161 - Brandon Vs Congress & Cryptid Fat Electrician ft. King Trout | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 161
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Four years. That's how long it took Democrats to ruin our economy and plunge our southern border into anarchy. Who helped them hurt us? Ruben Gallego. Washington could have cut taxes for Arizona families, but Ruben blocked the bill. And his fellow Democrats gave a bigger break to the millionaire class in California and New York. They played favorites and cost us billions. And Ruben wasn't done yet.

We'll be right back.

Carrie and the Republicans will secure the border, support our families, and never turn their backs on us. Carrie Lake for Senate. I'm Carrie Lake, candidate for U.S. Senate, and I approve this message. Paid for by Carrie Lake for Senate and the NRSC. Apparently I'm gay on the internet or whatever. On the internet. Who farted? Bro, we got violent Brandon back. Nobody's a skinhead till it's shower time.

You can say what you want now. Say what you like. Brandon's gonna say the N-word. I can say, "Nick isn't here." Nick is not here. Yeah, sorry. Eli's watching his life life before his eyes. You wanna know the problem with communism?

That last episode, he even said, he was like, I didn't talk about communism that much in that episode. I was like, I think you talked a lot. 35 minute rant. I was watching the episode because I wasn't there for it. I was just watching through it. I'm like, Nick, you,

You almost exclusively talked about communism. He got right shut out of the text. He's like, I really didn't talk about communism that much. He did talk about the Weiraboos a lot, which now that he's here, I can say that German tanks were most definitely better than American tanks. Since he's not here. We only talk shit about our friends when they aren't here. Yeah, like real men. Speaking of Jake's...

You're doing great. Oh, wait, we got to do this. We got to do this. Well, we got to do this. Let me grab you. Can I have two more, please? Can I have five? It's nearly noon. It's 1157 in the morning. Nearly noon. There's one. They're cooling down.

Oh, that's a great way to say they're warm. Nothing better than a hot claw on a Wednesday morning. Oh my God. We sound terrible. It's Wednesday at 11 o'clock and we're doing this. We wouldn't normally be doing this if you didn't have a flight later. I know. Oh, fuck. I know. This is the earliest podcast we've ever done. We wouldn't be doing this right now. Yeah, for sure. Three, two, one.

Synchronicity. Always gets me. Hi, everyone. Welcome to the Unsubscribe Podcast. I'm joined today by Eli Doublefap, Brandon Herrera, and King Trout. Myself, Donut Operator. Thank you so much for being here. Bye-bye. Now you can leave. See you guys later, fuck it. Okay, right here. You got some cum in your mustache. Dude. Yeah, there you go. God damn it, Brandon. What? Now you don't like it.

You're on your knees begging for it two hours ago. Now you got dried cum in your mustache. It's a big deal. Two large black men 69ing by Zach Bryan. Jake, Jake, plate. One guy puts his dick in another guy's dick and his foreskin filling it up like a balloon by Zach Bryan. It's one of my favorites. We're going to have to bleep like a half of a man. In the first 30 minutes. The guy's just like, welcome to

Welcome to YouTube. Welcome to the demonetized episode of the Unsubscribe podcast. Uncle Trout's in the house and he's drunk and horny. So...

There is a story behind our Zach Bryan songs. I think we mentioned it on the podcast before, but I'm not sure. There's more lore to it now, though. So if you guys don't know Jake Watson from Corridor Digital, he's our attorney, and we're coming back from a live show, and he just wanted to listen to Zach Bryan, and we started saying shit like... It was a two-hour drive. Yeah, we were driving back from Austin, and... Sorry, this is... I'm doing my thing where I interrupt Cody. Okay.

No, it's fine. Keep going. Okay. Stop talking, boy! On our way back from Austin, he wanted to play Dolly Parton when we're all drunk at like 1.30 in the morning. We're like, stop being gay! Dolly might be good, not the time. After our live show, we were all shit-wrecked. Yeah, leaving Austin, so I requested the song Leaving Austin by Zach Bryan.

Jake took issue with that. Go on. Oh, yeah. So we just started screaming. We made him so mad. Because he's like, Zach Bryan's gay. Yeah. And so. In my foreskin by Zach Bryan. Yeah, he's like, Jake, Jake, play four men having an argument.

And coming on each other by Zach Bryan. He's getting so mad. That dude got mad. It takes a lot to get Jake mad. That is not true at all. Dude, I'm a master at pushing that boy's butt. Wow, we're really good friends.

You guys had a long car ride together. Dude, hotel rooms get cold at night. That's all I'm saying. Sometimes you need the embrace of an attorney to keep you warm in the New Mexico desert at night. Then you forget they're all cold-blooded. Yep. Hey. I call him the group's dad, and he's only like six years older than me. On the last podcast, we talked about how we did the World War II skit. We did Tiny Guns 3 for Cordura Digital. Yeah.

Trout and Jake did a 20-hour road trip together to get the costumes for this kid. That's an insane drive. They're like, yeah, we're flying out this day. I was like, I hate fucking drive. I hate.

hate despise road trips they're my least favorite thing so thank you guys for doing anytime we were just worried we were gonna get pulled over with a an suv full of ss uniforms which while sketchy not illegal welcome to america we love the first amendment you would probably be tossed under the jail in germany well cody if you pulled somebody over and they were in ss uniforms you would high five and they're like where are you going to texas he's like you're late for the

meeting hurry up I'll give you a police escort keep walking up the cops like get out of here oh you and then that guy's like what the other police officer's like oh that was Donan operator he's like who just let the Nazi drive away and then

We keep coming up with skits after we don't have the fucking uniforms anymore. We can always use the one in our closet. Cody Sunday's best. I love being able to say funny jokes again. This is going to be my favorite part. Not that I ever really stopped. Brandon lost.

By 1%? Less. It depends on how you measure it, but yeah, it was less than 51-49. Which is, for reference, is like 400 votes? Yeah, 400 out of like 30,000. Yeah, so it's your fault because you didn't go out and vote. Yeah, it's actually 300 of your faults. If you're in District 23 and you didn't vote, this is all your personal responsibility. I hope you enjoy the next two years. Sons of bitches. My bad.

Oh, yeah. It's all my fault. No, I mean, honestly, like, if I can do the quick spiel real quick. No, we actually, Eli wrote these questions out for you. But go, the quick spiel, because it was the idea of, like, Brandon's election this entire time. You guys have been on this journey. It's been wild. It's been wild. This entire experience has been fucking amazing. It's been hell. I've really hated pretty much every part of it. But I did get to meet a lot of amazing people. I've got a lot of new people that I call, like, very good friends now.

And really, we did what was almost fucking impossible. Like taking on an incumbent is hard. Taking down an entrenched incumbent like Tony Gonzalez was, a very well-funded one, one of the best-funded incumbents in the state of Texas, nearly impossible, let alone to do it while being outspent 10 to 1 by someone with no political experience, a fucking YouTuber who says, come on the internet.

That should have never happened. We shouldn't have. We should have never won through the primary, let alone go into a runoff where we lose by like 400 votes. This will be studied in poli sci for the next decade. This is such a anomaly. I cannot stress how grateful I am of the entire team. Posting almost won an election. It's that it's so fucking close. Like it was like, like,

It's alarming how close that was. He spent $10 million combating being cyber bullied by us. It was crazy. And then watching, as you said, you're under 30, you're doing a political race.

you're fighting an entrenched incumbent and then also i learned i hate politics even more than i thought i hated for corruption you're like what the ever it's like oh it's just lying that is all you have to do to get where you need to be it's lying and spending a mass amount of money yep mass amount of money to push lies like and known lies really and then when i found out congressmen get fucking pensions dude you should have heard my three-hour drunken rant about that it's a

Public service! So I don't understand, like, okay, so a typical working man needs to do 20 years to get a pension, right? Alright, if you want a congressional pension, 20 years sounds fair to me. I don't want you there for that long. In fact, I'd love term limits, so you shouldn't fucking be there. But if you want a pension, you need to do the same time as blue-collar guys. Six years. Five years. Something like that. It's three terms. And then in three terms, you get a fucking six-digit pension for life. And, uh, what, you get benefits and all that stuff, right? Oh, yeah. Public service.

Public service. Wild, man. You've got to be a cop for 25 years to get a pension, you know? Yeah, I mean, it's our major. Yeah, but they don't do actual service like Congressmen do. What do they do, serve their community or something? Boo-hoo. God dang, dudes. It's sickening. It's like the people that are in charge are voting to give themselves, you know, golden parachutes, and that...

I don't know. And you, like you, for all of you that didn't, you weren't, like I said, watching it. So Brandon's doing his YouTube channel, doing the podcast, doing the live shows at that time too, because it's still going on. And then watching you,

If you want to see a phone going off or meeting after meeting or how much you traveled because Monday, for reference, how many places did you go Monday for your talks? That one was easy because it was just Barron, Medina County, but we had four different campaign events like speeches, rallies, on top of all the media we were doing already. On top of, like you said, the podcast, live shows. Your own channel. Yeah, the YouTube and Instagram.

uh also like running a gun company so yeah owning a successful business at the same time you were dude busy dude i thought you were gonna die there for a minute i so did my doctor

So did my heart. Thanks, cocaine. We powered through! Brandon. Yeah, I almost had to go on the diet of the typical service worker. Fucking cigarettes and coke. You just turn into King Trout. Hey, now! I also drink beer. I was going to say, you can't deny doing coke with those glasses on. My

My parents watch this. I'll deny everything. I already said the six-letter F word and cum four times, but I'm like, I've never done cocaine. We don't do drugs. No, it's actually kind of rough because even during all of this, I quit Adderall a long time ago, so I was doing all this all natural, which is... Shit. You're just raw-dogging it. Raw-dogging life. Well, minus with booze. Yeah.

Some help. Something to keep the shakes away. So your drives, you drive max like 10 hours, six hours on some of your – to do talks and events. So people don't realize how big District 23 is. It's the biggest district in Texas. It is the hardest district to campaign in in Texas because I go from my home in San Antonio and drive seven and a half hours west.

I have not hit the end of my district. See, that's for it's like the size of Massachusetts. Oh, way bigger. That is like one district. Yeah. District 23 is like the size of England, right? It's the size of like a handful of states. Yeah. Yeah, that's great. You're like half the states in the country or something. You'd be a king. It's your just district to run that shit. Yeah. I mean, it's it's all the way from San Antonio to El Paso and everything south.

Like all along the border, the entire Mexican border, essentially with Texas. You were like, I want to choose hard mode, the largest district and the one with the most problems. See, that's the thing. I didn't choose it. I just lived there and decided, wow, I really don't like the way my congressman's voting. So I did something about it. Have we ever told the Yellowstone story? I don't think we ever have. And I am glad we waited until after. Yeah, I know, I know.

I don't know this story. No, I'm like, wait. Brandon ran for Congress because him and I. Well, we looked into it because of this. We looked into it a little bit more. But the idea started when Brandon and I got really drunk and we're watching Yellowstone one night. And John Dutton, he became the governor of Montana. Yeah.

And I was like, bro, we should do something like this. Because he was just kind of a G in office. Just, you know, I am not progress. I am the stone that progress bashes against, like some shit like that. Yeah. And so we said we were both going to run. And then I was like, all right, you're fucking much better spoken than me. And you're much smarter than me. So I'll just back you and use my social media to help you.

And that's where it all started. And that's where you became the sleep paralysis demon of the city. You wake up and you can't move and you want to scream and there's just a shadowy figure in the corner and he's like, you're fucking gay, dude. That's it. He's just on the wall on the ceiling just whispering you're gay. He crawls out of the closet. I just came out of the closet. Crawling up the wall. But it always starts with everyone. Everyone.

Not again, not again, not again. No, no, no, no, no, no. Make a horror movie from Tony Gonzalez's perspective of Donut haunting him. The door opens. It's like a meat canyon. Like Tony against the wall. Or Tony against the wall just gripped on him looking around like a lizard. Yeah. It's like, game. He goes out the door. You're scurrying. Scurrying down the hallway. Game.

But no, I mean, what was funnier, too, is on top of that, we were like, look, we could actually like we could probably pull it off. And I'm like, look at my district. And that's when I really got interested, because I've always been like in politics. But like looking into the votes of Tony and like looking into a lot of that stuff is where I started getting like genuinely ticked off. But what was funnier is we said that, look, this was right after the elections on in November in 2022. Like, dude, if John Fetterman can get elected, Frankenstein, that man.

Is a literal stroke victim. He's actually Fetterman's monster. Fetterman was the scientist. Oh my god.

Anyway, while you're ahead, I'm out. Good night, everybody. Please, please put up a picture of Fetterman for that. Because if you're not a political junkie, that was the funniest shit I've heard all day. Oh my God. Jesus Christ. You peaked. I saw somebody talking about him. Damn, it's only been like 15 minutes. I saw somebody talking about him because he's been getting more conservative lately and taking some like oddly conservative...

stances for a Democrat. And somebody said, damn, homie must have had a stroke of genius. Fucking internet. It'll never lose.

Jesus Christ. I love being able to make these jokes again. It's back. Oh, thank God. We got our friend back. I love how you say the naughty words. I'm free. It was going to be a weird time for if you won. We were like, okay, where's the line now? Because we have no idea. You're like active sitting congressman. Would you be like,

I would have just like, if there was anything super edgy being said, I'll still sit here. I just want Chase to like blur me out. Punch into just my face when I talk about bringing out the guillotines. It's just blurred is really hilarious because it doesn't change. It just turns on and then turns off after the conversation's over. It's like, we know it's Brandon. Doesn't matter. Good luck putting that shit in the mailer.

shit Cody's talking about the blacks again I think when you said the yeah

There was really no way to make that good. Cody's talking about black people. Cody's talking about the blacks. Every time I'm driving through, you know, San Antonio with Cody, I'm like, no, they're called people of color now. Not the other way around, Cody. But look at their skin. Yeah.

We all get blurred out. It just gets so wide, all of us get blurred out. It's okay, my wife's black. She goes to a different school. It's okay, my wife's black. She's from Canada, so you probably would never meet her. Meanwhile, Dylan Johnson. Like, hmm, really? Should I know who this is? Wait a minute, hold on. No, this is great content. The TikTok guy? Or the guy who does the reels?

Oh, no. Like fights animals and shit? Yeah. Uncle Dijon. Uncle Dijon. Uncle Dijon, yeah. Oh, damn, I used his fucking government name. Yeah, that's why I didn't recognize him. All of us were just like,

I'm like, God, if I got your name wrong, I'm so fucking sorry, but I thought that's what it was. Sorry, I actually know you for who you are. No, only pretend internet friends. I still have you as King Trout on my phone. That's fine, everyone does. I go to, like, I type in Connor all the time. Connor, like, who's the, oh, yeah, I am the King, maybe. My phone doesn't recognize. Yeah, I came down, nobody knew my actual, like, my slave name.

And I was just, I had an inside joke to myself that I was going to find out which one of you leaked it first. And it was this fucker. Yeah. Surprise. I would have never done that. Well, I typed in Connor on Twitter and it pops up 18 times, Cody. I was drunk. Yeah. Look,

I make accidents sometimes, like leaking administrative results face before anyone. Multiple times. Yeah. Sometimes my vlog edits get a little sloppy, and I apologize, but no one called on to it until after. There was one comment that was like,

was that administrative results? And I deleted it immediately. No one ever said it. That one guy knew. He was like, oh, I've done the math. Anyway, Cody's address is 1234 Racist Lane. Oh, God.

Church's original recipe is back. You can never go wrong with original.

Still tastes the same like back in the day. Right now, get two pieces of chicken starting at only $2.99 or 10 pieces starting at only $10.99. Churches. All for valid and participating locations. How's it feel not running for Congress? So much better. What was one of the... I know...

you've shown some clips i don't know if you ever did it here some of the people that would get mad or the craziest story during your political you had that one was it a woman that just got up and left oh i had a psycho psycho lady oh she was there crazy dude she's legit insane like schizophrenic yeah so this he showed me or you just got told me about it but that's where you get to see how people cannot rationally behave or even just like comprehend like i should listen to somebody talk

This lady might have had a real mental illness. Did we tell this story on here yet? No, I don't think so. So, yeah, Brandon and I, it was a town hall event at a library. And Brandon and I walk out of the bathroom, and this lady is like, did you know that these water fountains taste different? And if you look there, this water fountain says 1111. I forgot about that. And my son is in the Air Force.

And we're like, ma'am, that's in unison. She's like, well, can you can you explain that? And we're both like, it's probably the filter, like almost at the same fucking time. Yeah. Well, I just don't know. Did you go to church this morning? I know I did. I'm like, ma'am, it's Tuesday. Yeah. The fuck are you talking about? But anyway, we go in there and we're just we're just super polite to her. We're like, yeah, we don't know what's going on. Sorry to hear about the water tasting different and whatever.

And then we go into the event. So I'm speaking, and it's probably a room with maybe 80 people in it, something like that, in the library. Yeah.

And I make the mistake of saying the word dude. Yeah. Because I was saying like, oh, yeah, there's some bad dudes coming across. Something like that. Like I'm referencing something. We were talking about how at the southern border there are like Islamic terrorists coming across the border currently who've been caught and shit like that. And I'm like, yeah, they're grabbing these dudes and blah, blah, blah. She's like – she goes off. She's like, dudes, call them what they – call them what they fucking are. They're –

terrorists and I've heard enough and like just she goes this country is about to be in a civil war. Yeah. And it was in the middle of his speech she just stood up and started screaming this shit. It's like she was acting like I was afraid to say the word terrorist. I'm like okay terrorists. I was just basically a pronoun at that point. What

And, uh, yeah, she, she just like had a big schizo fit. Say it said the same, like things over and over, which is why I'm like thinking actual mental illness, maybe like, yeah. Oh, she was, she was saying the same, like my son is in the air force. I went to church this morning. Like those were kind of her ticks almost. Oh, just repetitive talking. Yeah. And then she, uh, she stormed out after cursing all of us out. Yeah. And, uh, applause on her way out. Well, cause I, I leaned over and I said, excuse me, ma'am, there's bumper stickers. Yeah.

Fucking everybody just started laughing. Just hit her with a one-liner. Hey! Let him cook. I loved getting to handle people like that. Oh, hey. Would you like to see the video of it? I don't know if the audio is good enough. Damn it. Jamie almost pulled it up. Jamie, pull up that blurry picture of Sasquatch. What?

Just put it there. We gotta keep them visually entertained. Jamie, pull up Subway Surfers. Jamie, split the video vertically and put Subway Surfers on the top half. Or a video game where the trucks are going down the ramps. Jamie, play me and my gay ass Zach Bryan. Yeah, dude, if you could play four bodybuilders pissing on each other about Zach Bryan, that would be really great.

The more lord of that last night, I was talking to Jake about that, and we were just bullshitting about that whole thing. I said, you know, we were about to get one of our friends who was good at AI music to literally make me and my big gay a** by Zach Bryan and give it to you and just send it over to you. And he's like, you know I can do that. I was like, you know I can do that in like a couple hours. I will fucking have that for you.

Jake. I love our team. Somehow the straightest Zach Bryan song. No, I think it did come up before because I remember I think I was listening to it and Nick was like, yeah, and then we did this and this. And I was like, you motherfucker. Nick was passed out that entire bus trip back. He woke up for Bucky's and then went back to bed. Nick got shit. I mean, he was on the street.

Because he kept pouting. Remember, that was the one. Yeah, he was chugging beers. That boy's got a loose throat. You know what I'm saying? With everyone. I was like, oh, man, he is going, fuck that. That is going to hurt in the morning. Then we had to apologize to Jake when we got back here from the end of the bus ride because he was genuinely pissed. He immediately stormed out the back door. My favorite part of that was his line where we were just like, yeah, Jake, sorry, we went a little far on that or whatever. He's just like, man, I...

I haven't been bullied like that since high school. Welcome to the party bus. Yeah, I got him. I had to apologize to him last night, too, about after the chess. Last night, we were at Brandon's after party. We were doing the event, watching the numbers getting tallied, and then we all came back. Everyone was pretty drunk, and then Connor decided to play chess. I wanted to play my friend Eli Double Tap here in a game of chess. I know that he's very good at chess.

So we sat down and we played a game of chess and he kicks ass. Granted, I was hammered drunk, as was Eli. So we were both working under a handicap. Came pretty close. And then I realized about five moves away from checkmate, I was going to lose. So I conceded the match. For some reason, lawyer Jake took great issue with this. I can't remember what he said. He called me like a quitter or you're just going to give up.

And then I went into, you know, my natural response when I'm confronted at all is to start yelling at people. And so I got a little fired up.

That little fired up. And I was like, Jake, no matter what I do, I'm going to lose this match. So because you just, because you just, all you had was your king at the time, right? I had it like a king, a rook. So you played, so we played and you played with Jake. Oh yeah. Yeah. That is what happened. I remember. I was like, just get the entire stack. Again, there was some alcohol involved. If you want to know that you just get that, he played chess with Jake, which led into this. Okay. I mean, we have the entire bar to ourselves.

And we drank it. So, played Eli. Eli beat me. Then I played Jake. It's all coming back to me. And then after, did we have sex? There was a little bit of cum involved by Zach Brown. Might have been a mustache. That's what that was. So, rewind. Back to the chess game with Jake. I played him. I realized I was like five moves away from defeat. So, I conceded the match. As is standard operating procedure in a game of chess.

He had a, literally, if you want to know how many pieces Trout had, he had a king and two pawns. Pawn was at a four. Oh, God, nobody knows this, Eli. Never mind. No, Jesus Christ. There's like three guys coming right now. Like, no. Talk more about chess. Chess, chess, chess, chess, chess. And you know what? We just edged those three people. No, why'd he stop?

Not today. So yeah, literally two bombs and a king. So I conceded the match as standard operating procedure in a fucking chess match. Jake got pissed because apparently he wanted to

Put me in checkmate, which conceding the match, you've won. Congratulations. Shake my hand like a goddamn man, you coward. He got mad. So I went off on him. I was like, what do you want me to do? You want me to finish out the fucking match? Like, you've won. You've clearly won. He was like, oh, oh, you're confronted at all. And now you got to start yelling. I was like, yeah, that's what I.

Dude, I lost the match. I'm giving it up to you. Shake my hand, you coward. He wanted to see the light leave your eyes. Yeah, every time I start yelling, I love how Eli checks the levels. Okay, everyone's peeking. I see red, I see red. And then...

He stormed off. He got a little salty. I went over to apologize to him. I came back over to the board, remembered what had just happened. He looked at it. He remembered what had just happened. He got upset at me again. Eli was sitting on the other side of the board in Jake's position when he was playing me. And I was like, Eli, let's finish the fucking match. So I did the three moves until it was in checkmate. I was like, did you get what you want, Jake? Did you get what you want? Are you happy now?

All over a chess match. You missed a lot last night. Yeah. I was a little busy. Yeah. I had some things going wrong. I thought you meant that happened at the bar. No. Yeah, we were playing chess at the bar. That's what I was wondering. I'm like, did you motherfuckers bring a chess set to the bar? Why can't I get hosed? Play chess should totally do that next time. It makes me look intellectual. You're like, fuck. Sorry, I'm still just getting...

It's very fresh. The results are like 12 hours fresh, so I'm still getting texts left and right. Oh, God, I bet. Lots of interesting people. How's Matt Gaetz today? He's doing great, actually. He wasn't one of them. Some interesting people. We can't show it.

Adolf Hitler. He's like, meet me in Buenos Aires on Thursday. Well, he's about 80 years expired. He's 150 years old. He's got that secret Nazi serum, dude. He's down there.

Jack. The same shit Tom Cruise has. Adrenochrome. Brings the Cody guy. We will get along just fine. Let me show you, monologue. You have no idea how much that's such a good opener, just like meeting new people.

You put all your cards out. It's just like it's such a fucking good litmus test to see if someone's going to be cool or not. Find a nice Jewish girl, get her number. I was the prop master on Tiny Guns 3, so I made that thing. And when I finished it, I opened it and then I literally sat there and laughed for like two fucking hours. Just to lock it with a picture of Hitler is instant.

comedy yeah if you don't laugh at that then fuck you if you have it like on your deathbed

A new kid or anything in your future life. If you have a new wife, you just never tell her what's in that locket. Never show her what's in that locket. She gets it on her debt, like when you die. So when she opens that locket for the first time, after 50 years, she's like, what did he hold so precious? It's a Hitler. Even better. We need to throw that locket into like a local city time capsule. Oh my God.

It's like the journal I keep under my bed. It's just drawings of dicks. So then when I die, they're going to be like, oh, I wonder what his thoughts were about. This guy thought about cocks a lot. Yeah, that checks out. Flip him. Can you just make one for all of us now?

What says all just get matching tattoos? It's all just L's and if you put them together it's L's. Is that one like that one? Oh god! You actually got that? Fuck. I had a troubled past. Apparently. Did you get that in prison? I was just about to say, you go in prison you start dividing people up by the color of their skin real quick. Jesus Christ!

Nobody's a skinhead till it's shower time. Chase is just like, God. Chase, cut to a manscaped commercial. We'll be right back after these messages.

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Chase, please.

Chase, please. Me and my big gay. Speaking of manscape, the lawnmower 4.0 will shave your asshole very nicely for another man to put it in it. While you listen to Zach Ryan. This is what we get to deal with. Chase, put on. Don't forget to work the balls when you're by Zach Ryan. Make sure your beard is nicely trimmed so you don't hurt the other man's penis by Zach Ryan.

Very intricate, detailed song titles. You're like, okay. And then the CD covers, just like these long-ass names. That's what your thought is? The CD covers? I know. Mine is immediate. It's like, how would that look font-wise? What font is it? How long are the titles? I'm like, one, two, three, four. It's like an iambic pentameter or some shit. This is how your brain went. My brain immediately was like, you know when you're having sex with a woman who has recently shaved her pubes? And then they're like...

It's like sandpaper on you. That was where my brain went and you were like, fonts, CDs. We aren't built this way. Trout horn gear. It's going to be called the gay racism episode, dude. That's all of them. I might be gay and you can't prove I'm not.

Well, I don't know. Those ads are getting pretty... Yeah. Might be able to prove you are. Well... You recorded that? Well... Was it? I had like...

When we did the Adam and Eve ad, that was, I was like, you don't have to wear the outfit because I laughed at it in my head. And then he's like, no, and Sav had an extra. And you're like, yeah, I'll wear it. I was like, yeah, fuck yeah. I don't know what's funnier, the part that you volunteered for it or the part that Sav's clothes fit you perfectly. Listen, our tits are the same size.

Clearly, clearly. I didn't even think about that. I just put it on. I just thought about it. Sorry. I put it on. It fit nice. It felt good. It felt right. It felt like I was finally myself for the first time in my life. And then when I was rolling around in that bed being sexy for Eli, you know, things just lined up for me personally. So I guess this is where I...

Yeah. Just in a dress. It was like, hi guys. Sorry, Chase, that you had to get the entire memory card for that. The ad only took about four minutes to film. There was 37 minutes on the card. Yeah.

He's like, what? Four terabytes for an ad? I'm like, yeah, we did a little photo shoot. The funnest one was like, okay, put your legs up like this and hold it. And I'm going to put the camera because I have to film it. So just have that camera like right up on top. He's like, are we really doing this? I was like, uh-huh. I was like, don't worry. We don't see your dick or anything because he was in a skirt. So it's just like I'll just frame it like right here.

Okay. And good. He's like, what's the image? I showed him his just legs up. You know the image. Oh, yeah. It's fucking. That's intimate. Yeah. Memories. Does he, like, like said, if he makes you do this all the time, you can tell us. We can have a company meeting. This will be the second vote we ever take. Yeah. You need to speak to HR, bud. No, it's fine.

He's so big! It's that Brazilian jiu-jitsu dude. You get that big boy greased up writing about communism, he'll pin you down! Oh, you literally hit him with the oil up. Yep. Oh, I hate that image. Nick oiled up walking around whitey tighties. Just grabbing you.

That's horrifying. It was the most horrifying. I can do worse. It's Nick in a tank top and only a tank top. The Winnie the Pooh. Dude,

Dude, that's my favorite joke. In the woods? When you're about to meet a piece of fucking cryptid? Yeah, he's walking around in the woods and just that tank top has Winnie the Pooh on it. It's the new Slender Man. Like, every time you turn around, he's closer. No! He can't move unless... Like, if you're staring at him, he can't move. The jump scare? Turn around! Make eye contact with his dick and he gets closer to you. Just...

See, the Winnie the Pooh will never not be funny to me. If you're about to be intimate with a partner, we'll call them. Apparently I'm gay on the internet or whatever. On the internet? Yeah. Stop it. Just next time. Yeah, well, this is my recommendation to any gentleman out there. If you're about to be intimate with a lady, tell her you'll be right back.

You're gonna get more comfortable whatever, you know, your line. I hate this. Go in the bathroom. Dude, take off all your clothes except for your shirt and your socks. And then come back out and just continue as normal. That will be so uncomfortable. Weird. It's impossible to be horny when you're wearing a shirt. Like, dude, button-up shirt, no pants on a dude, the worst look. On a chick, it's like...

11 out of 10. Actually fair. That's a double standard. Yeah. I don't like that. I never thought about that. However, I would say button up is probably better than t-shirt. T-shirt is just straight up Winnie the Pooh.

He's coming out covered in honey. How to make women not horny by King Trout. Do they just come around the corner? Oh, bother. How to pick up women at a bar. You approach them and you say, I bet I can run faster than you. You said the other day, you're like, I come from a long line of slow women and strong men. I got that Norse blood in me.

Thank you, Sean. Oh, dear God. Oh, there we go, poop tea. Oh, those things are... Poop tea. Oh, now I get the joke. The sweeties. Yeah, I wasn't here for the first time. Now I see the poop tea thing. Dude, the peach one. Take a sip of that one, too, because they're fucking... They all slap. I feel bad with the amount of beverages we're sponsoring. Are you guys sponsored by them and you're trying to... No, we're not. Okay. That's why we call it poop tea. Fair enough. So in their comments, they get to just read poop tea. Like, fuck, why do I keep doing this? How many social media managers have we sent to therapy, you think?

Bullying people into it. I know that poor 22-year-old sitting there that manages their stuff is like, why do they keep calling it poop tea? Ranch water, we bullied them into sending us crates of... Back in the day, it was talking about ranch water and then telling people to go and comment on their stuff until they sponsored us. So they spent like four pallets of ranch water. This is like Cody's house was just...

We had ranch water for weeks. You know, that's why I'm here, right?

No, weaponizing my fans. You're like, this is all I'm here for. No, the unsubscribed podcast posted a tweet and it was like, who would you like to see as our next guest? And so I went on Instagram and I was like, everybody go on the unsubscribed podcast's Twitter and comment that you want me on an episode. And then I got a DM from a show like four days later. And here we are. To be honest with you though, I had already known who you were for a long time.

I've been watching your shit for a while. It's the right kind of skit. So subscribe to my only fans. I think I saw you in fucking Sab's clothes. It's a good look. You're like, yeah, put me in a skirt, bro. My balls hanging out the bottom. I think you showed me his content. I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Cause I thought like, look at this skit. So fuck. Yeah. And then we invited him out to shot show.

And that's like, I think that was, was that the first time we hung out? No. I think it was an episode of Unsubscribed. You've only been to one Shaw Show, right? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was way before that. Oh, was it? Yeah. I came down. I stayed here with Nick. Yeah. Yeah. You did like, this is your first episode episode though, right? I think I've been on before. Yeah. No, I was on before. What are we at? 158? Yeah. What are we? 158?

YouTube in general episodes. We're getting up there. 160. We've got to do something real fucking special for 169.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We'll get it done. Dude, we got... We'll be dead by 420, so that doesn't matter. Yeah. Unless this is still going, making a lot of money at that point. Everything goes the way I planned. I'll be dead tomorrow. Same. Did you guys watch... Public crippling defeat to the tune of millions of dollars? See y'all in the gift shop.

Is that what you call heaven? The gift shop? Don't forget to tip your waitress. Wendigoon will find that joke particularly funny and I cannot say why.

Oh, I remember that story. Yeah. We all have plans in life, maybe to take a cross-country road trip or simply get through this workout without any back pain. Whether our plans are big, small, spontaneous, or years in the making, good health helps us accomplish them.

At Banner Health, we're here to provide more than health care. Whatever you're planning, wherever you're going, we're here to help you get there. Banner Health. Exhale. Yeah, I'll find out. Exclusively on Pepperbox. No, no. That's a private friend story. We'll go to prison.

Oh, fuck. My brain just wiped. Uh-oh. It reset. I'll read notes. Did not help. I was like, what is my brain doing? And it's just like, nah, dog. I'm going to control it, delete that. It's like autopilot mode. Eli just blue screened in front of us.

All of a sudden, you just like revert back to the red 40 stare. I'm sorry. All the sewer slide jokes made me think of this. You remember Dane Cook? Unfortunately, yes. Yeah. He was sort of funny sometimes, but he actually said something really funny one time where he's talking about, you know, if I'm ever going to go out, I'm going to run into a crowded subway train and put a gun against my head and say, who fucking farted? Who fucking farted? It just breaks my brain.

Just dramatically. The news, when they're interviewing those people, it's like, I don't know, he just ran in and he just said, who farted? And I accidentally did right before his debate. Yeah, she still got blood. Somebody farted and they just blamed themselves for the rest of their life. That's some hell of a strange survivor guilt. This is great. Don't put gasoline on yourself.

Oh, fuck. I was specifically thinking of the scene from Airplane where the Arab guy is just dousing himself in gasoline because the guy's just talking too long next to him. I need to watch that movie again. It's been like 20 years. Yeah, I mean, what, 1977? Yeah, it's considered one of the funniest movies of all time. Yeah, remember like it was yesterday. Very different kind of humor. Oh, yeah. That slapstick Leslie Nielsen.

Yeah. I like gangster movies. I love Les and Nielsen. Like, what's the Fugitive and then he had... Naked Gun. Naked Gun. What was the Fugitive ripoff? The Fugitive. Fugitive was Harrelson...

Harrison Ford and Tommy Lee Jones. So, and then Leslie Nelson had a version of that where he's on the run from cops. It was like one of the dumbest scenes and I used to find it hilarious. Like he's running from the train. He's on a train track and the chains are like chasing him and they did the legs to the side. So it's like the old cartoon and he runs off the train track and he's like, wait, I can just get off the train track. Then the train gets off the train track and starts chasing him through the

And then the engine stops. He doesn't hear anything. He's like looking around. He's Breeze. He's like...

And he looks and there's a tree. So he's like peeking out from the tree. And then the train peeks out from the tree. And then he gets back and starts chasing him. And it's fucking comedy. That's a perfect level of retarded humor that I love so much. That is my favorite style. Like Hot Shots. The Charlie Sheen parody of Top Gun. Oh, yeah. Dude, my favorite scene from that is when they're army crawling through the field.

low crawling through the field and he like comes across like a like a set of leather boots and he it does that like camera whip up like pan up and it's just a pair of boots in the middle of a field and then he crawls by him oh god yeah because the second one was like a rambo spoof oh yeah i might be remembering a different movie then no i was thinking a homeward bound what no that's the one with the that's the one with the dog

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. It's all good. Rip. Cats. The cat. Yeah. Backwatch. Do you remember that one? Oh, they all live. It's the two dogs and the cat. Yeah, they all live. Oh, yeah. They did live. The last one, the last dog that helps the other dog get... I hate it. I don't remember this goddamn movie. They help the other dog get... I was like, I'm too old. He's like, I helped you. And they're like, he's gone. And they're like, Shadow. And then the boy's like, Shadow, where's Shadow? And then right when the boy's like...

the dog comes over that like dirt road and then runs up and he's like shadow you're here thank you i hate that i remember that i haven't seen that since first how does this make you feel all those animals are dead bad cody it makes us feel bad

Everyone's dead! The next merch shirt is all three of them and it just says dead on it. I was like, why would you wear that? I was just speaking the truth. Cody's over there looking at 1920s footage of the clans. How does it make you feel that they're all dead? Don't feel good. Watching war footage of Hitler giving his speech. Well, he's dead. How does that feel?

He opens his locket and cries. A single tear. I was about to say a single tear falls off my locket. For all the bad he did, you do have to give Hitler credit for killing Hitler. Dude, that new... Oh, that's the one joke I wanted to put in. Because at one point I will do a video on the gun that killed Hitler. It's basically like a German-made Walther. PPK, I believe. Yeah, it was a PPK. And I wanted to throw out... Same gun James Bond carried. Correct.

But they I wanted to do a bit where it's like, man, this is the gun that killed Hitler. And I'll tell you what.

The guy who killed Hitler is a big inspiration for a lot of us. Just keep throwing out jokes for those who don't understand history at all. I'm a big fan of the guy who killed Hitler. He had a lot of good ideas. I think more people should listen to the guy who killed Hitler. Like, just keep throwing those fucking one-liners out there. Man, I love that I get to make funny jokes. I was about to say, you could do jokes. He's back! I will say, watching that new Pepperbox episode that just came out about Tiny Guns 3, that was fucking...

That would have been bad. No, did you watch it? Not yet. I have the link. I haven't seen it yet. Dude, it is comedy gold. You've watched it. Yeah. Yeah, it's funny as hell. Enemy aircraft incoming! Gun jams, misfires, blows up. PTSD.

Jesus, Captain, they're at set. Hey, can you do me a solid and let Commander know we need a garrison? We're gonna be attacking this objective. My squad leader won't put down outposts. Did you get him on? Holy fuck. He's got middle school gym teacher calves on him. I die in the next scene, so I figured I'd have my last cigarette. Blew my damn head off. Thank you, guys. I'm gonna go get some fucking sleep.

Finn knocked that out of the park and then you have all the beats where all the music's played. He has German music playing anytime the Nazis are on screen, like marching around and walking. And then just the comedy beats are fucking chef's kiss. God, Caleb, his line about Anne Frank. You get me within 10 yards of Anne Frank.

I'll tell you what. Jesus Christ. The second everyone put on those uniforms, it's like the American side of the Nazis. It's like the ring. Exactly. Dude, yeah, everybody puts them on and everybody made like the same series of 10 jokes. It's like you put it on and you're like, ooh.

We get fired up. I get why they're so angry now. We were talking about Caleb because he's such a big person, just like walking into Anne Frank's house and punching through the ceiling. Just like the juggernaut. The uber Nazi.

I got a video that Cody took a video of me wearing a cowboy hat in the SS uniform. And he like pans the camera over to me and I clip my heels together and I go, howdy, while I throw the secret handshake. You can watch that right here. Put the clip right here. Greetings from Argentina. Been here since 1946.

your death i'd love how they did your death brandon that's the stuff where you have younger editors it's like oh they get this like i would have never thought of that i don't think anyone would have thought of that joke so fucking fried it's just good enough i love yeah that fever dream man

I'll say, yeah, because when I get shot, it's like me and I'm smoking a cigarette. And I was like, well, I get killed in the next scene. So I figured I'd have my last cigarette. Also, Eli and I have talked about this, about watching yourself on footage. We'll loop back to that. But then I get my head blown off.

And he cut in a little like circle of my face and like 50% opacity. And I go, boom, a damn head off. But back to the watching recordings of yourself. My body language is so gay, dude. It's weird. The internet thinks you are. Yeah. My ex wife too.

Just because I didn't want to consummate our marriage. Now all of a sudden I'm gay. Yeah, I'm all big into her brother and now it's a big deal. Dude, Nick's story when we're talking about Nick's thighs, it is so funny. I was like, how the fuck don't these fit? I was like, Jesus Christ, you have like the biggest ankles and thighs possible. And he's like, I don't know, blah, blah, blah. And then it immediately goes into the gang, the sunny music. It says Nick's brain's ankle. And that's the next chapter. It goes like, you have strong ankles, you have bitch ass ankles.

Instantly. It's just really well done. I thought he was built different until he met that hole. No, it's the story of our lives. Hey, man, brother. It was a rock? Yeah, I think Scott, Kentucky Ballistics, pushed him when they were dying for drama, pushed him, and he pushed him so that he had to sidestep, and he stepped on a rock, and it rolled his ankle. Not the first time one of us got hurt on a rock. Boom! Boom!

Sorry, I'm training. I'm doing that training dad energy right now. Yeah, dude, that was really well done. It was like... Bombastic side eye. That lovely silence. Fucking killed it. Dude, you just did the Sturmgewehr.

A day before my election. I know. That's why I was like, brave man. Brave man. He doesn't care. This is as it should be. And it's too late to. Yeah. And it was a big fuck you to the media, too. Like, people tried to cancel me for an MP40 video. A video in which I say, like, hey, you know, jokes aside, like, we don't actually like Nazis. Like, our political philosophy is, like, the opposite of fascism. Like, I'm a pro-freedom guy. They burned books and they took the guns. They're not my biggest fans and I'm not the biggest fan of theirs.

But they still try to make me – But you can't do anything on history, Brandon. You just can't touch history. That's a Nazi. You're immediately related to it. Interesting because that sounds like burning books. But like I –

But I did the MP40 video and like two years later they say it resurfaced video. It's like, no mother. I put it up there. It got like 3 million views. I'm proud of it. It's still on my fucking channel. That's on my YouTube channel. You just Googled me the first time you retard. Anyway, I, but just to prove that I wasn't sorry.

I like the day before my election, like, fuck you. I got another Nazi machine gun video to do. And I literally just shit on media the entire time. I shit on journalists like four times in that video. Guys, remember, bully journalists anytime you can. Yeah. Bully politicians. That's the biggest takeaway from this. If this election taught me anything, it's that if you think you hate journalists enough that you don't, you fucking don't. They are the worst. They are lower than pond scum. Are you saying they manipulate the media? Sorry, Mr. Medina.

Oh, yeah. We got a couple friends, but like friends excluded. Most of them are just trash. Dude, I as an outside perspective, I mean, watching everything, it was insanity to see just the people with makeup or the agendas that would be pushed or things that were taken out of context. That's why I hated I hated it even more for social media and then journalists of.

in um in politics because that is disgusting behavior like and then they act like what horrent why does nobody trust the media it's like i don't know maybe because you're a bunch of fucking snakes like anybody who does any modicum of research into this knows like if you but i and i said this don't that's what sucks like no one does research on it and dark oh i mean i mean the people that are doing it i mean the journalists like anybody who's looking into it to write an article they saw the context they know all this shit they just they don't

care. And most importantly, they want to purposely take it out of context to get clicks because they're just us, but worse. They just want to click Betty bullshit title. Yes. They just thrive and they thrive off of that where it's like,

as long as they get fucking their google adsense ads looked at in their shit then they're gonna say whatever they can to get the most clicks no matter how wrong it is darnell would darnell would text he's like what the darnell didn't know i would tell him in the past he can't trust the government and then like media news they lie and he he understood it a good amount and tell seeing the

they would put against you or the guys. He was like, this is like blatant lies. This is just trying to assassinate somebody's character based off of no idea. Just no idea. I have a list of people that I'm still going to go after pretty hard on Twitter. From

Brandon in Minecraft What a national treasure

I like that fucking, that little soy boy going after Wendigoon. Dude, that's what I wanted to talk about too. He also went after us. He went after all of us. 40 minutes that he cut out after he got bullied so hard for also blatant fucking lies and being retarded. Jesus Christ. He told the truth about me. That was the funny part because I remember somebody got up in arms about like, oh, well, did you see he called you like a super right winger? And I'm like,

Well... Wait, did I make it in the gay documentary? He came after me because I was laughing about a dude getting his head blown off with a shotgun. This man had...

R.E.P.E.D'd a seven-year-old and was holding the seven-year-old's mom hostage. And that's hilarious. That is fucking hilarious that he got shot. Don't make that noise in my ringtone. And then he laughed about a man dying. Yeah, he's an amazing man. He pointed out your thumbnail because the thumbnail is you going like...

He made you sound so fucking cool though. And here we have donut operator, a guy who makes death content. I'm like, damn death content is a cool fucking genre. Dibs on the indie band name. Death.

content. Dude, he just made that video. It's like slaughter to prevail, opening band, death content. Cody walks on stage, shoots somebody in the head.

Hi everyone. Everyone's like, oh, cool, oh, cool. Going to the Donut Operator live show. Everybody brings a fucking punch. Oh yeah. Donut Operator. Instead of watermelons, he just smashes a guy's skull.

That dude. So this guy, we won't even name him, but he did a three hour segment cut 40 minutes out a day or two days later because he's

The entire video. The internet loves Wendigo. Yeah. And most importantly, he learned the biggest lesson to be learned in all of this. You don't fuck with our friends. Yeah, man, brother. Simple as that. Also, don't be a don't go on to and be like, I'm just not. I'm not attacking people on Twitter just to attack people and then proceeds to attack people on Twitter because that's what he wanted. The central point of the video. Also, never wear. If you're a white dude that looks like that, do not do never fucking wear a goddamn native

with the tassels. What are those called? Tassels? Yeah. What's that coat called? It's like the brown and then they have just tassels everywhere. Sacagawea. Sacagawea? No, I believe it's pronounced Sacagawea. Sacagawea. All right. That's Sacagawea. That shirt pissed me off so bad. Just watching him talking, I'm like, ugh.

He looks like a gay cowboy. I think he is a gay cowboy. He hated you guys though. I'm watching he did it for just humor. Humor. Sorry, we had a moment. I don't know how to quit you. You do get real **** when I'm around. Dude, something about you makes me horny.

I think it's the long hair. I think it's my brain. I have that effect on autistic men between 20 and 35. Right out of my age bracket. 45. Grandpa Eli. Grandpa Eli. Eli's a weirdo who likes titties. Look at me! My name's Eli. I like having sex with women and eating. Eli! I'm a ghost.

What are you doing? I'm here to tell you about Ghost Bag! Is this an ad? It might be an ad. Why are you in my bedroom? I don't know! Scoot over, let's talk about it. Every ghost mattress has a 20-year warranty. Some even have a 25-year warranty. And you can try them out for 101 nights, worry-free. If you don't like it, just send it back. I don't like this. No hard feelings.

One of our favorite things about GhostBed is that it has cooling technology. So if you get hot at night like we do down here in Texas, it's a lifesaver. I'm uncomfortable. But you're not hot, are you? I'm uncomfortable. But you're not hot, are you? GhostBed also offers bundles so they have everything you need. Just choose one of their four mattresses and pick your bundle. Why are you doing this to me? Four mattresses! Four?

Right now, GhostBed is offering 50% off all their products. Just use code "unsubscribe" at checkout or go to ghostbed.com/unsubscribe. Please buy some at ghostbed.com/unsubscribe. I'll be under your bed if you need me. This feels like eating ice cream for the first time after a two-year diet.

Oh, you're just going, Hammy, like, I can say all these words. I can say whatever I fucking want. Chase is just like, it's like, well, the pepper box is an easy edit. I know this entire episode is just going to be. Also, for the people that are still wondering why we've sits are on YouTube is because there is a limit to how many cuss words you can say. Otherwise you get demonetized. We don't know how we can set.

Say that enough. We got age gated or whatever it was, like two episodes in a row. We did nothing wrong other than say fuck too many times in a like 60 second or 30 second time frame. I didn't even know that was a rule. This was the most wholesome episodes too. You're talking about Grandpa Gaming. Which was the most respectful. Like the comments were like, you can tell the guys are trying to be like super respectful. Yeah. Age restricted. That episode got age restricted when we had to fight and then cut out a one minute segment or something. Yeah.

Something that wasn't even that bad. I look back at it and I'm like, this is one, if you're like... He only said like four slurs. He's from a different time. No, he's a sweetheart. I'm joking. He's awesome. He did say the slur stuff. He's like, no. Also a joke. Also a joke. But he's like that episode in the demo and...

The episode right before it, all both age-restricted just because of cuss words. So if you're wondering why it has little beeps sometimes, that is exactly why. But why would you censor it? Fuck that. No, if you get age-restricted, your viewership tanks immediately. It's being smart, guys. It's being smart. Yeah. And realistically, it's like the reason you're watching the unsubscribed podcast is probably because it got presented to you by the algorithm, which doesn't fucking happen when it gets age-restricted.

So like, you're cutting our reach and like a lot of you who for some reason aren't subscribed, I don't know why you wouldn't be subscribed to a podcast called Unsubscribe. The only way you guys see it... Damn it! That was our Death Star exhaust port. A podcast called Turn Off Your Computer and Go Outside. But what you should do after you're done.

But like for those of you who aren't subscribed, the only way you see this is because it's pushed you in the algorithm in your home feed, your browsing feed, or your suggested videos. So like none of that happens when we get like demonetized. So it's not just a money play. It's literally – it just cuts our reach entirely. Like you were looking at – hey, you're doing 100,000 – Cody has a good example. You were doing like a million views and it got turned off or you got hit with age restriction. Yeah.

Again, a million views in a day and then age restricted immediately. You just see the line go like flatline and 1.1 million after like a month. It chokes the shit out of that piece of content. I love how YouTube tries to say that that's not what happens. That demonetization doesn't drive your views. Yeah, you can see it in your fucking analytics. You can see it go and it just drops.

Like, yeah, it's why. And it's, and you have to placate to it, especially if you want to get your message to a wider audience. It's just being smart about it. It's making your soapbox and then be like, okay, this is how I operate this soapbox. I have to cut a few words out. That's fine. Then create,

Pepperbox. So then you don't have to cut those words. Freedom! I love how though every YouTuber you talk to, like when you bring it up, well, apparently, well, demonetization doesn't cut your reach. Every one of them laughs. We all know it's a lie. It's like, yeah, okay. And my uncle was really checking me for ticks. Okay, yes, sir. Yeah.

Penis inspection day at gym class was to make sure that everything was healthy. I don't know why they did it every week. Bro, we got violent Brandon back. This is awesome. Amen, brother. I fucking love it. It's back. I need to watch your Sturmgewehr video. I haven't watched it yet. I go pretty hard, all things considered.

Did you borrow one of the outfits for it? No. That would have been hilarious. That would have been real awkward if I won. I kind of wish now I did go as a German this time around in this video because, like, I mean, it would have been kind of weird if I did win. But now that I didn't, it's like, oh, dude, that would have been fucking rad.

Except, actually, no, I go back on that. American uniforms were way cooler. Yeah. As far as, like, physical temperature-wise. Like, Jesus, you guys were falling out. Cody Bell fucking died. Yeah. I tried him on. The wool on more wool. Uh-huh. Yeah. Great in the Battle of the Bulge. Terrible in Bernie.

welcome to texas i mean it was 100 degrees and 80 humidity yeah it was yeah about 100 degrees 80 humidity and i was where yeah like you said wool on wool on wool dude i was i was falling out like they they decided to make the last scenes where i'm just sitting down because i was fucking dying holy by the way have you seen that cut yes no i just watched it last night

What? It's so fucking sick, dude. They don't have the VFX. They have temporary music right in place, but they cut that all together. It is fucking sick.

gangster i can't wait to see that get hyped could you send that over yeah done and the the beat of how long it takes how long we're killing cody is amazing it's like it's that next level of oh it's so good we'll send it over because jake showed me last night he's like oh yeah sam's super stoked to get the edit done so he's already been like cutting the fuck out of that thing and i'm

just the acting and everything. It was like, if this is just one portion, this is going to be comedy gold. The scenes from you, I won't ruin anything. We'll, we'll show you guys, but Holy fuck. It is perfection. And Cody's death is,

I thought it would cut way sooner. It holds. Like a shooting Cody. Yeah, it keeps going. It's just murdering Cody. It does a thing where it's like funny and then it stops being funny and then it gets funny again. It's kind of like the How I Met Your Mother, like the, I would walk 500 miles. After like three hours, like tired of it, like just wait, it comes back. And then they're back into it. Oh, I'm so excited for that one. I think everyone is. That one is just...

When you have our group plus the production value, the production quality of Corridor Digital. Magic. And we get to do...

More stuff like that because we were talking with Jake and then I'm trying to get Grantham, Kentucky. I talked to Kentucky about it already, but all of us doing a riding retreat where we go hunt. I'd love to do that. Like a fucking four-day, like bros out drinking, having a good time, doing everything, and then also riding. Hunting the most dangerous game. Yes, man. Long pig. Me running through the woods. A long pig? You dressed like Sam? Yeah.

Alright, Connor, we didn't want to tell you why we want to hang out with you. Hold your fire until you see the whites of his balls. Oh, I just said your real name again. Fuck. I already did earlier. I think it's done now, right? Yeah, who cares? On which one? We can't say the real name? No, I don't give a shit. No, I f***ed that up. Oh, nice. Way to blow it! I put it in a vlog that got like a couple hundred thousand views. Cody. Obsec. Obsec.

Offsec100. So I'm at the front lines here. We're in a secret location. It's like I've never had... Here's the coordinates, guys. I have never had a significant other that I've put anywhere on social media just because I don't believe in it. It's not something that I... I keep my private life private and it's just the way I like to do things. You have doxxed every girlfriend I've ever had. Every single fucking one in a vlog in one way or the other.

Don't do it on purpose, man. I know, I know, but at one point the camera swings around and we're in the background like, god damn it, being obviously a couple. He keeps posting videos of me in the shower on his vlog channel.

Crazy right now does that to me all the time. God damn man. Give me a minute of privacy. We have we have one Cody Cody We have one where I'm eating me and Sav aren't being public yet So I'm like holding the hand and then Cody's like vlogging and I'm like, oh I put my hand down and that he's like, oh shit You shove her up the stool. Yeah Well, we'll get rid of that and then the vlog entire thing with him saying we'll get rid of that like I

So my ex at one point, he had panned around the table and she's obviously covering her face and he's like, can't show that, that's Brandon's girlfriend. Which that was a level of, okay, I'm fine with that, whatever. The next shot is us in the background walking together. Same clothes, everything. I'm like, god damn it. You're just ruining it. Just fuck all my friends' lives up.

What's funny is it's done with the best of intentions. Like, it's no malice whatsoever. His next blog is just the address placard of the unsub house. Like, the bedroom I sleep in. We're touring Trout's bedroom. Here's where he keeps his gun. Holding a laser pointer. Trout got mail.

Just cycling through all this unopened mail. Hey, look, I found your social security card. Whoa, look at this. Holding a laser pointer from the front. If you were going to shoot through the wall to kill Trout sleeping, this is about where he lays. It's like that fucking White House kids, you know, skit. You remember the one? It is very illegal to say. It's illegal to say on TV if you were to shoot a mortar from there, you could hit the White House with it. Yeah.

Oh, speaking of legally is a way to say things, you probably don't want me to... No. Okay. If we could avoid that. Will do. Chestnut checkers. My boy. Yeah. It would be very funny. However...

Oh yeah. Hold, hold. Rich and Nick were doing a, uh, they were doing a live stream about watching your stuff last night, right? Were they? Well, yeah, no, I know. Uh, angry, angry cops. Yeah. Rich was doing a live stream. Fat was with him. Oh really? Oh shit. I would've jumped in. I did. Uh, I jumped into, uh, so Brayden Langley, uh, was, uh, doing a live stream and the tactical tournament guy. And, uh,

Oh, fuck yeah. At Dalton were doing it. So I jumped into theirs. Fuck, I would have jumped in with them if I knew that. Yeah, they had it going. They had like 11,000 viewers. You're welcome for the money. Dude, I was like, man, YouTube's that different live streaming because it's like, I don't know how it works. It's...

There's super chats. Yeah. Super chats. I've seen it on like shorts, but I don't know. Yeah. You get your messages read. It just pops it to the top. I don't even know how it fucking works. Every tell you how much I made off the January 6th stream, which was hilarious by the way. Yeah. I made like $22,000 off of that stream.

I had 700,000 people watching me just watch the January 6th stuff. You had 700,000? Yeah, all I was doing was switching around to different news stations and watching the news. God damn. More for you. Thank you, show. The shakes are finally going away. Thank you, show. Thanks. The shakes are going away. Oh, you get a whiskey?

A whiskey? Uh, it's still before 2 o'clock. I'm not going to switch to whiskey yet. Oh. Pussy. It's 1. It's 2 p.m. on the East Coast. Our sponsor for this video is PDS Debt because everything is really expensive right now. I spent $400 at the grocery store. I don't even know what I got. Milk. He got milk. One milk. You may be in debt right now because the economy is in shambles. You know what also comes with debt? Stress. Anxiety. Existential doom.

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Go now! I'm going. Oh, we got your cooking show. I'm super stoked for it. If you guys don't know this, Cody slaps at cooking. Like, that next level. I consider myself a decent cook. I'm like, fuck yeah. I nailed that one. You were the only dude. I'm like, fuck you, dude. Like, fuck you. Mine tastes like absolute...

Now, this boy pours a mean bowl of cereal. Cody? Yeah. No. It's crazy. You wouldn't believe it. Tastes really good. It's just milk and cereal. Secret recipe. The steak that you made. Why am I looking at you? I know. The steak that you made. That couple of weeks ago, that was...

So fucking good. Thanks, guys. We just hit finger. Everyone is just eating with their hands. And we're just standing around the island on the cutting board, just like coming as they're eating.

Slices of steak. So good. So good. And being able to turn that into something awesome. I'm like, yes. Yes. Let's fucking do this thing. Eli is creating a cooking show for me. Yes. I know if you guys don't remember during like the height of COVID, I maybe bleep that word. Can we say COVID still? Yeah, we can say COVID. Okay. Now you can. Can we say you can, right? Yeah. Yeah. Now you're good. Can you say you can? I think so. Can you say you can?

I don't know. Can you say Nick?

He's my best friend. Yeah, during the height of COVID, I did six... I think it was 61 cooking streams, like, straight, every day for two months. I did 61 cooking streams. 61? Mm-hmm. Straight. I didn't know it was that much. It's like while we were locked down, all that f***ing bullshit. Yeah, I did 60... It was 60-something straight. That's f***ing crazy. It was like a horror ARG where you just got more and more demented as the episodes go along, like, slowly. It was awesome, man. I just told, like...

up police stories and like gross stories and shit and like while i was cooking and everyone loved it dude i was getting like a couple thousand people every stream just watching me cook i remember some of them but i didn't know you were doing it every fucking day but then again it was code you guys hadn't moved down here yet yeah i was like i was still in south carolina it was like a year before

Cause you moved down and then how long did it take for you to like, he came down a couple months after two later. Yeah. Yeah. No, we were already planning on it. Cause I was already spending so much fucking time in Texas. And like the, the difference was pretty staunch. Like it, cause North Carolina's governor was really, really left.

And so the lockdown rules for COVID were so bad. And so like coming to like in October, I basically spent the entire month of October during COVID in Texas doing an AK build, a couple AK build classes and shit like that. And we were hanging out.

And I was like, dude, this is night and day. Texas is beautiful. I've got family from here. And like, dude, this is why the fuck am I still in Fort Bragg? Oh, yeah. You are out there. Yeah. I'm like, dude, what the fuck? Why am I? My family's already moved. Like, why the fuck am I here? You came out here and crushed. I remember those conversations. And then everyone started moving out here. And now we continue to have people move out here. Such as yourself. Good. Left the Hoosier state. My home. Yeah.

My heart remains in Indiana. Island of misfit autists. We're just building up like an awesome gang of

Just like really, really good people that want to lift each other up. Future apocalypse bandits. Which is also true. We have like a good fucking like fallout plan. Like this is the gang I'd roll with. But since it's not fallout, it's like happy lifting each other up. Everyone covers down and crushes life. I'm like, this is the best point in my life for business partners. I can say that wholeheartedly. Of the entire team, business partners, friends, this is the pinnacle. I was like, okay, I could die tomorrow and be like, you know what? That was pretty dumb.

That was pretty dope. Best job I ever had. Yeah, best job I ever had. Best job I ever had. I'm secretly collecting information to record a hit piece on all of you. Well, I can say that you're officially 24 hours too late. Fuck. No one's going to buy that. I'm going to take down his campaign. Wait, what happened? He's like, shit, I forgot to do the thing. Sorry, I was just having fun. I kind of got wrapped up in the moment. You're a busy little boy today. Yeah, journalists don't go to heaven. Fuck.

That's true. Cyclists and journalists don't go there. Amen, brother. If you ride a bike, fuck you. I don't mind if you ride a bike. Don't ride it on the fucking road. Don't ride a bicycle. Ride a bike on a nature path. Ride a bike a place where bikes live. What are you, 12? Get off a bike. What the fuck are you doing on a bike? I almost fucking hit a car today. Literally on my way here. I almost.

hit a car because there was a bike dude on the side of the fucking road i'm getting from this it's like hey do we keep that segment in for uh sorry like i said if you want a barrel so chase will just just bleep the hard ones there or just cut around it or bleep it since that's the hard part with pepper box right now also for a

FYI, censorship free means censorship free on what we decide of like, hey, this killed our career because it could be... Brandon, again, all you need to... I might have to run again in two years. Brandon made a joke about veteran sewer slides and look at how much shit that caused and taken out of content. And that was with a group of veterans laughing about a joke that we didn't make. Yes. A joke that we didn't make. We were talking about a joke. We were going to...

Say in the Veterans Sewer Slide Prevention panel earlier that day, never fucking said the joke, repeated the joke that I didn't say on the panel during the podcast, saying like, this is the joke that Eli said would be funny, but we decided not to do.

And then it literally probably killed that campaign just because it was purposely out of context. Like that is crazy because they went ham. They spent fucking six million dollars pushing a false narrative. So that's why when you see like any of that in Pepperbox, it's like if we're cutting around something, it is for that because that can fuck us just taken out of context. And if you're still in that woods, freedom of speech, blah, blah, blah, 100 percent go into your workplace and yell the N-word.

- See what they're here to do. - And then be like, "What if they took it out of context?" - Freedom of speech is not freedom from consequences, which is like, you should be able to say whatever you want legally. - 100%. - I have no, no matter what heinous shit you wanna say, unless it's like an actionable threat against a person, like, you say whatever the fuck you want.

And even then, maybe. I'm doing a little side eyes. Like West Baptist Church is Westboro Church? Westboro Baptist Church. You're a member still, right? Mm-hmm.

I hate to despise those people, but they're allowed to do everything that they do. They have the freedom to speak. They have freedom of speech, freedom of religion, and freedom to peaceably assemble as per the First Amendment. They're doing all three, and they're pieces of shit. And I don't really want to hang out with them or anything, but they have a legal right to do that.

That's what happens when you don't censor yourself. Self-censorship is fine. There's things that I just don't want to say. That's not censoring myself. If I had to list them, it would start with... There's things that I just don't want to put out there with my name on it. There's a difference between that and being forced to censor yourself to appease YouTube. That fucking sucks.

I hate having to answer to Big Brother and things like that. We just like being able to censor in post for, let's say, Pepperbox or for YouTube. The idea is just, hey, it makes it more relaxed environment to talk with your friends. When we had Craig head on, that's why he was so open and just relaxed is because he knew in post he had a couple of says on what makes it to the final cut and what doesn't. And he was super stoked. He put him at ease versus like –

If we went into this, it's like, hey, we can't make that joke, that joke. We can't even allude to that. Then you have this weird fucking dance of awkwardness and like, ah, ah, ah. Kills the momentum, kills the meaning of this podcast was just bros hanging out in a little interview and having a good-ass time. Censorship is gay and retarded. That's what we're saying. Bully journalists.

Check out our gay retard merch. Just a shirt pops up. I don't like how you pointed to me. He's here. He's in the room with us. It's a fucking rainbow Ouija board. F. A. No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, I should have seen that coming. That's how I'm going to know if you're fucking still with us in the afternoon.

Me and Darnell wrote that. Me and Darnell had that skit. Yeah, that's Cody. All of us sitting at a table and Darnell's there. He's like, blah, blah, blah. It's like, is somebody there? It's like, yes. It's like, okay. It's like, what is your name? And then Darnell's like, ask the question. And it sliced it in. We're like, huh, that's weird. Darnell's like, I don't like it. I was like, uh. We're like forcing it from GF. We're like all pushing it. And it's like,

The harder you push, the more shit starts. For the viewers, Darnell is an African-American. What? Just for context. I assume from the name. Could be anybody's name. This is my friend, Demetrius. That's my favorite part with Sean Strickland, that interview where he's got the Hennessy and the fucking do-rag. He calls himself Deshawn Strickland. Shit.

Sean Strickland's a f***ing animal. He's like one of my dream podcast guests. Dude, that dude is... I f***ing love that. That is one guy I was watching docs and interviews about him as a person. That is a dude that just loves to hurt people. When he spars, there is no off switch. Like him and Sneeko, I think? Bro, he got bullied. Yeah, and that is a UFC level, like a pro UFC level fighter just beating the shit out of...

sneak up because he like toyed with him and then he gave him like 30 pretty good seconds yeah just well he was telling him the whole time too here's what i'm about to do to you and there's nothing you can do like something like that like how does it feel to know you can't hurt me like that kind of attitude he fucking bodied him yeah and then like i my favorite part about that is he's getting shit beat out of him and then you've got like four different people threw in white towels

Oh, yeah. Everyone was throwing it. Don't kill him. Don't kill him. Don't kill him. Oh, this is a boy, Chase. Hi, Chase. Apologies for what you're about to have to edit. Oh, yeah, dude. Our editor. New editor. Guys, if you haven't met our new editor, Chase, come here real quick. This is our new editor. He also works with Corridor. Fucking super talented dude. We're expanding the team. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Show your face, dog. I can't see it. They just see the white shirt walk in. What's up, fellas? What's up?

But he's a new editor, super talented. Him, Finn, we're just expanding the team to this, just get it as big as possible. Slow growth, but positive growth, especially with unsub, cooking shows, whatever you come up with here shortly. Like you have now teams to action on it. And Connor is doing it. Connor lives here now. Have we even told that? Like you live here? I don't know.

Yeah, I live in the fucking unsub house. Yeah, Vegas, we were like, hey, this dude's super hyper talented at what he does. We were like, hey, come on out. We'll figure it out. Cody helped. And then we were like, hey, let's set up this. And now he's creating content. So we have this. Everyone works so fucking hard. I only have to give him like three blowjobs a week.

Pretty good deal. The gang buys a slave. That's the next episode. Have we talked about the gang does? Oh, I don't think we have. Pepperbox exclusive. Apparently we have because people on the Pepperbox were starting to say, it's like, yo, they finally released the gang does shit. Well, because we talked about doing that forever. Like we've like on the podcast, we've joked about doing like a series. The gang does. But then Pepperbox came out and then it's like,

There. Oh, well that, that's obviously where we put this. Like we, we just didn't know how to work it. If you guys don't know about it, we've been like Brandon said, we've been talking about it for years. It's like a duck dynasty style show, but it's,

just the gang does like our group in san antonio and it works really good and it's awesome to see because chase is helping with that finn is helping with that the quality i will say the quality was the one thing i was just like yo i'm happy right yeah i was like this is that next level of vlog where it's cinematic and then the jokes the editing styles chase is uh if you ever watch corridors uh

VFX artists react. That was your main cup of tea. Just like, that's my number one thing that I watched recorder is, is the VFX artists react stuff. That's, that's always been super interesting to me. That's always like my flight video. If I'm on like, you know, traveling to, you know, wherever the fuck I have to go that day, I,

I always download that before I get on the plane. Just watch like two or three of those. Is there an episode of The Gang Does on Pepperbox right now? The Gang Does World War II. Just got released yesterday. The Gang Does World War II on Pepperbox right now. Apparently it's very spicy. Oh, it is. It is the perfect amount of just amazingness. I was so happy with that. I had zero notes. That was one of the times it got kicked. They're like, hey, any notes? Watch. I was like, no, that's fucking golden, guys. You...

Just keep kicking, and we get to expand into that with everything now. Because I still want to do high-low, but... Oh, yeah. Okay. Because I think that's now... I forgot that idea. A high-low...

Well, that's a viral video. Yeah. We'll keep that one close to heart until it launches because that is – I feel like there's still a way to do that on YouTube. So that's what we're going to do. Okay. Yeah. All right. It will be on both. So that way we'll have the full process on Pepperbox, but then we can cut it to like sizable chunks for YouTube and then put that series out. Put the actual full thing over it. This is an episode full of secrets.

We should probably talk about some things that the rest of the audience can do. Remember that story we can't talk about? How about that video we're going to record that we can't talk about? We'll just do inside jokes the entire fucking episode.

all we have to do is just put in the title fat electrician we just made fun of journalists for fucking quickbait

Just do it. Welcome to the unsubscribe podcast. No fat electrician here. I'll rant about communism if you want. Communism bad. Hold on, do the voice though. Hold on, wait, no. Today we're going to talk about, today we're going to talk about. My best Nick impression on the podcast is when he does his. Or this. He does this. That man very physically seethes.

If you guys are like Steve Diley, it smells like his breath angry all the time. We talk about it. Nick is one of the hard, I'm decent at reading people. Nick, I've told him to his face. I was like, you are the only dude that still, when you answer the phone, I think you hate me. Yeah. Every conversation I have with him, he'll ask me a question and then I'll answer it. And then he goes, good.

Good. And I'm like, what the fuck was that? It's called autism. Or when you say, like, he'll call you. He will call you. He calls me. I love him to death. He's one of my best friends. This motherfucker will call me just the middle of the day. I'll be like one o'clock in the afternoon and I'll answer the phone, obviously. And I'm like, what's up, dude? And we'll talk for five seconds. He goes, hold on. I'm going into the bank. Let me call you right back. I'm like, bitch, you called me. You were...

You were making your own plans. Why couldn't you have gone in the bank and called me when you left? That reminds me of like old school Adderall me. Where it's like, I would just like, okay, got to do this, got to do that, do this, knock it out, knock everything out. Okay, I got to call this guy. All right, hold on, wait a second. I got something else to do real quick. I just knew that I had to call you. And so I just, if you can't describe Adderall well enough, it's like if, especially like back when it would used to do something for me instead of just giving me massive anxiety.

It's like instead of thinking like, oh, God, I've got to call this person and talk about X, Y, and Z, blah, blah. By the time you get through that in your brain, Adderall you is just already dialed the phone and you're waiting. You're just getting – just knocking shit out. Time to do thing. Because it's legal methamphetamine that they push on children, and that's pretty fucked up. Hey, man, we should legalize regular methamphetamine for children. That's the most Midwest shit you've ever said.

Tommy just doesn't act right without his pipe. He can't see it. Still in school. Yeah, he's just rocking back and forth. His math scores are through the roof. Education went way through the roof just like dental bills went. Rotten fucking teeth. God, my mom worked in it. Sorry, Cody's been wanting to say something for a really long time. Go ahead. No, you're good. I was just thinking about Nick sprinting through the forest in a fucking tank top. He's

He's like, hold on, I gotta go to the bank. Is he barefoot or with socks? No, barefoot. Big old feet slapping in the woods. Barefoot with this shirt on and only this. Just crying and running. He's got his gay rabbit friend. Just like Winnie the Pooh. Socks so he leaves feet prints wherever he goes. I want to be running like a fucking sprinting zombie. You turn around, shoot him in the shoulder. Boom. Boom.

He's doing like the Titan run. The Raiden run. That's Raiden's run. He's the worst runner. I remember when I first started watching that show, you're like, oh, so now you see how Raiden runs? I said that gift. God damn it. My son, he runs Raiden. I'm like, come on, buddy. He's running. He's like...

Oh, just like loosey-goosey arms going crazy? Yeah, I'm like, bro, you gotta pump the arms. He's like, no, I do not, daddy. I got there. I was like, okay. You're correct. You do you, bud. Technically correct, yes. Little piece of shit. I'm gonna fight you.

Oh, Trout, you have a new, you just did a video on, what was the conspiracy or what was the last video? The last one was about the editing. Are you editing? Yeah, I'm editing a video about the rise and fall of the American cowboy. That was in 1910 was when it was like pretty much over. Yeah, it was like the late 1800s. It was kind of, their job was taken over by barbed wire.

One of a few careers where everything ended with a fucking piece of metal. But for some reason, it was like the most requested video for me to cover on my last few YouTube videos. Everybody wants me to talk about cowboys. So making a video about cowboys should be out by the time this is out. So, you know, it was always the Great Depression in 1929 was what made it so that they couldn't LARP as cowboys anymore and their sprinter vans and had to get a real job.

Sprinter pants. Oh, that's modern California. Oh, gotcha. Cody's like, are you bullying me? Am I getting bullied? No, but you did kind of catch a stray on that one. I'm sorry. Cody, I just seen him processing. He was like, he looks in the mirror. I'm thinking of the modern fake Yellowstone Montana. The California cowboy. I hate that so much. I get shit every time. Show me I have my hat, please.

Every time I put on a shirt like this or wear a cowboy hat, I get so much shit because they're like, oh, bro moved to Texas two months ago and now he's wearing a hat and Western shirt. It's like, bitch, I worked on ranches and farms my entire life. I looked at a dude left a comment. He was like, this motherfucker moved to Texas and now he's wearing a cowboy hat. He's like a software engineer. Like, listen, mother.

When's the last time you've seen a cow, you piece of s***? Just because you live in Texas doesn't make you a f***ing cowboy. Go work on a f***ing farm, go work on a f***ing ranch. You got salt fans, brother. Rant over. That's funny, like all three of us, thank you for that, by the way. All three of us, independently from each other, at no point did we coordinate in any way. Bought the exact f***ing same type and brand of hat. Stetson.

10x Stetson. Is that it? Is that yours? Yeah. You sure? Yeah. I got a Stetson. Yeah. You got a couple of them. Oh, shit. That is a Stetson. Son of a bitch. That's a nice one, man. It looks exactly like mine. It was me, you, and somebody else. We got the resist all. It was Nick. Yeah, Nick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, resist all. Roast him in the comments. All hat, no cattle. Which, I'm not going to make that other joke either. I'm trying to be nice. Oh.

I know a joke. Dude, I got one too. Speaking of cattle. Yeah. Yeah. This is the secret inside joke episode of Unsubbed. Tune in for the next one. Brandon still bites his tongue because there's certain relationships not worth burning yet. Also, you guys went to Jake's

And you got bucked off. I got bucked off a cow. And then at midnight, you guys posted you playing chess here and then went to Jake's and then riding a cow. Did you ride the cow too? I did not. No, no. This was like last week. No, it was like three. It was like four, three, four days ago, I think. I don't know. Yeah. Connor got bucked off a cow. I don't. I didn't. I didn't ride the cow. Yeah, it was like a three, 400 pound calf.

He was a strong little motherfucker. And so Connor tried to ride it for a while, and it kept throwing him off. And then a couple other people tried to ride it. It was a strong little guy. Did they just buck? No, they're just fast and strong, man. I think she's only like a yearling. She's tiny. She's a half her calf. Yeah, hopped on.

She did buck when I jumped on her, and then I hit the ground pretty hard to the point where the stitching on the side of my jeans is embedded into my fucking leg. My knee's black right now.

yeah the next morning like i got up and i was like i put my my feet down and one of them was like cocked off to the side and was like why does it hurt to put my foot normal and then it popped and i was like oh yeah i rode a cow last night yeah we we all yeah we all we all went over to fucking jake watson's house and just got i don't know a little hammered it's like a recurring theme you guys have a problem you guys want to ride a cow

Like, fuck yeah. Let's go do it, man. It's only a problem when you're an alcoholic and you stop making money. Yeah. We're functional alcoholics. That makes it okay.

Don't listen to us. Do as we say, not as we do, kids. The guy says, as long as I'm making money, I can drink as much as I want. Well, the thing is, when you're making a lot of money, nobody tells you that you can't. Like, as long as the content's going out, just fucking do it. You get better content. Like, riding a cow. Sober you. Yeah, no, I'm a fucking cow whisperer out there. No, I'm dead ass serious, too.

The night that we left to go to California for our little road trip where Jake and I now bicker like a married couple because we've spent so much fucking time together. Love them to death, but...

The man just doesn't know how to take Roadhead. Oh, yeah. He rejects it. He kept pushing me off. He was like, stop, I'm not gay. And I was like, just take it. You look bored. I thought you were tired. It's me. This isn't for you. This is for me. I'm hungry. Let's go to McDonald's then. The night that we left for our flight to California to drive back,

We don't have time to stop at McDonald's. We must keep going. I need my protein now. I do you, you do me. Same time. Who's driving?

That's what Tesla drivers do. But there was a fucking hailstorm coming in. That wasn't the night your truck got fucked up by hail, but a giant storm. I went outside and the sky was like orange. I'm like, oh, shit's about to get real. So I texted Jake because he's about to take a shower and go to bed. And I was like, hey, you want me to call the cows and horses in? And he texted me back and he was like, yeah, that'd be great.

like is how i read it and what he meant was like yeah that'd be great like i couldn't do it and so i got all his horses and cows into the fucking stalls and like penned him up chained everything went inside and then his wife was there and she was like what were you out there doing i was like oh i pinned up all the cows and horses and she goes all of them and i was like yeah

And she goes, all of the cows and horses. And I thought I did something wrong. I was like, yeah. Like, is that, Jake told me that I should do that. Now it's just like a death match in there. Like, no, no, you can't put them together. There's one horse that's like a betta fish. No, I know. Just holding everything in a betta fish. I separated them. It's a fucking war zone.

But they're like, no, he just grabs the shotgun. Not again. I'm like, nobody's ever got them all in. I'm like the fucking Caesar Milana cows, dude. Apparently they just listen to me. I slap them on the ass and shit as they walk into the stalls. Seabiscuit can't be with the other animals. Got that soothing whisper, baby. I lean in and tell him in that stall, you know, you want to.

They're afraid of the scared horse. I like how my accent's gotten much more southern since I put on my cowboy hat. We're in Texas now, baby. I'm from Indiana originally, but I like saying y'all and the N word. That's my word. Is this cultural appropriation? That's southern culture, brother. You can't steal it. South Carolina cops getting a little offended over here.

Next you're gonna start using a fire hose. Oh Jesus Christ. I just woke up and chose racism. You roll Cody out of bed, he's like, give me my German Shepherd and my fire hose. Somebody wants rice! Oh. Oh God. Where? Tag me in, coach!

Oh, man. I can't wait. We're going to hit that one precipice where it's like we're growing, growing, and then everyone's going to start watching it. And that's when these jokes are people like, mother of God. Have you seen episode 148? This is why we're not getting Tom Hanks. Yeah.

Next week we have Tom Hanks on. No idea how that happened. I just got casted to be on SNL, too. Hopefully they don't find anything offensive. I said on a podcast, and my career becomes vastly more successful than it would have been if I had chosen to be on SNL. That's never happened, Trout. Never.

Speaking of, we should have him on. We should have some grilled cheese sandwiches. He's making them at night. I make them at night. Did you see that clip that's going around? Really? Yeah. What? Yeah, I've been trying to get him on. I talked to him on Instagram. They're in Austin, aren't they? Yeah.

I talked to, well, did you see the new clip going around from the, like, I guess his show or whatever about Epstein Island? No. It's fucking funny. It's called Tires. Yeah. I think it's a movie. They're like this, like one of the chicks is like, well, well, that's how you end up on Epstein Island. And it's like a bunch of like just skanks. And

And he just goes, oh, dude, if you showed up on Epstein Island, they'd send you back. This pussy is spoiled. Send it back. He's like, they'd be disappointed, bro.

Oh, these are Cody's? There we go. The shakes are finally stopping. What's today? Wednesday. Oh, shit. Shane Gillis, because we have bigger names coming on, but that's when... If we get Shane Gillis, Shane Gillis would be fucking... Bigger than Shane? No, he would be our biggest one ever. I mean, Demetrius is... In his prime, Demetrius Johnson was fucking peak. I didn't realize he was doing a podcast, too. I want to see him roll with Nick.

Just for my own personal sass. The gang does MMA. He's a tiny dude. He's a small dude. 5'2". Featherweight? Feather. But that dude is a mastercraft. He's considered a goat for a reason. If you haven't watched his fights...

I started watching a couple of them. It's fucking scary. That dude is a monster. Mighty Mouse. Him and Nick. Let's just get him and Nick. Oh, the gang does. Yeah, the gang does. BJJ. Can I shit talk Nick again since I'm not here? Yeah. Dude, last time he was in town, this motherfucker told me he could roll with a chimpanzee. Oh.

I don't know if you could do that. No, absolutely not. I was talking about, I think you were there too. Yeah. We're talking about the hypothetical largest animal you could, you could battle. And I draw the line at medium sized dog. Like me and Bo. Have you ever been bit by a dog? Does it have a collar or not? No. Both of you are naked. This is also a. Oh yeah. Oh, I hate that. That gets, that changes things. The dangling bits. Yeah. All right. Well, the dog's naked too.

Okay. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. All dogs are naked, Chad. Hypothetically, you could bite the dog's dick off, is what I'm saying. It's a fair match. I think that's the least likely scenario of dick biting. The dog jumps, it's like, oh, bites your dick, and you're like, you flip it over, and you're like, oh. A 69-inch dog. A 69-5? Yeah. You let go. No, you let go. I've got an urban dictionary entry now. It's a K69. I don't know.

The K69. No, but I draw the line at medium-sized dog. I've been bit by a fucking, like a shih tzu with like two teeth before. I feel like you just punched a dog. Yeah, no, that pierced my hand. Shit hurts. Dog teeth hurt. But I seen like Boe.

That motherfucker's muscular as hell. I'm like, yeah, I'm nakey. I'm fighting for my life against the love of my life, my dog Bo. He's a sweetheart. Chase, here's a picture of him. Thank you. That's probably like the limit of how I could. Buddy, I love Bo to death. I could kill the shit out of Bo. You're not going to kill my dog. I'm not gonna. I could. No way. Oh, I can't. What do you.

Do it now. Where is he? Where is he? Get him out of here. Come here. Come here. So much worse that he's using his fists. What's the upper limit animal then you think? I will fucking strip in the backyard and kill Bo right now. You're gonna battle my dog? We're gonna have a gladiator arena? You're gonna just beat him up with your...

No, he's poke his eyeballs out until he's hurt enough and then choke him out. Can it be a different hypothetical dog? I don't like this. Let's do my dog. My dog is the same size as you. Jeeves. It's Jeeves. I'd kill Jeeves. I could kill the shit out of Jeeves. Yeah. No way. Yeah. Bullshit. You just gouge eyes and then choke out. You could just rip a dog's jaw. What do you think you are? Fucking King Kong? Yes. Ripping a fucking Tyrannosaurus Rex? Horse shit. I don't know how- Have you ever been bit by a dog? Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm.

I'm just hearing the story. I'm just now picturing the end of all yellow changing dramatically Just like start stripping down he's like I've always been curious

He's got the dog in his choker. And Old Yellow got weird at the last ten minutes. I think I downloaded the wrong movie. The kid's foaming at the mouth. The kid got rabies. The kid gets rabies and takes his shirt off. And murders his dog. It's an Udo reverse card. Nick and his wife beat her chasing Old Yellow to the woods.

Running through the woods. I hate I can picture Nick in a champ square golf like that in the woods. Just Nick in a fucking wifey. You said it so confidently too. When we were having this conversation, it was like right there where we had the conversation. He's like, I'd like to fuck up a champ. I was like, no you couldn't. That's racist as shit. Who the fuck is rolling with you? Who are you, Cody?

He's like, no. Like the last non-racist on the podcast. And I guess Eli by proxy because he's kind of yellow and brown. If I'm rolling with it, Jim, I fuck it up. And I'm like...

I did the Joe Rogan thing where I'm like, your muscles are braided. Have you seen a shaved chimp before, bro? Dude, hairless chimps are terrifying. Absolutely. They look like Thor Bjornsson. They are fucking giants. Chase, put up the hairless chimp picture here. Jamie, bring it up. It's not just the fact that they're big. They're fucking lean as hell. Have you seen the orangutan versus all the sumo wrestlers for the...

They had like six or ten jack dudes playing tug-of-war with an orangutan. Yeah. And the orangutan is like... And they're pulling and it's just holding on. And then it goes...

Yoink yeah, and all the guys are and just fly forward nothing you can tear fun Yeah, they have completely different muscle structure, so they're just like me rip off arm Mm-hmm, then the by empty chimps. I was a chimps aim for your dick dude, so in a naked fight They will they're immediately like cup it twisted What is the upper limit of the animal that you would fight then I

Medium-sized dog is too small for Brandon. Brandon Herrera, failed congressman.

i wanted to drop it really early but i felt it was too harsh early on so everybody who's still here thank you for hanging in i feel like there's different kinds of animals it's like animals in the in the water animals that are like you know a donkey i feel like i could fist fight a donkey well a donkey and a medium-sized dog are on two different categories that's what i'm saying you see like it's like size of animal or like ferocity of animal yeah like one cat a medium-sized cat fuck no do those things all

Like a cougar or anything? Oh, I thought you meant like a house cat. I'm like, I will stomp it. No, I thought he meant like Bobcat. What were you saying, Cody? No, I was going to say, do you remember the... I know we're talking about cats attacking people. Do you remember the one where the guy opens the... It's at Christmas and he opens up the...

The present and the cat just like, it's just didn't like what he did. And it like ripped his fucking scalp open. Yeah. Yeah. See, good. Cats are the one animals you see. But yeah, that was just a house cat. So yeah, like you're saying you get a Bobcat or fucking. I got a story on house cats with that. It actually happened to my dad when I was growing up.

Uh, we had a cat. I think his name was buddy. Shut up. I think his name was buddies. It was a cat I had early on. Um, I had apparently gone into like our closet where my dad had like a couple old, like World War II guns, something like that. Fucking pissed on him. Ooh. And so like, you know, the ammonia and everything that is just such a fucking like that is,

God, you know, you've done a lot of damage on that one. You look like an outside cat. He basically wanted to rub the cat's nose and the cat piss. That's not how they work. Literally, he's like...

like did the thing that you know but like you know it's a thing yeah and uh like before the internet where we just listen it's like give your dog mayonnaise it will help the shine of its coat my dad still says that really really my dad still yeah oh it's because it's probably because it's got eggs in it eggs are good for their coat yeah so probably where that came from he goes and like goes to try to do it and the cat just like like ninja rolls around and he's trying to like no like no fucking goes back around and latches on to his

Forearm and they're in a linen closet and it's drawing blood and he's trying to peel it off and it's drawing blood and he's just starts banging Finally like he's bleeding all down his forearm cats beat the fuck up and

unlatches, fucking runs away and they were best friends after that. It was that mutual respect. You're just like, alright, you can fuck me up, I can fuck you up. So I need to beat Squirt up. Yeah, you have to beat this fight. That's exactly what I said. That's what I heard. I'm going to tell you my dad's terrible story. Oh, that's a clip right there. That's going to be a clip. Jesus. So my father was a firefighter for like... That's what I was picturing. I just pictured like...

Gene. Y'all know his name. Yeah. What is it?

That's a pretty woman. Uh, fuck. No. Richard. Richard. Richard. Richard. Richard. He heard hamster. Um, so my dad, he was a firefighter in Atlanta for like 35 years. And he used to, he did the, the whole, the whole program where you remember when you were a kid and the firefighter comes into your classroom, just talks about like stop, drop, roll, like do all this stuff. So he did that for a while. Um,

One day all the kids, like he went to this school. One day all the kids were at lunch and he goes in. There's a gerbil there.

the class gerbil and he's like petting it and it latches onto his finger. And so he does that instinctually and it fucking hits the ceiling. It fucking dies. He picks it up and just puts it back in the cage. And then the kids come in and he teaches his class and leaves. Yeah.

He murdered their class pet! He was so embarrassed and scared to say that he fucking killed it. He just laughed. You just hear bats on the ceiling, and it's that like, that look and you're like, "Shit." Cause he's laughing like, "Oh, oh fuck."

Did he just like place it? Yeah, he just put it- He put it in his toes. He put some wee chips on top of it. He put chips on top of it. It's sleeping. I'm just picturing its back legs and front legs are like 180 degrees apart. He takes a little plastic igloo in the cage and sits it on top of it. There, he moves it. Shhh, he's sleeping. Got it, got it. Put it in one of the tubes. On that note.

I think that's a good place to fucking end it. Jesus Christ. Cody, close us out. Guys, thank you for joining the Unsubscribe podcast. I was joined today by Eli Doubletap, Brandon Herrera, Mr. King Trout, and myself, Donut Operator. Check out the after show on Patreon. Kisses. Peace.

You won't know. We just made it. You won't know.