YOU KISSED MY SISTER? -You Should Know Podcast-
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This is Kristen Bell and Adam Brody and we're dating in our new show. Nobody wants this. Right, right. We're not really dating. No, in real life. We're married. Right. Married to other people, not each other. Oh, this is complicated. Right. It's just like our love lives in Nobody Wants This, a show about what happens when a bold and sometimes provocative podcast host finds her unlikely match in a sweet traditional rabbi. You can watch every episode of Nobody Wants This now only on Netflix. The You Should Know Podcast.

back to you should know podcast episode 127 round of applause yep yep yep yep we're here we're here that's magical that's magical you want to know it's gonna be a wild episode you want to know why there's so much high energy high vibes in the studio the merch is officially out available right now yep yep yep yep

And I feel good too. At the top of the description is a link to the merch that is available for only seven days. You have until next Monday. You have until next Monday to grab this new exclusive beautiful merch. And we spoke with our merch team. And hopefully, hopefully if you're watching this on YouTube, there's like a little drop down underneath the description box with a hyperlink. And it shows all the garments. You can just buy it straight from this YouTube video. But if you're new here, if you haven't already, you look below, you see that subscribe button isn't pressed yet.

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effective grooming wherever you need it. Now on to the rest of the episode. The You Should Know Podcast. We got co-host Gag in the studio. You see the merch? You see the merch? You see the merch? You see the merch? It's pink. It's red. It's soft. It's fashionable. It's puff print. I'm running out of words, but it's so nice. We got co-host Gag back in the studio. Yo!

That should be my little thing. How are you feeling, Bobby? You look good. Your garments are fresh. I see a twinkle in your eye and a twinkle on that shirt and a twinkle in me. A twinkle in my garment.

Man, we got one mute already. We're about two mutes. Good job. Hey, Kim, you don't want us to make money. It's okay. I'm sorry. I didn't know. I couldn't say that. I feel like I've said that before. You make me sing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star in my head every time I see you. Well, that's fantastic. How are you feeling, Bubba? I'm feeling absolutely ecstatic.

Uh, adventurous. Can't wait to see it. And incredibly happy because the merch is live. It is. It's been cooking behind the scenes. The bun is finally out. The casserole's done. The timer went off and now it's here to cut little pieces and give to the world. We're feeding the world. We're the Peter Pan of the casserole industry. Just look at it one more time. It is. We're Peter Pan of multiple industries.

The thing that's kind of making me clench is the fact it looks good optically, right? Obviously, it looks good optically. If they could feel the garment, if they could run their straggly little fingers through our garments right now. Their little hands. If they could run their orc claws through our shirt. They're like, I like it. Yeah, if you can take your little shmeagle paws and put it on this shirt. Let's talk about it real quick. Let's talk about it. Colorway, absolutely fantastic. Of course. Beautiful. The hoodie. The hoodie.

Neither one of us wearing it because it's 100 degrees outside. But it's not going to be for long. But it's not going to be for long. So be prepared for the fall and the winter coming up. And that's why we're dropping it because it's fantastic. But the hoodie, my God, so soft, so beautiful. The pink is fantastic. And the puff print. The puff print is just, it does something to me. That's why I clinch. The pink reminds me of my friend Toothless. Talk to him, Toothless. Talk to him, Toothless.

Okay, but the shirt and hoodie both, new designs, never before seen, beautiful colorways, puff print, per usual. The hoodie is very, very soft. You can wear it inside. You can wear it outside. It is an amazing hoodie, and the shirt is soft, breathable, fantastic. Whenever you are naked, you look like a lobster without the shell. I just wanted to put that out there.

Every time I've seen you naked, I'm like, oh, there's a lobster. I look like a shell-less tortoise. I look like a tortoise. A little gut with a lot of just naked skin. You look good to lay with, though. I'm a good heater. I've been told I'm a natural heater. Some people have to buy space heaters. I am a space heater.

You felt it. I did because we slept together in the Hamptons. We snuggled. But not only... I felt your talon claw. That's what I felt. You were scratching me with a sword of a toenail. It was in your... It's alright. That was a little peanut butter in there. A little peanut butter jelly jam. Aunt Jemima, get cancelled.

I was scratching my toenail on your Achilles tendon. I was making you feel like Kobe Bryant in 2013. Okay. Okay. You just went, you had an audible fever dream just now. Aunt Jemima, peanut butter, jelly, and jams, and Kobe Bryant in 2013. Yeah.

But I was saying about the merch, the hoodie is so soft, so nice. I wore it on the plane to the Hamptons. We went to the Hamptons this weekend with Patron. Hello. Thank you to Patron for having us. Thank you, Patron, so much. Fantastic trip. Thank you. Let's talk about the trip a little bit. Not you, me. Here we go. So we got invited to go to the Hamptons with Patron. If you don't know, the Hamptons, it's like this nice, it's a very old money, bougie area. Yes.

New York style. Yeah. You know what I mean? And it's strangely far from New York City. Didn't know it was there. Didn't know it was a two and a half hour car ride from New York City. And it's only 70 miles. Yeah. But the highway to speed them is 50. So that's why it takes you so long to get there. So what they did was they flew us first class, of course. They could put me in first class. Up in the commonwealth.

I want to be up in the camera. Here we go. Hello. So they take first class New York. We get to New York. They have a car outside of the airport. They say, Peyton, Cam, that's your car. Get here. We're going to take you to this loading dock. Not a fan of loading docks. Reminds me of murder and killing. 100%. You know what I mean? Morgan is around the corner. God bless you, Joel Goldberg. Here we go. So we get there, and we're on this loading dock, right? And it's this nice, like, you can tell it's a little elevated, a little bougie. A little bit of a scent of some bad.

Yeah, unseasoned bass like very local like if I throw a breadcrumb. It's gonna be a swarm I'm smelling a lot of fish the the aesthetics were nice and the drinks on deck were fantastic a lot of fish I was like is are we by the seers? Too far oh What oh what oh come on? Oh? What it will mute it? Yeah

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Oh, man. All right. I don't know how much of that's staying in. Here we go. Oh, God. So we get to the loading dock, right? And there's helicopters. Helicopters. There's seaplanes. Seaplanes. Big-ass yachts. Big yachts. Huge yachts. Rock the boat. Aaliyah style. Rest in peace. So we were under the impression that we were going to be on a helicopter to the Hamptons. Yes. And Arnold, I'm not even going to say it. I was waiting for it. A get to the chopper. Yeah. You know what I mean? They go, oh, no, no.

The helicopters are for the LA folks. Yeah, they're already at the house already gone You're getting in the boat with wings and I said really okay. That's how that works Taught me. I know yours gonna be more descriptive. So please I didn't speak just now. No, it's okay I know your version is going to be more descriptive. Please tell them the troubles of getting on to that like

Like, loading the seaplane. First of all, this is all jokes. We're very grateful for any kind of thing they gave us. It was fantastic. But that shit was scary. Dude, we were getting... First off, it's in the water. It's in the water when you get on it. So the shit's going like this. And the guy's holding on to a rail. He's like, watch your head. The clearance is like four and a half feet. Me and Pete are getting on it like this. What?

Walking in. Yeah, if you follow me on Instagram, I posted me getting onto it. Everybody said, do you fit? Yeah, and the answer's no. So they had to assist us. There was like eight people on this seaplane. Me and Cam were 6'7", and the roof was probably like four foot, right? Like no exaggeration. So we get on, right? And the seatbelt's from behind you, and you strap it over you like you're on a roller coaster, like you're in the Big Titan. Yeah. And so my...

is going, are we just going to go straight up? Because we're on water and I don't understand the science of how we're on water, we end up in air. And we have propellers. Yeah. And so we get on, right? The pilot gets into the pilot's seat, but the co-pilot is outside of the seaplane holding on. Broke down.

He was like tucking strings and stuff. The plane is literally starting to move. The co-pilot is, I mean, at this point, we're not even, we're like 50 yards away from the dock. So if the guy falls in, then it's like he's treading water. Like we are fully in a harbor right now. And he's in board shorts and hey dudes. And he's hanging on to the side of the wing, strapping up like things, like putting a belt on this lever, tucking a rope. I'm like, is he, does he swim back? How?

How is he getting into this place? Yeah, so the doors are closed and we're starting to ride on the water. We're just floating on the water and I'm like, that man is still outside and

And we're starting to gain speed. Is he going to write brother this and fly on top with goggles the whole way? How is he getting inside? I said, is this a part of the show? I was like, is he Tom Cruise? Is this our first event? First attraction? Are we, is he a zoo? Like, what are we, what are we doing? So then the plane starts to hit higher speeds. Yeah. We're going on this water. And I'm like, I still don't know how we're getting up. Yeah.

We're hitting quick speeds. And I'm seeing the outside dude start to get a little wind in his system. Yeah. I literally was about to be like, hey, is he? Hey, guy, there's a man. Did you forget your part? Like, what is going on? He, like, crawls across the plane. How did he do that?

I don't know how he got in. I was thinking about it too because if he went right in the front, the propeller would have diced him like a tomato. But I'm like, did he crawl under it? Did he keep soaking away? He was like, dude, that would be sick. But he somehow, David blamed him his way into the front seat. He's like crawling through this window. He sits down and then he puts on this Alaskan headset.

I'm like, it's 80 degrees and it's hot and you're putting on like a hopper from Stranger Things head thing. So this whole time, my main question is still, how are we getting up? My answer is right in front of me. We started to go, oh, we were going fast and we're bouncing off the water. And I'm literally in this bit, sorry. I don't know if this is regulation.

And there's like 80-year-old billionaires on this plane, and they're so fine with this. I'm like, I'm concussed. How is y'all's brains not scrambled eggs? Do you remember what you immediately said to me once we got airborne? Peyton immediately taps, because he was behind me. He immediately taps my shoulder and goes...

How quick would Olivia thrown up? Oh yeah, it is. Dude, it was, we were driving, or we were floating, whatever the hell. Swimming. Yeah, we were swimming in a tube with wings. And we finally got this little clearance. They're like, traffic, traffic, clear. Yep. They're like, all right. And like immediately, we were going fast as hell in the water. And they were just bouncing off the water. Whack, whack, whack. And on the fourth one, it was like whack. And then we just started taking off. And I was like, okay, okay.

Did you please tell me, and this might be stupidity. I know what you're going to say. And I'm willing to say that. I assume because it's a sea plane, we're going to stay above water. Because if shit goes south...

We're in a boat, right? We can float. They take off and immediately they're over like Broadway. We're over the Empire State Building at this point. We're over straight concrete in this little itty-bitty eight-person plane with like five backpacks in the front, a co-pilot that crawls on the wings in board shorts. And I'm just like, man, I'm sweating. I'll just say that. I'm sweating. I was like...

oh, they do this every day. He's in board shorts. Like he clearly knows it's a simple task. I'm not tripping. We're going to get there. And then we're just literally looking over. Like we got to a height to where the airport looked small. And I was like, we are significantly in the air. We're where, you know, like that whenever you're on a plane, if y'all have ever flown, when you're descending and you're just sitting for a little bit. And they kind of mellow out. Yeah, they mellow out and you can still see everything, but you're high as hell. That's where we were the whole time. That's where we were living. Yeah. And so,

Like 45 minutes goes by, we're about to land, right? Once we're about to land, I'm like...

Where's the water? All right, we're in the middle of a forest and I see nothing but concrete in front of us. Now if I remember 45 minutes ago, we took off via sea. We were in a harbor. Yeah, and so I thought mayday mayday. Yeah, rest in peace. I love you Patron. We didn't make it to the trip. Something's going terribly wrong. We're about to crash. And to my surprise...

We had wheels on the seaplane. Dude, the whole time I was there, I was like, is the water not affecting these electronics? Like, we were slapping. Is the water not getting in our engines, in our turbos, in our propellers? Or what's going on? The whole time I was questioning it. It was a damning piece of technology we were in. But let's talk about the landing real quick one more time. It looked like we were in the Amazon. Yeah, it was crazy. There were straight trees everywhere.

I was like, this is a really ducked-off house because this is straight forest. It looked like Jurassic Park. It looked like we were literally about to land with dinosaurs. And then out of nowhere, there's this strip of concrete. You're looking at it, and then obviously it gets bigger, and then it's a whole little private airport. But I was like, oh, my God. Yeah, we landed in this private jet airport. Graceful landing. Great landing. Hell of pilots. That pilot looked like a middle linebacker. At one time, he was a spy.

He's a cover two spy. QB spy. He just walked in the plane. That's why he was grappling it. But no, fantastic job. I mean, I guess. Yeah. It was our first and only experience, but it went good. We'll get into the details of the Patron trip on Patreon, but I just want to say, first of all, again, thank you to Patron for having us. We want to do it every single time y'all invite us. Fantastic trip. Thank y'all so much. Even from the team of

Patron they were all super cool oh yeah like they're great people and then the talent that they brought on like we we knew some of the people that were gonna be on the trip right we got like a briefing of who's gonna be on there and like these there's people that we've like watched before yeah like Harry Jowsey you've watched Vanderpump before so you knew I know Dana yeah and so it's like

We've been in this long enough to, you know, a lot... Like the ins and outs. Yeah, you may run into some people that are like big, like actually like famous, and they're not the nicest of people. So that was kind of my concern, but as soon as we got in the house... Completely opposite. Everybody was so cool. It was legit like open arms. It was like you walked in and you were just getting side hugs and shaking hands and dapping up bros. And it was like...

It was almost like a family trip. Yeah. It was like a trip you took with your family. Like, you're showing up and seeing, like, your cousins. It was so fun. Like, that's how nice it was. Everyone was so nice. Yeah. We'll get into the details on Patreon. Link in the description. What was your highlight of the Patron trip? Dude, highlight of the Patron trip. Obviously, cliche to say, all of it was fantastic. But I would say genuine one moment, if I had to say it, was our last night dinner. The second night dinner. Yes, that's it. It was so... It was just fantastic.

fun. It was intimate with our group because we were all at one table. We were all cracking jokes. The food was out of this world. I ate an oyster. He ate an oyster for the first time. We'll talk about that on Patreon. Food was fantastic. Vibes were fun. But it was like intimate but it was also like

If you just look behind you, it's like a full-blown party club. It was sick. It was dope. You saw my Instagram, if you follow me on Instagram. There was these dancers that started coming out, and they had wings on them. And she decided to be right behind me for the duration of her show. And so I'm trying to eat crab legs and lobster tail, and I'm eating it. And the whole time I'm right here, I'm getting a feather.

I'm just feeling wet Willie in your ear. And I look through my peripheral and there's a Latin booty just shaking. A Latin culo and you're just like...

Yeah. You go, you go loyal. I need a loyal big booty. Dude. No. Do you remember when I almost knocked the waitress off her block? Yeah. You were wilding for a little bit. Dude. The first time the feather women came through, it literally tickled me. I said, what the hell? I jerked and I slapped the waitress holding like two cans of water. Like the,

big glass things of water she was like oh and i was like i'm so sorry i'm so sorry she was like no she tickled me too and i was like she definitely didn't but you're just a nice person you're saving face yeah so shout out to patron again thank you uh we can't wait to do something again fantastic soon yes we can bring the gang next time if the phone call if the phone rings we'll answer yeah 100 um i have a question for you i have an answer for you big baby daddy if you had to send big back big if you had to send one of your parents to a nursing home right now which one

Oh, my dad. Why? Oh, my dad. Because you know what happens in nursing homes. A lot of geriatric ass. What? Oh, you don't know, but they'd be slanging poontain. No, no, no, not Gladys. What? Y'all didn't know that? She's like, Harold, you beat me in checkers. I'll see you in the linen closet. Like, no, that is disgusting. No, no, that's like the number one place where STDs get spread. What? It's a nursing home, I swear to you.

They'd be going crazy because they don't have teeth so that gum work would be going nuts. Okay, now to second it, why would you not send your mom?

So you said why you would send your dad, why would you not send your mom? You know my mom, right? She would deck the shit out of someone. Because old people, sometimes they don't really have that filter. And someone says something crazy to my mom, they'd be like, oh, you're a new bitch. They'd be like, they let y'all in here now? God damn it, I thought I picked a different one.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. No, your mom would be definitely too... Okay, but now here's the beauty of this question. Yeah. And it's kind of messed up and this would never happen in real life. But there was an underlying caveat that you didn't know. Okay. If you sent your mom, it was really your mom and Preston going. Yeah.

But since you sent your dad, it's your dad and you going to the nursing home. So now, you and your dad. You could be running the two man of the century. You scum. Stop. I'd be like, you give me cheap movie tickets, huh? You give me a little discount. I'll meet you down at the worship center. So you and your dad are now in a nursing home sharing a two bedroom apartment. Okay.

Talk me through that. What does that look like? What does a Tuesday look like for you? Me and my dad? You and your dad, a two-bedroom apartment behind one closed door. Your rooms are separated literally right now. Like, you have to go tomorrow. Oh, my God. But, Dad, first of all, I would have the muscles of somebody on death row. Like, my dad loves a good prison workout. Oh, yeah. He'd be like, 800 pull-ups a day. That's all he does. You're like, Dad, you want to go lift? He's like, man, let's just do some pull-ups and sweat a little bit.

No, we would run the meanest two-man of this century. When your beautiful mother watches this, what is she going to think? Why do you think he bagged her? That man's got a mouthpiece on him. Where do you think I got it from? He's got a mouthpiece and a squeegee. He was watching that car. He said, hey, don't tell her. Give me your keys. He said, I'm going to bring it back. He detailed it, watched it. It was my parents' 33rd marriage anniversary or something like that. Cool.

Love celebrating love. She posted that beautiful picture. We were talking, I was talking on the phone with them the day before and we were just talking about that and I was like, because they were married for 33 years. They were like together like eight years before that. So they're really pushing like 41, 42. Yeah, and I said, I don't even want to know anybody that long. You know what I mean? Like I don't want to even be friends. Yeah, you said that. That's messed up. That's so long with someone. You don't want to know me for another like 23 years.

If we're being, like, I got full health? Like, I'm actually going to make it that long? Yes. Yeah, but, like, I'll check in with you on Wednesdays. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not. No, no, no. That's a long time. 23 years, we're going to be empty nesters again? Mm-hmm. Then I'll have my first kid. If our kid was 21 and you're popping out a junior, I'd be like, what the? Like, man, you missed a roll on that game. Malachi could babysit PJ. That'd be sick. The You Should Know Podcast.

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Okay, but I found out something about my parents. I didn't know. Oh, Lord. So my dad, he was down bad. Like, he was schmitten over my mother. Yes. He proposed to her in, like, the first three months they knew each other. And she said no. And I said, I said what?

Yeah. So there was a failed proposal before the real one. Yeah. Three months in. Yeah. Well, this is what happened. That's like Bible college. My mom said, that's like, that's what they're like, damn, she got an A in chemistry too? Meet my wife. My mom said she like knew she wanted to be with them for like a long time. Like she really loved them. Like, but she was like, this is crazy.

Yeah, sick work. So she said it was like, I'll wear it, but we're not really engaged and don't plan a marriage. Oh, your mom's a dog. Your mom's just like, give me the ring, but stay your ass away. I'll wear that, but not you. And she was still, I think she was still going under her fake name at the time. She didn't give my dad a real name for a long time. Wait, what was your mom's fake name? It was something like Demetrius or something. I don't know.

Demetrius? She's like, Demetrius. Nice to meet you. That's... I thought you were going to say Damaris. No, it was something more. D'Angelo. No, it was more on the Demetrius side of things. I thought you were going to say she was still going on other dates. Oh, I don't know. Wearing a ring from a man saying, you're not it yet, but I'm going to take your jewelry and then I'm going to go still date

Tom on the back end. Yeah, I really want my parents to come on Patreon and tell their love story because it's actually a fantastic story. Next time they come down. Yeah. We got to make it happen. Okay, but okay. Imagine. Oh, you're right. Yeah. Imagine if you and Lisa were in a nursing home together. Oh, no. No, I love you, Mom. That'd be something. You would have great oatmeal every day. I'd have great oatmeal and then I'd...

What? It hits a little different. It hits a little different because I do have a wife and I am expecting a child. I'm immediately severed from them. Yeah, but as soon as the baby's born, y'all get it. And we live to drive. You ain't taking mama. Let's go with no. Okay. Let's keep it short and sweet. No. I love you, mom. If anything, if you need one down the line, hopefully we don't have to put you there or whatever. But if we do, would you put me in a home? Because I'm not going to have anybody.

Uh, yeah. Yeah, I would. I would, I would, I actually sedate you. I'd fill out all the paperwork and you'd just wake up one day in like an 11 by 11 room with like a cool little mini fridge. You'd just be like, what the hell? And then you'd reach for your pocket, reach for like something, like your little, you'd have like a weird key chain at that point that you fiddle with and nothing's there. And you're just like,

Where am I? You know, like a 20-year-old comes in, she's like, you want pot roast or beet stew? And I'm like, beet stew. And you're just like, who are you? Like, God damn.

Okay, I think putting me in a nursing home would be a bad idea. Oh, it'd be awful. You'd get so many complaints. I'd get so many demerits. You would turn it, if you put me in there, because, like, no one's taking care of me, you would be, like, the parent of an elementary school kid that's got a bad attitude. You'd get calls every day. He's hitting on her again. He started gnawing his teeth when she came in the room. I go, gnawing his teeth? He said, yeah. They strap you down. They strap you down like it's death row. You're like...

Like you're going feral? Oh my god, no, you'd get kicked out. No, yeah, 100%. Can they do that? They can kick you out. 100%. Yeah, yeah. You'd really be bad grandpa. You'd stand up, your nut sack falls out, and you're just like, you go, hey there, lady. You go, what time's my old sponge bath today? And she's like, oh no, John's going to get you. You're like, I don't want no damn John. I want you.

Come here, Susie. That'd be you. Oh, man. Oh, shit. That is funny. Okay, because we're... Oh, man. I hope... I might not... I might... I love life and the world too much. I wouldn't put others through that. I'd probably just stick you in our basement. Thank you. I'd probably stick you in our basement. In a basement. In a basement. Y'all, like, throw me a sandwich. Yeah, exactly. I open the door. I throw him a newspaper and, like, a hoagie roll. And he's just like... He grabs things like this. It throws to him. He's like...

He's like scooping things, like, he's full blown like primitive, he's like, he goes back to his corner, he's like, Careful, careful. Oh. Oh. Wait, no. What noise did I make? Oh. I didn't know. I meant, I didn't mean that. I didn't go, he goes back to his corner. I meant like a Smeagol. It's fine. Like a Smeagol, not a Caesar. I meant like a Smeagol. Okay. Like a, it's like a little crawl. No, we get it, you're not racist. Like a orc.

You still need to watch Lord of the Rings. Yeah, I don't, and I won't. No, you do. But we're good enough friends where I hope you would just take care of me at that point. God, that would be annoying. Like, you bathe me, you get my webbing. See, but I would always think. Change my diaper. I'm like this. I'm like, you got it, Kim? Hey, Kim. Those are long hands. I'm like, hey, dog. I'm like, hey, dog. Wipe me, dog. I'd be like, you mean to tell me your hip flexors are good enough. You can keep your legs in the air like that, but I got to wipe your ass? What she said. Imagine I'm like this and Malachi's right next to me. He's like, Uncle Pete.

I'm like, hey, you good? He's like, no, I'm not doing any wipes there either, bro. Like, that shit hurts right there, huh? That would be the thing that lingers. That would be the thing. His changing table is just like a twin XL. He's just like, oh, shit. No, I'll...

But the thing that would always cross my mind, I'd be like, I'd be wiping. I'm like, God, we're the same age. I'm like, how did I end up in this predicament? He's not 20 years older than me. He's younger than me. Why is he immobile? How are his hip flexors good enough to leave his legs up, but he can't wipe his own ass? Imagine afterwards, we'd like dabble, but I appreciate you. Oh, no. If you can dab me up and hold your legs in the sky, I'd be like, get out of my house. Go get out of my house. I know you have money.

I know you can do something. You can drive. Like, I think you just like this. You little creep. I'm saying I think we're good enough friends where you can just take care of me. But I was having this argument with somebody else because, believe it or not, Cam's not the only person I argue with. Aw. Oh.

Sorry. It was so cold. First of all, that aww wasn't even like an appropriate response for what I said. Yeah, it wasn't. It was weird. It was like a caffeine impulse. I just took a sip and I was just like, aww. Yeah, what would... Cam's not the only person to argue with. Yeah! That makes more sense. It's okay. But I was talking to my friend and they were telling me about one of their friends that I haven't met yet. And they were saying this person has an accent.

And I was like, oh, tell me what your friend sounds like. Give me a sentence like your friend would say. And they go, I don't really know how my friend sounds. And I said...

I was like, how long have y'all been friends? Like eight, nine years. And I was like, so you can't imagine your friend's voice in your head. And they're like, no, like nobody can do that. You're not friends. But then I looked it up. There's a lot of people that can't like imagine somebody in their life's like voice in their head.

Like, you can imagine me saying a sentence, right? I can make us have a whole chapter. Okay. So I was just wondering if you had that problem too. God, no. Do you have an internal dialogue? Yes. So you hear voices too? It's my voice, but yes. Well, sometimes there's other characters. You hear strangers. You hear the little angel devil combo. Every time it's your own voice in your head? Yeah, it's more of like a me guiding myself.

I don't get a, go grab that thing. It's like a, I imagine myself like a clipboard, like overwatching me, and I'm just like, we probably shouldn't do that. The ratio says you have a 26% chance of success. So there's a little inflection in your internal dialogue. But it's a smaller me. It's a variation of you. It is, it's always me. Okay, so it's me and like,

A Satanistic voice and then like Tom Hanks. Like it's like, like Tom Hanks is like the narrator if I'm going through something. Woody's in your head. He's like, there's a snake in his brain. You're like, what the hell? And then the other guy's like, burn it, burn it. Finish him. Step on his head, head.

Oh, shit. Bro, I'm saying, there is like Tom Hanks. Dude, it's like a revolving door of voices in my head. Like, I don't go longer than probably... You have a six-shooter of voices. It's like a revolver. That's lit. God, you're unique. I thought that was normal. Oh, my God. Let's piggyback off that. Piggy me. You have a six-shooter. You already...

Oink. You already have a Satanist. Tom Hanks. Yeah. Fill the four other chambers. Four other voices that could be in your head. Oprah. Oprah? Yeah, you need her. She'll probably stop the nightmares. Three more. I hear my mom. Mom. Two more.

You. Me. Kenwin. Last bullet. Oh, damn. That's the... Oh, and like my imaginary future wife that she leads me through. God would have been a great answer. God would have been a solid bullet. God would have been a decent slot. There was six spaces we left him out, but... God's in my soul. There we go. You know what I mean? Inside of you. No, but like I do have like this futuristic woman in my head. Oh, God. What does she sound like? Like kind of robotic and brunette.

What does she look like? She's like a light blue hue of like transparent. She's light blue? Like she's like a floating figure. She's not really a woman because she doesn't really exist yet. She's like a sperm cell right before it gets on the egg. Oh my God. Oh my God. That went from weird to what the fuck so quick. I was about to say, oh, you made it to Avatar. Like you got an Avatar woman. You ever see like Divergent? It's like the apocalyptic thing. It's like that. And like she's like the head of the district. Yeah.

And she's like floating in transparent. So your future wife is the bringer of death to the world as we know it. That's your future wife. That'd be kind of hot. That makes so much sense. That'd be kind of hot. That'd be kind of hot. If my wife was like a dictator, but didn't kill nobody. So if your wife got rid of all of us, but it was like every single possible scenario, aspect, everything that you could feel from this woman was 10 out of 10. Yeah. Like love life, her responsibility, her trust, the way she speaks, the way she acts, everything. It's the absolute perfect. So good you can't even fathom it. But she has to wipe all your friends and family. Oh, see ya.

I can't touch any of y'all like that. All you're thinking with is your Johnson. Oh. All you're thinking with is that microphone. Well, y'all have been the ones that tell me that creating life is the most beautiful gift on earth. Well, let me have the most beautiful gift. It is. I can't create life with y'all. You still have to have a support system. Still got to have friends. She's my support system. She's my support system. Okay. All of us will live.

That's tough. I'm just kidding. But that's BS. That's a safe scenario. Yeah. Safe scenario. It's the same one. Answer. I don't think I can find another crew of boys like this, man. I think I can win the custody battle, take my kid, and there's at least another three and a half billion women. And she's gone. I don't think it's a custody battle.

I think it's yours. Oh, she gets cleared for us. No, she's out. Oh, she gets mopped. Or we get mopped. We talked about this on Patreon. Yeah, buy Liv, honestly. Damn, Liv. I'm kidding. Look at her. I mean, four souls versus one. We're doing the numbers. No, I would never do that. God, I don't like when you ask it back. That's not fair. That's not fair when you ask it back. No, I'd go Liv. But...

But that'd be sick. That'd be sick. I couldn't do that. Just look at CJ. Look how innocent CJ looks. He's not innocent. No, he's not. He's got that sandbag. He's heavy duty in the lower region. He's got the lead. His lower back hurts. You ever tried to hold a shovel like this and it starts to hurt the inside of your elbow? You ever tried the barbell challenge? Oh my God. You pick up a 45-pound barbell and you just try to hold it like that? That's CJ every time he has to pee. That's CJ in the morning. When CJ wakes up,

He's filled. Good God. He's like a gas tank on F. It looks like a tent's pitched. Good morning to you. It's like a pillar outside the White House. Yeah, a sandbag. All right. Oh, my God. Mulch. Enough of CJ's lower extremities. Speaking of big. Yeah. You say it like with a weird O. Like her O has the wiggly line. She's like. Oh. The You Should Know Podcast.

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There's an animal on this earth with a big... Horses. Oh, yeah. Horses have monster peniles, right? They do. They do. It's a fact of life. Strange conversation. That's what they... But I'm here for it. The girls used to neigh when I would walk down E-Hall. You know what I mean? I'd walk by, they'd go, there's that horse boy. How do they make noise? Not a... If you walk down with your back brace on and suspenders and the girls are going... Yeah.

And you're just like this. Sorry. And you go, sorry, I got to go learn some chemistry real quick. And there's like, oh my God. But I'm saying there was a lot of horses in the Hamptons when we were driving through. They were beautiful. Beautiful. You know they're expensive as shit? They are. Like for no reason kind of? But I'm saying the thing about horses, I think they're one of the scariest creatures to ever exist. I think we're just used to them. Yeah.

I would love a horse, though. But what's scary to you? Okay. I mean, the sheer size. That's the first thing. They are massive. Yeah. How tall are horses? Like 6'5"? Okay, but the average horse, first off, the...

There's different breeds, like everything. Different cars, different buildings. But the average one, they're big. Have you seen a Clydesdale? Uh-uh. Those are the horses that bring the chariots around in New York City. Oh, yeah. Those are massive. They look biblical. Those look like they are here to end us. Like the four horsemen are coming and ending the world. Those are terrifying. But a regular horse is still huge. Massive. I say, yeah, they stand it like they gotta be. Like their thighs on those things. Six foot over. Have you seen a horse smile?

It is wicked work. Bro. George Washington. Massive teeth. Massive chomps. And they are lightning fast. Horses are fast as shit. Dude, I feel like riding a horse would be such a flex. You've never ridden a horse? Never even touched one. No, I've touched a horse, but I've never straddled one. Oh, at my grandma's house, she died of cancer. She had a bunch of horses, and we'd go in there in the back, and we would ride them.

Well, she did. We go out there and ride the horses. Not to mention a horse's kick. A horse's kick. Bro. Oh, my God. Talk about a sweet chin music. Shawn Michaels has nothing on a horse. Let's do this. Let me bring it to good old You Should Know podcast style. Okay. There's a million horses. Oh, my God. A million naked humans with no armor, with no weapons, nothing. One million horses or one million unarmed humans.

Who is winning that war? Horses. 100%. But you have to divvy the numbers to make it, say, a million unarmed humans and like 200,000 horses. Now there's a battle. No, no, that's easy. Now there's a battle. No, no, no, that's easy. That's way too easy. That's probably still horses. I think you're low-key. I agree with you that horses won the million versus million, but I think you're underestimating the power of a million humans. We have the big show.

We have Mark Henry. Okay, I was thinking like across the board. We get like five, eight guys named Jim. No, no, no. Just like an average prototype. A million. Some of them might be NFL players. Some of them might be MMA fighters. If you throw a Marshawn Lynch in there, good luck horses. That motherfucker's going to pop a Skittle and wham! Run straight through him. Oh my God. A million horses.

Okay. Oh, man. I can't say that. Okay, okay. A million drafted from the world. Let me say this. Let me say this. Randomly. A million humans or a million horses versus one million pro human athletes. Oh, the athletes. That's the... The athletes. You're still tripping. The athletes. Because at that point, they at least have evading techniques. They have scheme techniques.

They might be naked. They might not have a rock, but they have skin. Say we're in a coliseum. Where are you going to run and hide? That's a big-ass coliseum. Two million creatures in it. That's the world's largest enclosed thing ever. To a million people and a million horses. And some guy is just like waving a flag. He's like, go. That's the size of a city. And it's all enclosed. Okay, but I'm just saying, a million horses stampeding at you, there's no way you can stop it. You're going to trip them? Is it...

See, but the horses aren't, they're not led. They're not led by a general. They don't know. They're just like, go forward. They're on the, they know the objective is to win. Then horses, 100%. Okay. If it's free reigning horses, like as soon as a human comes close, they might get scared and kick and try to run. Humans have a chance. If the horses are forming a triangle formation, going straight through a beautiful, like a graceful charge, there's no shot the humans win. There's no chance. Very demure. Unless they have very demure. Very mindful. Very mindful. Very mindful.

Is it in the wild? Can they pick up a stone branch or a twig? The humans or the horses? The humans. No, no. No weapons. No weaponry. Okay, I was just wondering. No shot there. I was just wondering. You got anything for me? Oh, do I? Okay, story time. Okay.

I'm not going to say the restaurant because I don't want any, I don't want anything going to them. You don't want no, you don't want no jibber jabbers. I don't want no jibber jabbers. It's very mindful, very demure. Okay. Me and Liv, the other day we went house hunting. It was very hungry. It was very hungry. It was very hot. We were very hungry. At the end, we went through a drive-thru. We pull up to this drive-thru. Okay. Through the speaker, I hear a woman. She goes, hold on, give me one second. And then I swear to God, this is what I hear. Okay.

And I go, what the hell? And I literally ask, I asked her again. I go, did you say order when ready? I'm sorry. I didn't hear you. She goes, no, no, no. Give me, give me one second, please. There's literal dogs. There's beasts. And I go, there's dogs inside. So I go, that's not a good sign. It's really not a good sign. I turned to live. I go, do you hear those dogs in my windows rolled down? So I'm also hearing them through the speaker, but I hear him in real life. I look over, there's two dogs in a truck, two dogs. I'm like, okay, those are the dogs. But how am I hearing them? I go,

It's literally been like two minutes. I go, okay, can we order or are you ready? And she goes, no, I'm so, give me one minute. I gotta go check on my dogs, okay? So I'm like, oh my God. So I'm starting to look at the truck and I'm still hearing it through the speaker. I swear to God, Peyton, it's like, I'm walking out. The woman walks out. She hit the dog. She slapped the dog right on top. It was like, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how.

And she literally, and it was a small little white chihuahua. She smacked it right on his head. And she just went, wham, smacked it right on his head. And I went, oh, and I leaned back in my seat. I was like, oh, and I was like.

And she's literally looking at the dog and she's like, enough, enough. And she has the headset on. She's like, you better quit it. It's in like a 2008, like a Toyota, like a little truck. And I'm like, oh my God. So then I'm just waiting. I watch her walk back in. And then all of a sudden I hear, she goes, sorry about that. Order whenever you're ready. And I was like, okay.

Kid you not. Order the food. Get to the window, right? She opens the window. She's sweating. I go, oh, she's having a day. And then I hear the dog again through her headset. Very faint, though, because it's not the speaker. And I was like, and she literally steps. She goes to step. Like, she's going back to the dog. And I was like, here's my money. I was like, I'm trying to save it. I was like, I'll pay with card. Today's a card day. And she goes, okay, thank you. She goes, wait, I think I know you. And I was like, oh, no. She goes, yeah, wait, maybe.

No, you have a podcast, right? With a light-skinned guy with curly hair? I go, yeah, that's us. And she goes, yeah, I see your clips sometimes. That's dope. That's dope. That's awesome. And I go, yeah. She goes, well, appreciate you coming out. Takes the car and closes it. And I was like, I wanted to be like, oh, you know me? I know you. You need to stop hurting your animals. I was like, you like my clips? I'm friends with PETA. Like, I'm about to get on the phone. She comes back out. Mm-hmm.

And she literally goes, oh, here you go. Sorry about that again. My dog's in my truck. And I literally like, you know me. Like the inner Karen, I wanted to be like, why is your dog here? Let's just start there. Why is your dog at work? Why are your dogs sitting? Your dog's sitting, but you're serving meals. This is a strange thing. I didn't say anything. And then she goes, uh.

Good God. Here we go again. She goes, oh, thank you so much. Make sure y'all come back. Live. Her pregnant self. Just a sprinkle on the top. She goes, oh, we'll be back alive. We're thinking about buying a house out here. And I go, great. You just told the animal hitter that we're coming. She's going to come and smack Ruby in the backyard one day.

I go, you're kidding me. That's like her part-time job is smacking animals. I immediately covered it. I was like, no, we're thinking about it. I said, it's not, nothing's certain. Nothing's concrete. We're thinking about it. On the drive off, I swear to God, we drive off, we peel again. I passed the truck and that little child was like, in the window. And I was like, oh my God, bro. But when I tell you, that was the, it was like that one night where we were crying, laughing and couldn't get words out. That's how hard I was laughing. Cause she literally walked out in the whole, it was like gradual. The whole time it was like, it was like,

The dog like yelped. That's not funny. It was right like, imagine Ruby's head. Oh no. It was like this. It was like, don't hit your animals. Yeah. Key takeaways, don't do that. But that was an experience.

Bro, we both had crazy experiences at fast food places. I'll say that. I was at Chipotle. So I was at Chipotle at the gym. That's where me and CJ go every day after the gym. But CJ was out of town at the time. He went to a wedding, his family's wedding. So I was at Chipotle by myself, right? And it was one of the busy hours at Chipotle where the line is long, right? I hate that.

I've said this since the conception of this podcast. One of my biggest pet peeves is personal space in a line. Oh, my God, yes. There is this dude in the Chipotle. And it's not even a funny story, but you know me. It pissed me off. I'm not a confrontational guy. At all. I never just had the urge to hit somebody and tell that day. Unless it's me. Or a dog. Just kidding.

So I was in the line, and I felt something hot. I swear to God. I felt something hot on the right side of the back of my neck. And I'm like, stroke? Or somebody's too close? Stroke? Nasty breath. Either of them are unacceptable. I turn around, and I damn near, like, say this is the dude, right? The microphone's the dude. I'm like this. I turn, and he's right here. And I...

I couldn't even fully turn my head at the f***er. But we'd kiss. You're like, what the f***er? You literally turn, you're just like, oh, oh.

and so oh my god so i literally i was like i went oh like that so he knows something this isn't appropriate where we're standing oh and his arms were crossed like this and he was rocking a little bit so if any more rock forward one more heartbeat it's foreplay on my neck at this point like you're starting to you're gonna make me get goosebumps you know i like my ears getting played with you know what i mean

And so I look at it. So I take a step forward and now I'm in the person in front of me's personal space. But then I'm able to fully look at him and I'm looking at him like this. I'm like, yeah, I kind of squint move. He literally goes, he goes, yeah. I said, yeah.

I said, um, um, yeah. He said, um, yeah. What are you agreeing with? Oh, my God. What are you approving? His mission was to make someone uncomfortable, and you just happened to be the victim. And then he gets another step. I'm saying, chicken, white rice. He's damn near, like, he can say the order with me. He knows what I'm about to say. What if he was like, he wants some beans in there? He said, give him some of them beans.

Yo. And he's literally, and then he puts his hands in his pockets where his elbows are a little flared, and he's brushing, we're kissing weenuses at this point. It was the most intimate Chipotle experience I've ever had. This, this, you were just an unlucky bastard that day. He was, I'm fully convinced, he was determined to ruin somebody. Yeah. And you were the unlucky bastard that got your ticket. But then,

Once I went to go get my plastic wear and he was still checking out, I could get a full look at him and then I understood because he was wearing boot cut blue denim jeans with Reeboks tied to the brim and I was like, CJ mute that. Oh man. Okay, another thing. That just reminded me. That's wicked to say. But I looked at him and I was like, he's...

Yeah. He's 26-year-old, still thinks he's in junior ROTC. I was just about to say he wants to go to ROTC, but he can't complete the push-ups. He can't complete the push-ups, so he pisses people off at Chipotle. I wanted to be in the ROTC so goddamn bad, bro. I just want to do that one pull-up thing where you go over the bar and you fall. And then you, like, kind of crawl quick under the wires. We can do that for the new thing we're doing. Like a boot camp. That's a fire. That's a fire idea. Oh, my God. A race. Yeah. You'll see that announcement soon. I like your race.

Yeah, ooh. Oh, we're trying to seduce. And we're in a thong. Oh, I did a lot right there. That was a lot. But you reminded me of something. Good morning to you. Good, you reminded me of something. Do you remember last week? Last week when we recorded. Afterwards, I took another poo. Yes. It was a double poop. One day, two poops. Was that the runny one? Yeah, I'm kidding. You didn't have to say that. Oh, well, you came in and... You didn't have to rat me out on it.

Sorry. Okay. But yeah, I took a runny. I took a liquid poop. Okay. It was like a water gun. But anyway. And then you wipe and the toilet paper's wet. Do you remember what I said? Oh, it's soaking. You have to like triple it up. Yeah, it's sick work. A little bit gets on your finger. A little bit yellow. Kind of like your Red Bull can. Golly. If you're eating. Yeah, wait. Here it is. Here's the poop. So, do you remember how I told you there was another guy in the bathroom? Mm-hmm.

This is the first time in my life I've experienced a self-motivating pooper. I go to the third stall, the bigger one. I sit down. You already know me. I'm like Clash Royale. I'm just waiting. Oh, no, get this car me. This guy comes in. He's whistling. Gets in the first stall. So there's a stall of space in between us. I shit you not. I am not making this up.

This man is whispering to himself to try to reach completion. He literally is on the toilet like this. This is all I could hear. He was like, Oh, come on. You got it. He said, like, I'm not kidding. He was like, come on. And I was like,

Oh my god, I wanted to record so bad, but I was like, I can't even say that I recorded. That would have been awful. But that you can't. I low-key feel him. But that's in a bad... What? I low-key feel him. CJ knows how he's gone. But so we, like I said, we go to Chipotle after the gym every time. I got a bad batch of Chipotle. You ever had one of those bad batches of Chipotle? It turns your stomach into a inferno? Oh, yeah. I shit. CJ can attest to this. Like 13 times within a span of like 45 minutes. I couldn't stay downstairs with him long enough.

That Chipotle like popped a stitch or something. No, it was so, and you ever got one of, you know, when you go back to the pod so many times, your morale starts to go down. Oh yeah. And you're like, Hey God. Yeah. Like what's, is it my time? Just take it. It starts to burn a little bit. Oh, but not a little. My shit is like a habanero pepper. There was a point, there was a point where I de-shirted. I took my shirt off and I was biting onto it. I've never been that far. I've never been that deep.

You were biting... You were getting a tourniquet for your ass. You had to bite onto something because it hurt that bad. Dog, it was like I was getting a tattoo in my sphincter. You ever had a hot needle on your asshole? Never. Golly. It was like the Kool-Aid man came bursting out. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Good morning to you. How are we feeling? My mind went straight to, like, actually imagining you getting a tattoo. You're like...

Oh, street stunts. And you're just sitting there. And they're like, you said, they're like, you wanted a dartboard, right? Bullseye, right? I'll be fired that too. He'd be like, oh, oh.

No, but it gets to the point when you're wiping, it starts to feel like Wolverine's giving you a colonoscopy. And so I was like, I swear to God, one tear came out of the eye and I started drooling. It was a bad shit experience. A tear came out and you were drooling while biting onto linen while sweating. Yeah, my gums were bleeding. Gums bleeding, 13th trip within an hour. Mm-hmm.

Gums were bleeding from biting too hard. I think you ate cursed meat. Like, it wasn't bad. It was cursed. Like a witch came in the back door and was like, ese rogara. And like that meat right there was determined to kill something. But you made it through because you have God on your side. Every time I do. Every good morning to you. And speaking of, it looks like I have monkey pox. How many mosquito bites I have. Oh my god. Gracious. A whole bunch of freebies. Maybe a little $2 can of off next time.

Next time, you gave me $20 shampoo and conditioner, I need some bug spray. We had frothers, but we can't get a little bit of bug spray. I had a Keurig cold press frother, but I can't get a bug spray? But speaking of weird bathroom experiences, the only time I'll use a public bathroom is if I'm urinating. Even if I have to defecate bad, I'll poop on myself before I poop in

public. I can't do it. That's an honorable man, but you're disgusting. I don't like my sphincter being open around strangers. I don't mind it. You know what I mean? Well, because you like to play a game we don't all play. Here we go. Like, where's Waldo? Here we go. So I was talking to him toothless. So I was peeing in the urinal, right? And it was a packed urinal. Well, sorry. I de-holstered. I unholstered. You said. So I was peeing. I was peeing in the urinal, right?

And I was going, and all the urinals were filled up. Oh. You all ready? I laughed while I was swallowing the horrible mixture. It's okay. So you're peeing. I'm peeing, right? I'm peeing. I'm like, come on, man. I'm like, I got to get it out. And so I almost shit myself doing that. Opened up.

And you know normally in a guy's restroom, there's not a lot of lines for urinals often. But this time there was. But normally you just wait off by the sink and you peek and you see when one dude gets out, you go, there's a dude like, it's old people. And I'm not going to lie, we got to start doing tests. No, they need to. We got to start doing tests. When the census comes, they should hand them like a 20 question pamphlet. Yeah, it's like this is if you can rejoin society. Exactly. You know what I mean? If you have to stay in your house. There's an old man, cowboy, cowboy.

He's waiting in line like we're at Chipotle. He gets right behind me, like claiming this urinal. I'm like, you don't even know where I'm at duration-wise on this piss. Like these other stalls. Just wait over there. Exactly. And he had one of those big belt buckles, and I heard it unlatch. He's like, I said, yeah! You said, I'm recording! I'm recording! Get back, John Wayne! I said, you can't have it! You can't have it! I'm not your ranch head!

Yo, I'm saying, bro, he was like unbuckling his belt, like waiting right behind me. It's like, what am I supposed to do when I have to leave? I go like this. I'm like, like, you're going to like jar him off you. You're like, just trying to book it. Okay. All right. I have something. Go ahead. Oh, what were you going to say? Go, go. No, no. Mine was nasty. Go ahead. Oh, go. I like nasty. No, I was just going to say. I like freak fests. Like, if we had to, like, we're in the middle of a deserted island.

Right? And we both had to poop like bad, like diarrhea, we're sick. Like it's about to just fall out of you. But we both have it. And there's only one toilet. Oh, I'll shit in the bush. I'll use a palm tree. No, but you have to shit in this toilet. Would you one-cheek it with me? Would you one-cheek that porcelain throne with daddy? How would you even go about one-cheeking a shit? You aim. Aim my asshole? I have to aim? What am I, leaning off the side? I'm like...

You've never done that? You have. You've one-cheeked. For no reason. Let's talk about that one. I've never one-cheeked, but sometimes the canal isn't a straight river. You know what I mean? Sometimes you've got to point and really need and push. I have clean colons. Yeah, you have a diseased colon. The most I've ever had to do is take a big, deep breath and push hard. Like, I've had to go, ah, get on my tippy toes. Ah!

And then it's red riding hood. It is bad. Bleeding? You're bleeding? Bleeding. It looked like that beef jerky package. Bleeding. It looked like a gunshot. It wasn't a scratch. It looked like something inside popped. Bleeding. It looked like the K on your shirt. Bleeding. The whole paper towel was pure red. That's so gross, bro. Are you okay? My finger got shot off. Come on.

That's what I'm saying. Sometimes when I poop, I feel like I have a hemorrhoid. I definitely had a hernia or a hemorrhoid. I feel like I haven't really looked at my winking spot. I've never bent over and said, how you doing back there? I've never looked. How's it going, Toothless? But if I did, I feel like it would look like a chewed up piece of bubble gum. I feel like it would look like a baboon. Yours would look like a bubble gum that was dropped in a barber shop. It's just hair. What if you threw a pistachio to your ass? Would I catch it? Are you hungry, Toothless? What?

It's like this. You take the shell off. It's like a vacuum. It's like... It's like... It's like a... You know what an asshole turns into? It's like a... You got a Geico ass or a Gecko ass. It's like... We got Mama Liv on a podcast. What'd you say? She went...

She's turning old. She's getting into her mother's zone. That was bad. That was very bad. Give the people an update on your baby. I am 18 weeks. I'll be 19 weeks. Wait, no, I won't. I'll still be 18 weeks when this comes out. Yeah. He's cooking. He's cooking real good.

He's in there. Oh, my God. She just gained 10 years of life. I had a daydream. I was looking at Cam, and I know what your kid's going to look like. Please tell me. He's like a white. He's more on the white side, but he's got the little thing in him. He's got a little something in him. He's got loose curls. He was more like six years old when I was watching.

picture. Okay. Loose curls are like down to the shoulder. Light blue eyes. Okay. Light blue eyes. I'll take that. Loose curls. No, no, but no. Curls down to the shoulder. Yeah, but like. Yeah, like froze. I love that mom that's like. Long hair? I don't know. I want a short, clean cut. Yeah. I had long hair. You can still have your curls, but I don't want people who are like, oh, your daughter's so cute. Oh, I got that all the time. And I'm going to have to be like, sorry, it's actually a boy.

Yeah. Whenever I was playing like Pop Warner Sports, like soccer, and I was nice because I was bigger than everybody and I was playing my age. Yeah. And like I would be like, I was just naturally faster and bigger than everybody. Yeah. And so the other team's parents would be like, stop her. Get that girl. And my mom. Poor her. My mom would be like, that's a boy. And if it was a girl, she'd whoop a y'all kid's ass. And I'd be like, all righty. And you're just like, let's go. Let's go. Running around. No, your long hair was cute. Like why does she smell like that? It'll be okay.

What's that smell? Their kids' hair yet because they don't think the curls are going to come back. So that's probably why a lot of parents hold on to that long hair. Yeah, they're like, if we cut it, it's not going to grow back yet. Bro, what's an appropriate age for the kid's first haircut? You're asking me? Y'all are the ones about the bare childhood. Yeah, I don't know either. It's just kind of up to the parents. Some parents don't cut their kids' hair until they go to their first day of kindergarten. What? Are y'all going to give y'all's kids a nice haircut, like a Brooks the Barber haircut? Oh, yeah.

Is that too much? Cameron didn't have that. He went to freaking sports clips. I think every boy did. I mean, yeah, I think that's easiest. Here's 12 bucks. Take it off. Yeah, I didn't get a fade until I was like 13. No. Gabe and Deshawn are traumatized from that. From their first barber. They was walking around. Looking back, they're like, what did he do to us? And that's just what they knew at the time. My dad didn't know any better. Neither did Jessica, but...

Our kids don't have a fresh cut. Like, that's one thing. We're not going out the house looking... Did you hear what she said, though? What? Some people, some parents don't cut their kids' hair until their first day of kindergarten. I don't know what that means. Like, I don't know what age you are. Imagine not getting a haircut for five years. That's long hair. That's long, like, that's... You have to think of, like, some boys or girls...

Well, okay, but speaking of families and stuff like that, I'm glad we brought that up. I would like to consider us, our friend group, a big happy family. Very big happy family. We're real close. Lots of love. Now, y'all confused me last time Liv was on here because I had that same sentiment and I asked if I could propose at y'all's wedding and y'all shut that down immediately. I said yes. Very quick. Appreciate that. Groupon. And a lot of people on the internet were like, that can't happen. They agreed with me. But.

you know hypothetical let's not bring y'all's real family into it right i'm here for it i'm a single man you oh right oh very oh well we didn't have to put the very on it i appreciate that i'm a single man i'm a good looking man oh some may say very good looking you exude love i'm a successful man yes yes and i'm a good man yes

What is that? I'm kidding, yes. Very good. I'm a good... So... Great lover. Some may say... What? You're a great lover. You've seen the stroke. There we go. Some may... You might not want to say that after I say this. Okay. Some may say I'm a catch. Oh, you're like a 2,000 pound tuna. The whole package pained me. Thank you so much. The whole package and an extra package. Good morning to you. Can you just like not... I start like panting. I'm like... Sorry. With that being said, I appreciate all that sentiment. Mm-hmm.

let's say y'all have siblings right of the women gender we do but let's not bring you really into it let's say y'all have oh my god i don't know let's say y'all have siblings of the women gender around my age right oh my god let's say yes would y'all let me date and or bed y'all's relatives yep

Yes. Why are you wanting these different answers? Because he is a boy, so he's like, okay, I got to, you know, do something for my guy. Like, bros over, I guess, sisters at this point? No. Because I know you. I know you're the whole package, but I still know that side of you, so it would never work. Oh, the dark side of the moon. What are you speaking of? What side? I'm a gentle lover. Very gentle. But you're also a, can I say that? Yeah. A heartbreaker? Yeah.

Am I a heartbreaker? Oh, oh, that's not fair. I am a heartbreaker. Oh, that's not fair. He can be. Oh, no, no. That's just realistic. No, it's not. You want the realistic? The realistic is...

He is a fantastic catch. Yes. And he might not want to put himself in a relationship. He might not want that next step, but the woman is head over heels, hence the heartbeat. I let them know early, though. That's not from his doing. I let them know early. I say, hey, before we do anything, we're not going to date because I'm not ready for that. Exactly. So that's not from his doing. I know your past.

I would bring it in with open, that was a demon thing. It's just like, imagine sitting down having dinner and Peyton's like- We're eating a pot pie and he just smooches your sister. Yeah, I go over to your family's house and I'm like, what's up baby? I grab, mwah. Oh, oh. My dad would probably smack the shit out of you.

Oh my God. Wait, that's strange. Oh my God, because he could actually come on family trips. He could. He would actually be family. You're family now, but I couldn't do anything about it. Yeah. At nighttime, I'd be like, all right, I'm going in our room with your sister. See ya. Oh. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't know how you're okay with this. No, I'm not going to lie. It is kind of weird that you're-

I'm not gonna lie. In my mind, it's 100% live sister. Like my, like my sister's got, it has to be hers. It has to be hers. No, I'm saying, no, we're talking about you now. Not your actual sister. I'm not saying me. Hypothetical, like siblings that don't exist. No. And they're around the same age. Why Cam? You know me. You've seen my naked body. Because the thing, the thing, okay. Great body. Yeah. And you, you don't want to bless your family members with that? Lengthy body. Like a naked cricket. Like we would be attached to you forever.

Not saying that's bad, but I'm just like, every time I'm like, don't come over for dinner tonight. I'd be like, yeah, he is. I'd go, make his plate real weird, though. He doesn't eat much. I'd go, don't put the cheese, don't put the pasta, just keep the beef. No, but I am surprised at you being so okay with that, because you know me better than anybody. The whole time in my mind, I was assuming her hypothetical. If it was my hypothetical, I would understand that she's going for a good man. She's going for a man with a whole package and an extra package. Good morning, but...

I would probably say no for the sake of my relationship with my sister. Why? Why? Because no matter if it goes south, no matter if, no matter how it goes south, no matter what happened, I would always be friends with you. I mean, even if you cheated on my sister, something like that. I would never. I don't see you doing that either. That's not, that's not in your DNA. But if something like that happened, that'd be really tough. But I'd have to like, that puts me in an awful crossroads.

How? What if it's your sister's fault? If it's my sister's fault, did that put me in a weird crossroads? It's family first? No, I just... So is that your sister's... If my sister cheated on you, I'd be like... Oh, my God! That's sick work. Wow. That's sick work. That shows the mind... I'm like, what was he not doing? Oh! What was he not doing? No, she's toxic. No, that's super toxic. That's toxic. If my sister cheated on you, I'd be like, I don't even know you. I'd be like, that's Peyton. That is the... That's my Peyton. Okay, but imagine...

How would y'all genuinely let's take what you would say was real life like let's go to real life her sister No, no both y'all stop trying to take it off you yeah real life. We're gonna go. We're gonna go one at a time I'm gonna go you first. I'm gonna go you first. No. This is whatever I've been secretly Shebang in with your with your family. You've been you've been party rocking all night long knocking the booze You know what I mean? I I've been I've been I'm murky waters. Oh with your family. Oh, oh

You know, we've gone on some good dates. Does anyone else have an inkling or am I just blind? Or does no one know? No one knows. No one knows. My stomach's hurting. So say I come up to you one day, Cam, you're at my house, we're drinking, right? We're just having a little fun. I'm like, hey, Cam. A little scotch on the rocks. Like dead ass. Like, Cam, let me talk to you, bro. What's up, bro? Hey, man. I got something to tell you.

Oh God, that sounds weird. You can tell me anything. I got them here for you. I love you brother. You know that you love me? Yeah, 100%. You're scaring me. Nothing can break us apart. You're really scaring me now. I've known your family for a long time. You have. And I've been around your family a long time. You have. And I love them.

Did you emancipate Ruby? That's my first question. Did you take her to the court of law? Is she now belonging to you? Did you take my dog from me? I didn't take your dog, no. Okay, good. I really love your family. They really love me, and we've gotten close through the years. And through those times, me and your sister, we've gotten really close. I just want to let you know we've been together for the past month. And I just kind of can't hide it anymore because I want our love to go public. My sister? Yeah, your sister. Okay.

Why did you never bring this up to me? Why did you never? Because hiding it made it a little sexy, but then it got serious.

I don't care. You got to think about me. You knew me before my sister. You got to think about my feelings. I know you're on a different level, though. It's different. Yeah, you know me on a different level, too. Do you want to protect me? Why did you lie to me this whole time? I'm not necessarily mad at the outcome, but I'm mad at the circumstance. You would get on me like that? This is realistic. Why would you do that? I'd say, well, do you actually like her? Was it a drunken night mistake, or do you actually like her? No, it's been a month. What do you like about her?

You better watch it, boy. Don't you clench that jaw. I'd have been like, well, y'all are definitely related. I see a lot of you in her. See, oh, no. Yeah, that's wicked. If you're betting my sister, would you see my facial expressions pop up? Oh, my God. Oh, shit. You're in the middle of lovemaking. You see one of these. It's just like, ooh. You're sitting there. It's just going good. And you look up. My sister's like, it's me.

Okay, this is getting too, too, like, too serious. I'm like, don't forget recording tomorrow. Yo, so you try to get on me? Like that you'd, like, press me? It'd be like a respectful press. Because I'd want to make sure you're not just, like, messing around. Well, it started off as messing around. That's what I'm saying, but...

If it started off as messing around and it's still messing around, I would want you to dead it. I would demand that you dead it. Why? No, no. Because you don't get to mess around with my sister. It's two adults. You don't get to mess around. It's two adults. It's my sister. You don't get to mess around with her. It's two adults. And I would have the same conversation with her. You don't get to mess around with my best friend. Do we have different lives? No. I don't care. You don't get to mess around. If y'all like each other, I'm a- Why can't two consenting adults mess around? Because that's strange. That's strange. How, Cam? Because you are both connected to me deeply from different routes.

So you're being selfish. No. You don't control our lives. In this, I will. If it's messing around, if y'all are literally like, hey, I got nothing to do, pull up. No. Yeah. No, I'm going to shoot the tires out. She's not getting there. Kim, that's messed up. No, it's not. If you like her and she likes you, holy matrimony, I'm in both your corners. Okay. If it's, ah, okay.

Because at this point, because it's more strange, because you said we're like family, right? Yeah. And it's only been happening for a month, right? Yeah. So it's like you're sleeping with your sister. If we're like family, it's like you're sleeping with your sister. No. That you've known and loved our family for years on years. No. Got your ass. If you like her, it's one thing. If you're messing around, it's strange. It's strange and horny. Get him. Get him, Cam. It's strange and there's a lot of pheromones. Okay, okay, okay, Cam. But let's take it down to the basic science. Sex with sister. Basic science. Creepy pheromones. Yeah.

That's basic science. No, basic is we're two adults that are attracted to each other. We both don't want anything. We're just messing around. And we happen to be your best friend. It's not my fault. She happens to be my blood sister. It's not our fault. I have a dead in the water. Roles reversed. I'll be like, hey, bro, I got a spare room.

room I'm saying go crazy dog no you wouldn't alright ask Liv I don't have a sister so I don't know but I feel like I would like I don't care role play the same thing with Liv go Liv I've been me and your sister have been shebanging for a little bit me and your sister have been getting quite close if you know what I mean but we don't want anything serious I just want to let you know we've been doing this behind your back for about a month

It's dead. Y'all are dead. You're not talking to my sister anymore. No more conversating. It's over with. I'm making that decision for the both of you. Okay, but say we're both in agreeance that we don't want anything. I know what your past is, like I said before, and I know how you... God, she's a villain.

You know what I would do? Because I'm toxic, I would just put so many things in her ear. Like, oh no, he ain't shit. You better run. That's an L friend. Well, I'm sister too. That's a hard... But we're both happy with... You just make shit up. But we're both happy with the situation that we're in. We don't want anything from each other. We just like the way...

We just like this. That's all we want. We just want this. But it's not my fault if they get a test because we both agreed at the beginning. So it's not my fault. And you get a freaking girl. We're having a whole interview. Well, it's not my fault. Your sister can't control their emotions because we agreed before that nothing serious is going to happen.

It's not my fault. It's true. I did all I can. I'm going to throw my shoe at you. What? He's like, it's not my fault your sister can't handle the rod. It's not my fault she can't strap into the roller coaster. Okay, okay. Okay, let's take it one step further and we'll get off this. Oh, God. I kind of like this. Say it. Knock on wood. God, find me some wood. Hand me that. Hand me that. Hand me that. Hand me that. This is getting too serious. Knock on wood.

Y'all having a kid, right? Oh, no. No, no. I always do that. Sorry. No, it's fine. Wait, why are y'all getting like all... Y'all don't even know what I'm going to say. Because that's weird. You're... It'd kind of be like... My parents are going to be like your kids' grandparents, and that's just weird. That is weird. Like, my mom is going to be like your kids' grandparents, and my dad's like your kids' grandparents. What? Stop it.

My kid, that's my kid's grandparents, not yours. Liv is spiraling. That's pregnancy brain. Your arm's wet. I know it is. That's not even what I was saying. Oh, what are you saying? Y'all are about to have a kid, right? Uh-huh. Y'all are about to have a kid. Let's say, God forbid, I have a kid at the same time y'all do. See? No! That's my moment! No, not that.

Now let's just say like a year or two later, I have a kid. A year or two. Okay. Your kid's two years older than my kid. Okay. Kids are in high school. Would you allow your kid to date my kid? No, it's not with our sister. Get out of the sticks.

We're in real life. Oh, I'm sorry. We have Malachi a year later. My pregnancy break is like... Okay, so y'all have... We have Malachi. A year later, he has a little girl, right? And now they're, boom, they're 16 and 15. They're going into junior and sophomore year. We don't let our kids date. It's really strange. No, because that's our... It'd be weird because... It's so hard. I probably wouldn't, bro, because... Y'all tripping, bro. But look, but look.

for a cool like a movie plot twist like a story because they're going to grow up together they are do we be in-laws but that's the part but that's the part that's kind of strange because they're going to grow look they're going to grow up together it's like they're going to be with each other from kindergarten to middle school to elementary to middle to junior high to high school like they're going to be locked in damn near like they're going to call each other cousin bro like they're gonna be cousins that is true they can call each other whatever they want exactly legality they can look he see it though you know me as the mom i'm like

probably like like it like let's go to the movies let's go yeah like i would probably like one one late night one that like daughter breaks my son's heart that's her ass one my kid's gotta be an heartbreak one late night one late night little four locos at a campfire and there's i'm just i'm i'm building the plot building the movie plot they started looking at each other like you know we've been we've been you know we've grown we've seen each other we've seen everything

That's natural. But now I'm trying to... Our kid is piping your daughter. That's a strange thing to say. Well... Strange, strange-ass thing. How does that make you feel, Peyton? Well, that wouldn't happen. What? That wouldn't happen. Why? Now watch this. Watch this. Roll the verse. You have the boy, we have the daughter. Oh, yeah. Exactly. Go crazy. Go crazy.

Malachi is in your little game room or bedroom piping Susie's ass. Stop, stop. Yeah, that's sick. I need Peyton to have a daughter. Oh my God, you're going to be the best. No, you're going to be the best daughter to have. I know I'll be a great dad, but I'll be too protective almost to a fault. I need to start keeping cash on him. Well, that's... Y'all are so selfish, bro. You're so selfish. I see the vision both ways. We're selfish.

I like the dope, the brother, the family vision, but also I'm kind of trying to protect all parties. I'm going to date your sister. Whose? Can't be mine. Can't be mine. You wouldn't let me? Why? I'm a good man. You know I'm a good man. You are. I'm a good man. Liv, you're just saying that because it's your sister. Exactly. It's more of just a protective layer. Protect from what? What?

get too excited and then my feelings would be involved and if you did something stupid our friendship's over. But if she did something stupid. Exactly. But you've seen any relationship I've been in I'm a great boyfriend. Fantastic. I'm a great boyfriend. He treats me like a queen.

And now there's more writing on it because our friendship is involved in that. You have to give him that. He has a great boyfriend. I will give him a great resume, boyfriend resume. What the hell did she just say? I'll give him a great resume, boyfriend resume. I said great A, boyfriend resume. Never said the A. Yes, I did. No, I'm not going to lie to you. You didn't say that. No, you didn't say that. You didn't. It's pregnancy brain. You check all the boxes. I will give you that. All the boxes and more. Is it just like the fact that it's your sister and there's a lot right? Because I'm protective.

That's crazy. Okay, you should have lived sister. Go for it. I'm like, if I had a roof over it. Family trip. Let's go to Barbados. I'd be a great. I would love if he liked it on the lowest of keys. You decided. Let's go. Holy matrimony at the end of the day. Let's make it happen. No, no, no, no. Don't be having babies when my kids have babies. I'm kidding. What? Oh, no, that's it's actually impossible. I couldn't.

Well, it's not impossible. I could, but... A vasectomy? It's impossible. I wanted to get a vasectomy when I was 18. My mom didn't let me. Cameron's getting one. You wanted a vasectomy before you even took a single semester of college? Because I wanted to just plant my seed and not worry about a thing. Just drizzle it all around the world. I always knew I was like, especially younger, I was like, I don't want kids. I never want kids. You're like, I want a lot of sex, but I don't want offspring.

Alright guys. Speaking of our relationships, let's help a relationship out. Let's bring in the world's best love doctor. Bring me in. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. There's no B on that last part. Bring us in. What do we got? Secretary Damwit. Let's find it, Lord. Alright, here we go.

Oh, intro, intro, your co-doctor pilot for today's. Oh, we have Secretary S. Oh, Secretary S. Who the f*** is S? Secretary S. It's the woman secretary. Wouldn't she be like Secretary O? Secretary Olivia? No, like the title's a Terry S. Oh, the secondary secretary. Like I'm the S to your secretary. Yeah, you're the Terry. She's a terrorist. She's a terrorist. She's a terrorist. I'm just a Secretary 2.0. Here we go.

Oh, you're trash.

I used that against them and almost got them broken up. They need a dictionary. My question is, should I keep doing what I'm doing or just move on entirely? Hey, brother, let me say this. It was a great move. First of all, I'm not kidding. You're not trash. But, I mean, your execution was bad. You just said I'm not kidding. You're not trash. Oh, I'm not kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. You're not trash. Your execution was bad on the breakup part because it's easy to get people broken up. Oh, okay.

If you listen to Dr. P. But since you've tried already, you should have consulted Dr. P before you went out in the field. Agreed. Always come to Dr. P before you try anything. Because now you're asking Dr. P, how do I clean up my mess? And then continue on with the rest of my plot. Since you tried, they caught you and continued to shebang on your grave forever.

Rough, rough times. You might just have to be ready to start buying diapers and stuff for the nursery. You know what I mean? First of all, it's not your best friend. Let's put that out there. If your best friend or somebody in your friend group is shebanging your ex, because let me put some salt in the wound. They were thinking about unclothing each other while y'all were all together. Oh, man.

Oh, man. That hurts. Let me just put that out there. He was thinking about what's the color of that areola. That's a fact. That's what they were doing. Is it dime size or is she rocking salami? And I love both. Hello. Dr. P does. Do you just sniff her breasts? I just looked at it and sniffed. Like an aggressive dog. I'm saying, bro, at that point, you got to take the L. Now, if you would have added, my friend has a sister that's our age. My ex has a sister that's our age.

Or you start going after their friends. You just have to start shooting and shooting and shooting. But you shoot at a respectable range. You don't go up there and be like, give me it. I want it. Give me all of you. Pull up middies. Yeah, you know what I mean? You have to go in there and plant a seed. You got to be the best gardener ever. You got to be Martha Stewart in Martha's Vineyard. You know what I mean? You have to go in there with a sack of seeds, plant it right there, and you just plant. Then you come back a week later, two weeks later, a little water, a little water. Then you'll see that first stem start to grow. And then you know, I'm about to have a lemon tree.

Put some limon on it. Put some limon on it. And you slowly work. And then you pay them no attention. You pay those two rats that broke your heart no attention. And you're giving all your attention to these other people, their friends, their sisters, whatever. And then they're going to start saying, damn, they're not paying attention to me, but they're giving all that love over there. Where's my friend? He didn't invite me out here. Where's my ex? He's not giving me no text or no attention or liking my Instagram stories or stalking my page. And then that attraction will start to build. That's your only way you can do it.

Until then, they are doing the Harlem Shake on your grave. Butt naked. Oiled up. And you gotta sit there and smell it. And that was... Dr. P! Dr. P! Dr. P! Dr. P! If you want to be in the next Dr. P, comment right now below. Here we go. Dr. P submissions are taken from the YouTube comments. One more time for Mama Liv joining the podcast this episode.

Thank you so much, my dear lover of mine. Ooh, hit that dance, hit that dance. And my other lovers, all of you, thank you so much. Coming back, episode 127. We'll see you again next week. But before we get out of here, once again, you see the merch. It is in the drop-down menu below under the episode. It's the first link in the description. And you have one week to grab it. After next Monday, it is gone forever, never coming back.

One week to get this amazing shirt and the beautiful hoodie. September 2nd is whenever it's going. September 2nd is the deadline. We have confirmation from Uncle P himself. Go get your merch. Go tag us in everything, in pictures, videos, when you get it. Show us your beautiful selves rocking the merch. And we absolutely love y'all. So confuse the casuals. Get your good karma. Leave this code on everywhere. Leave it in Patreon, Facebook, Twitch streams, Discord, in the YouTube comments, Instagram. Leave it everywhere. This week's code is...

M-Y-S. Marry your sister. God, you got it quick, boy. Turn me up, boy. Good one. Marry your sister. I can't do it. It's gone. It's gone.

It's gone. My voice is gone. But marry your sister, M.Y.S. Leave it everywhere. We'll see you next week on episode 128. Hit that subscribe button. Share this with your friends. And remember, we're one out of ten clawbears. Don't make it home to Christmas. And we will see you next time. And hopefully, you're rocking the new merch. Merch, merch gang.

Goodbye.