192 - Donut Operator's Secret Nickelodeon Past & Funny TSA Stories | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 192
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Mayhaps a claw you may have thank you. Oh coat miss mr. Cody got you a crawl Angerine or what? Oh not the Asian accent this early. Do you have a crawl? Oh God we got to count down. Okay, three two one

Hi everyone, welcome to the unsubscribe podcast Christmas special. As you can tell, we're a little bit festive. I'm joined today by Eli Doubletap, Fat Electrician, Brandon Herrera, myself, Donut Operator. Thank you for joining us. We love you. Merry Christmas, you beautiful bitches. And this is the part where we become claymation.

For the entire episode, Finn's gonna animate it by hand. This is gonna be expensive. Finn, we walk in, Finn's like, he's built clay models of us. He hasn't slept. It's Christmas when it comes out. We need to find somebody who can do that for just a split second as a joke. Just hell. Just Rudolph.

Oh my God. We are, well, we're about to go. Yeah, it's Christmas special. We are filming this ahead of, we're like in between the live tours right now. Yeah. So we're about to go. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, finish those bitches out. Those aren't draining at all. Side note, holy y'all are, the amount of stuff y'all brought us. Thank you so goddamn much. Like,

Thank you. We had four shows. Yeah. And those four shows, we had four VIP meets, and you guys gave us really good stuff. Dude, Brandon now has his own Infinity Gauntlet with the Medal of Honor in the middle. The Forced Valor.

you wearing all the metals on your shirt like oh that was a korean war general it was because it became a bit because people were just during the the vip were just coming up and giving me like their medals and they would they would pin them on me and then like toward the end i just like i i succumbed to the bit in the last show just put on all the wearable ones at once i brought you more medals oh god damn it they're getting sent to my po box now to give to you

Here I thought we could actually retire the joke with Quentin Romeshay. No, but this medal is actually really rare, and it is, in my opinion, potentially the coolest looking medal that the United States has. It was given to me by... Thank you for clarifying the United States, because Germany's got some rad medals, dude. The windmill one? The windmill friendship? Yeah. Um...

So this was given to me by a combat rescue guy from the Air Force. And this is the U.S. Air Force Combat Action Badge.

And very, very few people actually have this medal because there's not very many MOSs in the Air Force that see direct combat. That is actually really cool. And he wanted me to give you that. And it's a pretty sexy looking medal. That is actually a really cool looking medal. I've never seen one of these before. Neither had I. That's way cooler than the cab. Don't show that to my PO box. No, that's really cool. I like the gold red. Have you seen it? I've seen that. So now, Brandon, I love this even more. You have a CIB and a CAB, a Combat Action Badge and a Combat Infantryman's Badge.

You have every form of I've seen combat. It was very funny because there were a couple boomers on your Twitter on that post because you posted that picture of me just like, oh, God. And they clearly don't get that this is obviously a joke and it is tongue-in-cheek. They were looking at the medals. They're like...

I see Air Force, Army, and Navy. I believe this guy never served. This might be stolen valor. I'm going to AI check him. Well, shit, he has served in all these branches. That's the funny part is if you ask Chad GPT and Brandon, he has served in every branch. Just the random boomers that are saying shit like that are cracking me up, man. Because that post got like 27,000 likes. Because I said, can we get a hand for our brave veterans out there?

And me, like, drinking hand, like, ugh. The last tour, like, we're all beat. And he's wearing every single medal everyone's given him. And, yeah, there were comments. People were like, you can't have that many. Those bastards lied to me. Dude, my favorite moment is, like, pinning those. Shout out. Joe, can you look up the guy's name that –

Did the Purple Heart unsub things. Oh, those are so cool. Yeah, his company. What is his company? Those are, we're going to start working with him for some more metal sports. Yeah, like it was just phenomenal. And he did that on his own. So I want to make sure we get his name and everything correct. Because that was a bag of them. We gave them out at the San Diego show. Yeah. We're just chucking them. We probably hit some people really hard. Multiple people. I remember Rich tried to throw the can and it didn't make it. It blew up and hit somebody else. At a historic theater.

We're just causing chaos everywhere we go. Trump smoking in these theaters. Jack was wanting to smoke in the theaters. We did two shows in Nashville and in between them, apparently somebody got drunk, puked, shit, and passed out while naked in the bathroom.

I was walking out and they're like, yo, is that your fan? And I was like, what? I don't know. What? What? Yeah. And then you see it. You're like, no, absolutely not. That is a homeless man. This is after the manager of the event came to us and said, the staff is very scared of your fans.

They're not doing anything. Looks like they, well, okay. And could, uh, could burn across also could just be here to count trains. I'm not sure. Cause they were like, we'll make sure that they know, like they can't bring weapons, blah, blah, blah. Like they were, they were literally expecting people to walk in with like guns on their hip openly. Like if you see any guns, just tell them to put it in their car. And I'm, I, he didn't think it was very funny when I replied, uh, brother, if they're bringing guns in, you'll never see him.

I won't see him. A guy brought an AT4 rocket launcher in right after he got done telling us the staff was terrified of us. I didn't see that coming. Baller mood, by the way. He brought the whole thing in. Excuse me while I whip this out. Y'all are autistic. You don't know, like...

I'm sure this will be found in this establishment. Walking into a crowd that has no fucking clue. By the way, you guys drink every drop of booze at all those events, so we appreciate that. We have always, if you didn't know this, you have managed to break records every time we go to a venue. I had a brewery hit us up because he's seen we were on the Houston one. He's seen we were on tour. He's like, hey, if you guys want to come back, we'll set you up for free. I was like, well, that's dope.

Yeah, we, uh, you guys drink, as it turns out. You might have a problem. No problems, just expensive solutions. Mandatory fun coins. Mandatory fun coins, yes, mandatory fun coins. They're on Instagram, and, like, the level of detail, again, we didn't know those were gonna be made.

And he brought that huge bag. And it is a purple heart just as unsub. And it's an actually like metal. Yeah. The unsub purple heart. And Eli said, thank you. And immediately took him and threw him into the crowd. I still have mine. Yeah. Everyone grabbed one of these. And we're just like, pocket that and metals. Hey, yeah. Chuck it as hard as possible. That one with Rich throwing the white claw.

So for the layout of this historical theater, you got, of course, the top deck and you got the bottom deck. And Rich was trying to throw a white claw to someone on the top deck and it just hit the banister and just spilled white claw over like 30 people. A splash zone. Meanwhile, this is like a 200-year-old theater. Yeah. Named after the first American, like Crispus Attucks Theater.

Yeah. And also, though, they had a fantastic green room. Did you try the mac and cheese? Shut the fuck up. It was so good. Now we're back. We're getting ready for the big shows now.

Because those were big, but they are small compared to the shows we're about to play. Boston's like 1,100 people, I think. Yeah. That's the same theater, I think, that Joe Rogan did one of his Netflix specials in. Yeah, you were saying that. Yeah. It's big. We're just checking off, as you said the other day, checking off bucket list items that we didn't know we had. Yeah. Oh, fuck.

The rhyme, okay, that's a, then we'll add that so I can check it off. Yeah, we got, what are we doing, Atlanta, Buffalo, Boston, right? The next three days. Atlanta, Boston, Buffalo. Yep. Atlanta, Boston, Buffalo, next three days. Buffalo's like seven degrees under two feet of snow. Very cool. Fuck you, Rich. Can't wait to get stuck there. What's wrong with that? We love you, but fuck you, man. Dude, look at this thing. This is fucking dope, too. I'm gonna put this.

Yeah, we got a bullet skull. We were scared about getting that one through TSA. How did we get it through TSA? I don't know. I think Connor Keister did. Oh, Brandon. I shoved it in my ass. Brandon, how did you get all your war medals through TSA? Oh, no. That was actually very funny. So this is the closest I've ever come to stealing valor.

Made it very clear throughout my entire internet career. I'm like from day one, like never served, just a gun guy, gun nut, like historic shit. And I like military stuff. Been around the military my whole life. So I just always been around the community, but I never served. Well, so all of, all of you guys are given these awesome medals, which by the way, like, of course, like the joke makes me uncomfortable clearly, but I do appreciate it. It's, it's really cool. It's really, it's neat. And it's a, it's an awesome gesture from, from the military community. But,

I had a whole fuckload of them in my bag, my carry-on bag, because I don't have a check bag. So I just carry this big old tri-zip, and I just have a whole pocket that's just full of these metals that I've accumulated from all the live shows. And we're going through TSA. It had to be like 50 of them, right? It was a lot of metal. It was like a freezer bag, full full.

And it was heavy. By the way. It's a lot of metal. To speed walk through an airport with you. Damn. But I go through TSA and my bag gets flagged immediately. I like roll my eyes. Like, great. Been through four airports already. And like, they didn't have a fucking problem with it. So they, uh, they looked through my bag and they unzipped the pocket. And I got that bottle of Jack Daniels that I thought was going to be the issue. And this is like not a sealed bottle. This is like...

Three quarters halfway drink. Half a pocket bottle. Yeah. And it's still a decent... It's a class bottle. But they put that to the side and they're like, sir, there's a lot of metal in here. Is there anything that we should know about? Weapons? Anything that's going to poke me or whatever? I'm like, alright. In my defense for this, it's a government employee. They're not people. I approve of this. She's got this kind of condescending attitude a little bit.

It's like, anything in here? Like, what is it? What's all this? The metal. Why do you have this much metal in your backpack? I'm like, oh, that pocket's just full of my war medals. Which is technically, it's not a lie, because those are war medals and they are now mine. Thank you, guys. She looks at me, like, kind of confused, like condescending, reaches in, grabs a fistful and goes, oh, God! Puts them back, zips it up, gives me my backpack, like...

You're good to go. It's Jason. It was very funny. And meanwhile, we're all just hung over trying to get to the next place. But and then I get stopped for my fucking berserk figure. That was exciting. They tried to steal guts, buddy. Try to cut guts open. Cut guts open. I was like, oh, my God. Also, thank you so much.

For the Berserk figure and for the T-7. I got the Fallout. Yeah, the Fallout armor. I'm going to send Chase a picture of him and him holding... I took a picture of him holding both. My favorite part was because I was going through TSA with you at the time and their defense for why they wanted to open it. Because it's like one of those sealed collectibles. Like you just don't fucking open these unless, you know, period. You just don't open them. What did they say?

Well, there could be something inside it. We can't check. Oh, yeah. Why can't we open it? Scan it again. What did he say? He said, sir, I'm going to have to open it. You're going to open it anyway. Oh, yeah. Homeboy pulled out a knife, clicked the knife open, and went to cut it open. I was like, no. No, no, no, no, no. He's like, why? I was like, because you give me money. I was like, you're devaluing that immediately. You're going to open it anyway. Okay.

20 minutes later, back and forth. And then they scanned it multiple times. We just, as Brandon says, like, you're going to open it anyways. No, those stay sealed. We're not. Why can't we open it? Because it stays fucking sealed. It's collectible. Meanwhile, I hear none of this, but I am standing over with a couple of the girls and whatnot, like waiting for you 30 feet away. And I just see angry Tism Eli where he's not doing this. He's doing like this. Like, well, with a very aggressive posture toward this government agent. Don't touch it.

And then they scanned it again and again. We did joke it would have been hilarious if that dude just put a Glock at the bottom. We're just like, just give me my fucking thing. It's just a Glock in it. It's like, oh, yeah, that's my bad. Sorry. Shouldn't have trusted that guy. I can explain. It appears I have been indignant while being in the wrong.

I do declare. Meanwhile, I get my hands swabbed for bomb residue at every single airport because I can't lift my arm above my head because I had surgery. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so that was exciting. Cool.

For mental performance. We're going to have these right now. Yeah. Have you had these yet? I have, yeah. Dude, magic mind. It's actually healthy, and then it's turmeric, everything else. It's also sweet. Lion's Mane wakes your ass up. Will I sleep tonight, Eli? Yes. At this time, you'll be awake. What time is it? It's 6, so you're fine. 100% of your daily vitamin B12, so a little bit of energy in that. Cheers, buddies. Good thing I did 1,000. This has thionine in it, which is actually the rare thing.

I actually like these things. These taste good. I didn't realize the thionine was one of the branch chain amino acids they started removing and that's the best one for... Why'd they start removing it? It costs too much. Apparently, a lot of people used to have it in energy drinks and everything like that big on nutrition, but they started removing that and then across the board...

Most Americans do not get thionine in it and it's one of the most important branch chain of me is that you say it's ionine Yep, I've been saying it wrong. I said yeah, no no feeling Yeah, yeah, that's been I don't know Eli What's the code if they want to try this out and save some money so the code is unsub 20? Let's go to unsub 20 that gets you up to 48% off your first subscription or 20% off your first time purchase You see him, right?

Minneapolis dude with the AR got to come up to me. Almost got in trouble for that one because some new person was being fucking stupid. Where? Minneapolis when I was coming flying. So like the one flight I wasn't with you guys like on my way from Iowa because I drive up to Minneapolis and fly out. But I like go up to the body scanner. I was like, I physically can't lift this arm over my head. I just had surgery. But at this point I'm like wearing the shoulder immobilizer thing. So I'm like this. And

And she's like, okay, step to the side. And I'm like, okay, cool. I'll walk through the metal detector because obviously. And I'm standing there for like five minutes and I'm like, fucking can I go? And then some dude with an AR-15 comes walking up and is like, so you're refusing to go through security? No, that's not what happened. I physically can't lift my arm over my head. And he goes, okay.

So you're not like refusing to do anything. I mean, I physically can't lift my arm. Other than that, I'll do whatever you need. And he's like, give me a minute. Goes and chews this lady's fucking ass. You can't call me and say people aren't cooperating for that. Dude, Jesus, fuck.

Jesus. Did I ever tell you about the time when I was actually building explosives and then had to go through the airport that day? No. We were doing a demo course with Bast and a few of the other dudes. I think Clean was there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But we were doing a demo course down in the southeast. And that morning, I was molding C4 with my hands. It was like C4, C10 data sheet, shock tube, det cord. We were playing with fucking everything. And I'm manhandling it all.

I go to fly out of this like small regional airport later that day because I got to go like film something or whatever. And they put me through the scanner or whatnot. And they're like, sir, you've been randomly selected. We're just going to swab your hands for explosive residue. And I told him flat out, I'm like, what happens when it pops hot? Because I will tell you this flat out. You know, I do this for a living. I was I was playing with explosives earlier today.

I don't have any with me, but I was handling explosives. And he goes, he literally says, I don't know, it's never happened. He puts my fucking, he swabs my hands, put it in the scanner, it came back clear. And he's like, well, I guess have a nice flight. That's the secret. It's never. It doesn't work. 2319 from Monsters, Inc. Just orange monsters come rolling out.

I know. You can't deny me from the flight if it's my job. Fuck you. One of the guys before deployment went to Sapper School, which Sapper School in the military is just nothing but demo explosives learning. But you stuff it in your backpack. So it's always in your bag. You're doing that. So when he went back to Washington, he was flying back from the class. That is one thing. His orders are the only reason he did not get detained because he was like, oh, because the bag went.

when they scrubbed it for residue. They're like, this is just nothing but red or however they visualize it. He's like, I have military orders. I just went to explosives or a SAPR school. Please do not fuck me over. But yeah, I was like, no, no, thank you. Mr. Brandon, you had... Meanwhile, Brandon, last time we did live tours, you had a pocket knife. Oh, yeah. Seven flights and nobody noticed.

It wasn't like a little... It was a pocket knife. Nobody ever noticed. I didn't realize I had brought it with me to the first flight. And I was like, ah, shit. Honest mistake. I just threw it in my bag. Whatever happens, happens. Yeah. Okay, surah, surah. Like, fuck it. There's nothing I can do now. If they catch it, I'll just throw it away. But I either throw it away first or I see if they catch it the entire live tour. Yep. They never...

I'm like, okay. Every place we land, you're like, well, one city down, two city down, three city down. It is a testament to how just shit the government is at pretty much any job you give it. Every place? I'm surprised you didn't have a gun in there. No, I'm not going that far. Yeah.

I've accidentally brought like loaded mags and shit before. I've had buddy. Like you just leave it in your bag and you forget it. Yeah. One of the Delta guys, he got. Can't tell that story. Which one? The one you're thinking of. Okay. It wasn't us, but it was a friend. Tom is the one that got arrested. Delta guy got arrested because he forgot his was.

his gun was in his backpack and scanned it through and he had to go to court. They did the entire like legal procedure against him. And he's like, it was an accident.

It was a f***ing accident. I shoot for a living here. At the highest level, I have a top class, like top secret guy. I'm surprised they give him that much shit. That's why he was amazed by it. Like they arrested him. He had to go through everything. This was like late 2010 to 2015 time period where they're still really anal about shit. Have you ever seen a video of that happening? There's a couple of videos on the internet and it's like body cam footage almost, but it's like the dude's recording it, but it's like

Apparently, if you have a gun and you go through TSA, TSA has to call the cops. Yeah. So there's this like 20 minute gap between people that understand guns showing up and the people at TSA. Yeah.

And on this day, I'm not saying everybody at TSA doesn't know how guns work, but these agents didn't. And it was basically like a middle-aged woman holding a Glock like this. He's like, will you please just set it down? And like, can I take the bullets out of it? This was an accident. I'm sorry. I forgot it was in my bag. And she's like, no, you can't. And she's just like waving it around and doing all kinds of crazy shit with a loaded gun. It was, uh, Oh,

Like, I'm doing this, watching it on my phone. First off, it's like, who is it here? I'm so sorry!

Thank you. We probably actually, you can probably tell that story if we don't say who it is. Yeah. I figure maybe. And we'll just bleep any names up to this point. No, we just know of a person. The Schmoover Mike Schmurders. Schmoover Mike Schmurders did this. No, just a person that we know got on, like went through TSA, had a sling bag, just carrying all his personal shit on, you know, his charger, his cell phone, like random.

hands it to the TSA person, they go through the scanner, he gets onto his plane, goes to get his AirPods out, loaded Glock in his fucking bag. On the plane. On the plane. He's on the plane and his loaded Glock is in there. And he goes, and just holds it the entire flight and says nothing to anyone. It's like, I don't need my AirPods that bad. Just raw dogging a flight on necessity. Just walked off and was like...

My favorite part, TSA had a literal image, an extra image of a Glock going through. See, it never went through the scanner. Huh? It never went through the scanner is the crazy part. Oh, because the guy... He forgot he had it on. Yeah, and he's like, okay, here you go. And the guy just grabbed it. He's like, oh yeah, no worries. He's like, just give that to me. And he grabs it and then waits for him on the other side of the scanner. Oh, there you go, man. The CIA, Jesus Christ, the TSA had possession of it and they just gave it back.

Yeah. That's scary, dude. Getting on an airplane and looking in your bag. Oh, fuck. I can play a real mean joke right now. Do the funniest thing ever.

Real mean joke. I may not have chosen where this plane took off from, but I could choose where it lands. Just open the overhead bin, put it in somebody else's backpack, and then be like, go up to the flight attendant, I just seen him gone. Dude. This caused mass chaos. Just go in the bathroom, leave it in the toilet, and tell the stewardess. See, there's a...

A clock in the toilet? I don't know what... Man, there's a clock in the toilet with my fingerprints all over it that's registered to me. I don't know who put it there. I have no idea who put that there. Whoa, hey! Oh.

Oh my God. Dude, Brian, you just did your Red Dead 2 video. We spent today a few hours. Did that this morning. By the time this video comes out or this podcast comes out, it will have been up for a while. And because I was so interested in it and because I poured my heart and soul into it, bought a bunch of guns, tried really hard. It's going to do like shit.

I'm calling it now. That video is going to perform very poorly. 10 out of 10. You do that too, huh? Oh, every time. I think that's just a creator curse, man. That's why we're naming it Red Dead 3, right? Red Dead Redemption 3 trailer. It's just like, this is pretty good, actually. I like it a lot. I hate that that would work. Oh, 100%. That would work really well. Red Dead Redemption in real life or Red Dead Redemption 3 trailer. Like, blah.

Live action guns. Literally. Put the IGN logo on the corner. Literally. I've done that before. I did that for my old music videos. I used to Photoshop the Vivo logo back when that was a thing. I forgot about Vivo. I used to do that and it would kind of work for clickbait. That's hilarious. I'm surprised they never sent me a cease and desist. Yeah, I forgot that's an actual company. Well, I got a cease and desist from Discovery Channel for using the Mythbusters logo.

No, really? On my JFK video. Like, one of my biggest videos ever. Apparently, they were big on that. It was, like, I was calling it, like, the demonetized Mythbusters series. And because I put the actual Mythbusters logo in the thumbnail, they sent me a formal cease and desist. But they made the mistake of giving me, like, 120 days to comply. So I just let it float for 119 days. And on the last day, I had the thumbnail ready to swap.

Good. I like they were being kind of, we'll let it play out. And then you're like, I am waiting. The last day for this. That show doesn't even exist anymore. I know. I'm not fucking financial. If I, I don't have the lawyers to go up against Discovery, but. No, it's a one. They probably get less views than you at this point. Yeah. That's damn. I'm just saying. Maybe. Real TV's dead.

I don't know anyone. Yeah, I don't know people that watch regular TV anymore. MSNBC had 38,000 viewers the other day for the day. Damn. That's like a moderately successful Twitch streamer. I would be very disappointed at that. That is your... Oh, we fucked up.

I accidentally uploaded this at midnight with the wrong name. I got more views than that when I did that. I know, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, if you're wondering why my 6'5 Creamer AK video didn't do well. I was laughing my ass off. I woke my wife up. I was laughing so hard. You're shocked. It's 1201. Because all of my friends...

Cody called me. You text me. Aaron, like, admin text me. Show was so sweet at like 12 midnight, like one in the morning show sends us a text. I think Brandon made a mistake. I was like, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. Next time I have a name, please. Okay, that one's fine. Please don't stop calling me. Because I was, I didn't, I woke up randomly. So what happened was, Delance, sorry, I got to throw you under the bus here. He was having some upload issues, so he tried uploading from his phone.

But the auto default was a scheduled upload, which we never do. We always manually turn it on, turn it live. But it was scheduled upload at midnight. That's the default for YouTube settings is upload at midnight. And so it had no title, no thumbnail. The title was all caps or excuse me, all lowercase creed with seven E's. And just like a picture of me just like.

With the gun, the default thumbnail. I clicked on it and I was like, oh, he's uploaded something on his B channel as a joke. Brandon Herrera, checkmark. Uh-oh. Brandon fucked up. Uh-oh, SpaghettiOs. I went to bed at like 1130, about a half an hour before I knew this nightmare was going to happen. I'm asleep. I just happened to get up because the dogs need to go out. So like I get up, I walk over, like open the door, let the dogs out, go back.

Why is my phone- It's like the- It's the video, Chase, please play it, of the fucking Ratatouille, like the guy reading the letter, like- That was me, IRL, 2.30 in the morning, like, fuck-

I immediately like changed the title thumbnail, but it was too late. The damage was done. I re-uploaded it and that did worse. I vividly remember because that was the night I got monetized on Twitter for shitting on Karl Marx in one post. Really? Got three million, three million views. Did a whole, did a whole little bit about how Karl Marx is buried in a private cemetery. Yeah. And said, you know.

He could have been buried in a public plot for free, but no, him and his family chose to have him buried somewhere else private in Highgate Cemetery where all the famous rich people get buried because at the end of the day, he still thinks he's fucking better than you. And the amount of people that were so pissed off was hilarious. Just like how you have to pay to see Lennon's grave. The best argument that they could come up with, you don't know that Karl Marx wanted to be buried there. Oh, fuck. Sorry.

Frederick Engels, his best friend that was there when he died, said we should bury him here next to his wife. I wonder who chose to put her there, by the way. And then all of his family agreed. You're right. We should put him there. I guess we don't know what the fuck he wanted.

I just chose a random spot on the map and you're like, yeah, there. Oh, rich people's cemetery. I just love with fucking communist people. It's like, if you don't have video evidence of him saying that, I'll never believe you regardless of how much common sense points to that being the truth. Just like Che Guevara and the gays. God, yes, just like that.

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Yes, Jimmy, just like your Game of Thrones. Oooooh. Oooooh. Oooooh! Eli! I'm a ghost. What are you doing? I'm here to tell you about Ghost Bag. Is this an ad? It might be an ad. Why are you in my bedroom? I don't know, scoot over, let's talk about it. Every ghost mattress has a 20-year warranty. Some even have a 25-year warranty. And you can try them out for 101 nights, worry-free. If you don't like it, just send it back. I don't like this. No hard feelings.

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Right now, GhostBed is offering 50% off all their products. Just use code UNSUBSCRIBE at checkout or go to ghostbed.com slash unsubscribe. Please buy some ghostbed.com slash unsubscribe. I'll be under your bed if you need me. Dude, we're watching you get on Twitter now because you weren't that active. And now it's just caught. I just watch you attack. You're still just shitting on college kids. You just don't have to be in college. They tried to community note me on that post.

Guess who's got a higher community note rating? Oh, God. The amount of just like, oh. And then that post went on like, all Reddit. It's still going. They went everywhere. I was like, oh, man. There we go. And you got monetized because of that one thing. I got... You need to get...

500,000 impressions in like 30 days and I didn't have that anywhere near that and that post got 3.1 million in like 40 hours. So because communists don't like that you make money, you're making more money. My next post is a screenshot of the invitation to get monetized on Twitter. Hey!

Hey, I'd like to thank you. All the communist college kids that bitching about my Karl Marx post. You guys single handedly got me monetized. I appreciate it. You've done something successful for once. Okay.

It was beautiful. I'm so proud of this community. Watching everyone on Twitter, I'm like, oh, fuck. Dude, Twitter is like all my friends I just watched. That is just a scrapyard. It's the Thunderdome. Yeah. I log in, I'm like, oh, man. I'll send this to you, Chase, but did I show you I have actual footage of Cody shitting on people on Twitter? We probably can. Where is this going?

You can include that if you blur out that. Yeah, we gotta blur the literal shit. How do you do that? That's gotta be staged. That makes it worse. There's a dude sitting on the toilet holding a turd. He's like, now. That's way worse if it's staged. I'd rather that dude just be able to shoot a...

a turd out of his butthole. Seven feet in length. How do you learn you can do that? The first time I met Micah, he showed me what he can do with an ice cube. That's true. I'd known him for like 35 minutes. He's like, you want to see me shoot an ice cube out of my butthole? Have we talked about that on the podcast before? I got that video. It was like straight line until it left the camera frame. What?

What are we watching? The Trajectory? What else do you watch? Bryce and Adam. That's the least scary thing to watch. His wife filmed that video. His wife is the one who filmed that video. If I found I could do that trick, I would never tell a story. The Pacific Northwest, dude. What do you do for fun in Portland?

Watch. Put him in some cans. How do you learn that? You're just looking at it. You're about to pour a Coke and you're like, what if I put this in my ass? I wonder how far I could shoot it. I wonder if it's like, oh, that's cold. It's shot. Oh my God. Honey, get the camera out. Yeah.

Speaking of Portland, where the fuck did hipsters go? Wait, wait, wait. Communism first. Oh, God. I think the communists killed them all. Nick, hating on these shoes. We spent blood, sweat, blood, sweat, tears. Other people's blood, sweat, and tears. Making these. Colombian children's blood, sweat, and tears. He did not wear them a single time. Nick, open it for them. Open it. They want to see these. These are a one of one. We did this on the live show, right? We did this in San Diego. I hate all of you.

I think they're pretty cool. Dude, those are actually dope as shit. And what does it say on the spine? I heart communism. Look at all the little hammer and sickles on there. So cute. It reminds me of the shoes. If anybody's seen the music video, obscure reference, but love the way you move. The little animated one with the dancing Soviets. That's what it looks like. What is that? What is that? What is that? Go ahead and plug it in your computer and see what it does. No one. This has been mine. What the fuck is that?

I'm gonna open that up and see. Fentanyl. Oh, shit. But we made some Nick. He got some. I love communism. Right here. Got the look. And the most dope. I hate how good these look. Hunger Force Ones. They look like McDonald's shoes. It's the air diets. Oh, yeah. We had those made. He didn't wear them a single time. Surprise, surprise.

I feel like you knew that was going to happen. 100%. We bet on that. He's probably going to hate them, but the reaction was really good. Not even in California.

No, California, dude, California showed the fuck up at the live shows. Yeah. Oh yeah. That was, that was some of the better crowd energy too. That, I mean, every crowd we were, we, we had was pretty good, man. Y'all are like the crowd energy's wild. Like I have footage of you getting pinned and everyone's singing the army of one song.

Yeah, just the theme of the army. It is loud.

That video is loud when everyone starts singing it. And with Rich waving the flag and everything, especially in Norfolk, that was awesome. Shout out to Angry Cops. Jesus, dude. That flag thing was awesome. He had a fucking American flag on a two-by-four, just waving it around at the start of every show. It was awesome. I was so afraid he was going to chuck that up. He was about to. He was going to fucking hold it. Six foot two-by-four, Rich. Yeah.

it's baby billiam with it oh billiam showed up oh yeah the unsub baby yeah we have two unsub babies now kooky little shirt oh yeah go grab that we got his little unwashed onesie we we held him up and did the lion king song oh yeah and he was just like oh he has little tattoos he has uh yeah he has little tattoo sleeves

I thought that said corpse grinder. I was like, dear God. It was some hardcore sleeve, bro. It reminds me of the fucking... Is that vomit? Yeah, I got some billion vomit on there, too. It reminds me of that meme where it's like the old man looking at the kid. He's got the shirt. It's like, love to surf or whatever. He's like, you don't love to surf. You've never been surfing in your entire life. You little f***ing poser. Fuck you. Oh, f***.

I am not ready for this. I know. What? We got three more days of it, boys. I know. Oh, God. In 24 hours, we will be doing another live show. I know. It's fine. Which, side note, also, Habitual registered the first time as the guest coming on the show for us.

I was like, why are you so nervous? You've done the podcast before. And I was like, oh, there's 500 people watching you now. Never mind. I get where you're nervous. Cool. Like it did not register with me of why anyone was nervous to go on stage because he was like, I was like, what is up with you? I'm nervous. Like you've been on the fucking podcast before. Why are you?

oh there hasn't been 500 people looking at you that's hilarious yeah that was rough because that was also at the end of our our tour we had done like five shows in four days we'd been drunk for 36 hours straight longer nobody cared and we went to nashville a day early with the girls yeah so fuck we were like it was just a long time of binge drinking barely sleeping barely eating because of the schedule like we couldn't really eat traveling like a

fucking Norfolk to San Diego for a show. Literally across the continental United States. I cannot say it enough. The team from show, Jake, Connor, Finn, Chase, everyone, and then the guys covering down and helping. The

The amount of work that goes into even like four days, it is, hey, we are waking up today. We are now flying. We are landing. We are going to sign 75 for the first time, 150 posters. Go to the hotel just to check in, throw your shit on a bed, and then fly.

Leave for an Uber immediately after. Signing 150 posters, doing the VIP, eating for 30 minutes, then you're going on stage. And the first show, we had to go back to back. Then it's off the stage, VIP, that, closed down. It's like 6.20 in the afternoon. It's like, okay, time to scarf down your first and only meal of the day. We're never doing two shows in a day. No. But...

It was really funny because there were several people that had tickets to both shows and they were like, second show is way better when you guys were blackout drunk. You guys went hard on that second show. Raise your hand if you remember the second show. All right. Well, there you go. Great time. I thought at least one of you. No? Really? It was dude. We were everyone's.

it's a lot of drinking and then it is head back to hotel we don't we didn't even do any after it was the last night we hung out in a hotel room like all the last nights we watched it we would just sit in the hotel lobby drink eat watch the fight for the most part no and it's san diego because that was the the live yeah logan paul versus or uh other paul jake paul versus us sitting in a hotel room

That was Norfolk. We're sitting in the lobby because we couldn't find it anywhere. And I just ordered pizza and had it door dashed at like one in the morning or midnight or whatever time it was there. Yeah. And then the dude, the one, the fan. He was like, oh my God, are you? And we're like, hey, good to meet you. Sit down. You want a piece of pizza? He just said, watched and ate like this. He's like, this is dope. His little, his little Kato. So we were being respectful. Like, hey,

Yeah. All y'all get some pizza. Well, I like assumed he was like at the live show and just coincidentally. No, he's like, oh, I didn't know you guys did live show. No, I just know all of you running into us at one in the morning. Oh, that's right. Because none of the computer monitor, none of the TVs had Netflix. So we went down to the.

The, like, check your email fucking computer in the lobby. And, like, we had to keep logging in every 30 minutes to watch the fight. Yeah, every 10 minutes you'd have to, like, move the mouse because it was like, you're getting logged out. It's like, no, no, no. Okay. It's good. It's good. Keep it going. That's the shit you remember. But back to back, it was wake up, fly, land, do that. And that was four days straight. And then by... Never again. Dallas, we woke up. We slept in because our flight was later. And then we were like, go home. And then we didn't talk to each other for...

I, dude, I was like, no, no, no. Well, special case, but I needed like two to three days to recover from that. That was my body hurt. My blood hurt.

My social battery was dead on hour one. Shaking that last day. I was not okay. That night, I was having a blood sugar issue or something. My body was just like, stop. The Dallas flight home, you were like, your sunglasses were on in the airport. You're like, I'm not okay, Eli. You sat down. My favorite part is I left my fucking Raycon everyday earbuds. No. I left my earbuds in the hotel.

So I just raw dog that hour flight home from Dallas. I'm just like, man, I don't care anymore. Just I'll take two. And Cody's just Bacchus. Just put them here. You see how much space there is on this tray? I need those spaces built. Are you ready, babe? Let's bring out Big Daddy. Well, bad idea.

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This discount is specific to this podcast, so be sure to use code UNSUB at checkout. 100% off free shipping and get it fast with rush processing. Code UNSUB. I was pretty sure me and Cody almost saw a guy die on accident in Nashville. Oh, the hammered ass guy. I didn't know you were there for that. Yeah. I was right there. Because it was the loading ramp. My friends watched that. Bro. Bro.

Yo, we heard his head hit the concrete. I heard his head. So homie comes up. He already had a cut. Yeah. He comes up and he's like, I got jumped downtown and my shit got stolen. And I tried to make your show and I couldn't make it. And we're like, Oh dude, we're so sorry about that. Can we do anything for you? Call an Uber, get you back to your hotel. He's like, no, I'm gonna go this way. He turns around and he steps off the loading dock.

of the the venue it was like it was like a shin high curb and he just falls right over it had to been at least a five foot drop yeah at least you heard you heard the back of his head because he fell on his feet and then went down backwards and we just heard like head smack pavement and he and nick are like oh he's fucking dead dude but zach veteran with a sign yeah he was back there with us yeah because it was just silent after we heard smack head hit concrete and he just goes oh fuck

Dude, I vividly remember being completely drunk, getting 85% sober and going, my night just got so much longer. Yeah. And then that guy stands up. He's like, I'm going to drive home. Please don't. We're like, no. You're drunk and you have a concussion. We had to convince him to sleep in his car. He's like, well, what if they close the gate? I'm like, well, that's a lot better than you hitting the highway. Yeah. No, don't do that. We just watched you almost die. Go to sleep.

Go to sleep. We hope you're still alive, buddy. Yeah. Hopefully you got home okay. Hopefully you're fine. Not that night. Yeah. Thank you for listening, though. Yeah, that was nice. You did listen. Yeah. You didn't take much coaxing, so shout out to you. It's a good sign. We're good. The guys were in... Just sleep in your car. It's a good time to just sleep in your car. Yeah. That was... You're trying to communicate to drunk brain. That's always a challenging thing where it's like you have to repeat the same thing eight times. Then on the seventh, they're like, oh, wait. Okay.

I'm sure you had to deal with that as a cop. Never. Not a single time. It's a good time. It's almost done. It's almost done. Then range day afterwards, and then we finally get a break. For some reason, all my brain can do is picturing a sober person trying to take commands from drunk Cody as a cop. Yeah.

If you're happy, you know, clap your hands. You fucking sober people never listen. Cody's lights flip on, people already smash his intro. Why'd you hit me?

Sir, you hit me. Are you resisting arrest? Suspect has reversed into my car at about 30 miles an hour. Suspect is running. Cody's driving backwards. Suspect seems to be going zero miles an hour. Doing this side. What?

Sir, have I been drinking? Or have you been drinking? Let me start again. I'm gonna tell you my ABC, sir. A-B-C. D-E-F-G. Oh, man. Well, Rangeday's gonna be a blast. We have that kind of... Well, that would have happened by now. Oh, yeah. That did happen. Hopefully nobody died. Wait.

We'll talk about it. Yeah, this is coming on afterwards. So it's that hard one where we're like, shit, hopefully everyone had a blast. We got a lot of cool people coming this time around. Some bigger celebrities, possibly, than we've ever had, which is going to be rad. It's getting massive, and shout out to you guys for how organized. It's doing really good. It's awesome to see that growth. It has been a wild two years, and next year is going to...

shit you're doing right now i don't know what we can talk about at this point i don't even exactly that's not not that but i can say that i've uh i've had a lot of calls with a lot of people by the time that this episode airs um this is anything i know is so outdated it's not even funny but yeah it's what fucking three weeks out 22 days gonna be hilarious when you're like vp

three weeks in the future but no i've had some interesting conversation with some people and it's just uh it started as a meme i didn't even put my name out there for it in the beginning it just it naturally happened on rfk's um like nomination website and it just got traction and then i gave it a little gas and uh just to to have at any point been actually seriously considered by the transition team is a huge honor and that's cool and i owe it a lot to you guys

It was wild watching that during the live show. Again. Again. I don't know how that happens. But last live show, I was having to leave, take a campaign, like important campaign calls and shit. This time it's like, fuck it's...

I can't say who it is. And the next live show, actually, you're going... We haven't announced the next live show. Chase, we might get this. We're waiting until we get numbers back because it's communicating for us. Very bad. But next live show, you're actually going to be at the inauguration. Can you say that? Yeah, the inauguration. We will see. We'll see. Because it's difficult. I'm going to try to make both because I'm looking at it. There's a three-hour time delay. So I'm like, all right, if the inauguration's at noon...

It might be able to, okay, I'll see what we can do. Cause we have the other law on sub live show that we're going to be doing a shot show this year, which is really exciting. Yeah. January 20th at the Venetian.

Yeah. Right after the Gundy's. So we're going up as like a double feature. So we'll be following right after that in the fucking Venetian theater, which is beautiful. How many seats is that? Cause it's big. 1800. Yeah. It's a huge theater. A massive, massive theater. So it's going to be a blast that one. And it's going to be, but as you're saying, it's like you have that on the exact same date. Yeah. So it's literally flying again across the country. It's like,

I feel like Mr. Incredible that I got time. I got time. Brandon, how was your day? I'm fucking sleepy. I had to do this, this, this, and this, and now I'm making cum jokes. But watching the 45th president get inaugurated as the 47th is pretty cool. So I would like to see that. Dude, that's awesome. Again, bucket list item, checking that one off. One of the cool precedents. It's going to be wild. But those live shows like that.

That, two live shows, and then SHOT Show again. Just SHOT Show. It's the drunkest I ever see you is SHOT Show. Fuck yeah. That's my favorite. SHOT Show Nick is my favorite Nick. SHOT Show Nick is this. SHOT Show Nick's like, Eli, man, love you, man. Bro, I get to walk around indoors smoking cigars. When I come to Texas, at least there's like, I mean...

I should probably go check on Bunker Branding, do some t-shirt stuff, go talk to Matt, pretend like I'm working. SHOT Show, it's like... Bacchanalia. There's nothing to do but get shit-faced.

We do a surprising amount of work there, too. You guys do. I do. Guess how many gun companies want an appearance from a guy that doesn't do anything with guns? Zero. And I just get to get shit-faced the entire time. It's great. That's a pretty good lot in life, now that I think about it. I was sitting there like, this is my friend the magician. Do a magic trick.

Oh, hey, Kyle Rittenhouse. Cody, where are you guys going? I'll go to both the parents. I'll be here. Me and Katie, let's go watch you play gambling. Gambling until 3 o'clock in the morning with Hunter. Dude, Hunter. When Hunter gambles, it's so fun. And he's coming back to gamble again. Is he? Oh, dude, I think Hunter is like that. I believe he's doing that. I know they're coming out for Ranger Day, too. We're actually going to have Creepcast on Friday.

an episode two of the best podcasts on the internet. I'm so excited for that one. Wait, and then ours, but is this, is this the episode where I can reveal my plans to force Hunter to animate a story for me and Cody? Yeah. Can I do it on this one? Yeah. So we're doing live shows and I thought I've heard all the funny stories that we have, unless it's like new news and I'm constantly proven wrong. Cause Cody breaks out one of the most epic historical tales I've ever heard. Um,

From a buddy of his. Which one? No, I knew a kitchen. I knew a seal. Oh, yeah. He's got a confirmed kill with a toaster. The brave little murder weapon. So, yeah. Cody's buddy has a confirmed kill with a toaster. And I think we're going to try to get a hold of him. Have him...

give us like either come here or just audio get the story and then i want to try to see if we can get meat canyon to animate it and style of the brave little toaster and do all the voices voice acting dude i just thought about that hundred no hopefully confirmation that like we can tell the story like in all the detail and everything

and everything. Yeah, that would be fucking funny. I'll have to talk to someone about that. A couple people will have to talk to a couple people about that. The brave little toaster, where's the oil? The hunt for oil. Yeah, but they're, because we'll have them, Call Me Chris and Oompa are coming back on. Oh, yeah. Computer, I don't think there were ever any WMDs. What?

We had Oompa and Call Me Chris on before. Yeah. I mean, we told her straight up. It's like the only reason we can say we have 100 million followers worth of people at Range Day is because Call Me Chris has 51 million of them. What does she have now? I'm like 70 million across TikTok and 70 million. Yeah. Across her platform. It's like she makes up for you. She does it. 28% of the U.S.?

One in four people, statistically. She's also Canadian, though. Have you ever seen a map of the population density of Canada, though? It's Quebec. Bro, it's like the Canadian-United States border, 50 miles. They're all huddled up next to America for warmth and safety. They're not doing anything with 95% of that country. To be fair, have you seen what the rest looks like? Tundra. I think Buffalo, New York is like unlivably cold. Yeah.

and then you have everything you don't want to come to iowa rich doesn't think it's cold the fucking fourth quarter the bills game the other night his shirt off he said his videos of him with his shirt off screaming in the snow i didn't know he does that regularly oh yeah he's like i like season tickets he's huge the shirt thing is what i'm talking about it's like between you and rich rich is the only dude that has more hair than you and he has like that

And then I was like, oh, after the game, surely when he's walking to his car, he will put his jacket coat on.

in the snow and then he's walking in the parking lot shirtless sending us a message my favorite part of that though is right after I sent this message to the chat because apparently there was a it's a tweet and said is this true that a little girl got thrown down the stairs at the bills game and it's this little girl wearing a 49ers hat with a sign that says I beat cancer like little girl and I sent it to our group chat and I go rich what the fuck did you do and

He replies, don't step to my hood with the wrong colors. Rich is like Donkey Kong with the barrels down the stairs of this girl. From your fryer to the table, it's a quick trip for crispy fries. But how about a Crosstown delivery? McCain's Sure Crisp Fries are designed to go from fryer to container to carrier to passenger seat across town during rush hour down a shortcut that wasn't all that short to a doorstep before they hit the table. And that first bite, the crispiness speaks for itself.

To the last fight. McCain's Sure Crisp Fries. Go the distance. See how far our fries can take your business at surecrisp.com slash delivery. Damn, Rich. God, no remorse. You know you like the bills, buddy. Telling them to make a wish is not what that foundation is about, Rich. Jesus. Oh, no. I'm not looking forward to that, though. I get a head cold when Texas gets below 60.

Seven degrees and me do not jive. I'm too fucking brown for that. God, I feel so old right now. We're like talking about the weather. But I know it is cold and I fucking hate the cold. I have shoes on. Don't like that. Welcome to the unsubscribed podcast. Oh, man. Tell me about your knees. Oh, man. Who wakes up in the middle of the night to pee? I do.

I wish that was not a lie. I have to stop drinking at like 5, 6 p.m. That is the truth. I cannot have water otherwise wake up at like 3 a.m. and go pee. Like, fuck, I'm old! Flip the table. Flip over in your bed like, alright, time to use the pee-pee bowl.

Did you see the video of the dude that built it in his bed? He cut out a circle and run a tube all the way to his toilet so he can just lay on his thing, pee in his mattress. It goes all the way to the toilet. And he's like, hmm. I feel like that would scare the hose a little bit.

Hold on one second. Just roll over in the bed on your stomach. It's like hoes scared bed peed hotel Trivago.

You've met my dad when I was in high school. We have met your dad. Middle school, maybe. You have met his dad. My dad used to race figure eight cars and we're like out in the garage and him and his friends are drinking, welding together a roll cage inside of like a fucking old beat up Altima for the front wheel drive class for figure eight.

And it's fucking like negative 30 degrees outside. Smoking cigarettes next to the map gas canister. Yeah, for sure. Like 100% welding next to all the kerosene. It's fun. And he's like, it's too cold to go outside and pee.

auger bit drills through the side of his garage and just runs a funnel outside and screws it to the wall. Funnel is still there to this day. The forbidden glory hole. You go outside and look around the corner and it's just fucking dead grass. Everybody pisses in this funnel in my parents' garage. Oh, it's still there to this day. You guys don't have a piss funnel in your garage? Dude, the fuck?

Aircraft I used to work on had piss funnels in the C2 Greyhound. Really? It's like this nasty little black funnel in the back so the aircrew guys, they would tell people that's how you talk to the pilots. They would get people fucking talking to you. They'd come back and there's just a brown ring around their mouth. That's so military. Military piss is the worst piss. It's just cigarettes and energy drinks.

and MREs. Nobody's hydrated. Whiskey you'd been drinking until 6 a.m. Bad coffee. I would speculate a military piss funnel is the only time you're worried about clogging it. You're not dehydrated the entire time. Molasses going down

Dust. Good old Rabdo Miles. I walked in the door and I heard Nick say, you guys don't have a piss funnel in your garage. And I don't know what conversation you had before, but if you're talking about a funnel in your garage and the PVC pipe hooked up to it that you piss into when you're drunk so it goes out the back of the garage, my brother has one in his.

That is just a Midwest thing. It's so fucking cold outside. You just turn around, you keep the conversation going, you piss in the piss funnel, and it sprays out the back of the garage. Hey, you guys don't have that? Mom, the neighbors have a piss funnel. We have a piss funnel at home. You don't want to whip your dick out when there's a minus 20 wind chill. See? See? Some of you guys have never tried to pull three inches of dick out of four inches of Carhartt, and it shows. Okay? Remember?

Holy shit. I'm so happy.

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Oh my God. Tell us about your West Texas piss funnels. Zero piss funnels. Now we got holidays. Oh, we had a good Thanksgiving. Oh, shit. Dude, there's so much time. It's like we had Thanksgiving. I mean, Thanksgiving, you had everyone at your house. You had an awesome... Thank you for hosting again.

You cooked, but you threw down on some Turk. Yeah. We did some Turks and ham, all the fixings. It was pretty good. My parents came out. It was a good time. We all had a good time. Yeah. You don't realize how much time is in between these podcasts because we, we dialed up. We had like five of them in the pipe. Yeah.

Yeah, we had a shit ton in the can. So we knew we were going to be doing the live show. So we like filmed a ton before leading up to our first tour. So it's so we can get an actual because again, live shows, it's like, but we got to do that. OK, we'll do this. And then, yeah, Turkey Day happened. We all had a blast, all hung out. We Cody Cook. I made beef.

beef stew. Rad. Thank you guys, by the way, because that was a very fun Friendsgiving. I obviously appreciate all you guys as friends, but also my woman left for like three or four days and so like those leftovers, that was my dinner for like two, three nights. Dave and show when we dropped Dave, I was like, oh yeah, everyone gave you this because we've provided them like two months worth of food. Dave was like, you need help?

It was like 18 pounds of food. Oh, goddamn. Yeah. I didn't see how much. Oh, no. We were just piling it up. Like, give it to Dave and show.

You guys had a whole ass pie, right? Yeah, I had like three days of leftovers. It was amazing. Hell yeah, dude. 18 pounds of food, three days. Like, fuck. Six pounds a day? They're cats. My girlfriend's extremely Mexican mom who speaks a little bit of English, made tamales for everyone. Oh, you're starting to say it with an accent, dude. Dude, those tamales were so good. Tamales. And they were from like Mexico, tamales. Like, yeah.

I was so happy. We got a little bit of every culture on that one, dude. It was awesome. Ant did not speak any. I was like, yeah, I was like, and she's like, I was like, Oh, my language ended at and may Yamo. It's like, now I'm struggling to understand, yell at me. And I got it, but

A little bit of Mexican food, a little Asian food, a lot of American food. There was an empty plate, so Ethiopian food. We had... First of all, Thanksgiving, it's all Indian food. Feathers? Yeah, feathers, not dots. Ain't no curry in my house on Thanksgiving. What'd you do for Thanksgiving? I just go to my parents' house and eat a bunch of deviled eggs.

Is that all they cook? They have an 18-pound devil egg. Why don't we call it Thursday? Here's the 18-pound devil egg. Look at me. I overeat every day. It's not holiday. It's Thursday at my parents' house. It's all it is. They don't call them the reasonable consumption electrician. Finally, an excuse for me to eat too much food.

Whatever. It's the same shit. It's fine. Shout out to Connor for making the best deviled eggs. We're going to talk about my green bean casserole, bro. Green bean casserole is good. I ate it yesterday. Very good. Hear me out, guys. What if Unsub had a piss funnel?

Connor, get the drill! It's Texas. It's just going to get hotter inside. I hope we get fucking Henry Cavill on the podcast. We got a piss funnel. We got a piss funnel. Hey, you want to use our piss funnel?

Of all the people that would be completely unfazed by a piss funnel, the dude that's obsessed with Warhammer 40K is a thousand percent on the list of like, I'll piss in the funnel. It's the first thing he does when he walks in the house. He just goes and uses it. I bet.

He'd be so polite about it. Excuse me, gentlemen. I like the scenario wherein the toilet is closer than the funnel on the wall. We have indoor plumbing. We're not savages. Just like we would have one. And I have to explain that to guests. Jesus Christ.

The girls are outside. Just the head of a winger. We looked through. Get those tongues out of there! They installed a delicious beverage on the outside of the unsub house. Oh, God. Girls, he's finally pissing. Oh, God damn it.

Where do we go from there? Hear me out. Let's abolish social security. I'm game. You mean the literal Ponzi scheme? Yeah. 100%. No, I did. That was my next frag grenade into Twitter. That's the one. I was so on your side. I was like, oh, and then you get to see everyone. My favorite was like the top ones. Like, it's not taxes. It's like, huh?

What? You mean when the government didn't trust anybody to actually save for their own retirement. So they said, okay, we're going to force you to save for your own retirement. But they didn't put it in your own account or anything. They just put it into a general slop fund that constantly gets raided and devalued. And so now it's going to be bankrupt in the next 10 years because the fucking government can't handle anything. Did you see the math I did? No, please. The average person pays 6.2% of their income into Social Security their entire working life.

And the average person will draw $440,000 worth of benefits from Social Security. That's about a negative 4% return. And by the time they draw it, it'll be worth even less. Or my proposal was you could put $1,000 in an IRA for a child the day they're born. It's locked up until you retire. The government funds it, $1,000. If it just goes off the S&P 10%, historic average S&P,

It's going to be worth $490,000 by the time they hit 67 and a half or whatever the fuck retirement age is. So you get more money for $1,000. To fund the program, it'd be $3.5 billion a year, which Social Security is 6.2% tax on income. This would be 0.03% tax on income. Or you could just be a responsible fucking adult and do it yourself. I understand what you're saying. Okay.

But for some reason, I live in a society where people that don't know the difference between, I don't know, like profit and loss and income and revenue get a vote that counts as much as mine. So I have to come up with fucking plans. Well, that's the next thing we should abolish.

Suffrage. Yes, we should abolish old people. We just start... Look, have you ever seen that movie Midsommar? I saw it on my computer. I was like, ooh, ooh, I got your word. I gotcha. The Japanese way where they just walk off into the forest. No, yeah, this great documentary I watched called Midsommar. When you hit 70, you jump off. You hit the rock, and if you don't die, there's a giant mallet man at the bottom.

The giant mallet man. I know when you're like, I missed the rock. The mallet man. It nicks the mallet man. Bonk. It does make that funny sound though when you crush their skull. I've got a five pound sledgehammer with a dog squeak toy on it. Bonk.

All the kids laugh. It's a good time. It's a Gallagher show. You need to tape one of those rubber chickens to it as it comes off. Nana, sorry. Dig the hole. What is it, Futurama, where Santa Claus just comes and kills you when you're 65? Wait, what? Yeah, robot Santa comes and kills you when you're like 65 or whatever.

And they have to go and defeat Robot Santa. Oh, oh, oh. You might as well say that. Yeah, they have a whole episode because he's going to come for the old man. I think it's so much funnier the way you described it as if it was just a known thing. That was such a like, he doesn't know about the three seashells. He doesn't know about the Santa? You don't know Robot Santa comes and kills you when you're 65? Everybody else in the room knew what I was talking about. Didn't they? That's my favorite fucking TV show. One person knew.

I knew what he was talking about. Yeah, see? Oh, what? Okay, never mind. I'm trying to explain to Fry what's happening. What's happening? I've never heard of that. That's hilarious. Have you ever sat down and watched Futurama? Like, I've seen a few episodes here and there, but I've never sat down and, like, actually watched the show. I've watched the dog one. Oh, everyone knows the dog one. The dog one. It's the saddest fucking thing there's ever been on television. Brutal. Seymour? Yep, Seymour the dog. Jurassic Bark. Yep, Jurassic Bark. That's it. Seymour Butts is the name of the dog. The most brutal episode we get...

It's just sad, like irredeemably sad. Like there's no punchline. No. Man, I was... Oh, we started watching Shogun and there's another thing I wanted to... Oh, did you watch your new... Fuck! The League of Legends one. Or this... No. Arcane? Yeah, did you watch Arcane? I've never seen Arcane. You watched Cyberpunk and they were... Yeah. The Cyberpunk anime is fucking great and I'm not an anime fan. No. Like... You got me onto that one actually. That one's fucking amazing and then... Oh, what's the other one? I...

Titan attack on Titan that one was really good. I like that one too. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, this is violent I know that's that's like one of the most like, you know Milk toast like beginning of the iceberg animes, but I enjoyed that one. I like Dragon Ball Z and avatar I love how upset people get when I call avatar anime. I don't care. I

I call it anime. Why would it not be considered anime? Because it's made in America. So apparently it doesn't count. That's dog shit. That's kinda what I said. Yeah, when American is made in China, we still call about the same name. You didn't mind watching it on a f***ing TV and a cell phone, which was made in America, motherfucker! It's like, f***. Yeah, a TV made in China is still a TV. 100%. 100%. I don't even know. What are you guys... Next you're gonna tell me King of the Hill's not anime. Fuck you guys.

I saw somebody did a YouTube video essay about why King of the Hill is the best American anime. I mean, it's factual. Dude, actually... Hold on. Have you seen the Japanese dubs of King of the Hill? Oh, I wasn't... No. Did you see the Warhammer 40k German scene? You're like, man, Warhammer 40k... This hits a little different. It's a little Reiki. Yeah. He's yelling at the soldiers. And it goes... You're like...

Well, that's just German. It just does. It sounds really bad. Locker room football pep talk in German would sound a little right. There is anime King. Let me see. It makes the French nervous. Have you seen the, uh, you know, like all the Warhammer 40 K like animations and shit. Oh wait, that's not it. There's one. There's a dude's been recreating like American, like SpongeBob King of the Hill and like high

high detail Japanese anime and it is gangster as fuck. I was like, oh, I like, I can watch this. And they were like 10 minute episodes. I like it when, when artists do stuff like that. It's, it's kind of fun. It's kind of like the way meat Canyon started where it's just like, he wasn't like a big YouTube or anything. He was just like an artist who liked drawing cartoons and stuff. And it naturally got there.

It's kind of fun. He just so happened to be ridiculously talented with anime, with voices and being funny and everything else. And his creativity is like his, not to suck his dick too hard. No, he's just like one of the most naturally funny people I've ever met. Yeah, me too. For sure. On top of that, he can draw, he can do cartoons, he can do the voice acting. Just a very talented guy. Very unassuming. He gave us a shout out to, thank you for the shout out on Military Bros.

He showed you during the one episode where he's talking about like friend groups, like the friend groups. Oh, yeah. I showed you guys that because we were on the live tour and I was just watching it on my phone about like the worst friends you could have. Like military bros.

And it's a picture of Brandon. It's me with the M60 or something like that. I was like, yeah. And he's just like, he basically is like, I just feel like I'm just picturing the host of the unsubscribed podcast. He's like, I know, I hang out with him. Blah, blah, blah. But he is like, dude, his content, I love watching how big his second channel has got. And that shows it's just time, effort, and then

Also, he gets to do what he loves, which is create those creatures like his new stove. Oh, yeah. His little animatronic creatures that he has on there. He's got the computer and the stove now, right? Yeah. The mouth on the stove. Colonel Sanders is. Oh, is that animal? His Colonel Sanders character that he has come in and out of some episodes is so good. He's been knocking them all out because now he does the taste testing, the stove thing.

Talking back and forth is some of the best humor. It's like, what is that hole? That's my front hole. That's my front hole. It's like my guilty pleasure is just watching his feed channel. I enjoy it more than his main channel. Did you guys ever watch Pee Wee's Playhouse when you were little? Yep. I know you're as old as I am, so you probably watched some of it.

Because that was Pee Wee's Playhouse entire house. I think I asked Hunter about this. He's like, yeah, I'm going for that, but just more fucked up. Where the stove talked and everything talked all in his house. It's so good seeing Hunter's concept of what those appliances are. I'd like to see a studio set up one day. That'd be kind of fun. Like a studio tour.

Yeah, I didn't realize he builds all those sets in his thing, which is fucking crazy. Is it actually a house? No, I think those are four corners. If I remember right, he was telling me it's just stages. Okay, that's what I was thinking. I was looking at a detail of it the other day, and I was thinking this has to be a set.

Yeah. And so he can go from like, oh, the downstairs, the computer room, the kitchen, and they're all just sets built up. So he just walks from one to the other and he doesn't work from home, which is really smart. Get you out. But that the level of detail he's getting into for his bits is top tier. I've noticed I work better with other people around, like not, not like a bunch of people, but like if it's just me and at my desk, I have a hard time sometimes with like

motivating myself to like we all go through it where it's like it's hard to not just click three but three buttons and play a video game instead be funny yeah you have an upload tomorrow you have to get an ad out by tomorrow be funny now yeah do this it's it makes a huge difference when you have it's like hey okay everyone's here i have to work i can't just be like yeah no let's take a break but he's playing off his friends now too because like the different characters he's playing off of people and you can tell it's fun

that's the best that that was the best introduction for him is start incorporating nick and all the team because now they have like actual vocals back and forth yeah yeah and i don't know if so i don't know where the voice is coming from if it's like remote or no idea on that one i think it's filmed in scenes so maybe i don't know if it's a voiceover in in his longer ones you can tell like it's happening at the same time like he's responding to it in one cut

There's a scene where Nick comes out from behind the wall. So I think he's puppeteering it and he's mic'd up. Yeah. And if you look at the mouth, it's like mesh. So I think he's looking through the mouth and he's staring the eyes some way and just mic'd up. We need to go do a tour. Yeah, I just want to see a set up. Not even to film it, just to like see it. I would really love to see a set up. It's like 100% we need to do that.

We're going to make that happen. Hunter, we just invited ourselves. Hunter, thanks for the invite. Thanks, Hunter. Thanks for coming to check out your studio. Fuck you, by the way. Don't let me lose $3,000 at craps at SHOT Show this year, okay, Hunter?

Just bet what he bets and you'll win. That's what I was. I'm just kidding. That's what I was doing the whole time. Hunter's like, all right, Cody, put things on this, this, this, throw the dice over there. And I would. He'd be like, good job. You won 300 bucks. And then you start pulling his voices out on the pit. Yeah. Why did you give me that? Yeah. The poor little Asian car dealer. He's just like, God damn it. Ling. Ling, you're fucking me here. Ling.

The pit bosses are making them swap. Anytime Hunter would sit down at a table, the pit bosses would swap every fucking time. Because he was crushing. Yeah. He was destroying it. For a minute, I was watching for an hour, and I was like, this is like...

One of the times we're like, we're getting looked at by cameras and I think we might get asked to leave soon because he's winning that hard. Cause he just had a satchel like full of cash that he just brought out there to like, just to gamble. Like I did not realize he was a good gambler, bro. And he was walking around in like,

I don't even know what. They were like horror themed flip flops. The black and white one. Yeah. No, they weren't flip flops. They were like flip flops slash crocs. Horror crocs. Yeah. Of like one of his animations. One was black. One was white. He's wearing like some Air Jordan oversized basketball shorts and a t-shirt just crushing the Venetian. Hilarious. While he's doing voices and shit, the dealers trying not to laugh. The pit bosses are fucking...

watching us. It was horrifying. So him and I are part of that Venetian club. You get like a little red card and you give it to him anytime you sit down and they send you rewards throughout the year. So like I can go stay at the Venetian a couple, like a week out of every month because him and I spent so much money.

And they just bring you these cards. And I sat down with them and I was like, oh shit, I lost my card. Five minutes later, a lady shows up, didn't know my name. And she's like, Mr. Garrett, here's your new card. I'm like, oh, Hunter's like, it's okay. That's what happens. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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babble.com slash spotify podcast spelled b-a-b-b-e-l dot com slash spotify podcast rules and restrictions may apply i hired an employee i was pretty excited about it you what i finally have an employee i was pretty excited oh cool who uh it's like one of my best friends um he was i'm the one that got him into i got him into jujitsu he became an electrician because of me he like turned out as a journeyman and then like a week later he's like

Cause he owns the jujitsu gym now and he's trying to make that like be his full-time job. And he just needed like a little bit of extra. I'm like, help me, you know, like just be my guy. If I need something, like I travel a lot, like you live a block away from me, like just be around so I can call you up and then help me with like research and writing and shit. Cause he's really funny. Nice. And, uh, he's got him like in a course to become an editor and shit. So, hell yeah. But, uh, his name's Calvin, but, uh, you know what I put on his W2 or had my accountant put on his W2.

his w2 his job title is lead henchman it's like thanks this is gonna look great i'm gonna get audited by the irs at some point and it's gonna be hilarious and how many shirts did you sell that said legalized tax evasion enough don't worry about it so oh my god so um

That reminds me of a story because we talk about our shop employees all the time. They're all friends of mine. They're a bunch of good dudes, very, very smart, sharp guys. But the joke, obviously, is everybody in the shop's got the fucking tism. And the joke that I kept making is that they're all tax write-offs. Just because, obviously. Special needs employee? Hell yeah, that's a tax write-off.

But we took it a little far at one point. And I can't, I won't say who it was with that we were visiting. Very, very high end. Very, very good company with a very big presence.

Zach was wearing a shirt that was something alluded to like had the puzzle piece or whatever like something autism related like in an ironic way. Yeah. And you know like we do all sorts of work for autism charities and stuff like that. So like I don't feel necessarily bad about it. We will do a couple tongue and cheek jokes every now and again. But it's hard to explain that to people who aren't aware. Yeah. Very hard. The owner of this company is there with us. And I didn't even put two and two together but he just looks at his shirt and he's like that's awesome. I am...

I'm so glad people will hire people like you. My son has autism and he just goes on this whole thing, like a very heartfelt, like, like it is. It's so great to see the inclusivity in the autism community and whatnot. And we're all just like,

Nobody say a fucking word. Just let this ride. There's no explaining this right now. Just let it fucking ride. Start stimming now. Cast spells. Zach, you're retarded now. Zach, tell them how cool that train is over there. It's still something we kind of chuckle about because it's obviously something you just don't correct people on. I don't know. He's not...

Yes. Yes. Yes. Very hard to explain otherwise. Like, we know the context, but... Where's your headphones, bud? Go get them. Go get them from the car. That just gives him free reign to just act like an asshole all day, and we just... You can't get mad at him, because... Oh.

I should have asked you this off camera. Zach wanted to know if we were planning on having him tell the donkey story at the last three venues since he's going to be there for all of them. Is he going to be at that? Yeah, it's always an epic story for all. That's fine. We can have him toss it on the actually the Boston show would be all. All Zach said was we have to keep reenacting it like we did Norfolk.

I forgot that. Or Nashville. Was it in Norfolk? No, it was Nashville. It was the second show, wasn't it? Yeah, that was it. We were shit-faced, and apparently Zach, me, and Rich reenacted the f***ing of the donkey, and Zach was the donkey. You know what my favorite part about the second show was? We had Lawyer Jake like, all right, guys, don't drink too much the first show. We got two shows. We stumbled up to the second show, and then you guys reenacted the donkey story. Yeah.

Yeah. We're okay, Jake. Don't worry about it. We're professionals. This is also the same venue that was like,

Our staff is really on edge with you guys and your audience. They're scared. Shit face reenacting a donkey on stage five minutes into the show. Staff very happy by all of you all though because the tips they give. We have an awesome community. Dude, that staff turned around real fast after. Like, yo, fucking cool. Like, do whatever you want. So when Hannah showed up to San Diego, we're not going to say what happened.

Oh, I don't know. I don't know if she's okay with me telling that story yet. I was just laughing. Nothing happened. What are you talking about? My wife may or may not have had something that made her paranoid and like way too much of it. Like way, way too much. And I go out to recover my wife from the crowd because a lot of the fans recognized her. Miss fat electrician from the delete me ads and all that shit. And they're wanting to get pictures with her. And she is just like,

Super paranoid. So I go, we get her out and on the car ride home, she's like, it's so scary having all those people there. What if somebody wants to hurt you? Blah, blah, blah. Like, I don't want you to go out and see the fans anymore. But what a sweetheart. Even if there was one person there trying, there's 999 other people there. They're going to fuck that guy up. Not only that, half our fans can't read, let alone read Catcher in the Rye. Jesus Christ.

That is the only time you'd have fans. It would turn into the zombie movie where the guy's like ripped. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. His intestines. Our fans would do that. Like some dude goes to draw on us. You would see this like... They're ripping his flesh open. You just look out into this sea of people. 150 of them have killed people. Like probably a lot of people. As a sweetheart, that's...

Literally, I'm probably never been safe. The only time I've ever maybe been safer is at range day when they do have machine guns. Other than that, like I've never been in a safer room in reality ever. Ever. Like when we go, because at the end of all the live shows, like we go out and we like say hi, we are like signing autographs, like taking pictures, giving hugs, whatever. And like it gets to the point where the security guys are like, we don't have enough men to force these guys out. Could you please go in the back? Because I can't. Yeah.

If you said we're not closing, we're not closing, but we'd really like to. We would love to close right now, actually. The staff wants to go home. At the end of every show, I think we ended up getting kicked out because everyone wanted to hang out, which is not a problem for us. But the venue, you know, we got to go by their rules. But it was awesome. You guys are amazing. That was such a cool tour. Very good crowd. That was the only time like walking out. It is when you walk out, it's like screaming. You go, oh, man, I need an energy drink. Oh.

around you walk really far around the dark corners you're like i don't i'll just wait i'll walk back and i'll say hi to everybody but yeah i uh yeah i'm only like kind of on edge for like the first five ten minutes and then i just feel at home like our audience is so good dude the level of resp again we are truly blessed that the yelling the like good yelling it's like cheering

screaming Cody's name getting chanted. Also fucking Patrick, what y'all did for Patrick at Norfolk. That was probably one of my favorite moments as a dude going through a stage four cancer treatment. And his mom sent an email. We took care of him, but the mom, I was like, Oh, we got, don't worry. I was like, we'll make sure the mom was so sweet. She was just like, just if you could give him a hug, we would love that. He's going to be on the VIP. He wants to meet y'all. It doesn't mean the world to him. He's going through all this, but if you give him a hug, that would mean the world. It's like, well,

Girl, got you. The entire crowd was chanting his name. At the end of every live show, Rich had the flag, an American flag. The board itself was signed by all of us. He's just waving it left and right. He'd give it out to somebody in the audience. We gave it to Patrick at the end of Norfolk. It had the whole crowd just chanting his name and whatnot. All of the hosts are just up there like,

I'm not crying. Reverse tears. Suck it back in. Funny part about that story. We're doing the VIPs and we're like, you know, oh, you know, you get the picture, whatever, whatever. There's another dude named Patrick. Gabe. Eli didn't realize it wasn't that Patrick. And it's like, oh, bro, we're so happy to see you. We've got a shirt for you and a bunch of stuff. And that Patrick's like,

Oh, okay, cool. Both Patrick's are six foot six. 300 pounds. I'm like, man, these are huge. I was like, oh, this is Patrick. He's like that. And then Patrick and the mom, Patrick, I was like, ah, shit. Well, Patrick got a free shirt. And I said, good luck. We're going to take care of you. Okay.

He was probably like, man, this is a real nice guy. Eli's just like, I know what you're going through. And he's like, I don't. Are they going to kill me? I forgot. Oh, God. Shout out to both Patrick. So with the, like the misfit electrician and the,

delete me ads thing you know she always has a new gun tax write-off thing did i show you guys the what cmmg hit me up with cmmg is just like hey we were just dicking around and they have that new uh model i forget what it's called off the top of my head i'm sorry i'm drunk um but they have this new it's basically an ar but it's got like a normal rifle stock and it basically skirts most dissident yeah yeah maybe

Either way, it's like their version of like the SIG ranch rifle, same type of concept. Like it's just designed. Oh no, nevermind. It's designed to skirt all the anti-AR-15. I was thinking the one without the buffer tube. Yeah. Yeah. No, you're, you're. It's literally that, except it's got a normal stock. Like a sporting kind of like. Yeah. So it like skirts a lot of the anti-AR-15 rules. And like, I think it's like legal in 48 or all 50 states. Feature lists and all that. Yeah. All that stuff. And they're like, Hey, um, we were just dicking around and we made one. Uh, it,

I kind of realized that it looks like a Bush Light can. Did you want it? So now it's going to be in the Delete Me ads? Are you going to say fucking no to that? Oh, damn. That actually kind of does. They made it look like the Hunter version of the Bush Light can?

That's fucking great. Yeah, so she gets to hold that in the Delete Me ads in the future. She actually walked out on stage and did. Yeah, she did. She walked out on stage and did the Delete Me thing. She had a good time. What show was that? Was that San Diego? It was San Diego. Yeah. Crowd went wild. She was like. Yeah. Because she was nervous as shit getting up there. So I was like, go, go, go, go, go. And she did it. And then, yeah, that crowd went wild. And then like, she was like, what the fuck?

It was awesome seeing everything. I hit her with the Dave Chappelle punchline. Which one? The one about Bill Clinton, where he's like, I didn't realize how famous the president was. You ever been so famous you could f*** somebody, then they're famous? Oh my god. How'd she take that? She just rolled her eyes. There's never been anybody less impressed with me in my entire life. Ask Ray J about that one.

You say what you want. The Kardashians mother is a marketing genius. Oh yeah. She is. Let a rapper come on you kids. It's okay. What do you got? I got, I got a bunch of daughters with no talent. I'm going to turn this into an empire.

I respect it. My daughter that's 18 is a billionaire. You're done good when you have multiple billionaires in your family. There was sexually transmitted billions. I take that, STD. There was one...

There was a business guy I was listening to who was talking about the Kardashians. And like, it really stuck with me. Like, I heard it probably 10 years ago. But he said that they proved the concept that if you can get half the world to hate me, I could rule it. It's like, you don't need anybody. You don't need everybody to like you. You just need like that many people that do. Even if 70% of them fucking hate you. I mean, look at the Pauls. Find me somebody who likes the Pauls.

like watching and hate watching pay the same. Yeah. It's, it's crazy. And like, I never want to do that. Like as a brand, like that just doesn't sit right with me. I don't have to do that. I don't care. A lot of those watching those people build that. I mean, Mayweather's an example of when he went from money or a pretty boy to money Mayweather. Cause he was like, Oh man,

I make way more money if everyone just fucking hates me. So he turned into like money Mayweather. Like Connor. I'm so mad. Gregor didn't win. Not you. The Tyson fight. I'm so dude that it's, it doesn't, I don't know. I'll die. I'll die on that. Nah, I don't think it was, uh, Tyson going in there saying that he just like realized he doesn't have the heart for it anymore. I completely believe at that age, at that age too. But like,

I just if it had the potential to be the most unifying thing for the United States since 9-11, if Tyson just walked out there and knocked him the fuck out that first round when he was ducking and popping up and he cracked him once. Oh, my God, it's going to happen. Oh, my God. For 12 minutes, all of the United States is going to be on the same team and happy. It's going to be amazing. And then.

It didn't happen because he hugged him for the first two rounds and wouldn't let him fight. I want George, just old George Foreman to go out. Just old George is fucking still my favorite boxing movie. Dude, he's still. Did you see him hit in the back? He was like, I'll fight him, bro. Can we get him on the podcast? George? I don't know.

He's in Texas. I would love to have that man. That dude, as you're saying, it's like some of the best. That's a really good movie. It's like, how's that little grill business doing? And not having any idea about that. Mr. Foreman, sir.

I will forcefully drag all three of these men and the cameras to you to film a podcast with you, and we will go to church with you after the fact or before the fact, whatever you prefer, if you will just come hang out with us. Please. I will help with the dragging. George Jr., George III, IV, V, VI, VII. All of them. Really? That's not a joke. No. They're all George Foreman.

That's awesome. There's the second? Cody, see how many... Normally, that's a multi-generational thing. No, that is one generation. Holy shit. How many... How do they name their kids? Huh? How do they name their kids? It's going to have like one set of parents is going to have like the 11th, the 17th, and the 22nd. Oh, yeah. How do they? Like, do I get this one? Or is it... Yeah. Five sons and $7 total of 12. His five sons are...

George Jr., George III, George IV, George V, George VI. Yeah. Yeah, so he's got six little Georges. I love it. Dude, that's the easiest. George! Okay, that one. Come here. You can just number them. Five sons are Georges. So they got nicknames. There's Monk, Big Will, Red, Little Joey, and then George Jr. I bet Little Joey's still massive.

Oh, you know, they're all just, that's probably the biggest genetics. Yeah. But I don't, he's my, it's a boy named sushi where he just like gets jacked. Cause his name is little Joey. He's my favorite boxer for sure. Nothing better than how old was he when he made it? 47, 47 going in just like 42 to 40. Here's my plan. I'm going to cover up.

And hit you so hard that you just die. What, Brandon? If you want to see Chaos, watch it. That man hit a 300-pound heavy bag. It is fucking terrifying because it is moving fast.

We hit 100s just for reference. Yeah. 300 is like swinging and he's leaving impacts during his prime. In his prime, he retired in his 20s or early 30s, came back in his late 40s, and then became the heavy world, like the world heavyweight champion. And you don't feel bad rooting for him because he's not a convicted. Yeah. So it's really cool. Yeah.

You kind of feel good about it. Everyone always forgets that little history lesson. Yeah, he retired at 97 at the age of 48 with a final record of 76 wins comprised of 68 knockouts. God! Dude, he had like heavy hands. Bro, and it's like the only reason Muhammad Ali beat him was because that's where the rope-a-dope was invented.

Like he had to invent a new fighting style. Not only did he have to invent it, he had to get lucky in the ropes weren't in like set up correctly. That was like the whole lore is the top rope wasn't tensioned appropriately. So he could like, he had enough to be able to lean back and so far away that George couldn't hit him. And he had to wait till he got gassed out. Like Muhammad Ali got lucky.

holy shit and Brandon he did a cross guard so he was one of the few boxers that did a cross guard so you block like this like you would fight like this Muhammad Ali would no or George that's why he's like I'll just take do the tank yeah I'll just get hit and I'll fucking hit you as hard as physically possible and kill you

And if he watches and all cast those dudes die, it's my favorite. So like practical question, why is the cross guard not more common? Because you can't hit from it. Think you don't have a quick, you can't swing. So you're like waiting for counters. Yes, you can absorb, but. So you almost like have to like.

Slip and then counter. Yeah. Or wait, and then you're just relying on literal pure strength to punch through their guard. And he could do that very easily. 68 knockouts. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. He lost five times. That's it. His entire career. Five times. 68 knockouts. Some of those dudes. I love fighting so much. Who did he beat for the heavyweight title? Liston? Sonny Liston, I think. Was it Sonny?

I think that's who he took the heavyweight title from the first time around before Ollie took it from him. Liston? Yeah. Was it Liston or what was the other big one during that timeframe? It was Ollie, Foreman, and Frazier. Oh, it might've been Frazier. Foreman, Frazier was big. Yeah. Yeah. It might've been Frazier. You're right. I want to talk about this too. I found this out from the Unsub audience. The Mama Ali thing.

Oh, yes. I forgot about that, but I saw it because I was talking about how there was a bar we used to go to. I don't know if you were on this episode where I'm like one of the managers was like, oh, that's Mama Ali, like Muhammad Ali's mother that was still like around like an older, older black lady. But like he was like, oh, that's Mama Ali.

And I was fully convinced that it was Mama Ali. I've met her several times. She's very nice. And this, like, he was always super infatuated, like, celebrities and stuff like that. And he was always trying to be, like, a promoter type. Like, oh, this is this football player. I'm like, dude, I don't do sports ball. Like, fighting's the only thing I've even kind of kept up with. I'm super into it now, but even back then, like, kind of a little bit. So I'm like, oh, okay, that's cool. But he always, like, introduced her, like, oh, yeah, Mama Ali, like, would treat her like royalty when she'd come into, like, this big, like, downtown bar.

And then one of the comments pointed out like Muhammad Ali's mother died like years before this story or something like that. And I looked into it and I looked it up and I'm like, holy shit, who the fuck did I meet all those times? Like one of the, like one of the comments was like, this is physically impossible because, and then they detailed it. I don't remember exactly what it was, but I was like,

Second guessing my life. I'm like, this man very confidently introduced me to this woman several times. That woman just pulled the long con to get free food. I have no idea. Or you got Mandela. Yeah, or maybe I'm from the universe where she was alive and well and going to bars in Raleigh, but fuck. You got Mandela, dude. It was weird and I would have never known about it. I think it was a Pepperbox comment. No shit. That I was just like, oh wait, what? And it fucked me up so much I googled it and they were right. Huh.

So that guy was a piece of shit. Just lying to you. A restaurant owner being a piece of shit. That never happens. Ever. He wasn't even an owner. He was a manager. Oh, well, there you go. Dude, I saw a picture of a guy on a walk with like a bite taken out of an Uncrustable. He's like, oh man, RFK is about to ban the fuck out of these, isn't he?

Dude. There's going to be an underground market for that. Yeah. Start buying all those energy. Yeah, we need to start buying. Look, I'm not a big fan of any government agency. I'm not a big fan of the government. I'm not a big fan of regulation, period. I'm a borderline philosophical anarchist almost. Like, I just hate all of it. However, if you're going to have an organization like the FDA, at least make sure they exist too. I don't know. Make sure there's not poison in our fucking food instead of raiding the Amish over having raw milk.

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There's a theory, you know, I think that's kind of cool. Actually, that's a good. Did you talk about that? Yeah, you just talked about that. Yeah, you're like, oh yeah, why not that segment? Go. Hold on. I'm going to get to that one second. I have to read one stat that I heard the other day about Uncrustables. Guess how many Uncrustables the NFL eats per year? Oh. All of the NFL? Yes. All of the NFL?

Money-wise or poundage. Or like the team. The teams are eating them? Yeah, because they're very popular for like, because you're a 300-pound dude operating at a high level. You just need high calories. 37,000. Wait, wait, hold on. Whoa. All right, I'm out. In a single season. 420,000.

No, it's 80,000 Uncrustables. It's a lot of PB&Js for snacks. But regardless, the raw milk thing. So I had Calvin actually do a bunch of research on raw milk because I saw a bunch of footage of straight-up CAC teams raiding Amish raw milk dairy farmers. And the way that this kind of functions is – I looked into it. Raw milk basically got –

not completely banned, but heavily, heavily regulated in like the 1930s prior to like everybody having a refrigerator and refrigeration being super common because it's easy to get milk tainted with like bacteria, E. coli, whatever the fuck. Then refrigeration came around and it's allegedly not a super big problem. Don't take my word for it. Do your own research, whatever. But it's just been kind of like a law that stuck around for whatever reason.

And so the way the Amish go about it is they're like, okay, well, I'm going to have a health club and just people can pay me $50 a month or whatever. And in exchange for that, they get all the milk they can drink raw. They just come and pick it up from my barn and I just have a big vat of it. You come fill up your jug of raw milk, whatever the fuck. And that way, you know, people aren't accidentally buying raw milk, not knowing what they're getting at a grocery store. Like if you seek out one of these Amish health clubs, you know what the.

You're doing, you're a grown ass adult. If you want to drink raw milk and potentially get E. Coli, that's on you. You're do what you want. This is America. And FDA does not like that. And they were raiding these raw milk dairy farms and they would go in and dump dye into these huge vats of raw milk. And then they had like cheese and other shit too. And they'd confiscate all of it. They destroy it. They take all the cheese, confiscate it, completely destroy it. And.

The biggest, I believe the biggest Amish population in the country is in Pennsylvania. And this has all been going on over the last three to four years more heavily than normal. And that was actually the motivation of why 150 to 180,000 Amish people got together and voted for Donald Trump in a swing state. So Donald Trump literally might be president over spilt milk. Yeah.

You don't fuck with Amish, man. I just, what if we quit government overreach? I don't know. Like, at the end of the day, nobody's been arrested for going to child-fucked Epstein Island, but we've killed a squirrel and a raccoon. I mean, we got cash to tell it now, so they might. I have a structured settlement, but I need cash now.

JG! Yeah, Jack! Was it Jack? I think it was a Jack bit. That sounds like a Jack bit. And then the entire crowd automatically knew. Jack Mandeville just said like the first four words and 900 people screamed called JG. 877-CASH-NOW!

The fucking room rattled at the end of that. It was awesome. We're going to just start doing live ad reads. A thousand people already know the gene. We will shout your company out and have it yelled back at us. Please come hang out and have a good time. What are you guys doing for Christmas? I don't know. Actually, I don't plan that far. I'm looking forward to having a bit of a break.

Catch up on my own work stuff because we've been doing the live shows. Of course, we've got Range Day coming up. The last three months of the year are always super fucking chaotic for us. I'm just looking forward to spending some time with family, just chilling out.

I'm going to go see my mama. Nice. Just hang out. Chill. Mama donut. Yeah. Just to get a peek inside the industry and the things that we do, guys. The last three months are so important, too, because people are buying our t-shirts for Christmas, for Thanksgiving, just gifts and things like that. Not only that, but also the AdSense. Because of Black Friday, Christmas shopping and everything, companies spend more in the last...

two and a half months of the year than they do any other time yeah so these are our like super heavy work periods for creators and just people that do the youtube thing like this it's a real shit time to have an upload happen at midnight it's a really good time to go on live tour live tour and launch a live tour launch a shoe company run pepper box and get more like

It's just stack business onto business onto business onto business. It's like, it's fine. It's fine. It'll be fine. It's going to be okay. Just don't die. Look at Connor. We've got him on our corner. We can't fail. He's wearing socks and flops. You remember the first time you came to UMSL and then I didn't hug you? I don't regret it. Jesus Christ. Holy shit.

There's too much expensive equipment in between me and you right now, but imagine I picked something up and threw it at you. You can always throw your magic mind. It's okay. Hey, we bonded over piss funnels. He just pisses on you. Oh, God. Guess whose CPAP machine's gonna be full of piss tonight?

You haven't seen Pat Machine? You weren't supposed to tell anyone. More like a pee-pat machine. Shoot, Brandon. That's all right. I'm just a good guy. No, I got a... My kid is... He's going to be four this month. And it's like the first year he's cognizant enough to understand that Santa's on the way. So that's a lot of fun. He's super jacked about all the shit Santa's going to bring him.

dad, dad, we have to leave out cookies for Santa. Yes. Yes, we do. Yeah. Make sure that this flavor, he's super pumped to explain it to me. Listen, don't tell your mother, but, uh, I got an inside scoop and the exact kind of cookies that Santa likes. Yeah. Right. Make sure she knows. Right. And,

And then Santa gets all the credit. It's okay. Santa's bringing my kid the Fisher Play School 1993 pirate ship with all the knights and pirates and shit on it. With the castle, dude? Yeah. I already bought it as a castle. All the shit I wanted as a kid. That's wild. He asked for that, Nick. I know. He totally did.

Nobody showed him that and was like, look how cool this would be. Like, yeah. My dad to this day still, like, as he... You'll mention it in casual conversation about Christmas or whatever. If you mention anything about a big wheel, he's just like, yeah, you know, that would have been really cool as a kid. So that fucking big wheel that everybody else in the street had. But, you know, Santa just never... Santa hates the poor kids, so...

We started talking about that, how Santa hates poor kids. I think for Christmas this year. Santa Claus is like Santa will give the rich kids nice stuff and the poor kids bad stuff. I'm going to eBay right now. I'm buying my dad a big wheel as a joke. You're going to get him like an actual steering wheel or are you going to get him the green machine with the two levers? The two levers are way cooler. Yeah, but I think he's going to want OG yellow big wheel in the front. Yeah, got to have the big wheel in the front. Yeah.

Should I get one big enough for him to actually ride or just as a joke? Get him a motorized one. No, get him one he has to pedal. Have I showed you guys my Sears catalogs? That's all I was going to say. I have the 92 to 98 Sears catalog for every year. The ones we used to look at when we were kids and wish we weren't poor. The one Nick makes his kids read so he picks those to choose from. That's what he circles them in.

You're like, you're like psyoping your kids to just do thrift shop finds. Like my, so like my, I've been me and my wife have both been super like, I'm not going to have my kid. My kid has not had a tablet.

My kid does not have any video games whatsoever. I bought him. I fucked up. I bought him. There's this like $29, 15 megapixel little toddler camera that he could take pictures with. But I didn't even know this when I bought it, but you can go in the menus and you can play snake on it. So he's just like playing snake on this camera all the time as a four year old. And I'm like,

I told my wife, I'm like, I'm buying him a Game Boy Color. Like, I'm going to go to GameStop or whatever, buy him a 20-year-old Game Boy Color and a bunch of old... He's going to grow up playing the same games I did at the same exact time in 2024, though. Bro, I still have a Game Boy Camera. You remember those? Oh, yeah. Oh, I saw that. You showed me that in your office. I might bring it on tour to take pictures with the Game Boy Camera.

How many? It's got like three megapixels. Oh, it's awful. It is dog shit. I don't think that's a Minecraft character. That is 100% not megapixels. No, it's like 100 pixels. Just pixels. Wait, that is a Game Boy. But I found a way to connect it to my computer and I can download all my Game Boy camera images onto my computer and just share them on Instagram and stuff. It's really cool. It's kind of a neat retro thing. I dig it.

Yeah. I might bring it on tour. Do it. So I can snap pictures with my Game Boy camera. The pictures are so dog shit. They're so bad. If there's any dim lighting whatsoever, it just doesn't work. I like it. How many? It's 128 pixels by 128 pixels. Yeah, there's no mass sensor. So it can store 128 by 112 grayscale digital image using a four-color palette of the Game Boy. So you're looking at literally like...

128 KB pictures. It's awful. It's so bad. It's not near even a megabyte. So, oh my God, you just threw me all the way back. You know, the first video I ever made, like not even for YouTube, it was before YouTube existed, was on a, because I've always been interested in just making video stuff. It was on a, one of those like fucking Walmart. I think this was like a Christmas present or something from like one of my uncles. Like, God,

got thrown back like 20 years here uh it was one of the like the stick things that you hold but it had like a little camera at the top like the plastic ones it was american idol labeled like after the first season or whatever uh where you just have like a little trigger up front and it was like dog shit quality video i started first started editing video with one of those i know what you're talking about i can't remember the name of them though is it a flip no it was just like

It looks like a joystick with a camera pointing out the front of it. And the camera was like that fucking big. Yeah. And it's blue. Yeah. It's called the digital blue. Oh, was it? I don't know. I did a commercial for them on Nickelodeon when I was 13. Oh, let me look. Also, we really have to talk about that. Yes, it is. That was exactly what that was. How did that come about? Holy shit.

My mom wanted me to do commercials and stuff, and she put me in all these. I would have never found that thing. You were bred for it. That is exactly what it was. I did the commercial for that on Nickelodeon. I was the kid holding the camera in Nickelodeon. Wait, what? Yeah. We never talked about that. How do I find this ad? I don't know. I've been trying to find it for years now. It's out there somewhere. Wait, we're going to find it now. How much did they pay your mom? It's like $500, $600, something like that. $500 bounty for the first person who can find the Cody Garrett original commercial.

Digital blue commercial. That was like 13. First person. I've got a three week head start on you motherfuckers. What the fuck? How is that never? Well, it's so random that you. That is also just found this out. Two bit photography. It's two bit, two bit, two bit. No, no mega before that. No, no killer before. Just bit.

Jesus. That is fucking wild. Oh, I might have found it. I will say, I started console gaming after I had surgery. That's extremely frustrating. Now the one with 269 views. I'm watching it right now. Yeah! Oh my god! Holy shit! That is young Cody! Come on! He's wearing a yellow shirt! He's right here. In the back. Yeah, look at him. That's young Cody.

Wait, what? Go right there. There's a close-up later. There's a close-up of him later. Just right after this. Oh my god. This is not scripted. Right after this, there's a close-up of Cody. Hold on. Right after this girl. That's Cody. No, that's not Cody. And here he is. Nope. Nope. That's it. There. There I am. Oh my god. Cody's up. Holy shit.

That is the most 90s commercial I've ever seen, too. Bro, Cody with that backwards white hat. What the f***? Yeah, Whibbiscuit was really cool then, okay? New Cody lore just dropped. Yeah, with his hit single, Break Crap. Update the Wikipedia page. Gotta start to fame, Nickelodeon commercials. So, you've told me about that years ago, but you didn't tell me it was that specific commercial. You just told me you did like a couple. You had a digital blue. I had a digital blue. That was where I started in f***ing like filmmaking or whatever.

That is weird synchronicity. We're just... We've known these guys fucking... We've known each other forever. And we, like, hang around each other all the fucking time and we still find weird shit like that where it...

I just like the general reaction of "Bah! Rah!" Like "Rrrrr!" The viewer's 260 views. F*** you, I found it first. You owe me $500. No, I'm gonna see it. I'm fucking lying. The audience is so excited to win $500. Did I just show you for the audience? It's already gone. Chase, play the footage back. You might be the first because I saw Cody first. I'm watching it right now. Yeah! Oh my god! Holy shit! Yeah! Oh my god! Oh my god!

How about an AK? Deal. Hold on. That reminds me. What the fuck? That's wild though. How did that come to be? My mom wanted me to do commercials and stuff and she would take me to these little interviews in Atlanta. And so I did a commercial for the Boys and Girls Club. I did Digital Blue. I did a bunch of Nickelodeon stuff.

Longhorn Steakhouse. Just like I'm the happy kid in the family eating a burger. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. I did not know any of this. Mama Donut is the Chris Jenner of GunTube. I had no idea. Yeah. Jesus. Damn, Trout, that was fast. Yeah, thank you, Brandon. You were so quick with giving me this AK-47. Which is confirmation that you admit I saw Cody before you did. Which I still contest to this day, but that's also like a lot of the...

Modern Yugoslavian lore. So you got an AK before I did I really don't regret not hugging you I Didn't know you were coming into town this early. I saw Cody first in my defense How many commercials are you in like six or seven what what else oh

Everyone, go find these. Longhorn Digital Blue. These are like collecting the Infinity Stones. I know. I want to see all of these. I don't think a lot of them are up anymore, man. I guarantee the internet will find them. He's not saying because they had to have been embarrassing products. To be fair, that Digital Blue commercial had 269 views.

Well, now it's gonna have a couple thousand of them. Yeah, it's gonna pop. It was uploaded four months ago too, which is weird. Really? Yeah. Also, I just typed "first" on the comments. Fuck all you guys. Oh my god, is that Donut Operator? Holy shit, admin's here.

Dude, what the fuck, Cody? How did I never know that? I forget. I don't know, man. God damn. Too many good nights to remember, man. Too many good nights to remember. That's the truth. That's just a wild child to me. My mom said she always wanted me doing video stuff when I was little, and I just started doing that shit because she kept taking me to the interviews. That's dope. I would have been way too embarrassed and shy and retarded at a young age, dude. I tried to dance when I was like 13. You see me? I'm like, ooh, ooh, ooh. It was gay shit, dude. Yeah.

Yo, what's up? Did you get to meet Dan Schneider? We're not going to talk about Uncle Dan. I was in a couple flip-flop commercials. This is weird, Uncle Dan. Stop. Oh, no. Oh, fuck. Trauma. What was your favorite gift you got for Christmas as a kid? Oh, yeah. I...

I know the one I didn't get that I was super disappointed in the one I got. I was disappointed was the, I don't even remember the train. It was a, I had so many trains going away to lead that. I know I had so many trains growing up and never square wheels. I never thought about this until recently. I would put like, I would stack carts and I would, I would build a,

a bridge for my train, but I'd have enough carts. So it couldn't, it would struggle to make it up and I'd crank up the speed. So it shoots sparks until I'm over. Was it one of those like OG, like the track racer? Yeah. Like, no, like I had, like, it was an actual train, like the tracks and the like turn a little copper thing that, yeah.

Yeah, and you build a city. No, no, like tracks. Oh, okay. Like trains. Where'd the sparks come from? From the wheels. It's electric. Oh, wow. They had like a metal brush that had to touch the track for power. Yeah, that's what I was asking. Well, this is not a brush. Like the OG ones, I forget how they were operated. It was like either the wheels or something would touch the track itself, and that's how it got the...

energy to move and you just have a dial and you turn the dial up and struggle to get over there but there was the ones with the like your rc cars you know so there was one that had a i can still smell those yes yes like we probably shouldn't have been able to smell that no the burning copper like the conductivity it's just burnt ozone that's fine but there was a train that would do a flip

And there was a missing section and the train would go, and it would land on the other side and go through it. My dad's all I wanted for Christmas. And I did not get it. And then I didn't, they got me nunchucks instead. And I did hit my brother in the face. That's why instead of being an engineer, you ended up being an 11 Bravo. Yeah. I was like, Michelangelo. And I whacked my brother in the face. Oh yeah. These were real. Five years old. I hit my brother in the face of those motherfuckers.

That's why he has fake teeth. But yeah, they were like, no. They were trying to explain to a five-year-old Eli. They were like, it doesn't fucking work. Like, it would never make the loop. It just wrecks every time. I was still heartbroken that I didn't get my train. That's my favorite part about the Ninja Turtles lore. Michelangelo. The weapon choices.

oh is for their personalities their worst the like the worst part of their personalities is reflected back at them have you heard this so like who's who's the one with the uh the size the the black rafael he's got anger pro he's the red red he's the one with the anger problems he's got like the blunt dagger things

So those are like exclusively a defensive weapon. So it's like, oh, you're angry all the time here. Play defense, nerd. You're super aggressive. And then like, uh, Donatello is the staff. Well, Donatello is a staff. That's my favorite one. But the Raphael's and I'm Chuck's. He's like the ADHD one. Michelangelo. He's got the nunchucks. He's like the ADHD one when nunchucks require the most focus to be able to master. And then Donna, Leonardo, fine.

Fuck, I don't know my Ninja Turtles right now. I'm drunk. So the little rat guy is just a troll. Yeah, basically. And like the computer nerd, the super smart one, he's like, oh, you're really smart? Here's a stick for your weapon, nerd. Like, fuck you. I know. I almost called him Master Shifu. Fucking Kung Fu Panda. Master Shifu. Splinter, thank you. Master Shifu taught me. Speaking of, that was my favorite gift I got as a kid was the Ninja Turtles pizza car shooter. Oh, yeah.

Dude, you got one of those? The little discs that went into it, they were pizzas, and it would shoot them out. The van? Yeah, you could put all your Ninja Turtle figures on it, and they'd drive it around, and it would shoot little pizzas out of it. Dude, our action figures sucked when you look back at them like...

No, they don't. They can't move anything? The He-Man was rad, dude. What are you talking about? You want to know the most disappointing part about being a parent in 2024? Happy Meal toys now. Have you seen a Happy Meal toy lately? They're pretty fucking trash. If you have... They're horrible. I mean, self-report. I mean, if you have kids, like, there's nothing... Like, when I had Happy Meal toys when I was a kid, it was like, oh, here's a...

plastic thing of french fries from mcdonald's it turns into a fucking periscope so i can spy on people or whatever the fuck yeah mcdonald's meals yeah like all the cool shit like whenever there's a new disney movie yeah they always do the movie promos yeah now the like the happy meal toys are literally fucking cardboard that comes on a printed sheet and you have to like knock it out and assemble it and it's like a top or it's horrible

All the Happy Meal toys suck now. They're like the cheap Chinese ones. Or it's like a little tiny stuffed animal. Something lame. Doesn't do anything. It's horrible. Bro, they're expensive on eBay. I went back and looked at the Transformers recently. You know, like you're saying, you could fry a burger. The spy equipment? Yeah. They're expensive, man. Are they really? Yeah, some of them are. I remember they did the promo with Beanie Babies. They used to do promos with big companies and stuff. I mean, growing up in the 90s was peak. When they would do the...

Oh, the Monopoly game? Bro, I didn't know that whole lore that happened with that. Like, the Monopoly... What's the lore? You remember you could win a million dollars or however much and you do it every year? A dude at the facility was stealing...

The Park Place one. Or the expensive one. Broadway. Boardwalk. Yeah, Boardwalk and Park Place. So he was fucking nabbing them. They had them in a special room and they gave him access to it. So he would just ship those to his friends. So clearly he stole it. No, because he would give them out. He would send it to people. He'd be like, hey, I will split this with you. You just turn it in. So people would win it, turn it in, he would get half. And he did that for real.

Years. Years. Because he did that for like almost a decade. Yeah, and he made like $7 million off of it. Yeah, this was like a criminal ring that found, and it wasn't until after. What a gay criminal ring, dude. Yeah, dude. But $7 million? Dude walked away with $7 million fucking dollars. What are you in for? Murder. You? Stole Park Place. Lots of times. From McDonald's. And I forget what... There is an actual... Oh, is there like an armed robbery? No. No. No.

just stealing park place and boardwalk a lot of times played monopoly too hard yeah it was a family and he had like his uncle it was first like immediate then just close friends and he just kept exciting why they found it where they were just like oh all these people are related to an employee mm-hmm and they're like huh this is what a dipshit that's actually that you'd expect that from mcdonald's employee actually nick

Imagine doing it one time, though. Like, you do it one time, you got away, you be like, cool. Fucking good. Okay, good. Instead, it's like, let's do it where... To the tune of 14 million. Yeah. It's fucking wild. I forgot about that. Fucking hell. I just remember, like, it's... Nick, did you actually... Did you say your favorite gift growing up? Christmas? God, I don't know. I mean, the only thing that comes to mind, and this might be cheating, is... This tube?

What? The piss tube. I was just thinking, like, what if we had a piss funnel on camera? You know what I mean? Like, what if the piss funnel was right behind Connor's chair and I could still, like, be on camera while I was peeing? Like, how great would that be? My mouth's right here. Yeah.

Oh. No, I don't know. The only thing that... Connors or piss tunnel? I don't like that. Drilling you a piss hole that's just a little bit lower than it is. You got your own now, boy. Piss up. He's dead. Piss up. You're a man now. The only thing that comes to mind is the PS1, and then I got A Bug's Life as my first video game. You remember the Game Pros that would come with the discs? The demo discs? Yeah.

Just like the magazines that would come with the PlayStation. Oh, yeah. Fuck. Do you remember cheat code books? Yeah. We were talking about that the other day. Yeah, get them at the book fair, dude. Yeah, Nintendo Power. Oh, man. I forget all of them. Like, Game Pro. Game Pro was, like, the biggest one. Game Pro. Tips and Tricks. Tips and Tricks. Yeah, Tips and Tricks. Oh, yeah. That was the one. Ah, man. Finding out where to find all the, like, the skulls in Halo. Bro, I saw the saddest meme the other day. It was, like, you never knew...

when you walked into Blockbuster, it would be the last time you rent from Blockbuster. - Do we, that's the one I would love. I hate to go to Portland or Oregon, but I would love for us to go visit the last remaining Blockbuster. - That'd be cool. - With retro shit coming back, I feel like you could like do that as a gimmick.

I don't know if I should say this right now, because I don't know if I can pull it off in time. Oh, I know. But I've been working on a fat files video. So I was doing, because I do like business breakdowns, right? You know, Redbox, where it's like a dollar, you rent a DVD. They didn't go out of business till like late 2022 or 2023, which is pretty fucking impressive for a DVD rental thing. It's still around. There's one in CVS. No, they're not. There's one at CVS by my house. There's a box there. It's not functional. Okay. They went bankrupt a year and a half ago.

And now when I was doing research for this, they went bankrupt and it's like a big thing. Cause they had over 48,000 locations all over the country. And they were just like paying Walgreens or CVS, whoever like rent, like, Oh, let me use your electricity and park this shit out in front of your store. They went bankrupt and they basically just sent everybody an email like, Hey, we're out of business. Somebody will be by to pick that up eventually. And then nobody's coming to pick them up because like the logistical feat of collecting, uh,

basically what amounts to 48,000 fucking refrigerators from all over the country. Like, I don't have money to do that. That's millions of dollars. Is that why you're like, is that why Jake sent that to the group chat the other day? Yep. Yeah. Okay. And yeah, that's why he's like, Nick, I found one. So you can just go up to CVS or Walgreens or whatever, because they just unplugged them and you'd be like, Hey, um, that's classified as abandoned property. They went bankrupt. They're never coming to get it. And legally, if you tell me as a property owner, I can have it. I can just fuck.

take that bitch. I'm stealing. People are doing it. I know where one is right now. So for my, for my fat files video, I've already, I've called like eight places and they're like, he,

- Hey. - I just picture the next episode, one is in the background. - We can do this. So I wanna do it. - I just picture immediately the next episode, we have one in the corner. - I'm pretty sure my local CBS has one. - We can do this for the gang does, and then we can go and pay to have vinyl skins made to make it a pepper box.

It's going to be fucking awesome. I love that. Oh man. The funniest part is if I'm there, I get to be like, I'm a licensed electrician. I can actually disconnect that properly and make it safe. And I'll do it for free if you let me have it. And they're going to be like, yes. Oh dude, they would hands down get rid of some giant piece of shit. Dusty fridge sitting in front of your store for two years that nobody's been able to use. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just want to go get a red box.

Yes, I know exactly where one is. We could put it in my garage right now. I want nothing more than that. You're going to see it in the background. That's our Christmas. The gang does. It builds up half of the fucking room. How do you find this? I don't. It's my job. Literally my job. I just love it's going to be in the background. We're going to have to move shit. Three red boxes for unsub fans. Asterisk. You know your grandmother would love that in her garage.

That's going to be our generation's 1940s Pepsi dispenser. Yes! Cigarette vending machines. I love that they were supposed to close... Blockbuster turned buying them. Wait, no. No, that was Netflix. Yeah, Netflix. And then...

Or Blockbuster turned it down buying Netflix. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, that was the one. Not Redbox, whatever. Redbox fucking crushed for years, though. For years. Years. It was awesome. And then it really died. I was thinking about that the other day with TV shows, how we just stream. Back in the day, you had like

No schedule like you had no idea was gonna be on TV. You're just like flipping through channels whether that's what - you had like a physical book like the channel the TV guide was Nothing on I want to watch and it literally like that was it there was no guess I'll hang out with my kids or something That's why my dad worked

I was like, oh, fuck. I think that, that, that, that. We got to go steal a red box. Yeah. We're going to go steal one. We got something to do tonight. Before our live tour. We're going to steal a red box in every city we go to. And bring it to the live show and leave it and not tell them. It's in the green room. It's part of the bit. We just leave it on stage. We're gone. Let them deal with it. Did the green, did the green room always have a fucking red box in the corner? So,

Some of those small greens. Even smaller. One square foot smaller. That would leave so many people confused. We act like we don't know what it is. What do we do with it? I thought this was your guys'. We're telling these ancient, amazing theaters. We put it on the rider. We need this, this, this, this, and a dolly. Yeah.

The funny part is, if we put this video out soon enough, I bet the audience will bring a red box for us. Oh, God. Oh, God. Well, it's going to be for... Unsub showed up. No, there's 20 red boxes in our parking lot. What do we do with them? People in line just waiting with a dolly in a red box. The guys asked for it. If there's not one in the Vegas live show, I will be disappointed. They will let it into the Venetian.

Bro, you know security is not going to stop a man wheeling in a red box. No! I would be like, oh, wow, he's on a mission. I don't know. A lot of casinos don't stop a man wheeling in 47 machine guns, so we could bring a red box in. God, do I hate country music. Is that meme where country music starts playing? The red glow yachts? I don't know. I'm not in no delight. Dude, that was...

When Cody talks, man. Fuck. What does the piece of paper on his knife's hand say? Why won't they release that to the public? I don't know, no one knows, it's crazy, but... Cash Patel, please release that. Oh my god. Wow. He closes out the sweet prince. I don't have so many red boxes. The government doesn't want you to know. You can have 47 red boxes. The red box at the Walgreens is free. You can just take it. I have 472 red boxes.

These red boxes are disappearing soon.

We got to do a live show tomorrow. I'm pretty sure all of us got to pack for it, too. Oh, yeah. Thank you for joining the unsubscribed podcast Christmas special. I was joined today by Eli Double Tap, Fat Electrician, Brandon Herrera, myself, Donald Operator. If you want to see... Are we doing the after show? Yeah, we'll do a quick one. If you want to see the after show on Patreon, you should check that out because it gets even more brutal. We're going to steal so many fucking red boxes. Thank you for joining the unsubscribed podcast. Also, Merry Christmas, everyone. We appreciate all you hanging out.

Love y'all. Love y'all.