Bob's Secret Words
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Yes! It's time for Bob's Secret Word. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hello and welcome back to another episode of your niece's favorite podcast. I made that joke before. Your favorite podcast. World famous podcast for being your favorite podcast. This is Distractful. Hello, welcome. My name is Bob. I'm your host for this episode and I am not in my usual place. I'm in a vacation house in North Carolina with a screaming baby in the other room and...

six other adults in the house. So it might be a little noisy, but we're doing our best. And I will be joined from their usual places by my usual friends for to be the usual competitors on the usual podcast. It's Mark and Wade. Say hi.

I'm the usual one. Are you like in a safe house or are you hiding from the government or is it actually vacation? It's vacation. This is a big family vacation. It's like we're near the beach and James saw the ocean for the first time a couple of days ago and he loves it. He has no fear whatsoever. We were literally like, he might not like it. It's big and scary. And we walked him out onto the beach and we're like, look, it was the ocean. And for half a second, he was kind of like...

What the fuck's wrong with that pool? And then he was like, I'm going in and ran into the ocean at full speed. And he does not know what fear means. That's terrifying. He wants to go swim with the sharks, meet Aquaman and all that stuff. Fun family memories. Terrifying, but fun.

I want Mark to babysit him at the beach now with Mark's love of the ocean and James' fear of the ocean. I think those two combined. This is a winning combination. Don't worry about a thing, Bob. Go to sleep. You can slumber. James gets into the three inch deep edge of the ocean and Mark is like, he's gone.

I'll call Bob. We went to the ocean and no one hates the ocean more than Henry. And no one love hates the ocean more than Chica. She gets her toes in and as soon as the wave comes by, she's like... And then Henry just like stands at the edge. And literally we're not even pulling on his leash and he's still like feet dug in, leaning back like this. We're not tugging him towards the ocean. And every time we're about to get near when Chica's going, he's still like...

I'm ready. You're going to betray me at any moment. He's like the opposite of that character. Who's he's like, hold me back. Hold me back. No one's touching him. And he's like, don't make me. And you're like, just stay there, man. That's fine. He's like, I won't do it. The same way about the pool. But we took Chica to a creek. Finally, she saw like an actual like kind of creek river thing. She loved it. She was in there waiting around and all the water was so curious about all the ripples, drank some of it, which is probably not great, but she

loved it why does she hate pools in the ocean she's a literal golden retriever which are meant to be water dogs and yet she hates the water except for the creek so maybe it's just specifically rivers that she was bred for she's actually a golden creek or creek retriever it's a very specific subspecies

Our dogs will hop on like a raft in the pool. Ginger loves being in and around the pool. She'll like hop on the step and sit in it and stuff. Presley's a little bit more finicky about it. Presley's the only one that's ended up in a creek. It's because he was chasing a rabbit. We were just, I didn't take them down with us. We were just down at Lake Cumberland in Kentucky this past weekend. I wish they'd come with us, but we knew there was gonna be some other dogs that they didn't get along well with in the past. I just didn't want to deal with it. So they got to go to vacation instead of my mom's. They're the only dachshunds I know that will kind of like tolerate water. The rest of them have always hated it.

But Ginger loves water. She doesn't mind swimming. She doesn't mind sitting on a raft. I've never had a pro water dog myself. Lexi knows the truth about water. She hates it. It's all just different kinds of baths and baths are for idiots and losers. She knows what's up. Wait, do you have a video? Do you have a video of your dog doing that adorable tiny dog jump into the water? Oh, yeah. I probably do somewhere. The Superman. She wouldn't do the jump, but we do have the video of holding her over a pool and she's all...

She's not in the water. She's trying to swim. We've got to have one somewhere. I need to find that. But yeah. I think, actually, speaking of dogs, I've always said Henry's incredibly smart, right? He had an eye infection recently. He still does. He's getting it taken care of. So he has eye drops for it, right? So for a while, it's like his inner... Dogs have two eyelids, and the inner one was inflamed. So every time, he looked like he had a big droopy eye. And so I started giving him these drops. And he didn't rebel too much at the first times. But I swear...

He asked me for the drop, right? I can't tell you it wasn't because he'll come up to me sometimes and like whine if he wants food or something. And I go like, we already had dinner. I was like, you had dinner. You want to go outside? And he's like, he doesn't respond. Because whenever I say the word that he wants, he'll jump and he'll go towards the thing. And I was like, outside, outside? Going back and forth this. And I said like, do you want...

Do you want the drop? And he goes, medicine. And he's like, he doesn't know these words, but they're different. And I think he's tangentially related. So I get up and he's like, OK, yeah, follow me. And he leads me to the kitchen where we have the little eyedropper. And I get the eyedropper and I pointed at him. He's like this. And he goes, sits, tilts his head up. And I'm like, do you understand this makes your eye feel better? Are you asking for it?

And so I gave it to him and he was like, then he went off on his own. And I'm like, oh my God, he's so smart. Anyway, he's a very smart boy. That is pretty smart. Yeah, that's really smart. Lexi is not like that. Lexi gets her once a month flea and tick medicine. And every time it's like, I show her a treat and she's like, okay. And then I show her the pill and she's like, oh.

you go fuck yourself. I'm going upstairs. I'm like, no, no, come over here. I got it. I show her the treat and she's like, I remember the other thing you just showed me. I'm not that stupid. And then it's like a wrestling match. It's a whole thing. She doesn't care if she dies of heartworms. She's never taken a pill willingly in her life. I've managed to trick Chica into taking pills because if it's small enough, not for like the flea pill medicine thing, the treat that's huge.

But if it's like little antibiotics she had, I practiced with her throwing popcorn at her. So she loves popcorn. So she'll automatically be like, and she's very good at catching it. If you throw the pill at her, she will automatically go. So you don't even have to try. Has she ever just had like a bad catch and just launched the pill into orbit accidentally? Or has it always worked out? Sometimes, sometimes. We never lost it. If I pick it up again, because that's what we do with popcorn. Every time she misses it, pick it up again. I throw it at her. She loves it.

So she takes those pills. No problem. If it's having two dogs is they both want what the other one gets. So I'll get the heartworm out. And Presley, he's just happy to eat whatever. Like I can wrap it in anything. I can put a little peanut butter, whatever. He'll eat it. So Ginger, she's like, I want to eat the treat around it. I'll spit the pill out unless she thinks I'm going to give something to Presley. So I'll let Presley like lick her pill or whatever first.

And then she's like, no, no, I want that. And she'll eat it without even thinking, just gobble it down. So that's how I get them to do the heartworm is Presley has to lick her treat before she'll eat it. And Presley will just eat his fine. I should do that with the dog and the baby. It would totally work. I don't want to encourage you to give your baby dog medicine, but like wouldn't

Wouldn't hurt. Ear meds, I can't. There's nothing I can do to make them like ear medicine. Hey, baby. Hey, guys. I have a baby. Oh, wow. Is this his first appearance on the podcast? I think it is. It might be. How are you doing, mister? Who's supposed to be taking a nap? Who's not right now? Well, this is interesting. I'm assuming this means he's being a problem. Dad's not busy. Sit him in there. Lock the door. How could it possibly be a problem? No, no.

Whoa, hey, now we're here and we're still in the same episode. Absolutely. Everything's the same. Nothing happened. Do I explain it or do we just not even? No, yes, maybe. We're here now and we had some excellent small talk that I very much remember because we just had it just a moment ago. But now it's time to play the game. And I have a game and I've DM'd you both some lists of words.

And this is basically, this is a game show. Let's be honest. I borrowed this format. But I've decided to call this the Pyramid of Frenemies. Okay. Are we co-oping? Kind of. So have you guys seen like the $10,000 pyramid? I have to sneeze.

OK, or like passphrase. I sent you lists of words and you kind of have to work together, but you're kind of competing against each other. One of you has to get the other one to say the words on the lists. I've sent you several lists without saying the word yourself. And there are themes to the rounds. And so I think there's a game called Password. There's definitely a TV show called like $10,000 Pyramid. Password is nipple.

Look, Mark had that brilliant idea of Mark's secret words. And I just thought that that was a really, that really shifted things for me. And I thought that was really, so this is kind of like a riff on, this is my version of the secret word stuff. Bob's secret words. Not as brilliant as Mark's idea. Possibly the best idea we've ever had. We've not had an idea like this since Weird Part 6. We'll see about that because it's time to play. I don't want to call it the Pyramid of Front. That's a terrible name.

Bob's secret mid. Bob's secret Mark and Wade's words. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It rolls right off the tongue. Mark, you're up first because apparently I sent these to you first. The first round, the theme is video games. And you have a list of hopefully five words. It looks like five words. Uh-huh.

I'm sure you understand the rules of the game. I'm going to put one minute on the clock for every word that Mark successfully gets Wade to guess. You get a point and you don't get points if you don't get Wade to guess the words and vice versa. So your goal is to get them and you want to participate because your opponent could just not guess any words. I'm hoping we don't get to that point. And we only get 10 seconds per round. 60. You get one whole minute. Where did I get that? I have no idea where you got 10 seconds.

It's kind of like charades or what's that? You can use anything you want. Like you can say related words. You can go for like things that rhyme. You can pantomime stuff. Anything you want except for actually just saying the word that you're trying to get word or words that you're trying to get your...

guesser to guess. There's no strict rules. So however you want to approach it. Does he get a point for guessing on my list? I get a point for him guessing words that I'm saying. You are getting points when you are trying to get Wade to guess and Wade is earning points when he is trying to get you to guess. So we're playing in good faith here because theoretically, if you just didn't guess at all or guessed really poorly, you could screw your opponent out of any points. But I have a feeling that if that happened, no one would ever get any points.

Wade, I will play fairly. I will try my best to give you the best answers when you go, and I'll try to give you good clues here. Same. And I'm sure Wade commits to the same. Yes. The scoreboard doesn't matter. I just want to cooperatively get some points with you. Mark, your first round, the theme is video games. Oh, also it's six words each. I just don't count very good. You see your six words, Mark? Are you prepared? Yes, I do. I'm ready. I'm ready. Let me at them. Ready, set, go.

Yes. The thing outside the cat's shit in. Yard. Glitter box. Garden. Outside. Mulch. Under a playset, there's sometimes a... Sandbox. Sand. Yes. Another word for area in a game. Land. Zone. Stack them on top of each other. You have an elevator go up and down them. Floor. Block. Level.

Yeah, level. All right, this is the exclamation mark over someone's head. Idea, quest. Yeah, there we go. All right, some dude, not a dude though, not a human, not human at all. Alien, NPC. Yeah. At the highest floor of the building, there would be the... Top roof. Oh, sorry, I meant person at the top of the building.

Hey, that was pretty good. That was pretty good. You got sandbox level quest NPC. That's pretty good. You were also going for boss and controller. You didn't really get to what he is. That was good. Wait, are you ready? Do you have your list in front of you of the video game words?

I think so. One of them doesn't have a dot by it, but I'm willing to forgive that. I know that's incredibly confusing. I'm sad. I was, I sent these messages from my phone while I was at the beach, which I was just at earlier during the same episode five minutes ago. I'm really sorry for the formatting. Anyway. That's okay. That's okay. But anyway, wait, go. The place you start over when you die. Game over. Starting zone. This time we can't read.

What? Respawn? Without the re. Spawn. Spawn. This-er shooter. First person? You grab this off the ground. Ground. Gunner. Bang boomie. You could also play it as an instrument. Trumpet. Drums. Terrific.

French horn. Flute. No. The whole point of games where you're going to grab goodies like treasure. Loot. Yes. He said it. Yes. Nine seconds. The Last Airbender. Air. Bald. The title. Avatar. Thank you. That's it. What a first loot shooter. What was the clue to that one? He was trying to get loot or shooter and he said this or shooter. Oh. Oh.

That's so confusing. And then the instrument one. Who's going to guess loot as an instrument? Oh, oh, like a loot. I was doing my best. Every hit you said, I was like, yep, no way Mark's getting that one. But yep, yep. Technically, yes. And the whole respawn, I was trying to steal your song from, you know, in space. This time we can't respawn. I don't know.

I don't remember. I think Mark might have some other thing kind of rushing around his head right now. My next thing was going to be the clown from the movie Spawn in the 90s. I don't know if you know that one. No, man. Dude, your references. So. Alright.

I thought this was going to be really balanced, but I'm having concerns about where Wade is coming from. I'm going to be... No one's brain works like Wade's brain. Get ready. I'm tuned in. I'm locked in. I know how to make you guess.

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So far, as per usual, this is going exactly as I thought it would. And I knew what you guys would do. And it's really good. Mark, are you prepared for round two? I'm so ready. Round two is, and we're all really good at this, science. Just generally science. These will be science-y words, but not specifically like physics or technology or biology. It could be anything. Mark?

60 seconds on the clock. It doesn't help if I don't know some of these words myself, right? There should be a relatively knowable words. Should be. They're like high school and lower level words. Generally, hopefully this was good. Anyway, Mark, 60 seconds. Get them. All right. So when you're in an electric chair and the guy's next to you, he throws a big lever thingy. What's this thing? Switch. Different. He throws the lever. He completes the...

Circuit. Yeah. Yes. There's an event horizon. You're going to spaghettify if you go in there. Black hole. Yes. Okay. Bill Nye, the science guy, once did this thing that's lived with me forever. He took a carrot that was dried out and shriveled and he put it in a glass of water. The effect.

What happened? The shriveled carrot absorbed the water and it was crunchy again. What happened? Reanimation. Reanimated. Regrowth. Speaking of animated, there's a great movie with a pill. A movie pill came in with a gun and the white blood cell

Osmosis Jones. Yes! It's this little single-celled organism. Amoeba. It's in the air everywhere. It's gonna make you sick. That's time. That's time. I can't believe you got osmosis, though, with an Osmosis Jones reference.

That's a bonus point. I'm giving you a bonus point for referencing Osmosis Jones. Thank you. One of the most underappreciated movies of my childhood. I can't believe I got that reference. The carrot, though, that actually has lived with me forever. Like, I know Bill Nye, he put a carrot in water or something like that, and it's...

It absorbed the water and it became crunchy again. So I do that. Sometimes I had old blueberries that were kind of shriveled up and I was like, I wonder if it'll happen. Put them in water. They plumped right up. It was crazy. It's fantastic. It works really well for herbs. Herbs dry out in the fridge really fast, but they'll freshen right up if you just osmosis them a little bit of water. You got to chant while it's in the water. Osmosis, osmosis, and quack.

Literally since it happened in the movie Osmosis Jones, in one of the live action scenes, there's a scene where Bill Murray, who plays like a slovenly, disgusting, greasy man, has like the world's largest zit on his forehead. And there's a scene where that explodes of its own volition and sprays the zit goop onto the face of the woman he's talking to, who I think was his child's teacher or principal or something. Yeah, something like that.

That has been like a fear. Like I've never had a zit that I thought would do that. But that's since I saw that in the back of my mind, if I ever get a zit, I've always been like, oh, please don't explode.

I don't understand. Some people are super into popping. Oh yeah, that doctor pimple pop or whatever. I don't understand any of that. Also me, not, I'm not going to yuck someone's yum, but also yuck. God. To make it into pimple popper corn. You can spontaneously pop other people's pimples by going osmosis, osmosis to them. They'll just swell with water right away. I'll come to a bunch of teenagers and just do that. And it looks like a murder scene. Yeah.

The weird superpower. You walk up to the villain. Osmosis, osmosis. And they're just like...

What's he doing? Oh no! I was gonna say something not as deadly where you osmosis yourself if you ever lose your boner when you're making love. Sweet love. Osmosis, osmosis, osmosis. Comes right back. You're in the throes of intimate passions and you're just like, osmosis, osmosis, osmosis. Who is osmosis and why do you keep saying their name right now? I know, I'm with you, but I'm always thinking about osmosis. Alright, Wade, science. 60 seconds on the clock. Commence.

Plants absorb sunlight via... Not osmosis, photosynthesis. Yes. Not a positron or an electron, but a... Neutron? Yes. Not religion and creation, but the process of monkey to... Evolution? Yes. Force that sucks us down to planets. Grass?

Yes. Really small. The basis of all things are... Atom? Yes. A combination of atoms makes... Molecule? Yes. Well, I... But... Well, damn. Is that all of them? Yeah. Ha!

You had 22 seconds left on the clock. That was first guess every time. I'm so flabbergasted by what just happened. I'm so proud of us. I can't believe it, man. After getting stuck on spawn on the last one, I really thought I was in trouble here. Are you some kind of scientist? What the hell was that? I don't know, but I'm not going to lie for molecule. I was like, I think it's a combination of atoms, right? Yeah.

All right. Wade comes charging back. I have a renewed optimism about where this is going, gentlemen. All right. Round three. I'm excited for this one. I tried to make it fair, but these are some interesting words. Round three is borrowed words as in words that we use in English, but that are borrowed from other languages. If you're curious on your list, it shows you which language the words you have are borrowed from as

And some of them I find very funny and was completely unaware of. And some of them are pretty obvious, I think. So, Mark, you're up first. You know all those words, right? Do I have to make him guess where the country of origin? No, no, no. I included that because I thought it was interesting. It's the exact same game. You just have to get him to guess the word. Some of them I was like, oh, that's from that? Oh, I didn't know that. And I was like, they might want to know that. I'll just copy and paste that right over.

All right, okay. So you got 60 seconds, Mark? I'm ready. Go. In SpongeBob, there's a guy that chases SpongeBob when him and Patrick were selling something and he screams this real loud.

Stop. No, it's about what they were selling. Jellyfish. No, come on, man. I don't know this episode. It's edible. It's edible. And there was an old lady shriveled worm in a wheelchair. I don't know. Oh, okay. Skipping that. Bob is this. Bob is this for ads a lot. Oh, shit.

Happy, nice, calm. It's a character. I do this character. Guru. Yes. There you go. Okay. All right. So the Nutcracker. Play the people in the Nutcracker are doing this dance. Toot-toot. Ballet. Oh, right at the buzzer. Ah, God. I'm sorry. What was the first one? It was chocolate. You know. Chocolate! Chocolate!

I don't remember that. I don't think I've seen that episode. Oh, man, it's one of the best. The only one I can think of is like, how many times are we going to teach you this lesson, old man? I was like, none of that would be a borrowed word. I'm sorry. I think the chocolate episode might be one of the most famous episodes.

I haven't seen it. I don't remember it. That's definitely a very famous meme slash reference from the show. Yes. I'm so sorry I failed you. Bad luck. Bad luck, Mark. It's okay. You could just sandbag wait a little bit and really cut down. You can manipulate this. No, no. I'll try because it feels like I'm winning if I guess right.

Well, Wade, are you ready to get Mark to guess some borrowed words? Yeah, yeah, let's do it. Alright, go! After preschool, before first grade. Uh, recess. Um, uh, uh, um, what the fuck, what the fuck? Kindergarten! Yes! A big wave, big scary wave. Tsunami. Browser on your phone. Edge? No. Chrome. Chrome.

Safari. Yes. Uh, you play this. It has a bunch of keys. Piano? Yeah. Uh, things like there's plenty more fish in the sea, dime a dozen, home's where the heart is. Slogan? Close. Uh, things people say that are said a lot. Colloquialism. Another word for that, I think? There's another word for colloquialism? What?

It's a similar meaning. It's not the same. You'll know when you see, hear it, think of it. Uh, uh, turn a phrase. Um, don't be two syllables. Don't be stupid. I'm sorry. That's yeah. Don't be stupid. He was going for cliches.

My next one was faux pas. I'm not going to lie. I had no idea what to do for that. So I'm glad we didn't get to it. Oh, you just say I do these a lot. Me, Wade, all the time. That's great if I knew what a faux pas meant. Equivalent to like putting your foot in your mouth. Oh, God, I do do that a lot. You make some kind of social mistake with it. That's supposed to be embarrassing. I was going to say it rhymes with Roma. Yeah.

It rhymes with blah blah. Are rhymes against the rules? No, I specifically did say you can do rhymes. I guess that would technically be allowed. Woo, too bad. Never got to do it. All right. Round four is going to be household items. Like chapstick? Fuck.

It's not a container. You're holding up a container. You're on it. This is not a container. No, no, no. It's not. This is just chapstick. You got to hold the chapstick up without the container to really make the point. Oh, here you go. Oh, chapstick. I know what that is. There it is right there. Household items. This includes like furniture, appliances, house, things in a house or apartment or whatever. Mark, are you ready? I'm ready.

I believe in you. Ready, set, go. If you're in a bath, you don't want this item going in. Toaster. Yes. This box heats up food with magic. Microwave. Yes. So you have your sectional, you got your love seat, and you got your chair, armchair, recliner. Wide. Not a couch? Different word. Sofa. Yes. Bob's most famous episode ever. Fridge. Fridge.

The whole word. - Count it, I'll count it. - Okay, so illuminate your life with these in your house. - Lights. - No, the thing it's in. - That! - I can't see what you're pointing at, but I'm gonna say a lamp, standing lamp.

So... That's time. Oh, man, I got caught up because it cleans your dishes. No, wait. It cleans your plates and whatnots. That was a good one. That was a good bounce back round. That was a good one. Okay.

Five out of six. Wade, are you ready for household items? Yes. Ready, set, go. Tell's time. Clock. That guy from Futurama played by Joe Di- John DiMaggio. Bender. Wait, no, there's an L. Blender. That's a blender. That's a-

The thing you wash your hands in. Sink? The thing you put your pots and pans on to cook. A stove. Uh, you put dirty clothes in this. Laundry, uh, washing machine? First one was closer. Laundry deter- laundry machine? Another word for carrier. Laundry hamper. Closer. Laundry box, laundry bin. Things you take a picnic? Laundry basket?

Thank you! Uh, you cut with these. Cut paper, cut boxes. Knife, scissors. Scissors. Oh, thank you. With three seconds on the clock. Oh, Bender and Blender are two different things I've learned. Yeah, when you started with that, my brain was seriously like, what the fuck does he think? I've not seen much Futurama, but I swear I thought his name was Blender. What?

I was like Blender. I could go with like making dough, but no, I got a great idea. Watch this. If that had been to be fry for air fryer, that would have made sense. Cause I think Joe DiMaggio also plays fry. No, Joe DiMaggio only does Blender in the main cast. Bender. Fucking God damn it. It's actually John DiMaggio. Whatever. Joe DiMaggio was like a football player or something. Who knows? Baseball player thing. John DiMaggio is the actor voice actor. Sorry.

Sorry, John. All right. Round five. Mark. Yes. Round five is items you would find in the grocery store. I believe they're all food. Yes. These are all like food item type things. I just realized the categories. If you think only about that category when you're guessing, it makes it a lot easier. I have not been doing that. I've been thinking about anything. Okay.

Guessing in general. I've been trying, but I'm not going to lie with borrowed words. I had no idea where to focus. You've got 60 seconds, Mark. Are you ready? All right, I'm ready. Go. The best part of waking up. Folgers, coffee. Yes. If Bill and I were to put raisins in a glass of water, he might.

Grape? Yes. If you brush your teeth, you don't want to drink this afterwards. Orange juice. Oranges. Orange. You cut these, you're gonna... Cry onions. Yes. It's gooey. It's creamy or crunchy. Peanut butter. Yes. Slices of pig. Ham. Longer. Thinner. Thinner, longer. Hot dog. Wiener. Ribs. No, thin. Thin, long. Thin, long. Pig. Thin, long pig. Thin. Thin, long pig. Oh, okay.

Hamito. No, no, it's super long and flat and like a ruler. It looks like a ruler and then it curls up. That's, uh... I don't know. Bacon? Oh. Bacon? I'm sorry. You finished his clue for onion, but you couldn't get to bacon. Dude, I don't know. He said curled up and I pictured the dog treats, the little pizzlers. I was like, what the fuck? Ha ha ha ha ha.

you were you were really odd there right up until bacon though literally he was man you just say this with eggs and i had it i was with you you cut these and you were jumped in and we're like and you cry onions yeah i was so with them bacon's not food maybe your grocery store doesn't have bacon are you do you live a baconless life i love bacon honestly first part of the pig i should think of for food bacon

not apparently ham hamsters hem i really wanted it to be ham we got ham at the store today so ham's on my brain uh that's fair it's your turn wayne things at the grocery store are you ready yeah

Uh, go! Big yellow fruit. Banana. Uh, spread this on toast. Butter. On a sandwich, you want ham and... Cheese? The things you were referencing with Bill Nye earlier. Orange. Carrot. Comes in a cup, kind of like a white, thicker... Not white liquid, but liquidy. Uh, there's fruity ones. It's in the dairy section.

Cold. Eat with a spoon. Peel off the little top. Oh, yogurt. Use this to make dough. Use this to make gravy. White powder. Flour. I heard the ding! Did I win? Oh, I know what that is. That's that microphone. I'll be right back.

Man, that could not have been a more perfectly timed real life unrelated ding. Oh my Lord. That was fantastic for me. Wait, you are so fast. The first round I was like, oh no, I thought Wade would be good at these. What happened? And every subsequent round you're so fast. I don't know. You'd think video games would have been my strong suit.

I did think that was like, obviously us first. I was like, that's the easy one. We all do these things. We'll know these words. I mean, I do think that getting the specific word of like loot or spawn is a bit tougher than, I don't know, butter. If we've learned anything over the years, it's that I'm not good at assessing what's easy or what's not easy when it comes to word games. I got to onions before I got bacon, which is a shock to me. All right. Well, thank God you got that, Mike. I know, right on time. All right.

That's okay, though. I think this actually probably sounds just as good, if not better. This is a very nice microphone. Where were we? That bong could not have been more perfect. Literally, as you said the last thing, it was like, flower! This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Well, you know, Rocket Money, it will also send you an alert if, like,

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Huh. I am now that I'm looking at this. I don't know why I made this the sixth and final round, but this is a toughie comparatively. Obviously, the sixth and final round has to be tools. That's just, you know, video games, science, borrowed word, household items, grocery store tools. Mark, are you ready?

I'm ready. You know tools. You're good. You're a tool guy. He won't be the problem here. It'll be me. Well, I guess we'll find out. On your mark, get set, do it. You use this to slam into nails again and again. Hammer. Yes. The first part of this word is another word for fuck. Fuck. And then there's a movie named after the second part. Sex pimp.

You do a lot of this, a lot of wrist action. Screwdriver. So it's neither of the previous two, but monkeys really need them. Wrench. Yes. Okay, there's an infamous picture of me where someone's holding up a marker. I'm in the distance going, ooh. Pliers. Yes. You can play with this or you can use this to measure your penis. Oh, fuck. I said the word. Oh.

Oh, that is unfortunate. All right. We're going to skip that one. See, do. You know, there's a two-part word where you go bouncy up on a big stick, and that's called a see-saw. Saw. Okay, I'm going to give that to you. I'm going to give that to you. Man, even with tape measure, I was like, oh, you can't say measure. And then I came up with, ha-ha, measure your penis. And that, measure your dick.

All right. You have it all to lose, Wade. Great. The ball is in your court, metaphorically. Round six. Six words. Tools. Are you ready? Yes. Go. Use this to dig graves. Shovel? Use this to break into cars or break off planks. Especially in video games, you get it a lot early game. Don't stick a fork in a light bulb. Socket. Socket. Cool. Use this to hit much bigger nails. Uh.

um, mallet. I think you use this also for a similar purpose. It's, it's okay. Use this to hit nails. It's got a first word, big sledgehammer, uh, use this to cut, but a variety of purposes, knife, uh,

One word before that. There's a room in your house. You might have a closet that you call your... Oh, that's time. Broom knife. Utility knife. Utility knife was the word. Oh my God. I thought he was going to get that. I was trying to get sledgehammer when he said mallet. And I was like, well, I guess that works. Wait, was it not mallet? It was mallet. I was told we were allowed to do that. No, you were. But when...

you had been doing them mostly in order and the first one on wade's list is utility knife that's so what i thought i thought you like didn't know what it was and you were like use these to dig graves and i was like oh no oh god oh that's a that's a bad direction i was less thinking about what they're all used for and more how i could get mark to say them that's kind of been my strategy moving since beginning is kind of like uh i do believe a broom knife would be very useful it's

It would have even more uses than a utility knife. I didn't even think you said broom. I think you said room knife. And I was like, well, that is a... I have bed knife. I do have bed knife. That's true. I got a knife for every room. Got office knife, toilet knife, shower knife, sink knife. I know how to get utility. Utility was a tough one to get. You have to pay your blank bills, which include electric and water. That space in Monopoly that no one wants. Or

free parking no that no one wants all the utilities yeah you tell it right i forgot you were trying to get us to guess the word utility i just started saying other things i know you and i both are completely off the rails boardwalk park place do not pass go all right um jail jail no one wants jail i'm a terrible guesser but a good clue giver i wrote a lot of stuff in this one this is all just this episode

I've never taken so many notes. I can't wait till we fill up these pads and I can like auction it off and become rich off of this distractible one of a kind item. That's definitely going to happen. Anyway, Mark, you earn points for sandbox grapes, level orange juice, orange juice, quest onions, peanut butts, NPC circuit hammer, screwdriver, black hole wrench, osmosis players, osmosis bonus. Oh, those are,

Pliers and osmosis. Got it. We're separate. Okay. Guru, saw, ballet, toaster, microwave, sofa, refrigerator, lamp, and coffee. Wade, you earned points for spawn, loot, laundry basket, scissors, bananas, our avatar, photosynthesis, butter, cheese, neutron, evolution, carrots, gravity, yogurt, atom, flower, molecule, shovel, kindergarten, crowbar, namons, just...

Socket, Safari, Mallet. What was that last one? Namekis? Tsunami. It's a tsunami. Got it. Sledgehammer, Piano Clock, Blender, Sync, and...

Flown. Flown. Flour? Flour. Yeah, that's not an N. Mark was such a good guesser on these. Mark really had your back. Mark, you earned a total of 26 points today. I know there's kind of a trend whenever there's a score said first. Oh, you're right. Wait.

You earned a total. Forget what I said. How many Mark got? Wait, you earned a total of 29 points. Oh, how many Mark get? And Mark, you earned a total of 26 points. Oh,

That was a good idea, Mark, saying I'm the other way around. We were a lot closer than I thought. That was really close. Yeah, considering that each of you had rounds that were basically total flops. Dude, my round one was so bad. From round one, you only got, I guess you got three in the end, but just barely. It didn't feel like three. That was fun.

I don't know if you guys had fun, but I enjoyed it. Dude, Mark crushed. When I was given the clues for round two, it was like every word was first guess. That was awesome. That was very impressive. That was possibly the best round in the entire match or whatever you call this. Thank you for giving me points for that, Mark. I really appreciate you crushing it for me there. You're welcome. Teamwork, though. We only missed a few words, right? Yeah. I mean, are there even losers today? You guys are a good team. That's really the takeaway, I think.

Also, Mark loses and Wade wins. So, Mark, if you want to give your loser speech. Today's loser speech is brought to you by Mugroot Beer. You know the feeling. It's 3 p.m. on a Thursday. Too late for a coffee, too early for a beer. So you walk around aimlessly in search of a mysterious third beverage. That's when you need Mugroot Beer.

Drink mugroot beer and let them know you got that dog in you.

Hey, look, listen, smell, hear, touch. All of your senses will be engaged in the following episode. It's a new 5D experience. Thankfully, I won't be hosting, so you will not have to smell, touch, taste, hear, and listen, and see me. Thank you. Do.

Today's Russo's Speech was brought to you by Mugroot Beer. It's a perfect third beverage for any occasion. Caffeine-free, carbonated, and delicious. So drink Mugroot Beer if you got that dog in you.

Hey, you can hear but not listen. So I'm going to give that to you. That's actually the sixth sense is listening while you're here. Wade, congratulations. Mark played really well today, which somehow led to you winning. And you really earned this one, by which I mean Mark really earned it for you. Winner speech?

Even though you declared a winner and a loser, I feel like the real winner today was our teamwork. Mark and I really came together and we gave each other our best. Despite knowing that there were stakes that one of us might win and one of us might lose, we still tried hard for each other. And honestly, all of my points, I owe a thank you to Mark for helping me get because without his guesses, I couldn't have had them. Thank you, Mark, for being such an excellent teammate. We did it.

I love that. I love that sentiment. That's nice. You're right. There are no losers today. Everybody wins except for Mark. That's the end. Thanks so much for hanging through this episode where we magically teleported from one place to another, changed all of our clothes in just a matter of moments and nothing happens that needs to be explained about that at all. You'll never know. Make sure you check out Mark at Markiplier, Wade at LordMinion777 or Minion777, me at MySkirm on PuppetPlanet,

places check out distractible store.com or merch stuff and things make sure you follow the podcast because then you'll get like notifications and stuff because we put out two episodes a week and uh yeah wade's gonna host the next one god can't reiterate this enough mark loses wade wins 5d episode mark declared it i will i will do it yeah and wade's gonna engage all six of your senses all of them that's the end of the episode thanks so much for listening podcast out