87 - Tarkov Wipe ft. Tweak
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All right real quick Eli talk to me tell me how pretty I am hi baddie your beautiful sound Take this yeah, take a side just so you don't block your face. Yeah, I guess here is fine Hey, I'm pretty I am hey buddy. You're really pretty cool. Um I also think I'm quite pretty perfect sounds. Oh, that's here. That's your thing like every time it is now It is now starting it right this I guess I just want to hear you call me pretty look like pretty any time Oh Wait, what did you fuck up nothing?

I just wanted to get ready to pop it. Are we doing it all together? Oh yeah, this is your first time. I forgot you've been here before. You just haven't done it. Ready? Three, two, one. Oh, that felt good. That was a good clip. Open your hands. Yes. That's an American clap. There you go. You said like a man. You caught yourself. Clap like a man. A man. I straight said clap like a man. Oh, I thought you were going to catch it. Like a man. Use your man hands, your big mitts, and f***.

I like you were like this. It's like riding clap. Eli is racially ambiguous. That guy's fucking ridiculous. Don't know.

It's harder to rhyme, but he's a really nice guy. Welcome to unsubscribe. Hey guys, thanks for watching unsubscribe podcast. Make sure wherever you're listening or watching, whether it's on YouTube, Castro, Spotify, Apple, Google, Amazon, Podbean, Stitcher, or...

that's all of them please leave a comment uh like it thumbs up it give it a rating of five stars whatever you do it helps the podcast out immensely and donut and eli will be very happy if you do that and we want to make donna eli happy today yeah for five stars on everything and a comment if there is possible because we need to be at the top donut say something motivating

- And that's where the, you come, that is. - Come subscribe. - Welcome to the unsubscribe podcast. Today as always, you have Eli Doubletap, myself, Batty Shrooms, and my beautiful, sweet Irish baby boy, Tweek. - Hello. - All the way here, all the way in Texas from Ireland. - He moved here. I got you this.

I wanted to ask if this actually smells like Irish Springs. Let me see. Did you buy him? Is that a box of Irish Springs soap? It is. It's empty. I know it's upstairs. Is that Irish Springs? Oh my God. Show, you know what this smells like? Sorry. Shows off cam. Do you remember Radox bath salt? Like you get a bath when you were a kid. Bath salts? Yeah. Don't do bath salts. That actually, that's actually a very nostalgic smell. You guys have troubles. But it doesn't smell like an Irish Spring. Irish Springs just smell like water and grass. Irish approved.

Okay, that's the podcast. Bye, everyone. It's just that's it. My boys, hi! Stop touching the guests. I like this. This is more attention than I've gotten in years. She's right there. She's right there. Oh, man.

This is starting well. It never starts good. The intros of the podcast are kind of like a car wreck. Yeah, yeah. We're just slamming. Cars are hitting. It's like an icy road and just more cars are piling up. Eventually, one will plow through and we'll have a clear path. But until then, it's just a car wreck. And you can't look away because it's a car wreck. You're like, oh, there's a guy dying right there.

This is the clear path. I'm gonna watch it. Yeah the booze. Yeah, no, this is this is helping This is everyone gets in that smooth drunk face and we're just we don't care at that point. Also Eli poured like this much vodka in here. So It is new it's New Year's Eve though. Yeah, happy New Year's Eve or New Year's Day or it's gonna be 2023 when you watch this. Mmm, sorry hose Wonderful supporters

He's going to have to blur your finger. He's going to have to bleep everyone. We're well past the minute. No, we're not. We're within five minutes. It's the first 15 minutes. That was some bullshit. Five minutes? It's 15 seconds from the conversation I had with the YouTube rep yesterday. We're still... Five minutes. We just...

I feel like I have to do this. F*** you, Caleb. You just call him Caleb? Yeah. Call him Fluck. I call him Caleb. No, everybody knows his name. Everybody knows him as Fluck. Don't call him Caleb. He's not a real person. The moment you give him a name, he's a person. Listen, ever since I shared a drink with that man, he's had a warm spot in my heart. He's a cutie. He's a cutie. We got to get him down here. We're trying to. He's going to be episode 99. Is he? We didn't want to f*** up episode 100.

Don't worry, you can also make fun of us that's allowed but just know we're gonna give it ten times worse when we give it back That's how you know your friends. I know Today's gonna be about dark off

And Ireland. Okay. Tarkov and Ireland? Yep. Lucky charms. Okay, Jacksepticeye, chill. What else did you guys give us? Hang on, sorry, one second. Turkey tree, potatoes out in the field. Sorry, hang on a minute. We got beef and Guinness stew, bogs, haggis. You speak, what's the weird Irish language? The language? Yeah. That's so weird. Wait, you guys.

I swear there's another Gaelic or something like that. Do you speak fluent Mexican? Yeah, all the time. No, I don't. I speak terrible Mexican. Have you ever heard my Mexican? No. Absolutely wretched. Uno mas tequila, por favor. Donde esta la biblioteca?

Dundee a star. Dundee a star. El Banano. What's the Gaelic? Yeah. It's actually like a really like hard language to learn. I've had people say to me like, yeah, I'm going to learn Irish before I go there. I was like, well, first of all, there's like 11 people in the country that speak it. So for anybody that doesn't know, like Irish...

Like used to be spoken by a lot of people, but now it's only spoken in places called Gueltux. And there's only a few of them left. And they're like out in the boonies. It's like really small communities of people that still speak the language. It's called a what?

The Gweltacht. Can you spell that for Fluck? Because he's going to put it on the screen because we're all idiots. It's like G-A-E-L-T-A-E-C-H-T or some, I forget. There's too many letters. Yeah, it's a long thing. Good luck, Fluck. When I was a kid, my parents used to send me there and you'd go there for like three weeks. It was like a summer camp.

But, and it sounds really bad until you like get there and it's actually really fun, but you have to speak Irish the entire time you're there. It's like church when you're a kid. Yeah. Kind of, except like you're in a house with like, you know, 15 other dudes or 15 other girls. If you're, if you're a girl and you're going there, but like, it's just, it's a mess, dude.

We send our children to these old guys. They're not allowed to speak a certain language. It always is like a really old couple that runs the house as well. Because they cook your dinners and shit. They lock kids in the basement, don't they? If you speak English, yeah. No, they don't. They just send you home if you do that. Wait, if you speak English, they send you home? Yeah, you've got like three strikes, you're out. If you're caught speaking English, they'll send you home. It was expensive to go there.

What the fuck? That sounds like a boring ass fucking fun camp. No, it was actually really fun. Because before you go there, you think, this sounds terrible. Because we had to do Irish in school. We learned all that in school. What's that? A school education, Eli. Stop mocking our guest's accent. A school? A school? A school?

So when I was a wee lad, we used to go to school. I love him. Jesus Christ. Don't rub your hands around here. You get a three strike rule to get the fuck out. Okay.

If he gets too bad, just punch him in the face. It's fine. It's fine. After we get drunk and we'll wrestle. I am so used to the absolute abuse that I've incurred my entire online life being somebody who's Irish. Because it's just like everybody, first of all, thinks you're an alcoholic, thinks you know as a leprechaun, and yeah. And watch Boondock Saints. Those are all true. And watch Boondock Saints, which is actually a good movie. As you're drinking alcohol, you know a leprechaun. Yeah.

Yeah, pretty much. But yeah, no, it was actually a lot of fun. I met a lovely lady. A lovely lady there. We did our thing and then I never heard from her again when we left. So, yeah. And now you're married. Can you speak Irish? I can. What do you want me to say? You let him go fuck himself? He like fucking Kerr, Ishby and Sustahone.

So that's about as close as I can get to saying go fuck yourself. That means, Eli, put a sausage up your ass. Ker-ish-meh. Ker-ish-bean. Ish-bean is sausage. Ker-ish-bean. Seuss. Why are you so German when you're trying to say it, Eli? De-hone. De-hone. De-hone. That's your ass. Your bum. I love de-hone. De-home. De-home is where the heart is. De-home is where the heart is. That's the new shirt. De-home is where the heart is.

The Herm is where the house is. That's my Irish accent. Where are you from? Me lucky charms. I heard you started going German into Hispanic to the fucking Swedish chef in J5.

- Also, one funny thing. I gotta say this because this pisses me off, right? Everybody tells me, right? "You eat Lucky Charms for breakfast?" No, I don't. Because in Ireland, we don't have Lucky Charms because it's not an Irish company. It's an American company that made them. Okay? I'm just saying. - What's an Irish cereal? - An Irish cereal?

Oh god, are we like Kellogg's show? I just picture potatoes falling into a bowl and then they pour milk on their potatoes. They're just like, can I leave?

- Potatoes, they're magically delicious. - It's just like everything. Do you just imagine that like every time an Irish person opens their press, whether it be like a bag of bread or like a box of cereal, it's just all potatoes. - Potatoes rolling out. - And then for littler things, it's like tater tots. It's just like everything's made of potatoes, our shampoo, our dish soap. - Okay, Batty, we have a question. He already knows the answer. What is the stone?

or rock from ireland oh good job oh you knew that yeah yeah they kind of have to shut that down because of covid oh yeah who'd have guessed you you have to kiss that one isn't there a famous yeah it's like mega sketch i didn't know this but like it's up like a castle and they like hang you over an edge to kiss it i didn't know that upside down you have to go like upside down yeah yeah yeah it's it's wild but uh like a

So the Blarney Stone's a super spreader? Yeah, so now when you gotta kiss the Blarney Stone, you gotta wear a fucking mask. Why would you kiss that? You get to see the people in line that is gonna kiss that in front of you, and you're like, oh man, you just spraying it with disinfectant. You wipe it clean real quick. My parents used to run to bed and breakfast, and we'd be like, what are you doing today? Oh, we're gonna go kiss the Blarney Stone. I was like, yeah, you're kissing fucking 10,000 other people. It's like, you hooer.

Yeah. Who are you? Oh man. That's freaking. You're going to say it. Say it right. You're here. Hey, here we are. Yeah. Yeah. Here we are. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Well, we're glad to have you. You beautiful son of a bitch. You're, you're actually hanging out. You're learning firearms. You're learning the American culture. Sorry. Yep.

Sorry. You're actually... This is great. He moved here. He is losing weight while eating American food. This is a first. That's true. To be fair... History. I might be the first person in human history that's lost weight by eating Popeyes because I got food poisoning. No, that's a pretty common thing, honestly. No.

Yeah, I lost like three pounds in like two days. It was great. Oh, God. Was it coming out both ends or just one? You were trash binning while shitting yourself? Yeah, it was. Hell yeah, bro. We've all been there. All I gotta say is I'm really glad that apparently we moved into those two bathrooms because I got some privacy. You ruined one. It was, yeah. There was some serious porcelain painting going on. Just yellow tape over it. It was like a crime scene.

The winner of last year. That's how my house two years ago. Yeah, I guess. So, so how, how are you feeling right now? You a little tired?

I'm actually streaming a lot lately. So I'm actually good today. I slept for like 12, 13 hours last night after the 36 hour thing. I was surprised I got through that because I made it to almost 24 hours. Well, here, hold on, before we do that, why, what do you, what do you do on the internet? Oh, I play video games. Hey, I played like Tarkov. Fucking nerd. Yeah. I'm a nerd. I'm a big nerd. I do Tarkov YouTube videos. I stream Tarkov. I stream Tarkov.

Stream other things. But mostly Tarkov. Mostly Tarkov. A little escape from Tarkov. We all know you love when we talk about that. Since 2017. He did start playing some Modern Warfare. I didn't just start. I dumped like 250 hours into that game in like two weeks. He was so good. Oh, it was so nice when like Zex also fucking terrible English. And then you. He doesn't speak terrible English. No, but it's two accents. I'm just having a heyday. Because he's not used to Zex either. And Zex is...

Hey, okay, we're going here. Okay, everyone go here. Oh my God, there's poor guys right there. Where are we going? Hey, what are you doing, man? And you're like Tony Montana's on the other line. We're here, we're making calls. Jesus Christ. We're just laughing our asses off. But...

I told Zex, I was like, hey, we're going to have Tweek. He's like, who's that? I was like, trust me, you'll like him. Day one, he was like, oh man, I got a text from him. He's like, man, the Tweek guy, he's really good at causing stuff, man. I was like, yes, Tony Montana, he is very good at causing stuff. That's why I like playing with him. But we got a dub. We did. We did get a dub. We got that spicy fucking dub.

Yeah, that was, dude, that was like the, I was so sad because that game, I did nothing. But like all the other games, I felt like I was doing great. And then when we finally won one, I was like, oh, I hope I'm here too. And like in like the after game screen, it's like, you were in the way. And then it was like the supply dropper.

It's like the fucking token medal for the dude that lost or whatever, you know? And I'm like, okay, I brought the ammo box guys here. You don't want to open the scoreboard. You're like, just keep it close. It was a good game though, because like towards the end, there was like five minutes where it was just like all comps. And it was just like, yeah, we got it. We fought in like an open water. We were like, we're like pushing. That was that one, right? It was like that lake. We were making calls. Everybody's shooting. We're like,

Fucking nerds I know so recently I was doing drops right now Tarkov just wiped her doesn't know that means the game we play way too much of just did a big reset big update create the biggest update and

Oh, for years. For years. Since like Interchanger Labs. Okay, yeah, probably. Yeah, like this is a big one. And they're doing an event mixed with Twitch where there's these drops where you get free items if you watch the shit while it's going on. And basically what that means is every Tarkov streamer burns their life to the ground and streams nonstop. Like Tweekie did 36 hours. Yeah. I did 26 and then 16 the next day. Yeah. It's like that one time of the year.

Where it's like all hands on deck. I imagine it's like Christmas Day for Santa Claus, you know? Santa Claus. Because he's real. He's real. He's really making a presence with his elves and shit, you know?

It's like that one time a year where you just stay up for two days to get your job done because we moved and we spent all our money getting here. Amazon gives us a lot of ad money. Show's like standing just out of frame with a whip.

I'm getting enough subscribers. So, yeah, that's what drops is for us. It's a fun time of year, though. But you wouldn't want it like every month. Once a fucking... Dude, once a year. I might be able to do it a second time. Yeah. Maybe. But

But like my voice is shredded. I'm fucking exhausted. I slept like four hours yesterday. Like I ended my stream at like 8 a.m. 9 a.m. this morning. I said that to show when she got up. I was like, he's asleep. Like, what are you talking about? He just finished a few hours ago. She's like, oh, yeah. I was like, you know, we're here drinking. That was our phone call yesterday. He was like, oh, this was like podcast. He's like, I end it and was like, let's do it. And then he was like, I'm going to do this, this and then.

Today was like, I'm going to go get the sign. Do you want to get food first? I was like, nah, we can just go to the podcast. I would like to get food first. Got it, bro. I need food. I need food right now. I was like, then we'll get food first. Also, I got to say, I'm unsure of the authenticity of that Irish bear. I don't think I've ever seen an Irish bear that serves orange chicken.

It's surprisingly good, though. It's not that it's not good. It's just definitely not an Irish pub. You're saying O'Connor's is not? No, it's Conroy's. Oh, Conroy's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which, like, I do actually know a few people with the last name Conroy. So that is an Irish name. Yeah, but none of the staff are Irish, so that's a no-no for me. I guess we have to cancel him on Twitter. Bunch of Mexicans working there. Yeah. Dude, you see the guy cooking our food? Dude. Huh?

Food? Delicious. I found that place the other day. I was like, hey, they got fucking whatever. Shepherd's pie. I was like, this is dope. We'll have to get a show to make you like a real shepherd's pie. Because what you got wasn't shepherd's pie.

They pile. So I forgot that. I have to tell them not to put gravy on it because they put like an inch of gravy. It's so much. It ruins it. It really does. That's why I scoop it off. But fuck, man. You want me to catch up? I can catch up. It's a bit early in the day. Is it? It's like four o'clock, right? Yeah. Yeah, it's four o'clock. That's like 10 p.m. Irish time. Shut the fuck up. That is true. I did. I should ask Ryden. Ryden would know.

What time is it? Six hours. Oh, it's eight, seven, because it's six from the East Coast, I think. It's... No, it's six hours, because I was talking to my mom the other day. So I was like, it's six hours ahead of me, because it was 6 p.m. She was like, yeah, it's midnight. Thanks for calling me so fucking late, asshole. She actually rang me one time by accident. I woke up, and I was like, oh, God, someone's dead. Because my mom was ringing me, and it was 6 a.m. And I just woke it up. And I answered the phone. She's like, yeah, yeah, because, like, dude, you get calls in the middle of the night from, like, your family or something. It's like, oh, someone's dead, you know? But, like...

Yeah, I answered the phone. She's like, hey, how's it going? I was like, yeah, I'm fucking sleeping. I was just like, oh, yeah. I was like, well, you know, good night. I'm fucking tired. I can call Batty any time of the day and he sounds like that. I'm fucking sleeping. I'm like, right. It's like it's 6 p.m. right now. It's like I went to bed an hour ago.

Sorry, this is my thing. I'm like, okay, bro. Sorry. I'm a train wreck with a schedule, man. It's not good. It's not good at all. I don't know what's happened since I got here, but like, I've been like really good about it. I've been like up early, been streaming during the day, you know, off early, reasonable hour bedded, reasonable hour of the night, you know? Yeah. It's weird. I was even going to the gym for a while until I got sick. And what's your excuse now?

I'm waiting for Tarkov drops to be over. Yeah. Yeah. And then my excuse for when it was coming up with Christmas, I was like, well, it's Christmas. It's cold outside. Yeah. Before that it was cold. Yeah. Fuck.

It's really nice now, though. Okay, we're not talking about the weather. This is not a fucking 80-year-old podcast. That is fair. That was the weather. That was the polar vortex and everything. It had to be way worse last year, though. Either that or everyone in Texas is a massive pussy. No, they're all massive pussies. Really? Dude, I was outside and I was like, yeah, it's a bit nippy.

people out there in like these big Gore-Tex jackets. Like, Oh my God, I'm going to die. And I'm like, we have that. That was fucking filmed a podcast episode at like 60 degrees. Oh my God. Outside in those 20 degrees. Oh yeah. The day that shit hit, we were here at like 11 AM. We started early that it was like an 11 AM podcast. We filmed, uh,

And it was like 50 degrees. We walked outside. It was like 20. I was like, what the fuck just happened? It was a fucking switch. We were only here for like three hours. Holy shit. What the fuck just happened? That's fucking miserable. Yeah, because at home, it's just miserable all the time. That's part of the reason why I moved here. Like most people are like, why did you move from Ireland? It's such a great place. And it's like, well, because everyone's depressed and the weather sucks and so do the taxes. So...

Yeah. Good place to visit, though. I'd always recommend Ireland as a good place to visit, but as far as living there goes, not so much. A lot of people just don't... They've never traveled, done a lot of different things, explored. They just see this preconceived idea. It's like, I want to live X, Y, or Z, and then...

No, you don't. No, you don't. Yeah, take it from someone who actually did live there. Dude, there's so many people as well that since I've moved here and like streaming and stuff, people are like, why do you have Ireland in your tags? And it's like, because I'm Irish. It's like, what is like your, what, like your granddad Irish or something? It's like, no, I am Irish. I just moved here like two months ago. And they're like, you're not Irish. You're just using it for views. And I'm like,

So what a stupid fucking. Yeah. So it's like this whole time. That's what we're going to talk about today. How stupid the fucking internet is sometimes. Cause like what? I'm like,

I've just had like this, this masquerade for like the last however many years I've been streaming since like 2017 that, alright show, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna pretend to be Irish and then we're gonna move to America and then we're gonna really milk it over there, you know? It's like... It's your evil plan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody knows the Irish do great over here. Apparently.

Yeah. Oh, actually they do. Do they? Except I was getting my haircut the other day and the lady asked me where I was from. And I was like, oh, I'm from Ireland. And she was like, sorry, where? I was like, Ireland. And she was like, where? I was like, she's like, is that in Texas? I was like, no, it's in Europe. And she's like, oh, like where France is? And I was like, yeah, yeah.

And then she was like, so where's Ireland? Called public education. And I was like, well, it's like in Western Europe. She was like, you know where, I said to her, do you know where like England is? And she was like, no. And I was like, okay, you're getting a tip. This conversation is not going anywhere. Can you just finish cutting my hair, please? I'm going to sit here and pretend this just didn't happen. That was the first time ever. Did you go to Great Clips? Where'd you go? I don't want to put it on blast. It was in the rim.

Okay. As long as it's not like a friend, never get your haircut in America to like a great clips, a sports clips, anything that says clips in the name. Specifically clips with a Z or if you can walk in day of and get your haircut, like the, and it's like a guy that's like,

They're gonna fuck your haircut. No, okay. I mean, she did a pretty good job. Barber shops have always been pretty good to me, though. Oh, yeah. And also, the haircut was $50 fucking dollars. And that was before the tip. And that flew me away. I've never spent more than $20 on a haircut. Yeah, there's a difference between a barber shop and, like, a walk-in salon here, for sure. Hi, Batty. Do you like sex stuff? I do, too. With the opposite sex. Sometimes.

With all the bad news about these prices these days, it's nice to know that Adam and Eve is still offering the best deal. What kind of deal, Eli? You're talking about adamandeve.com. Get 50% off plus free shipping. That's 50% off an adventurous new toy. How adventurous? That's a dildo. Massive. You see that mushroom behind you? Turn around. Fluck. Punch in. That could be a toy that could insert inside you and it could be 50% off. I like 50% off.

Be adventurous. Maybe some slippery lube or almost anything else you desire. What is your desires, buddy? Butt plugs. Me too. Speaking of which, that mushroom. Our podcast listeners will get 50% off almost any item. And what's the code? The code is just use unsub at checkout and you'll get 50% off of any of your sex toys and free shipping.

Just use code UNSUB at checkout and you'll get 50% off. Fluck, that's just in case I can't say sex. I'm not sure. And free shipping. Doesn't matter what you choose. All will be packaged and sent discreetly to your front door. Man, that would be weird. It's just a giant box painted black.

I got a waste like what if we had like a clear box like I want I want just tape on the I want people to see the fucked up shit I'm buying because that what better way to meet your neighbors than like yeah box of dildos. It's like a display case. I would love a display case of chips. Can we can we build a display case of dildos over there? I love like instead of a fridge. What if we just

They dildos. Yeah. I like to keep my dildos chilled. It's one of the rooms. We don't know why. Not only will you save money on gas movies and date night dinners out, but this is the item that will continue to save you money, deliver tons of fun and satisfaction. So go to adamandeve.com, select any item, and then use code DILDO.

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Right, Fluck? Anyway, now we're talking about haircuts. So we've got the weather covered. The haircuts. My bursitis was acting up. Dude, I'm asthmatic when I first moved here. The hay fever. My God. Did you actually? Cedar fever. I had it for like a week. Yeah, and then I know. Anybody who's in Texas, fuck you for the cedar fever shit. Dude, cedar fever is no fucking joke. What the fuck?

Annihilated me for like a month. I was like a month, bro. I was fucking ruined. Jesus. It took me like a week and I was, I was all right. I was adjusted. I have pictures of my that's I got bit by red ants. Those little fucking the ants don't fuck around here either, but I had that. And then, uh, I didn't know I got Cedar fever cause I have no allergies until that one week that I've never had in my life. Never again. Yeah. But fuck my life. Did that Cedar fever went to crispy's? I got those bites. My foot.

It looked like the elephant man. I just had this log that went down to five toes. It was just a tube of meat with like five toes sticking out. I was like, oh, I need to wrap it. And then like, they're like, what's wrong? I was like, I'll take some something there. And then I like turn around and they're like, why is your face swollen and red? I was like, why? I look in the mirror. I was like, oh, fuck my life. What the fuck is going on? I'm like taking medicine. I'm like, yeah, guys. So you see that episode of the big bang three where Howard accidentally eats seafood or something.

I'm dying

And then two days later, everything's gone. Never had that ever again. I was like, fuck my life. And like, ah, Cedar fever. I was like, that's it. And it's only cold for like two weeks out the year. So that's pretty fucking amazing. It's, it's kind of worth the pain. Yeah. Of like the chronic sunburn. Yeah. I'm not, I'm not looking forward to, uh, as my brother said before I moved here, I'm going to turn into a puddle of milk.

- A bottle of milk? - Yeah, 'cause like in Ireland, like the weather now, like it's, for me, I would say it's like 20 Celsius to do your fucking conversions. - Fluck freedom math, please. - Yeah, freedom math, Fluck, on screen now. - I just picture bullets popping up, a flag, McDonald's hamburgers, and then it's Fahrenheit. It's like, this is Fahrenheit. - I've already, I've already, Fluck's just gonna, Fluck's just gonna, you're gonna keep talking, he's just gonna go,

As you're adding shaking hands. It's just like motherfucking Eli with his funny jokes. But this is like peak Irish summer. Right now? This is about as hot as it gets. You'll have some days where it might creep up into like 30 Celsius, but that's rare.

Yeah, and we got that for like a couple of weeks a year, and then the rest of the year is just like miserable and rain. So this is a great trend for me. You're doing what I'm doing. I'm like 30 Celsius. I have zero, 20, 10. That's like 90 or something, I think. I think. Ain't no way it's 90. That's hot as fuck. That's hot. 90's hot. Is it? I don't know. You're talking about how mild it is, and you're like, it's 90. I'm like, man, it's fucking 15 glifoids out right now, and you'd be like...

You're like, what the fuck's a glyphoid? Exactly. What the fuck's a Celsius? None of us know this. What the fuck's a Celsius? A glyphoid? Is that what the glyph-glops used to do? Yeah. To tell the temperature? Glyph-glops measurements. That's a distance. Jesus Christ. There's another good shirt. What the fuck is a Celsius? We gotta get that one before the fat electrician steals it. Oh, God.

Which Nick has come up with our new shirt design. He came up with the shirt design? Oh yeah, he texted to me today. Are we gonna spoil it for everybody right now? Fuck yeah, we are. Eli's the king of spoilers. Any cool secret? Omega ligam cum. Ligma cum? Dude, you should go hand those out at a bunch of colleges. Like, that would be hilarious. Because none of them know what that shit means. Omega ligma cum. It's fucking cold. Is that not genius?

Was like you're fucking genius now. I love it. I hate that I love it, but I love it Can it be yellow like that - 100% you do all the bright fucking college colors. Oh, yeah frack color one do a keg stand It's not funny

We're talking about the biscuit. Lads, don't be silly. Wrap your willy. Well, that's the mildest fucking... He wouldn't know what Limp Bizkit is probably. Oh, like Soggy Biscuit? Oh, you call it Biscuit? We have a different name for that in Ireland. I never played it. Limp Bizkit? Like the band?

I can't tell if you're fucking with me. Wait, what's Soggy Biscuit? We can play later. Okay, so what? No, no, no, no, no. I don't know. I don't know what this is. He doesn't know Limp Bizkit or Soggy Biscuit. What, really? You're not here. I'm like, why are we connecting on this? Yeah. Is this a college thing? I didn't go to college. I didn't eat. Batty, I'm Mexican. I 100% remember college. What?

I don't know. I genuinely have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. I think of a band and now I'm going to rip someone's face off. You know, like fucking slamming. Are we really about to explain what this is? Yeah, it's where like there's a biscuit in the table. We all get naked jerk off on it. And then the last person that comes on it has to eat it. Yeah. Soggy biscuit. I never did it, but I heard of people doing it.

Play it every Friday with my friends. I come yeah cool two times. Yeah, I know I'll win So that's why that's why I want to play winner lose You've ever played limp and or soggy biscuit, I just just yet I've never heard of this It's been like a bunch of movies and shit too like like oh

What are those like movies about like American students and shit? No! Like American Pie and all. I swear it's like an American Pie or something. No, it's not an American Pie. He fucked up. There are some movies where they talk about it. They jerk a dog off into some fucking donuts. Like, oh, hey.

Wait, you've never seen Van Wilder? Classic movie. You're going to have a... Dude, if we start down the rabbit hole of shit that I haven't seen, we'll be here for the next seven weeks. Like, I'm so bad at movies. We don't have TV or movies in Ireland. Yeah, you've never heard of Lord of the Rings. You were talking about that. Okay, I have one thing to say about the Lord of the Rings, and I don't care what anyone says. Watch your fucking... I'm telling you right now. Yeah, I will fucking... We will literally... You're in wrong company. You're going to be the biscuit. Show and I tried to watch it, like, last year. We got halfway through the fellowship. I fucking turned it off. I was bored out of my fucking mind. I've seen them all. I just don't like them. Get it! I am a

I am a Star Wars- ELI GET THE GUN! I am a Star Wars stat- GET! Eli has weapons. He's got- *laughs* *laughs* He just comes down and sits here. He's just like, he sits down and he's like, "Argh."

Can we play disassembly VR now? I'm still terrified your son's going to learn how to disassemble a human. Me too. They made a movie about that. It's scary. Dude, his little things. I was like, how was your flight? It was good. It was four hours and 28 minutes. Of course you didn't fucking know that. And then they were playing superpowers of what date falls on when. I was like, when's your birthday? It's on a Thursday or whatever. I was like, how the fuck do you know this shit? Your brain works so different.

Different how's your day gone my brain? Mine not working We got a rewind what fuck don't you two like Lord of the Rings, where's her voice I put I don't know was yelling at my autistic son. He hates loud noises

I don't know. I just find it really boring. I like Game of Thrones, but there's just... I don't know. I'm just not into it. It's like, here's these long scenes of all this beautiful scenery in New Zealand, and we're going here, and it's just like, oh, we're walking here, and we're talking about how great the Shire was, and oh, no. And it just goes on for hours and hours and hours and hours. It's just... I can't.

I've sat and binge-watched the extended editions of Arrow. It's like 14 fucking hours. The director's kind of extended. I don't think I got up to piss. Just, I love it. How do you... Do you know what it might be? Back when we had the bed and breakfast, my dad used to say, I'll never fucking forget it. I hate Enya because of this. But he had the Lord of the Rings soundtrack, and he used to play that for the guests when he made them their breakfast. So every fucking morning I'd come down, I'd hear fucking Enya's voice. May it be...

And it was every morning. I'm just like, oh my God. And I'm just, if I have to listen to this one more fucking time, I'm going to kill myself. Your dad's a marketing genius. I just want to know him and your mom's converts. Like, honey, I got the, honey, I got an idea. Oh, he made the decision. Yeah, it was his idea. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that your Irish accent? We're going to put on the song. Twitch out.

- Are you fucking, what are you even watching, Peaky Blinders? Like, where's he from? - Your dad's just putting on that CD every fucking day as serving breakfast. - It's a CD for sure too, right? It was an old CD. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. - This was back in the day. This was when like, this was before I went off to college. 'Cause they stopped doing that.

This had to have been like, I don't know, 2007, 8, 9. They did that shit for a while. Maybe that's why I hate Lord of the Rings. You have to watch the two towers. I've seen them. I'm just not into it. But Star Wars, I'll watch on repeat forever. I don't care. The old ones or the new ones? So 7, 8, and 9 can fuck off. As far as I'm concerned, delete those movies. They're trash.

I don't care. I still enjoy it. What about episode one, two, and three? Yeah. I didn't like it when I was younger. I love them now. Yeah. Because I feel like just as I grew up, I just started liking the characters more. So like Hayden Christensen. I like the super cut version. You guys have seen that one dude that went and cut out all the filler dumb shit. I think so. I think I have. Yeah. It makes it so much better of an experience. They got rid of the dumb shit and they just like cut it into a show. All the political stuff? No.

It's the filler fluff shit, like the kiddie humor. It's all the dumb shit, like Jar Jar Binks shit. So they cut all that out and they made a streamlined movie, which actually turned out really good. I don't like that part, but a lot of people say they don't like the politics shit.

I like that. I love politics shit. Yeah, because after I watched Clone Wars, I was like, I'm so glad they left it in because it made it so much more interesting and so much more real that there's actually politics and shit going on. So this is my fucking hill to die on with that whole fucking thing. Because I love 1, 2, and 3. Those are my favorite Star Wars movies. That's fair. And that's because I grew up with those. It's the same reason anybody who's...

five years fucking older than me goes, "No, four, five, and six are the best." 'Cause you grew up with those. I have that nostalgia. I was nine years old when the first Star Wars movie, episode one, "The Phantom Menace" came out. - Patty, I won a fucking drawing contest to get free tickets to watch "Star Wars" - Yeah, 'cause you couldn't afford to go normally. - No, God no. I had to win tickets for my family. - You stole tickets probably. - I mugged somebody. - What a show does to him, my family did, they're like, "Drawing!" I'm like, "Yes, Mom!"

Submit it, please! We have to go see Star Wars! And then we're there. I loved it as a kid. I was like, yay, because I was young. And then watching as a doll, I'm like, man, there's a lot of fluff. And as a movie, I write doing all that shit.

Like Star Wars still love it. Let's talk. Okay. I understand there's things wrong with them and stories are fun. Like same thing with the new Star Wars movies. Like I enjoy watching them. I do because visually they are fucking beautiful. If you go into that fun movie, that's it. And that's my thing. I don't go in to any Star Wars movie at this point and expect a coherent story because there hasn't been one since the beginning. Even with four, five and six, there was just shit that

Like the Jedi and Sith are mentioned like once in four or five and six the entire time. I mean, to be fair, like it's a lot of information to put into a movie. But it's like, well, it's like it's as bad as saying it's going into like Fast and Furious and expecting Citizen Kane. I'm going to have a good fucking time. I'm not going to hear about Van Diesel.

And his family. I think the best way to like, look at how corridor broke down the, the terrible stunts. And I think the, is it the, the Imperial fight with like Emperor Snoke and everything? Oh, Jesus. Oh, they're dancing in the background, doing moves that are making like, if you're watching the movie, the first time that goes through, I didn't even fucking, I didn't notice a single minute. The moment I watched it again, I'm like, wait, what?

And then I watched their breakdown. I was like, oh, that's fucking awful. You're right. It's shit. It makes no sense. It's poorly done. But visually for just going in for fun. Yeah, it was great. Like that scene. Cause like we went to go see the theaters when the new movies came. I don't remember which one it's in, but that scene where that one lady who was like the head of the rebellion or whatever sent the ship through the star destroyer.

That was one of the most beautiful fucking things I've ever fucking seen in a cinema. That was one of the coolest movie scenes ever. The sound? It was incredible. It was super cool. Three, two, happy new year! Cheers! Happy new year from our friends over at Manscaped.

The ball is officially dropped, but don't drop the ball on your balls in 2023. You just read over there. I'm going to take care of something real quick while we're doing this ad copy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like it. Whether you had a New Year's kiss or not, the leaders in the below the waist grooming have you covered for your much needed resolution bringing sexy back. Trim in that lower area. Join the 7 million men worldwide who trust Manscaped with our exclusive opportunity.

And free shipping. Let us have a toast for the new year, a new you, and

- No pubes. - Maybe like a little bit of pubes, like if you shave it into like a little heart or like a diamond, a little landing strip. Get creative, have fun. Check it out, use the new Lawn Mower. - Talking points, do not read. I was talking about new grooming. - Shh, don't read the part that says do not read. - Oh, okay, sorry. Inside the performance package 4.0, you'll find the talking points. - This is the performance package 4.0, right? - Oh yeah, that's it. - I don't know, this is a pretty awesome package though. It says manscaped. - Let's ask Ryan Reynolds what he thinks about that. - Inside the performance package 4.0, this is my Ryan Reynolds face.

You'll find the signature lawnmower 4.9. The advanced skin-safe technology reduces the cut and nicks on your delicate parts. It also comes equipped with your 4K LED spotlight that will shine a light to the promised land 2023 looks to be. How you like that, Ryan Reynolds? I don't know why I used that voice for him. It's like his weird quiet voice. It is. Hey, yeah, hi, Ryan Reynolds here.

That was embarrassing. To complete this set, Manscaped threw in a shrewd travel bag and anti-chafing box of briefs as a free gift to keep all those goodies stored comfortably, just like that underwear does for Batty's balls. I'm wearing those right now. Batty, show your balls. No. Just blur out his face. We'll pretend those are his testicles. That's rude. And shave your testicles that are now your face. Call to action. You already did that part. Yes, it's already done. You're so bad at ad reads.

Yeah. You know what I'm excited for? Fucking Oppenheimer. Oh, Oppenheimer? Yeah. You know why? Fucking he did a real nuke explosion without doing a nuke. That's why everyone's freaking out because so Nolan, Christopher Nolan always uses practical. He replicated a nuke. Which nuke?

- So, Oppenheimer's about the bombing of Nagasaki and Hiroshima. - Oh, okay. - So, Oppenheimer's one of these guys. - Isn't it about the- - The scientists. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - The Manhattan Project. - Yeah. So, he fucking captured one on camera. I don't know how they did it. I can't wait, but everyone that's seen it or did it, they're on location. It's fucking insane 'cause of the practice.

It's supposed to be, it's not going to be until like late next year, right? Yeah, but we have a fucking like mushroom. I'm like, holy shit, this is going to be fucking. Dude, you guys, have you guys seen like the YouTube videos of like the, what's it called? The Sar Bomba and all that shit going off? Oh yeah, the Russian, the biggest. Dude, they were. So they were told before they set that bomb off that there is a chance that you will set the atmosphere on fire and the earth will cook itself and we'll all fucking die. And they set it off anyway. Well, do you know they only did half, half load?

That was a half load. The videos you seen. So the SAR was supposed to be a hundred megaton bomb. If you don't know, uh, Hiroshi and Nagasaki are 18 kiloton bombs. Um, that was the biggest defining moment in all of boom, like explosions at that time. Uh,

Then we got into Megaton. So kilotons, we can do that with J-Dads and shit. The fat electrician is rolling over in his grave right now. He is furious that we're talking about this and he's not here to correct us on everything we're saying wrong. This is actually, I know all of this. This is like tism moments. In the comments below, tell us how many times Eli's wrong in this story. Go, Eli, go. 18 kilotons.

Boom. That's going to be Fatboy and Little Man. Those are the two bomb names dropped from Nagasaki and Hiroshima. But we progressed into the 60s is when the SAR bomb dropped. It was a 100 megaton fucking nuke. They halved it to 50 just for the test. And that's what we see. Which if you've seen the SAR bomb, T-S-A-R, it is fucking ridiculous. They set it out over underwater, didn't they? No, that one's in Russia over that...

up in the arctic circle yeah where it's just like boom yeah that is like you watch that video and you're like yep we did we did that humans are doing this no it's not going to be a meteor it's going to be us we're absolutely going to be in our own civilization you fluck put up a picture of the sar versus the hiroshima nuke because it is a zoomed in picture showing it and then you have the sar

Yeah. It's fucking ridiculous. It's like that video where they show planets compared to suns in the solar system or whatever. Which random tangent right now. Not a tangent, but off topic for suns. Have you seen the new sun that was discovered? The new sun? New star. The theoretical star of a black hole star, which is fucking ridiculous. So the sun you're talking about is... Sol. Sol.

The star you're talking about is HXY. Yeah, put your TISM hands up. We have two stars that are really big, and why can't I remember? Beetlejuice and? No, Beetlejuice is our closest relative star. I thought it was still really big, wasn't it? No, I mean, it's bigger. It's a red star. All right, I'm just bathing in the fantasticism of what's happening here. You know, why do you know this shit? Jesus Christ. What?

I'm listening to him listing off letters. I'm like, oh my God. X-Y Majors. X-Y Majors. Canis Majors. Canis. That is like a fucking monster. Why do I know that? Yeah, good job, Patty.

Which is like a mammoth. Like we're like a pixel. Our sun is a pixel to that one. Now we have black hole stars, which are fucking ridiculous. They make heinous Majora's look like our son compared to them. There are mammoths. So, uh, the one that they have unfathomable is the word you're looking for. Unfathomable. You literally cannot, you can't put the scale to that. It's 2.2 times the size of our solar system. Jesus. One star. How do we find that?

The new telescope which now my tism is dropping with the talking shit with all that new thing. No, you're just making stuff up You give me one of those cameras right and give me some dirt I will make a picture and I could go on Twitter on the NASA account go we just got this picture taking off Like everyone go wow, that's so amazing. It's so beautiful. I'm like, what are you seeing?

Like all these pictures we're getting from space, they're just blurry things. And it's like, they're like, wow, that's incredible. That's so beautiful. I'm like, you're like, I don't get this. No, like, like it would be cool if I could see what I was looking at, you know, but, and I, you know, sorry. Back to Star Wars. Back to Star Wars.

I liked them. They're shit. I liked them, but they were shit. Four, five, and six. One, two, and three. Breakthrough in a lot of cinema shit for like VFX. Oh my God. Episode two with 3D troopers the entirety of the movie. There was like one helmet that was actually real in the whole fucking movie. Really?

Oh, wow. Go back and watch episode two. It's every fucking goddamn clone trooper is damn near rendered. Which makes sense because they're clones. Exactly. Which is good. Yeah. And it's like, I mean, all the stars actually did really cool technology. Even Mandalorian, they're the one that started the new filming technology for how they do. That documentary was incredible. The digital screen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That room they have.

- It's fucking insane. - If anybody watching this who hasn't seen it, watch the making of "The Mandalorian."

It is unbelievable what they're doing with that show. Our boys Corridor, they're using that for their new... They do that for their new team. Son of a Dungeon. Yep. Son of a Dungeon series. They actually use that. They built their own homemade one, which not homemade. If you haven't, guys, go check out Son of a Dungeon on Corridor's channel. It is an unbelievably... If you're looking for a fun Dungeons & Dragons, a fun D&D experience, they're breaking into it in a cool, cool fucking way. Cool. But they're doing that...

But I mean, Star Wars at the time, like all the minis, all the practical they did, the story. Dude, it makes me happy every time I think of this. But for episode five, where they were out in the snow on Hoth, and there was like this one guy who was recording the whole sequence with the AT-ATs. And he would come up from a trap door into the scene, move it, come down, take a picture, the stop motion AT-ATs.

It just makes me happy. It's so insane. I know what you're talking about. It's so beautiful because it's, and it's, it's again, how will we be friends in a second? Yeah. It like, it is so incredible to think that like, cause like when was that made? 72, 78. Like the shit that they were doing. And like, dude, even the shit they did in the first alien movie.

It's like, it's so underappreciated these days when people go walk back and watch those because like at the time there was people running out of cinemas, people were screaming. They thought it was real. And that's so scared. The tech or how it looked the, and those are my favorite. Like I always said, if I got into big, big filmmaking, I'd do practical. I'd go like Christopher Nolan route where he was like a tenant.

That's not a plane. Tenet, that is not a CGI plane wrecking into the building. That is an actual fucking 747 wrecking into the building. He wrecked a real plane and exploded it. This is where I'm going to give Eli a stroke. I haven't seen it. Don't. Tenet's not a great movie. Oh, okay. Never mind. It's trippy as fuck. The story makes no goddamn sense. None whatsoever.

But how they made the movie. So basically the plot of the movie is things go backwards and forwards and forwards at the same time. Like there's a parallel universe where everything's happening backwards.

So like people are running backwards in reverse and like they actually had to feel like they trained people to walk in right in fight in the choreographed fights were in reverse. Those that are punching you're pulling or you're you're pushing your face into a fit like it's super like it's really visually fun to see how they did it. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking crazy. Like watching people have to run backwards like train to run backwards to look like they're running forwards like they had some scenes where people were running backwards and

So that they could reverse it and they had to look normal running forwards, even though they're running backwards. It makes no goddamn sense.

But the explosions too were fucking ridiculous because they had explosions going normal and reverse at the same time. And how they were filming. Bro, it was fucking like there was a penalty to make. No one does that all the time. You're like, how do I make this more Batman? How can I make it more complicated? It's like if you watch any Batman, if you watch Inception, like Inception, a lot of practical shit. I love Inception. That's a good fucking movie. Like,

Star Wars Mandalorian I love Mandalorian I think they did a really good job Boba Fett was okay Boba Fett was the Mandalorian with a shit budget yeah Boba Fett was Mandalorian 1.5 like that's what it was Boba Fett was okay until the Mandalorian show but it was great yeah

And then it was okay. To be fair, I thought they did a great job with the whole sand people. Oh, yeah. And how he, like, began. Yeah, no, that was, like, that was amazing. The beginning to Boba Fett, I thought was good because it really, it gave answers to things people have been waiting for for 40, 30 years? 40 years? 30 years? Yeah. So, like, that was cool. All the weird city shit was so.

I'm just thinking of a sound part joke. Oh, it's a roll shoot? Yeah, I thought the roll shoot too, but never mind. Oh, the roll. Yeah, there was like extra like... That guy needs to go to jail. Whoever directed that episode should be smacked. Look what you've done. Jailers, you know, same people.

My brain immediately goes to that. Dude, that fucking... Did you see that went viral recently with Trey doing the Chinese voice and the Japanese voice?

It's been going viral because it was showing him in office. He's like, did you not know that Japan was separated by a bottle of water? And then it shows him in studio filming the Chinese part and the Japanese part all at the same time. It's going from accent to accent. It's fucking beautiful. But they can't get canceled in South Park. Dude.

It was still one of my favorite interview moments ever. It was an interview way back in the day. I think it actually, because my brother's got the box sets for South Park because they're on tapes back then. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I think one of the tapes at the end of one of the box sets was like an interview with Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Oh, they're so... I remember a bunch of these back in the day. And the interviewer were saying to them, so you guys have really made like a really controversial like, you know, show here. It was like, yeah. And they were like, you also use a lot of celebrities likenesses. So do you guys get sued a lot? And they're like, what?

Oh yeah. Yeah. We get sued a lot. Like every week there's like something new and they were like, so are you going to continue making the show? And then, uh, they said, as long as the show keeps making enough money to pay our lawyers to stop the lawsuits, uh, we will continue making South Park exactly the way it is now. And yeah, they have, they have. Yeah. Which is incredible. So do you know how they release the episodes? They filmed the week before the date.

Yeah. So comedy topical. And so comedy central cannot tell them to go back and refilm because it's already two days before air day. So that's how they get away with a lot of their fucked up shit and humor. Cause they're like, well, you can't refilm this. And they're like, fuck it. Comedy. So I'm just like, fine, son of a bitch. And you're like, Oh, it's so genius. Cause they do that. They did, uh, uh, the, the Tom Cruise, um,

episode where the credits is every John Smith, John Smith, John Smith, John Smith, Turkey by John Smith. They put none of their names in it. I would have those guys on the podcast instantly. Oh my God. Oh my God. Yeah. That would be awesome. Matt Stone, Troy Parker. If you guys want to come on the podcast, let us know. We know your huge viewers will jerk you off. We'll be the Limp Bizkit.

Back to this. Hold on. Anyway. That's where this whole tangent started. Anyway. Where, how, why? The soggy biscuit thing? Yes! I honestly, I swear like growing up, like I just heard about it. Like I think it's like an urban legend.

That like people did this, but like I have a funny feeling. Some of these motherfuckers have done this. Listen, for sure. Some of you, I know. I know. Because like the way I imagine it is like, so as somebody who had never really been to America or knows American culture, like when I was growing up, like I'd watch movies that would be like super stereotypical or like TV shows about like all these American like frat parties at colleges and shit. Yeah. And like, oh my God, what are the other ones? That other teen movie. Yeah. But like as I was growing up. Anything by Broken Lizard.

But like, as I was growing up, I never assumed that any of that was real or actually happened. But now that I'm older and I have people that tell me all the time that they did all this mega fucked up shit for like initiations and stuff, I would not be surprised if a bunch of dudes jerked off on a cookie and somebody had to eat it for initiation. That would be the last. Yeah. That doesn't even sound bad compared to, yeah. Was it a military thing? What?

When hazing, remember it was like five, six years ago when military hazing got like... Yeah, they were like... It actually was probably longer than that. Yeah, it's been like a decade. I was still in. Yeah, it was like a decade. It was because like some troops got like, or maybe cadets got like broomsticks shoved up their asses or some shit. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this was fucking mainstream media news headlines. Join the military. Serve your country. Broomstick. Broomstick. All the way through. Yeah.

Yeah, dude, hazing from military was wild back in the day. That's a no-no now. Did you see all the new shit with the military? Henry Cops was doing a bunch of shit on it. Drill sergeants aren't going to be allowed to yell at people anymore. Stop. And you can't say sir or ma'am. So drill instructors...

- Yes sir, no sir, army's different obviously. - You say drill sergeant. - Drill sergeant, it was always drill sergeant, but the Marines was always, this was a focus on the Marines, it was always yes sir, yes drill instructor, whatever. Now they're removing that so you don't misgender our drill instructors.

Which you can have whatever fucking thing on blah, blah, blah, blah. Military, you're training for fucking war. You know what? Yeah. That's dying and killing. You are going out to potentially die, and you're also going to be in charge of keeping your friends alive. If I have a squad of individuals, and I'm like, you need to do this, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I point to one, I'm like, you fucking bro, sir, whatever. And then they're like, that out.

I'm going to be like, man, if we're worried about this and not getting shot in the fucking face, we got problems right here. There's a time and place for everything. I've always wondered like with that, like, man, I don't know. Okay. Okay. This is a, here we go. You know what? Batty hot takes. I like my career. It's pretty cool. You're safe. You're safe. This is military related to me. I'm probably gonna get fucked for this one.

I'm Mexican. So one thing I've always thought was weird with the military recently was when they're introducing women to combat arms, I have no issues with totally cool, whatever different standards for combat arms.

The big no-no because it sucks because like here's our standards, which is running PT test rucksack, and they're not adhered to the same standard of like pull-ups. They just have to do a hanging pull-up versus we have to do five pull-ups as a male. Those are the standards that get different. And you're like, what the fuck? This is completely weird if they're going to be five and seven. If I get shot and I can't move, can somebody carry me?

Sorry, Barbie dolls not carrying 220 pound bags. - I love the idea. I've seen, don't get me wrong, I know a couple women that are now at this point in combat arms and they're built stronger than me, 100%. - Oh, 100%. - Fucking amazing. - I've met them. - But it's weird when you come to combat arms, it feels so weird to have different standards. - Yeah, tell me about it. - Yeah.

Can you blur me out for the rest of this conversation? No, no. To be fair, put a fuzzy line over tweet. You were talking about hating women earlier. Yeah. Why? IRA. You're just blowing up women? What, you're just outside women's shelter just fucking pulling car bombs? There it is!

I was waiting to see how the IRA was gonna be brought into this and boy oh boy am I glad you did it and You're readjusting, you're unplugging, you might just unplug the mic and walk away. Show my fucking face. When I get nervous I like fidget with it. I always feel bad because I'm like eh. Like I don't worry about fucking anything coming against me. Yeah but we're on Twitch. I know and you're white. You're right.

Way different to me. That's actually, I remember like somebody came in and I'm not even, I'm not going to mention it, but I'm sure you people could imagine in recent years there was a very large topic of, you know, but there's actually multiple very large topics to talk about. And somebody came in and asked me about it and I said, I am white and I'm straight and I do not have any place in this conversation. So I'm not going to mention it. White, straight, male? Shut the fuck

up your opinion doesn't matter like realistically shut up stop talking i just you know which is crazy to me like i'm like man i want to hear everyone's like i don't give a shit i like here nope i was watching i need specifics here before i say something really bad it was like dave shiskelsky i was watching that earlier when he was talking about going into pipe eyes and it's like but like what going into pipe eyes popeyes yeah

Pie-Pies. Popeye's Chicken? Popeye's Chicken. Dave Chappelle going into Popeye's Chicken. Well, you said Pie-Pie. I was like, what the fuck's a Pie-Pie? Pie-Pie the Sailor Man. Popeye the Sailor Man. I remember that when I was getting to say Pie-Pie the Sailor Man. Sorry, Skool. Shut the fuck up.

There's a whole skit on that. He's like, it's fucking words. I don't give a shit. He's like, I walk in a Popeye's and there's a fucking KKK member and that's their new thing. It's like fucking KKK member serving. He's like, walked up. He's like, yeah, fucking number one. And the guy's like, what else you want? Please.

He's like, well, uh, or he's like, do you want two biscuits or do you want a biscuit with that? You dirty beep. And he's like, I mean, I thought it came with one. He's like, I don't give a fuck what he's saying. I do serve my food. I just want my goddamn pipe. Speaking of this kid, I do. I have a funny little story to tell you guys. So, um, a long time ago, my brother moved to South Africa.

He had like a girl he met like in England when he was there and like they moved down because she was from there. So me and my family went to visit. So South Africa is really cool, except it's kind of scary at the same time, because as soon as I went to passport control, this this was the first part of the story. So I go through passport control and as I'm grabbing my passport back from the enormous black dude behind the counter.

Really nice guy. Really nice guy. African. Oh, sorry. African guy. I'm joking. I don't even. You got uncomfortable for a second. You apologized. I was like. Fuck. Rewind. Play that back in slow motion of him just apologizing with horror in his face. He's like, sorry. I was like, I was like so sure I had that right. And you made me question myself. So fuck you. Sorry. So this massive black dude was giving me back my passport.

And he grabbed my hand and he looks at me and he goes, oh, white boy, don't go anywhere at nighttime on your own. And like, I was, he was like, whatever. I don't care. I'm over it. Whatever. Dude's like staring into my eyes. And then I get out of there. We go to this one place and it's like my brother's friend has a bar there. We were eating there like every day. And then my mom and I were like, oh, we saw a KFC in town. Let's go there for breakfast. We're like, okay.

So we walked into a KFC and I shit you not in South Africa in a place called Port Alfred, which is a majority like black town, I believe. And we walked in there and there was all hustle bustle. It was like loud. Everyone was talking. People were getting their food. And then like we walked in the two milkiest Irish people in existence. I hate we're using the word milky to describe. Milk crickets. Yeah. I hate.

I swear to God, I felt like I just walked into like a Tarantino movie. The entire place, silent and

everybody stopped and looked at us like we were like from fucking Mars. Looked like it was a bunch of glitclops walking in. Goddamn glitclops! Good usage of the word. Yeah, yeah. And dead silence. And we were standing there and I looked at my own and I went, we should go. And she goes, yeah, we should go. And then we turn around and walk. This is so much more awkward. Oh,

started laughing at us as we walked out of the KFC and it was still one of the funniest things that ever happened to me in my life. We should have stayed, obviously. 100%. It's so much more awkward. You're like, oh my god, these people hate white people. Okay, we're leaving. In their head, it's like white people walk in and their head is like, white guys are like, the blacks are here. We gotta go. No, it's not like that! It's not like that! It's not like that!

It's not like that! You said that! I didn't say that! He said that. He said that. That's what all spare mind would do. Oh, God. I'm just thinking, maybe that's what my mom thought. It's a generational thing. It's a generational thing. Jesus Christ. No, I don't want to tell that story anymore. I used to like that story. I can't tell that story.

This is what Eli does. He takes a wonderful thing that you have as a childhood memory and he ruins it. He ruins it. Yeah, it's fucked forever. Thanks, Eli. Oh, no. Here we go again. I just love this show. Now this son of a bitch. Someone animate that for us, please. Oh, Jesus Christ. I want to see that animation part. Oh, God. I'm...

Oh god, I'm crying. Yep. Oh, I'm okay. I'm fine. Are you? Are you okay? No. No. No. Me neither. This is every episode I'm like, well, is this the last one? I want to talk about the weather again.

demonetized thank god we waited for an hour in before we started getting real spicy one of the real ones will see this dude it's weird we've been trying to figure out the youtube like we we only know one thing that will like real quick for everybody still listening i gotta talk about youtube real quick first of all we

We try to upload every Wednesday. It gets uploaded Tuesdays or Wednesday mornings, and normally we're okay. Recently, YouTube has been not restricting, but limiting our monetization or ads or anything like that, which means the worst part is not the money thing. We're trying to get money. No, it destroys our reach and engagement. It means that you guys will not see this video if we make it public.

So we've been having to hold them till later on Wednesday or Thursdays and in some very rare cases till fucking Friday. These manual reviews have been just absolutely ruining us because people have been asking me about this review shit. I have a trick for you guys. We already do all the episodes at the same time. Oh, really? We do the matter. So you upload the same thing. It's it's review.

Talk about this on my stream all the time. I'll show people our dashboard where there's like five episodes and we're like we have one That's green. We have three under review like and I've been trying to explain how that works So people understand a little bit more like what's going on under review is not like oh, they're gonna see in two hours It is a fucking week Do we have one that took you remember that we had one that was three days No, remember the clean one that took like 20 days to get oh, yeah. Yeah, you know

It was a couple it wasn't 20 it was like a week and a half, but you know it's really funny, too How much would you guys pay to just have a guy for you? To just be in Christ, you know, you know how much money they could be making but how many youtubers are episode? Oh my last episode essential dancing

We got flagged last episode for fucking sexual content. Sexual acts in sensual dancing in a professional work and a professional environment and nudity and nudity. I mean, like, let me just let me just real quick.

Let me go down one more button. Like they flagged our episode with sexual acts or acts using toys to what's the word? Remote sex. Improvise. No, it's simulated sex acts using toys, sensual dancing, stripping, nudity. I was like, none of it applied to us.

We were dudes sitting around a table and then the other one was like swearing in the first 15 seconds. And I was like, I said the word fuck once completely bleeped and censored. Yeah. Nothing else. I'm like, what just happened? So, and that's in the first five minutes we do a flock does an amazing job. So you're having, he does an all right job. Fuck you. Fuck. Keep him fucking around. Come trophy. Yeah.

Got a biscuit in the mouth for you, Caleb. It's Fluck. Sorry, Fluck. We don't name him. Sorry. He's not a real person. I never called him Fluck. I always called him... But, anyway. It's crazy because you're... Jesus Christ. He's like, God damn it. We like yelling out Fluck. That's fair. He has a bit of a... Oh, you're going to want to believe that YouTube does not like that word I just said. I'm so sorry. The word...

It's now definitely a big no-no. But it's weird because we have episodes. Our softest episodes are the ones that usually get demonetized because I've had episodes, Batty's not on, and there is. I'm the voice of reason for the podcast. Yeah, but if you... Which is depressing. Me and Brandon will just be like...

Imagine you and Brandon chasing each other around the table like dragon And those are always there's like green YouTube hates gingers. That's really what I'm thinking

And then, but we have, it's all over the place. And then people will be like, why don't you upload to two different platforms? Because another video platform is no one fucking uses them. You guys are naming shit. I don't even know. Guess what I do for a living? Fucking social media. If I've never heard of a platform and you're like, upload to that. No. If I haven't heard of it, fucking what?

10 people are going to watch the video. It doesn't make sense. It's just a platform that gets uploaded and somebody can grab it ahead of time, re-upload it to YouTube. That could get monetized or not monetized. And then they can push that before us. It's just people stealing content. Yeah, we don't want that. So it's this battle that, trust us, we are fucking, we are trying to figure shit out. I was on with a rep. That's the only reason I'm here.

The last episode was not bad. Your narrator episode was so anime, video game tape. It was wonderful. Great fucking episode. Six hours. Like if that. But then the other one stayed green the entire time when we never launched.

And then I had to get on the next day. I was like, Hey, what the fuck? Blah, blah, blah. That's the one for nudity and all that shit. And I was like, Hey, none of this happens. They look at it. They're like back and forth. Like, Oh, we'll get, okay. We're going to review this again. Sorry about this. Cause when they review it once you can not, you can't, yeah, you can't, you can't argue. So once you hit the manual review button, you're screwed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you think it's just because some guys at work and it's coming up on 5pm at YouTube headquarters, he just finished watching his 30th reaction video, 15 minute long reaction video, and then he's about to clock out. He just watched all of Brandon Herrera's Darwin Awards. He's like, no, no. They're friends with Brandon? No. So it's coming up on 5pm. He's like, okay, I got one more video to do. And he puts it on. It's like an hour and a half long podcast. He's like...

no no ways it's going true watching nude yoga on youtube well that's why we wait till later because they're contractors that review everything yeah so it's just like are you getting are you getting somebody that enjoys that don't give a you get it in karen are you getting yeah

Clarita from California. Like you have all these different people who are like, who's going to say this? And chlamydia and syphilis are out here reviewing too. And he's like, fuck my life. Who are we going to get? Who am I going to talk to? And just fucking rolled the dice. They just rolled that job out to just whoever to review videos. Yeah. I mean, I had a friend back in the day who used to review, who was a content moderator for Facebook.

Yeah, oh, man, bro. Because, like, the videos they were telling me about. Dude, that was, like, live leak, but worse. Straight up. The amount of murder and death. He was like, this sucks. But at the same time, they're just sitting on a computer, like, just de-sensile. I mean, there was a reason why terrorist organizations used to upload their videos to Facebook. Because it was, like, the place to go at the time, I guess. Yeah, that's... Live leak and that. Yeah. Now we're seeing if AI is...

It's interesting because that's what we think with like IG or anything that flags content with guns. We've seen in the past. Oh, man, we were just talking about that today, yeah. And they had that glitch. Oh, man, this was three years ago, I want to say, almost four years ago, where it showed IG at the time you'd upload an image, boom.

what happened with the gun community, it was upload images and the image didn't pop up. What's popping up is what the AI detected in the, in the image. So it was gone. Women, bikini, boom. So that way it, they're, they're, they're flagged their keywords, the tag words, their hog words that would flag the photo. So it wouldn't, but it wasn't the keywords. It would just look at the image automatically. There's a firearm in this fucking, uh,

Oh, so that's what would get uploaded. Women, bikini, fire. So it would do that automatically just based off the AI image and then it knew because like Facebook and IG do not like good content. If you want to get shadow banned, post IG to post. Don't. No, don't do it. Don't post gun shit. Here's the reason neither of us post a lot of gun stuff anymore is because.

Like the moment you do, you're screwed for like 60 to 90 days. Literally. You can watch the drop off after 90 days. You can see it immediately pick back up. Okay. Look, cut to his perspective. Don't. I will show you. So I emailed them to get on shadow band. I like, I was like, Hey, this is fucked up. I'm not like, what the fuck's going on? And I,

Oh, about five days later, I got a watch when I got on shadow band and holy shit. I was like your engagement. Oh, mother is on Instagram or Facebook or most platforms. If you post gun stuff, you get shadow band. Shadow banning means your engagement, your reach. When you post something, you

your job for content creators, people won't see it. It's not pushed out anymore. It's very limited to people manually looking for your content, which is a very small number. So Eli here reached out to them and was like, hey, why is this happening to me? And it got fixed. Yeah. Which is very unlikely. Holy fucking shit. So the graph he's showing shows a lot of small bumps.

And then automatically it goes, whoop. And what's even more crazy is when you see... After the gun content stops. So I wish it would show non-followers versus... So non-followers versus followers. Now we see how it's even. Oh, yeah, yeah. That used to be... Like, if you look at a lot of individuals... My old stuff, yeah. None of this happens. Those white checks where it's like...

unfollowers are looking at your content, non-existent. No one outside your followers will see anything. And even then, most of your followers won't see it either. Dude, that's just like YouTube. If you're subscribed to YouTube, sometimes you just don't see what they upload. Yeah, no.

Yeah. No. That's why we're strict on a lot of stuff we do here. We're not going out to the range shooting guns. There's unsubscribers, stuff like that. Because we don't want... Oh, no. Don't make stuff. You guys will stop seeing our videos. Fucking politics? Nope. Yeah. Nope. And a lot of... No, I don't give a fuck about politics. I love it in Star Wars. He cares. He cares so much. So much. So much. But outside of it, I'm like, I don't fucking care. I don't want to...

Bore you guys or what you guys see and hear every day Mike as the worst shit in the world It's like when you're streaming it like somebody comes in and they start talking about something really political like I'm sitting here in my underwear playing And you think this is a good time to start talking about some fucking government administration. I don't care Fuck off. Let me have my little peace and quiet escape, please for the love of I do

I just want a minute where I'm not bombarded by it. Because I know when I started, the whole reason I wanted to get into it was because I used to use other people's content to get away from that shit. Content is an escape. I'm not going to say I had a really shitty childhood. I did have a good childhood, but I had times where I was sad and shit. Your dad was playing fucking Lord of the Rings. I lived in a really nice house.

But anyway, but you know, like I used to watch other content creators to like, you know, stop thinking about shit. You know, my parents were fighting or fucking, you know, my girlfriend broke up with me. I'm just guy. I never had a girlfriend. But yeah, like that's why I got into it. So it's like, dude, I know when people come to like my Twitch chat and they want to hang out, like they don't want to fucking talk about that shit either. It's like, like, like if the day that like something really fucking bad happens and somebody comes in and immediately like, uh, I was like recently fucking what's his name? Um,

Somebody died. Oh. No, not Andrew Tate. Who gives a shit about him? Literally nobody. But yeah, somebody died and somebody committed. It was like really good vibes. And then they come in and say...

He died! And I'm just like, oh, thanks for fucking ruining the mood. You know, it's just like... I just said this, I was like, somebody comes in your chat, they're like, hey man, how you doing? Not to ruin the mood, but my girlfriend died, my dad broke up with me. And you're like... It's like, thanks for... Thanks for the trauma, bro. Yeah.

You should do next time is just like, bat him as quick as you can and just pretend it never happened and just keep going. I do that all the time. When I read chat, I don't want to, I'm like.

What's up, everyone? I can't even say it. I don't even bear it. I'm like, I'll just read the next comment. Don't trauma dump on me. We're not your therapists. I'm pretty guilty of skipping some comments, too, and then they just keep reposting them. I just don't see it. You don't get a second repost in my chat. Oh, really? No. Okay, that's fair. You usually don't get a first, so. I just don't care. I'm like, man, whatever. Everyone can say whatever. I'm just not going to read it or

Because it doesn't take much for me. Especially when drops is on you. Oh, drops. It's just into the ether forever and I don't have to deal with it. It's great. I want to go to streamers. I want to watch content. My content is very anime, movie shit.

funny shit scenes from movies we're nerds yeah and i'm like this is all you like guns that's that's that's that's the that's it that's the tagline we're new we're nerds who like guns guns and animated titties oh oh god america there's nothing more american than guns and animated titties put the titties on the guns let's go make the make the titties guns i'm ready austin

Austin Powers, they did it. I'm here for it. Let's go, man. Titty guns and shoot milk. Hell yeah. Oh my God. Sorry. Sorry. You guys are giving me skit ideas right now. I almost killed Buddy. I wasn't ready for the milk guns.

It's way better when you're just like, hey, I'm having a good time. If you want to go watch political shit, go fucking enjoy it elsewhere. Never going to be us. Probably never going to be you. Not like... I have my moments where I'll talk about political shit a little bit, but it usually ends with, alright, everyone shut the fuck up. We're going back to playing games. And then if people keep talking, I ban them because

It's like, eh. Every now and then you gotta drop the cock, but like, that's it. Well, it's just as well because I feel like as us, like people want to hear what we have to say about shit, so I'll just do it. Constantly. I'll do like the little spiel just to shut everyone the fuck up and then it's just like, yeah. Because I don't want to talk about it in the first place because it's not my fucking job. Don't fucking listen to streamers for their political opinions because we're morons. Same reason we're not doctors. We don't know what that weird growth on your hip is. We can't help you with that. Go to a fucking doctor.

Man, I'm so sad. What should I do? Oh, see a piss. Yeah. I'm sad. Yeah, I'm sad too. See these? These keep me happy. This helps. Wash the down, the happy tablets. Oh, buddy, how are you doing so good now? Alcohol. We're just assholes like you guys, man. We need help too. I thought my son was just weird until the doctor told me. Betterhelp.com.

My son's just weird. I don't know what's wrong. The doctor had to diagnose it. Oh, this explains everything. Wait, we don't just self-diagnose each other with autism anymore? We're just looking at each other. Casting spells. Looking at each other? No. Thank you. That's very right.

Autistic people don't make eye contact. Oh, really? I've actually never. I've never actually met somebody who has autism. Never. I don't think. You just met my son. Well, yeah, except your son. Like outside of this. Oh, man. He's right there. You're going to get canceled because now somebody's like, we met. I have it. First, it was the blacks. And you walked out of the hot pot. Thank you for watching. Yes.

- As always we have Eli, Don't Tap, myself, Matty, and of course our friend Tweek who's never gonna come back. Tweek, where can we find you? Where are all your socials? List the place for all these idiots to come bother you now. - Twitch.tv/Tweek, the main place. T-W-E-A-K. - And what about your YouTube channel? - YouTube, just type in Tweek, you'll find me. Oh, Tweek IRL, vlog channel. - There you go. - Help that, please. - You're probably gonna see some cool stuff with us there. You should probably go check it out.

And maybe go check out the Patreon after because there's going to be an after show and we're going to harass Tweak more and make him say things he's going to regret. Do it. We're going to say really racist shit. Okay, go get blackface on.