Definitely Real Things
52:55 Share

This episode is brought to you by McDonald's. There are a lot of fraternal twins out there. Now McDonald's is dropping on us a twin we never expected. Have you boys heard about the chicken Big Mac? Don't. What does that mean? Two chicken patty, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, and pickles on a sesame seed bun. The special sauce that they only use for the Big Mac. They have it on a new sandwich? Yeah, the chicken Big Mac. It's not not a Big Mac. Get it while you can at participating McDonald's for a limited time.

This episode is brought to you by Batman Arkham Shadow, available only on MetaQuest 3 and 3S. I'm just excited to be able to use Batman's gadgets. Shock glove punch the Rat King, just...

The bat versus the rat. That's going to make for some really good headlines. Become the knight. Batman Arkham Shadow is included when you buy MetaQuest 3 or 3S. Available now. Learn more at BatmanArkhamShadow.com.

This episode is brought to you by Coca-Cola Creations. You love the taste of Coca-Cola and love the cookie crunch of Oreos. But what happens when the best drink and the best cookie in the world get together? The best becomes besties. Try the new Coca-Cola Zero Sugar Oreo Limited Edition. Besties for a limited time. Taste it while it lasts. Copyright 2024. The Coca-Cola Company. Copyright 2024. Mondelez International Group.

Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, Branded Bob knows his sausages, can't do accents, and gets the guys to be cunning linguists. Modified Mark goes conquering for sundered nuts, allows sharing a scabbard, home beverages, and pachyderm.

Bartled Wade prepares harassment suits, tortures the walking wounded, and accidentally advises daytime drinking. From the follically challenged to Wesson's word. Yes! It's time for Definitely Real Things. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted. And enjoy the show.

Wade and Mark

Hello. Hey. Sorry, I'm struggling with technology. Getting older, you know. We're getting very old. That's actually what we're going to talk about today. If you've never seen this show, it is a show where I give points because I'm the host and the two guys who just said hello, they're competing and one of them wins and then they host the next one and then I compete against the loser and so on and so forth and it's all made up and the points don't matter but we write them down on our little scraps of paper.

Before we get into, I do have a game for today that we're going to play and it's fun? Question mark? Before we get into that, how's it going, fellers? How you doing? Ho! Ho! How's it hanging? You know, you know.

Do I? I got a headline for you if you want it. Oh, hell yeah. Cheating alleged after men's world conquer champion found with steel chestnut. Um, I don't know anything that you just talked about. Well, maybe a picture would help elucidate this situation. Let me just give you, let me show you a little bit of what we're talking about here and then it should clear it right up and you should not be confused anymore. All right, you ready? Conquer champion? Oh.

Yeah, there you go. I see. This is like from the Leprechaun Olympics. Wait, describe this for the listeners. In the top left corner of the screen, we have a hand with a sleeve rolled up past the wrist. We have a nice blue sky, light clouds. The hand appears to be holding a stick with an acorn on it. Probably a chestnut. On the other side...

We have a gentleman with a black bowler hat, I think they're called, wearing a green jacket on the outside. Looks like the inside is yellow. It's kind of a leprechaun-y look. The man is an older gentleman with gray hair, some gray eyebrows. He's holding his left hand up to admit he cheated, and his right hand is wrapped up on what looks like

a chestnut balloon string and his chest is covered in chestnutty apricorns. Apricorns. Yes. Interesting. I describe it well enough. You sure did. I'm really proud of you. The fuck would I just look at? I know this and I'm sure everyone else does. Conkers is a traditional children's game where you're supposed to take turns hitting each other's conkers. It's not what we called it when we were kids. Is this ball tap?

with the object of breaking the other player's nut. So I can see how having a steel conquer, apricorn, nope, nope, chestnut, steel chestnut, that would be cheating because that's not going to break. That's, steel's tough. Yep. So I think that's the long and the short of it. You smash your nuts together until they explode. What has happened to our culture? You remember like 10 years ago, balls of steel used to be so good. Now it's cheating.

you

Apparently, conkers are the seeds of the chestnut tree, but they are also called oblyonkers, cheggies, or cheesers. So maybe that's why you were confused, because you thought, you didn't know we were talking about cheesers. Yeah, I didn't know we were talking about cheesers. Oh, he had steel cheesers? Yeah, he had a steel cheeser, this guy. How'd you find this, Mark? Oh, I have various research methods that I will not elucidate. Man, Goh's really struggling for content. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Oh, here's one to you, Wade. This is a very topical thing to you. High court, I don't know which court, but it seems like Scotland. High court rules, calling a man bald is sexual harassment. It is when Wade does it. I have so many lawsuits coming toward you, viewers and listeners. In the Scotland, yes. Just so happens I might have land in Scotland. Ah.

Maybe. Are you a lord? I've got a one foot by one foot land square that makes me a lord. It might not be Scotland, but I think it is.

It was a birthday gift? It doesn't count for your face. It follows a lengthy legal case brought by electrician Tony Finn, who claimed he had been sexually harassed by his boss during a heated row in 2019. Mr. Finn, 64, made the claim against the British Bung Company, where he worked as an electrician for 24 years before he was fired in 2021. Yes, the British Bung... Yes, that British Bung Company. Oh.

Okay. I remember watching the British bung off. Yeah. He said he was a victim of sexual harassment after comments were made about his baldness, including being called a stupid bald C sensor, sensor, sensor. That could be cock. It could be cunt. It could be crap. Fill in the blanks. Cream, but spelled wrong. Sizzler, but spelled really wrong. Crisp with no I. Crank with no N. Ha!

Cock? A cart? A jolly young fellow. Canned? Not E. Canned? C-A-N-D. You got it. Carp? Carp?

Carp. Oh, you bald carp. You stupid bald carp. The three-person employment tribunal panel, the highest court in Scotland apparently, said the remark, quote, crossed a line. It dismissed an argument that the comment was not sexist because women can be bald too. The judgment said there was a connection between the word bald and the protected characteristic of sex, noting that it is, quote, much more prevalent in men than women.

Judge Jonathan Brain added, we find it inherently related to sex. So this has sounded like it's not a joke. It's not a joke at all. Why would you think it was a joke? Because you said this has to be a joke when you started reading it and I was thinking it. That's true. You did. No, no. I said it had to be fake. I couldn't believe it because I was aghast. I was aghast. Oh.

I was like, I can't believe this is the world we live in. Aghast. I can't tell you the number of times I've walked by like a Scottish construction site and just heard them like whistle and go, bald! The bald calling. I'm glad it's coming to an end. In a perfect American accent, they're bald, bald, bald.

It's disgusting. For some reason, because they're on a construction site, it's just like a New York accent in Scotland. He's like, oh, I can't even do it. Hey, you're bald in here. Look at this guy. Hey, baldy. Anyway, that's it.

Great article, man. That was a good find. I'm glad that my kind is finally getting the recognition and treatment we deserve. It's only fair. Does that mean we have to stop saying that to you? Would you like us to make fun of you in different ways? I've just always considered it flirting, and you guys are welcome to continue. Okay.

I'm kinky and I like it. I'm going to start calling you Harry instead. That is offensive. And I'm going to take you to the highest court of Ohio. The Ohio Labor Tribunal? No. Yeah. I love a tribunal. We got an inherent tribunal thing going on here. And I think that's the reason why we're so successful. There's always three. Is that why it's called a tribunal? Never mind. Ha ha ha ha ha!

I see now. I understand what the name. You don't see a lot of by-bunals. You don't. Mabunal? No. Mabunal, if you're being formal. Mabunal.

Are we doing small talk? Oh, you know what? You know what I was going to bring up? I forgot. Last episode, somehow this completely slipped my mind. We were talking about cringe stuff. When you hugged your teacher? Yeah, man, that one. But I thought of a cringe moment that happened to me in front of you two. I don't recall. I think we were doing the tour. I think we were doing the You're Welcome tour.

It could have been a convention. I don't remember exactly the specifics, but we were walking from either the convention center or the show center to a hotel. We came across some fans and there was a guy in a wheelchair and like two other people with them. And they came up and they were like, hey, can you guys like sign? We're like, sure. We just both signing in the guy in the wheelchair asked us to sign his arm. And I was a little bit late catching up because I was talking to someone else or whatever. And you guys had all signed his arm. I was he was like, yeah, wait, but you sign my arms like, yeah, sure. So I took Sharpie.

And right on the heart of his elbow, I signed my name. And apparently the part of the conversation I missed was that he was going to get all of those tattooed on his arm. As I signed his elbow, he looked at me so sad. He was like, that's going to hurt so much. And I was like, what? The Sharpie? Having no idea that the man was going to get that tattooed. So you never...

realize that or neither of you were like you could do it again and he just tells the tattoo artist not to go here or is it like a mad tattoo artist i think i offered he's like no that's okay that would be a lie mark that second signature might as well just be a big middle finger that he draws on there well you know the second one we have to charge 50 grand the first one's free but second one we gotta charge a lot of money so i

It's true. But yeah, I remember just that feeling of like him looking sad. I was so proud. I was like, dude, that came out really well. I should sign bones more often. It's a nice tight surface where the W looks great. One of my better signatures. And he just looked so sad. You got a nice tight elbow, sir. Great for writing.

You all looked at me like I was the biggest asshole. You're like, dude, why would you sign? I was like, I didn't know I was going to get tattooed. I missed that part of the conversation. Maybe my memory is just getting bad, but I don't remember that. But I'm sure it happened. Yeah, I recalled that after the episode. I was like, oh, I forgot that one. If you're still watching after all these years, I'm so sorry.

He did it on purpose. Don't believe him. I'd do it again. But like this time would be intentional. Intentful. Intentional is a word. Intentional is a word. You don't need to question that one. All right. We got Joey Chestnut on my mind or whatever the hell the thing. Joey Chestnut. Is that the hot dog guy? Joey Chestnut. Yeah. He's the Nathan's hot dog eating champion. He's my champion anyway.

He was expunged. Expunged? Disbunned? Expunged. He was expunged. Do you mean beaten? Or do you mean his records were taken away? No, he got a different sponsorship from a different hot dog. He's a con man now. Yes! I don't get it. I don't get it. Cons is a brand of hot dog.

K-A-H-N, right? Like Khan? I'm an Oscar Mayer, mister. I'm on my A-game. He went indie. He only eats Queen City sausages now. I'm glad Wade liked it. I'm glad he's having fun over there. Can we go back? Can we start from the top with describing the picture? It's too late now. That guy's a conch man. God damn it. I don't feel good today. Okay.

Maybe I'm not understanding the nuance of Conkers, but how would you not notice if a thing that was supposed to be a nut from a tree was actually made of metal? Is that less obvious than it seems like it would be to me? How does the duel go? Do you just...

slap them on sticks against each other? They're not sticks. It looks like you have the nut on a string and you go, and you try and smack them against each other on the strings. So it was a picture, still image, but they were on strings and they were swinging them. That's why the guy had it wrapped around his hand, because it's a string. That makes more sense than the weird metal rod Wolverine claws picture. Yeah, no, that's not...

I was like, oh man, he's got a brass stick knuckle. Turns out his Conker was just a gun. He was just shooting everybody else's nuts.

How did we not know? I looked at it. I was like, nah, that seems fair. But now in retrospect, what were we thinking? Oh, wait, it's British, though. What were we thinking, governor? Scottish. No, not Scottish. That was the bleep. Whoa, whoa. You can't just say that, dude. 2024. Editors, bleep that out. Censor that. Editors, from now on, we have to censor the word bleep. I'm sorry to burden you with this. I can say it, though, because I am, you know.

All right. Well, shall we move on to the game, gentlemen? Sure. I hope you've got a lot of words in your brains. I used a ghast earlier, so I've got a few. Because you're going to need some skills.

sweet, sweet words for this one. I'm going to be honest. I stole this from another thing. I saw this on TikTok. It just, it just, it's like a fun word game. So I want to play it. I didn't invent this. I don't even know if it has an official title. I call it word game. Really gives it away. I'm going to give you two words and you need to connect these two words by saying like

two word phrases so a short example would be i give you the word paper and the word dance and you could say paper cut cut in line line dance and it's two word phrases but i'm excluding like right in or on you can have little what are those called just the small words you can include the small words it's two big words in any number of small words like look my ass yeah yeah yeah sure but

but not look at my ass no no just look my ass which ones are the big words in that uh look and ass look ass maybe there's just a comma ass big my small huh

I'm misunderstanding everything that's happening, I think. Where is small? Anyway, it's okay because we're going to kind of work together. It's a game of cooperatively getting from point A to point B, and you're not going to earn points for finishing the puzzle, but you are going to earn points along the way for the quality of the connections that we can make.

And you're welcome to make it like the example I gave you was very short, right? There's three things, but you're welcome to make it. And I assume we will make it fairly long. I'm just going to give you a starting word and an ending word, and we're going to take turns going back and forth. I just want to, I just want to, I just want to make some connections, you know? I'm not fully understanding. I don't think. Okay. I'll give you another example. We'll give you the starting word is phone. And the ending word is lock. Okay.

And then to get there, you could say phone number, number pad, pad lock. So each of these couple, each of these sets of words is like a thing, right? A phone number is a thing. A number pad is a thing. And then a pad lock is a thing. And the lock is the word you're trying to get. Do they have to be compound words like that? They have to be, I'm going to say two words or equivalently short phrases. Like in my first one, I said cut in line.

where technically that's three words, but like the words are cut and line in is just there to facilitate the language. Gotcha. Okay. Yeah. I got it already. I was already with you. Yeah. And I call it word game. Ooh, cooperative word game. No, no, no. Just word game. Just word.

Let's just ease into it. Once again, I tried to calibrate these and how hard I think they'll be. So this is probably the hardest one of the entire day. We must spend the rest of the entire episode on it. But the first one, I want to start at star and I want to go to bottle. Star and bottle. And we'll flip a coin to see who goes first. Oh, Wade goes first. Oh, okay. Star light. Okay, good one.

Good one, good one. My turn? Yeah, go ahead. Lightsaber. Ooh, that's a tough one. No, no, it's got a clear path. Oh, does it? Yeah! Saber me timbers. What? What'd you say? Saber me timbers. What the fuck?

I got it. Hold on. Don't... I got this. We can get here. We can see what Mark's laying down. I'm pretty sure. Starlight, lightsaber. I have one that I feel like goes after saber, but I don't see how Mark thinks that's the obvious path. So I feel like I'm wrong. Sabery flavor. Saber. Oh, wait, I might be getting it backwards. Wait, no, I might've gotten something wrong in the chain. Ah, I messed up. Ha!

Hold on now. I'm going to start a word with saber. Uh-huh. Saber in sheets.

What the fuck starts with saber, man? Oh, man. Can I give it? Can I say what I was going to even though it's not quite right? Okay. Okay. This is where I was going to go. It's not getting there because I realized now. Oh, I thought about it backwards. I was going to go. It was lightsaber, saber tooth, toothpick. And then I forgot I was going to go water pick or and then I'm like, wait, no, because I need to get to water. I was going to go water bottle. But that.

It's toothpick to water pick and that doesn't work. I forgot about saber tooth. Saber tooth is the one I thought of. That's the only one I could think of. But that was the one I thought of. That's why I thought it would have been easy. I was like, it's the only one I could think of. All right, wait, do you want to use saber tooth? Oh,

Oh, man. You know, it's such a good one. I mean, you can think of your own if you want. Honestly, if you want to, I will accept saber and sheath because it's really fucking funny. So does the word got to be sheath to start with? Yeah, so the next word is sheath. Oh, man.

man yeah you know what just to help my buddy mark along i'll give him in sheath the word the word is just sheath in in gets dropped in gets dropped oh man okay i've got a clear line here man i don't know oh yeah me too that's an obvious path i got it here we go we've got sheath of the east

Sheath of the East. What are we trying to get to, bottle? Sheath of the East. Let me ask the judges. Judges are saying yes. Sheath of the East. Can I rewind to what I thought this was going to go? No, you got it, man. East. It's easy from here. When I gave you Starlight, I was like, Starlight, light beer, beer bottle. Yeah, that would have been released.

Man, that would have really got us there right on time. Now that I'm in the East, I gotta figure out the

All right. Sheath of the East. Your word is East. Can they be names of locations? Sure. Clearly, the rules are more of a suggestion. So like here in Cincinnati, there's a lake called East Fort. Fort? East Fork. Fork. Like fork and spoon. Well, fork bottle doesn't make any sense at all, man. How do you expect to get there?

Ah, I forgot. Sheath in the East. I should have got something better. Sheath of the East. East bottle. What are we doing?

Mark and I both had our own paths. We did not cooperate. I went toward light beer. He went to Sabertooth Fork. Mark, your word is fork. Let's go. We got this. Oh, yeah, we do. Fucking no. Can't use fork of the east. I'm just going to count that out right now. Oh, don't worry. I was going to say fork in da road. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Judges are saying yes, that counts. Oh, God. All right. Your word is road. Road is fine. Road is totally normal. Road bottle. You know what? I have a one-word solution that gets us to the end, and it's something we've already talked about. Road beer.

That's a thing. Road beer? Road beer. I don't think that's a thing we should encourage here. That's really, you know... Road beer doesn't count because it's bad. Don't do road beer. That's our official opinion. That's fair, Mark. Very fair. You get a fair point. Road kill. Kill bottle! Kill bottle, obviously, yeah.

I just thought of... No, don't tell me. Okay, I'll save it. I'll save it. I've got another one-word solution. Is it kill beer? It better not be kill beer. It's not kill beer. It's totally new. It's totally new. Killsaber. Killsaber tooth. Saber into east. East bottle. No, I was going to clear that. I was going to say kill into bill, you know? Ha ha ha!

Bill bottle. Da bill bottle. Bill bow as in Bilbo Baggins. Bow tool bottle. Kill time. Oh, can I save? I'll save mine. You know what? I'm just going to say you can't use it because it's not right. What I thought of was kill me and then me bottle.

You know the exclamation me bottle, but you gotta say it's Scottish me bottle me bottle was my word time time yeah, obviously time to drink

And then drink bottle. Yeah. Is that it? That's how you're going with it. No. No, we can get there. If you give me that, we can get there. No, that's too easy. I got to go a different route. The goal is to actually get to the end, but I'm not going to rush you. I'm not going to rush you. You can get there in your own way. I believe in you guys. We're a team here. Mark, you can get there with this. I know. Yep. Time share. What the fuck? Share bottle. You can put a couple other words in there.

Hey, share that bottle. No, that's stupid. Share bottle. What were you going for? What were you going for? I can't tell you. This is ruining the game. Share. Share. What? Share what? A lot of things you can share, man. What do you want me to share? Share where? Oh, yeah. All right. All right. I got it. Dude, we're there. Thank you. Okay.

Ready? Go for it. Share that bottle! No, that shouldn't count. It's not share! Your word is wear! Wear that bottle! I don't know!

That's also not the kind of ware that it is, but okay. Wear that bottle. Oh, you're right. I gave him a really troublesome ware. It's not that kind of... Shareware is spelled S-H-A-R-E-W-A-R-E. Ware. Like software. Yeah, I didn't help you. May I present the new software wolf.

I don't think that's how that's spelled. Oh, wait, there is one. There's a word that does make sense there. Oh, yeah. Wait, there's an easy one. I feel so stupid. Where is W-E-A-R-Y? Warehouse. Warehouse. Yes. Aha. And now we've really got it. Yes, there's no way we fuck this up. I'm sure we'll get there this time. This is simple. The very responsible house beer. Ha ha ha.

You don't want a road beer. We have to endorse house beer. If road beer is off limits, then yeah, what we are saying is it better be a house beer. Yeah. Or it's like you're at a bar and it's the house, you know, beer, you know, they have. So I got to get from beer to bottle. Yeah.

I don't know if I'm gonna count that I don't think he's done beer tab beer well beer bottle god how long did that take I wasn't looking at the time it's 30 minutes into the episode ah fuck that took about a little over 10 minutes of action oh no that's not true more like 15 minutes you and I both had like five words we were like that'll get there that'll get there we

didn't go anywhere close would you like to hear how the journey that we went on to get from star to bottle no yeah sure star light lightsaber saber in chief sheath of the east

East Fork, Fork into Road, Road Kill, Kill Time, Time Share, Share Wear, Warehouse, House Beer, Beer Bottle. Other than the East and Sheath, other than those two, we were pretty good. If you don't look at all the of does and in does, it's fantastic. Saber and Sheath. Ah, I knew this would be a good idea. Beware the Sheath of the East.

I knew you guys would be good at this. Thanks. It would be a challenge for people to even come up with that many connections without stumbling there. I feel like we've really... Without purposefully going away from your goal, yes, it's almost impressive that you were both actually trying to succeed, and that's still where we went. All right, well, I'm excited for this one then, because I thought this one might be harder. I have no idea why I thought that. I couldn't tell you. Anyway...

Your first word is chair, and I want you to get to elephant. Am I going first? Mark starts, yes. Okay. Hmm. Maybe. Chair lift? I can't lift an elephant! Chair lift, lift elephant. Got it! You guys are so good at this. What compound word leads to elephant? Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I was like, man, that's tough. I can think of one. Oh, I can think of one as well. Okay.

both scrambled to the the one answer at almost the exact same moment every time and wade is like saber in chief maybe this is like a superpower you have bob wherever you discover it i instantly am like oh yeah and i bet it's the same i bet we're thinking of the same thing here i'm gonna type i'm gonna type it to you are we thinking of the same share to everyone so i can also know no no don't help him don't help him i thought this was cooperative oh no that's a different one all right okay all right okay oh

Oh, I guess I shouldn't tell you since you're playing the game. I have a different one, but that is a good one. Well, he told you, you tell me and I'll tell Mark mine. All right. That sounds fair. Great. All right. Chair lift. And I got to get to, we have to get to elephant. Your word is lift. And we're trying to get to elephant, Wade. I believe in you. Lift up.

That's how you go with lift, lift up. That's what we're working with. All right, I'll allow it. It couldn't be lift off or any actual thing. Lift up. Maybe off is the word I was trying to say. I was like, there's something that just starts with lift. What is it? Lift up, lift up. That's it. It's like that song. You lift up. All right, Wade, listen, that was a bullshit. I'm going to give you this up, uplift. Try again. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Lift down! Lifted da west? Alright, fine, you can have lift off. Lift off, good one. Alright, lift off, okay, alright, off. Off beat. Don't say beat off. What'd you fucking do? I see you activated my trap card. Beat of da north. Beat up.

Just see how many times we could go around this loop. Isn't that a... It's like that Who's On First joke. Lift up, uplift, lift off, offbeat, beat up, uplift. No, no, up,

Ah, shit. Wait, what? Is Wade actually going with beat up? Is that what we're doing? Yeah, I thought so. He played off. I was joking, but he played off. Yeah, we're going, man. Oh, I thought you were serious. Nope, we're going with it. Beat up, up dog. Wade, your word is dog. That's where we're going. I'm not doing this one, but if I say dog, we have elephant. Ha ha ha! Ha ha!

If we get desperate, maybe we should circle back around to that one. Yeah, yeah, Mark, keep that one in mind. Okay, I do. Dog fight. Okay, not the direction I was hoping. I feel that way every time you give me what we're doing. Granted, I don't know how I'm landing this, so I hope it doesn't come down to me. Mark is sitting here like, uh-huh, and then that, and Wade is just like, any word. My elephant. Fight, fight goes with that.

I don't know how to land elephants, so I'm fucking lost. Fight night. In IGHTs, they're not like a night with armor. Yeah, it's fight at night and fight night. Fight in the evening. There's a clear line. There's a very direct line. Keep saying that. He'll definitely figure it out. Having not seen the final destination of where we're trying to land, I know which path is correct. We know! We know!

know what the landing is? Wait, it's elephant. Elephant is the destination. Because the answer you're looking for is nightfall. Fuck.

Hey, can I just say, silver lining, I'm pretty sure this one's turning out to be harder than the first one. I'm still circling in my helicopter looking for how to land elephant. Oh man, but it was right there, man. It was right there. It sure probably was. Okay, all right. Um, no, I can't do it. What are you gonna say? Fall off. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Where did this great plan of yours bring you, Mark? Back to me. Offload! I'm heading right toward elephant. I'm glad you said the right word. Load up.

Don't say upload. Up end. Okay, good. You bitch. One of us is progressing, Mark. One is living in the past. No, we got there. We got there. End of the show. Oh, wow. End of the show. Final word. Or show elephant. Yeah.

That's the thing, right? Joe Elephant. Yeah, yeah, that's the thing. That's the thing. Yeah! I got it right away when you said show, but I wanted to make you squirm. Okay, that's fine. Because what I was doing, it was like fight night, and then it was going to be like night circus, and then circus elephant. Yeah, I feel that circus was the one that I thought of, Mark. Mark's original one was pink elephant, but I was also thinking you could try and arrive at circus elephant. The only one I had was blue elephant, which is like the dude from Star Wars.

blue elephant what yeah the blue elephant guy who plays like the keyboard oh yeah yeah because uh robot chicken had a whole thing like they did a song where like fucking one of the NSYNC guys came on not actually but was like singing about being a blue elephant like his whole shtick was he was a blue elephant so it's like dude they must both be thinking blue elephant that's the one that's the one there's there's a little pettiness in this journey but i do like it to get from chair to elephant we got

chair lift, lift up, uplift, lift off, off beat, beat up, up dog, dog fight, fight night, night fall, fall off, off load, load up, up end, end of the show, show elephant.

Been a lot of offs and ups. We're really good at screwing each other over. Oh, man. You're like, that's not the ending I want to do. Go again. You had four ups. You had three lifts. Anyway, that was a good one, guys. Beautiful.

Let's try one more. That's all we'll have time for. Oh, we got time for at least three. I can't imagine how this one will be too difficult. We're going to do river and piano. And Wade goes first. All right. River walk. Walk. Okay. Walk way. Way to go. I like it. So Mark's word is go. Oh, no, that's backwards. Oh, no.

I went down the wrong path. I keep making it backwards in my head. I keep making it backwards. Are you thinking like from the end back to where we are? Are you just like flipping things around in your head? No, I think of like a word that goes with piano. But this time I went, ah, piano bar. It's perfect. I'll go backwards from there. And then I start connecting to that. And I'm like, that's not how the game works. Anyway, what was your word again, Wade? I've completely forgotten at this point. Go. Okay. All right. Got it. Go low. Low key. Low key.

God damn it. Fuck. Every time it comes back to me, it's not my plan. I got to rethink it all over again. I was like, oh, keys. He's trying to get the keys. No, why would that key piano? Just because it's associated with piano doesn't mean it helps. I don't know, man.

I thought you were going to go low bar, and then it's right there. No, no, no. What are you going to go bar piano? That's stupid. Low key. No, no, no. Low key. All right, key. I'm laughing because I believe in you, and this is very good, positive stuff. I mean. Key hole. Oh, okay.

Oh no, no, no, what are you doing? Holy moly!

Okay. Is that your answer? Are we going with holy moly? He has to go with it. It's like chess. You said it out loud. Oh, okay. I don't know. Moly might be an end of the line. Oh, oh, uh-huh. Oh, hole. Hole hole is not one. Oh, in the wall on the wall. Okay. Oh, in the wall. Oh,

Why did I think that was a term? Because that's what I was hoping you were going for. Hey, I gave it to you. Why did I think wall piano was a thing? I thought wall piano was a thing. Wait, if you could define it, what is a wall piano, Mark? I thought it was like piano in the wall. I don't know why I thought that. I was like, yeah, that's a thing that exists. I've got a word I want to get to, but I don't know how we're going to get there from here. Oh, no. Okay. All right.

Oh, Mark, did we just have the same thought? I can't wait to fuck this up for you guys. I was going to say, wall bar is a thing, right? Whether it's a bar on the wall or it's an actual bar embedded into the wall, I think wall bar could be many things, but it's real, right? Wall bar? If you Google wall bar, there is a consistent thing that comes up. Right? That's a thing? Yeah. It's a thing. Okay.

Okay. Okay. I'll allow it. I'll allow it. Wall bar. Bring it home, Wade. Bar piano. That's

That's the thing, right? You have to say it like you want to say it. That's the rule. Bar piano. Oh, shit. Is that a thing? Every time if I look up bar piano, it just comes up piano bar. Oh, no. I think that that's correct. That's not the way I was trying to get us. I think our definition of what is and is not a thing has been pretty loose. I was willing to give you bar piano purely in the context of like, oh, it's a piano in a bar. It's a bar piano. OK, good. OK, cool.

Because like, it does have a meaning. I feel like that's distinct, right? It's not a concert piano. It's a bar piano. So it's like, it's a little sticky. I want a grand piano so bad. Grand was one I thought you guys could get to. That's what I was trying to get. I was like, all right, something grand. But how do you end in grand is the hard thing. Yeah, that was a tough thing. I couldn't think of it. Stand grand. Stand grand.

No. All right, give us another. We're getting better at this. That one was much shorter. We had river walk, walkway, way to go. Go low, low key, keyhole, hole in the wall, wall bar, bar piano. Okay, when you read it all together there, it sounds a little bit more unhinged. We'll do speed round this time. This is where- I'll give you one I feel like could be done super efficient. We're starting at train and we're ending at- Station. Clock. Oh.

Train, whistle. Whistleblower. Blower and mower. Mower, I hardly know her. All right, mower, I hardly know her. Mark's word is her, I guess. Her. What was the last word we were going for? Clock. Her clock! Ha ha ha ha ha!

He's not wrong. That is hers. That's all. Her name was on it. I mean, if it does, in fact, belong to her, I guess it is her clock. Oh, dude, we were reading each other's minds on that one. When we go fast, we don't even need to think about how wrong we are. Come on, give us another. We're getting into it now. All right. All right. I want to do cloud...

It's a shoe. Wade goes first. Great. Cloud has so many things that follow. Cloud in the sky. You gotta say in the sky. You can't say the... Cloud in the sky. Skyfall. Fall down. Down under. Underfoot. Oh. Oh, right there. What are you doing? Football. Fuck! Oh my god!

Get your ball shoes. Shoes for the ball? I love it. Bald. Mark's word is duh. Duh. Shoes. Next one, man. All right.

Cloud of the sky, skyfall, fall down, down under, underfoot, football, ball, da shoe. It's so obvious now when you say it like that. I don't know why my brain just doesn't go for the words that you can connect. It's like, I need to get to foot because foots are connected to shoes. Foots are very close to shoes. Are we doing another one more speed one? Oh yeah, one more. Oh yeah, last one, best one. We're going to do bicycle to candle. Bicycle lock.

Locksmith. Smith and Wesson. Oh, no. Wesson Isle virus! What?

I just want to throw out there, you could have also gone with Wesson Wound. But no, Wesson Isle Virus. Mark, your word is virus. Virus medicine. Medicine man. What word were we going for again? Candle. Man candle. No, man with a plan. Man with da plan? Man with da plan. All right, plan. Landle.

Plan. You got Wesson, but not plan? I sure did. Planter. Plan. All right, Mark, your word is ter. Ter candle. Ter key. Ter key. Wade, your word is key. Yankee. No. Never mind. Key yang.

Key West. Oh no. We gotta keep the speed up here, gentlemen. Don't give me West Nile. West Nile. Nile River. Is river the starting word? No, bicycle. River was a previous starting word, though. Okay, Nile River. River water. Water... flow. Water flow.

Flow like wax. Is that a term, right? Yeah, let me check that in Google and see if flow like wax comes up. He hit the dance floor. He hit a flow like wax. That's a thing. Isn't that a term?

No, it's not never mind fuck off. No fuck you. No fuck you. Sorry judge sir Fuck you. Sorry flow free free bird bird got it. Okay. I see where we're going mark It's there. It's there What is there? What is there? I see it. It's like check bird candle

What are you looking at? Bird scented? What are you looking for? Oh, I was trying to get to a different word. Bird wax? Is that it? Something in between? What do you mean? What?

Ah, yes. Bird flu. Good one. Wait, I'm sure that's the word you were hoping for. No! I don't know, bird scented brilliance is a real thing. Flu... Flu-like. As in flu-like symptoms? Yeah. Got it. Oh. Oh. Like a bird? Yeah, you do it, Smarty. Like a bird. Yo, what did you have? Like a butterfly sting like a bee. Okay.

No, like a bird. Let's see what you got. Birds and the bees. Oh. Bees wax. Wax candle. Oh, man. Why is it the worst one yet? Jesus Christ. That one was so weird.

We did our best. We finally arrived at our destination, but we traveled through Bicycle Lock, Locksmith, Smith & Wesson, Wesson Isle, Virus, Virus Medicine, Medicine Man, Man With Da Plan, Plan Ter, Ter Key, Key West, West Nile, Nile River, River Water, Water Flow, Flow Free, Free Bird, Bird Flu, Flu Like, Like A Bird, Bird And The Bees, Bees Wax, Wax Candle. Ha!

See if you can get there any faster, viewing and listening audience. I'm sure there's plenty of people laughing their heads off out there, chuckling it up. See if you can do better. You can't. You won't. I feel great.

I had a great time. That was very fun. I say you guys were better at that than I thought you might be. How bad did you think we would be? God. I was afraid we wouldn't be able to finish one and we'd just have to give up and move on. But you guys got there. What, did you forget sheath into east was a thing? Sheath into east.

See? Ingenuity, that's what we do here. Brain smarts and other good things. That's what I knew we were on the right path. Wesson Nile virus, that really... I still fucking... In no time, literally, Mark was like, Smith and Wesson, and you were like, Wesson Nile virus, and then the next one...

It was like virus medicine. And you were like, oh, medicine. What comes after medicine? No. Listen, sometimes this thing fires in all cylinders and sometimes we out of gas. Gentlemen, thank you for playing along. As always, I appreciate you doing whatever I tell you to. Technically, you don't have to, but you do anyway. I'm going to recount the scores. And the name that I say first has nothing to do with anything. Don't even think twice about it.

Mark. Yes. You got a point for bonkers conkers, harassment, nice tight elbow. He's a conk man, lightsaber, fair point, uplift, fuck you, load up, per clock, da shoe, and turkey. Wade, order means nothing. The winner is whoever has the most points, and I said it in no particular order. Wade, you got points for chestnutty apricorns, too bald Johnny, there's jigs there. Yes.

There's juice there. Excuse me? What? Mabunil, if you're fancy. Saber and sheath. Beer bottle. Up end. Show elephant. Way to go. West Nile virus. Plantar. And it's there! I see it!

I forgot about Mabunil. Mabunil. Mark, you earned a total of 11 points. And like I said, the order means nothing. I didn't say the loser first or any particular reason. I picked at random. Wade, you earned 12 points. Yes! Turns out the random order is the same as if I had read the loser first. I wrote you guys down in a different order than usual, so I tried to mix it up. Woo!

Honestly, you guys in the lightning rounds, I feel like I missed some points and I feel like Mark, I might've missed one or two, but I think I missed one for Wade. No, it's okay. It was close. It was quite the competition. You know what people will always remember this for other than maybe Mabunil, which I hope they do is sheath and de east. Really started off strong with saber in sheath and sheath of de east. Yeah, wait, sheath of de east was mine. Excuse me. Oh, believe me. I would have never thought of sheath and de east. Yeah.

I still don't know what the fuck it means, but I'm glad it worked. I know exactly what it means, Mark. Don't let him tear you down. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This might tear you down, though. Mark, loser speech. Well, you know, I think we got to showcase just how much our skills complement each other.

When we're all working together, which in this episode we were not, and therefore missing our crucial third piece, we fell apart. So Bob, you're the glue that holds our brains together. You're like our cerebrospinal fluid. You're the medial gap between our hemispheres. You are the cerebellum that anchors our two frontal lobes. Without your brainstem...

We would just be nothingness. I like to think I'm the space through which you are flung when you get your concussions. Oh, yeah. I hope so. I'm your intercranial space. Good speech, Mark. Yeah, that had the vibes of a winner's speech. That's just my attitude every day. You gotta dress for the job. Wade, give the actual winner's speech.

Alright, I won. I feel like crap, but you know, I had some good laughs, some good moments, and I'm gonna probably pass out for a little while after this, but it was a good time, good game. I want to play this again. I want all three of us to somehow play it together. I don't know, but great episode, Bob, Mark, you and I. Like we were reading each other's sentences.

Okay, thank you everybody for listening. Thank you even more for watching because everybody knows we favor the watchers over the listeners. It's not even close. If you want to be in our inner circle, you need to watch. You need to be a watcher. Everybody knows that. And you can only watch it on Spotify, so make sure you go and check that out. Mark is Markiplier on the internet. Wade is LordMinion777 or Minion777 on the internet. I am MySkirm on there. We have Mark.

distractiblestore.com make sure you check it out make sure you follow the podcast on whatever platform you listen on so then it'll pop up when there's a new one because you don't want to miss it imagine if you hadn't watched this today your life would be terrible and sad probably anyway thank you so much for being here that's the end stay tuned next time when wade hosts because he is just so much better than both of us until then podcast out