Never Hug Your Teacher
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And totally drops the tuba.

From nuggets of nostalgia to podcast advice. Yes! It's time for Never Hug Your Teacher. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hi.

How terrible are we going for here? Look, man, this is just what it is. You can't put a price on terrible. Oh, I could ratchet it up. Have you seen my bad episodes? This is capitalism. We can put a price on anything. That's true. That's true. Not only is this the worst episode, it's the only episode you'll have to pay for. Are you officially trying to compete with the worst piece of shit episode ever, though? Because I just want to say that.

That's my title and my episode, and I'm pretty sure it's definitely going to remain the worst piece of shit that we've done. And hair. I did hair. Don't you dare compete with hair. I liked hair. Thank you. Terratomas? Classic. Anyway, who is that? I'm Micegerm. Man, this is going swimmingly. Wade, who are you? Oh, it's not Wade. It's LordMinion777. Hey!

Hey, guys. Classic. He says that all the time. Until next time. See you guys. My outro, right? Hi, welcome to Distractible. This is the podcast where each of us takes a turn hosting, which is actually a revolutionary concept that I was just talking to someone about, about how like, wow, that actually is pretty, it's pretty cool. Tyler. I was talking to Tyler about it.

Why? Because Tyler always hosts and drags you along to all his sports things? No, no. Yes, absolutely. But also because it sometimes pumps out stinkers like this one. Buckle up, everybody else, because it's about to get worse. They say an episode is only as good as its host. There's no need for that. I was already declaring it bad. So down on that. I think this is going to be a good one. I'm feeling good, guys. I'm feeling jazzed up. It's finally cooling off in Ohio. Not that it was that hot, but like,

This is the Ohio weather I live for where it's kind of rainy and kind of gray outside and it's like chilly, but not cold enough that you need to like wear a coat. It's the good times. It's the good weathers. That's great. I stepped outside today as well and I noticed like it was extremely cloudy, but it's that kind of fog where the fog is just like covering the mountains and you can't see past a little bit. I love those mornings. It's just very magical, but I don't imagine it's the same weather you're talking about.

no ours is more midwesty but it's you know what the kind of weather it is it's the kind of weather where you go and you get pumpkins and then you like carve pumpkins because it's october we did that it was very good pumpkin weather i woke up with a full clash of the titans right into my noggin a

Holy shit.

Well, that's cool. It's my grade season, baby. We're back. Is that a season? I didn't. Is there a season for that? I don't know. I don't get seasonal. I get just occasional ones. But today I was blessed.

All right. Well, congratulations for that. I'm really proud of you. And I think that we can all learn something from that. I don't know what, but we're going to learn from it. You should take the pain relievers when you have a clash of the Titans. That's what we learned. Oh, I did. And then what? They kind of worked.

Listen, boys, I'm on my A game today, but my A game is about six feet under. I'm on it, but it's a little deeper today than usual. I was on my A game today confusing some Gen Z ears. Well, one, one, one zoomer. Confusing them with someone or confusing them directly? No, I,

At their job, unfortunately. I needed stamps. I haven't needed to buy stamps in so long because I bought a book of stamps a decade ago and I use about one stamp per year, give or take. But we finally ran out and I was like, where the fuck do you buy stamps? Holy shit. Anywhere. Usually a grocery store, the bank off post, the bank post office, the post office. Not at UDF. And also we don't have a post office anywhere. Anyway, I went to a Walgreens store

And the teenager at the cashier, I went up and I was like, hey, do you sell stamps? And she was like, oh, I don't know what aisle that's in. And I was like, ah, well, they're probably in if you have them there in the register, because that's how this one she was like, I think there's just money in there.

And I had to like walk her through, like lift up the thing. And then she found the stamps and was like, what the hell? Why are there stamps in here? Not her fault. I'm sure she never sells stamps to anyone because who buys stamps at Walgreens of all places, but you never feel quite so old as when you're explaining to a young person where to find stamps so I can send my important letters.

Also, to any organization or government entity that still requires you to mail shit through the actual mail. Fuck you. Fucking suck. Man. Let me do the internet or call you for God's sakes. I dread to think about what it's like in any of the, like whenever I worked at the federal courthouse, man, the tech was not good. I can only imagine how not good it is now. I think it's probably exactly the same as it was. I think it

20 years ago when you worked there well no that's mean 15 how long ago did you work there 10 years 15 probably about 15 yeah yeah that's probably exactly this probably fax machines and one telephone they all have to share because there's god forbid you put in a network of phones in your office also your meanness was like as mean to you as it is to me because we were all there at the same time like that you like you see and stuff i worked at a place back then too and i worked in a school and it was it was we had fax machines and all that shit was awful

through the copy machine, man. You know how many documents you have to copy in a clerk's office? And that thing broke like six times a day. I hate, oh God, I can only imagine those poor people now trying to deal with it. I will say, I don't know what people do to copy. This is the most 90s discussion we've ever had on here. What's the deal with copy machines? I don't know

what people do to copy machines? I worked in a school. It was not a it was a school in a really poor area, like a low socioeconomic area. The school was absolutely strapped for money. We were like taping shit together with duct tape, like just scraping by as a terms of organizationally.

Our copy machine never broke a single time. Like it was the oldest piece of shit. Looked like it might fall apart. Copy me. Never broke once. And we used it day in, day out. It was the only one for all of the classrooms. So all the teachers copied all their tests and stuff on it. And what do people do that breaks them? I don't understand. What did you do? Did you write, did you put your naked butt on it too many times so you could get butt sheet copies or what? You take a staple out of the document thing that you want to scan and

And the way ours worked was you just set it down. It would suck out the bottom page, scan it, print, so on and so forth. And there was a spot where it would spit out the thing at the bottom. And then the copy would come out all nice and clean on the other side. And we had a big stapler where we'd staple their documents, staple this one, put it back. That's not broken. I'm,

Well, that's when it worked. When it didn't work... My question was, how did you break it? My involvement was remove staple, set down paper, press button. But man, oh man, was that like a 20% chance of working and an 80% chance of something going horribly wrong or having already gone horribly wrong and someone just didn't report it. So you'd go and be like, huh, there's no...

indicators that this thing's online mark did you dodge the joys of copy and fax machines you never really worked at a place where that was a huge part of your job right i didn't have to do that most of it would have been like i worked at micro center and i dealt with returns sometimes or i tried to sell someone a plan on something but no i didn't have to do any of that uh my dad however he when he did layout for you know books that he was he was a layout editor

Back in the day when you needed to do this, he defined where the words would go and like the art and the graphics and stuff like that. He defined through the whole book and then he would print out a manuscript and send it out there. He'd have to print two copies. So we had an industrial printer. So I got very familiar with how to reload and, you know, put the toner in the printer. And it was really like he had.

Big, big stacks of paper, like huge always because he needed to print so much because he would go through iterations. He would send it off every time, you know, go to FedEx. We drop it off in the box. It was great because we go to FedEx. He'd hand him the big fat envelope and they would give us that little plane that you pop out of the little plastic piece. And me and my brother would build a little plane in the back. It was really nice.

So, yeah, I didn't deal with it in a corporate sense. But yeah, that printer was a workhorse, whatever print because he always did great research on what he was going to buy. So he only bought things that he knew were going to be like super reliable work nonstop. And this thing never broke.

This thing never broke. And it was back, you know, for a printer. I don't even know how you get these anymore, but they use toner instead of ink. And I don't necessarily know what the difference is, but it comes in a huge tray that you slam in there. It'll last for a month, nonstop printing. Whereas like the ink cartridges that we have now with the color are just like they'll last like 10 pages. I think toner is laser jet. And I think toner is powder. And then it's like zapped onto the page with a laser potentially. Whereas ink jet...

ink based printers is literally just a thing that squirts the ink very precisely and it soaks into the page kind of deal. Whatever it was worked like a dream. Did you ever just like fucks blow toner everywhere? Because I feel like I did that once. Those toner cartridges, when you go to change them, they're not empty and they're just open on top. If you ever, I dropped one once and that it's like fine black dust. It just goes everywhere. I was like changing the toner on the thing and just dropped it and it just went. Ah!

It's not great. The superintendent, Super Nintendo Chalmers, was very mad. Well, yeah, no, I didn't do that. But I there definitely were paper jams that happened a lot. And so we it was always because me or my brother didn't separate the paper, blow into it properly, flutter it out like a, you know, a Las Vegas card dealer. Because if you don't do that right, they'll get stuck together and it'll jam up.

You have to do that in home printers too. Save people a lot of agony on your home printer if you just go ahead and do that when you load it up. It's a big deal. It's better than back in like the 17 and 1800s when they had the computers and you had to do the whole printout thing and then like they had to pick up a quill, dip it in ink and you had to replace the quill and the ink. At least now we just have to replace the ink. What? What are you talking about? Are

Are you talking about like monks copying manuscripts in the Abbey type stuff? Well, it had to be computerized, right? You know, in a weird way, this is the same as how Warhammer 40K does it, where they have people that they've ripped the brains out and put machines in with quills on...

parchment. I thought of you the other day, Mark. I found a place that I think is called Yodaville, but it's actually not. Here in Cincinnati. Cool. Yoda Quest. Yoda Quest. Yotta Quest. But it's like a board game store. But like,

Half of the store is just Warhammer stuff. Mark likes that, right? I don't play Warhammer. But you're like big into the lore, aren't you? Yeah, but you don't. Do you just buy minifigs to just hold them and look at them and be like, ah, oh, Horus. I don't know that. I don't know what it all was. I didn't go to that section, but I saw it. I was like, I kind of like browsed through and everything there was Warhammer. And I was like, I wonder how much lore is here for Mark. None. None.

All right. Mark, I thought of you because I was doing research and I found online that a good way to get into Warhammer lore is to start with the Horus Heresy. And I started reading the Horus Heresy. And it's really good so far. You're in for a trip. Have you played Space Marine 2 per chance? I know you're like busy. No, I haven't yet. I haven't played anything yet. It's such a good game. It made me want to get into Warhammer. And so now I'm reading Warhammer. It's for fun.

I can give you a recommendation of certain books to read because the Thor's Heresy series is so huge. There's like 60 something books if you count like the accessory side stories. I saw that and I was like, oh. You don't need to read all of them. That's the rest of my entire life's worth of reading. I don't know if I'm going to get through that. You just read the first three because originally it was a trilogy and then it went...

And they dragged it out way too much, you know? So, but there are some real gems in there, some really fun reads that reveal a lot about the characters. And then there's other ones that are like, this could have been a synopsis on a page leading into another book. They didn't need to do this. Just stay away from the Beast Arises series. It's a 12 book series. I swear to God, it was...

hardest read I've ever had in my life. I plowed through it all because I had nothing else to do. I wish I could have that time back. Why was it hard? Just like super boring crap. It's so boring. It was very contrived because here's a spoiler for everybody. So they're fighting the orcs, right? It's an orc called the Beast. And it's like, okay, cool premise. There's some fun moments in there. And then they go to the planet where the orcs are and they go attack it. And they land and they go in.

all the way to the main building, the boss room, whatever you want to call it. And they're like, oh, they're too much for us. Leave, regroup, come back all the way in there. And I think they fail again. And then they leave. And it's just like, they do this again and again. I'm like, how do you have anybody left? How could you have possibly have left? This doesn't make any sense. This is so, I don't know. And then the beast comes out like, no.

the beast. And it's just like, okay, cool. I'm dead. And then he's so fucking stupid. Don't read that. Mark, I didn't think of you the other day when I went to Yodaville. Thanks, buddy. It was a cool place though. Shout out Yoda Quest, Cincinnati. Yoda

yada quest i don't know it was neat i feel like it's yada it's gotta be yada it is but i always think of yodaville and i don't know why i think it's yada quest no no we were just like we were driving around um cincinnati area going to like retro gaming stores and board game stores and stuff like that we just hit up a few of them and that was one and they had a bunch of warhammer stuff they got big dragon real big

dragon in there. Oh, well, that's fantasy. That's not even the right kind of Warhammer. That was not the Warhammer side. That was the other side. Okay. That was the side I spent time on. I know nothing about the fantasy side of Warhammer. Who cares, really? Sounds stupid. Yeah. Sigmar? More like Smigmar. More like he better Ligmar.

Nuts. Ligmar nuts. It's an Australian insult. It's gonna ligmar nuts. Nut. How do you say nuts in Australian? Nuts. Nuts. Narts. Ligmar narts. Arnar. Mar narts. Ha ha.

Our maustral garden. Nailed it. I watched a lot of Bluey, so that's why my accent's so refined. This feels like when we were on tour, Ethan was talking about the burg. This is like the burg all over again. Hey, we didn't agree not to do accents. I'm allowed to do accents. It's part of the show. That's fair.

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Visit imes.com slash difference to learn more. So the piece of shit episode continues. Yay! So what we're going to do is we're going to talk about some cringe, specifically our own.

Hooray. We have mentioned some cringy moments in our time on this podcast, and we've mentioned some things. Today, we're going to get deeper. We're going to confess some things, some deep, dark secrets that keep us awake at night, that we stand in the shower and then we just cry because we remember them all of a sudden. Have you guys ever seen someone in real life remember a cringy moment? And have you ever seen someone across the room just go, oh, no.

No, because I've done that in public spaces where I'm just like, oh, no, not that. And I feel like if anyone saw me, they would know what I was thinking. But I am 100 percent that guy. I so like The Office is widely regarded as a fantastic show at the American office, to be specific. It's I feel like a lot of the humor in that show is cringe based.

based, right? Like Michael Scott as a character is basically a walking explosion of cringe in every direction. I cannot physically restrain my, I avoided watching that show for a long time, like years, because I, I'm the guy, no matter how lightly cringy something is, if something happens and if it's in public or on TV or whatever, I'm the guy in the background who's always like, Oh,

Oh, my insides cringe uncontrollably. I hate, I don't like it, but also I'm deaf. There's a hundred percent of stories in other people's lives where they're like, yeah. And then I said this thing and I looked across the room and there was this huge fat guy and he was visibly cringing at what I had just said. And I was like, Oh no. Oh,

Just to get it started while you guys think of the things, I think I've mentioned this before, but there were multiple times in my time in college where it was hyper obvious that a girl wanted me to ask her out and never happened.

I just did not get the signs. Three separate occasions this has occurred that I can speak of. The first one was in the dorm laundry room. I think I told you, Bob, about this. I was doing laundry there and there's another girl down there. And we both talked the entire time our laundry was going for like 30 minutes or whatever it was, you know, and then my laundry was done. Beep. And I was like, oh, that's me. All right. See, I got my laundry fucking left. Yeah.

And I just, goddammit. Second time walking home, walking to the dorm or wherever I was living at the time from a class, classmate of mine. We walked from the classroom all the way back and like from across campus from the engineering sector to the dorms. I think it must have been the dorms. Which that's a pretty long walk if it was where we, the dorm we lived in. Talking the whole time we get to that point where it's like, oh, I got to go this way. I'll go this way. And then we just stand there for a little bit. Yeah.

All right. See ya. She's just standing there like, and I go like, see ya. And then I don't think I ever talked to her again in the classroom. That's a tough one. And then, then it happened again. And this one, like, it's, it's not for sure, but there was this other person that was in a class of mine. And I ran into, uh, this is later on, ran into, cause I was, I was, I was,

some classes around and they were on the phone and then they saw me because they hadn't seen me in class for a different for a while as a different person. They're on the phone and they're like, oh, hold on. I like and they're like, oh, hey, Mario, how's it going? I'm like, oh, and then we catch up for like five minutes while their friend is on hold on the phone. Same thing. Like, I'm just like, well, I don't want to keep you from your phone call.

I gotta go. See ya. And then I'm just like out the door. That one may not have been, but you know, man. That's a long time to just have someone hanging out on the phone. They really wanted to talk to you real bad. Yeah, I know. And looking back on it at the time, I had no idea. I had no fucking idea. I was so clueless. I couldn't possibly. And maybe looking back, I'm misreading it, but it's like clearly they wanted to talk to me.

and I just just didn't connect the dots at all so yeah that's um that's some cringe sometimes the conversation reaches an end point and then it's time to leave and there's nothing else to think about I think I've blocked some of mine out I've got

like two i can think of off the top of my head but one of them felt really bad because um we had a we had a week when we were like in high school our dog had like a health scare had to go to the vet we didn't know what was wrong we were like oh god hope we don't put her down that kind of thing and uh that same week i had a friend who lost his dog and i was talking to him and he's like hey man hope your dog's okay and i was like yeah you too

Just as like a default response after his dog had died. And like, you know, he laughed it off. But like the moment I said it, it was one of those things where like, I just felt myself like, oh, that's the worst you two I've ever done. Have a safe flight. Thanks, you two. Like, enjoy your meal. Thanks, you two. Fuck, like those happen. But like...

Hope your dog's okay. Yeah, you too, man. After knowing that they buried it the day before or whatever. I hope his burial site's undisturbed, you know? I hope he's doing good in there, you know? That one still gets me, yeah. Thankfully we had a good friendship, so we just laughed it off. But like, man, that was one of those things. Like, that was the most assholey thing I could have said in that moment. Are you sure they were laughing? Sure wasn't.

Maybe some tears in there. I don't really talk to him much anymore, so maybe not. Was it maniacal laughter? Are they the one causing all of your plumbing issues? Yeah, it turns out they were a gnome or leprechaun or something. They're hiding in my walls. A lifelong vendetta against Wade. All the first ones I thought of all seemed to revolve around...

girls like yours did mark. And I think I've told, I definitely told the story of how my buddy and I almost gave a girl a heart attack in the parking lot outside the movie theater. Cause we thought it would be really clever to get some flowers and asks out. Anyway, that story is in another episode. I think I've told this story, but I don't remember. I, did I tell you guys about when I asked a girl to dance in front of the entire marching band? Maybe I,

I'll keep it short in case I've told this before, but this one makes me cringe now just because, well, the result was we went to the dance and I saw the girl for about 30 seconds before she left and never spoke to me again for the rest of my life. I think you have told this story. Yeah, that sounds familiar. But yeah, the band directors, for some reason, let me get up on the megaphone that they used during band practice to like

talk to everyone and I asked a girl to the dance on that in front of 220 whatever people I realized now she basically couldn't say no and it was entirely my fault because I did but that one sticks in my that one sticks with me but

But I have an even cringier thing, I think, that I don't know if I've talked about on the show. That I... My friend, one of my best friends in college, who was... He was in music school. And so we had classes together and we hung out a lot. And we always went to B-dubs, which you and I did quite a lot too, Mark. That's the place I went with my friends, my close friends in college. But he and I would go to B-dubs. He was more focused on the ladies. He was always trying to like chat up some ladies and get some dates and like...

was his kind of his pastime he liked he liked the ladies we would whenever i hung out with him he would just be like oh check her out man she's cute check her out oh look she's so hot whatever and that's really cringy on its own and also if you're doing that in public especially if it's a situation where the person is like your waitress it's creepy because they might hear you or see you looking or leering or gawking or whatever

And so we thought we were really cool. And I, part of me wants to give him full credit for this, but I was there. I definitely helped come up with it. We thought it'd be really cool to come up with codes so that girls didn't know we were talking about them. And it was football related, which is never cringy. And it started with, if you see, if you see a hot girl or if you see whatever, just, we would, one of us would look at the other and just be like,

Hey, let's go Bearcats, which is the school mascot for the college we went to. And it evolved into a whole system. Touchdown was like really hot. Fumble was like really attractive, but terrible personality. There was like first down, second down, third down, which had to do something with like how interested you were in pursuing something.

the girl based on what, whatever interactions there were. I don't even remember all of them, but there were basically any football term. We probably morphed it into some way to be like, ah, first down, let's go bear cats, uh, home run, you know, fumble though. Well, like we had this whole stupid code.

And I hate that that's a thing that I did and actively participated in for several years. But boy, did we. And boy, did those girls see through that code in half of a second. Because we were still, we thought we were so clever, right? But we would still just be like, oh, touchdown. It's like, man, I wonder what that means, right? Like, we were just creepy college dudes who were just like, oh.

Oh, first down. Oh, yeah. And man, that was just an awful thing. But you know what? You do stuff sometimes. I'm going to interject with another cringe I have that I don't think I've told you guys about or anybody. So in the early days of my YouTube, before I lived in L.A., I would fly out and do some...

stuff with other youtubers and stuff like that i had known about ego raptor for a very long time because i was on new crowns a while ago so he came in to the maker studios because he was also part of it i believe and you know it was like some collab thing and so i met him for the first time and i was like hey i'm arc applier also i have to do this and then i just i basically i think back i'm like why the fuck did i do this i like i kneel down in front of him and i go i'm

As loud as I can in this office building. And I go like, utter silence. Like, complete dead silence. And I get up and I'll be like, I've been a fan for you for a very long time. And he goes, oh, alright. And so...

And I think about that sometimes like, Jesus fuck. I'm shocked. He even talked to me afterwards. I'm stunned. I can't believe it. But it's just like, that's the only time I've ever done that ever in my life. But it's just because like, wow, I didn't think I'd actually meet you in person. And then I will never do that again to anybody ever. And I think about that and I cringe. I,

I had a not the same type of thing but in a similar vein we were at a convention and I think I had a panel or something might have been with you guys that we had I had to get to I was walking down the hallway and they were like some fans so I stopped and like took photos and signed some stuff whatever which is nice but I was like kind of in a hurry so I was like hurrying through like hey I gotta run can I like a photo or something but I gotta get to this thing one goes like Wade hey how are

are you and i was like hey how's it going i gotta run you want a photo or something and uh turns out it was you know guys remember cinnamon toast ken it was mary we just had dinner with them like hung out with them and stuff and i didn't recognize her because she was in full cosplay oh well that's okay that's a little and she's like wait hey how's it going it's like hey you want a photo or something and then she's like it's mary and i was like

That's great. Mary who? I know this nursery rhyme. Yeah, little lamb. Yeah, her cosplay was very good, but like it was just one of those things where I was in a hurry. Like I saw her. I was like, okay, hey, but like I did not recognize her at all. And even after she said her name, I was just like, cool. But once it clicked, it was one of those things where I was like, fuck.

You know, like I feel so stupid. I feel like there's a large number of fan interaction type things. I just don't generally deal with very smoothly. That could go on the list of things that make me cringe internally. And if you've ever met me in public, probably I'm sorry because probably I was quite the dick. It does make me cringe. I just don't know how to behave around other people. I don't like people. Okay. I don't like talking to people. Not that kind of person. So careful.

careful be careful around me if you see him in public be careful i told you guys about the movie theater whenever i went to a movie theater with some people and they were talkers which i cannot stand oh i hate that so afterward we're outside and i was accosting them i was like i'm never going to a movie with you guys again i kept trying to tell you stop talking you didn't stop talking like you were ruining the movie for me much less everyone around us i was

a bit more pissed off. And like, literally as I finished like chewing them out, I had a tap on the shoulder. I turned around and there were like three people waiting. They're like, are you waiting to get a photo? Just like, I don't know what I was like dealing with these family members of mine, but I'm sure it wasn't good. And it was just,

I felt so fucking just embarrassed. I don't know. I guess they'd seen me chewing people out for being total assholes during the movie. But man, that was another one that stuck with me. They were probably on your side. One of the worst places I got recognized was in a hospital waiting room. Have I ever told you about this? I don't think so. I don't think so. So it's like, you know, I've been in a hospital and so it's crowded one day and I'm like, oh, my gut. Oh, yeah.

And so I, cause I go in the emergency room and, you know, I tell him like, ah, wow, man, I got poop backed up. And so I go to sit and they're like, you know, they give you the van and then you go sit, we'll call you in. It's, uh, this one guy passed by was like, Hey, are you Markiplier? As soon as I walked by him and I go like, yeah. And he goes like, that's really cool. And I go like, yeah. Okay. So I go sit down. And then when they call me, you know, they say your name really loud. So like Mark Fishback. Yeah.

And then I get up and I hobble up and it was a crowded waiting room. So they only went in because you do the triage and they're like, make sure you're not dying right away. And then they send you back out if you're not in super death mode. And then as soon as I got back out, there was a bunch of people just pointing at me as I'm like, oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

I was wondering if there was going to be like a snuck photo like of me in my chair just like... So I just, yeah, that was a cringe. Nothing I specifically did wrong, but it was a situation that I think about occasionally.

occasionally yeah that's not a good place to be found thankfully this was before um we did content but i think i told you guys this story as well whenever uh i had the tailbone surgery and there was like the cute lady that took me back and i was like well i'm not gonna hit on somebody at work whatever like you had that moment where it's like like she's very attractive i want to talk to her more but like i'm not gonna do it here not when she's like stuck dealing with me and then the doctor called her in to help remove the stitches from my ass and it was like oh

Glad we didn't have any kind of conversation. We never will ever again. Goodbye. You didn't hear her behind you go, wow. I don't think there was much wow to the stitch removal. Your crack is surprisingly clean, especially for such a gross wounded area. Oh, he's packing every night like the doctor told him to.

I played tuba for a long time and I played a lot of gigs with my band and I played a lot of concerts and like as a musician, it's important to be able to take your failures in stride and just keep moving because you're going to play a hilariously wrong note. You're going to fall right in a rest. You're going to do something stupid. Like the goal is to not, but if you play it, if you play enough concerts and stuff like you're, you're going to make some kind of mistake where the entire auditorium hears you fuck up real bad and

and the conductor shoots you a glare and everyone around you is kind of like idiot. And like that happens, but there's one that I've never gotten past. It was a weird gig. It was, I was playing with my funk band that I played with in college and we were playing at like a block party. These people had hired us just to come to their street and play. We just set up in someone's front yard and just played. And they had like some kegs out. They literally like blocked the street, like old school block party. It was very cool. And,

And they literally, they like, there was a keg set up by the band, basically. Maybe not. Maybe we were set up by the keg. Maybe that was strategic. But anyway, there was a lot of drinking and like, it was fun gig and everyone was getting real loose. And at some point, so my role in this band was, I was basically like the rhythm section. I did not play drums.

I did not play like the melody. I was like the equivalent to like a bass guitar or a upright bass who kind of hides in the back of the ensemble. And I was not...

I had played jazz, but I'm not like trained in jazz soloing. I'm not good at it. I understand. I understood it in principle, but I never did it. Right. And we were all getting loose, having a good time. And they called a song and out of nowhere in the middle of the song, there's usually just a Barry sack solo where he just does his own thing and goes completely ape shit crazy. They pointed at Phil and we're like, Phil solo. And then someone up front who was in charge was like,

Go with him. And I literally was like, uh, I don't know. And they're like, go, go, go.

Oh, God, they, like, pushed me up to the front. So I'm standing up in front of the ensemble, and I just could not have musically shit my pants any harder than I did. Like, Phil, the guy who played Barry Sax is still one of the best, like, sax players I know. He's amazing. His solos are always cool. And it turned into a thing where it was like we were trading bars. So he'd play a couple measures, and then it was my turn. And so he would play some just fucking awesome, just...

And then everyone would look at me and I effectively was just like, like, if I could have left after that, I would have literally just walk with my sousaphone on my bike, just leave, walk to my car, get in and drive away in front of everyone. It was just I mean, I was a little drunk. I don't do that. And they thought it'd be funny. They were like, ah, he'll figure it out. Like, he's a pro.

I am not. I think that probably damaged my reputation to all of my bandmates minds permanently after that. But man, I still I can't let it go. It makes everything inside me hurt that I did that. And there were like 20 people who saw it. And I'm still just like, I bet they fucking remember that.

That one time they saw that tuba guy, I think he was too cool and thought he could play a solo like the world. The cool instruments haunts my dreams. It was awful as a as a palate cleanser to that. I recently Amy took me out to this special dinner. She'd been planning it for months, right?

She didn't tell me what it was, but she wanted to tell me super badly the whole time. So we're on the way over months build up and I'm like, oh man, I don't know. Don't tell me though. And we get there. We pull up to this place called Spaghetti Spaghetti. And I'm like, the fuck is going on at this spaghetti place? But we get in there and it's a jazz club also. And so they have a live band there and it's Candy Dolfer.

You guys know Candy Dolfer? What? No. Candy Dolfer. Candy Dolfer. So when I got my car when I came out to LA, it had like, you know, the radio where you type in a keyword and it'll generate like an auto playlist of that. Not of that song. If you're looking for a specific song, you're shit out of luck. But if you want, you know, a genre. So I typed in smooth jazz and up came a song called Smooth.

by Candy Dolpher. And so this was like nine years ago now. And so it then became the tradition that that radio has been in my car ever since. And I hit it every once in a while if I want smooth jazz. It's like, you know, it's smooth jazz. It's good. Best live performance I've fucking seen ever. It's incredible. The audience was like me, Amy, and then everyone else was 60 plus. Shit.

She apparently does a lot of jazz cruises and the demographic for that is it skews older, but everyone, everyone, and some people looked like they were 80. Everyone by the end of that show was on their feet. It was incredible. Just an outstanding, like she's a saxophone player and she's fucking amazing. And then the rest of the band was great too. Uh,

And it was funny because comparatively, there was a trumpet player that came up there towards the end of the show. And I could tell he was a little nervous and hadn't warmed up and he did a little bit of solo. But comparatively, he was a pretty decent trumpet player as a trumpet player myself. But it was night and day compared to this fucking arsehole.

up there able to just do anything improvisationally. You'd never expect it, but it was one of the best live shows I've been to. But what it is like, I remember that trumpet player who messed up a few notes. I remember them very specifically. So if you were hoping people didn't forget about that,

No, I remember that specifically, Bob. They remember. Man, Candy Delphra has some interesting facts about her. Yeah, she's been working forever, apparently. Dutch jazz and pop saxophone player. Two of my favorite facts I've read on the Wikipedia...

her apparently first album in 1990 was called sexuality oh yeah it was and also her father was also a musician uh hans dolfer and in 2001 they made a joint album where they played a bunch of made a bunch of songs together and the album was titled dolfer dolfer just awesome

No, she seems like kind of a legend. She toured with Prince, apparently. She's featured by Van Morrison on a track performed with Alan Parsons. And she's touring right now. Apparently that spaghettini dinner was the kickoff for her tour. So I don't know exactly where she's going to be.

but I highly recommend it was a great time I'm glad it worked out well and that like you enjoyed the performance and you enjoyed her because I thought the story was going in a way where it's like you accidentally found this on the radio and then like

amy just saw that artist was like mark must be a fan they're here i'm gonna get tickets it was actually someone you absolutely despised it's like the whole time you're like this is great no no no oh yeah she's only doing like four u.s shows two in the same place in napa and then one in florida and then off to europe so for those in europe you are in luck anyway

More cringe. Any more cringe? Secondhand cringe? Okay. Sure. This was a combination of like the Karen and cringe all in one. Molly used to work like at a retail store and they had like a returns department. And I remember one day walking through there. I went to see her and then I was like walking around and there was someone that was very upset. It was very upset. The returns department.

And she was waiting. There was a long line. I think it was like post-holiday or something. She said something. She finally got it up to her turn. She said something like, fuck, what did she say? Like, if you use both hands, this would go a lot faster. And the person working with turns held up their arm and their hand was just in a full fucking cast. And the lady went from being an asshole to kind of like,

And then just like puffed for a minute. Didn't apologize because she's like, well, I have to hold my ground. But it was very obvious that like she'd felt like you could tell it hit her like a fucking ton of bricks. And I was like, I wonder if she's going to say like, well, if your hands broken, you shouldn't be at work. I thought maybe she'd go further off or apologize. But it was neither. It was just kind of like huffing silence of like, I've been bested, but I'm an asshole and I will not admit defeat.

And I was just like, ooh, man, that's... Even for an asshole, you hate to... Ooh, ooh, hate to see that. I don't know why that one stuck out, but man, just the huffing. What do you see someone go through a moment like that where they realize, ugh,

Oh, I hate that feeling. I can't watch movies that have cringe. I can't stand that feeling. I love the specific context you're talking about, though, where someone is an asshole and then it it absolutely like washes back in their face. I actually really love that. In general, I can't stand cringy, but I don't find that cringy. I find that very like satisfying. It's even better if they could just like swallow their pride and be like, ah, shit, sorry. But when they don't, God,

It just hits so good. I can imagine her standing there just huffing, like looking for someone to be an ally that she could talk shit to. And everyone around her is kind of just like, no, you're the awful one, lady. Please leave. I'm glad she got her just dessert. But there's still like a little of that icky feeling. I can't stand the icky feeling. Let it happen to her. Not somebody else in line, but like, man.

Someone else wouldn't have done that. That's true. That's also true. I don't know if this counts. Tell me if this counts. I don't like talking about what I do. Like one of the standard small talk questions is people. Oh, what do you do? What do you what's your job? What do you do for a living? Whatever. And I don't mind talking about it, but I always try and downplay it. Like I'm not just like, oh, I'm on hit podcast. Distractible. Have you heard of it?

I was like, you know, I do YouTube and do a podcast and like it's going well. It's fine. When it comes up with family, it always makes me cringe. And it's not that like it's my family is really chill. It's not that like they're like, oh, get a real job. I like that.

We're doing fine. I'm doing fine. My family is good and we're supported and it's good. It's the content of it. Cause when it's family, they're always like, Oh, what are you, what are you doing these? Are you still doing YouTube? It's like, Oh, well I started doing this podcast and they're like, Oh, what's it called? I want to go listen to it. We should put it on the whole, the whole house right now. So that next step where they're like, what episode do you recommend? And I'm like, Oh grandma. Wow. Wow.

I don't know if you'd really care for it. It's not that it's a bad podcast. It's not great, but like, I feel like it always comes to, and it happens to like my parents will, or, you know, many of his parents will like introduce us or, Oh, this happened at our anniversary party. Specifically, many of his dad or parents had invited friends to the anniversary party. We had, they are teachers. It's a lot of their friends are teachers. And he was like, these two guys, you know, them, they're teachers. They're coming to the party. They're, they're trying to start their own podcast.

Can you talk to them about like, what do you need to do for a podcast? And I was like, I can already see where this is going, but I can't really say no. So sure. And they're like, yeah, we want to do a podcast about like, you know, teaching and positive stuff and like children appropriate, but also parents will find it useful. Can you help us? And I was like,

A good rule would be not to swear so much. You should do that. And you're going to want a microphones. Oh, like, man, am I not the one to ask that sort of question, too? I mean, I'm proud of this show. And honestly, it's really cool. And when I'm talking to, like, friends, yeah, listen to it. You might like it. I don't know. But it's specifically like family and friends and family. It's always just like.

Yeah, the family that still thinks you don't curse like 50 years later. And then they're like, I listened to that episode where you guys talked about sex a lot. I was like, oh, which one? We tried to listen to this week's episode and we got to the part about Sonic jizzing on his own quills through space time portals. And we were like, ah!

Maybe this one's not for us. All right. Sorry, Grandma. Try again next week, I guess. We'll try and chill out a little. That's why it's kind of nice sometimes that the default order on some places is most recent. You don't need to start with number one if you don't want to. You really don't, everybody.

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All right. Any last minute cringe? I don't think so. Just other stories I've already talked about. Hugging the teacher whenever she was going to go hug the person behind me. What? I think I told that one. I went to, I was talking to my history teacher and I was talking about the project that I brought up. It's like really cool display and I was going to go pick it up and she and I were talking and then like I went to, I was going to go leave and she just like opens her arms for a hug and I was like, all right, I guess. And I hugged her and she looked at me weird and it turned out she had like a family member walking in the room behind me, but I had no idea. Yeah.

She walked past me with the hug then I was like, and I just left. Wait, how old are you? How old are you? Oh dude, this was ninth or 10th grade. Oh, so it was way less. You were like eight, I can understand that. I wasn't young, no man. So you're not only hugging her, you're way taller at this point. I was six foot two or three or four and I was a fully grown man. Ha ha ha.

And she's like a five foot teacher. So I was like, this is weird, but I guess if you want a hug and I leaned down, gave her a hug and she looked at me like, the fuck did you do that for? It was awful. That's really funny. I haven't heard that one. I swear I told that story here before, but God, I hated it. I don't remember hearing it. I'll count it. That's the first one I always think of. I just didn't tell it because I thought I already had, but

When I think of cringe, it's always that moment. Cause she and her, whoever it was, sister, aunt, whatever. They both looked at me like the fuck. And I was like, man, I'm just gonna go now. Then you strutted out that door, elbows high. It was awkward. Like go to say something. Can't think of what to say. Can't apologize. So I just look, stutter step, looked again, and then just fucking beelined it out of there. That's, that's really great.

Oh, God, I hate thinking about that moment. It's like the high five thing. What high five thing? When people like go to high five or wave at somebody and you walk up and either wave at them or high five them. And it's like it's meant for the person behind you. I see. It's not something you did just in general. Yeah, no, but that's worse. Yeah, the hugging is that's worse. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, why is my teacher want to hug me? This is weird, but like, OK, I'll do it. You hug her and then like, why did you want to hug me?

I was like, I didn't think we were that close, but it's been a hard year. I guess. You whisper here. It's been a real hard year. I put a lot into this project. Thank you.

Oh, I hate it. Oh, man. No, this news to me is great. That's all the cringe we got. I do have one more thing to talk about, but Bob, I'll give you one last chance. OK, I don't think I've told this story before. I've been very lucky. My parents love traveling. And so my brother and I and my parents traveled quite a bit, like when I was in sort of like middle school, high school age.

And one of the things that I got to go on was we went to Italy one time and we, while in Italy, we went on like a planned trip where it was like, you buy a ticket, you meet at a place, you get on a bus, they take you somewhere. And what it was, it was like a wine tasting thing.

And I was like a junior in high school or something like I was old enough where in Europe it was totally normal for me to like go and have a drink with my family. And it was not a big deal. And so we went and it was pretty fun. I don't care for wine, but like it was wine tasting. But there was also like cool cheeses and, you know, Italian cheese.

stuff and we got to see how they made olive oil and we saw some of the vines and the olive trees. It was very cool. And then we all, we did this. It was a big tour group and we got back on the bus afterwards. You were not supposed to have taken anything with you. You were supposed to have left it all there and like have your fill and then we'll get on the bus and head back. And there was another American teenager on the bus and

he had as everyone was filtering over to the bus gone to the table where all the like scraps were taking a wine bottle and then dump the remnants of every other wine bottle he could get his hands on into this one bottle because he was getting lit he was here to party and

If you're an American and you've traveled abroad, you've probably experienced this. But in general, it's kind of a stereotype and it's generally true. Other people kind of hate Americans as tourists. Like Europeans broadly think Americans are annoying and obnoxious because we're kind of loud. Europeans are comparatively pretty low key, pro-American.

Pretty like quiet and very mindful, very demure. But like my family is pretty chill and pretty low key. So we didn't really stick out. We hadn't really had any problems, but we were sitting right next to the family. This other dude was from who we got on the bus and he was already drunk and he was like chugging this bottle of mixed wine remnants of

in the back of the bus. He's like yelling. He's flirting with any woman who appears to be under the age of 40. I'm literally sitting across dial from him right next to him. And I swear to God, the whole bus lumped us all together because he was just the most stereotypically like obnoxious American douchebag.

He was like hitting on women and they were like, I would like to not talk to you anymore. Please don't talk to me. And he was like, ah, come on, babe. Don't be like that. Like that kind of shit where it's like, and I, that whole bus ride was just one epic cringe. Not for anything I did. I just sat there and like every once in a while would be like, Hey dude, why don't you just sit down and like,

Not be like that. But I never have. I felt more like I was out of place as an American. And that whole experience, like I get why other cultures might find some Americans annoying. That was not great. And I don't think he was annoying because he's an American necessarily. He's just kind of an asshole.

That memory is very cringy for me. Very secondhand cringy. And mostly I felt bad for all the women on the bus. Literally anyone who wasn't apparently like obviously a grandmother. He was just hitting on women twice his age, women sitting with their husbands. He didn't give a shit. He was like so drunk. I don't know where that dude ended up because I don't know who he is, but I hope it got better. Bus boy. Terrible.

Sound very engaged. What did you say? I wasn't listening the entire time. All right. No, no, no. I got being lumped in with people like that and having nothing you can do. That sucks. Like just knowing that people are associating you and it's like, I don't know him. Like, what are you going to do? Wear a shirt whenever I'm on vacation. It's like, oh, look, I'm American, but I'm not with them. OK, I'm the good kind of American.

Did you say that loudly? Did you scream it? I would never. I'm the good kind of American. I'm too quiet. You hug someone, whisper in their ear, I'm the good American. Don't worry. And they'd be like, you

You can't be the good American. You're too fat. I'd be like, no, you're right. Give me some more pizza. Okay. I'm going to call it there because for this episode, I want to award some bonus points like Mario party style, because there's a few categories that I was thinking of while I wasn't listening to whatever Bob said. Don't worry. I gave you a point for it. I,

don't know if i believe you oh i feel a little cringe right now no no don't feel cringe okay so i have a few categories here but we'll go through them one at a time i want you guys to decide which one of these cringe moments was the most cringy i want to give a bonus point for the most cringy moment of these so far do you need a recap of the cringe oh i thought maybe you had narrowed down to the ones i have one that i would pick but i i kind of want to also get your input in on this

I like the teacher hug. I know that's one of the more recent ones. Definitely competes for cringiest moment. That's my least favorite one. That made me cringe the most. And that was like what got me started on like, oh, there should be bonus points here because some of these are like, oof, living it. That's the worst one I've lived. Yeah, it's pretty bad. That's I think that beats most of my cringe in my life that I'll publicly admit to. I'm shocked you talked about it.

So you get a bonus point for that. Plus one. Worth it. Most recent cringe. Which one of these took place most recently? Because you've got, I need to find out when these were. Because you got the ass nurse, but that was a while ago. The one with Mary would have been the most recent one for me. Okay, that would have been what? Eight, nine. 2015, 2016, eight or nine years ago. No.

eight years ago. Okay. Musically shit my pants, Bob, whenever that was. That would have been 10 or 11 years ago. So that was a while ago. And then you got the, the let's play it in the whole house family moment. Those are recent. That would have been recent. I've definitely had those in the last couple of years. Well, it's specifically, I told a story about the anniversary party people that was in June of this year. That's going to be tough to beat.

I think you're only competing with yourself for most recent, Bob. I think either way, you've got it. All right. Let's give that to Bob. Well, let's see how many points I can earn. Let's keep going. Earliest cringe. Which one of these cringes took place earliest in life? Wade, you don't have to answer that.

have too many that are like early. I thought Hug My Teacher was going to be pretty early, but that... Nope, that was high school. But also, Bob, I don't think you have too many early ones. No, mine are all focused around like high school, college mostly. So I want to know which one of these is actually the earliest. Because you got the footballed,

date declaration uh or no band date declaration that was like middle of high school i will say mine was probably 2004 early 2004 mine was probably more like fall of 2005 when i stood up and talked and asked the girl out of the dance on the in front of everybody

So that means hugged my teacher might have been also the earliest. Man, I'm so glad that we keep bringing that one up and just it keeps winning awards. That's that's just such a good one. It's a strong candidate. Dude, I get the heebie jeebies. I want to throw up every time I think about that moment. All right. Well, we've there's one more category that might also impact.

I don't know if this was though, because I want to know which one of these cringe moments had the biggest impact on your life trajectory. Because there's some cringe in my life that I've experienced that I'm like, I will never ever do that again. I never want to experience that. I'm going to change the person who I am. I'm not saying these are that, but I want to know which one of these had the biggest impact.

on your life and where it is today. That's a, that's a toss up for me. I think. Was it musically shit? My pants musically shit. My pants is one of the two that that one had a big impact on how I felt about my skills and how I saw myself. But I think the one that might add a bigger impact on like changing who I am long-term was the, the code language for talking about girls. That's a thing I look back on a lot and I'm like, don't be that guy. Yeah.

you've done that don't be like i'll have thoughts and i compare them directly to that where i'm like am i being an asshole and luckily i think i have changed a lot and i'm not like that anymore but like it's a big yardstick for me long term of like i compare a lot of stuff to that and a lot of decisions i've made were were compared to that before i committed to things i don't know that occasionally looking behind me to make sure someone's actually talking to me is as big of an impact as

You never hugged a teacher again. You had a philosophy teacher in college who begged you to hug them because you were just the best student he had ever had. Please, one hug would save my life. No, not done it. I did it once. CPR is basically an open-faced hug. I refuse.

All right. So we're giving it to football misogyny. Football misogyny. That's a good way to summarize that one. Yes. All right. And that's the only categories I got, unless you guys can think of another for bonus points. Usually Mario Party doesn't have that many. I think those were good categories. Okay. So this is going to be tough to tabulate because now the scoring has become very complex. So do not look into who is I'm reading first because I have no idea what the points are.

Yes. Bob, you have one for what's the deal with copiers? All right. I'll do it. We'll do it round Robin style. No. You got one for that. Wade, you got how much lore? None. And for the Warhammer, Bob, you mentioned you were reading Horus Heresy. So you got a point for that. Wade, I didn't think of you coming back from that and made me laugh. Fuck you, man. I try to be nice. Bobby got a point for Arnar, Marnarch. Very funny. Yeah.

Wade, you got the U2 cringe for the dead dog. Oh, God, I forgot about that one again. Bob, I gave you half a point for the band-aid because you had told that before. Okay. But I still wanted to give you something. Wade, you have a super awkward Mary.

which I believe her username is SuperMaryFace. Yeah, thanks, man. We don't have to go through the points, actually. Can we just count them? All right, Bob, you got football misogyny with the bonus point. Wade, you got recognized in a movie for screaming at people.

I can't remember. You said probably I'm sorry is what I wrote down, Bob. What was that for? That wasn't the being an American tourist one, was it? No, no. This was earlier. Well, you got a point for it, so I'm not going to discount it. Yeah, count it. Keep the point on there. That counts. Wade, you got the ass nurse point. Yeah.

Musically shit my pants, Bob. You got another point for that. Cringe Karen, Wade. You got a point for that. Let's play it in the whole house. You got that plus a bonus point for most recent. And then Wade hugged my teacher, got you one point plus another point plus another point. And then the story that I definitely listened to, Bob got the bus boy point, which damn by one half point. Ha!

You eked it. This is the most meticulous scorekeeping I think I've ever told, I've ever taken. But I don't know what probably I'm sorry was for. What was that for? I really can't remember what that was. Wait, do you want to protest that? I have no idea. If you guys don't remember, the chance of me remembering is about Zilch. In the scoring, what did that come between? That was between football misogyny and musically shit my pants.

It must have been a quip to like either a story I told or you told or... Yeah, I don't think that was its own story. I think that must have been something I chimed in on. What was that paired up with on Wade's side? I think it would have been movie cringe or ass nurse. Something like that. I can't remember. I apologize if that's a weak point there, but I wrote it down. So I want to count it. No, it's fair if you wrote. I mean, listen, we all have our point keeping and we don't always remember what the hell they are. So I can't even argue it because I do it. So...

All right. So, Bob, with half a point and my bias towards Bob apparently continues to this day, even though the cringiest thing here definitely was Wade's hugging his teacher. I think we'll all take away from that in this episode. That moment, it got three points. It's the highest scoring cringe of the day. And yet Bob still squeaked it with a story he already told. It's about...

Quantity, not quality. That's what I like to say. Yeah, it sure is. It sure is. So, Bob, hold on. Wade, winterspeed. Losers. Losers.

I don't know that there is a winner today. I know Bob won with points, but I feel like, I don't know, I can't stand cringe. I can't stand good cringe, bad cringe, deserved cringe. I avoid it like the plague. I fast forward or mute things sometimes when I feel like it's about to be cringe. I walk out of the room. I can't handle it. I'm glad I didn't win this episode. I hate cringe. If you enjoy cringe, you make me cringe, and I probably hate you. Wow, that's bold. Okay, mean, but fair, I guess. All right, Bob.

Probably. Sorry. Wade has a point. I don't know if there are any winners in today's episode. I don't like cringe either. I don't care for it. It makes me cringe and I don't enjoy that. And if you do, I'm with Wade. But there is one thing that I think does make me a winner and make Wade a loser. And that's it. At least I didn't hug my teacher. All

It was just her eye in the room. It was just the two of us. She opened her arms! Uh-huh. I'll always have that going for me. I think we all remember. Didn't know her fucking sister could roll a 20 on a fucking stealth check.

So yeah, anyway, I win because that happened. Yeah, I suppose that's only fair. All right. Well, thank you, everybody, for cringing in this episode. If you dare post your cringiest moments on the subreddit, reddit.com slash r slash distractible. Also, apparently this is way late by the time you...

hear this but edge of sleep is out now apparently so there you go have watched it yes have you better have by the time you hear this so yeah check out Bob Mice Grim Wade Lord Minion 777 distractible store dot com is our merch it'll change soon the address of the merch it'll change thank you I've been Mark Blair cringe cast out