82 - Drunk History Part 2 ft. The Fat Electrician & Nikko Ortiz
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I hate all of you. Why was your zipper down? You have so many bonus pockets. It's incredible. Dude, one, two, three, four, five, six, bro. Seven, eight, dude. Oh. That. Ripping my ass. Crazy. What's the longest? Thank you. The longest episode you've had? Yeah, what is the longest episode you've had? Our hand.

Oh, what the fuck? We're going to turn this into a Joe Rogan podcast. Six hours. Say hi to Eli. He's racially ambiguous. That guy's fucking ridiculous. Don't know. It's harder to rhyme, but he's a really nice guy. Welcome to unsubscribe. No, no, no, no, no. You know what we're going to do? Six hours. That's what people will know you for. That's how you get number one. You always have the longest one.

We need to do one tomorrow? I've never had the longest one in my entire life. Even if I measure in metric. As you said, it does sound way cooler, though. Oh, bro, have you ever heard, like, centimeters? I asked. I was working at a farm, and they had a bunch of dudes from South Africa, and I was like, you guys use a metric system down there? They're like, absolutely. I was like, how do you guys measure your genitals? That's actually a really good question. And they're like, centimeters. And I was like, bro, that's fucking...

Dope. Because you got a lot of numbers in. Wait, in South Africa? Three digits. Like literally everywhere but America. But it's like, you got a lot more centimeters than you do inches. Believe me. Yeah, when I say like two inches hard, but in centimeters, that's like fucking 200 centimeters. Damn. I had to explain to them what an any was. But I mean, after that, they told me I was still fucked. But it was fine. They're like, what's this negative sign mean? Yeah.

Okay, so it's not it's like a reverse belly, but it's a belly button I got two kids they were half court shots both times What does that mean? What the fuck does that mean? I have two kids it was

I just picture you about to come in. You're like, come in. Call me. But you don't do this. You just jump back with like limp arms and the semen shoots out. It just hits perfectly. Call me. And you're just jumping backwards. Scorn and fucking come out. Scorn and come out.

Oh yeah, we gotta do this. Oh, yeah, hey. Do we tell them that this episode is just kept going because... Yeah, we just kept going because I was mad. Because they kept harassing me and trying to make me sound like I was fucking racist the whole time, so then... Sound? This makes you sound more... This sounds more racist. You started a podcast to sound less fucking racist. I literally just want to come here and teach people history and both of you fucks...

We got the Ortiz and the Cuevas But only the Chinese not the Japanese

No, I can't do that. No, you're not Japanese. I'm a mutt, but like... Yeah, you're not Japanese. You gotta be respectful. You do it. You do it. Go ahead. No. We'll get some scotch tape. You wanna be number one, right? Not that bad. There's a price to pay for being number one. Nick goes down and comes up with scotch tape pulled back. I'm like, oh, he's got a whole fucking podcast. Scotch tape, huh? I just hit you with a crow. Jesus Christ.

I've been gone as the designated seventh podcast host for a minute. I had a kid. I was very busy. You did? I did have a kid, yeah. Super. And a gangster named kid. Yeah, right. I mean, he was a good name. Look, so my kid's got a super cool name, but more importantly...

My wife decided that she wanted to breastfeed and her boobs are enormous. Oh, bro. I fucking love it. Did you taste the milk? I mean... It's sweet. Maybe. It is. It is the god of nectar. For those of you that don't know, it tastes like the milk after you just ate a bowl of Fruity Pebbles, but that's irrelevant. No, it's not. That shit's healthy as shit, too. Look, bro. I never have Fruity Pebbles. My wife gave me a titty twister the other day. Dude, that's hot. I don't know, but you best believe nobody on the planet...

Nobody on the planet is gonna give me a titty twister and not give one back. I gave her a titty twister It felt like a snap in a neck. They're huge I just like more drink you guys get it's like I can watch your testosterone race I Opened up in Vegas. I was like

Just had a son about to have another son and the whole crowd went wild and it was like why the fuck are you applauding that super dope I did almost nothing with less than three inches in three minutes and you guys are applauding me instead of my wife

It was pretty fancy. That's because you're important still, you know? I guess. You mad important, y'all? She definitely didn't do the majority of the work all the time. And now continuing. Yeah, continuing to do it while I come here and dick off with you guys. And she gets to, you know, watch both my children while I'm, you know.

You know, getting slandered on the internet. Well, it's very wide of you. What race is your wife? My wife was adopted from Guatemala when she was 18 months old. Are you trying to validate yourself right now? I don't... Nobody fucking asked that question, bro!

I didn't know that I flew three hours all the way to San Antonio to not like Nico Ortiz. You were like, sober Nico, love him. Drunk Nico, love him. Subscribe Nico, I fucking hate. I want to punch this dude in the face.

I fucking go hard on rage, bro. We had to sleep in this fucking house together tonight. It's basically going to be the Thunderdome. Oh, God, please. As long as the crime scene is upstairs, I don't give a fuck. I need to record. We just have yellow caution tape. I'm like, yeah, it's up there. Just keep it down. I have no doubt there's fucking cameras. I'm still crying. I'm still crying.

After a second when you sent me this new setup and shit, I was like, bro, this fucking camera's up soon, bro. I was like, I have to jerk it quietly and subtly, dude. I thought the same thing. That's 100%.

I'm like, there's no way. They don't trust us. I'm like, this whole setup, but there's not one fucking camera upstairs. I've met Eli twice. There's a 0% chance he's not trying to get blackmail on me. That's what this is for. Jesus Christ. I can recut this how I want.

Oh my God. My worry, I literally, because we were building his bed today and I like put it there. You remember when we were like, ah, do we put it at this wall? Oh yeah, I remember that. The only reason I was like, oh, do we? Yeah, I remember. I didn't want to put it against the wall because I was like, okay, if Nico jerks off, I don't want his headboard hitting this wall that might be kind of connected to the

Your head your room so I was actually that's why I wanted to move it just come in your room and jerk off It's fine

How about, how about since we're sharing the shower, just know I'll shower first. You jerk off over that fucking floor. Nico's like, shower time. It's like, there's three showers in this house. Why are we sharing the shower? There is no communal shower. Nico, stop doing this. Shower time's not at 11 a.m. every day. Bro, I shower like three times a day. Fun fact. I jerk off like every single time. Dude, I hate being dirty. You have to shower after every time?

No, God. I jerk off three times a day. It's like... First of all, you think I want to jerk off three times a day? What are you using to jerk off? What the fuck? Horse radish? What the fuck do you got going on over there? Horse radish? I love the texture.

The smell gets me hard. I wake up. I go running. Okay. Come back. I shower. No wonder you had to leave California. They can't have your ass showering three times a day. We're getting billed for that. We need a drought.

Like this dude at this address is fucking our system up. Gavin Newsom killed him. Kicked him out. This motherfucker got to go, bro. He gone. He's done. Three showers a day. Tracking that water. It's like two to three showers a day. How the fuck? I hate fucking shower. It's my least favorite thing in the world. All the TikToks, if you've ever seen any of my TikToks, almost, I'd say 70%.

Plus came from just in the shower listening to music. That makes sense. That's weird comment. But that's fine. Dope. Hate it. I hear like an audible sound or like music and shit. And then the whole thing just pops up in my head. And then I just reenact the whole thing. But no, I'll wake up, run. I'll shower. And then I might fight midday, shower, and before bed after shower. Do you wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy? What does that mean?

It's a song. Do you know how fucking old I am? Like 12. When did that song come out? You're like my age. We were in high school. When did the song come out? 2010. Yeah, I was going to say, I had to think where I was when that song came out. I think I was a freshman. I'm so old.

I hate it. You thought you're gonna hit us with the age thing and you thought you're not dude. You're not You're not that much younger than me You know what I think for the age thing to wear off, you know what I you know What I hate is this you guys are being your hands are so small. I'm slightly aroused. They're also very soft Would you have thin hands to make a fist make it make a fist make a fist? Okay, put your fist next to his you

Maybe they're the same size of fist. No, like put them on the ground. No, I was going to say it was like for the, for the camera, bro. It's got fucking beer cans and shit. Oh, you do have a way is my, my fist might be more in your, your eyes.

Not a chance. It's still like that one is still compared to Nico's. Mine's actually closer. Yours has Goku on it, first of all. Fuck yeah, that's from fighting. No, dude, the hand shit is hot. Like, we had a, let's just get that really quick. Have we discussed what a bold strategy it is to get a job stopper of a tattoo of an anime character whose sole, whose sole goal in life it is is to assemble balls? Yeah. Okay, good.

How many dragon balls are there? I don't know, but there've been dragon balls all over your hands for sure. Seven, seven, seven. Good job. And then what happens when you collect all seven?

I think I'm dragging to like bring back piccolo or some shit. I hate you. I hate you were both right because he just screamed out dragon and you said bring back piccolo which technically is right because that is what happens during a couple. Oh, you are the power couple. Now they're clicking. Now we're like, yeah, never sell cabbages in Boston. Piccolos or Krillin's banging a robot. Those are the only rules you need to know in life.

Is the blonde bitch yeah, she's a yeah He's the most powerful human on earth and it really bothers me that nobody addresses that like krillin He is like the little short dude with the six Like everybody else is an alien and homeboys just over there summoning laser discs to chop bad guys in half and everybody's like Nobody cares for $100. What is the laser disc called? Destructive disc I'll give you $100 done

Who's the most powerful individual? I am actually surprised you fucking... Krillin's my favorite character. You can go fuck yourself. I've watched all of Dragon Ball, all of Dragon Ball Z. You think just because I grew up in... I don't know about that. I grew up in California, first of all. Then I moved to Iowa. How many forms does Frieza have? I'll tell you if he's a real fucking DBZ noob. I thought it was four. Go through them.

Let's go go through them The normal normal okay with number two I have to start from the back So then there's five there's technically six now hmm Majin Boo is better I said it how's your booze a badass look? Oh

I don't give a fuck how many forms Frieza has. Fat Boo turned a motherfucker into a cookie and ate him. That's what's his pastime. That's undefeatable. Dude, that would be your superpower. Summoning people to eat him as cookies? Just turning them into cookies. Yeah, I mean, I'm good at eating cookies. Wait, hold on. Why do you think my wife married me? It's my only talent. I like you can turn people into cookies. For sure. Let's go.

Your superpower is turning people into cookies and you absorb their power if you eat them. Your offset is you're diabetic. So you're like, you're like, we ain't gonna make it. Your blood sugar's low. We're having to give them injections during the fight. We're like, oh, fuck.

Mike he's looking pace like if it was go look if it was I need a drink I can't believe we drank all the Coors Light and you just oh my god oh my just know it's your fault this is all happening Herrera's fault god damn it we just wanted to rub your hair that was a thank you sir wait what's a better flavor

Blackberry. I like black cherry. Pineapple is my favorite. Black cherry or mango? Have we decided if this is the longest episode of Unsub or if this is going to be two episodes or just a bunch? I would like to see how it does. A bunch that Fluck can edit out. Yeah, Fluck just has to edit everything. If we could edit out the, I don't know, like...

55 minutes where you guys tried to frame me as a racist? No, no, no, no, no, no. There's no framing. There's no framing. We just asked you a question and you just didn't answer. That's fine. Go ahead. Say the hard R. I...

I went to Utah. I was 95% sure I wasn't going to like you. I figured out I loved you. I told multiple people in my life how wrong I was. And I regret all of it because I fucking hate you now. Oh, what it is to hate and love someone at the same time. Tragic. Yeah, I had to do that. Okay, first off, can I just say I'm super impressed with

With both of your guys' Dragon Ball knowledge? We're not done yet, by the way. Okay, well, first off, Freeza's first- Wait, first, Freeza forms. Original. Then you had second form, which was tall form. Then you had long head form. And then you had final form, which was white form. Then you got golden form. No, because it was that thick asshole. Because she gets thick after long head, motherfucker. That's four. That's second.

Thick asshole was second. You said tall. That's tall, thick, tall, thick, tall, thick. Okay. Long head is third. And then slender white is fourth. And then gold and black is after that. I've never seen black. Black is in the mango right now. You won't see it for a while.

You say mango the funny guy you said form omega. That's some crash bandicoot. I'll show you a question though because he said Goku What about Goku said who's the most powerful individual to your knowledge in the Dragon Ball C series world of everything I'm gonna go out on a very very thin limb here and say the main character I

A thin, a thin Lynn. Okay. I'm curious to see who you're picking apart. English language. I mean the, the main character of dragon balls is who. Okay. And then what's yours?

I want- I ask because I want to see what yours is. Wait, hold on, stop, pause, hold on. What's the first letter of yours? Stop, hold on, pause, I need clarification on definitions. When you say person, do you mean character or do you mean person as in human being? Anything with a name in that fucking... Anything with a name. Definitely Goku. If you meant person, it's Krillin. Because everybody else is fucking... Okay, I see what you're saying there. Okay, okay, so Goku's the most powerful being. Okay, yeah, Goku, for sure. Okay, so you're supposed to see... I was just going to be basic and go Boris.

Boris first of all fuck off absolutely not Here's the important question Boris legit beat the fuck out of Goku. I need I need your opinion We got we got krillin and piccolo Okay in one corner, and we've got a villain in piccolo Aang like the avatar other corner who like the avatar the avatar yes

Krillin and Piccolo because they will really kill people and will not fucking kill anybody bro and you go into the fucking avatar state going like No, I'm not killing nobody. Okay. Let me rephrase Krillin beings from You got You got Krillin and Piccolo in one corner and you got ang Not on the Nickelodeon channel in the other corner. You got ang on Cartoon Network in Adult Swim. I

Who's winning? Krillin and Piccolo. Really? They're summoning energy from literally fucking nothing. Aang has to use elements. Take him outside of Earth into space. He's getting fucked in the ass. No, it's on Earth. Okay, so you changed the scenario. It's on Earth. Okay. I mean...

Really Dragon Ball Z never takes place off of Earth, but continue it takes place on planets and places with Earth universes universes Yeah, that's all saying I was like they've been off planet doing shit on multiple planets. Okay? Yeah, we're gonna pretend We're gonna pretend like every other planet and Dragon Ball Z didn't have earth wind water and fire, but okay. Yeah continue Okay, yours is

I still think oh wait you said on switching. It's not normal ang. Yeah, it's like Adult Swim ang do he wants to kill and not afraid to kill anybody I still have to say my favorite. This is nerd talk to my degree I love it I have to say Krillin and Piccolo as well still just because like a news utilizes elements right like let's say earth for instance kay and

These motherfuckers be shoved through the earth multiple times getting fucked up. They literally be using energy to push through earth. Okay. Fire wise. I've never seen any of them get killed by fire. I've never seen any of them get killed by. Are we talking about fucking Avatar? Yeah. That's what he said. Avatar. Hey, I've never seen any of them get killed by not breathing oxygen. So it's curling and piccolo again.

You're just over here commentating. What do you think? This is great. About what? Motherfucker, you got Goku tattooed on your hand. You have to have an opinion on this. I kinda. What is Goku's best form? No, not Goku, fuckface. No!

Piccolo and Krillin versus Adult Swim Aang from Avatar. Definitely fucking Krillin because Krillin during Dragon Ball Super and Piccolo fought in the universe of the Tournament of Power, which was the seven universes of

the strongest people and individuals on the each universe. I forget how many fought in this. And then he would have got, Aang would have got his ass beat because you have Piccolo. Piccolo. No, no, no, no, no. Hold on. Let me, let me start this guys here. Here, here is how this goes.

So Piccolo in the last movie, he had a power up. He wished for the dragon on Earth and the Namekian dragon because the Namekian balls after that planet blow up, they came back to Earth and they're with Dende and he wished for unlocked a unlimited potential. So now you have a new form of Piccolo that

is quote unquote rivaled in the super tier which then you have ultra instant goku you have all that the most powerful individual in all of dragon ball is xeno then you have the angels the angels are second in that power then you have the god of destructions now after the god of destructions they are teaching goku they are teaching uh vegeta vegeta learned ultra wait ultra ego

Which is a form of ultra instinct. Ultra instinct is angel based. Ultra ego is based off of God of destruction. Do we need to continue this path to show you who's a fucking God at knowing Dragon Ball Z? Because I'm going to fucking win. I have a very important question for you in particular. Three times I've been late. I feel very bad for not knowing this, but I'm also very, very drunk in Dragon Ball. I can tell by your- What is-

- What is Goku's, the trainer, the old guy with the turtle shell on his back? - Old was Master Roshi. - Master Roshi. - Dude, the pervert. - That's what I thought it was, but then I also thought it was Mario, which was Luigi, but then I'm not drunk, but listen. - It's me, Mario. - Goku's like Mario. - Kamehameha. - God damn it, okay, so. - Kamehameha. - Who would win in a fight? Master Roshi versus Uncle Iroh.

From Avatar. This is very difficult. Uncle Iroh. Really? Go ahead. You didn't watch Dragon Ball Super, so I have to like recede that because Master Roshi did compete in the tournament of power. He got a power up too. Uncle Iroh, if you were to look at the stories before... So I have to go... Krillin and Piccolo were based off of also the ability before you twisted it up. How come you skipped B1 through 3?

What the fuck is that, a drug? I don't know. You went directly to B4. How come you skipped B1 through 3? What the fuck is B4? You said it. I don't know. I never said B4. Yes, you did. You said B4, and then you went on to extrapolate your idea. You fucking dad joking. But I'm very curious as to what. Oh, not like the letter and the number, but like before. Oh, okay. I thought. I said B4. I was like.

It's like fucking science show. I thought you skipped one through three. My bad. Continue. One through three. What? B1 through three. And then you just jump to B4. But go ahead. I see what you're saying now. Continue. Iroh. B-E-F-O-R-E. Okay. Yeah. In his past life. Yeah. Was dropping bodies. And he's able to harness fire and, you know, electricity. And he is willing to kill people. Okay. Yes.

And his basic knowledge and his mentality of knowing when to and when not to do things. So if he's in a fight and he realizes he's possibly going to die, he's going to do whatever is necessary to, you know, win, right? So then you said the other one is Master Roshi, right? Correct. Without a turtle shell. Without a turtle shell. I know Master Roshi can get yoked as fuck. Okay. And this is a- Yoked, but continue. Yokey, but docky. Yokey, but docky. All right.

And I'm not too familiar with all of his right so that's also after I have to pick general Iroh, but I don't think Master Roshi would kill him. How do you feel about General Iroh's inability to penetrate the walls of Ba Sing Se? What do you mean? He was unable. Dude that was a fucking drop. That you're very specific on that. He was unable for years to penetrate the walls of Ba Sing Se. How do you feel about that?

Do you feel like that still grants him the ability to beat Master Roshi? Oh wait, what's the other dude? Master Roshi? Master Roshi. He is not a wall, so can't compare. Unfortunately. Do you think walls work? Walls. No. This is fucking racist now. Multiple walls. This is racist now. I don't. Can you do this? Bitch. No. Nico, down. Sound worse. 100% white, so absolutely not.

I'm confused now. I'm asking the fucking question too. He's pivoted to this. He's like, I'm going to make you sound like the real thing. Hour two. My fucking court. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Go, go, go. You didn't answer my question. Master Roshi or Uncle Iroh? Iroh because that's Avatar, right? Iroh. Yes. Uncle Iroh. Why do you think he beats Master Roshi without his turtle shell? I just think we kill him. I don't think the other dude would kill him. How?

With fire or electricity, or he would punch him to death. You realize that Master Roshi is very grounded, correct? This negates electrical power. I would know I'm an electrician. What are you talking about? I'm actually an electrician. I know most people don't believe this. I'm actually a licensed professional. I completed an entire apprenticeship five years of my life.

I have no idea what this has to do with you. Avatar or Dragon Ball Z? Oh, you're avoiding it. You were nervous. See, I wasn't broken. You didn't tell me if walls work. You didn't answer my question. Do walls work? Yes or no? One word. Walls? Yes. Oh, is this a Trump thing? And walls? No. They don't work. Okay, good. Thank you for your opinion. I said no before.

Uncle Iroh master Roshi. Roshi's gonna fucking wipe the floor. Really? And yes, walls work. That's why the Mexicans are staying south of the border. I'm gonna go the other way because this is uncomfortable now. How do you feel about Eli's very controversial statement? What was controversial about it? He's in Mexico, ain't ya? I'm sorry, did you just call him a country? I'm a Mexico. We can identify however we want nowadays, bro. What's up with that?

Are you telling me I can't identify? You can do whatever the fuck. Have I please? You can do whatever you want. I'm a Mexican. Very important question. Most important question of the night. Fluck, dub, Nico, Mexican. If you imagine if

If Niko Ortiz, I need you to do the fuckboy face, put yourself in the right mindset. Okay, okay, hold on. If you were a pirate, put yourself in Niko Ortiz pirate mode. Okay? The gayest pirate. Would you... As you try to suckle on the shirt. Would you keep your parrot on this shoulder or this shoulder? That one.

Oh, yeah. See, this works perfectly. I was like, I know this pickup line. I love this pickup line. How much does a polar bear weigh? Not to break the ice. God, you're good. I'm so good. You're fucking great.

There was a... Oh, fuck. What was my favorite? Wait, hold on. Who the fuck wins the fight? Dude, I can't... Y'all better fucking lock it in. It's Uncle Iroh. Why? Period. Because he has fire. Master Roshi just gets jacked. And he can fucking blow shit up. So can Uncle Iroh. Can he blow up a fucking planet? Bro, I didn't say if it was a physical fight. I'm talking about Mahjong. And Uncle Iroh...

- You fucked up Master Roshi at Mahjong. Thank you for playing. - They were just playing. - Those statements are true. - They're playing chess. - These are facts. Thank you very much with the assist. - I also do have to hype myself up that I was correct two for two. So, fine. - Fine. Grizzly Bear versus Silverback Gorilla, go. - Ooh. Ooh. - Grizzly Bear. - Why? - Grizzly Bear's gonna win. - Continue.

Gorillas have the strength. They bite. They have thumbs. They have strength. A lot of strength and thumbs, I would know. Yeah. So grizzly bears, they have strength as well. Correct. They have the violence aspect to them, which I think is far more than a gorilla. Jaw power and length. Okay. Think about that. Gorillas have a shorter length. Yes. Okay.

Claws, bro. Okay. And if nobody has ever seen a grizzly bear stand on two legs, they wouldn't understand how massively big grizzly bears actually are. So are you insinuating that the gorilla would lose because it's a vegetarian? No. I feel like that's what you're saying. I said due to violence. Very clearly in claws. I feel like you're calling vegetarians not violent.

What was that movie called? I love we walked away from this and came back and you wrote so much material to fuck on Nico. In literally 35 seconds. I know, you walked away. You were pacing about. About your slinger, about vegetarians. What was that movie called about being a vegetarian?

About eating green or whatever? That one where the meatballs fall from the sky. Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. No, no, no, no, no. There was a movie, a documentary based off of if you go green, it makes you stronger and healthier. The Green Mile. No. I think I'd be on to something, actually. The main character was fucking massive. Massive and a vegetarian. No.

Oh man, it was a big one on Netflix maybe two, three years ago and it involved going on a plant-based diet. Continue.

Basically huge it caused everybody to actually get rid of meat and go on plant-based diets The facts and everything from Netflix and the science mind. It was all full of shit. So a vegetarian Mary My assistant is vegetarian and she now eats meat because she realizes it's not the best choice So she was vegetarian for years. So she's not vegetarian not anymore. This is clarify not anymore So do you do you consider yourself a rescuer of vegetarians of sorts? No

Really? You're the only one who said rescuer. Yeah, that's fine. But you just said former vegetarian after she met you, and that confused me. If people identify how they please and tell me their story, I can only reflect and say what they've said. I will not divulge into anything more. Correct me if I'm wrong, but is there or is there not a 100% probability that if you are a vegetarian... 100% probability. That if you are a vegetarian and you go to work for Nico Ortiz, you will become...

A meat eater. No. Really? How many vegetarians have gone to work for you? I wouldn't be sure. I haven't asked everybody. How many? I wouldn't be sure. How many that you know for sure? My gray white shark did great. I don't indulge in other people's. If people choose to share with me what they wish, they may. Of those that you do know, how many? Uno mas. Dos. Uno. Because I went. What was the destiny of said individual? Did they become a meat eater? Yeah. Thank you.

We already meet at some point. I like you turn to me and you're like, Eli's a loose cannon. Eli's a loose cannon. I'm not sure we'll take conversations. I stay engaged. How do you feel about eating meat? I love it. You love it? Yes. I have to have a moment of honesty with you. Okay, go. Your girlfriend, her name? Savannah. Savannah.

I've met her once. Yeah. She's a very, very lovely woman. Yeah. Huge ass. I have been avoiding telling the internet this for a while now, but... She's a mediator. No, that's not it. Oh. I'm... How old is she? I'm going to give you a chance to re-answer that. Sorry. How old is she? Remember, it's... The appropriate age is half your age plus seven. How old are you? Is she a Mexico? I'm 12. You're bullying a disabled man. Goddammit.

Old is she? Hey buddy, what's your name? Are you okay? Are you okay? Is this man bothering you? Oh God. Are you okay? Oh, magic hands. I'm going to call the police now, okay? The point I'm getting at is... You're okay, buddy. I've met her in person. She's very nice. And she's definitely not... She's 27 years. So she's almost my age. I'm 28. She's 27. And I'm... I've met her one time...

Without a shadow of a doubt that she makes lasagna like a 70 year old Italian grandmother. It is uncanny. Oh yeah. I forgot about that. It was terrifying. I went to Eli's house. I forgot about it. Savannah was not there. I didn't get shit. I had never seen her.

And he's like, please, Mr. Fat Electrician, sir, have some lasagna. I forgot she made some. And then I got some lasagna. And then he's like, no, you need to get the marinara sauce with it. And I scooped marinara sauce and put it on lasagna. It was the best lasagna I've ever had in my entire life. I forgot she made the lasagna. I forgot about it. That's rude. And then Savannah walks in. And I looked at Eli. And Eli goes, sweetheart, you made wonderful lasagna. And then I looked at Savannah and I was like,

How does one at such a young age acquire such knowledge of lasagna? Google, yo. Google. No. This is beyond Google. She played a lot of Mario. He's Italian. It's impossible. It was maybe the best lasagna ever. Dude, she knocked that out. Dude, Savannah. Because lasagna is actually my favorite food. Dude, she's a fucking cook. I got lucky on that one. Bro, there is an Italian restaurant in my town.

Ran entirely by Italians. I've had a bro. Just like Mexico. What's up? Oh my god, thank you. I don't keep doing the podcast Her for like 10 minutes she seemed very nice I don't know anything about her other than the fact that she cooks a phenomenal was she's my rock star She is my favorite human

She's my healthy relationship. She cooks really good. I'll rock. Really good lasagna. Really good lasagna. But my beef stew, I need to cook you guys my beef stew. I've never been less tempted to eat something in my entire life.

Then the beef stew of a man that's been trying to convince the internet that I'm racist for an hour and 45 minutes. Whoa, whoa, whoa. He used the R word, bro. Yeah, that's you. You convinced the internet you were racist. That was not on me. Can I just express that before this podcast... You want me to be number one?

I liked both of you and now I fucking hate both of you. Guess what? You're still hanging out and you're getting sandwiched by two fucking Mexicos. Bitch. We're going south of the border. We're going south of the border. Ole. Nothing will scare me. I weigh more than both of you combined. Super fat.

We do need a roll though that we know come out that way we do need to rock in Christ. Yeah, we have sex I am I prefer no gi I'm a big no gi Individual that's strictly due to EP and the real what is he fighting executive protection? Okay, I

So what were you wearing in executive protection? I just went off of the, this is a deep, deep, deep conversation. I know. So based off of the caliber of executive protection that you're following,

Long story short, if you are not making X amount of money, you're not actually executive protection agent. You are actually just a fucking bodyguard or just a bottom bitch because people are hired based off of X amount of dollars due to skill, time, experience, et cetera. And that means you're training every week. You are doing combat training. You're doing firearms training. You're doing driving training. You're doing X amount of training. Okay. So in the real world of EP, you have, you have a lot of training.

You have a house team, so you have an RST, which is a residential security team. And then you have foot agents, and that's the simple way of breaking it down. And foot agents... Pause, please. Hold on. Is this anything close to the Foot Clan from the Ninja Turtles movies? I've never been part of any clan, have you? No. Okay.

Your deadpan is lacking. Continue. Executive protection. I don't know what that is, but... Your ability to stare and not laugh. I hate my brain went to this. This is where Eli's brain really clicked. I was like, movie scene, go. Nick in front of a fucking dummy with bells all over his head.

And he has to take them all. Have you seen Ninja Turtles 2? They have to disarm the belts. This might be before your times. Have you, neither of you seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2? I've seen them all. I've seen them when they go back in time in number three. That was the worst one. But you know when they take the belts off? It was by far the worst one, yeah. I just picture that where you're like, go. The lights go out and you're like...

Have you ever- And then you start it and you come back up and you're in a ghost house. Are you aware- I'm like, hold on, stop. I don't know, both of you are like shifting around. I'm like- Are both of you aware that Uncle Splinter or Master Splinter is the biggest troll of all time? I didn't get it right. Ooh, I would like to actually hear this. Okay, so check-

He's a rat. Check it out. No. Yes. Dirty rat. Dirty rats. You have Donatello, the smart one. Yep. He's very, very computer savvy, very tech savvy. Both staff skills. Right. So like he's the biggest troll of all time. So what do you give to your like super tech savvy son and you're a troll?

Here's a fucking stick. Yeah, nothing sharp. Go play outside with a stick. Just whapping shit. Fair. But in the Nintendo NES version of the original one, Donatello was the most powerful.

We're not going to be number one talking about nerd shit. Okay, sorry. Yes, we are. No. Overruled. I hate I know that. I know so. That is an interesting fact that you went there, though. Sorry, I'm very drunk and I'm bad with the names. Which is the one with the anger problem? Is it Michael? Raphael. Raphael. He has the size. The size are strictly a defensive weapon.

So he has anger problems and wants to be highly offensive. Here's a defensive weapon. Fucking nerd. I think Mikey got the worst of it. It's like, here's not even a stick. Here's a fucking two sticks with a chain connecting them. Michael Angelo's high energy. He is. He's the party boy. He's given nunchucks, which take the most discipline to master the most attention to detail.

Because he has the least ability to pay the fuck attention so when that wouldn't you say though that technically it's the same thing with giving What's his face a fucking stick because he has all the knowledge and all that stuff so give him a stick is he gonna know what to do my overall point of master splinters a Troll the fucking rat dirty fucking rat that was what master shredder said I disagree but continue actually wait what was master shredders real name Hanzo

Bitch. That's what we call him. Wait, Hanzo. Oh, fuck. I actually don't remember Master Shredder's real fucking name. What is it? Me either. I thought you were turning... Son of a bitch. I was like... I was so excited. So...

We dove into Dragon Ball Z, Avatar, and now Ninja Turtles. I feel like I've been driving the second half of this podcast with my hard-hitting questions. No, you've been trying to. I've returned a very strong response on most of your questions other than the one question. I've got for you, though.

What do you know of Lord of the Rings? All of it. Oh, have you seen the new TV series? I have not watched that. I heard it was very bad. I haven't watched it because I'm only because I'm waiting for it to be done because I'd like to watch it all at once. I've heard it's bad. I haven't had time. No, it is very good because I think people who have not seen all of the movies and don't understand the lore behind it either, they don't understand everything. How does a wizard come to be?

How does a wizard come? Because the TV series puts it together. I believe this is to a young hobbit. But continue. The four wizards? I can't give more. Are you talking about the four wizards? This could be spoilers alert. No, are you talking about the four wizards? Gandalf. There's more than four. Gandalf. There's more than four, and that's stated in The Hobbit.

There's Radagast the Brown. So this is why the movies people you're going to get so much hate right now, Nico. No, the lore because they switch the lore. It's less than eight because people some people are going to say there's eight. And I was like, oh, no, technically there's less than eight. Do you know? OK, so. But do you know how a wizard comes to be?

Often you series. Oh fuck no no no no no no no no no yes I saw that part of the okay, so then how would you connect? This is a fun fat fun thing that was gonna put together cuz I was like based on the war attack the Original series not the Hobbit series. It's the regular leather ring series and then this Lord of the Rings TV series on Amazon and

How would you put together bringing a wizard to place? Because if you actually look at it, if you take the first Lord of the Rings movie, the second Lord of the Rings movie, how... Oh, fuck. I'm trying not to actually put spoilers out there. Because I'm a huge... Spoiler alert. No, no, no. I'm a huge Lord of the Rings fan. So if you look at the Twin Towers and how Gandalf the Grey became Gandalf the White... Gandalf the White. Spoilers.

And how 18 year old spoilers do you know? But people will appreciate this. If you're a real fan, you'll appreciate those. How would you say a wizard comes to be? By fucking dying. Like literally they get spawned as a falling star. And then every time they die, they level up. Can you put the movies together for the people? Because I think that is what people are missing right now. So if you can put those together, I think people are going to go. Like in chronological order?

No, no, no. Okay, here. So based off of what you said, I'm going to say you're 100% correct. So what I think was cool about how they put the movies together is Gandalf the Grey, he's fighting the demon. I forget the demon's name. Balrog. He, that's hot.

He falls. I know Lord of the Rings 2. How do you remember that? I'm fucking autistic. Where do you think my son got it from? It's actually a bigger character in the lore. No, in the lore, he's a huge character. In the lore, he comes up multiple times because he's a massive demon that roams fucking around. There's multiple. I can tell you a lot about Lord of the Rings.

Well the one that's always references in the movie correct me if I'm the same if I'm wrong He's the same one that's in the lore and he roamed was it the Loria or whatever the fuck so there's more years there's multiple bow rogs and how the Ain't the fucking wizards. I have I have multiple ball rags in my room to me too. They're called socks Old popcorn that's not what they smell like but continue

No, so the old was, I hate I have this fucking knowledge. So with the new Lord of the Rings series, they did not get rights to the lore of Lord of the Rings, like the J.R.R. Tolkien series.

Family were like, no, you can fucking do your own shit. So they did. They recreated the lore. That's why we have new storylines following how it's progressing out to what it is. That's why you had hatred towards the new series. But if you go back to like the Salmonella and the way, way back when he was creating all his gods, his lore, when the gods fought as Salmonellas, then you get the breakdowns of like the first, not middle earth, but the, the,

Was it the first? What are the time periods called? Because this is the third age was during the Lord of the Rings. I want to say the third age. And that was the fall of Saruman and Sauron.

Before that, you had the second age and the first age. And those were when the angels, the elves all came down. Then you had the splitting. Then you had the big ones. I forget the original baller ass motherfucker that was way more powerful than Sauron. Like he was a big motherfucker. Sauron is the fucking little hand-me-down dude who was literally like the right-hand guy. It was legit like a fucking giant. Yeah, he was a fucking big fucking guy. Yeah, and then he was one of those cast off of that. And then he became the strong one.

That's how all of that lore and now Radagascar, as you said, which I'm fucking mad props to you for knowing Radagascar the brown. Radagascar. Yeah, I was like, wait, that's an island off the coast of Africa. Yeah, I was like, Radagascar, one of my favorites. You're confusing Radagascar the brown. I know, with Radagascar the movie. One, two, three. With the penguins. Radagascar the brown. Radagascar.

Wait and then the blue who's the blue the blue was the one that was unknown right?

Yeah, fuck the blue one. No, there's a name. Nobody cares. They have a name. I don't know what it is, but they've stated the name. Bitchface McGee. Dude, I love, man, all that lore. In lore and in The Hobbit, they've stated the name. This is the shit I love. I'm like, let's go on. It's like Halo. You give me Halo lore, I'll give you all the fucking Halo lore you ever fucking want.

I hate Halo. Me too, actually. The whole thing. Bro, how stupid. I fucking hate Halo. It's super boring. Oh, God, it's so bad. But when you read, it is so government, how they trained and then how they built the machine. What do you want to know about the real government? I can tell you weird shit that you've never even fucking heard of. That's what they do. The Milner armor system. Bro, check it out. Check it out. Check it out. Here, before you go on this, I'll give you one quick.

showing that they captured the government very well. So the Milner armor system, which is direct link to the Spartan IIs, which is Master Chief, all those guys, they tested that out on regular Marines first. The armor system, it is neural link, and it amplifies your body's movements and everything. But you have to have the process done to you, which is the genetic altering and the operation first.

The normal Marines, when they went into that suit, they were like, got it. Okay. Let me think how to move my arm because you just think it. I got to think to turn it over amplifies everything. So it was just making fucking meat puppets out of it. So they'd be like, okay, rotate your back and you have this armor that weighs 2000 pounds. Right.

rotating your bottom on thought and you can't control it. So it's like, and so it just kills literal Marines instantly when they started using the system and like, oh, we fucked up. Okay, let's do this.

Let's not put it on these guys. We have to put it on these next soldiers and then watch how they interact for it. Okay, we're good. Okay, how do we get Spartan 2 children? Okay, we got to find the top geniuses in the world. Cool. Okay, let's go kidnap them, replace them with clones. The clones die after two weeks because of their genetic malfunctions. So the kids are just dying. The parents will be sad. No one will give a fuck.

So now, okay, we stole these kids. Now we have to indoctrinate them at the age of five or six to be these Spartan soldiers and done. Hey, you want your parents to die? You want your family to die? Okay, that's what's going to happen if you don't listen to us and you have the Spartan 2 program. Spartan 3 was based off of like, oh, we fucked.

That was really fucked up. We cannot kidnap kids. What we need to do now is get mentally, we need to get normal people that volunteer. New drug makes you mentally unstable. You'll go homicidal if you don't take this drug every few days. Okay.

But you can wear that Milner armor and it's going to be fucking dope. So the Spartan 3s were very homicidal if they did not get their shots. Dude, they captured the U.S. government very well. I was going to say legit while you were telling that story. I was like, I don't know how deep we're going in the government, but you make me want to tell CI stories. What do you want to tell counterintelligence stories right now? What do you want to know about the U.S. government? I know an awful lot. Give me CI stuff. How do you feel about the Titanic?

Are you familiar? Wait, what? Don't give a fuck. They did. About the Titanic? Cool. How do you feel about the finding of the Titanic? What if I told you the finding of the Titanic was actually a black ops operation? Wait, is this real? Swear to God. These documents got declassified in 2018. The actual finding of the Titanic, like the dude that found the Titanic, was funded by the U.S. government.

As a cover story. Basically, this dude's whole mission in life was to find the Titanic, right? So the U.S. government rolls up and they're like, hey, so we're in the Cold War and we're trying to find this nuclear sub that accidentally sunk called the USS Thresher.

We lost it. It's roughly ish in the same area of the ocean that you think the Titanic's in. Oh, so we're going to give you a bunch of government funding and have a bunch of high tech shit to find, but hide it until 2018. But actually you're going to go find the USS Thresher, a U a nuclear sub that we lost and you're going to go find it for us. And then after you find it, you can go find the Titanic if you want.

And that's exactly what happened. So he found the Thresher. He went and he found the USS Thresher, a sunken nuclear sub. Kept that under wraps until 2018. Kept that under wraps, but that's how he got the funding to get all the technology to find the Titanic. To me, that's just normal, though. Because you also have living survivors who... And you know there's a course for this. You know there's a course for the Titanic. But the government is still... That is very government where it's like...

Okay, so we need a good cover story. Yeah, there's a nuclear sub. We don't want to tell people we lost one of those. So go find it. It's like the... Have you heard... My favorite thing is with the... What's the black... The fast jet, the black one. The SR-71. SR-71. I was thinking of Axe. I was thinking of Elon Musk for a second because that's how you named it. SR-71 Blackbird. Dude, the Blackbird. Dude, the Blackbird, like that story you were telling that last time where it was like...

none of the fuck, none of the people that created it, they, they destroyed everything on how to recreate it. So that way there was only one guy left, right? Yeah. They cannot like the materials use everything. And then they were like one dude that was like, Oh yeah, I used to work on those. That's one of the big arguments with like, uh, I hate to say it, but like people that think the moon landing didn't happen or whatever. And like,

I'm whatever. If it didn't, it didn't, it's fine. Like if you wanted to tell me the, the American government staged it to bankrupt the Soviet union, I'd be like, that's a possibility. That's a decent opinion. That's a real possibility. But like,

The U S government keeps their fucking technology so secret and so under wraps. And it's so decentralized that literally only a couple people have all the pieces to the puzzle to look at. And if those people leave the picture, they're,

You just have a couple dudes holding a couple pieces of a puzzle, and they don't even know who else is holding the other pieces of the puzzle. That's external to the military, though. And that's from my time strictly being CIA stuff. You learn about all these things and how, you know, all these conspiracies and stuff like that, and who to trust, who to work for, and what is truth, what is fact, and then who shines the light to say what is true and what is false. Like, where does information...

Turn into data and did the proper information turn into data because there's a funnel and information has to be analyzed in order to actually turn into data That's how you have intelligence. Okay, so

Can I stop you for one second? I was going to say, it's about to get really complicated. I like this. This is my favorite. I was going to say, it's about to get very complicated. I was like super anti this podcast for the first hour, and now it's like we just had a 45-minute debate on who the most powerful person between Dragon Ball and Avatar was, and now we're getting into deep government conspiracies, and we're all on the same page, but continue. I was like, where am I at? Because my brain...

Spins with this and then like Brandon Brandon I think is the only other person that anybody here knows who's seen me like dwindle like me and Brandon would be having like very good conversation I'll be like he'd asked me a question right about like technologies or like information, and I'd be like yeah, so How much can I tell you without you thinking I'm insane no how much can I tell you without

Breaking fucking the law and going to jail Going to Leavenworth. Yeah, I got some cool stories that I've told Dan that these are D cluster dude You're gonna make me have to pee. Yeah, I agree this for he got up and made me had to pee immediately. I'm gonna pee upstairs Oh, god damn it. I flock big fan of you your work on the unsubscribe podcast in my channel You do a great job editing if you could really

Really edit the first hour or all the parts where they try to make me seem racist if you could get rid of that that'd be fucking great and Fuck heads back. Okay, look what he just said. I need you to know everything He just said just cancel that delete that segment. You're good to go. I need you To listen to me. I'm bigger than him like we'll pay you more. No, you won't I think that says it all

Anyways.

God damn it, I gotta pee, but I really also wanna- Go pee, bro! Go pee, go pee! Dude, go pee real quick! We want this to be the longest episode, you wanna be fuckin' number one, go do it, Epperson's gonna make you number one! We're almost out of alcohol. Like, we're gonna have to break into my Dos Equis keg, and I would save it for tomorrow. We're saving that for tomorrow, and for- we need to force Brandon to come in. Okay, sorry, you were saying about, uh, information. You need to go pee! Go pee! I can hold it! Dude, you're pee-pee dancing. I'm like a camel. How long can you hold it for? Forever.

Okay, he's holding it forever. Go. What do you want? What do you want to know? You were talking about C information that you didn't want. No, no, no. You got to be careful with that one. I'm not talking about anything classified information. You were talking about recently declassified information just like I was. Okay, well, back story really quick. In my past life, okay, I was a counterintelligence agent for the military. Now...

How close to the counter intelligence agents work to the sink intelligence agents? Define sink intelligence agents. Like they're right next to the cabinets and the counters in the kitchen by the oven.

In the kitchen. I was like, wait. I was like, bro, you have to understand the world of Santa. There's a lot of acronyms. I was just like, oh my god, god damn it. I was like, I know where this is going. I was like, define. I know where this is going. I'm like, okay, here we go. I was like, here's a dad joke for sure. I was like, there's so many acronyms you have to understand. And it's D-O-D.

DHS, etc. Ladies and gentlemen, the Department of Defense, even though we've never defended shit since 1776. Well, technically 1812, but whatever.

The Department of Offense, if you will. But continue. What did you want to know? I don't know. You were telling a story. I was very intrigued. After peeing, I leveled my head and I'm like, how much do I actually care to talk about and say? So you'd have to ask a question.

Do you guys remember that one time that we went to dinner with Brandon and we're like, we're going to go film a real quick one hour podcast. I mean, we were one hour. We were two hours into the longest episode ever. And then we were going to keep going for six hours till three in the morning. Six in the morning. Let's fucking go, baby. I'm ready.

- Can we Google real quick the longest Joe Rogan episode just to beat him? - 12 hours. We'll just talk about psyops for fucking 12 hours. - If you think I don't have enough worthless information to fill the memory cards in that fucking camera, you're wrong. - Oh, if you don't think I do, dude, we had just- - But how long are they gonna stay?

Who? Who's we? The person behind that camera. Dude, there's so many training stories because of the people we got. Oh, I have so many stories. Goddamn, training stories. Did you hear about the fucking Navy SEALs getting shit on for fucking abusing their candidates? Dude, I just covered this. I'm so fucking sick of hearing it. So I actually just covered this on Brutally Honest with a Navy SEAL instructor who's a BUDS instructor. And he was telling me how...

He thinks it's bullshit and how this culture bullshit, what the instructors did or bullshit, what the bullshit, what the news is doing. I completely stay out of it. Do you think, do you think you're training people who took out the number one terrorists in the world? Okay. Osama bin Laden.

Do you think they went through the same thing? Yes or no? And if yes, do you think if they didn't, it would affect where they're at now? It actually fucking would because they're building and building and building and building and building. And it does not fucking stop. That training does not stop. So my, my biggest thing with it was, um,

They're like, oh my God, look at how much tear gas they were putting them through. And it's like, first of all, everybody in every branch of the military gets tear gassed. Everybody. Everybody. But when you look at a gas chamber,

It looks way more mild than that video that they have. But it's concentrated. No, stop. But a couple reasons. If you look, they're like. I didn't see the video of it. It looks terrible, but they're outside. So they had to use a fuck ton of tear gas to get the same effect as like an enclosed environment like a gas chamber. They got fucked up still.

Wait, I don't wait. Okay. So you guys came in. This is actually really interesting because you guys came in a completely different time frame than me. And then before that was a different, like when we did our tear gas training, I don't know what they did for you. We walked in. Then you, you go, you're, you get against the wall in the tear gas room. Yeah. Break seal. Close. Correct. Clear. Yep. Then.

I don't know about you guys. Then you line up on the backside of the wall. Everyone goes like this. Remove your mask. You pull it off and you sit there. And then everyone has to do their fucking social security number in a line. And then you're sitting there like, and if you don't breathe, I remember the first time I took a breath, I was like, I was like, no, just don't breathe. Don't breathe. Don't breathe. It's fucking sexy. And I was like, and he did that. Just that. And I was like, it's magma. And then I was like, boom.

And I was like, and he's like, say your social. I was like, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one. And he's like, you have to breathe. I was like, this is like magma just pouring out. And we're just, and I'm like, everyone's going down that line and you're just waiting for the next motherfucker to say theirs. And I'm like, and then finally after everyone says their fucking number, these are go on motherfuckers. And you walk out. What happened was that's,

Same experience. Same experience. 10 years later. You, Sam, roughly. This same experience turned out to the infantryman's creed. Okay, yeah. So, like, I had to sing happy birthday. You had to do your social. You had to do the infantryman's creed. Same shit, right? You have to say something to breathe. The Navy fucking seals. Breathing was easy, though.

For you. I literally just breathed the entire time. And I was fine. I did tactical breathing. Just breathe, bro. No, no, no, no, no. But when I left, I was in a world of hurt. And I suffered like no other. Would you guys say it was worse when you left? Or when you were actually in the gas chamber? It cleared up 30 seconds after. My favorite was after it was fine. No, I was fucked. You had the milk for like two hours after. And you can start this. My buddy, Smith.

Favorite fucking story cuz Smith was like this completely fine, and they're like fuck it's a little one one one one one one There's always one dance. I was smokes a pack a day. That's completely fine No, so it was dude He walked out and they were like get out of here and he like walked out and he's like okay Like walks out with this shit and the drill siren that was outside of the thing They're like you fucking breathe go back. He's like okay. What's my kid?

And they're like, the fuck is wrong with this guy? He like walks in and the other girls are like, why are you back in? He's like, oh, that dude told me to come back in. He's like, get the fuck out of here, you weirdo. He's like, okay. He walks back out and he's just like, hmm, hmm. It wasn't so bad. I was like, you piece of shit. With the Navy SEAL thing, there's this video of them like in a formation, but they're outside.

And they've got these CS gas like pellets on a fucking six foot pole and they're like putting it in the formation just smoking them and it looks it looks really really bad it looks way better than like normal gas gas chamber footage like I went and I was going to do a whole video on it and I looked up all the normal gas chamber footage that was on YouTube and

And the news is freaking out because they're like, well, they were exposed to it for more than 15 seconds. And I was like, fucking so was everybody. And I was like, to be fair, I was getting tear gassed at the time. Maybe it just felt like a lot longer than it was. So I went on YouTube and I looked up every literally every fucking basic training tear gas video on on YouTube. The shortest one, the shortest video.

The shortest one I could find was 38 seconds. And the news is like, you're not supposed to be exposed to tear gas for more than 15 seconds. And I was like, these are army basic training recruits that are like to be fucking paper pushers and whatever the fuck else. And they were in there for 38 seconds. Navy SEALs can handle a minute. Do you know why that got pushed to that level though? That caliber of the news? Because it's clickbait. No.

Because the people who reported it are people who didn't pass buds. And it was a mass of people who did not pass buds. And so me and my buddy, who was a buds instructor, we were talking about it. And we were just talking about how it's bullshit. Every single time it's the motherfuckers who don't make it who want to push a story to the news outlet to say, this is why I didn't become a SEAL. Because of this specific incident where we sang Happy Birthday.

Outside. And an individual did pass out. Who knows what that is to come. Motherfucker wasn't singing happy birthday like he was supposed to. Yeah, he probably pissed. He probably pissed. Probably passed out from like holding his breath. He's like, I'm going to hold my breath. And then he held his breath until he couldn't. And he went. And then he realized, oh, fuck. There's half as much oxygen as normal. And then he passed out. Yeah. And I guarantee you all of us here can agree to the fact that being a

Uh, you know, being exposed to tear gas and OC, um,

From what we've experienced and what we see in the video is nothing compared to what you will experience downrange. So it is only a stepping stone and it is necessary to get that form of training in now because if you can't cope or accept that now, you'll never make it downrange and others will suffer, including yourself. So the part that pissed me off is like literally the lack of critical thinking altogether. So the news is like, well, if you look at tear gas training from the basic training, this looks way worse. And it's like,

Well, yeah, for starters, if you look at any training that is SF Delta, whatever, it is way worse. So like, yes, that as a whole, but put that aside, pretend it was normal training. These guys were outside.

When you're outside, you need way more gas to affect them the same way as if they were in an enclosed environment like a gas chamber. You need way more gas. It's not concentrated. Because they were outside. So you need way more gas for that reason, A. B, it looks like a lot more gas than you see in all the gas chamber videos. It's potent. Because...

You can see it more. When you're in a gas chamber, how much light is in that room? There's one fluorescent fixture and like two shitty little windows, right? Dude, Hitler made it. These guys were outside, okay? Now when you're, and if you don't understand what I'm saying, pretend like you're driving through fog, okay? That's gas in the atmosphere. That's water instead of CS.

Do you turn your high beams on or your low beams on here? Even better, even better. Did Hitler make ventilation camps or concentration camps? That was way further than I was going to go, but I was, I'm just saying you got a ventilation camp is not working. If you have gas in the atmosphere and you turn the headlights at a higher lumen level,

You see more gas. Oh, yeah. Just like if you turn your high beams on in fog. Guess what? It's harder to fucking see. Coincidentally, they were outside at noon and they had the biggest headlight in the fucking universe. The sun, the sun, the sun, the universe. And it was the solar system.

Fucking space, yo. Yeah, you can't say that there's many more brighter stars. I'm not going to pretend like I understand the difference. I'm a very simple man. I know. This is one thing I'm real good at. Astronomy. I was a junior in high school and they were like, hey, check it out.

Space is endless nothingness. Big, yo. It's fucking giant. I was like, dope. I can grasp endless nothingness. And then they were like, hear me out more. It's getting bigger. And I was like, what the fuck? There's nothing in this inside of nothingness, yo. I haven't understood anything since. It's expanding faster than the speed of light. When you hear that, you're like...

The endless nothingness is getting bigger and faster than the speed of light. You know what you know? You don't know it now. One day you're going to look out at the stars and see nothing. Anyways, I think the point I'm getting to is... I did a whole video. I just never posted it, but it was the CBS React video to the Navy SEALs training. You should post it.

A hundred percent. A lot of people are looking for information on that and they don't understand. That's why I had to do a video about that. It was literally like, it was three reporters. One of them was like,

Oh my God, this is so bad. This is wrong and disgusting. And then it was two other reporters that were like, I've never served in the military and I don't know shit. So maybe it's fine. The first reporter right there, when you're like, this is wrong and disgusting. It's like, where are we sending these people? Oh, to fucking war? To fight? To kill people? To be put in the most strenuous, difficult situations they could possibly. And you think that's fucked up? Yeah. That's the line? What?

Have you read Delta training? Do you understand that the Navy regulations say that they're only supposed to be exposed to it for 15 seconds? Great. Then the people who wrote those regulations can go back in time and take out Assumption Law by themselves. Everyone at home, I'm going to let you guys in on a secret. As far as military, regardless of branch, as far as military regulations are concerned, they're like the pirate's code. It's basically guidelines. Nobody follows that shit.

You get to train. I've trained with some fucking dope ass people in my life. Like I, and I still get a, I still get to train with these people. It's fucking dope. You see what they go through. You see their thought process in, in,

you're like oh yeah this completely different breed than i will ever be like yeah completely different a different breed can i get that's it can i can can i tell a story of like the most different breed experience like the moment as a young man i realized that i was not that guy

I got many of these. So in the National Guard, you can deploy more than any other branch. And reserves, because we can drop packets in the Guard and Reserves. Reserves, yes, but National Guard is unique in that there's only one infantry unit in the Army Reserves.

The Army National Guard has a fuck ton of combat MLSs. And you can volunteer to go on combat deployments as a combat MOS in the National Guard. Well, in intel, you don't have to even go on any combat deployment. You can go on any deployment fucking anywhere as long as you're a POG, too. If you're in the intel component, you can go anywhere at any point in time. Right.

Specifically, the guy that I'm talking about, he was a combat medic, he was an infantryman, and he was a calf scout. He did all three MOSs throughout the course of his career, and he spent 10 years of his life

He would literally go. And in the National Guard, you can volunteer to go on a deployment with a different National Guard unit. Yeah. So he deployed five times in 10 years. He would literally deploy. It's not bad. Break up 50, 60, 70, $80,000 in pay. Come back, party his dick off for a year. Go on another deployment for a decade. This dude was an E7 when I was in. Like I, to this day, like by far,

Don't do that. It's trash. Don't do that. It's trash.

So he, we walked into his office. Army guard reserve. You can be active duty guard. It's not, there's not a whole lot of positions like that. And this one too. But that's, that's what he was. He was in E7. He was E and we were on guard weekend and I walked into his office with like four other E4s. This guy was in his, it was, we were still in digicams. He had his tan. You being a bitch. He had his tan t-shirt on. Wait, wait, you gotta, you gotta wait till he's on camera. No, you can talk. He's pushing off here. He's good.

He had his tan t-shirt on and he had his fucking digi cam bottoms on and he had these pair of blue Crocs. I've never seen a pair of blue Crocs. They look like they got eaten like a fucking alligator. Like they were just destroyed. He was wearing these blue Crocs and his feet up on his, on the desk. And there was this fucking private that I was with. And we walked in and like, I knew better than to fuck with it. I knew he'd been on fucking six deployments as infantry and a combat medic. And we walked in and he's like this E two and,

Like dope Crocs, Sergeant. This dude fucking took a sip out of his coffee mug and he looked at him and he's like, these fucking Crocs have been in more combat than you will ever be.

Like that's the cold you like I've ever heard in my entire life It'd be like that sometimes do when you a man. I have all the stars I know I was like with the second he said some of this shit like that was like I was thinking about like I'm thinking about like war stories down I'm like I would I so when I got back from the military This is during a surge what real quick because there was a reclass during this segment so when I got back I

They're like, okay, well, you're probably going to get called back. But let's not going to lie. You're probably going to get called back into stop loss. I got stopped last to go to. Yeah. So my, my period here.

My one buddy got super fucked for this. This is search. This is 2007 2006 2007 This is a search. This is pretty fucking shit kick. That's right now. So I have no idea what that means right now. You know, we didn't okay Can I explain stop loss yeah, go you do it you're not explain that to your audience, okay, so there's

I love stopping. You're serving and you're about to either get out or you're about to go to a different duty station and you're not about to be involved in war anymore. Like, you're in the clear. You just came back. Like, years ago, you signed a contract with Uncle Sam

And you were like, I'm willing to do whatever the fuck you tell me for X amount of years. And you got to the end of X amount of years. And Uncle Sam said, fuck you. You're going to do more. And if you don't, I will throw you in prison. That is stop loss. Go, go, go. You're threatened at this point. Go ahead. Okay. First off, mine was mid-tour and I got stop loss. Fine with that.

Mike, they were like, hey, your fucking, your contract ends while you're overseas. You fucking stay in overseas. You don't get out. I'm surprised they let you deploy. Oh, this is the surge. My buddy. Still though. Oh, no, no. They did not give a fuck at this time. You are going to war. Oh, you were going to. This is.

Like you, that's hot, dude. Okay. So my buddy, dude, one of my buddies, two weeks, two weeks to get out. And they're like, Nope, fuck you. You're going 15 months to Iraq. Oh my God. Oh, so you're in the time. People don't, people can't fathom. I understand this. Uh, 15, 48, 15, correct me if I'm wrong. 48, 15, 12 were, uh, deployment timeframes.

There's 15 months was the big one. So you had 15 to 16 months if you were 24. No, 24 never existed. It was 15 was max. So they were like two over in a combat area.

I know people have extended and I've seen it on paper in there 20 or that fuck that dude. I mean I had people I loved watching people when we landed in fucking Iraq and we're like, okay, we're good They're like, okay Here is the fucking your leave schedule when you get your two weeks off in Iraq You only get two weeks off by the way in a 15 months you get to a week break and

We had people fucking there. Like you got lucky on your schedule. Mine was right at the seven months. I was like, fuck. Yeah, bro. I'm fucking right in between. I have buddies. Okay. You're you're you're two weeks off is in one month. And then you have to stay back for 14 fucking months. Bro, you don't even you don't even get used to war at that point. You're like.

I'm going to go home. Okay, now I have 14 months to get used to work. And you're like, oh, my fucking God. That's where the mental issues fucking come into play. My buddy had two weeks. Two weeks. And they're like, nope, you're going for 15 months. You have to train up. So it's not 15 months. He had to do the train up, which was a four-month train up. Then 15 months. Then three months ETS. And then get the fuck out. And I was like, bro, you were too fucked by the government.

I feel like we have to still clarify some of this. So what he's saying is that he got orders to deploy for 15 months. So a year and three months. His contract that he signed was in the government. Not contract. His deployment is 15 months. But he's saying his contract was up in two weeks. Two months or two weeks. He was about to get out of the military. He was about to get out of the military in 14 days. And the military told him,

Fuck you. You're going to Iraq for 15 months. One year and three months. One year and three months. I feel like for some people who aren't military, we count shit by months. Civilians count shit by years. So when you say one year, people are like, ooh. One year and three months. And then you're getting back and it's three months minimum to get out.

When you ETS, it is a three month minimum. Once you come back from ETS though, that's getting the fuck out. I forget what it means. ETS is getting the fuck out of your government contracts and they, I got, for those of you that don't know, if you sign up in the military period, it doesn't matter. Guard reserves, active duty. You are signing up for eight years.

And you're like, no, no, that's different. My son only signed up for two years. My daughter only signed up for four years. Inactive. You signed up for eight years. No matter what. No matter what. No matter what.

They have the right to recall you whenever the fuck they decide. Yeah. Because they decided it. Period. Or they will throw you in a cage and you can rot for that period of time. Period. Period. And that's what's... So, like, I got back, I got out, and then people were...

what'd i do it was uh inactive reserve or whatever and they're like hey your chance yeah they're like chances are you're getting called back and then my buddies start getting called back and i was like oh fuck my life so i did an mos change most people don't know this i did an mos change during that i was like oh sorry what was your original mos 11 bravo okay second what is 11 bravo

Infantry. And what'd you reclass to? And then I did a welder. I don't even remember what my fucking reclass was. Really? You were a welder? Dude, they did. Ladies and gentlemen, this man's a fucking grunt. I don't care what his secondary MOS was. I've met him. I've drank with him. I'm dumb. He's a grunt. I promise you. We're retarded together. I'm retarded. Long arm. Tap him. Tap him. I'm retarded. I'm retarded.

Sorry, what year did you deploy? 2007 during the surge. What did your kit look like at that point? Fucking ACUs, bro. Though I came in. Did you have a plate carrier at that point? Like that's right on the line. There was no plate carrier. It was the old. It was the ugly. IOTVs. Yeah, with the side plates, the front and back, the heavies. Damn.

- I had BDUs though when I got into the military. - You had BDUs. - Going into the military I was a BDU boy. - God damn, you had the Lord's final. - You went in BDUs to-- - I had to shine my boots. You guys don't know about shining boots. - No, no, no, no, no, no. - No, you had Sandy's. - ACUs deploying. We had BDUs going into the military. Now, BDUs, we had to shine those boots. - Stop, stop.

For those of you that don't know, BDU is the original forest camo where it's green, black, and lighter green. Battle dress uniform. Slight brown. A.K.A. the Lord's flannel. The best military uniform ever. Okay, unsubscribe. Next month's merch is the Lord's flannel. It is just BDU shirt. Done and done. Thank you for that fucking merch. You're welcome. The Lord's flannel.

What did you deploy with? ACUs, not the Lord's flannel. ACUs is Army Combat Uniform, which is technically all uniforms. However, you can fight on the moon in your grandma's couch and it costs a billion dollars. He's referring to Digicam.

Which is what you would look like if you were trying to blend in as a fucking Minecraft character. Also known as UCP, which is Universal Camouflage. UCP, Universal Camouflage. So terrible. I am actually actively working on a YouTube video trying to figure out who paid a congressman to get that camouflage approved. $1 billion. Dude.

Dude, it makes sense in Iraq. No one's going to like the fact that I'm saying this. It makes sense in Iraq. If you were to do it yearly, yearly, yearly, 24-7, due to our on-their 15-month deployments, if you were to look at your uniform from the start in UCP, you sit there, you don't wash it, you don't clean it. How it used to be back in your time. Our day, when I deployed, we had washers and dryers. Your time, I'm trying to be as fair as possible here.

It wasn't the best option. You will never convince me. Okay. Do you know why we loved AC? Do you know? We loved AC. No, no, no, no. Hold on. Hold on. Army guys. I love.

I love this because it is so different in genre. So I'm like, can we give a shout out to be fair, but stern with it. So that's why I'm like, it makes sense. Can we give a shout out to the Navy that for a period of time issued blue, light blue and white digi cams to their military to fight on the ocean. So that they blended in with the water.

That way if there was a man or woman overboard, there was zero fucking chance that you would find them. How is she going to hide from the ocean, bro? God damn it, they blend in well. This is really good camo, guys. What if the ocean joined ISIS? What are you going to do? You're not going to hide from the ocean, bro. What are you going to do?

Dude, when we got ACUs, I remember because the privates started coming in with ACUs, and then we got issued ACUs. I was like, man, this fuck is stupid. I put them on, and then I didn't have to polish my boots. I was like, wait, I don't have to flat iron this shit, and I don't have to fucking polish my boots? These are like PJs, and I fucking love it. We all wear an ACU.

Compared to you BDU was not as fire return it you see polish your boots and oh yeah BDUs you did you're like Gray Bush the wise I know I'm Madagascar

Madagascar the brown over here. You're like it's not We can only do like two plus our podcast bro, and we're gonna be like who knows what? It could be fucking it could be Dragon Ball Z it could be the war and be top secret classified information Welcome to return of the King Yeah

But we used to, we were so fucking happy. And then we deployed. I was like, yo, this looks trash though. No, no joke. We can blend in with a fucking, if we find on the moon and my grandma's couch, that's about it. Like walking around, we still look fucking stupid as shit, but we're comfortable.

Thank you, sorry, not polishing boots. Did you have a m16 or m4? I had an m4a2. m4a2, okay. Yeah, no, I'm not a marine. Dude going, going over during- Wait, you guys had m4s? Yeah, oh yeah, we had good gear. You deployed an 07? Yeah. Dude, but when I'd show up in the Marines, I'd be like, oh they use an m16a4, fuck you. Bro, the bats were non, bro. Do you wanna feel non, dude? Do you wanna feel old?

You wanna know what I was doing in 2007? You were in high school? No, bro, I was in middle school. That's why I was like, you both were like beating Pokemon Blue. 2008 was my freshman year. I was in elementary school.

In 2007. In elementary school. We talked about this on the last show. I was in a war. Dude, I think the last time I was on Sub was actually a year ago. Yeah. It would have been October time frame, actually. Yes, it would have been November or whenever. I think it was October time frame. Yeah. Yeah, like...

Super crazy, yo. Do you have any idea how much money the U.S. government spends on the military? Dude, you're going to watch him blow it. Now, I loved...

man oh man i'm so like that so the deployment 15 months stop loss i got stop loss over there my buddy got stopped beforehand we gotta watch that fuckery show and then going overseas and you're like hey sorry just to clarify did you only deploy to iraq or did you go to iraq afghanistan just iraq and then it was we were uh what mo the the no we were in the

Baghdad which was Mokhtadia I want to say that was Mokhtadia right? No East Rashid because we had the four corners then we went to Mokhtadia and the Diyala River province so it was like these bad areas each time they're like okay to put this spear and I remember going to uh Diyala River province with Mokhtadia and all that shit which was near the border and they're like okay uh rules of engagement are switching so if they look super shady

You're clear to engage. I was like they die and I was like she'd where all the SEAL teams were well driving up there I didn't get I was like man. We're

No, not Ramadi because Ramadi is obviously a well known place, but Rashid is a whole other spot. ISIS started, that's ISIS breeding ground was there. We found one of the first ISIS kill houses. This is 2008. Okay, so that makes sense. We found a fucking ISIS kill house before ISIS was a thing. We found the first kill house there and we didn't know what it was. We're like, I don't know. That motherfucker's been here. Yeah, whatever.

But then fast forward, we were like, oh, ISIS in like 2014, 2012. Yeah. And I was like, oh, oh. And then we were like, oh, hey, I know those guys. Dude, that entire journey on my military thing, because it was tip of the spear, tip of the spear, tip of the spear. We were always like, you're going in first. But do a big ass dick. Driving up to driving up to Mokadia was the first time I was like,

We were driving up looking around. I was like, why is the rules of engagement changed so much changed? Not so much. And then seeing the moon. Can we talk about rules of engagement real quick for those of you that don't understand, like what were your, uh, rules of engagement when you first went? So Baghdad, uh, Easter sheet, four corners, everything that was, um,

More on if they're ain't no the first it was if they're aiming at you you cannot engage It was they have to shoot at you to engage that shifted to that wasn't like like that was your first ROA Yeah, cuz we didn't know we were in a super bad area and tell like all the bad shit and they're like never mind fucking that switches really quick so just to clarify if you're listening if

Mr. Eli Double Tap here was not allowed to fire at you unless you fired at him first, correct? Yep, 100%.

So really cool. Yeah. You're like, so, and that's also like, it just, it, it bothers me. Cause like I, I do military content obviously. Yeah. And it bothers me that anytime I like my whole mission is to like try to make people feel good about the services they did or try to teach history or whatever the case is. And like the amount of people that are like, well, you lost in and it's like,

Bro, like, I got a buddy that did 20 years in guard, did three tours, one in Afghanistan, two in Iraq. He was a fucking truck driver the entire time, and he had a .50 caliber machine gun mounted on his gun truck, and he also had an M4 and or a .249 saw, and he was not allowed to shoot at you with the .50 caliber machine

Unless you were in a vehicle driving towards him. Yep, you could shoot what you could shoot Oh, no, dude. I've shot at people with the fucking 50. No, no, but this is your our rules of engagement were I sent it Well, not really war crimes but still it's a little bit or get you in trouble but like my friend I

Three tours, one in Iraq, two in Afghanistan. He was in a .50 caliber turret. He also had either a .249 or an M4. If he was getting fired upon by a AK-47,

He was required to return fire with his M4 or his 249. He was not allowed to return fire with the .50 cal because that was an unfair advantage due to the rules of engagement at the time, which is the most absurd shit I have ever heard in my entire life. That is platoon-based. No, that is. No, no, no. Fired upon is one thing. Yes, 100% try. Now, when you're incorporating caliber...

Of the weapon system that is platoon based because I found that out Based off of my platoon leader and that's why I engaged with calibers I did because my platoon leader was like listen This is how it works because I was just I was young can we and sorry stop you were Intel, correct? No, this is when I was infantry. Okay, this is when I was an 11 B and we're downrange and they're like listen I

You are competent with the 50 everyone here is literally fucking stupid We don't know why you're literally the youngest guy here You know how to put together you actually understand headspace and timing you know how to put the weapon in the function if it malfunctions You know how to actually disassemble reassemble put together worst case scenario. I'm like Roger I can do that and We would they're like listen

ROE is actually weird. I feel like ROE actually was changing every year or every two years. Rules of engagement. Yes, rules of engagement were changing every year, every other year, dependent on where you were deploying to and dependent on if you're working with soft elements, which is actually a very heavy thing, if you were actually an asset or if you were just attached to, which are two completely different things. So that would mean if you were working as like, let's say if you were a sniper team,

attached to a special forces component, that would mean you are technically working in the, as a special operations component. But if you're just attached and you're working with a special forces group,

You're not special forces. You're not special operations. You're just assisting. You're an asset. So that means you have to be careful with who the fuck you're shooting, when the fuck you're shooting. People don't understand that. And I'm like, you really need to break it down because soft has the actual ability to shoot and figure it the fuck out later. If you're not soft, bro, you play the game. If you want a good story, this is a military story, right?

Send it dude. Send it. Send it. No, I'm just gonna say your video about when the special forces was like hey regular army saw Dude dude, but it's so true like so true. That was the first time I ever worked with uh Yeah, that was working when I was working Seven so seven triple do uh seven special forces group and they were like hey, I

Regular army- 'Cause I was just- Dude, they don't give a fuck! God damn it, bro! Regular army guy! A regular army saw gunner. Do you have any water? A regular army saw- I love it. Dude, dude! They're literally just prone like this with their- behind their rifles, they're like, "Hey!" "Hey!" "Regular army saw gunner!" "Hey!" "Regular army saw gunner!" They're- his buddy on the other side's like-

He's like, "Y'all got water?" Dude, I'm like, yo, dude, I was fucking dying. Like, everyone else was like today, today, now in age, offended, bro. Offended as fuck. I was dying laughing on the inside, bro. Private Ortiz was dying laughing. I was like,

They got us, bro. Because I recognize my place. Like, you know, it is what it is. These dudes are wearing fucking jeans and fucking polo t-shirts. I'm out here sweating my dick off and these motherfuckers out here. Hey, regular army bitch. Give me water, hoe. Dude, I love this so much. Dude, just curtsy. Just, yes, sir. As you please. I shall get the water. Dude, they don't fucking. Oh, I love it so much. It was fucking, uh.

Dude, when we... Oh, my God. Because my... I don't know if I've ever told my fucking... We've worked with... I did shit with SAS and then Green Berets.

And then like some little bird people. But it was it was showing up to first off fucking the SAS dudes. I remember meeting them overseas for the first time. I'm like, why the fuck are these kids and these guns around? These are all suppressed and fucking gangster. Then like walking around doing shit. I'm like walking up to the tent and they're like, hey, what's up, mate? And I was like, what the fuck? Can you define SAS for the people, though?

It's the British Special Forces unit. They are fucking special air services. That's like running in the SEAL Team six. Yeah, they're they're like they're special special dudes. Yes BS also, but their asset BS is like running into regular Navy SEALs SAS is like running into SEAL Team six SBS is the most underrated SF unit. No Dave

Put it in the comments right now, bro. That's a lie. I'm telling you right now. Every British person when I'm like, bro, SBS is dope as fuck. They're like, oh my God, an American that knows about SBS. SBS literally just got pulled because of where they were at with their specific unit and just got pulled together. What does SBS stand for? You don't fucking know. You have to ask real SBS people who I've worked with before. They're just like, we just got pulled in and lucky. It stands for Special Boat Service.

And American special forces trust them more.

All the time. Dude, okay, first off, let me just clear the air. Okay, work with SAS. Really gangster dudes. Didn't even know this is 2007. And they were like, yeah, we got these fucking track things. We're going to go take these fucking cunts out. And I was like, that sounds dope. I don't know what. And they're like, you want to drink beers on a tan? I was like, these guys are fucking dope as shit. I'm going to tell you a story. Down to earth, guys. SAS and SBS both are British. Yes. Correct.

This is a country, literally the size of fucking Michigan, that almost took over the entire planet because they wanted to trade spices. And now they have bland food anyways. Okay? These guys are gangsters, fuck. Be careful of the line you're walking, buddy. These guys are on a gangster level that you can't even comprehend. Dude.

Christian Craighead one of my favorite humans well, dude that guy is a badass That maybe the maybe maybe the most gangster dude. He was the first guy I remember when me and Matt were talking he was like yeah when I got my first disco kill and I was like You got a disco kill bro? The first I know like both me and Matt were like

If you don't know, Dushka is like the Russian knockoff of a 50 Cal. Yes. Yeah. I love Christian. He's such a gangster dude. Okay, so SAS. Overseas, working with them, watching them. And then they get a drink, and I'm like a young fucking dude. I'm like, well, you can drink over here? You have beers? And I'm like, yeah. And I was like, they're like, yeah, we can drink at 16. I was like, well, you can drink over in Iraq? This is what? And then we're running missions with...

Green Berets. That's when I found out rules of engagement completely changed because it was totally different because it was like one of the Green Beret dudes got shot and he got shot through. He got a fucking side plate, went through both lungs.

And then he dropped. They went in. It was a doctor and the bad guys in the compound. And I just remember it was like, we were out of court on pulling security while they ran the mission. I was like, okay, ain't no bad guys out here. There's a lot of gunfire for in the house. A lot of gunfire. Okay. The house is still shooting. They still shoot. And that's weird. Okay. Well, the house is on fire. Okay. They'll put that out. And then I just watched them. Okay. They're not putting that fire up.

Okay, they're getting in the vehicles. Okay. And they're leaving. We have... There's a fire. Yeah, fuck them. They can put it out. Okay, that's the new rule. We're not going to question that. The fire will put us out. The fire will put us out. And I was just like, man...

What the fuck? Why was there so much gunshot? We shot everyone multiple times because they shot our guy multiple times. I was like, that makes sense in my head. Okay, that's a gangster call. I will not fuck with these dudes. The SAS, and then correct me if I'm wrong, working with Brits as well in general, I've never seen hazing to that caliber when hanging out, talking, operating with those guys. 100%. Hazing, I...

Okay. I haven't. Can I, can I, or do you want to go first? They actually, I've actually seen another man have to eat human shit due to hazing. No, no, no. I'm being dead. I serious. Another man, a leadership, a person, a superior took a shit and they said, Hey, you're going to eat that. The individual in this soft component, uh,

grabbed it, picked it up and ate it and laughed, chewed it, took another bite, spit it at the group of other dudes. And they were laughing. No disgust. They were not insulted. They were not upset. Human shit, a human shit.

So like two sales, one cup. I've never experienced anything like that in my life. Nowhere near that degree as a fucking national guard fucking nerd. I cross trained with a bunch of British guys at an annual training one time and we went through, I was a medic. I was attached to infantry. Oh,

And we went through and we talked about and we trained how you evaluate a dead body that you come across. Basically, like how you verify that they're dead. Muzzle check out. Ours is this muzzle check out.

- How you verify that they're dead and then how you like search their body to make sure basically like how you land on them and you roll over to make sure that they didn't booby trap their body with their grenade, correct?

So we were with this British dude. I love you. Your statements is so like... I will never forget it in my entire fucking life. Like we went through how American infantry would do it. And I'm like, I'm just watching. I'm the medic. I'm there basically like answering questions from the infantry because they're all like, hey doc, can I eat this plant? I was like, I don't know. Fucking try it. I only got two EpiPenzo, so only one of you try. Like that's my whole job. These guys are like...

So they go through, they do it, and then they ask this British infantry guy to do it. And he's like, okay, so I walk up. I give him the good news. He kicks this fucking E3 directly in the fucking nutsack as hard as he can. Yeah, that's what you did. I just said that to you. I'm going to kick him in the nuts. Like he's trying to hit a 60-yard fucking field goal. This E3 goes nuts.

And then he literally, as soon as that guy's breath leaves his body, he fucking body slams this fucking guy. Yeah. Directly on his back. And this doesn't come off the grenade. That's right. Correct. So, so he doesn't come off the current grenade. Correct. He's belly down. And this guy body flops onto him.

This guy had baby powder in one of his double mag pouches on his uh, Io TV or his body armor Which everyone he had at the time the fucking baby powder exploded and just covered his face and then and then he rolls and exposes the grenade and this e3 is just fucking Crying in pain because his testicles are in his throat and he's got baby powder all over his face. Look

Of all the militaries on the planet, I have the most respect for the British military. Dude, I agree with you. For sure. Wait, okay. First off, did any of you do training for... Did you do cadet training?

No. Oh, you missed out. So, oh, this is my favorite story time. This is my favorite story time. So cadet training. And then we had the British cadets coming in. So the British officers, American officers training at Fort Lewis. Oh, they shit all over the American officers. Oh, yes, they do. They're like a British fucking. They're different, man. They're fucking built different.

And the females super fucking attractive. We didn't know that. Like coming in, it was like we had. They are harsh, bro. Dude, attractive female British shoulders. I've never seen. They would pat us down.

He's going hard for a shot. They are. Do these girls so fucking attractive? And then they were. It was so weird because they were flirty, too. I was like, what the fuck? But they were like when they were searching my body, like, how do you feel about the metric system? And they were like grabbing. I was like, what the fuck? They go in. Oh, yeah. And they just make jokes about it. I was like, what the fuck? Now with the American people.

Soldiers. Oh, dude, we have a good time because I had a ambush area. So they had to set up an ambush and then fucking attack it. So we had a, sorry, we had a fortified fighting position in woods and they had to set up an ambush and then assault it. So fucking here's the main and we have the flanking unit. Start shooting cross objective, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Our cadets were fucking American cadets are some of the dumbest people you ever meet. They're becoming officers because they're kids. They're kids.

They've not graduated high school to be fair. American cadets, yeah, have not graduated high school. These are no cadets. Or college, sorry. College. These are college kids. These are cadets in the college. These are going to first. Collegiate level? Yeah. And we are fucking, because the first sergeants and the, not the majors, but the next step down, they are like, fuck with. Cadets aren't shit. No. And then when you're, when your, when their first sergeant's like, fuck with the cadets, I was like,

I was like, it's me and Ross. We can do this all day. So I'd be like, okay, it's a fortified fighting position. Ross fucking just fucking shoot some blanks off. So he'd be like, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow. And they'd be like, oh my God, we got to fucking take cover. Okay, assaulting objective. We got to go for it. And I knew where they would go. So I just wait behind a tree. I go. And then they start assaulting the objective this way. And I walk up behind one of the cadets and I point a gun. I was like, hey, flagging safety.

danger close put the gun to his head and he's like i was like you're surrendering right now you're my hostage and like he's like okay so then i'd have a hostage i walk up pop rounds off watch all the cadets turn start shooting their butt and then the first one's like y'all fucking failed you idiots why'd you engage your own friend there was a fucking enemy that took him hostage i'm like

If you don't know, a cadet is an officer in training. Oh, they're the most technically. They're not even in the military. They're literally college students. I had a cadet. This is actually a funny story. Cadidiots. Cadidiots. I had a cadet who was. These cadets intern with active duty military. Okay. All the time. So we had the full circle cadets. If you've ever seen like the.

icons for them like being in the military oh yeah a full circle cadet they um they're working in the company whatever blah blah blah blah blah and i forget exactly how this came about i'm in the arms room i check everything out i'm like a my dude's got new suppressors we got to make sure we get new rings on the on the uh on the muzzle brakes or else it's not going to work properly filtering gas the suppressor is going to pop off whatever yep i come off

Out of the arms room, I go and see this cadet there. I'm like, hey, what's up, man? And I go start talking to this squad leader from another platoon. And based off of the conversation we're having, this cadet acts like

They know what the fuck's going on. Like they're running this platoon. Of course. And I look at them and I'm like, I don't say anything. Cause I do understand my place. Like I'm just a regular E five. I'm a Sergeant at this point. I'm talking to the staff Sergeant. I'm just like, I continue this conversation. I leave the cadet gets up, walks out. And this is when I'm the squad, a squad leader for the, uh, reconnaissance platoon or the sniper. Yeah. Reconnaissance platoon. So my boys are always with me.

They never leave me because I had a really tight squad at the time. And this cadet gets out and he's like, listen, man, make sure when you're talking to that squad leader, you know, you always go into the position of parade rest. Yeah. You're going to parade rest. And I was like,

Uh, he called at ease the second I went into the room because, you know, I, I understand I need to do that. And I'm not going to argue with this civilian. If you're a cadet, you're a fucking civilian. I'm not, you're not a butter bar yet. Yeah. I'm not going to even get mad at you. I'm going to be like, you know, I, I understand that. They're like, well, listen, if you knew the respect, you'd also know that I'm a future officer. The second he said future officer, one of the sniper dudes in my platoon, uh,

literally hit him in the face. And he's like, you talk to my NCO with respect. He's like, you fucking civilian pussy. He's like, do not talk to him. He's like, if you want to go into the office and talk to Sergeant Ortiz, you do it at the position of parade rest. He's like, you know what? Fuck that. You do it at the position of attention. I just walked away. I let my squad was very squared away. I'm fully competent in their capabilities as future leaders and soldiers at the time.

And I walked away, went to my office. That cadet not coming to my office. All I heard from the commander, which is actually the captain of the company, when we said, did you guys hit one of the cadets? And I was like, he did, sir. And he's like, dude, that boy was scared. Never heard anything more than that actual comment from the fucking commander. He was like,

Super sketchy. Because I guess the XO, who was like the lieutenant of the company, if I was to break it down for people who don't understand, the lieutenant of the company, he said he saw my soldier hit them. I went and backed my soldier. I was like, no, no, no. Like, my soldier's backing me up. He's installing discipline, but also, you know, my soldier shouldn't have done it. He's like, the commander was just like, hey, listen, we're not even going to double-edge this conversation. He's like, we're not talking about this anymore. I'm just going to let you know it's very funny that that cadet was scared. Got it.

And I was like, man, I have a great fucking squad. But cadets are civilians. You're civilians. Sorry. I have like so many stories that can blow. Especially you guys are military guys. And I can blow your minds with my stories. And that's what I love most is because I have. No, no. Here. Have you ever had a lieutenant colonel quit during a deployment? Oh, no one. No one had one. No. That's crazy. All I was going to add to this conversation was. How do you quit?

- If you deployed between '03 and '10, I believe you. That was all I was gonna say. - Dude, having a little different-- - Lieutenant Colonel quit? - I would love to know about that story. - My battalion commander quit during deployment four months in. - What happened, bro? You have to talk about that. That's not a big thing. That doesn't happen. - I have very important questions. Did he give a two weeks notice?

I know he's like, he's like, he's like, I can't do this. Everyone else enlisted. We're like, wait, we can just quit. I was like, wait, we can just quit. That's a really dope. Can I put that in? Cause I'll go home right now. Like, no, wait, how do I command?

What's the name we're calling? I told you specifically on the first time I did this podcast, why did you enlist in the military? Because Metal Gear Solid. Poverty. Mostly. Poverty. Metal Gear Solid and poverty, very strong running. Peasants aren't allowed to quit. A ghost voice in my head. A ghost voice. An actual ghost voice in my head. An actual ghost voice in my head. Do Metal Gear Solid. Now, Lieutenant Colonel...

That's close enough. I just rhymed his name. I don't want to get in trouble because he wrote a book after getting out naturally because that's what you do when you quit the military during war. What was his book on? I fucking quit in the war. I don't know. You wrote a book? Dude, I might. Oh, yeah, I have. I have so many good stories about book. Dude, I have.

Is it on Amazon? I'm not trying to brag, but I'm like... No, don't plug this fucking up. Fuck this guy. I'm 100%. What happened? Stop. What happened? I'm the guy that Eli brings on when he wants to talk shit about somebody. This is 100% true. Dude, so... I get results. Lieutenant, I have... Man, I haven't told you... Oh, my God. I always forget, like, I never tell war stories because one of the things, like... Or the fucked up after part. So, Lieutenant Colonel Kryku...

He quit like four months in the deployment because everything's going to shit. And it was just because we were in a bad fucking sector. It wasn't his fault, but he like, he was like, I'm not in the phone. You're right. And then I have to go home. What? So he flew home and quit the military. And I was like, what the fuck? We can just quit. And then I love it because SART major, uh,

Called if you wanted to quit he was like don't pull a fucking cry coup Literally after that he would use the lieutenant colonel's name As a verb to not pull In combat he's like don't be a fucking cry coup if you're a cry coup you're a fucking quitter We fucking hate you if you do that I was like wait where were you at at the time I'm very curious This was Rashid and Mokhtar So that's why I was mentioning the SEAL teams and stuff where they were like absolutely

So these you know this active point in time these are the active point in time that a lot of people don't know about Which is very operational shit is very active. Yeah, we had like 16 ki 48 Purple Hearts And then we've had fucking like 24 suicide stop that guys, please That's way too many. This is my battalion by itself Not a good like we were they were like here you go fucking tip

Spear and uh, but when we bad leadership all this stuff, uh, he quit we got a new one Fucking way more gangster and then all the roe changes like depending because we were like, where are we doing? What are we doing? Like this is a bad area. You just gotta do this then when we get back another story I am I am getting ready for a spec miata race in portland oregon. I can remember this is my favorite member. I like

I was about to do a SCCA national race for a Spec Miata. I walk into the gas station. I'm like, ah, time to get a fucking Red Bull or something, an energy drink. I'm like, I'm fucking thirsty. News is playing on the TV at the gas station. I'm like, doo-doo-doo. And they're like, Lieutenant Wynn has been charged with embezzling money during. I was like, ah.

That's hilarious military so stupid Cleaning he embezzled Fucking four million on his Iraq deployment What kind of lieutenant Oh my god that's I know that And I was like lieutenant what the fuck It was It was the It was the XO of the uh

Not ACO, but not ACO, BCO. What's the HHC? It was the fucking XO of HHC. Headquarters. He stole fucking $4 million that you're supposed to give to Iraq. He was supposed to give that money to Iraqis. Took it home. Bought it.

a home being like a Porsche, a giant mansion. You have to break down how money worked during your time. You have to break that down. I have a question. For those of you who don't know how money worked during your time, and correct me if I'm wrong, this is when the agency was running things very effectively and things were going smooth and there was a

- There was an abundance of financing during the war. - We gave it away for everything we fucked up. - Physical cash, bricks of money. Bricks of money. - I was just gonna ask if you've seen the movie "Wardogs" where they show up in Iraq. - That's a perfect example. - And there's literally a warehouse where dudes have fucking pallets of cash. How close is that to reality? - That's how it goes. - 100%. - You're like, "What the fuck?" And then I was like,

Because I didn't realize until I looked, I was like, homeboy got how much away? And I'm sitting there like with my Red Bull and my morning energy bar like,

Just watching the news at a gas station ready to go to race. I was like, you can pocket money if you have fake tickets to do receipts for money and finances in the military. Would you guys believe me if I told you that's still a thing? We sell warehouses full of money. Because CI, when I was running sources, so when I was a counterintelligence agent and I was running sources, I've only ever run...

Enough of sources not a lot. I've run a few sources. I've done my few field trips So very very very short deployments this running sources. Yeah and this is when a Magic school, but I think sorry I'm trying to think of how I'm able to word this so if you guys like yeah, I was like I don't wanna go to jail if you actually run really good sources people who have intelligence on like, you know, I

terrorist cells or like information that is provides actionable intelligence for operations to be conducted. Uh, CIA usually comes and just takes that over. And what they do is they just fund money. So what you'll do is you get these tickets and you can go to these warehouses. And literally I would just walk around with these bags. I've started with tens of thousands, a hundred of thousands to a couple of million dollars. And I remember one time we were driving around, uh,

We actually hit a person and I just remember seeing someone from the, uh, the agency, the central intelligence agency, someone from the central intelligence agency kicked to open the door. Cause they actually hit a pedestrian, uh,

It's like 10 grand of you. If you do an inassistive bill, it's like 10 to 50 grand. Barrel comes out. Dude, literally gentle bag of money placed. Convoy continues on, bro. Yep. So that bag of money shit is still a thing. It's probably one of the most craziest things I've ever seen. Oh, I got it. Corruption could not be more true. Dude, I remember my favorite story is when we got back, it was when people drop, when

The ammo depots dropped off ammo, guns, rockets to us for fights. They were just like, chuck this shit out there. Be like, okay, you're loaded back up and drive off. We lived out in cobs and sectors. We were in battle. People don't understand. My ass was in a firefight every day for the first...

60 days? Like there was eight gunfights every day. That's crazy. What was the average engagement length, roughly? So, again, that varied. I remember, dude, I remember my first time fucking like, okay, first fucking deploy, first patrol, we drive out, the fucking strikers are getting shot by bullets. I was like, oh, this is my life. I was like, mission one, got it. And it's like dismount left. And I was like, what?

I was like, tank, tank, tank. I was like,

man, this is my life now. And then it was every day. And it fucking, anyone from B co fucking, you guys know, you guys fucking know it was every day was that it was second mission. We went on. That was when God, air ham down. I got shot in the leg. We had a fucking eight hour sustained gun battle. We got RPG shot ass. And then, uh, we had the fight across. I think senators guys call that up. What, uh, and then that was, that was battle two. That was like day. That was mission two. And we're like, Oh,

Here we go. That's crazy. What caliber did you get hit in the leg with? A fucking ricochet AK off the wall. Kadoka got shot in the fucking dome sitting on us. We were on our fucking cob. I love this story because it was on the cob. Kadoka's up on the cob. Shout out to Kadoka.

He fucking he's like, what's up? Oh, just fucking drop homeboy. You think homeboys day sits back up? He's a whoop. He's like, I just got shot in the fucking head on Undertaker. Dude. Yeah, he was like, whoop. I just got shot in the fucking head. We're like, what the fuck pulls his helmet off fucking bullet entry.

Bullet exit it rides the rim of the fucking helmet. Oh, yeah, I'm punched out so you gotta fucking helmet Is the reason soldiers don't climb on walls when you're walking is cuz bullets because of the way they're

Rifles. - The rifle, they spin this way, right? So you don't climb on the wall or you're not hugged up against the wall or touching the wall because rounds can travel up walls. If they connect, they can travel up the wall. So therefore you keep space off. So this rifle, this round, once it's spent out, hit the helmet and it literally was spinning and it was riding his helmet. And then it went out. - Exited out. - So that's why you don't travel it because rounds are basically walking because they're spinning

Helmet and then they come heavy cuts on his head. No, it literally stayed in the So and any of the guys can vouch for this Fucking hit right on the entry point of the goggles on this side rode the ridge and exited on the goggles on the left side And then he that's when I realized I went to the wrong aid station cuz I got shot in the leg had a fucking mammoth bruise and

Fucked up. Didn't get a day off. Kadoka got three days off and I was like, I went to the wrong aid station. Cause I was on a mission the next day. And I remember, dude, I remember that mission like,

So vividly, because we got in the strikers, they're like, we just lost two of our buddies. It was all this, and then the next day, they're like, hey, you got a mission? Sorry, we were thinking you got downtime. Nope, sorry. So I was like, fuck, go in the striker, sit down. Ennis goes to climb over me. He puts his hand to step over me. I feel my bruise where my bullet shot was. I was like, ah!

So, sorry, was it like a, just a fucking through and through or what the fuck was it? No, it fucking, because the ricochet slowed it down enough, it just barely entered and fucking stopped. Like a fucking super leg kick. I can actually show you. Barely tell anymore. I was young.

That's it. That's all that's left from that. That's literally it. So a round just ricocheted and then bitch slapped you inside. And barely stopped inside me because I was like, ah! Like, I remember engaging, felt warm, looked down, seen blood, and a hole. And I was like, ah! Because my brain thought was like, I'm bleeding out right now. That was my biggest fear is bleeding out. Yeah, I was like...

But I looked down and was like, ah! And I was like, what the fuck? And then I was like, oh, good. We pulled back. We got an I Can Remember That Day, like, to a T. I was like, oh, okay, we're good. Okay, sweet. And everyone was like, Purple Heart! And we're like high-fiving, laughing about it. And then, fucking all that. The next day, we're going out on a mission. Literally, we're going on a mission the next fucking day. And

And Ennis goes to climb over me on the striker, pushes. I was like, ah! He's like, oh, I'm so sorry. My leg is fucking bruised. Like a giant fucking bruise.

He climbs over, we get in, we go, we're running a mission on that fucking next house. And I remember, I just hear a fucking machine gun going off as I'm like moving up to the house. I was like, what? And they're like, sorry, breaching house. I was like, what the fuck? Why are you using the saw? I forget. I think it was Cadoka. I thought we were getting engaged from the house. I was like,

Holy fuck, I thought I was getting shot again. I feel like this has to be stated about your time in the military because people will not understand this, and I feel like it has to be stated now before it's lost in time. Back when you were deployed in your time in the military, you guys were working at a soft capacity, so special operations capacity. You guys back in your time are seeing more activity, more firefights, more everything than soft.

It would be unfair if maybe 50% of special operations now. So what was crazy is what we found out afterwards is like however much percentage makes up the infantry of the military, then only 3% of that actually sees real combat. It's less than that now. Yeah, and you're like, what the fuck? It is 1% of the 1%.

And there's the 1% inside of that, which is soft, and the 1% inside of that, which is tier one. So the stat is 1% of people in the United States will join the military. 1%. Of that 1%, that is every job in the military. Every job. Of that 1%, there's 1% that will have a combat MOS, and that's what he did.

And then inside of that, there's 3%. 3% that will be soft, right? And then inside that soft component, there's 3% that will be part of the 1% that is tier one. So Delta...

uh seal team six you know dev grew yeah zero zero s t s yeah one percent yeah those are the and that was the capacity you were working at at that time and i think a lot of people don't recognize and or uh appreciate you to that well we did what i loved is not knowing because i'd never these guys will tell you i'll never tell war stories it was

My buddies, when we were coming back and they started getting it, cause I was a big on therapy. I was like, you've got to do therapy or fucking hell with PTSD. And then watching them and them calling, it's like, bro, what the fuck are these group? There was a, I don't do that. Cause I fucking hated him. And they're like, yeah, none of these bitches been in like gunfights. And I was like, I was like, wait, he was like, no one believes all the gunfights I've been in. I was like, that was our day to day. What? And he's like, yeah, like no one, no,

Thinks that we were in these mini gunfights. I was like, oh, I was like, yeah, buddy You have to understand like what you experience is a very rare thing calling for fire fucking watch jdams getting dropped live Like it seems didn't happen for like it's like a movie dude for a lot of people Yeah, I remember calling jdams and all I told that we were a lot of strikers like this like they're like don't watch the explosion and

We're blowing up a fucking road if you don't think I'm watching this you're fucking stupid all of us are like Ordinance goes off you just like

And then fucking I have. Dude, I forget. We had. I won't say his name. Sergeant. A word I'm not going to say is one of my favorite. I have so many good stories. We hated this sergeant with a fucking passion. And he went to fucking clear. He went to shotgun breach a door. He was like, I need to get in this fucking house.

Not my squad. This is a completely different squad. And they fucking, he goes like, boom, shot against at a distance. One of the BBs reflects, hits him in the leg. Whatever. He's like, ah! Drops to the ground. Ah! And then started to hate it. And he's like, the dog runs to his wife. He's like, that's a fucking shot.

Wait! No, he was like, save the morphine, doc. And the doc was like, yeah, I'm not giving you morphine. It's fucking choc-a-bee-bee. Like one of them in your leg. You did that to yourself. He's like, am I going to make it? Yeah, it's like, am I going to make it, doc? And he's like, yeah, it's literally like one bee.

And your thigh that barely went in. He was hunting for a purple heart, dude. Dude, 100%. Did he get it? Do you know the stat on purple hearts? What is it? I'm really sorry for this. Oh, please go on. Because I have really gangster parking now from it. I don't know if I'm... Dude, my parking. So no, the stat is every purple heart that has been given out

Post World War two was made during World War two. This is actually a true stat because of the anticipated cash American casualties of Invading Japan had we not dropped a tube bomb. Yeah - yeah, dude were those bombs Oh my gosh fat man and little boy. Yeah, dude and I was a dropped Hiroshima Nagasaki

Arigato gozaimasu. You're not going to get me wrong on this. No. Well, I was going to say, how do you guys feel? I recently have had a big awakening with those because I... Nuclear bombs or Japan? No. Just the United States as a whole and those particular points in time. How do you feel about that? Do you think it was necessary? Yeah. Give me more context. Yeah.

If you were President Truman right now, during that point in time after Pearl Harbor, would you have sent that declaration to them and said, you guys need to surrender right now or there will be imminent, and I do not, I'm not quoting these words, not quoting, but it's like there will be immediate destruction and like fucking blah, blah, blah. To be fair, that's not what happened.

We definitely dropped nuclear warheads on the ass. No, we did. I will say, you know what's worse? But the firebombs did way more killing than the nukes. That is also true. The firebombs did do more casualties than the nukes. However, President Truman did not sign off on either of the nukes. Who did? President Truman gave authorization, if necessary, to use them.

And they used them. It's the same. And then he was like, bro, chill. And then they used him again. And he's like, you motherfuckers need to stop. Like literally it's the same. I agree. You give the authorization. So this is super interesting. And this is actually why I want to start my own podcast because I teach I teach Brazilian jujitsu.

One of my students grew up in Japan, moved here after he graduated from high school in Japan to take care of his grandmother. And talking to him about the difference in culture is a starkly different. Amazing. It's such an earth shattering difference in what

What they're taught in history compared to what we're taught in history. This is interesting and I would like to know. They don't know about like, they don't know about, so Japan even though they've taught what they did to China. Like when you have the. They're taught for sure. Like he was. Oh, they talk about Nanking. He was taught in very, very vivid detail about the massacre at Nanking. Okay. That is rough. He was taught for sure. Did you guys see those photos?

No, I did not. No, no, no. The new ones that didn't release those new books. I had a buddy who saw the book that just got released and had the photos. You may never see them. You may never see them. I have no idea. Everybody was saying they were fake for a minute. No, no, no, no. For those of you that don't know. There's two photos I've seen. Pause. On TikTok. I'm big on TikTok. He's bigger on TikTok.

There's a gentleman that owns a pawn store on TikTok that had a degree in history. I don't know if it's from him. Somebody brought in a leather-bound book from World War II into his shop and basically asked him what it was. And he identified pictures from the massacre at Nanking that had not been previously known to history. And these are those pictures. Not unknown, but...

Unknown images. They're just unknown images. They've never been released. These are from a photographer who was there during the, you know, we won't say it, of Nanking, but very big thing during...

Yeah, Nanking. If you Google Nanking, it's going to pop up. What I love is, as you're saying, it's the culture behind Japan because they've changed completely now. But you have to understand, during these two nuclear bombs, these two atomic bombs, they had like 18 kilotons. If you don't know that to nowadays nukes, fucking 18 kilotons, fuck.

fucking babies compared to what we can do now. We can do 50 megatons. Most people don't understand the gravity of the situation when we talk about nuclear bombs. Real quick, these made the emperor of Japan, who was a fucking god at this time, talk on a radio. This was the first time anyone in Japan, and it was broadcast over Japan,

They heard an individual they revered as a king or a god talk ever. Like, this was... For the first time. Ever. And that is the only reason the surrender happened. Go on. So to give you guys a scale on nuclear bombs...

Everybody knows about like the Moab bomb that was dropped in 2017, 2016, 2017, 2018. The Moab bomb stands for Massive Ordnance Air Blast or more commonly referred to as the mother of all bombs. It is the largest non-nuclear bomb ever dropped in combat, period. It is equivalent to 11 kilotons of TNT, 11 kilotons being 11,000 pounds of TNT. It's big. It's very big. It's a big mofo. That, that,

bomb weighs approximately 180,000 pounds and the only known method of delivery is to literally push it out the back of a C-130 cargo plane. Now stop. 180,000 pound bomb delivered 11 kilotons of TNT bomb. The smallest nuclear weapon

That America has ever had in use was the Davy Crockett weapon system. Oh, God. The Davy Crockett. It was a 76 pound projectile. If you don't know, it is the the Fallout three video game, the fat man. It is the inspiration for that. It is. It literally solid three. Look, Metal Gear Solid three. Also, it literally looks like it is a little missile. This big portable fucking. It is 76 pounds. Portable.

That 76 pound bomb had a, it was nuclear and it had a kiloton rating of 15 kilotons, which is four kilotons larger than the Moab. And it was 76 pounds versus 180,000 pounds to give you a clear idea of the difference between a conventional versus a nuclear warhead. Nuclear warheads are non fuckable. You don't fuck with nasty though.

That's what I'm saying. That's the only issue is they're nasty. So you would then had the Japanese Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1942, 1944. 44 was 18 kilotons. Now, how many kilotons to equal a megaton? Is that a thousand? A thousand. A thousand kilotons to equal megatons. And then you have the TASAR, which is the largest explosion ever to happen. SAR bomb. SAR, sorry. SAR.

Was 50 megatons because it's a 100-megaton nuclear explosion, but they reduced the size by half. 100 megaton is only theoretical. 50 megaton is actually what happened.

Because they dropped it because 50 megatons would actually fall out. That is the largest that has ever been officially tested on the planet Earth. The 50 megaton. The 50 megaton, correct. That was tested in northern Siberia and it shattered windows in Finland.

Which is over a thousand miles away. This is hitting the atmosphere for a mushroom cloud. Google it. It's fucking insane. To give you an idea, what's more terrifying, are you guys familiar with the Poseidon weapon? No. It is the new Russian nuclear weapon.

Weapon it's actually terrifying so what it does is do this it is it's not a nuclear warhead like an ICBM What it is is it is can you define ICBM for the people? Intercontinental ballistic missile it can go anywhere fuck you up the the Poseidon weapon is 300 megatons more than double the sarbamba and

Instead of deploying out of a submarine through the water, through the air and hitting a target, it is a leecher torpedo. So they can deploy it and it is, it is, no, it stays underwater the entire time. That's what I'm saying. It goes, it stays underwater. No, it never goes up. So the torpedo will actually robotically, it will crawl at a rate that is so, so slow that,

that no modern radar or identifying technology can spot it. It will literally crawl at tenths of a mile per hour for years or months. They're nuclear-powered. It is a nuclear-powered torpedo that is a 300-megaton bomb, and what it is designed to do is it is designed to come up on a major coastal city

50 ish 50 to 100 miles off the coast and it will detonate 300 megaton nuclear bomb and this will create a 1500 foot irradiated Tidal wave yeah, no no it's not tsunami I create a tidal wave correct that will

level a coastal city. With radiation water. Correct. Well, that also is going to have a thermonuclear effect. Correct. But this weapon has never been...

So this was in the news a while back, like literally a couple weeks ago. So it was first deployed by a Russian nuclear sub, and it went missing for about nine days, and then it resurfaced in the very northern portion of the ocean, and they're saying that the Russians were testing it about a month and a half ago. Do you believe that is something that could truly be capable of

Do I think it's capable? Yeah. Yeah, sure. I don't. I will always say. I do not believe it. Russia, when you have an arms, I will say this. When you have an arms race, you have to understand the SAR bomb was created in 1968, right? A minute ago. Roughly. And we've come far since then. That's what's terrifying. You had a hundred megaton bomb created in the 1960s and you're like,

Is this possible? Yeah, 100%. I don't even know. America spent $748.1 billion this year on the military. Do you know what 49, 48%-ish of that budget went to? What? ICBM Defense.

So this isn't a nice feeling. We're going to end this. I have a feeling we're going to end this podcast with a CI fact. God. And I will get, we'll get real, but we have to end it on that and we can't go further than that. I like it. I like it. I'm going to go pee pee. But yeah, sorry.

No, we'll just wait until the election is back. I feel like me and you combine know a terrifying amount of information. I was going to say, yeah. It's upsetting. I know a lot of secret stuff that I wish I really honestly, honest to God, I wish I didn't know. It just makes me paranoid. Same. Did we get left off?

Brandon ditched us, bro. That's legit as fuck. He didn't even text any of us. It's fucking bro. We did a one hour. I should text him. I mean, right now we're two and a half hours into the next podcast. We've done three podcasts. Eli, like legit. What the fuck are you going to do with this?

It's it's three and a half hours. Oh my god. Hopefully shit. This is gonna be the world's longest. Let's keep going No, we were talking about the SAR bomba Dooms our bomba we're not stopping by the way. We're gonna keep going. Okay I was talking about how you talk about a nuclear warhead crawling right? Yep, and then detonating do you think that's true and it could happen right now? I do I fucking so So what I've read which granted is not this is

What a fucking journeyman electrician from Iowa that used to be in the National Guard can find on the Internet. But from what I can find, which I cannot stress this enough, is not a valid source of information. It is estimated that at least five might be in place already on coastal cities somewhere in the world waiting to be detonated.

Okay, so you really think that you know these nuclear warheads that are crawling on the ocean floor for? Months to years is a possibility Potentially why anything is a possibility you don't think there's any possible way we could possibly detect it Oh, I do I just said anything is a possibility I think we do spend a lot of money on our defense met our defense measures and

And when you see what we do, we're trying America. I love my favorite statistic is how long has America been at war versus any other country? All of it. Isn't it like seven years? We've not done war. We are back to back world war motherfucking champs, baby. Can I address this? You can't. 16 years. I want to address this.

16 years. Go in 16 years first. Every fucking time I say we're back-to-back World War champs, everybody gets butt hurt and they're like, America joined late. It's like first of all... We are back-to-back World War champs. We're the world fucking police. Maybe not right now, but we were. Okay? And guess what? Whoever the fuck wants to start some shit...

No one's starting it with us. No, for sure. Right now. What do you mean? Not right now. Are you on crack? No, no, no. But we, but we have to accept the world as how it is.

People are deciding who they want to pick fights with, and it's just like... And it's never America. It's not going to be us. You're not going to do it. They're not poking this bear. They're not. Okay, so... You're staying far away. There's several levels to this. Every time I say America's back-to-back World War champs, I get a bunch of shit, and people are like, America's not the... Like, look, if you're British, Canadian, Indian...

French, any literally any other country on the allied side and you say we're back to back World War champs too. I'm never going to disagree with you. I'm going to fucking high five chest bump fucking up top. Yeah, back to back World War champs. We are all day every fucking day. However,

Everybody wants to fucking pick number one and who got first place. And I've heard so many arguments. Everybody's like, well, America joined late. Well, America joined late because it ended as soon as we got there because we finished shit. I can't help that. Okay. Now, hear me out. Like I've heard like I like the word. First of all, we'll start with the worst argument.

Actually, the Soviet Union won because the most people died. Not a great stat. That's not how it works. That's a terrible KD. Not a great stat to rely on. Okay. Terrible KD.

That's 100%. Get your skills up, my boy. I think my overall point is I personally don't want to pick an individual winner. I'm happy with having it be a team win. But if you wanted to pick an individual winner and you were to get rid of the names of the countries and you were to just write down the stats of how many people did you lose, how much damage to your infrastructure was caused, who came out on top? There is...

There is nobody on the planet that's being unbiased that will not pick America. We came out on top on that one. America came out on top every time. And you can be like, well, America didn't join on time. Well, it's like, I mean, fucking. Hey, guess what? It finished when we fucking showed up, bitch. You're done. Sorry you lived in a shitty location. Okay.

Can't help it. Geography is a motherfucker. Listen, just call us direct next time, K. I think my overall point... I can hear it now, and they're going to be like, America's not the greatest country ever. Fuck off. That's not true. What is great? All of it.

Like, look, America's done fucked up shit. I'm not gonna lie to you. Hey, who's leaving? We're probably gonna continue to do that. Niko's like, who's getting the fuck out of here? Fuck you, Niko! I'm not leaving, but fuck this place. America's done fucked up shit. It's gonna continue to do fucked up shit. I can't help that. I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying it's gonna happen. Okay? Don't trust the government. No, yeah. That's science. If I hitch out with this shit, y'all gonna be on some next level shit. But look, everybody's gonna be like,

Oh yeah? Well, America doesn't have free healthcare. You want to know why America doesn't have free healthcare? I'm a 100% TMP bitch. You want to know why America doesn't have free healthcare? There's 30 members in NATO, okay? In order to be a member of NATO, you have to spend 3% of your overall GDP on defense.

Right? That's the fucking rules. Can we all agree? Those are the fucking rules. 3% GDP. If you're a smaller country... Fuck. I was like... We're spending 3% on GDP. That's a lot of money if you don't know. America...

Okay, so there's 30 members in NATO. Only nine of them spend 3% of their GDP on defense. It's America, Britain, and all the countries that neighbor Russia, basically. That's essentially what it is. Now, if you have a bigger GDP, you spend more fucking money because that's how percentages work. Hashtag math. Global defense percentage, correct? Wait a minute. Global defense percentage, correct? No, no.

Global defense. Gross domestic product. No, no, no. There's another defense product, though. No, that's not it. Anyways. Nico's like, no. It's 3% minimum to be a NATO. America does 8, and we're the largest fucking GDP on the planet to begin with. So we spend way more than anybody else. And everybody's like, but you don't have free health care.

And it's like, well, yeah, because we're subsidizing your defense. That's how you can afford free health care because we're paying to defend defense. Numero uno. Just saying. And then you want to know the best part about this? I love Nick when he's drunk. He's like, we're paying to fucking defend you. And then that allows you to afford free health care. And you want to know who develops new health care? Who? America. America invents 60%

65% of all pharmaceutical innovation happens in America.

So not only are we subsidizing your defense, which subsequently subsidizes your free health care, we're also subsidizing modern medicine. And you want to know the best part about all of this? Everybody's going to get butthurt and they're going to write an angry fucking comment and they're going to do it on their fucking cell phone, which is an American invention. The phone, Alexander Graham Bell, or they're going to do it on their fucking computer.

computer, which is also an American invention. And they're going to type that angry comment on their keyboard, which is also an American invention. And they're going to send it through time and space via the fucking internet, which you guessed it also an American invention. And then I'm going to be able to read it any day of the fucking future that I feel like

In the comment section on YouTube, which is also an American invention. So not only are we subsidizing your defense, we're subsidizing your free healthcare and modern medicine and your ability to talk shit about us. You're fucking welcome. Thank you for tuning in to Unsubscribe. And VAT!

All we need for this episode of unsubscribe. Jesus Christ. Where do we find you? The fat electrician dot com. Brutally honest with Nico Ortiz. That is how I close the next podcast. I will roll into the first podcast, which is now a four hour fucking podcast.

I can't wait to upload this and be like, everyone's going to be like, holy shit, it's four hours. This is my work day. We'd definitely be at number one. This got violent really quick. Hey, tune in to the next one. I'll tell you guys top secret information. Let's go. Tune in to the next episode when I tell you whether or not Nico is circumcised or not. My dick fat.