85 - Holiday Hangover Part 2 ft. Demolition Ranch & Brandon Herrera ​
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Everyone ready? No! We're doing another? Are we fucked? I gotta drive home. I gotta piss. Okay, go pee pee. You don't have to drive. We'll drive you home. I don't. I'll just leave my truck here? I mean, if you want to leave your truck here. Your truck's safe here. I can text one of your employees right now and tell them to pick you up. You don't have any of my employees' numbers. I absolutely have a handful of your employees' numbers. Who? Mayor doesn't count. I don't have mayor's number. David. Oh, shit. Leslie.

Leslie's assistant. I don't remember his name, but it's in my phone. Oh, Darius. Yeah. I don't even have Darius's number. How about your ex-employees' numbers? I don't have any ex-employees. They stay with me for life. Well, one more for the road. I mean, might as well, right? Look, just sink off mine. You have to do a shot. No! Why do you have to do a shot? No shots! It's the Christmas!

It doesn't matter. We've done shots. We're 14 drinks in. You're three. We drank at lunch. I drank at lunch too. One. You had two. You had two. I had two. I tried to be good and I had one. See, we had two. Batty, stop killing this. We got to roll with it, Santa Claus. I thought you were merry and cheery. Merry and cheery. I don't.

See Brandon gets it. There we go, he knows. I'm gonna join Br- He's just gonna- I'm gonna join- I'm gonna join Br- How much time you got? Are we gonna be here for 20 minutes or 2 hours? What do you need? You tell me what you need. More than 20 minutes. Okay. Less than 2 hours. What do you need? Here we go, that's all- this is what I need. What do you ki- Don't kick any cameras Eli, I swear to God. You f***ing ruined a camera. Wait. What? Y'all don't have a real fridge? That's it? No.

We have that fridge and then this fridge. That's actually my fridge. You think somebody lives here? Every fridge is this big. Oh, I'm going to do what you're doing. May we have the whiskey, Ben? Can I give this to you? Can we bring the whiskey back? Can I give this to you? Let's hand it to Sir Brandon first. Merry Christmas. Ishkabaha, I believe. No, Merry Christmas. The water of life. Do a pool. I did. Very good pool. Thanks.

Alright, same poll as me, Matt. Yep. Respect. And then I'll hand it back to Batty. Give it to me. Give Santa his juice. Give Santa his milk and cookies. You want that one? There's so many directions you can go with that. What's the black mean? Santa need milky, milky mommy. There's whiskey in my nose. Do you want one? I can make you one real quick. I just had one.

How wait this is how we start the Christmas episode how much for a drink? We're gonna treat it like manna, but for demo and no no I'm fine with this. They're not how do you get that in a non-line format a manna? Yeah, you get a pull the credit card Yeah, I just we literally just pay palin from the unsub account. Oh, here's the PayPal about oh

Oh, I thought you were trying to get people from... No, we're going to do it from our own PayPal account. Who are you paying? You. You can't afford us. Wait, per drink? Yeah. How much is a drink? Oh, is this what we're doing? Wait, I like... The Uber home is only $30, so I can make some money. Exactly. I've got to come back tomorrow and get my truck, though. That's fine. I'll pay for that. We'll have Batty drive it. Perfect.

As is Santa Claus. This is great. I love this segment already. Merry Christmas, mother******. What did you get for Christmas? An Uber. Say hi to Eli. His racially ambiguous daddy. That guy's f***ing ridiculous. Donut.

It's harder to rhyme, but he's a really nice guy. Welcome to Unsubscribe. Hey, guys. Thanks for watching Unsubscribe podcast. Make sure wherever you're listening or watching, whether it's on YouTube, Castro, Spotify, Apple, Google, Amazon, Podbean, Stitcher, or...

That's all of them. Please leave a comment, like it, thumbs up it, give it a rating of five stars, whatever you do. It helps the podcast out immensely. And Donut and Eli will be very happy if you do that. And we want to make Donut and Eli happy today. Yeah. Five stars on everything and a comment if there is possible because we need to be at the top. Donut, say something motivating.

And that's where the you come that is come subscribe Do you remember the first time I ended up on demo ranch and I got dropped off by an uber directly from the airport? And I was just like walking down your door too. Yes Wait cuz I had somebody doesn't pick us up from the fucking airport who you look at me or him or get don't look at me Technically was you this time?

Actually, I also uber to your house from the airport the first time we hung out so I never mind. I'm a piece of shit That day but I also was like well I'm at the airport I guess I'll just remember it the first time y'all came cuz you did AR guys versus a k guy And then like a week later you're like hey, dude. I totally stole your shit Do you want to come out hang out on the ranch like fuck? Yeah? Do it like the Rambo for like long walk down the driveway like oh

Literally, dude.

I had my little wheelie suitcase and a backpack, and that Uber was like, you want me to leave you here because the gates weren't up yet? I had some weird Indian Uber. Which place did you go to? It was the new ranch. Okay, yeah. He came at the old, old, old ranch. I had a weird Indian Uber who didn't know where the fuck he was going. I'm like, just drop me off at the Whataburger. I'm pretty sure I could figure this out. You walked all the way from Whataburger? Yes. Holy cow. That's what I'm saying. I was doing the fucking homeless vet backpack. That's far. This is new Brandon. You do it.

God, dude. I can't remember who picked me. It was one of your guys was in a truck. They're like... Oh, yeah. You were just... That's right. I remember that. I literally just got off. You were just walking down the road. Down the dirt road. Yep. Good times. I was like, I hope this is the one because nothing was built yet. No. Nothing was out there. Yeah. Oh, this is fucking golden. Crazy.

Okay, wait, so how much for a drink? Two years ago. Well, the thing is, if I drink one more drink besides this one, then I definitely have to Uber. I can't drive home. Oh, my God. But what I'm saying is a remarkable 10 minutes away. The problem is I got to come back. It's not 10 minutes. You don't have to come back. We will take care of that. We will also take care of that. Y'all bring my truck to me tomorrow. Yep. Done. I'll do that. I'll fucking make sure it's covered.

But I'd rather just drive my truck home. Yeah, but hear me out. Well, this is bullshit. This is this like... $100 per drink. This is that high tier YouTuber shit. How much then? Where like before, like you guys, as soon as we're done with the podcast, closing time. Yeah.

Me and Maddie just turned the lights off and maybe you guys are still stuck. Just waiting in the cold studio. Can I take like a two hour nap on the couch? No. You can do it on the porch though. Yeah, get the fuck out. I see you.

I mean you right like you right you right wait okay wait you're hundreds not enough for you for a single drink heck no Brandon I've been doing it for free I know but how much for a drink though like where it's like you have to do a drink me and batty have our number way less what what is your number I'm curious 100 bucks 100 buck it used to be 70 that's what you just offered us you would do any drink for 100 bucks at any time for most part for the most part

It used to be so it started out when I was first on Twitch because you're not allowed to drink for money on Twitch Because that's technically self-harm, but they've got like the the arm brace rule. Yeah, man. We call it a man We're powering up our level to become wizards and we joke about building wizard staffs and dumb shit and we don't even do that anymore We just want you because it just makes your wizard staff soft and

And it started out like 20 bucks, but then, you know, a half an hour in, you're blackout drunk because everyone's like, 20 bucks, dude. There definitely needs to be a tier system to it. Oh, yeah. You need to get more and more. Dude, one drink is 20. Five drinks in, you got to be like 100. Oh, no, dude. I start that. We got bumped to like 40, and we were at 40 for like a month.

And then we did 69. Yeah, 69 for a long time. But still, it's like the second you announce that, it is immediately. Someone's like, yeah, I'll pay that. It's like, oh, no, that's a couple of $200. If you can imagine, like, especially if you're like hammered, you're like, all right, next shot's $500. And you're like, I would pay $500 to make my favorite YouTuber throw up. Wait, hold on. Patty, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. I can directly influence these. Put apple juice in those in that bottle.

- Baddie, hear me out. - You guys aren't important. - Baddie, me and you right now. Me and you right now. We're talking, okay? Not important. 500 a piece, three drinks. - I'm out. - No. - Two drinks. - God, no. Why would, no. We're friends, we drink for free. - Thank you. - But if you have to do-- - Fuck Christmas. - Back to back. - Fuck these two. What do you know? - Back to back. - No.

What? Just two. Two fullies. You get 500 a piece. Two full shots. Yeah, but now we got to talk him into it. You got one free. All right, perfect. I'll take 500 bucks times two for his two shots. He's like, I'll take mine and his. Yeah, 500 bucks a shot. I'd do that.

A shot? But you just said. No, I said for two. You said 500 apiece. Yeah, you said 500 apiece. Yes. He said he'd do it for free. Oh, a piece. Oh, I see what you're saying. You said yes. I don't give a shit. But he said he'd do it for free. What the fuck is happening? I won't do it for free. Losing all your money on this episode. I won't do it for free. I'll do it for his money. How about that?

He'll do it for his money? Yeah. He gets paid for my shots as well. I just want to see the downgrade of this episode real quick. I've always enjoyed getting fucked up with Matt. That's what I want. I want Matt to be like, okay, I'll do two back-to-back. I'll do two with you for free. $500 is worth less to me. Matt is going to do two back-to-back also with us. But we have to line them up. We have to do them right now. $500 is worth less to me than getting fucked up with Matt. Oh, man.

That's a good friend! I enjoy fucked up characters. I do two shots and get a thousand dollars? Yeah. Yeah, I'm in. This is a good friend. I'll do it. I'll do two shots for a thousand bucks. See, there we go. We're fucking in. All it took was like an hour of negotiating. Just a thousand dollars. Dude, that's the easiest check we'll write in unsung history. Stop judging us, Santa Claus! Hope you weren't trying to make money on this episode. Because it's getting fucking demonetized.

Self-harm. Yes it will. Eli, don't you ever fucking tell me this won't get demonetized, 'cause I will demonetize it. Ahem! Fuck bleep everything coming out! Okay, are we doing whiskey? Let me play you the song of my people! Would you like to know how to build a- Matt's like, "I have to be at works." Oh my god, he is fl- Oh, this wasn't a joke, was it? Guess I'll fire out a way to get your truck to you tomorrow, Matt.

Can't shake your head no. I've been filming an hour. No you don't. Apparently not. Hand me the whiskey, Betty. I was supposed to go build a fence all afternoon. That sounds stupid. Why were you building a fence? I got shit to do. Like your gate? No, like a goat pen. Me and Matt have goats. Oh, dude, your goats look cute. They are cute as shit, and they need a bigger pen, and I was going to go work on it this afternoon, but I was like, yeah, I'll be done in like

It's four. And we're pouring shots. Tell me I'm sorry. The behind the scenes that we got kind of wrestled into was we were told we were filming one podcast. Yeah, that's true. And now here we are. We've got fucking beer pong of Glenn Gooley over here. I'm making a thousand bucks today, though. I would have if I got to film. Yeah.

Fine Shut the fuck up, man! You didn't say words. How did- how did- how did- what in the mother fu- wha- why am I- how- What? Fatty. Merry Christmas, everyone. We're running a business. Running or ruining? Just a couple letters apart. Okay, we have like a happy and a foley.

Well, great. See you guys tomorrow. Well, you'll see Batty tomorrow. I feel like this is like fast traveling in a video game. It's like, I'll see you in six hours. We're fast traveling right now. I fast traveled to Bear County Jail. Bernie's not Bear County, right?

Are we not in Bexar County now? - I think this might be Bexar County. - This is Bernie. - I think we're Bexar County. - This is Bernie. - But it's not Bernie County. - It might be Kendall County. - What? - It might be Bexar County, yeah. The lines are, I think we're in Bexar County. - Bernie's, so it's split? - Yeah. - Dude, just wait till you find out. - Counties and cities aren't the same thing. - I found out a lot about Texas counties recently with the whole political thing, so we'll, yeah. - Vermont is like, Vermont is just like every city's in a county. Like it doesn't, you don't get splitsies. You don't get hasies. - That's true.

- It could be true. - Well, Vermont's like 40 square feet. - Vermont also would fit in San Antonio eight times over. - I don't know if that's necessarily correct, but-- - Well, I mean, there's 500,000 people that live in Vermont, the entire state. The people would fit. The people would fit. - I can't wait for this. - Dude, there's like, yeah, yeah,

I thought I'd be home by now. Here we go. Oh, fucking hell. Oh, we're sending you that money instantly tomorrow. Oh, this is worth it. I'm just asking a stupid question first. Do we have any water in this building at all? No. Yeah. Wait, we don't? The water runs. Like from the faucet. The water runs with these colors, don't bother. Cheers. Cheers. Oh, we're just shooting everything? Yeah.

Oh fucking hell. Thank you drop time. That was a mistake. Yup. See you guys tomorrow. There's two by the way. Fuck you so hard. You're the one trying to get you $500 and you gave it to him. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I just watched that fucking triple shot you just tried to pass off as a single shot. I got halfway through that. I'm like. We all did that. I'm getting fucking whiskey boarded over here.

We all did that Brandon. No, no that second shot was different. Bro, his was so much thicker than the ball back. One was half, one was full. No, one was half, one was full. No, this one was fine. This one, I took a full shot on that and there's still a goddamn shot left. Let me see. Drink it, you won't. Wait, what the fuck? Yeah, he drank that. I should have put it at the dollar. Okay, do like half of that and then you're good.

Brandon just do half of that and you know what Santa brought for everybody for Christmas this year? Hangover? Santa brought for Christmas forever a hangover This is the Christmas episode that goes up on Christmas day Everyone's gonna be like oh this family time If you're spending this family time watching unsubscribe you're probably as fucked up as we are You don't have any family or kids

I still have both. What am I doing here? I gotta race this home. You're gonna race this home? Race this home. You're gonna race the booze home? You're gonna get home before the booze hits. You ever actually had to race the booze home? You heard it. He's gonna race this home. I gotta race this home. And he just walks away. It makes no sense. I'm cutting back in my mind to the abandoned mansion with Mel Gibson just chilling on your couch.

The abandoned mansion did have some racist stuff in it. Kanye would have loved it. Really? Yeah, I put it in the first episode. It had a big swastika and it said F the Jews painted on the floor in one of the rooms. Oh, that's rude. Why'd they just write the letter F? Santa's putting his boot down.

- When you offend Batty, you know you've gone too far. - I'm the easiest to offend here. I'm the most PC motherfucker here. - When me and Batty agree and I'm like, yeah, flock me. - When Brandon looks at Batty, is that joke okay? - You worry about everything. - There's the scale of Batty reactions. There's, oh no, which is like, that's fine. Then there's the, oh, I'm gonna move out of frame, but it's okay to still be in camera. Then there's the cut.

There went the senator. There are the jokes you say in private, which you know, like, we're all just having a good time. Then there's the things like, oh, we can't do that. I love the comment section because it is like, oh, Batty is the voice of reason, but when he's not around. When Batty is the adult in the room, leave the room. I'm always the adult in the room here. My brother in Christ, you have a fucking pantry full of gushers. Oh.

Oh my God, you're right. - I don't. - You're the adult and you are the, oh my God, I never thought about that. - I'll never forget the time I moved to Texas where it was the big freeze. Do you remember this? - That's my favorite story. Oh, 100%. - 2021 or 2020?

Fuck you know what a beginning of 2021. Yeah, no it was 2021 I Moved to Texas like move my entire fucking life to Texas and the day it started fucking snowing these storm big likes like snowpocalypse that Texas had all the fucking stores were closed everything was closed down roads were closed couldn't get food whatever ended up making it to baddies house cuz like everybody was just like kind of going to baddies cuz he was the only one who still had power and

Literally the oh you're in like a hospital area right I was right next to a hospital so I had power I had water I had heat and the only thing he didn't have actual food White Claw ranch water and a fucking I a Costco pack to feed a homeless shelter where the Gushers

And fruit roll-ups and Tostito chips and luckily you and you and co-workers can't be choosers roast No, that was Cody brought that oh never mind So Cody cooked a pock roast and that was the first warm food I'd had like three days. I want to go into that night I just don't know how much we can go into the night. How much do you want to? Brandon Four hours and not being able to go inside I was just like

Man, that looks like a good time. Me and my ex-girlfriend at the time were persisting. We were living on a diet at that point. I had convinced this poor girl to move across the country with me.

And we get there and it's completely snowed in. It's like, I thought it was supposed to be hot here. It's like, yeah. In Texas, there's too much snow. Everything's ice. It's negative eight. No power. Pipes are bursting everywhere except for my house. Literally, I was the only one with a vehicle that could get around. Somehow in my Volvo all-wheel drive, I was on the road looking around. I was like...

everybody's cars off the road I had my Vermont tires still on my Raptor so I was like dude Raptors you have like a puddle in the road and they're allergic to traction I had them Vermont all season still dude because I had one winter with it yeah no we were living on a diet of like trail mix Adderall and alcohol for like four fucking days because the only stores that were open in Texas were liquor stores and I'm like what the shit I can't buy food but Tito's is fine

Yeah, no, we ended up like staying in the car because she wanted to drive home for like four hours. I had to sit there convincing her that that was a terrible fucking idea. It was great. It was like, and we were like, me and Maddie were like, I would look outside and like, is she trying to convince him right now? I think, I think that's what's going on. It's like, man, we can totally go home right now. And Brandon's like, I don't know. The last 18 cars wrecked backing out of the stop sign. And we, I don't think this is a good idea. It's like, well, we had just tried.

- Oh yeah, yeah, they just all rotated. - I had to do like a fucking controlled spin down the hill. I'm like fast and furious in this shit, like with no traction trying to figure out how not to wreck any shit. Fucking manage it. 'Cause like we're doing an uncontrolled descent down a frozen hill backwards. - It was on Matty's fucking bike. - She didn't remember it. - Then she has to drive. - She's like, "No, I can do it." I'm like, "You can't." - You have to walk back up the hill?

No, no. We were able to, because it was an incline up out of the neighborhood or whatever. Couldn't make it up that. I'm like, I'm taking us back to Batty's house. I need to like, this is not going to work. And we parked out in front of your house and argued for like three hours. Yeah, I was like, how aren't they dead yet? It's like negative 20. It's like Alaska outside. And we're just like watching anime eating Froot Loops. I was very jealous. I wish this was a joke, but that's really all I had. I remember Brandon walking in like this.

- Making eye contact with me, I was like, "So you're Convo Wink?" - I was like, "Well, I'll come back." - So y'all got it all worked out. - You ever get in those kind of relationship arguments where you just walk in with a thousand yard stare? - No, we never do. - Yes. - We can totally make a home. - I'm so proud of you, man. - Your vehicle's just a ballerina. - Your wonderful relationship. - We have a fake relationship all the time.

All jokes aside, you seem to have a pretty good thing going on. We do, yeah. My wife's pretty solid. What's the worst moment you and Mare had? That's what he actually paid a thousand bucks for. This was an investment. I know how my payments work. Eli's like, stonks. The first two are free. The next four that you drink on your own arm. That's how it starts. He gives you the first two.

It's a buy two get two free. Jesus fuck. So there was this pool boy. What was his name? Do you need a new pool boy? Yeah, I mean, me and him hooked up a couple times. Fuck. Do you have a hot tub in your new pool? We do, yeah. Can I come hang on your hot tub? For sure. Can I just show up in your hot tub? Yes, please. That should be hilarious. Are you going to drive him home? Yeah.

I actually need anybody to come hang out in the hot tub so I can get a ride home. That'd be great. Thanks. Your neighbors, she seemed really nice. Can she drive me home? The old lady? She would. That's maybe like not. Doc's the name of your neighbors? But the greatest neighbors of all time, minus they called him 50. They are great. She said, you're so young. And I was like, yeah. She's like, what are you like in your 40s? And I was like,

- What? How old are you now, like 39, 40? - I mean, I'm close to 40, but I'm not in my forties. I'm 38. - You're 30? Wait, you're older than Eli? - No, wait, I'm 37.

I thought you were younger than Eli. I just turned 37. Okay, so you're 10 years older than me then. He's a few months younger than me. 10 years? Well, I'm 27. Can I just say, Brandon is freaking killing it. Good job. No, you're killing it. You were where I was 10 years ago. No, I was not. I was broke. I was negative net worth in vet school 10 years ago. Oh, wait. No, I just graduated. So I was still negative net worth. So here's actually a story I don't think I've ever told the internet. I remember why I asked for more shots. I don't know.

I'm 32! I'm not doing great! I gotta start a YouTube channel, man!

I've been telling you that for fucking three years. By 32, I was doing really good by 32, Batty. So you got to figure it out. By 27, I was not. One of my older channels that nobody knows about. Oh, here we go. I started at the same time. I was still doing gun content and stuff like that. I grew it to like 4,000 or 5,000 subs and deleted it. But I remember I was tracking on the same trajectory as you were. Oh, really? In the very, very early days. Just delete it.

Because I was in high school at the time and I'm like, you know what? I'm bored of this. I don't want to dedicate the time. I didn't treat it seriously because there was no money in GunTube at that time. There was no money. Nowadays, everybody's like, I want to be a YouTuber. Back then, it's like, YouTubing is a cool hobby because there's no fucking money. You were the weirdo. Yeah, for sure. I didn't tell anybody about

I had 100,000 subs before I told anybody about it because I was embarrassed. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Because it was looked down on. Like, that was like a, oh. I was a veterinarian. I had a respectable career. And, like, I didn't tell anybody about YouTube. And I had 100,000 subscribers. And I was embarrassed about it. That's. I didn't know. Isn't that crazy? Okay. These shots are paying off. I treat that like. Well, I kind of like.

I oscillate back and forth because I think that's one of my biggest regrets is not keeping up the YouTube thing back in the day. What do you mean? Oh, like the first channel? Yeah, the first channel. Well, that was like my third at that point. I've been doing YouTube for like fucking 13 years or whatever. When did you start? What year?

Uh, 2006, 2007. That's when I, so like when it was first, yeah, when it was first around, I've been, I've done multiple YouTube channels, always deleted them because I just got bored because low attention span. But like, I regret not keeping them open, but I'm also glad because I'm glad I, that stuff's not still out there. No, I'm glad I didn't start getting success before I matured a little. Yeah, for sure. Cause that, that would have been a bad move. Like if you, you look at all the guys who get famous at like fucking 19, you guys matured. Well, that,

That's the idea. Yeah, me too. Totally. You try to. I'm in a Santa suit. That. The vodka. Cork. You guys are so mature for your age. Yeah, if I would have made money and got internet famous, like, yeah, at 20? Yeah. Yeah. You would have done a lot of dumb stuff and it would have sucked.

Yeah, I still do dumb shit, but a lot of dumb shit, a lot less, a lot. Just imagine that it's calculated now. Is it like, yeah, well, kind of, it's more calculated. It's more calculated than it would have been. If you would have been like, I would have been like whistling dickhead and yeah, you're right. Imagine being 13, 13 and rich.

I kind of feel bad for him a little bit. Who's 13? No, but those individuals that get rich young fucking like Ryan like Oh, he's never I I kind of feel bad for him a little bit because like I really do think like somewhere in there There's a nice kid and he's like I know but he's Lindeasel. Yeah, I knew it. I just I think he blew up way too fast way too quick. I

I think that happens a lot. PewDiePie did a good job of growing with that. You have the individuals that grew with their audience really well. How old is PewDiePie? He's our age now. He's 34. But I mean, he was... Ryan's doing a good job too. The kid, Ryan. Who? The unboxing kid? Yeah. Ryan. What's his name? It's...

What's his channel name? Like Ryan's World. Ryan. Is that it? Yeah, Ryan's World. I have no idea who this is. So Ryan. He's like the unboxing kid or whatever that did like.

Basically, everybody's parents fucked him up. Yeah, you know, but he has like his brothers sisters and then the family has this very good relationship because I've had young kids that watched. I think Eli's the drunkest out of everyone. Yes, absolutely. He always is. But I can remember Ryan's world. How much? How many worlds? That's right. Yeah. Yeah. How many views do you five minutes of like Ryan who on each video?

Or a total. He's got his phone, of course he remembers it now. No, I haven't looked it up yet. On each video? What are you asking? I don't know. Let's consult the Nightmare Brick. I bet he gets six to ten on each video. Dude, I seriously started exclusively referring to my phone as the Nightmare Brick. I hate it. Every time I look at it, it's like, oh. I mean, he's been killing it for ten years, so he's probably falling off. Okay, so I have an honest question. That brings up something interesting.

Is there ever a point where you think that there will be enough with YouTube where you're like, I have made it enough. I think I would like to retire. How many? Okay, here, here. Eli, I just asked a question. Okay, I'm going to answer it. I have an answer for that. Go. No, no, no. Eli, you don't matter anymore. I need to know this. Shutting the fuck up. Go. I have an answer. I have made it enough that I could retire on YouTube right now and be happy, but I have small kids.

And if I retired, I don't know what I would do. And so I'm going to work for the next 10 years. That's when my youngest kid will leave. And then I will actually retire. So I got, I got, are you going to do once you retire? I don't know. Don't keep busy. I can't wait to move into your house once you retire. Cause you'll need a new friend. But yeah, I, I got, I got 10 more years of YouTube in me and then I'm actually done. I've got two more before YouTube shuts you down. I got big plans. They can't shut me down.

I'll hear yours because I can go up as a parent. It's super interesting because you have a non-parent idea, but you have an entrepreneur, and I think your brain is more like me. Mine is like parent and that. Maybe you're autistic. Maybe. A lot, but it is the idea of leaving a legacy of when you die. Mine has always been this. Leave a legacy. When you die, you leave a.

One generation that remembers you. For the most part, when people pass, it is two years and then you're fucking forgotten. If you can leave a generational gap of when you pass and then you're like, hey, go back and watch these videos and you are remembered for a generation, that is a good mark in the world. You're not going to be like Elon or these individuals, Genghis Khan, whatever. But Genghis Khan and Elon. I'm going to rape and pillage my way. Did you just compare yourself to a...

I mean, well, to me, to be honest, I don't care. Like as long as I had a good time and I feel like in my heart of hearts, I made an impact. I'm okay. It's making an impact. That's what the, it's not like my, like, as long as people remember me, I'm like, no, as long as I can look back, let's say that you get this fictional, like last 60 seconds looking from a third person. Like, you know what? I had a good run.

I'm happy with that. Like, I'm okay with that. Someone, an older guy told me one time that you start off trying to make a living and then once you figure out how to make a living, you try to make a difference. And so I think, yeah, that's kind of what we're all. Sheesh. Yeah. Isn't that cool? Yo, that's some real shit. That's why old people are cool to talk to. I love it. I can't wait to make a living. Someday, daddy will make a living. He's on stage one. Daddy's like, y'all motherfuckers talking about making, making an impact. I just want to make rent.

No, Brent's good. But that's it. I need to start a YouTube channel. Sounds great. Stage one is amazing. Can I hear your tutorial? It's almost like you're personal friends with a bunch of rich and successful YouTubers that would love to help you in your journey and you just don't talk to them about it or do it. Okay.

I haven't tried Betty will try eggnog so we'll demo just a little demo They're good it's so good

There's none. - Whiskey, cool. Brandy and whiskey. - And rum. - And rum. - Are we shooting it? - No, it's eggnog. - Newly tinkered? - You drink it. - Oh, there's nothing in this. - Yeah, it's good. - It's 14.75%. - It's eggnog! - It's wine. - It's a wine. - I thought you were pouring like a shot of liquor. - Baddie cummed on the table.

Do you have a towel? You got a hat on. I would not wear this anymore. That was the deterrent. That was my hat. But this is a good point. It's like your view, your view. You're looking at these like, hey, here's my here's how I want to leave my mark in the world. And I don't think a lot of people have that, which is crazy to me because like.

It's a mixture. 420. You had to pour it out 420. No, show them. Don't let this joke run in me. Oh, I would, but somebody bet me I wouldn't throw my watch. Don't look at me when you say he did it. Look at that piece of crap on the ground over there. Yeah. The shit that won't connect to my phone. That's super cool. Maybe connect now. Cheers for your fucking eggnog, bro. I love eggnog. Do you drink eggnog? No.

First time having eggnog in like years. Yeah, it's pretty good. That's so good. That was good. That's pretty good. That was delicious. I love eggnog. It's okay. It's very viscous. I'm going to poop a lot later. It does have dairy in it. I know. Trust me. This is right on it. I know. Dairy.

Dairy cream. Real dairy cream. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's going to entertain my bell. So I know a lot of like Hispanics and whatnot have issues with lactose intolerance. Is that true? I think so. Right? I didn't know that. Did you just make that up? Mine is because of that. That's why like no shit. That's why it's like a quote unquote white supremacist dog whistle. No shit. Pun intended. Yeah, no shit. Literally no shit. Yeah. He's not joking. No, I'm literally not kidding. Like white people process milk way better.

Did you not know this? No, this is literally European- I had no idea! White people from European countries are the only individuals that decided, "Hey, look at this fucking weird udder thing. Okay, what happens when you fucking jerk it off? Oh, milk! This weird white shit come out. What happens if we drink it?" You remember how we all love fucking sucking on titties? What if we sucked on like fucking cow titties?

Wow, this fucking... They can't say no. And they made an entire industry out of it. Yeah. That's good. I don't know. In Mexican view, I hear you, but it's good. Oh, I got a shit. There's a reason it's Louis Pasteur and not Louise Pasteur. See? My question was, are Asians the same way? Like, do they have that lactose intolerance problem? Asians are the worst. So... See, that's what I was curious about. There was none. In general or just at milk? No.

Well if you look at college test scores, they're clearly better at most things. That was a thousand dollars well spent. He gets up and leaves. He's like, I'm outta here. You lose ten bucks for every second you're out of the frame.

I think Matt Best said this to me once. He's like, oh, I can't wait to hang out with my friends. I guess we have to pay him to hang out. So I was like, man, I got a stream today. I'm sorry guys, I can't hang out. And he's like, oh, I guess we have to pay our friends to hang out. That's the funny part. Everybody's like, you're such a fucking BRCC fucking cock you sold out or whatever. I'm like, you know how much Black Rifles ever goddamn paid me?

Zero fucking dollars. It's like, I'm sorry. I think these people are rad because I actually know them as personal humans. Weird. He's like, I just enjoy their, their just company at this point. It's fucking crazy ass concept. Crazy ass concept. You're welcome for all the engagement. That one sentence just. I can already hear the angry commenters. Like, like you sons of bitches. If Evan Hafer would just leave Jerusalem for a fucking hour. I mean,

I'm sorry. I just fucking enjoy hanging out with these people. Dude, I'm friends. It's crazy. I met trading out this Matt friends trading out this group of friends never in my life. I would trade out Matt. Well, no. Okay. So is this like a Brittany Griner Lord of War thing? Like what are we who we trading him out for?

Trading me? Yeah, we're trading you. Can I get a little spicy for a second? I would love that. Oh, batty, continue. I actually prefer not. Let's just keep it chill. Okay, so there's been so much shit about this Brittany for the Lord of War. I don't know his name. I don't give a fuck, to be honest. Sure, Victor something, I'm sure. Wait, what the fuck? It's literally his name. I am out of the loop on this one. Did you not know? Hold on. For the audience and apparently Eli.

Do you know who the WNBA star, Brittany Griner, nobody knew about? She got arrested in Russia, smoking weed, having marijuana. Never mind. That's how long she's been in Russian prison? Brittany. I was told it was supposed to be five years.

No, but how long has she been there? It's been like nine months, I thought. Oh, I thought it was over a year. No, it was like less than a year. So recently we traded a prisoner release between her... Recently, it's time of recording, but... Yes, yeah, true. For the Lord of War, Victor something...

Yes, I've been in American prison for 15 years. It was a prisoner swap with Russia for this WNBA player. And everybody is so goddamn mad over this Marine that's there. Furious. I have a very, very, very controversial take on this, but I'll let you finish.

I like it. Everyone is furious because we haven't helped this Marine who's been there for three, four years. That I don't know. He's been, it's four years since a different administration. Four years. He was, he's been there for two years as of the last administration and people go to jail for espionage. He used to be a Marine. I didn't hear about that. Like he basically, he got caught carrying too much cash into Russia. Yeah. And he, everyone's like, why aren't you saving this Marine? Yeah.

from russia this marine uh stole a bunch of other marines identities uh he he did a bunch of really fucked up shit got dishonorably discharged kicked out and he went to the uk i believe or not the uk uh the eu sorry europe for a while dishonorable discharge for those who don't know like carries the same weight as like a felony it's it's honestly almost worse in some cases it's

If you get a dishonorable discharge, it's bad. You literally, like, you can't buy a gun. You get a dishonorable discharge. Really? I didn't know that. Here, let me get. On a .473, they ask you, have you ever been dishonorably discharged from the armed forces? It carries the same weight as a felony. I will give this for an example. I have friends that got busted for cocaine, marijuana, and stuff.

In wartime military got kicked out for other honorable discharge. You have an honorable. You have to really fuck up to get an honorable medical. I have a buddy that fucking. Oh, oh my God. I have a buddy that fucking friendly fired somebody.

And this is not in a wartime like we're in a firefight this is like raining this is oops outside of combat something go report and everyone was like what the fuck and still got

Other than honorable you have to really fuck up to get a dishonorable discharge in this guy dishonorable And then he had like felony stacked on top of it for other shit, which is all over the internet He's a piece of shit. He's a massive piece of shit in the amount of stuff I've seen online being like why aren't we rescuing this American war hero? I get that on the surface. Yes, I I didn't I'll be honest. I didn't do any digging

I have no clue about this guy. What I will say is that I am glad I could give a fuck less about WNBA chick. Absolutely. I would have preferred she actually she like she flat out fucking hates America. She does. She says something very terrible. She's like basically fuck the United States when she got back. She got back. I'm like, you know what? I wish you had rotted in jail forever. I'm glad Victor Bout is out of prison.

Oh, spicy take right here. I'm glad. If I can scoot you closer. The world was a better place when Victor Bout got out of prison. Did you hear his interview after getting out of jail? No. It was so fucking good. It took me by surprise because I was originally in that crowd. I was kind of a little upset. I'm like, wow, Jesus Christ, we did what?

And then I heard his interview. I'm like, this guy's based as fuck. Cause he literally just said like, somebody asked him like, do you hate America? He's like, no, I don't hate Americans. I think Americans are like the rural Americans I met in prison are very, very agreeable, easy to deal with. I enjoy them. And I honestly, I pity them because they're losing their country.

He's like, they have these value systems. They're Christian values. They're families. They're this. They're whatever. He's like, they're losing that, and America isn't what it used to be. And I feel bad because they're watching their country disintegrate in front of their eyes. I'm like, goddamn! This guy's more American than most of the people I fucking know. Like, fucking hell! Do you want to move to Texas, dude? I've got some guns you can move. Like...

And Brandon gets his FFL revoked. It was that quick. That was the line. There it is. ATF, open up. Aw. Little three plates. Like, well, yeah. Man, 30-06 black tips are wild. Fucking spicy, brother. Fucking crazy. But I'm like, man, I saw the Babylon Bee post where it was like, yeah, Brittany Griner gets to return to a life of obscurity being an NBA star. WNBA star.

As most people said, the one comedian, it was like, name the team she played on. Go. I couldn't name one WNBA team. Batty, name a single team. Don't care. The Sparks. That's all I know. Is that real? You do know? Shit. He studied one. Sparks and the Seattle. It might even be the Seattle Sparks. I don't fucking know. Nobody fucking knew. Before any of this, the only thing the WNBA was was a joke. I don't know.

I love when they did that audit. They were like, oh, yeah. So the WNBA thinks that they're underpaid because they make this much and the NBA makes this much. But if you adjust that for their viewership, the WNBA makes like four times more than the NBA view for view. People do not understand that key component on viewership.

Like basically the WNBA. Oh, I see what you're saying. How many views? They make 36, but it's like if you adjust it for the views. Yeah, I saw a post and they were saying that if they actually, they want to get paid percentage-wise just like the NBA gets. And they were like, if you get paid a percentage-wise, you have to pay us like $20,000 per game you play.

The WNBA loses money every year. And you have to pay us. The WNBA is basically a charity. Why does that sound so aggressive when you say it like that? I don't even think it sucks. It's just objective fact. You can't.

If I bought courtside tickets to the WNBA team of San Antonio that none of us know, even though we live here, I should be able to write that off on my taxes.

Is there a team in San Antonio? None of us know. I would know if there was, right? I've lived here my whole life. Would we? I don't know. That's an actual NBA team? That's a men's NBA team. Okay. I feel like if those are going to be NBA, I would know. Oh my God. We do have... How have I never heard about this?

- Holy shit. We have a WNBJ. - No we don't. - Yes we do. - San Antonio what? - No, guess it. - San Antonio. - I don't know. - What do you mean guess it? - The Spurs. San Antonio Lady Spurs. - Close. - It starts with an S. Go. - The Spurs. - Sparks. - The Spurs.

Brandon I have no idea the stars okay wait stars I honestly don't remember oh Sparks are they doing good? I just don't know do you care? Do you actually give a fuck? I actually really want to know yeah long story short look at that fuck we're training this guy for I I do this sucks. It's why I

Because I want him out of jail. Well, no, okay, but the bread Spicy take On the like one in three chance Victor bout is watching this episode of unsubscribe If you do some business my telegram is in the description Can I put that in the description? There's gonna be 40 other telegrams. I'll put his telegram in the description Hit me up boo boo

Or you can come on unsubscribe and talk for 450 line is a little fucked up in there. Yes, absolutely You like Brittany Griner come on. No Yeah, when when she when she got back from Russia like they flew her to the Air Force Base here Oh shit. Yeah, they actually had it. Oh

They shook hands and shit. Did you not read that? No, I just knew she came here. I feel like I saw a picture of the exchange. There was like a legit exchange. Victor. No, but Lord of War. Victor. Yeah, it was like a legit exchange. There's photos of them. That's got to be hilarious because he's like a normal height and she's like fucking seven foot or whatever. Yeah. You heard her talk? Yeah. Holy cow. It sounds like this.

Yeah, I'm happy to be back in America. It's crazy deep. Batty, have you not? No, I don't care, to be honest. I don't think she is. I have no idea. She's just like that vocally anti-American. It's like, you know...

Russia isn't exactly what it used to be, but you still got locked up there for, you know, because of the idea. Russia isn't what it used to be. Russia isn't what it used to be. I meant that the wrong way. As in, like, it wasn't good before, but now, like, even, like, the new Russia, it's like new Coke. It's like, fuck. The new Coke. You still almost rock some fucking go-rock. Cold War was bad, but... Like, I know it sucked before, but now...

Thanks for watching Unsubscribe Podcast. I know, you were like, Jesus Christ, what have I got myself into? I'm going to just keep drinking. I don't remember where I am. I wish I didn't remember where I was. Unfortunately. This is why I was like, let's just drink more and this will make everything way better. Let's just drink more while the AC doesn't fucking work. It's definitely not on. No, 100%. If you wouldn't have taken these sleeves off. Why?

Why do you have a giant bruise on your fucking weird? It's almost like somebody like punched his arm while they were trying to cut your sleeves off. Yeah, that wasn't there in the first episode. Now it just popped up. Don't blame me for that. Who's are you? Okay. Blink twice. If I'm okay or if I'm not okay. Does Mayor hit you? It's Mayor.

That's all she can do. All I hear is just like, just sobbing. Don't tell Mare. That's what don't tell Mare actually means. She's like, don't tell Mare. She grabs you like this. I'm sorry. You guys just keep telling Mare. I've been telling you for years to not tell her. Mare freaking hates that. This is like a Meat Canyon Demolition Ranch parody. We have enough time to pay him for an episode of this.

We go to events and all the fans just want to go up to Mare and be like, hey, Matt has something I haven't told you about. And Mare's like, great, awesome. She's like, everyone says that. Are you tired of the don't tell Mare thing yet? It's just annoying to you now? It's mildly annoying to me, but it's super annoying to Mare. She hates it.

I don't say it anymore. It's still at the end of every outro, but I I personally don't say it anymore No, it's at the very end of the outro though, but you have to watch all the shit until it's 2023 almost I need to go ahead and make a new outro. So that'll be good. I made it like a year ago. Yeah a year ago. Yeah a year but between that one and the last outro. Yeah It was it was at least two years maybe more. Yeah, see

Cuz I know how like things get with like the the whole like "We're AK-50!" Yeah. And it's funny shit to me cuz like- You just wanna slap a motherfucker every time? I'll have these kids- I will never forget there was this one kid who came up to me like I say kid he's like fucking like 20. A kid? He just goes like "Oh, I'm sorry. We're AK-50!" I'm like "Oh, it's on my wall at the shop." Just deadpan. He just goes like- I just watched the light drain from his eyes like yeah. Sorry.

It was glowing. When you posted that thing on Twitter about you dying, some of the comments were, now we'll never get AK-15. I laughed at those. I was waiting for the response like you were fucking getting it anyway. I was like, that's pretty good. Oh yeah, so I died.

Oh my god. I forgot about that. We started talking about that and then Eli did the intro for the third time. I died. And then I lived. Fucking Santa Claus will fucking kill him. I bet you won't. You fucking red beer fuck. And that's how this gets struck. Out of all the things we've said, like you get struck for death threats because you literally told your co-host you'd fucking kill him. I bet you a thousand dollars you don't actually kill him. That's fair. You got a grand lying around right now? I do. He's supposed to pay me. Eli's like, box cutter. Ha! Ha!

This homicide brought to you by RAID: Shadow Legends. RAID: Shadow Legends. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck. Stop it. I hope he gets that automatically without me saying that. I'm like, fuck, why'd you leave that in there? Why did you die? Sorry, I'm still recovering from that. Unexpectedly based. Um...

No, apparently I died fighting in Ukraine. That was great. Was there someone who looked like you or what? So what I was told, so there's a gentleman. The guy was white.

Yep, just like Brandon wait brand brand. Holy shit. No brain There's a gentleman who's in Ukraine who apparently had the same name as I did like he literally was like his name was Brandon Herrera was what I was told anyway, it's Mexicans and he's still alive is the funny part he was taking a picture in Ukraine and So I did on a gun meme review the whole thing about like Garan thumb and post Malone technically fighting for Wagner group and you in Ukraine Russia

Like the news like Newsmax reporting about it. Well, he actually believed it I mean you max literally did a debunking article about Grantham and Post Malone fighting for Wagner group in Ukraine sweet And then the guy who originally did the tweet that got on viral did a tweet about me I got like 80,000 likes on Twitter. It was a lot it got big quick to where like my mother was calling me and

Are you gonna Ukraine Brandon? She's like you need to have them delete this. I'm like yes. Let me call the owner of the internet. Let me call the internet. Let's just unhook the tubes that are on the back end of the internet. You see mom I haven't contacted the internet police recently. Brandon. Idea. Oh here we go. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. No but I can...

With this smell. I can... Oh, I love this so much because... It's going to be good. It is. You can tell by the way that it is. It's not going to be good. Can I do a VFX thing of us and then announce this before this episode of you dying? Because I can make it look really good. Sure. Because I can do you. Kill me. Grand thumbs. Oh, I'm going to deep fake Brandon into a...

Just saving Private Ryan. No. In one of the videos. No, in real life. Yeah. In one of the war crime videos. Oh, dude. Deep fake me into that sledgehammer killing. Yeah, that's too easy. What? Sledgehammer killing? I don't know what you're talking about either. God.

I feel like a piece of shit. I follow this shit pretty regularly. Oh, and it takes three seconds. I know the AI program now, like, very well. Somebody murdered someone with a sledgehammer? Yeah, it was a... Ukraine-Russia thing? Yeah. Yeah, one of the Wagner Group dudes straight up executed a guy, like a defector or some shit like that. They executed him with a sledgehammer, and they filmed it. And then they presented a member of Russian parliament with a decorative sledgehammer.

I'm dead fucking serious. There's a video of the presentation. They open up a nice case and it's a sledgehammer. Very not American style. Well, not current America.

God, this is one where you want to go back in time and be like, hey, what happens if we had cell phones for one? That seriously is the difference. People are like, we would never do that. Come on, man. You ain't read the same books I read. Motherfucker, your grandfather had an ear necklace. Let's not pretend that we're above this. Let's be honest on this stuff. It's real fucked up. If you enjoy the Dr. Seuss version of history, yeah, no, we didn't do that, but

Could you do some bunker branding Christmas sweaters without sleeves and have Eli cut them off? That'd actually be sick.

So I was going to actually, I was going to talk to Bunker about doing a Christmas sweater, but it was too late. Yeah. It was like a week ago. I was like, yeah, that's way too late. I'm like, there's no way. I love how all of us are like, Hey, let's wait till a week before Christmas next week. We should sell something honest to God. Like bunkers bunkers like purposes to no influencers. You should hit us up in October. Like, Hey, do you want to do a Christmas sweater? July.

Yeah, probably, honestly. But just let me know if you need me to cut some sleeves. I would love to do like an Afghan war rug with like the grenades and like AKs and shit like on a Christmas sweater. I feel like that would be perfect. I wrote that idea down. If any of you take it, I will personally come to your house. I've seen it. We're going to redact it from you. We're so terrible at this. This year's Christmas sweater? Is that an old one? Yeah, what one is that? It's sold out. You can't have one.

I have one from like two years ago. Oh, you do? I do. You bought it? Yeah. Dude, respect. I have bought more Bunker merch than I'm proud to admit. Well, whenever you have merch that's cool, I'll buy it. I'll get it for free. I made more on Bunker this year than I thought I did. You did? Yeah. Good job. My computer crashed like two months ago. You didn't get a new one? This makes sense. Okay, just follow me on this.

Portal for bunker, okay, like my I didn't have my logins or anything So like just recently I text one of your one of your guys who works there with me. Oh

and I just got it yesterday. I got it back online. I'm like, oh damn. I looked at what I made for the year. I'm like, okay, we're doing all right. Not doing bad. Yeah. Bunkers, bunkers. People sleep on merch. People sleep on merch. Merch is great. Did you guys fucking crush on it? We look at ours and I'm like, that's,

Dupin subs doing good. I haven't looked yeah, yeah good job. Hey you can't blur this blur this out What are you guys blur it or blur the words blur those words out? Just

I'm imagining the cuts are like Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I'm gonna say the N word! Dude, you got your fucking cut-offs right now. We got drunk Matt. Matt, do you want another shot? It's on you right now. You don't have- 500 bucks, I'd take a shot, yeah. Let's do it! No, let's not. That's what I'm talking about! I could actually drive home right now. No, how much? How much?

I would only do it for 500 bucks a shot. But I'd rather just drive home. 500 and done. No. I... Batty, shut the fuck up. I'd like to drive home. I could drive right now. Brandon. And if I drink another shot, I can't. See you, Batty. Put it down. Put it down. Brandon. So we got one. Batty? No. Batty, do a happy. I just cracked the white card. Batty, do a happy.

Batty now do a happy and spider monkey my ass over this table whoop you he had to do a happy if you do one. So help me God Santa Claus you fucking gender fuck. Alright let's go. Let's fucking go. They're gonna gay wrestle.

We're gonna do halfies? I like that. No! We're not gonna do halfies! Who said halfies? Brandon wants a full one! I want a shit! No, you did halfie gay stuff. I didn't say I wanted a sh- Oh, whatever. You did! You literally asked for the bottle! No, I told him not to put it away.

We're gonna do a happy gay shot. Just in case I change my mind. How have I been here for four hours? Five hours? Yeah, that's what I ask every fucking time I show up here. Podcast, yeah, an hour, no problem. It's never an hour. Then I'll go home and get some real work done. Matt, when have you ever showed up for just an hour? Never, but I always think it's just an hour. Two and a half hours straight so far. Just recording, not including the fucking two hours of lunch we did before. Yeah, we did a lot of talking.

I will say they were very slow on the food today. Those are halfies. It was good food today. It's almost like nobody shows up to an Irish pub at 5 noon on Tuesday. Those are halfies. Batty, grab your fucking halfie. I'm mad. Dude, this is Christmas. Nobody likes Christmas. Fuck you if you like Christmas. I love Christmas. Shut up. We have Batty showing up tomorrow delivering your Raptor. He doesn't have a Raptor. I don't own a Raptor, but I'll take a Raptor.

You don't have a Raptor. You get Batty's Raptor tomorrow. I thought you did. I did two years ago. I thought you were part of Raptor gang. When are you getting a new Raptor? I was the original Raptor gang. You signed up for the new Raptor. Yeah, I'm actually in line for a Bronco Raptor and a Raptor R. So, okay, okay. What is a Bronco Raptor? That's it. I have a real... Is the Bronco Raptor actually happening? Yeah, I actually... Supposed to get it in January. Oh, oh my God. I could talk about cars with Raptors.

is them right now so the raptor r is not actually happening who knows when those come out the supercharged 700 horse whatever they push that back again they push it back over and over the bronco raptors are actually allocated and like i have one supposed to be coming in january i think i'm not gonna lie like the raptor i already have is already fucking allergic to the road yeah like the horsepower behind that if you put it in sport mode dude i was fish tailing all they just want to they want to be the t-rex they just want to be better than t-rex and so i love

yeah it's like fair dodge was trolling them perfectly yes that was good that was a good call excellent so yeah i don't know i just want the cyber truck haber checks i've had one pre-ordered for like a year and a half have you really yeah i mean yeah they announced that serious freaking two years i don't know i've i've had i'm poor i'm not a youtuber i've had a grand down on one 200 grand i thought they were 200 but i thought it was a grant i i thought it was at least i can put one number on it for a great screwed

I don't remember. It was through the Tesla website, whatever. It's cheap now. I've heard a lot of people saying like, oh, you're never going to fucking happen or they're happening in three months. And I'm like, I feel like the truth is somewhere in the middle. But either way, I want to wrap one like a warthog and turn it into a technical with a fucking dish guy. Whoa, Eli, Jesus fucking Christ. What are you doing there, brother? He high-fived me. That was that. Yeah, get it up.

Why is he interrupting it? It's way more awkward. Okay, go again. Stop it. No, get that up. The snow in Stalingrad was this high. Mexicans can do it. I get it. My name is Kyle. Stop interrupting it, man.

Jesus fucking Christ. So the talk of life is happening soon? Yeah, so, uh, well, by the time this comes out, this will be Christmas Day, so... The wife should have just happened. Oh, I didn't know it was that soon. So, this... I can say, I'm gonna say it. I don't give a fuck. We're talking about this on the 13th. Do you guys high five your wife?

I love that you guys are like, fuck this up as much as possible. Go on about Tarkov. Video games, Apple. Weird. I know, it's crazy. The Tarkov VoIP is about to happen. Video game, PlayStation, Xbox. One more. Give me one more. Nintendo. Thank you. Perfect. Now that we're number one on Apple's charts again, the Tarkov VoIP is about to happen.

And I can say for sure it's happening before the 29th or 28th. Okay. Good. Interesting. I know you don't give a fuck. Drewski gives a fuck, though. And he's important. I thought it was happening on the 30th. So, like, the fact that it's happening earlier is I might have to come home a day early. Yeah, no. So...

They're doing drops again on Twitch, which is a really big deal. It's when people get free gear. You should literally just stream twice between the 29th and the 7th. I'm definitely going to play Tarkov. The last time you'll have 70,000 to 300,000 concurrent viewers. The last time you'll steal everyone from Tarkov and make it you are the Tarkov. That's

- Like to be real, that's number one on the entire platform. - Twitch, just playing Tarkov, you will kill. - Oh, if you stole that position. - Let me do this. - Ethan, let me know. I'll tell BSG you wanna play Tarkov for a day. - Hold up, who's BSG? - Battlestate Games. - They made the game. - Yeah, tell them.

Nick you will steal every view on the entire platform. We will die from that. Holy shit. Cause he don't give a fuck about the game. No, I totally care. But the wipes happening probably just before Christmas. So the last time that Tarkov wiped, I was not single. So I couldn't dedicate like 72 hours straight. You need 72 hours straight. Absolutely. I will do that this time around. I'm excited for that.

Do you want to come over to my house and just stream? Do you want to stream together the entire time? We can. I have 16 PCs in my house right now. I'll come up to your place then. I legitimately have four PCs set up in my streamer right now. I'm stoked. You want to stand up in 69, Matt? Who's upside down? Hold her.

- Which one's upside down? - You are, I'm holding you. - I mean, Matty's already got a body pillow of you, so it's not that hard. - Bring it out, bring it out. - Dude, when you were like, "Can you just have this?" I was like, "It's in my truck already." - Do I have the only official Demo Ranch body pillow? - Yeah, you might have the only only. I don't know if it's only official. - It's not the only only. - I'm gonna start one now. - I promise you, man. - Demo with anime eyes.

It's not the only only, but I think I'm the only one that you physically touched. And I've touched it a lot. Yeah, a lot. This is why Christmas episodes are going to be so much better. Merry Christmas, everyone. Why are you guys watching this instead of hanging out with your families? Calm. It's not calm. It's not calm.

Thank you for watching unsubscribe for the second time wait is this the end? This is the end right now. Is it the end? OH FUCK! Thank you for watching unsubscribe we'll see you next time fuck you! *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *crying* *c