179 - Donut Operator Exposes A Serial Killer & Comedy Is Back ft. Joe Hamric | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 179
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Hey, Fidelity. What's it cost to invest with the Fidelity app? Start with as little as $1 with no account fees or trade commissions on U.S. stocks and ETFs. Hmm. That's music to my ears. I can only talk. ♪

Investing involves risk, including risk of loss. Zero account fees apply to retail brokerage accounts only. Sell order assessment fee not included. A limited number of ETFs are subject to a transaction-based service fee of $100. See full list at fidelity.com slash commissions. Fidelity Brokerage Services LLC. Member NYSE SIPC. So you big honky man. You look like you got the mates. Have you inserted a zen into your foreskin? You served in the military. I did not. He's a veteran. Lindsey Graham's a huge fan of my son, if you know what I mean. God. That's what he says. Are we going to keep any of this podcast? No.

I didn't actually see you eat the Zen. I saw the Tata man thing, but you ate a Zen. I didn't. I thought it was a potato chip. We call it the Zen incident. You thought a Zen was a fucking potato chip? Okay, so she brought potato chips. You're doing great, bud. I know. Real quick, Chase, can we get that clip here? It's actually genetics. Yeah, it is. Unfortunate. Unfortunate.

But I do need to hear that. Why did you eat his end? I thought I was eating potato chips and I thought one fell off into a little cup. Oh, my dumb ass dropped a little chip in there. And I picked it up and I was like, ooh, that tato chip. And then I went...

So you didn't actually eat it, eat it. No, I took a bite of Nick's spit. Oh, yeah. Essentially. Have you ever had one break up in your mouth? Oh, yeah. It's disgusting. Like numbs everything? Yeah. It's pretty awful. That was... Have you tried to shove one in your dick hole? Only once. Yeah. Zen? Yeah. No. Only a three milligram. Six is too much. Six is a lot. Matthew McConaughey, it's, what are we doing? Docking. Docking.

Fucking uncircumcised, uh, Zin docking. Oh, yeah. That's on ESPN The Ocho, I think. That is the most unhinged thing I've ever thought of, but just, like, I'm imagining some chick just, like, pulling back an uncircumcised foreskin and just having four Zin pouches underneath. Is she going to give a blowjob? What?

She fills it back before fallout, covered in goop. I've never personally seen God, but I assume that's probably what it feels like. It would help her focus. I think too, so that would be...

I don't even think we can open the podcast like this. He says those are there for you, sweetie. Yeah. I've got a surprise. Just pop one. Yeah. Pop one or two of those in. Oh my god. It's like a shitty tiger's mane. Or a lion's mane. It's like the couples when they fucking share a gun. It's like a Smashing Pumpkins album is what it sounds like. Foreskin's in. It's a metal band. Urban Dictionary named the Skinsons. Oh my god.

That's maybe a new podcast, actually. Anyway. People are going to do it to look actually. Now that I think about it, I have an uncircumcised penis. And zins. Access to zins. I'm going to do it. It burns all the time. How did you invent a new STD? Well...

Monkeypox was going around the DNC, so we couldn't be undone. Outdone, rather. No, I think this is going great so far, guys. That's exactly why I came here. You're like, this is a good one. Pick up this one. We're going to pop it in three. Three, two, one.

Hi everyone, welcome to the Unsubscribe Podcast. I'm joined today by Eli Dobletap, Joe Hamrick, one of the funniest people on Instagram. On Earth. Brandon Herrera, myself, Donut Operator, and I appreciate you being here, Joe. What? Just, I said on Earth. You said on Instagram. Okay, on Earth. The funniest person on Earth. One of the, yeah. No, okay, funniest. Have you inserted a zen into your foreskin?

Answer in the comments below. Smash that like and subscribe button and stay tuned for next week. It just came up, so I... Literally. No, I will be. That eye contact was vicious. Get ready, bud. You should have chosen another seat. I'm getting all hot and bothered.

That's Brandon C. This is going to be a good one. I was like, okay, where do we even start on this? It was a good lunch. We had to hold off on some of the stories because per usual, uh,

We're eating. And then he's like, whoa, is that a good podcast story? Like, yeah. Hold on to that story for now. Hold on. Now I forget what story it was. Oh, there's plenty. Trust me. I think we're going to, we're not going to have any shortage. We'll be fine. It's the, it's the, so it's the one military story that I have. Oh yes. So you served in the military. I did not. He's a veteran for four years. Sure. Yeah.

How does it feel? How does what, the Zenz in my foreskin? Being forced into, Joe is now in the military. You can document his military service. Thank you, gentlemen. This is an actual thing that does happen. At ease? I'm not sure. Brandon's like, I can tell you. Everybody assumes I've been in the military. And then Eli made it official where he forced valor upon me on a Veterans Day episode. And ever since then, it's been a running joke with the podcast. And I fucking hate it.

AI, ChatGTP will say he's in the milk chat. What? ChatGTP? GPT? GDP? Now I don't even know. GED? But if you search up Brandon Herrera on ChatGBT, it shows him in a plate carrier with like dog tags. Like we've switched AI. It's a running joke. Like AI is going to save him. You are the leader of humanity. We've gaslit Skynet.

We have to kill Brandon first. He is the leader of the US military. He has five congressional medals of honor. The most dangerous man on the planet. We're like, damn it, I hate my friends so much. Friends like these. Right. Don't need any of these. Thank you for coming out. We're fucking stoked to have you. Doing great, man. I'm excited to be here. Dude, yours, I probably speak for all of us. So when your content came across my page organically, I was like...

Wow, he goes fucking hard and that is a lot coming from anyone sitting at this table. We do, we get hard all the time. You and your son. Yep, me and my son get super hard. Some of us more than others, you know what I mean? I'm a little bit older, so I don't get quite as hard as he does. He's 16. That's so much worse. He's underage, so it is okay. It's fine. Hi, OJ. How you doing, buddy?

Are you at the DNC this week? But anyways. Yeah, right.

No, I think I was one of the first people to find old Joe here. And I was like, dude, we have to have him on. We got to talk to him a little bit because his content is so fucking funny. I've never seen your content. He posted it in the unsub chat, the host chat. And I was like, okay, I've never heard of this guy. And like no shit a week later, it came across my feet organically. I'm like, oh, I get it. Yeah. Chase put one up of his...

ones you can put up that doesn't get us flagged. Today, in honor of Chinese New Year, we'll be making sushi. What the f*** are you wearing? You look like a geisha. You look like you're trying to stop geishan hate. This is drip, bro. Yeah, post-nasal drip. You're bringing much dishonor to our family. Don't copyright. Yeah, that's gonna be tough. Don't copyright. You flagged this episode. You pulled the revenue. There we go. Making the money here. How to make unsubbed podcast-level revenue with one easy trick. Instantly sued. F***.

It's fine. Man, fuck that joke. You guys are doing the Lord's work. I appreciate it. Thank you. Well, we're doing work. It feels sacrilegious to call it the Lord's, but... Well, here we are. I don't think it's going to be on the top of the list of good things we've done.

We do good things with the podcast. It still represents a shit show altogether. It's a shit show. So what, how long have you been doing the content for now? Um, gosh, that, that particular content, the, the single dance kitchen we've been doing for two years, maybe two years, two years, but for about four something years or so, my friend and I, uh, Joey Thompson had been doing, um, comedy content, um,

So he's, he's got a, he's got a couple of characters that I actually started writing for probably right around COVID right around COVID. And then he started putting me in the videos and then it just kind of, here we are. I just went to shit and I'm here with you gentlemen. Yeah. It's a dream come true. A lot of us did blow up around COVID. Everyone's at home bored. And so like, let's write some goofy shit. Cause we're sitting at home. I had been a struggling content creator for years before COVID. Same. Yeah. Yeah.

It's so it's, and if you weren't afraid to like go out in public and do stuff at that time, I mean, people loved it. We would film some stuff out in public and people were like, Oh shit, what, what are you doing? We're not guys. So docking. And then we had to tell you about this Zen trick. Then we had the docking videos and that's when it really blew up. That was a, that was probably about two years busy before, before Zen. Before Zen.

Hey, Eli! Whatcha doing? I'm filing taxes. Well, that's not what my taxes look like, but either way, I'm here to talk to you about ExpressVPN. Why are you here? Oh, I see you're using incognito mode. Did you know incognito mode won't hide what kind of taxes you're filing? What do you mean? It doesn't matter what mode you use or how many times you clear your browsing history. Your internet service provider can still see every website you've ever visited.

Do you want people to know these are the kinds of taxes you're filing, Eli? Wait, are you in my house? What makes you ask that?

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That's expressvpn.com slash unsub to learn more. Well, going back, if you want to feel awkward, I guarantee everyone at this table will say the same thing. Filming in public, like, it is the weirdest thing. And it is not easy to get. The first time I had to do it, TV show. Fuck it, bro. I was like, huh? At least then you got, like, big TV cameras and shit like that. Like, that feels legitimate, quote unquote. Filming on one of my least favorite.

things is filming in like an airport if we had to do like example for example pushing the unsub live shows i was in the denver airport and i was walking around like a fucking douchebag filming a last minute plug like hey guys come see our live shows which by the way we're doing again and uh just like we are like we're doing a live show come see us these dates and i'm walking around and i'm just seeing like fucking normal people getting annoyed at me i'm like i would be you

I don't I didn't mean to be doing this like who's that douchebag right there fucking right? Yeah, have you done you've done? Dude, I remember the the giveaway. Well, you've never have it Yeah, you vlog and then give the giveaway where you were giving money where you just were being nice and that My highest bombing video of all time yes, yeah that one that one I

The Dungeons and Dragons thing in public? Yeah, Dungeons and Donuts. Yeah. I thought that was going to work out. You know, sometimes you just got to have a couple.

pieces of shit videos before you get on something good. Shocking that a Dungeons and Dragons video was not popular. Yeah, I'm personally shocked. Oh my god. But it was like a Mr. Beast style, like giving away money in public. Sure. You know, that sort of crazy kind of... The modern content that people try to do nowadays. I didn't think it was a bad video. Mr. Beast without, but you didn't like f*** kids or anything. Jesus Christ. I thought of a retarded idea that didn't work out completely at all.

all and you changed four lives like yeah yeah so i gave twenty thousand dollars away to random people five thousand dollars a piece uh and we all dressed up as like you know wizards and like barbarians and stuff like that i'm sure they all paid their taxes yeah right but uh or their full names are good so yeah and you wrote them a cashier's check is that correct

Oh god, I hate this fucking video so much because it bombs so bad. As your attorney, since Jake's not here, don't answer any of those questions. Remain silent. Plead the fifth. We went to the Pearl downtown San Antonio and god, you guys really want me to talk about this? Absolutely. I fucking hate it. If it's embarrassing, I'm going to. I almost deleted the video the other day because I'm so upset about it. How many views did it get?

dude it was like a hunt like less than a hundred thousand it was bad you know everyone's like i wish i could do a hundred thousand video views on a video but for 20 grand and a full day of standing in the heat it's not worth yeah it's five dollars that's so yeah five math or excuse me five views per dollar yeah yeah i we went around to random people and we're like hey do you want to go on a quest with us and if they accepted the quest they got five grand

Cody got experience on, because I said something, I was like, oh, people's reactions, it's a lot harder to get people to interact or say yes to things than you think. And then immediately, when you walk up dressed in a medieval or a wizard and you're like, hey, what's up?

Donut the Wizard. You want to win a prize? And they're like, no. They walk away. In San Antonio, that's grounds to pull a gun. Yeah. I'm sorry I fucking brought you guys into that. I thought it was a good idea at the time. Sounds awesome.

It was so fun. I wish I had started it. I had fun. Do you want to try it again? It's like my biggest regret is not my son, it's that. God! It used to be John. It was a second, but now. Hi, John. Congratulations, bud. No, I honestly, I think part of it is because it was so fun.

different because it was your vlog channel like they had no idea what the fuck it was like it you know i feel like if you keep doing them if you kept doing them it would have been different but it was a dramatic shift of content should we go do that right now is the question no i'm not gonna it's 105 degrees out oh god we were done you can be dressed like a wizard in the pearl all by your lonesome faint

I had armor on. It was like plate armor. Oh, that's right. So you were the warrior. Yeah. And I was like, this sucks dick. Everyone was involved? Yeah. It was dumb, dude. I'm glad you guys jumped in. It doesn't sound great. It was fun. Dude, I will say the waitress though, the waitress had cracked butt because she was like, yeah, I'll do it, I guess.

And then she comes out and the other waitress said no. And she's like, you want to help? And she's like, no, it's not. No. She's like, oh, okay. Waitress does it. It's like, okay, here's $5,000. She's like, huh? Yeah. Wait, for real? Is it? Wait. Play money? Like, what the fuck? Yeah. I can. This is real money. Oh, they're going to be pissed that they said no to this. So she went back after her break. She's like, I made five grand.

Fuck you. I wish somebody would have recognized you. I'm retiring. If somebody recognized you, you're like, hey, oh my god, are you Donut Operator? Depends. Do you want five grand? Do you want to be in a fucking video? I'm a wizard.

I'm so sorry to rope you guys into that bullshit. So was there a quest or was it just they had to agree to it and then... Yeah, we set up more of the quests. It was dumb. It was like, go over there, kill the dragon, shit like that. We got a real dragon that cost $300,000. Yeah, that's fucked up. There's a lot.

Yeah, it's a big loss. Swing and a miss. Yeah, we had to borrow one from HBO. Rare miss for you guys. Yeah. Rare miss. My Mexican cousin, his name was Dragon. Dragón. He paid a white kid to stab him. Uno reverse. Take this, not if in Chaco. R.I.P. Dragón, though. It's worth it. 100,000 views. Totally worth it. So now, Eli, what's the most embarrassing video you've done? I don't even know.

Oh, Cody's video where I dressed up as a man. It's the same video. Damn it. I think that's my answer too. I wasn't even, I didn't even know about it, but I think now that knowing that you were associated, now that I'm somehow associated, that's actually mine as well. I think mine was, it was during COVID. I opened up a video where I needed to go to, like, I was making a joke about the lockdowns and I had to film in public in a Walmart during COVID where like security is already,

Crazy. With a fucking full-on Israeli gas mask with a Makarov shoulder holster and like a fucking jean jacket. That could have been taken two different ways. Well, North Carolina was an open carry state, so that was right in front of me. Gas mask! It was a little weird to see for an open carry state. Well, not during COVID is the weird part. Oh my god, you're right. Yeah, so everybody had masks, but I'm dead serious. I was standing in line because there were capacity limits and everything. Fucking COVID was crazy, but...

but doing the, uh, putting the gas mask on, I actually took it off beforehand. Cause like security was eyeballing me hard. Like, dude, this guy mixed the guns with the gas. I don't know, but there's like still 30 seconds of that in a video somewhere. Walmart security to be clear. Oh, I could have taken them. Well, I don't know, but these guys are pretty tough. That's what I hear. It's the cream of the crop. You get three or four of those 75 year old dudes.

You got a fight on your hands. I would have to hit them mildly hard to get away. Probably. Just push them. My hip. Just come back here, sonny. What about you? What was it like that first time when you were filming something like, okay, this is fucking weird. This is weird, but I'm going to do it anyways because the lulls. We did, it was during COVID, we did a male Kieran's videos, which none of you guys have watched. Appreciate it.

And we filmed in front of the Fuddruckers and in a couple parking lots and inside a couple places. I love how he's making the fact that we haven't watched it our skill issue. Well, here's the deal, guys. Do your research. You know what I mean?

I mean, I didn't travel 5,000 miles out here for nothing. You know what I mean? I don't think you traveled 5,000 miles. It was not 5,000 miles. It was a do your geography. Indiscriminate amount of miles. Do your research. You never do your research. Fuck. I'm glad we were able to turn that one around because that felt real bad for a second. It was a three on one though, to be clear. All right. So...

Yeah, we were filming out there and people were wearing masks and people were walking by us like, what the fuck? Because we wear these fluorescent vests, you know, like construction workers wear, sunglasses and all this stuff. It was, yeah, people were like, what the fuck are you guys doing? So if you guys have time, go watch it. I don't know. You guys are busy, but...

I feel like I watched one of those in preparation. Yeah, put one second of that video up. Whatever the worst one second is, put that up. Right here's where we busted. Oh, that's good. Anything over three, he copyright strikes us. Right. Right. I've actually got a stopwatch.

Did you, did you realize stopwatch in person for the edit? Yeah, that's right. That's exactly right. Did you realize though, if you're wearing an orange construction vest, you can go anywhere you want to. Yeah. And no one like, Oh yeah. People might question you, but normally you can just like, just walk through anywhere. Have you seen the one of the guys walk into the movie theater, like with a ladder, they're both carrying a ladder and they're wearing the construction vest. There's like, nobody says a word. Just like social hacking. Yeah. That's the military.

Dude, if you're carrying a clipboard or a wrench or anything and you're walking fast like you mean something. Serious look on your face like, I gotta go. I had so many naps that way in the military.

Yeah. If you're walking with a wrench and you just find a nice dark spot and just lay down and take a nap. I can't remember if it was you telling me or if I saw this somewhere, but like the guy who like duct taped his hands up under a fucking plane. So yeah, I worked in aircraft squadron for a while and C2 Greyhounds. And there was seriously like a couple of dudes walking

Who, if you get underneath the airplane, you lay down on the ground and you look like you're working, you like safety wire, like the little wires, your hands up there and just fall asleep. No one's going to question you because it looks like you're working. That's amazing. That's almost too much work to fucking... Right? You have a minute to go take a nap. It's almost like too much. If you're not tired enough, it's too much work, but...

I've had fire guard watch where I fell asleep during my shift and woke up like three hours later. I was like, I was like, oh shit. I was like, I just looked at the, I was like, I was like, I'm going to wake up. Habit. So I was like, okay, habit. Hey bud. And then the other guy's like, oh, you didn't wake me up. No, I was awake. So I just took everyone's shift.

Everybody just kind of side eyes you like, yeah, sure. Yeah. Like you were drooling. So you look super unusual. No one complains. No one's going to narc because they're like, I got to sleep through it. Fuck. Yeah, dog. I hope you do it again. Everybody else is asleep too. That's military. Were we all asleep? Yeah. Yeah. We don't talk about that, though.

Oh my God. So you got into it. When did you start doing content with your son? Uh, where you're like, okay, this is that. So the, yeah. So single dad's kitchen thing, it started off a way different than it is now. It started off as more of like a, we're actually cooking. We're actually making something. And it kind of devolved into just now we're just saying the wildest shit we could possibly think of. You'd like the first day of school shooter. Oh, snake. It smells like the river where Chinese people drown their newborn dog. It is fucking wild. It's,

Welcome to the unsubscribed podcast. My son's very patient. He allows us to call him gay and all kinds of stuff. But that's because he is. Well, can we talk about that in a little bit off air? Okay, yeah. Off air. But yeah, he's a very fun guy. Your son's going to hate that season 12. That was the most subtle dig I've ever seen. Not any more than, yeah. Your son's going to be like,

Only half a million people seeing that, Dad. Thanks. Thanks, Dad. OJ, come with me next time, bud. I asked you to come. Luckily, no women watch Unsubscribe. Is that right? Zero. It's like 2%. And every time I call it out, they get really upset. But come on.

Come on. This is like autistic men between 15 and 35. What, show? 4%? 4%. Oh, wow. 4 fucking percent. That's not bad. Show's one of the other three women or someone we don't know. I think you're not including like wives. Yeah. It's our girlfriends. Yeah. I think I've got 10%. So I got you guys beat. Oh, you have us beat by a fucking mile. We're very...

Female centric. Hey, tell your mom's friend Brenda that her yoga pants need to stop staring at my boner. I can tell by the language. Yeah. Yeah. It's always, it's always great. Dude. You're even, you're a big fan. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Speaking of gays and women. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I was going to, that's my, that's my joke is like, there's more beards here than fucking Lindsey Graham's after brunch Easter party. Yeah.

We didn't even have to mention Iran and Lindsey Graham's already in the conversation. Yeah. So back to your son. Sure. So you started doing, you're like, okay. Lindsey Graham's a huge fan of my son, if you know what I mean. God. That's what he says every time he's on there. Oh my God. Look at that mustache. He's so big. I don't actually think I was prepared for this. That's all right. He's very strong for his age. Lindsey Graham, not my son.

Very unfortunate for your son. It is. A lot of things are very unfortunate for my son, yeah. Especially right now. Sorry, bud. We'll see you next time. Yeah.

And this has been the Unsubscribe Podcast. Thanks for coming out. This has been amazing. We said that if you're funny, it'll go about two hours, but if you're not, you still owe us about 15 more minutes. I'll tack that on to... Holy shit. That was 30 minutes. That was a fast 30 minutes. That was 30 minutes? Yeah. That's what she said. I guessed. That's what she said? No, not to us. Jesus Christ.

Alright. So, you have a son. So anyway, Lindsey Graham and my son. Lindsey Graham's chasing my son around the table, right? And he's trying to grab him. And my son, he's pretty fast. My son's pretty fast. My son's pretty fast. And Lindsey Graham's getting a little bit older, so. So we thought about doing a thing where we did a... Obviously we know to catch a predator or whatever.

It's like a reverse to catch a predator where my son... To catch a miner starring Lindsey Graham? My son is like, yeah, hitting on... He's like, oh, hey, buddy. You got a nice smile. You need a better Lindsey Graham accent. Hey, buddy. Hey. You got a nice smile. You got a real nice smile. Okay.

We don't have any proof that Lindsey Graham is not Caleb's grandfather. Caleb and Lindsey Graham have never been in the same room together. That's all I got to say. He wishes. Hey, come over here, big boy. Hey, you gotta stop. You saw what they did in the Senate chambers the other day? You want to recreate it? I'm not...

Holy fuck. I got him to break. Yeah. I know. Like, reset, reset. Yeah. Whoa.

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So it started off. How about the medicine drinking and devolving? Yeah, so it started off and it was a lot more wholesome than it is now. If you go back and watch the first couple ones, it's actually kind of, you know. Structured. Watchable. Yeah, sure, watchable. It's very good. It wasn't quite as rapid fire insults to everyone as it is now. But now we're just hellbent on offending pretty much whoever we can. Good.

Sorry, Nick's not here. Good. That is one of the questions I had was when you're like, let's go harder and harder. Have you had pushback? We have an amazing community. Drink. I don't know what that is, but I'll do it. If I say that word. Community. What if you're talking about... Fuck. Fuck.

But we, everyone's very, we have, they're just fucking amazing. We can do what we want, say what we want. And they're like, ha, that's fucking hilarious. But you can say retard, whatever. No one fucking cares. And we put back into a good cause. We always try to give back. Cause for retards. Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

We put a lot of money up for that, you know? Yeah. To get that pass. Because if anybody believes in retards, it's us. You know what? Unironically. I believe in your guys' belief of retards. We appreciate that. Does that help? Thanks. Hey, you know what? You're the real hero. Yeah, check. Clip it. They say, you know, God gives his hardest battles to his strongest warriors. So. I hate that image in my head right now. Yeah.

It's a fact, guys. Everyone close your eyes and imagine that. It's a fact. God always gives his most chromosomes to his strongest warriors. That's what I've heard. That's part two. Oh, God. Why don't you give me a hundred battles? I actually stopped myself from making a joke. God gives his strongest grilled cheese to his strongest warriors.

Anyways, this heartiest grilled cheese. They need their protein. Well, that's not... They're pretty fucking strong, bud. I don't know if they need much protein. No. It says something strength. I don't remember what it was, but... Something... Yeah, it's... We'll get it by the end of the podcast. Yeah. Let me think about it. Might be a word we can't say. And haven't said 18 times in the last four minutes. 10 times, yeah. No, but they are strong. Yeah.

To be clear. Alright. So you were... What was the line where you... Fucking Connor just did a spit take. This is like just dad jokes and your comedic timing is fucking perfection. That reminded me of the fucking Wolf of Wall Street where they're talking about tossing the... Oh, yeah. Yeah. Just like...

Not just kidding, but like if we uh, if we sign this waiver and we consider them an act, they're not people, right? Are you fucking serious? Jesus. Thank you. That's what I came here for guys. Thank you for your service. Aiden, sorry about that, bud. I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry.

I'm not sorry. It wasn't you. It was the massive amount of cocaine he does. That's fine. He also slammed his head on the table I saw, so that probably didn't help. Did that actually happen? No. It didn't. Okay. That did not happen. I was like, well, I understand the nosebleed now. Yeah. Dude, your kid does not know when you're fucking with him versus being real. My son? Yeah. He just always assumes I'm fucking with him. That's healthy. But he does it back. He does it back worse to where sometimes I'm like, oh, fuck.

Dude, I bet your kid has... We've always said, like, John and our kids that we are raising, their humor is next level on how they even burn because they hang out with this group. And they learn a humor that is, like, combined 100 years of dark comedy, and we're forcing it into these children. Like, okay, I know... You're forcing it into these children. Yes. But we've talked about...

We've told you today I'm not winning. I mean, that was a bad... It was. That was on me. I got you on that one. I apologize. When John goes off to college, though. Oh, my God. Yeah, we're talking about when my son, he's, you know, he's... I've been raising him as a single dad for the past, like, 14 years.

And we talk about the tell-all book he's going to do, My Seven Retarded Uncles. Yeah. And when he goes off. And when he gets away from our friend group, which is comprised mostly his dad, like his dads are me, Brandon, Eli, like all of our friends. He's going to go off into the real world and try to hear the humor that people try to put down. And he's just going to be blown away like,

Oh, this is not how I grew up. Oh, we probably need to do everything we can to make sure that my son and your son don't join forces somehow. Oh, because that could be. Yeah, I would watch that buddy comedy. That's how World War Two started. Is that how World War Two started? Yeah. Are you serious? Is your son Asian by chance? Not as far as I know.

Cut to a picture. He's Asian. He is. 100%. A stock photo of an Asian child.

He's in a rice field. I'm like, I don't think he is. He looks white as shit. Welcome to the rice field, motherfucker. I didn't see any warning signs he might have been Asian. So I do have a funny story about that. So when he was little, there was a restaurant called Dragon Den, right? Why do you have a story for this? Well, I get a story for everything, my guy. That's why I'm here. So there was a restaurant called Dragon Den, right? It was an Asian restaurant. And so I would...

unfortunately he'd say, you know, let's have dragon for dinner. I would go, Oh, Oh, most honorable dragon den like that. And so he's a big, he's a big video game guy. And we went into a GameStop and,

And they had some kind of vending machine with little things in it or whatever. And the girl was like, oh, we were like, what's that? And she's like, oh, yeah, it's from China. And he was like, oh. He was like six. He's like, oh. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We'll talk about this when we get in the car. Oh, yes. Six-year-old doing ancient accents. It was not my proudest moment. Well, you know what? It was a proud moment. It was inconvenient. We make our sons roommates and they're just terrorists in the world because they're the same age right now.

It would be six year old just doing a Chinese accent. Fucking hilarious. He's that kid, man. Oh, I got to bring him. Oh, it's a Chinese vending machine. God damn it, man. God damn it. Where'd he learn that from? Oh, he watches a lot of TV. This is why dad doesn't take you places. Yeah, right. Go wait in the car. Turn it off. I'm going to bring him next time. The kid is, he's a lunatic.

That's why I was like, it would have been a fucking blast. Next time. Next time, guys. OJ, you're coming next time. After your dad talks to you about the gay thing. Yeah. My gay thing or yours? I don't know. It's not my gay thing. I'm very open about my gay thing.

Have I told John's biggest clap back to me? The Steam name thing? Oh, God. Have I told that on the podcast? Wait, I don't even know. I might have. I don't know. We're 172 episodes in. We are deep into it. Yeah. So far, yeah. As far as I can tell. I have one of the oldest Steam accounts. I started it the day that Steam came out. So it's like 20 years old now.

And I had John was wanting to buy some video games on it and he's playing video games on my steam account. And, uh, we were sitting all at, we're all sitting around at, at dinner one day and yeah, it was like four years ago. Yeah. Yeah. It was a couple of years ago. John was like 12 years old, something like that. And I, I'm just talking, like, I just threw something out at John and like, just talking shit about him. Just like, Hey, yeah, yeah, this, this. And he's like, well, at least my steam account isn't named after my dead girlfriend. Yeah.

Because 20 years ago, I was 16 and my girlfriend died in a car wreck and John just brought that up out of nowhere. Boink? Yeah, he was just like, at least my Steam account is named after my dead girlfriend, Dad. Blank face. I'm like, I can't even be mad at that. There's nothing I can do about this. Oh, you were mad at it? He made you go to your room? John straight up? Yeah.

I went to my room. John's seat. He comes in later. He's like, hey, buddy, I'm sorry. Sometimes we say things we don't mean. It's all part of growing up, you know.

John straight up is like... He is just a one-liner sniper sometimes. Like, just when it comes to hurting your fucking feelings. Like, you're just... All of a sudden, a gunshot goes off and, like, you see John a mile away with a .50 cal. It's like...

Yeah. Where the fuck did that come from? Carlos half-cocked me. He got me the other day, too. Like, God, he's just a fucking, he's an assassin. We need to actively work to make sure that they don't somehow team up. I know. I mean, it's going to be a problem. Yeah, it's going to be a problem for the entire world. The world. It's a good YouTube channel. They're going to get canceled instantly. Instantly. What do you do when you have a successful YouTube channel and one day you want to retire? What do you do with that YouTube channel? That's something I've always thought about.

it's like john you get to choose the next spider-man it was like john you know john hasn't been in policing but i still have like a 5 million subscriber youtube channel like what do i do with that one day brag

Are you bragging and delete it for your kid? Oh, you thought you were getting this? Watch this. Delete. Delete. What have we learned? That you get to work for your own shit. Yeah, work for your own shit. That kind of sucks in your case because he's half of it. Yeah, well, that's... I don't know if he's half of it. The second part of that is, well, life ain't fair. Yeah.

Go fuck yourself. Sorry, bud. Does he get any pushback from school or does it help him at school? No, I think it is because he gets... You guys are crushing on like Reels, Instagram, and TikTok are your big ones. Right. Our big ones. Um...

No, I, does he like, it doesn't affect him adversely. Um, but he's such a laid back. He's such a laid back kid that like people come up and be like, Oh, you're in that thing. And he's just like, whatever. Yep. Get fucked. So it's an aggressive attitude for a fan. Yeah. Listen, he's gonna have to work on that. He's, but I don't think he said he might say that, but I ask him that all the time. Like, do people come up to you at school and say, Oh, you're in that. And he's like, yeah, they do. There's a, um,

This is kind of weird. So he plays volleyball and there's a... Why is that funny you laugh? What the fuck? Come on, dude. Judgment? Number one, you're not tall enough to play volleyball. Let's just put it right there. Aiden, have you stopped bleeding yet? Aiden actually is tall enough. But overweight. Unfortunately.

I'm just calling him like I see him guys. There's actually like a, like a smaller college that has a volleyball team and it's actually like a Christian like college and the coach shows our videos before like practices and before film sessions to get people like loosened up and stuff like that. So I was like, really Catholic? No. Okay. In South Carolina. Wow. No, but we don't have that. I know. So I am elapsed Catholic.

A lapsed Catholic. Well, I haven't been to church in 20s, yeah, 40s, a lot. Do you know why I haven't been back? I'm just looking at your nose twitching while you're saying it. Yes, I would love to know. I just wasn't that sure. It's not anything weird. What were you thinking? Lindsey Graham, maybe. Lindsey Graham, yeah. God bless you, son.

Why does this confession box have a hole in it? Depends on what you confess. Never confess. That's what he says.

Jesus fucking Christ. How's this episode going guys so far? It's fucking fantastic. 1 to 10. I'm having a blast because we... No one roasts the audience watching. Unusable. 90% unusable. No, this is... Oh, no, this is... This is at least, you know, 80% unusual. Oh, hey. Usable. That was good. That was the commando. You son of a bitch. You son of a bitch.

I don't know what that... Predator. That was your fucking... Come on. That was Predator. Oh, that was Predator. I'm sorry. Well, you don't even fucking... He doesn't even know. I did find that out. You son of a bitch. Do they got you pushing papers? The guy who died and the guy who was the governor. Lindsey Graham. No. Thankfully not. Is he a big fan of you guys? I highly doubt it. Yeah.

I know he was watching. He's like, they've never made fun of me before. I can guarantee you about six months ago, he wasn't a fan of me. Those sons of bitches. You trying to take out my friend. So what's your goal with now that you're running your getting bigger on what? TikTok, Instagram. Now you're trying to expand in too long form. We had a discussion at breakfast, lunchtime for this. That's your next progress. We're like, okay, hey, how do I tackle this whole fucking thing?

And then you're just going to start, you're trying to do longer form. We're going to, yep. And get those jokes. If you haven't watched this content, it's, again, really fast cuts, gold. But as you can tell, this is some of the funnest.

Making everyone die laughing right now, which is a good sign. Just let your jokes. We try. Yeah. Yet. I mean, the goal is to quit my job that I have and then do what you guys do. I mean, not exactly. You know what I mean? Yeah. We're a little cringe. Not exactly what you guys do, obviously. But the eyebrow movement was unnecessary. It was a very, very expressive eyebrows.

And that's part of... I actually have a sub-channel, Expressive Eyebrows. And pretty much all it is is just me kind of being like, hmm, what? Like reacting. But it's not. It's just from here up. And so I'll watch like a viral video and I'll be like, what? Which makes you only like that marginally worse than most reaction channels. Right, right. I actually think it's better. Because you don't have to look at my fat ass. You just have to look at this up. And I'm...

What? Actually, something that you, which is incredibly relevant right now, something you had mentioned earlier is you had a stand-up joke for something. And I was kind of curious. A, I want to hear the joke, but B, have you ever done stand-up? I have done stand-up officially, just me one time. Okay. One time ever. We've, my buddy Joey Thompson Comedy, can we get that somewhere? Yeah.

Show. We got that Joey Thompson comedy. Great. He's my editor. He's a great guy. Chase. Did you say Jinx? Chase is our Jamie. I thought you said Jinx. I was like, what the fuck? Jinx. Why? Pinch Coke. Yeah. You owe me a Coke. Where were we?

Stand-up. He does a southern character. We've done some skits and stuff on stage, but one time I did comedy. One time I did comedy. It's not today. One time I did stand-up. All right, that wasn't that funny, Connor. Come on. Thank you, Connor. He's my biggest fan. Simmer. He's my biggest fan. He sent me a pair of his underwear in the mail. Um...

But I did appreciate it. They fit great. So I wear it. Yeah. You can't see the lines. You can't see the lines when I wear mine. This is the first time people have come and been like, dot, dot, dot. Like, what the fuck was that episode that was gold? Yeah. I feel like I'm having a stroke in the middle of it. You might be. I can't for sure say that you're not. So the joke was,

um you know we've all got dead grandparents right Connor so I've assumed Connor probably killed at least one of them yeah right right no thank you but so we've all got dead my freezer that's why he was founded no thank you baby

So I, I, I have one theoretically, I have one left as my grandfather and, you know, I want to learn more about him, you know, and before he kicks it, cause he's old as fuck. Right. Obviously look at me. So I said, you know, granted, you know, tell me, tell me a little bit about yourself, a little bit about your history. And he was at, he was at D-Day. He was at Normandy, you know, and I said, man, that must've been scary. Like, tell me a little about a little bit about it. And he said, you know, you know, that we really thought the war was going to turn in our favor. We were confident. We were excited about it.

And I said, oh man, that must've been bad. I was like, what was the scariest part? And he said, you know, when the Americans landed on the beach and they started running up towards us, you know, it was really scary. He's, it's all right. He's fine. He, he moved to Argentina right after that with some people he, he met at camps and they opened a deli. So it's a non, non kosher deli. They're super serious.

Like they tell you that over and over and over. And, you know, the food's okay. The food's okay. The service is great. They're super good at just taking orders. So there we go. I thought it was one joke. And then they just kept coming and coming. Just like the Americans. Yeah. Hi, great dad.

So you glad I saved it? You glad I saved it? Oh yeah. That was, that was worth it. Him and Don Graves on you. Oh God, that would be really good. So, so I do have one more and I, I'm just going to hijack the whole thing. So I have an idea for, um, a sporting goods store. Right. And you guys are going to like this one. So,

You know, there's sporting stores. It's mostly for men, right? You go in, it's mostly men in there. And so I thought a great idea would be dicks for women. The idea is catching on in Thailand. It's huge in Thailand right now. Dicks for women, women's dicks.

And so I thought, we'll build off that. It's coming here. So we're going to build off that. And there's really not a sporting goods store for kids, for children. And so the idea, guys, does anybody want to say the punchline? I don't know. It's kids' dicks. Children's dick. Kids and children's dicks. So you go in there and it's a bunch of... Sporting goods store. It's got kids' poles.

And stuff like that. It's your baseball. It's got kids balls. So it's just that I don't know. It's just that I'm putting out there. If you guys want to invest, if anybody out there wants to invest, invest, invest in kids, dicks, invest in kids. I think people are going to love kids. What's not to love about kids. You know what I mean? Speed running, becoming a famous YouTuber. So fuck.

I'm going to take off. This just feels like a... Appreciate it, guys. I'm going to walk. That reminds me. Kid Sticks reminds you of what? My childhood. Yeah, right. Catholic. My time in the Catholic church. Catholic church. Yeah. Priest loves Kid Sticks. Scoutmaster Kevin loved that. Yeah. They get a discount. Actually, the clergy gets a discount.

Half-off kids dicks. Show their car to show up in uniform. That's the synagogue? Yeah. Half-off kids dicks. Thank you. I'm adding that to the joke. You're welcome.

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I don't know what's happening. Oh, about flying. About taking off. Oh my god. Yeah. Fuck. That took me entirely too long to be like, what are you talking about, Brandon? We haven't traveled in a while. Cody's racist. Got it. Now. Well, I mean, that's not the joke, but... Speaking of racist black kids' dicks would be a great... Urban kids' dicks. I didn't even think about that until just now. I didn't even think about that. Thank you so much.

I'll split the revenue with you or the lawsuit. Please don't. I love how you went black, no urban. I watched that joke develop and somehow it made it more racist. That's urban. That's PC, right? You guys are very PC. Yeah, super PC. Urban kids. Rural kids dicks and it's all just golf. Yeah, right. It's like a lot of mountain climbing. Rural kids dicks is very good.

What? No, don't bring us into this. What? No, I shouldn't be adding to this joke. I don't know why you are. Yeah. I do appreciate it. Cody, can you explain the offenders? All right. So we have a superhero group where you call what you think is your superhero power.

You tell us your superhero power. We have to figure out an offset to it. Cody's joke. Cody's superpower is I can fly, but in order to fly, I have to shout racial slurs. Okay. Yeah. Do you think that's normal? That seems fine. Yeah. So I can't permanently die, but I am constantly myself.

And wherever I leave, wherever my body was the last time it happened is where it stays. And so, you know, I was just blur about the, that, that thing. Yeah. Blur about the thing you just said again. Sewer slide. But as soon as I, so like if I wake up in the morning and I just see two of me hanging from the ceiling fan, I'm like, Oh, we did not handle last week very well. I like that. Um, what is yours? I am crime cook. I traveled to speed crime cook travel at the speed of light.

To watch people fuck your wife. I can't interact with objects for five minutes. He's not Adam 22. So I'll show up and be like, ha! Fight harder, madame! I can't really do anything, so you got a five minute window. He can't interact with the world for five minutes. I'm gonna say, we picked the offset. Oh,

Oh, you pick the offset. You pick the power. Don't start with the offset. I had two. We'll let you do that too. Can I just give my offset though? Well, I don't want to hear it. Let us pick the offset first and then you be like, this is what I would have chosen. I can be invisible. We've got one of those. But we've decided because we're at that point where everyone has it. No, you're good.

It's like the Avengers. Everybody with money is Iron Man now. I know. I have money. So we get to pick the offset for if you're invisible, but in order to be invisible. Angry cops. I think he has to jerk off. Yeah, he has to masturbate in order to do it. I still think, dude, last week, just for quick references, had me dying. Ryan McBeth.

Well, whenever this airs, Brian was like, I can find the women's clitoris or G spot. And then, yeah, we all can. And then, and then immediately Nick had the office. He's like, but you're gay. Obviously. Obviously. Oh yeah. Cody, you didn't know that. Yeah.

I mean, that's obviously it. It was the fact that it was no hesitation. Yeah, I was like, instantly, I was like, okay, well, that's a win. So, invisibility offset is... I almost want to have him yell racial slurs. So, is this invisible ghost? He's yelling racial slurs. They used to have those ghosts that shouted racial slurs. I'm pretty sure they still, yeah, they still do. The, uh...

You have to split it with your son, and you have no idea when the other is going invisible or revisable. Okay. I'll do better, I guess. I'll try. Can I ask for a re-roll? Oh, yeah. We get a re-roll. Cody, what do you got? I've never been re-rolled. I'm trying to think of it.

Yeah. A good one. A good invisibility factor. I mean, I have one. I really, man. All right. Let's hear it. Yeah. Let's hear it. I like holding your breath. Cause I think it's hilarious that it's different. You're not in the best shape. I can run out of breath really fast. Did you just say I'm not in the best shape? Yeah. What the fuck is this? You just called him. Where the fuck did it? He's clearly fatter. Yeah.

Right? I mean, he's taller, but he's also, he's got a Hitler haircut. Look at that. He's got the, just combing over. So here it is. I can be invisible. As he puts his hat back on. So, but it takes 30 seconds and I have a tiny dick.

And like, but I have to be naked, right? Yeah. Everyone has to see your tiny. And it takes 30 seconds for me to actually go invisible and have a tiny dick. Not like in real life. So,

Someone has to stare at your tiny dick for 30 seconds. Literally, yeah. I have to get someone to stare at it. Like, look, I need you to stare at my tiny dick for 30 seconds so I can go invisible. That's what I like. It's like a fucking solar charger. It's a solar panel. I feel like you just have a humiliation kink. And it's just like, it just goes, oh my God, my dick goes from like one inch to two inches as soon as somebody stares at it. Right. Right.

We finish the mission. He's like, all right, I'm out, guys. He just goes invisible. And suddenly we're like, wait, what? Where does Dick go? That's all that goes invisible. But you say that before I go invisible? Where does Dick go? That's fucking weird. I really need to help these kids out of this fiery building. Yeah. Stare at it. Or like your Dick can't work. Your Dick can't work five days after you're invisible. Like that five day period. And you're just, your name is can't man.

I like that, but that's just more like real life without the invisible part. Are you invisible except for yourself?

Show just said. Show fucking came with a banger. You're invisible, but you're tiny dick. That's it. It's just through the air. You just see like, especially if you're running, looking at you. What Cody? Huh? You just see this little thing flopping and pointing at you. There's a Vienna sausage flying through the air.

I feel like I'm making eye contact with an hors d'oeuvre. I thought that too, yeah, I thought that too. That would not help. Fire doesn't care if you're invisible. Hello, children, whoever are you? A little sausage running around. We have talked about kids way too much, right as we put the fucking Jody cliche in. Why, Gary, why? Why, yeah.

Why indeed? Show a good one. I think that's the winner. That is the winner on that one. That was excellent. You're invisible, but you're tying to dicks now. You have a tiny dick, and that's the only thing that's not invisible. Well, that's probably the worst one. I probably got the worst one. Oh, no. No. We got some bad ones out there. I don't even remember a majority of them. There's Hunter's.

Hunter picked his own offset instantly because he didn't know. We didn't even give him a power, I don't think. He's like, oh, yeah, I guess I'm fucking super strong. No, he's a stretch. Or, yeah, super stretch. He's like, I'm super stretch, but I have to beat my wife. We're like, okay, wait, first off, we have to get the offset. Jesus Christ. Well, no, we were all sitting around. We're like, all right, Hunter, you're a superpower. What is it? Like, I can stretch. I can just stretch around. Like, all right, we got to think of an offset. I beat my wife. Yeah.

And I'm talking about like chipped tooth and black eye. I don't know if that's an offset or a confession. Hunter, is everything okay at home, buddy? Obviously not.

He could be upstairs and his wife didn't do the dishes or whatever. He just like... Arm go down to the kitchen. Oh, that would be great if he could start to stretch if he knows he's going to do it. Yeah. He stretches upstairs just to fucking... Yeah. He's taking a shit and he just opens the bathroom door, sends the arm down to make sure dinner's ready. Dear God. How is this the worst podcast we've done? I don't know. Hey, you invited me. You know what I mean? This is not...

I think it's going great. I'm genuinely in awe. I appreciate that. I've heard that a lot. I get that a lot. Not with your superpower. Not anymore. But I did. People are like, your dick's not as small as I heard it was. Floppy penis here. Going through the air. Holy shit. It's not as small as I thought it was.

That's your superhero name? The Small Wiggle? No, no, it's the Small Wiggle. The Wee Wiggle? The Wee Wiggle. The Wee Wiggle is here. That's it, right? What's your uniform? There's no uniform. It's naked. It's naked.

Or you put a little... Go ahead. All right. No, go ahead. Nope. You got it. I want to hear yours first. You put like one of those little, what do they call those? Like the decency, whatever. Like if you're doing acting shit and you're, you know, whatever. Decency sock. Yeah. You just have that covering up the little wee wiggle. Wiggle. It's like an ankle sock though. Yeah. Yeah. Wee wiggle. Well, I was thinking more like the assless chaps, but in the front. Cool.

Dickless chaps. Dickless chaps. Okay. Yep. So you're familiar? Oh, yeah. Yeah. The reverse thong. You guys should have the unsubbed dickless chaps. Those will sell. That'd be fucking. I hate that they would probably. It might sell. We did the cum and doom fought, and we're like, this will never sell. That was our highest selling merch of all time. It's just cum and doom fought. We're like, fuck.

We don't know what anyone's going to buy it. We see how highbrow our merch is. So who's Terry? Well, fuck him first of all. Yeah, fuck Terry. How about that? That's who Terry is. I gathered that. Terry is in reality a conglomerate of several people that I dislike quite a bit. Name them. Nope. No one. Well. No one in particular. Well. No one in particular, but I can't name them. Lindsey Graham. Wow. No, I'm just kidding. I'm actually a big fan. Fuck you.

It's a small fan, I guess, right? With the fucking tiny dick. Which he likes, I heard. He doesn't like it too big. He just keeps it tight. So he doesn't want to get stretched out too bad. I don't even know what to call this episode.

Shell shock. I know. Literally. PTSD and shell shock. What did you guys think was going to happen when I came on here? Not this. Not this? No. Should have known. Pleasantly surprised, though. Oh. I am. I'm loving this, dude. This is great. I'm chaotic.

Neutral. I'm enjoying the fuck out of this. You're saying all the things I can't publicly laugh at. Yeah. Well, you did, though. You just... Oh, I completely did. I blew that. 300,000 people just watched me laugh at this. Well, that's like... What is the one skit... Or what was the first skit and then what is the worst skit where you got pushed back on? Where you're like, huh, maybe that was the line. We had people get really mad at some of the Matthew Perry stuff we did. Where we said, what's the difference between...

Go on. What's the difference between Ross and Chandler? I did see this. What is it? One of them's a swimmer. So...

Saito actually fucking did not know this. His assistant got tried for... Ketamine. Ketamine. Oh, yeah, recently. He was shooting him up. He was shooting him up. That's why he drowned. Yeah. I didn't know that was the thing. I was like, what the fuck? His assistant just got tried for murder for that stuff? Yeah. I think he played guilty, too. Yeah. Like maliciously? No, I think he was trying to help him. It's a Michael Jackson situation. Not...

Michael Jackson situation. Right. The other one. The other, yeah. The drug one. Our Valentine's one got a lot of pushback. Wait, we have what? So we said the first line is, what's up my picknickers? Why did it get pushback? Why did it get pushback? Yeah. What happened? I honestly don't see why that's funny. There's a...

He's trying so hard. He's got a furrowed brow. I act with my eyes. There's a myth that picnics originated with lynchings or whatever in the South, which is not true. Picnic is an old French word. I didn't even know that was a myth. I've never heard that in my life. It is. Well...

trust me some people have you look at the comments section there is there are Matthew and that's the most um what do you call it on TikTok when you do a not a like a duet or a stitch or whatever people but it was so weird so it's all we're all urban people and it's but but they would watch it and they would just go

I like Brandon. And like make a face. Black out Brandon's face. And not say anything. They wouldn't say anything. They'd just like look and be like, disapproving look. And I'm like, is that good? Is that bad? I don't understand what that is. But picnic is actually, it's a French word. It originated as a French word, which means to lynch a black person. Is that for real? No. No. Jesus Christ.

Not at all. They didn't have any of those in France. No, there's don't exist in France. Well, they didn't. Not anymore. Oh, I held it together. It's a French word. It's a French word in Snopes, which is super reliable, as we all know, discounted that whole thing. And here's the thing. When people get mad in our comments, I never respond because our fans instantly, like if somebody says something like this is stupid, the first comment after that is shut the fuck up.

you they go and look on their page and they're like you're a fat fuck or you're stupid or whatever sounds like our fan base that weaponized autism never have to comment on anything that's negative we just i let them do it it's great well i used to before i had uh sponsored ads uh before like you know have to you know put something in the the pin comment blah blah i would use that as a weapon where if somebody pissed me the fuck off saying something stupid i would just pin the comment

And just watch them be annihilated until they deleted it. Yeah. I love it. So that was, okay. So you have one that you're like, oh, okay. Well, the Valentine's got a little, well, and so we've, when we did the male Karen's things, which you guys haven't watched again to just to be clear, um, there was a couple of Connor missed that entire segue. There's a couple of things where we said, um,

So my buddy, Joey Thompson comedy, put that up again. He's what does he say? He he does. He films class like he goes to schools during Christmas and he films their Christmas plays and stuff. He shoots there. And so he's an active school shooter. And so people didn't love that.

When you come on this podcast and catch us off guard for content, it's fucking fantastic. Because I'm like, damn, yeah. There was a Christmas joke where it was about eggnog. Do you know where I'm going? Do you want to say it? No, I actually have no idea. Connor just did.

Did you know where I'm going, Connor? No, it's the back of the... You think we would know where you're going. We love eggnog and we're huge noggers. Sorry, that was weak. Get the fuck out of here. Really? I mean, it wasn't as good as the picnic, you know. It's not the best sangritards we did. Did you hear that one? Did you see that one? No, I did not. What's up, my sangritards? We always try to start it with... We did chicken nuggets. What's up, my nuggers?

We always try to start it off with something really shocking and then go from there. Why is that shocking? Well, just it's chicken nuggets are a very divisive. Because not everybody likes chicken nuggets. You know what I mean? It's not they're not healthy. They're not healthy guys. So it's people. This is a lot of health food. Aficionados got really mad on that one.

This is probably the driest. I have a very dry sense of humor. It's dark and dry. I love this episode. Just like I like my women. I set you up for that. I'm glad you took it. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Connor, come here. Connor. Come on, come on. Step in. Come on. I'm like having an aneurysm trying to keep this shit together.

I guarantee you there's a lot of people who are not going to find this episode funny. Probably. You are right on my fucking funny bone and just speed bagging it. Everyone's having a blast. I can think of segments of people that will not enjoy this. Chicken nugget enjoyers. Well, anti-chicken nugget enjoyers for sure. The health food industry is... You enjoy chicken nuggets, right? No shit, bud. Ha ha ha!

Imagine this being your fucking dad.

I know you've only got him to break like twice too. Having to live your entire life with like this being a thing without you pissing your pants. When you're doing this with your, like when your kid's hearing these jokes, he's like, dad, that might be the line. Or he's like, whatever. No, he doesn't care. He doesn't give a shit. It's like constantly doing heroin. It's like, how do you find dopamine after this? You can't watch heroin. It's the only way I can feel normal.

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It's incredible. You can get a free analysis right now by going to pds.com slash unsub. It takes 30 seconds. Go to pds.com slash unsub. Go now. I'm going. When you were at the hotel, did you just like, were you just on vacation? Like, hey, we have to film a video. So we're filming. Oh, the ramen one? Yeah. No, the peanut butter.

Well, there's two different ones. So the first one, the peanut butter one was not popular. You like that one better? No, I'm just saying it's one of like when you're doing those ones, are you just like, oh, we got... I'm out on vacation with the kiddo and I had to film a video. That was not vacation, my guy. That was our dishwasher blew up. So we were... We had... I lived in a fucking...

or whatever that was for like two weeks. Your dishwasher blew up. It just flooded our deal. Go ahead. No shit. Yeah. You lived in a fucking hotel for two weeks because of the dishwasher. It like flooded our box. So they had to, my dishwasher is very dry. Yeah. So they had to, so it was actually pretty funny. So they put these huge machines in there to try to dry it out.

Anything? No. No, keep going. And they were super loud. So we're sitting there trying to watch the TV on like a hundred. And he's like all day. So they came and they had to strip out all the floors or whatever. And so they said they paid for us to live in a hotel for two weeks. Thanks a lot. So we did that ramen video, which was our biggest video to date. It was like 6.5 million on TikTok. Brag, right? Yeah.

And so then we had an idea. Maybe it was a lot, but 6.5 million? Well, I'm sorry. You guys are fucking huge. I'm sorry. That was a different joke. Very different joke. Yeah. Are you getting a clue, man? Think about it. Why is that funny, Brandon? Go back to your grandpa. I usually recognize jokes. Oh. Yeah, I'm sorry. Your grandfather would have found it hilarious. Yeah. He was right there.

So I missed that. I can't believe I missed that. I'm sorry. I apologize to you. I apologize to you wholeheartedly. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I keep interrupting. That's all right. I wish you would. You should interrupt more probably. And then the second one we did was the shining for poor people. And that one, I thought that was hilarious. And it just fucking tanks. Nobody cared. Nobody cared. I also almost broke my back because I walked into a pool.

thinking it was deeper and I guess it was only like five feet and I just walked in and when I walked in my foot hit the bottom of the pool and just sent like a shockwave up my spine. I was like, oh, this is where it ends. This video is going to get a million views because I'm going to drown. So you got how many? Not a lot. Comparatively.

That's content. Whatever, bro. Whatever. Content as a whole is very much... The ones you are most proud of... Yeah. ...are the ones that... And you spend the most time on, those are going to fucking bomb. And the ones you do, like, oh, this is shit, that is going to head to the stratosphere. That is the one thing I've always, like, seen about every content creator ever, is, like, the one thing you're the most proud of does, like, shit every fucking time. So we'd...

that hits home super bad because we did a video a long time ago where this is my idea so i take full responsibility oh my voice keeps cracking you hear that you really you i hope it's gotta come something this has got to come sometime about time your dick said yeah let's i think we're past that careful lindsey graham's gonna get interested yeah more interested uh so we had a a thing where we invented we were two like bros that we invented tick tock and was like

Something, Tick, and Rick talk. And we were just like bro-ing it up. Just like, yo, we invented it. And people universally hated it. Just hated. It was probably their fault. That's what I say every time one of our videos is due out. What is wrong with these fucking people? That was great. That was executed perfectly. No self-reflection. It's everyone else's fault. Not our fault. Shadow ban, etc. Yeah.

Right? We've made that joke quite a lot. Algorithm fucked us. This was gold. I saw somebody super bitter about that on Twitter. They were like, well, in the words of Brandon Herrera, apparently I'm not shadow banned. I'm just boring. I'm like, yeah, probably. That's probably right. I stand by it. That's the case. Way too much, unfortunately. I could go on a fucking tangent on that. You're not shadow banned. Your content sucks.

Rant. No, that's it. That's my short rant. I have a very short rant. Shortest rant I've ever heard. It's not a shadow ban. Your content sucks. Brandon Herrera.

How the fuck do you... Well, I mean, I get why you deferred that to me, but yeah. That's what you said. You just said, I could go on a tirade, and then he's like, do it. And you're like, no. Yeah. I'm just going to quote Brandon, and we're done. I'm fucking terrified to speak because Joe will get me. I'm not going to get you on. I haven't been this exhausted after a sparring match with Eli. I know. I think I'd rather do that. He's like, what's going on next? You're like, I don't know where to go.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare everybody. Well, I don't think he's scared by what I got when I'm packing, bud. You know what I mean? Not here for his type. Well, yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. So, you know, it's like, it's obviously like an open secret, but what do they call him? Um, miss Lindsay or like something like that. He is like a, what is it? Hearing about his ladybugs. Oh fuck. I forgot about this. Say it. Oh, so apparently, uh,

Allegedly, he has HPV on his asshole. On his asshole? Yeah. On his asshole or dick? Oh, is it on his dick? You said dick the first time you told me this story, so now I think you fucking made it up. Could be both. Allegedly. It could be both. But he calls the warts his ladybugs. They're his little ladybugs. He's got some nickname. How did that get out there?

he's got some nickname with it it's like lady something lady lindsay or something like that like it's like his open secret isn't he your senator he's not my senator i think i think i think that's what nobody is he's the senator from south carolina yeah yeah yeah we're still based out of south carolina still yeah what's your home address what's my home address 69 uh fake street

Fuck you, South Carolina. Some dude who's got that address. Like, what the fuck, dude? God damn it. It's mine. Fans showing up at his house. All the fans that I have. So did you... I mean, you're getting millions of views. You're not fucking hurt. You got to the pinnacle of your career of unsubscribed. Yeah. This is it, guys. You have peaked. If this doesn't work out...

Night night forever. Sorry to all the rest of us, Pete, it's a long time ago. Did you have any fears where you're like, ah, this might get canceled? Because you seem like a dude, you're like, I don't fucking care. Because you still have your 9 to 5. Which is more to drive Applebee's. Thanks a lot for that, yeah. Sorry, we can cut that out if we want. He doesn't want anyone to know he manages the Applebee's. Still have it. Still at Arby's.

Oh, Arby's, I wish, bro. Dude, he's got the meat. I have the meats. I'm going to resist the temptation for another Lindsey Graham joke. Do it. I'd do it. He deserves it. He's got the meats. We got the meats, though, you big hunky man. You look like you got the meats. So we cut that out. Lindsey Graham in 2024. You guys do whatever you want to do. I don't give a fuck. I don't worry about that because we don't really... I mean, it's hard to say. You guys haven't watched the videos. What?

We don't like outwardly say, oh, you're whatever, you're this or that. We kind of, we say it. I hope not. That's a hate crime. Is it? What? Hate crime. What? I'm done. Cut the cameras. So, no, I mean, I don't think we intrinsically say anything bad. It's just, you know, what's the word? Edgelord? Is that the word? Is that it? Something like that. Edging? Is edging a thing? Yes. Yeah. Okay. That's what we do. We do edging. All right.

You edge your audience. Yeah, we edge our audience as much as we can. To getting cancelled. Ruined punchlines. Brennan, do you have anything to say about that? I think I'm having a stroke. Fair enough. We don't hate one group of people. We hate everyone.

So there's nobody. I mean, I don't think there's anybody that we haven't made fun of. I really don't know. If you guys can name somebody. Go ahead. Name a race that we should make fun of, Brandon. What's your least favorite race? Talladega. Thank you. All right. That's a shit joke. That's a shit joke. That's my bad. No. It's Chinese. I fucking knew if I said anything. I fucking love you so much.

No, I'm just kidding. Go check him out. He has exactly the same fucking sense of humor as me. I don't have a least favorite. Every race is my least favorite, probably. Including whatever you guys are. Meaning you. Whatever you are. He's racially included. He's got more in there. He's something. He's something. I don't like it. Yeah.

I just like your kids still in school. And he's like, well, dad's leading the way. Yeah. Yeah. He doesn't say much in the videos. You notice that most of what he says is back at me or whatever, but I'd like to go to college one day. Yeah. Well, we all would, bud. You know, we all would. So now he's a superstar. He's a bright, shining star.

I don't know if you're being sarcastic or you hate me. I don't know. For the entire podcast. But I appreciate nothing you've said is truthful. It's kind of his thing. No, he's a great kid. You're going to leave the podcast. People are going to, oh, how was he? What does he do? I still don't know. I'm not sure. I have no clue. Well, you guys haven't seen the videos. If you guys just go watch the videos, they're right there for you to watch if you just watch them.

It's not, you know what I mean? Just go on fucking social media. They're all right there. I can't wait for audio listeners. Guys, this has been unsubscribed. Are you a fan of Leslie Nielsen?

I'm a huge fan of Leslie Nielsen. I can fucking tell. RIP Leslie Nielsen. That is, I used to grow up on like the airplane movies and the Naked Gun and stuff like that. Naked Gun is just so funny, dude. What's the fugitive? Not fugitive. No, definitely not fugitive. No. What's the one he made fun of? The fugitive. God damn.

damn it oh we've had this exact same conversation before i love that through the woods with the train yeah the train follows and it peaks out from the tree it's like it's like that that that sort of fucking slapstick very dry humor like seems to be right up your alley that's still my favorite shit absolutely favorite who's your favorite comedian and why is it norm mcdonald smoking gun yeah right it could be norm mcdonald i don't know who my like favorite all time i used to watch um you guys know kids in the hall do you remember that

It's Canadian. Holy shit, yeah. I used to watch the shit out of that when I was a kid. Like, over and over and over again. Yeah. No, no. No, that was white as kids, you know. Fuck, what was one of the big ones that... That wasn't related to the conversation. That was just a threat from Eli. Yeah, what do you mean? That's fucked up. They had all kinds of stuff. They did the thing where they'd crush the people like this, and the guy was playing squash, which is a very not American sport, but he was called the Eradicator.

And he would play and he would wear a mask. I'm the eradicator. And he would, he was climbing up the ladder at like the local gym. Not at all funny when I say it. If you watch it though, you could have fooled me. Could I have? You're in the wrong seat, man. I know, dude. You looked at his mouth. Wrongfully accused.

That's Leslie Nielsen, a fugitive movie. I was like, what the fuck is that movie? I was like, God damn it. Leslie Nielsen was one of the few actors. I actually got sad when he died. Yeah. Because even to the end, he was still doing like comedy bits in other movies that were just really fucking funny. He's got a funny, what's his headstone say? He's got a very funny headstone. It's something. It's like a fart joke, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. I know when he would, he would do interviews, like press stuff. He would bring a fart machine. Holy shit, you'd Google it.

and like play farts. Let her rip. Let her rip. Yeah, his headstone was a fart joke. I mean, come on. He just says let her rip. That's amazing.

Right? And Airplane, I mean, he was like a non-comedic actor before that. Yeah. Really? That's why they cast him. Yeah. I did not know that. And Airplane, I think, was his first comedic role. Yeah. Right? He just did Deadpan so fucking well. Well, based on what I have heard, I'm guessing that's what you're touching on, is that, yeah, he was a serious, dramatic actor for decades and decades. And they cast him...

Because he was in the original movie that they made the parody. That's exactly right. He read the lines as a serious, dramatic actor so well that it came off fucking hilarious because he didn't realize it was a comedy. We're all counting on you. Good luck. One of my favorite things of all time is in Naked Gun where they're like...

The guy from fucking Pee-wee Herman, the guy from Pee-wee's Big Adventure jumps up and he goes...

It's Enrico Palazzo. Do you know what I'm talking about? No, I don't think so. So, you know, like Francis from Pee-Wee's Big Adventure? Yeah. The fat guy. The fat bully guy. So in Naked Gun, he dresses up first as the guy singing the national anthem, Leslie Nielsen does and does a shit job. And then they put him in. Then he goes in as the umpire. And he, like, saves the day and he takes off his umpire mask. And the guy from Pee-Wee's Big Adventure jumps up and goes...

Look, it's Enrico Palazzo because that was the name of the opera singer or whatever that was singing the National Anthem. This is going fucking nowhere, guys. No, Bill.

We're done. No. That's it. He gets his bicycle back. He's looking for a bicycle the whole time. Large Marge. The scariest thing in my childhood was Large Marge. Large Marge is actually fucking terrifying. It's good to show. The freaky animation they did. It's like a meat canyon. A lot of that 70s, 80s, and 90s stuff where it's like, this is for kids. It's absolutely freaky.

terrifying yeah it's terrifying terrifying and you're like uh my son's taking a film class in high school and that is one of the movies that they're watching peewee's big adventure yeah they have the other brilliant i mean until he jerked off in a public movie theater and got arrested for it it was a it wasn't yeah everybody was jerking off in public movie theaters which is a weird thing dude that's how you watched back in the day bleep that word because it's about

It's terrifying. I remember the makeup and everything on it. Connor, have you seen Large Marge? Yeah, I remember the movie from when I was a kid. Tell them Large Marge sent ya. Be sure and tell them Large Marge sent ya. And it's like, that was the most horrifying thing in my childhood was Large Marge. That and Thriller. Actually terrifying as a fucking child. As a child, I was terrified of Michael Jackson as well. I'm broken! I'm broken! Chase, zoom in on his face!

That's... it was warranted. The trucker! Yes! Holy sh- Chase, look at... Large Marge. That was so horrifying. Beetlejuice style! It was Beetlejuice style. It's so cartoony now. It was like Tim fuckin'... what's his dick? Tim Burton? Yeah, Tim Burton with Beetlejuice. Totally Tim Burton. Hurting for some Burton. I remember.

That was that old 80s style when it was very much claymation mixed with that. It was so horrifying, dude. I love that stuff. That is cinemas. Are you into cinema? Are you a big movie guy? Wait, are you? Yeah, I like, yeah. What's your favorite direct? Are you action, comedy, love, romance? It's mostly comedy. If I had to pick my favorite movie of all time, it's been Apocalypse Now for a long time.

love that movie so are you into like James Cameron and stuff too I've never seen Avatar that's fun never seen Avatar have you seen Avatar 2 the sound of waves I did watch that you skipped I was like you skipped he just skips I've seen one but yeah I always watch this I've seen Speed 2

Empire Strikes Back. Never saw the first. Yeah. Never saw the first ones of any of that. Yeah. I'm a huge sequel. I only watch Police Academy 2. Yeah. One of the better ones. Yeah. It's got Bobcat in it. Yeah. Citizens on Patrol, I believe, was three or four. I'm not sure if you remember. I think it was four. David Spades in that one briefly. Oh, that had to have been five then. I think five was Assignment Miami. You might be right. I don't know. Chase, fact check that. Yeah.

But yeah, no, I never watched the original movie. I just wait for the sequel. Yeah, they fuck it up the first time. Second one's always better. Yeah, because it's like a trial run. It's like this. It's like, this is terrible. But next time I come on. You have no idea. Are you excited for Passion of Christ 2? Passion of Christ Schindler's List 2 is supposed to be really good. I heard that's going to be really good. He gets revenge on the Jews for crucifying him. Yeah.

In which one? In Schindler's List? No. God damn it. I can't keep up with you. Wow. They're actually making... There's an actual sequel coming out for Passion of the Christ, too. It's not a joke. Spoiler alert. Yeah. He died. What happens? I can't wait to see. Titanic 2 is going to be good. The book is better. It's a little preachy. Yeah.

I mean, there's a reason they call it a good book. Yeah. Best-selling book of all time. For real, though. Are you into movies? I don't know anymore. Who knows? I don't know. What do you want me to say? I don't fucking know, dude. You like comedy? You like... Yeah. I like mostly comedy, but yeah. I dip my toes into a little drama every once in a while. Telling novellas or...

Tone of Hell is mostly where I can't understand it. That's what I like. Mostly Spanish. Your big facial expression. Spanish language, yeah. I had the espio and then like, yeah. The girl comes out with a tits or whatever. It's like a penguin running across the stage or whatever. It's juggling. That was Mary Poppins. Part 2. Mary Poppins 2. Dick Sargent was in that. Dick Sargent was in that, yeah.

It wasn't Dick Van Dyke because they changed it. Yeah, it was two different Dick Sargent. Yeah, second Dick. Whole different Dick. Gary, Indiana. That face. Eli, don't drink from that. Okay, I will not drink from that. We don't want a second Zincident. I know he's a big sequel guy, but... Zinladen. A second Zin has hit the Eli. Never forget. Forget what? To drink out of...

I'm not even gonna, I'm not even gonna. This is when I had like, I had a, I had a prep for the show. And the prep was like, you know what? This is. I noticed how you haven't looked at that much. No, I was like, these notes aren't. It's just your, just your. I had notes. I was like, fucking notes built out. And I was like, you know what? It's just your homepage now. You gotta, you gotta hit Eli with the look at me. I'm the captain now. Yeah, well.

So I actually had a thing with Cody as far as... I bet you did, bud. That's an open thing. Not open as in you can have him, but open as in we acknowledge it. Can you kick this way? I can tell by the camera. You guys were talking a little bit at brunch about growing up in the same area or living in the same area where he policed. And there seemed like some stories there. Oh, do you want me to tell the...

Should I do the big story that no one's ever told before? Wait, which one? Which one? The one you would get in trouble for? Yeah, absolutely. We can edit it out as much as... We can what? I don't know. Big Attorney Man? Do you want to listen to this one? I don't... No, that's a great idea. P.S. When you say Big Attorney Man, that is the biggest attorney I've ever fucking seen in my life.

That's the most jacked attorney I've ever seen. I was going to say not girth-wise, but he's actually... No, he showed me his dick earlier. Oh. I signed the NDA. Fuck. I did sign that NDA. Jake, why are your fucking pants rolled up and you have your feet out? Because that's how I roll when I'm in houses, dog. Are you reading Huck Finn upstairs? Just wait until he talks about Jim. Dude, someone's got a J-O to that. Oh, boy.

They're gonna pause that screen grab, like "there's Jake Sweet." So what's your favorite character? Fuck Jake, you could have just called him Jim. There's not another Jim in the book, I mean, you could have just said "we know which one you're talking about." Yeah. I'll tell you a funny story about that. Why later, Jake? As an attorney.

As your attorney, I advise you. As my attorney, he advises me to shut the fuck up. That's what attorneys are for, right? Pretty much. Holy shit. Oh yeah, Cody, you have a story. Policing in Spartanburg. There was a certain hill you guys had. Oh yeah, behind... What was the restaurant? The Beacon. Yeah, that burger restaurant, The Beacon. I chased so many people down that hill. What kind of people did you chase down the hill? Criminals.

It's funny. Suspects. Perps. I was introduced to your content because I thought it was funny as fuck. You and your son just messing around. We met each other, and it turns out that you spent a lot of time in the same place that I policed in. Area, yep. Yeah, and you got to talking about the beacon. I was like, holy shit. I used to fight people behind the beacon all the time.

I have so many stories where I chased people through the Beacon parking lot and arrested them. So that's just wild that we just came together. It was like 10 years later to hang out. I had to Google, like, Chase, put up a picture of the Beacon in South Carolina and Spartanburg. I'm like, yeah, all right. Well, that looks like the kind of rundown place that you would fucking fight people behind. It's famous. It's like...

Right? Yeah. Yeah. No, the beacon is like very faint. It's been on like a lot of cooking shows. A lot. Is it really like as a good restaurant? No, it's horrible. We don't know. We're not from here. It's like, it's like, I don't know how to explain it. It's a crazy, like, yeah. Yeah. If you've lived in Spartanburg forever, you're like, Oh, we'll go to the beacon. And then I'll have diarrhea. What has it been on cops? Probably. Yes. There cops has been in the parking lot of the beacon before. What's the other one? Live PD. Yeah.

Yeah I think that one Was Columbia too Like they did Columbia and Greenville Yeah Greenville really I didn't think Greenville was that bad It's not that bad But it's They definitely had Life PD in Greenville Yeah It was mostly Financial crimes

It was mostly white collar life. Everybody goes quietly. Yeah. Just get my call to their attorney. No views on that. Yeah. No, it was. Yeah, it was very unpopular. Yeah, I can tell the story. There's a lot of a lot of mail fraud. It's I'm the only one that knows this story. It was really old to you. J.R. Lawyers interpreting this for us. Really told to you by somebody who's volunteered to you.

Yes. I did not inquire this information. Are they in any business? No. Not one bit. Ten years ago.

Okay. I will say there is no statute of limitations in South Carolina. I just want to make that clear. That is true. Really? For any crime? There's no statute of limitations. No shit. Dude, I am going to jail. Do you want me to tell it and you tell me? Yeah, and then we can decide if we're going to cut it. Hold on. Let me get my phone out. Go ahead. It's my dog.

You laugh at that? That's my daughter. That photo. She's an idiot. I was like, that's a good photo. It's like back screen. Yeah.

All right, I won't say names. How about that? Okay, I won't say names. Oh, yeah, that's a great, yeah. All right. Can you please make up funny names for everyone that you're talking about? Ah, yes, the infamous pee-pee-poo-poo killer. Yes, I would love it. All right, so rhyme it really close. Yeah. Schmander-killer. Schmamer-mer-mer. No, don't implicate me on this.

So in Spartanburg, Mouse, Merrill, Little Liners, one day... I don't know if you're... There was a guy... I think we missed the assignment, but okay. So there was a guy named Bob Bullhip. Sure. That was good. He buried a bunch of people on his property and killed them. In opposite order.

He killed them, then buried them. Yeah, yeah. He killed them, then buried them on his property. His name was Bob Bulbiff. Thank you for fucking keeping it straight. And he had a Bonnex box. And he kept a girl in there chained up. And I made a video about it one day. Don't laugh at that part. So they ended up figuring out that he was a burial biller.

You can say these words. You're putting out the wrong word. Cody's like, so John Smith was a burial biller. It's like, yeah, I think you missed it. I like it this way. I think this is great. I like it this way. This is much better. Mr. Ballin with brew prime. All right, I'm going to have to go back. I'm going to have to go back a little bit.

There were some killings called the Booper Bike Billings. Sure. Where five people were shot and killed near Spartanburg, South Carolina. In a business. Yeah. In a business. There were five people shot and killed. They've never been able to figure out who did it, who went in there. Because they were dead. They couldn't figure out who did it because they were dead. Exactly. But nobody else could figure it out either. Yeah. So they killed all these people. And so a couple years later, there's a serial killer, Bureau Biller.

In Bartonburg, South Carolina. You can say serial killer. Okay, serial killer. What year, by the way? So the super bike, the boober bike, sorry. I bleeped that, Jason. The boober bike murders happened in the early, I think it was early 90s. 90s, yeah. I was not born for the record. I was implicated in that. That was not me. No one knew who went in and just shot all these people in this store where they sold motorbikes and they sold four-wheelers and shit like that.

And here comes along, Richard, that bod bull pep comes along and he ends up having a bunch of dead bodies on his property. They're missing their feet, which no one knows that, but Hey, here we are. And they never found the feet. They never found. Yeah. They never found the feet. But, but there was the girl who was chained up in a con X box. Not even hot. Not even hot at all. Yeah. She was in a bomb X box.

And I made a video about it back in 2017, 18, something like that. And so the sheriff at the time, sheriff, sheriff.

Sheriff. A sheriff comes along at the time who is the sheriff of Bartonburg Bounty. And so he goes in the room with the serial killer. They just called him because they found that girl in the Connex box and all the dead people on the property and all that stuff. And he's like, hey, I'm trying to get re-blected again. Laughter

You know what this feels like? This feels like the little awkward kid at fucking first grade who's like, hey, teacher, can I go pee in the corner? And like, yeah, great. And then he points toward the class and pisses in the corner. It's like, well... Anyways, this is... We kind of fucking told you yes, but... Yeah, like... I think it's going great. Proceed. All right, so...

So this guy, he's on trial for murdering a bunch of people on his property. He had a girl locked up in a box. Bass birder. Bass birder. He's on trial for bass birder. Right. And he's like, shit, I don't want to go to death row. And so the sheriff at the time goes in there and he's like, hey, if you confess to these boober bike birders, then you're not going to be on death row anymore.

I like you're using pig Latin to hide something. And so Bob Bolpep at the time, he's like, all right, yeah, I did the booper bike murders. And then Bob Bolpep isn't on death row anymore. And the new sheriff gets elected. And around the same time after I made my video, an FBI forensics expert. Yeah.

I heard you said FBI clearly. And they were like, Bexbert. Clearly FBI. Federal Bureau of Investigation's Bexbert. This Bexbert hits me up via email, B-mail. And she's like, hey, the way that Bob Bulbap described these murders, he never did them. He never did the Booper Bike murders.

Like, oh, that's fucking weird. And so it all comes down to Bob Bulbap never did the Bupurbike murders, but the sheriff at the time wanted to be elected again, so he got him to confess to it so he didn't go to death row. It's like a decades-old... Decades-old. And it's accepted there that that's the truth. You mean a politician bide to be bebected?

Yeah, he wanted to be bebected, so he bide. And I thought that was the truth until you told me earlier. Yeah, but this Beth B. Bide... Exactly that way. Well, that's... Yeah, it was... He told... Yeah. Or Chase in the audience. They're like, Chase is just like, I don't know what to edit in this episode. You want to know what it's like to have a stroke? Welcome to my world. Yeah. Anyways...

new sheriff or the current sheriff was reelected and still sheriff by bull hip didn't go to death row because he admitted to the booper bike birders anyways that's uh i'm gonna get fucking murdered for that but yeah yeah

But, yeah. Hi! I don't subscribe to podcasts. Hello. It's a great story if anybody could piece the part out. I just like you're like the FBI Bexpert. Dude, I am just sitting there just thinking of the dude from The Hangover, Zach Galifianakis, just like the fucking equations going by. Our audience is like...

There's a cold case here. I'm gonna find this out. I just have to change every B word and I can figure this out really easily. Are we gonna keep any of this podcast? I mean, we got a good portion. We can keep a majority of this. Two, three minutes. Just maybe two, three minutes. I wanted to talk about just like some of the places that you guys knew together. Fuck, you went into like an active investigation where somebody still who likes feet is fucking at large. Unsolved mystery.

He's not at large. No, he's in federal prison right now. Yeah. The death went on to you because he admitted to the booper bike murders. Yeah. And I think Mike's feet is probably an understatement. If he ingested feet maybe at some point. Probably. I thought it was the guy who, I thought a guy who did other burial murders had confessed to something he didn't do and that's where the feet were missing.

No, he already had the feet missing on his property. The beat were bissing on his property. Yeah, unrelated. Was there any more bodies showed up with beat bissing? They didn't find them. But there are definitely more bodies on his property. But because he...

Because he confessed to the boober bike birders, a new beariff was belected. All of this information, I will say that I heard earlier from somebody who wasn't him and told him this morning. Yeah. It's all beer say. So bad for audio listeners on this episode. They're just like, they giggled a lot. Yeah. There was awkward pauses, a lot of dry humor. I don't know what's going on. That's what I do, bud. That's why I'm here.

I'm going to get booed so hard. Yeah. I lose all my money because I get booed. Can you come ruin our podcast? Would you mind flying out here and ruining our podcast? No, it's fantastic. Yeah, we'll ruin it. Oh, fuck. Actually, going back to your first comedy show, you've done a live show, right? Yeah, we've done a bunch of live shows, but I just did the stand-up once. You did one stand-up. Yeah. Why did you never do it again? That's what I fucking said. I know. I'm fucking...

I'm understanding why you didn't do it again. You know what? Never mind. Now you know. It really wasn't that long ago. It was like two weeks ago. Honestly. Really? I'm not even kidding. Yeah. How'd it go? Yeah. Yeah. I get it. I had a lot of family there. They did not care for it. They did not care for it. Oh, speaking of, Eli. Wait, wait, wait. Wait, go on, Cody. Sorry. I just want to know, like...

That was like a serious question. How was it doing the live show for your first one? Were you nervous? And you're like, family was there. Yeah, no. No. Thanks for explaining the joke, Eli. I just wanted to know, like actually like fucking know, like, hey, was it hard? He's rubbing off on me. I'm sorry. I think it's hard. He said, was it hard? And he said rubbing off on me too. Yeah. Was it rubbing off on you hard? You tell me, bud. You still haven't put your hand on my leg.

Oh, it's very hard. You're big for your age. You're big for your age. No, so to be clear, no, so we went on first and we did the thing with the male Karens. You guys have not seen again. Not one person has watched. It's my favorite show. Yeah.

Yeah. Tell me your favorite part of it. Yeah. The part where you and your son walk around with the safety vests. That's not my son, bud. No. You're a business partner that writes jokes with you. You guys should probably watch it. So we did that first. So no, I wasn't, I wasn't like nervous because we'd already done that. And it was, I mean, I knew, you know, you wake up in the morning and you piss excellence. Right. And so it's just like, I knew how it was going to go. Terrible. Terrible.

Terrible. It went terribly. It was very quiet. It was very quiet in there. Small venue, but it was still really, really, really quiet. I could hear the cash register of people buying beers. Doing live shows is fucking terrifying. We did our first tour. We're about to do our second, but it is the most, for everyone, we've never done live tours. That's why I was asking when you're getting on stage and like, I'm going to just do comedy.

That's fucking horror. It's a lot scarier than, yeah, than being able to say something and be like, don't. Yeah. Cut that. Cut that. Yeah. It's fun. I mean, it's a huge rush, right? But yeah. And I cheated a little bit too. I had like my set list sitting at the edge of the stage or whatever. Nazi joke. Kid's dick joke.

you know, racial insensitivity in general was the last part. Crowd work. Crowd work, including racial insensitivity. So same set list here. You just mixed up the order. This is all just recycled. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm like, what's the next one? Racial insensitivity. So, hey guys, I love those Jews, right? All of your bullet points are just like George Carlin's seven words you can't say on radio. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, no, it went terrible. No, it went great. It went great. My son and I actually did the single dad's kitchen live one time and that actually did not go perfectly because...

He was supposed to come across the stage and like kind of trip and spill this whole box of like ingredients and shit all over the ground. And he tripped and did it. And the box landed like on its side and miraculously somehow like flipped right back up to where nothing spilled. And he kind of looked at me like, I was like, let's just go, bud. I don't know. We'll just carry on. But it's, I love doing live shit, but it is like, it can be,

nerve-wracking dude if you bomb we thankfully god thank god i don't even know if i not like i don't want to jinx it so i'll just stop the sentence or fucked either way keep going yeah it is it's still one of the most terrifying things you're like oh man if we get up there and everyone's just staring at us look but the good thing is like same with us with you guys like it's your fans yeah it's not like somebody's like oh shit unsubscribe podcast let me go check that out it's you know you're gonna know the people there right more or less

The wives don't, but... Whose wives? The fans. The fans' wives? Yeah. What? Fucking women. Oh, these four retards that you put on? Women don't. I mean, come on. Who's doing comedy for Woody fucking Matt Rife? Apparently you got 8%, so... It's a little bit more than 8%, but yeah. Flex on a target. But it's mostly the 65 and older group. They love it. That's hilarious. They love it. It's huge. My 65 and older female...

audience is fucking rabid rabid they send me pictures they send me nudes no i have a we have a huge senior citizen following mostly women so shout out esther hey what's up sweetheart but are you planning on doing any more live shows coming up

Uh, yeah, we, I mean, we don't have a specific plan to do it, but I'm sure we, I'm sure we will. I would like to do more outside of the little fucking Greenville Spartanburg Anderson Simpsonville area where we live. So, Hey, maybe we could collab with you guys.

And do it. I think agreeing right now to do it on the spot, if you guys want to do it right now. In fact, I'll take my money up front. If you guys, in fact, can you guys put my Venmo up? Our attorney, Jake, said that actually any contract we sign right now is 0.08 BAC, way too far to actually be admissible. Is that right? Yeah. Ah.

Perfect. So sign it over. We're good. Sign it over? Yeah. You and I are having a very weird dynamic today. It's all in your eyebrows, brother. I like doing that. Very uncomfortable. So what do you guys do for your live show? We do this.

This is it. For an hour. We don't really do this necessarily. We have, so we'll have the hosts and then two. Nick does history. Yeah, Nick does a history bit. And then we have two guests. We always rotate in guests. And then with crowd work, angry cops, fucking rich knocks out of the park. But yeah,

We're going into bigger theaters this time, which is going to be fucking ridiculous because we have like Boston, San Diego. Maybe Atlanta, Dallas. I don't know. If you do Atlanta, I got to come to that one. Done. Do you? Send me the paperwork. Do you? For real? Do you? No. Do you?

I actually know if you would like to come to that one very genuinely, we'll send you the link to buy a ticket. Okay. I appreciate that. He's like, he brings everything. Oh, I'm fucking stoked. I didn't get a ticket. Have you ticket, sir? Fuck. But those ones are going to be weird. Sure. It's not. So, I mean, it's not sold out. I can buy a ticket at the gate, right?

We can go in at the door. By 100 if you want. We'll see. When they go live, we'll see. We saw that last time. 500 seats. Now we're going to 1,100, which is going to be fucking terrifying. That's going to be wild. That's insane. Yeah, it's a lot. 500, dude. When you walk out to... Cody's probably the most nervous. It was awful. Yeah, nothing bad. It's like all of us are very much introverts on...

Not interacting so you're not so you're not extrovert. So you're not you're not like outwards your introverts. So you're more like n words. Yes Yes, we're all we're all in words. You guys are huge in words. I knew that chase put that up on the screen Yeah, that's from that's like that's from the mail Karen's videos that you guys Did you put up a series pronunciation? of that

We're going to bring you to the line. I want to just force you on the stage in front of fucking 800 people. I'm like, there, there. Force me to do what on the stage? Say the N words. He has the best laugh, doesn't he? He has the best laugh I've ever heard in my entire life. That's why we have to turn that little knob down.

I just figured he's so excited, the stage comes up and goes "Say it!" He's like "What? Fuck, huh?" All the lights dim. Except spotlight. We brought him out to say one thing only. Go ahead. Where the cameras are up. In Atlanta. I can tell you they're not huge fans in Atlanta of that. Of us or? Honestly?

I don't know, man. Maybe not. I don't know. Which part of Atlanta are we talking about? The urban part. You're talking about Buckhead? Maybe. Buckhead's a nice area. The urban part? No, I don't think so. I don't know if anybody lives there. I think it's mostly like cardboard boxes and shit that people live in. I don't think they have the capacity to watch a podcast. Jesus fucking Christ. Right? I mean, you guys...

You're doing great. You guys aren't on transistor radios. You can't listen to it on that, right? Or boom boxes? Probably. So it's not. I feel so bad for Chase. I'm going to get so many notes. Bleep, bleep, bleep. Show good luck with this one too. Again, yeah, it's going to be like a three minute. It's our shortest podcast. It's twice as long, but it was half as. It's a reel, yeah. You'd be surprised if we keep a lot.

I stand by everything I said. And on that note, we'll go to the after show. I had a great time. I will say this was honestly one of my favorites to film. I've enjoyed it very much. I haven't laughed that hard. There's been like three episodes where it's like actual like cackle laughing. Are we doing an after show after this? Yeah. Okay. We're doing a tit...

Give me a close up. Yeah. Guys, thank you so much for joining the unsubscribed podcast. I was joined today by Eli Double Tap, Joe Hamrick, Brandon Herrera, myself, Donut Operator. Please check out the Patreon after show.

Joe, where do we find you and your wonderful son? I'm on all platforms. Oh, my God. My voice cracked again. We're on TikTok. We're on Instagram. We're on Facebook. We're on YouTube. Go watch our YouTube. Please. It's pathetic. We have so few, so few followers on YouTube. I'm begging you. I'm begging you. And you can follow Lindsey Graham on pretty much every social network.

Yeah. Get right behind him. He loves it. Guaranteed. Follow right behind him. We'll see you in the after show. Kisses. Bye.

You're the one. You're the one.