44 - Cop Hates Heroes ft. Angry Cops
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Everyone ready? You've already opened yours. Yeah, I'm gonna drink dirty slut. I'm gonna drink a bunch of man nut. This is gonna be weird. Two, three. Hey, wait a second. You're fired. You can't be here. Who let you in? I thought we revoked the key card. Where's Brandon? Yeah, you're like, I was gone for three days. He's like white trash pawn shop Brandon. You're like Detroit. Like instead of eight miles, you're like quarter mile.

I would allow that. Do you know how great it would be to be like two heads? I'd be like the Ninja Turtles guy with the brain in the stomach. I was thinking more like the men in black guy with the little dude on his phone. The dude in men in black. The little f***er.

monsters in the head. I like Crane. I like Crane. Johnny Knoxville. Johnny Knoxville played him. That's who you'd be. We're better see each other. Another bald guy. We would be crying. I would be in his stomach and then he would be the, you know, the big mass around us. Say hi to Eli. His racially ambiguous baddie. That guy's fucking ridiculous. Donut.

It's harder to rhyme, but he's a really nice guy. Welcome to unsubscribe. Hey guys, thanks for watching unsubscribe podcast. Make sure wherever you're listening or watching, whether it's on YouTube, Castro, Spotify, Apple, Google, Amazon, Podbean, Stitcher, or.

That's all of them. Please leave a comment, like it, thumbs up it, give it a rating of five stars, whatever you do. It helps the podcast out immensely. And Donut and Eli will be very happy if you do that. And we want to make Donut and Eli happy today. Yeah. Five stars on everything and a comment if there is possible because we need to be at the top. Donut, say something motivating. And that's where the, that is. Come subscribe. Donut, start the podcast.

Hi, everyone. Unsubscribe podcast here. I'm joined today by Batty, Eli, Bubble Bath, and of course, Angry Cops. This is the second time here, and he is just a wonderful, beautiful human being. I'm all right. I'm so mad at you two right now. Well, I love you, Rich. You're beautiful, but you too. I didn't do nothing.

You're the biggest, like, you just sit there and just like, uh-huh, and? I like everyone's also the comment section was, it's like, man, don't actually talk this time. It's like, that is gone. Don't, like, fuck that guy. It's just cheerful.

You know, even though everybody's picking on you for not being here, technically, I've been at as many podcasts with you as I have been with Donut because he wasn't here on the first one that we did together. It was Caleb, myself, and you two. Mm-hmm. And then we got you back. I was a fucking zinger of an episode. A zinger? How old are you? A hundred. It's a good one. Sometimes you got to bring them back. It's 112. Damn, Skippy. Yeah.

My name is Cletus double tap. It's just why this oldest name possible. This is what we do No, it's fucking great to have you back. We haven't had you since like episode We are cameras and audio and was probably crooked. Everything was your audio didn't work. That's right. Oh, that was one of those Dragons penis and then you roll. Yeah

We have to use the camera. I forgot about that. Don't you? What are you doing? Don't knock that light over. Oh! Oh! Your staff, sir. Rich, that is the dragon penis. That's the dragon penis, Rich. No, this isn't the dragon penis. I remember the dragon's penis. It was a wand and it had a tip at the end. It looked like an uncircumcised whale dick. Flip over.

This isn't the whale's penis. This is a stamp. That's the dragon penis. That's the only thing I have. That's it. No, no, no. It was like a wand. It wasn't. I know it was. I was going to say, I was like, it was the sconce, the dragon. It was like a light thing. It's close enough. Use that. Fuck off. Man, you're right. When you're around, he's just quiet. He must hate you.

They just secretly hate Batty. Donut secretly just fucking hates Batty. He's just tolerating it. He's just like, oh, fuck. I thought last episode was the change. He tried to kill me and my son in a blizzard. You can not hold that against me.

You're just walking in there like you don't know what the fuck you're holding a dragon ball gang in its mouth And I don't know what we're arguing. That's exactly what the dragon is exactly what that is Hey, can you make me a cool dragon head but like a ball gag? It's the dragon. It's a bad dragon.

That's how it talks the entire time.

How deep can you go? We do it to every guest. Just deep throw the mic. We literally do it to everyone. Some things need to be a secret. I am a lady and I will be true to the discussion. You just had the tip in your mouth. For a bit you're okay. Just enough to let people know how much they can get. You're telling me right now, if you're going to blowjob, you'd be okay with just the tip for just a quick second? How good's your chef? How good's your chef? Yeah, that is super important. Okay, okay. I take it back. You're right. You doing okay with the ball play? You doing okay?

I know this is supposed to be a nerd podcast. Nobody knows what sex is. This is a blowy podcast. We were talking about it for 10 minutes. Everything turned sexual here. We've never. This podcast went. Oh, yeah. So you didn't listen to last week's stream. Video games. Put the ball game back. Yeah, put it right there. Last week's podcast was phenomenal. So Batty wasn't there. And then we went on a tangent.

uh baddie was like dear god how does it keep getting worse because he's never had an episode where you just got to listen to it for the first time so he got to listen to it for the first time as it's uploaded and he was just like he was like wow it's getting worse he's like and just when i thought it hit bottom it got worse i was like oh is caleb punching his sperm yet

And Betty's like, yes, I'm there. I was like, oh, man, that's like a really good spot. We're talking about superhero powers. OK, so we've been giving. We're the offenders. Yeah, we're our superhero group. Like there's the Avengers. There's the Justice League. And we're the offenders. Before we go on any further, I feel like my superpower would be racial slurs. OK, OK. Sorry. Sorry. Taken, bro. Like.

I tried to go offensive. I'm like, racial stars. Racial stars are offensive. That's the first thing. Superpowers. Yeah, way to be second place. You can say the N-word without being, it's okay. It's okay. That's your superpower? You can't lie? You just can't get canceled when you say it? I'm Joe Rogan.

Donut, what was your superpower? So I can fly, but to stay in flight, I have to shout racial slurs. Oh, that's okay. So you have a trade-off. You're like, this is really cool power, not yours, where you're just like, I can say the N-word and not get canceled. You get an actual superpower, but there's like a downside. I think mine was high super strength, but I just jizz every time I try to lift something. Every time I start lifting something heavy. It's like Dave Chappelle's thing. It's like you get superpowers by...

people. You save the world by people, but you have to like one person every time you save like a massive amount. And then he correlated that with like Bill Cosby. He saved a bunch of young black youths lives with his television show, but then a significant amount of people. Oh, this podcast can be yellow. This is going to be yellow. Grape. Grape. Thank you. Yeah, we're graping. Tied him to the radiator and graped him.

He used grape juice to do it, though. Some of that jello pudding. That's a real... So the premise of this is that you have a superpower, but in order to maintain or to get that superpower, you have to do something offensive. No, you have a trade-off. Eli's is...

Like, I run. I just come. Just constantly come. I can run. You're super strength, but you come every time you use it. Yep. Which, I'm not going to lie, at the gym, I feel like that's great. Arnold actually had, like, a quote. He's like, I come when I pump, and then I fuck women, and then I come again. Nothing's better than coming. Coming. Coming and coming. I'm coming. It sounds like Dracula from my version. One come, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Two come, ah, ah, ah.

Yours is flying, but you have to see racial slurs. I can run at the speed of light, but I shit uncontrollably. The entire time? Yeah. The second I hit it. The brown streak. And that's not because he's Mexican. Super fast through the flash, but you shit. Yeah, I'm just uncontrollable shit. Sorry. Eli. I'm here, and there's just a... I just like when people walking around, there's just random shit trails, and you're like...

The fuck is right? What is this line? I got it. I got mine. I got mine. So this is one. Oh, God. This goes deep into my psyche. My mother wrote like a Harry Potter series for us kids, for three kids. It never got to publish, but it was brilliant. And it was and we all would have superpowers by a pin that we'd put on ourselves. And I loved it. It was very interesting. But.

My superpower was invisibility, and I love that. I would still love to be invisible, so that would be my superpower would be invisibility. Now, I feel like it's appropriate for invisibility because it just makes sense because you don't want to be seen. So I feel like I'd have to masturbate in order to be invisible. To maintain it? You're just walking around. I'm just walking around, just, you know. Just jerking as you peeking around.

I just picture... What happens when you come? No. What happens if you finish? He's not going to finish. He's just going to... I'm staying, baby. I just do that tantric shit. I just picture...

I slow stroke it. You just slow stroke it. Oh, okay, well, now we're getting into different territory. Can you just slow stroke or do you have to be like jerking it? Or are you like, if you slow down too much, do you kind of get a little like opaque? You guys are missing... That's probably it. Like, it's kind of like... The faster you jerk, the more invisible you are. I mean, there's only a certain level of invisibility you can get, but yeah. Do you imagine how much Viagra I'd have to take if I had like a long mission? Translucent.

Like Rich has to go into Russia and help Ukraine. And I'm just like, you just send me five pallets of agra. I'm just picturing fucking. I've got no blood into my brain for three days. I'm just. Killing Russians. Just pow. Pow.

- I just picture Thanos showing up and it's like this scene of like Batty standing there, Donut standing there, I'm like, and then Rich appears naked with his dick in his hand 'cause it's that surprise moment, it's like the bad guy's showing himself and he's stopped, he's just surprised. He's like, dick in hand again.

It's that oh shit we have to fight yeah, it's that moment That's I'm really handcuffing myself because I can only fight with one hand Friend

Oh, I've got like- I've got like Robin! I've got a sidekick! You've got a sidekick! But they're not gonna be invisible, are they? While you're running around? Yeah, do you have just a dude? As long as you hold onto my invisible penis, then the power goes on to you. The awkward thing is when we do like team-ups and co-ops and like he's gotta be invisible too, 'cause you're gonna have to- Your doubles? The whole team has to go invisible for a mission? Everyone links to your penis. Everyone links to my cock!

Quickly! My schlong! Wouldn't it be it sucks because it's cold outside. My dick's like that big. I just get out of the water. It's a water mission and we have to be invisible. Like you're just like grabbing it. Scroat hopefully like a ball save you. I just hate

this in vision like all of us reaching over grabbing your naked penis and then we float away my naked penis your naked penis and we start flying away as we hear cody yelling racial slurs so he can take us to our destination do i get turned on by some of these racial slurs or do i get turned off by some of these racial that's on you you're you're that's you at this point but we

Hey, secondary, right? What if that mission, like we- Oh, you're the first guest. The headsets are gone. What if we figure out that like there's a certain like weird Hispanic racial slur that's I'm like, oh yeah. I just think you want to say racial slurs because no one's giving themselves a second handicap for this. We all have terrible handicaps. You're the first one. What about a second one? Because we're, hear me out, Mexicans. He's doing racist.

We got one right here, folks. So if you grab my dick and I get soft, that means that we're... No, no, I've never been able to grab my dick before. I don't think that's what that means.

No, because if I have to beat my wiener and be invisible, I have to keep some sort of arousal going on. So that's a secondary thing. I just have to be aroused in order to beat it. Otherwise, you're just pulling fucking pud. Which I guess... You're stretching skin, bro. Which just goes into your thing. Am I opaque now? Because I'm pulling like a weak shaft. Oh, I hate that. You're just like a dirty window. We can kind of see you.

- It's your eyes are licking at us and I'm like, I hate this more. - There's a ghost in the corner. That's Richard trying to be visible. - It's like the Predators camouflage. - It's halfway working. - Yeah, you're just like. - I'm just seeing the little arms shimmering, dude. - Is there a shiny Mr. Clean beating off in my fucking bedroom? - Okay, so now, next step, you're gonna have to have a utility belt.

Cuz you're pulling your fucking thing back. You gotta be lube. You need so much lube. Especially if the fucking fast guy's doing it to stay invisible with me. Like I'm on his back but he's still gotta... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So Eli's shitting himself violently. I just picture it's you have this invisible nothing you just hear and you have shit exploding out of a random corner.

of this invisible wall because I'm my shit's not invisible once it leaves the body that thing's over there when does it is it when like the stream is cut off because while it's attached to your inner it's like that single chain should leave you invisible so shit's gonna be up here maybe like two to three feet behind you is when it starts breaking up and when it's visible it's like dropped

Why am I the one given a handy because I move fast? What are you gonna do? You're gonna have to carry me in your arms. I have to give you give myself a hand. I'll carry you I'm strong you like I'll be carrying me. I'm gonna have baggy pants sweatpants

Just rapidly fucking wax on wax off. There's gotta be ways around this. Mr. Miyagi out here getting you off. Oh yeah. We can figure out ways around this to where I can work on our favor. Caleb could build him a device. Caleb superheroes. Oh my God. Oh no. So Caleb and Caleb's, you know, sweet voice. What he does is he generates babies in his backpack and he pulls them out in their weapons. He'll smush their heads and he'll use them to kill people who make shields. He stabs them with their arms. He just,

He just has replicating babies he uses his objects to kill with. And I was like, hey, what's your power, though? He's like, that. Yeah. And babies are offensive because they're all dead. And he's killing babies. But then his superpower is that he can transform this fetus baby thing into whatever weaponry he needs. Well, and that's why he's like, he just hates his sperm. We were talking about he's like, he's like, he jerks off on the table. He's just punching it. He's like, fuck you. Look at what you could have been.

He just hates sperm and babies. This is his origin story. When he's a kid, he jerks off on his desk. He's got a magnifying glass. He's got such a good memory. That's why he's brilliant because he made that backpack. He's like Spider-Man, but not in the way that he was bit by the spider. Oh, he had two bit by an angry sperm? He had two that ran up. He remembers when he was a sperm and fighting all the other sperm. So he's just like, I fucking hate him. It was me versus seven billion and I won.

I am a guy. I am a golden guy. You have that story in Batman's parents getting killed. It's like weird. Why are you so upset, Caleb? My other brothers died around me. He's got an easy one. Like what can we think of? Mauling babies? I mean, but like there's no. Think of the traumatic brain, like mental stress of just mauling babies for a living. Dude, after like three weeks, you don't care. Could you imagine three weeks of beating off to be invisible? What?

Do you know like how horrible that would be? Like I gotta think of something easier than this. This is how big my fucking arms are gonna get. You're gonna have the callous dick. I'm gonna get cauliflower cock. Yeah, you're gonna... It's gonna look like broccoli section. H-E-B. Chuck Liddell's ears are gonna be my penis.

Women are going to look at me and be like, oh my God, are those like genital warts? Like, no, no. I had a three week mission in Ukraine where I couldn't stop masturbating and I ran out of lube. So I just used blood. I had to kill somebody to use their lube. I had to keep calling up Caleb to give me babies to turn into lube so I can fuck them. So then I can. Okay. Well, you're fucking. Wait, what? Well, I'm using, I'm not, not the actual baby in the hole. I'm like squishing it to turn it into lube. And then.

Right? He can turn it into whatever he wants, right? Okay, so are you a hero or a villain? Or the offenders. He's making the babies. These are just like animal- You're saving people. You're just saying, I'm going to...

Use babies as lube I have to be invisible That's the point I'm used in a mission for invisibility Caleb's teamed up with me So I run out of lube In like a horrible moment And he's just like I got you I got you In sweet southern chill voice And he goes Oh hey here's a baby And it turns into like Vaseline Right? Red Vaseline With like little fingers So wait I have a question You can't transform them Into other things

He uses them as a weapon? Yes, they're just babies. They're just crying babies. He smushes their head into an axe form. Like, take a baby. Yeah, but if you smush the head into an axe form, it's not gonna be an axe. It's gonna be a baby's head. Yeah, it's still got some scullage in there. Yeah, but it's not gonna be damaged like... Nope. It doesn't get any harder? No, it's just a fucking baby. So that's the point of squishing into something. He just throws babies at people. The offenders!

It's the stupidest superpower ever. Okay, masturbate. At least I'm invisible. This guy just makes kids. That's why I was so confused. It's like you're using babies to masturbate. There's thousands of poor people in fucking trailer parks that make kids as fast as can. That's not a superpower. I visually disappear. He's just like, oh, fuck another one. He's basically Nick Cannon.

He's naked! He can throw! He can make them so fast he's just like "Ugh, ugh" and he's just throwing constant babies at people. Yeah, like ninja stars. Just buy ninja stars! Yeah, but hold on. That's lame. But just buy ninja stars, like, what's the effect of like a five pound baby? You ever been hit with a five pound object? I mean, I'm not dying because of a five pound baby that's all mushy as shit.

Like you're gonna throw a five pound bag of water at me and I'm gonna die? Imagine if I took a five pound and just, like a five pound potatoes and I just swung it at your fucking head. He has to transform the baby into something. No he doesn't. It's Caleb's. That's why it's offensive. That's the lamest thing. That's not even offensive. It's just lame. He's just Planned Parenthood with extra steps.

His boyfriend with extra steps. Rich is a villain. Rich is... I'm not the one killing babies for no reason. This guy's just like, hey, my superpower is ending life real quick. Mine's just like, hide in a corner and listen to shit go on. That was masturbation. Such an egregious thing. All three of you would be like Hitlers at the age of 14 if it was.

Why am I defending masturbation as opposed to you guys backing up baby killing? The fact that I wasn't on the last episode made me so uncomfortable because just listening to it, I was like, what is happening? Now I'm here living it and I just, what is happening? Your friend started this. I mean, yeah. I mean, yeah, it's Caleb.

Caleb had a good superpower and we like it. It's not a good superpower. It's just killing random babies. Yeah, but random it's his babies Yeah, they're always Caleb there there. So Caleb has these tubes that pump out the comms every liberal actress in Hollywood She was hot

I don't know if she had an abortion. Sorry, Brooke. Sorry, Brooke. I hope she doesn't listen to our podcast. Yeah, she's probably not. Can you sign something for me? Brooke, what would your sexual, or not sexual, what would your offensive power be? Yeah, that's going to be... Let's listen.

That's the top comment. She comments under her verified YouTube account. Didn't you guys have like the fucking king of Ukraine comment on your shit? That was Brandon. Yeah, Brandon did. Brandon Herrera. The king. Brandon Herrera had the president of Ukraine comment on his latest meme review. For Ukraine. Yeah, he's like, we're all Ukrainians or something like that.

We thought it was fake, then we looked at it further. It's a verified account from the president of Ukraine. He watches meme reviews. He was a comedian. He wrote comedy sketches. Wait, really? He was on a comedy show where he became president of Ukraine. And then he became the president of Ukraine. And one of the funny skits in the show that he wrote to be president of Ukraine... Russia. No. Well, I haven't watched the entire series. But he picks up the phone, and it's Angela Merkel, the...

German Chancellor. Yeah, and she goes oh my gosh We want to let you know that we you are here in you are gonna be a part of the UN era the EU and he's just like yes Oh, yes, that's amazing. That's so great. She's like the Ukraine can't wait She's like wait this isn't this isn't Marrakesh or some other with some other country some other fucking goes like no this is great She's like oh, we're sorry. He's like no no no there's great for that And he hangs up the phone he's like fuck

As he like walks into parliament like this is the president now the president's saying there's a great he made a music video where he's in like low hip rise uh uh black shiny leather pants this like the latex with a fucking bulge and he's like singing a song with like four other comedians oh it's it's pretty funny oh so he's like a people people person no he was a legitimate wrote and produced comedy series

and did comedy and acted and then became Ukraine's president. That's fucking crazy. And now this badass is just like, oh, yeah, this is pretty simple. I should throw on some body armor and fight for my country. Whereas you'd think a lot of career politicians would be like, well, how do I still wear suits? Where's the bunker? Yeah. That's crazy. And they got fucking Klitschko, one of the...

The Klitschko he's the masters. Yeah the mayor's - yeah, right Yeah, his brother is the world as a boxer as well, but he's the he was a world champion Yeah, and that's it's like crazy there on the front lines just in their body. I'm just like just what they just got World War two trench spikes He's

That fucking Russian helmet. Yeah. You know, with like the little slit. He's just like going up. Because those Klitschko was like six, eight. They're like, could you? They're big dudes. Oh, yeah. Like he's got a small and it's just his heart. It's just for his heart. That's all I need. I don't need to breathe. I do so much cardio. All I need is blood pumping constantly. Whole in chest mean more oxygen. Get in. This is perfect. Science.

Oh no. Good bliss. There's a second one coming. Hold it. Those are the best feeling things. There you go. The Tarkov servers are still up. That's what you're like? Yeah. The Tarkov things are all in Russia? Battlestate Games is out of Russia. Yeah. Battlestate. Wow, that isn't a joke in and of itself. Did you see the meme of

What's the vehicle? It's like welcome to Tarkov in the game. BTR. Yeah. And then they got it. Welcome to Kiev. Yes. In real life. The second biggest is like. Yeah. It was literally the same thing. And they spray painted it with the same thought and everything. But said, welcome to Kiev or whatever it was. But still looks super. But the door, they had like the door open. Like it was for them.

- Shut up Russian vehicle all fucked up and they spray painted welcome to fucking this place. - Yeah, I was like, oh shit, they going hard at this stuff. Fucking, well, I mean, it's war. - It's their country. - It's much like my invisibility. You don't want to go soft into war.

How do you stay? It's a callback because I'm invisible mastermind. It would still be the weirdest power to stay hard. If it's like yanking a sad, it's like starting a sad lawnmower all the time. I could do that, but it's fucking keeping hard. That's that's

That's a talent. Yeah. You're like, well, I need to be hard to be invisible. He just got to be jerking. I'm not going to lie. I would turn into like Batman. Just always sour, like very analytical thinking, you know, just constantly working out to keep my testosterone up. You're taking injections before a mission. I'm just, I'm, I'm balls. This big dick's fucking huge. What's Matt? What's Matt Damon's lover's name? Um,

Ben Affleck. I'd be like Ben Affleck, where I'm just like, did you see how big he fucking got for that role when he played Batman? Just lifting weights. Huge. That would be me. I would be that big with like tat in each cheek and just low stroke and it being like, you don't know the pains of war like I've seen. You've never had to snap a man's neck with one hand to just really stroke off and have to keep hard. You ever have to kill 13 people in a room while masturbating? Yeah.

And there's Wonder Woman like, oh my God, no, I can imagine it though. And she's like playing with her. We need some women on this podcast that would tell us their superpowers. We have female Eli and Heather Spenal. Heather picked she wanted to be able to smell dead bodies.

Like a dog? That's what I immediately was like, so you're a furry. Yeah. So I was like, she has to wear the furry outfit. She runs on all fours. Yeah, exactly. She's like pony girl. But we also gave her what she, anytime she drives to the investigation point, she's hammered. Yeah. Yeah. She's got to be super drunk. She's the number one detective. But the second she gets in a vehicle, she's just shit wrecked.

So she can drive to save crime. It's just, it should get the DUI on the way. Just take an Uber, write that off in taxes. It's a business expense. That's easy. Furry suit, just pounding little nips. Listen, I feel like you guys are all into like the, the like, oh, this is so cool. Like, oh, you know, what an, uh, what an adventure, what a comic book experience. And I feel like I'm the only realist in the room here of like, no, this is how that would work in real life. How dare you? How dare you?

Just picture you like you're sneaking up to a group of like four bad guys and then suddenly on the ground It looks like someone squirted Elmer grew Just hits the ground and you're like Oh

And like my right hand is so strong. I'm just like. You're popping heads. You're popping heads. It's just your right arm. It's huge. It looks like a Hulk on one. Or I like learn to do it ambidextrously. I would have to. No way. Fuck that. You just got one Hulk on. And I've got like just two gorilla arms on top of a normal frame.

Never you skip like that guy. That's got like the largest. Oh, yeah. The arm wrestling guy. Yeah, I'm wrestling guy. Like both of my arms are like dead dudes. If you've not know, he's talking about it. Like, have you seen him hold a dollar bill? Dude, his fingers bigger than a dollar bill. Two two fingers covers up a dollar bill.

He is like these I mean mitts. They literally just trying to catcher's mitts your hands, but the rest of his body's normal size So it's very awkward barrel chested. He's still a thicker boy, but the arms are way outside of proportion I was like his arms look like thighs like thick old boy thighs. Yeah, I bet you he could bench press more than I can squat easy That dude never takes dick pics, though

Like you're not grabbing your dick and sending me. Could you imagine trying to open up your phone with those fingers? I just want the home button. It's a miss. It's four. That's fingers. Fingers are like this. How do I? A white clock hand per finger. He's doing the wet hand technique where he's just like touching it with his nose. God, they're so gross looking. They're just big sausages. Oh, batty. Because we're at gross sausages. Damn Skippy. That transition was perfect.

I didn't say uncircumcised. Batty has a contest going with. Oh, shit. Yeah. Can we doing that right now? Yeah, we're doing it right now. Right now, me as a streamer, Batty on Twitch, I'm sponsored by G Fuel. They're like gamer energy drinks, no sugar kind of thing. And I'm in a competition with 64 other streamers, content creators to see you can sell a bunch of G Fuel for a couple of rounds. It's like a March Code Madness thing. If you use code Batty on G Fuel dot com, you can save 30 percent this month.

And eventually, if I do well in this competition, I get like custom baddie shakers and possibly a flavor of a baddie flavor. You will be able to taste me. Well, you had me until that last time. I was so excited right up until you can taste me. Okay. If you could make a drink, though, like if you could have a drink, what would your flavor be?

Not ginger. He'd be a ginger beer flavor. Oh, yeah. Oh, see? You taste like... I hate it. Go to jimro.com and use code BATTY. Thank you. You would be...

I- lemony zest is what I picture from you. Oh, that would be good. Sauerkraut, maybe? Um, okay. Oh my god. That's bad. Weird your product didn't take off. Check out my energy drink, sauerkraut. What did you just say? What's wrong? Do everybody like sauerkraut? Wait, what did he say? He was like, no, that's baddie. Oh, because I'm German? That's why I made the joke, because I'm a sauerkraut.

I get it. I fucking hate it so much. I just said it because it's stinky and tastes bad. Oh, because of my diet. Oh, God. Yeah, you got a girlfriend's Mickey pineapple. I get you.

Well, congratulations on that huge adventure. You're going to win. All these people will go do that. What was the code again? Code Batty. Competing against PewDiePie or something? No, no. It's all people who don't have their own cool flavors, but there's a bunch of cool people on there. I don't think he could beat PewDiePie. That's what I'm saying. It's like, Batty, why should we try? Yeah, yeah. PewDiePie could be like, vote for me.

On one video and you're like out of like 12 year olds that would just blindly go Fucking done. Do you ever see his numbers? He does a billion views every six months a billion views every six months My brain can't do that number in my head. I think I get a million views a week Do you really? I think it's less than that. So if you times that by a lot, I

Yeah, I get like 200. Yeah, I get like a million a week. Oh, I'm sorry. Is this a dick measuring contest? I thought we were friends here. I know, but I'm a PewDiePie. Why don't you go run away at super hot speeds while you shit yourself out? Who's in here, Jerkoff? Oh, yeah. What is your superhero name? The Blind Wanker. The Blind Wanker? Oh, see?

Yeah, we've never given ourselves- You're the brown streak, I'm sorry. Oh, brown streak's perfect. Yeah. Brown streak's. What is it? The blind wanker? I said blind wanker. I like it. Are you captain offender or captain offender? This is the flying cop. Captain? No. Captain privilege. Because of your privilege, you can say those words and not get canceled. They call me LAPD. You can still get canceled, yeah. Captain cancel?

A different time. A different time is your name? A different time? Even better.

In each ethnic group, you have a different name. Your name is like racial slur man, but it's not racial slur man. It's something man. Oh my God. No, no, no. So black people call you man. Hispanic people call you like whatever man. You know, man, man, whatever like racial slur. Honkies call you, you know, honky man, you know, cracker man.

Every racial group you're under something else because that's what you yell. Do white people just call him like, what's up bro? Gary. Gary. He's Cody. Hello officer. Hello officer. The officer's here. They call him Uncle Captain. Everybody's got that weird racist uncle. They're like, oh, that's just Uncle Captain. Yeah.

He comes over for a barbecue once in a while. You're definitely the leader of the offenders. Every time he jumps and flies away, he starts talking about how immigration, you know. Please don't dress like a cat in America. Close the door there. You fly away. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. Fuck you. I just love you saving minorities and burning buildings. It's my favorite thing. Did you see the children's hospital? He walks them down the stairs. He's like,

He just walks everyone downstairs. He flies in. Can't you fly in? Here you go. Why don't you fly that out? I don't want to talk about it. I'm just... What's my awful superhero name? Batty. I forgot his superpower. What's his superpower again? Super strength, but I just cum every time I exert that strength at all. Five second, man. Cum.

I mean, that's normal baddie. Super strength and busting nuts. That's it. Busting nuts. Buster nuts. The nut buster. Nut buster. Nut buster. They think it's like they go to protect themselves and you're just coming. You've got a massive cod piece, but it's not a cod piece. It's more of like one of those horse ejaculate collectors. Yeah.

He never watches it out. He just sells it. Caleb's name is obviously the milker. Caleb's name has to be the milker. The milkman. It's the milkman because all these kids are his. That's the milkman. That's deep. Oh, God. The milkman. I hate I can picture Caleb wearing that fucking hat. That's when he shows up in a battle. He just has a giant milk jar on his back.

Oh, God, I hate that way more. So wait, that's his costume. Your costume is the horse codpiece for birthing.

Yours should be like a police outfit. He's just a police outfit. With a cape. Just a cop outfit with a cape. You are the brown streak, so you're white with a brown streak right down the center. And it's tight spandex, right? Can we give Donut as long as you can fly and also you have a police car that can fly so he can show up and

Wonder Woman's jet is invisible. You just see her floating around riches in the passenger seat Like Wonder Woman

You know, I was so excited because at first I thought you were like, you're going to team up with Wonder Woman and she's going to give you a handy. And then you turned it into, now you're giving me a handy in a cop car. And it just sounds like a really bad porn. You guys are flying next to Wonder Woman. So I have a second idea for a name. Instead of the Blind Wanker, perhaps the Dutch Rudder? The Dutch Rudder.

And I wear clogs. So you're not quiet? You're extremely loud. You have nothing. You just hear wooden clogs.

The little German pants

God, I hate this. The henchmen are just angry. What the fuck is that noise? Well, you have this. You have this constant... Well, this is running around. Yeah! You're just pacing yourself based off your beat-off time. Like, I have to stroke it faster while I run faster because all the blood's gonna go to my legs, so I've gotta still be aroused. I wouldn't be able to get through doorways easily at all. Oh, my God. Remember how...

Like Bilbo Baggins would sneak by Gollum. And he was like, oh, I'm going to jump over and get through this tight grip. I was like, I couldn't do that. My arms and shoulders would be so big from wanking off. Like some of you like trying to walk through. I try to sneak in by him. What the fuck was that? I just can't be stealthy at all.

I just hate the sound of your ball bags slapping against your fucking thigh right now, because that's all I can hear in my head. Well, it depends on the day, right? If it's cold, if it's a water mission, boys are tight. If we're doing jungle missions, I'll be flopping. Are we hearing that too? Wait, is your costume like the Borat thong, but instead of covering your dick, there's a hole so your dick's just out so you can beat it? But your balls are always oinked.

Oh, so I've got like a glory hole in my outfit. Yeah. It's just the shaft. Oh, it's just the dog. It's just the hot dog. There's just a fucking streak of meat. You gotta keep them boys tight just in case it's cold or it's warm out. You know what that ball bag fucking bouncing around making noise? Yeah, probably have a nine volt battery in my butthole and there's like a wire attached to like a warming pad underneath my balls. Why are we the weird ones?

Yeah, why is there a battery in your ass? Because I'm wearing a thong, so I need to keep my balls warm with hand warmers. You know, like the Makita or Milwaukee jackets have, like, you can put a battery in it and it heats it? No! In your ass? I need that for, like, a... Why is it in your ass? A ball pit. Where else am I going to put it? Because you got a fucking utility belt with all your lube. Yeah, but my butthole's tight. It's fucking 2022. Why are you using Duracell batteries? I'm using a 9-volt. What? What? What?

There's so many options and your options like I'm gonna take this dirt man's bowl and put it on my ass. Restrictions? I didn't say put shit in your ass. You made me a thong. Where am I gonna? I don't have a belt. Belt? You have a utility belt. I'm supposed to be a Dutch rudder boy and you gave me a thong. We already said the utility belt was canon. You got all the lube. You got eight different types of lube. Okay, so hold on. You wanted me to wear a thong like Borat, but I'm saying that my- Wear the utility belt over it.

I just like you have a Dutch boy outfit better. I think the more I like the Dutch. No, shut up. I like the Dutch rudder appropriate their culture. I didn't. You did. Fuck you. Right. Racist.

And that being said, we're going to talk about out of regs, use code name unsub or unsubscribe. One of those for Cody. Give us a picture about this real quick. Yeah. Say words. He's not so good at it. Hey, guys, you like having nice hair. I do. He's bald.

I mean, I used to. I mean, I really wish I could use a product like this, but I can't because I don't have hair. However, I'm sure that they still have fantastic mustache wax. Do they not? They have fantastic mustache wax. They have fantastic pomade. This is the operator pomade. Use code unsubscribe or unsub. It's unsub. Boom, we got it. Use code unsub and out of regs.

Double R-E-G-Z. Yeah, it is unsub. Okay, it's just unsub. Okay, perfect. I was like, holy shit. You can put it in your beard, too. Yeah, they got Donut Operator mustache and beard stuff. Which actually smells so good. That one's really fucking good. Is this going to make my head shiny? Can you put it on your head? That smells good.

Wait, why'd you use two fingers like that? Okay, go. You always use two fingers like this. Don't ask me questions you already know the answer to. I wanted to call you Jonathan. I don't know why, though. Jonathan says the same name. I know, I know. I just wanted to be like, don't ask me questions you know the answer to. Jonathan. I just felt like it had a really good answer. You just wanted to know the answer.

So Rich is gonna make his bald ass head up right now. No, you know what? He just shaved it a little while ago in their stubble and it's gonna make the stubble all soft. And it smells good. You got a little streak there. Hold on. A brown streak? No, it's a white one. Oh.

Oh, it's probably mine. The white streak. I've been failing at being invisible. This would be horrible to masturbate with. It's very grippy. Or would it be great to masturbate with? I'm not going to use a pomade to masturbate. I was 15 one time. Check out my pubes though. They're fucking styled. I'm not going to lie. My scalp feels tingly and nice. And I smell good.

It does smell good. That stuff smells good. It does smell good. It smells like clean and not like overpowering and chemical. Oh, I don't have this one. That's yours. You know, it turned into an ad read, but the ad read turned into like general like... Everyone's like, wow, this is not mine. That is really nice. I left it here. Oh, but I meant it. I thought, because I have two of the other ones. I was like, I don't have it. Now it's yours. So we got back... What are you... Oh, wait, you have a new game you're doing with the art. Okay. He...

From the last podcast. He has a game that he was talking about. He literally is doing D&D.

Army D&D. Army D&D. Yeah, the last time that we had the podcast. I'm sorry, Baddy. You weren't here. And fired. So we talked about mixing D&D with... Jonathan. My name is Kyle. Shut the fuck up. I appropriately named Kyle. Really? I want you to punch me on the drywall. So we talked about D&D.

It's a fist punching drywall with a monster logo. Oh, Eli's thigh tattoo. Very nice. But D&D mixed with military shit. You know, like, hey, I'm fighting a cave troll called for fire. With my AR. Yeah, that's called D20 Modern. There's a system built around that. I know it. I used to run it.

Oh, you got fucking one up. Do you need to tell your story now? I'm trying to give you a moment. Hey, nice. It's called this right fuck stick. I've been playing it longer than you. I will gatekeep the fuck out of this shit. Please don't continue. We'll call him gatekeeper. If you want to measure dick sizes with the invisibility constant jerker, then hey, we'll be. I come everywhere. We're basically the best team up.

What's your power? Oh, yeah, you're coming and I'm slow. I'm stroking. Mm-hmm. Yeah, not each other. Not for Grindr. Not each other. When was Grindr sponsored? Was Batty just going to carry you? I'll just put him on my shoulder the whole way. Follow this. Yeah, I could just sit on your shoulder. I'm sitting on your shoulders like jerking off. You're like, stop hitting the back of my head. Well, he's going to be like, oh, me and Donut is like, where'd Batty and Rich go?

- Where are they? And I was like, just follow the snail trail. It was like a fucking, it's like a glue trail going this way. It must be that way. - If I hold your hand, I think you'll be invisible. So you'll have to hold my hand with your monster. I'll have monster hands, you'll have monster hands. And I'll be like jerking with one, but we'll both be invisible. - Why would he have monster hands? - 'Cause he's a big strong guy. - I'm a strong, big strong guy.

You get do you get hooked out or you just always talked out or do I like this? You just want just a regular daddy? This is nice this D&D story Gatekeeper over here wants to hear your story financial spells. Thank you daddy and

Look at me, gatekeeper. Get over there. Fucking I want to hear his story. You have a lady purr on your balls for a minute. That's an inside joke. He fucked a furry. D&D! So D&D, yeah. So the last podcast, the last time I was on here, we talked about D&D and the Armageddon together. We do a call for fire on like a cave troll. And...

It turns out that it's real. There's already a book series on it and they turned it into a table cap game and I got to do a read for it and it's on my Instagram. So if you want to do the shit that you said is already there, Gatekeeper, then you can check out my Instagram page and check them out. Yeah. I want to play it, Rich. Boy, this is so exciting, Donut. I'm glad I talked about nothing for 10 fucking seconds while everybody was giggling on their own.

You ever sit at like a table. Just slow punching on him. You ever sit at like a table where there's like a bunch of adults around you when you're like a five-year-old and they're talking about like things you don't know. They're laughing and giggling. You're just staring up at them waiting for your turn to talk. That's this podcast right now. Your head smells great. Cheers. Oh, yeah, Rich here. Cheers to you. Why am I cheersing? I don't know. I didn't fuck a furry. You're just cute.

So I was on the news recently. Did you have like a feather on a string over your vest? So I was on the news recently. And Batty's like, I got the steering wheel on this ride. We're going this way. And Rich is on the... He's just pulling the steering wheel. And Batty's like, stop. I'm fucking with the shifter now. I'm like, stop putting it in reverse.

So yeah, I was on the news recently for what Yeah, CBS was doing a story on how tick-tock is destroying America's youth. Oh my god

Oh yeah, you should definitely be on there. So they're just talking about it. Honestly, you gotta be right there too. Shut the fuck up. No, you're there too. I'm not destroying the youth. The youth hate police. I'm corrupting the... I don't know. I'm sure they'll make something up. No, I was going with the destroying youth. You said statutory rape at first. Oh yes. Oh no.

I mean, that's sand in hand. Thank God we don't have anyone with that power. So you're destroying the youth? They were just talking about how TikTok, if kids... Basically, they're trying to blame content creators for destroying America's youth and not parents who allow their kids to just do whatever the fuck they want with their children. The Chinese government puts a limit on TikTok for juveniles. For their own kids. No, I mean like the Chinese government actually...

I forget how they register it. Phones, video games, and other stuff because it's a registration. At like 9 p.m. or 8 p.m., it turns it off. Like you can't access that if you're like under 16 or 14 or whatever. And here we have parents in the United States that are giving kids their phones at like 12 and 14, which I get. You want to keep in contact with your kids. It's a great source of entertainment. It's easy. You know, give your kid the iPad. Yeah.

But at the same time, like you're opening Pandora's box, like yeah, there's an unlimited amount of information. Have you seen what you can find on Google? Could you imagine the amount of porn that we would be watching at 12 or 13? We had LimeWire. Kazaa and LimeWire. Kazaa and LimeWire. Absolutely. 56k modem. This song is called porn. And then the one thing everyone from this age bracket knows.

Heather from iDeepThroat.com All you needed to say was Heather. Cheers to Heather. I don't know this. God bless you. Wait, you don't know? I have no idea what you're talking about. You know Heather iDeepThroat.com? Yeah. She had the first video was she was in a bikini. I was like, what are you doing? Nothing. I literally have no idea what you're fucking talking about. The best blowjob in the world. She was fantastic.

Well, I don't know about the best blowjob in the world, but back then, she was the queen. And even then, she's still on a higher caliber than a lot of porn stars. Those five megabyte downloads on Kazaa on 56K mode were worth a day. Dude, it was only like a minute and a half, and I would... It'd take a day, and...

And you take a lot. Take an hour. You've never watched. I know what you're talking about. My husband was a Marine and I don't know if he got out or if he was doing the points in the thing has never showed his face. She's on Instagram right now. You see how big her tits are now. She went. She's nice, natural. I know. And then she like bloomed them out. I was like, baby, no, baby. Now, how do you know this? But you are younger. Look it up. Show me. No, bad. He has that because you're 30, 32 later. That's not what you said. I'm 34. I'm like, you should know.

I have no idea what the fuck you have a lot of friends did you have a friend on the computer when you grew up? I'm not saying you didn't have a lot of friends I'm sorry that came out just like because he was being a dick to me I'm sorry I'm not sorry because you're being a dick to me but did you not have a friend with like a computer? no I had the computer it was newer like it was a newer thing I had the computer

Did you not? I was... Chris's parents probably scared the shit out of him if he looked at porn. I was on Newgrounds for most of it. You like anime titties. Well... You play... Okay, so Batty, I guarantee, played the game where you could undress a girl and they had the bottle. Oh, absolutely.

100% I know the exact new grades it's a flash game I remember that game it wasn't just anime girls just to be clear but Newgrounds Newgrounds.com way back in the day there used to be funny flash animations and then there was another side of Newgrounds the dark side of Newgrounds adult 18 plus yeah that not 18 plus baddie went to

I clicked that yes, I'm 18 little warning. I clicked that. I never liked that. Hey, are you 21? You just click a button. Yes. Do you have a marijuana card? Yeah.

I do. I trust you. You're 12. You don't know how old I am. Are you 18? You haven't seen my ID. Show me your ID. I don't have one. I'm 12. There is nothing wrong with smut. Anime smut. There's not. Cheers. Funny enough, I was thinking, do we talk about hentai and is it okay? It probably just makes you bang girls with cat ears and shit. I don't know. It's probably not that deep.

It's just finding out what it is. If you're in a hentai, you're probably in a cat. It just means that you're like, you're following Jessica Nigri. And you're just like, it's easy to find Jessica Nigri or our closest lookalike. Jess is actually going to be on this. Oh, good. Well, she can't be in the room. She's got anime titties, so that's perfect. I cannot be in the room that day. You're not going to keep eye contact. You're just going to be here. Well, but tell her to wear a t-shirt. Tell her to wear a t-shirt.

Daddy, say something. Oh my God, if she shows up here in a fucking outfit, that would be a really good interview, actually. That's a great idea to have her show up in an outfit. I would just- We wear suits. I contact Dean Tartaro. I would be like, you're staring. We're all in suits. We're like, hello, Jessica. It's very fantastic to have you on today's episode. I'll wear whatever she's wearing. No, no, don't fake it. Lean into it. You guys were like, you try to make a cosplay outfit, and obviously you're all not that guy. So it would be trash. And then here she is a fucking dime costume.

in like this thing with cleavage looking like every guy's fucking D&D wet dream and you're all just like interviewing her like you just got out of fucking spirit. I think that'd be hysterical. Spirits. Are we just wearing those shimmy fucking Mario? And that's the

It's not Mario, it's plumber outfit. It's not that it's the off-brand. We're doing the fucking kabooms of cereal, but with costumes. You've got a mustache on, even though you've already got a beard. I'm wearing a face, shitty little... The glasses over my glasses with the nose and mustache. It's me, Mario. We don't even try to do the voices. I'm from New York. It's me, Mario. What are you doing? I'm a plumber. What are you doing?

Listen, I'm on the union clock, all right? I'm going to milk this for all it's worth. Speaking of milk, Jessica Nigri. She's here. Speaking of milk. Big Mommy Milk is how you do it, huh? Gabagoo. Here we go. Listen, you got your plumbing done. I'm going to lay some pipe on you, honey, all right? All right.

Sorry, Jess. I don't know you. I see your Instagram and I'm cracking jokes. Jess is a beautiful human. Well, no shit. That's why she's got so many followers. She's a good and out. She's one of the most chill people you'll ever meet. Beautiful insides. Okay, go for it. Go for it. I need to turn invisible. JessicaDegree.com Where'd Rich go? No, where's it?

table having a conversation you're on the podcast and you just disappear forget the dutch i've got a helmet with a visor and it's all it's all me agree it's there i just like you interviewing her and you disappear halfway through the interview where'd rich go let's start the whole

It starts off and she's like, "Yeah, so, uh, Jess, like, really interesting shit that you're doing here. Tell me more about your..." *laughter* "So, Jess, like, yeah, about that thing in the deck..." "What do you mean you can't see me?" "What? Oh, it must be a... it's mirrors!" "It's the plates!" "Smoking mirrors!" You're getting pranked right now. You're getting so ash and kutchered. Oh my god, this... Doesn't it be the best episode of Punk'd ever? Ugh.

I've been following, you know what's funny? I've been following Jess for a while. I know her like I fucking know her. I've been following her for a while. And you know what? The funny, weird thing is I'm like, yeah, she's a hottie. Her cosplay is fucking...

On point and she's a bombshell. She's got other bombshells with her But the thing that makes me so happy for Jess is that like her like her nerdy boyfriend that was like doing her photoshoots and stuff fucking got the girl and every and like that's that's why I like just Being among men is I'm just like that son of a bitch was saying I'm gonna be a good guy I'm gonna do the fucking long game and I'm gonna get the girl that I want and the son of a bitch pulled it off and every fucking nerd

cosplayer out there looking for a baddie bitch.

Right at you, fella. Right at you. I can't look at a Jessica Nigri post and not go, God damn, God bless that skinny, scrawny little son of a bitch. I'm so proud of him. We just interviewed Ryan. It was Ryan? Yeah, Ryan. Don't even know his name. I want to go for him. Put in some work. It's like a big old hug. I don't know about it. Give me a high five. You hug him. I'm the invisible masturbator. Smell him. The Dutch brother. Maybe just like a fist bump.

Don't touch his hand, it's so gross. His hand or my hand? Yours. You're a Dutch rudder. Could you imagine how awkward it would be to be that couple out there? People are like, Ryan, how you doing? Let me smell your fingers. I just want to smell your fingers. You're just grabbing it. What the fuck are you doing? Ryan, it's nice to meet you. You're pulling it away. Ryan's like, yeah, just suck him for a minute. I get it. He's just so accustomed to it. You guys remember when we talked about video games? I mean, this guy had a video game. He was...

I mean, it's a game. I don't know if it's a good one. Oh, anyway, hentai. Why is it needed? Did I tell you about the army soldiers with the hentai binders? Oh, my God. Yeah, that's a great story, Dota. It's everywhere. Army drill sergeant here. Big thing, the lower enlisted now, is to have these binders full of hentai stickers, and they trade them like Pokemon cards. Stickers of, like, girls getting fucked by tentacle monsters? Yeah, yeah. Those work.

really gnarly shit. That honest to God, the amount of hentai that I've seen in the army, your question did not faze me. Yeah, I didn't know it was a thing, but every time we go to a black rifle opening up in like Dallas, Fort Worth area, these soldiers show up with these binders full of hentai stickers and they show up to public events. Bro, they came to this event. I'm sorry, I've not heard this story yet, so I'm very... They're like, hey, we decided our binders are, hey, do you want a sticker? We're like, what do you mean? And they open these, like,

like your regular fucking school blind cards. But they're filled with like these, those sleeves where you normally put paper, but they're just filled with random hentai stickers. Like just smut binders. Like what am I going to do with this? He's a smut dealer and he would just be like, do you want one? I'm like, I'll take the Mountain Dew Baja Blast naked chick pouring it on herself. I'm like, yeah, thanks. Yeah. If it was a real girl doing that shit, like maybe, but I don't know.

No, they just... He was like, everyone does this. I mean, there was one that was worth way more. Dude said, like... Or the Illustrator Pokemon card that sold for $900,000 recently. Oh, yeah.

Pokemon cards are fucking ridiculous. Okay, so they just and then we'll go to Pokemon cards or I mean fucking video games We're talking about your he we talked about last time you weren't there. He likes the video game stories I don't remember anything we talked about. I know it was fucking 30 episodes ago. Yeah, I remember we did last episode I drank that was a good one performance wise. It's one of the top ones I found But you during

What was the last game you played? Because you were talking about fucking Hideo Kojima's last game. Death Stranding. Death Stranding. That was the last game that I played. But the cutscenes were fucking irritating. I don't think you beat it when you came on last time, though. I beat it now. Now you beat it. Now you beat it. It was a long coming and going. That's how I found out about super power. The game. I beat the game.

And the biggest thing, I thought it was a great game. I thought it was really fantastic. But midway through the game, midway, not even at the end, midway through the game, I started to get annoyed with the cut scenes because they were long and they were laborious. And when I say laborious, I mean, it was work. It was work for me to pay attention to this ridiculous amount of information that they're showing on the scene regarding the backstory.

Cut out the fucking fat. Cut out the fat. Give me the fucking facts, and then let's keep the game going. Right? Can we not just be like, her hair was as sandy yellow as a marsh plane in January. It doesn't fucking matter. I can see it in the game. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, I can see it. I've got the visuals. I need it. So that was midway through the game. I started to get irritated. And then at the end of the game, about, let's say,

85 to 95% portion of the game. There's so little work that you had to do as in like running around and moving shit around and dropping off stuff. And all the cut scenes took up so much fucking time. It was 60% of running around and doing a mission and then 40 fucking percent in-depth cut scenes. Spread that shit out. I love that. I love when video games turn into movies. Hold on, hold on. I love it when video games turn into movies.

When it's 20% game and then 80% movie for just like the last quarter of it, it's infuriating. Infuriating. Hideo Kojima, he's the creator of that. Yeah, Gary Juju. That's Cody can't say. That's a word Cody says when he flies. Don't, no, it was J-U, J-U. Don't try to get me on the same time. No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no. J-U, J-U. Watch your tongue. That's weird. I just saw you hover a little bit there. That and privilege? Ah!

Captain Privilege. Is this what it's like? Am I getting canceled? But Kojima, he's known for that. Metal Gear Solid, he did all those. Gross. I hated Metal Gear Solid. Same. But I played the first two and then I was like, I see how this is going. Oh, and number two is a perfect example. You do like long ass cut scene, walk one hallway in

Immediately go into long ass cutscene. What's the point? I walked through a fucking door. I know. You're like, why couldn't, why did this cutscene end when I didn't get, this is not playing a game. When I walk forward. Yeah. And I don't interact with anything. Why is the cutscene just, just fucking skip there.

I have two reasons. This is, I'm just being very basic. So don't shit on me totally, right? I'm gonna shit on you. I hope you do. So hot. I'll start turning visible. There's two reasons why a cut scene should be in place, right? To move the storyline and the arc of the game forward, right? You need some sort of description going on in order to move the game forward. And two, as a reward. So you've done something good.

good or great or specific to the game. You beat a boss. And now all of a sudden, here's your reward. Some more information. Oh, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Eat up that delicious reward that you gave me. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Oh, delicious.

Titty treats from Jessica Nigri. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Whatever. I don't think it's any treats from Jessica Nigri. I just think of her boyfriend Ryan just throwing kibble off of her boobs, like trying to get a second of cleavage and some little weebs underneath her just trying to like trying to catch the rebounds. I'm going to text them. I'm going to text them. I was like, you guys, sorry. It's a new episode. We've got your new Twitch stream idea.

Instagram post Even sexual I just want to see these poor little dweebs just like Like like like eating like like goldfish when they're trying to eat the lakes as they float down Oh, no, do amaranth is selling her farts. Yeah. Oh my god. How much is she? She's queen of the twitch thoughts. No

She does the ear licking. She does the ear. She licks at my people that are doing like licking shit, like licking microphones, blow jobs on ears because they can get away with it. Weird. It's like it's like a smart. It's like these don't you know, these fucking that wear bikinis in around water. Females in bikini hot tub stream. Hot tub stream. Because they can't wear bikinis that they're gaming anymore. So they just get hammered on wine. And and

And just show their tits to the world, you know, regardless of who bought them, you know. And with that, I mean, no respect for themselves, obviously. So... But I hit a nerve.

I don't understand why everyone's laughing. I'm just laughing. It's a good joke. Now they're selling farts. Rich is just taking this car. He's like, Bubba! Bubba! Is this a Ford Raptor? Let's go some off road. Is Rich drunk because he's driving? Sober Rich is scary. I can't smell their bodies, so...

Callback. So yeah, selling farts. But like, think about it this way. How much are the farts for herself? I don't know. I don't look it up. But that's the sexism. It's a thousand dollars. That's the sexism. And you shut the fuck up. They're a thousand dollars. Heather and I looked over. It's a thousand dollars. It's a strand of her hair plus a fart. It's a thousand dollars a fart. And she's and I guarantee they're sold out. Oh, probably.

What's her face's bath water sold out? That is the smartest. I forget her name. Oh, God. Bella Thornton. Bella Duffy. Bella Duffy. Bella Thornton. Yeah, she sold out in fucking instantly. It was like instantly she sold out of her bath water. Good for them. I never. You'll get zero hate. I'm like, I would do the fuck out of that. And if any of you are. Would any of you buy my burps with a beard hair in it?

We will collectively fart in a fucking jar. Do we do put all of our butts at once and try to fart at the same time? Or is it individual farts and we...

You gotta scoop it in. I don't like this. Are we catching fireflies? Hold on. Hold on. You're gonna ask how I thought about this. And it's totally from a MythBuster episode. So that's right. But you just, you sit in a suit with a funnel over your crotch and then you fart into a large mason jar. I know this. And then one after one, you all just smooth, you know, get underneath there, fart. And then that's the air mixes and there's your farts. Bro, we're gonna sell the best merch. But hold on. That's why...

Dude, Twitch streaming is like the sexiest shit ever because women can do whatever they want. And guys are like, I'm just here to be nice and be friendly and give you good content. Oh, I don't have tits? Zero views. You got some girl that just like wears pasties and she's like, oh my God, what's a hentai? Yeah.

Oh no, Ibiro Doshimo. And you're like, what the fuck did she just say? She just said some weird fake up. Tokoyama Yamaguchi. And you're like, you're just fucking playing into this trope of what people you think they like. And you've got cleavage. You don't even have to fly to get his superpower. Right? Right?

Oh, I'm not saying that. I'm saying these racist white broads are doing it. These racist white bitches are out here, like, appropriating Asian culture, and everybody's fine with it. Oh, everybody's fine with a pair of white, pink,

pink areola nips just taking all the Asian culture away and selling farts with cat ears and being like, oh, oh, I just do what I can do to make money. And then you got a fucking good content streamer. This guy got like five million fucking cameras and nobody knows who he is.

Look at him living in poverty. No one knows who he is. He couldn't pay for sunscreen. So he just slowly covers up his pasty white skin with tattoos. Do you know how long this dirt driveway is? That's not wrong. That's true. Do you want to see my new tattoo? Oh my God. Yeah. Do you guys see it? So when you go on a first date with somebody. I haven't seen you jump into a pool, so I haven't seen all of your tattoos. When you go on a first date with somebody and you're talking about like crazy things, do you ask like, what's your biggest red flag?

Oh, no. No, I usually just smell it out. Oh, there it is. Is it your right hand? Because you masturbate constantly? I don't. I just tattooed a red flag on my wrist because to remind him. Well, yeah, jerk off with this hand. There you go.

I just... Do you jerk off this way? I don't need to look at it. That's not for me. That's not for me to look at. It's cross draw. That's what it's called, a cross draw joke. I don't know. I just... I made a dumb joke and then I was like, hey man, are you free right now? And my tattoo artist was like, yeah, I'm bored. I'm like, I'm on my way. Straight up. So I got a red flag tattooed on my arm. I wish I could be that free. I have to like think about shit and really want it. Nope. You can be free. I have a chair tattooed on my thigh just because I thought the word charity...

Was funny. Like spelled wrong in charity events. I spelled it like chair. Thanks, Donut. Got you. I have an incorrectly spelled word. Charity. That joke landed really hard. Everybody should have a friend like you. Say it. Say charity slow. Chair. Itty. Thank you. Everybody should have a friend like you.

So that they know what not to do with their lives. Yeah. But can still experience some of the fra, well, frivolity that comes with such a cavalier lifestyle. Yeah, absolutely. That's what I'm here for. I'm absolutely filling a gap. You're like a warning, but also a celebration. I can't even picture going on a date and coming here for the first time.

Is that a pentagram on your wall, oh they'd like that that's some fucking I don't know fuck off aquarium 18 gallons

He's part dolphin. I'm an Aquarius, but actually I'm on the cusp day from Aquarium to Pisces because that's what my birthday is. Oh, my God. I'm a Libra, but I identify as raw. Or I'm a destroyer of worlds. Born under the seventh sun of Hades. Have you guys seen Peacemaker yet? No. I haven't seen the show. I heard it's hysterical.

I want to watch it. You ever do that? You ever want to watch a show, but you just don't get around to it? No, because I watch it. No, I'm the same. I don't have a real job. I know. You just finished. I know. Next piece of... Next part of the podcast.

Cody, you need to watch Peacemaker more than any anime ever. More than hentai. It's not an anime. More than taking care of your son. It's really good. You need to watch Peacemaker. Just watch like the first two episodes. Okay, episode one's not... It's a little forced. Yeah, episode two, three, and it starts picking up pace. Episode one is, it is forced because you go from the movie of what piece, and this was without giving shit away. No spoilers. No spoilers, yeah, yeah. It is a...

you are removed from that movie where he is more of a superhero and to like, I'm, he feels like a regular dude that has some problems, accurate gunfire and a outfit that kind of facilitates his power. But then he's just, that's it. And then he can't break bones sometimes, but he intro is the greatest intro to any TV show I have ever seen. Yeah. Ever.

Oh yeah, it was one of the best. Yeah, because they do the dance sequence. They did like... It's an intro you will never skip. You know, like on Netflix or Hulu, you can skip an intro. It's how... Never. Batman, sorry. It is Batman if Batman was realistic. It's how I compare fucking Peacemaker. If Batman was poor. This isn't spoiling it. It's poor Batman. White trash Batman. It's white trash Batman. Imagine Batman without... How do you love it? Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Without a grappling hook like when he's going out the fucking like It's Batman if Okay, you know the dark is there is enough to get me hooked? He's poor you know Like sitting in a trailer park with his dad. He's got like a pet you know eagerly. Yeah, he's really good I fucking love that he has an eagle his

Eagles named Eagly. There was the comedic, like James Gunn did a really good job on some of the humor. There's a lot of forced, but you guys are going to fucking enjoy it. It is a lot of fun. The only times I'm going to say it's forced is when they're trying to further the story. Yes. The story is definitely like, take it.

everything around it, every bit of character development they've done is so natural and so well done in like painfully cringe, but amazing. I, I, I cannot, it's my favorite show right now without a doubt more than anything else. You think I take pleasure from killing people, ending lives when I'm killing a murderer.

or somebody that committed arson or common theft, do you think that feels good? Because it fucking does. Like, the lines in there are so good, and you're like, God, this is comedy gold on so many aspects. This is not a spoiler, but, like, when he can't do something, so his best friend steps up, and he's like, I got it, buddy. I was just like, oh, he does not give a fuck about this situation. I love it. It's so fucking good. It's good.

You should watch it. Just give it a couple episodes. And it is rated R, so they go hard on it. You got everything you'd want. Titties, whatever you want. Hand tie. His dad is called the White Dragon, if you can go with that one. He's what you'd call Grand Wizard. Yeah, he is a Grand Wizard. There you go. And it's the dude from Terminator 2. The T-1000. Oh, yeah.

I haven't seen that dude in forever. And I was like, oh, this is fucking great. I haven't seen this dude. He's so good. Can we talk about that for a second? Terminator 2? I fucking love Terminator 2. No, just him. Great Terminator 2. No. What? Not in the show. Hair plugs on old guys in Hollywood. Like, he's a handsome man. Just fucking let it thin go bald, buddy. But he's got, like, these atrocious, thinning hair plugs. And you haven't seen him in the show. How bad is it? Because it's way...

Well, they also make it look way worse than the show intentionally, but he's... I hope. Even normally, he's got like some... It looks like a fucking peacock's on his head. My favorite line is it looks like somebody stuck ant legs in your head. Oh my God. I hate it. It's like the single strand with like little branches.

Who's Fujita? I've got a bigger is what it was Fujita Dragon Ball Z the Prince the antagonist in I believe season three and four. Okay, my boy My boy season season three and four one would be I

So actually he's right because one is Raditz, two would be the chain line and the Saiyans coming in. That's like Raditz doesn't... Thank you. Piccolo. We have your honor. Long before... Dragon Ball Z. Season one is Raditz. Dragon Ball is Piccolo. Dragon Ball is Piccolo. Dragon Ball Z.

Dragon Ball, yeah. Dragon Ball is because you go through... Look it up. Because you have Dragon Ball. You have King Piccolo. King Piccolo shits out fucking Piccolo from his mouth. Then at the end during the martial arts tournament, they fight again. Then it goes into the Dragon Ball Z saga, which is...

Raditz showing up to Earth and Goku's alive and Gohan shows his power for the first time. Then it goes into Goku dying, fighting Rat. Goku and Piccolo die because, no, Goku dies because he used a special beam cannon. Do you want to get fucked real quick? Do you want to get fucked? Yeah, go for it. Frieza is season three already. Season two is Ginyu...

Vegeta's already in season one, bro. Ginyu? So they're on episode 100 for Frieza. The third season of Dragon Ball Z anime series contains the Frieza arc. Of how many? Third season, so it's 100 episodes into... 48 episodes in the third season. 35 in the second. No wonder I thought it was the 34th season. I know, whoa. Don't fuck

You said Piccolo. Jesus. I didn't know the numbers. The first one is... Piccolo's not a bad guy. That's funny, though. Raditz and Vegeta is the first one. They say like 48 episodes per season, but half of the episodes, have you ever seen the...

Drag on. Yeah, drag on, Ballsy. Have you ever seen the edits where they take out all the screaming and it's just them talking one another? I love the screaming. It's like 20-minute episodes are down to three and a half minutes. Well, that's what they did Dragon Ball. So they did Dragon Ball. Well, a bridge, but they had Dragon Ball. Super was the new ones. Dragon Ball...

Z no GT Dragon Ball GT. No, there was a there's a Super's the guy Dragon Ball Kai Dragon Ball Kai was an HD remake of Dragon Ball Z Dragon Ball Z is 400 episodes 360 they were like hey, we're gonna take out the screaming and all the extra shit it put it down to 120 episodes they went from like 400 episodes and they're like we're remastering this and

And we're doing it in 120. And I was like, dear God, this is done in 120 episodes. It's better animated. But they got rid of literal all that trash filler. The two minutes before. Spirit bomb. Two minutes before commercial break. Three minutes after commercial break.

That was always it for me when I was young. It was, they would do the, there was all crazy shit two minutes before the commercial break. And then after the commercial break, they would rehash the entire two minutes and then scream for an extra minute and then start. So you'd lose, you lose like fucking 10 minutes of an app, an episode. You know, it would be the perfect television show when, if you had a smartphone, cause you could be like, Oh,

All right. They're screaming. Let me just. They're done screaming. They're done screaming. OK. They're screaming again. All right. Tick tock. Oh, you know, actually, what we need to spend for unsubscribe money. Mm hmm. Meat Canyon animating us. The offenders just animating us or just like a T-shirt design. No, like doing a full series. Just that one episode. Yeah.

Just let me just have fun. I'm going to miss you when you get off words and phrases and make like a minute video. Oh, my God. I guess he's going to make he's going to make you. You watch me. Can you skits? Right? Duh. Oh, like him. That's the reason why it's canon that Bugs Bunny is a troubled person.

He's a rapist. He's a grapist. His fucking Demon Slayer is still one of my favorites. It's like, waveform attack! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

Guys if you haven't seen Meat Canyon head over to YouTube and ruin your childhood real quick. I mean ruin your day, it doesn't matter. Did you watch the Toy Story one? Yeah. I can smell it. Oh my god. I can smell it. Oh I can smell the demons. You can kiss her. These demons are so alive now. It's crazy. He's pretending to be a cop.

Dude, the Toy Story one, have you watched that one? It just came out. Oh my. Yes. Yes. Why wouldn't you move for me? Move for me, Woody. Move for me, Woody. Woody, why won't you show, you show, what's the... Sid. That's because Sid was dying of cancer. You're gonna die of cancer. Mom said he moved. That's what happens. Mom said he moved. He moved to heaven, Woody. He moved to heaven.

The Blue's Clues ones were probably the craziest. That one was dark. That man, can we have him on the podcast already? You should. I just want to talk, like, what is his creative process? Is it acid? I think he wakes up. No, he's depressed. He's sober. He's just insane. He's just super creative. He's a crazy person. You have to listen. So here's the deal, right? I'm going to blow your minds. I'm going to say some real things for a second. I don't believe it. So I watched this interesting Jordan Peterson podcast when I was, and he was talking specifically about the creative brain and like what develops from it.

And so what you have is you have normal society, which is the majority of people, right? And then you have outliers. And the outliers are usually people with a lot of tattoos or ear piercings. Let's bring it back to the 70s, 80s, right? It was these people that would live these extreme lives in our eyes, but they were also ultra-creative.

So when you have people that think outside the box and are like these ultra creative, you're literally you're you're far outside the norm because you have a different thinking process or way of dealing with the world. And watching some of his live streams on Papa Meat because he's got the meat cannon, you

Me Canyon channel. And then he's got Papa me, his secondary, which is secondary where he live streams from is he'll just like talk to people on his Reddit or not as Reddit, his discord or whatever, and be like, Hey, what are you thinking about today? Oh, this, oh, this, oh, that's a good idea. Well, here's a character. Now here's how I want to deform him and how I think that he would look right. And when he, he actually wrote about or talked and drew Woody before months before making that cartoon, um,

And he's like, well, what's big on Woody? His chin. His chin is fucking massive. If you look at it, he's got a big chin. Well, instead of just taking it as like a fun, oh my gosh, little Pixar chin, he's like, and make it cancerous. And he does that amazing thing of making those scary, dead, glossy eyes where if you put it in anything, they're dead eyes. Yeah, it's that black with just the smallest glimmer. It's like the

It's dead eyes. God's light has left that. It's Satan's image in those eyes. It's those cat eyes on Donut's shirt right now, which you can go pick up at donutoperator.com backslash bunker branding slash and you can use discount code cat operator. Gotta do all the work.

Squirrel. But he does like duds. Sorry, I'm fucking interrupting. I love those demon eyes. I'm fucking interrupting. This is what I do. But no, he's a huge camera guy too. He's going to come down. He wants to come hang out because he's big into cameras. Oh, he shot his own...

Little horror series little films that he wanted to be talented dude the extremely talented we nerd out about cameras like two days ago We were talking about that. He got a 42. He said you get the lenses like yeah I got all four and he's like fuck mine are still waiting for him son of a bitch He's like well ones are the best ones is like these ones. He's like oh, those are the ones I got he just nerds out about that shit So he's like I just want to come down a film stuff with all of us hanging out. I

He's a super nerd about this stuff. It can't be invisible. I already claimed it. But him animating all of us. He can animate things into real life. I would love to have him see Naruto, Sai. He has the ink and shit comes out. What's...

But it's fucked up. What's that one card game where it's like blue eyes, white dragon. Yu-Gi-Oh. Yu-Gi-Oh. He's like Yu-Gi-Oh. He comes out like this is imagining him as a hero. He's like, oh, here I am. And he's like doodling shit and then throws the piece of paper and the paper comes alive. That's literally cyber Naruto. Right.

Okay, thanks. That's the superpower that I'm assuming. Oh, see, that's like that right there. I can take that idea and turn that into a skit because it's this. It's like, you throw it and it's like this beautiful image of Donut he draws. And when he throws it, it goes into Meat Canyon's Donut, which is like, hi everyone, I'm Donut Operator. Harry toot toot. He's just like,

You're like, oh, that's coming out right now. Guys, I got a man bun. And I, oh, I poop myself. And then he shoots a minority. Yeah. And it's like meat, candy, and donuts. Let me tell you why it was okay for me to shoot him. Let me break down this shooting. Pow. Just shoot you in real time. Hey, everybody, how you doing here? Let me break down this shooting. Pow. All right.

Alright, so he came at him aggressive. Alright, he's aggressive. Let's rewind the situation. It's a liar, liar, pants on fire moment. As a former police officer. And it cuts to you as the dean. And it's just me just like, just like swallowing donuts, getting fatter and fatter. You know, it cuts to you and you're just, you have the camera, the dean in the end, you're just recording, donut do this. He earned it, he deserved it, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, shoot him again. Shoot him for the fans. Yeah, man, shoot him. You see, he's still a threat. Why am I special? Because you're a full-time YouTuber. I'm sorry, Floch. Full-time YouTuber's on the spot. I'm sorry.

Fleck, you'll be fine with it. YouTubers, you're welcome for this. Wait, so we have a question. No. And he just had a speech impediment. He wasn't special. Watch your tone. He was just chewing on his tongue. I got a list. And that's how that's done. Don't judge me.

And what would the negative be to him throwing his cool little spirit paper just like Naruto fuck me sorry? I was no that's it. He's a very good artist. He's the DaVinci of artists, but when he casts his Oh

Creepy me cameras like you do the state would come I had to kill you a boxer

I know you're here. Stop it. Oh, Papa. Oh, my God, roll. I'm here, Papa. I'm a real boy. I need your flesh and blood. Oh, God, no. He's a demon. Papa, I need your flesh and blood. Mother of Mary, take the life away from this child. I need your flesh and blood. Save my soul. I want to be a real boy, Papa. Jesus Christ.

It's so short. It's so simple. Like, that's how beautiful it can be. Like, that's one reason why, like, Vine was great is you can take a joke and you boil it down to the bare essence. And you can take that great anime or anime, that cartoon, and it's just like, oh, yeah, this boy that walks around as a puppet, that's a fucking demon. And you just, there it is. We got a great episode. That's why I love, like, content creators like that because they're,

It's their brains and how they operate everyone everyone's and that's why I like this is a good beat We'll fucking stop soon. We were an hour or something This is great. Batty has a completely different brain for how he does twitch how he performs all that stuff It's fucking awesome on like how you build your personality how you build your stream you have all these cameras none of us do that I like when you compliment me Cody like how you do police shootings how you do you break down your vlogs or a fucking fever dream they

They are. That's how everyone's like, man, Cody's vlogs are so good. Everyone, you have like Casey Nisek. He's like, okay, story, a article. Okay. And then we got the crescendo. We peak, we go back. We go. Cody's is like fucking waking up. What's up, bitches? I'm in a car right now. Food. Brandon Herrera. Hey, angry cop. Hey, have you seen my son? This is my son. My car's not.

Not here yet. Thanks, fucking Dodge. And end episode. Episode one. And you're like, what the fuck? You just go on your fucking tangents, which are one of the most beautiful. I had one on here, actually. I hate tangents. A lot of them. I fucking hate tangents. How you hate walkthroughs, I hate fucking tangents.

You, though, have fucking beautiful tangents like the stolen Valor chick. Like, you got me hooked on that first minute. And that's the thing. You can hook somebody. I was like, I need to know where the stower goes. Look at me, daddy. I'm just like, okay, let's go. You can fuck it. You're off the hook. You're off the hook.

I don't want this fish. - You set it in and then I just stayed for the 20 minute video. It's like, wait, it's getting worse. And that's what you do. You've set it up on that first minute. You're like, oh, it gets fucking worse.

It gets fucking worse. And I was like, okay, Rich is like truly pissed. Oh, I was mad. My best videos are when I actually get upset. Like I did like a, it wasn't like a rant, but I, it was a rant. There was a topic for about where I yelled for like a minute and a half here. I forget what it was because I was like, no, this is fucking stupid. Oh yeah. It was the, yeah, it was that Toshito,

I can just picture your shirt. It's you pointing to an Asian man saying Toshido Wasabi. Yeah.

That guy. You know? At some point in this podcast. I'm allowed to make fun of Asians. My last name is High. Okay? I'm allowed. I think that makes it worse. But your content, that's what you do, and you're so good at it. You have your comedic beats when you go on your tangents. Like, you're fucking God at it. And that's what's awesome about content creating. And Meet Canyon, like, what we were talking about. What are you good at? Nothing. Fucking just shit. Oh, yeah. His Photoshop is fantastic. He makes us all look very good on camera. You made your feet hands. He made his feet hands.

I hated it so much. And you don't notice it. It's that good. I noticed it. Until you look at it and go, he's a chimp. And then you see that creepy thumbs hanging over the side of the... The thumbs, that's right. Hanging over the side of the... It's so good. It's so good. It's just that little... It's that when people are like, why did Eli post this pic? I'm uncomfortable. Because your hands were feet. And your feet were hands. He's just got this little thumb hanging off the side of the flip-flop. Like, you don't realize what's underneath...

What's holding up that rifle is not fingers, it's toes. And you're like, he's got a dwarfy little pull. It's how it should be when you're doing content.

No, and that's what I think the creative people, I love watching that process because I'm not Twitch. You reign supreme on that shit, on how you do your shit. I'm more of like, I'm just going to talk. I'm going to fucking make jokes. I'll play my video games. You'll screech a little bit. Yeah, I'll screech. Cody's great on podcasts. We couldn't shut him up. Honestly. Punch him in the face. Punch him in the face right now. Well, Batty's here, so...

As always we have done an operator at Eli bubble bath Give your pitch. Let's hear what you got going working the people find you you can find me on YouTube and Instagram for my content which is hysterical military videos and

- What's the name? - You gotta say the name though. - It's Angry Cops. - Okay, well you can't just-- - I'm not done yet. I was gonna say, or you can talk to me on Reddit or Twitter, but they're all under the pseudonym Angry Cops. Thank you for blowing up my spot. - Fucking idiots. - Jesus Christ. Well, sorry when you're doing a business pitch, you don't leave it for the end.

Like, hey, if you want to follow me, Angry Cops, that's on YouTube, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Instead, you're like, let me give you a five-minute diatribe so you get bored and then end it with AngryCops.com. Oh, coming from the guy who likes my five-minute diatribes. Okay, well, so am I good at them or am I full of shit? There you go, all over your pants like a blister cell. I have a full crotch of water. I'm about to turn invisible. Oh, I didn't show my short shorts. You forgot to bring your legs up.