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Hi everyone, Donut here. We're doing the unsubscribe podcast now with Mr. Eli Doubletap and BattyStreams over here.
That's me. You got the worst name ever. It's just Batty. Okay, it's just Batty. It's just Batty. It's not Batty Streams. I'm not Batty Streams. Okay, Batty Streams on Instagram. What's your opinion on that, Batty Streams? Yeah, Batty Streams. I can't get Batty where it's just chicks with fat asses and I just wanted to feel included. The people at our brunch place was talking about your name today. They were asking where that weird fuck was and I was like, oh, well, he's not here. They were like, what's his name? I said, Batty. They said, oh, that's his stripper name, huh? So...
I'd be a great stripper. I think you would. Introducing Batty on the stage. I want that one everywhere. You're introducing Ranch Water for a minute. Dude, yeah, give... You do... What? What? What?
We're talking to Ranch Water right now because we said we need a Seltzer sponsor and White Claw's social media sucks so we don't want to be associated with them. Ranch Water, on the other hand, is a small company here in Texas and we're in the talks. They don't have standards. They said cool. Much like myself. You guys don't need to watch something beforehand? No, just go for it. Where did we get the idea for this? One day we were like, let's do a podcast. I think it was a bingo.
No, it was well before that. Well, me and you have been talking about this for a long time, but Kings, another one of our friends, just sucks a lot of dick. So that did not happen. He's like, I can't travel. I'm sick. My head is going to explode. Yeah, exactly. So we've been talking about this for, fuck, six months at least. Yeah. And then we kind of shelved it. No, it's been over a year because I haven't played Tarkov with you in a year. So yeah, it's been since Tarkov. Yeah.
And then they settled on me. Good to know. Kings was your first pick. It's good. So to be fair. His voice. Me and Eli had this weird connection where we put our dicks in each other and it worked out well. So it's going to be that kind of podcast. Yeah. At least it's not political. Obama.
Alright boys. We literally made a list of things we weren't going to do before we started and we've crossed two of them right off immediately. We're like, PG-13? Yeah, we'll try. And then Batty's like, suck dick. Oh, I mean...
I didn't think PG-13 was ever going to happen. It never will. Ever. Okay, I mean, first off, yeah, we just got this started. But more importantly, you guys just moved to Texas what felt like a week ago with how much you've been drinking. My liver feels like it was a year ago. Yeah. You guys are just blacking out and waking up today, I think. Yeah, something like that. I'm still going. I'm still going.
You're sober now. Yeah, we were able to get the podcast out. Thanks, Ranch Water. Ranch Water. For ruining our friend. Oh, man. Yeah. So I got here first. Patty came up here like a couple weeks after me and lived in my house. Then my son gave him bronchitis.
I don't like how you transitioned right to your son gave me bronchitis. I was in a house with somebody who had bronchitis. Let's leave it at that. It feels weird to be like, yeah, your son gave me bronchitis. Son gave me mono. John! Stay away from me. I'm not looking around children. This is just hitting all the marks right out the gate.
And then Batty broke my hot tub. Okay. It was not just me who broke the hot tub. So we're talking, that was also like a month into the bender. Okay, yeah. To be fair. We can't blame anyone for that. Except the drink. Clean was a part of it. Me and Clean, well, there was a lot of people in the hot tub. But in the end, it was just me and Clean just, you know, broing down in our tiny silkies. Drinking way too much White Claw. Yeah. Which Clean doesn't really drink a lot, so that...
That was a red flag right there. I should have known better. I think the story has a red flag when you say me and Clint just bro-ing down in the hot tub. You know. In our short shorts. Broke. Dude, they had their silkies on. Clint is addicted to silkies now. All he'll wear. I've been preaching. Preaching. About short shorts. And everyone's like, oh, Batty, put your thighs away. Should never have to do that. What month did you move here?
November? Yeah, you were early November. Yeah, November. November. Yeah. Oh, was it? It was. It was early November. Oh, yeah, I did live with you for a week.
You packed up and you're like, I'm coming down. I was like, hell yeah, brother. Hell yeah, brother. And then immediately he was like, there. And I was like, yeah, come on in. Here's some places. I think I was gone most of those days. You stayed at my house. Yeah, I was just in your house eating your food. Did you fuck with his shit? Like at all while he was gone? I bare ass farted on his pillow. I had pink eye. That's where it came from. Gave him bronchitis. My son gave him something to suck on.
It's a bed of germs and disease. Child. And now that's my house. And then you moved, what, two weeks after? November 15th, or 14th, I got here. I think it was 14th or 15th. Because we had the boot campaign charity thing. Literally, yes, during the drive.
Yeah, it started the day... I did the second day of it because I was driving the first day from Vermont. You pulled up to Matt's house while we were streaming. Yeah, that's right. I got here early that day, hung out for a bit, and then went straight to Matt's house. And you guys were in the middle of your thing, and I just sat in the background and yelled a lot. Everyone. And then drinks happened, and...
Oh, so great. What's the, what's the boot campaign? Boot campaign is a veterans nonprofit organization. We've done two years now for the Twitch event for the Twitch charity event. And, uh,
phenomenal organization where it's like one of the few that none of the board members actually take a paycheck. So it's actual nonprofit that they don't like. Yeah, it's a nonprofit. I need about a $600,000 salary to support this nonprofit. Yeah. And we'll give about 1000 to the soldiers. So one soldier can actually get help, but it's putting soldiers or veterans or families through the help they need post the military or during the military. So if you're like, uh,
alcoholism or PTSD. Why did you look at me? You looked directly into my... You looked up from your spiel, said alcoholism and stared into my eyes. No reason. I don't have PTSD. You never deployed, so alcoholism is just your... Oh, that's my fallback. Yeah. I have nothing else for that. Didn't deploy, so... They help people like baddie. Donut didn't deploy? Yeah, you're welcome. He's a Navy SEAL.
*laughs*
Yeah, so you guys did that big boot campaign stream recently where you raised total of... 162,000? 159,000? That's awesome. I thought it was 76,000. No, last year it was 70. Last year's was 70-something. Yeah, we doubled it. This was 142. 162. I don't know, dude. I don't do numbers well, okay? I like you're still looking at me like you know the numbers. I don't. This is me being like, help me.
These eyes are saying, correct me, please. 72 is the first year everyone, same crew, was on board. We just went bigger this year and everyone like crushed it. Crushed it out the gate. You raised an absurd amount of money. $44,000? Yes. $44,000? And your eyebrows kind of grew.
Oh my god, that's right. Oh yeah, shave your eyebrows. We got drunk because I was living with Donut still. And we were at like 30,000. I was like, if we hit 40, I'll fuck with my eyebrows. And I was drunk. So I busted out the clippers because I had all my shot. I had clippers and Donut was just like, bleh. And I had one of the hooker lines or whatever they're called. I don't know what to call them. That's a got from Street Fighter over here.
But you were, you were drinking. I was doing my stream and I just wasn't into it that night. And so you were in the room next to me and I come in there and you're drinking white clout of a shoe. And I was like, yeah, I'm just going to hang out with Batty and help him raise money. Hold my shoe. You're going restroom. You look at your stream, you look at his, you're like, I'm going to go guys. Exactly what happened. I'm just going to back Batty up. When it comes to the, I go hard. What was the hardest part of moving for you?
Trying to... Oh, my God. It was getting fucked by the moving company. They're like, hey, it's going to cost... They quoted me like, it's going to be like four grand to bring this semi from Vermont to Texas and all your shit's going to be... I'm like, cool. I got here. They're like, well, it was actually like eight grand. I'm like, what? They did that after? Yeah. Because it was a quote initially. It wasn't like I paid. Holding your shit hostage. Literally. Exactly what it was. And then...
it was then shipping my old Chevy down here as well. It was the exact same scenario. I was like, "Oh, it's gonna be about a hundred, "or about a thousand, 1500 bucks." I was like, "Cool."
It's actually going to be like $4,000. I'm like, what the fuck? How do they get away with that when you're like... Because you're moving across the country and you don't have any other options. But when you quote... And a lot of people don't have an extra $3,000 per thing to just sit around and just be like, oh. So there's a lot of really good options. Like all these pods. Or not FedEx. U-Haul has these pods. There's the pods company. But in Vermont, those don't exist. I think U-Haul, I could get some pods. But it was going to cost me like...
$2,000 just to get the pods to my house, let alone filling them and then actually shipping them down. So it was going to cost more no matter what. I mean, in the long run, it would have probably been cheaper if I did that and just got fucked by U-Haul versus getting fucked by random shipping company number four. Shout out to random shipping company number four. Either way, I got the dick.
And what was the hard part for you? You packed your vehicle and were like, I'm here. Yeah. Yeah. I was coming down here for the drivetanks.com event. Yeah. And like Brandon was there and Kentucky Ballistics and Demolition Ranch. They were all hanging out at the tank place and they invited me to just chill with them for a little bit, shoot some tanks. My 11 year old got to shoot a
Ma Deuce, 50 Cal, he got to shoot a tank. Yeah, it was a really great event. And I was here and was like, I don't want to leave Texas. And so I rented a house and stayed here. Like, this is my home now.
And we've been getting into some pretty good shenanigans just in the past two months, man. Like the collaborations and just the hanging out and everything. It's been really good. Do you know how lucky it is that we all decided to move to North San Antonio? It's nice in North San Antonio. Imagine if the shitty part of San Antonio was in Northern. We all just got here and were like, oh, no.
- No. - Eli, why did you say move to the southwest part of San Antonio? - I don't know. - Well, I don't know. That's where I'm from. - I didn't look at my house before I moved. I should've had somebody look at my house before I moved. I was like, this one looks nice, man.
Sure. And then I didn't even see it until like four days after I moved here because I couldn't get into the gated neighborhood because I didn't have the code or I didn't have a house key. Do you have your mail yet? Oh, I finally got my... So yeah, when I first moved here, the United States Postal Service, bless their hearts, lost my mail. Sweet, sweet people. Lost everything for two months. I didn't actually start getting mail. So I moved mid-November. I didn't actually start getting mail until January...
11th or 10th or some shit. It's like last week. My favorite story is why the key? So in my neighborhood, I don't have like a mailbox at the front of my driveway. Everyone has like these little mailboxes on the corner. And they had to rekey the mailbox for me because apparently just giving me the old key from the old tenant was illegal or stupid or I don't know. I don't have a reason. Either way, they couldn't go to Home Depot and make a fucking key for me. So they had to have the mailbox rekeyed.
And that was in November and it's January and I still don't have a key for my own mailbox. So to get my mail, I have to go to the fucking post office, which I've been doing twice a week since November, trying to find my mail.
And then ask them and wait in line for an hour and a half to get my mail and be like, where's my key? And they're like, well, the guy who used to make the keys retired. So you're just fucked. That is his government. That was his against. One U. The one guy. In Texas? Nobody can make a key? And that is his government as it gets for one thing. It's the USPS right there. We only had one option. He's retired. It's like we're training the next one, though.
I mean, even worse, they like lied to me when I first, because I first got there like, oh, we actually delivered your mail to the mailbox. So we'll have it brought in tomorrow. I'm like, cool, whatever. Coming the next day, they're like, yeah, you don't have any mail. I'm like, so yesterday you told me you delivered my mail and today I don't have any. So like, who's lying? They're like, we're going to make you a key though. I'm like, when's the key be done? Two to four weeks. I'm like, sure, whatever.
It's been two months, man! But you got your mail finally. I did get my mail. 90% of the mail was actually not even my mail. It was the previous four tenants' mail. There's so many names. How many people lived in my house before me? Why doesn't anyone change their address? Dude! I don't understand. I still get mail from random names. I've been here three years. Yeah.
So even though I'm like, it's not like they're delivering my there. It's I'm going to the post office to pick up my mail. They're handing me a tub of other people's mail. I'm like, you have my name, you know where I live. And I'm just like, and I remember when I had to bring the tub back. Cause apparently if you steal those little tubs, that's a, that's a crime. That's a big crime. Okay. I know I said steal one of those tubs. You obviously stealing is a crime. No steal. But like the post office tub, it says like, yeah, they don't fuck around with those tubs. So I brought the tub back.
And like, I was just holding, they're like, well, I was giving it to them. They're like, this isn't my mail. They're like, they just stared at me. I'm like, you gave me everybody at somebody else's mail. And it was like most of the tub. There's like, what do you want us to do with it? I don't, I don't know. Don't look at me. This is not my job. Stop giving me your other people's mail. Like that's a crime, isn't it? You can't open the people's mail.
Like, I was getting Christmas cards for people. I'm like, this poor family. I have 18 Christmas cards for this other family. Paddy made $36 this Halloween. He's rolling in the dough. So moving to Texas was fun.
Oh, God. At least you guys are here. Everyone's happy. Everyone's creative. You've been crushing it lately with content. So have you. I thought you were going to make fun of me. Not this time. You got Tarkov. You got the Tarkov drops that were going down. Those were good. What was your peak viewership on the drops?
14,000? Batty got fucked on his days though. Yeah. So my drops, they got, so for everybody who doesn't know, Twitch does these big events with game developers and they'll basically just take your normal viewership and blow it up exponentially. So instead of like having 500 normal viewers, you can have upwards of 20,000. Like last year, I ended up with like 52,000 out of, again, a normal like 5,000. So this year they changed my day on it.
So everybody expects you on one day and they promote the fuck out of you. And then you're not there. And then the day you actually are live, everyone's showing up like, man, you're not on this day though. I'm like, motherfucker. It says on my stream, I'm on this. And nobody was like, I don't know, man, I'm not getting any drops from you. I've been here for 13 seconds and I haven't gotten a bunch of free shit. Targov. Targov.
Fucking disaster. New Year's Day too of all days. I was supposed to be New Year's Day and I took New Year's Day. If I was going to start New Year's Day I was going to have to start my stream at like 4am on New Year's Day.
Which means if you get drops, you basically, you're going to be live for 24 hours. You take advantage of that. So if I was going to be live New Year's Day 24 hours, that means the day before I'm going to be sleeping the entire day. So that means I have zero New Year's. It's gone. Yeah. So like, oh, we can give you New Year's Eve instead. I'm like, fuck it. I'll sleep the day before New Year's Eve and just party through New Year's and then I can go hang out with my friends on New Year's Day. Whatever. Cool. And then they didn't do any of the promotion or change anything like that. And they weren't. Thank you, ESG. They're like, we got you.
And you're like, real big thumbs up. Thank you.
They got me and you wake up and you hit it on like no one's showing up. You're like what? Well I mean like I had my normal viewership and it did go like I still organically without any of that promotion hit like five, six, seven thousand and then eventually I broke ten which is still really big because people started realizing oh he does, bad he is here with drops but it's nothing like the previous year when you go live and then basically what happens is the previous day all the people that had drops the previous days will host you, raid you, kick their viewership over.
So you get these like giant host trains going where you have like, you're getting hosted for 10,000, 15,000 people, 52,000 people, whatever it may be from the day before. But like nothing. So I, it was just an organic grind for me when everyone else was getting those like crazy fucking kickoffs happening. Yeah.
What did you get? How many were you at? Did you have a drop thing? Yeah, I did drops. I only did it for like six hours though. I don't like doing that 24 hour stuff, man. I don't know. That's insane how you guys do that. Yeah, I did like six hours. I don't have any self-respect. I had like 3,000 or 4,000 people in there. And then Tarkov made me so mad I'd rage quit.
It was like the first day I played since the wipe happened. It was, yeah. It was your first time back on. Like, I'm back. We're going to crush it. This is going to be completely different this time. Yeah, and I'm like, spawn, dead. Spawn, dead. Spawn, head, eyes, dead. Every time. That was me for like, in the middle, it was like hour 15, 16. I had like a three hour spree of just death. Just constant death. It was fucking awful. Oh, man.
So this podcast is going to revolve around nerd stuff? Is that what we're doing? 100%. Gaming, guys, and guns. Yeah. Yeah. So what hot dudes have you been looking at on Instagram lately? Hey, Cody. Hey, what's up, buddy? How you doing? I've been looking at this Matt Baskin. Oh, yeah. I won't talk about Matt. Don't talk about your hussy in front of me. I'm right here, okay? It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
We're talking about having him on here? I think he said he wants to come on here. Hands down. Matt's a huge nerd. It always surprises people. It's just like, I guess what we do. These are military dudes or police officers. He was a military dude too. Before you point at him like that. He was. That's why I did it. Military dudes, police dudes. I mean, you look like you play video games. Like if I walked in, I'd be like, that guy...
Don't look at me like looking for tattoos that make fun of video games. For 36 hours straight. 39 and a half. Is that the longest stream you've done? 39 and a half, yeah. Dude, how do you do that after a while? I do eight hours and I'm like... I feel dead. Dude, the last big event that I did where I streamed over six days, I streamed like 111 hours or five days. It was like...
30 hour stream that I slept for two hours that I did like a 28 hour stream that I did a 32 hour stream that I did like a 17 hour stream it was wild I hated myself do you have a general care physician that you see not anymore good news there is a hospital like a mile down the road from me I've already been once
Have you? The bronchitis. Oh, yeah. I had to go because I didn't sleep for like three days. So I got tested for COVID twice because I was like, I got a cough. Oh, fuck. I should go. And every time they're like, it's not COVID. Just stabbed me in the brain with that fucking thing. It's not COVID, man. So I, like a normal man, ignored my sickness until it got to the point where I couldn't breathe and I hadn't slept in like three days because I was coughing so much. And I was like, all right, I'm going to just tuck my pride away for a little bit and go to the hospital.
Like power of deduction. You were like, cough, John. So like, I assumed like, John, John has bronchitis. I was like, Cody, you didn't get bronchitis. No. So I was like, I'm not around him that fucking much. Yeah. Cody's in shape. He has a strong immune system. Yours is hanging on for life, Batty. Shit on Batty podcast. Welcome. Subscribe. And subscribe. And subscribe.
I just like this is like the first few episodes are going to have this amazing background of a white wall, a white wall, half a whoopee, blind, some duct tape in the corner. I'm glad I got the whoopee side. I'm not going to lie. I'm pretty happy about that. Yeah, we kind of threw this together today. Yeah. We ordered the stuff a month ago and then we've just been trying to... Last minute. Trying to do this. We're all busy. We all do shit. Yeah, everyone's super busy. Like you have a real job. We're...
idiots kind of have a job. He's been crushing it on freaking content this week. You got four videos, four videos out in one week, which is uncommon for the past couple of months.
Thanks to Maddie. Okay, let's not blame me for us drinking too much. Maddie and I kind of partied for two months when we got here. My liver hurts. A lot of hot tub. A lot of... A lot of mimosas. Yeah, a lot of mimosas. Manmosas. Manmosas. Every day these guys... Every day these guys are texting me like, Manmosas? It's like, guys, it's 11 a.m. I gotta like...
We were going three to four times a week. Yeah, it wasn't every day. It was three to four times a week. Like a good week, it was four days. An off week was like, let's just go three times. You guys are justifying your behavior, right? I'm not justifying. I'm just... It's not every day, okay? Three to four days is not every day, sir. It's every other day.
Yeah, we're doing a stream actually this Tuesday at the place we get Manmoses at. And every tip that we make on our stream, because we're all going to be streaming. I think Cleen's going to be there streaming too. So there's going to be four streams. I'm not going to stream. I'm just going to hang out with you guys. Okay. It's just like I don't have a mobile. I'm getting a mobile set up soon.
I'm taking my cooking stream setup. I'm actually taking my setup. The whole laptop and everything? Yeah, laptop and everything. I mean, I could do that too. Laptop with a cam link, you're good to go. That's what I do. But yeah, all the tips we're making are going to go to the server that's serving us. So it's going to be pretty cool. I know the service industry is kind of suffering right now, especially restaurants and stuff. So anything we can do. You want to tell them about what our manmoses are? Because we've had manmoses from a couple other restaurants and they're not what we do. It's just like...
Here's a beer. Like with orange juice in it. That one place was awful. Yeah. Okay. You taught me about Manmoses. Did he... Did you know about him before him? Yeah, I've heard of him. But... Go in. Yeah. Because these things are... Yeah. So I went to the Raider Ball last year and hung out with a bunch of Raiders. And the next morning, I hung out with them again. Great football team. Yes. Yes. Exactly. Exactly.
But they were all drinking mimosas, which is just a regular mimosa, champagne, orange juice. And then you take a little sip and then you put a shot of vodka in it. Okay, so not a little sip. You got to take a big sip. You got to take like half of, yeah, yeah. You got to drink half of it real quick. And then the place we go to, they like us so much now, we'll ask for a shot of vodka and they bring us a cup of vodka. They're like, here's your shot. So. And then we go to a bar.
And then they've done, they've been like, so we accidentally poured extra shots. So then you're just drinking like orangish looking vodka. Yeah. And then they'll stop by the table too and be like, we accidentally poured this for someone else. Have all these shots. Oh my God. They're brutally strong. You forget because you're like, oh, it's just a mimosa with a shot of vodka.
That is 15% alcohol of like... You're drinking wine. It's a cup of vodka with some orange juice in it at the end. Yeah. You said orange flavored vodka. Yeah. Slight orange. There's so good though. There's so delicious. Yeah, seven later it's like, we need Uber. Uber please. Okay, nerd stuff though. We're going... I mean like...
Genres. I guess we'll just start at genres because that's like the best starting point because I don't even know your genre of video games. No baddies would be like for guessing. Actually, I'm going to play a game. Let's guess each other's favorites. Donut. No, genre. That's a specific video. Jesus Christ. Hi. Hi. Welcome to the chat. Unsubscribe.
Our two is our guest baddie this time. I am not the guest. I am not the guest. He is already kicked out. If I had a genre for you, it would be RPGs. And I think, I don't know why I did. No, first person shooters. Definitely be like RPGs, first person shooters. But I think younger you liked platformers.
Like Mario and stuff. Oh, yeah. That's all I had, man. I was born in 87. You're a little older than me. Yeah, so I grew up on the NES. Eli's old. Sorry. I am. MMOs. If I had to choose your top ones, oh, oh. MMOs and first-person shooters would be my guess for you. Yeah. Baddies. First-person shooter. I'm just assuming, unless you fucking hate them and just love Tarkov for some weird reason. And...
I think Batty is an RPGer. I am an RPG fiend. Like, oh my God. Yeah. RPGs first, then first person shooters. And you've been doing tabletop forever. Honestly, not forever. I started tabletop gaming in high school. And it was just like the worst experience of my life. It was awful. And I was like, I'm never doing this again. And then...
Right as I was getting out of the military, out of that shit I was getting back into, I found some other people that liked tabletop gaming and I was like, this is the greatest thing in my life. I want to sing like a... It was amazing. I loved it. I liked it back in high school, but I never had a chance to really play, so it was just like an interest. I'd look into it, I'd read into it, but I never actually could play it. But now that's all I want to do. Fuck video games. I'll tabletop game all day. D&D! Yes, donuts.
You just did Donut. Why am I going to guess what you just did? Because I want to see what you would guess for him. I already know. We already talked about this. I agreed to what you said. Did you agree? Son of a bitch. Never mind. I'm going to take this in a ranch water, guys. Grapefruit. We're going to play...
We'll set up a Dungeons and Dragons thing sometime, right? Already working on it, yeah. Okay, cool. Are we going to do it on this podcast, or are we just going to do a stream? I think a stream? Yeah, definitely. It'd be the coolest fucking thing. Yeah. It'd be really fun. Streams. Definitely streams, because we can set that up super cool. Yeah. And with the guests and the guest rotations, we can have like... You're not. Eli, what's your favorite D&D character to play? Dungeons and Dragons, for everybody who doesn't know what the fuck D&D is. What is it, Eli? I don't know.
A drow radneck. Okay, how does he talk? A blumpkin. A drow blumpkin. What's a drow, Eli? Man, a drow is a dark elf, okay? Now, my drow, he fell into the, I forget the city, but it is where the blumpkin folk from. It's usually halflings and some wood elf were native to that area, but the drow did a raid. They were not successful, and my...
Drow rogue was left behind as a young child. He was adopted by the halflings and he doesn't just skip ahead like five minutes because he's gonna go like this Just go ahead and Backstory for it. Oh shit. It's not a real bad. So it worked. Oh
Dude, Chris Merles, Chris Perkins, Mike Merles, Chris Perkins from Wizards right now are just like, their eyes are twitching and shit. Like, this isn't how the Forgotten Realms works. I'm going to write R.A. Salvatore and have him write me a letter saying it's okay. He follows me on Twitter. I could probably. Go ahead, ask him. Bro, ask him. He's actually really active. He's super easy to just chat to. I know, I've met him. You've met R.A. Salvatore? Yeah. Yeah.
I don't know who that is. Dredd's Durdin? Durdin. You can't even say his fucking name. What are you talking about? Dredd's Durdin is one of the most famous D&D characters from Forgotten Realms. Just written. I have like 40 books of knowledge on D&D. That's why I can go into that world and be like, oh, here, baddie.
This makes sense. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't. In your lizard brain, it makes sense in nothing else. Drift lives in the outer... He's outside. He made a cat array. And Bruner...
Whatever. Okay. What are your favorite games? What do you do? Dude, I've never played Dungeons and Dragons. I think that's going to be fun one day. Yeah, I grew up on Mario and stuff like that. And then got the Sega Genesis. We were just talking about this. I didn't get the Super Nintendo to play Final Fantasy like all the cool kids.
Stuck playing Sonic the Hedgehog. Was Final Fantasy on Super Nintendo? PlayStation, was it? Final Fantasy 6. Or 3. The first 3 were on Super Nintendo, weren't they? Nintendo was Final Fantasy, Final Fantasy 2 and 3 or 5 and 6 were for Super Nintendo. 7 came out for the PlayStation. And that was the one that revolutionized RPGs. Yeah, exactly. See, I didn't... I'm not old. Okay, I am.
but like not you guys. Oh yeah, that's the craziest thing because we grew up in Nintendo era and Batty just turned 30. I'm about to be, I'm turning 31 next month. So your first system would have been like Nintendo 64 and a PlayStation. That's fucking ridiculous. Like I played on a Super Nintendo but like I didn't have one. My uncle who's like seven years older than me, he had one but like
That wasn't me gaming on that for shit. No, and those guys, like, when you're OG consoles, like, as you're saying, you didn't play Final Fantasy. Most RPGs weren't specific to this. They had Shining Force.
Yeah, there was hardly any RPGs on Sega. Yeah, it was mostly like you're playing the Shinobi, you're playing Contra, Hardcore, you're playing Sonic, racing games. Super Nintendo had Chrono Trigger, it had Final Fantasy, it had great RPGs. Secret of Mana had...
I don't know. I know Chrono Tracker. I don't know half the shit you're talking about right now. This is old people talking. Were these games in black and white? I mean, were these in black and white too? He's just picturing Pong. Just a pixel moving across the map.
It's like, this is how it was. It's that Final Fantasy 3 right there. Dude, 64 was so fun, though, when it first came out. I remember going to Walmart and playing 007. You know, breaking your neck, looking up at the thing for like two hours. Oh, yes! While mom's shot. Because they always mounted the TVs above the case. Exactly. So you just sat there staring straight up and hated it. Just your neck would be cramping up. We got to go. Your parents would do all of their shopping. It's been 20 minutes, and you're like, I'm done. Yeah.
I'm playing the demo for the fourth time now. Yeah, exactly. You play the six star at Bomb Bomb Land. Or Bomb Bomb whatever that first one is. Yeah, you can play the, on Goldeneye specifically, you can play the first map with the dam. And that was the trial. I remember looking at it and being like, this game looks so realistic. This is so cool. Donkey Kong mode. What happened to cheat codes in video games? You remember Donkey Kong mode, Big Head, Paintball? Paintball was the craziest shit.
Like, what happened to cheat codes in video games? GameShark. Oh, my. Do you remember GameShark? What was the other one? Game Genie. Game Genie. Yeah, that was for, like, the Game Boy and stuff. But the GameShark was cool for the 64 because, like, plugged in, you plugged your cartridge into the top of it. Dude, that's, like, those old games. Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Nintendo 64. Nintendo 64, the first game I had. God, that was the most depressing Christmas I ever had because...
They bought my family a Nintendo 64 because I grew up poor Mexican. It was like, it was laid away for a year. Hi-ya! Everyone gets to play it. And you got some socks. He's like, congratulations. And I was like, fuck yes, I got a Nintendo 64. My feet aren't cold anymore. Yeah, I run upstairs and I got my shitty CRT TV up here that does barely work. But I was like, I got this. I'm good. Put it in and they didn't get...
I don't know if you guys had to have the coaxial cables. I didn't have a VCR, so I didn't have the like you AV, like, you know, yellow, red, blue or yellow, red, white. I didn't have that. So I always had to have coaxial cables. So they got me a Nintendo 64 with nothing I could plug in. So it was just a system I could not play. And I was like,
I had to sit there and look at it. Yeah, I was the most depressed day. I just remember being like, do I push wrong? I was like, I don't have the stuff to do this. And they're like, oh, we're sorry. What are you going to do? I was like, go to sleep. Wait for tomorrow. Play with my socks. Play with my socks. Sock flip. It's like fucking hands. Wish I could play my Nintendo 64. So depressed.
And then when you find, like, that next day we got it. It was, like, the first thing we went and did. And booting up Mario 64 for the first time is a mind-blowing experience. Because you're like, this is the next year. This looks like real life. You jumped through that first portrait. It did that. That was...
Was that like the first real 3D bullshit? Like... Good. Good 3D. Yeah. Did it come with a Nintendo 64? Mario did? No, I mean, there's the standalone console. They didn't always come with a cartridge. Okay. There was packages, because I know... Goldeneye had a package, because that's what I got when I got my first 64. My first game, I think, because the Nintendo 64 was the first console I got. That was my own. Yeah. And I had Mario Kart, Goldeneye, and... Oh, God, I think...
I don't remember what the other game was. There was three. I had three games and I was just like... It wasn't Mario. I didn't get Mario 64 until a little later. It was like Turok or something. Turok was fun too, though.
I think it might have been Turok. They had Duke Nukem also. Duke Nukem 3D. My friend had Duke Nukem on his compact Passario HP. You know, like the big CRT monitor. I remember that was good because we'd go over to his house because you could see the titties. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you'd get some fucking titty action. Guys, look at this. First virtual tits straight up right there. Square titty. You just shake and close it. Little nipple tassels. Yeah. Guys, can I borrow a computer room real quick?
They come back and you're just murdering them. Like, oh God. Okay, listen. God, yeah. Turok was violent. It was so bloody. Dude, Turok was... Turok 2. I beat Turok 2 without cheats and that game is fucking long. Like... Really? I like that you have to say that without cheats again. Like...
Cheat codes were the norm. It was every game had cheat codes. That was just it. They were brutal and you had cheat codes and that's how you just played them. I had buddies that would just use the GameShark, Game Genie, whatever on all video games. Yeah, whatever. It's fine. And at that age, I was like, fucking pussy, you got to beat it with nothing and then complete it. Yeah.
Now at my age, I'm like, give me the cheat codes because I don't have time to do it. There are any now. Everything is online. You can't cheat anymore. If you cheat now, you get banned from every platform. It's like I cheated once in WoW and they banned me off every other MMO because they're all connected. Like you can't cheat anymore. It's just not a thing. Or if you do cheat, you're a giant piece of shit because it's multiplayer stuff and –
Single player games don't have cheats anymore. It doesn't matter what game it is. They don't. Turning into a Twitch channel back in the day and you have like DK mode on, your chat's just hating you for cheating. Like, you piece of fucking shit. Turn off your cheats. Do you remember when I was on Vice City and just doing all the money cheats? Like, swapping out cars and like, that was the only way. That was all in the controller too. You could just do it from... Yeah, well that's what I'm saying. Like, all the older games had fucking different up, up, lift, lift, you know, like all that bullshit you could do.
What games were you playing for Nintendo 64? Oh, dude. Do you remember Perfect Dark? Oh, the fucking laptop gun. I was just about to say the laptop gun. It was the first game ever where you could attach a remote mind to someone and have them run somewhere and then blow them up, blow some other people up. Yeah. Perfect Dark was freaking awesome, man. Dude.
Did you ever play the second one? It came out, it was one of the launch games for Xbox 360. No, no. When I won an Xbox 360, I had it, yeah, straight up my... Taco Bell? No, Mountain Dew. Oh, yeah, you collect the caps. Every 10 minutes, dude. It was called every10minutes.com, and I had broke my arm in high school, and the 360 was launching soon, and I had a buddy that worked at a bottle redemption place. I had nothing to do. I was like, hey, man, give me some bottle caps.
you don't need them he's like okay here give me a bag of them and I just sat at home because I had to get my arm and a cast came home typed them in one handed put in like 30 caps next thing you know it's just like Georgia Vermont I'm like
That's gotta be me, 'cause there was no name, and it was like a week of just Georgia, Vermont, with no email, nothing. You know, my parents are just, there's no way you won. I'm like, who else lives in this hoedown town in Vermont other than me? And then it was like two weeks later, I won it, and they sent it to you like two weeks before they came out in stores, and you got two games. I was able to get, everybody got a game called Cameo: The Elements of Power.
Which was this weird game where you were this little fairy and you could turn into different like elements. Oh no, I don't know that. It was actually a lot of fun. It's the only game I had for a while. And then the second week of pre-release, they sent me Need for Speed. Underground. Underground, I think was the launch one. And I played the hell out of that. And then the first day it came out, Perfect Dark was one of the launch titles, I think. And I had that. It's Perfect Dark 2. And it was awful.
But I played that game so much. I didn't even know it existed, so it had to be terrible. Yeah. I mean, it looked good. It was a shooter on the Xbox 360 launch, but it was just not good. That's bad when there's like, because Perfect Dark, everyone knows Perfect Dark. It's that one. That'd be like, have you played Halo 6? It's like, they made Halo 6? Yeah. Like, yeah, it was for the Xbox 4.3. And you're like, oh, I didn't even play that one. It must have been trash. Like, no one knows about it, because...
Getting Perfect Dark too. I mean, Perfect Dark was good because it was the other GoldenEye. It was literally the other GoldenEye. It was like, do you have GoldenEye? It's that meme. It's like, Mom, can we get GoldenEye? We have GoldenEye at home. And it's Perfect Dark at home. That's what it is. So good though. I got you Mission Impossible and you're like, God damn it, Mom.
This is a trash can. Remember the x-ray gun? The sniper rifle, the x-ray gun that you can see through the walls? It was like a rail gun. Yeah. They need to bring that stuff back. Yeah, remake Perfect Dark. But like good. I mean, they did, but good now. Yeah, not a piece of shit. What was your favorite game for the Nintendo 64? Ah, dude. Probably one of the Zeldas. Ocarina of Time. Ocarina of Time was freaking good, man. I still have the strategy guide for that.
Damn. Yeah, I got that upstairs. I still... I played Majora's Mask before Ocarina of Time. No doubt. That one came out after. Yeah. But I didn't... I was poor. I couldn't afford many games. And it was like, Christmas, here's Zelda. I'm like...
Oh, it's Majora's Mask. Which turns out it's still, Majora's Mask is still like my favorite Zelda game. Oh, it's one of the top games, period. Don't get me wrong. Ocarina of Time is definitely better, but I just, that was like, you know, when you're young, you have those games that are always going to be like ingrained into your head. And for me, it was Majora's Mask. So like Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, that will always forever be like number one in two games of all time, I think. We'll have to talk about on another like episode when it's like now you see those games like
time and you see the seven minute speed run of the entire fucking video. Oh my god. And you're like, okay, so if you look to the north and you jump three times back, rotate one click left and run, then shuffle, that will put you up in line with this. You'll take the jar at that moment and it's going to tell you to the after fight of Ganondorf. When you skip the entire fight sequence, you're like...
That's not a speedrun anymore. No, it's crazy watching those dudes do that. You're like, holy shit, these dudes have made this game. I mean, Mario is down to like eight minutes, I think, a Mario 64 speedrun. That's wild. Here's me, you know, it takes me months as a child. Dude, I need to start doing speedruns of trying to get into my passwords. Yeah.
I have so many passwords. I'm like, I'm on hour four. I'm like, I don't know. It's the reset email. I can't get into that one either. Okay, guys, ready? Timing. Okay. Incorrect. Incorrect. We got a capture image. Okay. Look at the traffic lights.
Oh my god. Dude, I have never felt more like a bot in my entire life than trying to do captions. Like, do the lights. I'm like, okay, just the light part or like the whole light or like the light pole too? Because nothing's working. Now I have to do bikes, but it's showing me a bicycle and a motorcycle. Which one is it? But it says bike. Is that a pedal bike? So I do the pedal bike. The pedal bike doesn't work, so now I got to do boats. That boat's on a trailer, but that boat's in the water. Do they both boat still? Like, it's not...
Matt was with me when I was doing one. It was like, find the grass. And it was like all space images. I was like, am I that high? Skip. Next. Find water. Okay, is this still space images? Next. Just like trying to find one you can actually break down. It's like, oh, thank God. Find the crosswalk. There is one. Next. We got five more minutes.
We can wrap this one up. That's a pretty good start. Yeah. That's a solid one. Introducing ourselves and things. And thanks. And introducing Ranch Water, original hard seltzer by Texas. We love you. We're terrible at this. This is going to be great. This is our podcast. A year in the making. We've only been talking about this for a month, Cody. I swear. It's fine. You were the first choice. Definitely the first choice.
Wait till we get Kings on here. You guys will see what they're talking about. His voice is... God damn, it's magical. Hey, guys, Kings here. What the fuck is that? I'm going to show him that. Flashlight, flashlight, flashlight. He's doing ad reads. I'll call him if I have to and make him do it. This is it. This is what you're here for. Well, I mean, where do we find each other on socials? We asked that, right?
You go first. Cody, you go first. Donut operator everywhere. I'm batty. I'm batty on Twitch, but it's batty streams everywhere else on stuff. Shut up, Eli. You can't get batty. Okay? It's not. You know how I got batty on Twitch? I took it from somebody else. Wait, how do you take it? With a gun. No, no. I emailed Twitch. I'm like, hey, man, this batty guy's been inactive for like
Four days. Can I have his name? They're like, sure! Four days. His mom died, he just, you know. Yeah, he was like, man, I can't wait to get back to streaming. Your username has been deleted. No, they changed it. No, dude.
That was his decline in that dude's life. Was Batty taking it? He's like, has Batty on a picture dart with darts in it. Somebody came into my chat named Batty0416. And he goes, you took my name. I banned him immediately. Like he doesn't exist anymore. History's written by the winners. Miss click. And then Eli underscore double tap on everything.
Unless it's Parler. That doesn't exist anymore, does it? Never mind. I think they had a huge data breach because they used to take everybody's ID. You had to use your ID to get verified. They got straight can. Amazon kicked them off their servers because they were hosted on Amazon. And Google and Google.
Guys, we're not getting political! No "paw-liticals" I love you guys. And I love you guys. We love you guys. Well, how do we end it? Are we doing a high five? I love you. That's it. Say it back. A moment of silence. A moment of silence for our- This is the longest- yeah. We'll just drink and cut. Done. Fuck everything.
