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This episode is brought to you by Honda. When you test drive the all-new Prologue EV, there's a lot that can impress you about it. There's the class-leading passenger space, the clean, thoughtful design, and the intuitive technology. But out of everything, what you'll really love most is that it's a Honda. Visit Honda.com slash EV to see offers. The difference is that Eli is a short king. You're just short. Did you just call me a short king? Like, you have to get short king status just because everyone is taller than you. You know what I mean?
So if somebody like lives it so if there's like i've dudes they're all like six five and taller because you're like what six five six six six five six six when I was on tinder I always put that extra that you know that made a difference one I used to be six two spine compression in there again on tinder six two yeah of course so I changed that to six three nah that was a stretch even with like the poof like it yeah but you can get easy you get lifts
Oh, yeah. I literally I you're going to hate this. I ordered lifts from Amazon for yourself. I hated me. That'd be weird. You're short today. I got you. You sent me back a penis enlargement kit. You're like, I got you something, too. We just have that subtle. It's like, thanks. I appreciate it. Yeah. Thank you for your list. God lifts is the worst gift you can get for a dude, I think.
You know what lifts are? No, I have no idea what you're talking about. It's literally like a heel in your shoe. It's for me to add like three. The shoes don't look like they have. No, it goes in your shoe like the soles. They're like on your tippy toes in your shoes. They're heels for dudes. They're incognito heels. I've seen those ones that add like two to three inches to dudes. I'm like, wow, I could never wear that. Tom Cruise shoes. You get out. It's like the date goes good. You get home and you're like, what's up, queen? You kick off your shoes and you're like, what? You're not like, hey, what's up?
You have to take the shoes off in bed when you're lying down. I only take my shoes off lying down. Walking around? I'm gonna piss, thanks for the- You put your shoes on before getting out? You're just naked walking around in your lips around your own house. Like, this is what I do. Wait, did you crack your beer? No, I did. I cracked mine. Open another one. Or don't open, get another one. And then hold it. Oh, we do that? Yeah, you crack it. I'm so stupid. Why pubes are on my mic?
Gray beard over here. Santa. What the f***? Say hi to Eli. His racially ambiguous baddie. That guy's f***ing ridiculous. Donut.
It's harder to rhyme, but he's a really nice guy. Welcome to Unsubscribe. Hey, guys. Thanks for watching Unsubscribe podcast. Make sure wherever you're listening or watching, whether it's on YouTube, Castro, Spotify, Apple, Google, Amazon, Podbean, Stitcher, or...
That's all of them. Please leave a comment, like it, thumbs up it, give it a rating of five stars, whatever you do. It helps the podcast out immensely. And Donut and Eli will be very happy if you do that. And we want to make Donut and Eli happy today. Yeah. Five stars on everything and a comment if there is possible because we need to be at the top. Donut, say something motivating. And that's where the, you come, that is. Come subscribe. All the slow-mo we can get.
There's like five seconds of panic. Those have been sitting here a minute. What the fuck are you doing? They're pranking Ranchwater. That's so funny.
- Why didn't I move out of the way? - I expected you actually, I should have been. - I expected you to be cooler under pressure and panic. - You're like putting it in your mouth and drowning.
Imagine that's how you died you drowned like that He could have just lowered his hands it was like turkeys that drown looking at the sky when it rains Yeah, dude, oh, I don't know it might my grandpa told me that happens but Okay, we're back back
So help me God, if this opens, it sprays more. Round two. I knew it. It was. That would have been great. That would have been great. Hi, everyone. Unsubscribe Podcast here. I'm joined today by Eli DoubleFap, BattyStreams, and Harley. You may know him from just being ****.
- Hot. - And tall. - And tall. - Yeah, and fat. I was fatter for a while there. - Yo, cheers. - Hell yeah, big boys. - Oh yeah. - Texas, you get respect here. I was looking at like in the stores and I was like, there's no double XLs and triple XLs. My people live here. - Oh yeah. - 100%. - Endless mediums as far as the eye can see. So many medium shirts.
In Canada, mediums go first. Medium, large, gone. Here? The double XLs. They're all gone. Triple XLs. No one's touching those. I'm touching those. XLs, double Xs. Got them. Large 30-30 pants, I'm good to go. 30-30? You freak. 30 length? Yeah. You're square. Okay.
Man 30 waist is crazy 30 wait. You're a boy. That seems a little big or super offensive. That's super No waste no 36 no 40 36
- Me? - He's like 48. - Dude, once that's up, I'm like an asshole. - You're 36? - No, no, no, no, no. If I put on a 36, it'd be like weird, I think. I don't know. Yeah, no, these are 38. - Okay. - 38's good for me. I feel like 30. - What's your length? - Whatever's available?
32. I could do a 34. It depends where I want them to sit on my body and how much extra pant I want at the bottom. It sounds like you want shorts. Like 30s is shorts free. I wear 32s. How do you wear a 32? You got a tall torso? I think I do. Maybe you wear pants more appropriately than I do. I got a short ass.
- You stand up and drop trowel, your torso's just oddly long. - I literally, I like pull my, my pants go down, like, there have been girls in the past that have been like, why is your ass crack not out yet? It's like, whoa. It's like under me. - A lot of back, not a lot of ass. - Yeah, it's all back, all back.
Very little cheek as far as the eyes can see. I'm laughing and talking about it, but it's always been something I've been self-conscious Let's stand up can you drop traveling let's see this abomination you call it you know we were shooting guns today
Like whatever it was like a screen clean clean nice ass is here clean him as well as
The guy whose shirt was like, I have my guns. You gave guns to the Taliban, so I have my guns. It's one of Brandon's Spurgeys. Yeah, that's what Brandon called it. He said it first. Spurgeys. Asperger's. But a Spurgey? You take off the ass. Take off the ass. Oh.
You're a Spurgey. I am Spurgey. No ass. Only Spurg. Short ass? Would be a Spurgey? No, just because I have no ass. Anyways, take me away from it. I've told the guys before, because I've seen some of my favorite Harley moments are is Harley drunk at Webby's. Oh my god. The streamies. Oh yeah, the streamies. I remember that.
They did. I went up. I was like, I was drunk and I went up and posted. Yeah, I was like, oh, you know, it was something stupid. I was like, you can make a million dollars on YouTube, dummy. Something stupid like that.
I mean, I remember they called me like the next year. They're like, yeah, you got to come and say something fucking drunk and stupid on the mic. And I was like, I can't now. And they're like, why? And I was like, because I was inspired by the fact that like no one told me to do that. I was like, I'm going to fuck up this show right now. And they were like, yeah, you got to come and fuck up the show. And I was like, well, now I don't want to. Now I'm going to come and behave myself. You're not even my real dad. Like, I'm not going to do it.
And I did behave myself. Except I did coke in the bathroom. No one tell Cody. We got a narc over here or what? No, I'm playing around. He's not a narc, but I did do coke. 20% of coke having him.
Drug story. You're just like so transparent about it. You're like, yeah, drug stories. Yeah, I did. No, I was, I was telling you that I took a ton of new drugs, new drugs, which is weird to do when you're like an adult. Yeah. Like really into being an adult. And I'm like, I'm gonna try some new shit this weekend.
When you're young and like impressionable still, it's okay. You can fuck your brain up a little bit and you might be able to recover. At this age, that damage is permanent. Well, I'll tell you one thing though. It takes a lot more for me to really get messed up because I'm like happy and content and I'm okay. And I feel like when shit gets weird, I'm like, oh, this is weird. This is so weird. I'm kind of like, we can get on top of this though.
Just breathe and get some water. And the second someone comes to you and they're like, yo, you don't look good. You're like, no, there's no recovery. I was comfortable thinking everyone here tonight tried a new drug. Then I'm sweating. It's not me. It's not me. It's not me. It's not me. But I got, I was like so fucked up and, and I got, I got hit up.
This is actually good news at the same time of having a lifetime experience. I got hit up about a boxing match, doing a second boxing match because I had boxed at one of those silly fucking stupid YouTube nonsense boxing things. Yeah, but I boxed a fucking YouTuber.
So obviously I won. On the grand scale of YouTubers, I feel like I'm on the other end of not being such a pathetic little fucking bitch. You know, I'm like with you guys, right? Fuck yeah. This is my YouTube rating. Guns and shit, you know? Game Grumps is going to watch this. What the fuck? Suck my dick, Aaron. What, you beat the shit out of Aaron? Beat the shit out of Aaron.
I'm coming for you next, JonTron. He's going down the line. He's like, I'm not even with the gay girls anymore. He's just beating him up. And I'm like, sure. There is a... But I got an offer to box scan. Oh, that being said, by the way, like, I was like six inches taller and much heavier than Aaron. Six... Like...
Proportionally, if I fought someone like that, they'd be like, oh, you fight this guy? I'm like, that 7'2", 350-pound guy? No. He stepped up. He did step up. And he was about it, too. He'd hit me up, and he was like, I'm going to fuck you up. He did. He was like, oh, I was just training with my boxing coach, and he was an Olympic-level boxer, and he had to stop because I hit him in the stomach so hard.
And I'd be like, ha ha. And I'd get off the phone. I call up my coach at work to gain some. I was like, we have to, we have to train triple this week. No, I have a feeling he's not a gamer. I think he's a super athlete. Yeah. And then in the boxing match, I was like, Oh, thank God. He's just a YouTuber. I was scared. I was scared. It was like super athlete. Like I remember when I, uh,
When I was first doing the boxing match, I told Ian, I was like, I need to know my opponent before. And he was like, okay, yeah. He's like, don't worry. I'm like, but I am worried. He was like, why? I'm like, because I don't want a boxing Filipino or a Mexican or a black person. And he was like, why? And I was like, you know. Shut up. You know exactly why.
- I need white. At least this shade of white. - Kind of overweight. - I need small white. - Is that what your Tinder profile said too? - I need small white. - That'd be terrible. - You're just like, swipe left. - So I got this message when I was like super messed up to potentially have a new boxing match.
Against who? Who knows? When? Who knows? But I was so fucked up. I was like, I'm a 7,000-year-old baby from an alternate dimension, and so are you. So yes, I will fight again. I just like the picture of Fluck.
Harley's gonna text it to me. I'm gonna text it to you. You put that up on screen. Did you see the photo? Yeah, I sent you a photo. It was me, like, literally... You took a picture. I took a picture. I was like, I'm on a lot of drugs right now, and I sent the picture, and they were like, okay, well, when you're good, think about it. I was like, I don't have to. I'm a 7,000-year-old baby from an alternate dimension, and so are you. And they're like, okay, buddy. It's in the contract now. Yeah. You drew a smiley face. It's your signature. Yeah.
God damn. Who trained you? It's a long story. It's so crazy. How much time? Is this one of those four hour podcasts? Eight. We decided to double. My favorite podcasts are like four dudes talking for like four hours. They're not even in the same house. They just call in on each other's Skype. Love that. Those podcasts are the best.
My favorite. It's all they are. It's super fun. Awkward breaks. Just a conversation with the homies. Yeah. I was referencing specifically PKA because it's always like four dudes. They're like, can you be on the podcast today? I'm like, I'm like walking with my parents on a cell phone. They're like, just call it. And then I'm like podcasting. I'm like, yeah, it's like iPhone. There's delay and desync. Filter turns on. Yeah.
So I trained with this guy, Coach Jesse Thompson from Montreal. He's great. Real person, real boxer. He's really helped me. Because I went in there and I was like, hey, I want to box real.
I just don't want to like get punched and die. Yeah. You don't want to be embarrassed. Yeah. Well, I'm embarrassed. I feel like I would embarrass myself in many ways. There's so many ways I can get not being embarrassed. I'm like, I'm going to embarrass myself in front of the people that watch a YouTube boxing event. You know, I'm not worried about that. I was just like, I didn't want to like,
get punched like long R and go home and be like, and like, that's how I am now all the time. - From one amateur match. Do you know how scary I'd be though if I was on the street and I was like, - I just pictured six foot five, six foot six Harley's like, - They could get tranked. Right away they tranquilize me.
- Then you pull your pants down and stare. - That guy has no ass. - Where's his crack at? - It's probably why he's so mad and raging right now. - One amateur boxer, did you have to wear a belt with everything?
I have no ass. Do you have to wear a belt with everything? Are you a belt guy? I am a belt guy. I always wear a belt, but now that you're saying that, I'm like, oh, he's tightened the drawstring. I thought everyone wore a belt and tightened the drawstring. You mean a lot of people got an ass you don't have to wear? My ass will handle it.
You're not going to wear a belt? That's what it's for. I got an ass. Do I keep your pants up? Yes. I thought it was like to spank and bite, you know? On yourself? Or whoever. Your homies? Especially my homies. It's to choke the homies. You can grab and bite my ass whenever you want. Oh, God. You don't start with the thing up. No.
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Over at Established Titles, it's a fun and novel way to preserve the natural woodlands of Scotland while helping global restoration efforts. Reforestation efforts. I can't read. It is a project based on historic Scottish customs where landowners are referred to as lords or lords and ladies in English.
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You can officially change your name to Lord or lady and get it on your credit cards, plane tickets, et cetera. Your mail can now say Lord Eli double tap if you'd like.
It makes a great last minute gift. We even have a couple packs that come with adjoining plots of land so we could get one for you and me next to each other. So when we die, our trees could grow together. I can fit in one square foot. You can. That's so mature. I hope they put mine on top of yours. The first 200 years.
We can build our little unsubscribe
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What was I rambling about a second ago? Your coach or your ass. I don't know. You went from a coach to a retard walking around. Hey, long arm. Okay, long arm. Sorry. Actually, I was like, let me run through the nine ridiculously shit things I was talking about here. Oh, yeah.
So coach Jesse Thompson, he helped out. He specializes in defense. He helped me be defensive and that was cool. But he's like a real coach with real athletes. So he, he did have some commitments that he had to do. I went and I trained with this guy, Lance Lundy. He was good.
you know he was like uh like a lightweight maybe i'm not exactly sure but he was like more like uh your size you like i was boxing with you for like a little bit there and i was like damn he'd fuck me up he was like oh there's a guy like i would do like and i was like so this my nightmare is like i do a youtube thing like that and someone comes out fucks me up like yeah yeah the little
the little king fucked his ass up. The short king destroyed that mutant. At least I have better genetics. That's what you say walking away from the rat. Crawling away. My little dick and no ass. My genetics are superior. At least I'm six foot five. But then I, um...
I was talking to him at the time, Sam Hyde. He's like, I was going to be like, he's a content creator. I'm like, but it doesn't really sum him up. Anyways, there's lots of videos. You guys can go check them out. Google him. Yeah, Google him. And sift through 80% of the things that are not true. But so I was like talking to him at the time and I was like, oh, check out this tape of me sparring and stuff. And I sent it to him and he was like, oh, he's like, you're moving. You're moving all fucked up.
He was like, you're not, that's not, he's like, you're going to get your ass beat. Yeah. He was like, come down to Rhode Island and like, let's box together. And I told my friends, what do you do when that happens? You guys just burp on your podcast? I just fucking burp. Yeah. All right.
Gentleman approach. I like cut it, please. Yeah, cut that. That was disgusting. Yeah, there's no room for that here. Or be your own boss and fucking crank it up. Yeah, don't be a... Can we use some reverb? Yeah, reverb. Or the screen to shake. Yeah, camera shake. Put on epic music. So I...
Went there and he was like, he was my height. And a lot of people were like, oh, you're going to go down? I didn't know Sam's that tall. Yeah, he is. He is. He was 6'4". And he got the lifts. Well, I'm talking about it right now. And actually, I was going to tell you, he's like, I did get to know him. And I feel like I got to know him better than a lot of people do.
But having said that, now that I'm thinking back on it, he said he was 6'4". When I got there, he was definitely at least 6'5". And I'm like, I think he was wearing lifts. That's kind of like a thing he might do is like throw lifts on.
And not tell me and then just be taller and then be shorter the next day and also not say anything. And I could just think it was me. It's just fucking with you. Well, I guess one of my boxing training. It's like your training has begun. You don't even know it. I'm not even this tall. Forget everything you know about the world. I don't know. But I went down there and I was just like, my mentality was like, if I go and I could just.
spar with a dude my size and he he loves punching he's got like he's like loves punching shots i'm gonna go i'm gonna hang out with this guy for two weeks and we're gonna punch each other in a parking lot and um best guys have been friends yes well if you ask me yes for sure if you ask him i'd like to think he would say yes but i'm not gonna speak for him
You don't have to be my friend for me to say you're my friend. Okay? And that applies to everyone. You too, Cody. I don't fucking care what you say about me when I leave. I'm like, oh, Cody, that's my boy. You called me a narc. I fucking hate that Harley. Long R's all day. Long R's all day. He's always like, yeah, I like that. Narc. Don't say narc. That's the short N word. Don't call me that.
I did that with him and we just like bought every day.
It wasn't in a ring or anything, which like I thought it would be in a ring when I got there. He was fighting this warehouse. And the next day we're fighting this parking lot by the dumpster. And then we're fighting the abandoned dojo. And I was like, these are all Def Jam fight for New York levels. Nothing was an actual boxing ring. It was only like Def Jam fight. And he gave me like these like, did he fuck with you?
was this a special you don't know about he did he didn't fuck with me and i was kind of like oh have i got there any fucks with me well he's taking you to a dojo yeah a parking lot with a track warehouse was like there's a dude with a cell phone it was his warehouse okay yeah and it was like it was like his office like people were like making nfts over there i was like yo i was like what's that guy doing
You know, he looked like he was doing stuff. And he was like, oh, this is like, we handle this. Like, and he literally said this. He was like, I don't know. It's like a Montessori school. Like he could just do what he wants and it'll come together. He's like teaching himself. He's like making it. And I was like, oh, okay. And then I found out they were making NFTs there literally. But anyways, so he did. That's my favorite expression. Like,
Oh, he is long R. So he went and he, he, he thought he like just fought me everywhere. And so when I came back and I saw my coach, he wasn't like, whoa, your technique is crazy or anything. But he was just like, oh, he's like, it's very clear that your cardio and your resilience has increased since then. Um, so, uh, I am by no means at all a boxer, uh,
At all at all. You know, I just like have done it for essentially months. However, whenever people ask about it and to all you fucking losers at home right now. Fuck you. You're disgusting. On subs. You're a fucking idiot. You should go box if you've never boxed.
Have you ever told them that, Eli? Do you ever tell them they should go box and punch shit? No, 100%. Oh, so you keep it for yourself. I do. Because you box all the time and you love it. Yeah. And you don't want to tell them. You keep it for yourself. It's a surprise. It's a surprise when you show up. You're like, Eli, can I get a picture? And you fuck them up. Yeah. You're like, give me one. Fuck.
Yeah. Bitch. Why would he do this? That's literally the first time he like boxed me. I was like, I didn't know you could fight. Yeah. He beat the shit out of me. Yeah. Yeah. But I feel like, I feel like even for me, he came up to me and he was like, hey, here's Matt best than Eli. Good luck.
Take off your glasses. You can't see. Matty was like, I'm doing some bar fights in my day. Bar fights, they don't move so much. I can't. I'm so winded. He's so sober. He's so sober. Yeah, I definitely were sober. Yeah, that was a long night of drinking. Cody was there. That was fun. We wrestled. It is fun. If you manage to keep going and not get too fucked up, you end up on this place where it's like hours and hours later, it's like however long
And you're like, this is the place. This cocktail of doing it this long all day, we earned this special buzz. We earned it. People don't make it here. They sleep or they get sick or they have to eat. We're special fucked up, like a hard-earned one. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, now I'm thinking that drunk boxing and that feeling of when you're like winded but drunk and you're like,
- Yeah, I should fucking eat my food. - Yeah, Matt, eat me in the stomach again, it's fine. - Oh yeah, Matt was just teeing up on back of his stomach. - Oh, you were like, this is fine, dude, this is cool, keep going. - Yeah, he's actually resilient in his stomach. I was surprised. - Really? - Lot of drinking. - Yeah, that's what I was picturing, like every time he hit it. - My leg was really used and tough. - It sounds like a water bed every time you hit his stomach. There's liquid in there moving. - Slap of water. - What is he feeling?
Yeah, because we did that demo was there too. We had like everyone there just drunk boxing and doing MMA. That's what dudes do. We get a little too drunk. We're like, I'm going to go wrestle in the garage. That's so funny. I'm like...
We should lie down. All the boys. All the boys. Take a picture. It's going to be hilarious. Come here. Get naked. I want to watch a DVD. We're going to watch some VHS. I'm like, Harley, what are you doing right now? He has a machete next to him.
If you guys haven't watched Dom or them, joke makes zero sense. The meme's been amazing. Oh, it's so good. I just want to watch some VHS tapes. Sit down and take some photos. I watched something recently, but sometimes I watch a thing that maybe I slept on. I'm not going to remember what it was, but the meme...
There was a moment where I was like, ah, the meme. There it is. I forget, but when you don't know where something's from and then you see it, you're like, this is where it came from? This movie? I wish I could remember what it was, but I literally saw something like three weeks ago and I was like, ah, the thing. There used to be only like 10 memes in the world. Yeah, it was like, and they were drawings. Yeah, it was like a drawing of Jackie Chan.
Yeah. Nick Cage. Yeah, Nick Cage. Jackie Chan. Like the troll face. Oh, they were literally all just shitty drawings. Bad drawings. Yeah, the rage memes. Mm-hmm. The little four panel comics. Yeah. The dude. Yeah.
- I didn't even think about it because you didn't get- - God, our memes just suck. - They were terrible. - Now I think back, yeah, we sucked at memes. - They were like so funny back then though. You're like, it's the picture of the raptor and he's thinking and look what it says.
It says, why do you drive on the highway and you park on the park? Remember like that one? Oh, the Velociraptor. It was like, why do you drive on the parkway and park in the driveway? And you're like... You had Caleb there and he was filming a lot of my videos, taking my camera, like film this. And it's my video. And then I hear like...
In the background of every single clip. Caleb's trying to get serious content and it's your dusty windy head. I call it the tea kettle.
- I can't wait to get the master cut of us all doing that fucking sound. - Just what happened to the fucking other- - Flucks like you did it for five minutes straight. - Hi, Batty. Do you like sex stuff? I do too. With the opposite sex. Sometimes.
With all the bad news about these prices these days, it's nice to know that Adam and Eve is still offering the best deal. What kind of deal, Eli? You're talking about adamandeve.com. Get 50% off plus free shipping. That's 50% off an adventurous new toy. How adventurous? That's a dildo. Massive. You see that mushroom behind you? Turn around. Fluck. Punch in. That could be a toy that could insert inside you and it could be 50% off. I like 50% off.
Be adventurous. Maybe some slippery lube or almost anything else you desire. What is your desires, buddy? Butt plugs. Me too. Speaking of which, that mushroom. Our podcast listeners will get 50% off almost any item. And what's the code? The code is just use unsub at checkout and you'll get 50% off of any of your sex toys and free shipping.
Just use code UNSUB at checkout and you'll get 50% off. Fluck, that's just in case I can't say sex. I'm not sure. And free shipping. Doesn't matter what you choose. All will be packaged and sent discreetly to your front door. Man, that would be weird. It's just a giant box painted black.
I got a waste like what if we had like a clear box like I want I want just tape on the I want people to see the fucked up shit I'm buying because that what better way to meet your neighbors than like yeah box of dildos it's like a display case I would love a display case of chips can we can we build a display case of dildos over there I love like instead of a fridge what if we just
Put dildos. Yeah. I like to keep my dildos chilled. It's one of the rooms. We don't know why. Not only will you save money on gas movies and date night dinners out, but this is the item that will continue to save you money, deliver tons of fun and satisfaction. So go to adamandeve.com, select any item, and then use code DILDO.
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And full display. Abanese, can you make sex dolls of me and Eli? But don't wrap them when they ship. I want it delivered with. It's just. And I'm all rubbery just showing up at the door. So go to adamandeve.com right now and use code unsub. Bam. Who wants better sex? Us. I don't know why. Yeah. Us.
Right, Fluck? Now those, like, memes, shit memes, it's, like, it's funny. They serve such a deeper purpose. Not exactly those ones, but, like, now, like, shit memes on Facebook that you would see that maybe your aunt or uncle or something would share, and you're just like, oh, you're so fucking dumb. Yeah. And they share it. All my videos are fucking dumb. However, though, if you're, like, happen to be, like, in a Facebook group,
That's like shit memes posted by your aunt and uncle. Now they're funny when they're posted there. Like when they post and someone screenshots that and puts it and you're like, now you get to be like, you dumb bitch. You're not my aunt or uncle posting this nonsense. You're a stranger. And so hilarious piece of shit. Yeah. Yeah. As long as it's in a group, it's okay. It's not your aunt and uncle. You're just coming out hard against the audience. Like fuck all,
- I want them to know, guys, I actually mean it. You should go box. You literally should go box. I swear, even if you go to- - Your mother, ask her if she wants to box. - Box your mother. - I'm like looking past the camera at last week's guest. You should go box. - Last week's guest. - You should go box.
Yeah, but I was listening to him before he was talking was Before he was talking no before when he was talking Army and a firefighter and then like twitch I was like, but this guy's doing every big dick career move out there like only big dick moves That's it. So now I'm like he has to box and
Still he has to box and he jumped from a plane. Yeah, he has to box landmark Box him dude Oh, he's your height No, I never mind Boxing but I mean people should go or people I will get it. Yeah people
should box like they should go even if it's like you're with like you know a bunch of moms doing a group boxing class i swear to god don't downplay it whatever it is go and like hit the bag do the little group class that's nearby swear do it beat the shit out of this party hit children with gloves yeah with gloves okay that's how they don't bruise i really think
- No, I got like not punched. I didn't think about it. I was like sparring and I was like, yeah, that was fun. Nothing happened. And then I like went home and I woke up the next day and I had a black eye and I was like, what the fuck? - Dude, and your abs are sore. Everything, you're like, what happened? - What happened last night? I know I was getting punched, but I didn't think I got punched. But yeah, you guys at home, you should actually go and you should do a group boxing thing.
I was 310 pounds like eight months ago. Now I'm still a big me. Like as I'm talking, like my belly's folding over itself and sweating within itself. My tits are hanging and there's sweat under the tit. Love them. I have like a gray t-shirt. I'm going to stand up. It's going to be a smiley face under my tits and my belly.
Like, but having said that, I'm like 60, almost 60 pounds lighter than when I first started. And all I could say is like, bro, if you're watching this and you're fat, like your ankles are hurting, your knees are hurting. I've been there. I've done that. Like I was telling you, I was so big that I would, I was like cautious about breaking a toilet seat sitting on it.
Not in Texas, of course. You got fucking big ass toilet bowls here. Yeah, you see like the toilet bowl at Target here? And I was like, yo. You see the people that go to Target? He was like, it was a hangar. It was literally a hangar. You could put nine planes in there. Nine planes. But instead there's like the jerky aisle. Yeah.
I actually love this country. Always loved this country. Like being from Canada. Most people don't realize. Did you realize he was Canadian? I knew he was Canadian. Oh, I know some people are like, oh, he's Canadian? I was like, yes. You're like, have you heard him fucking talk? I'm from near Montreal, though. Yeah. You said you were in Vermont. People in Vermont also, like, they sound more Canadian than they do America. It's true. But you guys say, huh?
Yeah. Whenever we say a people here say, huh? Like in the same context, it's the same thing, you know, like, Oh y'all, you guys say, huh? It's actually a good skip. I swear it always happens. Um, but when I was, um,
Going to this big-ass Walmart. There's a million aisles. This is small normal Walmart probably is the Bernie one. Yeah exactly Don't you dare say that? You haven't seen the Noah of Walmart Well, I was like I was like let's walk down the cereal aisle I like walk down the cereal aisle of my you got like 10,000 steps you reached it today I don't like we just did the cereal. I was it I
And there are so many crazy cereals here that were not even allowed in Canada. And shit like that, why I love the USA, I always did. Like we used to come, like we used to come.
That's it. We come. Movies used to come out. Guys, buy a cum shirt. Doom font, though. It's real strong. Back in the day, I was born in 85. So in like 92, 93, when I was human enough to be like, Mom, Dad, take me to the movies. I'm going to fucking choke myself.
at like that age you guys know right yeah yeah yeah i'm gonna stop breathing if you don't do what i say i was talking about being like a kid he was just the driving here he's like man i was a shit has a kid i remember being shit oh my god eight years old five foot ten it's like you're in a grown adult i was like eight and i'd be like like choking myself at the restaurant because i like eight and six minutes i want to
And the waiters are like, sir, sir, sit down. And my mom's like, he is eight.
I'm like grabbing them. I'm like, ma'am, tell your husband to calm down. I like open the curtains and walked out for birth. Oh, you pushed through the curtain. Your dad's like, no, it's ruined. Yeah.
It's like, uh, that you're reaching around, grabs the doctor head and you pull yourself out. I grabbed him by the shirt. I'm like, my name's hard. That's a weird name. Now that he named himself that.
You punch back in, you pull out your toy Harley. It comes from this. You ride it around. It's like, what's going on? And that is your origin story. It's actually great. It's way better than they're like, it's a Jewish baby boy. Now let's snip his foreskin. I like this origin better. Yeah, because I'm like, my name's Harley. Give me the scissors. Give me the scissors. I'll do it myself. What?
Who's animating? I'm coming to see that animation. No ass. He'll grow into it. That's what his parents keep saying. They were embarrassed by it. He'll grow into it. We don't need to get surgery. He's cutting his foreskin off. Penises all fucked up. He has no head. He just cut off everything.
And it's still eight inches. I wish. It's a tube. Yeah, it's a tube. Oh, bro. It's okay. It's okay. You're in good company here. Jesus. What was I rambling about before we started talking about me punching out of my mom's car? What was I saying? You have to say, you have to say cunt. Cunt.
Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. C
What about a sick cunt? A doo-doo pussy is what we're saying. Wait, what's the difference between a sick cunt and a mad cunt? Shit cunt is... No, a mad cunt and a sick cunt. Shit cunt. No, sick cunt and a mad cunt. It's a shit cunt, right? That's the bad one. But sick cunts exist. God, this episode just turned red as well. So many cunts. What about mad cunts? We're in mad cunts control right now. I thought YouTube liked those. Same. Shit cunt, bad. Doo-doo pussy is bad. Yeah, I like that. It's called doo-doo pussy. Did you guys just come up with a new shirt?
No one's gonna buy it Do do conch shirt with doo doo pussy sure wait, what was it again doo doo pussy? Oh you guys don't like good sure fucking idiots. What is doo doo pussy in Japanese? Do do pussy in Hebrew
No one's doing that. It's great. I want a Hebrew shirt. You got a Jew on right now. I'm going to let you're allowed. They're allowed. Yeah. Yeah. Doodoo person. Hebrew. You got a Hebrew shirt being like, uh, no, nevermind. Ezekiel three 16. Doodoo pussy. Google traffic. I want one now.
You went to church? That was weird. I don't know how that happened. I like moved my head to scratch my knee and like my pinky like went into his pocket.
Grabbing that pocket. That's really weird. My pinky went in. Don't do it again. That's so fucking weird, bro. Touch his doo-doo pussy right now. Oh, God, could that be a fucking back butt? Your butthole's a doo-doo pussy. Oh, yeah, that's accurate. That's totally accurate. Goddamn. Girl, give me that doo-doo pussy. You go to prison and the big dude's like, give me that doo-doo pussy.
I don't want to do that at all. I ain't asking. You're hurting me. My doo-doo pussy bleeding. All this doo-doo pussy talk is coming off really weird with all the anime stuff behind you guys. I'm talking anime stuff and you're like, doo-doo pussy. What?
- Now everything looks weird. - It's fine. - Yeah, it's fine. - Nobody pays attention to us anyways. - This is my place. This is my place right here. - This is your people. - It's a good place. - Before we even start this ad read, this is the ghost bed pillows. Like Batty's saying right now, we want more because these things are-- - Ghost bed, send me another pillow. - Bros. - For reals though. - Send me a mattress. - It feels so comfortable. You like tossed your trash pillows. Now the second my head hits something, I know it's not right. I'm like,
Sav, I don't want your shitty ass pillow from Walmart. These though, it's cool. Dude, do you put yours in a pillowcase? Oh yeah. No, don't. Wait, what? That's the fucking case. The pillow's inside, it's got a zipper. What? Dude, use the outside. It's legitimately like cooling as fuck. Bro, I'm telling you, just rock that shit. Raw dog your pillow, bro. So nice. Oh yeah, I'll hold it up here.
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Oh yeah, I have a podcast brand new though. What's it called? It's called, right now it's called Epic Mealtime. Sorry, no self promo. Okay, yeah, that was stupid of me. Fucking Jesus. Hey, there's this great podcast that actually has nothing to do with me. It's called Epic Mealtime Presents. But it's called Binge Eater.
And I was just like, I was like, ah, binge eating is a thing I've always done. You know, I've gone like up and down and weight. And then like, I snack like crazy. I'm like, yeah, binge eater. You could binge the podcast. You know, I'm sure Epic Mealtime presents binge eater. And then like, I put it up on Reddit, a subreddit twice and it got banned. So the subreddit and everything was cool. And when you search it up on Spotify, you have to put in Harley Morkstein or Epic Mealtime binge eaters and come up. And I was like,
I wonder if the name is problematic since binge eating is like... That doesn't seem like it should be problematic. Well, we're in Texas. Nothing's problematic unless you want to fucking cry about it, bitch. You know? Oh, what? A word? You're bothered by a word? You know? Right? You know what this guy says on top of that. So now it's the second episode, but I'm like, should I be changing the name?
I'm like, what should I know? Right. But what if, what if like, what if when you, okay. Okay. Is this a back end issue that you just fucking your feed is just fucked up.
It's me isn't it mmm. It's me is I don't know what I'm doing upsetting people It's like a disorder. I don't see a disorder. It's like a thing like a problem people could have no We've had much worse things in our title. You could just not be fucking fat like yeah But that's it like like that like imagine if I was just like epic mealtime presents long or The word not long are
I would love it. I would hope it would take off. But if you have that word, then it's like you're going to get in trouble. They're not going to be like, you know, Spotify recommends this for you. Long R. I'd be offended. I'd be like, what are you trying to say? What are you trying to say? But so I was like, okay, maybe I'll change it. But we did two episodes. The third one came out yesterday. So two weeks ago. It's the same shit as this, you know? You got a table? You got a table?
Don't tell me are you just bunch of dudes calling each other on Discord? That's what I fucking thought. We are. We're three guys that Skype at each other. Get a table. When you get a table. You guys are killing it. You guys are getting a fucking table. Do you have a table? For your podcast. Ikea sells them. Get a table.
He's got a couch he's a dude who put no he's a cut use tables Shit cuts use table. I could use the couch. Yeah Best same shit as this just hang out and like talk right drink too much talk that well You guys started this a year ago, right? Yeah a little over you and even then you were probably like we're gonna do this and
Is there room on people's schedule for like one hour? Three men sitting together being like men, men, men, men. Right? Is there room for that in their schedule? I don't know. We were. There is. You're in. They are. But now I got to ask me, is there room for another one? Oh, there was always room. What we did was just like manmoses. We just do manmoses. And then finally we should do a podcast. We'd sit at brunch for four hours just bullshitting or like.
I'm just saying. We have iPhones. Let's record it. And we're sober. Let's go back to Cody's house and set up two iPhones, one Canon and a Sony. Real bad angles. It wasn't even four. It was only three. It was my vlog camera. It was his vlog camera and two iPhones. Because we'd always have to argue whose iPhone we were giving up. Because we're like, well, what if I get a message? Yeah.
Yeah. Who's going to give up their phones for the hour podcast? Aren't we all single at the same time? Oh, yeah. Two or something. Oh, yeah. So we're like, I don't want to give up my phone. You need the iPhone better then. You're just like, I have a girl and I don't want to hear from anybody. You take my phone. And everyone's like, no, I'm waiting to hear back from six girls that might sign my name. What if my Tinder goes off right now, bro? My phone's going to vibrate a lot.
I was actually, I'm actually the friend amongst friends who like, they'll call me in the blinks. I'm getting back on Tinder. I'm divorced or broke up. Like, I need your help. And I'm like, say less. Come over.
- Let's take some photos. - I'm like a good Tinder guy. Like I look at the picture and I'm like, cut this, cut this. For the people listening at home, I'm sure you're so single and shit. So let me help you out. - I'm joking by the way. What the, did you hear this fucking guy? He's so sensitive. - Yeah, doo doo pussies. - He's getting mad. - Yeah, these long R's. - He's getting mad and not even mad cunt mad. Like shit cunt mad.
It's confusing being Australian. Doo-doo pussy is my favorite word now. Shit color doo-doo puss. This is my tip. Quick tips. Any dating profile. As a guy, you could only harm yourself by speaking more. Literally. I've seen it a million times. They could choose a million different guys. So when you're like, hey, I like having fun.
- Cool, and then you're like, and you know what I hate? I hate when it's, you're done. 'Cause whatever you're gonna say is gonna be like so, it's just not for them. They don't want it, they don't need it. Keep it short, keep it simple, choose like a good thing. Be like, I have a car and I have a job. - Or I want the small white ones. - Don't say that. He's trying to sabotage you boys. He didn't tell you to box.
- Try to fuck up your dating profile. Keep sure to be like, I have a car and I have a job. I have a place and I have ambition. Shut the fuck up, one sentence. Secondly, even if you don't like your teeth and you're unhappy with your teeth, you need a smiling tooth picture. They need to see your teeth. - That you have them. - Yes.
Because no teeth or what they are imagining is worse than what you have. So you got to show your teeth. And now you only have one more picture. Don't do it with your friends.
Don't hold up a fish or ugly friends if you do it. Yeah, just be you and don't even have your ugly You never see that a lot of people a lot of guys already in Canada a lot of guys hold up a fish I assume here a lot of guys by judging by how huge the bass pro shop was down the street You have a huge fish Listen
Literally. There's literally someone listening. There's hundreds of people listening and they're like, I have a fish on my profile. Thousands of people. This is why I don't get pussy. I'm holding up a fish. They're like this right now. It's like... Delete the fish. Delete the fish. Two pictures. One inside. One outside. Don't
Have a gym picture or doing an exercise or flexing because it looks like you're obsessed. If you have great muscles, that's cool. Don't show them. They know they're there. They see them. You don't need to put them at the forefront. Or pick up a child and be like, don't hold a child. That's your child. Then they're like, that's a child. Unless you have a child. If you have a child...
Sorry shut the fuck up about it. Don't put your later thing That's like a third day. You already got a blowjob where you had sex anybody? No, I got a kid so you shouldn't bring your child to these second you wait till the You brought your job? He was simple two pictures one open mouth show your teeth and
Don't do anything fucking weird. You know, like I had a buddy of mine. He went and like took yoga posing pictures. He's like, all these bitches love yoga. I see. So he's like, I got a yoga mat. I'm going to put on some yoga stuff and I'm doing yoga pose. Be yourself. Then she's going to see you and she'd be like, I saw you do yoga. Let's go get, let's go do yoga or something. You don't want to get caught up doing some shit you don't want to do. You know? No, that's why I know hiking photos for me. Yeah. Yeah. If they say, oh, do you hike? Um, I'd be like, well, yeah.
What's this? What does that even mean? It's actually between yeah. Yeah. It's like not out of real. It's like. You better fucking Google a lot of hiking spots and you'll check them out tomorrow. You just, all I'm saying is just like, you know, keep it super simple. Keep it tight.
You know what guys send send your things over DM them to Cody Yeah, bitch I walk That's a great answer
I just like if that's the only thing in the profile, it's like, oh, this guy's cute. Yeah, bitch, I walk. Right swipe. I'm interested. If I had seen a female profile, I just said, yeah, bitch, I walk. I'm like, well, okay.
I'm curious. What else can she do? A good opening line is you message the girl and you could be like, do you have that 50K I loaned you? And then be like, oh, shoot, wrong text. I meant to send this to a person who I loaned $50,000 to. Not a big deal. I lend lots of money to lots of people. I'm very wealthy. You sound irresponsible with your money. That depends. You start crying. Then you go,
You said, let me show you how irresponsible I will be with my money tonight at dinner with you. Ding! Yeah. Hit him with the weight. We're hiking there. Split the check still. That's how irresponsible I am. Split this check. I don't know if I'm getting laid. I don't care about this. Checking the bill over here.
By the way, I can only vouch for the first like 30% of this conversation. Everything we've said after that dating profile is not it, but I was good at it. No fish. I helped a lot of buddies. What's no fish? Oh yeah. No fish. Don't hold up. What's no fish. I thought it was like some Texas form of cat fishing. Like I was like, Oh, what's no fish. What we found worked really good. Oh yeah. If you have a verified account and it's linked to your dating profile,
Or gifts of yourself. Oh, if you have gifts. Bro, if you have gifts of yourself.
You start the conversation. Harley's like, I've never started a conversation with Get Harley. Never. Never. Because I'm just like, yeah, go check me out online. They go and check me out online. And I'm like, I'm going to suck this pig's dick. And they're like, what kind of videos do you make? And I'm like, it's funny. You're not the demographic. I like bacon. I like bacon.
Me and my boys are gonna get drunk and suck this pig's dick, bitch. And then it's like, yeah, so I don't, I'm not like, like content facing. However, what you said about the check mark, which is probably the most pathetic thing of like the last 10 years for me is like nothing, nothing has like, nothing has been as successful with the opposite sex as that stupid fucking badge.
That stupid fucking badge. It's so dumb. And it goes way too far to people. People are just like, he's someone. If you knew as many blue checkmark people as I did, my first assumption would be like, he's someone shit. He's someone not good. He's a doo-doo pussy. He's a fucking doo-doo pussy. Not good.
But I swear that blue check mark is like, it's just like you can literally like slide into a DM and be like, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo. And you're still going to stand out because they swipe and they see a check mark and they'll be like, ha ha, are you an athlete? Are you a musician? You literally are. You're like, I can. I can be. I can. Are you an athlete? I can play a sport. Not competitively. But yeah, no, the badge is actually pathetic how far it goes.
Always hated that. Loved using it though. Hated it. Oh man, abusing this power. Felt like Spider-Man. But I didn't give a shit what my uncle said when he died. But I shot cum, not web. With great power comes... I don't care, don't finish the web. Great power comes. When great power comes. Got it, uncle. I'd be like...
I was like, God, this is pathetic. Come in Uncle Ben. Come in Uncle Ben. Come on, Uncle Ben. Come on, Uncle Ben. Hebrew, there's a Spider-Man dressed like a rabbi on the shirt. Sell it. Sell it. I'm only giving you guys shirt ideas that I want and then I'm going to hit you up. You're lying. But it's a new shirt. We'll make this. Why are you guys suing us? Well...
- But the badge I was always like, this is so pathetic. - This is like a game genie. - This is pathetic. I get up, I'm dragging my feet. My buddy's like, what's got you down? I'm like, I wanna get my dick sucked. Just pissed about it. - Ugh, I did knock over a game genie. - It wasn't even me, it was this little fucking thing that they put on my account. Oh, and also it was pathetic because I would have never done this, but I got banned on Bumble.
Because it was reported as a fake profile. What did you say? What did you say? I linked my Instagram account. Are they mad at you? Yeah, I thought it was a fake account. Okay, so that's what happened to me. And then they went, they're like, yeah, we brought you back, our bad. We put a badge on you so they know it's real. And I was like, don't do that. Don't give me this power. I was like, I don't want a badge here. I don't want to be the badge. I'm hilarious without it. You're not. But it could be to some people.
Some people, it's a type. They're like, I love what he's got to say about flat asses, little dicks, shit, and cum. Love this. I'm sucking his dick tonight. But I was like, I was actually, I was like, okay, now I got to leave my account because like I have a badge there and now it looks like I'm a professional bumbler. You know? Verified bumbler. Verified bumbler. Oh, this is what Harley's been doing. You're like, I haven't been doing this. This is not a career choice. I'm like,
They're like, damn, Epic Meal Time fell off. My content is like Bumble videos on Bumble. The only way you can see it is you have to come across my profile. They link it to a LinkedIn account. They built one for you. There was like a secret dating app. Well, it's not a secret. People know, but it's like, but it's for like famous. Oh, yeah. It costs money. Or hot people. I had it before it cost money. Rova, Roova.
- I forget what it is. - Danny trying to get me on it. - 'Cause it's a lot. - Right, right. - Yeah, I have it on my phone. - Costs a lot. - One of them costs a lot. - It does now. Apparently it's like a hundred bucks a month or something. - There's one that costs like $1,000 or $10,000 to sign up. - I know this one, it was called like the Elite or something. - Yeah, and it's all rich CEO types or whatever. - It's literally only filled with like,
The worst dudes. And I'm like, I wouldn't even doubt just like straight up prostitutes that like, just go online and get them there instead of paying for the, what you paid for the app. You could have got three of them this month. Instead, you want to pay for the app, match them, and then still pay when you see them. Let's get away from this conversation now. Right.
I got hot takes coming up and I don't want to deliver them here.
Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. Okay. I don't mind it. I'm good. I'm about to go. I'm about to go. Cobra Tate in this bitch. You know what? I dislike about the opposite. I'm joking. That was a joke. I swear. It's a joke. I swear. It's a joke. We're telling you about women. These doodoo pussies. Listen here. You can't call them. It reads entirely different.
- You can call Pastille a doo doo pussy. You can't call a woman a doo doo pussy. - I can't call Pest a doo doo pussy. - You can call me a doo doo pussy. - You're a doo doo pussy. - You can't call my sister a doo doo pussy. - I don't know your sister. - Feels rude, I don't care. - My sister is a mad cunt. - Oh, she's-- - She's a sick cunt. - She's just-- - You said a lot of different things. - Mad cunt and sick cunt is the same thing. - Shit cunt. - No, not shit cunt, not her. - Not a doo doo pussy. - Yeah, not a doo doo pussy. - Is sick cunt-- - Did we add sick cunt to the-- - Mad cunt and sick cunt are the same.
Yeah, sick cunt to the mad cunt. How do you know it? I know sick cunt from like old Z's videos. What's a Z video? Z's. You know Z's? Are you a fucking long R? He started the podcast by coming on his face. I don't hear him. Call the room. I'm not in. I'm not in. I'm not in. I'm not in. Don't eat this. Don't eat this podcast. That's a rich man.
Good I like where today's going. Yeah, good good. Yeah, it's a great position. Oh, so sick Yeah, all right. Yeah, I went from like what was your previous gun experience before before this? I like um, I hung out with FPS Russia and one of his like back in the day back in the day before the dark time Well, I don't know what happened to FPS Russia. I haven't seen him in ages
Shout out to my friend Kyle, though. I was at FPS Russia's house. He lives with Kyle, so weird, but I never saw them. Anyways, I'm going to throw that bit in the garbage. That bit was good. You should try it again. It was long arm. I sat on his couch in his house. I was like, oh, what's this? I pulled a gun out of the cushions in his couch. He was like, give me that. It might be loaded.
And then he got me to shoot a Desert Eagle, a shotgun, and then a fully auto Glock, which was cool because he was like trying, he's like, don't let go, squeeze the trigger and try and keep your arm straight. And then like I shot it and like 15 bullets and 0.3 seconds later, my arm was here. I swear to God, it was crazy. I was like...
Couldn't have but in my head. I was like my brain was still like you almost killed us Shot us in the eyes and I was like brother be you Don't shoot me and he was like yeah, but it's you and your stupid arms that almost fucking did it anyways my brain so I shot a couple guns came here and like touched a thousand and
It was an arsenal. Yeah, you guys had like...
Like $850,000 worth of firearms like laid out like it was a fucking like buffet. It was literally a buffet of firearms. The Golden Corral of firearms. It was Golden Corral of firearms. I'm like, I really like what I wanted was like the chef's recommendation. I wanted to sit down and have like the chef be like, start with this, shoot it, and then have this and shoot it.
And I'd be like, thank you. This was delicious. How did you like that? Instead, I got there. I'm like, grab whatever you can fucking grab. And people are there and they're stuffing fucking bullets in and pumping shotguns and Chinese buffets. What do you got? Okay, you got nothing.
you got nine millimeter. There you go. Go shoot it right now. Next stop. Okay. Okay, good. Get out of here. Okay, good. Bye. Everyone rotates. Like, I just wanted like a soft waiter that just spoke to me kindly. And I laugh because he has Asian blood. Cody did that bit. I'd be, you're not even like, you're not allowed. You're not allowed. Otherwise,
Otherwise, I would get banned on Twitch. You'd be like, you were sitting next to Donut Operator. He did a mock Chinese accent. You didn't do anything. So you're banned for seven days. They ban you. You're like, why am I in trouble? They're like, you were racist adjacent. So you're gone.
Oh my god, you were near that guy that says those words People were fucking stuffing bullets and guns pumping shit the steel is like I want every single gun that's ever been in Tarkov and he was fucking going through guns and like everyone's fucking You gave me you came over here like grab this bad boy. It was like the built-in silencer and I shot it was like I'm like, I can't even got me this good shoot people I was like and then you're like grab this one. It was like
And I'm like, I can't believe bullets are coming out of this thing. It sounds like air. Fucking crazy. Then the M60, like shooting an M60. You go from an air gun to an M60. To a Rambo M60. I was like, yeah, I was like, I wish...
Wish I had this always the feet. It's so weird It was weird like shooting the m60 like like I was looking back at videos and I was like should have shot a longer I should have shot a longer Like people who are like Here this is mine, and I don't give a fuck what you do And here is 900 bullets
I'm good with 10. I shot that and I swear it was like crazy what happened because not a lot of things get me crazy excited or anything. I shot that and I was like, my nipples got hard talking about it. My nipples are hard. That's what happens. Rub them.
I'm pushing them in. I don't want to get on the podcast with hard nipples like these guys. I'm pushing them in real quick. I want them to be assy. You know when their nipples are like assy? Happened more when I was fatter. My nipple would go in like an ass. You had innies? No, they're outies. But when you get fat enough, anything could be an innie. You're laughing at it, but there's people at home who are fat like me. I'm only innies right now. They're like this...
Heavy size. Yeah, heavy size or pushing the nipples. I gotta get a DM that can be like, yo, always hated your content, never watched you or listened, but I got a couple questions. I got assy nipples, my penis isn't any, how's my Tinder profile look? And this emoji. It's just the face.
It's going to be a yellow one. Took the fish off. If it's a yellow fist, I'm going to be like, send me your picture, please. And then I'm going to respond with, this is the fist you should be using. Don't do that. Okay? You're not Eli. You're not Eli. Eli can use the yellow, the beige.
the light brown he's got like a lot he could use I don't want to ever see you using anything but the whitest fist out there I need that far left emoji when you hold it get the left shade that shot the 50 count yeah Caleb gave me his that 454 raging bull the casul yeah and that was really fucked up for me because I don't like like look at this hand
Little hand Grab that grab that there grab it. Yeah grab this Cody rabbit. That's really small. I
From pinky to index finger, that's small. Oh, if I spread it, yeah. But no, even when you spread it, yes. I can't go. His are not, right? His are really thin. Right? It should be bigger and meatier. But they're not. Why are you thin fucking hands, dude? Yeah. Then that has to take money from your wallet. He's a longer person.
Long person. Yeah. But still, look at this. Look at that meat you got there, right? Those meat pads are fucking. Seriously. Those pads are good. Yeah. So I was holding the raging bull and I shot it and just this thing. It was like. And my skin was like. That was crazy. And then the first time and then the second time it was like. And I was like, this part of my body was never built to have a magnum there. So after two hours, I take it.
And like Caleb comes over with fucking triple cheeseburger hands. Good quality hands. Like he could punch a wall. This guy could like, you know, he's like, he's like my size, but he could still grab me and like pick me up and move me. And so he took it and I'm like, that gun's for you. That's all you. But then you guys gave me the 50 Cal, the shoulder mounted one. Oh yeah. And that's different. Cause like this, like I don't trust this little bitch wrist.
But this big bitch body I could trust. So that, like I was there and I was shooting that. Your face. Because it did. It was crazy. If you've never, guys, you got to shoot a gun. If you're listening to this right now, you got to shoot a gun. You got to box. You got to shoot a gun. You got to, even if it's with a group of moms, jump in there and shoot guns. Okay, just like I said with the boxing. Get out there. Get out there and punch and shoot.
Been in Texas for five minutes. I'm like, punch, I shoot everything. But like when I shot that, it went through my body and I felt it. It was like, like through my body. And it was like, it was just a next level experience. It was really crazy. I loved it. And I have a good friend of mine, Chef Atari. He cooks on Epic Mealtime. It's one of my best friends. He was the guy that I told you that has the Chris Vector.
He's Spurgey. I told him, oh, the most. And I said, oh, I'm going to be shooting guns tomorrow. What gun should I shoot? And he said he was like, AA-12 if they want to impress me. So I sent him a picture of all the guns.
There's like a literally a thousand guns here and he was like very cool. God bless America No, a a 12 very nice collection looks like a lot of fun I hope you take Molly while shooting it feels amazing the energy from the guns running through your body feels like no other Did they let you shoot the m60? I sent the video of the m60 he goes. Oh
Shoot the M60 MDA MOLLE Ecstasy. I'm super peanut butter and jelly. Do they have a Thompson there? Saving Private Ryan. That gun makes a nice sound. And then he's like, very good gun. Looks like a great time. Did you enjoy? Did you touch MP5?
Yeah, and he goes, when are we going back for an AA-12? And this came while I started the podcast. I didn't even write when he said, when are we going back for AA-12? He just wrote, yo, the McRib is back. Please eat one for me.
It's like that guy you never respond to in DMs. And they just keep responding and talking. Hey, 812. Thompson, saving Private Ryan. Every new sentence is just a new text instead of like period or one text. Each one is its own text. It's its own thought. Thought, thought, thought. There's no continuous. There's no story back. Did you touch MP5? The McRib is back. M60, Molly. It's like,
I
Everyone's saying, "What do we do? What do we do? What do we do?" Pick him up! Get the gun! Get the gun from him! Yeah, you be like, "Badger, Caleb, you guys gotta pick him up!" He's so big! He's too big! He's too big! He's angry right now! He's so big! Caleb hug him! Right now! He's like 8 years old! He's choking himself again! The buzz changes, I'm scared! He's choking himself again! I'm pointing the gun at him, he's like, "I'm back! I'm back!"
Come for me. On that wonderful note, thank you for watching the InSubscribe podcast. As always, Eli!
Eli Double Tap, Donut Operator, and our very, very, very special guest. Our long, our guest. Binge Eater Podcast. Mine too. Binge Eater Harley. Epic Mealtime presents Binge Eater Podcast. Do it. No. If you want it. No. Get it. Get it. Get fucking Harley. Don't make that you fucking Harley. Where can we find all of your wonderful content? You can check it out on YouTube.com slash Epic Mealtime. All your favorite podcast platforms and which motherfucking, you got to, uh.
A guy in Sri Lanka editing this shit from fiverr.com. Don't fucking cut this part, bro I want everyone to know about my podcast as well. Okay, you guys gotta come on it one by one Oh