THE WORLD'S WORST HERO! -You Should Know Podcast-
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Hey everybody, welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast, episode 128. I needed a round of applause, please. Hey everybody, welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast, episode 128. If you're new here, if you haven't already, look below, you should subscribe, but is it pressed? You're wrong. If you give it more below, then you should say the conversation isn't fulfilled with your name. Guess what? Even more wrong. Go ahead and fill that out. Guys, the merch drop last week was a success, and it is on the way to you for those who bought it. Round of applause. Woo!

We are so appreciative of you. We just did a sneaker shopping episode with Private Selection here in Dallas. So if you want to see us in a new light, it's probably like an hour and a half. I don't know. It hasn't come out by the time we filmed this, but we recorded for like two hours straight of just us making jokes, shopping around one of the best stores in the world. So shout out to Private Selection. And if you want to go watch that, just...

Stay in tap, in tune with all of our Instagrams at PSHA, at CamKennedy22, at YouShouldKnowPod. And we love you guys so much. The Patreon is doing great. The Facebook is doing great. We just want to say thank you and we love you for showing up every single week, spending about an hour and a half each week with us. We love you so much. And guess what? We've read the comments and we have seen we want more content. We want more.

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We can tell. We can tell we got a lot of caucasity behind the screen here. No rhythm. Quick claps and yahoo! A lot of caucasity. Oh, I like it. Are we recording a podcast or in a meeting? That's 100%. You know, I never get the love. You're like, we're at a rally. I feel like at any moment I make the wrong move, my face is impaled. Get out, Mr. President!

I am not too confident in this room right now. Oh, this is going to be a good one. This is going to be a fantastic one. Let's clear the air. Let's clear it. There's some foggy air from your stroganoff breath. Oh, my God. I ate a beef stroganoff. I've been burping, and it's like acidic acid. And you had it on a Dixie plate. Like, did you make it? I know you didn't make it. Did it get dropped off from, like, someone's aunt? It's not from a restaurant. It's on a Dixie plate with plastic silverware. Like, did someone bring you a plate? What?

that was my biggest concern i was like that's that's a dixie plate okay you want to know why from your neighbor because we have that we had this debate about uh to go boxes being microwavable yes and they are no no damn you lost the debate and you said to me that you lost the debate we're not doing this i'm coming with peace go i'm a martian coming with peace

If you were an alien, we've talked about this before, but you asked my answer. I never got yours. If an alien came down to take me to your leader, who would you take them to? For all of human, to represent humanity. Oh my God. That's such a loaded question.

I don't know if there's one good one. What am I supposed to say? Gandhi? He's dead. Gone. Ariba Durchy. Ariba Durchy. Bro, it's going to be a horrible answer. I'm going to go with like...

Maybe Elon, maybe he can talk to him the best. He's like, "Is he one of us?" Yeah, he's already linked with them outside of Elon. That's... Like a Jeff Bezos. So you're just picking rich people. Yeah, no I'm kidding. So why though... Probably the guy at the local 7-Eleven down the street. He's an honest man. He always gives me coupons. He's a good guy. He's super nice. He wears sandals with jeans. I know he's comfortable at any given time. He's trying to be professional, but he's comfortable.

I'm wondering why you wouldn't show them me. Oh, no chance. What the... What would you do? Matter of fact, we get to school, a big-ass UFO just... Lightspeed drops in front of us, and I'm like...

And I just, I just, I scarefully just point to you. I go, it's him. It's him. It's him. What would you say? Okay. The fact I wanted you to confidently volunteer me and be like, that's who we want. Peyton, Stefan Harden. No shot. Why? Because if they dissected you, they'd be like, that's what they eat. Like, that's what their insides look like. This is awful. His lifespan is nothing. This is of zero significance. Get rid of him. Get rid of him now.

Throw them back down. I'm kidding. That's sick. What would you say to aliens? They go, why are you the leader of your people? I'd be like, I'm not the leader, first of all. They go, so we only accept leaders. Do we get rid of you now or will you say you are the leader? I lead the company. I would say that. Your company is called Earth, correct? Podcast. I have a podcast. What is a podcast? We talk. You speak. You're the leader of speakers.

Okay. I like communication. What do you do for the podcast? We make a lot of jokes. A lot of poopy jokes, too. You like poop? What is poop? He's like, I poop from forehead. No, I'm just kidding. You would be the worst alien abductee of all time. I think I would be okay. At least I would be entertaining to be around. You'd soil your pants? That's such my fault. That is such my fault. Everybody boo me real quick. Boo. Yeah, that's my fault. That's my fault. We love a man that takes responsibility. But it was Cam's sister, so...

Like mine or... It was not mine. It was not my sister. It was not my sister. Was she meal prepping for you? She's calling to see if you want onions on the... That's a paid service. That's nothing weird. Now, if it was my other sister... I'm not going to leave a good tilt. If it...

That's a lot, and I do apologize. That is a good tip, he says. He's known to leave a good tip. I'm so nervous for whenever I go to your sister's house now. Oh, yeah. She's going to be like, what the hell were you saying? No, but if it was my sister. Oh, we don't call. We FaceTime. You hear that, Liv? You hear that?

We have to set that up. What? We have to set that up. A speed date with me and your sister-in-law? Yes. No. No, no, no. But next, but like we need to set it up. Like we fake it. Like Liv walks in the room and y'all two are FaceTiming just happy. Oh, pranker. Oh my God. Pranker. Oh my God. That's a fantastic prank. That would be wicked. That's a fantastic prank. You heard it here. Episode 128. You'll just be on the lookout for that. We'll do that. So you were talking about sandals earlier. The guy at the 7-Eleven that wears sandals. Sandals and jeans. Okay. You know how I am in my house.

Naked. Naked, crummy. If you are wearing clothes, they are too small. And they are from years ago. Okay, yeah, so describe what you see when you walk into my room. Ass. Your hairy tiger striped ass.

Oh my god, when I walk into your room, it looks like a family of eight just moved in. They all dumped all of their suitcases everywhere. The bed never has sheets on it, ever. There's never sheets on your bed, yet you sleep there every night. Explain that one. Your bathroom, you've been in your current house for maybe 10 months, 10, 11 months, real close to a year. It looks like six people have shared your bathroom every night.

As a community locker room for a decade. I have a dorm room bathroom. There is 20 bottles, 20 empty bottles, shampoo, conditioner, body washes, all in your shower. It's disgusting. Okay. That's what I see. Okay, so I'm saying that because I was thinking about imminent death in my bed the other night, right? I was thinking, like, I am terrified. If I were to just die right now, like, what the coroner? That'd be bliss. Oh. What? Well, back to you before you...

Come to me. The coroner. Huh? You'd be blissful? You'd be happy if I died? No, not you. Like, myself. Like, if I didn't get... It's like, you just die in your sleep, you get hit by a RAV4. Okay, you're in a totally different stratosphere. That's right, yeah. I'm saying, I am terrified if I were to just, like, die exactly where I'm at right now. Because I was in my bed...

I see what you're saying. I was in my bed. I had half of a McDonald's double quarter pounder right beside me. Half my sheets were off the bed. I had one sock on. You are butt naked. I had all my jewelry on. Butt naked with a ball cap on. With a flaccid peen.

Well, I'm never really flaccid. No, see, that's a luxury. I have a striking vein right down the middle that's always active. Okay, you're never really flaccid. There's sometimes I am almost introverted. How? If I take a shower, my wife leaves the door open or if I leave the gymnasium. Yeah, I am the smallest. We would have to check your DNA. We couldn't tell by the outside. No, literally. That's why I always exit the shower with so much caution because I'm like, if I slip and die right here, butt naked and a little wet,

It would be bad sight. Family, friends, definitely the paramedics. They'd be like, really? Yeah, so that would be my fear. I was like, I am in one sock, half a burger next to me. Jewelry on. Jewelry on, a ball cap, and I'm butt naked, half the sheets on the bed. If I die right now, they, oh my God. There's going to be an open investigation about what I do in my free time. And nothing happened. You just croaked. You were just sitting there, doom scrolling, and you were just like, and you were just done. You were just like,

Your last breath and there's like flies that come out. It's like, I got like 70 gnats that are like resting in my sternum right now. Oh my God. What if the paramedics came up? Exact same scenario. Then out of nowhere, a cat like came out of the bottom of your bed. It was like, and you've never even owned a cat. It just starts running around the room. No dead ass. Since we have all the boys here, I found a yo-yo under my bed. Who the hell owns a yo-yo? That has to be him. What?

If anyone else says anybody else, that has to be Pierce. There's no way he owns a yo-yo. A what? There's no way he owns a yo-yo. No way CJ owns a yo-yo. Because me and him, if we had a yo-yo, we'd never put it down. Our sensory overload, I'd be like... In the middle of eating dinner. I'm just playing tricks. It has to be Pierce. Deadass, I thought...

That's not true. And why did he say that like it was a disappointment? Yeah. I've never been in Peyton's room. What do you think, it's Disneyland? But, deadass, do you know how terrifying that is? To find a child's toy under your bed that you don't own? No, that, yeah, hell. That is a damning point. So it's not your yo-yo. I haven't touched a yo-yo since elementary school whenever the anti-drug program would come. And instead of picking up narcotics, they gave us yo-yos.

They're like, don't do crack. Spin this wheel on a yard. They go, here's a fidget spinner. Put the pipe down. I'm like, you're not helping and we're not relating. If I'm on a withdrawal of coke, I don't need a tech deck. I need therapy. I need to be in an asylum. The You Should Know Podcast.

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So you- okay. It's not your yo-yo. No. And that's 100% honest. Yes, 100%. That is concerning. That's very concerning. And deadass. Huh. Could it be? Hmm. Without cutting open the can of beans and spilling them. I've spilled some beans before.

Do you have a lady friend that brought over a yo-yo? I'm just saying. Maybe it fell out of her clutch. If I'm ever betting a woman that habitually plays yo-yos, somebody needs to check in on me. We need an intervention. But we wouldn't even know. We wouldn't even know. But I'm saying if I knew and then y'all found that out, I would hire a PI. I'd be like, I need you to follow her Tuesday to Tuesday. Tell me where she does this yo-yo stuff and if she's in a cult. You're making fun of my room and how my lifestyle is. Let's...

Let's do an expose real quick. Let's expose something real quick. Oh, you are a serpent with shruggy shoulders. I don't know. You are a serpent. Last episode, I said, damn, I got a lot of mosquito bites on my leg. Oh, my God. You serpent. Come to find out, ain't no mosquitoes around me. No mosquitoes. Cam's dog, Ruben Janelle Meredith Gray III. Kennedy.

infested the whole You Should Know podcast team with mites. No, oh my God, don't say that. That sounds ten times worse. I had to go to the doctor, bend over, they're pulling ringworms out of my anal. Okay, that's a different, that is a different issue. Y'all didn't get that? Oh no, I didn't even get a cream. I just accepted the bites and I kind of rubbed on them. Yeah, but your dog is dirty. I didn't know, she was. And I think, love you to death, Grammy and Papa, think when I left her at my mom's,

And my dad's. She went in the backyard. There's rabid rabbits. There's dogs next door. There's a lot of tree branches. There's like a frisbee golf basket. And a bench press. Yeah, and a bench press and a pellet grill. But outside of that...

I think she might have got something. Mites sounds terrifying. When I think of mites, I literally think they're an army. Like, they roll in, like, squadrons of hundreds. And they're little green things with helmets and a leader that has, like, a whip. And, like, they're going to infest something. A flea is like a rogue. Like, a mite is a soldier as to where a flea is like a motorcyclist. Like, the flea has, like, a leather jacket. He's kind of doing his own thing. His goggles on. He's just like... He's like, damn!

Just bites that, gets his blood. He's like... He's a rogue. We had fleas, right? Is that what we had? I think. We had fleas. So I have flea bites all over me. And it's not because of my dirty doing. It's because of your dog. Now, question for the audience and everybody watching. Leave a comment below. Yes or no...

Do we call dog CPS on cam? Let's break down Ruby's resume here. No, no. They're all natural. She's got mites. No, she doesn't have mites. She has rogue fleas. Her breath could kill a small native country. That's true. You need to brush your teeth more. I will take that, right? Yes. Hip dysplasia. That.

That's very common in small breeds. Recommended surgery. Cam saw the price. Said, you can limp, bitch. That's what he said to Rudy. 100% said that. I said, her hip's hurting her real bad. They go, we can take care of it forever. Three grand. I said, she's not. You know, she'll be fine. I said, she can limp. We don't have stairs. She can limp.

She's fine. And then to top it off, yeast infection. Okay. Does she have enough yeast in her paws to bake a small batch of cookies? Absolutely. Does she like licking said yeast? Yes. Have we cleaned her? Have we treated her? Does she have a beautiful life? Yes.

She got the fleas. She infested the humans. I don't know how, but it's behind us. Is it? If you're still itching, you need to clean your own house at this point. My dog hasn't gone back to your house. You sprayed everywhere. I'm not even itching, and I sleep with her. Can I get my bug spray back, too? I sleep...

I'm going to keep it for a little longer because the dog is in my house in case it comes back. I gave her a pill, a Capstar they call it. Killed everything on her body. 30 minutes after, Dawn dish soap bath. I treated her like a little baby duck. Due to this yeast infection and...

Does hip dysplasia, yeast infection might take over? I started to get overwhelming amount of anxiety this past week. I was walking around. I didn't feel comfortable in my own home. It's placebo. I'm just saying I was anxious and mental health is important. It is. Very. Okay. Then let me be anxious. Yes or no. Question to you. No, I'm not getting on you. Your time is over. Oh my God. You caused anxiety. You and your little rat. I did not cause anything. The beautiful rat that you would literally harm a human to protect that rat. Not anymore.

You saw when she came back over. Did I touch her? Look me in my eyes. You lost love for Ruby for something that she cannot control. About 10% loss. You're at a 90% meter of loving Ruby now. Who said I was at 100 before? If she could, no. Oh, you were at 130 before. You would hurt someone over that dog. Mm-hmm.

If she could understand English and she was sitting here right now looking at you with her beady little bug eyes and her cute bald head. I'd be flipping on your back. Let me see if you got mites on the cooter again. Especially when she does that thing with her ears and they tuck back. You would say, I love you less? Yes. I told her that. And you would watch that cute little baked bean walk off to sadness and go over there. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm sorry, I don't play with bugs, brother. You're a monster. You are a monster. I'm saying I had an overwhelming amount of anxiety this week. And when I get like this... That's due to a lot of things. That's every week. That's every week. No, I'm always at like a 90% anxiety level. This was 100. So I was like palpitations, I couldn't eat, and I was overstimulated. Okay. Right? And itchy. Man, really itchy. Do you ever forget how to breathe?

It's happened once. It's so scary. But mine was in a body of water. I feel like that's semi-normal. That, that, I understand. It sounds like you were playing a video game and you absolutely just about dropped. I was literally sitting on my couch doom scrolling and then I started to think about my breath, right? And I was like, I never knew, is this the point to inhale? Is this the point to exhale? Where are we at? What are we doing? You know what I mean? Do you ever get that way? I get that same way with sounds.

You forget how to hear with sonic things and I'm so serious in songs you forget how to hear I forget how to hear words So it's like during a rap song right if there's a nice little yeah In the background if I laser in on the Bing I don't even hear the artist I couldn't tell you who's singing who's rapping. I don't believe that I sure got it's bad I don't know no completely sober and it takes me a minute to get out of it not actual 60 seconds But like I try I'm like no

That's so strange. Yeah, happened today on the car ride up here. And I lost my rhythm a little bit. Like, a little bit, I've lost my rhythm. You're rhythmless. I've been trying to clap along with some shit before, and I'm like, I don't know, I'm like, Oh my God, you're Sanjan. It's the worst. Dude, I'll never forget that. When we were all in Austin, in Sanjan, oh my God, the whole house was getting hype. Oh yeah. Sanjan was like,

It was so bad. I have a question for you. Oh, okay. That I want to see your thought process. Let's do it. How the hell do potholes occur? Where did that come up? Because we're, you know we're driving right now. There's a lot of them. A lot of potholes. Where are my tax dollars going to? How do they happen? Heat. No. It has to be heat. Heat? Potholes, they're hot, no? No.

Steam comes from them. It's not a f***ing Dutch oven. It's just a hole in the concrete. I'm saying, how does it happen? No, no, no. Steam comes from pot... No, no. What do I do? Land before time? No, no. You step in a pothole and you're hot. Deadass. A pothole is something that can f*** your bumper up. Not your heat.

When you're driving, you're like, oh, swerve, pothole. No, but if you were to step in a pothole, it'd burn your leg. Something like that. Like New York. You know something I don't. Like, you know New York when the steam comes up? That's not a pothole. God bless, it is. No, it's not. Imagine right here, there's a hole in the concrete. Pothole. How does that happen? Is there a villain just walking around? Water. Water erosion.

Eroding sediment. That makes sense. Thank you, Pierce. Oh, that makes sense. When did the erosion start? 1700s? So you think... Christopher Columbus came over. We already had paved roads. Evil man, I heard. I heard he was a tyrant. I heard he was a tyrant. Spread a lot of diseases. Kind of like Ruby. That hurts. That hurts. Water...

Water erosion. Yeah. Is there a stream from the Lord that's just constantly hitting this spot? We're in Texas, my friend. It rains maybe every Thursday at best. How are craters in the concrete forming? You're telling me it's water. I'm assuming what causes erosion? Water. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Oh, my God. You just go ding, ding, ding. That's not erosion.

That's not erosion. See, that's the shit that makes me want to grab you and twist it off. Hello. I want to pop it like a bottle cap. That hurts so bad. That's a quick and easy mute. Right. I'm saying, I'm saying, hot. It's hot, right? You're saying it's hot. You're saying it's cold. Now there's water. I never said it was cold. I never said it was hot. There's water. Listen to me. Listen to me. It's steam. Listen, listen, shut your trap. Shut your trap and listen to me speak.

That breaks down things. Heat, it makes things less strong. Heat.

That's why microwaves work. It makes things less strong, right? You put something cold into a microwave, it separates. So now you said cold. All we're missing is wind at this point. I'm just saying, bro. Is there an avatar airbender sticking up the streets? He's not trying to listen to my point, bro. There's heat, there's coolness, there's water. So the streets are naturally cold is what you're saying. No, I didn't say that. If you do this... Okay, go. And do this, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? Not a pretty sight. Not a pretty sight. But...

So if the heat, right, the heat of the pavement, the heat of the sun hitting the pavement, right? It's cooking it up. It's breaking it down. It's making it less strong. Then the water from the rain, that's a thing, right? You agree with that? Yep. Clan member? So you bring that down and then that breaks it down, erosion. I hate that I have to explain science to you. And my science teacher in seventh grade got arrested. He had inappropriate pictures on his phone. He did? No, he did not. I swear to you.

No, he did not. And no, you did not just say that. Can we please dive into it for a second time? Oh, God, no. But it was the same school where the Elvis impersonator was doing coke and DJing our school dances. Dude, they're...

I mean, honestly, I'd pay months of my earnings to teleport back in time to that to see. But you have to come with me. We're flies on the wall and we see all this, but we bring something that can record it. I'd literally give money for that. I think that my childhood, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I was exposed to so much so early. So much way too early if...

ever is even an acceptable thing. You had an Elvis impersonator doing drugs and he was singing to y'all. He's floating. He is soaring. He's talking to these 13-year-olds that are worried about the social on the weekend. He's just like, I ain't that but a hound. He is having the time of his life. And then the creep teachers in the back are like...

He's taking flicks. And that guy's sitting there, he's just going crazy. I told you that one day he walked in with his Elvis suit on. That's not okay. He's hung turkey. Yeah, hung turkey. Oh, okay. The closest thing I ever... My second grade teacher was a stripper. Let me put that out there. She was, she was. I can say her name right now. Who was the hiring agent? Same person that hires for Crunch Fitness. Yeah.

They go like this. Yeah, you're right. Am I in a gym or is this a goddamn club? Who are these women? Goodness. I can't focus on the dumbbells. Are you nuts?

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Let your brain soak this in. I could soak a lot up. I'm a sponge with my mouth. If all animals on earth could speak English, we can hear it. They can all speak. Everyone can understand each other. What species of animal would talk the most shit? Like would gossip the most? That's a fantastic question. And I have my answer. I think I have mine too. Oh my God, if we say the same thing. I don't know if this is an actual animal.

But a fly... A fly. A fly would talk so much shit. We're close. We're close. You know how annoying flies are, bro? He's like, you thought you got me, dumbass. You'd just be sitting there going... He goes, how's that bagel? Farts on it, flies off. Goes and terrorizes your dog. The dog's like, what the hell? Ruby's just like...

Ruby sitting there itching the flies like you stinky bitch. Just coming in. Dude, mine's close. Okay, what would you say? Birds. Because birds suck. Birds are creeps. Birds are little creeps. They'd sit there and watch you do everything. Go up to that telephone line. They're just sitting there. He's like, yeah, Phil's about to get fired. I heard what he said. They would be shitting on cars. Shitting on cars. Oh, you had a bad day? Bro, seagulls give me P. Diddy vibes.

They give me like R. Kelly vibes. Seagulls. Seagulls, bro. Seagulls think, you're thinking seagulls. They're going to take what they want. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I love this. I'm so sorry. You ever seen a seagull swallow? That motherfucker doesn't even think. He's like, whole fish. He just forces it down. Oh.

Oh, man. Bro, seagulls, you ever been to a beach and tried to enjoy a nice sandwich at a beach with some potato chips? I tried to slap a seagull once. That's not right. They came down swooping for my Doritos and turkey sandwich. I went, you motherfuckers. But I missed. It was like a dude. That's what I'm saying. Birds have the capability of drive-bys. That's true. Imagine a bird in like an 04 Impala. And they're coming by. What? You. No. No. I'm not saying nothing. Okay. Imagine a bird in a telly ride.

Kia Telluride, wearing a Nike visor cap with a Lulu crossbody. There we go. There we go? Okay, it's the picture painted. A bird, they just have that capability. They'd come in, talk shit, violate you, and just leave. And you can't do anything about it. You know what I mean? It's the same kind of vibe. But seagulls, why seagulls though? Can you imagine R. Kelly in the prison talent show? He is cleaning up, huh? He's winning all the commissary.

Oh, no. Y'all haven't seen that video? Oh, my God. He's like, I believe all the inmates are... There's just 30 convicts, and he's just sitting there. I believe I can touch. And the sheriff is like... The sheriff's sitting there thinking about it. He's like, hold on, give him five more minutes. He's sitting there. Don't lock the cells yet. Oh, my God. No, R. Kelly's a bad person. Yeah, what a bastard. What a...

Oh, okay. If I was in the prison talent show, what would my talent be? Giving it up? Have you seen my butt? Where did they go? Oh my god, here we go. A little role play, here we go. Oh, my favorite. Do I have to wear a mask this time? Sorry. You go, are these the real handcuffs or the furry one? Good word to say. They go, alright, uh, inmate 331, Harden, you're up next. You literally walk up there. They go, what's your talent? You just go...

And you would just start dancing. You would have nothing. Oh my God. Even better. You try to crack jokes. Yeah. And they're just like, shut up, bitch. So then you're like, you're super, all your confidence is gone. Yeah. So you don't know what else to turn to besides showing some of that, some of that webbing, some of that inner thought. And you're just going, you're like, you're just pulling your shorts up and they go,

They start whistling. You just fully, you like embody it. Like you're getting the praise from your peers. So your confidence meter is slowly getting refilled by creeps. And you're just sitting there. You just start full blood like a GTA stripper. I would start off trying to be Jeff Ross, like in the prison roast. And then I just start in a butt naked. I'm wearing lip liner. And they just go, Sheriff, let me in his cell tonight. Woo! And you're just like...

And you think it's so good the second you leave the stage. Oh, you're fighting for your life. Oh god a prison talent show Why is that even I mean I mean you guys are? Not everybody prisons a monster

Some people just do like tax fraud like you do. You just haven't got caught. No, no. Let's throw a percentage on it. I would say high. I'd say pretty high. At least two-thirds. I don't know. I've never been in jail. Not jail. I never want to go to jail. Prison. I don't even like this. Prison's like my biggest fear. You said, like, please stop. You go, someone has a phone in there. They're going to see this. Is that okay? What's up? Just real quick. Quick me. What are we doing? What are we doing in prisons?

Like me and you? No, no. Kissing? Oh. What is the system allowing in prison? Would you date me if we were in prison?

Like, life sentence, me and you. They put us in the same cell. Would you date me? You need to excuse yourself from this conversation right now. Would I date you? Are you out of your mind? Like, we're both single, never met each other? Single? Single? Talking about prison is crazy. I said, we're both single? Like, we're not together? No. Like, we've never met each other? No, it's us right now. Us right now? We go to a maximum security. Peyton, our sole job would be to survive. No, but late and survive. Yeah, but we gotta go to bed. And eventually, six years down, divide and conquer. Yeah.

Yeah. Go to bed. We have to, like, I'm top bunk, you're bottom bunk. Like Christmas time. You're bottom bunk. Every day of the week. Hell no. It's too heavy. Oh, like the steel frame cot that we're sleeping on is going to erode and fall on you. It's going to be like the Step Brothers scene. They built it out of wooden nails. Hell no. Okay, deadass, it's Christmas time, right?

Hey, Merry Christmas, bro. I'm still here with you. No, I go, I can't let him see that. But then as soon as the guy walks past, I'm like, I'm sorry, I love you. But no, no. So no, you would date me. Oh, I'll date you in the free world. What is wrong with you? I thought we were in a different. No. Yeah. All right. Better question. What's up? You try to force the dating. I go, dude, no, stop it. Stop it. What are you doing? Norman. Norman. So then. Okay. Okay.

So obviously, I've turned you down maybe 20, 30 times now. You were very persistent. Very persistent. Turned you down every day for a whole month. So then your eyes go somewhere else. You see a new little tall white boy. A little tall glass of water. Tall, big old glass of milk. Big country. 2%. You could tell his mom had good bread. Do you ask me as if like a relative for grace to date that guy? No. You have no say so if I date him. You'd turn me down.

That's kind of messed up. You don't control me. So I turned you down and now our friendship and our bond, the only thing that we have in this prison is now shattered. Well, I gotta respect my new love. You gotta respect me first. Not if you turn me down. You had an opportunity to have all of this. You could have all of me. I don't want all... I want you to breathe. I want you to be alive.

I want to make sure your slop isn't poisoned. Or there's not a spork coming in stabbing your feet. No, I would protect you. Would we watch each other shower? Think about it. We'd shower each other. You'd get my lower extremities. No. The small of my back. No, you shower and I'm like a left tackle. I'm just like sitting there waiting, protecting. And then we rotate. But you'd be dripping, soaking wet. This is too much. Having to go like...

This is a lot. That would be a lot. You could braid my lower back hair. I want to do something. Oh, my God. I didn't know how cool Reddit was. Reddit's a great place. Reddit is a device. Reddit is a full-blown, it is an ecosystem. We have a Reddit page. We have a subreddit. It's never used. No one really cares about us. That's cool. But there's a lot of cool questions on Reddit.

You're scaring me. Because the cool question to you, it's like, I don't, this is going to be scary. No, I'm dead ass. Like, it's cool questions, right? Okay. What do you consider to be the sexiest piece of furniture? Oh, man. You know what I mean?

Oh my god, the sexiest piece of furniture. I either go an amazing coffee table, like a really good coffee table that just like draws eyes. Or like a hell of a blanket, like a hell of a throat. That's not furniture. That's not furniture at all. Coffee table or like a nice sectional. Like if you have a good couch, multiple different angles for viewing and conversing. Mm-hmm.

And then you turn and you look at that sexy oak wood, dark stained, epoxied little just hell of a coffee table. What exudes sexual off of that? Like what makes that sexy? The sectional, it's kind of like your net worth. Bigger couch, bigger bed.

Bigger money. Softer house. Softer couch. Better. But the coffee table is like your good bourbon. Everyone can have a coffee table, but that's aged. That's sexy. So you're just saying the vibe of it is sexy. I'm functionality sexy. You're talking about actual coitus. Like, what can I have sex on the best? What furniture piece can I make love to? No, because my answer is a good blind. Like a blind...

A blind. He ever had a motorized, a motorized shade that goes up and you witness God's nectar touch some naked skin. Oh my. And you look like a honeydew on a Wednesday afternoon in April. Oh my God. You know what I mean? First off, I have a 65 year old neighbor. If I opened my blinds and I'm butt naked, he'd be like, what the fuck?

He would hate, he would hate every part of that. Second, I don't even have the cool motorized things. That's you. Those are sick. And third, I don't spend too much time in my own humble abode naked. That's why I kind of had to stop living in apartments. It's because I'd put my ear... You're so naked. No, I'd put my ear to the wall because I could hear my neighbors. The amount of things I heard, I was a part of their family tree at that point. I was like, their uncle's doing that again? Did you? I was like, let him see the baby. Did you just...

Did you just willingly admit to being a creep? Is that a creep? If it's on my, I'm in my house. That's pretty creepy. You said you put your ear to the wall to listen to them. That's creepy. No, but I could already hear it. Hey, welcome to creep. Like, creep 101. You flip it, the first page says, try to eavesdrop. That's eavesdropping if I can hear you through my house? I'm in my house. If you're sitting there doom scrolling, you hear something about the uncle? No.

You said you were like this. Oh, I put my ear to the floor before to hear my people under me. Swear to God, I've been in all fours ready for the taking. Like, just ear to the streets. You know what I mean? And I've heard everything going on. I know what you're making for breakfast. You're a bastard. Is that strange? That is strange as hell. You're not a peeper? You...

I think that's worse than peeping. Peeping is like there's some stimulation. You're getting something off of listening. I like being involved in other people's lives. You're like, don't take it back, Tonya. You're better than that. Come on. Then you go downstairs and she's like, what the hell do you want? She doesn't even know you. You're just like, I was just saying, Reggie's not the guy for you. I've been completely involved in people's whole love stories or family drama. It's the best being involved in something that has nothing to do with you.

Oh my god. Yeah. No, you need help. You don't, but your apartment is perfect for it because on your balcony you can see everybody's windows. I would spend hours on that balcony just watching. If you leave your, that's weird. Why are you looking into other people's homes? It's open. Maybe by accident, maybe for the God's nectar light.

That's so strange that that's not normal. So strange that you're peeping, listening, and window watching. He's a peen squeaker. A peen squeaker. A peen squeaker. A squeen peeker.

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I've got another ready question. Clear the air, you creep. Would you consider an open door to be on or off? Oh, my God. That's a great question. Oh, my God. Initial thought I wanted to say on, but it has to be off. An open door is on. I think an open door is off. Explain that. Where do you want me to go first? In my thought process, the practicality and the function of a door is to open, lead you to something else. So it being closed like it's locked and loaded for you to open it.

See what I'm saying? No. I was trying to figure that out in my brain. If the door is shut, you can now use the door for its function, lead you to something else. So I would consider it on. No. When something is on, it is active for use. Exactly. And what's the purpose of a door? Active for use, see that those two for use is where you're getting your little... What's the purpose of a door?

It's connected to something else. Open it up to another room. Exactly. So that is on. If it's open, it's on. You can use that. You can just go in and out. That is on. If it's off, it's turned off. No one's touching. There's no use for a closed door at all. There's nothing that you can use that for. You open it. You use the door. And then it's on. Once you open it, it is on. Opening it is on. If you walk up to a door and it's already open. That door's on. I'm considering it's off.

No, no, it's off if it's no use. Like, okay, do you spend more? If it's locked, it's off. Do you spend more or less time with something when it's on? Come again. With anything in the world. When something's on, are you using it? Yes. Okay. An open door, you're more than likely using it, right? You're going in and out. You're leaving or going in, right? When something is off, it is dormant. You're not touching it.

I can get behind your thought process. Did I just smoke his goddamn boots? I think I can get behind your thought process because I immediately went to a light. If a light's on, even if it is accident, you leave it on, it's still on. That's not equating, is it? No, no. We're not relating on any level. Not at all. Okay, well, the door's on. I'd say it's on. An open door. It's on. Yeah, so you agree with me. Yeah.

It's on. Okay. It's on. Those are the two questions. I might bring these every episode, and I just want to kind of get you. That's fantastic. Thank you so much. Who thinks of these questions? Reddit. Reddit's a fantastic place. But they got to be. They got to be. There's no way someone's just sitting there like playing Mario Kart and like... Some people have creative brains, bro. They don't just do math and equations all day like you. So what? I like a good Excel problem. Okay, this is kind of embarrassing. I love embarrassment. My life's an embarrassment. My third year in college, I thought about joining a Microsoft Excel tournament. What?

I'm not making that up. I'm not making that up. Where do you find the sign-up sheet for that? Where are they giving out those flyers? You want honest to God, like, the actual process of how I... Yeah, I want to know exactly where you would find out about this. So, third year, the year after you left. So, it's still a seminal. Me and J. Willie, teammates.

That was right when TikTok became like even a thing, really. It was like the crazy videos. Scrolling through one day, I saw Microsoft Excel speed run. It was a guy doing problems with a timer trying to beat his best time. I said, damn, I'd be pretty good at that. I opened up my laptop, but I didn't have any, I didn't have any worksheet. So I was just looking at it. I was like, I like Excel though. Yeah.

So then I went and basically just searched it up. Is there tournaments, whatever? And there is. When you look back on your life, are you satisfied with the courses you've taken? No, it's going to be a rough look. It'd be a rough book to read. Reading my life book all the way up until chapter 21 would suck. It's a snooze fest. It is a snooze fest. The favorite color's gray. The outside's dead.

If you redid it, would you be more fun? Yeah, but I don't want to say that because I don't have any regrets. I love where I'm at right now, so I wouldn't want to redo it. A broken clock works twice, so you got real lucky. I got very lucky. Dude, I was a female repellent. I was a sex repellent.

Even from a young age. Okay, story time. First grade, this girl didn't know. Second grade, I didn't understand what it was. Second grade, when people pick on you, it's because they like you. Right? Yes. Okay. That's what I do now to this day. This girl's tapping me. She's annoying me and stuff, right? Yeah. I go home. I tell my mom. I go, hey, this girl's being really annoying in the line. Like, she's just touching my back. She's grabbing my suitcase. All this. She goes, okay, just tell her to stop. I go back the next day, stop. She's doing it. I tell my mom again. She goes, okay, you need to get her to stop.

She shouldn't have said that, Lisa. I didn't know what that meant. I don't know what she was thinking. I remember this. Third day in a row. She just touched me. I literally turned around.

God, I don't know if you could say this. I literally turn around and I go, get off me! And I smack her hand and I get all red and I'm like, get back! And then the girl starts crying. I struck her the whole time she was trying to get my butterflies going. She was trying to get me to like her back. I get that. God. I get that. See, you were rejecting it. I was having two kisses at one time. I was like, you want me, you can have me. Just think about that. I was easy, dog. Think about that. Yeah, you were fast. You were really like, wait, you got a mouth? I was like,

I was like, yeah. Think about that. At the same age, you were making out with two broads behind a slide. I was playing Bakugan. I did that, but the duality of man is impressive because I was doing both of them. It's very impressive. I was racing females in, like, drag races with our feet. Okay, I have a question for you, right? Because I don't have coitus. And you do regularly. That's why you have a kid on the way. That is true. So, coitus is fantastic. I wish I knew, right? Can a man sing better than sex? So, I have a question for you. This is really scary. What is...

What's the worst way? Oh, God, no. No, please, no. No. Because if honesty comes out, I might as well dig my grave now, dog. I might as well go to court. Yeah, I might. Oh, man. What's the number one thing that could ruin coitus for you? Because I have an answer. Oh, my God. What's the number one thing that could ruin coitus for you? Dude, if the partner's not in it. If the partner's... Well, not like self-pleasure, but I'm saying like if the partner's not at the same level as me. Yeah. Yeah.

That can ruin it instantly. I will literally go... Okay, that's a real answer. I'm talking about mine. If it's too damn cold in the room or if I get a goddamn cold breeze on the back of my knee, I am out of commission, brother. Hey, brother. Your ass is out and it's just like... You go, get out of here! Get out! Get out! There's a ghost! Like, no. You know when you toss it and turn it and flip it and now your back's to the world and you get that cold breeze? Dude, I'm like, hey, I am done, man. Your balls, it's like...

You go, okay. Oh my God. For me, it's Ruby. Oh my God. I'll be in the middle of making sweet, crisp love to my wife. Dogs did their lick in the bottom of my foot. And I was like, no, no, no.

I'm sitting there. Oh my God. Me and Liv were sitting there having the time of our life and really enjoying God's creation. And a dog comes up, nibbles on my calf and brings me her squirrel toy. And I'm like, get out of here, bro. And we gave her steps. We gave her doggy stairs to the side of the bed. Sometimes her ass would just pop up and be like,

Just looking at me, I'm literally like, "Get out of here!" Dude, one time she started licking Liv's leg. Liv said, "How you down there?" No, I'm just kidding. She said, "What, when did you get two tongues?" I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. That's so gross. Bro, it's either that-- No, that sucks. They started locking her out of the room, literally. You have to. So now you're in the middle of sexy time, you're doing whatever you gotta do, and all you hear is scratches at the door. You ever hear something?

Oh, no. One time I heard... You ever hear some shit? One time we were making love and we heard a boom. Like a significant boom. I, butt naked, walked and cleared like a counselor. Cleared my whole apartment. Shaft out, just sitting there swinging. I'm looking through a peephole. I'm like, is someone in here? I'm like, get out of here! I'm like, you know what, dude?

No, literally butt naked. Liv's sitting there just waiting for me to come back. I'm just walking around. I'm like, yo, no, you ever, your stomach ever start to growl? Oh. Bro, you're hungry? Oh, no. The worst is when you're too full.

I just had a full blown out phrase sitting there, shit in your pants, trying to make love. Oh my God. You know how many times I've pooted in the act? I'm sitting here, whatever, I'm just like, oh, it's like breadsticks. The amount of times I've pooted during coitus or burped. Okay, I have another question. I've burped while I was. You've burped? Imagine you're sitting there swapping, telling you to go. No, my face is somewhere else, if you know what I mean. My face is somewhere else, if you know what I mean, when I'm burping.

I had a lot of Chipotle. You're an infection. Can you? No. I'm like, that was you. You black bean. That was you, man. You know, cilantro and lime rice.

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Oh, yeah, you are. Oh, yeah, you are. Oh, yes, you are. Oh, my God. I hate... I hate messing up. That is like you just lost all four molars. Like, you had a different, like, a different gaping mouth. Yes or no, did anybody get a little blood flow from seeing that? That was pretty impressive. I can't do that. No, my jaw is...

open. Yeah, it has to be to support the damn tongue. I'm double jointed in my jaw. I'm telling you, if I was in prison, I'd be on the all-star team. Oh, stop. No, stop. They'd put a goddamn banner up for me. They might name the cell block after me. My mic is wet. Alright, Harden Block, you're off. Recess time. Let's get it. Oh, God. No, yeah, I'd be torn in two.

Okay. Yep. That's on me. That's on me. Hey, you know what I mean? Have you seen my butt? I have a question. And it's the transition I'm going into is not well. Okay. Wicked. I went grocery shopping. Or at least I attempted to. I was about to say that. This week. Yeah. And grocery stores give me anxiety. I don't know where everything is. There's too many bath and body products next to the salami. I don't like it. Too many people. And I always play bumper cars with my buggy. You're sitting there.

I hate it. But I went into the cereal aisle and I remembered I haven't had cereal in forever. Okay. And I want to know what's your favorite kid cereal? Kids. What the? What is a kid cereal? The hell is a kid cereal? Like cereal you ate as a kid. Okay, but it's not a kid cereal. That's a cereal. There's children's cereals. No, there's not. It's all cereal.

There might be shit tailored because they put some on the box, but it's not a kid cereal. It's not small little bites. There is cereals that are out there. If you're eating them above the age of 18, you belong on a list. There should be a ping in front of your house. You have to alert your neighbors. I'm a registered kid cereal eater. What is a kid cereal? Like the sugary cereals. You remember from childhood, right? Salmon Toast Crunch. Still eat it now. That's your favorite? That's one of the best cereals of all time. Even better? Even better? Cocoa Puffs.

Cocoa Puffs? It's a versatile cereal. It's the best kid cereal of all time. Cocoa Puffs is probably the least versatile cereal there is. Every time you eat it, what are you getting? Chocolate. Next. Hey, let me get a bowl of chocolate milk. Versatile. Reese's Puffs, at least, you might, on a rare occasion, get a whole spoonful of just the peanut butter wings.

Then the next one's a chocolate. You can't defend a cereal that you didn't. You said Captain Crunch. What'd you say? I said Cinnamon Toast Crunch, the greatest ever. Captain Crunch made my gums bleed. Captain Crunch had like cyanide in it. You'd finish it and your whole mouth is lined with something. You're like, God, oh, is it Captain Crunch Berry? You genuinely think your cereal is better than Cocoa Puffs.

If you polled 100 Americans, Cinnamon Toast Crunch or Cocoa Puffs, 80% are going to laugh. The other 20% are definitely going to side with Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Cocoa Puffs, watch this. Cocoa Puffs, watch this. CTC for the win. Cocoa Puffs for the win. Watch this. Watch this.

With Captain Crunch. Is that what you keep saying? Cinnamon Toast. Are you stroking out? Are you smelling toast? It's Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Okay. CTC. Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Say it with me. Cinnamon Toast Crunch. There's no pirates. There's no captains. The thing you can do with Cocoa Puffs that you can't with Cinnamon Toast Crunch. If you would have said captain, I would have slapped you.

The things you can do with cocoa. You can pour chocolate milk into that cereal. And you can't do that with Captain Crunch. Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I've literally had Cinnamon Toast Crunch with chocolate milk. Yeah, you can eat hot dogs with hot boiling water. No one wants to do that, but you can do it. You can have a filet mignon. That's probably like the third most common way to make hot dogs. Hot dogs with water. No one does it. Everyone's mom ever has dropped them in a pot.

Yes, it's a peacock, bitch.

There's a bird that has feathers! No, there's a bird that has feathers! Hold on, hold on, hold on. There's a feathered bird. First off, your cereal has a mascot. Yes, that's the best kind of kid cereal. That's the best kind of kid cereal. If there's a mascot on it. Stop saying kid cereal. That is a kid f***ing cereal. Raisin Bran is an adult cereal. No, kid cereal is Gerber. The shit that doesn't even have sugar in it. That's kid cereal. I'm talking about kid cereal. I used to eat baby food before in middle school to try it out.

Oh, my God. Okay, just relax. You wanted to be so different. Okay, I don't even want to argue who has the better cereal. There is definitely a difference between kid cereal and adult cereal, 100%. Define it for me. Okay. Just actually define it. Okay, listen to this. If you're a 25-year-old man. Hey, I'm over here. Who are you talking to? I'm actually over here. Haven't moved once. You said, hey, listen up. All right.

Do I need to be here? Is this a monologue? If you are a 25, 26-year-old man that pays rent and mortgage and has a cell phone bill every month, and you have to be careful of what your air conditioning is at and turn off lights before you leave. That's me. If you are eating the marshal, what's the Lucky Charms? Lucky Charms. If you're eating Lucky Charms as a tax-paying citizen, you're going to jail. I literally had Lucky Charms three weeks ago. You might.

That's strange, bro! That's not str- that's 'cause I like the cereal. Okay, Special K, is that kid cereal?

I ate it when I was a kid. Your life sucked! Your life sucked! Lisa kind of just brought it home and I was hungry, so I just ate whatever it was. You did trigonometry on Friday nights, brother! Okay, I would argue you... I would argue there's definitely an adult cereal. If the cereal's sugary, that's tailored for younger. So, I'm right. So, that's the end of the argument. Thank you for coming back to this episode of the Usual Podcast. You said...

There's definitely kid cereal. My grandma, I mean, she never fully could see in my lifetime, but my grandma, before it went all downhill, her favorite cereal was Lucky Charms. Okay? Yeah, I had to pour it for her. Geriatrics don't count. You know they're just horny and confused.

That's true. Your pheromones rise when you're old. When you're on the, like... The rose on me-moles are blood pressure. Oh my God, that's not what I thought you said. I thought you said when you used the rose on my heart. Are you kidding me? And I'm the creep. Let's recap this episode. You think things happen with my own grandma. No, stop. You listen to the floor and you think, what was that?

And I'm the creep. No, okay, deadass, deadass. Yes, sir, okay. And he'd be the mascot in prison. But I'm the weirdo. I'd be a luncheon. I'm the guy that doesn't understand kids' cereal. I'd be a McDonald's All-American in prison. Okay, back to it. All cereal, majority, 85%, is sugary. It's a shit breakfast. Yes. Let's just call it what it is. The 15% is directed towards the adult. Yes. So I would venture to say there's such thing as adult cereal.

Everything else is loved by kids. So you're saying my point. There's kid cereal. No, that's not what I'm saying. There's adult. If you're an adult eating marshmallow like things and you have to go, if we clock in in the morning, get help. No, that's strange. Bro. And if you're a kid, people would say, if you're not a caveman, but you beef in the morning to go get, go be a human, go join society.

But no one knocks on your door and hands you a briefcase and a hard hat helmet. If there's a kid eating Raisin Bran, if there's a seven-year-old eating Raisin Bran, he can solve a Rubik's Cube in under 12 seconds and he gets picked on. You know what I mean? Like, that's not, like, there's differences. There's roles in society. Bro, okay, you're not even listening. You're not trying to listen, but we'll continue with it.

Kids cereal. Yes. Back to the basis of this. Shit puffs versus CTC. No, no, no. I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that anymore. Because you lost. No. And it came with a funky straw one time. It came with a funky straw. Your household said anything brown or black, we don't want it in there. That's why you didn't have that. So let's put that out there. Mike and Lisa said, nope, get that out of here. Get that ghetto shit out. So you can't have that. They're like, oh, there's a white pilgrim. Put on George Strait.

You can eat the cereal with the white pilgrim on it. That's what you can eat. So you want to go back to that argument? We can. All right.

Mike and Lisa are going to kill me. First off, I am still not convinced that Cocoa Puffs has a peacock. It has a bird on it. I don't know the difference between birds. I didn't go to birdologist. First off, it's a toucan, I thought, and that's not for Cocoa Puffs. No, no, no, no, no. That's the... Apple Jacks. No, Apple Jacks has the Jamaican on it. Apple Jacks is the same.

Yeah, it's always fried. Yeah, the pothead. He was lit. You know, he got out of rehab. He got out of rehab. Oh, the pictures. Yeah, he cleaned up, brother. He cleaned up. He's doing well for himself. But there's definitely a difference between kid and adult cereal. There's a difference. You're an idiot. And you're a predator. So what? You're an idiot and I'm a racist predator. They're going to clip this.

Okay. Hey, I have something for you that's not nonsense. Actually, it's very much nonsense. What are you sitting like? What are you sitting like? What are you doing with your legs? The amount of wetness in my crotch, I could fill a small kiddie pool. You...

Oh my god, that just brought me back. That just brought me back to an episode of Silent Library. Coming soon. Brother had to, hello, brother had to, he was on an assault bike with a trash bag around him. And all of his sweat leaked to the bottom and another contestant had to take a sweatshot. Oh, we're not doing that. Oh, hell no. We might do that. No, we will not do that.

There was... We will not. We will not. See, speaking of kiddie pools and stuff, I used to be like super into Roman Atwood. YouTube legend, right? Roman Atwood? Yes. Yeah. So, and he used to do this stuff where he'd like fill his house with like those kid balls and stuff. He'd like do cool shit in his house. That's fun. And I wanted to turn my house into a pool one time. And so I grabbed the hose and I started spraying the inside of my house. I couldn't see out of my right eye for a week. Said, boy, what? What?

Yes or no. Yes or no, did I role play when I was younger and I took baths and I intentionally tried to suffer myself and fake drown so I could come above the water and act like... That might be a thing. No, it really might. That's a thing. No, I'd literally have my soldiers on the edge of the bath and I'd be doing them in battle and stuff. That sounded crazy. I'd be fighting them. There we go. And then I'd literally go... I'd be struggling. I'd be like...

Like I was a POW, bro. I'm touched in the head. I'm convinced, bro. No, you... I don't know what, but I didn't do weird shit. Like, it's just... That's weird. No, I'm saying I didn't have weird external factors that caught... It's not like I was up watching war documentaries and stuff. I just went to school, came home, played some Yu-Gi-Oh. And then when I took a bath, I was like... The You Should Know Podcast.

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neighborhood cats. I tried to catch them and I hate cats. No, I don't. What kind of cat? Like wild cats. Like neighborhood cats. The animal? Yeah. Okay. Oh, come on now. He said, oh, I didn't try to catch none. They restrained that kid in hip. They said, they knew where to get their fix at. No, I dead ass would like chase cats. That's,

Strange, bro. That's so weird. Like, okay, for all the things you said, like, weird, I feel we're equally as weird. Yeah. It's just different sides of the spectrum. Yeah, it's true. Like, mine's a little darker. Mine's very strange. You're like, let me drive. Yeah. I'm like, I want to experience this. Mine's weird. But you're equally as weird, but like on a more, like, artistic form. Yeah. Creative. What were you going to do when you caught the cat? Put it back. Put it back, right? So why'd you ever do it? Oh, I never caught one. It was always the thrill of the chase.

I like mastered my meow though. See how good that was? That's pretty good. And I'd be like, come on, get it. I used to try to play hide and seek with my cat, but it never, I mean... Didn't your cat die of liver disease? Severe liver disease. My cat died of severe liver disease and we buried her in the backyard in a copy paper box that my dad sawed off and made it in the shape of a coffin.

I swear to God that's real. It was in a copy paper box because my mom works at an office. So she got a free box, right? Like literally, I'm talking like the office. Yeah.

All those paper stuff. She got a box, brought it back. My dad sawed off the edges, made it a little tombstone coffin thing. And then I took a big, big fat Sharpie and wrote, RIP Sammy, we'll always love you. Broke down in tears and my dad went in the back with a shovel and buried the cat in the yard. Dude, I tried to do like a funeral for my turtles that got slaughtered. We had to do a closed casket, brother. It was like an empty shell in one arm. I was like, damn. Wait, what did you put them in? Like a gallon Ziploc bag? A Walmart bag.

We had so many Walmart bags in one drawer. I picked that one. I think my mom just threw it away, though. Oh, I hope she did. Oh, my God. There's turtle remains in your backyard? Oh, there's a full-blown cat skeleton in mine. Oh, I told you about my grandparents' house. They got a dog cemetery back there, and it stinks. Yeah, that's wicked. That tree, yeah. Would you bury me in your backyard?

No. Can you do that? Is it legal? I don't even think that is. Would you, if you found, okay. This is dark. This is like an age old question. We're going to, we're going to, we're going to rotate. Okay. Age old question. You're in your backyard, right? You buy a new house. You don't have a yard right now. So it's interesting you said that. Yes, I do. You don't have a yard. Yes, I do. You have a bush and steps. That's a yard. Yard's not about size. Yard is a yard. You have a yard? Yes. I have a front yard. Can you lay down in your yard? Yes. A hundred percent. I can. A hundred percent. I can lay down. What else can you do? Run around.

Yeah, you can lay down and then like kind of get up like a sit-up. I didn't say how far I was running. I have a yard. I do, Cam. If there's grass and bushes separating my door from a sidewalk, is that not a front yard? I don't know, brother. Sorry, black people can have nice things, bro.

Regardless. Say you buy a house, right? You have a real backyard, fenced in, grass, plenty of it. I have a fence. You have a f***ing fence? You have a fence, bro? There's not a fence in my front yard.

You don't have- that's not your fence! When you have your yard, that is your- Do I pay HOA for that fence? No. You pay HOA for the landscaping services where they clean up the courtyard. Oh, what are they landscaping? The courtyard! That's separated by the fence. It separates my front yard from the- from the- The joint custody lawn that they put so people's dogs can shit. You want to be specific. Don't be mad because your dog made every dog get fleas, brother.

If you bought a new house, go to the backyard. You want to do renovations. You're like, I say I want to get a pool, but I'm going to dig myself a little bit first before I pay someone. God bless. Dink, dink. What the hell? Dink. Open it up. A big, like, metal-proof box. Loaded pistol. $100,000 cash. Two secret journals and a passport. Do you call that in or do you go through it? I take the $100,000. I plant the pistol on you and I call in the passport. Oh, my God. What?

What? He'd take his f***ing backpack. You gotta literally take his car right now. Right now. You're like this. Check his car. I'm like, what do you mean check my car? They open it up and they're like, oh my God. What would you actually do? I would take the $100,000 and call in the rest. It's cash. Okay, but what if there was like cash stains in the box that said, sir, there's clearly some money here. Where is it? I said, clearly it was gone. Clearly not. I opened the box. I saw a passport and a gun. That's your job. Yeah. That's your job, Phil. You go, what do I look like? You know what I don't get? Huh? Is when people like...

Find like a million dollars or like $200,000 and they call it into the police idiots. Who are you dude? I read one Peter Pan I read a story now. This is a bit different. I read a story a guy found a stash of Booger sugar a lot of it. Yeah, throw that away and cash. Mm-hmm He called it in and it was like equate to over a million dollars like it like it was like a shipment Yeah, called it in the police department gave him a bike. Oh

They gave him a bicycle. I'm like, you could have been set for generations. Yeah, no, but you don't... Go get a tattoo, change your name to Pablo, and get to work. No...

Sorry, but okay call in the call you don't want that because you're messing with the higher-ups money You don't want to call in the paraphernalia, but keep the money. Yeah, they gave him a bike. No, that's it. That's sick I'd like to give him back take me to jail like give me just like a thousand bucks. Yeah, I need a bike I really don't like maybe I'm an evil vindictive evil person, but if somebody leaves that much money I

That's not my responsibility to like find out the rightful cause it's cash. There's no name on it. I always said if I found that like you walk into an airport bathroom there's like 20 grand in the back of the toilet thing. It's mine. It is 100% mine. Straight in my backpack. Like I used to I get on that plane like this.

You were just smiling the whole time. I used to stalk ATMs to see if anybody would fall out. Now, that's criminal. No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it is. I would just drive past ATMs. I would check the little thing. If nobody didn't grab their money all the way out. If you see a black Tahoe following you for the next couple days, your FBI agent hurt what you just did. I never found anything, but one time in Target... Thank God you didn't. One time in Target, I...

I was following, like I was a kid, right? And I was following this lady out, right? Not following her. My God, dude. My God. Hey, title of this week's episode, I'm a creep. I am a creep bag. Episode 128. No, I just so happened, I was with my mommy and we were leaving the Target and the other people were leaving the Target as well.

And I was in my own world. I was thinking about Zac Efron shirtless on my wall. And so I had, I swear to God, you know that coveted thing where he was like this? And like pulling down. That's the first V line I saw. I said, I want one of those. You know what I mean?

You had a crush on Queen Latifah. Queen Latifah and Ashley Tisdale. It's a strange dichotomy right there. And Yugi. Huh? From Yu-Gi-Oh. The man? He fought for honor and respect, and I appreciate that. That's awesome. I didn't have a crush on him, but I admired him. But the real ones know that it was always Kaiba. I was in my own world thinking about Disney Channel and my crush that I used to sing to when I was home alone and hoping she could hear me.

I swear to God, I used to sing high school musical love songs in my house when I was home alone, like during the summer, because I missed her. Because I only got to see her during the school year, and I didn't have a car. I couldn't do anything. And I would sing out to her, and I just hoped that she would feel it one day. I swear to God. But anyway, so I was thinking about that. Maybe I do need a therapist. Yeah. Yeah. There's no maybe anymore. And I was following this family out, or I was leaving with them. And it just so happened I saw $100 slowly hit the ground like that.

My first thought was, that's my $100. I can buy so many more Zac Efron posters. You know what I mean? I will tear a Walmart up. You know what I mean? Yo, let me get all of them. Sir, that's seven of the same posters you got. Mind you, bitch. And then like the teen magazine. You remember that? That pink one? I'd be like, cut that. I'm sorry. Sorry. That was too much. I could buy anything with this. Anything. Anything. And so...

I grabbed it, but as soon as I grabbed it, I remembered that had to have been the lady in front of me because it was just floating down. Right? But then I had this weird thought in my mind of how can I prove that? Because I physically did not see her drop that. And any person would want a free 100. So if I went and asked her, like, hey, did you drop this 100? She'd just say yes. I'd say yes because I would say yes. I would say yes.

So I didn't give it to her. As you should have. I put it in my pocket. Now, am I wrong? No. Because if you think rationally, 99% it's hers. Yeah. So am I a thief? I think it was simply God blessed you. Well, you steal anyway, so you can't. Cam stole a, in college, so much medicine. We never got a cold. Yeah, I was always healthy. I had a treasure chest of over-the-counters. I have a question. What? What?

What happened? What happened? Your ass crack is sweaty. I can't even begin to explain the thought process of what I had when it just happened. Okay. But I just immediately pictured, like, what if you were a superhero? Like, what just everything about it? What would your name be? What would your power be? What would your costume be?

Holy shit. Can we please do that? Please. I love that. If you were a superhero, my super power. First off, what's your name? Not even the power. What is your name? What is your name? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Paid a waiter. Paid a waiter. Paid a waiter. Paid a waiter. Paid a waiter. Help. Yeah. What's your theme song? Paid a waiter. Coming to help.

Peta Waita, he needs some help. You know what I mean? That's fire. Thank you. It's not like a vacuum service. Peta Waita, cleaning your sheets. Peta Waita. Okay, Peta Waita. Peta Waita coming to help. Peta Waita, he needs some help. That's your song. What is the costume? What are you wearing when you're saving kittens out of a tree? I'm in a thong. Okay, it's weird that you said the kids thing because I was already planning. I said kittens, you creep. I said kittens. Yeah.

He needs help! I said kittens! I thought you said kids out of the tree. Why are kids in a tree? Why are kids in a tree? I built a treehouse one time, fell through it. Because I only had two planks. It wasn't really a house, it was more of like a lawn. Like it was like a balcony. And so I thought my grandma's house put two things, I fell. Shit hurt. Uh-huh.

I'd be in a thong so you could see all my weird leg hair patterns. Like, why is there so much hair there and it's bald right there? It's bald right there, okay. Yeah, so you're... What color though? Like, do you have a cape? Do you have like a cool staff you hold? Like, I need the whole decor. I would be like, it would be like, like a bright red thong.

I would have bet a million dollars you're gonna say black. Bright red. Bright red, because I want you to- It's always your red panty night when you're coming to save people. Because I am sexy. You're like, I saved you, and how are you gonna repay me? And then like a crop top, like, cape. So it goes right above, like, my lower back, so you see that hair. You can see the navel. But, Swayze, your nipples are out. Oh, I'm out.

So there's a half cape. It's like a linebacker pad. Like sometimes when they wear it. Okay, so you have a back pad. And I don't have boots on. I just have my socks. It matches me. What's your power? What's your power? Shit. What is your power? You need to really think about this. What's your power? I got like two more questions and then we just built a superhero. Like, I actually want you to tell me what you think my power would be. Oh, I have so many things. Yeah, tell me. Originally, I was thinking like, like, tell, like, tell a, like,

Like, it'd either be telekinetic. Telephone? Telekinesis. Like, you could hear things. You could move things. I was thinking some of that because we can't give you anything physical. Okay, yeah. It just doesn't match. But the problem is, if that was my super... Let's go telekinesis. You can move things with your mind. If that was my superpower, I could hear things, but I would still be me, so I couldn't tell if, like, I'm actually hearing something or it's the voices in my head. So I have so many, like, false saving things. Like, I just show up to somebody's house...

They're just like, "What the f***?" It's just like a big hairy sock guy with a thong, and you're just like, "Peta, wait up!" And you're like, "Who the f***?" He's just like pointing a sawed-off right at you. Oh my god. Oh my god, this even furthered the roleplay. How would you convince a civilian that you were a superhero?

They think you're on like shrooms. Like they think you're just floating. They just see a naked light skin with a bright red thong. What was it? Crop top? A crop top cape and dirty socks. And you're over here trying to save them. Like, oh my god. My hair's never done. Oh my god. There it is. That's your power. Oh my god. Oh, someone please make this a little animation. So your power is you can see into the future. Okay. So your whole niche is niche. Niche. Niche. Niche. Motherfucker.

Your whole niche is you can see into the future, you don't even have to be present. So you can be right here and say down at the 7-Eleven, right now, you get a tingling feeling that someone's about to get robbed. So you're like, okay, it's ten minutes out of robbing at the 7-Eleven. Do I have to run? That's why you can't fly! You're like this...

You're like, hey, he's about to rob you. They're like, get back. Like, I don't have any quarters, guy. You good? I smell like shit. Oh, God. You stink like hell. Oh, my God. So that's your niche. Okay. You can see into the future. You save, like, petty crime. Like, you're not, like, we're not calling if Thanos comes, right? You're just, like, a petty hero. You save petty crime. Casuals. You see into the future. How do you convince someone that you're about to save them?

But they don't like they just think you're an insane freak. Okay, let's play like you're the person saving like I know you're about to get wrecked. Let's say you had to traverse half a mile so half a mile on like a speed six jog. Here we go. Pain away! Oh f*ck! You have to see it! You're like this. Pain away! Help! And they're just like what the f*ck!

So I get this song out, right? Okay, go. Paedoena, coming out. Paedoena, coming to help. I don't know what the song was. What are you doing? Hey, I'm recording you, man. Get back. Point the camera over there. Don't tell me what to do. Where's your clothes? I'm a superhero. You're a what? Janet, call 911. Somebody call the cops. No, call the cops. I am the cops. Oh, no, no. Call the cops now. Hey, I'm warning you. I got something on me, pal.

You know what? Don't put your hands up at me. I'm a superhero. No, you're not. Yes, I am. No, you're in Dallas. You're not a superhero. What are you saving? Huh? You. You're saving me. I haven't thought about you. You think about me. Get him out of here. Where's the cops, Janet? Your light is bright. What? Your light is too bright. Yeah, your personality is too bright. What are you on right now? Are those socks? Are those...

Who are you? Get away from my camera. Just let me explain. Okay, why are you so out of breath? I can't hear you. I don't have the ability to fly yet. Okay, you don't have the ability to shit. My superpowers, I can think of in the future. You can think? Hey, we all can, buddy. What's so super about that? But I know it's about to happen. Where are the police? Where are they? I work with them.

Oh, you work with him. Where's your badge? Huh? Is it in your little thong? Huh? Huh? Is that what that bulge is? That's your badge? That's my identity. Oh, okay. Do I want to see? Are you a superhero? You failed. I would have already got shanked in the back. I know. I'm robbed. And you were asking me to see your Johnson. That's not my fault. It's not your fault. So you suck at saving people. No, I'm good if they believe me. Okay, you get one more chance. Go. Right where we just picked up. Go.

That guy's gonna hit you. Why would he do that? That guy- I think I'm gonna hit you if you don't stop this. He's a criminal. You're a criminal! You are li- that is public indecency! You don't even have a wallet! What are you doing in here? Where's your wallet? You're a man, right? Where's your wallet? I need a billfold. Where's your wallet? Who are you? I see a sweaty, tall, long creep in a thong. I'm paid away to those- You're touching your chest.

You're paid a waiter. The superhero that knows you're about to get crimed. What's that, your dealer's name? Who are you? You're about to get crimed on. I'm about to get creamed on? What'd you just say? What'd you say to me? You're about to get crimed on. I'm about to get crimed... What are you looking... You failed to save me. Oh, you're gonna throw your hands up like I told you so. How about you save me? Oh, I can't fight. What is your power then? You just alert them? Yeah, run, bitch. Worst superhero ever...

Oh my god. Alright, it's clear to say you'd literally be the worst superhero of all time. I think I'd be a fantastic superhero. I think you'd actually cause more crime to happen because you'd confuse the show. You would enjoy seeing me in a thong saving your life. I would like it, but others wouldn't. Good morning to you. But, you know who is a true superhero that helps people every single week? I think I know who you're talking about. Dr. P! Dr. P! Dr. P! Dr. P! Dr. P! Dr. P!

Dr. P. Strike two. It's on. Are you ready? I'm ready. I'm always ready. Dear Dr. P. Hello. Me and my best friend like this girl. Okay. He doesn't know that I like her as well, though. Oh. He really, really likes her. Those two reallys.

Does he not? He shot his shot and got shot down. Oh. The problem is she really seems to like me. Oh, yes. Always looking at me, smiling, waving, etc. Goddamn right she is. I think my friend still really likes her. Okay. So what should I do? P.S. I'm very lonely and never had a girlfriend before. So he's fiending for it, but he's trying to stick to the bro code. Fiend. Fiend. Fiend.

I say this. There's two answers. Okay. I'm going to give the Dr. P answer first. Okay. Dr. P answer is, hey, are you really close with your friend? Let's think about it. Yeah. What is he doing for you? You know what I mean? So you're honestly hindering that girl's life and your life if you're just going off the fact that your friend's ugly. No.

You know what I mean? I feel that. I feel that. So you go that route and you're like, hey, brother, just because you got shut down doesn't mean you should take away from two souls to be happy. 100%. Real man, real shit. You just go up to your friend and be like, hey, brother, sorry you couldn't get it done. Maybe take notes for the next girl. Watch this, though. Watch this, though. Watch this, though.

You go up, you steal, and you... It's not even a steal. You're just kind of picking up. You're rebounding. You take what's yours. Your friend can't shoot. He air balls. Hit the side of the backboard. You're Charles Barkley. You're grabbing the board. You're going up. You're snagging a Dennis Rodman. 25 a game. Hello. Good morning. He's a double-double king. Easy. That's what I would advise to do. Okay. Because...

Your happiness and that girl's happiness shouldn't depend on your friend not being able to shoot a shot well. This isn't a codependence happiness type of life. And you knew. It seemed like you and your best friend had that conversation. We both like this girl. So he did the same thing. No, no. He stated, he stated, I don't think my friend knows that I like her too. I thought they said that we both like her. No, he said, me and my friend both like this girl, but he doesn't know that I do. Oh. Friends blind. Friends book of Eli. Not seeing anything. Hmm.

I just got that's hilarious. That's great. Yeah, dude. I say I say go for it. And then if it works out, just be like, hey, bro, I even know you shot your shot. I didn't know that happened.

My fault. Couldn't ever tell. Couldn't ever tell the way she was acting. She was always giving me attention. I thought she was just in the dust. Said, my fault, bro. I thought this was our shit from the jump. But if you want like a wholesome answer, which is not Dr. P, but I'm feeling, Dr. P's feeling a little good, you know, about helping. Take that and bury it somewhere else. You're Dr. P. You don't give a wholesome. And then do it in front. Sit. Hmm.

And that was... Dr. P! Dr. P! Dr. P! Dr. P! Co-scam.

Get us out of here. Of course. My Lord, my pleasure. Thank you for coming back to another episode of the You Should Know Podcast, episode 128. It was fantastic. We love reading all the comments. We love seeing all the love, and we appreciate it more than you can ever know. Thank you again for buying the merch. It is now done. It is sold out. The pre-sale is gone. You had a week. If you didn't, be on the lookout for the next one. But...

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A lot of cool stuff coming in the next couple weeks. Very, very soon. Remember how we said we're dropping those breadcrumbs? Breadcrumbs are coming. We're getting close to the oven. You're about to see the whole loaf. And we're about to put 450 FPS. We're about... Excuse me. I don't know. I've never baked anything. Anyway, we love you so much. Thank you for coming back. Cannot wait to see you next week on episode 129. And remember, one out of ten Koala Bears. Come on, I'm an athlete. Hello, make it home to Christmas, and we will see you next time. No, Cocoa Puffs do suck. Yeah, so do you.