Theater Of The Mind
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This episode of Distractible is presented by Mug Root Beer. Mug Root Beer is a question. Got that dog in you? All right. Yeah, Mug has that dog on their can.

Danny drinks root beer. Here's another question. Does anyone actually know what's in root beer? It's one of those things you, like, never think about. Well, for mug root beer to be so creamy and delicious, it's got to be made out of rainbows and pure joy, right? All I know is it's that root beer for the dogs. Uh, yeah, so true. Well, there you go. Drink mug root beer if you got that dog in you. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Get your tickets now.

This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile. Do you hate phones? So do I. Let's ban phones. Ban phones! Ban phones! Ban phones! Mark, why are we banning phones? What happened? Because they're bad and

And they're expensive. It doesn't have to be expensive. Do you have Mint Mobile? Have you heard of Mint Mobile for phone service? Have you done this? I have not. Unlimited talk and text and data. And it's just 15 bucks a month when you buy a three month plan. You mean like 150? No, like literally it's $15. This is confusing. Mint Mobile has unlimited talk, text, and data for $15 a month when you buy a three month plan. God, you know, I just want someone to champ.

Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractables.

This episode, well-built Wade butt-sucks as the gents go to Imagination Land to design the perfect dormers. Beta Bob drills the wrong holes and his inconvenient disability rears its head. Mistrustful Mark has good girth in his slot, seizes up squatting and gets into his fog. From callbacks of callbacks to beating Logan. Yes! It's time for Theatre of the Mind.

With no context or some contest, Tyler, amen.

Hey man, how are you? No contest, Tyler. There is a porn podcast. Go, my favorite porn team. Well, no, you don't go. Come, my favorite porn star. Oh, yeah. No, that's correct. That's it. That's it. Wow. Give yourself some points, man. All right. I know what I think I will. Oh, yeah. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to the podcast. This might be the intro. You might have seen some other stuff. I have no idea. I'll leave that up to the gods that be that edit this. They are gods. Welcome to the show that's apparently a goddamn disaster when I host it. Uh,

where one of us hosts, the other two compete for points. Today, I'm the host. These two are competing for points. Whoever has the most points at the end wins and hosts the next one. Do you think there's everybody, somebody that's like new to the podcast is clicking on it? And if we didn't explain exactly how this work, they would be any differently confused than if we did. There are 100% are people who, who, who,

have that experience, yes. I actually just put Tyler on the points sheet, so I guess Tyler can earn points today. Okay, well, if Tyler wins, he has to come host, I guess. I also just put me instead of Bob. Bob, you're at the bottom of the points sheet, I'm sorry. Wow. Man, I guess we all know where we stand now. Good lord. I'm gonna give you a sad point for this. Ah, but I'm so sad! I'm just drowning in the reality of my life. Wait, remember when you did this joke? And I'm sad! No.

no did i do that be bald you said bald though but i'm making it about the sad right so it's a callback actually me doing this bit right now is a callback to when you did this exact bit whenever you tell a joke and it doesn't land that's true okay i do remember that happening because that happens frequently somehow it feels both like you're on wade's team and you're mocking him well yeah i'm playing both sides so i'm

I always come out on top. That's how it feels to be us, Wade. We don't even get to be on your team. We're just on this side of it. I'm always on my own team, I think. No, I don't think so. Remember back in the early days when you were like, yeah, take points away from me. Yeah, I want to lose. Remember when you wanted to lose? I was kind of hoping I'd lose the last one because I didn't have an idea for today. But I came up with the best idea. But we'll get to that later. According to my notes here, which I don't have.

We do small talk first. We do, don't we? How is small for you guys? How's it been? You know how it be. Every day, another failure. Every day, I rise, grind, fall flat on my ass. This render farm is never happening. I swear to God, everything I've tried, I fuck you not. It is not going good.

I thought I knew computers. I've assembled three different computers. Let me just say, don't buy cheap shit on eBay. Half of it doesn't fucking work. You don't have any support. You don't have any backup. You can't return it because it's coming from a city I can't even pronounce. And then the latest adventure was in my adventures with water cooling, right? I've never built a water cooled computer with a custom loop before.

But I was like, hey, I went to engineering school. I can do this. And I set up everything. I made sure that I actually got parts that I could verify like accounts still on eBay, still discounted. But there was like someone I could communicate with and I got parts. And then I sourced all of my water cooling stuff from a company that's actually here in L.A. who is very helpful. I asked for a lot of advice and they gave me guidance and I put

it all together and I turned it on and I started filling the reservoir with liquid and I go through two bottles and I'm like, wow, the guy only said I need one. This is a thirsty machine. Oh, no.

And when I get through the second bottle, this pump just keeps chugging this liquid. I'm like, damn, it's going. And then I finally notice it's a clear liquid. So I know it's so dense with components that I didn't notice the entire bottom of the case is swimming in the fluid. Yeah.

Somewhere in the loop, there was a catastrophic leak and it was just gushing. So it would go through the pump. It never occurred to you that at no point did it start coming in the return to the reservoir? You know, now that I'm thinking about that.

It should have been obvious, but I'd never built one before. So I was like, wow, this is crazy. So you doubled the amount of recommended. You were just, man, this is thirsty. How was your thought? I don't know the server right now. I took all the electrical components out of it. Besides the power supply. I just so happened to grab the power supply. That was makes a clicking sound with the fan. Like, I don't know what kind of trailer all of my shit fell off of that I bought.

Don't buy discount shit on eBay. It's not worth it. It's not going to be worth it. It won't. It's so many nightmares. I've wasted so much money. I should just trust this company because holy shit.

I just gave you points for the drowned farm. Also, for listeners out there, he pointed to a shirt that says Steiger Dynamics. Yeah, Steiger Dynamics. Oh, you like the listeners now. And what sucks also is like, I've been doing this. I run into all these little problems. So this is actually a 4090. He's holding a 4090.

It's a 4090 graphics card that I have unmounted from its previous cooler and put this nice thin one slot cooler, right? It's one slot. That's what it's, it says there's only one. It'll. Plus all wide. It's no, it's one slot. This son of a bitch is not one slot by two millimeters. Okay.

It was all, everyone said this was a one-slot cooler. The company that made it then came out with another for this exact board, the reference board, that this is a more expensive one that is actually one slot. And I contacted them and I said, hey, is this available? And they said, yes, but you have to order a minimum of 100. Jesus Christ. 100? I said...

I didn't respond. I haven't responded. How expensive are these, if I may ask? The 4090 themselves are fairly expensive. So this is... I mean the one slot one. The one slot thing I got for this thing was $160 plus tax and something like that. So $160 for the...

cooling block itself. But if you know a 4090, it goes from a three slot card down to one. And I was like that. Which would be awesome. It would be awesome if it fucking did the thing that it said. Well, if you buy a hundred of them, it will. You're right. I sure will. The solution is to buy more stuff, Mark. Then the new stuff you buy will work probably. And if it doesn't, then you could just go buy other new stuff and that'll be the stuff that works. And it's like,

All of this is an attempt to save money. Everything I've done is an attempt to save money. I have lost so much money. Well, I haven't lost it, right? Because I could sell this again and that's fine. It's just work to do that. The other computers that all crashed at once. Dell also extremely unhelpful. And then the episode that where I talked about came out, suddenly they wanted to help so badly. And I'm just like, oh, interesting, whatever.

guys. Hey, you can't have eggs without breaking a few eggs. Yeah. So I can technically sell this and this is still useful to people. It's still useful to me. Like it's still like, okay, you can put this in a loop. This still works fine. Yeah, that's a normal 4090, right? That's not like a, like a workstation one or something weird where it won't

won't do video games or normal computer shit. Perfectly normal 4090. And actually, I could probably sell it for more than I paid for it because I've modified it in a way that's valuable. Yeah, with the water block, that's actually pretty sweet. But just so you know, anybody, if I sell it, it's not one slot. Only if your slot's two millimeters too thin like Mark's slots. Right, why don't you get girthier slots?

Have you got the wrong slots, Mark? Why don't you just increase the gap a little bit? I'll just stretch my motherboard out a little. I have small talk that matches the vibes of Mark's infinite failures. This is actually old, but your story reminded me of this, Mark. I thought I would be really cool and hang a medicine cabinet in this house that we moved into not long ago.

And I, cause I was like, I know how that works. How hard can it be? I'll start with the, with the conclusion, which is it took me four attempts to get this thing on the wall permanently. And there are seven holes in the wall that don't need to be there. And no, that is an odd number, which is weird. You're right. One of those is a completely extra erroneous hole. But so it took me a month and a half and four separate attempts to

and going back to the hardware store. So it's not the same pain, but like I feel the pain, but I will say, and God, I hope Mandy never listens to this. I finally got what I needed. I got some heavy duty anchors and I got the thing up there and I got a laser level. I got it all night. It's like perfectly level. And then I did all this after a month and a half of trying and failing and then putting it aside. I did it all. I got the last screw in and I got that satisfying. You know, when you do the drill and it's all,

and it's like that means it's in starts clicking away and i stepped back and it's not centered over the toilet

And not by a lot, but when you step back and look at it, by enough where your eye is immediately like, oh. And no, I'm not taking it back off the wall to make four additional holes two inches to the left. We just permanently have an off-center medicine cabinet. So maybe that's where you're headed, Mark. Maybe you're in the middle of the process right now, and in a month and a half's time, you'll have an off-center cabinet.

render farm in your garage. The worst part about it is I didn't build it on a table like a smart person. I built it on the floor and this isn't a problem of the setup. It's a problem for my back.

I was on the floor, you know, just like squatted down on my heels, just working on this hunched over for seven hours. And only when I was so frustrated and it failed, I stood up and we went to a 4th of July party afterwards. And I literally couldn't stand at the party. I was just weirdly sitting. Everyone was standing around like talking and I was just looking up to everybody like, hey. Crawling around like Smeagol at the party.

I've never felt older than that moment. Not my finest hour, not my finest time, not my finest decisions. Anyone want to buy some slightly soggy server equipment? Look, you put it in the biggest bag of rice I've ever heard of, and it'll be fine in a little while. Well, I have a signed point. I think...

I think our previous episode with all the talk of the Grubauer salts was very optimistic given that this is the state of things. Yeah, it did go downhill fast. We thought you were Grubin. I was assuming you were close to polishing things up. You're talking about cooling solutions and all kinds of stuff. I don't have a single working computer. Not one. So what I'm going to do is I'm just going to...

I've sent all of the computer equipment to Steiger. Not all of it, but a lot of it. I've sent it to Steiger Dynamics and be like, please parse through this. Tell me what's working, what's not. See if you can build something out of what I have. Help! You just sent them a giant box and just like, help written on the side. Don't open dead inside! Well, I mean, it's... They should... I should have known because they said that they didn't do custom loops anymore because they are unreliable and they end up getting a lot more returns from...

from doing that. And I was like, ah, but I can do it. Fucking, fucking wasted two, two liters of cooling fluid in a server and liquid's not supposed to be in there. I'm going to try immersion cooling next though. That'll work out really good for me. Yeah, no, you already did. You just didn't quite do it on purpose. Now you just need to aim for that and you're halfway there. Yeah, just get your Epsom salts and you'll be good.

This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile. Do you hate phones? So do I. Let's ban phones. Ban phones! Ban phones! Ban phones! Mark, why are we banning phones? What happened? Because they're bad and

And they're expensive. It doesn't have to be expensive. Do you have Mint Mobile? Have you heard of Mint Mobile for phone service? Have you done this? I have not. Unlimited talk and text and data. And it's just 15 bucks a month when you buy a three month plan. You mean like 150? No, like literally it's $15. This is confusing. Mint Mobile has unlimited talk, text and data for $15 a month when you buy a three month plan. God, you know, I just want someone to champ.

Oh, you just want, oh, okay.

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Just like the conversations you're going to have with your new date. So drink mug root beer if you got that dog in you. Any more small talk, Bob? Before I load us in? James is counting now. He could count the numbers one, two, and five, but he does them correctly. If you count one, two, three, four, five, he'll be all one, two, five.

So he knows. Wow, he really does. He's just working on getting the other ones in there in the mouth situation. Can't quite do a three and a four. Those are tough. It's getting closer, though. Three, I can see being tough. Four seems like it'd be the same as five to me.

Listen, he wouldn't understand how toddlers work. Well, actually, of the three of us, he might understand the most how toddlers actually function and think. It's true. That's true. Four, five. Four, four. Maybe it's the ooh, ooh. Ours are hard, too. One, two, three, four. Four, five. Four. One, two, three, four.

Five? It's a really hard number. Are we un-teaching Wade how to say numbers now? Is this what they call unschooling? Fwee. Fwee. One, two, fwee. Five. I enjoy that. Give yourself some points. I'm giving myself a point for... Don't forget about Tyler. Give him some points. Give Tyler points for knowing how to count to five. What happens if Tyler wins this? Sounds like Tyler's problem. He's not winning right now, but he's not far off the lead. I have a new goal. Beat Tyler or make Tyler win? Make Tyler win.

I'm gonna have a really hard time at the end of this reading and saying what some of these points were for. If only you were in control of your handwriting. Well, my pen is also dying, so I keep having to write over my handwriting. It's gotten bad. Not a valid excuse. Nope. It's you. It's your handwriting. Well, it's an us problem now because today's episode is all about the listeners. We are opening up a theater. You guys want theaters? We're having a theater. A theater of...

of the mind where we are going to build the distractible dream house all in our mind. We already found the distractible dream house. It was on Zillow. It was in Cincinnati. It had like 12 acres. It was crazy. Well, I don't remember that. I'm getting older, so we're making one. You stole this idea from distractible in two thousand and twenty two.

that house sold it's no longer available now we gotta build our own you don't know that hey let me look you don't remember which house it was i just want to toss this out there this sounds like a really tough episode for anyone who might have a fantasia great disney movie if anyone might have that not that we've may have talked about that at any point well don't worry they can watch our hand movements while not watching because this is a listener episode got it

Okay, man. I can't. Listen, I show something's bad. I design something that might just just just I don't know. Think have confidence in yourself, man. What do you walk around your house and just pretend you're in the room I'm talking about? I don't know.

Okay, all right, okay, all right. We're going to think with our minds. Google a driveway or something. We'll go through this. You guys have homework. If you have any Fantasia, I'll just add more steps. Listen, we've just established this pattern. Wade doesn't care about the fans. Whether you're a viewer, whether you're a listener, he don't care about you. Yeah, this is about me. Are we just talking around it, or do you actually forget that I have that? I forget that a lot, yeah. It's hard for me to imagine...

having that me same but more for me it's harder for me to imagine anything so I'm way ahead of you on that one all right this is the episode where I eat my own foot a lot I'm just gonna be ready for that I suppose wait so wait wait let's talk let's talk shop for a second though you know we're just giving you shit because that's the bit right yeah this is a good episode idea the last one was too I love theater of the mind yeah

Don't back down. Don't let us push you off your game. Oh, we are doing this. We are doing this. Where's the Wade I get so frustrated with because he doesn't listen and just keeps saying he's on because he knows he's right. Well, Mark was looking up the house that we were supposed to have, apparently. Did you find it? I couldn't. It was on sale. It was sold long ago. Yeah, there's nothing. Told you it was sold, so we got to build our own! Ah! Ah!

We're on our own! Bob, you're not going to do it. You're just going to leave me in the lurch there. We were all doing it and you make me look like I'm mocking him. I wasn't. I'm stuck over here trying to imagine what a house looks like in my brain. I'm going to go with the assumption that you guys aren't mocking me at all today and it's all just adding. And I'm just going to accept that you're all contributing. No, I wasn't. Unless that's getting me points. I've not remarked any more downs in small talk yet. We have to build our own! Build our own!

All right, you guys get build our own points. Where do we start? Do we start with the outside? Like how much land do we need? What's the mailbox look like? Type of driveway? State? Where is this house? Does it matter where? Climate and stuff. Like, are we living at this house? Is that the idea? Or are we going to this house to do the podcast?

I'm not living with you guys. Because if we're intended to live at the house, I have I would like it to not be too far from my family. Yeah, I'm not. I'm not moving out to move in with you guys. OK, so this is just a workhouse. This is a workhouse. I mean, Mark can live there, I guess. Well, then what's the point of it being a house? Why can't it be a work like movie theater?

No, you know what? You know what they have a lot of in Ohio that we should invest in? Empty warehouse space. Newly constructed, never used, but empty warehouse space. That's most, that's 80% of what Ohio is made up of, I think, as far as I can tell. How cheap are they? Like 10, 10, 15 bucks? I love the idea of a big empty warehouse. I've always wanted one. LA, you know, it's hard to get a big empty warehouse. If you want space, great.

Oh, I was mostly space. How much is a big empty warehouse? Six, seven dollars at least. I mean, that would be cheaper than a big house.

with housing. Houses are tough. Houses need to have stuff. Big empty warehouse. So we think of Midwest climate, like temperate climate. We don't want to be like in the Arctic, the ocean, mountains, desert. Definitely not Arctic or ocean climate, whatever ocean climate is. Yeah, what is ocean climate? Is that like underwater base? Yeah, it's like an underwater base in the middle of the ocean, which I think Mark would hate. I don't know if I'm into that. Oh!

I mean, it sounds kind of cool as long as you're sure that it's not going to break. Yeah, well, I don't know if you get to be that sure that it's not going to break. I mean, we'll buy some cheap parts from Amazon. It'll be really... Yeah. Bought these glass tubes from China on eBay. I mean, what if we make it out of carbon fiber? It'll be fine. Whoa. These tubes just keep taking more and more water. I keep pouring it in and there's still space. Don't know why.

Well, it's one of those things where you're doing it and in the moment you wouldn't think you're you're filling it. I'm not mocking you. I'm with you. I see you. Yeah, I did mock you, but I'm also with you because I've definitely done that with something in my life before. It wasn't a water cooling loop, but it was something. And the liquid was elsewhere. When I was young, I thought I was a magician because I had a cup with a hole in it and I just watched it disappear.

I pick Cincinnati. I pick Cincinnati. Cincinnati is a great place for a business. It is. It is. It's not great for a business necessarily. Who knows? I don't know. But it's going to survive the coming apocalypse. Yeah, nobody's going to bomb Cincinnati. There's nothing here. It's not even about the bombing, but in terms of climate, they say that the Midwest is going to run...

through any oceans rising, changing weather patterns, the Midwest near the Great Lakes are going to be a real stability. And zombies go to Florida. So that kind of apocalypse could also be safe. Yes, absolutely. And Cincinnati, yes, it's not big enough really to be a giant target and it's spread out enough that they would have to cover it with a lot of nukes. And therefore, most likely you're going to be fine so long as you're on the outskirts. Plus, what meteor is going to hit Cincinnati? No, meteors are going to cool, cool places. Miami, Miami.

London. Oh, yeah. London. London for sure. Only if they name us a meteor Chicago, that'd be the only one. Barcelona. Oh, no. Not Barcelona. It's because it's like one of the coolest places I've ever been. Barcelona. I've never been, but I know it's cool. Not Barcelona. I've been twice. It's dope. It's supposed to cigar on the roof of a hotel because I'm cool. Holy shit.

You don't even know the lives I've lived. You know what's still problematic is that smoking is still cool. I watched The Bike Riders, and you know, that's just like all of them smoking cigarettes and riding motorcycles. That's the whole movie. Motorcycle. Okay. I thought it was just like kids on bicycles with cigarettes. Yeah, the Tour de France. Those guys smoke a lot of cigarettes. It's a good movie, but it's just like, it just reminds me, because it's every character there is like, you know, a motorcycle riding cool guy.

And the main character is basically the reincarnation of James Dean or whatever his name is. Jimmy Dean's pure pork sausage. What's his name? James Dean. James Dean. Yeah. James Dean is an actor that smoked. And it's just like, man, why is smoking got to be cool? Why is it got to be cool? Even growing up, like as a kid, those candy cigarettes like had a little. Oh, so cool. Why is it cool? Why is it cool?

Because it's, you know, I mean, there's probably people out there who are more disgusted by it than they think it's cool. It's fun to suck on something.

Is that it? Is that the thing? I think so. I suck on a lot of stuff that's not nearly as cool feeling as smoking is. I've tried to convince every girl I've ever been with. It's fun to suck on something. And she's like, yeah, well, you suck. And then leave. And she's right. I love candy cigarettes, man. I'll suck on those all day. But like, I even, I think they're cool. And also, I wouldn't do it still because of dying and not wanting to do that. But why is it still cool then? Like, I don't, because I agree, but I don't know why. I don't know.

know why either. So are we going to have smoking in our dream house? Smokeless smoking. Just sticks to suck on. No, because vaping is so uncool. Oh, no, no, not vaping, not vaping at all for any reason. Just sticks that look like little cigarettes to just be like, fuck.

Oh, so it's the gum. It is the gum. Candy cigarette. Yeah. Lots of candy cigarettes. It's got to be a humidor. It's got to be a humidor of candy cigarettes. A gas station wall of candy cigarettes and candy chewing tobacco with a...

You can go to the gas station and be like, give me two packs of Reds. What if they have... Is there an equivalent of the... What's the... The packets of pure nicotine. What are those called? Snus? Snooze? It's called a bag of sugar. Zins.

Nowadays, Zins, don't do any of this, anyone listening. What you do is you go to Bob Evans and you get the little sugar packets and you roll it up and just tuck that in. Eventually, the paper will dissolve away and you'll start getting that hit of sugar in your gums. Oh, he's right. He's right. Or you get a fruit roll up, put some sugar in it.

roll it up. Get the white packets though, or else you'll stain your cums, whatever color the package is. It's got to be white packets, not too much dye in there. Do we need like a spittoon? Is that what they're called? Okay, so that's an important part of our house. I think that's literally the first thing we've got is Cincinnati and candy cigarettes. Is that like the entryway? Is the candy cigarette stop so you can get your cigs before you go hang out? Maybe.

Yeah, we gotta be cool before we get together. You walk in, you put on a leather jacket. We have a leather jacket rack, a candy cigarette rack, and then you get to enter. Plenty of motorcycle parking. It's gotta have duns. It's like a 12-motorcycle garage, you know what I mean? The whole place is open enough where you can ride a little mini-motorcycle around in your leather jacket with your candy cigarettes. That's how you go from room to room. Okay, this sounds horrible. That actually is moving past cool and into horrifying. I don't know why, but that's terrifying to me. Ha ha ha ha ha!

Kind of like the shining, like the little tricycle thing. Yeah, I don't know about that. Okay, what about a bathroom? Does it have a bathroom? Yeah. I think we each get our own bathroom, both so that it can be what you want, but also so that you can get some privacy. I don't want a bathroom that Wade can stand outside of and listen to me while I do my business on my own private area.

Mark, do you disagree with private bathrooms? Why are you so hung up on what you got a problem with bathrooms? I don't know. It just seems boring. It is the perfect house. This is the perfect house. The perfect distractible house. I think that in the podcast booths, we have a astronaut style urinal that suctions. You love sucking, Wade. Imagine you had a suction tube that sucks water.

right when you're doing the podcast so like a butt suck no well i mean yeah but okay it's like a big diaper looking thing clamps it's like an you know the alien things that grab your face in alien a dick hugger it's like that but for your crotch oh yeah the crotch hugger don't mind the legs yeah yeah it's fine maybe the chair is oh i'm not in a chair right now i'm doing the superior standing desk which i don't know if you guys have noticed but for weeks and weeks now i've been standing you're

so much better than me i am so much better so much better all right so we can have standing toilets in the podcast room the astronaut style toilets that really suck it out of you so you make sure you're fully empty before we start doing jokes uh what what is the rest of the podcast room is this like an amphitheater type place or is this is this more like cozy is it is there zero gravity here what whoa is that an option what setting are we funniest in we have astronaut toilets

I feel like I would be really funny in Zero Gravity just because... Are we describing a space station right now? Is this the distractible space station studio? Whoa.

I mean, that would be pretty cool if we had an orbital, an orbital house. That would be in Cincinnati. Once a week, we just got to take our rockets up to the station to get our recording session in. Hey, Elon, fire up the starship. Hey, Jeff, you going up today? I got, we got some, uh, we got to do a couple of ad reads. Last minute thing.

I like Space Station. Well, we'd have to live there. We couldn't commute. We could not commute. You know what? They're mad at Taylor Swift for doing the plane thing. Imagine how what our greenhouse effect would be. We open up with a fuck the environment campaign. So we set the expectation low. Assume in this future space elevator has been invented.

We have a space elevator, the base of which is in Cincinnati, that can take us up to a near zero gravity environment up in geosynchronous orbit so that it's not the greenhouse gas burning the fuel situation. Not so much. And it could be it could be solar powered.

Imagine how much solar energy you could get from an array in space above the atmosphere and then just pipe that down through the space elevator setup. Probably very efficient. It'd be really awful though if the elevator breaks down, we're like halfway to the space station. How long would it take a fireman to get up there to get us out? That's a long ladder. Yeah, you just gotta like pry the door open and there's a ladder on the outside. You could climb up or down either way. That's a long climb.

Yeah, uh... If it's down, you can do like firefighters do, where you put your hands on the outside and you slide down real fast. You just catch yourself before you hit the bottom. I have a question, and this is more of a physics question. If there's a space elevator and our thing's at the top of it, right? Yes. If, say, for example, the Strand was to break or the tower was to break, would we come crashing to Earth or...

Orgo flying off into space because I mean, theoretically, it's in geosynchronous orbit because of being attached. So I feel like it should stay. It would stay where it was, but slowly degrade more than likely. I see. I'm not sure because if it's a

then equal and opposite reaction, it's maintaining where it is because there's a balance of forces going that way. But if suddenly the force that's, you know, keeping it there or this one pulling it back to earth goes away, then it's only that. And therefore it's in the moment. It's momentum. I feel like that's not how that would work though. You wouldn't want to have it in tension. You would want the elevator to be more like a loose floating, like an artery. Oh, but,

Bye. Like if I have, it wouldn't matter if it's this or earth. And if I were to just wait, aren't you supposed to be describing this for listeners? Yeah. Okay. Mark is standing and swinging a cable as if he's trying to lasso you into his love circle. If you spin it and then you let go.

It falls right back to Earth. Yes, that's what we've been saying. It goes straight down, guys. I didn't expect... It falls right back to Earth. I think you answered your own question. Yeah, Mark spun his lasso of love. It dropped to Earth, and now he's back. Yeah, okay. Oh, my car key! I'm looking for this. Mark found a car key. That doesn't seem like a good place for that, bud. I'm going to be honest. That's a confusing location for that to end up. I have been looking for that for a very long time, so that's cool. No!

It was literally in your walking path to your desk. No, no. I was pulling the cable back out from it. It was on the floor. So I pulled it with my foot away so I wouldn't step on it. And then my car key came spilling out from wherever it was hiding. Where could it hide on your floor? Look, man, don't ask about my floor. I was just assembling. He's got two liters of liquid cooling liquid down there. He's splashing his way to his desk.

Mark is holding up empty bottles of what was previously fluid. Is that the computer that's filled with water? Is that the one that's all filled with liquid? No, no, that's one of the alien wares. Where's the wet one? It's outside. It's being punished. It's chained up by the tree until it behaves. Mark finished putting the second leader in and noticed and was like, oh yeah, oh yeah, and ran, picked it up, ran out to the pool, hocked it in the pool and just started screaming, how about now?

Are you cool? Are you still thirsty? Computer drowned while he watched.

Bark, bark, bark. That sounded angry. Mark took off his headphones and is now leaving to investigate a strange noise. He's looking around kind of John Travolta style through his door. He's coming back. Smile on his face. Just describing what's going on for the listeners. What's happening? Did you solve your mystery? Yeah, they're barking at the door. Man, I'm glad we learned that. All right, barking at the door. Inspector Crusoe over here, really pleasing it together. We heard dogs barking. What happened? Oh, they were barking. Okay, so we've got...

Space? Cigarettes? So are we going with space station elevator? If it's a space elevator, then yeah, sure. How long is the elevator ride? Eight seconds. Eight seconds? Whatever physics Superman uses to catch Lois Lane as she's falling at terminal velocity and he flies in at the speed of sound or light or whatever fast he is.

That same physics applies to our elevator. Okay, and I'm going to ask ChatGPT something. How fast would you be moving if you were able to go from sea level to geostation?

synchronous orbit in eight seconds, you'd be going 4,473,250 meters per second or 2,780 miles per second.

Really? That's not what my AI got at all. My AI says you'd have to reach a speed of 7,800 meters per second or about 28,000 kilometers per hour or 17 and a half thousand miles per hour. Wait, it might be wrong about, cause this is chat GPT. I was just hoping it would be funny. No, wait, no, actually that is accurate. Wait, how far, how, how high did it say yours was? I just said to reach, uh,

orbit. So it doesn't actually have like an orbitable orbital height. Yeah. Orbit's different than geosynchronous orbit. Geosynchronous orbit is 35,786 kilometers, according to the European Space Agency. And then you just do divided by seconds, you get the meters per second. So

Oh, no, I got the same answer, actually. You're correct. Oh, cool. Okay, that'd be 10 million miles an hour, which if you think about it, yeah, that's... I mean, you're going 22,000 miles in the sky in eight seconds. That's pretty fast. So we need seatbelts and airbags. Sorry, I just realized what this actually is. You're going about 2% the speed of light if you made it there in eight seconds. So, you know. That's...

A lot of, that's very slow. There's a lot of- But in, it's totally possible. Well, that's also the average speed because there has to be some acceleration in there. So that would mean that the top speed would probably be much higher than that. For the middle six seconds of this experience, the top speed would be probably 10% or more of speed of light. So your acceleration is on average 559,000 meters per second squared, right?

The G-Forces. 57,000 Gs. How much can a human usually take and be okay? 10 they pass out, you know? Yeah, maybe 10, 12 is passing out. Yeah. So we likely need some pillows. Pillows, seatbelts. Vomit bags. So just to put it in comparison, 57,000 Gs of acceleration would be equivalent to standing on the surface of a neutron star. Pfft.

Which I've heard is not recommended. Okay, but what if you remove the atmosphere and gravity from the inside of the elevator? Then you wouldn't feel it. Well, trust me, you're not going to feel a thing when this bad boy launches. But if you jump as it takes off... Yeah, no, it's an elevator, right? So you just have to use the tricks.

Oh, man. All right. Anyway. Wade, I think you deserve points for that one. Actually, give Tyler your points. Okay. Oh, okay. All right. So a neutron star is actually far above what this is. But the surface gravity of the sun, you know, is it's about...

20 times that of Earth. I have a good I have a good context. I'm going to contextualize this for you, Mark. I have a better one. The Falcon 9 rocket. This is the rocket that SpaceX launches, right? Yeah, there are. I believe there are nine Merlin engines on the bottom of this. Are they manned or unmanned? That's the booster that lands itself where it lands back on the ground upright. It's that one, right? It's the SpaceX booster to generate that.

approximately that amount of G's in acceleration, you would need 35,404 Falcon 9 rockets all firing at once, creating your acceleration.

Well, we're going to make this like a hybrid or electric so we don't use gas. Oh, yeah. Those electric thrust generating engines. Well, magnets are pretty strong. I don't know how many neodymium magnets. Oh, you want to turn this bad boy into a rail gun? Oh, yeah. Now we're talking. It's a human rail gun. I mean, hey, whatever scrambles the eggs, I think it's fine. Nope.

Oh, the AI wants me to know that this is physically impossible because 35,000 Falcon 9 rockets don't exist. And also it would be infeasible to attach them all together. I've played Kerbal Space Program. You can fit 35,000 rockets together. Hey, if you got the computer that can run the sim, you can absolutely get them all together. Whenever I get my render farm up here, I'm going to play the craziest game of Kerbal anybody's ever seen. No, what you need to do is get that up

and then just give Scott Manley some time on it so you could see what he could do because I would love to see that. Not no, no shade to your skills and knowledge, but I just feel like Scott Manley probably knows some more. What do you mean? I've got such a good record of my things working. Everything works in time. All right. Internet connection. Wait, it's got a bitch in Internet.

Yeah, okay. It's gotta have the fastest internet. I think there was recently a record broken fastest internet. There was. I saw that. I saw that. You know, if we're ever like struggling for money, I wonder if we could just like sell our point pads, auction off our point pads. Are you struggling for money? You okay, man?

I don't know. I mean, if we're going to buy this house, we might be. All right. So apparently 319 terabits per second was achieved in Japan back in January. So you have to divide it by eight to get there terabytes. I think I saw a news article that was like at that speed, you could download...

all of like Baldur's Gate 3 in milliseconds. Like you could download, you know, relatively large games in literally unmeasurably short time spans. That was the old record. Now it's 402 terabits per second. Hot diggity. Which equates to, I believe...

50 terabytes per second. So we got to have that or faster. Okay, how much does that cost on like a monthly plan? Let me pull up the Comcast website, have a look here. Yeah, I guess if we did a ratio of, you know, if an internet connection for one gigabit. This is where selling our point boards might be necessary because I don't know if we can afford 50 terabits

So 402 times 1,000 would be, that's 402,000 gigabits per second. A gigabit connection, if it's cheap, probably costs, what, 80 bucks a month? Yeah, I was going to say 60 to 100, depending on where you live. All right, let's say, they got to go up to the,

Space Station, let's say it's 80. So times 80 bucks, that's $32,160,000 a month. A month in the internet bill. How much is our rocket going to cost? Take us up a note. It's not a rocket. It's an elevator. How much is the electric bill to launch that fast? Sold!

solar panels man the solar we got solar panel array in space at the on the top of the station and mark can go up and use a special mop to clean them yeah i will absolutely 100 i'm just picturing an astronaut in like sandals with a mop on a solar panel mark in space amy back at home mark out there on the solar panel just like amy

Amy, help. Okay, so we got internet, cigarettes, space station, elevator, Cincinnati. Space is a premium in space. So how big do we want to go with this? I think a modest space station is nothing to scoff at. Like 400 square foot house in space. How many square feet is the ISS? Oh, actually, that's pretty big. A livable surface area of over 5,000 square feet is the ISS. That's pretty cool.

Comparable to a six bedroom house. Includes seven sleeping berths, two bathrooms, a gym. Okay. So yeah. So modest. So yeah. They're going to be decommissioning it. It'll probably be on sale because they're just going to throw it in the ocean. Is that going to come up on one of those option sites? Like where the movie theater was? I think so. I think so. I think absolutely so. They're foreclosing the ISOs.

Decommissioning. Fancy space words, okay? They're decommissioning. Okay, well, and if, you know, it's old, so I bet we could get a good deal out of it. Okay, I mean, why not? That sort of puts it, dashes the hopes of the space elevator type situation, but... It could probably be attached. I mean, that kind of limits... It's not in a geosynchronous orbit. Is it modular? Can we like... Oh, it's very modular. I think it's pretty much fully expanded, but it is very modular. Can we just buy more modules like the Sims and just like add a room?

Bring some Ryobi tools up there. We'll just like tear down a wall, sledgehammer down a... Ryobi space day? No, I've always wanted to do, you know, do sort of a bathroom remodel type thing. How hard can that be? I don't think it's very hard. But then again, I don't think very hard about the problem. Maybe Steiger will help. We'll get some Steiger assistance. How hard is it to get a few hundred pounds of tiles up into a space station? Oh, well, if...

What if we want like mahogany floors or something nice, you know? I mean, at the internet speed, we could probably beam them up. Oh, that's true. We can download tiles. You wouldn't download a tile, would you? I want to get into metal 3D printing. That's got to be easy to get into, right? What if we just print an elevator? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to start recording in the ISS after they decommission it. We'll save a lot of money.

What do we need to do even? It's already there. It's made. It exists. We could basically just, we don't have to put in any work here. This, you know, it is what it is. Bring some posters, maybe. Make it home, home it up a little. Recording equipment. They have stuff up there. Haven't you seen they do like broadcasts from the ISS and stuff? Never watched any of it.

You've never watched anything from the ISS? It's not very interesting to watch humans in space doing things or demonstrating scientific principles. So you're right. I was talking to Mark, or I was talking to you. I watched Chris Hadfield do Space Oddity in space. That's basically like... Then you have watched something! That's literally, actually, he was on the ISS when he did that, yes. Oh, hey.

Hey, I saw that. Whoa, tornado, which kind? Okay, watch my phone just in front of me popped up with a like, you know, it does the alert and it was like, yeah, I got the text from Molly a few minutes ago. I've not got the alert yet, which is kind of terrifying. The weather, the National Weather Service has issued a tornado W. That's an important W.

It could go two very different ways. I still get confused as to which is which. I'm like, warning. Is that the better one or the worst one? Whoa. They have issued a tornado whoopsies. All right, look, I'm looking at the weather map for you guys. Man, you got something coming your way. That's big.

Yeah, Bob just got warned about it. It's old news, man. I already done note. You ever look at the radar? Cause that's going to get spicy. Oh, that is like a across the entire country storm looking situation. And it's prediction for later is, uh,

dastardly well that'll be fun i wonder what kind of w it will be in a few hours it's okay it's only like an eight or nine hour warning or watch which one's the better one it's a watch which is the better one well good luck with that in space you won't have to deal with weather so that's pretty nice let's look at mark's weather let's see what you got going on

Whole lot of nothing. That's what we got going on. Not a cloud in the sky. Great for solar. If it was plugged into something. Your solar panels are up there just like, oh, God, yeah. I hope he's putting this to good use. Oh, yeah. Well, I might have someone that's able to at least consult on Thursday. So hopefully very soon here. That'll be exciting. I'll be so excited.

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I think, is that our house? We're just the ISS? Did we solve it? We're just gonna start doing the show from the International Space Station. Think of how our listens will go up. Can you imagine the kind of response a show like ours would get recorded in space for no apparent reason? The kind of ire that would draw from just people in general.

Take that, Seth Rogen. Or Seth Rogen specifically. Seth Rogen, fuck you! You and your podcast. When you said it again, I was like, yeah, that's the right name. What's he laughing about?

My brain was like, don't say Seth Rogen. Seth Rogen! You know, we were ahead of that guy in the charts for a minute. That's true. Twice. Those were the days. Well, when we're on the International Space Station, I think we will once again be the top dog. Well, let me go through points here, I suppose. We solved our house. We're just the International Space Station. Let's start with me. I got points for Foe, which is four. Steiger, 3D print. I gave them all to Tyler. We'll move on.

We'll move to Tyler. He got a jump, some points and then Wade points. Tyler is sitting at six points. That's more than I would have thought. I gave you kept telling me to give myself points. So I did, but then you made me give them all to Tyler. So I had four points and those all went to Tyler. So Mark, you got points for, it doesn't say our cheddar, but that's what it looks like. I wrote. That's probably it. Render fail, getting older, the drowned farm, Steiger bathroom, uh,

Sin, spelled C-I-N. Facehugger but crotch. It wraps around. Bark at door. Ryobi space days is correct. 402 terabits per second. And bitchin' internet. You are sitting at 13 points. That's a lot of points. Bob, you got points for medicine man. Sad. Eee! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Sadati, Candy Cigarettes, Podcast Room, Space Station, Lots of Rockets, ISS, Go Fast, Tornado Oh No. And then I wrote Build by your name. So maybe you got a build point. You are sitting at 13 points. You guys are tied.

and Tyler's at six points. That's a lot of points for someone out here. Wade's really trying to put on a one man show, I think. Is that what a tie does? When a tie happens organically, the wheel is triggered. What about Tyler's points? Should those go to one of you to save me? Not to save your ass. Nope. Should one of the, should your points all go to Tyler? So Tyler has to host. So now the wheel is 8% one man show and then what? 46 and 46. Is that the deal? Oh, yep. That's it.

I guess let's figure out who wins this episode. Alright, fine.

The next time it becomes a 10% chance. Is that right? That's correct. This is the world we created for ourselves. Oh, God. Does it reset at the end of a season or something? No. Resets when it gets hit. I don't like that that happened twice in a row. I should have just made an arbitrary point. You guys would have never known. Yeah, it's almost like you have exact specific control over who gets how many points and you can choose whether or not it does end in a tie. I wanted Tyler to win. You could have also made that happen. Well, I didn't.

As usual, I have proven that I am the best and that's why I won because I'm the best in general. No caveats. I'm the best at everything. Period. Congratulations to me. Mark, what was your speech? Oh,

I want to say that this was incredibly fair and balanced, but at the same time, I feel like the prejudice against the watchers needs to be noted. There was no visual aids. Here's one. I can't read that. Either way, I think the judging was fair. I think the host was very fair, but I think that there is an air of bias and the smellers are going to be the ones that detect it. Great.

Great. Well, you guys can smell us at our respective social medias, Mark and Markiplier, Bob and Meister, me at Minion777 or LordMinion777. You can smell our merch if you buy it, I guess. And you would do that at distractiblestore.com. That's D-I-S-T-R-A-C-T-I-B-L-E-S-T-O-R-E.com. And stay tuned for the next one where Bob will host because fate has declared him the best of us. Not fate. Skill. Mastery. Expertise. Podcast out.