Hunter Biden: Rizzler In Chief, Eggnog Hangovers & The Ghost of Christmases Past?
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Rise and shine, fever dreamers. Look alive, my friends. I'm Bea Spear. And I'm Sammy Sage. And this is American Fever Dream, presented by Betches News. The holiday episode.

Let me just tell you how many times we have recorded that intro because it is 8.30 in the morning on December 19th. We know this is very far in advance, so apologies in advance. If anything we say is outdated, we're going to try to make it as relevant as possible. But we are right before the holidays. We are in the center of circle back season. But here we are. We are here for you. V is wearing a banana hat.

We're barely here. We're coming off of a double-decker holiday event at the White House. I'm getting ready for my mother to come with my sister and my niece and everybody tomorrow. So yeah, we're between a rock and a hard place right now when it comes to energy. Oh, we're going to do it. Okay, so we're going to tell you about our experience at the White House for the final time of the Biden administration. Okay, there's a lot to talk about. Let's go.

Let's go. So first off, the star of the holiday season was Sammy's bow. Sammy had a bow in her hair. Everybody loved it. It was wild. We took the bow's picture in front of the St. Regis Hotel. I would say that this was the highlight of the event for me.

I think the highlight of the event was the fact that every single person got to meet Hunter Biden and take a photo with him, except for me. You should have stuck with me. See, you don't dance with the one that brung you and you didn't get your picture with Hunter Biden. I don't know where I got Stella the ball at the holiday party. She was all over the place.

You are the bell of the ball. You are the one who got Hunter Biden. Hunter Biden was the bell of the ball. He really was such to the point that he and I got a newsletter yesterday from my one real conservative source, The Washington Spectator. Meghan McCain's husband writes for it. And I consider that to be a good litmus test of of normal life.

Republican thinking, not fringe, loud Republican thinking. And there was a full newsletter devoted to Hunter Biden's rehab at the Influencer Holiday Party.

Oh, yeah. And I think that that was actually a pretty good strategy for him. Like he was thriving. If TikTok and or influencing in general had existed when Hunter Biden was coming up, he wouldn't have had to deal with this Burisma thing. No. Who needed to be a lobbyist for Burisma when you could hawk like whatever Tom Sandoval's doing? He would be the Jack Schlossberg of his time. Oh, yeah.

First of all, like we talked about in the last episode, I could wish for nothing more than to have met Hunter Biden as the senator's son at a party in New York City. I mean, he fulfills, if there ever was a political nepo baby, that's a joy to meet. It's Hunter Biden. I could see why all these women ran away with him. I almost ran away with him. He's very charming.

He is very charming. I didn't see him up close, but I did see him from several feet away. And I was even... Oh, he's magic. He's like an imp or something. He's like a little Christmas elf. Yeah. He has like very magic about him or something. He has such a childish energy. Yeah. It's adorable. It's so playful. Lovely. You do see why, you know, it's like that article we reviewed a few days ago about the New York story. And we will be returning to some New York stories later in the Soad.

But she, yeah, it was, you see why he has gotten into the trouble he has. You can just picture him sitting in the bathroom at the Chateau Marmont on his phone, video chatting people with the toilet, with his computer on the toilet. Well, here's the thing.

We were at the Hanukkah party the night before the White House Creator Party. Now, Hanukkah party was like decidedly for adults, I felt like. I felt like that was more adulty and like, you know, it was a lot more maybe donors and staff and like more serious people. Hunty came down. It was just Jews in general. Yes. So it was all blanket Jews. Yes. Yes.

Hyundai came down towards the end and he got a little rizzed up. And I was like, I bet we see him tomorrow for the creator's party because he's like, ooh, there's energy in the house. Right. I forgot we saw him twice. That was two separate nights. I only saw him physically on the Hanukkah night. I didn't see him on –

Creator Night because it was so – I mean they were both incredibly crowded. There were so many celebrities there. I mean Flava Flav was there at the Creators Party. So anyway, I was like – I mean Ben Stiller was at the Jews Party. So don't underestimate him. Ben Stiller was at the Jews Party. But he was also like heavily behind Lock and Key. They had like Marines locking arms so that Ben Stiller could take his picture with the Obama portrait. Do you remember that? Yeah. Ben Stiller was – he was heavily protected. Yeah.

Everything all just flashes in my mind. I will say I drank more in those two days than I've drank in a long time. And I have a two day, I had a two day headache. Like it extended from, that was delicious. The eggnog hit me.

Okay. Didn't feel like it hit when I was drinking it. Because we were basically drinking a boozy ice cream. If you are having a holiday party, may I suggest the White House eggnog? It is a punch bowl full of eggnog, spiked, obviously, heavily. They got a heavy pour at the White House. I'll tell you that. And then they put like a little cinnamon, but right in the middle of it, they put like a brick of vanilla ice cream. So as instead of ice. Is that what that was? Yes. So as the...

As the ice cream is melting, it's just making it. That's what's keeping it all cold. But it was very delicious. But yeah. I was so confused why it was so good. I was like, something about this is not. Full fat cream, baby. Full fat ice cream. And I saw them. They had the ice cream, the giant. I thought that was a big block of ice.

No. Now I know. Okay. So let's just create. By the way, I got really hungry last night because of my two day headache. I couldn't eat dinner last night. So I'm all like weird. And I woke up super,

so hungry at 4.45 this morning and there's nothing in my house. So I went for the chocolates that were from the White House. White House chocolates? And I had three of them. They were good. They were like a Cadbury chocolate, like a dairy milk. I will say they were very good chocolate. Okay, tell us, what did Hunter Biden say to you? So here's the thing. This is when I was like, I get why people would run away with Hunter Biden.

First of all, earlier in the day, he had asked to see Aaron Parnas, who is another big creator. Apparently, he watches him. He watches Under the Desk. He watches Alex Perlman. He watches like a lot of TikTok, which is very on brand for Hunter, I would think. Also, Alex Perlman makes so much sense as the exact person who Hunter Biden would watch. Yes.

Also, maybe Hunter Biden can lobby his dad about the TikTok ban. Well, he successfully did that for the pardon. He was talking to a bunch of people. I had seen him the night before, right, when I was like, when he shook my hand. So at the Hanukkah party, I saw him in passing and I was staring at him, obviously.

And he caught eyes with me, walked over, shook my hand very quickly and went, I'm Hunter Biden. And I was like, I know. And that was it. That was our interview. And I thought that was going to be my last encounter with him until I saw him the next day. And then, but the way he recognized me the next day at the creator party, he was like, hey, buddy, what's going on? Like I had known this man my whole life.

And so then he starts asking me because I had talked about AOC on TikTok and how she was running for this oversight committee position and how Nancy Pelosi was kind of like messing with AOC and backing the 74-year-old throat cancer patient, Jerry Conley from Northern Virginia. And so Hunter says, hey, did AOC end up getting that spot? And I'm like, no, she didn't. And he goes, fuck Nancy Pelosi, huh? And I was like,

Yeah. So now my reaction is to like, riz him up and get him going. Cause I'm like, this is excellent. Yeah. I can't film any of this or whatever. And he's like, man, fuck her. Right. And I'm like, yeah, man, because Hunter is a person who is so charming in the way that he reflects exactly back to you, who you are, because I watched him with other people and he would reflect back to them how they are. Like, this is, this is how the best Rizzlers do it.

Damn, I wish I got to see myself reflected back by Hunter Biden. We got to get him on the show. Although you just told whatever, who cares? Come here, Hunter. I don't think he's going to be mad. The water's warm. He didn't. I don't think he's going to be mad. He sounds like he said it with his whole chest. He sure did. And then he was like, this party is going to die because they don't pass power. They don't understand the importance.

Which I was like, your dad? But honestly, Joe Biden has mentored an awful lot of people and he does make space for folks and I wouldn't have the career I have without Joe Biden. So I love Joe.

Yeah. Not what, no, Joe Biden truly legitimized digital creators, especially over the last four years as it comes to like having access to briefings and being invited to the White House. Like that was huge for legitimizing under the desk and whatnot. So I'm very grateful to him for that. But I was like, yeah, man. And he's like, I'm just, I'm just sick of this. I'm just so sick of all this. AOC deserved that spot. How do we go from Jamie Raskin to an older guy? And I was like, this man knows politics. Okay. Yeah.

Then Daniel, who's my manager, was like, let me make sure I get the picture of you guys. And he's like snapping pictures of me talking to Hunter this whole time. You can see on my face when he said, fuck Nancy Pelosi to me, because I was like, but thrilled, but thrilled. And so then he's like, can I stay in touch with you? And I was like, do you want to like give me your phone number? And at that exact minute, people were like, no, no, no, no. You're not getting Biden's phone number. My God.

Patrick from the White House was right there too. And he was like, I will make sure that you stay in touch with Hunter. So I think that we could probably get Hunter on the podcast. Wait, Hunter should have his own podcast. Hunter Biden should be the Joe Rogan of the left. I was like, Hunter, what are you going to do after this? And he's like, you know, he's like, I

He's like, I'm going to spend some time with my dad and whatnot. I was like, you're going to run for office? And he's like, they would fucking love that. They would eat that up. No, they've had enough of me. They've had enough of me. But he is so funny and delightful. What does he want with being in office? Give that man a microphone. If there's one white man who should have a microphone, it's Hunter Biden. Hunter...

Call me. Yeah, let's get him on the Betches sports show. We have a media company. Let's get him on the Betches sports. He does. Let's get him on the Betches sports show. Also, congratulations. We should tell people about that because as a Bills fan, I'm so excited. Betches just inked a deal with the NFL to do some pretty incredible content. Tell us about it. So the NFL, as you know, you can't use like any of their images or their

footage or their logos or anything. So they want to expand into women fan bases, obviously, and give women more access. So we have launched a Betches Sports vertical. Everyone should follow it at Betches Sports. It's really good. Thank you. It is. And we've launched an incredible new show called Locker Room Talk. So check that out. But basically, the NFL is going to let us use their IP and their athletes and access to their events to

so that we can make content, which is really difficult if you don't have access to any of that. So we are extremely...

extremely excited. And everyone check it out, especially if you're a sports fan. But Hunter Biden would make such a wonderful sports commentator on the Betches Sports Network. He could be like your Eagles correspondent, right? That's what that family, they love the Eagles. Yeah, well, that's Jill's team. So yeah. Okay. Well, yeah, that was my encounter with Hunter Biden. Call me. I won't tell anyone anything that you don't want told.

But everything that you do want told. Yeah. Look, I could talk about Hunter Biden all day forever. He's a prince. But we should also talk about the fact that the Christmas decorations, if you haven't looked them up from the White House yet, they are magical. They are beautiful. There was a carousel. There was a room with a moving carousel. I was like, we can't get student loan forgiveness, but we've got a carousel. But love it. Magic. The violins. It's

It's hard to resist a Titanic analogy. Sorry, it just is. But it was, I had spent the earlier part of the day in the West Wing of the White House, which...

was my last time in the West Wing. Also not my first time. Not my first time. So I've been to the West Wing a couple times. It was my second time in the Oval Office, which I think just as a person really will bring you all the way to your knees because just the vibes of that room are so outrageously off the charts. Incredible. And like, I'm such an American history nerd. I like, I'm looking at everything in the whole room and he had like lit a fire because there's a fireplace in there and it was like beautiful and warm. Ooh, toasty.

And I got to speak to Joe Biden one last time. And I spoke to his senior digital communications officers, Tom Perez. There was just a meeting in the morning to essentially talk about Biden's legacy and like what comes next and answer questions from there was nine of us that got this particular access. And I'll have like, you know, content on Under the Dust News about what they said, because that's all like kind of, you know, business content.

But I got to take a picture with Joe Biden and I'm afraid I'm going to be ugly crying in it because one, I'm like in my feels, right? The last four years have been really hard. I've held my breath the whole time. And now we are getting these moments of relief where it's like, okay, like today is the last podcast we're doing for the year. And I'm going to relax and like be with my family. And there's something about like when you stop work, even for two weeks, that moment of like relief you get. And so Joe Biden came in and

He is older. He does look this, these four years I've really aged him. And so partly you're looking at him as like, wow, this, this man who really did legitimize my career in many ways. And he's so old now and he gave so much, whether you agree with everything he did or not, we're talking about just Joe as a person right now. And they were like, well, this is your last chance to kind of, he talked about legacy. He talked about what comes next. He said some very nice things to me, which. What did he say? Tell us what he said. Yeah.

He said the news here. He said you have a special and unique ability to talk to a fourth grader and a Ph.D. in the same way without making the fourth grader feel talked over without making the Ph.D. feel dumbed down. Do you think Joe Biden watches your tick tock? Like, I think they showed him. I think they show videos. Yes. OK. Yeah.

They have to definitely show him videos, especially because I've been critical of Joe Biden several times as well. And they did because I was in my critical era of him when we went to the White House correspondence. And he was he was a little stern faced with me during that time. But during this time, we were we were. And this is, of course, me, like in my own experience, feeling like, yeah, come away.

So anyway, he said very nice things. And then they were like, okay, you're going to take your picture now so you can say whatever you want to say to him. And because it'll be like the last time you speak to him. And I'm like getting choked up now because like, who the fuck talks to the president? Who says it's the last time you'll speak to him? But who talks to the president in the Oval Office? Like, I'm a...

that's crazy. And so I was like, President Biden, I think history will remember you more kindly than the press ever treated you. I think the things that you were able to accomplish through the Inflation Reduction Act and the CHIPS Act, and even the things you did for reversing the dishonorable discharges for LGBTQ soldiers will have a lasting impact beyond the praise that you got for it in the time that it happened. And he kind of nodded and patted me on the shoulder. And he was like, happy to hear that. And I was like, and on a personal level, and then I like fucking lost it. I was like,

Yeah.

So this man, he's such a grandpa. He's so cute. And he goes, he goes, wait, you're from Rochester, right? And I'm like, yes. And he's like, oh, he remembers. Well, yeah, he only because he's from Scranton. Like we had like there's some Syracuse thing that he has going on. So he he goes, you better quit the waterworks or it'll start to snowstorm in here like a grandpa. Like, yeah.

And so then, of course, I start laughing. And then we took the picture and that was the end. And that was my end with Joe Biden. But like, how crazy. Like, that's crazy. That is crazy. I would. We should get a post. We should do a Biden family therapy interview. How's that? We can go down to Delaware. Yeah.

Well, we'll see. I really do think that Joe Biden's plan for retirement is to he really wants a presidential library. He'll have to fundraise for that if that's how it's going to go. I don't see why the state of Delaware wouldn't just give him one for all the things that he's done for that state. In fact, like most people only know Delaware is a state because of Joe Biden.

And because they all put their shell corporations there. Yeah, I think that's really actually why people know about it. I think he is going to go into reflective space. One of the other people asked if he'll do a book. He said he always wanted to write a book about how one decision today could impact the next 50 years. Oh, yeah.

But it didn't seem like he was going to do a book. I think he really is just going to chill with Jill. Chill with Jill. Yeah. Well, I heard he has reached another milestone, but I'm not going to be the one to out it on this podcast. Maybe it'll get announced later.

One of these days, and we'll let you know when it does. All right, let's tease it, though. This is what I was talking about. Remember, today is December 19th. When we were in the room talking about legacy and different things, it was, I did not get good vibes about the TikTok ban. There are only a certain very specific escape hatches we talk about on Under the Desk that could save TikTok genuinely. And there is not like a presidential interference. Joe can't like stop the ban. He can direct the Department of Justice to not do a great job defending the ban, but

Can he pardon the ban? He should pardon the ban. If Hunter were president. But one thing they said in passing that caught my ear was they were like, you know, and like the ERA stuff, just like that. And I was like, what about the, like, but I didn't get to say it. And then I was like, the ERA stuff, is he going to sign the ERA? Like, is that going to happen? I didn't get to ask that. No one told me he's going to do that. There is no confirmation of that, except the next.

The next day, Midas Touch got a – they had that same day that we were there. Midas Touch got a one-hour sit-down interview, the exit interview with the president. He gave it to a digital journalist. He's not giving it to Trad Media. So the last time you hear from him, it'll be on Midas Touch because, like, Trad Media has been terrible to him. So –

They did hide him from them a bit. So come on. I know he's not coming here. I know he's not coming here. You want to know why? Because they're going to have to tell him that this place is called Betches Media and he's going to be like, bitches, bitches. And they can't, they won't let him do that. He's too conservative for that. So it's not happening, but that's fine.

And in the Midas Touch, they ask him, what are the things you're going to try to get done in your last 30 days? And he said his biggest focus is women's issues, women's issues. You know, like we need to get that. It's something like we need to get the ERA done. And even Brett from Midas Touch was like, are you going to direct the National Archivist to put the ERA through? And again, he didn't confirm it, but they're saying it in a way that's like,

Is it going to happen? I don't know. It's at least he's cooking. He's working on it. The National Archivist said that they won't.

Also, the TikTok ban is... Not without a direction. Not without a direction from the president. Well, we shall see. Right now, it's December 19th. It could be signed by the time you hear this. Also, the Supreme Court is hearing TikTok's case about whether the ban is constitutional. So that could be the escape hatch. What they're going to try to do, Ed Markey is helping us with that.

to try and have the law that Congress passed deemed a bill of attainer. But I'm going to go to law school. I'm like a fucking lawyer now. I know so much about this goddamn ban and constitutional politics.

A bill of attainer is something that the Supreme Court can overturn when Congress passes a law that is called a bill of attainer. It means that Congress passed a law that punishes a company or a person before they had a trial or committed a crime. And obviously a ban on TikTok is a punishment. And the crime is that they say TikTok did was like affecting national security, which they've not been able to prove and there was no trial for. So they're going to say maybe, and this is where Joe could kind of like be like, let them have it.

that this is a bill of attainer and Congress needs to take the bill back and rework it or give TikTok a trial. So that would stop the ban, at least for now. I don't know that they'll ever stop going after it, but we'll see.

I could see it just keep getting kicked down and down and down. And that's why I've always said TikTok will become no fun. Until Elon Musk buys it. Before they ever ban it because already right now, I mean, I'm fully moving my stuff to other platforms because I'm sick of doing this dance every couple months too. I think that's smart, not just because of the ban, but because...

diversification. Think about content like a stock portfolio. Everyone tells you you have to diversify it. That's honestly, if you want to know from Betches, we've always thought about our content in that way. We've always thought about if any platform went away, would people know consciously what Betches is?

and think to seek it out or find it on another platform or would they accept it in another form? That is literally from day one, been our North Star. It's like, this cannot exist because of a platform. It has to exist as its own thing. And then the platforms are how we can reach people. So that's one of the hardest things about how the platforms have kind of become like mini monopolies or just very few of them is that people are relying on them. They force you to kind of work

in that way. But what you really need is kind of like across the board brand built. And that's that on branding from me today. The other thing about Biden, you know, he's very worried about his legacy. They're trying to get money out the door for all the projects that were authorized during the Inflation Reduction Act and all these different things to make sure that the red states don't pull it back. Although they told us a lot of the money is going to red states and Trump will just take credit for those projects.

in particular, Trump will take credit for the bridge between Cincinnati and Kentucky being built because that's going to open in like four months. And that'll be like, look at what I did. I built a bridge in four months or whatever. So, you know, that's that. Cool. Amazing. Can't wait to see it.

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Speaking of digital media, while I was in D.C., a little birdie told me

me that the Pod Save America people are unhappy with our episode about that. Grow up, fellas. Come on. You know, I think it was a fair episode. I think it was a fair episode, too. As people, I think Jon Favreau is an incredible person. He is undeniably one of the best orator, speechwriter people of our generation. Like there are talented fellas over there, which is why the criticism was so strong.

You got to be able to kind of take that. Right. I mean, well, one thing I do think it is pronounced Favreau just as a general. That's the New England in me, okay? I'm going to... He's from New England, famously. Well, fuck me. I'm apparently not so good a friend. Well...

evidently, I think he might agree. But I mean, here's the thing. Why don't we do what Jon Favreau did? And if he wants to come on the podcast to discuss it, he should. We'd love to have you. We'd love to have him. And there's much to discuss because ultimately, I think our interests are more aligned than they're not. And that's how I feel about that. I still stand by it was a fair episode.

I mean, our feedback was it was a fair episode. It also occurred at a particular... Yes, of course, we think it was a fair episode. Well, our listeners thought it was fair too. But I'm like, listen, that episode came out at a particular time that was a true to the emotions of that time. I think what we said was fair. I stand by what we said. And like, yeah, if you want to come on and talk about it, let's talk about it. The only thing, and I think this actually is a very interesting piece of the conversation when you speak about digital media, because I was also told...

by someone else who was part of a meeting at the White House this past week that they had sort of been suggesting with the former Biden, sorry, Harris staff again, that they had been suggesting that progressive and liberal influencers and content creators have to build their own ecosystem because they have to be profitable on their own.

And what I think they fail to understand is that that is very difficult because advertisers want to stay away from news mostly for the greater part. That's number one. And number two is that there's nothing in it for billionaires on this side. So like,

where there is on the Republican side to just sort of subsidize people. And what creators really need is just the knowledge that they can sustain their life and pay for their production for a certain amount of time that they can actually give this a try. And that's not a ton of money, but I think... Okay, so back to the crooked people. To their point is that they are running a business. And

That was what they're, they tried to expand and then things maybe weren't as successful as they could have been. And I get that because Betches has also tried to launch shows. They don't do as well as you want. But they had said that their mission was to grow progressive media, not to run shows.

business. Not to, or, you know, obviously everyone needs to stay in business. I get that. But like, for example, Betches News is one of the biggest parts of Betches, but it is, and I'll give you some inside info, it is not the most lucrative part of Betches relative to its size because it's not as attractive to advertisers. But the rest of the business helps subsidize it because this is something we slash I care about having. And it takes money to make impact.

And this isn't really just about them. It's about the donors and the way that Democrats have gone about communicating. And there's so many strings attached to what, again, this has nothing to do with Crooked I'm speaking more about.

The broader media sphere in the money. And it's not easy. And what they had set out to do was not easy. It was an ambitious goal. And I think that not reaching it is worthy of analysis.

So I think there's so honestly, like I could never stop dissecting the media environment and everything that's happening with it and the way people. It's part of the fun. Everybody does that. Football does that. Josh Allen watches the tapes. Right. And he goes, yo, Shakir, you fucked up today. OK, brother, don't do that again. You let me down. And Shakir doesn't say, oh, you hurt.

my feelings. He's like, yeah, I watched that tape too. Didn't work out how we wanted. Let's try again. That's all that it is. Right. But also it, I do think this is an important conversation because of the way people are getting information and analyzing the best way for people to get that information is important. And that's all anyone's been talking about. So,

Well, and anytime any of us on the left are going for money, pot save is the thing that they put us up against. They're like, well, we tried that with Crooked or we tried that with it. There is a standard within the people who give money on the Democratic side to judge what they're willing to invest in based on what they've already invested in. And if they feel like they already have that thing. So if pot save as they were first, then.

There are times where I will be in a meeting and they're like, oh, we tried that and it didn't work. Or, oh, we feel like we already have that. And I'm like, okay.

So that's, you know what I mean? So then you're critical because you're like the mistakes that other people in our industry make have an impact on everyone. And let's take it away from new and digital media. Look what's going on with trad media. I mean, you look at what's going on with MSNBC and right now they're looking at layoffs. They're looking at restructuring. They've changed, you know, what's going on over there. People are, they're having a tough time. They're having to justify their salaries and all kinds of things over there, you know, and that's just the world we're in right now.

CNN, you know, did CNN plus their digital attempts for like 13 seconds before they shut down that $300 million production. Like there's just a lot going on in the world right now. And when times feel scarce and resources feel scarce, you're going to run into more hypercritical and emotional based criticism. And that's just where we're at right now. It doesn't have to like be a big deal, like grow up.

One thing I did see is that they want to make sure that it's the spin co is more palatable to Republicans. So that will be fun, I'm sure. You know, that's a whole other episode that we'll do maybe when we get back because it's Christmas Eve, Sammy, and we should talk about my favorite holiday, the birth of Jesus Christ. Oh, wonderful.

You know, my grandmother's birthday was Christmas. And so I consider her to be my Jesus. She could be your Jesus. Look, I want to give a shout out to all the Jewish kids in the world right now and through the history of the world for keeping Santa Claus alive for all the Christian kids. Because like I, not until adulthood, really realized what a sacrifice and what maturity it took for the Jewish kids at my school to be like, yep, Santa's, yes, sure, uh-huh.

Do you think anyone told me that Santa wasn't real? Like no, no one sat me down and was like, you know, Santa's fake. These, these kids are delusional. No one told me that. It was like, what, how long did you believe in Santa for? I still do. If you do not believe you will not receive. That's what my mom says. No, we keep it alive, baby. We keep it alive. Okay, kid. This is American fever dream. Yeah.

But I just shout out to all the Jewish kids who don't ruin Santa Claus for their Christian schoolmates. And this is why the Jews are the chosen ones, right? Because they are just the best of us. I was about to say, we have morals. Yes. We have morals.

Well, and I wanted to – so we were going to do country Christmas history as it results – as it relates to politics. And one of the first things that I found in American politics related to Christmas had to do with George Washington crossing the Delaware on Christmas Day. Now, when we hear about this, we think, well, yeah, George Washington crossing the Delaware. This is how we won the war. Right.

Ceasefires used to mean something back in the day. Oh, that's why he broke a ceasefire? Yes, he broke a ceasefire. You know, you do what you got to do. But this is country Christmas lore. So George Washington gets in his finest little outfit with his little boat. The deal was like, you know, we're supposed to wait until Christmas is over. They used to do like a two-week hold, kind of like how corporate does now. And so all day on Christmas,

The soldiers, the British soldiers were getting drunk and celebrating Christmas and playing soccer, which will come up later because soccer is very important to the Brits on Christmas Day, apparently. And then they went to sleep Christmas night. Now, when does Christmas end? You know, we're cease firing for Christmas. When does Christmas end? To George Washington. Did I?

No, to George Washington, it ends after Christmas dinner. So that's when he was like, okay, Christmas is over. Gathers up all his troops, gets his shit together. He knows that they're pissed drunk on the other side of the river. He crosses the river and he invaded. It was because, you know, slow moving. We're not, you know, slow moving. It was like four in the morning.

on the 26th that he invaded. And this is like, you know, very responsible for how America got to be the way it is. But that's a little cunty Christmas lore in the politics world for us. That seems like fair game to me. These Europeans got to move faster.

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Going back even further than that, I was like, has Christmas always been such a big deal for everyone? Is this just like how it is? And I was able to find a piece of news from 1642. Okay. So like quite a while ago, well before America and Canterbury, England. This is like the first hot off the presses Christmas scandal that I could find. The mayor of Canterbury was like

a super Scrooge curmudgeon. And he was like, no, we're keeping the shops open. We're keeping the banks open. We are not having Christmas. I'm sick of this. You people are trying to get off all the time and like, no, Christmas is just another day. Celebrate Jesus on your own time. I don't care. So the people of Canterbury

went to the mayor's house on Christmas morning, drug him out in the street and beat the shit out of him, closed their shops. And we're like, get fucked. We are not doing it. It's Christmas. So there was a Christmas beat down. And then they played soccer in the streets, which apparently people in England play soccer on Christmas. It's very important to them. The other fun thing that I learned about Christmas is during World War I, there was a ceasefire between Britain and Germany. And

The ceasefire was so strong that the British and the Germans started by singing competitive Christmas carols at each other to like sort of joke about the ceasefire. And then they started like just getting closer and closer. And then they started like

throwing food at each other, to be like, hey, here's our Christmas rations. And they were like, here's our Christmas rations. And then they got closer and closer. And then they started sharing rations of the whiskey. You're going to throw rations like that? Yeah, at each other to share. And then they were sharing their whiskey rations because, I don't know, maybe the British had gin and the Germans had something else. And so then they ended up just partying

And again, playing soccer in the trenches during World War I until they were like, okay, that's enough Christmas time to get back to killing each other. Why don't they just stop? Be like, why are we doing this again? Forgot. They should have. I know. They should have just quit it. Imagine if, imagine, okay, if it had been now, people would have like switched, exchanged numbers and like, you know, be like, here's your itinerary for when you're traveling again.

That's what I'm saying. The war is so stupid and it's so just like scheduled because they stopped and they had all the fun. So I love that. There would be no war if it were women. I have a little bit of lore on my grandpa and Christmas. Oh, okay. So my grandpa says that his biggest contribution to the war was getting Budweiser on the ship for Christmas. So I don't know how he did it, but he used to talk about it a lot and I thought that was pretty cool.

Also, there is a story that I know is not true, but I want it to be true about how my grandma had met my gramps like around Fleet Week U type time. Oh.

So there was like a mess up with the paperwork and you could like look this up. But a bunch of sailors jumped into the harbor in New York to like get off the ship for Christmas. And the story is like, there comes Charlie, icicles on his uniform. And so I married him. Now, were there icicles? This is not true. This is a absolute romantic story.

exaggeration that my family has told, but I think it's just the cutest thing in the world. And so that's my Christmas lore for you guys for now. And then I have a sloppy Christmas story once we get through the political lore. I do. You know, your grandfather made sure there was Budweiser on the ship for Christmas. I want to tell you something about my grandfather and what his job was. My grandfather was a president of sales at Seagram, you know, the Al

Oh, yeah. That was my grandma's drinks. Seven and seven, baby. That was hot stuff. So Grandpa Psy...

was responsible for bringing Glenlivet and Tanqueray and Crown Royal into the United States because they were originally not American-made beverages. So that was his impact. He made sure that everyone has Tanqueray, Crown Royal, and Glenlivet. I'm telling you, when we are drinking those this weekend, raise a little glass to sigh. Thank you for that. See more, technically. See more. And I did look up, to be fair,

Jewish political cool stuff that happened. Oh, please tell me. I will. Let me tell you about your faith. So in 1862, on the first night of Hanukkah,

was the worst act of anti-Jewish discrimination by the government in American history to that time. Oh my God. Aiming to suppress cotton speculation during the Civil War, General Ulysses S. Grant ordered Jews as a class to leave the area that was under his jurisdiction, which included many parts of Kentucky, Mississippi, and Tennessee, and they had to leave within 24 hours. So a holiday meant to commemorate a fight for religious freedom now saw Jews experiencing expulsion and discrimination here in the United States on their own land.

We're used to it. We're used to it. But it didn't work. It didn't work because during the Civil War, predominantly most Jewish people were on the side of the North and abolitionists because...

slavery is bad. They were like, you know what? We are not for this. This is not for us. So for the second time during this episode, we've established that we are quite a moral people. Yes. But the good news about Hanukkah was that Hanukkah was not actually celebrated. The oil lasted for eight days. Is that the good news about Hanukkah? Yes, it is. And the first Hanukkah at the White House was not actually until 1989. My birth year? Yes. They were like, Sammy is here.

She has arrived. We have to start to prepare the celebrations. Oh, holy cow.

George H.W. Bush put a menorah in the White House, but he wouldn't light it because he was like, I don't know. I feel weird about it. I'm not Jewish. And then... I respect that. But no, the next president, William Clinton, was like, I'll fucking light it. I'll fucking light whatever I want. Let's light this candle, baby. And so... I didn't inhale. No. So Clinton was like, I'm ready to light up. And so he was the first president to light the menorah. And the very first time that Hasidic Jews attended...

The Hanukkah party at the White House, which became like a thing after the Clintons, wasn't until 2005 when the president agreed to make it a kosher affair, which is why there was shrimp and crab claws at the Christmas party, but not at the Hanukkah party. Oh, yes. There were latkes.

That was lovely. I did love that. And I appreciate that. I think that that's the right thing to do. You can't have a party and have people who the party's for can't eat. That's not right. Also, I noticed there was no tomato on a lot of the things and I think they did that for me. So thank you. I'm sure. Both nights for me. I'm sure. For me. Tomato doesn't sit well as a catering device. No. It's mealy. People are in fancy dresses. It could be sloppy. Yeah. I do have a question. I'm hoping you can clarify. Why are there two ways to spell Hanukkah?

So that's just how the English spelling, the real way you spell Hanukkah is in Hebrew. So it's, and it's the, the letter is, uh, in Hebrew is the which is the sounds that lovely, beautiful sound, like right from the bottom of your throat, you know, right where it gets all mucusy. So that would technically be the CH, but I think maybe because they don't, they don't want reader casual readers to pronounce it

I imagine it's been spelled both ways. But either of those are the official spelling because those are English. They're just English words for whether that's in Hebrew, which has a letter that doesn't exist in English. Got it. That's why. Because I panic every time. No, no, no. Is it C, C-H? I go with H-A-N-U-K-K-A-H. Remember, it's one N and two Ks. I like it because the Chanukah reason. Yeah. Yeah.

You never know who you're going to encounter. Well, I'm here for it. When we were growing up, me and my brother, all we wanted to be in the world was Jewish because we thought it was just the coolest thing. And then he insisted that tell me if this is real or not. My brother insisted that if you leave your shoes outside, like the Hanukkah fairy will fill them with candy.

No. There is no fairy. Well, then we looked it up and it's like apparently a Dutch tradition, but he insisted that it was a Jewish thing. And so he would do it. My mom would like put candy in there for him. I guess my mom's a Jewish family. There is nothing with candy. Nothing with candy and shoes. No. There's dreidel with the gelt.

Yeah. Which has no shoes involved. We like the gelt. That was very fun. Yeah. There's nothing with that. And then on Passover, there's Elijah. There's, which you just open the door, you leave him a seat at the table and a glass of wine. Okay. But you open the door just briefly, but there's no shoes involved in that either. But there is lamb's blood. No. Don't ask. Because Moses, remember you taught me about Moses just last week? Oh yeah. Moses. Wonderful Moses. I know.

Oh, we have some information from Samantha about this is the shoe tradition. On Christmas Eve, Sinterklaas. Sinterklaas might be Santa Claus in Dutch. Before going to bed in the evening, children put their shoes next to the fireplace or outside the front door in hopes that Sinterklaas will leave a sweet treat in their shoe. It seems like Americans got it backwards because now we leave cookies for Santa. Well, we have the stocking.

So that's like our version. That's where that came from. Okay. Got it. Got it. Got it. It all is making sense now. So, but you know, Christmas is a time of great fun, but it is also a time of some of the weirdest memories I have in New York city. And we told you that we would tell you the craziest thing that ever happened to me on Christmas in New York was, and my wife can stop listening to the show right now because this obviously never happened. Um,

My friend, Andrea Saltino has been my friend forever and ever, but truly one of my best friends ever. Enough to cite her name on the podcast. Yeah. She said she's given a release. She was visiting me for Christmas and I lived in New York City and I was working at restaurants. So I had to work. And so she like came to the restaurant, came whatever. And then we went out afterwards and I had been dating this woman who I had broken up with. And then the girl was like kind of stalking me. And then I was like, well, that makes me feel loved. So I guess you can hang out again. And so

this girl goes out with me and Andrea on Christmas, gets absolutely bombed off her face, follows me home. So then we're like, okay, well, we have to, we can't, what are we going to do? We have to like take care of her. So we like,

We like bring her in the house. Andrea's like, you're ruining, I'm visiting you. You're ruining Christmas. You date the craziest women on the planet. She proceeds to like projectile vomit all over my bathroom. So then Andrea is trying to fix that. Then she starts like, I don't know what happened, but she just, I'm obviously such a catch that she snapped her carrot that we would not get back together. Then she insists that I'm like having an affair with my friend, Andrea, who I'm not. So now Andrea is trying to get her to leave.

We're like, you have to leave. I'm calling you a cab. Like, this is crazy. Like, I cannot deal with this.

Andrea is standing on the stairs because we're trying to literally help her like down the stairs. I'm going to like help get her home. And she kicked Andrea full in the chest, like held both sides of the railing. And like, and she was a tap dancer. She was a good kicker, this woman. And she kicked her square in the chest, knocks Andrea down the stairs. Now this ruckus has erupted. So the roommates in this building I live in call the police saying,

The police come. They think that I'm the abuser because obviously like I'm much bigger than this woman. And they're like, okay, obviously like this is a domestic violence thing. I'm like, oh my God, I just want this to be over.

she starts grabbing onto me in a way. And so I don't know how this happened, but Andrea tried to grab her t-shirt to like pull her off of me, but her clothes just like ripped. So now this woman is standing there in her bra in the snow with the police. Now the police are hysterical laughing because they could see that this is just like, I'm like, guys, I'm so sorry. A drunk situation. It's just a drunk, like absolute lunatic lady situation. And so then I was like,

First of all, she's I can't send her any. I can't do anything like this is dangerous now. So then she passed out. I had to like carry her up the stairs. And Andrea, every single Christmas reminds me of this horrible Christmas. That is wild. But that is my most dangerous Christmas memory. And then I never saw that girl again after that. So it worked.

You should look up the lyrics to the song by Taylor Swift, Hits Different, because it sounds like it's about what just happened. Picture how nervous a person I am in general and how much of a people pleaser I am. And the second Andrea pulls her t-shirt and now she's standing there in a bra in the snow. And I was like...

Oh, my God. Good thing there were no cell phones because that would have been. There were no cell phones. And this was on Ditmar's Boulevard in Astoria. So like, you know, the bar is across the street. And I'm like, I've never been more embarrassed truly in my life ever, ever, ever. That's amazing. And that's why you shouldn't hit the eggnog so hard. Do you want to hear my holiday story? I do. Please. So it's the story of how I got this Harry Potter scar. Yes. Okay.

Okay. So, you know, it's a Christmas story in the way that Top Gun is a Christmas movie and that it occurred around the holidays, but it was really nothing to do with the holidays. So whatever. I guess I was like home for Christmas break. It must have been, you know, like the 27, 28, 29 kind of days. Yeah.

And I went out, it was 2012. It was 2012. And I lived at my parents' house on Long Island and had graduated college. So I was working, whatever. Went out, got very, very drunk. Don't remember one single thing that happened that night, but got home. My friend dropped me off. I remember, I know that much. And

I don't know what happened, but I have deduced since that I fell on the stone steps leading up to my home and cracked my head open. But I didn't know that happened because the next morning I woke up and there was blood everywhere on the walls. Like Moses had visited. Yeah. Like Moses had visited outside and I had a giant gash in my head. My mom thought that I had like

That there was something really had happened. And because it was that period between Christmas and New Year's, there were no plastic surgeons around to stitch it up. So we had to go to urgent care and glue it. And to this day, I still have a scar from getting very drunk and falling on my stone steps. And I didn't even remember it happened. I'm lucky I still have my teeth.

Let this be a warning to you fever dreamers out

lay off the eggnog, go easy. I'll be honest. That was like a, that was one of those things where I was like, damn, I got to get my shit together. Like the fact that you're like, yeah, you do. No, this was me with this girl too. I was like, this is, there are moments in your youth, especially in New York, I think where you have that one night out where you're like, all right, well, that was the end of my youth. I am done with that period of my life. It was like, you can't do that again. No, no.

Nope. So be careful, have fun. And, you know, I hope that if you have a messy Christmas, you let us know about it. There was the Christmas that my grandma told us we weren't allowed to drink because she thought that that would help. And then we were all sitting there and she's like, this is the most boring Christmas I've ever had. And all my brother could find was a bunch of Bailey's. And so then, yeah, that didn't go delicious. It was delicious, but not in mass. OK, go easy on the cream based beverages. Anyway, ice cream in your eggnog. That's from the White House. Yep.

Shall we? We shall. It has been the joy of my life to do this podcast with you, Sammy, for the last several months. And I'm so grateful to the Fever Dreamers. I hope we made you laugh, cry. And as me and Hunter Biden always say, fuck Nancy Pelosi. Until next time, I'm Vita Spear. And I'm Sammy Sage. And this is American Fever Dream. Good night. Good night.

American Fever Dream is produced and edited by Samantha Gatzik. Social media by Candice Monega and Bridget Schwartz. Be sure to follow us on Instagram and TikTok at Betches News and follow me, Sammy Sage at Sammy and V at Under the Desk News. And of course, send us your emails to AmericanFeverDream at Betches.com. Betches.