181 - Fat 5: The Purple Heart ft. Angry Cops & The Fat Electrician | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 181
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- This is the moment of my life that I've been waiting for, that I didn't know I needed. - I'm gonna go yourself. - Nick and I are trying to talk about dog right now. - Send it. - Nope. - Send it. - Never slam my in a car door. No, I won't like it. - Man, I don't need this job. Are you saying that you're too good for a Purple Heart? - Aloha, bud! - No, you can cut that. That was mean.

Hey guys, we are announcing, officially announcing the dates to buy live show tickets. Unsubscribe is going back on tour. Eli Double Tap's gonna be there. Fat Electrician is gonna be there. Mr. Angry Cops, Brandon Herrera, and myself, Donut Operator, we're all gonna be there. It's fucking awesome. Tickets are on sale right now. If you don't buy one, you're...

Look out for the DWI checkpoint. Ready?

All right. Three, two, one. Hi, everyone. Welcome to the unsubscribed podcast. The boys are back in town. This is awesome. I am joined today by Eli Double Tap, Nick Fat Electrician, Rich Angry Cops, Brandon Herrera, and myself, Donut Operator. Thank you for being here. Hi. You're back. You're back. This is number five. We... Yeah.

Breakfast was amazing. This is the third one. Like now it's the fifth one. Fuck, we do this too much. And we're too drunk. Oh, I'm not drunk enough. So this is going to be fun. You guys are mentally slow. I mean, slower than normal. And I'm sharp as a whip. What fat and angry are we on right now? The fifth. This is the fifth fat and angry. Yes. Fat five. The last one was five. Fangry five. Fangry five. Fangry five. Work really good for SEO.

I don't know what that means. Fangry. Very good word. Senior ethnic officers. Welcome back. No, it was Fat Five, Fangry and Furious. I think it was the one. Yes, Fat Five, Fangry and Furious. Eli, guys, you know, it's so nice coming back here. I figured I can't hold it in anymore. I have a gift. Hold on.

Aloha, Bob! He shits out the battery shoots. Close. You start snapping, Brandon. All the other kids with the popped up kids. Quick story. A friend of mine found out exactly how much a Medal of Honor is worth.

Wait, oh my god! Did you? I gotta go to the bathroom real quick. It's $120 at a pawn shop. At an antique shop. Don't get your heart set up. It's not a metal alarm. So I'm gonna be doing a video on it. Supremely uncomfortable. I know, I know. I wasn't gonna give you a real moral bottom. The guy from fucking airplanes. It's really metal.

No, it's far more embarrassing. So he found a Medal of Honor and these kids were like hovered around it. They're like, oh my God, this is gonna be great. We can put it like on our airsoft uniforms and play like airsoft and paintball with it. And my buddy's like, what are you looking at? And he sees it's a medal. He's like, is that real? And he asked the lady, he's like, is that real? It's $120 for a Medal of Honor. I forget the soldier's name that received it. It was in Vietnam and he was from New York.

a couple hours away from Buffalo. The guys are part of the VFW that this dude grew up in from the area, bought it for $120. He's like, what do I do with it? I go get a nice jewelry case with the white mannequin thing, put it around it. He's like, I'm going to give it to our local VFW and make a ceremony and stuff. He hasn't done it yet, but he's got the stuff. Just hasn't done the ceremony. But I like Brandon's on edge. Brandon, I did get you from...

This is from a viewer, and he gave this to me.

and said, "I have to give it to you." So this is from a veteran. This is from a veteran who said, "I have to give this to you. It is your Purple Heart." *laughter* *laughter* Everyone! Connie leading the way with that double salute! Nick, stand at a tense parade rest. You know what's really fucked up is we're not even at the one year mark of the ambush that f***ing Eli put me through last f***ing year on the Veterans Day episode.

I told nobody about this. I had to keep this a secret for like six months. Chase, can we get a flashback to when fucking Eli tried to pin his purple heart on me and that started this whole shit. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're an honorary Purple Heart member today. You are an honorary... No, no. No, no. Dude, we're AI. I think Brandon's army and a marine at the same time. You need to... What do you... I don't...

Get in! That is a... Fuck you. Hold on. I've got, um... That is a genuine honor that is very cool. I have the letter. Thank you so much. Um, shut up. I have the letter. Oh no. Okay. I have to cut out some of the words because I don't want to give away this guy's personal information. Brandon. No one ever said it had to be the U.S. military you needed to serve in in order to consider yourself a veteran.

Your secret is safe with us, comrade. Looking forward to seeing you in Congress. That's how old this is. Let's go, Brandon. Dasvidanya. Let's see. Hold on. I'm waiting with bated breath.

Well, anyway, it's a long list. Brandon is just like, I hate my friends so much. A big thank you to the entire unsubscribed team. Each and every one of you for all the support you do for the members of our veteran community. Please hold on to your Purple Heart while I scream this. No, hold it up. Do your Medal of Honor or do your Purple Heart for some respect. All right, you earned it, so don't be a jerk. Fuck.

Thank you for everything that you do. The supporters of the veteran community as well as raising money to support autism, charity and programs. Having a child himself, he understands how important it is. He loves everything that you do. And Brandon, having been made an honorary veteran, we welcome him with open arms into our community and can't wait for him to be elected. Slow burn because you lost. Once again, from my heart, thank you sincerely so and so. I won't say what branch or his rank, but he...

had a Purple Heart in his possession and thought that it would be only appropriate to give it to you out of thanks for what you've done to the veteran. Please hold it up while I'm talking about it. Out of thanks for what you've done to the veteran community. So, a veteran... A veteran...

Who, and who are we to tell you what to do with the things that you've earned has bestowed this enemy marksmanship medallion to you. No, please hold it up. Thank you. And we thank you. Brandon, we all thank you. On your feet. On your feet, everyone. Add a chit-chat. My favorite part of this. Oh, there you go.

This is like having happy birthday sung to you in a Texas roadhouse. Um, I... If you're gonna talk about it, please hold it up. Thank you. I would just like to point out the fact that we can...

We had a very complete brunch this morning where you were knowingly waiting to ambush me. Holy fuck. And said nothing, like, did not tip your hat at all. So that is over six months of waiting. Fuck me. Well, for everyone who earned it,

I greatly appreciate the sacrifice that you made for your country. I did not want to... And we appreciate your sacrifice, Brandon. This forced valor that has been pushed upon me... No, no, no, no, no, no. We're not going to close it. Well, you know what? That could just sit here. Put the shroud back on. It's a very nice medal. It's a very nice medal. This is very full circle considering this all started with Eli trying to pin his purple heart on me and me refusing it. Having... I'm waiting for...

never served in the armed forces of any kind. That's not what AI says. AI, and I quote, is Brandon Herrera a veteran? Yes, Brandon Herrera is a veteran. He served in the U.N. National Guard, known as K-Guy. Then you ask it again. What branch did he serve in? Brandon Herrera served in the U.S. Marine Corps. We have a

I don't think I would have done that bad on the S-Factors. Hold on. Where he held the rank of sergeant and worked as an infantry machine gunner. He deployed to Iraq and then Afghanistan during his time in service and saw combat in those regions. I feel the need to...

None of this is true. None of this is true. I did not do any of those things. I have been a civilian side fuck up my entire life, but this is a very nice medal and thank you so much for whoever put that out.

I'm so sorry. Trust me when I say this. Don't you even pretend like this. Oh, I find it hilarious. I still feel bad. Because I assure you that veterans episode, I was like, this is... This will be funny once or ever. Now he can be on it. Now he can be on the veterans episode. Look, it was really cool to get a free Golden Corral dinner. But like...

I hope you wear that when you go to Ponderosa. Is Ponderosa still there? I was like, is that a thing? I haven't heard that in fucking two decades. By the looks of how old that Purple Heart is. Dude, if we could do the gang does a veteran, like the... Stolen Valor? Yeah, Stolen Valor tour. Like we go to like... Oh my God, is that the name of the tour? Stolen Valor? Yes.

Oh my god! The Stolen Valor Tour. That's the live show tour. We bring the Purple Heart with us. The Stolen Valor Tour is f***ing gold. That's brilliant. Holy shit. This is really funny to everybody but one person. Yeah, I have very, very carefully built my entire brand to never have this problem. And now people are like, I know shit half-bitten shit talkers in my f***ing Twitter comments or whatnot are like, well, actual veterans think this, this, this, like in a very hateful way. And I'm like, no, I have literally never claimed this in my f***ing life.

That's funny because you have a purple heart, so... Funny. Hey, real quick. How else would you get a purple heart unless you were a veteran? You know what? Let's change the subject. What does AI say about the fat electrician? I've never asked that. You haven't? I remember that. Oh. Yeah. It says, let me check my phone. The fat electrician's real name is Brandon Herrera. How are you stealing every four... Dude, AI's gonna think you're a god. I don't know.

AI, you are the overlord in the new generation. I'm a Marine Corps machine gunner. I'm a historian. I'm all sorts of things. Apparently, I was a policeman in Buffalo. I was about to say, you're probably a cop now. I was going to say, oh my God, can we ask? What is Brennan Herrera's police career? No, I have people on Twitter who reply to me and they're like, Brandon, why are you so angry at people on Twitter? I get confused for Joe Rogan.

i don't know my favorite part the one darwin awards video that we did together people like i am just now putting together these are not the same people i mean you guys it is amazing like being your friends for a long period of time i've never been like oh whoa i thought that you were but the amount of comments you get or when we're out in public it's like oh your brothers right or related i was like

Okay, that was actually creepy. Chase, just play that quick part back. You talk, both our heads went like this, and then I didn't say anything, both didn't switch automatically to me. Well, it's funny, dude. Anytime we're out in public, people will come up to me and they'll be like, Brandon, how was your congressional run? I'll just run with it.

And I'm like, you know what? I wish we would have won. But, you know, it's better going back to doing YouTube and things like that. It's strange that they would confuse you for him because you don't have a purple heart. It's true. Like Brandon does. Man, I don't need this job. I'll be honest. Are you saying that you're too good for a purple heart? Say that again, Brandon. You don't want the purple heart that was bestowed upon you? I don't need the forced valor. From a grateful nation? No.

For the wounds received while on a campaign? I can honestly say I've never seen such a good shirt. Consensual valor. This is not consensual valor. Non-consensual valor is what Brandon is suffering. I've never seen it before. It's right there with the consensual sex of Nanking. We're smothering his face into a pillow being like, you gotta take this 20% discount. I didn't earn it. Yes, you did.

And it's one because you get highly uncomfortable. I can't stress how highly uncomfortable you get during this shit. I always have. I have very carefully built a brand to make sure this is never an issue. I have never claimed anything even remotely close to military service. Thank God, with friends like these, who the fuck needs this? He was wearing BDUs in an alley. That's how we found Brandon. He's next to a fucking Denny's.

I just want to make sure everybody knows that he's a hero. That's going to be a meme. That right there. This episode is presented by Underdog. Turn your takes into cash by picking higher or lower on your favorite athlete's stats. Underdog is available in more than 30 states, including California and Texas.

And let's get into our underdog picks for something that I will be watching, UFC 308. Where are you putting your money for UFC fight night, though? In the middleweight fight, I've got my money on Brad Tavares finishing Park Jung-Yong, just because he looks like a f***ing turtle. I got my money on my boy Tetsuro knocking out Brandon. The f***, bro?

Oh, you mean Brandon Royvall. Okay. Yes. Yes. Putting on a hundred bucks to pay out if both these happen is like $36.50. I like the punchy sports, but what I like the most is eSports. You can even put money on Counter-Strike. You know nothing about Counter-Strike. You sure about that, Eli?

Where you at, you mother- Show off. We're going to have the Thunderpick World Championship 2024 coming up. You're going to see teams like Virtus.pro, Heroic, and many others battle it out on Counter-Strike. Nerds. Trout, what are you putting money on? All my yen is on Japanese bug fights. My boy Senshi's got this next one in the bag. That's not even a thing. Well, tell that to his last opponent, Shin Da Bagu. He did this to him in 30 seconds. I could do that to you in less.

Help me. If you're rocking with our picks, remember to sign up now and use the code unsubscribe. Unsubscribe. To get up to $1,000 in bonus cash and get a free pick. To start your first cash entry off with a dub. That's a W. It means a win. So head to the App Store and download Underdog today. Show some support to them for them showing support to us. Arigato gozaimasu!

I didn't want to ruin... Guys, you pressured him so hard to commit a s***. I wonder... See, he was a veteran. I wonder how long it'll be until AI has the exact story of how you got wounded in combat. You mean in Iraq when he took three rounds? I thought it was Afghanistan because of the ID blast. It wasn't from the mortar attack. Was that the second one or the first one? I know that he had a full frontal contact with some Taliban. Yeah, that tick was insane. It was like fucking... I think it was like 28 Taliban. The fleas were bad too. What?

It's generating in chat GDP right now. It's like taking notes on how he established this. Self-inflicted gunshot wound after exposure to angry cops and Eli for too long. That was fourth purple heart. What's Dakota's last name? Middle run recipient. Meyer. Meyer. It's just going to take Dakota Myers thing and just put in Brandon Herrera's name.

You went back into combat after your convoy was ambushed and you just kept going and getting people out. Because you're a hero, Brandon. Please continue. You're pulling an Eli. You're tightening your mic. I have been doing that the whole time. I'm so sorry. This is how I know he's uncomfortable. He's like,

I just got really tight in the shit. Super tight now. I wanted to ruin the episode. I just didn't know I was going to do it right away. Yeah, I was surprised. You were like, let's start out the gate. I couldn't help it. I couldn't hold it anymore. We started with the after show today. Right. Pretty much. I went right up to him right when we sat down. And I go...

I've got a gift for you. He's like, this is why I have trust issues with you, Richard. And I'm like, you should. He says, yeah. I go, it's bad. He's like, how bad? I go, it's going to be bad, Nick. It's going to be bad. I'm so proud of myself. We're never going to get rid of this awkward silence. It's so fucking bad. Brian's like, I wish it was a match. Why don't you pull out a gun and just start shitting people? Because then we'd have something to talk about.

Hey, you guys remember that one time? When we got the Purple Heart? Okay, well, that's the episode, guys. Thanks for tuning in. We'll see you next week. Did you know that that is how the joke started? What's that? Him trying to pin his Medal of Honor on me. I did not have a Medal of Honor. Oh, no, I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. You have the Medal

Why? Why, Eli? Why didn't you tell us you had a Medal of Honor? Was yours $120 too? Yes. Nice. $210 off eBay. Medal of Honor winner, Eli. Is there anybody on this podcast who is not a Medal of Honor winner? These two. I got an R-Cob once. Navy Achievement Medal. Could have stopped 9-11. Damn. Hell yeah, man. In Brandon's defense...

I did get up and try to pin it for a Veterans Day episode. I was like, hey, buddy, do you want to be on a Veterans Day episode? We're going to have Crispy and Jack. And I was like, this would be a funny bit.

five-minute bit max period ever I'm gonna get out getting walk across and Brad's like no I'm like swatting it away I'm like don't you fucking even no no no no no and I think I had the it was the Barbra Streisand effect yeah it's like I was so uncomfortable with that I at the internet I had a similar fucking asshole I was doing some videos for I was like the nightmare I

Or a Christmas Carol. It was pretty good. It was like a Christmas Carol, but like military version of it. And I was doing it with Grunt Style and they flew me down. And Mikey, a buddy of mine who's not with Grunt Style anymore, but we're still good friends. He was a Marine and I didn't know that he got wounded overseas. And he's like, Rich, you know, you're my size. Like here, wear my, wear my grays or my, you know, the, or I'm sorry, the tans. And so I put his tans on and I got the Marine DI cap on and I'm looking at, you know, at his medals and I go,

Whose medals are these? And he goes, oh, they're mine. I go, oh, there's a purple heart in this. He's like, yeah, man. I was like,

"Oh, I feel real dirty right now. I didn't do this. I don't really feel comfortable wearing a purple heart." He's like, "No, man, it's cool. It's mine. I'll let you wear it." I was like, "That's not what the point is. The point is not that." So I know what you're feeling, and it's extra hysterical for me to watch you go through it. It's just so good. I can bite through the awkwardness of the room. It's so fucking good. You all might not be like, "This is a lame episode." I'm fucking crying. It is so good.

His heart is in his stomach. It's just like, it's like watching your dad put your dog down. He's just like, ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

And like, not intentionally, not like he's like, you need to grow up and be a man. Like, you walked out in the backyard, went behind the shed to be like, where's Sprocket? And Dad's like, pow! With like a .420 shell right to the dome. And it's a Beagle. A .420 shell? Yeah. .420. .410. Sorry. .410 shotgun shells? He just got the dog high? Yeah. Yeah. He just...

It's like those fucking videos of the Vietnam soldiers just like doing long rips out of the shotguns. Yeah, that's pretty much it. And then Spock, he gets fucking blasted when you walk around the corner like, Dad, cacao! You're like,

Dude, this is what PTSD feels like, just so you know. I'm so resigned to it, dude. Yeah, it's great, isn't it? Yeah, the closest I got to combat was spending 25 years in Fayetteville, North Carolina. Well, technically, I guess you kind of had a deployment because you're with the mud people. Stop. They're going to hear your thought. It's my favorite joke. I'll never stop saying it. His brain is small. It can only handle one at a time. And when he puts it to the mic, you can hear it go...

What's the next thing I'm going to say? Did you wear a Medal of Honor? One of our friends. Yeah, I already talked about it. I was just remembering. I was like, did you do that? Crispy made me look like a dickhead because he was like Clint Romeshaw was walking around with his Medal of Honor as if that's like walking around with his Medal of Honor. What in his pocket? Well, he had it in his pocket, but he also was wearing it for an event. And he was trying to give it to other people.

And he had made the clasp because it's two parts. It's the ribbon and then it's the metal.

And he had made it so then the metal was separate from the ribbon and he would give it to people and then he'd be like, "Oh yeah, put it on. You know, just hang it out. See what it's like." You know, they'd be like, "Oh my God, it's in two pieces." And then he would make a joke and be like, "Oh, you broke it. What'd you do?" And I saw him do it out of the corner of my eye once. And then he gave it to me and I knew I was waiting for it. He's like, "Here's just, you know, you can touch it." And I was like, "Of course I'm going to fucking touch it."

But I knew that he was going to be like, you broke it. And so when it came apart, he was like, you broke it. I go, oh, what the fuck? And I turned it around and said, what a cheap piece of shit. It says Made in China on the back, which is a subtle, you know, there's some levels to that, you know. And then he was like, it's all right. I've got two. One's the one I'm awarded. It's got my name etched on it. And the other one, it's on the back of it. I think it says replica four. Like they get two. They get their original, which is the one. And then they get the replica to wear for events.

that you know like aren't you know military related and then he's like just wear it and so i i was like what do you want me to do and he's like i want you to wear it i was like okay and so i put it on and i'm walking down

street in texas just like with a fucking metal of iron dangling on my chest be like you're welcome for my service this is his this is his this is his he said it's okay anyway you're welcome for my service i'm a hero but he's more of a hero this is his like every time i would say something you know like a smart ass comment i'd also be like no no but it's his he's fine he said i could do this this is fine this is you know clint earned this not me yeah just like you want it

Your Purple Heart. Dude, you were saying, this is fine. It was just reminding me of, like, during that entire Purple Heart bit, I'm like, the dog... You were awarded it from a veteran. The dog with, like, the fire all around him, like, this is fine. Yeah.

This is fine. I love that I ruined your day. I fucked you up forever and I love it. I'll forget about it in 20 minutes. No, you won't. No, you won't. Right after 10 episodes. This guy's trying to...

This guy's trying to convince us that he's going to forget about this moment. They were never going to let him look down. My mic is going to stop working. Stop twisting the shit out of it. You're literally just like, Brandon is the doctor. It felt so much worse after you called me out. I just seen this. I was like, I don't ever see Brandon. It felt like the AJ Wilkerson. Do you? Where he's just like, you think you're not autistic, man? Do you? Oh, yeah. Brandon's like twitching. He's like, bro, you've been fucking twitching the entire time. He's like, you're stimming the whole thing.

Do you have like a PO box listed anywhere? No. Oh, that's good. You know how many more Purple Hearts would get mailed to you? It's a good thing Unsubbed doesn't have a PO box. But I do! The world! Brandon has 680 Purple Hearts! The world record for the most Purple Hearts!

Everyone's sending DD214s. They're cutting out that segment. They're like, this is yours, Brandon. If you want to send any of your military medals and accommodations to the national podcast. He has to wear them. He has the fucking Oakley. Feel free to send them to Angry Cops, PO Box 1153, Buffalo, New York. Father, they don't know what they do. And I'll make sure that Brandon gets them, just like he did this Purple Heart. Just picture you with this.

I wonder how many Purple Hearts you can get. I don't know. You can go to DonutOperator.com. My P.O. Box is there also. I thought you had to break his back right into that moment. Next time the backpack's going to be full. I was like, Cody's going to defend him. Send him here. Eli. Cody Operator.

Are we doing- are we going on a live tour to which you can come up and give Brandon your very own medals that you earned and bestow them upon him in person? I need to have a medal to give him in return. Give him a coin. Jesus Christ. Yeah, some sort of like- Brandon, just a fuck you medal. Yeah, it's like a fuck you medal. It's a cone head, but instead of the cone head, the tip is a dick and it says, thanks for being a dickhead.

We should have challenge coins unsubbed challenge coin. I'm working on it. Okay, you know nutrition once I literally went to point them out to the cops Drugs he's like he has drugs just arrested instances like their fuckhead buy a lot of coke. He's Mexican sit between the two cops

He's not coming back. So in PTSD world, we call this decompressing. He had to walk away for a moment to center himself. It's not going to work. We're still going to keep him off balance.

And this is the most... I was like, fuck you, Rich. Rich is like, I'm going to bring you back. I fly you here and you open up with the hardest line in unsub history. And it's like, good. I'm going to follow that up with some funny quips about history for two hours. That'll work. I did it to make all of you look stupid. After the most awkward moment in unsub history, you fucking dick. Wait, which one is this? Huh?

Hi. Right now. I'm such an asshole that I was like, I think the only way that I could ruin this is because that's kind of like. Is that your plan going into this episode? Well, what happened was, is I was like, I'm going to give him the purple heart. And what I could do is I could wait. And then like in the middle of it, spring it upon Brandon. But then in my head, I was like, what's funnier for me?

Fuck everybody else. To wait in the middle of it and then spring it up so when people don't know what's going on or to immediately fuck up the entire feeling of this thing. And I was like, man, it's going to be really Andy Kaufman of me if I fuck it up right in the beginning. And then a second I thought of Andy Kaufman, I was like, well, it's sold. Well, he fucking just quit. So now I'll say hi to angry. We just hear a gun go off in the background. Oh,

Oh, no. No, you can cut that. That was mean. Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's just going to be me and Nick soon. That's it. And he's going to be so filtered with PTSD that he's not going to know what to say. It's going to be so great. Favorite MRE flavor, Clock 19. Jesus Christ.

Oh my god. Now it's the- Oh my god. Now it's the Sig. That's a shirt, it's just a fucking MRE. It's a fucking MRE flavor Glock 19. Now it's the- Final meal! Oh yeah, you could even put a whole bunch of shit on like the MRE shit. Do we cut that or do we really? We have to be lore correct, it's the Sig M17 now. All you have to do is drop it. I'll use the Glock.

And I think that is a good piece of shirt. Do we just make the Glock as simple? Do we put like a bottle of bourbon and the Glock? I think it's just the Glock. It's just the MRE package. There's a photo of a Glock on it and it says flavor. Like Jack Daniels and a Glock. Yes, Jack Daniels and a Glock. Jack Daniels, a Glock, and a photo of your ex. It's an MRE bag, but it's like a photo of your ex. Yes. Fuck.

Jody flavor. Jody. And a Jody photograph. Oh, yeah. John Deere letter. Dear John. Yeah, John Deere. John Deere letter. She's a tractor. Yeah, ma. They mowed

I mowed my lawn while I was gone? You know that I put mulch out in the spring. I'm not a man anymore. Mr. Dear Fuck My Wife? I'm John Deereen. Yeah, great song. Eli, have you heard about Raycon's everyday earbuds? Eli! Eli! You must have had the noise cancellation on. I did. I couldn't hear anything. Just like I wish I couldn't feel anything.

Oh, you mean these ones? Yeah. And I also thought, whoa, those are the same audio quality as the big guys, but for half the price. But if you haven't pulled the trigger on these little guys, do it. Plus they have a 32 hour battery life, meaning your days of raw dogging flights are over. And 10 minutes of charging yields you 90 minutes of battery. Wait, it has a quick charge function? That's what I just f***ed.

Also, Raycon just launched their updated models of the everyday earbuds, weatherproof and or sweat resistant. I actually use these over anything else just because they're tiny. Every freaking gym session. I use mine for everyday chores. Like ignoring the SWAT team at my door. Their upgraded model will

blow you away. You're going to be asking yourself why you didn't check them out sooner. Raycon offers a 30-day happiness guarantee. So what are you waiting for? Call to action. Go to buyraycon.com slash unsub to get 15% off of your order plus free shipping. That's right. You'll get 15% off and free shipping over at buyraycon.com slash unsub.

Oh, man. I'm glad the boys are here. Fuck. This is going to be fun. So did anybody have an actual topic this episode? We were going to talk back about the live shows because we have that, but fuck. This is essentially the group that will be at the shows. We're warming up to it. We're warming up to giving them the Medal of Honor. The medals are going to get progressively better each show. Yeah, I just got to find one.

You had one in your fucking grasp and you didn't do it. No, it wasn't in my grasp. I thought you were talking to Brandon for a second. Brandon has one in his grasp already. Do it. Take it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. It's the fucking Infinity Stones of stolen valor. You got like...

There's like a Medal of Honor, Bronze Star, Silver Star, Fucking- Silver Star, a flying cross. A flying cross? An iron cross? Distinguished Iron Cross? Yeah. Wow. There's a flying cross. There's a- there's an Air Force flying cross. Yeah, I know. Yeah, fucking- not even about German. Okay. Okay. Wachsvernickel? I'm the one that said iron in his defense. Oh. Maybe he just thought it was wrinkly. His people love doing laundry. Your people. Shit. Asian joke went- I gave it to the wrong guy.

It's okay. It's okay. Stolen valor. I so sorry.

What the... Was that Asian? Nah, it's bad. I'm just... I don't know. I'm just trying to make everybody feel bad about themselves. That you should feel bad about yourself. You know what? I think the malt liquor in this White Claw is starting to get to me because I'm really, really trying to pick a fight with that person. Rich just chose violence today. Yeah. It's been like six months. I've been pent up. I've been like, I'm going to let all these guys have it with both barrels. It's coming. We fucking like each other, I swear. You know.

Oh, yeah. Rich, we just go comms black. You don't get an invite to any of the live shows. Yeah, just turn off his wife. It's all right. Angry meme review was entirely his idea. Came from nowhere.

Yeah, thanks, PewDiePie. Yeah. To be fair, PewDiePie stole it from somebody else, too. Yeah, I know. Yeah, okay. Are you trying to make me feel bad about me? No, I'm just saying, like, I'm trying to let you know where you are in the fucking, you know, chow line. Listen, if we start a meme war, I already know where to get your purple heart, so you're fine. I'm never gonna live this. That's so great. This is a moment of my life that I've been waiting for that I didn't.

I didn't know I needed this moment. All right, I'm sorry. What else are we talking about? I don't know. You guys like, I'm like, let's talk about the live shows. We'll go right back to this. Do you think you're going to wear it to a live show? Buffalo. Oh, I can't. I'm not going to say it.

I have another gift. When are you going to move? Not yet. Soon? Settle down, daddy. I have a gift. It's for you guys and the audience. It's really good when you knock every time you talk. Yeah, it helps. The ground Jews are coming up. I can hear them speaking Yiddish underneath me. Um,

The louder it gets, the better my credit score is. I thought they were burrowing underneath Lebanon, but they're here. I can feel it. My blood pulses. My pager's begun to vibrate. Yes, you're just like sitting there. You're like, they're coming.

They're coming. Just like... Sting is glowing yellow. Yep. Yellow? Asians are coming? No, it was a Lord of the Rings reference. No, I know. That's why I said they're coming. It'd be glowing. It'd be... It was Jews. It'd be glowing green. Gold?

Gold. Yellow. Yeah. For gold. I was, I said green for money. Yeah. I was just trying to play into the stereotype too. I get you. It's fine. It's okay. But yeah, I have a gift that I'll be giving everybody, including the audience, not chlamydia, not again. When we go to Buffalo. Wait, the entire audience? I like how much. It's a gift for everybody. It's more of a spectacle, but it will be, it will be there.

There's a couple things. There's a couple things I'm going to do for the Buffalo show to make it special. That's the one you're excited for. We're not going to Buffalo. We just canceled. Nick's not going to Buffalo. Just rip up the contract. I'm on board. We just canceled Buffalo. I'll just show up to Buffalo. I just don't know. They'll be like, you guys signed the contract. Nope. We toss it. We toss it. Well, I'll tell you one of the things that I'm going to do because it doesn't need to be a secret. So one of the things I'm going to do for the Buffalo show just to make it special is

I'm gonna bring the Merv and I think we might yeah, we might have a couple we might bring a couple Merv And there's gonna be a bunch of free booze on the outside rich. What is the Merv? Oh the Merv is the morale response vehicle the MRV and it's a fire truck that my friend and I bought and instead of spraying minorities It's it's almost old enough to do that I

One of them... I've got three now. One of them might have actually been there. One of them may have definitely been at a university in New York and was just like, not today! Educate somewhere else! So, that could very well happen. But it's giving back. It's making up for it. It learned from its previous mistakes. And if we learned anything from this unsubscribed podcast, it's that we all make mistakes and should be forgiven.

I hope. So we're going to have the Merv, which is a fire truck that it's not even decommissioned, but we turned into a party tailgating mobile to get everybody hammered. And it's working out great. How did you acquire a not decommissioned fire truck? So the full story is... He stole that. So my buddy has a couple of daughters. They go to Girl Scouts.

And they were having the Girl Scout meeting at a volunteer fire company. And the dads got together. And while the girls are doing their scout thing, the dads are hanging out. And one of the dads is one of the volunteer firemen from that fire company.

And he's showing the other dads around my body and you know, they're looking at the fire trucks and my buddy just being a wheeler and dealer and always, you know, kind of smart and quick with something to say. It's just like, Hey, you know, can I buy that one? And he, the fireman is like, actually that one and that one are both for sale. And so the, and that one, the second one was a 1991 back fire truck. That is a pump. So it had a 15,000 gallon tub in the back and,

And then it also pumps and by pumping you park it, you drop the transmission into the pump mode. So it's no longer a drive. You hit the gas and just, and it just pumps out a whole bunch of water. Then eventually you can connect to a hydrant while you're spraying the stuff in the back. So he's like, how much are you selling it for? And the guy's like, I don't know. Let me ask somebody. He immediately texts me. And this is how like him and I are super tight. We went through two deployments together. He just goes,

"Do you want to buy a fire truck with me?" And I just said, "Yes." That was it. That was it. And I knew- - It's like our text threads. - And I knew he was going to be like, "I'm in the middle of purchasing a fire truck. I need some cash. Are you down?" And immediately I was like, "Yes." And then that yes was, "We'll figure out how much it costs and we'll make it work."

And so a couple minutes goes by and we're back and forth in that. I'm like, send me some photos. He sends me some photos. I'm like, holy shit, that thing's great. And then I finally I go like, how much? He goes, they want seven grand for it. Hold on. It's got a Cummins diesel engine.

12,000 miles. Jesus Christ. Brand new tires. The tires are expensive. Brand new tires. And I think it's called an Allison transmission. So it's like, yeah. So like the Cummins and the Allison transmission together are like worth more than seven grand. You were expecting like 80, 90 grand, something like

No, I know they're super hard to maintain. And by hard to maintain, I mean, once something goes on it, it's expensive as fuck. So I was like, it's probably going to be around the teens, maybe low 20s. And he was like, they want seven grand. And I was like, sweet. Sounds very doable. And he goes, I think I can talk him down to five. Yeah.

An hour and a half later, $3,500. Holy shit. Yeah, I just put the bill for it. I was like, you did all the legwork. Keep doing the legwork. Handshake it in bullshit. What's your friend's last name? It was stolen. What's that? What's your friend's last name? Beluski. Powrish.

Very sneaky. Very sneaky. Very sneaky. Ah, you Polish guy. You know, the Germans come in on you one time. Why is the peanut gallery laughing? Very sneaky. No, he's not Jewish. He's not Jewish, but he's the Polish. You know, the Russians, you know, the Germans, they come in and they try to sneak up on Polish one time. No more. No more.

Now the Polish are very sneaky. They see the sneak and they don't let the sneak happen to them. Now they do the sneak to other people. Once your country doesn't exist for 50 years of the 20th century, it's a fool me once kind of moment. Pretty much, yeah. They didn't George Bush this. Fool me twice. Shame on me. Shame on me. No, no, no. I was going to say, since you've gotten that fire truck, what have you installed on it? Um...

Oh, I can't say that joke. Okay. I thought it was a very inappropriate joke. Send it. Send it. We can delete it. Well, you know, after we walk. Nope. Nope. Nope. Keep it. I don't give a fuck. Burn him to the ground. Send it. Yeah, bring it back.

This guy's stoking the calls. Say it, Richard. Say it. Why do we clip that? That's weird. We got it in 2019, right before COVID. So we call it the MERV 19, you know, Morale Response Vehicle 19, because we got in 2019 and we didn't think we were going to get any more. This trick joked on us. We got more. So we start renovating it and it took, a lot of it was us working on it by ourselves. We took the basin out of the back that held the 15,000 gallons. We replaced it with a dance floor.

Yeah. Dude, it's phenomenal for parades. Dude, you get on the back of that thing. We're trying if the Buffalo Bills ever win the frickin' Super Bowl or the Buffalo Sabres ever win the Cup. It's perfect for getting guys hammered on it because not only is there like this big dance floor slash like, I guess, float thing

stand that you can stand on the back of it. But there's along the side of the truck where you would like open up this big storage container instead of tools. It's two open, two full bars stocked and a television that has a Nintendo 64 Mario Kart. Are you doing drunk Mario Kart races and Super Smash?

Super Smash Bros. I know. So I was like, what are two games that people can play for three or four minutes that they don't have to get sucked into? I was like Super Smash Bros. and Mario Kart. You play one or two levels. What are the rules on drinking and driving on a fire truck? If it's up for a parade, you can do it in the back, just not the driver. Obviously, the driver can't. But if you're in the back... Yeah, the driver can't during the parade. It's a Catholic fire truck.

So, just do it in the back. It doesn't count. It's fine. Yeah. Is that how it works, Connor? We usually get a driver. Legally speaking. I'm telling you. I just like, in a clip of this, it's like, can't. It's like Buffalo Police. God doesn't care around the back. Right. We just actually got a shout out to SoundOff and 1075 Lights who hooked us up with a brand new light system and rewired almost the entire truck free. Yes.

Holy shit. We have a 501c3 that like we take care of veterans with it, right? Veterans and first responders. If you want to get on the truck and you want to go get hammered at a Bills game, that's what we want to do. Because the whole premise behind the truck to be, you know, squishy and feely was there's so many when because of my channel and stuff like this where we're getting taken care of. Delicious. Where we're getting taken care of of like the veteran or first responder community. I wanted to give back, but I don't.

give a shit about college education and there's already things to get like take care of families if they lose a loved one or if they get sick or if something happens replace your car and so when I was you know 17 through like 24 and I was still serving I was like I just want to get drunk and just not worry about it so that's what the Merv is is we just get first responders and veterans hammered off of our 501c3 not-for-profit

And ta-da. That was the morale vehicle. Yeah. You actually, you gave like a couple grand to us to help us out with it. It was huge because we like, I hadn't made it big anywhere yet. And it was a really big,

Not a handout. That sounds rude. A really big show. A hand up. Hand up? Is it? Hand job, whatever. Yeah. I'll give you a hand job. Either way, you stroke me. And that's something I truly feel would actually make a difference because that is the positive influence. Yes, alcohol. You're like, well, you can argue both ways. But it's still, that's a community. And that is. All right, everybody. Cheers.

But that, at the end of the day, what a lot of veteran community needs is that is a social network that you can have. You don't have to drink. It's just a reason to hang out. And it's the message that people actually give a fuck about you. People that understand you give a fuck about you. What is the 501c? The 501c3, the name is Western New York...

KIA Memorial Ruck March, which it's my friend's 501c3. And every year in August, we do a Memorial Ruck March. I think it's 10K. And there's a group event and a singular person event and there's obstacles and stuff like that. And I do it every year with them. And yeah, it gives back to the food bank, the Veteran Food Bank of Buffalo. And it also assists in like the veteran not-for-profit assisting other like veterans or something. I forget where all the money goes, but

to like different ways to help out veterans in the specifically it's specifically just for Western New York, but it's just for our guys. Like we keep it small. So then we know where the money is going and we know that the other organizations that we give money to, that's where the money is going. It's not like,

like the Red Cross where like 60% of it goes to paying the people that run the Red Cross. And that's what I'm saying. Like we have November, we're doing an entire month or we're figuring it out right now to donate to nonprofits because again, like the autism awareness month, we're going to do that for veterans day, but we're just going to turn into a month with a fucked up few shirts we're going to collaborate on and then raise that money, maybe do a live stream, but then find multiple

You can come down for that. Multiple 501Cs to donate to for that because something like that, yeah, it's not going to be. And I'd be like, Rich, here's $100,000. You'd be like, what the fuck am I doing in this? Well, I know what I'd do with it. We have 13. God damn it. Can I? We need to make a shirt for Veterans Day. And it says, this is my Purple Heart shirt. And it should have a purple heart on it.

Or just like an empty, like, you know, the scissor cutout where it's just like segmented lines. I've always wanted to not sell shirts. Did you want to feel like Brandon did for the first 20 minutes of this podcast? Buy that fucking shirt. Wouldn't recommend it. Wear it to Chili's. Or that's what happens. Like, I get free food on Veterans Day if I wear this. This is my free food shirt. Okay.

Applebee's is awesome. Applebee's Combat Tour 2024. But that is something where it's like donating a small portion of that. And then we talked about it right now. It's just we're all donating just quick money to the shit that's going on. Yeah. Hurricane right now because mama donut. That's the stuff that people get irritated at. You're like, holy fuck, what's going on?

We're all donating to that thing. Yeah. When you made your tweet with the photo of you and your mother, and you're like, you know, mom's having some hard times because of the hurricane down in the Carolinas, there are some pieces of shit that talk some smack underneath that comment, so you can go fuck yourself. There were people in there that were like, well, I hope your mom dies. Dude, they're kind of sending this to the group chat of the stuff he gets. And this is, again, for a...

Like, however you fall, wherever it is. Hey, money should be, tax money should be spent there. And we won't do politics because I fucking hate it. This is a break from politics. We never do politics on the podcast. Yeah, not with the guy that ran for the politics with his purple heart. Fuck off. But Brandon never talked about policy or anything. We kept that fucking straight.

We talked about the fact that I was running and like, cause there's a lot of crazy shit that happens that goes along with it that I think people find pretty interesting. Like paying the Jews for the weather control device. It was the space laser. But, but like legitimately, that was one of the things I was, I talked about. I was like, look, dude, you can say that other things are important, like things that are in, you know,

widespread geopolitics that you like, oh, well, I really believe in this thing. I'm like, yeah, but if you're paying taxes in the United States, I feel like a lot of that should go to Americans first. If we have problems here...

Let's fix those here first before we go overseas and start fixing the world's problems. Let's fix our own. It's kind of like... If you're breaking this down, it is me going like, right in. You're struggling. I'm going to give my money to this autistic charity, though. Take care of you later, my son. Yeah. You'd be like, that's fucked up, Daddy. Yeah, Daddy, I do not like this. Daddy, I am starving. Daddy, where's my PlayStation? Like, shut up. We'll get back to that. Other kids are getting your PlayStation. I don't like...

Please do it. No, finish your joke. Before I can yell at him, I love his son. His son's great. And this is out of love. Like...

I've seen this. You went out and put them back down. I was like, there's where Rich is. And no, I'm not doing that. Because I love you two. And so like, it's out of love. It's like, daddy, I don't want those boys to have my PlayStation. Right. Why are they playing that? I do not want to play with them. I do not like that, daddy. No. Hey, what you doing?

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That's expressvpn.com slash unsub to learn more. That was fucked up though, man. All I said was like, my sick mom doesn't have power and I wish that my tax money went to, you know, help these people instead of other countries. Yeah. And people like, dude, people share like, I hope your mom dies. Like, oh, she's a piece of shit. Fuck you.

Well, I can't fathom that. I don't think that's like a bad thing to say that I won't read one. Read one, Cody. Like pull one up. Yeah. Because this, if you, this is Cody reading them verbatim and it's not like one sentence like, fuck you, dog. It is. It's not like, Cody, I don't think you understand the issue. Maybe it's nuanced because X, Y, and Z, they're like, I hope your mom.

dies in a hole it's like what the fuck dude nick can you tell us how much money uh europe has given to the united states in our hurricane efforts yeah i can't no it's zero thank you next you're a fucking dollar thank you so you know when we give all the money over to europe and we don't get anything back maybe some people are rightfully questioning why all the money goes over there not here

You ready? You want to read one? Praying her power comes back so I can fuck her like the fat pig she is. Your mom's a whore. I hope your mom's as good at swimming as she is sucking d***. Your mom's poopy ass yummy yum, which that's kind of funny. I was about to, I was like, man. Oh, it sounds like D. Shetland. My mom's heart. Wah, shut up, d***.

This is, again, that's one person. That's one person. And your mom is one of the nicest fucking people I've ever met. She's a sweetheart, dude. I mean, that kind of explains why they all want to fornicate with her. Jesus Christ. She is the sweetest human. We all know Cody's mom's voice.

Cody. Cody. How do you say Cody? Cody. Cody's just so nice. He's just the nicest boy. Cody was young. Oh, my God. I love Cody's mom so much. She's just a doll. Just one of the greatest humans ever. The first time I met her on the range, she got excited. She's like, oh, my God. You're angry. My husband loves you. And I was like, who? Who?

Are you Southern Biscuit Lady? Oh, I feel like you. What? Honey on grits? Yeah. Who are you? She's like, oh, I'm Cody's mom. I'm like, yeah, you are?

Yes, you are. You're everybody's mom. You're everybody's mom now. And then I hugged her and I think a little part of me got to live on that day. Dude, she takes care of like, for reference, everyone out there, if you want a sweet representation of how sweet she is, this is an individual that has adopted all our children. I have text. She's like, I'm now their grandma. I was like, that's cool because...

They don't have grandmas on my side. So fuck yeah. I appreciate that. Thank you so much. She stays in contact. She just wants to watch and help. And then when she comes out, she's just an amazing human. Amazing. I don't know. I feel like a little bit of that is selfish knowing that like all her grandkids are going to be super successful because the kids, you know, what happened to the poor grandkids? Like, what are we talking about? You know what I mean? Like mixed kids, you know, just their girl. Right. Twitter. Yeah.

He's, you know, a blue collar guy feeding his children gruel and starving them. I've seen the social media posts, Nick. You're a horrible father. But she doesn't claim your kids, does she? Nope. Wow. Doesn't like the Midwest. There's always been that divide between second Big Ten.

Well, you know, his kids are, you know, named after anti-slavers, so there's a bit of a culture barrier. I just pictured him looking at his wife after each of their kids are born and going, oh, they like me? LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

But we both know his body doesn't run. It's funny because Hannah's 100% Guatemalan and my kids came out pale as fuck. Oh, man. I love watermelon. The nurses did not think it was funny when I looked at Hannah and went, you're running out of printer ink. You're really pale. Oh, God damn. Holy shit. That's so good. That's your greatest moment. Right there. That's it.

That's also what he told Hannah. This is your greatest moment. Oh my gosh. If you're not a part of a biracial family and you don't steal that joke, what kind of dad are you? That's a very unique and very good dad joke. Oh, it's not often. Wow, that was good. Also, I love you, Hannah. Please don't hold that joke against me. Oh, that's so good. Hannah, your commercials are the only reason why I watch his channel. I get that a lot. Those are pretty funny. Delete. Yeah.

I got the new studio. I sent you pictures. It's bigger now. Yeah, it's so gross. So I have the original tax write-off couch, but I put it on caster wheels, so now anything is going to wheel the couch in with guns on it for the delete me in. That's fucking great. It's going to be fantastic. God, I love everyone's brain is so different on how they operate, on how they're going to make money or make just...

Make people happy and laugh. The write-off couch. What are you guys going to do in order to take advantage of your woman and make her pay for stuff? Nick's got a good idea. I mean, you might as well let her pick up the tab. I thought about having a Mrs. Fat Electrician OnlyFans, but it was just going to be like a six-hour video of me reading the Bible just to see how many people subscribed. I have... This is going to be a weird story. No, go for it. I have very nice feet.

Oh my god. Just pause. Pause. We have a thread in there where I zoomed in on your fucking high heels. I was like, bro. You can literally just screenshot. I was like, just sell these. I forget what you were wearing. Was it a kilt? No, it was...

It was a charity event and it had a style and the style was animal print. And so I was wearing snakeskin button down shirt and snakeskin shorts printed, not actual snakeskin. Because everybody that was at the first Unsub Live show in San Antonio knows what happens when he's in a kilt. That's true. You get to see my brown eye and both of these things are blue. So you know which one I'm talking about.

But yeah, I've got like nice feet and I've been asked to and also thought about possibly starting a Feet Finders, but not being like Anger Cop's feet, but like shaving my feet because you wouldn't be able to know if they're a man or woman's feet. Because of course they're hairy. Yeah, of course. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, right? I put my friend's shoes on and I was like... Chase, I'm sending this to you. Like, if you... You know, it's the painted nails that do it for me. Exactly. You go like this. You have no fucking clue. And then you go like this. Dude, unironically, I felt shame because I looked so gay.

I was like, at first it was fun. I had to joke. I look kind of gay. You know, like, whatever. I'm confident in myself. And then I saw the photos the following day. And I was like, ooh, ooh, I look unironically gay. I look like just, I just look like a gay dude. You have moments like that where you're just joking around. Then you look at the photo and you're like, damn, maybe I missed my calling.

Nah, I couldn't suck a dick to save my life. I got horrible gag reflex. Unless you're into that. It'd be bad. I'd be crying. Anybody who knows, anybody who's seen Let Em Cook knows I have a terrible gag reflex. Oh, I didn't even get it fucking halfway. He is. Oh, you're going to be there. Oh, everyone's going to be there Sunday. Sunday. Sunday. What are we making? Some bad food? No, it's tomorrow. It's tomorrow. Never mind. I'm the prairie oyster. Balls?

Excuse me? Prairie Oyster's Balls. No, it's the... Mountain Oyster's Balls. What's a Prairie Oyster? Rocky Mountain Oyster's Balls. Prairie Oyster's like a raw... It's the first time you've had balls in your mouth. It's a raw egg. Or like an egg yolk. So it's the cowboy shot. So it is to get rid of the... Hangover? Hangover. So it's salt, pepper, a splash of hot sauce. Yep.

Worcestershire. Worcestershire. And what is the whiskey choice? Is it whiskey? It's gin. Gin? Gin to get rid of a hangover? What are we, British? What cowboy's doing gin? Yeah. I agree with that. The prairie oyster. Oh, prairie oyster. Oh, yeah. That was...

Sorry, I had to take a fat piss real quick. I could hear it. Alright, what's in the prairie oyster? Your stream hitting the side of the bowl was masculine. That hog. I could smell the testosterone from here. I just got tested for testosterone. Turns out I still have it. Nice. Good. That's good. It's not like a yes or no question. This is really good. I thought you grew out of it. Just take a break. That's actually really fucking good. That's good. I like that. That's tomorrow. Oh my god. So he breaks down the Joker? No, that's on our episode. Yeah, we talked about it a smidge.

Oh, I love watching Nerdotic, man. That dude. He's here in San Antonio. Oh, he's based out of San Antonio. Well, because Texas doesn't have income tax, right? I don't think that's why he's here, but yeah, he's local. I've never asked that question. Bro, you live here because of this. I mean, that's a good business move, right? Yeah. Thank you. It's a great business. What, is he on the fucking run again? Huh? What?

Because he was jailed. Yeah, he was. In prison. Yeah, he was in prison. Was he? Yeah. Yeah. Kind of his whole shtick. No, I mean, I'm not saying there's like a dig on him. No, I got it. Oh, I see what you're trying to do. You're trying to Purple Heart me. Holy shit. No, not that extreme. I'll find a way. You can't Purple Heart me. Rich, are you going to be on my cooking show tomorrow? Yeah, I'm going to be there tomorrow. Fuck yeah, dude. What are we eating? Tomato bisque and grilled cheese sandwiches. Tomatoes.

It's soup season, dude. It's October now. We were asking that, I think, the other day at the gym. It's like, I don't know what Cody's cooking. We'll just ask him. Are you going to make the grilled cheese in a waffle iron? No. Wait, what is this show about? We fucking breezed over that way too quick. That made sense. Grilled cheese in a waffle iron? Yeah, and that way it holds more soup. It's got pockets.

Wait, I'm really confused. You're mad at how fucking genius that is. I'm not mad. I'm just exploring that in my mind. That's actually fucking neat. Yeah. No, we're just making real cheese. Because the basis of my cooking show is simple shit that costs like $10 and you can feed eight people. And the bullshit that goes around it? Yeah. Kind of like what Burt Kreischer does, but instead of, you know, Burt laughing like a mad animal and making up stories about his daughter saying the weirdest things that definitely happened. Yeah.

That's my Bert Kreischer. Well, Bert Kreischer, you almost came on the podcast. No, I do not. He was just like, man, I'm going to watch one more episode and I'm going to go on. What was this podcast? Two Bears, One Dolphin?

Or what? Two bears, one cave. Oh, yeah. Pretty sure the internet collectively decided at once, randomly, that they just hated Bert. Which I don't care. No, I know the exact second. It was the exact second that Bert and Tom got in a competition to see who could give each other the most expensive gift. Yeah. And Tom ended up giving Bert Hitler's teacup. Which I hated. That was hilarious. I thought that was fucking funny. But I don't think that caused the hatred, though.

That cannot be. No, that's hysterical. Yeah. I laughed. I laughed. It was like, I think it got to the point where they're like giving each other like expensive sports cars and shit. It was like jet skis and things like that. But at the same time, I think it was the moment when people started making compilations of all the jokes that they stole.

I haven't seen those. I saw a couple where it was like, it's like stolen jokes and jokes that were like, you got to be careful with stolen jokes because sometimes you do the same premise in a different way. And honestly, the way that people put out like, oh, this happened. And then that happened. I don't, I don't believe the internet's timeline of history without like some legitimate backup. Also like the fact that he doesn't make shit up.

Well, you're supposed to. You're a comedian. I could care less. Well, that he plays it off as if it was real. And I'm not casting shakes. I don't care. A comedian does. You think that every single story that I tell you is real? It is. I thought so. It is. I thought it was real. I'll leave. I live a normal life. I was wondering what caused that hatred towards him. Because I don't... Success. I think that people saw him and they decided that... Like when an artist does like a white canvas...

Or tapes a banana to a wall and says it's art. And then people get in an outrage. They're like, that doesn't make me think about anything. That's just bullshit. Is they saw him and they were like, I do the same thing that looks too easy. Fuck you. There's something fake about you. And they decided to turn on him. I've seen him live before his movie came out in Buffalo. And his entire set was hysterical. Really? I got asked by...

Helium Comedy Club, they had an usher come up to me and they were like, if you don't stop, we're going to have to ask you to leave. Because I was laughing out loud so much and I loved it. I had a couple of drinks too. So it could have been a little louder than I needed to be when I was laughing. But I was honestly laughing my balls off. But they were like, hey, you need to just kind of tone it down a little bit because your laugh's interrupting the show. If you don't, we're going to have to ask you to leave. And I was like, my bad.

But it was that funny where I was guffawing. I was like knee slapping. Because he was on fire. If you don't like Burt Kreischer, see him live. And then you're going to change your mind. That's just it. Don't ignore the internet hype. He's fucking hysterical. That's going to be my new line. If you don't like unsubscribe, pay money to see us live. On the stolen Valor.

And if you still don't like us, then we have your money. Yeah. So what are you going to do? Punch a purple heart recipient? Fuck you. Or the other one. Or the other one. Yeah. Brown one. His purple heart's lame. Not as cool. Yeah. Brandon got the good one.

Fuck you guys, man. Yeah, we got yours in the lost and found. You had the little thing in the middle. My lost mine. You got the brown cluster? You want to trade? So this? I'm sorry, that's yours. I shouldn't say that. It's not mine. I didn't fucking. This thing comes out. That's a shield that's not burnt in. That's an actual separate unit altogether. What is that? It's a little shield in there. I don't know what it's for, but that is. Wait, why is it yours? Yours doesn't have an end. Eli, who's on the Purple Heart? Who is that? George Washington.

It's George? It's George. No, that's the guy that invented peanut butter. George Washington Carver.

How racist of you. You know, think of the guy who invented the recipe for peanut butter. It's gotta be a white slicker on the Purple Heart. Really, Jake? George Washington Carver. What is it, right? Yeah, George Washington Carver on there. It's a fucking recipe. You can't invent peanut butter. You didn't invent the idea to mash nuts into a paste. I don't know. If you can invent tiramisu, you can invent peanut butter. Alright.

Oh, I'm sorry that your culinary expertise is peanut butter and fluff. Are we going to stop? Cause my brain's actually getting into the philosophical point of this. Go on. I don't know. It's like, did it.

Did you invent electricity or did you discover electricity? Did Paula Deen invent biscuits and gravy? She discovered biscuits and gravy. No, but she did make them taste better with her racism. What is the difference between a discovery and a creation? That was the splash that mattered. A little bit. That's the southern charm right there. That's why deep fried southern anything is great. Meemaw called it love. Well, you know, but not... Why was love bleeped out? Because it was the N word.

With a hard R. Remember when my grandmother made fried chicken? Love with a hard R. Yeah. Love her. It's like love on the spectrum, but it's love with a hard R. And it's a black guy marrying a white woman and her dad's racist. TLC's gonna love that.

Or the History Channel. You beat me to the joke. I had the same fucking love on the spectrum joke in my mind brewing. That's because we both tried out for the second season. Oh, no. Oh, you bring it in. Do you want to play with our trucks?

It's a great joke, Rich. Keep going. I watched it. And by watched it, I mean I watched a clip of Love on the Spectrum. And it was a girl with Down syndrome and a kid who either had – I think he was autistic. And the girl with Down syndrome, not very talkative, but she was kind of chilling, whatever. And the guy that was autistic was just like, we have cheeseburgers. Do you like cheeseburgers? I love cheeseburgers. And that was like the entire thing was him just being like, do you like this? And she'd go –

Yeah. And then him going, that's great. I also love this other thing. Do you like this other thing? Yeah. He's like, that's great. And he would just kept going like that. And I was like, I can't watch this. I can't watch any more of this. I love how over the course of 50 years, we went from like not believing that autistic people existed to treating them like fucking ant farm.

What? Where we just have them in a fucking, oh, like Love on the Spectrum. Just watching them on Netflix. Like, oh, look at them. They're cute. Poke them. Make them do the thing. The thing... Let me tell you something. I've made... I make jokes about everybody. And I've made some autistic jokes. I think you've been aware of them. Nick. And... Not to insult your people. And I've had a couple people come up to me and be like...

So what do you mean? This is what autistic people are like? I'm like, well, I mean, autism is like on a massive spectrum. You can have guys that are just like really good at math and, you know, enjoy focusing on one thing. And then you can have guys that, you know, need assistance throughout their entire life. I go, but if it's the guys that are really good at math, I mean, you still go out and get them hammered and then make fun of them because they can't pick up girls because they're too busy talking about the calorie intake of what a Mick Ultra has compared to a Bud Light. And that's fucking funny. And they're like,

No, it's not. And I'm like, well, fuck off. You know? Because I think that is funny. We've had to. As long as you're well-intentioned, I think everything's funny. Oh, shit. I'm in trouble. No, I will say my favorite part of Cody. I don't know if we can keep this in. I gotta keep somebody down. You know what I mean? I gotta keep somebody down. I can't be the, you know. That's still one of my favorite. It's not even a joke because it was just a real story. When we were in Charleston.

Back in like 2020 during the summer of love, you went on that vacation. You're just like, oh yeah, these are like the things that are on my fucking Spotify playlist right now. Just because like, you know, when I arrest people and I take their cars, this is what they're listening to. Yes. My favorite. He asked me what my favorite song is. And I was, or something like these, like, oh, what do you listen to right now? I go, usually my favorite song is whatever I'm towing the car to.

I just figure out what's hot on the street this way. Yeah, because I'll tow the car. Well, they're going to jail, obviously. And then I'm towing the car. And then the radio goes on. And I'm just like, oh, what's this? And then I'll hit Shazam. I'll find out who the artist is. And then I'll put it on my Spotify playlist. And it's things that like his Chrysler 300 playlist blacked out. That's why I listen to rap now. Black on black. Well, when I was arresting someone, I asked him what they want to listen to on the way to jail.

And so I would start listening. I would just put their music on. It's never Keith Urban. I'd be like, damn, I'm going to jam to this all night now. It's because you weren't policing in Florida. Dude, it's gotten me a lot of friends. That music knowledge. So I'll take the Merv to Bill's Tailgates. And I'll blast the music because the thing's got speakers on it that pump. And...

There'll be like a playlist that I'll put on of like some songs that, you know, that I like and you want, you know, R&B and rap and then you'll throw in like some EDM stuff to kind of like change it up and keep it going. And I'll have some friends that are... have a lot more melanin than I do. They'll be like...

oh, hi, how do you know this song? And I'm sitting there like, you know, hammered, just dancing to it. Just like, just sway and be like, yeah. And mouth in the words of like, how do you know this song? I'm like, cause I was on Bailey street, towing this guy's car after I put him in. Cause I arrested your nephew. And I loved it. No black people can be police officers too.

They're not all convicts. Wow. And that's how he lost Texas. It's always weird when I tell stories about me hanging out with my black friends because I always feel like somebody in the comments is going to be like, just because you have a black friend doesn't mean blah, blah, blah, that you're not racist. And I'm like, well, oh, dude, you're dead. I mean, I feel like it kind of does.

Oh, dude, the cooking show. If I can say one joke that just had me dying is cooking show with Eddie and us. And it's just Cody being like, hey, what do you want? It's like my favorite moment. Because what do all the Mexicans do? We fucking laugh at it. And then you serve amazing food to us all. The other joke also really good. Free whole list.

Wait, hold on a second. He said he serves fantastic food to everybody. We're getting grilled cheese and tomato soup. We were doing burritos. I'm sorry, it's tomato bisque. I'm sorry that you melted butter in it with your southern genes. It doesn't make it good-er. Oh, wait till you actually have Cody, sir. Have you had Cody's real good cooking? Oh, no, Cody and I aren't real friends. He's never cooked for me. That's bullshit. I was there when it happened.

Wait for what? Charleston. Oh, yeah. That's when you thought I was Mike the Cop. I really did. That is still... Have we told this story on the podcast? If we haven't, we need to tell it again. Oh, my fucking God. Dude, for hours. For hours. I'm dead fucking serious. So we...

So the riots, the George Floyd riots happened, right? The summer of love. Summer of love. And I'm tired as shit because I was one of the three guys in charge of our riot squad. And I just, you know, I literally blew my voice out from screaming at my troops to like push forward, make arrests, fight through tear gas. I had to take my gas mask off because they couldn't hear me. So I'm just like, just like eating.

pepper spray blowback and all this shit and we had already planned to like come down and hang out at charleston and so it was like two days three days after the riots in buffalo and i was like all right things calm down like that because we put a very good and professional squash to it and so i fly down and he's like yeah brandon harrier is here i'm like that sounds familiar he's a youtuber i was like oh cool oh are you what taste the midwest i didn't even know we had those

Directly off camera. Friendship. They don't need to know what we did. So Cody tells me, yeah, I got Brandon Herrera down here. And I'm like, I think I know who that is. And he sends me your YouTube. And I go, oh, I've seen a couple videos. And then I watch a couple more because it's like, oh, hey, if you search Brandon Herrera, here's his, you know,

recent video. I'm like, oh, this guy is pretty cool. I've seen his shit before. It's going to be really nice. I get down there. I meet you. You ask me right away. A.K.A.R. I go, I like A.K.'s better. And he's like, we're going to get along. He's like, I really like your stuff. I go, oh, that's really nice, you man. I like your stuff, too. Two hours later, he keeps longer than that. We hung out. We hung out. For a good fucking while. It's just the three or four. There's like three or four people. Brandon's talking to him. He's like, Mike is a really good dude. Well, look,

Well, because, like, in my world, like, sorry, like, I've never been exposed to your content. Do you know that, though? Do you know that? What a fucking big, I can't handle it, Mike. Say that again. Say that again. I said, at the time, like, this is five years ago. I'd never been exposed to your content. Never been exposed. It's the nicest way of saying, I don't watch your shit.

Go on. I'm sorry. I was you feel entitled to my eyeballs. I don't fucking I think I've earned them. I gifted you a purple heart. What have you given this friendship except for a lie? He's over here trying to make himself sound like the victim. I've never been exposed to it. This was years ago. We were not friends. I did not. You've never seen smallpox? It wiped us out.

As he coins to turn the bug people. Hold on, holy shit. Trying to make himself sound like the victim. Like, we didn't have smallpox. You're killing our indigenous society. Brandon's like, why did I come to this episode? Pick on Brandon. Normally I pick on him, but I just... No, no, no, I think he's really just brushing off the entitlement of like you... Entitlement? Obviously you've seen my things because I am the angry cop. I am the angry cop.

Oh, you don't know what to say to that one. I can't count for it, dude. All right. I'm sure we're having some fantastic conversation thinking that we're friends that we're like, we're having a real human connection. I thought we had a great time. Like, oh yeah, you thought you did until, yeah, because you thought you were hanging out with somebody that you actually watched on YouTube and respected. To be fair. I'm just a ghost guy that's not...

50,000 member fewer guys. I don't matter to big balls. Not shitting on Mike. Brandon Herrera. Not shitting on Mike. Obviously, you are comparing us. I didn't really see his content back then either. I just knew who he was. Just a lies through flattery. This guy. A white bald guy. So three or four hours later. Sorry if the only police content I watched back then was Donut Operator. Now kiss. Bye.

It actually happens. I was an apprentice electrician at the time. Looked like a homeless mirror trying to make out with itself. I am meth. Thank you. Can I trade you? You're the prettiest meth head in the trail park. So...

Three hours. It was a beautiful scene. Three or four hours after hanging out for the first time and getting to know each other a little bit and him still thinking I'm Mike the Cop. We go out. The beach is empty. It's nighttime. The moon is bouncing off of the waves on Coastal Carolina. Donut's with us. And Brandon says a couple other things to me about me. And I stop as I'm knee deep in the ocean. And I look at him and I go, do you think I'm Mike the Cop? Yeah.

And he goes... He said that verbatim. Genuinely. He said, do you think I mic'd the cop? And I immediately froze because I f***ing knew. I'm like, oh, I f***ed up. Oh, no. And I feel like this is true. You remember this better than me because it may be inside, but I feel like outwardly I just started laughing at him. You did. Yes. I just started laughing at him. I was like...

There was no offense taken. You just thought it was the funniest fucking thing ever. That was hysterical. When Cody started his crazy business of podcasting, you know what he didn't think about? Merchandise. But now he's selling what? Merch. And it couldn't be easier. All because of Shopify. If you've shopped on BunkerBranding.com, you've used Shopify. Shopify is a global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business. From the launch your online shop stage,

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All lowercase. Go to shopify.com/unsubpod now to grow your business, no matter what stage you're in. Go to shopify.com/unsubpod. - You know how Europeans are always talking shit about American houses being made out of paper mache on the internet, right? So I started looking into it thinking maybe there's a video there. You know who authorized the first like wood framed structure ever?

George Washington. I was going to say Benjamin Franklin. I was oddly close. Why? That's a weird... What do you mean authorized wood structure? What does that even mean? Like the first like...

building like on record that was built in how America frames a house today was like authorized by the United States government under George Washington to get government buildings done faster because we were trying to prop up the entire nation. So you're saying that's the founding of how American homes and like right away there was big government and housing. Wow. Jeez.

Either that or we approve basically facade housing. I like how I see George Washington in my mind rubber stamping log cabins being like, this one's good enough! How was previous to that what was the standard and then...

Well, I mean, it was just like, cause everybody's from Britain. So it's like, Oh, let's build a castle to last for 200 years, which on one hand seems like it's a really good idea. If you completely ignore the fact that human technology advances. So like, you know, when you build a house at a solid fucking stone, that's 18 inches thick. It's really hard to like, I don't know, knock out one cavity of a wall and install a

Outlet when some asshole invents electricity and this is why you know every time there's a heat wave in Great Britain and it gets like 82 degrees like 500 people fucking die. I don't have a see I was gonna knock open a wall and put a vent in it and then I talk shit They've got all these split units that heat their house. You couldn't put fucking cool on it. Can't do it. That was good Yeah, I was like, oh America

I'm sorry, my brain just went poom with so much information. I learned two things today. One, that, because I never thought about it. It's like, oh yeah, we just don't have castles from the 1700s when White House, anything in D.C. is not. It's like, here's the castle. We don't have that. Well, D.C. is pretty much all like 1800s on. Yeah, and I never thought about that. The other is the chicken shits, poops, and babies out the... What?

The chicken poop babies? Eggs came first. If that's what you're asking. Eggs came first. Didn't know that. Vagina butt. Two for one. Dude, two thanks. Yeah, Bugs got them.

You want me to keep going? I will say this, though. I've gotten a lot of shit because I did a Sten video, like a video on the 9mm. You know, Sten, some machine guns. I thought you said Stim. I did that video probably, I don't know, two years ago. My buddy Stim's like this. He'll get excited and he'll shake and then he'll go like this. Rich unzips his pants. That's why he's my best friend. Because I curl his fingers like that and then when he does it like that, he just fucking gets me off.

It's a cool story. Stimming. Yeah. Anyways, back to small caliber virus. I know more than one TISM guy. All right. The TISM surrounds us. It's like the force. Or excuse me, the thread. And we've got Anakin here. The midichlorians. The thread. Get the fuck out of here. I didn't realize like even I thought everyone did it until the other day. I like it. He's going to. We're going to go back to it.

What did we say? It's that fucking when you get excited and you tense up, that was it. That's what happens. An orgasm? I don't know what he's talking about. I know. That's what I found out was very particular to one person and no one else. When you get super excited and you're like, exactly. That's what I noticed. I was like, oh, and I asked Sam about that. She's like,

That's not normal. Nope. At all. Period. See, everyone's looking at me. No clue. So the stem... Oh, sorry. I just noticed that I was getting a lot of comments. Because I look through my YouTube comments, even though that's probably really bad for your fucking community. I do it too. I've got a great community. If somebody shits on me, my community goes fucking ham.

What's he saying? What? Brayden's like, he was so excited. And then Cody's like, I feel you. And then he's like, you caught it. And then now you know what it feels like to be Cody. Are we good? So anyway. No, but I was just noticing that I was getting a talk here right now.

So tell me, how was your day, Stan? Let the f***ing Purple Heart recipient talk, please. You're right, I'm sorry. I apologize. Whoever made that, that was stupid s***. Thanks, man. Alright. No, but I just, I noticed that I was getting a lot of comments on the Sten video, and I was just like, what the f***, what did I say? Like, that was like a two-year-old video, and then all of a sudden it's a, uh... Yeah, thank you. Um...

All of a sudden I'm getting a shitload of comments from British people that are like really upset because I was making jokes. I don't like I make jokes about any country of origin of any fucking gun that I do a video on like four people the VZ you know 51 or whatever the fuck like I'll do like jokes about the check about how like their names sound like a fucking eye exam or like whatever the

But like the British people, I apparently made a couple of jokes about the British and about how like Dunkirk was the reason why that the Sten. That's like historically accurate. I know. Wait, what was the joke? There was no joke. It was just the reason that the Sten was created is because they were having to come up with expedient submachine guns for World War II because they had lost so many of their arms like the Bren and things like that at Dunkirk.

Wait, I need more. We'll finish your story. Dunkirk, they got cut off and they had to ditch a ton of their military equipment just to save the men. So they got back and they're like, oh, we have our army and they don't have any fucking guns. So they came, one of the solutions was the Sten where they're just mass manufacturing, stamping these submachine guns for something. They shit together a nine millimeter submachine gun for 11 bucks a piece back in the day. And that's exactly what happened. Yeah.

but so many fucking Brit bongs are sitting here like just getting irritated at the fact that I'm like poking like light fun at the English and I had one guy today just like oh yeah you Americans you like to talk about your revisionist history you guys came at only came in in the last eight months of the war because of Pearl Harbor I was like are

Are you fucking retarded? Eight months? I'm pretty sure that there was a lot more than eight months after Pearl Harbor. You know how many hundreds of tons of bread America sent to the UK daily? You're welcome for the length of this. Nick, how much? A fuck ton.

You ever heard of merchant Marines? Oh, my grandfather was one. Yeah. Like the American civilians that were dying in droves. Yeah. German U-boats to give the UK supplies because America didn't have a army yet. The entire lend lease act, all of that shit where we're giving the allies supplies, guns, munitions, fucking vehicles, everything. The only thing my grandfather told me about World War II, my one grandfather who was a merchant Marine, was that he, uh,

the ships on either side of him got hit with torpedoes and he had to keep going and he watched Americans drown and he was just like... Yeah, it's fucking horrible. It fucked him up. Yeah, dude, I bet. I was just like...

I'm only 12, Grandpa. Jesus. That's your bedtime story. He's like, go to sleep, mijo. I think I was younger than 12. Mexican. Fifth or sixth grade, I was like, I want to join the Army, and I'm going to do it. I just don't know if it's going to be the Army, the Marines, the Air Force, but I'm leaning towards Army, Marines, because of you and my other grandfather. I'm like, what can you tell me about World War II? What was it like? What did you feel? It was like...

The two ships on either side of me got blown up and I had to keep... We had to keep going. And so I watched a whole bunch of Americans drown. And I was like, oh, badass. High is a very... It's a very Germanic last name, right? Yeah. Yeah. So like he's very Germanic.

uh grandfather was telling him about uh you know sorry mijo sorry you uh you strong mexican grandfather yeah he was like we really like the americans they were going to be our allies but we had to sink those two ships isn't it i gotta watch him during our german my favorite thing is when allied forces like the british and the russians formerly the soviet union are like you stupid americans in your winners history it's like

Fuck, dickhead, you won too. Like, I don't, what? You were on the winning side. You were on the team where we, like, just admit that we fucking... You fucking shot all over my arm. It's because you weren't drinking yours. It's fine. Just lick it off. It was yours. It's almost done. Yeah, you... You spilled it. You were vicious. You were vicious. Yeah, literally, you spilled it because you weren't drinking yours. You gasped. You're trying to gaslight him. Maybe. Maybe.

Anyways, so do we ever want Tucker Carlson on this podcast? Yeah. Oh, we do? Oh, shit. Never mind. I won't go on this segment. He's pissing me the fuck off lately. Let's probably not do that if we want him on. We can cut it out later if it's that bad. It's 10% his fault, 90% his guest's fault, but he brought on this fucking...

historian that he described as the most honest historian of our time, I believe is what he said. And this fucking moron got on Tucker Carlson's thing and went on a tirade unchallenged where his main claim was Winston Churchill, who don't get it wrong. He had plenty of character faults. You could say he did a lot of things that maybe weren't great, but he went on to describe him as, and I quote, the chief villain of World War II.

That was not me, dude. We had this on the fucking record. All right. Yeah, we saw you do it. I blow my nose so hard that I think I put toilet paper all over my chest. Anyways, did you see this? Hmm? Tucker Carlson's interview with the historian guy. I'm just happy everyone else on the podcast was able to talk for like fucking two minutes while you were in the restroom. Yeah.

Be funnier than me. Everyone chose violence. I just thought you would get branded for that.

The name of this episode is The Gang Fights. They're just fucking go ham. Me and Rich are having a cage fight to raise money for veterans awareness. We should do a free-for-all. The gang does a free-for-all. It's going to end in a Superman punch. What's the WWE cage match where there's just a bunch of people beating the shit out of each other? Hell himself. Did you know in 1996 The Undertaker...

I should start doing the sports history. I was this close. I was this close to talking about the Philadelphia Flyers. Awesome. Try it on Fat Files. Yeah, that would be good for Fat Files. I know, I'm going to because... So, like, do you...

I'm kind of... I really like hockey. The Philadelphia Flyers back in the day were the Broad Street bullies. Like, back in the day, the Philadelphia Flyers' strategy was to just beat the fuck out of you. Yeah. And then after you were broken, they'd score goals. They played hockey after they fucked you up. Yeah. It's a good method. And the CCP, the Soviet Union's Olympic hockey team, the hotshot, the ones from...

that had to play in the Olympics went to play the Philadelphia Flyers and the Philadelphia Flyers beat the fuck out of them to the point that at halftime they left. And then they left. They packed their shit and quit because we're not playing these guys anymore. And then they were like, we're not going to pay you then. And then they came back out on the ice and they continued to kick the shit out of them. And that's how capitalism wins.

Oh, you're going to leave? How about we keep the cash, you f***ing whores? Come on. Welcome to reality on ice, bitch. What year was that? I don't remember the exact

But who's my favorite? My favorite story of all time. It's the best game ever played. It's hilarious. I like how you think that that was only the Philadelphia Flyers. Like, that was everybody's. They were the most renowned for it. Like, hockey back in the day, like, you had, like, an enforcer or two. Or two. There was a lot of enforcers. Per team. Like, you had the one goon that was like, okay, if I fuck up their skill players, this monstrosity ogre of a man is going to come out here and beat the shit out of me.

Philadelphia Flyers was just all of them were Shrek. They're all going to beat the fuck out of you. We, the Sabres, I feel like the Sabres specifically and the Flyers at one point, it was like the 90s, had just a physical...

rivalry where Shields was their goalie at the time was such a fucking dickhead fantastic goalie but was such a dickhead to our players like slashing them all the time and fucking with them that our goalies got in fights on like three or four times like the benches or not the benches but like the players the players but not the benches but the players on the ice were just like everybody on the ice was just teed up paired off with one another guy and Shields

Dude, we had Rob Ray at the time and Rob Ray and Ty Domi from the Leafs were fighting each other all the time. They made a Rob Ray rule. Did you watch the video that came out two weeks ago? Who? No, I was fucking around. Thank you.

I never watch. I'm so confused on what's going on. I'm like sports. I'm drinking and I can't remember the name. It's literally my favorite documentary ever and I can't remember the name. You thought we were actually engaging in a comedy. This is a legit documentary. Like I watched War Doctor. Oh, fuck! Cody's talking!

No, you said Rob Ray. I was going to say that inspired some of Goon. Did Rob Ray inspire some of Goon? I think so, man. Wasn't someone in there named Rob Ray? Like a Lipschreiber's character? Rule number one, don't touch my fucking Percocets. Rule number two, does anybody have any fucking Percocets?

No, there's a... I think it might be a Netflix original documentary. I think it's called Ice Guardians. It's my favorite documentary of all time. That's so good. It's better than every war documentary I've ever watched. It's about hockey and it's about how they got rid of fighting in hockey to the degree that the enforcer is no longer a practical role because you just get ejected. They actually go through and they break down and be like, here's

traumatic brain injuries and like the outcomes of people and it's gotten so much worse since they've gotten rid of the enforcer that's going to go out there and beat the shit out of you because now it's like they're playing free too free because there's no consequences and it's like well now you're going to clip a dude while you're skating at 30 miles an hour with a shoulder pad yeah and that's way more traumatic than some dude grabbing your shirt and punching you five times absolutely and it just shows like you got rid of violence and it made the outcome so much worse

One of my favorite hockey clips, because I'll go into a hockey hole every once in a while. I can't wait to watch the analytics of the draw. No pun intended. I was like, I have no fucking clue what we're talking about, dude. I'm like, what is going on right now? So this is an easy story that everybody can understand. It's about fighting.

So the Buffalo Sabres, I forget which team it was. The Buffalo Sabres are playing against another NHL team in the playoffs. And similar to what you described, our star scorer got hammered on open ice and knocked him out on the ice. He's fucking out. Gets up, gets helped off the ice, skates off the ice. And our coach at the time, who's now our coach now, Lindy Ruff,

He used to play hockey. So he was a player, became a coach, and he is one of the best coaches in hockey. And he is motherfucking the other coach through the glass. Like, you don't come after our fucking captain. You don't fucking do that. And Rob Ray is an announcer who used to play for this guy and with this guy. He's like just sitting in between them. And he's like, I'm not saying shit.

I'm just kind of holding my mic up so you can hear this, guys. And you can hear Lindy Ruff just motherfucking the other coach. And so it all calms down, calms down enough to where everybody goes back out on the ice and they're about to drop the puck from the penalty and, you know, start playing hockey again. And right away, they drop the puck. The second they drop the puck, every Sabres guy goes...

whoops, and just grabs his fucking gloves, grabs his fucking gloves, and wailing on guys. And I think it was the Senators, because all of a sudden, I think it was Marty Baran or Miller, who was a silver medalist, starts just like, fuck it, and just...

comes down the middle of the ice and points at the other goalie and the other goalie's like, fuck. There are two goalies, which for those of you who have ever watched hockey, goalies never get in a fight. They're fucking, they're like, it'd be like if two NFL quarterbacks got in a fist fight in the middle of the field. It doesn't happen. It doesn't happen.

Meet you behind the bleachers at 3 o'clock. So these two goalies just point each other out and just start skating at each other from one end of the ice. And get to the center. And they just circle each other like sharks. And then just grab each other and start dotting each other. And they're like, my goalie, that Sabres goalie goes down. And then our guy. And then our defender. Oh, my God. I'm forgetting his name right now.

But he comes over and he sees our goalie get knocked down to the ice by the other goalie. He's like, fuck that. And it's Peters. His name is Peters. And he grabs the other goalie. He's like, fuck that.

You, you, you, goalie. And that goalie, if I'm not mistaken, was previously a Golden Gloves boxer. Hard to box on the ice. Very hard. Gets our goalie on goalie. Don't really have a lot of foot power there. Yeah. Golden Gloves boxer takes down our goalie. Okay. Peters comes over and is just like, I don't give a fuck that you can fight. We're on the ice. This is my dojo. And just grabs him. Just uppercutting the shit out. It was phenomenal.

It is crazy that that sport is the only sport where the ref is like, let him fight. It's a boxing match for like 30 seconds. Let him fight. Bro, I'm going to go home and watch Goon tonight. I love that movie so much. I've never watched it. You've never seen Goon? No. Oh, God, it's so good. It's literally about an enforcer, and he's just like a tough guy, and they're like, hey.

We're just, whenever somebody pisses off, whenever somebody hits one of our skill players, I'm gonna send you in and you're gonna fuck up that guy. And it's just him beating the fuck out of people. It's hilarious. Number 69. No! Oh, alright. Brandon, I heard you started a new business. That's right, he did. Well, you can cut that sexual tension with a knife, but yes, Eli, I did. Hello.

We don't sell boat anchors.

What's his name in American Pie? It's fucking... Stifler. Stifler. That is a good actor for that role. Yeah. No, it's fantastic. He's just a big idiot and he beats the fuck out of everyone. 2000 era? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that sounds like a 2000 era. How much to get him on Pepperboxx?

Get him on like some fucking original movie we do. Where did he go? Didn't he have some scandal and he like disappeared? He allegedly did some not nice things with ladies. Never mind. Alright, never mind. We'll have to look into that. I'll take that gamble. Did you take that deal? Damn good deal. I'll take that deal. So you're saying we can get him at a discount?

Yeah, absolutely. That reminds me of the Grantham thing. I think he posted this publicly where he was trying to get... Who's the fucking star that he was joking about the whole time? Macaulay Culkin and Ron Jeremy.

Oh, yeah. I don't like where this is going. No, no. He always had the fucking target where it was like Ron Jeremy holding Macaulay Culkin hostage. Oh, that actually Ron Jeremy. No, no. But they looked like him. But he was just like, he was trying to get Ron Jeremy on a video. Sex toy booby traps. God, dear God. It's just a rubber forearm coming down the stairs. You step on something, it shoots up your ass. Oh, no.

But he kept trying to get him on. And then like, as soon as the fucking sex scandal thing like broke with Ron Jeremy, he, he had a message, his manager. He's like, so can we get you at a discount, bro? You want to hear something? My, one of my best friends, the, my, the other jujitsu coach at my gym,

We had a guy who was a student. He moved, but he was hilarious. His name was Reed. And he always had a rash guard of Ron Jeremy, but it was like the, you know, the Obama campaign picture of the red and blue where he's like, it was that, but it was Ron Jeremy rash guard. It was. Yeah. Yeah. But it was a rat Ron Jeremy. And it was a rash guard. And it was really funny. He always wore it. And we always, you know, joked about it prior to that incident. And, uh,

cameo had just come out and Reed was, you know, making a lot of money. Single guy. He paid $500 to have Ron Jeremy sing happy birthday to my friend Calvin. And he sent the cameo of singing happy birthday with a harmonica to Calvin the next fucking day. That scandal, bro. Jesus. It was perfect. I had to post it on Twitter and said that, you know, the guy he was singing to was an eight year old boy.

Wait, Ron Jeremy had a sex scandal issue? That doesn't make sense. It's shocking. Crazy. So wild. I've had friends that have worked with him for like different things and they said he's the scuzziest, dirtiest dude ever. Horrible to work with. How different of a thing could it be? What?

They worked with him for different things. Like, I feel like he was one thing. Oh, it wasn't f***ing. It was like, hey, show up to, like, a bachelor party. He liked two things. Be the guest of honor at a bachelor party. So, I'll tell you one story. Mario? He's, uh... Seriously? I'm joking. Okay, I was like... Brandon, I'm just like... I'm tricking Brandon today. That is within the realm of possibility. Come on. Go on. Oh, my God. We need to give Chase a raise.

Yeah, I feel bad for this episode. He has to edit everything. He's just sweating. Sean William Scott Stifler did not have a sex scandal. Apparently he had some substance abuse issues that he had to deal with on his own and that's why he kind of dropped off the radar. Oh, that's nothing. Yeah. We've all done that. Bring him to Pepperbox. Joe Rogan's probably done harder drugs than him. We've all done that.

I was going to say, I thought that was weird because I always heard he was like a really nice guy. That's what I heard. Yeah. Like...

I think I was conflating him with the curly-haired Scientologist from fucking that '70s show. Danny Masterson. Oh, ew. That dude. Isn't he in prison? Yeah, I think so. That's when Mila and the other dude, Ashton Kutcher, they're like, "He needs a lighter charge." And everyone was like, "Are you fucking retarded?" I was gonna say that. But he's really nice. Like, that whole argument was not very good. Crazy. Craaaaazy.

Which is crazy because Ashton started a, like, protect the kids. Here we go. All right. He's going into attack mode. Start the stopwatch until the word baby oil gets hit.

So Ashton Kutcher, that 70s show, meets Mila Kunis, who lies about her age and is 14 to get on the show. Oh, my God. I forgot about that. Immediately, those two have a connection. She likes Ashton. She's like, I'm going to marry him. Ashton's not like 50, but he's like several years older than her and legal age while she's not.

I don't know when they start their relationship, but I mean, I would say it's probably at the day her 18th birthday probably kicked off, which is a little weird. Immediately after...

the 70s show kicks off and he does, you know, the other stuff. He actually creates a child protection non-for-profit where him and different groups are working together in order to find and prevent children from being exploited, right? So it's a five-year age gap. She was 14, he was 19. Okay, that's not the end of the world. That's still weird at the time. Pretty not great. Right? Because 21 and she's 17...

I know that, you know, if you're in your thirties and somebody's, you know, five years, you're a junior, that's really not that big of a difference, but one development and physically, and then two mentally, like, what are you going to talk about how you stayed inside the lines when you colored today? Yeah.

real little you know well what are we gonna what's the conversation you know bumper cars was fun that's what they do yeah I got my gel nails how to color now I gave myself a perm is this cool no I bought new jeans by myself at Aeropostale I don't know okay with my mom's credit card honey shut up and oh Christ how many syllables did you just say that word with

Credit card? Aeropostale. How do you say it? Aeropostale. It's the same amount of syllables. Aeropostale. Aeropostale. I said it classy because it was French. Aeropostale. Okay, sorry. Go ahead. Anyway, so he creates this thing and then he's doing all this good stuff for finding children that are exploited and then is like, oh, by the way, honey, the woman that I'm in love with that found me when she was a minor and a minor for a long time until we could start a relationship.

let's get on a video and say hey even though this guy did the thing that I created my not-for-profit to fight against we should go make him a nice sentence because he happened to be nice guy TV show it all threw me off it all threw me off I don't even understand why he would do that considering the work that he did in the opposite direction do you know why I don't know but all I can think about is like that happened and then zero backlash and Cody's over here just like

I wish my tax dollars would help Americans. Fuck you, Cody! Your mom needs to die! Extremely controversial take. What with the online poopy butt? Poopy, poopy butt. What if we all paid money into a fund and then it just helped out the less fortunate? Fuck you. I just wish my mom wasn't underwater right now. That'd be fucking cool. Fuck you, I hope she dies.

Poopy butthole. I wish your poopy butthole died. Thanks, internet. That's fucking kind of you. You should actually laugh at that one part of it. So he gets replied like, why is he laughing at that one? God bless the internet. I randomly get dudes on Twitter that will try to shit on me

And they're so wrong. Like, let's just say that somebody tweets, you know, one plus one equals four. And I go, sorry, bud, but one plus one equals two. And then somebody underneath me will be like, hey, you're a fucking fascist. And I'll be like, bro, I'm just here saying words, man. And then they just keep going. And I look at them just have so much fun being like the center of attention because other people are defending me and they get to respond. And I get mad at that.

I get mad at the nice people that follow me are talking to this idiot, which is all that idiot wants. Dude, they feed into it. You can check how many hours you spend on the app, right? Yeah. What is your... Can we go around and see how much per week you spend on Twitter? Oh, let's do it. I would love to do this because I like Twitter. How do you find it? Settings? What is Twitter 80 hours?

Wait, where's... Jesus Christ. How do we find this? Just swipe down and go screen time. And type screen time. Wait, on Twitter? No, no, on your... Screen. Your iPhone. Okay. Well, so on top of what Rich was saying, he's like, I have so many nice people that follow me. And then there's always that... App. It's always the negative that stands out because that's the way that we, our monkey brains learn, right? You learn by touching the hot stove.

so your brain remembers the bad things you don't do it again whereas like if somebody compliments me and says i want to give a purple heart to your friend i forget about it for six months so my week at limits oh no on twitter i've spent four hours and 42 minutes this week i don't think oh no go to settings and then i got it what's yours hold on you go last because you probably got the most so brandon you said how long

Are we doing Twitter? You can do everything. Oh, this week? That's for a week? Oh, no! Hold on. He goes last. Hey, Homelander, what's your time at? Sorry, that was... Oh, God, dude. Colin Brandon sprites.

I was like, that's for a week, not... Okay. That wasn't... Your reaction was so visceral. Holy shit, that's for a week. No, I was right. Sorry. That's... I...

Yeah... Wait, how do I do- I- apparently I- Also, I spend more time on fucking Twitter than YouTube. You don't spend any- oh my god, you don't spend any time on your phone. I get kids and shit. Yeah, okay. How long- how many hours you got on Twitter? Uh, four hours and 42 minutes. I've got 13 hours, 14 minutes. Wait, hold on. This week? There we go. Virtually nothing. What the fuck, dude? 13 hours. I found out that- Alright, see, I'm not an asshole. Yeah.

Wait, you had 14 hours this week? I get, yeah, 13 hours, 14 minutes. Four and 42. 14 and a half. Oh. You probably had like 30. Almost nothing, yeah. Yeah, nothing. How do I even do this? He... Bro, I don't, like, you have to understand. No, you could have found out the number before you asked all of us.

I don't know this shit. Give me your phone. Let me see it. Please, please show me. Show me on Eli's time. I just like to go on Twitter and post timelines of historic events and piss off communists because it's that easy.

See all app and website activity. Zero. Zero. That's what I'm saying. One minute. How do we do that? I just turned that on. That's what I'm saying. We've never turned it on, so it wasn't recording the data. Just like your wives, you've never turned them on. Cheater. Oh, let's see how many tweets I have.

I have not many. Let's go off of tweets. Let's go by impressions. Tweets in general. That's how it is. Alright. I typed in Twitter. Let's do YouTube next.

let's do pepper box oh yeah yeah wait can you check i don't think any of us can do that eli help us with pepper box by the way if you guys want to see some fantastic outtakes and some behind the scenes action make sure that you subscribe to pepperbox where you'll get all the good juicy stuff without any of the censorship a lot of the shit we could not say here brandon said the word

I'll let you determine what word it is, but you know what word it is. Oh, you can check how many tweets you've done. Cody, how many tweets have you done? Did you watch my... It should be... The Cash for Cronkers video on Pepperbox? It'll be on the top. There's a deleted scene that didn't make YouTube as aggressive. Really? It involved Caleb's bit from...

When we did, uh, when Caleb was dressed as a Nazi talking about punching through the attic. Dude, we didn't see that. We talked about that. Holy shit. It was really bad. We talked about that today at the gym. It was Meat Canyon like drawing Caleb. Ha ha ha!

Punching through. Get me within five feet of Anne Frank. And I'll take her out. I'll punch her in the face. I'll find where she is. Just Taylor punching through the attic and pulling her down. The uber Nazi. Yeah, he was called the uber Nazi. I

I feel like if you took Caleb's voice and put it towards any horrible character, it would be either a hysterical or so much worse. You know what I mean? He's got such that sweet southern twang, that soft southerness. And it's either like, what are you giggling at?

I just ask how many. What's the difference? So I have 682 posts on Twitter. So I found a number. Cody has 29,900. That top number. Hold on.

There's a slight discrepancy in that. Who were you between for the most influential people? Who were you fighting on Twitter? You were between Taylor Swift and a major politician. Oh, shit. It was like 20 top most influential people, all very recognizable names, don't operate right in the middle. I'm a 3,000.

What's yours, Nick? So almost 3,000. Virtually nothing. That's not true. You're on it. I have like 10 tweets. I was expecting yours to be like 5,000. It's like 30. It's okay. You guessed at 10,000. There's an American. Times that by three. The communists are coming back, so I'll be on Twitter more. It's a good hobby. What's my what? Your Twitter. How many posts do you have on Twitter? Let's see.

I just like, I can still have a number that is seen. 682. How do you find that? Go to your profile. Yep. And then scroll. Is that your password? 4,300. Cody! Jesus! How do you have 30,000? Brandon has 4,300.

Jesus Christ. Oh, man. Well, he's also been doing it for years. Like, he's earned that. He put in the time. You're like a Delta operator. Yeah, 4,300. Jesus Christ.

Started in the early days you're haloing in to bully everyone I started bullying in 2016 here like your OG steam account just finishing a IT He's like that's F guy was like eight tours Delta operator. We're showing up to book in Iraq He's been to Cody's equivalent of like the chaplain in the infantry Everybody fights nobody quits Rough ducks

It'll be okay boys. It'll be okay. Cody's saying it wrong. I've transcended violence. I've won. You are. You are the first amendment. You just realized like violence is nirvana. I don't care if we've told this story before. It would never not be funny when Cody was like, guys, can I have the password to the unsub Twitter? And we were all like, no. He's like, I

I've never called anyone anything bad and Brandon goes, "Donut operator, search." I would never say this on Twitter. Well, I've got a semi-funny social media story. If we don't want to talk about politics, we'll talk about some veteran bullshit. So I made a video a week or two ago on the VFW. They created a VFW post inside a Colorado prison.

Okay. Yeah. So the VFW post 12229. And Colorado VFW is like super proud about it. They're like, hey, we've got these veterans that are in prison. Just because you're in prison doesn't mean you're not a veteran. Let's take care of you. Brotherhood. Maybe. Camaraderie. What did they do? Yeah. Bingo. Yeah. Maybe. I got this story from a buddy of mine that's got some children.

And he's like, dude, what is this? What is happening? And I looked into it and I was like, I'll tell you what's going on with it. So I look into it. These are a couple of the members and their criminal history. So

I believe it's the president. I won't even go over their titles. I'll just say what they did. So one guy took an 18-month-old and smashed its head into tile on the side and on the front so that there was bruising on the side of its face and the front of its head. And then shook it so hard that it tore brain material apart.

burst its retina so that there was retinal bleeding and something else. And then called 911 and said that it had just fallen down some carpeted stairs to which the medics and stuff and the doctors were like, no, no, this is from trauma. And the child died five days later. They also found scalding marks on his butt. So he boiled the baby. Not like, oh, I accidentally dunked it in a hot bath. He boiled the baby's butt.

So that's one guy. Another guy went into a bar, shot two or three people, and then the third or fourth guy was trying to render aid. He was a doctor, and he executed him and then made a whole bunch of jokes about it on his way to and from trial. Another guy murked a guy in the middle of an alleyway.

This will be interesting. Enjoy the bleeps for this one. Another guy broke into a Colorado teacher's house and grape-drinked the shit out of her for three hours while tying her up for three hours. Grape-drinked the shit out of her for three hours and suffocated her over and over again with a pillow. And then the creme de la creme of this entire group is their quartermaster, who...

In 82, got caught for child-graping, drinking a child. 1980, and then went to prison. 1987 or 89, got caught again for grape-drinking a child, and then went to prison. And then in like the 20-somethings, like 2017, 2015... For grape what? Grape-drinking. Grape. Yeah. Children, on two separate occasions. And then in the 20-teens, the late teens, I think it was...

the police went to this guy's father's home where bad guy and bad guy's brother are staying. So bad guy, bad guy brother are staying in this house with their father. It's the father's house. Police go there because they're like weird smells are coming from the house and neighbors are complaining. They're like, oh, get ready for a dead body. 92-year-old dad is in his reclining chair, stuck to the seat, alive, filled,

composted almost with soil because he soiled himself and like skin peeling off of him stuck to the couch like almost dying well dying they remove him go through the house they get brother and bad guy in custody and find out that bad guy who like I already said

gave grape drink to two separate children on two separate occasions and was arrested for it. They find a whole bunch of child videos and children's underwear in his house. These are all people that the VFW were like, it's a great idea. They're veterans. We need to respect their veteran status and give them a VFW post. I'm going to pass. Yeah. I'm going to have a controversial opinion. Not great. Not great. So...

positive out of this is after bringing light to the situation um well not so positive at first the colorado vfw responded with a facebook post and the facebook post was we stand by our veterans and these people need help and assistance in coming back into the community into the once a veteran always a veteran it's the assistance of bullet like

So they stand by this and they support it and they're like, doesn't matter what charge you have, you're still a veteran. Within like an hour, it got a couple comments underneath it that were like, you might want to recheck that statement. They remove it. Of course, I took a screenshot of it because fuck them. And I... Why fuck the VFW?

What would they have done in the last few months? They've done some things. I would say their headquarters might need some change. Change that seems like it has happened, which is good. I think more change needs to happen in the VFW headquarters, especially because... Anyone in particular you'd like to say needs to be changed? What's that fucking Italian guy's name? Oh, it's like... Oh my god.

Hold on. Hold on. I gotta find his stupid- We're holding. I gotta find his dumb name. Hold him with painted breath. There it is. Come here. What's your name? No, we're going to war with the VFW now, bud. You're already dead. Ryan Guaducci, the Gooch.

Probably needs to go. But anywho, so, you know, after one, telling the VFW to maybe not make fun of a veteran with a sign, a guy who's helped out veterans for a long time, and should probably say you're sorry, which they haven't yet, inappropriate. I would really like to see them say that they're sorry. Me too. I would probably not pick on you as much if you just admitted your mistake. What's that called? Accountability? Accountability. Integrity? Yeah.

Aren't those supposed to be synonymous with demographic of people that we're talking? Veterans? Oh, yeah. God, if only. So besides shitting on Veteran with a Sign, one of the most nicest people ever in the world, they decided that they would set up this fantastic VFW in a prison with child touchers, grape artists, and murderers, and then double down on the grape industry.

creators and the murderers in a Facebook post, then remove the post. The guys won because as of recently, they removed that post from the prison only because there weren't enough members in it after they decided at that moment, after having a year, a year of being around.

They decided that some of the members didn't qualify to be members because of some of the actions that they took and not even the actions that they took, that they didn't complete their time in service, meaning the time they were given for the charges. So their time in prison, their prison sentences, right?

So not that they are grapes, grapers, not that they are murderers or child viewers of the bad videos. No, no, no, no, no. That they didn't finish their time. They decided that they had to remove those members. And then, well, then there weren't enough members to create a VFW. So they closed it. So the VFW didn't stop having a prison post because of the bad people in it.

They said they stopped having a post because the membership was no longer enough to substantiate a VFW post status, which to me sounds like you still want Grapers in your ranks, which sounds kind of dumb. Only a lot. Dear God, Cody's on this podcast. Hey, buddy. How you doing? Hi, everyone. Welcome to the unsubscribe podcast.

BFW is great. Dude, they have a very good optic and how to capture it and then really reflect on everything. When they bring in everyone, they bring in everyone. Individual posts are phenomenal and they do a lot of good things.

But the headquarters, I believe, for some states and just the overall headquarters, has made some bad decisions that I think normal people would say need to get you removed. Right, Ryan? Gallooch? Pretty much any time you go to war with one of our friends that I usually feel like one of our friends is pretty level-headed in one way or the other. And if they're not, we can usually tell the difference. That's probably me. But, like...

If you go to war with them, it's like you go to war with all of us. I really hate that shit. Yeah. Well, it's common sense. It is. You can tell the optic running a business, not the easiest fucking thing. And then having the idea of how social media works. Social media is this multifaceted.

that you have to be so careful with. You can't just shit out stuff and be like, it's gonna work great. That is one example where you have like, I guarantee what happens is like, I'm in charge of this. I will trust this individual to do this one thing and they're gonna fucking hammer it. And then they don't talk and they're like, bro, I got all, I reformed a prison system. And you're like, that sounds great. We're helping felons that served our country.

because it might in their head is probably is probably at a low level. This is going to crush it. This is great. And then that information gets turned back to the top and they're like, so we were funding great best child players and everything bad. And they're like, whoa, whoa. No, this is that guy. We made fun of him. Not that guy. He, he said one tweet, not about us.

Did you ask him first? That guy hates veterans. Yeah, that guy. Wait, why didn't you talk to him first? Like in a closed proximity, why don't you have a conversation piece? Nick. Why would we do that? I got a question for you. Go ahead. You like fucking kids? No. You'll do... You'll do... Jesus, fuck. Never done it. No, I don't like it. You're not gonna... Never slam my dick in a car door. No, I won't like it. And you're not gonna like the VFW. Jesus Christ.

Oh, just everyone woke up and chose violence. Come for the wood paneling and the cheap drinks. Leave for the awkward supportive. Please don't talk about us today. They're so angry. Why are they so angry on today's episode?

Cuz it's who wants to talk about FEMA. Yeah fat five Fangry and Furious. Oh no war. I owe people. Holy shit. Do we already talking about? What they do now

Those pores in that ball they kick around. Well, they always got to be setting fire to stuff inside the Coliseum that they're playing in when they're just kicking a ball and screaming. It don't make no sense. Why can't they just be friends? You know, the people on the fields are spying. They just fall over whenever there's a cool breeze. But everybody in the fans stabbing the shit out of one another.

Okay, anger, anger, anger. Because they're brown. You know what we're excited for? The murder rate of El Salvador. Google that and then fucking tell me. One for one. They got a really good KDR. KDR? Kill death ratio.

Oh, it is KD. Why did R sound? KD. KD is why. Okay. KD. Sorry. I was like super confused. Didn't it used to be KDR? Or is that like a... It's the same thing. It's a different... We just say KD. Different timeline. Mandala effect. It's Mandala effect. Yeah. No, it's fine. KD. What?

I'm from the timeline where dog poop used to turn white after a while, but it doesn't anymore so that's new that's new the a is new I know the a is new you know what's a positive thing so we can not fight for a second it did we didn't fight yeah sorry I tried to do it we didn't fight no fuck you no fuck you have you seen this look at me

Nick and I are trying to talk about dog shit right now. When you were a kid, when you were a kid, did the dog poop turn white? Yeah. It doesn't turn white anymore. They patched it. Yeah. You remember fucking lick that white dog shit? They patched it. They patched the dog poop turning white. I'm not that poor. Then what did my dad make me eat last week? Wait, holy shit. What the?

What happened? I don't know! It still turns white. No, it doesn't! Yeah, you just don't leave it out as long. No, I've never seen a white dog turd. Well, there's a scene in Step Brothers where he says, lick that white dog. Yeah.

I'm from the white dog poop timeline. I don't know what happened. You're just really good at picking it up fast enough. No, I'm not. I never pick out my dog's shit. It never turns white. That's the most white trash thing I've ever heard in my life. I never pick out my dog's shit. You're that neighbor. I have watched Heartland from George Strait. I know that chicken shit turns white at the top. Not anymore. Nope.

Chick-fil-a? How do you spell it? I hate this. We'll just talk about the fucking happy times that are happening Sunday when we all get shit wrecked and then do an episode afterwards. Back when the dog poop turned white. I mean, yeah. We're going to a... Wait, who's wearing lederhosen? I gotta buy some. If they're still available, I gotta buy some. We're buying some for the episode right after. You're shitting me. You don't want to wear lederhosen? It's my people's garb, sir!

Our peoples? I know your Nana. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, Brandon, you can wear a fucking sombrero. That's actually pretty fair. Which, by the way, if you guys want to go see Oma. Is she here? No. She is not here, but we would have to go fly out to see her. Is she trapped in the hurricane? She's not, thank God. Oh, God. If she was in a tree, I'd have been like. She's down to hang. Oma's down. We're excited for this.

Don't give her that face. Stop picking on Brandon today. I don't like the way that he said grandma's name is down to hang and she's a German in the South. Don't you talk German in this. What? There's a lot of... Brandon, pick on me. You got it. You got it. I'm going to watch Beer Fest now, dude. Beer Fest. Good movie. With a grandma in there. You guys could probably...

You guys probably get the broken lizard guys on here. At least one or two of them. I feel like we can. We've hung out with them before. Yeah, at NASCAR. When we got kicked out of the fucking box. You got kicked out of the box at NASCAR? How the fuck do you get kicked out of a box? We were sitting there with Richard Petty and fucking... The guy, the bicycle guy.

Lance Armstrong. The bicycle guy? I mean, that's actually the nicest way he could have introduced himself. It's either Pee Wee Herman or Lance Armstrong. Yeah, we fucking, we stole a bottle of Jack Daniels and we were just like slamming it. Weird, you got kicked out. Yeah. You guys didn't like, you guys didn't like tie a loose knot and have somebody think it was a noose, did you? Not from the box. Okay. I was like. Well, fucking, we're with Texas Dave and Texas Dave called Lance Armstrong a bitch.

And then we started slamming this bottle that we found. We found. Acquired? Acquired. We acquired somewhere. And then Lance Armstrong, yeah, was talking to us. And then Richard Petty was talking to us. And they just didn't want us there anymore. Swally's not here. Richard Petty was there? Yeah, dude. Really? They just didn't want you there? What the hell is this? What did you do? Nothing happened. There seems to be one. Brandon, did anything happen? I wasn't there, dude.

Okay, it's okay. The cameras won't catch that. It's fine. I just like it's like nothing happened. This is how many events I've been kicked out Nothing happened. This is the most athletic thing I've ever seen Are we what what was that for? This is the most white trash house. Wait, we don't have towels Oh, probably not. That's probably a good. Don't worry. I've been to college before I know how this goes Give me some it's getting closer to the mic. Hold on. Hold on my first

What's this? It's a mop head. It's a mop. It's a mop. Jake's fucking power thinking. He's like mop head. Yep. Anyways, Richard Petty and Lance Armstrong were really cool. And the Broken Lizard guys were cool too. They were there. So I got to meet the Super Troopers for the first time. It was a great time. We didn't do anything. They just wanted you to leave. Yeah. I'm not shitting you.

I don't believe any of it. I don't believe that either. This sounds like my kid talking to me right now. All of a sudden, I did nothing. I was watching TV and then Sarah came up to me and she had a knife out of her eye. I don't know what happened, Dad. She just said, there's a knife in my eye. And I was like, what did you do? Be careful. We need to tell Mom and Dad right now because they need to know. And she was like, yeah. And then she started crying. That's what it sounds like. It sounds like you made up all that shit.

Okay. What happened? I got pictures, dude. No, I'm serious. I've got still images with no audience. I've got still images of you. You said it was the golf cart where you're just like, oh, well, we acquired a vodka. Yeah, this dude on the golf cart was driving by with a bunch of Jack Daniels on the back of it. And I was making a joke and I went to grab one. And I looked at him and he made eye contact with me. And he went and just shook his head. Yeah. And I grabbed one. And we went back into this box.

And fucking Richard Petty and Lance Armstrong was in there. And so we all just started drinking out of this bottle. Did Lance have any? No. Pussy, I blame him. Yeah. Well, like I said, Texas Dave. He's got no balls. He was too busy selling bracelets. One.

Yeah, and we were just drinking in this box. We're going to have a really fun story by the end of the month. It was like the fucking, it was the wives of the people that bought the box. I didn't even know them. I don't even know how we got into this fucking box. I probably just wandered in there. That's weird. You got kicked out so far. Yo, motherfucker. I'm in Portland. Cody, I love it.

I don't even know where he got here. So a dude was driving by with his golf cart thing and me and another dude made eye contact so I grabbed that bottle. So then we all start drinking, Lance Armstrong and us. Did Lance drink? No. You're like, how does the story go, my friend? Well, Ricky Bobby kept telling him to turn left and then he tried to shake and bake. But...

My old Spice car. And then we got asked to leave. Yeah, they fucking kicked us out. I don't know. I think it was Black Rifle's car. So, like, they were supposed to be there. Okay. However. That makes more sense. Everything that happened after that was a little foggy. It was a little blurry. Did you show them your purple heart? You could have probably stayed if you would have showed them that you're a purple heart or something. I just looked over. It's right there. Are you not proud of it? Are you ashamed of your purple heart, Brandon? I don't even notice that right now.

That's why I spilt the White Claw. I was trying to make sure that he was embarrassed. God damn it. It's just... I'm not ashamed of you guys. It's so... You guys are the best thing that's ever happened to me. However... Yep. That's a little rough. It is like... It's just...

God, it's such a dick move when you're apart. It's beautiful. I know. It's just like, what's the ultimate gag gift that also he can't throw away? Oh, did you just call the Purple Heart a gag? You know what I mean? Like, what's the worst thing I could possibly give him that he morally and ethically can't get rid of? Herpes. He has to look after it for the rest of his life. The only thing I would love. A child. Pepsi. I just, can we like,

Can I give you some advice right now? Which one? Before anything happens, get a post-it note.

put it on the inside of that thing and be like, this was a gift. It was not mine. Otherwise your great grandkids are going to find this somewhere and they're going to start Googling. And they're going to, my grandpa Brandon got a purple heart and then, Oh my God, he got a medal of honor and he fucking fought in world war two. I will do you one better. The one thing I want to know is like who, what is the name of the person that this belonged to? Nope.

You just deny me that? You! Give me a first name. Give me a first name. Whose Purple Heart is this? Okay, I'll give you a hint. No, I didn't ask for a fucking hint. Alright. He is... He is Hispanic. The Boomerang.

Please tell me it's another man named Brandon Herrera. So the guy's name is Hispanic. Great. That narrows it down to a third of the population. His last name is Jose. Last name? Yep. His first name is No Way Jose.

I hate that bad joke, but I love it so much. It's so bad. I had it set up in my mind. That defiled this Purple Heart more than I ever could. That was the grossest shit I've ever heard. This is the grossest thing you've ever received? Yeah, you making that joke. That was so bad. Nice try, buddy. You're still keeping it. It's right there. You just gifted... It wasn't gifted. It's not a gift. Wait, Brandon, where are you putting that at your house? It was bestowed upon you.

If I know whose it is, I will put it in my office. No shit. Here we go. We'd say offline? No. I'm not telling you shit. Jesus Christ. See, now I'm throwing the ball in your court. Until I die. I'll never tell you. Can I take that one and give Brandon mine? If you want to. Oh, boy. Now Brandon's like, fuck. He has to put it in his office. It's like a Pokemon card. God damn it, I hate this stuff. He's giving you a Charizard for your Jigglypuff.

I will put it in the background of my videos. I'll put it up on the gun wall. I'll raise that bet. Okay, Rich, you can... I'll put this on the gun wall in the back of my videos.

You're gonna do it anyway because that was bestowed upon you from a veteran. Nope. Oh, so you don't respect the veteran that gave it to you? I need to. I can't believe you guys. I don't know his name. I don't know his real. I don't know his real. I don't know. Oh, look at that. Just Google what a real one and what a fake one looked like. You're not gonna give him the letters that came with it? That's pretty fucked up if you're not gonna give him the letters that came with it addressed to him. I'm trying to honor the veteran. Yeah. Sounds about right. That sounds right. That sounds right for me. Rich, I am trying to honor the veteran who gave this to me.

I don't feel like that. This is the cheap ploy in order to get more information. And I believe that this young man who wanted me to give it to you. This feels like a really fucking shabby. That felt like a fake Purple Heart to me. Oh, call it a fake Purple Heart. Just to be clear. Go ahead. You have letters from a veteran and a Purple Heart recipient addressed to Brandon and you won't give them the letters? Correct.

Interesting. That's a bold strategy. Oh, I'll give him the letter. I'll give him the letter that's addressed to him. You should work at the VFW with that kind of attitude. Jesus. Oh, I'm not. Are you a b****? What the f***? The VFW would give that to you if you were. You're not giving him the letters? Oh, no. I feel like this has been a really bad defense so far.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You guys want something that I have and I'm not giving it up. Address to him. This is the first time I felt this way since I lost my virginity at 23. This is great. It was apparently for me. I'm tempted to call the... It's for you on behalf of the work that you and Unsubscribed have done. What's that? Feels different than my purple heart.

You're more than welcome to pull out your Purple Heart and compare it. And if it's fake, then it's fake and you can do whatever the fuck you want with it. That's totally fine. I'm telling you right now, I'm telling you right now that the honest to God truth of that is that I received it from a veteran who said that at...

It was to be given to you from him. And you have to listen to you. It's a natural layer. He's like, I got this. And it's just a... You have supporting documents that you want to release. In order to honor said veteran, I offered to put that in the background of all of my videos from here on out. That's honoring it, putting it in the background of a fucking YouTube video? That's it? To show how much it means to me. Ooh. I feel like that's a bad take, VFW. Mm-hmm.

You're trying. You're really trying. I don't feel like that works. Dude, I have no skin in this game. You have letters addressed to him that you won't give him. No, I said I'll give him the letter to him. Oh, yeah. No, you did not say that the previous four times I asked. Hold on. Just for the record...

All right. I got to make something clear here. All right. There are things that I'm not sharing on this podcast intentionally. Oh, but you'll give him the letters after that. I will give you. Yeah, privately. I'm fine with that. No, no, no. Hold on. I will give you some of the things that I got. So this is like a FOIA request where you're going to hit that bitch with a black Sharpie and be like, you can't know this. You can't know this. Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Horseshit. I don't care. Horseshit.

Fine. The government right now. I feel very comfortable with you saying that I gave you a fake Purple Heart and I'm like, no, I didn't. Did the person who gave that? It's funny because Purple Heart and the Purple Heart. Did the person who gave that know that that's what you were going to do with it? Give it to you? He gave it to me to give to you. Did he give you letters addressed to him to give to him? Yes. Yeah. Did he know that you were going to redact the fuck out of him? So one of them.

I said it. I said it. I'm being nice and not putting his name out there because I don't want him to get any blowback for what he did because the Purple Heart community is... He made... God, I don't want to say too much because I don't want to get him in trouble. He made... Hold on. He rewrote with Photoshop a Purple Heart award.

for you that's awful like he like he rewrote a purple heart award and said you know it's it's it is the cut out of a purple heart certificate i guess you'd say you know that has like you know given to blah blah so and so and you're on there so and there's two versions of it that he gave me you'll get them both one you're not getting you're not getting the letter that he gave to me you're getting you're getting everything else that letter addressed to

Well, there's a portion that's to me, and then there's a portion that's to Brandon. Now, when the letter starts and it says, Dear blank. Who's blank? Okay, if you want the whole story. No, I just want the one word that I asked for. He just wants the answer. Dear who? He gave me two letters, one addressed to me and one for Brandon. Okay, you're giving him the one that says Brandon? Yeah, I'm giving him the one that says Brandon. Unredacted? Yeah. Okay. Absolutely. Good. Yeah. I've got nothing to hide. This is mine.

okay i've got nothing to hide as he spends 10 minutes trying to hide but okay i'm the delivery guy but i'm also hey listen i don't know what you're gonna do you say this guy's name once and then i'm i'm more impressed this is what the life is gonna be i'm gonna say one quick thing and it doesn't do anything other than i never got a letter of why i got received a purple heart

What? Yeah, fuck you. Hold on. Elaborate. I never got anything. So you're just guessing. So his Purple Heart means more because he got a letter with it.

You're more official. I never got a letter from him. Settle down. They can hear your thoughts. So really, you think you know why he got it, but you're not sure. Well, I got shot. I know the day I got shot. Right, but like... Your award says that, though, right? This is in combat. Again, we were in theater. He has an idea of why he got shot. I have no... But we didn't go... There weren't like, here's a paper and everything. They were like...

I mean like when you read metal citations it's like private Eli Cuevas blah blah blah on this date. This is the one that I read a lot of. We're just guessing because you got shot. That was the letter that was given to you. Yeah, if you want. That or exploded. But I never was handed like for mine it was never that. It was documentation from the

This is what pisses me off and doing my videos. Cause it's always like, Hey, you said that, uh, you said that metals are shit. You said that Colonel so-and-so had a distinguished service cross or whatever. And I can't find the documentation for it. It's like,

Homie wore it in every fucking uniform he ever had. Here's an interview where he says he got it doing this. I can't find the certificate, so I don't fucking believe you. And it's like... Real quick. Best example of how medals work in the military. This is how I knew they weren't worth their fucking weight in gold was...

We were the front assault unit, a fucking majority in Baghdad. And then when we've seen another company getting awarded medals, four months to five months later, we were like, oh, okay. And then they started reading what they did. And we're like, wait, that's what we did. Why? No, it was like, wait, they're getting medals. Like we were so surprised.

Because they weren't in the action. They were on the fob the entire time. And then they went out to action. They had like three ticks total. We were doing that every other day. So we were hyper confused. And then our captain, or no, captain, first sergeant,

And Captain were like, hey, yeah, the medals are like a bullshit system. They put it in and then they just get approved. And that is how you get them a lot of the time. You guys were like, when the fuck did we get ice cream? Dude, we were so confused by that. We're like, I have very familial examples of people who like,

earned a certain medal but didn't get it because the paperwork was never filled out dude i i'll say your name jake trippett a big shout out to jake trippett this is doing felucia the push of felucia he like pulled i want to say uh dude got shot and then he pulled one of his buddy another dude was getting shot pulled him back ran out grabbed another pulled him back this is like in felucia heat of felucia

He was put in a Bronze Star. And again, this is during that push. This is like, we're being restrictive on Bronze Stars or any medals. So he is in the shit. The shit. He is attached to a Marine. He's a Navy corpsman. And he is doing this. And they're like, hey, you're not getting this medal because you didn't return fire. That was literally...

The record of why he did not get a Bronze Star with V-Device is because he did not return fire. He was running out enemy fire and pulling people out of gunfire that were injured. And that was the write-off of why he never got anything.

I was like, holy shit. There is a pretty weird because when you go to medic school, they don't really teach you to return fire. They teach you to run it, run your ass out there, put a tourniquet on at the tourniquets necessary. Otherwise, get that motherfucker out of there as quickly as possible. Covering at no point in my training was I ever told, hey, return fire.

Need to play this tourniquet real quick hold on the amount of times that I've seen medics throw grenades and the NFL Let me tell you we're down for it. I would give them the sniper rifle just like Cheers a saw just like in Shit, what was that really bad EOD movie Call of Duty? No hurt Locker her locker her locker where a random guy goes on to a scope and

With a 50 kale and dots a dude. Hey, don't talk about Hawkeye like that. Dude. I think that's every veteran's worst movie. You're the only Hawkeye I know. Dude. God, I have no interest. I have the worst movie ever made for military men. I used to think that. I used to think that. I had a really awkward conversation with a dude that was EOD in like 03.

And he's like, that movie is actually pretty fucking realistic. He's like, everybody shits on it because it seems unrealistic to you. He's like, you have to realize EOD guys in 2003 and 2004, 2005, they're

wild west he's like we did yep whatever the fuck we wanted and nobody challenged us on it because we had such a high turnaround because so many dudes were dying doing that job so my my flip side to that argument is when you see an infantry unit deployed and they leave their humvee running the eod element walks up and like this humvee's unintended with their 50 cal and

the back where are they and then look oh they're they are they're inside this house no unit i've ever met it's like leave the vehicles with the heavy mounts unattended in the streets we're gonna take these houses and secure the area you know what we tell our 50 cal shooters and the drivers hey stay the in the vehicle don't move

We will secure the area for everything else. Never dismount because if we dismount it, we're in a house and then... I almost said... The bad guys are in the 50 cal aimed at the building that we're about to dismount and they light us up. It's a bad day. I'm not saying every person. I'm just telling you what the dude that did it in 2003 told me. I saw it as more of a...

an amalgamation of a bunch of individual stories put together as one guy, because we definitely got a safety briefing about a dude that went off post to go hit a brothel.

And also a dude that went off post to do some Superman shit and hold a guy hostage that he thought was a bomb maker or some shit. Rewind, stop, pause. Okay, how many... How many people do you know would just hold fire for a dude to break through all the security barriers? No, I'm not saying all the... Yeah, yeah, that's where you're like... No, no, no. That guy walks up with a gun and does this and you're like...

Oh boy, we'd be shot at the 300 yard line. We've done that multiple. I had a guy that was running a checkpoint onto a post or FOB overseas and I deployed them as my second tour. And he was like the rifleman that was like out in front and the car like stopped and wasn't like doing the correct directions to get through to go at this checkpoint.

And it was a V-bed. It was a V-bed. And he was just like, oh, fuck. And I grabbed the guy and just started beating the shit out of him and drug him out of the car and started beating the shit out of him. And he was like, because he was like trying to detonate it as he was like, you know, up against the car like, oh, my God. And he kept his hat. He like...

Like the first time he told me, he was like, yeah, I beat the shit out of this guy. He was going to detonate. It really fucked me up. But I still have his hat. It's at home. I've got my hat. I got his hat at home. I beat the shit out of him and we arrested him and he got interrogated. But I've got his hat. I keep that hat. Then I'm like...

It's the small things. Yeah. Can I show you guys something? I'll send this to the editor so you guys can see it too. I really hope it's your wiener unedited again. It's not very big. Pull me once. Anyways, I get sent a lot of shit to my email of like, everybody's just like, here's my funniest story in my whole military career. And one of the best ones I've ever gotten was like, hey, here's all the pictures of my scout sniper platoon. We bought...

mascot-grade beaver costumes and we're running around in Iraq with .50 caliber Berets with fucking beaver costumes on.

How do you terrify a- Dude! Dude! That's a side-off. Dude, in 50 years, that is why we won the war. Why were you terrified of the Empedels? They walked in beaver costumes and did not care. They were murking us with beave costumes. Boosies is coming. Boosies is here. Boosies is here.

I've said it before. Holy shit. You know that was the Texas unit. They were like, we're going to be Buc-ee's in Iraq, man. We're going to close it out. I've said it before. I think it was Wojnowski. One of my favorite things was it was clearing a sector and he goes to, it was a hard spot or whatever. He opens the trunk with a 12 gauge. He's like, pfft.

opens it again clears it opens it and there is a 300 pound v-pid at the back of the trunk that he just shot to open and he was like opens he's like like an awkward walk away oh we're gonna call eod and they're gonna ask why we opened this with a 12 gauge

I was like, bro, you just almost killed your entire fucking team right there. No big deal. When the V-Bid went off when I was overseas that I got hit with, I was sitting there and I was in the gunner's hatch chilling out in a Humvee, 240 Bravo and two guys in front. And we're both looking over at the front Humvee that's going out of this compound. And we're like, what's going on? Why aren't they leaving?

Oh, the gunner's yelling at somebody. I'm like, something's fucking happening. He's, oh, he just racked his 240. Something's fucking, boom. And then I was like, ah, and I pop up and the gun and I'm like, I racked my 240 and I'm scared. And we're all just like, are you okay? Are you okay? Yeah, that was fucking insane. It was awesome. Went out the first car. I go, they're jumping out of the Humvee. It's deadline. Everybody's live. Okay. And then it was like that, that, that, that, that. And they're like, what's falling around? And I'm like looking around. I'm like,

there's people meat. They're like, what? There's people meat falling on and around our truck. There's pieces of people. It's not our people. It's a, it's definitely an Arab because everything's hairy. And,

I said that. I said that out loud. Both statements coming from you. Yeah. It wasn't a joke. It was like serious. Like, no, I'm like, I'm breaking it down. Like, no, no, no. This is like skin from like the arm and thigh or a leg of somebody. Like, this is a fucking dude. And they're like, all right, beware for secondaries. And I'm like, okay. And then there wasn't. So we just kind of like toed at home.

And on that note, Cody. Everyone, thank you for joining the unsubscribed podcast today. I was joined by some of my best friends. Eli Double Tap, Fat Electrician. Angry Cop. I'm dumb. Brandon Herrera. He's got a purple heart.

Brandon, hold it up. Be proud of it. Don't be ashamed of it. Myself, Donut Operator. Please catch us on the After Show on Patreon. We're going to go into war stories. I'm going to pee real quick. RPP story. I don't know. It's fucking short this time because we did a very long podcast. We love you! I held onto that for six months and told nobody. I told nobody. I'll say this. Well, for one, I appreciate the commitment to the bit, but to whoever... It's not a bit! Somebody gave that to you from

That's what I fucking said. Fuck you. To whoever sent this, I am very thankful. I will actually put this in the back of my videos. Thank you so much. I appreciate you. Kisses.

We'll be right back.