love me. I mean. Be honest. I know the fans are listening.
And they're going, "What's going on here?" - The whole episode's been chaos. - It's chaos, right? But let's be honest with our fans. Honestly. I'll be honest with you. I like fucking with you. When I see you, we have fucking around, we have fun. - Why don't you ever say when you have these emotional joints, say, "Donnell, look me in my eyes." Why you never say that? - That's an eye joke. There's an eye joke coming. - It's another eye joke.
- Yes it is. - I promise you it's not a- - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm coming. - Done out, done out. - I don't know what you're talking about. - Can you just open the- - What? How do y'all do this? - Done out, seriously. - Yeah. - I love you so much. - You know what? I will say this. - Yeah, yeah, and we're good friends. - Why do you have a hammer? - Salam Hamnida. - Why do you have a hammer, dude? Just take a scissor and cut the tape out of there. - Salam Hamnida, I love you. - Yeah, all right, good. - I don't, I wouldn't do that. - Yeah, yeah, you do, yeah, you do. - No, I do, I do respect you.
- You only respect me. - I said I do. - So if you found out that I passed away, there would be no sadness? - There would be a lot of sadness. - If I found out what? - I passed away. - Only thing I would be mad about is that I don't have a picture with you where I could just do my bullshit RIP post. - All right, right, right. - Say this one hurt and put the prayer sign. - Yeah. - We're gonna get after. - I keep taking the good ones. - We're gonna get that tonight. - If I did take a picture with you, if you died by me, I'd be like just, well.
He'll be missed. I think. No, I wouldn't be hurt if you passed away. I don't even want to talk about that. Is that good? Pretty good. Yeah? Yeah. Good. Pretty good. I'm going to watch you eat it. You guys, honestly, what a beautiful birthday edition.
I thought that was a wild episode. It was really fun. Dude, wild. Really fun. There's so much to it. There's a lot. Yeah, it's going to kill it. Donnell was our icing on the cake. So Donnell, do you want to plug anything? He has a podcast. What's it called? It's called The Donnell Rawlings Show. Okay. Subscribe to it.
- I go to my-- - I don't know when this comes out. You guys come out like the next day or so, right? - Yeah, no. - No? - This'll be out when? - Couple weeks, in a week. - November 30th. Check out us on podcast Jam with D. - J with D. J with the D. - What up? What are your dates?
You got some dates, dawg? I don't know when this is going to come out. We just said the 30th, man. The 30th? I will be at October the 4th. I'll be at NJ Pack Theater in New Jersey. Yeah, check them out. What else? Improv and Shummer, you're playing my home, Chicago. Love that club. Addison, love that club. Mothership, going to see Rogan. Comedy Zone, Charlotte.
ATL. Then he goes to DC and the Irvine Improv and Milwaukee. Go to DonnellRawlings.com. You are making some money, dude. DonnellRawlings.com. I know what those rooms fill. Shut up! Probably the greatest stand-up we know. We love him to death. Wait a minute. Look at his eyes. Look at his eyes on TV. Oh, my God. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Eric. Donnell, come on. We got to take a photo, Donnell. Thank you. Thank you for being a bad friend. Donnell. Donnell, come on.
You're not gonna... Somebody has to help me take this off. I will. Okay. It's a little expensive. I can't fucking believe you. I can't fucking believe you right now, dude. Don't do it. Take your hat off because I gotta do it with your hat and your glasses off. There's no... Stop, stop, stop. Relax. Take your glasses off, kiddo. Hold on. Is it really heavy? Yes. Huge fucking head. Is there a cooker? Yeah, there was a glass, but I think he took it off. I don't know how he... Oh, he didn't take it off.
Hold on, hold on. There you go. And gentle, dude. Gentle, gentle. Gentle that way. Gentle. There you go. Oh my God, thank God. Like, be thankful. Thank you. It's okay. No, you're right. It's fine. You're right. No, no, you're right. If you don't like it, I get it. If you don't like it, I get it. No, no, no, I don't want to. Yeah, give it back. No, I can't. Don't. Give it back.
Give it back. That's mine. I'll put it in a vault. You don't fucking like it, so don't- I like it! It's gonna appreciate through time. It's gonna go home with me. Well, I want a real gift then. You're out of your fucking mind. You're out of your fucking mind. You're out of your fucking mind. You want a real gift? This is a real fucking gift! This is a real fucking gift! Why would you give me a $260 million to make any sense?! This makes the oldest sense in the world! It's a gift! God! It's just like... It makes no sense. Why would you- Okay.
Manscaped. Man, that is one of probably the greatest bits we've done on this show. That was really good. What? Isn't that good? Yeah, how much was that though? He just gave it to me. I'm going to give it back to him tomorrow. Okay. Isn't that fucking amazing? Yeah. How good is that bit though? Holy fuck, this thing is heavy. How funny is that bit? She thought it was real. There's no way I knew that. For a second, I thought it was. But hey, but everyone, give me a little credit. You bit on that. You were scary. You bit on that.
