WE WENT TOO FAR! -You Should Know Podcast-
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Visit BetterHelp.com to learn more. That's BetterHelp.com. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast, episode 131. Round of applause, please. Show me that camera. Thank you.

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We love you and enjoy the rest of the episode. The You Should Know Podcast. We got co-host Gail back in the studio. Woo!

Yes, sir. You got camo thighs. I do. My mouth and my hit doesn't hit. It never does. Can I please, please tell you about what happened at my house walkthrough? You're buying a new house? I'm buying a new house. Congratulations. Actually, right now, when you're watching this, I'm probably moving into that son of a bitch right now. Oh, congratulations. Congratulations. Thank you.

Thank you. And you will absolutely not know where it is. Absolutely never. It's going to stay just hidden. Cash app is below. If you cash at me, I give you the address. Here we go. That's what I'm saying. $100 an address. $100 an address. Bro, what if you checked and you had like $1,200 in your account? You'd have 1,200 people. 12 people.

You created the stipulations and you did your own math wrong. It's always confused me, long division. You have a singular hair that is like hanging down, bro. Wait, turn this way. Look this way. Here we go. No, it is. It's bad. Okay, grab it. That. Oh, that's your scissors. Go ahead. What were you saying?

Alright, so do you know what a house walkthrough is? You walk through a house. Okay, essentially, but this one is with the developer and you go through and if there's anything wrong you put a little piece of blue tape on it. Yes. So they fix it before you come in. Yes, well I didn't know that's what the blue tape was for because when I moved into my house there was so much blue tape and I was like, they just do construction on here? They painted a lot of paint in here but it's awfully white walls. Yeah, okay, so that's what it's for. So you blue tape and then by the time you move in everything is fixed that's blue taped.

So this guy we had, he's like a vet in the game. Like a literal MVP back in the 80s. He's old. He goes, yeah, I've been doing this about 36 years. Not somebody who works on pets. At all. Not that kind of vet. He would snap a dog's leg. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. But that's the type of man he is. He's very country and very, very blunt. God bless you. All right? We're going through this walkthrough. He's just talking, and he has this roll of scotch tape on his wrist, like a bracelet. And he's like, he goes, yeah, back in 84, kick.

He's like, he's literally like, he's like telling me stories. He's like, and he's just putting it all over. And he's like, yeah, they did a fire marshal coke. Just putting, I'm like, how many, what's wrong with my house? Like, why are you taping so much? Okay. So we get to the end and this shit was long, bro. I'm thinking it's like 30 minutes max. How long were you there? Two hours. No. Two hours. Two hours of taping? And he's, bro. No, no. We only taped for probably like 15 minutes, but he, he broke down every corner.

Okay. Okay.

This man. So the whole time he's weird. Like, good, nice, but weird. Yeah, just a little. You could tell something's not clicked up there. We get to the end. He goes, it's a pretty big house. Y'all got any kids? I go, we got one bacon in the oven. He goes, ah. He goes, I got a couple of my own. They're stepchildren, though. He goes, but I've known them their whole life. I go, what does that mean? He goes, oh, my wife right now. We've been married for seven years, but she used to be married to my best friend. I was actually his best man in the wedding. Oh!

I swear to God, I audibly... I went, oh, oh. And he goes, hey, that's some Jerry Springer shit. He's like, it's cool. We can hang out, play cards, drink beer. No, you don't. I swear to God, he said that. No, you don't. You don't do that. Imagine. No. He literally said... And then he...

bro and then he was just giving free information that was not asked for okay he goes he goes yeah back when she was married to tim he was like man we always had a thing for each other he said we get and hang out and drink he goes but i was tied down she was hitched up we couldn't do shit about it he goes couple cores light down the grill he said i was staring at her ass no he was not i swear to god no he was just saying this and we're bro me live in our realty we're all like like

like wide-eyed just looking at him and he's going on this monologue like it's been on his chest. He goes, I love her to death though. I mean, she was a great girl back then but yeah, so she had two kids with Tim and I knew them their whole life and I love those kids. Now they're my kids because you know, I'm married to her now. That's not your kids. And I literally was like, I was like, so you all, like did you always like her? But you said you were married. He goes, nah, it was a mistake. And I was like, this guy is unbelievable. Okay though, unpopular opinion about that though.

No. Okay, let me just get it out. If you and Liv were to break up, all right? Okay. Wouldn't the...

No, no, no. No. Wouldn't the most ideal. No, no. I didn't say me. No, no. I didn't say me. Hell no. Wouldn't the most. Hell no. Wouldn't the most ideal you would want her to be with somebody you know is a good person? No. God, no. Okay. I come to your house to see my son? No, no. I'm like. You go, look at my boy. You go, you like my kid? You come over. You're like, can I see Malachi? I'd be like, just put him down. Just put him down, man. Sorry. Next Saturday, try to get him.

Okay, so you would rather, if you and Liv broke up, you would rather her marry a complete stranger and have a complete stranger raise your kid, except for your best friend? If you married Liv after we got this hypothetical divorce, it would feel like you took a machete and put it right in my back and you were twisting like bop it. It would be complete betrayal. Okay, but life's all about perspective, brother. Life is not about betrayal and backstabbing, you snaky...

I was about to... Oh, my God. This... I'm not saying I would. That kind of pissed me off. I'm not saying I would. That slightly made me mad. I'm not saying I would. I'm saying, in a hypothetical universe, if I was married and I had a kid with my wife... You are unbelievable. And she... You would not want me to marry her! I would say, tear that thing up. Oh, my God!

No, no, no, no. You are a wicked man. There is no sleep for you. The wicked don't get sleep. The wicked don't sleep and did not get rest. You are a wicked soul. Well, I'm just saying I would want her. Honestly, if we got a divorce, I would I'd keep the kid and I would want her to go back to Oklahoma, live as an Okie, an Oklahoman in Okieville, and she can come down on holidays and every sixth week.

Okay, now I think there's some internal problems here because that was a whole different situation we're talking about. Dude, okay, to piggyback off that one more time, I used to love piggyback races. Keep going. You raced on piggyback? You had to have that at field day? I got stabbed in the stomach once doing a sumo wrestling contest at the YMCA. Yeah. Okay, piggybacking. To piggyback off that, we were driving in a car ride home. I think it was from the studio. One day we were driving home, and we were just bantering back and forth. And she was like, I'll leave and I'll take everything. And I went...

Really? And I just went down this dark rabbit hole and I was like, let's see. As of right now, according to the government, you'd be unemployed. I'd have a job. So they'd want the kid to have financial resources. And I was and I went down. It was crazy. Like I watched too much Suits. It was the time we were watching Suits. I was like, I'd literally immediately have paid and open up a trust. All of my monthly funds that I shouldn't be getting paid. Because listen, all my monthly she was like.

But she was like, you make whatever amount of money, I'd be good. And I was like, oh, no, I'd have paid and opened up a trust, put all of the money that I make every month into that, and only give me maybe $3,000. So your monthly child support would be based off $3,000. You'd be getting about 200 bones a month. And then as soon as that kid hits 18, I'd cash out the trust, and I'd be sitting on ends.

And I literally, dude, it was so bad. It was so dark. The crazy part about that is everybody in the studio knows that you're joking in this like a fun conversation. Y'all are going to get cracked in the comments. No. And that's clearly just, she's, who gives a hell damn? Who gives a damn? She's right there. I'm allowed to joke with my wife. Yeah, he's Andrew Schultz. No.

That's what keeps the flames burning. Ain't that right, honey? Cameron Schultz. Cameron Schultz or Andrew Kennedy in the flesh. Good morning to you. So you had a wicked experience this week. I had a wicked experience this week as well, right? I went back home to Austin, Texas because we both had a little vacation. You did. Now, I

I don't go home often. I don't really like it in Austin anymore. Why? Austin sucks. Too much hippies and armpit hair and white women with dreadlocks. That's not right. That's not right. That's not for you. It's okay. That's not of your land. You shouldn't do that. But it's fine. So... What? What?

You want dreadlocks? No, I don't know if I can say it. I don't know. There's so much. Oh my God, it's still on your lip. There's spit on your lip. Okay. I don't know if I can say it. What happened? White people with dreadlocks. It just gets... It doesn't feel right, does it? It gives me just... It's the same vibe whenever you were in high school and you wore a do-rag to school.

They told me about it. They told me about it. I'm going to find photographic evidence and I'll oblige. Oblige. I don't know. I don't know. Okay, I tried. So every time I'm in Austin, right, I just sit down with my family because we don't get to hang out often. We don't get to talk much. That's good time. So we just sit down and reflect on our life, our childhood, right? Good time. And it's so crazy to me. In my 24 years of life, 25 years. Oh, my God. He doesn't know his age. Oh, my God. He went to Austin and got on a time machine.

Shrunk his life in my 25 years of life. I still learn things about my childhood. Oh, oh god preach to the choir and it's It's still kind of like it's it's it's helping me. It's like therapy. It makes me understand how I am today. Yes, I

So we went to a restaurant in Austin at the Domain. If you're in Austin, you know where that's at. And I have two appetizers I always get. First one is fried pickles. Second one, fried calamari. Right? I love calamari. It's my favorite. Good little fish. I order the calamari. I say, excuse me, waitress. I'm sitting down. My dad's in front of me. My brother's to the right. He's hitting me with his foot. And my mother's diagonal, right? Right.

And so the waitress comes over and she goes, she goes, what can I get y'all to start? I say, don't talk family. I'll do the fried calamari. She walks away. My dad goes, huh? Calamari. I'm like, what's funny about calamari? He goes, you don't remember? I said, Mark, the hell are you talking about, dog? He goes, you used to play with calamari in the bathtub. I said, what? I said,

He goes, yeah, whenever we'd go to restaurants, you would tell us to get calamari to go so you can make the squids like swim in the bathtub. And I go, did you do it? Did you order the calamari? He goes, every time. So I would have fried calamari in the bathtub as a kid and I'd go.

And make them swim. You're a sociopath. You're an absolute murderer, a strange individual, and you need help. What? First off, your parents are way too nice. So nice. If my kid was like, I want to order fish to bring it home in the tub, put it in my dirty bath water with my naked body and play fishy grounds, I'd probably go, I'm just kidding, I'm kidding. But there's no shot in hell or heaven

or heaven that I would ever buy my kid an appetizer to not eat but to play with and then make my tub nasty and smell like San Antonio. No shot in hell. And one more thing, when did your dad turn to James Earl Jones? He started that story and you said, he was like, you hear Calamari? Like, that's not your father. That is not him.

Oh, my God. No, okay. I'm just saying. You're a freak of nature. It's all starting to make sense. It's all starting to make sense. And then I exposed something to my parents that I thought they knew. Like, this is a story that I never brought up to them because I thought we were all aware of this situation. Oh, my God. It made me think about it because I was on a road trip. Austin's like three hours, right? Yeah.

Good thinking time in the car. And so I was on my way to Austin and I was like just thinking I had to pee really bad. And this story came back up. When I was a kid, right? I was probably like seven, eight years old, right? Oh, God. I have older cousins, right? And my older cousins had kids. They had babies, right? Yeah.

And I remember, I don't know why I was in a car with just my cousins because my mom wouldn't have let that happen. Well, I was in the car with just my older cousins, right? How old are we talking? Clearly driving age. They're like 20 something. Okay. Right. And they had a kid. And you're seven or eight. Yeah. And so they were like immature with a child. Like they're just immature, ignorant dudes with a child. And they had diapers in the car. And so I think we were driving to like Six Flags.

And I was like, I'm not going to say my cousin's name, but I was like, cuz, cuz, I really got to pee. And he goes, man, just hold it. Just hold it, dog. And I said, I don't think I can. And so I was annoying. I was an annoying ass kid. I was annoying them for like 15 to 20 minutes about like, like I was just constantly saying I have to pee, I have to pee. And they got frustrated with me. They said, hey, grab one of the diapers, dog. Either you hold it or you grab one of the diapers. No, you didn't. No, you absolutely didn't. I was 18.

And you know better. You know better. You were wearing boxer briefs at eight. Oh, yes, you were. What were you wearing? A G-string? What were you wearing at eight? That's crazy. What were you wearing? Boxer briefs. No, the like Walmart pack with like Yu-Gi-Oh on the side. Those are boxer briefs. Are they? Do those count as boxer? Oh, well, I didn't know. I'm not really versed in the kiddie underwear division like you. I'm not versed in the kid underwear. You're like, no, the ones with the Legos on it.

That's a boxer briefs. Yeah. And so I remember. Oh, my God. And I always like that was my party trick when it was babysitters, my cousins. Anytime somebody came over, I'd get naked and I'd go like that. Like that was my thing. So me being butt ass in front of my cousins was not a new thing. So I had no problem de-drawing and I put on a paper. I didn't pee. Oh, my God. Time out. Yeah. You put it on.

What am I supposed to do? I thought you were just gonna kind of grip and piss. Well, I was eight. Now I would just grip and piss.

How small were these diapers? And how bad did they fit you? I don't remember that. And how long did it stay on your body? I don't know. And where did your real underwear go? And did you enter the amusement park with a diaper on it? No, no, no, no. I don't remember the specifics of it. I remember de-boxing this and going up. I don't really remember the details, but I remember as soon as I did, I took it off. He said, man, throw it out the window. Throw it out the window. And I threw it out the window.

So you littered his room? Oh, yeah. So, okay. Correct me if I'm wrong. And I found out that my cousin's mom was at a ditty party this weekend. She was. No, like back in the 90s. Oh, you got to pray. I got to talk to her. I don't talk to her. I really don't even know her name. You got to go and hit one of these. Record and be like,

So, at this party, right? But I don't think she got in. I think she was just like in the front lawn. Because he let certain people in the front lawn and then in the house and then in rooms. I think she was just one of the lawn. Yeah. I think she was one of the lawn folks. Oh, my. That's still wild, though. Yeah. That's like when I found out my sister worked for the Tiger King. Excuse me? My sister worked for the Tiger King. She was at the- Joe Exotic? Yeah.

Yes! Heather? My sister was employed by the Tiger King when all that shit was happening. When was she in Oklahoma? And not to win her crazy year, she said she worked there for a week. Your sister had a wicked life. The stories of your sister. She was in whatever clothing, spitting ever clear out of her mouth with fire at Coyote Ugly. I mean, she could have been cast in three different movies. She's a legend. She worked at the Tiger King place, at the zoo. Wow. She knew Joe Exotic.

and not to shed light on a dark situation but the guy that um unalived in the in the documentary she knew him god bless yeah and she said it was crazy like did she know the girl she worked there for like a week she said the shit was weird it was it was really weird and strange it was going on she didn't like it she came back she should have got a bag during covid and just talked about it that's huh

She lived there for a week. She worked and lived there for like one week. She said shit was way too weird. That's insane. Yeah. And I, cause I, I literally pulled it up, just ran. I was like, have you seen this crazy shit? Like, have you watched it? She was like, watch it. I lived it. Dude. Excuse. I was like, wait, what'd you just say? And then she's full blown told me. And my mom, my mom walks in the room. She's like, yeah, she's not lying. I was like, you let, I was like, your family is secret. I was like, what is happening? That is the, you should know podcast.

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No, yeah, there's a lot of shit that I feel like we both don't know, but... About our childhood? Oh my god. I think I want to start keeping it that way. Oh, okay. This has absolutely nothing to...

You don't want to learn more about yourself? No. Why? It's scary? I learned I played with fried squid in my bath. Yeah, that's unacceptable. I'm not going to lie. I got to have a talk with you. Maybe that's why I'm metallic. Oh, my God. The metal smell. That's where it comes from. Okay. That just sparked this memory. Good morning. And it does not relate, but it is ridiculous. Okay. So this is a story that happened to me, like, about...

Four or five months ago. So I was sitting there playing 2K. Sitting where? On my couch. Sitting at the house playing 2K. And I had my Apple Watch on because I just went to the gym. And I got mad at the game. You say nerd? I use it to count my calories. But I got mad at the game and I was sitting there and...

for the sake of not having a lot of bleeps i was like mother i hate myself i hate my life god i suck getting your cultural bag yeah my the siri hears it okay so at the same time my laptop is open right i don't even know this was a like a thing but the google search from siri was then in my like my laptop history like because they're synced whatever i didn't know that was a function

So my laptop searches that, what I said. And in the search bar, like a Google search bar, it was like, I hate myself. I don't want to be here. Shit this, da-da-da-da-da, all that, right? And I had no clue it happened because it didn't make a noise or anything. So the day ends. I close the laptop, all that shit. The very next day, Sanjan comes over, and he asks me to use my laptop to print something off. And he opens my laptop, and the search bar says, I hate myself. I don't want to be here. Help me.

Why has this happened to me? And Sanjay literally looks at me and his jaw drops. He goes, bro, are you all right? And I was like, and I was just like, with the back. I was like, what are you talking about? I was like, yeah, I'm all right. He goes, no, dog, we got to get you. And he was like, dead ass, like concerned for me. He was like, what are you, bro? Like, do we need to take you somewhere? I'm like, what the fuck?

I'm like, what are you talking about? He's like, don't take it out on me. I'm like, what are you talking about? He goes, bro, are you okay? And he shows it to me, and I literally sat there and just bawled from laughing, bro, because I was like, dog, that was from a video game. I don't even know how that happened. But just imagine you walking in. You open my laptop, and it's like, I hate myself. I don't want to be here. Shit. Why me? I think I'd ignore it. Oh, bro. Oh, yeah. I think if I was –

Wait, what? I think if I opened your computer and it had that in the search engine, I don't know if I'm bringing that up.

would I probably knock you out if I walked into your house and I was in your search bar yeah I'd probably hit you in the back of the head get you unconscious I would then take put you in a car and you would wake up in a center like you'd wake up somewhere getting help I would not let you talk me out of it you're good with the words in the tongue hello but I would not why would you let that go because that's over struggling that's above my pay grade brother like I just want you to like no it's not I know there's certain things I can help you with if you're at the point where you're googling it's

But no, no, you got, you have to be there for me in my darkest. Hey brother. A clean slate. Good luck. I'd be like, Hey, you got a wife, brother. You're a, you got a wife and a mom, but clearly I'm keeping it from her. If I'm Googling, you're keeping it for me too. So I'm not supposed to, but you found it. I tell live if anything. No, it's too much. Talk to me. But men, men can coincide with each other. Because if I saw that, I'd be like, Hey dog,

Exactly. And then we'd help each other. You're a sick bastard. Wow. Wow. That puts it. It's just too much for me. If I opened your laptop and I saw that I'd physically grab your body. I'd sit you on the couch and we'd bust down talking about it. I'm not good with those kind of scenarios because I was good, buddy. I was at Sonic, right?

And I was driving through the Sonic and I was trying to find one of the pews. I was trying to find one of the pews to park at to order my mozzarella sticks, large onion ring and a smash burger, vanilla Coke. Right? That's what I ordered. A pew. A pew. Let's break that down. Maybe a parking spot? No. A pew. A pew where you order. Because it's not just a parking spot. You order at the Sonic. It's a parking spot with a screen. I have never heard someone ever in their existence say a pew or a pew.

outside of the holy building itself. There's no pews at Sonic. Is a pew just... Is it just reserved for the holy word? Never seen one outside of it! Does that make it a fact, though? No! Okay. But have you ever seen a pew? What's the definition of a pew? You tell me.

Can somebody look up the definition of a pew? Look up the definition of a pew. Because a pew, I think it's just a section off area. Not with a screen for mobile ordering of fast food. What's the definition of a pew? A pew is a long bench with black plates and robes in the main part of some churches to the seat of the congregations.

So, okay, so that's just okay. No, I was wrong. That's fine. It's not even important, a part of the story. I was going to my pew, right? And I was circling the Sonic, right? And it was dead empty. So I was like, ooh, I got every pew to pick from. But then I was like, my order's going to come out quick. It's going to be great. But then I saw one of the Sonic roller skating girls, and she was crying, like, right behind the building. And I said, I'm not here for that.

I cannot be here for that. I can't help you. And I'm sorry. And so I drove six miles to a different Sonic because I don't do well in emotional scenarios. I can't help you, ma'am. Whatever tip I give you is not going to mend your heart. You're fucking joking. You are joking. I swear to you. You're either... Okay.

Maybe I'm a sociopath. Oh, no, there's no maybe. You're either a sociopath or you have the biggest heart the world has ever seen. I think it's the latter. I don't know. I think there's somewhere gray ground. I think it's because I feel so much empathy for people that I can't be around it because then I'll be sad. And I don't want to be sad. But you said the girl was smoking a cig by the dumpster. I didn't say she was smoking a cig. But you said she was in the back.

Yeah. Why not just pull to the front? She was the only one working there. I assume, other than the cooks and the chefs. There we go. If she's sitting down smoking, I keep putting that on her jacket. She was just standing up crying, and she was really boo-hooing. No, if you're standing crying, something's wrong. If you stand and cry, that is a strange thing you're doing. You might have needed to park the car and give her a hug. Oh, God, no. Why? I don't hug strangers. But what if she needed it?

What if someone wanted to hug you? I needed mozzarella sticks. But you drove six miles out of the way to get them because she would have interfered with the taste and the quality. Was this the Sonic right by your house? No, this is a new one in Huddo. Where? What was that? What was that? Huddo? That sounds like an acronym. What does that stand for? Huddo? No, it's just the name of the city in Austin. Oh, my God. Okay, it's in Austin. I was in Austin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I was like, that's not a real place you just said. Okay, I do have a question for you because I...

Going on the thing of I might be a sociopath, right? My biggest fear, and I've said this a lot, is being kidnapped, right? But then I started being like, let me stop being a victim. There you go. Let me kidnap somebody. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, I didn't say that. I didn't say that. I didn't say that. Not that. No. No.

There's all the evidence, we need. No, all the evidence is right in front of our eyes, ladies and gentlemen. No, I didn't say let, well, I did say it, but I didn't mean. You said, I'm gonna. I'm just saying, I've never thought about the perspective on the other end. Are you vouching for kidnap?

No. What are you doing? No, I'm just saying, how would my life change if I did... No, this is... I'm going somewhere. This is bad. You're going in the wrong direction, pal. You're digging a grave right now. How would my life change if I kidnapped somebody? Okay. I was thinking about you when I kidnapped somebody. My God. No, I'm not going to kidnap you, right? But just say I did snatch somebody up. Say I kidnapped somebody. Okay. And I told you. I said, Cam...

I got him. I got somebody. Right? I'd say, who? Who? Who'd you get? And what does that mean? And you'd be at a loss for words. And then you'd say. I've been watching too much you. Right? The show you on Netflix. I've been watching too much. I'm Joe Goldberg. Yeah. I have a warehouse with a box. And somebody's in my box. That's a rough one. That is glorious yet rough at the same time. That's how I like it.

I was about to say, even that right there. I love it. I think that describes my sex life. Glorious and glorious and rough. I'm so gentle. You barely know I'm there. My shit was calm and slow. You barely know I'm there. I'm so sorry. She's like, no, I can't. God, that would be very disturbing. Okay. If I... You there? I'll be like, I don't know who did it. I'm already done. She's like, I'm done. She's like, that was my thigh.

Sorry, I don't know if that can stay. Here we go. They play this in barbershops, dog. Okay. Let me say this. If I did kidnap somebody and I told you about it, what would the first thing you do is? What would be the first thing that you do? Okay. Do you want to role play? Let's role play. Oh, yes. Oh, my God. Never mind. Offers off the table. Stop that. That's a lot of neck. Role play. Give me the call. Wait. Wait.

Okay, I'm calling you. Yeah child works. Give me the call you said if you tell me what am I gonna go? Hey, what's up, bro? You kidnap someone today? Like I don't know this is happening. Okay, here we go I'm calling you kidnap. So here we go. Okay. I'm with what's up, buddy. Why the hell you laughing? What speak up? Hello? I can have somebody I have you what? So I got a little bored

You got- And so- And I've been watching a lot of you on Netflix and I like Joel Goldberg. Alright bro, shut up. No, I deadass. No, I deadass. You dead- I got somebody. You get- What do you mean you got somebody? I kidnapped them. You- You kidnapped someone? Yup. Where are they? Why? Who is it? I don't know. You kidnapped a stranger? That's mostly how they happen, no. There's no motive?!

Just a lot of Netflix. So where are they? Oh, I have a warehouse. What? You have a warehouse? It's like a storage locker. And I break my phone in half, throw it in a garbage disposal. I am not getting dragged into a federal FBI level case for you. But we'd still have to record. So what would you do? Just ignore it? It would literally, this is how the episodes look like. Go, say something. We got co-hosts coming back. I'd be like...

Like, I had a great week. You would look at me different? Are you serious? No, deadass. You know me in my heart and soul. Let's break this down. I would never hurt them. Let's break this down. Then why are you taking them? Because I need companionship. You're kidnapping them for a pal? You're kidnapping them for a friend. I feel like that's why most kidnappings happen.

Not most, but there's got to be people out there. The people are deranged. They go, oh, now you're my friend. You're going to stay here with me. Yeah. That person wants to kill you. They want to completely get out of your warehouse. I get that. And bring the entire force of the government down on your head. Okay, I get that, but my motive doesn't matter. Scratch that. I got somebody. 100%. So if I had a good reason, you'd be okay with it? Yeah, you're saying you got someone like it's a bass in a lake. Like you just got him.

You're just there and you got him. And it just happened. It was a good Wednesday. I don't got somebody. Don't catch a release. Yo, yeah, no. If you had reason, if you were like, hey, bro, this person was messing with my mom for two months and she's been telling me, but I never told you about it. And bro, remember how I said I went to Austin? I got him, bro. He's in the trunk. Yeah. That's like, holy shit, really scary.

Do I help him? I at least feel where he's coming from, but what's your end goal? If it's to shake him up and scare him a little bit and send him back to the wild? Maybe. You know I don't plan that far in advance. Exactly. You don't plan that far in advance and you don't play to get even. You play to win. Every time. So if you go, yeah, I got a warehouse with a nice hitch saw next to it and I got a couple tranquilizers waiting, I'd be like,

Who are you? Okay, but say I did kidnap somebody and I was like, Cam, I can't really go out right now because I'm with them. Will you run to Lowe's for me and get me some more tape?

Would you... Now, what in the hell would I look like going into a Lowe's and asking for some lumber, tape, two buckets of formaldehyde, and a couple rags? It seems like you know the recipe. No, I've watched TV shows, too. I've watched TV shows. Okay.

You're an asshole. Let's just start there. You're going to kidnap someone, but then make all the receipts and the breadcrumbs point to the white man. Well, I would get more time, but you would definitely be in a conflict. Don't say that. Don't say that. Oh, not even like that. As long as you know. Don't say that. It's the reverse Andrew Schultz. At least you acknowledge it. Thank you. You're welcome. Here we go.

Well, okay. Honest to God, what would you want me to do? Help. But why? Why do you need my help? I need your help with everything. But that's true. But why do you need my help for this specific? Like, if I knew that I did something that could then endanger your future, I wouldn't put it upon you.

Now, if I really messed up, like, are you in a, like a... Like a manic state? Like a convicted state? No. You're like, I did this, bro. I don't know what to do. Like, I want to let him go, but I don't want to get in trouble? No, I'll go... That way I'd help you. If you're like, I'm going to make this... Or something like that, I'd be like, dog, you're really scaring me, bro. You're really scaring me. Do you have a lazy eye? Do I have a lazy eye? I swear to God, the right one drifted. No bullshit, no camera. I'm a victim.

Okay, yes. What? Yo, Cam, you got a... Was that planted? What the hell was that? No, Cam, you have a loose eye, dog. No, I don't. He hasn't spoken like two minutes and he just pops out, oh, I got a picture of a lazy eye. Look at it. Bring it here. Bring it here. And then we're going to pop this up on the screen if it's dead ass. What are you... How do you have a picture of my lazy... I don't have a lazy eye. Don't... I don't have a lazy eye. Yo, Cam, you are 360ing surveillance in this room. No, I'm not.

Oh, dude, no, this one, it's that one. Oh, shit! It's like the longer you look at it, it's like those old paintings that follow you, dog. Like, look at that. I don't have a lazy eye. I just look like a killer in this picture. I'm like, I'm pissed at whoever's taking the photograph. You look like you have a magnet on one side of the room and that eye is attached to it. Now my nose looks a little uneven, but... That picture's going to be on the screen. Oh, my God. My beard is heavy.

Okay. I have a, now we've discovered something new about candy. I have a lazy eye. I'm,

I'm pissed off right now. Where'd that come from? Is it possible to have two lazy eyes? Do you see black specks in your eyes sometimes? Yeah, 100%. Do you really? It's very normal. Everybody does. Oh my god. I thought my eyes were getting burned by the sun when I was on the beach. No, no, no. I was closing my eyes and then I was looking around with my eyes closed and black dots were following me. I think it's because of light. When light hits you, it happens. Oh my god. Okay, you just made my day. But is it possible to have two lazy eyes? I think so. It's like two dice in your skull. It's just like...

Today we're going left. It's just like, can you see out of your lazy eye? I don't have a lazy eye. No, not you, but just a person with a lazy eye. Can you see out of it? I think so. I think it's a little distorted maybe, but... Do you get dizzy? No. I would assume not. Because imagine, I'm locked in right now. Like, I'm straight. I'm like on a steadicam right now. Yeah. If this little bastard over here started going this way when I was walking...

You can like, it's like, you know what I mean? It's like an Oculus. Like you can see everything. No offense to the lazy eye community.

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I just got back from my Austin trip, right? And anytime I leave home for a while, I did this a lot on tour. Anytime I come back home from a trip, the first thing I do is go to the mailbox, right? Yes. I don't get it, to be honest. Mail? I don't get how powerful mailbox people are. Oh, yeah. Like, do you understand that? And how many goddamn keys do they have?

Genuinely, how does that work? They have a magic key. Excuse me? They have a key that opens all the mailboxes.

How does that work? How is there one key? Because every key lock is different on a mailbox, right? Yeah. How is there one key that fits all that? You've never heard of a master key? No. Yeah, master key. So there's a key. Like, there's doors. They have individual keys that have the exact code, but then there's a master key that's, like, really loose and can open, like, multiple locks. It's a master key. Is this accessible on, like, anybody can buy a master key?

I mean, it depends on your locks. It depends on who you're working for. No, I'm saying, like, can I, as a civil human... No, you cannot buy a master key for that lock. But how do they make master keys? The master key comes with it at the conception of the mailboxes. So they build all these boxes. They have the master key. They probably copy that and give it to the postman. But this mail person doesn't just come to my neighborhood. They go to the neighborhood 20 miles away, too. Second master key. Yeah.

That's insanely smart. Yeah. How do they know what mailbox to put my stuff in? A thing called the address on it. Okay, that's fine. My address is not on my mailbox. I know. My mailbox is like H4. Yeah. How do they know that Peyton Harden's mail goes to H4? Blankety blankety blank address is H4.

Probably have a chart. Probably memorized it. Something. There's no way they're memorizing a thousand addresses with a thousand different things. You're probably right. They probably have a chart. This house is age four. This house is age five. This house is age six. And once you do like that, house goes in numbers. So your neighbors, if you're, say your house was one, your neighbors is typically going to be five or three. Like there's an odd side of the street, even side of the street. Two go to four, four to six.

You're like, what? You're like, ah, ah, ah. Because I genuinely thought, especially as a kid, I thought male people were like magicians. You thought they had a wizard amount of keys, like a jester. I genuinely thought they had this shit ton of keys, and they were just going through. But that parlays me into another question, and I don't think you have the answer for it. Okay. Amazon Prime is from the devil himself. No, it's not.

How the hell does Amazon Prime one day delivery work? Genuinely dead ass how does that work? - It's in the warehouses. - How big is this goddamn warehouse? - Very large. - Okay, I could order a ranch soda, like a gimmick soda and a very specific camera battery at the same time and they will be delivered to me in the next eight hours?

How? Warehouse. They're going to have some in inventory because there's only certain things that are available for same-day delivery. So the reason it's available for same-day delivery. 90% of things I've ever wanted are same-day delivery. No. Then you're ordering some baseline shit. I literally ordered like a Kit Kat and a plain black tea. They're going to have shit like that in stock. No, there's like a ranch soda, like a gimmick soda. Who the? First off, who the?

Soda and soda from Amazon. They don't have ranch soda at the 7-Eleven. Go to the store. Go to Walmart. They don't have ranch soda there. Like literally it's like ranch dressing soda. That's disgusting. Okay, I wanted to try it. Yuck. I'm not, it's not the point. How the hell are they getting that in an AC battery? Warehouse. Where's the warehouse, Cam? And how much stuff is in this warehouse? It's a big ass warehouse.

It's a big warehouse. Where do they go? Okay, but how do they know? It gets fulfilled. You've got to understand, electronics and technology is a son of a gun. I messed up. But it gets fulfilled. If it's right there, they can grab it, throw it on a truck, same day. If it's having to come from another warehouse, it gets fulfilled. Those trucks come overnight. It's now at the warehouse that is local. The trucks load up, and they bring it to you. But how do they know what to put on there? Son of a bitch.

They just bring stuff random. There's probably demographics. Okay, so they genuinely just go... There's probably analytics. So you're saying the Amazon god literally goes, grab that ranch dressing soda, grab those two tube socks, grab that toy, and grab that dummy battery. Yes. And somebody's going to order that. Yes. You're stupid. Because it's also based on orders. If a thousand of those shoes have been ordered in this past month, and one pair of these have been ordered, we're going to keep those in stock. You think...

Amazon Prime is everywhere, right? Yes. So you're saying in the middle of Tuscaloosa, Alabama, they just have ranch dressing soda at their warehouse. That sounds like some Alabama shit. Yeah, they got ranch dressing soda. I'm surprised they had it in Plano, Texas. Okay, so you're saying they would have podcast equipment in the middle of nowhere in Wyoming. And it's not going to be same-day delivery there, jack wagon.

That's not true. You are in a very populated area. They're going to have more shit here. I don't think someone in Anchorage, Alaska can order a Baker Mayfield jersey and get it the same night. I don't think that's how it works.

However, they could probably order a little hatchet. Or maybe a fish. We live in Dallas. Because that is good for their area. We live in Dallas, Texas. I can order a Ray Lewis 08 jersey right now. It'll get here in six minutes. Did you hear what you said? We live in Dallas. It's the fourth largest city in the country. They're going to have it.

So you think they just have Ray Lewis jerseys? Yes. Yes. You think that's a high population of people that just want Ray Lewis, Michael Vick jerseys, huh? And a dog leash. Are you crazy? And a cage. And some betting tickets. You can get – I was going over the – I heard you. I got it. You – you're not – God, you're just making things harder. You're making them harder. That's what I do. That is, but you just need to accept simplicity sometimes. I make them harder and I get them to the finish line.

So it's just such a- a slope. I agree. Yes. We live in a huge place, more things are available. Hey, did you ever learn supply and demand? More humans live here, more shit's needed. I get that. So stock it more. So how big is this goddamn warehouse where you can have a Ray Lewis- There's multiple- first off, it's not one warehouse. It's not the AT&T Superdome. It's not a massive spaceship. You said the warehouse. That implies one fucking warehouse. There's a warehouse probably in Coppell, somewhere over there. They got- that's a city near us!

God damn it. You need to get encyclopedias. You need to have a daily challenge where you read something for 10 minutes. Just random shit. It'll make things click more. It'll make them click more. Okay, sorry. You need to read more. Sorry it doesn't make sense to me that there's a Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory warehouse down the street from me that can get me AC batteries and I can order French Bulldogs in the same place. I can get a Michael Vick jersey. That doesn't make sense.

sense to me. Sorry. Is there refrigerators in there too? Because you can get overnight groceries in the same truck that you get goddamn lights. Amazon worked out the kinks and they're doing the damn thing. What's your weirdest kink? My weirdest kink? I love a good elbow. I absolutely love a back of the neck. I am obsessed with the back of my wife's neck. That is one of the first things you would say to me. I don't know if you know this, Liv.

Camp? Okay. First of all, we have a name for camp. No, you can't say that. You can't say that. But this one, this is damning. Go ahead and give her a hug.

Come on, go give her a hug. I said, go hug her. She needs a hug today. I said, go ahead and feel that back of that neck. Deadass. When I used to tell Peyton, I'd literally be like, bro, Liv's back of her neck is so soft. And they weren't even dating, bro. We were all just friends, bro. Why was I handing her neck? Yeah, you're like Peyton, bro. I swear to you, the back of Liv's neck, dog, it's the softest thing you have ever felt. And I was like, all right, bro.

He goes, no, no. He's like, no, no, no. Let's go to Rosler, which is a dorm down the street. Okay. Oh, my God. And he would be like, we're all going over there anyway. I'd be like, yeah, in eight hours. No, no, no. We just got out of basketball practice. No way. I said, let's go to Rosler to grab a neck. There's no way. That's what you did. That's some Joe Goldberg shit. That's how I figured out she had tattoos back then. That's some Joe Goldberg shit. 100%. You said, oh, you got some ink.

I'm just like, it's like, what if you were feeling the neck? And I'm just like, yeah. I'm like, feel that neck. No, but what if back in the friendship, like, we could be a fly on the wall and we got to replay it. And Liv would go in for like a side hug. And I was just like, what's up, girl? And I like grabbed her neck. I was like, I mean, I don't think it's too far. Hell of a neck. Come on now. What's your weird? What's a body part that you love that's not normal? You ever seen how a Lamborghini door opens up? Put two and two together. You know what I mean?

You ever had to put a pamper on a, put a pamper on? You ever seen, you ever, you ever cleaned a diaper before? Mm-hmm. You ever been through a car wash? Golly. I had to take hot yoga for three weeks to try to get that kind of, you know what I mean? That was, that was a poster boy fart, bro. In the world. And my dumb ass did it in the mic. So just, God, you're going to have jaundice when you wake up.

Pink guy, yeah, not John's pink guy. I knew something to do with colors. Oh no, Preston was so... Oh, he was about that. Because somebody figured it out. Somebody figured it out? They put two and two together? And they DM'd him. And they DM'd him a picture of Michael Jordan. And the caption on it said, it looks like he cries Sunny D. Oh, poor Preston, man. He's good now though, right? Yes, yes. He doesn't currently have it, does he? No, I don't think so. Okay.

Who? It's y'all's baby. How the hell is our baby going to have jaundice? What does that even mean? Because there's steps leading up to that? Okay, speaking of Preston, right? Me and my brother had this debate. I told you, I debate with other people, not just you. How do you scroll on Twitter? How do you scroll on Twitter? Do you go up? Like, you scroll, like, your finger goes upwards. You have to scroll up.

And then the page is going to follow and you see new content. Okay. Because I scroll the other way. You are a bastard. How is, mine makes way more sense than yours does. It does. Okay. Explain it. Because it doesn't. Okay. So you go from top and you go to the bottom. Yes. Your finger is going up. Yes. That is, that's wrong. How is that wrong? Because how do you, how do you want a story to be told to you?

That didn't make sense. Yeah, what? Am I scrolling through children's books? How is history told? Where are you getting that? Where are you getting that? How is history told? From the beginning to the new, right? Okay, yes. On Twitter, the older stuff is at the bottom of the feed, and you want to go to the new. If you scroll from new to old, that's like learning stuff backwards, right?

What the hell? My first question is, what's on your timeline on your Twitter? Everything. Is it straight just news? Yeah. Like, I need to know this, and then it gets older and older and older and older. Oh, yeah. But no, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. That definitely matters. How you... You're supposed to refresh the page. No! Go to the top. Oh, God, no. That's the newest content out right now. And then you go from newest to what's already been seen. No, that's so dumb. That's so backwards and ugly. You're the...

You're the only one that opens Twitter and is happy when it refreshes. Yes. That's so strange. It pisses me off. Like, when I open Twitter and the first thing I see is probably like a fire tweet or something that's funny or trending that I want to read, and then it automatically refreshes and I'm at the top. Now I'm out of Twitter. I don't want Twitter anymore. That's a you problem, buddy. But you're the only person that wants the newest stuff first.

I guarantee every other person in this room right now goes like that. No, because you want to learn what you've missed. I want to see what I've been missing. You've missed all of it. And then I'm going to catch up to what's now. But you've missed all of it. So what does it matter if you get the now or the five hours ago? Because you're not missing what's now. What? You don't miss what's now. You're there now. Now is now. Now is not then. Exactly.

But you just proved my point. No, I did not. If you want to see the things that are now, you would immediately go to the top. Because you just said the things that already happened doesn't matter. So you would go to the top. I didn't say that. I didn't say it didn't matter. So you said you don't want to miss now. I said I don't want to miss what happened. And I don't want to miss now. Oh my god, he's going to... Oh my god, he almost had me. You're a snake. You were an anaconda. Because you just said you want to... You just...

You said, stop that. You said you, when you open Twitter, you want to see what's happening now. No, I said I don't. Oh my God. Oh my God. He said, oh my God. Roll the tape. Roll the footage. Did I not just say I hate whenever I open my Twitter and it refreshes? I did not say that. You said that, but then what'd you say next? I don't remember. You said, you said what's happened in the past has already happened. I want to see what's happening now.

That is what you said. And you know what it is with that J Cole crooked smile. You're hiding my laugh. You're keeping the laugh behind the lips. You said you want to see what's happening now. So if you want to see what's happening. Yeah, but I want to catch up. Oh, now you're changing. No, I'm not. I'm reading a book. I'm reading a story. Thank you, Pierce. Shut up. You want to see what you've missed. You want to see what you've missed and you catch up to now is what I'm saying. Who?

wants to go back in time you misspoke no i didn't that's what i said oh you misspoke whatever footage roll the footage but i guarantee you pull a hundred people you're the only one that does okay but leave it in the comments right now which way do you scroll leave it leave it in the comments do you scroll up to the new name another app you do that in did i did i bring up another app no but i'm saying all social medias are relatively the same there's a timeline that's not true that's not true not that's not true i'm saying how you navigate that's not true

Facebook. You use Facebook? I do. Twitter. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok. It's all a vertical timeline that you can scroll to get your content.

Snapchat is this way. But you don't have a choice on the other apps. You can't start from before and go up to new. It automatically gives you new. Exactly. Twitter is used so you can use the old and go to the new. But I'm saying in the same way, all the other ones, they don't even give you the option. Yeah. They say, you're going to start here and you're going to go down. That's why I didn't bring it up. But I'm saying, if three other things are saying that's the right way, and this one just gives you the option, you can go up and down, whatever. Yeah.

Don't you think the right way would be to do the same as every other app? I think that's left and right brain. You know what I mean? I think you're using like middle brain, like a deep cortex or something. You got some voodoo going on in there. Whatever. Okay, you know what? To hell with your weird scrolling addictions and your weird things. Preston, I'm on your team and I love you and your eyes. I think if anybody were to have a voice on scrolling, it would be me. I doom scroll for hours. My screen time is 19 hours.

Peyton, I don't have anybody. You have us. No, you don't. You have us. It was like Rothesian said, Peyton, that's awful. That's really bad. I'm actually scoring on an iPad. I'm calorie 19. Yeah, it doesn't matter. What were you saying? No, no, that doesn't matter. No, no, no. We've done this and I don't want people to talk to me. But by statistics, that means you were asleep for five. I sleep four to five hours a day.

That's my normal. 3, 4, 5. It's a placebo to get 8. That's too much sleep. Are you retired and 65 years old? Because my Meemaw would stay up till 1 and wake up at about 5. And she was good to go because she had nothing to do. No, I go to sleep about 4, 5, wake up at 8, 9. You know what I mean? The You Should Know Podcast.

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Quizzes are our staple. I absolutely love it and I love to see how your brain works and so does everyone else. And I hate it. It's like my least favorite thing we do. Oh no, you like them. There's a small part of it. There's a small little sliver of your heart. I'm not going to lie. When I do get things right, it's a feeling I never get. It's very euphoric. Oh, I was going to say a word that starts with a no. You know what I mean? Ow! That one. Here we go. What's the quiz? This quiz is simply, what is louder? You're going to do a loud quiz. We're going to see your common sense on everyday objects.

And which do you think is louder on the decibel chart? Race better not be in here. Did you think I was going to start with whites or blacks? Cameron Schultz, I don't know. What would be the answer? See, Cameron Schultz, I'm not doing that. That is not funny. It's not funny. It's not funny at all. That's not funny. Honestly, it's a little bit disrespectful. And you shouldn't even laugh about that. So that's not funny at all. Yeah, don't.

I go, I go, distract you. So, this is simply what is louder, which is louder, whatever you want to say, okay? Mics. First one, we're going to start simple. Which do you think is louder? Goddamn, what? Normal breathing or a mosquito buzzing? Normal breathing from a person.

Or mosquito buzzing. Are they a mouth breather? Sure. How big is a mosquito? About a medium size. Mouth breathing. It's definitely louder. Absolutely wrong. Oh, is this like a scientific quiz? Oh, yeah. It's on decibels. It's not like your opinion. What fun would that be? You're getting right and wrongs, brother. Oh. Normal breathing clocks in at about 10 decibels on average. A mosquito buzzing is 20.

So you're 0 for 1. How close is the mouth breather? Are they measuring them from the same thing? It's scientific, all right? I didn't go to Cambridge and conduct the study. What website is this? I don't know, but here we go. Okay. Next one. A quiet work office or moderate rainfall.

Which one's louder? Which is louder? That's the name of the quiz. You're not guessing which one's more fun, which one's dirtier, which is louder. And you said a quiet office. A quiet office or moderate rainfall. So a quiet work environment. Okay, obviously the rainfall if it's quiet in the office. It only beat it by five. Quiet office. Moderate rainfall, 50 decibels. Quiet office, 45. The literally thing said quiet. But it's a quiet, there's people talking. That's not quiet then.

Oh, you're the quiet police now? You got a loud gauge in your back pocket? Okay, we're gonna get a little louder. A vacuum cleaner or a washing machine? Which one's louder? Yes. Which one's louder? What are you... I ask that after every question. Yeah, like, god damn, are you okay? We're just louder. Washing machine, full load of clothes, on, or a vacuum cleaner? I thought you said a microwave. Someone get him some water. Someone get him something to drink.

Uh, ooh, what kind of neighborhood are we in? What? Because some washing machines sound like there's a bunch of panties in them. You know what I mean? It depends on where we're at. Are we in Bel Air or are we in, you know what I mean? Where are we? You know that matters. Oh my God. That is not funny. Judge you up for consideration. You can pick.

Oh, I would say a vacuum is louder. Ding, ding, ding. Vacuum is louder. Clocked at 80 with the washing machine at 70. I don't know. My cousin's washing machine. Here we go. Boy, that shit. It was like the Santa Joyce Fault broke in that room. You washing Tim's in there? What are you doing? Okay. Here we go. Here we go. A nightclub. Hmm. Hmm.

A full-blown nightclub or a motorcycle? What's the demographic in the nightclub? God damn. You and these specifics, but it's so funny because they... You know it depends. I've been to some quiet clubs. Full-blown nightclub. Okay. Or a motorcycle? Motorcycle is louder.

You sure? Dude, yes. Have you ever had your window down next to a motorcycle with a guy with a very small peen? Correct. It was louder by 10 decibels. 110 to 100. Here we go. Here we go. A loud squeaky toy next to the ear or a jet engine. I feel like that depends on whose ear it is. Some people's ears are sensitive.

But that doesn't change whether or not it's clock and a decibel. But you said with the legislation that it is next to somebody's ear. It's next to your ear. What ear? That doesn't matter. If you put it next to my grandpa's ear, can't hear a thing. But that doesn't change. I would think the only word my grandpa knows is ha! Ha! Squeaky toy next to an ear or a jet engine. Jet engine. They're so loud.

squeaky toy next to your ear clocks in at 135 and a jet engine's 130 put your ear next to a jet engine put your ear next to a jet engine but it didn't say your ear has to be next to it a jet engine or a squeaky toy how close am I to the jet engine

I don't know. See, that's the stupidest question. It's so stupid. Am I... Okay, if I'm over here, DFW Airport's way over there, I'm not going to hear the jet engine. If a tree falls in the forest, did it still fall? It did fall. And the jet engine still made the noise clocking at 130 decibels. The answer's wrong, and you're now tied. See, though, that doesn't make sense because how close is the decibel reader to the jet engine? Here we go. An airplane taking off or a shotgun? Shotgun. The Menendez brothers. Correct answer. I watched that. Correct answer. Terrible show.

Last couple. Not terrible. So you're three for two. First off. It's a little awkward. First off, three for two. I don't want to see that. Here we go. You know what I mean? I don't want to see what your dad's doing. A plane taking off from 100 meters away. Now we're getting into science. Or fireworks. I don't know how many feet. I would assume close up. How many feet is 100 meters? Football field. I thought that was 100 yards. It's essentially the same. Close enough. 100 feet is not yards. I said 100 meters. And I said how much is that in feet?

It's almost 300. That's why I said it's essentially a football field. A meter and a yard is not too far off. Oh. So you're a football field away from a plane, and it's taken off, or fireworks. What kind of plane? A Boeing? Two-seater Boeing. Two-seater? A little small joint. Maybe a big boy. I don't care. It depends. Hey, answer. Fireworks. It's a stupid class quiz because it's all suggestive. 130 plane. It's suggestive. All this is suggestive. This is all suggestive. I don't even like this game. Last one.

A rocket. No, a sperm whale. A sperm whale. Interesting name, by the way. Why is that? Or a rocket launching into space. A rocket launching into space. Sperm whale. They must, they must, they must, they must, if that's what they're doing. Sorry, CJ, but they do. Ah! Ah!

You know what I mean? To be louder than a SpaceX. The SpaceX rocket clocks at 180 decibels. A sperm whale is at a whopping 230. Wait, a sperm whale is louder than a rocket ship. Doing what? Talking? I guess she's speaking. Doing a little wave neural links. He's like, it's at 230.

That's crazy. But, thank you for failing another quiz. That might have been the worst quiz we've ever done. Because it's not even, I can't get that right or wrong. It's all suggestive. No, you can get it right or wrong. No, you can't. That's all suggestive. It got clocked on a decibel reader. You didn't say what kind of plane it was. You didn't say how far we were from these things. I don't have the details. That's what I'm saying. It's a bad quiz. Underwater. They got an underwater clockable decibel reader. It's a bad quiz. It's okay, but it was a good idea. Bad quiz.

Because it's all, it's all suggestive. What about shit answers? What about asking, what is it louder four times?

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net.com slash YSK. Now on to the rest of the episode. Oh, I yelled at my mom this weekend. That's not good. Well, you know, the same way I yell at you.

That's really not good. That's really not good then. Because you say some hurtful things to me. No, it's not what I said. It's how I said it. Because we're at the Cheesecake Factory. They have the best bread. Me and my family loves the Cheesecake Factory. You put a lot of butter on that bread. And they brought out a cheese... Because the waitress was a fan, right? So they brought out a free cheesecake. A full cake. A full cheesecake. And they said, Hey, Peyton, we love the podcast. Here's a free cheesecake. That's lit. But then I look...

My mom said, cheesecake's my favorite kind of cake. And I said, well, it's not a cake, mom. And she goes, what? Cheesecake is a cake. By what? By what? Cheesecake. No, I see the name. I see the name. But now we're going to get political. Because you can call something something, but it's not something. Okay, what defines a cake? The ingredients. I don't believe that. Okay, every birthday cake you've had, is it sponge? That's birthday cakes.

There's fruit cakes. It's literally a cake made of fruit with a gelatin thing. It's still a fruit cake. What makes something a cake? I think it's just the way it's formed. So why is a pie not a cake then? Because it's a pie because there's filling. There's cakes with filling. There's goo filling, but the whole consistency isn't a filling. I think cheesecake's a cake, brother. Is it? I think it's a cake. How so though? Cheesecake. No, I get the name. Pretty simple. Okay, what's the difference between a cheesecake and a chicken pot pie then?

You're kidding me. No, I'm saying obviously... One's got a cockle doodle doo in the middle with some green peas and some carrots. And then one's nice and it's... Delectable. I completely understand that. I'm just saying, you're saying it's how it's made or like the consistency of it. What'd you say? Yeah, like how it's formed, just the shape of it. Okay, so the shape of a chicken pot pie and the shape... Chicken pot pie.

It's not a chicken pie cake. Okay, why is a pie a pie and a cake's not a cake? Because a pie has a crusted covering with filling on the inside. A cake is all one. It's the same thing. There might be a crust at the bottom like the cheesecake. It's a little harder. I've had filling cake. I've had cake with filling. What kind of cake is that? It's like that strawberry goo filling.

It's called strawberry pie, brother. I'm just kidding. No, no, no. You ever go to like a bakery, right? Yes. And then they have a cake and then you cut it open and there's ooze in it. Yeah. Okay, so why is that a cake and then a pie is a pie? But that's the ooze inside of the cake. The pie is all oozing with a crusted top.

A little bit of bottom. How is all oozing, though? It's just all in there. You put the little dough at the bottom, you fill it with the filling, and then you put it on top and you bake it. That's a pie. Goo. All goo. A cake. A lot of goo. A cake. You can have a cake, build the cake, and then put goo inside the cake. They don't make chicken pot cakes. They make chicken pot pies. I'm starting to get there, but... They don't make apple cakes. They make apple pies. I'm starting to get... Okay, but there's cheesecake with fruit in it. Fruit on top of it. Okay.

It's not a cheesecake with fruit in it? Not that I've ever eaten. It's cheesecake ass. Cheesecake kind of sucks. We could all put that out there. A little sour and I hate people that claim they like. And it gives you like that film. It gives you that film on the teeth. It literally tastes like I'm eating something that is rotten. But the bottom coating is so sugary and delicious. Best kind of cake.

Best kind of cake? I'm going tres leches. That stands for three milk. Oh, I can't shit too much. Yeah, you're lactose. What's your best cake? Straight vanilla. Oh, no. Oh, my God. A strawberry cake. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Almighty smack my bare white ass and call me rosary.

Oh my Lord, a strawberry cake to perfection with strawberry icing. Sometimes when they cut the actual fruit up and put it on top. I love when you get in your fat bag. You little big back bag. A strawberry cake with strawberry icing. Oh, best kind of cake, carrot cake.

- You're kidding me, carrot cake? Carrot cake is God's cake. - Not bad though. Coffee cake is fire. - What's coffee cake? - You've never had coffee cake? - What is a coffee cake? You got espresso in there? - No, no, no, it's like, I think there's literally some coffee crumblings in it, but it's like a sugary, oh my God, it's good. - It makes you hyper. - You do, no, no, I don't think it's caffeinated,

What's a coffee about it? I think it's like coffee grounds. That's a teacher's cake. But it's like a salty with a sweet. God, it's damn good. No, no, no. Carrot cake is the best kind of cake there is. No shot in hell. How not so? No shot in hell. I don't like eating vegetables for my eyesight. No, no, there's actually not carrot in it. There's definitely carrot in carrot cake. No, no. Is your whole life a fraud? There's no carrot in carrot cake. I just taste the sponge and like the nuts. Yeah, but there's carrot in it. There's not.

I don't think so. I've actually seen a carrot cake be made with a carrot on top of it. Yeah, but that's decoration. No one eats that. I took a bite out of it. Did I do it wrong? Yeah. I go, 100% it's not right. Carrot cake's ass. It's not ass, but it's not the best. It's the best. No, it's not. But a vanilla, you hit it on the head. I hate blue icing, though.

Blue icing for children. Distorts the tongue. The worst kind of cake is an ice cream cake. Oh my God. Burning hell ice cream cake. Baskin Robbins when they had the cakes. Oh my God. And then the little weird ass kid would be like, come to my birthday party. I'm like, what kind of cake? Cause that was important to me. They'd be like, ice cream cake. I go, I'm not going.

Because your lactose ice cream cake was designed by Christ himself. I think it was designed by the Hyatts. It might have been. You ever been to a black birthday party and they had ice cream cake? No, they've had. You never been, huh? Never had that. That's just not that good. I think it's just too much for no reason. What are you going to say? Would they have red velvet? Be careful because the streets are hot right now and they're not playing these games. Marble cake?

What the hell is a marble cake? What's a marble cake? Okay, can't be careful because they are looking for to get you right now. It's a little cake with like, it's like a simple cake. It's so much cheaper. I'm not laughing, dog. No, it's not funny. That is not funny. You get both cakes. I'm not laughing, bro. It's not funny, dude. It's a cheaper cookie.

I told you the streets are hot right now. We can't make these jokes. No, hey, honest to God, though, no all jokes aside, Marble Cake's gas. You ever had the cake with the baby in it? What? The cake and you have to find the baby. What? What is that? What the? What are you talking about? A cake finding baby or a baby finding cake? Good luck. Were you in a cult? Were you raised by witches?

What do you mean you find a child inside of a dessert and then you get good luck? I think it's a cultural thing, so you can't say that. No, no, no, no, no, no. There's babies in a cake and you find them for good luck? No, no, no. It was like we used to, we had it in school. And then I went to my, like.

What school did you go to? We didn't have cake in our school. No, for like parties. Like end of the year parties. And I remember, or it wasn't even in the year, it was like middle of the year. It was like around March or something. You had a March Madness baby cake find and dessert party. I feel like it was for something because we designed the classroom.

And then the big thing was the cake, and the teacher cut it up, and she said, whoever finds the baby, and it was like this little ass, little baby, like this big, and you find it. No! She needs to go to jail. That teacher needs to go to prison in front of a jury of her peers. She needs to appear. I went to my friend, Kyle Fontenot. I went to his house, and his family was really into this baby cake. I remember this being a thing. Yes, you got to look this up. What's Kyle like?

What do you mean? He went to LSU. No, what was he looking like? Oh, he's African American. Okay. So is my teacher. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe. Hey, I didn't have the FBI board. I was just kind of trying to get some more background. No, it has to be like a holiday or something. No. Y'all never had the baby finding cake. Welcome to baby cake day. Yeah, you eat it. And when you... I don't... It was no one's birthday. It was just a cake. Put the baby in the cake. Because when a king cake is served at a Mardi Gras...

Mardi Gras! Oba! Show the t***! I remember that! Thank you! Thank you! What the f***? And the birth of Jesus! You get beads and Jesus! That's the best holiday ever! And a little baby and good luck. She needs to go to jail! And I think they were from Louisiana. She was probably like, alright kids, you found it! No!

She goes, give me a beat! Okay, hypothetical scenario, right? Yes. Liv's like, hey, I'm going on a girl's trip, right? Oh, fuck. And she goes to Louisiana. But you don't know it's Mardi Gras out there, right? You don't know it's just slips of mind. It slips of mind. You're like, yeah, go ahead, go with your friends. She comes back and she looks like she robbed a pirate chest and she has all the beats in the world. I'm going to the nearest law firm and we're done. No, I'm just kidding.

What? She went to New Orleans on, what street is it again? Bourbon Street. During Mardi Gras and came back with beets. And she said a male stripper held her up in the air sideways and dry humped her. Dude, I saw a video of a male stripper one time. It is strange, brother. I was like,

No, dead ass. I've never understood. You think you can be a male stripper? Oh, yeah. You want to show? I think you could do good. Oh, no, that's on Patreon. I'll give you the show. Yeah, Pierce is like, I got one. Dude, give me some. He's like, you want my beads, boy? Okay. Something I said? No, I was going to go somewhere. I shouldn't. You should. Say it real quick. No, no, it's not bad. Like, it won't get me canceled, but it will raise some questions in the friend group.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Time out. Questions about me. She ain't showing shit. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So the first time I went to Vegas, I was 14 and the world was big. Right. And I've never been to Vegas. I just heard stories. Right. And one of the hotels we were walking through because you just walk through different hotels in Vegas and there's billboards and posters everywhere. And this is the same time Magic Mike was coming out.

I was a big Channing Tatum fan. I've always been a Channing Tatum fan. He's a great actor. And he's married to Zoe Kravitz now. Or engaged. I remember on this wall, there was a Chippendales poster. And there was a bunch of brolic men, shirtless, with jean shorts on. Yeah, and they got oil on them. I was inspired.

Okay, let's hear me out. There's no punchline to this story. I'm just telling you what my adolescent brain was thinking. Oh, I'm listening. And I was like, those are some cool guys right there. And I saw all the women getting so excited to go in there. And yes or no, a 14-year-old self on a basketball tournament with college scouts, you know, whatever. Did I ask my mom? I said, Mom, you want to go to the Chippendale show? And she goes...

Peyton, do you know what that is? And I said, I assume Magic Mike. And she goes, exactly. And she goes, you want to go to that? And I said, why not? And she goes, I don't think you're of age, but one day you can definitely go in there. You got it when you come back legal. And I'm not saying like, I wasn't like, I wasn't getting. Let's put that. Okay. Sorry. Y'all looking at me like that. I was just saying, that's cool. I love a good show. I think my biggest concern is you said at 14 with your adolescent brain.

You're not an adolescent at 14? Oh, you are, but you definitely know how the world works. No, no. Those aren't cool guys with a cool backstory. I didn't say their backstory. Those are naked men oiled up for a picture. Yeah. You're probably a sophomore in high school. I wanted to be... Oh, yeah, that's one of the biggest schools we're talking to. That's what I would say. UT recruit caught in a Chippendales in Vegas. You're just like this on the screenshot. I've never understood...

I've never had a want to to go. I mean either. I've never had a want to to go. I've never been to a bar. Okay, can't say that. We just have to mute it. I've never had the want to. Why would I pay for that? Exactly. I support small businesses though. These are corporations. I'm talking about the women. Some of them have their own LLCs. Sometimes people go in there as a couple. No, my parents do.

Talk a little bit on that. I don't know if it's a Diddy Freakoff situation. I think it's like a bonding thing. I think it's just like we enjoy to watch stuff. Let's be a couple and go in there and watch her shake the loving piss out of her ass. The thing about my family is they're people watchers. They love to people watch. And I don't think there's another place on this earth where there would be better to people watch than that. But is that like perpetrating at that point? Perpetrating. Is that like, are you watching for entertainment? No.

Are you watching? Oh, I think everybody else. I think everybody's different. Some people might be recruiting. But I don't. Definitely not in my opinion. No, not in your opinion. You know my mom. Your mom and dad are taking notes. They're like, go number seven. No, I think it's a people watching thing. I would go with my wife one day. I think that would be fun to do. Hypothetical. You're going to get married. Okay. Big hypothetical. That's the biggest one of them all. You're going to get married. You entrust me to do your bachelor weekend. Mm-hmm.

I get the okay from Liv that I can go in a strip club just for the boys for the moment. Right. We take you to a strip club. Okay. It goes south really quick. How south? Like South Pole. Like the bottom of Chile. Meaning what? Meaning we go in there and it is extremely, I don't want to use certain words, erotic. Oh, my favorite. Exactly. But you love this woman. Yeah. So now we say this. Here's the question.

You promised wifey, hey, we're going, Cam set it up, it's a boys thing, none of us ever went. She's cool. She's cool with it. She goes, you can look, don't touch. Okay, no problem. Museum. So you get in there, it's a museum, very delicate museum. Okay, you get in there. Oh my God, y'all, it's your snow podcast. That's us. Mercedes turns the corner.

And absolutely goes to town on you. What do you mean? Oh, she's throwing ass on you. Oh, no, it's on you. It is skin to skin. Yeah, that right there. She's doing this. And I was told I can't touch. You were told you can't touch. But then... Excuse me, Mercedes, I prefer...

put this in park. She goes, shut that ass up, boy. I'd be like, this is not healthy. She goes, I said stop talking. I'd be like, I'm going to call the police. You can't do that. I said no. She goes, I am a cop. Whips off her uniform. She's in a little skimpy police officer thing. But here's the real thing. You scared me. Here's the thing I want to know. All right.

say there was someone else recording you don't know who this person is but they know you kind of like that kawaii situation someone recorded him you're not supposed to but losers weirdos do you what do you tell your woman yeah you do i'd be like we gotta follow police report yeah i was making sure oh you gotta follow if i said get off me and she didn't i'm calling the cop mercedes needs to go to jail are you kidding me yeah you should know podcast this episode is brought to you by our friends at zack doc you know

You know that one party game, Would You Rather? I love that game. Well, I recently saw a survey that asked men what they'd rather do instead of going to the doctor. Ooh. And, according to the survey, men said they'd rather clean their entire house, file their own taxes, change a tire, and even get pulled over by a cop.

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Alright, in honor of the live show coming out this week on the 28th, right? It will be available for everybody in the world to buy. Everywhere. And the link will be available on our social medias, PSHA, Camp Kitty, Toy Toy, Usain O'Pod, everywhere, Facebook, Snapchat, everywhere. It will be available. In honor of that, I think we should do one of the segments we did on tour.

We had this thing on tour where we would do most likely to blank. And we would have the crowd pick me or Cam. So Liv has some questions and we're going to see who it applies to more, me or Cam. Oh, say less. Here we go, Liv. First one. Here we go. Easy. First question. Who would most likely eat cat food and like it? 100%.

Me. You. I'm not going to 100% you. Because you'd be like, dude, think about the sweet and the salty. The texture is phenomenal. I'd be like, we're eating cat food. I was like, we're not cats. We're not animals. Go get a Whopper. Why are you eating cats? Okay, I'm not going to lie, though.

I do try weirder things, but your palate is nastier than mine. No, my palate is broad for human being food that is created and that is stable in its own invention. You're like, let me take one invention

and half of another one mush them together and let's see that. I got caught eating one of Ruby's little dental treats one time because my breath stunk, but I don't think that should define me as a man. That shit says greenies and it's green. I mean, it's like grass.

I've never thought about indulging in it. That's all the proof you need. No. He ate a dog treat. Okay. I thought about trying catnip one time because I heard it'll take you to another place. I didn't do it, though. I didn't do it. Catnip takes you to the ancestors. Careful. We all have ancestors. You're paying me to be a villain. Cameron Schultz. Here we go. Okay, next one. Oh, my God. All right, next one. Who would most likely win a staring contest?

100%.

I would. Me. No, you have a lazy eye. We found that out this week. I don't have a lazy eye. I have unbelievable concentration. When I need to... You have unbelievable concentration? When I need to summon it. I have crippling ADHD, but if I lock in on one thing, I could stare at a wall for six hours. What? I can get into a dark place quick. I shut my brain off. What is wrong with you? It's like an open window. Okay, Cam. Deadass is staring contest? Me. My mind is nothing. It is blank. That's... Your mind is fiery.

Firing on all cylinders. No, I am static 90% of the time. Like this. And I can just lock into that. Exactly. But it's a staring. Blinking or staring? Staring. What does that mean? A blinking? Has anyone had a blinking contest? First one to blink loses. That's a staring contest. Same thing, babe. I thought there were two different things. I thought a staring contest was just first one to lose focus. Like first one to break the stare. Like this right here, I'm still staring at you.

No, you're not. A stare is not defined on the amount of blinks, if any blinks at all. A staring contest means don't blink. No, that's a blinking contest. Don't blink. Wait, no, wait, wait, wait. That's a blinking contest. No. Wait, hold on. As a kid, you would say, let's have a staring contest and y'all would blink at each other? Yeah. Yeah.

It was first one to either get bored. It was like a mental toughness drill Yeah, it was first one to a scare as is

What defines a stare? No one says to stare is to not blink. Yes, it is. That's actually the definition of staring. Oh, you know the definition of stare? Yes, because every kid in America that played a staring contest. That doesn't mean that's the definition. That means everyone was on the same page as you had me. Because if everybody's on the same page, that means it's probably what it is. Oh my God, we should apply that to some of your thinking. We should apply that. That's a fair point. It's very fair. I had staring contests and I had blinking contests.

No way! As a kid, in the comments, tell me if you've had this, where you'd be like, let's have a staring contest. Okay, listen to me. What the, why do you win? If someone goes, bro, look at that bird, and you're staring at a bird. Look at that bird is different than stare at that bird. But to stare at something, I can stare at something and really focus and naturally blink. No, you're looking at that. And I'm staring at it. You're looking. That's my only, what? You're looking at, if you're blinking, you're looking. We need to define the definition of a stare. I'm telling you. At this point. I'm telling you something.

Blinking contest. First to blink loses. If it's a blinking contest, that means how many times can you blink? No, it's first to blink. An eating contest. How much can you eat? Right? A running contest. How fast can you run? A sitting contest. A blinking contest. How much can you blink? No. A staring contest. How long can you...

Stare. Exactly. Staring is to look at something intensely. It has nothing to do with belief. No, that's looking intensely. Someone look up the definition of stare. No, we're here. We're going to figure this out. No, you claim you know the definition. What is the definition of stare? I am confident you're not. You're confident. Someone look up stare. There's three phones and no thumbs moving. Okay, how many people in the world do you think has had a blinking contest? Stare vacantly or vacantly at someone or something with one's eyes wide open.

With one's eyes wide open. It doesn't say you can't blink. That's what wide open means. Blinking is natural. That's the point of the contest. If that's the point of a blinking contest, don't blink. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Oh my God. Say we're having a drawing contest. What would be the point of that?

Depends. It could be depends. Oh, my God. It literally could be the first one to finish it, so that's duration. But what are you doing? What are you doing? You draw. Staring is a prolonged gaze that involves looking fixedly at someone without blinking. Oopsie daisy. That's a different definition. How? It's a sore lute. What the hell did you read the first time? What did you read the first time? The definition is stare.

He said with eyes wide open. And one says nothing about blinking. One says one blinking. It says with your eyes wide open. Your eyes can't be wide open if you're blinking. Yes. So that's what a staring contest is. Like you're staring. So when one person blinks, that person loses. Well, I played blinking contest.

is a blinking contest. Well, now I know that. Year 26. So obviously Cam's losing whatever the hell he's playing. Oh, no, I'm winning. I'm winning. Is it a blink contest or stare? There's no such thing as a blink contest. There's no such thing as a blink contest. There's no such thing as a blink contest. Okay, let's see who prove it. So stare. Go. Prove it. Like y'all stare at each other. Do a staring contest. Oh, okay.

Okay, this is going to be bad for audio listeners. Three, two, one, go. You cheat. How did I cheat? She said three, two, one, go. We have it on audio and visual. On one, you were still like this. Exactly. She goes, and one. You just said she said three, two, one, go. And then the second time you said three, two, one. I never said go. Holy shit, CJ. Holy shit. He said three, two. He said, she literally said three, two, one, go. And I said go.

Why are you afraid of him? Did he say go, yes or no? He can fire me, so I'm fine. Say it. Yes. Yes, he said go. Yes, he said go. I said go. He said go. Oh, you're a servant. Holy shit. When you go to the heavenly gates and you have to confront Jesus, he's going to bring this up and he's going to send you to the underworld. And when you go to the heavenly gates, you're going to be like, is that real gold? What makes it gold, God? Is this actually the gate? You're going to question everything. I would never question God.

Okay, let's go to the next one. Let's go to the next one. Okay, who would most likely die in a horror movie film? Oh, I'm black, so me. First 15 minutes, I'm out of there. Don't laugh. It's not funny. You can't laugh.

Cameron Schultz. Probably Peyton. Why? He's clumsy. He'd probably, I don't know, trip on something. And he's probably casted to be killed off. Okay, but say that that wasn't what they do in horror movies. Okay, okay. What? I want to be me. No, I was going to say, say we're both main characters in the film. It's not just a quick extra. Okay. I would say who dies first. Yeah.

I'd say it'd be me. 100% you. You would do too much. I'd say, no, yeah, yeah. You would do way too much. I would try to respect and gain valor on my way out. I would put my life on the line in between you and imminent danger. I would...

I would protect you. No, okay, see, I don't like that. You're trying to make your... Peyton, holy shit. If there was one door and we both had to run and there was a creepy man at the end of the hallway with a chainsaw or something, you're going to beat me in that race ten times out of ten. 100%. Exactly. That's why I win. Because you don't give a shit about me. I would say, come here!

I'm just saying, you said valor, and you're trying to give yourself all the, you're trying to get a purple heart before you get out. That's not the reason you would die first. Okay, okay. In one of the, You don't know how to throw a punch. Listen, listen. In one of the, that was an old time. That was a couple months ago. Two months ago. God, it was so much longer than two months. Your brain's mushed. Say it's a cliche scenario where someone's like, oh, save yourself, and they take one for the team. Would you do that, or would I do that? Why the hell would I do that? Exactly.

If it's like a, okay, either I could try to fix this and maybe both of us don't survive, or I can just give myself up and I know Peyton survives. I would do that. Congrats. I like to live. I like this life God gave me. I love it too, but I also love you. So instead of jeopardizing both of our lives, I make a calculated in-the-moment decision to save you. So why should I feel bad about your dumb decision? Because, no, I'm saying you wouldn't do the same for me. Exactly, it's a dumb decision.

Save yourself. That's what the first thing you said is. If I can't, that's the point. Like, I trip and break my ankle. Then that's your fault for not having a good bone marrow, dog. I can't control that. Oh, my God. My bone marrow? What if there's a bear trap and I get... It's not my fault. In that moment, do I go, Peyton, Peyton, help! Or do I go, bro, just go! Get out! Make sure they know my story! I would be like, you can't run with a bear trap on you? Can't run with a bear trap on me? Yeah. It's literally spikes impaled in my leg. Oh, you've never had adrenaline.

Never had a drip. Your leg would be gone. I'd hop. Exactly. But the guy's getting close in the gap. So do I just give myself up? No. He then feasts on me and you make it to freedom. Or do I try to hobble? I put you on. I slow you down. We both get killed. I'm not. Don't put. Don't come towards me. Run. Oh my God. Don't. I never go to a haunted mansion with you. I've never been to a haunted house. I don't believe in them. Oh, what does that even mean? I don't get it. Next one. Okay. Sorry. Sorry. All right.

Who would most likely pee in the shower? Me. I do it pretty much every time I shower. What? Okay. You pee in the shower? About every time I take a shower. How old are you? 26. I piss in the shower. How close is your toilet from your shower?

Let's say about a foot. A foot? Yeah. So you're urinating where feet go. Yeah, but I do it right on the drain. No one stands right on the drain. I love to stand on the drain. Oh, okay. Yours is different, though. Yours is different. I give myself a foot scrub. But yours is different. You have the standing shower. The drain's right in the middle. Yeah. My current setup, it's the tub shower. The drain's all the way at the bottom right there. Wait, what? It's a tub and a shower. No, you don't.

Yes, we do. You have a tub shower? Oh, yeah, I'll do it. My fault. Yeah, tub, shower head. So the drain's very... Wait, so you're aiming. You have to go a little ways with yours. It's not like straight down. You have to make yourself to the front of this tub. Sometimes I grab an aim. Sometimes I just let it free rock and it goes toward the drain. I have bathed in that shower. And then I go like this with water. You're 26. Make sure it gets all the urine. Yeah.

Who pees in the shower past the age of 10? First off, when you get your naked... What? First off, when you get your naked, flaccid body into a shower, and then you immediately get wet, the thought just... It comes. Okay, time out. I think it is superbly weird to pee in a shower. No. Very more common... A lot of women do it, too. A lot of women. Wait, CJ, can you switch with Pierce real quick? Just real quick, switch with him. Because you said...

You said you pee in the shower, right? Correct. And that is the strangest thing in the world. No chance. That is so strange to pee in the shower. You have a toilet a foot away. Exactly, but you don't have to pee, but when you get wet and everything, a natural reaction. No, because I'm a grown man, and I can facilitate my body.

Or hold it. I can hold it too, but I choose not to because it's going down the drain. It's disgusting. It's going in the same pipes if I piss in the toilet. You know, peeing in the shower is weird, but since CJ moved in with me, I learned something about him. He has shit in the shower before. What? And lie? And say you don't. Lie. Put it on your dog's life. Put it on your dog's life. You never shit in the shower. You shit in the shower? Put it on RJ's life. No, CJ!

You should. Wait, how old were you? Yeah, how old were you, CJ? I was probably like a toddler. No, you liar. Toddlers don't take showers. Toddlers don't take showers. Toddlers don't take showers. That's a fact. He goes, all right. I was 21. Put it on Archie's life you were a toddler. Put it on your dog's life you were a toddler. No. He said he drained it. He said he's normal. He put it. He mushed it out with his hand. It looked like a chia pet going down. Oh, man.

Peyton, he's so easy. You got the shit shower guy next to you. I'm a snake? Yeah. Is that wrong? He's in control of the edit. I think it's great. And it's funny. It's okay. Why'd you do that? He is pissed. He's so mad. He's mad right now. It's okay. The whole world knows I eat my boogers. Why are you doing something? There's nothing wrong with that. Right? Oh, he is pissed. Oh.

He's like, all right, I'm about to air out all y'all shit this week. CJ, I love you. And that's okay. Bro, things happen. Things happen. No, nothing happened. He just didn't want to come to the toilet. Wait, like, okay. Like, diarrhea or like... Get the mic. No, no. So did you, like, he just chose to shit in the shower? That's a bit strange. Like, I'm not going to lie. I love you to death. But I'm saying, yeah, it's like, if it was like a...

I don't even know where that would be. I'm trying to think. If your tummy's hurting. I did that one time. He's going to kill me. If you did like a fart and then something came out accidental, that's one thing. But if you were just bathing and you said, I kind of feel it. So then you just decided to poop. I could still chalk it up as experimentation, but...

Strange experiment. Wild hypothesis. But it's all good. We've all done weird shit. We've all done weird shit. We've all done it. I told you I peed in a diaper today. That is true. Yeah. But you were 8, not 22! I'm just kidding. I poop in the tub when I was little with my brother. Yeah, me too. When I was little. That's the same.

Wait, yeah. Yeah. He's so mad. He's so mad. Okay. Let's do one more. Round of applause for CJ. Good job, CJ. CJ, on Patreon, CJ's going to rip my ass off. Join the Patreon to get the extended. Okay, keep going, Liv. Okay, last one. Who is most likely to break a world record? Oh, 100% me.

Okay, that was way too fast. What the hell do you think you're beating? Anything that's not hygienic. Longest without brushing your teeth. Longest without showering. I could do that right now. What's the longest time without showering? Dude, the answer would probably gross you out, and I don't think you could make it, honestly. You'd have a better chance. Yeah. Okay, what world record do you think you could beat me in? Something of ADHD. Most attention? Someone tracks my brains, like how many different things?

60 years. 60 years. Some of you went without showering. You don't even have 60. I couldn't break that world record. That's disgusting. Okay. That being that record. I'd probably go you. Like, bro, that's what I'm saying. Those records are going to be way, way longer than you think. Way longer. I think I could do, I don't know. I definitely can't do anything strength, anything endurance. It'd have to be something like mental for me. Maybe I got really good at a...

certain game and I just tried a game to do a speed run over and over and over. I don't know. I'd probably go you with something to do with disgustingness. That's so mean. I'm so sorry. You said it first. That's so mean. You said it first. Oh, yeah. I don't know. I think we're both not talented enough to make our world record. At all. It's fine. At all. You suck. Yeah. All right. You got another one? You got one more? One more. Last one. Who's most likely to yell at a bug? Oh, me for sure. 100% me.

To yell at a bug? Cam, yes. You go on like five minute walks outside. I hate bugs. Cam. I hate bugs. Cam, do you know how violent I get whenever like a... Do you know how irrational I am? What do you mean? I hate anything that doesn't go my way, especially when an inanimate object... I'll yell at a door hinge. Okay, that's different. If it doesn't open. That's different. Bugs, I feel like I'm at war with them. You know I watch Animal Planet and I get competitive. I don't mess with those. Sometimes I feel really bad for bugs though. Why so? I'll...

I'll do that to one and I just look and I'm like, man, that thing probably, that guy had a blue collar job. He was collecting leaves for his village. See, that's the difference. That's the difference. I have no remorse. I will cuss you. I will say, ooh, the dirtiest things. If you're in my house buzzing around, leaving your little egg pellets everywhere next to my silverware, you are an intruder. Oh my God. Yeah, egg pellets did it for me. I'll kill that bastard.

Okay, I go you. Yeah, and I'll say, tell your little ant friends what happened here. Yeah, tell them they want demise. Send them back. Yeah, we should like, never mind, it's dark. I was going to say, just kind of like break his back legs. He crawls back to the village and says, never come back over here. I remember, I almost got like ISS in school because there was a cricket that came into my classroom, right? And I was hunting. I said, oh, I'm going to get that. And I stood up and just, mwah.

Half of it was trying to be funny for the class. My teacher got so mad. She goes, Peyton, we do not do that. We do not. You grab a napkin. You do not. These are living creatures. Are you living creatures?

I'm like, I'm a human being. I have a soul. I don't grab living insects. I'm going to kill it, grab it, throw it away. I had a cricket catcher in my class. Excuse me? You had a cricket catcher in your class? Yeah, she loved catching the crickets and setting them free. I thought she was talking about a utensil. Yeah, I was like, that was her job. That was her daily job. If the crickets got in my classroom, she would catch them and go set them out. I know what she looked like already. I ate an ant when I was six. Makes sense.

It doesn't surprise me. It doesn't surprise me at all. What was your gain? Were you just hungry? I was at my grandparents' house. Acre backyard. New friends. No, I'm saying like country kind of like a lot of space. Still cost money. It was a super old house. New friends moved in across the street. Didn't know who they were. I started hanging out with them. They were into the same things as me. Yu-Gi-Oh, sports, outdoor stuff. Yes, sir. One day we go to this tree. He's like, you ever ate in it? And I go...

Well, no. It never came across my agenda. No, I never ate one. He goes, you should try it. They're real sweet. And I just thought he was an absolute badass. I was like, dude, this guy is sick. He eats insects. I was like, I've seen it on movies. Let me try. So I let an ant get on my finger. I put it in my mouth. And I went, but it's so small, I couldn't even chew it up. And I think I just swallowed it. What insect do you think would taste the best? Something fatty.

You are a freak, dog. You creep me out. I'm talking about, like, can we grill it with seasoning or just eat it straight up? Just eat it straight up. You pick it up off the ground, off Earth. Probably a scorpion or a cricket because they do eat those in other places in the world. I was offered a fried scorpion. Where? I said politely, no. Where were you offered that at? At a buffet in Arkansas. Oh, that makes sense. They were like, and then I'm going to go sleep with my sister. Sorry. No offense to you, Sina. So sorry.

I forgot you're from there when I said it. I'm so sorry. I forgot. He doesn't know what to say. I totally forgot he was from there. Okay. Get in my head, man. All right, guys.

All right, guys, that was fantastic. Oh, man. We appreciate it. Shout out Mama Liv and CJ for the questions and Intern Pierce. Thank you so much. I want you guys in the comments to be involved in that. So I want you all to answer each one of those and see who you think would win. And if you like that, that's kind of what we did on tour today.

And if you want to watch that, it will be available on the 28th to buy online. September 28th, available on demand online anywhere in the world, wherever you're at. You can get your hands on it on the 28th. What else can they get on the 28th? Oh, the exclusive YSK Tour merch that was only available at the venues. It will be available for one week, and you buy it in the first hour. You get free.

And that also includes all the amazing people that came out to the shows, but the shirt sold out before you can even get your hands on it. You can now fulfill that dream of having the tour shirt and prove to everyone that you were there and you saw it, and it was fantastic. So again, 28th available for one week. First hour gets free shipping. We absolutely love y'all. Thank you for coming back to episode 131. Get your good karma. Confuse the casuals with this week's code.

P-A-C. Peyton, right? Yep. Peyton ate cake. Wrong. What is it? Peyton and calamari. Peyton and calamari. We were swimming in that tub. Yeah, it's so strange. Pack. Leave pack everywhere. Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Patreon. Confuse the casuals. Get your good karma. We absolutely love y'all. And remember, one out of ten koala bears don't make it home until Christmas, and we will see you next time. Hey, you still in there? Hello.