Florida or No Florida?
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This episode... Bearded Bob bashes balls with batons and gets a chance to guess geographical genesis. Mid-faced Mark has a pumping and release issue. Misjudges Columbia, but not the harmless. Wengie Wade has another hard one with Hanabi. Disbelieves a drunk dudette and dunks on Kentucky. From ocular accoutrements to Amazon firefights. Yes! It's time for...

Hello and welcome to yet another episode of the podcast that just won't end. This is Distractible. I am your host, because I won the last episode. My name is Bob and I am joined by my two competitors for today's show, Mark and Wade. Hi. Hello. Hello.

All right. I was going to let them get it. Usually you guys have a lot. You jump in and you've got that. That's fine. That's fine. I never know which way it's going to go. And I just, I don't know. I like to keep you guessing because I don't know either. You think I plan this? I didn't. Did you guys plan to wear glasses today and leave me out of it? My

My perfect vision. I wear glasses 100% of the time. You wore nothing once. In one recording session for, I think, two episodes, I wore contacts, and then I realized I look really goofy without glasses on my face, so I'm just going to stick to glasses. My glasses disguise the misproportions of my midface and top face. Look at this midface. You think I hide this? I accentuate it by framing it. I can't stand how crunched my midface is and how huge my...

top is it top face high face not a forehead or anything no it's there's terms they have terms for these things you see how I actually thin my long face to elongate it to get the long I just want to be that drawing that critical commissioned I have no way to hide anything there's no hair to cover anything you could rock a hat

that'd be so uncomfortable these headphones they make like silk lined hats it'd be feel feel really good on your head skin and that's probably true probably would feel good but i'm wearing glasses because i always wear glasses when no one's looking at me but also uh took out my contacts last night and boy oh boy my left eye was just watering for about an hour and a half and i was like something's not right i might have like a slight corneal abrasion or something going on so i was like maybe maybe today i just give it a break probably not a

bad idea anyway if you've never seen this show i'm gonna judge them and one of them's gonna win and they're gonna host the next one usually i say that before we get into small talk but i forgot to say that today okay it doesn't matter because i just make up the points and it's all bullshit wait what small talk you guys got small talk i got small talk but you can go first i have several talks that are small you can even medium talk is allowed what's good what kind of talk how much talk what talk where talk who talk you talk mark talk me talk i'll talk all right i'll go oh

I had a leak. So one of my I have two radiator pump, like all in one things to have an external cooling for servers necessary because you can't cram it inside. And one of the pumps failed. It was still the fans were still going. So it was still cooling, but the pump inside wasn't pumping. So what this did is it created kind of a backlog of

pressure as the other one, which was earlier in the loop, was pushing into this other one that had... Oh, they're in series. Yeah, so they're in series. I tried parallel. It wasn't working because for some reason, if I thought about it a little more, it's just like they wanted to push into each other as opposed to into the loop of the whole system because there's more resistance from all the different ports of the system versus...

each other, even with them pushing against it. Anyway, so a parallel works or a series works and one of the pumps failed and then it was like the pressure built up and I have a pressure release valve. Right.

Right. It's supposed to be for air to get out if if it gets too much. But also water can get out of there if the pressure is high enough and it was high enough. And so I I walked in this morning and it was just like water was all over this thing. The whole unit was dead. I don't know if it died from the leak first or if something busted inside it, but it was just like water was everywhere. Thankfully, my pump radiators are outside of the server room, so I have been venting out of the

the server room. And I did that literally just two days ago where they were before they failed, where they were before they failed was sitting on top of all the servers in the rack.

Where it would have literally rained down the front and back and gone right in all the power cords and everything. So could not have been in a better position before. And I changed it all up because I looked at it. I was just like, man, this is cable hell. I got to fix this. I'm never going to be up a grade. Little did I know I saved my entire server.

So you didn't even move it because you were like, oh, what if it leaks? Oh, I should relocate. You were just like, oh, I got to fix that. We would be having such a different conversation today. I would be the saddest you've ever seen me in my life. I would be just a broken shell. That is serendipitous. Good decision, Mark.

I have an announcement, a distractible announcement to make. Whoa! Yeah! Little ways back, we were sitting here talking, and I brought up to you all a game called Anabi. And I was like, man, I'm having a real hard time finding these tiles. And boy, oh boy, did I get a lot of people reaching out like, a toy store, a local toy store here in Cincinnati came across my purview, if you will. No, but go on.

I'm forgetting the name of it. I think it's called Westchester Toys. And I went over there and they had three Hanabi tile sets just in stock, apparently not in demand. Whereas all around the world, it's like next to impossible to find. It won't stay on eBay or Amazon or anywhere else and not find it. This toy store, just for whatever reason, they're just sitting on a cache of tiles.

So I buy one and I talk to the guy and I'm like, oh man, I've been looking for this. I'm so excited. I've been looking for this for months. He's like, yeah, man, it's a great game. Love it. I've got one at home. Get home, open it up, show Molly. I'm like, oh my God, we got it. Open it up. We start playing the game. I'm looking at her set, right? And for those that know what I'm about to describe, you know, if you don't know, the game works is you tell each other through two different kinds of clues.

what tiles they have so they know what to play. It's cooperative, but you don't know what you have, and you have to be told or tell them. So I'm trying to tell Molly she's got this blue 4 and this blue 5. There's only one blue 5 in the whole game. So if she accidentally plays that at the wrong time, it's gone forever and we can't win. And right as I'm getting ready to tell her she has this blue 5, she plays a clue and she's like, Wade, you have a blue 5. I knew I had a 5. She's like, it's blue. And I was like, I gotta take Molly to the eye doctor because, like...

She doesn't know blue. She doesn't know her numbers. Oh, my God. Like, I'm looking at a blue five. There's only one blue five. So my poor wife, I think she's losing her color sight. She's getting colorblind. So I gotta go help her out. Is that the announcement? We're getting there. So big reveal happens and come to find out there are two blue fives. There are four blue fours, four blue threes, four blue two, six blue ones. That's too many. That's...

twice as many as there should be. And then I'm looking around. I'm like, man, this is weird. None of the green tiles got played. How did we just happen to skip all the green tiles? Flip all of them over. There are no green tiles in this set. We got a misprint with double blues, no greens. That's kind of cool. And I've been looking for this for forever.

Oh, wait, not cool. I see. And it's like, damn, this isn't even like a cool collector misprint, like a shadowless Charizard or something, because literally you could just buy two sets and swap out the colors in one and be like. But it's cool because it happened like that. I think that is cool. You have a unique Hanabi set that's completely useless. I do.

So I had to go back and buy a second Hanabi set, which I did do. Opened it in the store and saw that this one, in fact, had the green tiles. So now I've got a complete set, an incomplete set. I got some acrylic spray and I sprayed the tiles to protect them and stuff. Though I actually got matte instead of shiny. So now I've got a really dull looking set of Hanabi tiles. No, matte's better. Matte's always better. Yeah, I've got two sets of Hanabi tiles now and I'm really excited. Molly and I played. We got...

I wonder if I can show the picture. We got a perfect game, which was really cool. Not with the bonus set, because there's technically a six that you can play with. But look at all those tiles with colors. Well, this is the one without the green. We ended up using the bonus rainbow set instead of the green. But we got a perfect game. That was shortly after Molly's surgery. So she's like, do not put my face in there. Anyway, Hanabi acquired. Thank you, Internet. You know what you need?

Somewhere in the world, there's a double green Hanabi deluxe box. If you can find that, then you'll have bought three sets and have three sets. And then our sets can mate and make baby sets and we can sell them for profit. You could breed Hanabi for others. I know this is less exciting because like in the context of not being lenses, you don't care, but this is my lenses. No, I was just about to say, I now know what it's like when I'm yapping about Hanabi.

Something you guys don't care about, because holy shit, I don't care about Unobi. Welcome to two years of you and lenses. Sims minus minus above my head, minus minus. No, I'm just kidding. Servers and lenses, man. You've got a lot of making up to do to get your social up. No, no. See, the things I...

The things I like are actually cool, so I think that makes it very clear. Well, I have small talk that both of you won't like.

Well, hang on. You don't know yet. Maybe one of you will like it. I don't actually know for a fact you will like it. I just assume. Well, I talked to you guys about the fact that I golf now. Oh, no. Sorry. I'm already tuning out. Look, listen. I'm not saying that you should watch golf on TV. I'm crying. I'm mourning the loss of my good friend, Bob. No, I listen. Look, have you ever golfed? You should golf. It's hard. It's hard.

It's so hard, but in a fun way? I've top golfed. I haven't golfed. The top golf counts. You know what's funny is, so I bought a set of clubs, and I have played one round on one nine-hole par three court, which is like a baby course, which is like the babiest baby course there is. Didn't keep score because...

I suck. But top golf is like they had the they track the balls, whatever you go. You guys both know top golf. The range that I go to to practice, that's like a more serious driving range. We were with you at a top golf. We've seen you hit the back net. Well, now I can do it slightly more consistently. Anyway, the range I go to, that's like a more serious golf place. Like they use the exact same shit. It's called the top tracer technology.

It's just Topgolf. It's like a totally serious driving range, but also it's just Topgolf. You can do all the same shit, basically, which I find really, really funny. That's pretty cool. But golf, guys, we have to go golfing. It's surprisingly fun. On an actual range? I mean, Topgolf is fun. I've gone to Topgolf a couple times to hit balls because it still counts. It's still practice. I would go to Topgolf anytime just because that is fun. You get food and you can sit around and, you know, you know.

It's nice. If you go to a golf course, you get to drive golf carts around, which is fun and way more fun than it sounds. The place I went had hills. I swear to God, it was as steep as that hill in LA that you've taken us down. It felt like we were on a fucking roller coaster, but also a lot of the hills were down into ravines over creeks, and the bridge is about two inches wider than the wheels of the golf cart. So you're fucking screaming down a hill just like, woo!

Onto a bridge that's exactly the width you need it to be. And it's very exciting. Are you supposed to do that? Or is that just something you can do in a golf cart? You're not supposed to go as fast as you can, but there's no rule that says you're not allowed to go as fast as you can. I think Wade cursed me with my eye because it's just something. I'm telling you, man. Left eye. Cordial abrasion. No, I like Hanabi. I like Hanabi. Ah.

Anyway, I like golf now. It's fun. We should do Topgolf. But I just want to say the first hole I ever played on a real golf course was a very short par three. The first swing I took, I just fucking rifled a ball 100 yards to my left into the woods. Didn't even think about looking for it. I took the swing and it was like, what?

I'll get another ball. Okay. But then on that exact same hole, I take my next shot. I take another one and I'm just short, like just off the green, like about almost where you can put it. I chip in from off the green using a pitch.

pitching wedge from like 30 yards away. It rolls down the green into the cup. Fucking best golf shot I'm ever going to hit in my entire life. I feel like that epitomizes golf entirely for me. Started off with just the worst thing I could have done. Finished it with an unbelievably talented shot that I had no reason to make. And the rest of the day was very much like that. I think I lost four balls total over nine holes. Somehow I can hit a ball during like putt putt.

But whenever I'm actually trying to swing, like I'm trying to drive it, it's like that ball is covered in grease and the club is changing length because I never know where I'm going to hit, what I'm going to hit, if I'm going to hit. Technique? I don't have that down. I don't have to go on about this, but I golf now. So get ready for that. I'm learning a lot and I'm going to talk about it. I will go to Topgolf with you. Absolutely. Cool.

Hanabi? I'll play Hanabi at the Topgolf. I mean, I'll play Hanabi, but I want to do golf also. And we won't care about lenses, Mark. I'm sorry. We should record an episode of Distractible where we play Hanabi and go to Topgolf. Filmed on a Minolta lens. Oh, we'll rock it to the top.

straight to the top. Like two people have been like, can you do some content on Hanabi? I'd love to see it. And I'm like, man, you're the only person who would watch. If I had the willpower to move my camera to do that, I would do it. I yearn for settlers of Catan. You even own other cameras. You don't even have to move your camera. You literally own another camera that I know exists that would be perfect for that.

That really nice one that Mark got. Yeah, it's just it's sitting in a perfect spot to film an obby. Yeah, the DJI Osmo Pocket 3 that comes. It's built in with a perfect tripod that would be literally so convenient. And it has a microphone. It's a it's like made for that exact purpose. I've got the exact amount of microphones. I need to record it right now. Can't be bothered. No, that's about right. Go.

Good small talk, everybody. Especially me. I love golf. I gave myself five points for golf. You guys better catch up. This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Well, you know, Rocket Money will also send you an alert if, like, one of your bills increases in price. Yeah, we started up this own website called Lonely Fans. Just me there. This is... Look.

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Anyway, today's episode, I do have an idea, and I even did research. Today's episode is called Florida or No Florida.

Florida or no Florida. I have in front of me a series of websites and lists that I have compiled using internet research of Florida man stories. But some of them take place outside of Florida. A lot of them do take place in Florida. Less than half, I'll be honest, less than half, but a good chunk of them, like 40% of them, take place in other places. And the entire game is, we're going to talk about funny Florida man stories, and

And you guys have to guess Florida or no Florida. So is it possible that these people have been to Florida, caught Florida, left, and then done something? I will say I'm conflicted, but I've made a decision. One of them is a story about a person who is from Florida, but takes place in like Massachusetts. And I'm qualifying, I'm classifying that as no Florida.

Wow. Because it's about the location specifically. Because you can take the man out of Florida, but you can't take the Florida out of the man. So that's interesting. I know. I know. Well, look, I've got to be honest. It was not as easy to find Florida man stories that weren't just in Florida as I thought it would be. Turns out most of the crazy shit.

happens in Florida. It's basically a pandemic down there, but I think it is starting to spread a little bit. I don't think they really cared that much about the pandemic. I think they pretty much just kept drinking. Well, different kind. The Florida man pandemic. Florida mandemic. I said it, but you get the points.

It's like Sharknado, but Florida Man. Florado. Florado. I hate that for reasons that I can't quite describe. What's wrong with Florado? It's like a drink, a tornado, Florida Man all in one. It's what plants crave.

Floroade. No, you lose a point for Floroade. I dodged that one. I weaved right in there, weaved right out for the point loss. Mark Inception, the shit out of you on that one. I choose to give my lost point to Mark. No, I give it back to you just to spite you. All right, first story. A couple, whether it's a man or a woman, the woman got pregnant.

And as is common, they decided to throw a gender reveal party. And they decided on a budget, here's how we're going to do the gender reveal. We're going to go to our local park, catch a few pigeons. They don't really run away. They just hang out and you can just grab them with your hands. We're going to paint them pink.

because it's a girl. And then we're just going to go back to that park and dump those pigeons right back where we caught them. No harm, no foul. Pigeons back home. Everybody happy. You may be seeing in your head the flaw in this plan that the day after the party,

People at the park called authorities because there were a handful of bright pink pigeons hanging around in a place where they're usually just normal pigeons. Were they still alive? They were apparently fine. I guess pigeons are not susceptible to spray paint. I don't know, poisoning. Well, if you hit it with lead-based paint, they cancel out the negative. Right.

The lead-based paint cancels out the lead in the water. Everybody's fine. Anyway, this man and this woman who had such a beautiful gender reveal, I can only imagine. What really I don't understand is if the point was to release the pink pigeons, to be like, it's a girl. Why'd they still have them? They brought them back to the park.

The pigeons didn't go anywhere. Oh, yeah, wait. Did the pigeons not fly away? Or did they just, like, have them in a cage and be like, look, they're pink! I think they had a string on each foot and they held them up like a balloon and they were like... Get one for each party-goer. Everybody grab your pigeons!

No, don't inflate them. No. Yeah, I'm trying to figure out what the point of painting them pink even was if they were just going to like. Because it was a girl, Wade. But what did they do with the pigeons? He said what they did with the pigeons. You've seen gender reveal parties, right? It's like there's like a firework and the guy's like, light the fireworks.

And it blows up and it's blue. And that means it's a boy. And also it lights a wildfire in California. That was a California story. Yeah, they just keep them in a cage. They just be like, look, pink pigeons. Like, yeah, what did they? I don't know.

It's unclear. The story, the news story says that allegedly they dropped those pigeons back off at the park where they captured them. What did they do with them in the meantime? They were pink. I don't know. But in what context? Was it like they started eating a cake and pink pigeons came out of the cake like strippers? The police were like, we don't need to know that to know what they did to these pigeons. Yeah, I feel like this isn't the important details to realize about this story. If you think about it in context, they caught these pigeons.

With their bare hands at a public park. The pigeons, I guess, aren't that worried about it. They didn't go, they didn't fly away when humans came lunging at them to grab them. Once they were pink, they were like, ah, there's bread here. If this is Florida and they're Florida man pigeons, they're like, dude, we've seen worse than this. Getting painted pink.

day that ends in y wade's doing some sleuthing on this one i'm saying it's not florida because it's the plan was perfectly executed it was completed at whatever the hell they did usually florida man stories end in and then obviously it was a horrible disaster dozens are dead

That's true. Well, the pigeons could still end up dead from where we were at the end of the Bob's tale. Everything dies. Memento mori, am I right?

And these pigeons, they let people catch them. They're chill. Like I said, they've seen some shit. These are Florida pigeons. This is a Florida man story. All right. We locked those answers in. Mark says no Florida. Wade says Florida. Oh, it's Florida. The correct answer is, of course, those were Florida pigeons. What the fuck? Thank you. The hell kind of pigeon? Thank you. All right. You're right, Wade. Pink pigeons come from Florida. I just surprised nobody thought they were flamingos that escaped from the zoo and ended up in that park.

that park. There's some really short-legged flamingos in the park. They're called babies. We found some pygmy pamingos. Pamingos? Oh boy. It's a new species. All right. Great episode, Bob. That's not even the funniest one. This one is one of my favorites. It's just the headline even. The story is not even that good. Headline reads, woman on motorized suitcase leads police on dramatic chase through airport.

Apparently the story is there was a woman who had a flight and was at the airport early and decided to go hit the bar and have a few drinks. Quite a few drinks, it seems like.

And then tried to get on her flight. And she was so drunk that the gate attendant was like, you can't fly like this. You're being a problem. All right, we're not gonna let you on the flight. And this caused the woman to become quite upset. She was like being belligerent towards the flight attendant gate attendant people. They called the police who were in the airport. Police showed up hilariously on a bicycle. And when the police got there, the woman hopped.

on her electric motorized suitcase and gunned it, which for some reason made the police officer get on his bicycle and chase her slowly through the airport. And there was a call over the radio of the bike cop, and he literally was like, Yeah, we're about to have pursuit through Terminal C. Woman on a black suitcase, bike in pursuit. And so that happened.

There are motorized suitcases? Yeah, that's the thing that jumped out to me the most. I want that. It's like an electric scooter, but it's built into the suitcase, so you sit on top of the suitcase and a little handlebar pulls up, and then you just like, whee! I have been doing airports all wrong all these years. I mean, it's very new. This is like in the last couple years I've started to see these. It's very new. Since the Segway, I think that all forms of motorized transport are...

valid considering I've tried a few oddball ones. I don't know if I can get behind the suitcase that you ride. Are you meant to ride it? Yeah, it's literally marketed as it's a suitcase that's also a scooter. So you can ride it through the terminal or if you're crazy, ride it from the airport to your destination. It doesn't go that fast. This is not like you go 20 miles an hour. This is like a scooter that would be perfectly safe to use inside in an airport terminal.

It goes like a few miles an hour, tops. Drivers are going to be so annoyed when they have to deal with a bike lane and a luggage lane. Bike lane, scooter lane, skateboard lane, and luggage lane? Come on, California. There's only one question that we need to answer. Florida or no Florida? I have a question before we answer that question. What airline? It's actually Southwest. No.

Not Florida. Florida's not Southwest, idiot. That is correct. That is very true. I'm pretty sure Florida is Southeast. Man, I asked the right questions here. Sorry, Wade.

Well, wait, I guess you lose. I think I've also got to go not Florida, but only because this took place in an airport. And that means that this person got far enough into an airport and is allowed in an airport where it's hard to believe that they could really be true Florida man. Probably not anymore. Yeah.

This might be their Florida man, Florida woman incident. It's like a coming of age thing where everyone has like their their their Florida man ritual. They've got to do. You get banned from the liquor store. You get expelled from school. You get banned from the airport. Those are the three tenets of being a Florida person like that truth or dare Jenga game where it's like the Florida man. Like, what are you going to have to do? Let's play Jenga to find out. You must low speed chase through airport on luggage.

Anyway, what's your answer, Wade? Stop stalling. Not Florida. Not Florida. This dramatic police chase took place in the Orlando airport in Florida. What's Southwest doing there? I honestly don't know. That was a big mislead. And I was conflicted about this one because the woman was flying home from

from Florida. So she is not Florida woman. She is from elsewhere. But this is a Florida woman story. I'm going to say it is Florida. No points on that one, but... Yeah, that's Florida. I could tell she wasn't true Florida, though. She got too far into the airport. All right, this next one is simple. We'll get to the bottom of it real quick. A...

Man was driving on the interstate with his dog in the car, but no other people and was fairly intoxicated. You could tell they were drunk from outside. The car was swerving or driving erratically, whatever. This man eventually gets pulled over on the interstate while the cop is like pulling him over and getting out of his car and stuff. The guy has a brainwave, thinks and acts quickly, switches seats with his dog, puts the dog in the driver's seat, and he climbs into the passenger's

the passenger seat and when the cop comes and knocks on the window it sees that the dog excluded the one driving um the man is still got in trouble for drunk driving but he almost got away with it question what what was the car it was a ford ranger pickup truck and the man was like dressed and everything like wasn't naked yeah no interesting facts about the man he he just had some drinks and then was driving uh and being irresponsible and the dog was also not the

otherwise remarkable. I have an inclination here. I'm going to say not Florida, but I'm going to go as far as to say not Florida. Yes, Kentucky. Damn. Maybe you've heard of this story before or something. Is that what this is? No, it just gives me a listen, man. I've been I didn't abandon Ohio and I've just I'm used to Kentucky. Wow. OK, all right. Well, OK. Yeah. You know, I'm going to give you an abandoning Ohio point mark since you did that so much. OK, wait, hold on. I thought I was getting this. I own it. I own it.

That's on me. That's on me, guys. Anyway, being here, I just, I got the vibe, man. I felt it. I'm going to play the odds. Not Florida. Because at this point, I'm so deep into the not Florida. I have to hit it. Bob's going to only give Florida stories. I'm going to be honest. I did consider that. Except this story took place in Colorado. Hey!

Hey, you know what? Kentucky, Colorado. That's a K-bonus point for you, Wynn. A K-bonus? I'll take a K-bonus. What do I get? Nothing. I didn't give him a K-bonus. I said almost. But K-bonus was pretty funny. This one's a little rude, but it's also kind of funny just for the situation. Amen.

man who lived with his parents after separating from his wife and was not doing well. The separation was hard on him. He was struggling with it. Eventually, he had quite a fair amount to drink, got kind of belligerent. His parents were trying to calm him down. He ended up

getting his hands on a weapon of some sort. It's unclear. The news is not specific. Stormed out of his parents' house and was drunk and left. And so his parents were concerned and they called the police. And the police showed up to the house and were like, are you guys okay? They were assessing the situation. And the parents said, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're fine. But we're concerned about our son. He was drinking tonight. We had a weapon in the house that he got his hands on. And then he just left.

and he was angry and we're worried he's going to do something or that he might drive a car or something. And the police are like, okay, okay, what does he look like? And they're like, oh, he's wearing jeans, like a red t-shirt, whatever. Oh, and he's quadruple amputee. So he has no arms or legs. So pretty distinctive. You'll probably recognize him. And the police put out a bolo that said, man, belligerent, possibly drunk, consider armed and dangerous, which just feels a little...

I am assuming it's a gun. I have no idea. And I'm on, it's unclear also to me how he left. I'm assuming he had like a wheelchair or some kind of mobility device that he was able to do. Anyway, he ended up being fine. They found him. Nothing bad happened. He was just having a bad time with a tough divorce and had some drinks and didn't, wasn't to handle you well, but it was okay. And they found him and got him home. No one got hurt.

No arms and no legs. Quadruple amputee. It's it doesn't say it's not described as complete amputations. And so it could have been at the wrist, at the elbow. That doesn't mean he was he had no limbs whatsoever.

But it does mean each of his limbs was amputated to some extent. And it's not very specific. Well, he was able to carry a weapon of some kind and he was able to leave. Well, he had a success. Well, OK, he had a marriage. I guess I can't say successful. He had a marriage. He's going through a hard time. Everyone goes through hard times. Perhaps if he had medical procedures done, they were done successfully.

Well enough where he is okay. His medical status was not a part of the story. Had parents that were still together. That leads me to say not Florida. We have a lot of biases against Florida, I'm realizing as I talk this out. What? An episode about judging Florida? Biases against Florida? What? I'm like, man, there's some good stuff about this guy, so it can't be Florida.

Not Florida. This feels very Florida. It's got a whiff of Florida to it. I can smell the swamps. I can detect a little bit of Floridian in here. That's fair. It's a stank. All right. Answer's locked in. Yes. It's in Florida. Yes!

I'm finally killing all in my way back. I'm getting crushed. You really played the odds on that one. I played the odds on, well, no, it smelled Florida. I don't know what it is, but that just seems like something that would take place in Florida. It ended too well. Like he was fine. Nothing major happened. It was just like Florida man stories are like guy gets shot three times and gutless shotgun goes to football game ends up on roller coaster.

police baffled as to how he did all of this while bleeding out. I mean, doesn't this sound like if you didn't read it like he did, Bob might have read it, you know, like armless, legless Florida man goes on drunk bender after messy divorce. Armed? Question mark?

mark. Aha, parentheses. That was very much more of the tone that the actual article I was pulling. The article was like, it didn't have any arms. Armed and dangerous, guys. You know, fair enough. This is not a hint. I'm just going to say this next one. Reeks of Florida. A 20-year-old man

was wanted on multiple warrants involving some kind of violent acts. Not good things. This person was wanted by the police for some pretty serious stuff. But was...

but was on the run. They had not found him, but they had like a picture. They knew his name. They had a picture. They knew who this guy was. And as part of their manhunt, they posted on the police department's social media, on Facebook and on wherever. They posted and they were like, we're wanted by the police. This is the guy's name. He's 20 years old. He's 5'10". He's 140 pounds. Here's his picture.

If you see him or if you know him, please call us and be careful. He might be dangerous. A bunch of people commented like they do. And one of the comments reads, Y'all almost had me the other day. You gotta be quicker than that. The suspect wrote from his own personal Facebook account.

with his own picture and name on it that was clearly actually his account. The police responded and were like, hey, you better get in here. What are you doing? And he responded to their comment and said, what do I get if I turn myself in?

It turns out you get nothing. You get arrested. There was no reward to him for turning himself in. I really need the money. I guess I'll turn me in. I found him, officer. They found him. He was just like hiding out at a friend's house. It was not spectacular. They found him. He just saw the post and was like, you almost had me. I just imagine that guy from that commercial with the big fishing pole with the dollar on it. And he's like, oh, you want a dollar? You've got to be quicker than that.

It's like an insurance commercial from the 2000s or something. But when you were saying like this one reeks of Florida, it does, doesn't it? It does. And if it looks like a Florida, if it smells like a Florida, if it feels like a Florida, I got to go with Florida. I'm not going to let any bias get in there. I'm thinking that if you didn't say that at all, I'd be 100% Florida. So I'm going to stick with that.

Not Florida. I would have given you more descriptions, but I really had to sneeze. No, you just sneezed for references. I got it. It landed. All right. This took place. And wait, this is going to make us look really good. This took place in Ohio, the Florida of the North.

Hey, we are Florida man before they get old, retire and go to Florida. Yeah, that's fair. Ohio is more of like a, you know, like a dark fantasy versus the fan of the whimsical fantasy of Florida. Ohio has all the like terrible monsters and mythos like that. I also knew this story because that was my cousin. That would be really funny. I like this one, too. These are all fun stories. You know, this is the story of a 26 year old woman who is just dropping her friend off down the police station.

Her friend contacted her and was like, hey, I need to go to the police station. Can you give me a ride? And the woman was like, I'm a good friend. I can definitely give you a ride. Let's go. And they got in her SUV and she drove down to the police station and dropped her friend off and then proceeded to drive away.

into the parking garage of the police station, into an area that was pedestrians only, down several staircases, and ended up getting stuck down at the bottom of these staircases in an area that's not car-sized because it's for people to walk in because it's stairs.

And when it is at the police station where the police came and talked to the woman and she was like, listen, my bad. I was just following what my GPS told me to do. And the police were like, ah, we think it might be because you're super drunk right now. Let's take you inside and figure this out. Was she? She was a drunk.

Incredibly drunk. This is not the highest blood alcohol level in my list of stories, but she was more than twice the legal limit, according to this news article. So her decision was, while drunk, let's drive. Already terrible, about as bad as it can get. But let's also drive to the police station. A safe destination. She heard there was a reward for turning yourself in. She was like, I gotta get in on that. This one feels like it could be anywhere, but...

She's a Florida gal. Oh, it's picking up something. No, I also say Florida because. Well, well, well, where's the balls on this one? Right. Oh, man. Oh, they're shrinking. Oh, they're gone. Bye.

I knew it. The excuse is what gets it to me. The excuse feels Florida. I believe Florida. What do you think an Ohio woman would have just been like? Oh, you got me. I drank, sir. I think what he's saying is the GPS was also drunk and that only happens in Florida. It's water cooling was twice the limit. Look, man, if there's a voice pack for like a drunk GPS.

Take a left and, I don't know, a little bit. You missed it. Turn around. Make a U-turn. Make a U-turn! I know where it is. It's up here on the right. Left. It's on the left. I think. It's like a, there's like a straight side. Yeah, being the left to go right, it feels really weird, but do it. Pull over. I don't feel very good. Ha ha ha.

All right. You're both right. That took place in Florida. How could it not? I understand it now. Well, I like this one. This one, the headline's not so flashy, but the story's pretty good. This one is there's a man in his 20s who stole a truck, caught it, and he's in a car.

caught stealing the truck. Police were called. Police pursued this person in the truck and he's driving and gets onto a street where there's like a police blockade ahead of. He sees there's police parked up. He's being chased by police. He's done for, but he has an idea. He stops the truck and bails out and hops on his skateboard. Interesting side note. This man was wearing a high visibility construction worker vest and

Could not be more visible in the evening dusk setting sun. Got on a skateboard while surrounded on all sides by buildings and police in cars. Did he escape on the skateboard? No. No, he did not. He literally hopped on the skateboard and skated right at the blockade and the cops were just like, and pushed him over and arrested him.

And he got in trouble for stealing the truck because that's not allowed. Anyway, I just love that he's wearing, there's a picture of him like post-arrest from like a news, whatever, people somewhere nearby. He's literally wearing one of those bright yellow with retro reflective tape vests that you can see from two miles away that guys wear when they're working on the highway at night. Even if he could get past the cops, they could see him.

from everywhere this greedy asshole had a skateboard and thought he needed to steal a car too how many wheels do you need what if the skateboard was in the the stolen car maybe it was just fortuitous he just happened to know how to skateboard and stole a truck with a skateboard and it was like there's no way they'll stop me

He's got a getaway contingency for his getaway. Yeah, well, clearly it worked out so well. How could you explain that? And there's construction everywhere. All he has to do is hop out and he'll blend in. He hops out with a shovel and he's just like... Just digging the road. What are you guys doing? Officer, stand back. Gas leak. All right, to get here as quickly as possible, the emergency road gas leak problem in the...

It's fine. I think that this one has all the hallmarks of Florida and I'm already locking it in, but I'm going to explain it. It has a multi-step plan. All these Florida man or Florida woman things have multi-step plans. They have an objective and then they circumvent when obstacles get in their way and they have a funky escape vehicle. I think this has every hallmark of a Florida. I do too, except skateboarding in Florida is pretty hot. Not Florida. Pretty hot already.

I feel like what you want is hot weather outside or skateboarding. You want warm weather. Well, okay, that seems like a narrow distinction, but okay. Anyway, despite your flawed reasoning, Wade, this took place in Los Angeles. No! It was Mark. Los Angeles, the Florida of California. Yes, yes, yes, absolutely. Boo.

Are you sure it wasn't Florida? Are you sure? It says in the news article that this was the LAPD and it happened in downtown L.A. I thought I was trying to mask it a little bit. Part of the reason he couldn't get away, except for the two ends of the street, was it was on a bridge like an overpass in L.A., right? It was it's a very city thing where it's like he was on an overpass where there's literally nothing on either side.

And you have to go one way or the other. And the cops had him fully surrounded at this point. Because in a normal situation, he could have like run through the into a building or through the buildings. But he he had no choice but to skateboard. I knew this had a Pacific kind of like California warm weather feel. Yeah, there's no warm weather in Florida. It's.

Hot in L.A. It's too hot to skateboard in Florida, Dan. It's worse in L.A. I don't know if it's worse. It's just as hot-ish in L.A., kind of, but not as humid. No, no, no. It's slightly more tolerable. You were wrong, but also you were right. It's just annoying. All right. I like this one because it's an intrusive thought that I've totally had before.

A man and a woman were arrested at a Walmart because they walked into the store, got a cart, were doing some shopping, got hungry, grabbed a rotisserie chicken, ate half of it, decided they were full, and put the rotisserie chicken...

back on the heating shelf where they keep those so that someone else could enjoy the other half meal. Turns out Walmart did not take too kindly to this. They called the cops. They were arrested for, I don't know, I assume the crime of ew or something like that. I've definitely had that thought. I've had times, you know, you go to Costco and you're a little hungry because it's like you haven't had lunch or something and rotisserie chicken smells really good. What a foul play. Negative point. They left a paltry amount of meat on the

bones take it easy really burning a lot of points on this right now calm down they got the five feathered disc oh man i can't i

I can't do it. Let's just drop this right now, guys. It's just a warning. Thank you. Thank you, sir. It'll let you off easy like they knew in Florida. The finger licking bandits. Florida or no Florida. Here's the problem. Walmart is the Florida of stores. So any Walmart is capable of having this happen. I know, but they're everywhere. I know of three Walmarts within half an hour of my house in Ohio. They're everywhere.

But like the Walmart vibe is definitely a thing. I mean, hell, I walked through a Walmart one time like 10 years ago and I feel like I farted through three straight aisles. Like weird things just happened to you in Walmart. Why would you don't have? Why did you did that? You chose to do that. Why did you do that? My body chose to do it, man. I just wouldn't stop. You're what's wrong with Walmart is what you're saying. Yeah, wait, why did you? I went into Walmart and I just started stealing stuff. I just want to let you know, man, Walmart is the place that that stuff happens.

It changes you. It's like the full moon for a werewolf. It brings out something in you to be in a Walmart. You just felt permission to behave like that because you have preconceived notions about Walmart. People fart, dude. It happens. Yeah, but you don't have to. This cropped us three consecutive aisles. I thought it would end. God, it was one fart? Yeah, dude. It was just one of those three aisles. I was being propelled. I was on my skateboard just like...

This feels not quite Florida Manny enough, but that's exactly why it probably was Florida. I'm going to go with Florida. This is obvious and you're dumb.

Except you're right in that it's Florida because I can see the headline of something something eating chicken leaving in there. Ew, gross. I like the ew, gross in the headline. Ew, gross. By John Scott. This took place in...

Tampa Bay, Florida. JP did this. I thought you were going to say Tampa Bay, North Dakota. That would be a hell of a twist. Tampa Bay, France. It's pronounced... How would you pronounce that in a bad French accent?

Tampa Bay. Yeah, that's French. None of those syllables are French. Lay Tampa Bay. Yeah, Lay Tampa Bay. There you go. Perfect. Lay Tampa Bay. Anyway, it's really close, but also I'm going to make this last one worth four points. That's an oddly specific amount of points. It's...

super close. If it's so close, why does it need to be such a big number? Why do I feel like I'm down and you're giving me a chance? No, no, you're right, Mark. That's too generous. Here, how about this? The main question, I'm going to make that worth two points. If you can guess...

either which city in Florida it happened in or which other state it happened in, that's bonus points. Two bonus points. And we'll do closest city in Florida. So it doesn't have to be like the exact one. I'll look on a map and we'll decide. You're really steering this toward being Florida. I don't know. I just, I was like, it'll be whichever state. But if it's in Florida, I don't think you should get bonus points for being in Florida. It

This is not, I'm not trying to give it away. I'm just trying to cover my bases. Anyway, the headline reads, Amazon delivery driver really needed to make sure they didn't get another write-up at work.

An Amazon delivery driver walked through an active shooter scene where police were like circled up and dealing with an active, well, not an active shooter, but someone who had a gun and was like holed up and the police were trying to arrest them. And they were like, don't come in or I'll start blasting sort of thing. Said the Amazon driver pulled up to the scene and was like, if I don't deliver this package, Gary's going to fucking lose.

write me up again. I'm going to get unpaid leave. Got to get demerits on my, on my personnel thought, whatever. And so this Amazon driver with a, it's a tiny package. It's one of those like small, smallest boxes. Amazon has, there's a video of them very casually walking past all the police car. All the cops are kind of like, wait, stop. What the shit? And they just keep going up to the, there's like up to the house next to the one that the

person they're dealing with is in just leaves the package takes the picture walks casually back past all the cops to the amazon truck uh uh just really really wanted to make sure delivery got there it was two-day prime shipping didn't want to cause any problems this is fucked but my member of my imagination was he goes to the house the guy's in is like it says that there's like munitions in here you have to sign for this who ordered the five grenades was it you who

Crazy story. But there's only one question that matters. I guess there's two on this one. But the first question that matters is Florida or no Florida? And it's the Florida, no Florida is worth two points. I am going to say not Florida. Okay. Okay.

Since you're committed to not Florida, do you want to lock in a guess for what state this took place in? Just so you have all your answers in at one time. I'm feeling like a New England-y vibe here. That's not a state? I'll be more specific, I guess. Um, Maine, Vermont. Dude. Dude.

Hold on. I'm definitely not going to eeny, meeny, miny, moe this. I know which state I think this is. Which one is it? That's really the only thing that matters. Massachusetts. Were you trying to think what state is fucking Boston in that whole time and you couldn't remember? Oh, no, I'm familiar with Massachusetts. Okay, Massachusetts. Got it.

Locked in. This is a trick. It's a trick. Splitting up into two parts and giving extra points for identifying what state it actually is. Sounds like it's... Or what city in Florida. Or what city in Florida. I forgot about that part. Okay, the trick is falling apart before my eyes. It's a trick that's not tricky at all. This is Florida?

And I know so many cities in Florida. Well, I've already said a couple during this episode that you could recall. Oh, have you? I will pick.

Jacksonville. Oh, I didn't even say that one yet. Mark knows so many cities. All right. I told you I knew so many cities. Jacksonville is home to a lot of Florida man stories. I think he's trying to trick me. I will not be tricked. Mark is locked in to yes, Florida. Jacksonville. Wade is locked into no Florida, Massachusetts. This took place in...

Raleigh, North Carolina, a city I lived in for seven years. So Wade gets two points, but no bonus points. And Mark, you're just actually flat out wrong. I don't think I've ever guessed worse in a game like this ever in my life. Did I only get two? Have I only gotten two? You got...

Oh, okay. But two of those, both of you got. That doesn't really help you. I don't know that I got that many more, right? Well, we'll find out because I'm about to read what you got points for. Mark, you earned points for Saving Bacon, Abandoned Ohio, Dog UI, Quadruple Amputee, Police Station DUI, and Finger Licking Bandits. Oh, by the way, the person whose name I read first is the loser today. Oh.

Wade, you got points for breeding Hanabis, Minolta Lens, Florida Mandemic, Pink Pigeons, Faithful to Ohio. You also got the dog UI. You got gotta be quicker than that. You also got PlayStation DUI. You got LA Skateboard Man. Foul play got you minus one point.

You actually have minus one point. There was another chicken pun that you said that got you another minus point, but I didn't write down what it was. But you also got point for three aisle fart, finger licking bandits, and you just got Amazon standoff. Mark, your efforts today gained you seven points.

And Wade, your efforts today gained you 13 points. Jesus Christ. Minus two. Which means that you still won with 11 points. Wait, did you think 13 minus two is going to be less than eight? I don't know what episode you were listening to, Wade. The whole time Mark was like, oh my God, I'm getting my ass kicked. And you were like, no, you're not. We're doing the same. I really thought we were. I was getting crushed every guess. I was like, man, Mark and I are guessing the same thing every time.

You had two that you both got the rest of them. Mark got two and you got six. Well, two of those were the last one, right? I only got two other ones. He did. No, those aren't points. Those are things you got, right? Oh,

Oh. No, no, Mark and I were basically the same. You got five and Mark got two and you both tied on two of them. What's crazy is I was telling you as it was happening the whole show, like, I'm getting destroyed. Fuck, I'm losing. God, no. That's total.

believe you. Which I really appreciate the ride or die mentality. That's great. We just wanted you to feel like you were in it, man. We are in this together, Mark. Just like a construction worker on a skateboard. We're going to ride this out. Sigh.

Anyway, congratulations, Wade. And Mark, I think you saw this coming from a long ways away, even though Wade didn't understand what was happening. But you really did try, buddy. And I appreciate it. You know what? Somehow your reasons for your guesses were better than Wade's, but you were also less correct than him, which is just disappointing. Can the reasons really be better if I was right? Oh, yeah. Mark loser speech.

I apologize for my performance this one. It just wasn't my day. I wasn't on my A game. I tried to use my brain. That should be a lesson I take into the future. I just can't relate to the Floridian experience, apparently. And I've lost my Ohio roots. And I will hereby retire in disgrace from my dishonorable discharge from this podcast.

I accept your retirement and your disgrace. Wade, winner speech. Thank you, Bob, for another fun one. I don't know why Mark said he got destroyed. I feel like we're really close. We're neck and neck. We have been the whole time. I feel like that's a bit exaggerated. We're probably within one point of each other, honestly, if we're not tied. As an Ohio man, I've got a lot of connections to Florida and Florida men. I hang out with a couple regularly, so I can tell the Florida vibe because I live the Florida vibe. Because Ohio is just Florida that's not retired yet.

That's very true. Very sage of you. Good wisdom you're dropping on us.

or something. Anyway, congratulations, Wade. That means you're hosting the next episode. You can find us on socials. I am MySkirm. Wade is LordMinion777 or Minion777. Wade is Markiplier? That's it. I had to withdraw from my own channel. Yeah, Mark's quitting everything. He's gone. Say goodbye, everybody. Yeah, Mark is Markiplier. We have merch. DistractibleStore.com. That's the end of the episode. Thank you so much for watching. Make sure you follow the podcast because then your phone or whatever, tablet or whatever will tell you. You can only watch it on Spotify, though, so you better watch it on Spotify.

I thought I had something else to say. I don't because the podcast is over. That's the end. Okay, bye. Podcast out. Editors, blow us up.