THE GUY "BEST FRIEND" -You Should Know Podcast-
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Is your vehicle stopping like it should? Does it squeal or grind when you brake? Don't miss out on summer brake deals at O'Reilly Auto Parts. O-O-O-O'Reilly Auto Parts. The You Should Know Podcast. I know y'all see the set. It's spooky season out here. It's October. October's very own. Welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast, episode 81. Round of applause. Please. Please.

Yeah, I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. Hey everybody, welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast, episode 81. Happy fall. Happy spooky season. You know what that means. It's spooky season around here at the You Should Know Podcast. For the audio listeners, you can't see it, but we have decorated the set in some fall Halloween decorum. And...

Stay tuned. Each week, we're going to keep adding more, adding more, and you know we've got the legendary Halloween episode coming out later this month. Hey, everybody. If you're new here, if you haven't already, look below. You see that subscribe button isn't pressed. You're wrong. If you look even more below,

You should know.

But we are very excited for that. It's going to be a short intro today. I want to thank everybody that hits that subscribe button, shares this with your friends. I love seeing those screenshots of the text messages you have with your friends talking about the podcast. We love you so, so, so, so, so, so much. Live show October 28th at the Gramercy Theater. There's about five tickets left. Please go get those. With meet and greet options available. We cannot wait to see you in New York. We are coming in about 20 days. We love you.

to the rest of the episode. Do we have a goblin? A troll? A medieval? Oh, oh, oh my god. We got co-host Cam back in the studio! I want to see how you figure this out. Talk on the mic. I want to see how you figure it out. Talk on the mic. I want to see how you figure it out. Talk on the mic.

Hey, Michael! It's Cam! Back in the studio! Happy spooky season, Bubba. That's me this time. That's not of God. It's normally you. We got spooky decoration. Come on, Cam. What? Come on, Cam.

Come ba bum cam. I was saying like, I was going to say cam and then bubba. So I said, you said come a bug. Yeah, we got spooky decoration. We do. These are sick, bro. Thank you. I'm not going to lie. These are sick. We got these and we bought these. These are sick. When we bought these, the first thing I imagined was my college fantasy with you shirtless pillow fight. Can we do it right now? I have a beater on.

I think it's all the black like you usually wear not the black of the skin. Why do you do you set me up for this week after week? Let's go What put that was a bit too hard yours yours had some might behind it yours yours hit the skin all right? I don't want to have this fun. Okay. Well hey everybody

Welcome back to your channel! Cameraway, how you doing? How was your week, Bubba? Dude, my week was absolutely fantastic. I did so many fun things. You wanna hear about it? Please put on your shirt for the police coming. You're not good to look at. Yeah, I'm so bright. I'm so bright. The lumens on my skin are as of the moon. How was your week, Bubba? How was it? How'd everything go? Dude, you had a fantastic week, man! I spent so much quality time with Ruby. I got to hang out with my wife a little bit. She's decent. She's cool. Uh...

It was cool. I bought a bag of heads and I mean, we saw some other spooky things. You got frightened in a local store. Oh my God. Yeah. We went to the Halloween store to get this stuff. That's not for me. We walked in and like,

It literally all... Okay, they have a button behind the counter. They have to. They have to have a button. No, it might be sensory motored. But all the things said step here as if it was button controlled. And on one of them I stepped and then it turned on. But we were just walking past and those things were like... And the kid was like, what the... And then he looked down and the little kid was like... He was like, I gotta get out. Fun fact about me, since it is spooky season, I've never been to a haunted house. Never been. That's some...

I don't do that. You've never been to a... I have no interest. Oh my God, we're going. Oh my God, Koala Club. I will not. Oh my God, Koala Club. No, I'm not. If y'all want to leave in Koala Club, how bad do you want to see him? No, I'm not. Yes, you are. Yes, you are. What do you gain from that? That's what I don't understand. Adrenaline spike.

I don't need that. You don't need it, but it's fun. I like my life being like this. Mellow. Yeah, I don't... Even keel. That's bullshit, because you get on to me. Every week I come on the show. How was your week? Oh, it was great, it was great. And then you say, you're so like this. Live a little. And then when you have the opportunity to go do something spooky, scary, and ghoul-y, you don't take the advantage. No, no, no. I'm not talking about doing stuff. You do cool stuff. I'm just saying you're boring to talk to.

How was your week? You don't care. Do you honestly care? I'm asking. Yeah, I care. Are you asking, but do you care? I care. You look like... What's the guy's name from... Martin Scorsese. No. I actually don't know what he looks like. The guy from the show that was a knockoff of The Office. Parks and Rec. Oh, Star-Lord. You look like Star-Lord right now. Chris Pratt. Yeah, you look like Chris Pratt. I don't look like Chris Pratt. What did you just say? Chris Pratt. It's Chris Pratt. Yeah. There's no E in the end. At the end of his name, it's just Chris Pratt. How is that a...

Bro, if you were the controller of my life, I'd be in prison. If you could control me, I'd be in jail. Okay, that's a great question. If we could control each other's bodies for a day, what would you do with mine? Shave your hair. I would absolutely get rid of your lower back hair and your head. You have an obsession with my body hair. What is it? Get rid of it.

Your skin is too fair for your dark, coarse hair to be just visible at all times. That's the thing. That's the crazy part. If you remove your trousers, the hair on your leg would frighten people. That's the crazy thing. I've never spent more than five seconds of my life thinking about your body hair. It is a constant reoccurring thought in your brain. Because mine's translucent.

I have blonde hair on my, it's, you can barely see it. You have weird ass nipples and I don't spend my day thinking about that. You have weird ass nipples. Oh, but you do think about my nipples. No, I don't. Yes, you do. You're on record telling me you've thought about my nipples before. You were lonely. Show the clip. You were lonely, cold, and afraid. It wasn't on camera. It was on a FaceTime call and I didn't, I didn't, uh, screen record it. You were lonely. This is what we're doing. You were lonely, cold, and afraid. And you said, I was thinking about your nipples. And I said, you need help. Cam, I've never said that. No, I have not.

No, I have not. Does that sound like something I would, one, make up? Yes! Or two, you would say? Two. That's the thing about you. You're a victim-er.

Define it. Well, define it. A victim-er. Define it, Merriam-Webster. A victim-er. Come up with something new. Every time I say high diction words, you always say that, Merriam-Webster. It's a grand tradition. What else would you do with my body? It's a fantastic dictionary. Okay, if I had one day, I would run a mile to see how hard it is. You wouldn't get five feet. You'd be out of breath. I would eat good food to see how bad my stomach would end up hurting. Reject it.

And I already said I'd shave you. Would you buy something cool with all the money I have? Ooh! Big bank takes little bank. No, I'm poor. I actually have no money. I'm poor. I literally have no money. You have quite a good amount of expenses. I'm poor. I have no money right now. I have Twitch banks. You Twitch banks? My Switch banks. Ooh! Can you relax and speak? Ooh, what? What, are you going to beat my ass? I could if I wanted to. No shot? I have a... Do it!

I have never farted so bad that I nervously played with my own ear. You literally just made... Have I ever told you that about myself about my ears? I have a tickle ear. I knew it. I knew there was... I knew it. What? I knew it. I absolutely knew it. How? How is that that? Say it again. I have a tickle ear. Come on.

Come on. You don't have a tickle spot on your body? No. I'm a grown-ass man. I'm not ticklish. You got a lot of circumference on them hips for good tickles. You tickle hips, you creep. Spit on me again. That would have been the end. No, right here is not a tickle spot for you? No. It's my ears. I cannot do it. Here you go. Grasp my leg. So much popped out of you just now.

Wow, really? Come here. Bring your hips. You're not going to tickle my hips. What do you even tickle on a hip? You grab the bone, just grab them haunches, and you just... Remember in college? Oh, the bottom of your foot. I used to tickle that. On your own? No, on your foot. No, you haven't. It doesn't feel good, huh? It doesn't feel good.

Booyah! We got him! We got him! Call the Federal Department of Education and Police. That's the thing with you. You lie. It's going to be hard for you to make it to the kingdom. He took my own phrase! You're a phrase thief! Thief of phrases! Oh my God.

You look like a Sebastian Maniscalco? No Good man though Great man Well we don't know personally Don't know him at all Literally don't know his middle name He could be a murderer But great comic That's the thing about you Me and Liv talk about this You're one step away No no no Did y'all just hear that?

He confides in my wife as so she does him. I'm speaking like it's pig Latin. You're speaking like it's the Declaration of Independence. They confide in each other and talk shit about me. It's not talking shit. That is... It's a genuine concern.

They're genuinely concerned that I'm one little fall, one little wire being rewired away from being a murderer. That's not shit talking? Not just a murderer, like Dahmer level. Like you would collect ribs in your fridge. I was just about to say, he said last week, he literally said, dude, if you like slipped and bumped your head one time, I swear to God, I'd walk inside, there'd be a slack of ribs in your fridge. I was like, what? He said, no, no, human ribs would be Dahmer. You would collect wrists like that.

I'd have a wrist necklace. Oh, God. That'd be kind of fire. That's dark. If it wasn't humans. Wait, wrists don't have...

Bones? No, they have bones, but you'd have to... I was thinking... It would be like a little pearl. But you can't... Yeah, but you can't... There's not a hole in them. I'd have to drill my own hole. Yeah, dumbass. I don't know what I was thinking for a second. There's no bones. Speaking of live... No, we're not on there yet. What were you speaking of? Because I want to talk to you. I like those flowers. I'm surprised you don't like the skulls. Is that a big head joke? No, because you like bones and weird shit. Oh, I'm a dommer? Yes. Okay, so this is the thing with Cam, right? Nice $3,000 pants.

They're literally not. I have the price tag on them right now. Show the world. Go show the price tag. Go show the price tag. Big Bank Hank, go show the price tag. Yeah, show the real price tag. No, no, no, you bastard. Show the real price tag. No! The real one. The real one. Okay, he got them on sale. We'll just say that. He had a hell of a sale. And it was a gift. It was a gift. From who? Answer immediately. Answer immediately. A fan. I saw a fan at the store, and they said Payton.

Sorry the fans don't love you like they love me. They don't. It's fine. It's fine. Anyway. My trousers are eating me. Do you see how you keep trying to avert this? Because you are going to get called to the podium one day. The FBI is going to come in and there's going to be a septic tank in your small bathroom with human parts. You? Yes, you. How? Ask your question. There's a fly. It's probably because you got bones in here somewhere.

Oh, it's because I have bones or because you have science fair material on your desk back there. I have a Starbucks. He literally has a drink that has not been sipped, touched, or looked at in two calendar weeks. It is literally foaming. Yeah. Like there's a, there's a, a, a,

a breeding ground in that cup. I got a drink. Starbucks made it wrong, but I was like, let me see what science does. So I left it on my desk. Episode 79. I left it on my desk for two weeks and I'm seeing what happens, like science and erosion. It has nothing to do with rocks. And again, Cam keeps trying to divert the topic. My brain is firing at enormous rates. Ask your question. Ooh, big head joke. Cam chews on his foot like his toenails. Do you think my hips are good enough for me to get my foot to my mouth? That's a fact.

That's pretty aggressive, yeah. Oh my god. Don't break your hips. Oh no. What if on camera I was really trying to force it and all you heard was like a dense pop? And your hip popped into my mouth? Why are you looking at me like that? You just shit your pants again. I heard you. No, that was your squeaky ass. No, I was holding it in.

Enough of feet and mouth. Ask your question, and I'm going on. Then don't interrupt me, big head, big hip, nasty ass toe. You've been smelling like shit recently. I just want to put that out there. You haven't been smelling as fresh as you normally do. You gave me a deodorant, and now I smell good. Yeah, I had to gift you deodorant. I had to gift you a smell good life source. But I smell bad? Come on. Alright, because you do. Anyway, shut up. Just shut the hell up, Dahmer. Listen.

This is a weird ass thing Cam does and this might get you cancelled. Cam is like in love with like the structure of the body and like skin and like bones and the smell of like it's so weird. No, I'm dead ass. It's not a podcast. You know you are. Give me a single piece of evidence. Okay. Oh, the one time Liv is in here. The one time.

Every time I'm around you and you get in that weird ass mood, you get like hot flashes and you lock into this zone and you grab Liv and you literally go like this. You know how you dip low and you grab her because she's small and you grab her and you go, and you're like, oh my God, your ribs, just like the way your body, your back,

Tell me you don't. And then you sniffer fucking neck. Yes, you do. I have never said your ribs, your back. Yes, you do. I grab my wife. I 100% go to the neck. I don't go. Yes, you do. I do not grunt behind her like an animal. Oh, my God. You're going to have such a hard time when our heavenly father looks at you in the eyes. Such a hard time. I grab my wife. You're going to have an eternity with Baphomet. I grab my wife.

In a loving state, I don't go, damn, yes, you've literally done it on the show. You do it on Patreon every week. Y'all damn near make Malachi in the middle of the set. I still don't grunt. There was a comment on last week's episode. I love the PDA. No, it was actually a weird-ass comment, and I'm sorry. Am I the only one that I love the PDA? Yes, it's hot. They said it was hot. Yeah, that's strange. I'm not going to lie. It's a little strange. I still love you, but I love my wife. Shit.

Sue me. Okay, and then I don't get behind her and pull out a damn measuring tape and I go, I could slice this right there. Quick laceration. Pull the left rib. But this is what you do when you get Ruby. Whenever you're with Ruby, and I know you can't lie. That's a different skeleton. Ruby is this small, animalistic, alien, little hobbit-looking-ass dog with bad hips just like her dad.

And seizing problems. But she does seize. Bless her heart. God bless you. Close one nose, solve the issue. You put her on her back, right? And you're like, oh, boobie, woobie, oh, Meredith Gray. And then you grab her and you put your nose right in her ribs. And you're like, oh, yes! He is a liar! Liar! You lie in front of God.

You don't smell that dog? You don't smell her goddamn rib cage? Oh my god, you don't smell her? And you elongate her to see how much she can go. What am I about to eat to that? I don't know, that's what I'm concerned. I put her down, I talk to her, I kiss her little belly. Yes, I kiss it. I have never once gone like this. Right on her stomach. No, I haven't. Look at you! You want to talk about me? Clean your chin! There's literal saliva resting on your chin. You don't care when it's your juices on my chin? The shirt is suddenly so heavy and hot.

Oh, that sounded even worse. I said that. I meant that I was sweating. Can we talk about that fan interaction we had outside the TJ Maxx? Oh, my God. I almost... Cam almost yelled at an elderly woman with weird earrings. But let us... Yeah, like, let us paint the picture, though. So we're walking around Target and TJ Maxx getting some of this... It's going to be on a vlog. Getting some of this decor, right? Yeah, you'll see the very...

fractional beginning of this interaction so we're walking from target to the tj maxx a truck stops hey we love y'all oh what's up truck boom they go someone comes out of the target oh my god i love y'all boom we love you too picture bam so now we're going to tj maxx right we were walking in there and this mom she was so cool she was so dope a mom and two sons one of them played one of them's on the green bay packers not literally but he was an enormous one of the biggest humans i've ever seen uh

Two sons and a mom. She's like, I'm totally embarrassing my kids right now, but I absolutely love y'all. Can we take a picture? Bada bing, bada boom. Great energy, this woman. Love her. Fantastic energy. She was hitting a little dance and everything. She's great. Tall. She was tall. Unfortunately, we took the picture.

Pretty close, maybe three, four feet in front of the entrance. And to preface it, you could see from a mile away the aura and the energy of everybody right there was happy, giddy. Everybody was excited to be around each other. Nothing but teeth showing, their smiles, quick little banter. By all means, it wasn't a damn meet and greet. She wasn't telling us her life story. She said, I love you. I'm embarrassing my kids. Can we take a picture? So we're like, oh, we love you too. Don't be embarrassed, kiddos. Let's take some flicks.

That simple. Whole thing. Minute tops. And then we go to take the picture. We're taking this picture, and this raggedy-ass mean woman walks up with her... The fact that her friend doubled down on what we said shows that she sucks. The first girl sucks. So this woman, she's elderly. I don't know if she's mad at life or what, but don't take it out on me. She walks by, and she goes, y'all are in front of the entrance. You're blocking the door. In the middle of us taking a picture. It's like, wait, maybe...

Two seconds! One, two, the picture's been took. The problem is she didn't just say that to start. She goes, oops. Yeah. Oops. Oh, you almost, yeah, that's how I was feeling too. I said, oops. And they can't follow her around the store and threaten her life. I did not. No, don't say that. I didn't do that. I wanted, I said some things under my breath. I sure did. She definitely heard it. There's no way she didn't hear it. I don't care. I'm glad she heard it. She sucked. Yeah, she did suck. People are ruining other people's lives. Y'all are blocking the door, the entrance.

And I literally, in the moment, I go, yeah, well, we're taking a picture. And then she walks by. And then I whisper to the mom. I'm like, God, that woman was rude. Finish the picture taking. Her son jumps in. They leave. Have a blessed day. We walk in the store. And I am like hunting this woman. I'm like, where is she? She was so damn mean. I just want to, you know, stare at her.

Couldn't find it. You're having one of those things where you go in the shower and you're like, I should have said this. You play the thing over again and you're like, but it's just like, be nice. Be nice. Why? Don't ruin other people's vibes. Spooky season. Be nice. Come on.

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How is ranch dressing made? Like, who thought of that? Oh, ranch, it was this guy named Lawrence. How the hell am I supposed to know when ranch is made? Did you just ask me that? Like, I was going to sit here and spit out a valid answer? That's a great question. You ever think about how ranch, how is ranch made? Oh, it was back in West Virginia. Who do you think I am?

That was a shit question. That was a great... No, you ever... We were talking about TJ Maxx and picture taking and women with bad earrings. I got hungry. And you go, you ever think about how ranch was made? I got hungry. How do you think ranch was made? It's such a great question. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

That's what I said. What are you saying? What? We weren't speaking of food at all. No, I'm like saying who invented food. You know what I'm saying? Like these different, like, are you, you ever like, you ever like having a hot dog and being like, who decided to put this meat in the bun and put ketchup on it? You saved America. You know what I mean? Like who thought of that?

Okay, that's more valid. Thank you! But it's not, it's first off, the hot dog wasn't a thing. Someone had to make the hot dog. That's what I'm saying, dumbass! You said they put this meat on, you know what a hot dog is? It's like goo, and they put it in the little wrapping. Yeah. Ruined it for you, hot dogs suck. No, but you know what I'm saying? Like, who made honey mustard? Who's the first one for milk? Age-old question. What sick creep walked up to a mooing animal and said...

i could work with that like what sick bastard did that and they were like we can freeze this and make it ice cream you think ice cream came before milk that's not what you said i said don't strike me my name's cam i flexed my 17 degrees in my four business administration honors but i can't listen to save my life ass big brain but i got paper to show that i tried real hard

Listen up. Did they not have a listening degree in the school you went to? Oh, I spent 18 years at a junior college and I got 12 damn business degrees. We're in the same spot. And I can't comprehend a simple damn sentence. But then I want to get my wife and my best friend on the couch and embarrass them in front of millions when I give them a riddle word problem.

I'm glad you got that out. That was haunting. You needed to get that out. You absolutely needed that to leave you. You know what you need to get rid of? That extra fluid in your hips.

My hips have become a literal cornerstone of this podcast. It is a foundational piece. Hippie, hippie, hippie. Everybody in the comments right now. If someone's watching this in your living room chanting hippie and fist pumping, you deserve to be prosecuted. You know Monday we're going to get tagged with Instagram stories of people going hippie, hippie.

That's bullshit. That's... Next merch drop, just a picture of your face. Just a hip bone. And it just says hippie. I'll take it. No, but... Back to... What? I caught on the zipper. Ooh. Did you ever... Okay. Zipper on skin? Okay. Sit on a nut? No. That's awful. You're impressive. No, that's... You're low hangers? Bad. You got good hang. Nice dip. Okay.

Like a sack of gold. No, that hurts bad. So when you were learning how to pee, right? Not sure how I did it. Probably with the help of your parents. Not sure if I was ever taught properly. Don't know.

I remember. Maybe that's why. Were you ever like. Were you ever. What? What? You ever do that? Maybe that's why I do handstands in urinals. If you walked into a bathroom and a man was handstanding, pissing at a downward velocity into a urinal, what the hell would you do? I'm calling the fire department. I would be. I would kick him over. I'd go, what the? And just boot him. This is Sparta type shit. No, I'm saying like when you were learning how to pee. What are you doing? It's in there.

Don't do it. Oh my God, do you smell that? Don't do it. When I went like this, a vacuum of like stench came out. Holy shit. A vacuum of whiskey. I don't know what to do anymore. With your stench problem, you need to go under and let a doctor fix you. If there was an option to walk into a hospital and they go, what's wrong? You go, multiple things. They go, well, I need some more. And you go, here's $50,000. Fix me. And you literally just go like this. And you just lay down. And you come out. And they're like, we couldn't do shit about half that.

Now that'd be rough. Oh my God. But I'm saying when you're learning how to pee, right? Did you experience like experiment different ways to go up to the urinal? Like for like how to get your money out. You know what I mean? Like, did you like how to get your manhood out? So it's one of technically one of two ways. What, what are the two ways short or above the waistband? Okay. But then you expect to experiment. What am I dugging up to? I'm like,

No, you experiment with different panties, right, when you're a kid, right? So you found out what that hole is for, and you're like, I want to utilize that, John. But then you got another barrier, which is the zipper. It's looked like Friday the 13th sometimes. I've cut up Buddy down there. You've had zipper lacerations on your penis. Yes. Taking it out and putting it back in is very – that was a daunting time.

And then it was a rusher, so you didn't really pull the zipper down all the way, and you get a pinch of the nutskin. Oh, God. Oh, God in heaven.

I'm not sure either, Siri. Oh. Okay, but then. No, the skin. I'm thinking, oh. The skin and it's good. Yeah, but I'm. And then you go, you travel distances, right? You see, do I get real up close to the potty? I did that a lot. Oh, I definitely had piss Olympics. You ever peed in your boot on accident? Because, you know, in the street. Someone else pissed in my friend's shoes on purpose. Somebody's pissed in my shoes on purpose, too. I got bullied at the tail at the time. You didn't stand up for yourself.

And then, so like, you know, when you're traveling far distances from the urinal, right? And you're a long streamer. Come on, dog. Come on, dog. So you're traveling like that. Sorry, this is raunchy. This is not good. This isn't Patreon.

You're traveling a long distance right from the urinal, but you don't calculate that the stream will die. Yeah. And you got to kind of make up for the difference. See, I never did. And it just goes to your trail on the floor. I always did the safe way. I'd start close and go further back as much as I could until I realized the stream would then leave the toilet. I played it safe. But you'd have to eventually go back up. I got super up close. Yeah. Then went back. And as soon as I felt that stream touch that third... I want you to think about this. Okay.

You can simply remove your ball cap and I literally, my train of thought gets absolutely bulldozed by a locomotive. Everything I was saying just went like this. Simply from you removing your cap. Oh, speaking of people making fun of me, right? You cough like a little wolf. Please, I hope CJ went on your camera so that people can jiff that. Please, guys, make a jiff of that.

Please. That is pissing me off. Shut up. It's how you say it. Jif? Yeah, that's how you say it. The creator said Jif. But you look kind of cute. You want to finish the episode? You're going to take me backstage. I don't know what. What the hell? No, you said it. Did I? Did that come out loud? That was supposed to be in my head. That's the thing. The people that reject it the most are the ones that are fighting something. No, that's true. And you like me. No. You're going to fight. No. No.

Okay, I get made fun of a lot. I think I turn into a different human in the middle of the night. What the hell does that mean? I'm so scared of getting a girlfriend. Because the last time I slept with somebody in the bed and I woke up with them, they say that I'm active in my sleep, like in the middle of the night. I will run errands for them. That's a fact. That's 100% fact. What do you mean? You used to do that shit in Juco. What? What?

So we're gonna act like you don't remember when you were a British warrior. Like a... You literally were like Paul Revere. That's the thing. I don't remember it. But I remember you telling me. Are you being serious right now? I swear, bro. I turn into a... Like, I... It scares me. Okay. I woke up with a knife in my bed today. I swear to God, it was a butcher knife. Bro, but you... Why do you have a butcher knife? You gifted it to me. I didn't give you a butcher knife. I don't know the size of knives.

A kitchen knife. The butcher knife is like... It was the biggest knife in the catalog. It's not that big. Okay, to hell with the knife. This bastard sitting next to me. This man, okay, I'm not going to lie. Back in Juco days, I'd play my game throughout the wee hours of the night. It was a sick time. I loved it, though. He literally creaks, his door creaks open. What time was it? It was like 2 or 3 in the morning. And you literally, you're talking to me, and I'm like, oh shit, he's still awake. Yeah.

But you were so serious about having this accident. It was so bad. It was so bad. So I thought it was a joke at first. You're like, you still got a light on? I was like, what? You said, you still got a light on? I was like, what? And I literally was like, I couldn't even give you my full attention. I was like, what did you just say? And then I look at you and your eyes are like glazed. You're like not there. And I'm like, oh. And you're like, bro, you still need... Bruv. You said bruv. Bruv, you still need the lights on? I'm like...

What is hap- who are you? What is happening? That scares me too. That shit is not normal. Like I woke up, like so I was talking to the girl, we woke up in the morning and the first thing she said to me is, Peyton, I really liked the conversation we had last night. I said, I didn't talk to you. I did not speak to you. Oh, that's scary. Oh my God. You're gonna be whispering sweet nothings, promising the world, and then you wake up and you're just like, get out. She's like, be gone. You go British again, be gone.

And she's like, she was like, she was like, get your bags and your crystals and fuck off. She's like, you really want three kids? I said, no. You go, fuck.

You're bamboozled by your own sentences. She's like, when you told me that you were going to get me the Ram truck, you're just like, I'm going to throw up on her. Oh my God. No, that's not okay though. No, it's so scary. I swear to God on everything I love, I woke up this morning with a knife in my bed cam and I don't do drugs. So I don't know what's going on.

Like, I'm genuinely scared of me in the nighttime. You're turning into Lolly. You're turning into Liv's mom. What'd she do? Remember, she would take medicine to help her go to sleep. She had restless legs. And she woke up one night. She tried to buy courtside Laker tickets in Los Angeles. Another night, she applied to be a cop. She literally contacted the police academy and sent an application.

Like, what? Holy hell. Yeah, and this girl was like, I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. And I was like, my dog is fine. Like, what are you talking about? Was it about Dusty? You were speaking about Dusty, maybe? No, it was before Dust. Oh. This was a long time ago. Good old Dust. Yeah, RIP Dust. RIP Dust.

Bro, no, you're sick. You literally turned into Paul Revere. No, the fact that I forgot about that is crazy. That was weird. It left me with just a spine-chilling feeling. No, I genuinely, because now I have a fear, like, am I going to cause harm on somebody in the middle of my sleep that I don't, like, you know what I mean? I can't defend you if you do that, because I don't even know if you meant it. Do I go to jail for that? 100%. Really? Yeah. But I wasn't, it's not me. 100%. Am I? Your body. Yeah.

I hear voices in my head. They talk to me. They talk to me. They talk to me. They show me things I'll do to you. They talk to me. Talk to me. Talk to me. Talk to me.

There's so much spit in your mouth. You swallowed it. God, I hate it. Do you want me to spit it out?

What stopped you now? We're a- we are almost a year and a half in and you go "Would you rather we spit?" You spit- our carpet is ruined because of you spitting. Oh no no. Oh yeah- that looks like a meteorite! That looks like a meteorite hit the carpet. We could sell this carpet. Yeah, we could sell it as a Lord of the Ring

Map of Middle Earth. Because it's a fantastic franchise. And I'm watching it heavily right now. I know. I want to kind of watch it. Speaking of Liv's mom, I don't know why this popped in my head. The shit that happened this weekend. This past weekend. Oh, she's great. She came to visit us this weekend. She did come to visit. That's on Patreon. Dropping Monday. Well, out now. Oh, I didn't know we filmed it. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. It's out. The Golden Girls. Oh, the Golden Girls. The Tim. I'm so scared. I lost all my oxygen.

I lost all my oxygen. What is that? Who just walked in? I can't breathe. I'm a poop hole myself. I can't breathe. I went one level too high. Oh, fuck. Oh, my God. Bro.

There was so much like, like, like thick spit in my throat. You swallowed it. I told you not to swallow your spit. You literally said, oh. Okay, okay. Holy shit. I really want to watch that back. Oh my God, I want to watch it. That was real panic. Oh. Oh. Oh. All right. Oh, shut up. No, I am dead ass. We have to get back. We have to get back. Oh, bro. Oh, what was that? Literally.

He went, he went. He said, oh yeah, the goal. I taste blood in my mouth. I choked on a Lifesaver one time. Scariest moment of my life. It was in the back of my Ford, in my dad's Ford Explorer, all black.

I choked on Cheez-Its. Yeah. That was the scariest moment of my life. Did you forget to chew? Is choking irresponsible? It is a little bit, honestly. I had 17 Cheez-Its in my mouth at once. You have a thick mouth. I tried to chew all of them. One of them didn't. Oh, I have a good question. I just laughed so hard my brain is asking for oxygen.

I have a good question. No, please, please. No, I got a question. I have a story, though. Okay, we'll get to that. We'll get to that. We'll get to that. I have a question. How do you chew? What does that mean? You look dead. Dude, I'm fucking... I am fighting. How do you chew? How do you chew? Like, do you... Bowlers. Like, next.

You think people out here chew with their front teeth? Yes. Do you, that's what I'm saying, do you consciously, do you consciously chew? If you have to consciously think about chewing, I would think that you were in an accident. Like, I like, I honestly, God, if you have to think about you chewing, I think you're relearning life. Because there's no way. No one thinks about chewing. Wait, wait. No, I'm dead ass. You don't think about how you chew? You think about chewing. You don't like divide and conquer.

Divi- alright, Genghis. No, I don't Alexander the Great. I just chew the corn stick. The corn dog. Corn dog.

Corn dog, mozzarella stick, they fuse. You know what I'm saying? So you're not like, I'm going to start off on the right side and move it to the left. Or is that just a natural flow of progression? It's just, bro, progression, digression. No, I literally go, I am very conscious of where I put it in my mouth. I am fucked. I start it in my mid-tongue section. And then I break it off. And then I go a little bit to the right, a little bit to the left. And I finish in the front. And then bring it with my tongue and swallow it to the back. Every time I chew the same exact way.

You could hand me the softest thing on earth and a brick, and it's going to my molars. So these front four don't have any action? Just beauty. Wow. Like, just beauty. Do you think about your tongue when you chew? No, but chewing your tongue sucks. I promise it'll mess you up. It'll mess you up. If you think about your tongue when you chew, you'll get all discombobulated. It does make me wonder, like, how can I fit so much food in my mouth? You can fit a lot in your mouth. Get it? Yeah, I get it. Enough tongue food. Yeah, tell me the story about the Golden Girls. Bro.

Dude, it feels like the bugs life is, they're shooting in my head right now. They are. Oh, there's something shooting in your head. What's that mean? I don't know. Be careful? Maybe. Maybe. Alright, what's your story? I gotta stop that. What's your story? My story. Dude, you take so long to say everything. You interrupted me! Be a little entertaining, huh?

God, you... Oh, my God. Who does that? I'll give you, like, an entertainment 101 book. Step one, don't be like how you're being. Oh, my God. Go ahead, dude. I'm about to grab your shoulder. Mm-hmm. Oh, my God. All right. The story. Let's see how long we last. Let's see how long we last, guys. I don't even want to say it. I don't want to say it.

He's being mean. I don't want to say it. Okay, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. You're great. You're very riveting. Somebody asked... I tell stories too long. Did you read the comment in the last YouTube? They said, I'm surprised Peyton didn't cut more of Cam's story out. It's so long. I don't edit it anymore. No, it's okay. People love you. They love me for me, not my storytelling. Yeah, we all have our strengths. Anyway, the story. Because this shit is funny. I don't care how long it takes. I'll keep it short. So, before you... What was the weather outside? Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm being honest. Before you pulled up...

Two unbelievable things happen from the same line of lineage. First, we're sitting there. We're in a bar, okay? Just a regular-ass bar. Me, Liv, Liv's mom, Chrissy P, Lolly, whatever you want to call her, and Aaron. You will be introduced to her right now. It's out on Patreon, okay? Don't do that. You're going to swallow you and die.

Four of us are sitting at a bar. Yep. Okay, we're sitting there just waiting on you. We got our first round of drinks in. Out of nowhere, literally middle of the conversation, Olivia's mom, Chrissy P, just whips out an ibuprofen bottle. Ibuprofen bottle. Whatever you want to say. Ibuprofen bottle, okay? Uncaps it. Lines the table with pills.

How many different pills were in this bottle? That's right. They come like in a 24 pack. Oh, no, no. There was different sizes, colors, and assortment of pills in this bottle. I said, what the hell is that? She goes, my travel bottle. I go, your travel bottle? That might be a felony. I said, that's like 10. That looks like my grandma taking her vitamins. That's 10 different things right there. And she goes, I need one of those and two of them. Takes them off the table. Takes them.

Pops them like mini M&Ms. How does she know which one is which? That's my point, okay? This is all within 20 minutes. Okay. She does that. Okay. Closes the bottle and goes, yeah, but when we were at the cabin, I said, no. Oh, yeah. What just happened? What the hell is that? She goes, oh, it's completely normal. I go, it's completely not. It's completely illegal. Okay, so that's the mom. Yes. The offspring, Olivia. Your wife. Who I'm married to.

It's like, it's just freak genetics, okay? I don't understand it. Another middle of the conversation. We're all just talking. No one's on their phones. She literally doesn't wash her hands, doesn't use hand sanitizer, doesn't go to the bathroom. Okay. In the middle of the conversation. She's like, no, but Cameron used to do this. And then he- Oh no. Grabs her contact. I know that was salty. With her sticky little cute fingers, grabs her contact out of her eyes. Puts them where?

She puts those where? On the table. On the bar? On the table, in the bar. Payton, she doesn't get up. She doesn't, I don't even know what you do for contacts. I don't have them. She doesn't freshen them up. She doesn't wash her hands. Just keeps talking. And the worst part is she's blind as a bat without her contacts. So I am sitting there literally bamboozled. Like, you just popped...

God knows what that was. You're going to be blind for the rest of the night, didn't wash your hands, and just grabbed your contacts straight out of your eyes. Yeah. In the middle of a bar scene. But it was so... That might be the sickest family trip I've ever seen. It was so nonchalant. Like, they both did it like that shit was just regular. No, it's not. And I was itching. That's your family. I married into them.

A clan of just... Love them both, though. But I think that's what you like. I think you like chaos around you. Everybody around you is chaotic. So you're chaotic? Yes. I think that's the premise of the show. Thank you. You're very chaotic. If you would have said, oh my god, if you would have said no, we would have had a fight for the ages. I mean, you definitely boost it up more than it is. If it was as bad as you say it is and as everybody says it is, they wouldn't watch. You wouldn't be my friend.

You know what I hate about you? What? Is following you. You're a shit lead driver. A horrible lead driver. I really, that's my up here. It's so bad. I just want to say that. I see, I see. Oh no! I see a gap, I take it, you're done. Or it's either that, like you break me off in traffic. I don't mean to though. Or you're slow as a donkey piss. And I know why, I'm not going to say it for legal reasons, but I know why you're slow as hell when you drive.

No. No. All right, bro. We're not doing the podcast. I will end this podcast right now. I will end the podcast right now. Okay. I do that. Okay. But that's not why I'm slow. Yes, it is. I'm often faster than you in the car. Never. Never have you ever been. All right, you Formula One driver. Relax, Jeff Gordon. I'm just saying, mechanically, your car cannot go as fast as mine.

Big bank takes little bank strikes again. Mark the time stamp. Oh, speaking of since... Ew. Sorry. You need like a finger and foot fix, like surgery. That does look a little... You look gross. Something else I don't like about you. Jesus! Relax! I hate when you answer the phone around me. What do I do when I am... What do you... What? Y'all hear Cam's normal voice? When he answers the phone, it's like this. Oh my god. Hey, what's up? Hey, man. What's going on? Who are you?

That's not you. You didn't reach that level of humility. I don't know who they are, so they don't get anything vulnerable or personal of mine. You do that to friends, Cam. No, I do not. Especially if you haven't talked to them in a long time. Like they forgot me? If our college friends would call you, you'd be like, hey, what up? That's not you. Are you...

Ask Olivia. Call Olivia. Call Olivia. Call Olivia. Put that on something. Put that on the podcast's IP. I don't do that with friends. Call Olivia. I do it with random people. A random phone number that calls me does not get to hear my actual voice. I'm already dialing. Okay. Put it on speaker and put it right here. Hello? Hello?

Hey, babe. You're on the podcast right now. I'm dialing in right now. You're on the podcast straight from your car, wherever you are. Hope you're being safe. We have one quick question, okay? When I answer the phone, do I deepen my voice? Yes. Thank you, Liv! Okay, I agree to that, too. This is the BS part. Peyton said that I deepen my voice to my own friend's phone calls. Yes or no? Yes. No, I don't! Thank you, Liv. Be safe driving. Love ya.

Yes! Be safe. Thank you. I am-

It goes into the kind of music you listen to. It goes into the people you hang around. Okay, okay. I'm the token. No, I don't. I do that. I will 100% admit. If I don't know you, you don't get to know me. You don't get anything vulnerable, personal. You're a public figure. You are famous. If someone calls my phone, you don't get to know if this is my real phone or not. So I'm going to hit you with the... Hello? You go, hey, this is Cam. Hey, how's it going? It's Cam. I go, this isn't Cam. All right, have a good one.

They go, it is you. Literally, literally a friend from college called you in the studio. And I was like, I thought you were my friend, my cousin Tyrone. I was like, who? Tyrone Free? He here? I thought it was you or him. It's that bad. You're like, hey, what's up, man? Hey, bro. Hey, man. Hey, keep it trill, dog. Keep it trill? I'm DJ Screw R.I.P. Pimp C.

I chop and screw my voice? Literally, Cam was on the phone like this. I'm on the walk? Cam ordered Domino's in my apartment one time. And he was like, and the Domino's couldn't get up to the apartment. And they were like, hey, we can't make it up to your apartment. And he was like, hey, man, don't worry about that shit, dog. I'll come down and fuck with you. All right, bro. Oh, God, you ain't got to use the elevator, dog. I'm going to be there about two minutes. I'm not sure you can do it. I'm not sure you can do it. I can't have fun. I'm not allowed to have fun in this life. I can't have fun. You can do whatever you want. No repercussions. As soon as I do it, you be careful.

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to the rest of the episode.

Gardens aren't in the front? Says who? Again, everyone. A garden. A flower might be in the front. A bush or a plant. A...

A garden, den of gar, backyard. Oh, so when you get the homeowners association pamphlet that says no front gardens, huh? I can't even have a basketball goal in my front yard. You think I can have a garden? Yes. Okay, you think flower equals garden. That's no garden, Bubba. Oh, what's a garden then, huh? A real garden with plants.

plants vegetables there you go there you added stipulations real garden that's a garden your was just flowers if i put some damn mulch down and put a seed in there that john is a garden because i'm saying it is i'm growing earth in my front yard okay real gardens have you can eat and consume you can eat plants can you not eat a plant

Alright, you apothecary, what are you picking, brewing shit up, you witch? Oh, so- With your little cauldron? If you had a garden in your front yard, someone could literally just stop their jeep, hop out, take a carrot, trickster for kids, and drive off. So you're saying- That's why it's in the back. Oh, so you're saying that you can't have a garden in the front for theft?

That's why? You leave your car in your front yard, don't you? Guess what? It's not a car anymore because it's in the front. So if I park my car in the back, what is that now? A bicycle? Gardens don't have anti-theft systems in them, dumbass. You ever heard of ADT? That's not for a garden. Put some lasers out there if you want. I don't give a shit. Your car literally has sensory mode on it. It turns into a sensory...

It'll harm someone. Your car will scream in a deep, low-tone voice if someone gets next to it. A garden is vulnerable and precious. Someone could literally steal cucumber and run. Oh, so if I'm not making ingredients for a salad in my front yard, that means it's not a garden. Correct. It's flowers. It's flowers, bushes, plants. There's not a garden. Oh, shit! So there's not a flower garden. There's no such thing as a flower botanical garden.

huge industrial ones in the front of a house. It's not a garden. It's about the motion of the ocean, Cam. It's not about the size of the river. It's not a garden if it's in the front of a HOA home in a neighborhood. There has never been a garden in a local residential neighborhood that has a homeowners association in the front yard, ever.

Were you at my house tour? Were you at my house tour with my realtor? Were you? No. Did you see the garden? No. Okay. I'm telling you. Gardens are in the back. You didn't learn that when you were getting your 17 degrees. Did you? You went to gardening 101? You went to a 300%... You didn't go to shit. That's harmful. I'm sorry. Gardens are in the back, buddy. No, they're not. No, it's not. This? No, it's not. This? No, it's not. Front yard. Front yard. Pretty. Look good. People. Street view. Backyard. Vulnerable. Sensitive. Real stuff.

So I couldn't open your back gate and go grab a damn tomato if I wanted to? You could. Steal theft. It's... Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. What point... Thank you. Thank you. What point are you thanking? Because you said... Because there's thieves. Not just for thieves. That's not the only... That's the only thing you said, stupid idiot. That's the first thing I said, stupid ass idiot. Just because I can't make a romaine salad out of my garden in the front? See, you suck. You're a dumbass. What kind of a garden would just be lettuce? You suck. See...

Are you the damn garden police? Are you an idiot? Are you part of the Garden Watchers of America society? As a matter of fact, I am. Yeah, you have nothing else to do with your time, hippie. Get a job. Go get a garden in your backyard. My house does have a garden. Oh, you live there? No, but I'm trying. Doesn't come with a garden in the front. Flowers, bushes, at best shrubs. What does your backyard look like? Vacant. Oh, there is one though? No, I have a back patio though. Concrete. So do I. No, you don't. That's a side patio. That's on your back.

You don't even have a front and back. You don't even have a front and back. There's not a back door in my apartment. A back door. There's not a back door with a back patio. A back door. There's not a back door and a back patio in my apartment. There's a patio. Who said it's a back patio? You know where the front door is, right? Yeah, it's parallel to the front. Shut the fuck up. You know where the front door is? It's back. Okay. It's back. Yeah. Oh, what do you know? 17 degrees. And I'm wrong about everything. Oh, they didn't teach me that in business marketing 101. Wait, how quick would it be for you to run to your front to back door?

Let's go bad for bad. Wait, you've been tell me you can do two consecutive lunges and touch the front door to the back door? Yeah. Oh, it's crazy because we actually have paved roads on the way to my apartment. Yours is made for horseback and settlers. Okay. You live off the Oregon Trail. No, they're constructing that highway and making it bigger. Where you live, it doesn't pop up on my Tesla car map. Hmm, that's not a real place.

You live in Wonderland. I was gonna make a joke, but you were so happy. See, he gets happy when he destroys me. I do it for sport. You physically get enjoyment and joy when you make me feel bad. There's some blood flowing right now. See, that's sick, bro. You tyrant. That is sick. Careful. I don't know what that means. I was about to hit you with the Merriam-Webster, but you were gonna make fun of me that? Yeah, because think of some new jokes. It's been a year and a half. Get a degree. What?

Why? So we can still have the same job? No, just so you can be accredited. I don't know what that means. Accredited for what? What does that mean? What does that mean? I have my GED. What do you... What do you... What? What? What do you do in a car if you have to pick a booger?

What? What do you do if you have to pick a booger in a car? I don't talk about boogs. I don't do that. I don't talk about boogers. Booger. Stop, Cam. Booger, snot, sneeze. Stop. Sneeze, nostril, snot, mucus booger. As gross as people think I am, something with boogers, bro, shuts me down. Like, I can't do it. So you don't ever pick a booger? You don't sneeze? Never. I sneeze. Booger, snot, mucus. No, but I sneeze in private, too. Like, I'm not a public sneezer. Like, that's just unfortunate for everybody around you. Like, boogers is gross. What does that come from?

Please stop. I don't want to hear the evolution and evaporation and condensation of boogers. I don't want to hear it. Please stop. Cam, oh my god. No, Cam is nasty as shit. He picks his nose. No, I do snot rockets right in front of you on paper towels. What do you do whenever you have a booger in the car? I pick it.

I unroll my window. Oh my god. I hold it outside to where the air hits it, cold fresh air hits it. It crustifications and then I flick it into the evanescence. Oh my god, Cameron. Do you sanitize after? Yeah, I have hand sanitizer in the car. I said that to catch you in a lie. I have hand sanitizer in my car. I said that to catch you in a lie. You look like a Disney Channel villain. You look insane. You look like a liar. Hey. You look absolutely insane. Hey, God.

Forgive him for lying. I didn't have hand sanitizer in my Honda Pilot the entire time I drove it. Watch this. I didn't have hand sanitizer! Watch this. Hey, if you used it, it wouldn't have been there since 2007. Huh? You had that same hand sanitizer in your car from the day... I had it for two years.

God, we are going to find a church for you to repent. Do you want to know exactly how I know I had it for two years? Yeah. Tell me how you're lying. Or three. Three years. Tell me. My father, okay, it was a UPS hand sanitizer. It was. When they gave out tons of them. During COVID! So he gave me the bottle. What year was COVID? COVID.

2020, what year are we in now? 2023, when did I get rid of Rhonda? 2023, three years max. Same hand sanitizer for three years. You are on record publicly stating that I had it since the conception of Rhonda. I've had it since COVID. 2020 to 2023. This is going to test our friendship right now. I'm not even going to look at you because you're lying and deception makes me itch.

Yes or no, Cam? Yes or no? Did you have that hand sanitizer in your car where the cup holders are at when I first met you? No. No, I did not. No, I did not. Could there have been another hand sanitizer? Yes. The UPS specific one. The UPS specific one. Get your hand off your genitalia. That specific hand sanitizer was given to me. Was it from UPS? Yes. Yes.

I just said that, dumbass! Okay, listen, stupid ass idiot. Hey, remember that red shirt I had on? You go, was it red? Like, you gained any points or credibility. Listen, dumbass, listen, dumbass, listen, dumbass. Oh, this is how I know! It's because not too long ago when I was in Ronda Civic... Put your cap on. You put your fucking... Put your... Put a cross on your neck because you're a liar.

You know how I know it's been in there recently? It's the same one because it was always at the same levels and it was so old and there's so much heat compression on it that it was getting weird in there. You know what I'm talking about. It was looking weird in there. And I used it literally like a year ago.

It's weird because that fits my time frame. 2020 to 2023. A year ago, it'd be 2022. It's the same one, dude. You're pissing like... It is the same one. No podcast shit, you're pissing me off. It's the same one. Turn the cameras off, I swear to God. It's the same one. Yes! From 2020. No, it's the same one from whenever I met you, dumbass. It never moved. It never moved. Do you think? Okay, so the levels, it was never filled. It was never full. You used that much hand sanitizer? Howie Mandel? Okay. To...

What do you have against Howie? He's a germaphobe. To better my point, you started this argument saying I am disgusting. You're going to spend an eternity in the underworld. I hope you know that and I hope you pray. But go ahead. You started this point claiming I'm disgusting, correct? If I'm so disgusting...

Prior to COVID. Why would I have hand sanitizer in my car? Because it was gifted to you and probably Miss Lisa put it in there. Why say it was your choice to put that in there? Spend more time with the other side of your family. I chose to put that in there once it was gifted. When my dad brought home. So what did he say to you when he gave it to you? He didn't even say anything. He said, he didn't. Were you fucking there? Were you there? You were in my bedroom? Creeping in the closet?

Behind garments, just listening to my conversation with my parents? You just said there was no conversation. Exactly. So was there a conversation or not? There was not a conversation. Then why did you just say listening to the conversation? Because you're like, oh, that's a lie. Then why did you say it? Then why did you say it? You weren't there. Why did you say listening to the conversation? Because my anger is getting over myself. It's getting the better of me. Because it's hard to keep up with a lie. It is not hard to keep up of the truth. You only have to tell the truth once. You're not letting me say it?

I just talked to you! I was here! My dad walked in with a box, a literal box, of like 12 of these USP... It's not a place. Of the 12 of these USP... God, he's dyslexic. See how confronted you get whenever you're... See how frazzled you get when you lie? My dad walked in one night, very night, brisk night, maybe 76 degrees outside. Fun camp stories, here we go. Everybody get your blanket. He walked in, both shoes untied.

walked in with a singular box of around 10 to 12. I don't know how many are in the box. All of them are plastic wrapped. They're all closed. He sets them on our table. You know the table I'm talking about. Not the kitchen table. The dining room table, the one before. They sat there for a while. COVID's going around. So I say, you know what? I want one for my car. I want to try to be more clean. The world has gone to shit. I need to hand sanitize. Then what about the one whenever you were in college that I used?

There was never one in there? There wasn't one in college, Cameron. I just said, oh, oh my god. Why are you talking about when the world was just shit? Oh my god. Oh my god. I'm talking about the original one. Oh my god. I'm talking about the original one. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. You just said, it's hard to keep up with a lie, and he is the one tripping over the line of deceit. Everyone rewind the clip. Every single one of you rewind this clip. I

I physically said there could have been a different one. The whole thing we have been arguing right now is I had that UPS one since 2020. Your eyes are so glossy from tears. And you just said that you used one in there and you were about to question me. How did you use that one? Ergo, meaning what I'm saying is he's trying to confuse me because you're lying. I'm not fucking lying. It was a UPS one when I was 18 years old in the car.

When we were in fucking Shawnee, Oklahoma. You're sick. Yeah, you're a liar. No, you're going to spend a long time with a pickaxe on the mountain of doom. You are going to spend oh, ever so long gasping for clean air. I need food. It's so hot. The fact that you've convinced yourself to lie and be confident in it, and you're going to go gamble later. You're going to go. You're going to be there with me. We're both got firstly.

We're gonna be holding each other's hands. Okay. Oh my god. You're a sick freak. Let's try to make up for it, right? And help some people's lives out, right? Oh. So, new segment! Uh-oh. New segment, new segment. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Alright.

So if you're an OG fan of the You Should Know podcast, more specifically our TikTok lives. Oh my God, the good days. Those were great days. We need to do those again. We need to. It's just too many people now. It used to be a small-knit community. Where's Apollo? Where is Apollo? Apollo Fudge. And Queso Sweet. God, I miss all those OGs. I miss Apollo. And Nadia. Oh God, I miss all of them.

Oh, geez. If you're still watching, I miss you and I love you. But thank you for being day ones when those live streams had 65 watchers and they were gifting like crazy. Apollo. Apollo's top tier. Top of the mountain. Apollo, you're paying for a majority of my meals back then. So I appreciate you, dog. Oh, my God. He has to come to our show in New York. He lives in Maryland. Is that far? He's in D.C. Is that far? I mean, like a couple.

Like a state or two over, a couple states over. We can get you a ticket, not plane or hotel. It's a little too late, Apollo. Sorry. But, Dr. P, so if you remember in those Tick Tock Lives, Dr. P, the best love doctor in the country. Best love doctor in the country. Y'all would submit problems to this man right here. He would very often pull his small shorts up as high as he could, tuck his shirt in, sometimes have a clipboard, and he would absolutely just fix your little broken hearts. So...

We recently asked to bring back Dr. P stories. We put it on our Instagram and said, send in your Dr. P segment. And Cam is the best love secretary in the world. So he is going to make sure nothing crazy pops up in these screenshots. Okay. Here we go. You're going to read them to me. Okay. So as simple as this is,

We have a couple submitted ones that are screenshotted. I gotta get sexy. It's Dr. P. Dr. P is getting ready. Dr. P. Here we go. All right, let me know. First one. Yes, go. Coming from a young lad. Okay. I got broken up with and left for someone new three days after. Oh, my God. How do I get over that? Literally 72 hours after his heart was shattered, spit on, pfft.

She was with the new man. Hey. That's some sick work. This is the thing about Dr. P. I'm not going to tell you what you want to hear. I'm going to tell you what you need to hear. And that's why he's the best loved doctor in the nation. She's been with that guy. Oh. They've been together. No, 100%. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to say your name for you, but you know who we're talking to right now who submitted this.

I'm not the doctor. He's the doctor, but as a secretary, I've spent a lot of time around this man. They were 100% we're in communication. Oh, my God. Bare minimum communication. They were getting nasty in the DMs. There could have been physicals. There could have been physicals switched and swapped and spit on, but I don't... Something was. Yeah, it's 100% not...

new thing. Don't let her lie to you. No, no. It'd be like, oh, it's just timing. It happened. No, it didn't. They were definitely like... She was preying on your downfall. There was definitely... And this is... Dr. P is a master of this. When there's a girl I like, but she might be in a situation, what you gotta do is plant the seed. I used to tell Cam all this all the time. I'd be like, I'm gonna go plant the seed. You're a good gardener. Gardeners in the back. What you do is you got a nice conversation. Gardeners in the front.

You just go to a normal conversation. You're not trying to flirt, not trying to do anything. But once that conversation gets to you're in a good rhythmic state, your hips are both going back and forth. Be careful, hips. Your hips are going back and forth. You plant that seed. You give them one little inkling of, oh, my God, was that a little flirt? But then you don't double down on it. Yeah, you don't even make it seem known. That's what he did to your girl.

I'm sorry, bro. I'm so sorry. I can't say your name. I hope you get over it. Hey, honestly, just go boss up. Just focus on yourself. Exactly. This is what Dr. P does. He gives you ways to get over it. You delete her from everything out of your mind. You block her on everything. Ask her to block you on everything so you can't see her stuff. Out of sight, out of mind. Then go heal yourself. Don't go find another love mate. Yeah. Heal yourself. Be the best you could be. And thank God that he took her out of your life.

Fantastic submission. So sorry. You'll get over it. We always do. Next one. Something does not smell fresh on this set. Here we go. Okay. What should I do if my girlfriend talks to her boy best friend way more than she talks to me? Oh, let me cook. Let me cook. Oh. Oh, that's rough. That's hard. That's hard to hear. Doc, what are we thinking, Doc? Oh, my God. Now. Pray for this young man. Let me be completely honest with you. Oh, no.

That's crazy. More than you? That's sick work. Like, I would have an answer. Like, I could give you some daylight if it was like, he talks to him a lot and it makes me uncomfortable. But you're solidifying that there's more time spent. Yeah, that's like if I spoke to another girl more than Liv. Just think about that being put out there. Like, that's impossible. That's rough. That's impossible. I'm hoping that they're young. Like kids. I can't tell. But, so this is why, I hate to be pessimistic, but Dr. P, what does he do?

Keeps it real. And I do the best job. I'm the best love doctor in the country. He wants that Swedish muffin. I'm not going to lie to you. He wants a piece of that cheesecake factor. You know what I mean? He wants a little taste test of that Danish. He wants to go wrangle that bison.

He wants that mozzarella stick. If you're picking up what we're putting down, come on. He wants to go get 10-piece McNuggets with her. He doesn't want a small fry. He wants a basket of fries. He wants the whole dish. You know what I mean? He wants that sweet and sour. And your girl, I hope she's not gaslighting you to be like,

Why would you think that? We grew up together. He's literally been my friend before we were dating. And there's always a test, right? Do this. There's always a test. Be like, all right, call him right now and flirt with him and see what he does. And if she doesn't do that, she knows. She knows that he wants a piece of that good old beef stew. Yeah, he wants...

He wants a piece of that good old strawberry shortcake. There we go. A little bit of that old apple crumble pie. Oh, he wants a little bit of that sherbert. He wants a little bit of that bluebell cookie tube stuff. Yeah. Now, she's gone, dog. No, yeah, she's out of the equation. There's going to be a time where they kiss. It's inevitable. Probably going to be in front of you. Hey, that's a hell of a test, though. I never thought about that. Oh. Isn't it crazy that you could literally be like, hey, call him right now, put it on speaker, act like I'm not here. I want to hear what he says. Yeah.

And if she folds and she says no, she knows. That silence would be deafening. But you know what she's going to do? She's going to be like, you're so insecure. You're a loser. You're really going to make me. Honestly, if you make me call him, then we're done. Yeah. She's going to try to put on that manipulating son of a. And then what you do is you'd be like, I knew it. I'm just kidding. Don't do that. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Do not do that. It was a joke. It was a joke. Phone's locked. One more. Let me read this one. Can I read one? Dr. P doesn't read, but. Okay. Keep it, TJ. Okay.

I know it's not fresh down there. I busted my lip. This one's long. I genuinely haven't read this one. Dr. P, here we go. Dear Dr. P, hello. I've been single for all 20 years of my life.

Hey, there's not a problem with that. It's not. I just was caught off guard. I didn't read this. There's not a problem with that. There's not. There's genuinely not. I wish I was single all 24 years of my life. 24? I thought it was 20. She said 20. I'm just saying. Oh, okay, okay. That's a damn, that's a difference. So that's nuts. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Okay, sorry. Be nice, be nice. Can we keep that? Yeah. Okay. 20 is fine. It's Dr. P. I damn near was single for 20 years. That's a fact. Until the high school sleepover. Until, yeah. Yeah.

It's rough. That was very, God, that was a historic night. Go! No, stop. It's like the shooting guard, the point guard, someone on the JV, fullback, the pitcher. No, just kidding. Fuck it, eh? All right, here we go. Dear Dr. P, hello. I've been single for all 20 years of my life, which is completely fine. The one time I had a relationship, it lasted a month because he was in love with his best friend.

I always get into situationships and they never go past the talking stage. I start getting to a point where I think I am the problem, but my best friend always reminds me of my value. What should I do? I'm extremely socially awkward, just like you, Peyton. All right. And I just don't like people most of the time. P.S. The You Should Know podcast. P.S. The You Should Know fam. I love you all and have been the highlight. I dropped out of school.

Are you really struggling to read that over there? My God. Listen. All right, Dr. B, I'm not reading the rest of it. I can't. It was so embarrassing. Basically, thank you for the happy ending. I'm going to cut straight to it. Secretary's going to take his dip in the pool. Be careful. We'll fire you.

And hit you. At least you know it was a situation, Chip. And honestly, I just think you're looking in the wrong pond. She's fishing for the wrong fish. You're fishing for the wrong fish. She's fishing for the wrong fish. If he's in love with his best friend, y'all were never anything. He was just trying to do you know what. And I'm glad. I mean, I don't know if that happened. If not, but I'm glad it only lasted for a month and he didn't just drag you along longer. But you're fishing for the wrong fish. And I want to say this. You're not the problem. Well, yeah. Actually, she might be. We don't know her. I mean, it's very true. We don't.

She could be the problem. This is where you take... Hell, she probably is for a little bit of it. I mean, because if you're... To a certain extent, you gotta be responsible for the people you're going after. Exactly. If it was true, just... Everybody else? If it was true ignorance and you were just blinded and he put up a damn Leonardo DiCaprio act, then that's one thing. But...

If you, I mean, she did state it has been multiple situations and it doesn't get past that. It's like you're fishing for the wrong fish. This is where Dr. P says, hold yourself responsible. Always take accountability. You look at yourself in the mirror and be like, what am I? Don't change who you are. Just what am I doing? What you're giving out? You know what I mean? Look externally, internally, and then externally. And then you can, but don't rush it.

Have fun being by yourself. The key is don't rush it. Literally focus on you and something will happen. Yes. You have to take action when something happens. You can't just sit like this and a husband's just going to drop out of the sky. But focus on yourself. Be the best version of you. The right person will show up. And don't use your socially awkwardness as a crutch. That's where a lot of people with what we go through fall into a bad cycle. You use that as a crutch.

You got to accept it and be like, yeah, I am awkward. That's fine. I've done that and I created a company out of it. And people think, you think you're socially awkward and you're at a disadvantage, but that everyone has something. Yes. Somewhat, this other person might be insecure. They might be, uh,

which is way worse. They might be faking who they are, putting on a front, a character. Don't think, don't use that as a crutch like he said, but also don't think that you're just like this freak person. Yes. Everybody has something. If you're socially awkward, that means you might be really mature emotionally because you're always with your thoughts and you're just chilling by yourself. There's always, it's push and pull, pros and cons. Everyone has them. And now that I'm thinking about it more, I can kind of tell that they're using a lot

Like their mindset's a little messed up. Because they said... The first thing, I've been single for 20 years. We got to think about it. You've been an adult for two. Exactly. So...

Well, you're looking pessimistically already. Yeah. Like, were you going to date when you were three? Yeah. You're all right. You're a kid. You're good. Enjoy life. You're good. I would say, you know what I mean? Go outside. You know what I'm saying? Wear that little dress. You know what I mean? See if there's any prowlers on the loose. Have fun. You're young. Don't go and lock that thing up in the cellar when the wine is still aging. Yikes.

You know what time it is though? I think it's time for people's favorite segment. You know what that is? Pop culture, Peyton and Cam. Pop culture, Peyton and Cam. I'm going first. I already know what you're saying and I'm double downing. Double downing. For all the dogs. It's a ruby bark. Ruby's like that little one chihuahua video that...

He gave his soul into it. I can't wait to see Ruby in a matter of an hour. I know. She's God. She loves you so much. Can I take her to the casino? Absolutely not. She'll smell like cigarettes and regret. She absolutely loves you, though. My dog... Okay, before we talk about Drake, Ruby is emotionally obsessed with Peyton. I have that effect on women. She's a woman. She is a woman, but you had to say that? It's true.

When he walks in my front door, it's like she doesn't have a father anymore. She doesn't care about me. It is all Uncle P. I love it. I love seeing it, but sometimes I get jealous. That's how your kid's going to be too. Then that's fine. Uncle P, we get to go to McDonald's and get cool toys. Mom and Dad never let me do that. They had me count the macros on the back of my pudding.

Yeah, then that's when you go, damn son, you're only six and you have a hell of a developed upper back. And I go, sure does. And I'd be like, oh, but you can't use it because he's an astrophysicist. Aww. And he plays piano and violin real good. I go, hey, P, what's your kid's skinny little sack of bones choking on over there? And he's like this. And then he grows up to be a superstar. Push nine.

Hell of a nickname already. Drake released. For all the dogs. He had us on a leash. No dog joke intended. He had us on a leash since September 22nd. Or I don't know. September 6th, whenever the first drop. Then it said it was September 22nd. Then it said it was October's very own. So he dropped it in October. But album is out. A lot of bangers. Couple mid-songs, but majority bangers. This is what... Let me get into... I have a hot take, though. Okay. All right. Super quick, though. Do you think this is a timeless album?

You can't... It's been out for 11 hours. But the way it sounds... You can't do that. If you had to answer right now... You can't. Like, okay. You physically can't. And that's the thing. This is what I'm saying, though. Just listen. I'm not being a critic. I love Drake. I love the album. It's not even about that. I'm saying...

Listening to an album like Take Care on the first listen, just the production and the musicality of the album as compared to this. Different times. That's what I'm saying. Do you think this will age really, really good? I can't tell. It's impossible to tell. I've only had one cohesive listen through, and then I've been going back to some songs and stuff like that. This is the thing I want to say about music, and I talked about this episode six whenever Jack Harlow's shit came out.

I hate the new age way people listen to music. It's immediately like, I'm going to listen to it first and I'm going to form the first opinion. That's not what music is. You can't do that. Music, you sit down with... I fall victim to that. Yeah. It's everybody because we live in a social media age where you got to be the first person to say something. Everybody has to have an opinion. I damn sure don't go and leave Yelp reviews. No, I'm just saying. I just talk to myself. As a whole, like how the community works. But this is the thing. Music is meant...

to be sat with. You have different experiences with it. You listen to it in different places. You listen, like, you got to hear this song when you're on a beach. You got to hear this song late at night driving in the city. You got to hear this time. We got a couple of drinks and you had a club. Like that's how you really formulate your thing on an album. And so this is one of the main things I got from this album on the first listen was

My favorite Drake album is Nothing Was The Same. I feel like it's one of the best rap albums of all time. It's because I love rap albums as cohesiveness. When an album is cohesive and it's like a body of work and you feel like you're inside of a movie. Start to finish. Each one means something different. It brings you a vibe and you're like, this is like a movie. Tuscan Mother. Oh my...

Tuscan leather. And that album, you can play it backwards. He made it to where you can play it backwards. And it was like the first one of the time. And Kendrick did it with fucking some album and everybody raved about it. But Drake did it first. Anyway, I'm just saying. Anyway. But I feel like this album is not cohesive.

Yeah. But what I think he tried to do is, because a lot of the complaints after Certified Loverboy is he keeps making, he has a formula to his album where he has a super rap as the intro and then he goes into his girl songs and his guy songs, slow songs, rap songs. Like it's a formula, like you can go from Take Care to whatever and it's all formulated the same and he heard that and then he made this where it's not

It's not cohesive, but if you look at it, there's a song for every Drake fan. There's a rap Drake, which I love. I love that too. Mogul Drake. Then there's Take Care Drake on it. You go with that weekend, not the weekend song, the Party Next Door song and songs like that. That sounds like Take Care Drake. And then you got Spanish Drake.

And then you got... Which is not my song. I mean, it's not for me, but it's definitely for an audience. And then you got the Sexy Red song for the girls. It's not my favorite song, but it's not for us. It was literally... And it's going to go crazy in those environments. But I feel like this album, there's so much for everybody. And I think that's what's going to make it a good album. So yeah, that's my thing. Go ahead. What's your take on the album? I mean, I agree on the cohesiveness. Like, it doesn't sound like a...

I mean, I don't really think it is a concept album. No. No, not at all. I appreciate a concept album, but sometimes they get annoying. I don't even know if Drake's ever made a concept album. I don't think he has either. But you can definitely tell there's some new age songs on it and stuff and stuff like that. But I agree that it's just too early to... It's literally been out today. Yeah. When we're recording this is the 6th. So it's like...

It honestly blew my mind how many negative tweets I've already seen about it. It's all for retweets. I'm like, my God. Would you listen to two songs? It's been out for an hour and a half. I hate that. I hate that. Drake's of absolute GOAT and everyone knows it, so there's no need to...

I just I hate that about life now with social media. It's like it's literally cool to hate on things No Yeah, and the crazy part is without getting like two because people tell someone could clip this and be like, oh he's sensitive But it's like it's normally people that are in zero position to talk about someone else that goes dude That's exactly this is the thing. Have you ever left a negative comment on a YouTube video? Never I have never I have

I couldn't even think about that because my mind is if I don't like it I simply click back and I leave the video it's how are you going to watch something to it's full extent and click the dislike button and then leave a negative comment and type something that's insane work like I can I genuinely don't understand how insecure are you that's insane work like I get not liking shit

I don't like a lot of things. You have the option. You don't have to listen to the song. You don't have to watch that movie. You don't have to play that game. But for you to do it, then complain about it at a public forum is like crazy. It's just weird, bro. It's insane. I've never done that ever. I don't get it. There was a point I was getting to that I forgot about that. But yeah, I feel like that's a certain demographic of people that are...

They're either kids. In fact, the ones that really surprised me are the grown adults. I tend to not really go into TikTok comments anymore because it's not our actual fan base. Here, I'll read all y'all's comments, but on TikTok, it's a mess. You go in there and just be like, these dudes aren't funny. I don't know how anybody watches it. That's fine if you feel that way. We're not for everybody.

It's like, what are you doing? Yeah, it's like, what are you doing? And I click their profile, and it's a guy. Looks like his name's Jerry. Yeah. 45.

Kids in his TikTok. With like one video of like a horse in a truck. And I'm like, oh my God. I'm so sorry. We need to hire you for the content review. I know. It's like, I want to go in that comment and be like, dude, you're the funniest person ever. Yeah. You should come on. I remember a long time ago, whenever we weren't as big and I could kind of go at haters. No, I can't. Cause it would like, our fans would...

Annihilate them. Thanks, guys. But don't do it. Y'all are real ones. We love you. No need to do that. Spread positivity. There's a dude who made TikTok videos about me. I remember. It was before you got on and showed you. And he would be like, this dude's so not funny. And I was like, why does he hate me? And then I went into his profile. His content? He would dress up in Incredibles costumes and dance in the Walmarts.

That sucks. That's bad content. You're portraying a character. I get the freedom to sit and be myself on a sofa. And you've amassed no audience? That's crazy. You're doing big things. So I was just saying that. But we don't, yeah, that was a quick little vent sesh, but it was good. Yeah. For all of y'all, don't go at bat for us and don't defend us. Just spread positivity. Favorite song so far on the album, and we can get out of here.

Boy, first-person shooters out of this world. That's one of the greatest rap songs. Pain of Picasso or Drew of Picasso. That one's fantastic. Good song.

So many good songs on here. Now I'm looking at it. What's the one, the fourth song? Daylight? Daylight's fantastic. Fifth. Fifth, Daylight. I-D-A-G-F-E. I-D-G-A-F. Like that a lot. 8 a.m. in Charlotte. 8 a.m. in Charlotte. It's unreal. That's my favorite drink. Unreal work, yeah. Oh, my God. I want to put on a silk shirt with a fishbowl wine glass.

and gamble. Baccarat. Baccarat. All right, guys, that was Pop Culture Paying In Camp. Pop Culture Paying In Camp. Woo! We absolutely love y'all. This is episode 81. Thank you for coming back week after week, feet after feet, blow after blow, Joe after Joe. You is a dirty little... Thank you for coming back. Episode 81. We absolutely love y'all. Um...

What can they expect on Patreon? Patreon. Another. This is two in like four weeks. Another one hour, ten minute talks episode is out right now. Killing it. Including the Golden Girls, which some of you have seen Mama Liv's mom, which is Chrissy P, Lali, whatever you want to call her. But no one has ever experienced Aaron and Tiffany. Hilarious episode. About an hour long. Maybe 45 minutes.

So funny though. Go watch that. That's on Patreon. We're going to have some other stuff too. Some behind the scenes vlogs coming out on Patreon very, very soon this week. It's going to be fantastic. The Koala Club. Love all the support. Love the funny comments in there too. And also I have something for Uncle P that I haven't told him yet, but I'm not going to tell him yet. On Patreon? You're just going to see it on Patreon. Yeah. I don't like that. I don't like that. But we absolutely love y'all. Cool collabs coming soon. Any... Oh, big cool collabs coming soon.

Baccarat. Baccarat. Code for this week to get your secret karma. Don't ever interrupt me on my code of giving again. Secret karma for this week. You got it. Gib. G-I-B. Garden in back. Yes, sir. That boy's smart. Hey, we need to like tally up. Hey, clip it. Clip it and use it. He said I'm smart.

We need to tally up your total, like your wins and losses for guessing the, you're pretty good. You're at least around 500 for sure. But GIB, Gib, leave it on Instagrams, leave it on TikToks, leave it here, leave it everywhere. Put it in the Discord. Everything. We absolutely love y'all. This is episode 81. That pillow is an actual representation of Peyton, just without skin and lower back hair. But we love y'all so, so much. Thank you for coming back. We cannot wait to see you next week. Big thanks coming soon. New York, we're seeing you in less than a

month my friends three weeks from today ish all right guys remember one out of ten koala bears don't make it home to christmas and we will see you no we will see no we're coming down other way we will see you again next week i need to bathe my balls goodbye i

I'm sending my brother money directly to his bank account in India because he's apparently too busy practicing his karaoke to go pick up cash. Thankfully, I can still send money his way. Direct to my bank account.

Yes, I know I'm sending to your bank account. Western Union. Send it their way. Send money in-store directly to their bank account in India. Service is offered by Western Union Financial Services, Inc., NMLS number 906983, or Western Union International Services, LLC, NMLS number 906985, licensed as money transmitters by the New York State Department of Financial Services. See terms for details.