Bad Boys & Fairy Fantasies
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You two are bad. Who are these two idiots? I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.

You two are something. We're bad friends. You look so handsome today, Bobby. Yes, I'm handsome today, Bobby. I'm not buying it. You look good. Yeah, I'm not buying any of that. What are you talking about? You look so good. No, coming from you, dude, that's legit. No legit to quit. Too legit to quit. You're a cutie pie. Stop saying it. It's weird now. Eat some Skittles. Let me see you eat some Skittles.

You eat some of those Japanese Skittles. Oh, Japanese Skittles. Really turned me on. Really? What's that? Oh, we got a bag of cookies. From what? From Whole Foods cookie bar. Do you know about this? No. Open that up. Look at how many cookies are inside of that thing.

Whole Foods though? Whole Foods cookie bar? Have you never had Whole Foods? I only go to Erewhon cookie bar. Oh, gross. We're not, but open that up. Look at them in different kinds. Should I give away my secret, McCone, of what we do? Okay, so when I go to like the cookie bar like this and I get like two pounds of cookies, what would it say? 2.6 pounds?

Yeah, right. You have to pay for these cookies? Yeah, but check it out. You go to the self-checkout, and then you just put it on the thing like you're going to weigh it, but you hold it right above it. Yeah. So it only registers, you know, like, what did that say? Like, point... Yeah, point four pounds. Yeah.

It's good. Cookie Mario tricks? Well, I'm a cookie monster. Whoa, that's good. Wait a minute. First of all, Whole Foods is Amazon. You only brought it for Bobby? Huh? I don't want any of these right now. Well, you guys can have it. No, no, no. We brought it for the crew. I'm going to have Japanese candy. But I got to tell you, this is way too many cookies. It's so many cookies. It's two and a half pounds. How much was that?

How much was it supposed to be? Yeah, how much was it supposed to be? I think we paid $4.68, and it was supposed to be $26. Wow. You're tricky. I'm a tricky cookie boy. You know me. I'm a tricky cookie boy. Who, me? I'm a tricky cookie boy. Let me see. Let me see. Those are... No, let me see. Hold on. All right. Asso. Asso, asso, asso, asso, asso. Asso with these Skittles.

They taste like regular skillets. They do. Yeah. They're just Japanese. Why did you give me this? Matcha. That's from Carlos. I think Carlos wanted to bring you some. What's going on today? No, just in case your day wasn't so good. It wasn't good. You had a long day. Terrible. But it's okay now, aren't you? No. No. It's not. It's bad? Pretty bad, dude. Why is it so bad today? Oh, sit down. I have something to talk to you about. Sit down, asshole. Asshole. Blue chair. Blue chair, man.

Blue Chew. Hi, Carlos. Hi. Hello. Hi. Hi, Andres. Hi, McCone. Put your purse in the other chair. Let me ask you a question. What? You're about to get it. What's wrong with you? Dude, why do you have temple zits? Why do you have them? You're supposed to get them on your face, not the temple. What do you mean temple? Yeah, this is your temple right here. She's trying to, when she does this, she does white eyes, and so when she does white eyes... Oh!

I used to get those. Yeah. Don't do white eyes. White people don't like them. No, don't do white eyes. I know you do. Hello. I have a credit card. Oh, whatever. I don't know what they say. What? Is that what white people say? Yeah. Hello. I'd like to pay in cash. Yeah. What are some things that only whites can say? What are some things that you hear only whites say that you would never hear a Korean say? Well, here we go. Yeah. Gosh, golly.

That's good. Gosh golly. Oh, gosh golly. Gosh golly is good. My gosh golly. Jiminy crickets. Heavens to Betsy. When you go, when you say this to somebody, a white guy, and you go, you have to be at my house at 7 and they go, okie dokie. No, tell me you'll be at my house. You have to be at your house at 7. You got to be at my house at 7 o'clock. I'll be there early. Yeah, yeah. We're always early. Yeah, white people love it. What do you got to yell at her about? Oh, so, hey. Your comforter.

Oh, did you piss on the comfort again? Oh yeah, this is a fun game. Guess what it is. Why is Bobby mad today? Guess what it is. The cats. The cats are beautiful. I cleaned everything. Well, there's one thing that you do that really disturbed me the other day. I called you about it. Oh, the bottles? The cans? Not just the cans. What? What are you doing? God damn, man. This guy...

I was about to Christian Bale it again, dude. What happened with the cans and the bottles and the cats? And the cats and the bottles and the cans and the bottles and the bottles of the Bobby Lee house. It's the cats and the bottles and something is broken. Whose fault is it? Yours. It's your fault. So I buy these chili. I buy chili from Erewhon. You know, sometimes I don't finish them. You never finish. You don't even eat it. It's just a design. It's just a design? Yeah, in your fridge. I do design. You collect 20

I do designs in my fridge. Yeah, but I'm artsy. You mean chili peppers? No, I form them so it makes a configuration, you know what I mean? So it's artsy. What do you mean chili from Air One? Turkey chili? Yeah, that. Those bottles. Oh, God, Bob. Just because you want people to come over and open your fridge and see Air One? It's $50. Yeah. That is $50? Yeah.

For a jar of chili? It's the best chili you'll ever have. I fucking hope so. Can we get to the water? Shut up, dude. And don't give me a chili test either, dude. I'll know. Why did you lie? That says $18. Yeah, he's a liar, dude. You're a little bad boy liar. All right, so stay on the photo. So what I like to do is because... What am I good at, dude? What are you good at? When it comes to the environment.

You're good at giving back. No, no, come on. What do I do? Because that goes right into the toilet or the trash can. You're giving back. No, that's not what I mean. What do I do? I'm a conservationist. You're a conservationist? Yes, that's right. You're a constipationist. Yeah, I'm a constipationist. Your IBS has got you. I'm very mindful about the environment. Are you seriously? No, you don't. No, you're not. You don't even use your recycle. Shut up.

Do I have two trash cans in my fucking thing? Yeah, and you use the recycle as trash. Stop, because I don't know the difference. That's the only problem. Well, let's learn, because I actually don't fucking know. Can I be honest? We throw so much stuff. Thank you so much, but can I get to this first, and then we'll get to that? Please. I'm sorry. No, no, no, it's your show. It's both of our shows, actually. But your show now. Okay, so that's not what I'm at.

I think it's done beneficial things to your life, this podcast. Big time. Your confidence has grown. Big time. Your social status, your Instagram account. Your communication skills. Your mind's not even that good right now. You're still in this country. You're still in this country. Because of us. Yeah, yeah. Do you want to stay in the country? Yeah. Okay, good. I get a call today. Disturbing. Yeah, bad. Frightening. No, let me... I'm not done. Okay. Okay.

It felt like... Do you remember when in The Exorcist, right? The mother. Remember the mother? Please, yeah. What do you mean? Go, go, go. What do you mean? Well, yes, I remember the mother. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right. Yeah. And she, the father. What's the father's name? Bork. Father Bork? Father Bork. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is his name? Paris. This is a terrible analogy. Let's...

Father Damien. Father Damien Derek Dermott. The analogy doesn't make any sense. But you got to get there if you're going to go there. Should I finish? Should I try to finish anyway? I'll try to finish anyway. You already started. Right. So when she comes up to him and says, I think my daughter needs an exorcism. And his face was like, I've never done that before. Also, this is going to be super scary. But there's all these emotions. This is a terrible analogy. I can tell. I'm going to find it with you.

I'm going to find it with you. Just keep going. I'm done, though. Oh, that's it. Did you find it yet? Oh, no. Did you find it yet? Okay, how about this? Yeah, yeah. Find it now. You're Father Dermis. Yeah, yeah. And every single day, you deal with a little devil woman. That's what I meant to say. And you want her to exude her evil. That's what I wanted to say. And start doing good. Right. I'm so good. What I'm saying to you is that...

You're embarrassed about being on the show. No. A little bit. Are you really? No. Do you have two Instagrams? I have three. You're embarrassed about being on the show. No, I'm not. I'm just...

Shy. No, you're not. I'm just shy. No, you're not. You're a little shy guy? You're not a shy guy. Yeah. No, you're not. I don't know. It's just overwhelming. There's just so many people. Oh, you're being overwhelmed? Yeah. I do things for your family. That you have no idea. You have no idea, dude. The sacrifices I make. What do you do? Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

Wow. Okay, honestly. You're on one today. Oh, you're on one today, dude. Okay, so what do I do? Interesting. What do I do? Let me see. That makes me sick. Yeah, let me see.

You do the dogs. You do a lot of the dogs. Young lady. Young lady. Young lady. Young lady. Okay, bye. Clean your house. Barely. Now, let's learn what recycling is. I really want to fucking know. I'm serious. Yeah, I want to know too. That kind of bugged me out. I have no idea what goes in the recycling. Well, before we even look it up, let's see gas because I want to ask you something. I'm being real. Okay. All right. So there's the blue one. Yeah, the blue bin. And that's the recycled. Correct.

Then there's the black bin. Guys, am I not? Black bin. What is that for? Garbage. Green one. Tree, like, tree kind of, right? Like leaves and stuff. Okay. Don't try to trick me with fucking garbage. Why does the garbage can have to be the black one? I know. In this day and age. In this day and age. They couldn't paint it any other color? Yeah. Yellow would be more appropriate. No, not yellow. That's trash. Yellow seems like yuck, trash, gross, bad. Red too, though.

Yeah. Red seems like fire. Well, first of all, there are red bins in the forest for hot coals and stuff like that. Yeah, that's not good. Look at that. There you go. All right. So let me. Oh, yeah. What is a red bin in a hospital? Is that for hazardous materials? Oh, yeah. I'm hazard. Blood clots and stuff. Well, blood. Yeah. Blood in general. Let me talk to you. OK. All right. So in the in the blue one, I put plastics, glass.

How much glass are you throwing away? A lot. Why do you have a lot of glass? Oh, from your chili jars? Keep those jars. Well, no, that's the one thing. She threw away the lids. That's what I was mad about because I use them for my cachava. We'll talk about it later. We remember. So- You throw away plastic and glass. Glass, and that's it, right? Paper products.

Like, so paper towels you throw in the recycled? Yeah. No. Yes. No. Yes, you do. Paper towels? Yes. Any paper product can go in there. Paper cups. Unless it's soiled, meaning like if it has poop on it or food on it. Oh, so. But if it's just paper towel that you dried your hands with or something. Yeah. Really? A hundred percent. Okay. Go in there. Look right here. Recycle in the blue bin. Go up. Zoom in. Recycle these items in the blue bin.

Computer paper, ledger paper, arts and crafts paper, unwanted mail, flyers, telephone books, note cards, newspaper, magazines, file folders, paper bags, post-it notes, catalogs, envelopes, including window envelopes.

Cardboard of all kinds. Cartons of all kinds. Fruit juice, wine, cereal, heavy cream. Metals. Metals. Oh, yeah, I do soda cans. Soda juice, veggie cans. Right, right. Glass. There you go, Bobby. Look at it. It even says soda, wine, and it says chili jars. Chili jars. Yeah. And plastics of all kinds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everything else goes in. You have one beam per category. Slow it down, dude.

Did you move back to Spain in your mind? Did you have a stroke? What happened? What's going on, dude? Blue bin. Blue bin. And then the green bin is all the yard waste, that's what they call it. You know the reason why I'm not going to do your movie? I'll tell you what the reason is. I got a whole fucking ton of reasons. Me too. But the number one thing is, the number one thing is, how long do notes take?

Forever. You take a take, right? He comes from behind Video Village. I mean, it's like. Imagine how bad it's going to be when you go over to Spain. He's going to have a thicker accent. Oh, my God. He's going to be with his boys back home. Oh, dude, if you change. He will. Do you change when you're there? Hombre. Mi hombres. Hey, it's fancy. Do they call you fancy back home? No. No, they should. What's fancy in Spanish?

Pijo. Pijo. You are a fucking pijo. Is that in Brazil? Where is that? Harmonized color. Is this what it's like in Spain? Yeah. That I like. So what does that say? Viro? Let me guess. Viro is the plants and stuff. Glass. Glass? Glass, okay. And let me guess. Metal. I guess metal is paper. Paper. Okay. Yeah. Plastico. Plastico. Papel. Papel. And what's the white? No whites.

No, exactly. Like food? Food and stuff. What is that word? No recyclable. No recyclable. Very good. Well, now we learn because I throw shit all over the place. But you know what's so funny? I learned on that Penn and Teller show, bullshit, it all gets put in the same place. It doesn't matter. And I want to say something. If you're listening to this podcast and you pick up the trash in my neighborhood. I love these announcements.

Neighborhood watch here. This guy that picks up our fucking can. Here we go. The arm, you know, the arm of the thing. Woo-doo-hoo!

And then... And then... The recycling guy... Drops it down. The fucking trash guy... And throws it. And it hits my fucking... Aggressively. Oh, my God. It's... It hucks. It hucks. Yeah. Stop it. Whoever the fuck you are, cut it out.

Because it broke the top bin. I had to get a fucking new one. You can't blame. Oh, he's at the controls. No, it's not controls. It's the mechanic back at the fucking trash place. What?

Whatever the programmer. It's not a programmer. It's not a robot. No, he uses fucking joysticks. I'm just saying the mechanics of the fucking, it's off. It's the same truck. You're going to oil it up or something, dude. It's not a fucking android. That's not what I was fucking referring to. It's the same truck. What the fuck are you talking about, dude? This is not fucking WALL-E. Wait.

We've programmed the truck. Yeah, yeah. No, it's the same kind of truck. It's just his arms. So what you're saying is that he has two modes. Softly release or chuck. Okay, look. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? I stare out the window with my coffee. I watch him do it. The one guy knows how to do the levers, so it drops it. I know. This guy, before it gets to the ground, he lets it go. Wait, let me ask you this. Look at the fucking lever. Okay, is it the same lever that does your regular trash?

It's the same thing. So basically... But the recycling truck does it nicely. Oh, it's not the same truck then. Buddy, have you ever seen a... No. Have you never seen your trash get picked up? No. Never, not once. Different trucks. Oh, I thought they're the same truck. Oh, they're my bad. Yeah, what the fuck? I thought he was saying that there was two guys...

Two guys in one truck, right? And it's your turn, buddy. And he goes, watch this Chuck and shit. Have you never seen it? Chuck! That's what I thought. You're telling me he's never watched it? Let the other guy do it. What? You've never watched the trash? I've never even heard it. He doesn't even return his bins back to the car. Yeah, somebody does it for me. Who does it for me? Your gardener. My gardener does it. Raul. Raul? Hey, see you later. See you later. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But, yeah, so that's what I thought. So I get what you're saying. Yeah, he throws it. Yeah, we have to make a call. I don't know what's going on. Why he does that. And he doesn't just do it to me because I thought, is this guy fucking not like me? Yeah. Every house. He hucks it. It might be kind of fun for him to do. I mean, it's just like a... Remember at the park when you're a kid in the fucking sand digger thing? Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't know what that is? No. At a playground. Well, what do they have there in the Philippines? Do you not have a playground in the Philippines? Only like rich areas. Yes.

But it's just a rich air. Playgrounds are like in all neighborhoods. There's just a place to. No, that's not. That's a Filipino playground. Look how beautiful that looks. Great. That's a rich. So that's a rich. Is that a rich playground?

Not really. They're not wearing shoes. We didn't have any of that. You didn't have a playground? Look at that. That's just old tires. The playground that we go to is near the cemetery. Oh my god. Is it a part of the cemetery? Yeah. If you find a bone, you can play with it. Let's play hide and go bone. Hey, that's my uncle.

Put that on my uncle. You can't find me. You can't find me. Yeah, all right. They play tag with someone's arm?

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Hey, everybody. We're doing a Bad Friends live show. It's called Scary Times USA. Scary Time USA. And how do you watch it? Go to moment.co slash badfriends. It's Thursday, October 24th at 6 p.m. We're going to have exclusive merch available for it. So Bad Friends Scary Time USA. Hey, dude. America.

huh, dude? Yeah, live stream. October 24th at 6 p.m. PST. We're live streaming it. So join us. Moment.co slash bad friends. We'll also be hosting an interactive VIP after party after the show and active patron members can join the VIP after party for free. Scary times USA.

- So that's interesting. - That's insane. - But you probably not at night though. It's probably scary. - No, not at night. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, that's why I remembered. - What is the Filipino association with the afterlife? And I mean this because you know how like, So in Latin culture, it's a celebration of life. Here,

It's like, ooh, scary bullshit. Is it the same there? It's worse. We kind of have this in the rest of Dia de los Muertos. It's called Calag-Calag. Calag-Calag. Spirit, spirit. And it's kind of the same. Stop, stop, stop, stop. Can I just be Calag? Why do you say it twice?

Listen. Spirit, spirit. That's why. That's how they would say it. Spirit, spirit. Yeah. That's like a frog saying spirit. Spirit, spirit. Calacalac is spirit, spirit. That's kind of what... That's the same as Dios de los Huertos or whatever. Yeah, and we go to the cemetery and we bring food for the dead. But if I said Calacalac,

Right? You wouldn't know what I was saying? I had to say it twice? No, it's not the same. Wait a minute. You bring food for the dead? Didn't you guys not have a lot of food as kids? So you'd sacrifice food for the dead? Yeah, but we also eat it. Like, we wait and pray, and then we eat it. Oh, it's a guarantee. That's guaranteed. Okay, he's not going to eat it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You put it on the gravestone and then wait five minutes and then eat it. Basically, we're having just dinner at the graveyard. Yeah.

Yeah. Dinner at the graveyard. Yeah, and there's always drinking and then, yeah. Do you guys throw parties like that in Spain? No, you don't do that. You do the masks and stuff. That's Mexican culture. Oh, my bad. What do the Spanish do?

They don't do anything. You guys are not fun, dude. It's not fun. What is with Spain being so- People go to the cemetery. They clean their graves. That might be the saddest thing. There was a video on fucking TikTok the other day of a guy cleaning graves. Yeah. He was cleaning people's graves. No, during the middle of the day, like cleaning. Like to be nice. And then a little kid walks up. I mean, dude, I almost started crying. It's in the video. They're videotaping him cleaning. And a little kid walks up and goes, hi, mom, to one of the graves. And I was like, oh my God.

It shattered my fucking soul. And the guy cleans graves like this. There's a guy that goes around. I don't know where it was, but he's all over TikTok. He just cleans graves because they're dirty. He wants them to look nice. I saw a TikTok, all right, of a father giving his son a teddy bear, like for his birthday or whatever. Yeah. And his mom had just died like six months before, right? And so, you know, this kid's like, teddy bear, right? Oh, I know.

And the, what, what is it? It's got her voice in it. Yeah. And you press it and he goes, I miss you, Timmy. Why is that funny? Why is that funny? Because it's so cruel to me. You know what I mean? No, it's beautiful. It's not. It's not. It's like, let me see it. Oh, this is, yeah, this is what I want to go here. Oh man, that's going to make me, why is that funny? You're insane. It's so cruel.

It's so cruel. Can you imagine? I'm going to get Bobby. I'm going to get Bobby. You cried? Yeah. Oh, Rudy. Are you being real?

You cried? Oh my god. It's so sad. Cut out my response. No, fuck you. Let's see a little bit of comedy just to bring us back. It's sad, right? This is a commercial for a cement company. We're still doing this. Hold on. Andrew said he wanted to see some comedy. I just want to see a little bit of comedy. Alright, alright.

Oh, cute. Nagarjuna. That's insane. They're saying if they built the Twin Towers, they would have never fallen. Anyway.

I'm sorry for laughing at that video. No, you're not. I really am. Because the first time I saw it, I cried. If I get you a golf club and it makes a noise when you swing and it goes, are you gay? It's just your dad. And I grab it. Yeah, I miss you. That's really fun. If you had your dad in something, you would cry.

You would cry. You'd cry. It depends on what he says. Yeah. You know what I mean? If he says something that like I didn't expect. Yeah, right. That was really like sentimental. Then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, if we're on the subject of death, I want to say something serious for two seconds. Stay crying. We had a beautiful show in Long Beach, California. One of our fans passed away that was on the show with us. Do you remember this guy? We brought him on stage.

He passed away, sadly, but we got some love from his family saying thank you. We don't know. We didn't inquire. But we want to give a shout out to Devin's family. We love you guys. That's fucking terrible. I know, but how beautiful his family said. Why are you showing me this photo? Is he in there? Yeah, we're going to show you the video. Oh, okay. But his family said that thank you guys for... What did the family say? Just say it. I believe it was his girlfriend. And she was just like...

She was talking. She was just like. That girl in the beanie is hot. Did you just hear what Carlos just said? Did you hear what Carlos just said? Who's single? That's so good. You're a piece of shit. It's so good. You're a fucking piece of shit. Wait a week. Okay. Oh, it's already been a week. Okay. Yeah, you're clear. Well, she's single then.

She said what? Don't say basically. Just say literally. Thanks for showing him love. He's a big fan. Thanks a lot. Let's see. This is our boy Devin. Pick two people. Come on, buddy. I just come up on stage. You come up on stage. Fuck it. Okay. Yeah. He's picking murderers to be on stage. I know. We were making fun of him. That's him? What's your name, dude?

Devin. Oh, God damn, man. Monday's about to get it. I'm Devin. No laughing. Devin, where are you from? I am from La Mirada, California. Hell yeah. What do you do, Dev? I live. My answer would be barely, but I do. Let's pause it. Let's pause it. You know. Honestly, dude. Let me just say. In the moment. No. Honestly, dude. Honestly, that's fucking.

In the moment. You're a piece of fucking shit, dude. What a piece of fucking garbage. You murdered that guy. You have a death touch, yeah. In the moment, it was very funny. It got a good laugh. Can we talk about it? It's you, dude. Sit down. That got a good laugh. Pretty good laugh. He actually was cracking up. I will say this before we continue.

everything that we do to our fans is because we love them and we were having fun with them and he was having a fucking great time even though I don't want to see the rest oh you do you do how did you get in here did you buy tickets my girlfriend brought me did you sneak in here Kevin he lives here under the board he's like I'm here to clean up but they told me to come early alright DevDog we love you man and we hope you win because I got some gift cards for you I need them alright Bobby

I fucked up. I fucked up. Yeah, you fucked up. We love you. I'm kidding. I'm fucking with you guys. Okay, here we go. What grizzly animal lives in Chicago? What grizzly creature? Yes, Devin. Your mother. Fuck you, Devin, you son of a bitch. Fuck yeah. Yeah, dude. You son of a bitch. Grizzly, dude. Devin, you son of a bitch. In your face, Andrew. Oh, man. In your face. You know what, Devin? You know what? I'd come over there, but I don't want to catch anything, pal. Andrew. Andrew. What? I got to fart. Oh, good. Thank God.

All right. All right. Bobby puts that in his face. Oh, do you? Let's see it. Fart mic, right? Maybe that did it. Oh, no. Maybe that did it. I will say this guy was a great sport. He had a lot of fun. He was rad. And he took a bunch of jokes. We were making fun of him and he was having fun. I was there, I remember. Like all good bad friends fans can take a good fucking joke. And he was awesome. So rest in peace to Devin. Sorry, Devin.

Sorry, Devin. I'm so sorry. Let's say it again. No, no, no. Leave that in because what the fuck? No, no. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Rest in peace, Devin. What do you have to say with a voice? Just say rest in peace, Devin. Why are you smiling? I'm not... Why are you smiling? Fuck you, dude. You're smiling.

By the way, he would love this. Yeah, he would love this. All right, just relax, okay? Rest in peace, Devin. Devin, what's up? And to your family. No, don't double-piece. Why'd you laugh? Why are you doing that? Why'd you laugh just now, dude? God, we're sorry. Why are you laughing? Because you're double-piecing a guy who passed away. Like, what the fuck are you doing? See, here's the thing.

Every funeral I go to, I laugh. You have to. Yeah, because I just can't handle it. It's hard to cry. It's so painful to me. You know what I mean? So it's like, you know what I mean? Well, we love you, Big D. We love you, Big D. And rest in peace to his family. We love you guys, too. And thank you for being bad friends. Yeah. Anyway. Wow. I just had to tell you. Maybe save that for the end of the show, you know? Nah. Not in the middle. It's important in the middle. Yeah, yeah. It's important because it was real. How many funerals have you been to? Just one. Who?

My great-grandma. Your great-grandma. Did you know her well? Yeah, but she was also crazy and evil. What do you mean? Did she curse you? No, she would just like to steal. She would do drugs. She hated everyone. Is it Carlos? Imagine your great-grandmother doing drugs. It's insane. Like what kind of drugs? Meth. Wow. How old is she?

I don't know, like 60-something. Wow. 60? That's not old. And she had like a boy toy. To do meth? 60 to die. Yeah, but 60 to do meth is crazy. Your body, I don't know how your body handled it. Did she die from meth? I don't know. It just happened like suddenly. Did you cry? Probably from the meth. Did you cry? Me cry? Yeah. A little bit.

I was crying because other people were crying. Does that say in the Philippines you guys have funerals for seven days? Yeah. What? The family will hold a wake-up for up to seven days in honor of their loved one? Yeah, because we think the soul is still there and it's confused. Seven days? It needs a week to get its shit together? How do I get to heaven? Which way is heaven? Confused about what?

Like, what happened to it? Like, oh, am I dead? Like, where am I going? It takes seven days to realize that? That's what they say.

say okay and then like people go to that place and then they like gamble on the casket no no no it's just the casket and then outside of the house you gamble if whether or not he's gonna find his way into the afterlife play games oh just for fun yeah gamble like drink like there's so many like relatives that are like drunk many Filipinos believe that the soul of the dead wanders the earth for 40 days after his or her death you think they walk around for 40 fucking days why why why the laughter

It just seems unlikely. What is that? It seems unlikely to me. Is that what it's called? They pray for nine days. So you believe people are just chilling for 40 days. This is funny, though. To be honest, of all people that would die and need to take time to get to the afterlife, it's Y.O.U. Who? You think you're going to fucking take a direct flight to the afterlife? You're going to take your time. When you die, you probably need seven days to get there.

First of all, on the first day of your death. But it's not out of confusion. No, Confucius say. No, no, no. What I'm saying is that. You're going to take seven days. I'll take seven days. Don't get me. Don't. You're going to get me angry today. To you. Don't. Fuck you. Okay. Or let me say something. Stop. What's this painting? That's the painting of this whole situation. Oh, this whole situation. Okay. That's kind of a. What's up with that chick's big tits? Yeah. Do you get to suck her tits in the afterlife? Is that what that is?

No, but the seven days I'll purposely wander around, right? Just to see what's going on, how people are reacting and stuff. You want to know what people are saying about you.

Well, rest in peace to our loved ones. Anyway, rest in peace for that, and let's move on. Let's not talk about death. Positive, positive. Well, she started it with all this Filipino nonsense. Yeah, the Filipino nonsense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's this? You good? I'm good. Are you biting your nails again? Yeah. Why? I don't know. You got to cut it out. You know there's poop under your nails? Oh, I clean my hands. I'm not like you guys. Okay. Are you watching Shogun?

No, but I'm watching Dairy Girls. Oh, so good. You pointing at me when you do that? Were you pointing at me? What is Dairy Girls? It's such a comedy, right? From England? It's so fucking funny. Irish? And I've been trying to do their accent. Let's hear you do their accent. This is great. Okay. I'm sorry, Claire. I'm just not that into you. Not interested in me. Look at the state of you. That's pretty good. That's fucking good, dude. It almost just sounds like a white person, but it's good.

Sorry, Claire. Sorry, Claire. Not India. Not India. Not India. Sorry, Claire. Not India. Daddy girls. Daddy girls. Dude, they're so fucking funny. Have you seen the show? No, I've heard of it, though. So good. It's good. They're fantastic. You love it? How many seasons is it? It's three. Three or four, right? Three. And it's over. Fallout, no?

Okay. It's so good. Our good friend Johnny Pemberton's in Fallout. It's amazing. Yeah. Very good. I haven't seen it. It's based on the video game, yeah? Yeah, it's my favorite video game. Anyway, let's not talk about shows anymore. What? Why can't I get into stuff like that? What? I like preemptively because it's a video game. I'm like, I don't know. You know, it's funny. People have seen it that didn't even know it was a video game. Yeah, that's what I've heard, that people like it anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you do play the video game, you literally go...

After like three scenes ago, oh yeah, they have it right. They got it. And it's one of those games when I was playing it back in the day, I'd be like, there's no way they'll do a show on this. It's too hard. And they did it. Well, they also made Grand Theft Auto. A movie? Really? It happens every day I leave my fucking house. What do you mean? Dude, honestly, I was driving today under one of the bridges.

And they were five city trucks. Five city trucks. Two cops. One guy to spray off the piss and shit off the sidewalk. Yeah. One guy to collect his tents and all that stuff. And it's one dude. And it's five city trucks to move one guy from out from under a bridge. I'm like, this is Grand Theft Auto. Yeah. We live in fucking Grand Theft Auto. Like a movie. It is like a bad movie. I saw a man. This city is fucking awful. It's so far. I saw a man. He was on some sort of drugs, right? And he was like half naked. Mm-hmm.

- Traffic, like Western, what's so funny? - Nothing. - Like Western and Olympic-y, right? - Yeah. - And he fell on his ass 42 times. - 42 times. - Yeah, I counted and the light wasn't that long. We go one, two, three, I was with my friend Haley, four, five. He kept falling and we just started beckoning laughing, but then he was in traffic, like cars whizzing by him and he's falling on his ass. - Wait, he's in the middle of the road? - Oh yeah. - Well, you didn't go help him?

Well, I don't know. Shuffle them along or something? Yeah. So it was – but then sadness occurred. I'm like, oh, this is – you know what's so funny? You look around and things you shouldn't accept you accept. Like homelessness? Not just homelessness. Things that you see like –

A syringe next to a baby shoe. You know what I mean? Like, why are these two together in the middle of the street? You know what I mean? Like, things that you shouldn't, and you just kind of walk by them. It is what it is. Yeah, you see a naked dude, you know, hey, man, you know, and you're like, and you try to walk around them and like, have a good day, sir. These are things in society we shouldn't accept. We should help. Sometimes it brings you joy.

What do you mean? Suck a sucker. Amen. I was at Fairfax, you know, where all the stores are by Supreme and all that shit. I was waiting at that light by Cantor's. I'm not kidding. I was having kind of a shitty day. Yeah. I'm sitting. I just look over to my left just to glance, and there's the bus stop there, and there's a woman with her pants on her ankles taking a shit.

on the bus bench yeah and a guy is sitting there on the bus bench as she he's just sitting there yeah yeah and she's pooping on the bench right next to him he doesn't even glance over he just lets her shit right at the bus bench I was dying laughing yeah it made my day yeah it was fucking hilarious wait it's not okay it's not okay I feel bad but it was very funny to watch someone just poop on a bench with a guy sitting there that guy's just trying to go to work yeah and she's just shitting right on the bus bench

It was so fucking funny. I was like, this is insane. This city is fucking terrible. Why do we live here? By the way, I just want to say, we can't reveal what happened at Family Feud. Oh, can we talk about it? I don't know about you guys, but I was nervous. Yeah, I was so anxious. I was so anxious because I'm wearing a suit.

We're driving up there. You looked good. Yeah, thank you. You did too. We look great. We were sharp as that. We look sharp. We show up at the place, and then once you go into the studio, you're like, there it is. It's real. It's real. Flava Flav had all 55 of his family members there. Yeah. We had no entourage. Yeah. What's that? What's that fucking face? You could have had one entourage. Didn't want you. Didn't want you there. Sorry? I'm sorry?

I'm sorry, if we were going to have somebody else there, Rudy was invited. No, you didn't. Yes, you were invited. Not to be on the show. You fucking liar. We invited you to the show, not to be on the show, but you were invited to come and have... Yes, you fucking were. Yes, you were. No one told me. Well, that's your fault. Anyway, my team was... Get told. My team was me, Andrew. This is the order. Kalilah, Esther, and my friend Gene. Love Gene Hong the best.

Gene and Esther should have switched. Yeah. Flava Flav came in swinging. You don't know who that is. Is Steve Harvey's teeth really white? I'm glad you're back on the show. Yeah, yeah, me too. Is his teeth really white? Yeah, that's what they say. Every time he came up and said something to me, so sweet and nice, I couldn't help but think about Cat Williams' interview talking shit about him. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Crazy. It was like running through my mind that that guy...

has that much weight now we had a great time it was a wonderful experience it was yeah yeah and um and i'd love to go back and do it again if if you your family ever does it if my family ever does it you'll be on it of course and you will not yeah but you'll be invited that's fine but as we're leaving oh my god today i just want to finish this we'll finish it

You're allowed to take a break. I'm so sorry. I just felt pressured. There is no pressure. I'm chewing too much. These are chewy Skittles, man. These are really good, though. Where are these from? Japan, it says. A gas station. Yeah. But the nice one. But it's one of those, family food is one of those things where you watch it on YouTube and you never in your wildest dreams would think that you would ever be on it. Right.

You know, him and her are kind of crazy. You know what I mean? Idiots. We're idiots. They used to have respectable families on there. You know what I mean? Well, who was before us? Ken Marino and the Osmonds. Yeah. Donny Osmond and his whole family. And then us. Yeah, they're really scraping at the bottom, right? That's why we're getting asked. Yeah. But it was like...

It was fun, though. Yeah. It was fun, though. It was like, and we were leaving. I was just like, wow, we just did that. That was incredible. Well, I'll tell you, I have something to report to you. What is it? Everybody knows that we've been talking about playing in Abu Dhabi. We're excited to go there. We got a list from the promoter. We are not allowed. I knew this was going to happen. We can't do it then. No, no. We have just absolutely.

Undoubtedly, no nudity. Like literally not. I mean like... There's different punishment there. Okay, okay. I can abide by that. I know you can. But I'm letting you know. That's not insane. This is a no joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like we can say what we want on stage. It's so weird though. No nudity. Yeah, it's so weird. Not really. Really? Because people don't want butthole stuff all the time. Yeah, but sometimes. We do. We do.

Everyone wants butthole stuff some of the times. Raise your hand in this room if you want butthole stuff all the time. No, some of the times. Some of the times.

Okay. All the time. All the time, too. Thank you, McCone. Yeah, he does, too. All right. What else? Oh, it says, it says, and it says, it says, like, under no circumstances will any of this be violated or we will be, it'll be terminated. Right? So then we'll lose out on the contract. Okay. Public nudity is against the law. And there are also signs in malls, shopping center, advocates, modest clothing. So this says, check this out.

Some of these are so easy. No consumption of alcoholic beverages. I said it. While in public, this is interesting. Live streaming through professional platforms without a permit, meaning doing like TikTok live or Instagram live, is illegal. Permits are obtained easily if we want to request to get a permit to film in public. But if you're caught filming in public, highly illegal without permit. This one's going to be tough for you and I. Making rude gestures in public is not permitted.

It's going to be tough. What do you mean rude gestures? You know. In public. Outside in public. Like on stage. Public outside. Stage is a... So I can show butthole on stage? No. What the fuck did you not hear? You said, okay, I don't know. No. So butthole nowhere. Nowhere. How about in my hotel room? If I'm in there, yes. Okay. Okay.

Making rude gestures in public plus on stage, insulting UAE royal family government members, et cetera. Not permitted. That's a good 20 minutes. I know. My first show. Yeah. On stage. No consumption of alcoholic beverages. Great. Sober. Smoking is absolutely not permitted on stage. OK. In the venue. Never did. I've never done that. And on stage of no kind, no form. Nudity.

At all. Yeah, you just said that. That's what it says multiple times. Okay, okay, multiple times. So they just want to make sure that we know. Okay. But because I remember the first time I went, I went there many, many years ago with Eric Griffin and Sebastian Manoscalco. Yeah. And the list was no talking of religion. Yeah, no talking about sexual of any nature. Yeah. Yeah, and I was like,

Literally going, crossing out, like, blacking out 90% of my act. I'm like, I was supposed to feature? And I go, guys, I looked at both of those guys and I go, I'm hosting. Because then I can, like, kill time by crowd work and stuff like that. We can be fined up to $50,000. For what? For nudity. I'm not going to do it. Why do you keep saying that? Because I want to really lay it on you. Yeah, yeah. Because I'll tell you what you did the other night, dude. What did I do? We did a live show, and you go, show them. What?

Did you not do that? No, on stage. It was in, not Niagara Falls, but only... In Windsor? Windsor. Yeah, but Windsor, it's fine. Right, but if you said... They said it was fine. I know my point, though, being is if you say in Abu Dhabi, show it, or a wink, or any of that nature, I will do it. Well, it's good to know I got that power. Okay. I got that power. Don't do it. Power of that bottle, baby. I promise I won't. I don't want to get...

Can you imagine? That's a movie in the making. We go to Abu Dhabi, you show your butthole, and we're in prison. That's a 17-hour flight? 18 fucking hours. We're going to get over there. Does it stop anywhere? That's direct. That's direct? We're not doing direct? No. I think it's got... Total flight from LAX to DXB is 17 hours, 11 minutes. Wow. And then...

And then we turn around and come right back home. The next day? No, we're supposed to do some stuff there. Let's do some stuff. Are you all going to do that? I think so. I've never seen a camel, I don't think, up close. I've always seen a camel toe. You've never seen a camel at all? No. I'll tell you the animals I've never seen. Camel. Yeah. Kangaroo. Wombat.

Well, you're going to see all that when we go to Australia at the end of the year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm going to see all those. Walla, I don't think I've ever seen. Tasmanian devil. Never seen a Tasmanian devil. There's a lot. Honey badger, there's a lot. Alligator, crocodile. Yeah, I don't want to go on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just realized there's a lot. You've never seen anything, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is that? A fennel fox. Animals in the UAE. Oh, those are cute. Fennel foxes. Can we take one of those back? Dude, look how cute they are. Will they freak out if we bring one home? Yeah. Yeah. They're so cute. They're so cute. Now, what the fuck is that? It's bison or something. No, that looks like an antelope. Oh, okay.

Bison. I don't know what bison looks like. Give me another photo. There we go. Zoom in on that. Let me guess. The right is a pelican. Flamingo. Monkey. Lion. And that's a giraffe, right? A giraffe. Have you seen a giraffe? What kind of weird animals are in the Philippines that we'll never see? Well, those bats we saw. We already talked about those bats. What is that? It's a hawk. No way.

Eagle. What about that? Oh, there we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is that? Tarsier. What? Tarsier. Tarsier. That's three in the morning Greg. That's goop. I was just thinking the exact same thing. That's goop. Yeah, yeah. That's 100% goop. Yeah. Armadillo. Okay. All right, let's forget this fuck. What the fuck? Let's stop fucking. Let's regroup. What is going on in your life, Rudy? I've been reading like fairy smuts.

What do you mean, man? It's like a fantasy novel. And I'm just reading it because there's so many hot, spicy things to read. Like fucking and like... You're reading fairy fucking? Fairies with like the ears that are long. And they're like magical people. Yeah, fairies are pretty mythological.

They're pretty magical, yeah. But they're even like stronger and they're like so hot. Can you do... Okay, wait, wait, stop. What the fuck? The titties on that fucking fairy is so good. Wait a minute. You're looking at fairy porno basically? It's fairy porn. Yeah. How do I find it? It's a novel. Can you do A Court of Mist and Fury? Risan. Yeah, Risan. Okay, that guy. Okay, zoom into that photo.

Okay, so they have wings. They're called bats. Zoom in more. Sorry. I don't see wings, bud. Those three guys, they have wings. The ears on the bottom, the three in the bottom. Let's go to the bottom. No, not them. Those are fairies. Look at the ears. Are they elves? Oh, they turned. They turned into... Oh, they transition. Yeah. Oh, this is progressive. It's progressive. But the boys... Are girls. Boys. But they are girls when they transition. No. Okay.

But the boys, they say... Are you saying the boys? Boys. The boys. The boys. The boys. The men. Yeah. Are they under 18? No. They're called men then. But they're called bat boys. Okay. I'm a bat boy. Yeah, and they say... Bat, bat, boy. Bat, bat, bat, bat, bat, bat, boy. It's just so hard. I'm a little bat boy. Bat boy. I'm a bat, bat, bat, bat, boy. They're bat boys? Come have sex with me. I'm a bat boy. Do they have butt sex?

Not in the book. So you're reading these erotic novels, but they're all based on fairy fucking. Yeah. Wow. Is it romantic? Do they go to high school? They're like buildings? Yeah, it's romantic. It's like serious, but I just like it because of the sex part. Wow. It's so hot. I just... It's so gross. And then when they fuck, they say if you touch their wings, they like orgasm fast. Oh.

If you play with their wings, that's how they come. Imagine this. Imagine this. Imagine this. Right. You're down there. You're down there. This isn't working. Is that what you mean? You touch their wings. Why don't you just go for the wings in the beginning? Yeah. Why don't you just go right for the, well, foreplay. Oh, foreplay. Foreplay is just regular sex. Then you stroke the wings. That's. And if you have longer wings, that means you have. Oh, so the black ones have the longer ones.

Is there any little Asian fairies? Wings? They probably can't even fly. But I want to be in that world. That's who you want to be. You want to be in a fantasy world. Don't turn into one of these people that dynamically changes their... Are you going to get plastic surgery to become a fairy? Or cosplay it. No, no, no. Will you cosplay it? No, that's cringe. Okay. Oh, that's cringe. That's cringe. But this isn't cringe, though. Touch my wings. Touch my wings. Is that what you say? No.

I don't know if the author had that in mind with that voice. I don't know what it is. I don't know what's going on. That's my wing. That's my wing. You gotta touch my wing. Yeah. That's interesting. Are there other creatures in that world? There's different creatures. Name me one. Like sirens? There's sirens, but they're ugly.

The sirens are ugly. Yeah. These are gargoyles. There's different kinds. There's even like the half horse, half- Centaur. Centaur. Yeah. There's different kinds, but I like the bat voice because they're the hottest. The Court of Mist and Fury. It's a series. God, can you imagine how much money these people make writing this shit? So much. And then the movie writes-

Is it good enough to be in a movie? No. I don't think so. It's not going to be good if it's like a person playing it. This is election night in Seoul, Korea? Yeah. I always stay up for these. What? I love it. I'm very interested. This is their coverage. Yeah, there we go. Wait, where's the volume? It's great. It's all AI generated? Whoa.

See they're having fun with it. It's like Tekken. Yeah this is like Tekken. Fight! There's Mission Impossible the last one. Yeah Mission Impossible. Boom. So one guy's winning 62% to 38% and he's fucking smoking them. Smoking them. I will change the roads. I will change a bulletproof vest for police. And we both gonna fight. Yeah.

This is the Mission Impossible because the train and everything. That's so funny. Yeah. See, they know how to do it fun. That's fun. How come we can't do it fun? Could we take ourselves serious? Is that what it is? Yeah. Why don't we do it here? Like British Parliament, how come we don't do that kind of shit where it's all wacky and they yell at each other? And a lot of these European countries now, they don't have the death penalty. I didn't realize that.

We should still have the death penalty. I don't think so. You don't think so at all? I don't think eye for an eye is the thing. Do you think? I think it's cruel. Not even if it's a mass shooter? Oh, yeah, that for sure. So what are you talking about? Exactly. I just changed my mind. That's why I wouldn't be a good politician. I would change so quickly. I stand for strict borders and somebody yell at me. I stand for strict borders and building a wall.

Who's going to build the wall, dude? You're right about that. No wall. That's a great politician. What? That's a great politician. That is actually what they're good at. Capital punishment has been completely abolished in all European countries except for Belarus and Russia. Shout out to fucking Belarus and Russia. The latter of which has a moratorium and has not carried out an execution since September 1996. If you do heinous, crazy shit,

I think we got to get you out of here. But there are some people that are falsely accused of a crime and they're in death row. Okay, how about this? If you're not falsely accused, if you're the one that's like, yeah, I went to that thing and shot all those people, it's like, well, then we're going to get you. But isn't it more punishment being in a cell your whole life? Here's the debate. We pay for it as taxpayers. So you're like, do you want to just pay for them or do you want to just get rid of them? Because he's killed so many people. Okay, I'll propose something else. There you go. May I propose something else? Totally. Okay. Do it quickly. Okay.

as soon the next day. Oh, because, right, there's like thousands of people still on death row. Right, because we're paying all the tax rates. No, but you should torture them. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. A week of torture. A month. A month of torture, yeah. Or the seven days that you're supposed to be gone. The seven days in the Filipino law. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So look at that. 2,500 people are still on death row. They're just chilling. They're chilling. It's not going to happen for most of them. What kind of torture would you think should happen?

You know the one they did in Game of Thrones where they put a mouse. They just put a mouse on the belly? That is so disgusting. So it chews through you. A mouse, rats that chew through the abdomen. Yeah. Okay. You got there. I got there, yeah. That would be unbelievably bad to me. A rat chewing through your stomach isn't that bad? How about this one? How about we put you down at the bottom of a well and we just lower a little bit of water down there every day?

Just a little bit of water every day. What does that do? It keeps you alive because you're going to go nuts. Oh, down the well? Yeah, you're going to go crazy. How long can you live with just water? A while. A pretty long time. Yeah, yeah. Until, how long can you live on just water? I got to tell you, it is longer. It's a long time, but it's not two to three months. It's pretty good, though.

Two to three months. But think about that. That's a slow. Can you eat your fingernails? You can eat your whole body if you wanted to. Yeah. Or if that well of other people have used it, because I thought about this during like in Silence of the Lambs. You know how that late. Such a good movie. Great movie. Remember she looked at the walls and there were nails. I would eat those. A metal. What is that? How painful? The brazen bull. Oh, right. To slow and truly agonize and death the person inside.

The device was engineered to convert the screams of suffering victims into sounds that were eerily similar to the bellowing of a bull. So you're stuck inside the bellowing bull. How about this? Brazen bull, that's what it's called. You take a man, a man, who's like completely like, like, you know, an alpha male, right? He's, oh, that's crazy. That's how Jesus died? They cooked him inside of a bull? That's insane. And they organized the horn to just...

That's how they know dinner's served? What about for men? Caught off their penis. Caught off their penis. No. You just... They just get, like, fisted. I'm going to take... No, I'm going to take it further. You get a surgeon. Uh-huh. You take a man. You give him all female parts. Right? And then you have... You charge a cover. Oh.

You can make some money. This is pretty expensive. No, because you're going to make it back. You transition somebody. Yeah, but you're going to make the money back by the cover. What are you charging? How much? What? 500 bucks. Come on. You got to make it more economical. $1,000. 100 bucks. Oh, $100. 100 bucks. It's about volume at this point. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Just imagine. You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, you know. You know what I mean? I'm sorry for robbing that bank. Oh, yeah.

What if we tied people to a helicopter and you got to pinata them? That's kind of wild, right? I guess something better. Give it to me. A water slide. It's a water slide. Sounds fun. Because you think you're going to have a good time. Okay? Yeah. You get in. You have your favorite bathing suit on. Right? There's a guy up there going, all right, have fun, buddy. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Okay. You slide down.

But the fucking gets thinner and thinner. Right? The slide, yeah. The slide. And then eventually you get stuck. Right? Right? Wow. And then the water, because water starts to have water, you drown in it. Ooh. Ooh. How do we get you unstuck for the next guy, though?

You pile them on. Whoa, okay. Right? So you're like on top of each other. Right. Right? Just like pat, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. Right. And then maybe you can make the fucking, I forget it. Like a kebab. That's what I was saying. Yeah, like a big kebab. Yeah. Or just, can you make the tube more of a tortilla kind of a thing? Oh. Some sort of, what? It's like a tortilla shape? No, it's actual tortilla. Oh.

No, he's saying if you want them to be edible. So they slide down naked. You put them in a really thick tortilla where they're not going to slip out of it. Right. Right. And then once you have like 10 guys, you tie it up, right? And we eat them. You eat them. You bake them and you eat them. This makes a lot of sense. I don't know. Just throwing it out there. I don't know what I'm talking about right now. What's the video I sent you? Didn't I send you another? Oh, yeah. That one, that one. Go back. That one, other one.

We found out where Doc is. Uh-oh. He's been training. His breath hold is so good. Yeah, for little tiny lungs. Yeah. Where does he hold it all?

yeah look at him we're not scared buddy i think that guy would fuck shit up yeah i don't know why this went around the internet but man it's just cute to watch him it's cute to watch him i don't know why yeah i would hire him just to swim in my pool bud yeah man yeah he wants to come on the show bring him on the show he lives in la no okay we have to fly him out he's always around here he lives in miami he's always coming yeah let me ask you something did you go to coachella

Do you guys even go to Coachella? I've never been. Have you been? Let's go next year. Abso-fucking-lutely. Let's go next year. No. I really need to go. I've already gone once. You have? I went in like the fourth year or fifth year when it was brand new. And then now... We got to go next year. No matter who's playing. Look at this. You see Justin Bieber and what's his name? Jaden Smith making out? Yeah. Look at their humping. And then he gives him a big kiss. I love you, baby. I love Justin Bieber.

Oh my god. This clip circulated like crazy. Gay porn is so good. Okay, enough. It's honestly, dude. What are you talking about? This is not gay porn. I'm just saying because they're really kissing. No, they're just kissing on each other in the cheek. Like, I've done that to Andrew. Not like this. This looks interesting. Yeah. You've never kissed me like that? No, I don't think so. Let's just get to a nice little angle there. I'm walking by. What is he saying, Jay? What's he saying? Sit down.

You should sit down. You didn't even want to do it. I was just like, what is this bit? Thank you for... I gotta go. Let's do it. Thank you for being a bad friend.