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Why is the blackberry top black and not purple? People keep taking my mic. All the other ones are the same color as the can. Oh, I tasted your burp. That's kind of racist. That's why, why didn't they make the top purple? They made it black. Ketchup and onions. White claw.
White Claw. Why is it going to be black? Oh, wait. Let me get this. White Claw, why didn't you want to sponsor us? We can talk about that. We got the official denial, at least. White Claw, I've been shooting your shit for like a year. What the fuck? Fuck White Claw. I mean, it worked for G Fuel. Okay, ready? Three, two...
Hi, everyone. Unsubscribe podcast here. We're with Batty, Donut, and Eli Double Tap. Remember to like, subscribe, and comment below because we always forget to do this. So we're adding in like a five-second segment. Yeah, wherever you're listening, whether it's on Amazon, Google, Apple, Podbean, Castro, or...
that other place uh make sure you rate it do a rating of not four stars or three stars the highest numbers all of them stars like mario i didn't know we're on amazon we are that's cool are we yeah hi everyone unsubscribed podcast here welcome to us we have batty streams over here we have eli double fap
And Mr. Brandon Herrera once again, just because we were all at the bar and he was like, yeah, I'll come do that stuff again. Hopefully the audio works. This time. We're good. Good. We're good. Branded brand new guests. Never been here before. Super excited to have you. Long time viewer. First time caller. Love that joke. It's like we're slumming it and we don't have anything else to talk about. So it's like you guys.
Bring Brandon on again. Guys, we have nothing interesting to talk about. What's the AK guys? We can't afford. We can't afford any real guests. Who's that one fucking guy who hangs out with us? Jesus. Jesus.
He's Mexican, but slightly Arab. There we go. Get him on the show. And here we are. With AK-47 man. Yeah. We spent all our money on Danny Worsen. Oh, that's right. People will know we did that. That's right. Yeah, we had like Matt with great audio, by the way. Oh, no. Oh, no.
We meet today. Danny was on the podcast. Yeah, Danny was last week. I didn't fucking know. All right. He was our last guest. That was a good one. That was a great one. Tells you how much they fucking tell me. We don't tell you how much you watch our episodes. I didn't. It's not out yet. It's not out. When's the last episode you watched of us? The one with Matt this morning. You watched the whole thing? No. It just popped up into Instagram. He's like, interacting. I watched a new video from
demo i watched 100 seconds before i was like audio shit i'm gonna go have breakfast yeah sorry about that again everyone eli the light's still red it's my favorite line to say now eli double tapped the record i did not there was you were on it i have the clip of you doing it
Hey, Batty, your audio sound. It's gone because you were standing over there. Why would I double press the fucking audio? Because it was when we were first starting to learn how to use this. You were like, okay, this is how I tell them upon. I hate it. I'm going to not. It's all right. The first time it was my fault. The second time it's your fault. Don't know. We need you to ruin the audio. I'm getting a call from Grantham. Wait, give me an answer. Let's do it. Absolutely. We can edit it out if anything's like meh.
hey buddy what's going on what's up fuckface how are you yeah i'm doing great i'm doing great man i'm on a podcast what's up oh my god well in that case i'll call you back it's all good i've got mike you i'm sorry shit eli double tap baddie uh donut you know we're all just having a good time great i i opened that call up wonderfully yeah a hundred percent this is the podcast hi mike
We were supposed to talk about video games, but so far we just talked about audio problems. Why am I not on this podcast? Why the fuck are you not on this podcast? Mike, don't even start with me. I literally, we have a text conversation today about you being on this podcast. Eli, why do you not? You piece of shit. I suck your dick. Sorry, what? Eli just doesn't like me. He goes to FN and says, hey, FN.
Grantham's a piece of shit, and Ethan's like, yeah, he is. This is great for the podcast. This is good. I can already tell. This bit's getting cut out. No, it's staying. It's staying. I hope all this stays. Well, when is the next podcast I can hop in on? I don't know. When you're fucking not med boarding. Literally come to Texas. That's it. Just be in Texas. Well, be in Texas. What the fuck? Okay, well, I'll try to make it down there.
That is the weakest answer. You can sleep in my bed. Mike, imagine this. Close your eyes. Let's go to Mike. Yeah, well, yeah. Dude, Seattle's so much. Last time I went there, I was in the hospital. Let's move the podcast to you. Do it on the gun range. Yeah, this is going to be beautiful. At any point, anybody can just pull out a gun and start shooting. Well. Oh.
Can we duel? So I have this idea. Never mind that I'm cutting out of this because that is a genius idea. I know. I know. So why don't you guys all come down here? We do it. Done. Yeah. Yeah. For one, it's up there. You're north. Remember that. Secondly, I am in the north. Be careful what you say. OK, Jon Snow, calm down.
your last season sucked yeah one snow saying that yeah one snow says you suck i don't want to be king what's that ash says hi oh hello hello hi i love you and pokemon i'll let you guys back to your podcast we're going up to you oh my god that is a really good idea
God, I can't wait to not talk about Mike's super cool idea. We'll just bleep that out, which is great for them because they're going to be like, now you're going to have to wait for a future thing to watch us do something cool with Grantham. We all have to get a fifth Mike. That is actually a really good idea. That is. I have a fifth one. We all throw money down on it, maybe. There's a prize or something. This is why Mike doesn't fucking talk to us. He's so cool.
Batty Fangirl. Batty Fangirl is so hard on me. But he's so cool. I'm not doing it, Batty. This is a really good idea, though. What were we doing today? I don't know. We're talking about video games. Video games. We have Brandon's pissed about something. Batty finally accomplished something. Donut. Why did you say that? What?
Come subscribe Brandon great to have you back everyone old everyone always says you should be a fourth host
And we reply, that's stupid. But God, it's good to hear that. To all the people out there who keep commenting that I should be a fourth host, do you really think they could afford me? To the tens of people saying that. To the tens of people whose comments I always like.
It's going to be such a bummer when I get fired from this podcast and I hire Brandon. It was just my idea.
Hello everyone, it's the Unsubscribe Podcast with Eli, Brandon, Cody, and my assistant, Patty. I'm okay with that. No, I'll take that. Yeah, I'm fucking... I'm telling you, I gotta have a backup plan for when I finally fail. That is a weekly check. We are all of each other's insurance plans. Like, whenever one of us gets fucking canceled, it's gonna happen. Somebody's gonna get fucking kicked off the internet, and it's probably gonna be Donut, but...
When we finally do, I can be a barista. Why would it be Thomas? It was a joke. I could be a barista. I know why. I could build AKs.
Hi everyone, half the podcast here.
That's going to be a good episode today. I like this. I don't. This is why we don't meet at a bar first. People listen to this on their morning commute as we're on like our 6 p.m. home commute.
I'd say every other episode, it's like a three-hour bar venture before the podcast. Only the good ones, though. Yeah, that's what I said. Every other episode. What the fuck's going on? Batty, I love your shirt today. I'm not going to lie. My D&D shirt? Yes. I'm wearing a D&D shirt. Batty. Everyone out there. Batty did something spectacular on stream, which somebody... Okay.
before giving it away someone did they clip your twitch interaction of it someone cut oh yeah dude that was hilarious i was like that was bad he's fucking reaction i was pissed for that that's why i did it you're like oh that's cool i was like oh the pokemon thing yeah so for the last 70 plus hours uh over the past 30 hours two weeks yeah on a 30 hour game i did
nothing but play the same 90 seconds, the same four first minutes of the game over and over and over and over again, trying to get a very special, stupid, pointless starter Pokemon. And I finally got it after 2175 soft research, which is
like 50 plus hours 60 hours of just the same 90 seconds took me like 70 hours because i'm slow sometimes and i got the amount of time you could have learned a language yeah honestly i could have done so much more like i could have learned actual stuff and instead i lost thought i became dumber
And I got the shiny fucking Pokemon. It's a shiny Turtwig. It's my favorite one. Fuck you. I love Pokemon. And we've talked about this the past three. Yeah. Working on this over the two weeks. That's right. And I finally got it. And I was live on Twitch when I did it. And as soon as I saw it, my eyes exploded for a minute. I was like, no.
I must make the internet angry. And I just went, ah, cool. All right, well, moving on. So that was intentional. Because I was wondering, had you not explained this to me prior, I was just like, wow, he's really underreacting, but whatever. Okay. So I initially had been wearing a robe and pretending I was a blood god, and we were sacrificing my viewers to it, trying to make the Pokemon summon. I was just banning everyone in my chat that was talking, dude. Right.
And then I saw it appear. I stood up, walked out of my room, took off the room, came back, sat down, went, all right, moving on. I guess I can play the game now. Everyone's so mad. Everyone is so mad at me. They're like, this? I've been watching for a week and a half for this. It's like the Chad meme. Yes. That's why you were, okay. I was so confused because you're like, oh, and then you walk away. And that's the reaction. And it was like five seconds later, I came back, sat down. I was like, oh, all right, it's cool.
You son of a bitch. Because I had that special, the second part when I walked in and sat down and clipped. I was like, oh, I got it. Cool. I just ended it and we moved on. And that was it. I fucking ended the stream like 10 minutes later after talking to people. 70 hours and people waited for that exact moment. I've been thinking about, I was like, I need to just...
I'm just, how could I piss people off? If I get excited, everyone's gonna be like, oh, he's so happy. Of course, that's what he's like. But if I just don't react, everyone's gonna be so mad at me. 45 seconds later, you just walk off again. Mom! Mom, get the camera! Lori was sleeping in the other room. I went there, I was like, Lori! She had to wake up at 6 a.m. Lori!
I just picture her belly. She's like, what, babe? Dude, I took a picture of my phone. I was saying this to people. It's a house on fire. No, I got a Pokemon. No, it's better. They sent a picture to Kings in all capsules. Like, fuck you. I hate you. I did it. Because we had a little bet in like 20 gifted subs or whatever to see who could get it first. And
I screeched like a child into his ears. 20 gifted subs. Yeah, not a lot. 70 hours of work for $50. Just bought my drinks for the day. You don't understand how petty I am, guys. When somebody says you're going to quit before you get it. Well, I just cleared my next two week schedule. Here we go. I am unbelievably petty. That's really what this comes down to. But you did it. I envy that.
Fucking did it. So proud of you, bro. You Pokemon did out. You got your blue bush. He turned into cabbage. He turned into a piece of broccoli. Broccoli. Did we ever clap at the beginning of this podcast? So we're beginning now. We're like 20 minutes in, right? Yeah, Flux is just going to be like, God damn it.
Which I'm going to set a timer now. Recorder's still going. Okay, the audio's good. Audio's still on! The little red light of love. Welcome to unsubscribe. It's the fucking SATs of podcasts. I don't know how long I've been here. Groundhog Day podcast. Just keeps resetting.
In the way that it makes me want to take a bath with a toaster, correct? Yes. Is that the way you're going to go? Like a bath with a toaster? I've thought about it. The sad little toaster that could. It's that entire animated hour, 30 seconds. You got two googly eyes on it. The pool with Brandon. The last little toaster that could. Oh, no. Oh.
Welcome to the podcast. All these chords are on my side. It feels like I'm getting, I honestly do that on purpose. Getting raped by Dr. Octopus over here. Oh, that would be really cool in Japan. Speaking of graping. I was going to go speaking of doc. No, no, no. Fuck Spider-Man. Speaking of graping. Uh,
merch is gonna be coming soon oh my god yeah great transition baddie oh okay okay that makes way more sense now
Speaking of, I was like, how is this working into the segment at all? Speaking of getting brutally great, merch is on sale at astonishing prices. These holiday prices. Everything has to go. Do you think it might be live by this time this podcast comes out, though? Really? Maybe. Two weeks? Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They're fast. They're real quick. Can we say who we're with? Yeah. Absolutely. So, I'm sorry. Donut, you do it. You do your sexy voice. Oh, so. Hi, everyone. Donut here. What do you have to say?
I don't know. You said do sexy voice. It's a warm up. Hi, everyone. You get the cum out of my throat. I picture this is a quick date for you. No, we were hanging out with old Demolition Ranch the other day and Bunker Branding is going to be the official distributor of the unsubscribed merch.
Just to be clear, Matt didn't show up. We had to do what we planned. It was bullshit. We didn't want Matt. Matt would have been like, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we went behind his back and went with the manager. Matt, the owner of the biggest family-friendly firearms channel in existence, we have a bunch of cum shirts we'd like to talk about. We call them cum rags. Okay. Oh, yeah.
- Or Comrex today. - Which is one of the shirts of the T-Rex. - That's one of the shirts of the T-Rex. - I'm so glad. - We can have Brobot draw the T-Rex. He does all that slutty merch anyway, so. - This is where lore starts on a podcast. - Oh, there's already lore. There was already the fan pick of me, Eli, and Donut fucking, so that was great. - I forgot about that. - They had that before the podcast.
To be fair. You'll have to cut you in with the... We'll cut you in with a percentage for the T-Rex. That was like a group number. Oh, I thought you meant into the fucking fanfic. I'm like, oh yeah. So I'll be the awkward third wheel. We can write you in, bro. I'll be the...
Oh, God. Brandon's watching from the corner. He's got an AK watching from the corner. He's actually cleaning the AK. He's seen VG's turn on slowly. Cleaning an AK was actually way more offensive than whatever the fuck we were just talking about.
this man will fuck dudes before he does that. He's like, gross, I'm not touching this. He just walks in, he's like, here we go. I'll fuck a dude before I clean an AK. What am I, gay? I mean...
Okay. You are allowed to kiss your homies if you got socks on. If you don't have socks on, you can kiss your homies. You just got to high five after. If you don't high five, you're dating. Those are the rules. Is that the rules? Those are the rules. You can kiss your homies with socks on. If you don't have socks, got to high five. So hypothetically, I fuck my buddy's wife with socks on.
Did you high five him after? Yeah. Then you're good. Okay, well, shit, I'm all right. As long as you high five after, you're good. It's just like a team bonding exercise.
I'm just taking notes out here. With a quiz. Those are the rules, man! I don't make them, I just let everybody know. Whose fucking rules are these? Man, is this on the test? If you can't kiss your homies, why are they your homies? Fuck! Which one of you fucked my girlfriend?
Thanks for having me on the podcast, guys. This is, uh... Shut the fuck up. That's all donut work. That's all donut work. You're such a dick. I love you. I love you. It's good knowing you guys. That's fucking awesome. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I don't...
What day is it? This is why we don't film after we go to the bar. Are we even... Is that going to get included? Oh, I don't know. 100% it has to. My chest hurts. We all love you. What? What?
So a big portion of the podcast viewership is like, what would it be like to hang out with these guys? I would have a beer with you. This is what it's like. This podcast is as close as you'll get. This is pretty much it. Can I ask before we put that up? My chest hurts. Jesus Christ. Oh my God. Fuck, Benny. That is the hardest I have laughed in a very fucking long time.
So video games. Oh man. Stop it! Stop laughing, Donut! Oh my god. We had to make... That was like four fucking minutes of laughing. That's so good. Donut's like, this is comedy gold. No!
Look how he's holding his face right now. He's like, is it worth it? I don't know. I know what I have to do. I don't know if I have the strength to do it. He's like, this is the cross I bear today. Yeah, you just throw that cross over your shoulder. Maddie, do they get Uber out here? Jesus Christ.
That is gonna have another heart attack. Oh, Batty's strong again. Oh, Bing. Bing's not as happy and as strong. Call the Bundulance. Everything hurts. Stratty Beams. Just call us the Badulance.
I'm just going to grab another one of these. The last five minutes has been completely incomprehensible. We apologize. No, we don't. Oh, my God. Fuck. Halo. Halo. That hurts my soul so bad. Oh, my throat hurts. Oh, my God.
Jesus fuck. Stop laughing. I know it's been like two days since I've seen you guys, but like, holy fuck, I miss you. This is fucking great. We're the three best friends. All right, fuck you, man. Well, we're the three best friends. You're the, we're the three. Do you remember? Okay, okay. Do you remember the hangover when they sang the song? There was the three of them trying to save their four best friend.
They were the fourth best friend. I'm laughing still! They're trying to save their fourth best friend! Strati-beams. Strati-beams is having a strunk called a baddie. You're our friend stuck on the roof of the mattress. Shut the fuck up. I don't know. Things do better than all of us, just to be completely honest. Spitting on me now?
That's my job. Got it. You gotta aim for his mouth, actually. This episode's gonna be called Incomerable Laughter. That's it. That's the episode name. I was 30 minutes of him laughing. This episode's sponsored by the Rustic. That's a bar.
So we had some topics, I think. Oh my god. Okay, we'll move. Everyone, we'll take a breather. I don't even know if Zay left the room. He can't be in here anymore. He's like, I don't know what these white people are talking about. White people, am I right? Game review. My jaw hurts. Oh no. Oh no.
What were we talking about? Brandon hates the new Jurassic Park. Why do you got to say it like that? Sorry, Brandon, rephrase it.
I fucking hate Jurassic Park. Well, so the last time I was on the podcast, we were talking about Jurassic, Jurassic Park, Jurassic World Evolution 2. Yeah, Jurassic World Evolution 2. Zoo tycoon style dinosaur game. I paid $60 two days ago to download that game. I was very excited because I was a big fan of like Jurassic Park Operation Genesis. I love that fucking game.
Now I'm wondering if I was a fucking retard in my teenage years. Or if... Or if this game sucks. And I'm not sure which it is. I'm genuinely not sure. I'm gonna let you finish before I throw a white gladio. So I played the first campaign mission. Yep. And then I played the chaos theory mode. Yo, chaos theory mode, yeah. Yeah.
On the first Jurassic Park, like Isla Nublar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, for those who don't know, Chaos Theory is where you try to play the scenarios that happen in the movies and try to fix them. That was the most, like Isla Nublar specifically, was the most miserable gaming experience I've ever had in my life. I was going to fucking kill somebody. I hated it.
Did you have you played the actual game or did just the hardest challenge setting possible? The campaign that is the campaign was boring as fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Did you do the sandbox where you just build a park and have fun? They claim that they're like, hey, this is for that fucking season. No, it's to learn it. You got to learn it. That's how you learn the game. The campaign. Yeah, it was.
So you did the... It was rainbow. You did the tutorial and then played the hardest possible thing that's not fun. I knew how to play it. It just sucked.
- Batty's trying to defend it the best he can. - I had so much fun playing this game. - So what did you play? What did you play in the game? - I did the three campaigns in a free mode. - Three campaigns? - Yeah, 'cause it teaches you how to do all the really actual fun, hard, difficult shit. - I have a hard time, like, so-- - Oh no, sorry, I only did two campaigns, two games. - Oh no, only two campaigns. - Yeah, 'cause I went right to free play after.
I was like... The sandbox, I should say. I love the fucking capitalistic, like, build your park the way you want it. And it was like, you now work for the Park and Wildlife Service. These are free reptiles that are just roaming around. We're just going to need you to tranquilize them and then put them in a secure facility that's up to OSHA standard. I'm like, fuck you. Okay, so is your problem with the game or with the government? Both! I hate both of those things!
- Equally! - No, I hate Jurassic Park too a little more. - You do not hate Jurassic Park more than the ATF. - Yeah, that's true. - Jurassic Park's not gonna kill your dog. - I could almost say that with a straight face. I hate the government a lot more, but yeah. - You hated the part even where you get to shoot the dinosaurs out of the helicopter? - Well, so like, the only thing I hated is the interface where there was like four different tasks where you're like, okay,
Something's wrong with this dinosaur. Cool. Okay. Trank him. Okay. They have a fucking ingrown toenail. Okay. Trank him. Now fucking pick them up. Take them to the center. Okay. Now assign a scientist to them. Okay. Now put them back in. It's like, okay, I don't want eight phases for every time somebody has a fucking stomach ache. Oh, so the game's too hard for you? We know how he operates now with his animals. Like, oh, my dog's kind of sick with an ingrown toenail.
Well, I'm thinking real life. I'm like, I have these actual problems. And you know what I do is I fucking hire people to take care of it. So I don't have to do these things. That's why you hire the scientists. But it doesn't fucking matter if like I have to tell them every fucking thing they do.
That's called babysitting, and that's what I don't want to do. This sounds like actual job operations. It is! It's like we were talking about earlier. It's like we get on the podcast and talk about gaming, and instead we do city planning for Bernie. I didn't want this part of the job! I didn't sign up for Tim doing his goddamn job downtown! It's literally the game! It's city planning! It's like...
It's the game. That's the game. That's the fun part of the game. I enjoy that. I wanted to build a Jurassic Park, Casey. Now do your fucking job. Jesus Christ. No, I see what you're saying there. You're in charge of the park. Why not delegate and be like, hey. Weird. It's like the people designing these games don't know how to fucking delegate things so they can make something worthwhile. I thought the game was really fun. Patty also likes Targon.
it's true i have problems 20 000 hours to get a pokemon oh we can't choose trust baddie for fun honestly no i'm not a great i'm not a great baseline this litmus test is fucked up bro so i would like to know why you enjoyed the game uh because i i just enjoy like those planning building games i i literally have no issues with delegation and planning like that i
You have to hire the correct scientist for the correct job because each scientist has their own stats. So you have to make sure you hire the ones you can afford, but also the ones that can help you. Then you fire the fucking, the shitty ones. Oh, I feel so good to fire those shitty scientists when you have one. You have one that's, it's kind of nice, right? Like you have a scientist for one that's got nothing but all of his shit into like the excavation. So like, it's amazing to fire people and not worry about what they're going to say about you on social media. I know! It's great! Man, these Glassdoor reviews. Oh my god.
- Oh no! - Working for that batting guy is not good. - That's part of the game. - It's like, goddammit, this scientist is talking so much shit. - It was a really great job. I was digging up fossils until he called me the F slur. - Here we are. - Now he's canceled on Twitter. - He called it a gamer word.
So Jurassic Park, Jurassic World Evolution 2 was a great game, guys. Brandon's not, doesn't like it. I liked it. So far, the unsubscribe. Two and a half stars out of five. Two and a half, yeah. Two out of every three gamers enjoyed it. I really want to like it. I do. I'll give it another shot. Don't play Chaos Theory if you're learning the game. Okay. It's not good. I was so, I went into the hardest, like, setting, or not the hardest, but like the second hardest setting in sandbox mode.
I played the tutorial for like 20 minutes live on stream. I was like, you know, I can figure this out. Fuck tutorial. Right in a sandbox mode. I was so stressed, screeching like an idiot. I'm like, shit, a dinosaur's got the fucking...
the flu dude that seriously is what pissed me off it's like this is like being a manager it's stressful yeah and it was yeah it was it was yeah but it was i had fun being stressed terrible i don't i'm stressed enough in my normal career i'm like oh i'm unemployed so like have you tried layoff simulator 2021 it's fucking amazing oh my god and somebody made that game you just get to fire people it's a new person coming in it's weird you're having three dialogues
You're just playing office space VR. So what would you say you do here? You're just trying to keep your Glassdoor reviews high. Well, this guy's entire purpose is to make it. This guy sucks, but he's also super underconfident, so we can just not pay him anything and put him in the basement. Just take his stapler. It'll be fine. Jesus Christ. How do I make him not come back with a gun and kill all his coworkers? Like,
Shit. Shit. Just watch out. Make sure he doesn't buy a Kel-Tec sub-2000. Hello, Greg with a trench coat. You're a fan of the Matrix. Oh, God. You just had to leave the conversation. Just grandma's boy with a different universe. Oh, no. It's a million dollar game.
I mean, there's farming simulator. Like, where's that's why I'm saying layoff simulator. We get proceeds on auto generation. Yeah, exactly. They basically have that Jurassic world, though, honestly, where it's like like the sabotage meter. It's like if you piss off your scientists so much, they just start letting dinosaurs. You don't let your scientists take breaks every so many fucking years.
like jobs, they'll get mad. They'll start like just fucking off the Dennis Nedry syndrome basically where they just like, oh yeah, they'll just steal your shit and let fucking dinosaurs eat people. It's actually like, I like it. Is there a game mode where you can track like how many civilians come in and get eaten by dinosaurs? All of them. Yeah. All of the game modes. Yeah. But that would be, that would be rad. Like, do you win? Like, is there a game where you win if more civilians get eaten by dinosaurs? Hungry, hungry hippo.
Donut was the guy who played roller coaster tycoon and then set the boomerang coaster to launch Just kill people but you don't have like a two-foot path So there was like a thousand people stuck in that little spiral not one back interview of the high score Pfizer hires you This is why I have 3,000 hours in RimWorld
I like to torture those little people. There was a joke there. Like, I was just like, do all the fates is playing right now. It's like, how do I get through that? I swear to God, you can look back on it. I'm like, just like, there's something there. It's luck. Lay that in.
I want to see Brandon's eyes like shooting around. It's fucked up because I know what happened. Because I do the same thing with the joke. I'm like, it's almost there. Obi-Wan's head over. You are my brother. Numbers are flying across the screen. No.
so halo oh my god halo halo we've been here for like two hours probably like 10 minutes yeah probably
halo the new halo i can so the campaign dropped yesterday yesterday and g i was i was like i called don't i was like fuck i can't talk to you about this i talked to lightning on the way home like cosmic warrior huge beautiful face paint and he loves uh fucking halo but also i call him stop yes and yes
Drive home or drive to, uh, rustic. It was like, I had to fucking talk to somebody. It was like, this game is so fucking good. Halo. Who likes Skyrim here? Me, Batty. It's bought seven times. It's open world with quests and you can do them whatever fucking order you want. And you can upgrade your armor and, uh,
Stats on what you want. Like you're like, oh, I want a better grappling hook that now stuns and does this stuff. Oh, my shield does X, Y, and Z. I'm...
The world's fucking massive. It is literally Skyrim with the Halo world. Do you just jump on ships? You can get whatever you want. You can get fucking tanks. You can build fucking... You can Skyrim across the world. That's how you get hit on monetization. Oh, two down. Murdered an animal on stream. Flood put two lives lost during this podcast. Put a little Call of Duty hit mark. Yeah, yeah.
Now play sad, bad recorder music. There's our shrug. There's our shrug. God damn it. But not that like an off version. Slow it down 35% so it's slightly distorted. Like that. And we're okay, Fluck. Thank you. Gotcha.
Halo's good, good. Good, good. So I know Infinite... How many hours have you guys put into it? No one's played it but me. How many hours? You haven't played it? No. I have it installed, ready to go. I have not played it yet. Same. I've heard nothing but amazing things. I've watched a lot of Infinite. I've been avoiding the campaign because I have hated... I have absolutely fucking hated the last two Halo campaigns. They were fucking awful. And that's what? Four and five? Yes. Yeah. Bad, bad. All the...
I played them and I hated it. Is this one the same Master Chief, though? Yes. Yeah. Okay. So this takes place after five, but four and five are everyone that came in the chat. Actually, a good viewership on playing that game yesterday. New viewers watching me play and they were like, yo, five. Here's what happened on that. Because I know a lot of the same. Yeah, absolutely. Yes.
But holy shit, the exploration, how big the map is, the grappling hook is fun as fuck. And I usually hate grappling hooks. We've been over how much I hate grappling hooks. We've shit on grappling hooks for the last five podcasts. Yes, and they've done it so good in this. And it is...
The map size is fucking ridiculous. That's like what I can't grasp. And you can if you make your fobs, then you can make the vehicles you want to drive around in. Oh, no shit. Oh, you get to make the weapons in campaign. No shit. It is fucking insane. I'm going to ask one question because I don't want to spoil it.
Is it on a singular planet or are you singular? An entire halo. Oh, it's on. Okay. Okay. Which is a planet. I already know the word. That's why. So I know where it's on a planet ish. Yeah. It's on a ring. Didn't they destroy all of them?
No, so it was seven initially, correct? It's what wiped out the universe. If you actually know the story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The mass weapon. All right, you're watching the unsubscribed podcast. We know the fucking Halo lore. This is the Sparks Note version of Halo lore. There was a bunch of rings. They killed one. Then there was like, oh, no, there's more out of the big fucking station. And now there's another newer ring that's going to make a dead world disrupting weapon. All right, so we fucked up Iraq, but apparently there's Afghanistan and a few other places.
A couple other places with this religion that kind of want to blow up the world. Nice.
I just pictured that. Oh my God. It's almost like that's when Halo 1 was written. This was the allegory. That's relatable. Weird. Master Chief's like, ring one's complete. Wait, there's oil on ring two? Where'd it go? Man! There's oil on ring two! Has anyone heard of the Pakistan ring over there? Boys, four and under Dawn doesn't gas herself.
Speaking of Fordo and Don, did you ever watch that live action they did? Very good. Holy fucking shit. Speaking of which, next year, aren't they doing a live action thing again? There's a new Halo live action that's going to be coming out. I will watch that. Don, did you ever get to watch that? No, I never watched it. It's on Amazon or Netflix. No, it's on YouTube. Fuck.
yeah it's on you can watch it's like a tv show like seven or eight episodes 10 10 minutes per episode you can watch the whole thing like an hour yeah you get they made a super cut of it finally at the end after it was all released it's like a little mini halo movie based between the events of three and four or four and five i don't remember three and four and it is the following the cadets or the yeah it might be four and five i thought it might have been like before the fall of reach three
No, it was after-reach because it was following the brother of an ODST trooper. So it was past. It's not... The officers going into training camp. Because I thought it was the ones when they were putting down that insurrection or whatever. Like the human insurrection.
- I think it has to do with ODF's team. - The insurrection actually happened before the Covenant actually attacked. - That's what I thought they were doing, 'cause like the first time they got attacked was like, "What the fuck is this?" - Well, they knew about the war, but-- - Wait, this was the first-- - Wait. - Fuck, now I'm actually confused. - I don't remember. - I think I'm correct on this, but I'm not sure. - Because-- - 'Cause they were looking at like these insurrectionists, "Oh yeah, fuck these guys." - They were, you're actually right. - And then the Covenant attacks them, they're like, "Who the fuck are these guys?"
But John 117, Master Chief, he didn't land until... Fuck, now I'm actually confused, you son of a bitch. And I know the fucking... I'm looking. Oh, I'm looking. Hopefully I saved you guys a lot of hateful comments. Otherwise, I got a bunch of hateful comments from fucking you guys. I mean, you're going to get hateful comments no matter what. Well, that's fair. But it is actually really good. That because they portray Master Chief as like an eight foot fucking dude.
As he should be. Yes. Because all the soldiers that went through the fuck, what's the word? Augmentation. So at 13, you went through the augmentation, which made you like an eight foot fucking giant. And that's girls or guys who just monsters. It's 31 days before 31 years before Halo four. OK, so the early days of the Human Covenant were early. He's right. All right. I didn't expect to be right on that one.
Awesome. There you go. That's after Reach still, isn't it? I think it might. If it was after Reach, I think it was after Reach. Because Reach was early, right? Reach was... I'm going to go back and reread all of those. So the rings happened. Master Chief went off. Reach was happening at the exact same time. The same time. Because the Covenant found out about Reach's location. Went there, attacked Reach. They had the Infinite, though. That's where a lot of people hid during the...
Reach the fall of reach they went into the infinite the covenant didn't know how to get into the infinite We are actually nerds It's crazy to think about almost 20 years ago playing this game with my friends taking CRT TVs over to their house Oh when Halo 1 on the original Xbox
oh I fucking love this and it's like this is how far it's come it's so cool that was the size of this table the biggest Xbox game I'm coming and I'm like
You had to load the controller into the back of your dad's truck because you couldn't fit it in the cab? So the old Xbox controllers, we called them meat hook controllers because you had to have meat hook fingers to get under there. And the first year that they came out, it was released before Christmas, and there were children that couldn't play their Xbox because their fingers weren't long enough to get underneath the controller. I just treated it like I was driving a Tonka truck, whatever the
It was like a cat machine. I was 10 and 2. You're saying like you were driving a truck. Like when I was nine years old and my dad asked me to like just drive a truck home from the farm. From mowing the lawn. You know his last name, right? We had a lot of the same Herrera and Cleymas over here. I got lucky when I got my Xbox. It was used. I bought it off a friend. I think I traded it for like a paintball gun or some shit.
But I got a Mad Catz controller with it. I'm sorry. Oh, no. It was amazing because it was small and it fit my hands. You Mac has used to be the shitty controllers back in Sega. No, no, no. We're talking original Xbox Mad Catz controllers. It was the only usable controller for Xboxes unless you were already 30 years old and had man hands.
The Duke. That's what they called them. It was called the Duke. Yes. Oh, shit. Yeah. They're called the Duke. Their original controller was called the Duke for this fucking giant. Welcome to the unsubscribe of vintage video game. Mike, I remember all of this suddenly. I don't know any of that shit. That that is because you were just born. You're a child. Probably. I did not ever game on the original Xbox. What year were you born? Ninety. Ninety five. Five.
The Xbox was out when you were six. 2001? Yeah. Was it 2001? No, it was late. 2005. So, 2005 was the Xbox 360, right? Yeah. I remember that. I remember that. I remember the 360, but that was about it. That was in high school. You were in kindergarten. You're like...
I know you were learning to read. I'll put it this way. When it came out, I wasn't allowed to play shit like Halo. Like, no! Still did, but you know. Oh my God, that's, my brain is trying to wrap around it. We're still trying to figure out what was like cross-playable between like Halo 2, Halo 3, like, shit, can that play on the Xbox 360? God.
Yeah. Batty's about the range. He's like, Batty feels how I feel a lot of the time. Old as fuck? Yeah. The majority of the time. I'm pretty sure the majority of your audience is like right where I'm at. So like...
This is how you feel. Our audience is old. Hey, guys, in the comments below, put how old you are. Yeah. What's our question? Just 40 minutes into the podcast. Tell us your engagement question. We're not good at this. Make sure you like, subscribe, and hit that notification bell 41 minutes into the podcast. Or that 31% of you is still here. Oh.
Average viewership time, 24 minutes. We got this down to a T. I swear to God, we all do this for a living. Oh, I don't. I don't. I'm still learning. I'm not even learning. I'm not trying. They use my house. I'm just here so I only get fined. So last time you were here, the IRS hadn't given his dragons back. I got a couple of dragons back. A handful. Yeah.
Glad to see that you give good head. That shelf wasn't here last time you were here, was it? No, no, none of this. Literally none of this. It was just this, right? It was an empty case behind me, if that. It was boxes. It was right after I moved in. No dragons. Yeah, we just put that one up. Is it a Ouija board?
No. No. What the fuck, Brandon? You're not joking. You summon the Dark Lord. Jesus Christ, Brandon. Sacrifice animals. You guys can't even see this shit. Some sketchy shit over there. There's a lot of weird shit in this house. I mean, you might be able to do this one. Nobody cares. That one, I don't know. They're listening. Most of our audience is listening. But Halo! Play it. Like, literally everyone at this table, play the fucking campaign because I'm probably... I played a game offline.
I don't fucking do that. I'm like, ugh, turning on. And today I was like, God, I guess I got to play video games for money. I know. Gross. Ugh, today I woke up early. I was like, I'm going to make coffee. I'm going to do this without making money.
And I was like a little kid. I was just like, I'm fucking happy right now. Grappling hook, grappling hook. Get in the tank. Drive it this way. Shoot covenant for whatever reason I want to. So we were just talking about this earlier. It's like, I feel like it's a different experience when you play something like campaign live.
versus playing like multiplayer. Something mindless like multiplayer or whatever, but campaign, like that's, if it's a really good game. You don't want to. You don't want to play that live because you want to just be like organic inexperience. It removes you from the immersion of the game. Yeah, 100%. Like, especially if it's a really good game.
I had this problem last night where I was like listening to part of the story. I got a 10 gifted subs. It's like, shut up and take your money back. And then I got like my kiss, uh, whatever the kiss points and all that. And I was like,
I was like, give me a second. Because the cinematic's going. I'm like, sorry, I'm going to fucking watch this first. I don't care about you. I will give you $50 to fuck off. Just shut the fuck up. It's like Master Chief dying. This doesn't actually happen. He's like dying. And I'm like, hey, thanks, Lightning 345. That was really specific. No, he doesn't. No, I'm in the first three hours of the game. That's why I made it up. Eli? You're good. You're good. Eli? Did you just make that up? Yeah. Yeah.
That's actually... Yo, Eli's sus right now. I don't know about this shit. If you're three hours in the game and fucking Master Chief dies and someone donates 10 gifted subs. Well, if you're really bad at the game, then 10 gifted subs is a lot. Just imagine it's like Final Fantasy VII. Like fucking Sephiroth comes down, fucking kills Aerith. And then you're like, yo, fucking Cocksmoke 320 gifted 25 subs.
thank you so much, bro. Hey, rebels come, man. Thank you for that 20 gifted sub ball. And you're watching like your favorite character die. You're like, my woman might not be. I know we know. And no one agreed with you. I know a lot of people agreed. I know this reference. Also, I do too. Great. I'm glad we both played final fantasy. Um,
I'm so glad Brandon's here. We've had so many podcasts where they're like, yeah, this fucking bitch did this. And I'm just like, oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Random Japanese bitch did that thing. I'm glad I'm here. I'm trying so hard not to be offended right now. Halo's awesome. That's all I got to say. Who's next?
No, that was the whole list, right? We sat together for three hours talking about podcast topics. I think that was everything. Pokemon, Halo. What's happened? Something happened. You had something. You had something else. Yeah, you had cum, but there was a second topic. Oh, Jones. Yes, that was it. VR. Don't ruin it with VR, guys. You hit cum and something else.
I like you love. We keep donuts topics very narrow. It's come and usually like, okay, talk about come for five minutes. Guys, this isn't about Final Fantasy, but have you heard of come? Dude, revolutionary new product that's going to save the human race. Is this the 2003 version or 99.5? Of come. Of come. The 95 version was so much better. I don't know. Wait,
The late 80s cum wasn't that great. The 21st century has really ruined cum. This update sucked. The 63 domicile download for my cum. I hated it. I guess in the Dallas Buyers Club DLC of cum. Dude, have you ever noticed computers have really updated year after year to hold more data, but cum stays the same? Back then.
It's the same amount of data every year. They're just selling you different cum. Yeah, it's fucking a ripoff. These programmers need to get it right. I just got a migraine. It's you guys. I just figured it out. It's you guys. You guys give me migraines. God really needs to drop a cum 2.0. Yeah. At God on Twitter. Fuck you. I'm doing it right now. I'm verified. I can do this. Hey. Oh, you're verified. What's that like? God.
Fuck you. Sent.
I don't know who's got that handle, but sorry. Those preachers are never coming on the podcast now. Only little. Have we told them that they reached out to us? Wait, what? All the preachers, all the priests and preachers and stuff reached out to us. After the Jesus superhero? After hours. No shit. We had a lot of people actually reach out and be like, yo, we can actually give you a breakdown. You guys are bad preachers. Why are you listening to this? But not like the Catholic bad preachers.
Like the Christian band. You most likely don't fuck kids. Yeah. But... That video just went limited. Big ol' yellow fucking dollar sign now. Hey, what's that like? 50 minutes into the podcast. Oh, God. The Pope's listening to this. He's like, I'm sending out a memo. No one should listen to this. The Pope comes on. We're like, we're just sitting here quiet. The Pope's on. We're like...
Because you know all those Catholics in Silicon Valley. This episode is like...
Remember when this podcast was about video games? We had a solid 15 minutes, okay? Shut the fuck up. 15 minutes of video games, 30 minutes of laughter, and then like five minutes of jokes we're going to have to fucking remove from the podcast. Or are we? It's going to be a lot of weird blank empty space. It's going to be a lot of like, no, no, sweetheart. The red blinking light means the camera's off.
What do we even name this one? Oof. I said, what did I say? Like, incomprehensible laughter? What, did you snort it? Baddie snorts incomprehensible laughter.
Oh my God. That's going to be, yeah. Well, that's just like your stream announcement, isn't it? Just help. It is. Honestly, my stream, whenever I go live on Twitch, my announcement, because you're allowed to change whatever it says when you go live. Mine has been help. It just, the simple, just help. So like if people are on their phones and they get notifications, it says, Batty says help. I'm like, what? Mine is stab, bro. I'm stuck. What?
Click. It's weird. Eli's engagement on this fucking GoLive notifications is really high. It's literally been mine for so long. And everyone comes at first where it's like, I'm here, stepbrother. Oh, no. That went through very well. Okay, now off to fucking... I have so many jokes I can't make on the podcast. Oh, no. No, I can't.
Oh, no. What was that? Oh, the Jones situation. VR. Yeah. Donut got VR, guys. Yeah, I got the Valve Index. It's fucking awesome, by the way. It's really awesome. I have one, too. I've been using it a ton. Yeah, I've used it a lot. A lot. So much. I got the Valve Index, which is $9.99. That's why your Discord always says, Batty playing Valve Index Pornhub. Yeah. Yeah. It's so cool.
VR on 4K. Your title should be Help Me Step Brick. I have 11 monitors. You think I use my VR? My employees hit me up about that. They're like, I just got hit with a Steam notification. It's 2 a.m. You're playing Jurassic Park Evolution 2. And I'm like, didn't expect to get called out like that. But okay. Forgot it sent that out to the people I played with. You should probably turn those off. Yeah, I have to do private updates.
King sends me random hentai anime games like porn games all the time he'll just be like hey man I gifted you a game can you accept it I'm like no stop it fatty is playing bro I can't even I've had to remove games daddy porn 3 I got one that's called like daddy dating simulator I'm not even joking that's a real thing yes he sends me the most fucked up like narwhal fucking sim like I want to play that together it's so much weird I don't know that's good for the gaming yeah
Also, if you want us to do a gaming, what would we call it? Yeah, let's play with 80, 60 minutes in. If you want all of us to do a daddy dating simulator. Put one in chat. It's called our Tinder profile. Press one in chat. Comment one. What are you talking about? We'll do hot Brandon. Hot Brandon. Oh, no.
It's Brandino. Donut VR, please! Sorry, we keep interrupting our boy. Can we tell them about our new idea that we were talking about? I love you interrupt your own conversation. Batty's like, Donut story! He's like, can we talk about this instead? While you're interrupting me, let me interrupt myself. Go. About which one? Yes, both. Right now. No, okay, so I'm going to interrupt myself real quick because I think this is a rad idea. Oh, fuck.
we're talking about doing the podcast, but we also play a video game and you guys see all of us sit around and do this same thing, but we're playing a video game and it's going to be an actual gaming podcast. Yeah. And it's some obscure fucking games. Anyways, VR. Um, and so, and do we want, do you guys want faces or not? I don't want to look at any of you. We got it. We got to have our faces in there. They're at three. We have to get on three. All right.
Slide White Claw back to Brandon. Yes, Uber comes to my house. Don't worry. Yes, with faces or without, but like a gaming podcast. Yay, Game Grumps. Go blow them up. Okay, now we're good. I heard that, you fucker.
Might be my favorite podcast. You've said that two times in a row. I appreciate you. Every time we just keep upping the ante, this is the hardest I've laughed. Oh, God. Hands down, we've had some solid moments. It's probably because every time I come on the podcast, you guys are drunk enough to invite me on. Before, Brady got here and was like, weren't we going to do one with just us three? And the guys were like, Brandon! I'm like, okay! Guys, Patty, meet us at the bar. I'm like, alright!
Bad influence. I fucking love it. VR. I got a Valve Index. Don't forget VR. I got Valve Index. That's it. That's the story. That's it. Thank you for watching. Thanks for being here, guys.
Wait, is that the actual end? Thank you for that, though. That's what's going to cause a 10% retention dip. I'll give you some advice. Never say, wait, is that the end?
I said that a lot on our podcast. Wait, it's done? Wait, are we ending? Is this the end? Should people click off onto the other thing they want to watch? Which is that like, subscribe, and notification button. That was awful. VR, Jordan. And favorite and five-star review and or thumbs up. On your favorite platform. That's right. Eli, you say them all. Spotify.
Grindr. Nope. Oh good. We're only in. I like you just said nope. We're only 45 minutes into the fucking podcast. We have. Okay. We got a preset. Like, subscribe, fucking everything. Leave comments on everything. You don't need to say this. We have a clip we just put in front now. Donut go. VR. VR. All right. It's played in the first 30 seconds of the podcast. We have a clip we put there. Hey. We're here. We do this for a living.
Yeah. Yeah. I got the valve index. All right. All right. Here we are. Here we are. This is what it's like to be stuck in the mud. You're such a rude guest. I'm just thinking about it in my head. I'm like, this isn't even interesting anymore. This is the last time I'll be on. Fuck, bro. Don't know. Sorry about our guests.
Who I suggested be brought on today. I was like, you guys want Brandon? They're like, fuck no. I'm like, no, no, no, no. But he's our friend. Every time he comes on, he interrupts you. Literally every time. See, I hear you got the valve index. Oh, no. Okay. My abs hurt. Oh, no. I get the valve index, right? Yep, you got the valve index. It comes...
I can't today. I'm so excited to play it. That's where part two comes. How excited? I'm so excited to play it. I'm super excited. It doesn't come with the face gasket that
that sticks to your face. And I put it in my head and I'm like, it's plastic and it hurts really bad. How long did that take to figure out? It took me a minute because I'm like, why are my eyeballs touching the little glass things inside the fucking VR? I just picture it's too close. You're like, super uncomfortable. People like it. I'm hearing like the Clorox glass swipe every time he goes left, right. Your eyes are rubbing against the glass. I had to keep adjusting it.
So I'm sitting there adjusting this fucking thing. I'm like, why can't this is not working. And so I finally Google it after 30 minutes of trying to get it to work. And I'm like, oh, it's missing something. So valve sent me the thing without the fucking padded thing.
And so I'm like, shit. So you can order one from Valve, but it's weeks out because Christmas is coming up and you can't order shit from them. And I get one off Amazon and it ships a couple days later and I finally get it and I'm playing it and I'm 15 minutes into it and I'm playing Blade and Sorcery. Amazing game. Very cool. I got this guy by the back of his head and I got a dagger and I'm like stabbing him in the eye. I'm like, yeah. And you realize, oh shit, that adapter hasn't come in yet. I'm doing this in real life. Yeah.
There's a reason so that adapter hasn't come in yet. I needed to get this out a week ago.
Yeah, and the shit goes blank. It's black screen. And I'm like, what the fuck? Okay, I probably just jerked it on my computer because I'm violently killing people. So I take it off and I'm like, oh, I'll go hook it back up. And I look over and my cat Jones is laying on top of the cord. Just like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
fucking Jones had chewed through the whole thing. I played it for 15 minutes. It's a big ass cord too. Yes. He's chewed through like almost the entirety of cord because I was moving it. So he's like, Ooh, fucking toy. Let me go play with that thing. And so I got 15 minutes in my valve index before my cat chewed it up and you can't order another headset until like next year. So I got to play VR. It was cool for 15 minutes. Yeah. That's how
Jones died. Put up a rest in peace of Jones. Do you know how expensive of a tool you have to order off Amazon to be able to chew through a quarter inch of copper? My man did it. My man did it. 15 minutes. Bad kiddies go to the microwave, though. So, I mean, we don't know where Jones is anymore. He ran away. Where Jones ran away.
This reminds me of the Shawshank Redemption. Jones chewed through a quarter mile. He crawled through a mile of shit and came out a free man on the other side. Jones just looking at you. With a mouth full of copper. Yeah.
You piece of shit cat. God, I looked at him and I was like, go away. You need to leave right now. Get out of my office, bro. I'm not feeding you for half an hour. I hate you so much. God, aren't cats cute, guys? Oh, they're so cute. He jumped in my lap like an hour later. I was like, beep, beep, beep.
And then you snapped his neck like Rambo. Yeah. And then you blamed PTSD. The PTSD got to me. I didn't know what to do. That's something war veterans get, Brandon. None of us have it, except for Eli. Your father and me know what we're talking about. I thought your dad was... He's a military... No, he was an Army. Both of my parents were Army brats. Oh, okay.
So I was like, I don't know what war my dad was in but That was the one that Texas Texas Texas Texas Mexico fought right like the Alamo do Two brain cells
bouncing around in my head. I was like, I'm really confused. And then they finally met in the corner like the DVD sign. Like, you know, the DVD screensaver? Those are my brain cells connecting. Guys, don't do Pokemon. Not even once.
Thank you for watching the unsubscribe podcast. It's over. We have Eli Double Tap, Donut Operator and my terrible self. And then our wonderful guest slash co-host slash a person I hate, Brandon Herrera, the AK guy. Please go show them all love on their social medias, things everywhere.
That's it. I don't know. Play Halo. The camera died. The audio's working. Yes. Yay. We did it. All right.
Roxanne! Thank God. Of course I fucking... I'm just... I didn't realize you were old enough to know that song. Excuse me. I'm sorry I didn't realize they played that shit on Kids Bop 25 or whatever the fuck you listen to. Oh God, it's on like 307 now. Fuck you.
