5 - Senpai Ranch Water Noticed Us UwU
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We got it. Yeah. I feel like the crack is the way to start it. Right? Not crack. Cracking a cold ranch water. We got some big news today. First off, welcome to Unsubscribe with Batty Streams. Donut Operator. Eli underscore double tap. We're back. Big news, guys, in the world of ranch water and sponsorships. Thanks to us.

And you all out there for harassing them nonstop on every photo that they're posting. They have now sent us a metric shit ton of ranch water. This isn't all of it. No, there's more. Tell the story. So I hit up ranch water and I was like, hey.

We would like some ranch water. We've been talking about you on the podcast. And then I stepped out my front door this morning and there was this in my front door. Times two. Times two. This times two right here. So now we have an unlimited supply of ranch water. For everybody who's listening and not watching, there's like 18 cases of ranch water sitting on the table with us right now. There's a lot. A lot. They're very sweet people. I'm so happy. Ah!

That being said, uh, yeah. What's the, what's the new pitch for ranch water? Ooh. What was the last week? Um, depression. No, no, no, no, no. That's that's, that's just me. You need water. Oh, Texas is, um, if you're feeling down, do you know how to turn that smile upside down?

booze, ranch water. - It's water in those ranches in Texas. - It's like if White Claw was made for men. And 80 calories, so if you're looking at your figure, don't look at Batty. - I was waiting for that. As soon as he said it, I knew it was coming already. I was like, "Roots in far west Texas."

Okay. On with the actual show. I kind of want to put tequila in Ranch Water. What? I have the Rocks tequila in the other room. Have you had the Rocks tequila? No. Tiramundi?

Actually, that doesn't sound like bad if you mix ranch water. Well, I mean, there's the mixed drink ranch water, which is like this, but with tequila already. So I feel like adding tequila to our ranch water can't be that bad, right? You want to do it for the next podcast? Yes. We can do that in 30 minutes. Shh! Shh! Don't tell... Next week on Unsubscribe! We're killing the lore. We're killing the lore. The secret. Jesus Christ. What did we come up with to talk about...

Oh, easy right now. Just what you were talking right before the podcast when we had to stop you was like, I just want to play Tarkov.

Oh, man. You are hooked. I am jonesing on Tarkov. You are crack fiend. So I got the – they sent me the creator edition or whatever, the press pass a couple years ago, and I played it off and on. And they finally tweaked the game to where it's just like – it's pretty damn good. And so I've been nonstop playing it for the past two weeks. Escape from Tarkov, if you haven't heard of it, it's a Russian-made game, right? Yeah.

right? Yeah. They're based, Battlestate Games is based out of Russia. Yeah. It's not on Steam. It's not on Epic. It's just like its own thing. It's got their own, their Battlestate Games launcher. Freaking hardest first person shooter ever. But you, I mean, Fortnite's pretty hard, but whatever. That's true. Building and shooting and stuff. I know. But yeah, Tarkov is, you feel so good when you kill somebody in it. Cause it's so, it's so hard. It is. I haven't played in a while. Like last week, I came back with Batty and then you later. And it was like coming back into that world. I was like,

"Baddy, can I have money?" - Out the gate. - You're going through your stash and you immediately like, "So, so, Baddy, I'm gonna need a loan of like two million rubles."

Just looking at it, and I forgot how fast. I was like, dude, sorry, no. Two million rupees, because you still call them rupees. There are rupees. Schmeckles. Schmeckles. This isn't Legend of Zelda. This is Escape from Tarkov. You're not going to trick me. If you're not familiar with Tarkov, you go in with your gun and your armor and all your stuff you need, grenades, meds, whatever. And if you die in the game, you lose every bit of it.

Yeah, it's like when you build your Call of Duty loadout and you go into your game, your match, whatever, and somebody kills you, they can take all your loadout and if they survive that game, they get to keep your shit. But you don't spawn without loadout next round, do you?

round no yeah you gotta you gotta pick you gotta pick through all your inventory like in your out of game stash and you put together the best kit you can or if you're a giant piece of shit you go in with nothing you sit in a corner wait for somebody to die and then you run up and you scoop their shit like a dirty little fucking hatchling speaking of my tactics so the reason I do that is it's effective and it saves me a lot of rupees it's not effective

But we, like, I haven't played in God knows how long. A year. It was a year, yeah. Since I started playing, like, COD with Matt. Since you abandoned us for Matt. I abandoned my family. Yeah. My original family. I found a way more beautiful family. I'm glad you finally talked best in the streaming, though. Yeah, right? He's been crushing it. He's been crushing it. And he's such a monster at it, too. You're like... Well, no, it's just like, of course he's good at streaming. He's a charismatic fuck. That's true. Could he be bad at something, though? He's good at the game, though. Can we find something Matt's bad at? Yeah.

Okay, so he's got a giant dick. He's beautiful. I mean, come on. Am I wrong? We've all seen it. The first time I ever met Matt, he's like, so? I'm like, what the fuck? No, he had a picture. He had a picture on his phone. He's like, here's my dick. I'm like, right now I feel bad. Thanks. I just wanted to beat you at one thing, Matt.

So he's got a giant cock. The dude's fucking pretty. What is he bad at? I don't know. Apparently, he's the hero of the war. The war. He's the hero of the war. Thank you for my service. Every time you say thank you for your service, it's too mad. You're saying it too mad. It doesn't matter who you're saying it to. It's too mad. Crispy. Thank you for your service. Crispy.

Chris B., I love... Oh, you're not a national bestseller. No, Matt Best is. God, he is just good. And he sings and plays music. Yeah, he's talented. All of his fingers work. Like, yeah, he can sing. He can play guitar. He just picks up... Dude, when I was learning how to play the bass and the first time I went over to his house again, after I was learning, he's like, oh, yeah, man, that sounds cool. Let me just pick up this bass real quick. And he's like, I've never heard that before. And he just plays it perfectly. I'm like...

You motherfuckers. Just give me this. Let me have one thing. Dude, that's it. Matt needs to play Tarkov so we can watch him be bad at something. He was awful at it. He's played once. He's not a fan of how long it takes to do anything. Learn the game. Yeah. Because that... When you go into that game, you're just going in blind, especially with no tutorials. You're just like, okay, I got a gun and...

Where's this quest at? Where's the check mark or the question mark in the map? There's no map. There's no map. There's no hood. There's no on-screen icons. That compass now. It only took him three years. It took him three years to add a compass, which no one uses in-game. You're not going to shoot an azimuth mid-battle. You're like, Batty, where are you? I'm at...

We all kind of made up our own. We just scream shit. I'm by the tree in the woods. There's a lot of trees in the woods. That's your own woods. Eli, you're shooting me again. What? You need to dance. Oh, okay. That's you. Never mind. I'm jumping. That's literally how you know each other. Jump. God, dude.

And that's Tarkov. Really dark game. Dude, Wellen's getting into Tarkov. I mean, he's been kind of on it for a bit now, though. He won't play with me anymore, though. Why not? I killed him three games in a row on my team. Wait, what? Wellen, don't worry. You can play with me still. Oh, you just shot him? Yeah, I had a thermal on, and I was really excited to play with Wellen. And I just was kind of nervous, but I killed him three games in a row. And he was like, well, I'm going to go.

I ruined a friendship. You're so excited to play with someone you indie into their face to read games. Yeah, Eli. What's that like? I don't know. Remember that time you tried? So Eli was newer to Tarkov still. And in Tarkov, it's super realistic. Like you can check your chamber to see if you have a live round in it. You can pull your mag out. And it's not like Call of Duty where you reload and all the bullets magically disappear from your mag or anything like that or the gun. So be fair. I was drunk.

To be fair, you're always drunk, so that's not an excuse anymore. So I was out of ammo, and I was just clicking my empty gun towards Eli, because obviously we do that. So Eli's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So he pulls his mag out of the gun, and he points it at me. He's like, Batty, I want to do it. Hold on. I'm like, Eli. And he just pulls the trigger. And what do you know? I die. There was a round in the chamber. Forgot to clear that one. My face on screen was like...

Oh, this is what gun safety is. This is why you check the chamber. When you pull a mag out of a gun, the bullet doesn't, the freedom seat doesn't magically disappear from the freedom dispenser. That's the problem that streamer had. Remember they got banned off of Twitch? That fucking idiot. He dropped his mag out and then he pulled the trigger and shot his wall. It wasn't even that. He had a mag in it. He racked it.

Then dropped. Then he goes, then he racked it a second time, then dropped it. Like, racking it a second time was going to clear the chamber when the mag's still in the gun. I just like he acts so surprised afterwards. What do you mean I cleared it? You guys watched me clear it. What was his name? It was Sword Car. He was on an esports team, Sword. He got removed from everything. That's a fast no-no. Like, order for operations, bud. Drop the mag. Just...

Got this cool new better. He was drunk and screaming say I ain't got money He was showing up like Wow like bro now you ain't got no money Oh man, that would just suck you're just like live stream you like delete holding the power button Like what do you just blast around through your monitor and through the wall like oh

It's the people that have never touched guns. Like, I don't... My stream knows. Like, I'll pick... I'll put the gun down. And I know all the guns that don't have mags and have... Or the mags that don't have bullets in it versus. But I still, like, put it down. I'll pick that gun back up with no mag in it. I'm still, like, clear. Okay. Every single time. Like, I have guns all over my stream room. And I don't keep any of them in my stream room loaded. Do I have loaded mags throughout my house and shit? Of course. But not a single gun in my stream room ever has a loaded mag or a loaded gun. And...

I live alone. It's not like there's people that are magically sneaking bullets into my guns or in mags, but every time you pick it up, drop the mag real quick, clear the chamber, put it back. Like now it's a safe gun. It's just,

It's like us being around responsible gun owners. I always have like Glocks and shit sitting in my kitchen. And when you guys come over, you look at it and pick it up and make sure it's clear. Every time I have a friend over, they clear my gun and put it back on the counter. But it's still on the counter. Yeah. It's just everyone is – it's muscle memory to clear it every motherfucking time. And then you have people that don't. Like I could not dream of like pulling that trigger without looking into the mag. I'm like – or looking in the chamber. Dude. I'd be like –

I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. - That's like my favorite thing. Whenever you hear about like a shooting accident or like, "Oh, I was cleaning it, it went off." There isn't one motherfucker who has been cleaning a gun and accidentally shot themselves. They were playing with it, stupid, and they shot themselves or they hurt somebody or they fired a round off and they needed an excuse real quick. - I was cleaning it. - I was cleaning it. You don't clean a gun with the bullets in it. That's just not how that works.

Okay, step one of cleaning gun. Pull the trigger with the bullet in chamber and slap that closed. Okay, let me read chapter two. Trigger. Pam. Huh. That's weird. It went off. Maybe I didn't put enough Rem oil on top of it. Yeah. Like, come on, man. There are no cleaning gun accidents. Unless you're working on like a 1929 Mosin with a round stuck in the chamber and... It's just not how that works. No, we had...

Was it you guys with it? No, it was one of our buddies. I won't say names right now. But they had an old Japanese World War II revolver. Now the one thing they did not know with the revolver is you usually click, click, holds the hammer back, pull the trigger, hammer goes forward. So once you do on this Japanese revolver, what we didn't know is after that first click...

Like if you've done that first click and you didn't just set it all the way back. Now there's no half cock or some shit. Yeah. Like a half cock. There was no second half cock. Oh, that's it. It was just like a halfway. So he went to pull it back and he liked that and he let go and it just went wham. Boom. Yeah. We were out of the range. Good to go because it's a safe direction. But he was like,

And we're like, what the fuck? And he's like, I have no idea. And then we tested it. We were like, holy shit. Once you've done that first half lock, there is no second. So it's just like you pull it back and just slams forward instantly. Yep. Holy crap. I mean, that's like your one exception to the gun rule is like really old shit. Yeah. And then you just do it out of range, do it somewhere safe in a safe direction. Remember John's gun a couple weeks ago?

No. No. Okay, I won't go into the full story, but I put a mag. It's a 9mm pistol. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Rifle. Slapped a mag in. I always aim it downrange, of course, even when you let the bolt for it. And I'm glad I did it because I let the bolt for it and it just went pow! And it shot. Immediately. And I didn't have my finger on the trigger and we were all standing there like...

Like looking around, like how the fuck did that just happen? Because everyone saw me just slap it and send the bolt forward and it shot. And I have no idea how I did that. Not going to say the manufacturer. And you're like, hi-yah. And we're all sitting around like, holy crap. We're done with that one for the day. It was a good lesson for John too because I'm like, John, this is why no matter what you're doing, you always point it in a safe direction. Yeah, that was wild. Because that could have been scary. That's sketchy. So and that was the lesson that we learned on Tarkov that day.

Even in video games to clear the chamber. Otherwise your friend can die. And then he panic screams. I don't know how to get off the map. Help, Batty. Help. That did happen. I was like, Batty, what do I do now? Okay. I'll hide your stuff in this bush real quick. I'm drunk. I don't know where to go. Run along that wall over there. Okay. Good luck. Yeah. Just have fun. Targa's fun though. I like this.

So you've played with, you got to play with Wellen. Who else have we played with? That was, that was like, uh, we played with Julian. Julian. Yeah, that was fucking awesome. Julian's good at Tarkov too. What's her name's husband? Jenna Marbles. Jenna Marbles. Jenna Marbles. Jenna Marbles' husband. We played with him for a bit. We played with, uh. I don't think they're married. I did, I said that, husband. I don't think they're married. You don't think they're married? Oh, my bad. My bad if you guys aren't married. I'm not, oh. I think they're just together for a long time. Yeah.

They're docking. They're docking. Oh, no. Congrats. Yeah, Julian was really fun to play with. Yeah, Julian was fun to play with. I don't think he plays it anymore. No, no, he does. Does he? I played with him a couple weeks ago. A.K.A. Guy Brandon's been sucking up. Brandon Herrera's gotten into Tarkov recently, and he's addicted to it. He's been playing offline. That's how you know you're hooked. When you're...

But as a streamer, a lot of the times you don't game as much offline anymore because you're always gaming online. When you find somebody who's gaming offline, like he gets into the Discord with us and we're all gaming. He's like, can I play with you guys? We're like, yeah, man. He's streaming. He's like, no, I just want to play a lot. Like, oh, fuck. How is he? Because I remember early last year, it was my birthday when everyone came out. Yeah. And you're like, Brandon, jump. What's the jump? The space bar.

Homeboy had to look down to find the space bar. He's new to PC gaming. He's bad. He's better now, though. He's better for not having played PC games. Love Brandon. Love you, Brandon. He knows the guns, though. You're awful. Next time he's here, he's going to be on the podcast, for sure. Yeah, he's moving here in two weeks. Three weeks, something like that. We're just going to be out in Texas. Oh, we're going to have the whole crew here.

So now it's us three. It's Clean, Mr. Bleen. We got Wheelers, one of the best Tarkov players in the world. Bill Z. We're getting Brandon Herrera is going to be out here. We got Demo Matt. Demo Matt, yeah. Matty B. Who do we have? Crispy. Crispy. Crispy's out here. Well, Jared, like all the Black Rifle people. Yeah, Black Rifle, yeah. Well, Jared Taylor.

Logan, Heather, all those folks. It's such a good crew, man. It is stacked. It is a stacked little community down here of content creators now. Especially content creators like us. Pieces of shit. I'm just happy you're still wearing your helmet. Thank you. I forgot it was on there until you said something. Oh, we don't talk about it. We don't talk about that. Ranch water armor. Ranch water armor.

Unsubscribe podcast featuring ranch water armor. Dude, every week we're going to build a new piece. We'll make you a shoulder piece next week. He's in tier three ranch water, dude. This is untouchable. He's got a sword and a staff made out of cans. You shall not...

The stats are unbelievable. What the fuck is wrong with us? You're going to have to become the Ranchwater Wizard, though. You're going to have to do that. Oh, my God. Gladly. And draped in Ranchwater. Like a cloak. Oh, man. That'll be the next post we do. We'll take all the cans out of these cases and we'll build Ranchwater armor.

Gangster thing. We need to get like we've been playing Tarkov. I do. I'm the only one that does cod with Matt and them, but we need to start getting D&D going for sure. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, you're trying to rustle my jimmies right now. I feel my nips tingling, bro. Like, fuck. You need this, man. I love D&D so much. The whole crew, all the personalities.

You're not allowed to play your character. You're not. I hate it. What's he, Redneck Drow? Drow. My name's Redneck Drow. He's a simple man. He was raised by halflings, okay? You know? Uh, I need to do a dexterity check on that there creature of darkness. That doesn't make any sense! You don't do a dexterity check on a creature of... What?!

Dexterity's mobility. I don't. Don't. I was just making up words at that moment. I know. I just know the lore. I live D&D. I know the lore. We went to get Pokemon and Batty Ball at $200 worth of D&D figures. Stop. At the store. You don't need to bring this up right now. It was cute. I can't say anything because that packs. I have D&D figures, so they come in these, the random ones. Yeah, the blister, the boxes.

boxes yeah the box four random ones and that was me and d we're trying to get them for a one had a red dragon in it red dragon was worth i think it's still worth a good chunk of change

But one, it's on the box. So it's like, there's definitely a red dragon in one of these. And then it was listed. How did you buy? There is a red dragon. I bought three, or four. And there's usually... You bought 50 to 70 different minis in those. Yeah. It's like magic cards and shit, man. Yeah. And I was like, I didn't get it. And I did get a...

Necro dragon, not a necro, but a leech, a lich dragon. Yeah. I got a lich dragon. I was like fucking gangster. I'm good. I got my dragon figure and I got like some halflings and a drow and all that stuff. Cool. D he bought like five or six and he didn't get any of the ones. He got a gold dragon.

And then finally I was like, oh, D, get that last box right there. I just pointed because they had a whole bunch. I was like, that one. That's the one. He didn't get it. And I was like, well, I have to get that one. Did he kill the red dragon? And I was like, grab that. Open it. Red dragon. And he's like, you motherfucker. I was like, I told, I literally said, get that fucking box. Did I not? He was like, you did. And I did not listen. I was like, and now I'm the one with the red dragon. And it's gangster because I...

It's a fucking gangstress little D&D figure. Dude, these D&D minis are awesome. So I probably have close to like a thousand different D&D minis. How big are they? You said minis. I mean, so they, from an inch tall to I have some that are like two feet tall. Like I have, because when I used to run home games of D&D, I would build terrain. I would go all out with like castles and trees. And we used to have a buddy who vaped whenever I needed smoke. He would just vape across the thing. It was super cool. So you play along with the figure as well.

- Yeah, it's usually role play, theater of the mind stuff, until you get into a fight or a battle, then you can battle map the entire thing. Stop laughing at me, Eli. Stop it! This is very serious shit. - I don't know how any of us got laid just from that statement. It's like, yeah, one of my friends, when he DMs, he blows smoke across the table. - No, I'm the DM. I am the dungeon master. - No, but your friend blows smoke across the table. - Well, he was one of the players.

Just I, oh man. Well, I had a smoke machine too, but I broke it. I just picture like invite your friend over that does big vapes. Well, he was already in the game. So it worked out. He blows fat clouds. He would do the spin first and do a smoke. Fat clouds across the room. Just bringing a girl over. We need smoke. You guys walk into a decrepit mansion. Smoke fills the room. Yeah.

I wish I could say that hasn't happened. Did you have fun when I ran that game for us? Oh, we had a blast. So shut the fuck up. You had fun because you got a DM for Freddy. I have not fangirled that hard in a long time. I got a DM a game for Eli Clean and Freddy fucking Wong. And as somebody who, I was like, ah! Internally screeching the whole time, pretty much. Outside you did really good. I was like, I'm cool, man. Internally, he was just like, ah!

Straight up, yeah. Dude, is Freddie coming down anytime soon? Yeah, I need to text him and actually invite that boy out for an adventure. He can drink ranch water. We could have Freddie Wong drink ranch water. We could put some armor on him. Some ranch armor. He'll bring his own armor, let's be real. Yeah, Corridor Digital is here all the time with BRCC working on your guys' stuff. That would be rad to have them on.

Yeah, we need to get D&D going soon. Dude, it was great meeting them because I came to the shoot that you guys had at Bass Pro Shop. And so John has worshipped them for three years. And we get in an elevator. I can't remember his name without the pinky. Oh, Sean. Jane. Okay, so he rides a one-wheel into the elevator. And I look at John, and John's like...

like mouth agape and I'm like, "Hey John, how'd he get that finger there?" 'Cause John loves a video where they make him a finger, they 3D print him a finger and John just is like, "Huh, huh." He's like bed rolling so hard.

It was so cool. Those are good guys. I think Ren made, it's Jan. I think they call him Jan. Yeah, Jan. But I always call it, I just forget. He has that weird one. It's J-A-N-E. That's always what I remember. But yeah, Ren printed on that 3D finger because he's missing his pinky. So he just operated off of the mechanics of how your hand work and now it works.

Perfect. Just wild. Such a cool video too. So good. But yeah, we had D&Ds off of the figures go from like this. Like your humans and your standard figures are about like here. Like an inch tall. Yeah. You guys are making me just want to collect them. But my dragon. Dude, come over and see my D&D collection sometime. I kind of want to. My dragon. Can I come see your D&D collection? Oh my God. So we can go play D&D. Let me get my recamer out.

Yeah, man. D&D minis are so cool. I used to paint them. So that's like how I got into it. I used to paint and do art. It is. Straight up. I actually have some Warhammer minis I use for D&D stuff. I love... Can you hand me another ranch water? I love painting. I used to do those paintings. Yeah, I remember those. I'll...

That's what we need to do. A painting stream? You guys want to get drunk and paint D&D minis? Like, you know, there's like the paint and sips and you paint your stupid fucking can. Fuck that. Let's get drunk and paint D&D minis. That sounds like a fantastic... If I'm drunk, I'm painting dicks on everything.

You can paint as many dicks as you want. Fine. I'm gonna have Sir Dicksalot of the Space Marines. Here's my halfling space marine with dick armor. You're like, Batty's like, I am gonna, I hate, I hate. Stop mixing your fantasy and your sci-fi right now. I hate this so much. Dude, when I do D&D shit, I'm super serious about it. My halfling rogue has a 9mm pistol.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Space bullets. Space bullets. Space bullets. He was given to them from a time wizard from the future. He's in the chaos. Is that mixing it? Yes, it's mixing it. No, but a wizard should technically do time travel. Is there time travel in the Dungeons and Dragons universe? Yes. Is there? So technically, there could be a sci-fi aspect there if they go into the future and find a Glock.

For their wizard or rogue. What? Was it chronomancy? How the fuck don't I... Like, when you have, like, the Illith, they don't even do... They just do... Illithids? Yeah. Your mind flayers? Yeah. Those are, like, the most powerful magic in it. Not really. I mean, on... Okay, you're coming from Forgotten Realms, Dritz Doherty, and, like, your old school D&D versus your... There's lots of other... It's the... Oh, my God. What's it called? The Forgotten... Not the Forgotten Realms. Um...

The multiverse. There's multiple planes of existence. You have the different planes. That's what I'm saying. World planes like the Illithid are fucking powerful. The Mind Flayers because they have the psionics. They have psionics, yeah. Yeah, psionics are like... Psychic shit. Yeah, and they're considered only a few. There's Dark Elves in the Illithid that can use it. There's more now. Giants and shit as well. There's giants that can do

do it yeah no shit yeah it's one most giants kind of it's weird so psionics is like a weird oh man we get deep into dnd shit right now yeah psionics is has always been like an additive to dnd there's it's opious yeah every time they try to add psionics to dnd it usually breaks the game somewhat in a little way what is it like psychic powers if i can be like this hey you're dead i'm

Like I can control what you do. I can control you. I can. And then I have like, if you attack me with a blade, I can then use that as against you because I can absorb it through cyanide powers, turn it around, touch you. And then all that energy is expended into it. And there's tons of different ways. So D&D, the fifth edition, the current edition of Dungeons and Dragons just started playing with psionics again. The last few books, I believe it was.

and it's still like playtesty, but they're trying again to bring psionics in it. Like 3.5, I think it was Pathfinder does it, 3.5 did it. I don't know if 4th edition got too much into psionics. I believe there's a couple books on it, but every time it's always like a later addition to the game because it's always a little fucky. It's just not quite D&D, but at the same time it is because some of the enemies use it, but when players start using that shit, it gets...

Weird. I don't know. It makes me think of Pokemon with psychic Pokemon. Like, why don't they just stop your heart? They're mutants. Pikachu's like, Pika! And then falls over dead because Abra just like... Oh my god! There's just the darkest side duck. Pika's heart explodes. Pika!

Just like holding his heart. Just making it look so cute. Cyduck's so cute. They're just like, stop it. Darkness consumes me. Force choking Pikachu. Stop ruining. You're ruining my childhood. Ash is crying in the corner. Let my Pikachu go. Let my Pikachu go.

Psychic. Okay, so psychic things aside, they should be able to just crush other Pokemon souls with their minds. I never understood how Ash, he's got this little mouse that has electricity, and then you put it against an 8,000-pound dragon Charizard, and he's just like, go Pikachu! How does a dragon not just... Machamp, I choose you. Machamp, rape. Whoa! All four are? Pikachu just...

Little Pikachu just held out. Pikachu come back. He never leaves his Pokeball again. Batty's getting tequila. Batty has left the building. If you think about it, Machamp was made for four arms and two legs. Oh my god. The darkest episodes of Pokemon. It's just part of the game. These kids are like, this took a turn for the darkest.

Oh, man. That's literally how Pokemon would be. We lost Batty. Okay, so when they go into the Pokeball, are they suspended in time? Or do they have a life inside of the Pokeball? Do you think they're conscious inside of it? Do they have a house, like a nice living area? Do they hate leaving that? Is it a job to them? Like a nine to five job?

Yeah, I don't like oh, thank God. I just get it get high right now watch the anime and pick it you I choose you shit. They're on the show not now not now ash She's like out and about this Like a city or drink it's like fight to the death and we're like don't know I choose you don't it's gone

Drunk. Donut. Donut operator, donut. Donut. Maybe a fist fight with somebody. Stop it.

- Stop it right now. - Can you imagine that, Batty? - Stop it. - No, it's like, are they just chilling? Like, what's in a Pokeball? We're just talking, it's like your day-to-day life. It's like your house. So like, you guys are just getting drunk. Like, Batty midstream hammered. I'm like, "Batty, I choose you." And you're like, "Fuck!" And you're like thrown out into a battlefield.

Betty! Betty, Betty! Betty! You're suddenly in a fist fight with a giant dude. Well, a giant dude, it would be like, I feel good. And it's like, you come out and you're like, huh! And it's like a 12-year-old girl. And you're like, I'm like, Betty, punch! And you're like, huh!

Batty punches Catherine for 12 damage. It's highly effective. Like when you bring your level 60 Pokemon against a level one that you just happen to run across. It just looks at it and they die. They can't say no. They know they're absolutely going to wreck this thing.

In human terms, yeah, that's horrible. It's a baby. It's like me and a baby. Donut uses intimidation. Donut, you stomp. It's highly effective. But I can't stomp myself. My trainer told me to do it. Donut has leveled up. You get the murder badge. What the fuck?

Man, today got dark. You just teleport back home after the fight and you're like... Crack open a cold ranch water to wash it off. I just picture that. You come back. You're just teleporting back home. You're covered in blood. You open the fridge. You grab a beer. The door closing of you in the shower. You're stripping. It's the water running down. You're like...

Donut, I choose you. No! You come back as a naked. Still covered in blood. You have no control over your life. Man, Pokemon's dark. I know. Fuck. Think about it, dude. It's horrendous. It's a horrendous week. Thanks for ruining my childhood today, guys. God damn.

How did we get here? How did we get here? Escape from Tarkov. People we were gaming with, Well and Julian, to Freddy, to D&D, to minis, to murder and Pokemon stomping. Before we get off the Pokemon, we need to get with Corridor and skit what we just talked about. Oh, this is a glorious skit. Just like...

Yo, Meat Canyon, it's your boys. It's your boys. He came out with a new video today. He just released a new video. That dude has some gold. Just calm. Terrifying gold. Shout out to Meat Canyon. If you want to ruin your childhood, Meat Canyon is where you go on YouTube. If we didn't just ruin it. You did. You did. Just a little bit.

oh dude how has he not done pokemon when i would love to see him do a pokemon because he did spongebob and it got like nine million views was number one on trending it was dark well they have you have meat can you have um get a flash flash kits yeah the pokemon one it's like steve steve steve he like stabs the dude in the neck he's like steve then he grabs the corpse and brings it into the pokemon ball and like shows it and he's like steve steve

It's like all kinds of fun. I haven't seen this movie. I completely forgot about that. It's so good. We're just going down the rabbit hole of terrible YouTube things. Well, I mean, what's his name? Game Grumps, Aaron. Egoraptor? Egoraptor does that really good Pokemon. He's like, Pikachu, I choose you. And he's like, Pikachu, P! And then it's Bulbasaur. He's like, Bulba. He's like, man, why are we fighting? He's like, Bulbasaur, use...

Solar beam attack. He's like, I mean, could you? Okay. Solar beam attack. And he's like charging. He's like, God damn. Pikachu. He's like, use lightning bolt. Just destroying this fucking Bulbasaur. Eagle Raptor was fucking insane. I remember him back on Newgrounds. That was like Newgrounds was like my childhood. Terrible internet place. I think this is all in.

You did Newgrounds, right? Yeah. Yeah, of course. E-bombs World. E-bombs World, Newgrounds, yeah. And Egoraptor was huge on Newgrounds. God, man. I have videos dating back to like 2002 off of Newgrounds. You do? That you did? Yeah, that I've done. I'm going to need to see some of this. Guys, go to Newgrounds and search up...

Eli something. I'd have to look up the user. I don't even remember my username from back then. I can't wait to see. I'll find that and we'll post those. We need a podcast of us talking about your old videos. I've got a YouTube channel from 2007. Oh, what? Oh, yeah. I need to see this. Wait, like a secret YouTube channel? Mm-hmm.

With like old content that I posted in 2006, 2007. We have to do a collective of all these. Cause I have, Casey has them. My buddy that I used to do stop motion cartoons with, with action figures, with Dragon Ball and Resident Evil figures. So was that like your intro to content creation? Yeah, that was like. And was that your intro to content creation? Yeah. No shit. See, I don't have. Mine was in seventh grade. Cool old school.

I wasn't into it until, fuck, 2015. These are 7th grade, 8th grade, like 1997 and 8. You are so old. I'm doing like, record stop. Record stop because I'm trying to make stop motion. There's no editing, so you edit on the fucking camera. Just clip clip. Clip clip. Okay, I got to do VOs for these. Record.

Goku, you could never stop me. Stop. That was beautifully done, Eli. You executed that flawlessly. This is amazing. Your 13-year-old voice is very pronounced and strong right now. I can tell I hit puberty. Okay, let's get this energy ball. I remember doing an energy blast, and it was literally cut out pieces of paper. I just made the circle bigger. That's awesome. That's so cool, though. That's awesome, man. Old days.

We used to do that stuff, man, back in the day. We'll have to find your old stuff. We need some OG Batty streams. No, your Batty YouTube. Your OG YouTube videos. I've deleted most of it. There has to be something old of Batty. Nope. Had to delete it all. Had to delete it all. Okay. Won't ask questions. Had to delete it all. It broke TOS.

Ranch water. Ranch water. Well, at least we can get these like Pokemon shorts in the works. I think that'll be a really fun thing to do. Absolutely. I love the idea of just like... Live action too. Oh yeah, absolutely. Just like the fear and the like getting yanked out of your... Like you just sit down on your couch and you pop a beer open and it's just... Mid-shower naked. Mid-shower's like, oh, I'm a water type. Yeah.

- Sir, I am so happy to be interviewed for this job. I've been a work list for about 12 months. So I'm super. - Just ripped out. - Come back and you're just covered in blood. You're like,

Shirts all ripped up and just shaking. On a first date. I haven't been out with anyone in months. And this, it's wonderful to finally meet. And she's like, oh, it's wonderful to finally meet you. Better yet, you drop on the battlefield. She gets dropped on the other side. Best first date ever. You guys both end it down. Don't use bite attack.

Don't hurt himself in the confusion. Don't use his bite. It's not very effective. You know what happens when they hurt themselves in confusion? Like, it's when they're resisting. Yeah, oh yeah, that's okay. That went on with video games back in the day. It's like, you're confused. Boom! Or you hit your teammates really hard. It's like, how did... What? How do you hit yourself like that? Stop hitting yourself. There's some dark things going on up here that I'm not gonna say. You're like, I'm gonna internalize this.

I'm going to hold that. We're going to hold that one in. Get all inside thoughts, huh? Which Pokemon did you start with? Blue? You did. No, you did. What? I did red. Red version. I was blue. I was blue too.

What Pokemon was there? I wanted a Charizard, dude. Bulby. Oh, not Bulby. Oh, I did Squirtle. Sorry. Oh, fuck you. You actually did Bulbazaur. You did Bulbazaur? Squirtle. And Charizard. Charizard. Charmander. Yeah. That's awesome. The trifecta right here. This is why we're the three best friends that anyone's ever had. Like anyone that's ever had. Ever. That's awesome. Ever. That's actually... Most people don't pick...

Bulbasaur. I don't know. I didn't know anything. I didn't even have the strategy guide then. I didn't even know what Pokemon was. I went to Sears. Oh, yeah, same. Because Sears, the hardware store, they had the biggest video game store inside Sears. So I went to Sears Hardware and got Pokemon Blue. And we had to drive like 45 minutes to get out. I lived in a little rural town. And I remember playing it nonstop for months. Oh, man, absolutely. Dun, dun.

I had no idea what I was doing. Dude. My Game Boy Pocket. Like I said, I had the red Game Boy Pocket with Pokemon Red. Yeah, I had the red pocket too. Dude, those were like... Not having the strategy guy playing through those and then it was just... It was a metric shit ton of fun. And then...

I don't know if you guys did the 150 Pokemon. That was a mission. Yes. Well, I mean... You had to have a couple friends. Back then, I didn't have any friends. I don't think any of us did. That was like your strategy guide back then, too, was talking to friends. Yeah. Your buddy Josh would be like, well, Kevin knows where this certain Pokemon is and how to get it. And you're like, fuck. Dude, do you guys remember the Safari Zone? Oh, yeah. That bullshit? Do you remember where to get Mew?

bro if you go behind the truck oh man it was and you yeah you had to go through the rock you do the surf from the right place then you go behind the truck yeah and you hit a and you after you talk to the one dude it was like the old guy on an island and then you come back if you do it all right you get mew you find him right there and he's under the truck and you just get the pokemon so

Absolutely. Horseshit. It was never real. Never. Never real. But everyone remembers the same thing. Everyone. Because that was the rumor. Well, my buddy Jordan had Mew. Probably got it from the missing no glitch shit. No, he got Mew through the Pokemon event. Oh, yeah. The mystery gift. Yeah. All that shit. He was one of the few kids that got Mew through that. You had to go to a physical Pokemon event and you would plug in your Game Boy with the old school trading cables. Dude, how cool is that?

And he was like, yeah, I got Mew. I was like, bullshit. And he was like, it was like 151 Pokemon. I was like, wait, wait, how the fuck? What?

Did you go behind the truck? Was he really behind the truck? Dude, every... That's the shadiest shit. There's a guy behind the truck who will give you a mute. No, you had to talk to an old man first and then go behind the truck. And then... You got it. John, don't do that. You hear a kid, it's like, Dad, someone told me if I go talk to this old man and then go behind the truck, he'll give me something. Dude, every kid that ever played the original...

Every kid that ever played the original Pokemon right now is screaming in their chair like, I did that too and it didn't work. No. And now they actually have a way to get Mew. There's actually a way in those old games to get Mew. There was. Oh, it's the random number generation shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No.

You have it in the first, you get in the first like 10 minutes of the game. Yeah, it's all about moving in a certain pattern and then going, it's random number generation. Is that what it is? Yeah. Okay, because you do like certain stuff. It's doing a certain string of things. Unlock 151. Yes, yes, yes, that's it. It only took them 20 years to figure that out. Literally like 20 years to figure it out. A lot of those games, it's like nothing gets found out until like...

Well, until after you're in the code and you're fucking with the shit. So really cool thing when they did the remakes, I believe it was the remakes like FireRed, LeafGreen. I think it was those ones. You could actually go talk to that same old man character who was in the game. And I'm pretty sure he said something about the truck, about the Mew and the truck thing, just as like a play on. I don't remember if it was exactly that, but I know they dropped a little Easter egg about that in, I think it was FireRed and LeafGreen, which was the remake of Red, Blue and Yellow.

I love reading about those old games. The old secrets that were just never discovered in video games. Because you have stuff in Goldeneye a few years later where you could unlock these secret characters. People didn't know about that shit for years. We were like, oh, there's a whole bunch. Arcade Mortal Kombat, there was an actual debug code on the arcade games where you could unlock everything. And people were like, holy shit, this actually exists in the arcade. What the fuck? And Pokemon's a good example of that.

There's a lot of those. I always find that super interesting. Like Final Fantasy VII. There is so much shit. What were the giant... I can't remember the names. Ruby and Emerald. Ruby and Emerald, yeah.

Why do I know that donut? What is it? Those are the super bosses. The super bosses in Final Fantasy. You gotta do some specific shit to get them to come out? No, they come out, but they're... I mean, now fighting them, on the other hand, if you do not have a gold chocobo nights of the round, you're gonna have to... You have to have everything on your side to make these fucking things die. Are they the final bosses? No, they're extras. Just like bonus bosses? Yeah, they have a million HP, and then when Ruby takes away... If you don't kill your party before entering the...

If you do not kill your own party, you have one alive. So you kill them. So they're two down. He instantly put his claws into it and then they come up behind and then they attack. You have to kill your own party to beat him? Well, if you don't, what sucks is you go into the battle and if you don't kill your own party, he then completely gets rid of him so you can't res him.

Yeah, that's one of his attacks. He's like, and that one's gone and that one's gone and it's random. They're just removed. Yeah, so now you can at least resurrect them and now you have a million HP to go through once he puts his arm in the... I think it's his arms in the ground. Then you can actually attack him. Jeez. And it's all based on your materia. Emerald has a fucking move that's...

it detaches his body flies over you blast and kills nine nine nine nine and you're like okay dad but then well i lost yeah you have your materia that brings you back to life with it was i don't i don't even like final phoenix rising or whatever yeah in phoenix final attack in phoenix so then it brings you back to life as a summon oh man there's all the tricks of the trade donut i was a refined boy that never got laid when i was young

It was a good life. Nothing has changed. I'm still a refined boy that never gets late. I think we're... This episode's about... That's how it is. I think that's this episode. Yeah, pretty much. It was a good one. That was fun. For everybody who wants to witness what happened, you can actually find all of our podcasts now on YouTube. Yeah, they're on YouTube. Just search the Unsubscribe Podcast. Is that the...

Unsubscribe podcast. Okay, just unsubscribe. Unsubscribe podcast. We pop up now. Yeah, it's there. Or on any of our social media, whether it's where you're listening to this, I'll put links for all this shit now. On our Instagram, whatever. You can find all the links for Spotify, Apple Podcasts. Amazon, Google, Castro, Stitcher. We're everywhere now, which is pretty cool. Go leave a review. Go give stars. Five of them. Do your thing. We're going to sign out now. We got Batty Streams. Stop it.

We got Donut Operator and Eli underscore double tap. It's just Betty. Streams. Bye guys. Done.