ROBBED BY A TRUCKER! -You Should Know Podcast-
01:16:03 Share

Ah.

You want to know before we go? Check! Always check before driving to and from the beach. Go to BayBridge.com or call 1-877-BASEBAND for traffic updates. That's BayBridge.com or 1-877-229-7726. No? Then go! The You Should Know Podcast. Hey everybody, welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast, episode 75! Round of applause! Please. Oh yes. Oh, there's nothing like a good old round of applause on a Monday, huh? Hail

Welcome to the You Should Know Podcast, episode 75. Thank you so much for coming back to the happiest place on earth. My shorts are too small, and if you see something you didn't sign up for, blink a little bit longer, if you know what I mean. If you are new here, or if you haven't already, and you look below and you see that subscribe button isn't pressed, you're wrong. If you look even more below,

below that and you see that comment section is fulfilled with your name guess what even more i'll go and fill that out get your good karma big news big news me and co-host cam are going on the road yes we are going on the road for the live show and you will know about that soon trust me i know i say that every week but we are just like perfectionists when we are presenting you something we never want to half butt anything you can tell us the first five minutes of the podcast because i can't say no no boo-boo words we don't want to half butt nothing to you

We want to give you something that is full in a nice bow with a little bit of Krispy Kreme donut on top. So just be patient and everything you have wished for for Santy Claus will be to you soon.

Be on the lookout for next week's episode or maybe the week after that. There's going to be a high-profile special guest on the You Should Know podcast. Yeah, I just spit everywhere. I didn't bring my bib. Guys, we are going to have an amazing episode for you. Hit that subscribe button if you haven't already. Shout-out to...

out to the Koala Club, the Patreon. Shout out to the YouTube audience, the audio listeners. Shout out to the Discord family and everybody in the watch party. If you want to join that watch party, it's every Monday in the Discord where we all get together as a collective and watch the podcast together in live comment. I try to jump in there as much as I can. It's at 7 p.m. Central Time every Monday, and I cannot wait to see y'all there this Monday, next Monday, and the Monday after that. Shout out to Bronwyn. Shout out to everybody in Discord. Now, oh!

to the rest of the episode. The You Should Know Podcast. The You Should Know Podcast is brought in geriatric support. We got co-host Cam back in the studio by the grace of God. Oh, by the Lord himself. Oh my God, co-host Cam. We got him in the studio. Look, my legs are like origami. I told you I've been practicing. That's too close. Your grip strength is pretty impressive.

For that one finger. Stop. What are you doing? Why? How is that even? How does that relate? You look feral. You look like a feline. No, look. Listen. What? I've been changing up my style, right? And I've been thinking, what if I started walking around like a little bit like this? I'm hitting one of these. What if I come into the...

Oh, you heard that pop? Good pop. I need a pop like that right now. But if you dress like that, I don't. Doesn't it look like I could go to Sunday service churches? No. I could teach a study. It looks like you could teach a study over tennis. Like you'd be a good hell of a foreign tennis instructor. If we were in World War Z, I couldn't tell if you were a human or a zombie by how you're acting right now. I could not tell if you were with us or against us. You're literally like this.

And we go to the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, your back hurts? Well, so does my wallet. Dude, what the fuck?

So does my ego and pride. No, my back's hurting like hell. So if y'all... If I just randomly... I'm sorry, audio listeners, because it's... I can't control it. I don't know what the hell I did, but I think it's muscular. I think something's tweaked, pulled, strained, something at the bottom, the low back hurts real bad. You know what I know it is? You know what I know it is? What do you know it is? God doesn't like ugly. I'm ugly? And you've been ugly to me. I've been ugly to you? Yes, because...

All these times I sit on this podcast and get vulnerable with you, and I tell you about that middle school experience when I broke my back, and I was in that back brace, and I couldn't stand up straight. And you go, oh, yeah, Turtle Boy? Who? Michelangelo? Where's Leonardo? You want some pizza? How's the sewer smell? Exactly. And now it's to you, and it's a lesser version. And I had that, yes, it was. Yes, it was. Yes, it was. Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

It's current tense. No, mine was worse, sir. You said this is a lesser version. That is. It is. Not was. Is. It currently is. No, I'm saying mine was a more. That's wrong and you know it. You said. No. Break it down slow. Okay, break it down. You said, and it is a lesser version. Talking about my pants compared to yours. And then you said no. I said no. And you said yes, it was. I'm saying yes, it was. Mine was more.

Exactly! What you said was less! You know you're wrong! I'm right! Oh my god! I know I'm right! You know you're wrong, mister! I loved English, that's the only class I didn't skip. No, that pain medicine you're taking has gotten to your cervix. What? I don't know, where's the cervix? Is it your brain? Your cervix? Yeah. Not your brain. What? Oh, it's in the... It's in that... Okay, golly! The back of your shirt's not tucked in.

Your back's not tucked in. Your back's out. I hate when you do that to your shoes. It pisses me off. Why? You treat shoes like dog toys. You just rough them up, throw them. Shoes are tools, and you use tools. Shoes are not tools. I think a shoe to its very base, what it is is protection for you. Why don't you go to my very base? Your hairy base? Very base. Your very hairy base? I am not hairy.

You're not hairy. You look like a wolf man right now. You're not hairy. You're not hairy. It's because we just got the hair region. Show the small of your back. Cam, I don't like how you do this. Whenever you're in college... Oh, I'm about to expose you. In college, the first time Cam saw me shirtless, not only did he get a little warm... Warm? Yeah, you got a little tingle inside. You told me about it. I saw... No, no, no. You're about to say something ridiculous. But you said... Oh, I saw... You said...

You were like, wow. I'm like, hey, now I get it. Now I get it. But the first time you saw the hair on my lower back, on the small of my back, you were like, damn, Payton. But you weren't repulsed by it. No, you were helpful. Would I braid it for you? No, you said it should not be that dry. If you're going to keep it, keep it nice. And I rubbed lotion on your back. Are you nuts? It was oil. Oil. It was aloe oil. Aloe oil. And you went like this. Aloe oil.

What is aloe oil? Tell me. You had it. No, I didn't. You had it in your medicine compartment. Yes, you did. No, I didn't. Yes, you did. No, I didn't, you bathwater drinker. No, I did not. Okay, I was in these poor times. Okay, we had a water fountain outside. That shit was yellow too, though. It's like we weren't supposed to survive, but we did. You literally had to live out of pocket to survive there. I'm not going to lie. I had the biggest urge to get Chipotle. When? I would say 24 hours ago. Okay.

So I went to Chipotle, right? There's two very close to my house. Almost like a ridiculous distance from each other. They're so close. So I went to Chipotle, right? I went in my car. That's how I got there. Yeah. And I was hungry because I wanted Chipotle. Most people would be. And so I've been having this thing where I want to have business lunches with myself and I bring my AirPods. I think it's just because I bought AirPods. So I brought my AirPods into the Chipotle and I sat down. Love those AirPods. Yeah. Well, I had to buy new ones because the other ones got wet in the shower. But...

So I sat down and I ate the Chipotle, right? I'm used to Chipotle. I've gotten the same thing for years. I'm a loyal man. Did you get two again? No, no. Just one, but this time I got the chips and guac. I've never gotten that. The chips weren't that good. They were stale. They hurt my wisdom gums. So anyway, I was sitting and eating my Chipotle, right, as one does. I did the thing that you taught me where you shake it, shake it, shake it. Kind of like whenever we were at the club and you used to toot that thing on me.

She gonna shake it like a cowboy. Like a, like a, like a, like a cowboy. Yeah, right. And then his big ass head, he would shake with his head. I'd have to hold his head. Hey, since we want to talk about old club things, you used to pop that hip to pictures. Alright. We would take pictures and Peyton would be like this. Okay. And Peyton was like, okay. No. Oh, yeah. I didn't pop it. Girls would grab it and he would show my curves. I'll build like a Coke bottle, bitch.

They'd grab it and he'd be like, "Okay, no I didn't." "Oh, we were talking about club experiences, huh?" "You had to bring three changes of shirts because you sweat through all of them." "I sweated a lot. It was a very hot atmosphere." "That same night when I popped my hip, there's a ring around you." "It was a very hot atmosphere. What can I say? Club experiences? We're gonna keep going?" "Yeah." "That same club, the night of the pop, the night of the sweat. What else happened that night?" "Wait, what else happened?" "What else happened?" "I don't remember."

Back to the Chipotle. Yeah. I shook it up. Like, you told me. I was like, how did we do that? No, but then the amount of fecal matter. Like, it was the, like, my butt still chapped from that. Because my parents bought my toilet paper. You know I've spent a lot of money on my toilet paper. Yes. Not everybody takes that luxury the same as me. Bro, it was like blood on it. Sick. Sick.

So, okay, that makes no sense. The poop hurt, right? The initial poop hurt. It was like one of those where it's like you feel it right here, like straight down the middle. And it just burns and it hurts. And it was like I was biting my shirt. You know that shirt from the company that gives us free shirts all the time? They're high quality. I was biting it. There's a hole in it now. Swear to God. There's like grip marks on my bathtub. I swear to you, Cam, I was in pain. A tear came out. You think I'm joking? I'm dead ass with you. So the same food, simply the fact that it was shaken...

caused the poop. No, I'm not saying that. I was just saying the story. Okay. But then, but then, so, and then I wiped with that toilet paper and it was, it was sharp. Slipped through. No, it wasn't light. It was just not soft. Oh, that's sick. Come on, doc. And then I, so I was, uh,

So my butt got chapped. What is chapped? Like, okay. Chafed. Oh, okay. You chafe. I don't know what that is. It's not chapped. I'm pretty sure I met a guy named chafe. I think I've... People definitely call other people's chaps. Hello, chap. No. No, his name, like, government on his ID said chafe. His government name was not chafe. His parents probably didn't like him that much.

That bastard caused me a lot of pain. We're going to call him Chafe. If I got to put up with you until you're 18, you're putting up with this man. I got to Chafe. You are Chafe. Yeah. But anyway, so when I stood up, it was just like I instantly felt like hurt back there. That's the worst. I was walking in and poop hurt your butt. We got to stop talking about this. It's such a weird. It's like a subconscious thing. I don't know. So people eat during this podcast. There's a critter. There's a critter orbiting your head. Please, God.

Oh, no, that's Jeremiah. Okay. Yeah, that's Jeremiah. You named him. You named the gnat. I have a weird... It's resting in your head. Yeah. I got a connection with things. You do. Mm-hmm. Creepy things and critters. No, okay, so I got a new car, right? You did. Very nice. And I had to clean out my Jeep.

Okay. And I had a lot of things in there. Ruby's dog toy was in there. There's a cutting board in there. All that's on Patreon if you want to see it. Jesus Christ. So it was a weird, like random cords and wires, like half a hangers, like broken hangers. Oh, 100% no. And so I put all of it into a trash bag and I put that trash bag into my room. My parents came to my apartment the other day and that bag was in there. My mom likes to clean up my apartment. She brings that bag to me and she's like, what is this? And I told her.

And she goes, oh, so I can get rid of it. And I got so upset. Like, why would you do that? Those are my things. And they're still in my living room, just sprawled out on the floor because I organized them of most want, less want. And I don't think I could do it. You might be, like, you might have been a hoarder in a past life or, like,

In the future. Like, you're a hoarder in some state of you. Do you think you had a past life? No. You would be a cop. He said that so serious. He went, you would be a cop. Freeze! See? It's in him. No.

- Cam, I'm gonna be honest with you. I don't have a girlfriend, so I shave for myself. - I knew that, but-- - It makes me feel like a new man. The confidence whenever I shave through the moon. I could touch the moon if I wanted to. No matter why you shave, Harry's has you covered for the best shave of your life at a price you'll love. From their legendary high quality razors to skin products,

Like exfoliating face wash and hydrating lotion, Harry gives you a premium shave without the premium price tag. Get a better quality and a better price than any other razors when you get Harry's delivered right to your door. You know I like saving money. Oh, I know you do. Yeah. Penny pincher. Guys, Harry's starter set. So simple.

So easy, amazing packaging, and guess what comes in it? What? A beautiful, perfect razor. - Oh, I love it. It's so sleek. - Oh, it's ready to shave your face. - I love it. - It's so ready to work. - I love it. - A head for your razor, and then their foaming shave gel. And when I tell you, I'm not just saying this, when I tell you Hairy Shave Gel, it's like a difference. It's just so soft. - That all comes in the starter? - All in the starter kit.

A smooth shave shouldn't be rough on your wallet. The starter set is a $13 value for just $3. $3? And you can get that at harrys.com slash YSK. It includes a five-blade German-engineered razor, weighted handle, foaming shave gel, and a travel spanner.

cover. Scheduled delivery for refills as low as $2. Half of what you pay for other blades. Harry's makes the skin care products that will give you the best shave ever. I'm talking creams, washes, lotions, all these things will keep your skin healthy and hydrated. There's no reason not to

to try Harry's. That's a fact. Harry's has the highest customer satisfaction in the shaving industry and they're still offering a no risk trial. Don't like your shave? No worries. It's a good

It's on them. Get your best shave ever this summer with Harry's razors and skincare products. Get a $13 starter pack for just $3 at harrys.com slash YSK. That's harrys.com slash YSK for a $3 starter pack. Now on to the rest of the episode. Oh, one of the things I did realize though. You know what? I've been meaning to say this because we share something. You just interrupted me.

What? I was about to say something and you said something. That's not how conversations work. Have you read a book? When's the last time you read a book? When Percy Jackson was still alive? I actually believe you interrupted me. That's the baffling part. You know the baffling part about that? Is it's all recorded. Everything is recorded. Everything. There's three cameras. High quality. There's a light and a monitor for us to watch on. You know what? And it's all going to an external hard drive. And so I'm tired of it. Your hair is starting to dread.

Your hair is starting to dread on the extremities. There's very, very small dreads coming in. He did not choose a phalange pick. No, but what? Pinch poke, you owe me a coke. Sometimes... Sometimes... Sometimes when I'm driving, dog, I smell my hair. What? I haven't washed my hair in about three months. Now listen. Now listen. That's bullshit. No, I swear to God. That's bullshit. Because...

One, I hate being wet for that long. And I feel like I'm drowning, dog. I can't- You can't swim. Just turn around! Have you ever washed your hair like this? Turn- Backwards? Okay, first off, when you're in the shower, are you taking it to the chest or the back? For three seconds of your life, can you answer a normal question without getting naughty?

You're gonna get a sock of coal for Christmas. Sock of coal? What's it? A stocking. They're big socks. A stocking. We didn't have those growing up. You're gonna get a stocking of coal. The reason is... Okay, first off, you're naughty. Anyway, like, look at your legs right now! You're a 24-year-old man. Sit down.

Stop opening up the floodgates. No, no. You're not going to interrupt me again. I think I leaked. You're not going to interrupt. What do you mean you leaked? Like, you know how I said as a kid I had PPD? You have it now. I have bad PPD now. You're 24. It's always a rush, dog. Give it a flip. Give it a little balance. I hate it when it hits my jaw, though. I thought you were about to hit a WWE finisher on the couch. You had so much charisma right there.

Alright, you know what? We're gonna do a new segment. It's called "Payton Sits Down and Shuts the Hell Up for 30 Seconds." Let's go. Ready? First edition. Here we go. Okay. Start! Okay?

Actually, you get to speak only when spoken to and asked a question. When you're standing in a shower, bathing, naked as one does, you, you're naked, afraid, and alone. I bathe in socks. In very wet. God, shut. Because my toenails scratch. Your toenails are disgusting. They're abysmal. Anyway, they are literal hooves. Like, the nail is starting to overgrow the toe. It's absolutely disgusting. Anyway. I almost had to get surgery one time because of my toenails. It's either you or Dragone. You can pick. Somebody's getting struck. You or Dragone. Okay, sorry. Pick. Pick.

Alright. Did you get a wheel? I got moisture. I got like humidity when you opened your crotch. Alright. When you take a shower, asshole, do you stand and let the water hit your frontal or on the back? If you say one naughty joke, I'm done. If you say one naughty joke, does the water from the faucet hit your chest or your back? My chest. It is my chest. Okay.

So, have you ever tried washing your hair like this? You were about to speak. Oh my god, you were about- You literally just fought your inner demons to speak. If you would have interrupted me again, my god. Okay, have you ever tried this? Since you're afraid you're gonna drown standing up in a bath in a shower. You don't get lost? No. I can- My shower's small. I can touch every- I can touch all of it. It sucks. Okay. Deep tub. Deep tub.

Deep tug. Tub. I can't even speak. Okay, here we go. Try this. Hey, piggy, next time you bathe, try this. Turn around. Water's now hitting your back. Is it hot? Yes. Back sensitive? Of course. But, take another half. You do. Take a watch of my crack. Like that. That's not weird. That's hygiene. That's hygienetic. I'm just trying to help your dreadlocks.

You need to turn around, water sit in your back, take a half step forward and go like this. - Oh you, you think I can do that? - Now, I know you don't have much dexterity. - No. - I know you don't have much balance. - No. - However, this is a very good, very good tool of the trade.

You just go like that, the water's gonna hit right here. It's very dangerous though, because if you go about three inches back, it's going straight up your nose. You will freak out, you will be drowning. So, I'm warning you, just go like this, let the water hit right there, and you just go...

Okay, I appreciate this. No water in your mouth, eyes, ears, nose, but it's all on your hair. I appreciate the suggestion, but let me tell you how it's not going to work. Because whenever water hits me in general, above the shoulders, I lose all sense of direction. You could tell me I'm on Jupiter right now, I'd believe it. I don't know where I'm at, what's happening. I couldn't spell my name backwards if you told me to. And then you tell me to move all my brain matter to the back. So now you're upside down and wet. And confused. You're like...

I didn't take it, I promise! I love them! They're like, "What?" Who's in there with me? I'm not sure. Well, you have weird dark thoughts, so... You probably got a couple friends. We have a shoutout? I was knowing that. No, no, no, deadass, deadass, not a question. Have we? Have we? I feel like there has to be a situation where we have.

No. I feel like you've been in the bathroom while I'm showering before. You have. In the bathroom while you're showering? Yes. We shared a bathroom. I was probably washing my hands and teeth. What are you doing? You're playing with your earlobe, you little freak. You're smiling, smirking. No, but can I tell you what I was going to say before you interrupt me? You know what? Go. Yeah. Go. So, I... No, but when it hits me, I get... It doesn't work. Because I provide value when I interrupt. You don't. God. Oh, you knew that. Oh, my God.

I'm trying to stay in character. Go. You know, I'm going to be respectful. Yeah, good. For once. So, look. So, whenever I learned this, whenever my parents came over this weekend, and I don't have much real estate for sitting in my apartment. You don't. At all. It's unbelievable. So, me and my mom and my dad are all sharing that couch and coffee table to eat.

And what I've realized, and I don't know if anybody else feels this way, I cannot, and I mean cannot, sit next to somebody whenever I'm eating. I can't. It's tough. I forget how to, like, swallow. I don't, like... Okay, what? Like, if you... You get, like, angst off of it? Yeah, like, if somebody's, like, say Woody right here is right, like, somebody's eating right where Woody's at, and they're eating their food and I'm eating my food, I can't. Your knees are touching, but your feet aren't. You knock-kneed son of a bitch.

You literally said, if somebody's like sitting right there, like we're not at a cookout. You're not in a foldable lawn chair with a paper plate. There's no short ribs and baked beans on this plate right now. You literally said, if somebody's eating next to me and they're sitting... Hey, there was some shit. Water? No.

Alright, there was water, there was tea. And raisins. Alright, our cookouts maybe had just salt and pepper. Sue me, alright? But one thing I want to say. You said it about ten minutes ago. And we share something, yet we're so far apart. Love for each other? No. We share the fact that we love our mothers. I love my mommy. I love my mommy too. Mommy, I love you. His mommy, he loves you. Now that we've established that, you are an ultimate mama's boy.

Ultimate mama's boy. Not as much as you. Cameron. Nathan. I am not. You are the biggest mother's boy I've ever met. You are the biggest mama's boy I've ever met. How? You want to change vernacular? How? How? How? Go grab the steed. How? Why? Why? Why? Why? How?

Hey, I don't know where Peyton went, I don't want Uncle Randy, whoever you just like summoned to defend yourself, I want Peyton. So no more, "Wha! How!" No more of that. Stick to you, buddy, and I'm gonna start roasting your ass.

You've lost your marbles, dog. That's the widest thing. That is the widest thing I've ever said on this show. That's the widest thing I've ever said on this show. Oh, my God. That cringed. My heart is racing. My heart's racing. You lost your marbles, buddy. Oh, my God. I said, newsflash, pal. You've lost your marbles. That is the widest thing. Oh, my God. Bro, the funniest shit is whenever they're trying to prove a point.

And y'all say, newsflash, buddy. Newsflash, buddy. You got it wrong. No, when someone's relative is like, they just get their license, and they're like, oh, make sure you stay off the road. It's like, shut your damn mouth. Oh, my God. No, when they, they, when we, when we eat something that's nowhere near spicy, and they clear their throat, and we go like this, it's got a little kick to it.

It's like it's like the blandest thing ever. It's like salsa from a restaurant. It's like too much pepper on it. Oh, it's got a little kick. Oh my gosh. We all get upset, but you're still trying to be professional. Okay, no more Mr. Nice Guy. No more Mr. Nice Guy. Oh.

Oh my God, what's the deal? Oh, whenever y'all about to leave a restaurant and like everybody's like ready to leave, but you're that person to confirm it. It's like, let's skedaddle. Yeah, yeah. All right, let's get to it or something. What's a skedaddle? No, bro. When you walk past someone, instead of just going by your day, it's always like, oh yeah, excuse me there, right? It's those little one words. I was in an Uber one time and it was, you know,

And there was one person in front of us and the light turned green and they didn't go fast enough. And the guy goes, it's not your shade of green, pal. We're like, what? It's not your shade of green? He's just on his phone. It's like, just shut up. Just drive. Oh, shit. When, uh, when like plans fall apart and they go, all right, let's just play it by ear. Like what is playing it by ear? What does that mean?

Okay, we got to get out of this. This is too funny. Guys, this is all jokes if anybody got offended. We got one of yours here. I'm allowed to say it. Sometimes I get frustrated whenever Netflix takes off my favorite show on USA Netflix. God, it's so annoying. But thank God we got NordVPN. NordVPN allows you to change your server to a different country just like...

like that. And then boom, my favorite show is back on USA Netflix. NordVPN is super beneficial for multiple different things. Watching sporting events, TV shows, films, booking flights, all these things. NordVPN is the fastest VPN in the world. No buffering, no lagging while streaming and stops your ISP bandwidth throttling. With NordVPN only being the price of a cup of coffee a month, there's no need not to get it

and one nordvpn account guess how many devices i think i heard it was six bing bing bing bing bing six devices on one account one account for one cup of joe a month to grab our huge discount off your nordvpn plan go to nordvpn.com ysk you can receive an extra four months free and there's no risk with nord's 30-day money-back guarantee the link is in the episode description box remember

that's nordvpn.com slash ysk and receive an extra four months for free now on to the rest of the episode we're all arts oh my god back to mom oh yeah no you're definitely you're nuts you're definitely a bigger mama's boy than me ludicrous cam did your mom do your laundry right now yes or no whenever you go visit my choice it's my choice i've already

I've already said that. I don't ask her to. She grabs it and does it. No, you, I've been in your house and you've called your mom and said, what settings do I put the dryer on? You don't know. Oh my God. You're 25. What settings do I put? You want to talk about 25? You live in a mountain of crumbs until your mom or your maid cleans up after you. M or M, and I'm not talking about candy. M and M, mom or maid, you will live in dust, debris, and crumbs until your mom cleans your apartment. Yes or no?

Whenever you go visit your mom and she's worked eight hours a day and she comes out of her room tired as hell, you're like, Mom, can you make me oatmeal? You're 25. Turn on the microwave. She makes it better. What do you want me to do? In microwave? That's how you know your oatmeal is ass. Make it on the stovetop. You want to talk about 25. You're 24 and you only use a microwave. Matter of fact, your microwave is six hours off. It is in a completely different spot on the earth.

Completely different time zone. Oh my, Cam, your mom puts on patches for you. When you have boo-boos, when you scrape your knee, she puts alcohol and rubs it over with a band-aid. Yes, she does. No. Yes, she does. No. No, she doesn't. No, she doesn't. No, you don't, Lisa. Don't even listen to him.

You are a single man. You have 15 bath towels. You will go through all 15, dirty as hell, and they do not get washed until your mother makes a special guest appearance. That's not true. Oh, my God, it's as factual. No, it's not. That could be law. It is as factual as facts get. It could be as factual as fact is. Cam, no, I don't. Then why the other night when I had to bathe at your place, you have 17 bath towels, you live by yourself in a... Oh, my God, I'm with my...

You live by yourself in an apartment, one man, 17 towels of all different shades of colors, and you, I had to dry off with a dirty towel. Yes or no, when you had to go get your cavity filled at 22 years old, did you call your mom so she could be right beside you and hold your hand because you're scared of the numbing gel? Never had a cavity at 22. Rot in hell. Yes, you did. See, you're a liar. We can't do this if you lie. You know that's a damn lie. I did not have a cavity at 22 years old. My teeth have been pearly white since the age of 19. I...

That's a lie. It's 17. I got them off junior year. No, no. You got some kind of oral work done with your mom holding your hand. No, I did not. Yes, she did. No, I did not. She gave you a lollipop after. I had a routine six-month dental cleaning. And you held your mom's hand. She was not there. She was not there. She drove you. I love going to the dentist. You are terrified of them for good reason. Anyway, yes or no? Oh my, this ends it. Yes or no, do you still lay with your mom when you get nightmares when you're at home? Boom, bitch!

No, I don't sleep there. You're 24. You're double the applicable age of nightmares. No, but they're scary. If you're a nightmare at 24, wake up, brush that shit off, glass of water, back to the bed. No, I go hug my mom, make sure she's okay. Make sure she's okay. She's probably like, get your bony ass out of here. And your dad's just like this. Yes or no, does your mom still schedule appointments for you?

Well, it depends on... I mean... She does for me, too. I like it. It's either my mom or Liv. I love it. It's like I have a little assistant. Okay, yeah, we're both mama's boys. But there's nothing wrong with it. I'm trying to make a peace treaty. Nah. This is the Treaty of Versailles of 1774. I see Edward. What's his name? Jeremiah. I saw him again. Where is he? I saw him again. No, no. The gnat flying around your skull. Oh, they're talking about my phone. No. I'm trying to make peace. No, I got a question for you, Kim. This offer is going to leave the...

That's the most disrespectful thing you've ever done. I think- When's the last time you clipped your toenails? 'Cause I can't let that go. I saw your shit last week and it scared me. Like literally, your toenail is about to close the- No it's not. It's about to close over the toe. No. When's the last time you clipped them? Oh my god.

You don't own a pair of... Oh my god, you don't own a pair of nail clippers. No, I don't. But I can tell... Oh, no. I can't do it. I can't do it. Don't you say a damn word about my toe ever again. Yours is infected. I have one infected toe. I can cut these and be fine. You can't get rid of that. I have one infected toe that's green, yellow, and brown. And I have nine good ones that I clip regularly. I clip the big guy, too. It's a little extra tough, though. Your toenail could be the flag of a small county.

Yours are so multicolored and big. Speaking of beds and like sheets and towels and all that. I need new ones. I have a hard time getting up in the morning, but I found a solution. I doubt that. If I can't get out of bed in the morning, I suffocate myself. I swear to God, I've been doing it and I've been getting up at like 7 a.m.

It's because I can't, bro. I can't do it. Is that illegal to say? What the hell is wrong with you? Is that against code? What in the hell is wrong with you? No, okay, so you know I got... Please humor me. How does one... I found blood on my comforter. How...

It was like something went like this with blood. You found blood on your bed? Yeah, it's because I had a scab. I pick at myself in my sleep. I'll wake up and I'll be like in my ear. I always have my finger in my ear or sometimes I scratch my canine tooth. Anyway, but whenever I get up in the morning and so the reason I can't get up in the morning sometimes is because my bed is too cold. My room is too cold, right? That's fantastic. And I can't, no, I can't get up. I'm scared to get up because I'm so small. And then like...

And I don't have clothes around. You know what I'm talking about? There's like no resource for me. And a lot of people go into their bathroom because it's warmer because it's a smaller area. My bathroom is big and open. And it's right by the outside, so it's cold.

So, I'll go like this. I'll grab my... I don't know if I should show a demonstration, but just know I make it real hard for the H2O. I mean, the X2... Whatever the fuck the oxygen is. Carbon something. I make it real hard for that to come into my body. I make it hard for the evanescence of the oxygen. But I also do have a question. Okay. Public bathrooms, right? Mm-hmm. I don't use them because I'm scared. That's so... That's so... You know what I want to say. You already know I'm scared of social interaction, right? No. Okay.

And then I feel vulnerable whenever my literal sphincter is open and my internal excrete is coming out. It's in the bowl. It's in the toilet bowl. But I don't like my Johnson being out and my butt cheeks being out and I'm around my ankles. I'm sitting, I'm cold, and it's lower than a 90 degree. I can't get up quick if I needed to if there's an emergency situation. If the fire extinguisher turns on, I am toast. Fire extinguishers don't turn on. If the fire machine... What the... What is it called? The shit that beeps. Fire alarm? If the fire alarm comes on... Oh...

I set my fire alarm off whenever I came back from Ryan's dinner the other night. So I couldn't find a supercharger until 345 in the morning. I swear to God, I was driving for so long, I got so mad. I should have just used the one across the street. But I wanted to get closer to home. So then when I got home, I was feeding for cinnamon toast, cinnamon bread with raisins. I love it, but I like to toast it lightly and then put a coat of butter on it.

So I was doing that. And so I was putting in the toaster and then I went to the shower. Fire alarm started going off. Wow. Four in the morning. I was like, oh, I'm the I'm the asshole of the apartment. You're getting booted. So then I took my toaster. I taught. I went outside. I tossed the two bread out of the thing, hit the ground. Somebody's car has toast in it now. And then I put my thing outside for two business days. Now, what I was saying was, well, I'm scared of a public bathroom, right?

I'm scared of a public bathroom. It's because I don't know what to say if someone knocks on the door and I'm using it. Like, if I'm sitting down, right? That's a very good point. I'm sitting down. Oh, no, no, no, no. Put your pants on. No, put your pants on. No, put your pants on. No, put your pants on. Put your pants on. Put your shorts on. I have drawers on. Put your shorts on. I'm sitting down, right? I'm sitting. I'm hurting. I'm like, ah! Your legs are so tiny. They're so feeble.

So you're sitting there hurting. I couldn't kick anything. Let's role play. Go. All right, all right. So say hello. You don't need to pull your shorts back down. I promise you, you don't need to pull your shorts back down. Okay, ready? So I'm sitting, right? You're sitting hurting. I flapped it so it doesn't get into the toilet. My shoes are off for max comfortability. See, you're so concerned about external factors. If I have to poop, I literally go, damn, how quick can I poop and get out of here? Bro, that's why your butt is nasty. You're checking. Oh, you just see my ass. You know the autopsy of my ass. Oh, yeah, you have. It's like a second moon. It's so bright.

You could light up an ecosystem. It's porcelain though. Yeah, because it's mixed with the porcelain on the john that you sit on since you were two years old. Okay, okay, Mr. Flap shirt, hang jacket, check surroundings, cover fire alarm, take off shoes, roll up socks, take down pants, squeeze, knock knees. So I'm sitting, right? And I'm pooping, right? Okay, and you hear this. Stop! See, first off, there should be a crack in the door. You should know someone's coming. You want to know the key? This is all you got to do. Ahem.

That's all I do every time. If someone walks in, I just go... It's like you make your presence known without saying, hey, I'm in here. You cough. Yeah. It's a weird... It's a strange thing. But when I cough, more comes out. But that's good. Is that not what you're trying to do? No, but if I switch up the organic flow a bit... You mean a hernia or something? No, it hurts. You go...

Now you're- you went from STOP to- AH HELP! They got a bus down, they see you're knocking these skinny hairy legs, your shirt's on- they think they're coming into some freak ass scene. You're literally just like this: "Ow!"

Now, that would be a nightmare. No, but like some people say, Ocupado. Ocupado. What bathroom did you go and knock on when someone said, Ocupado? Movies. I've seen it in film. What film? I don't remember. I didn't get the script. Try it. Try the cough. Ready? Hey, you good, man? You good? Hey, dog, are you in there or not? I need to take a shit. Are you? That's it. I'm coming in. Stop!

Alright, wait for me. Wait for me. Wait for you? You know what? I'll roleplay too. I'm an angry trucker that's on a 17 hour drive. And you really gotta shit. And I really gotta shit. There's one stall, okay? The hell you do? You cough and get off the pot, bastard! You're over here talking sissy shit. I can't even hear you. Don't whisper, man. Get out! Now I'm using it. Move! We're not sharing shit, you freak bag! Just let me whine.

I would, I hope, I hope that trucker just beats you senselessly. I hope he literally drags you out of that stall, whoops your ass, and leaves you bare-ass on a, bro, bare-ass on a public bathroom, you're getting the disease. 100%. You said you'd do that. No, I'm talking about on the bathroom floor. If you put your bare ass, something's crawling in your butthole. 100%, bro. There's going to be a little vermin going up there. Oh, also, I don't believe in jean jackets.

I don't believe it. Your... your mind is phenomenal. No, it's 'cause you said truckers. You said truckers. What trucker you know wears a jean jacket? I've actually never heard of it. Holy shit.

Bro, you look like that or like a Greek warrior. Like a city guard from back in the day. But I don't believe in jean jackets. What does that mean? I don't believe in it. I don't think that's of Christ. You don't like them? I don't think anybody believes in the holy word. What does that mean though? How do you not believe in it? I don't feel like it.

Anything that belongs on your lower part. Your barts. Anything that was designed for pantaloons shouldn't be across your sternum. I don't, like, that's just like, you're greedy. So what do you think? That's not right. Take that off. You're pushing an agenda. As someone who's worn a few jean jackets in their life, I never felt good enough. You had some cool. I never felt confident. I always felt like Avril Lavigne. Like, I don't feel good enough.

She's never done that. No, I know. That was Adam Lambert. They're the same in my mind. Okay. But it's a strange thing. So if you don't even like jean jackets, you hate people that go denim on denim. I actually do like it. What are we doing? What are we doing? I'm not saying it.

So you hate a Jean Jacket by itself, but when it's better part and other companion, it's the OG is there. You don't mind the remix. No, I'm saying I appreciate a good fit. Right. I always do. I'm saying if I could go back in time and eliminate that person's idea. Yeah. Not them as a human. Just that idea. Like, who do you think I am? Yeah. I'll just be like, hey, that's not good and stop them. Then I should be. I'd be like, hey.

Greed isn't a good trait. Like, that belongs on my pants. That's like saying, like, in 2047, are we going to walk around with shoes on our hands? You know what I mean? Like, am I going to walk around with a new balance on my paws? No. Ooh, a hand shoe wouldn't be bad. We should try to jump in that market. You can do that by yourself. That's a venture you and Liv can take on. That'd be good. It'd be great for ambidextrous, like, running. What? Like, really having to get away from someone. Do you think I could run faster than you on all fours? No.

And at this exact moment in time, yes, my back is shot. Fully healthy and stretched? No. I can. My posterior chain is so impressive compared to yours. I don't know what that is. There's no shot. Exactly. That doesn't give you more knowledge, does it? You don't have the mental head space? I'm going in with the mental knowledge, the confidence, and the overall ability to do so. That's the thing with you. That's the thing with you. People, you know what I don't like? People say I can't admit when I'm wrong. And that's not true. That's so true. No, it's not. Yes, it is. How? How?

What do you mean? Look at you. What do you mean you can't admit when you're wrong? You never admit when you're wrong. You can't admit when you're wrong. I can't admit when I'm wrong all the time. I'm just rarely wrong. Oh, that's a bullshit answer. You're rarely wrong. I'm good at saying, am I sorry? I'm bad. What? That was painful. You can't even say it. I always admit when I'm wrong. No, you don't. Lions say I'm not one of the smartest people we've ever met.

You're smart. I'm one of the smartest people you ever met. No. Yes, I am. No. No, you're not. Cam. You're up there, but no. Give me a question. Give me like a hypothetical question that you think I would lie about or I'd be wrong about. Give me a hypothetical question. Could you outrun a horse? Yes. No, you cannot. No, you can't. We've already discussed this. No, you can't. Cam. Everybody said I was wrong about that because horsepower and cars and shit.

I'm not wrong. I've raced a horse. I've raced a horse. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You were at the pasture and he was in circles and so was I. He was in circles. Listen to yourself. You're talking about a pasture and a little donkey ass horse that you already raced. Listen to yourself. All right. You're wrong. I'm wrong. Yeah. Fine. Point. You're seizing over. You said like you can't do it.

We are arguing about the fact that you can't do it. No, just because that's the thing. You just don't believe in me. What? Just because I believe in myself doesn't mean I'm not wrong. Just because I believe in myself doesn't make me wrong. And just because you're confident doesn't make you right. I'm not saying I'm not wrong. You cannot run a horse.

Okay. Most of them, yeah. Not all of them. Not the ones that do the damn races. Admit it. I'm faster than most people. Say you're wrong. I'm faster than most people. Say you're wrong. Doesn't mean I can beat Usain Bolt. Yeah, sure. You put a damn steroid in a horse. Give it an advantage and train it for 365 days and give it a cool name and have billionaires bet on it. I can't beat that one. But most domestic horses, the horse in your grandmama's backyard, bet you I'm dusting that son of a bitch.

Dude, that's the thing with people, dog. Hey, end it right now by saying you're wrong. About what? Something you're wrong about. What have you been wrong about? I can't tell you. Oh, let me guess. Nothing? Nothing. Just because you harp on your losses doesn't mean I'm wrong. Oh. I just, it's so few.

Cam, I've been looking for the best deal on Drake tickets, because Drake's coming to Dallas in September. He is. Tickets are expensive, and they're hard to come by, and you can't trust these dumb websites. No. But you know a website I can trust? What is that? SeatGeek. Today's video is sponsored by SeatGeek. With over 28 million downloads, SeatGeek is the number one rated ticketing app. Number one! There are more than 70,000 events every single day on SeatGeek, including concerts, sports,

festivals, and much, much more. Cam, you know the queen of all queens, the queen bee is coming to Dallas, Texas, AT&T Stadium, and I am very excited to go see her. Beyonce. And I found a very easy way to do it. It's SeatGeek. All you do is open up SeatGeek. It shows that Beyonce at AT&T Stadium. You click that, and then boom, all the tickets right there.

ready for you. SeatGeek makes it super simple. They put all tickets across the web in one place to make sure you're getting a good deal. Each ticket is rated on a scale of 1 to 10, so look for the green dots. Green means good, red means bad. Every ticket is backed by their buyer guarantee and SeatGeek is the only site that lets you return your tickets ahead of the event with swaps.

And you already know we came through for you guys. So use our code YSK for $20 off tickets at Seageek. Yep. That's $20 off your first purchase with promo code YSK. Make sure you click the link in the description to download the app. Now on to the rest of the episode. Honestly, I think I could be a good undercover agent for like the FBI. Like I'd be a good informant. Are you stupid?

Like, okay. I try to refrain from that. I swear to God I do. I try to just go in. But are you stupid? No, I feel like I'm good at, like, getting people to trust me. And, like, I could be like, give me all you got. No. What? You think that's what PIs do? Yes. And if...

Try me. Give me all you got. If someone talks to you in public, you freak out. No. And you want to be an informant. No, because that's regular day. What classified information are you going to get out of someone? No, that's regular day life. If it's my job, if I'm getting a paycheck for it, best belief, I'll find you the dealer and the supplier. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Try me. Try me. Try you. Yeah, you be the criminal on the street that's selling bad things.

What the jazz hands was that? See, right there I'd go, oh, this guy's a clown. Get him out of here. No, okay, you be the bad guy. And they say, you're on the corner, right? Mm-hmm, chilling. You're doing naughty things. And I come up to you. Excuse me, sir. Excuse me. Hey! Bro, who are you yelling at? Sorry, I didn't know if you had your AirPods in. Hey, man. And that's how it'd go. You scream at me when you're trying to buy some contraband. Let me try again. Yeah, go again, please. Hey, man. Hey.

What's up, bro? What can I do for you? What's up, dog? What's up, bro? Oh, germs, yeah. I get it. Hey, man, I heard around town, man, you got that stuff? Man, I don't got nothing. I don't know what you're talking about. Why are you laughing? You would suck so bad. No, no. All right, you talk to me.

I don't want to talk to you. You're the ops. You're the feds. No, you don't know who I am. That's my point. You don't know who I am. All right. I have this street. I have extras. You're a street cred. You look cool. I hired extras. I got people around me, and I made it seem like I've already done a transaction. Okay. And then you're a hustler. Okay, here we go. So you're like, cool. Here we go. What is that? Stop that shit. I don't know why. It's like reminding me of SpongeBob. I don't know why. Okay. All right. Ready? Okay, here we go. I appreciate you, dog. Hey, bro. What's up, man? What's up?

You literally can't even get past sup, man. Alright, try me again, try me again. Okay, alright, here we go. Ready? Oh, oh, oh, I tilted that? Low like that? Yeah. So you can't see my eyes. Alright, here we go. Yep. Hey, big homie. Hello? What's up, man? Sorry. What's up? What's up, bro? What's up, dawg? Hey, I saw you, uh, I saw you over on 44th earlier. I was wondering if you, if you need something. You a cop? Am I a cop? Mm-hmm. No? Me neither. Hey, I'm good, big dawg.

Hey, I'm going to go this way. Trust me. As a matter of fact. No, trust me. Hey, I don't ever want to see your face on this side of town again. Trust me again. Trust me again. Trust you again? Trust me. You're going to ask for his trust in the first 40 words you say to him. Please trust me. You might as well wear your damn badge. No. He's like, I'm not a cop. Oh, oh. No, try me again. All right. Okay, okay. No, say...

Say you're a newbie on the street and you don't really know how things work. I'm a... And I'm trying to get to you. Oh, so you're picking the easiest prey and you're still going to suck. Yeah, because I'm trying to get to you to get to the top, dawg. Okay. Yeah. Hey, big homie. Hey, what's up, little shoes? Hey, dawg, don't make fun of my feet, bro. My bad, dude. Sneakers are out of style, though.

Hey, your sneak's dirty as fuck, dawg. Hey, I thought yours was supposed to be white. Hey, anyway, bro, I saw you with my homeboy Chris the other night, and I was just wondering if you need something. Just let me know. Oh, yeah, C2. That's my homie C2. C2? Yeah, Chris Chris. C2. Hey, matter of fact, what's Chris's last name, bro? You're asking for a lot of information, dawg. It's Williams. I'm out of here. Give me a chance. You're like, oh, please.

I promise I'm not the feds. One more time. I'll come up to you. You suck. But be more cordial. Okay, don't be a weird ass. This is real life. Don't be a weird ass. You're acting like a square and you're getting mad that I'm not running in the opposite direction when I'm doing illegal activity. But just be you. You gotta be cooler. Be normal. No, be you, but you just sell things. I can't tell you to just be you because you would never be an informant. This is my trial. You don't act like that.

You don't act like that. Alright, here we go. Hey, what's up, dawg? Hey, what's up, bro? What's up, man? I'm new here. Alright. I'm looking for a... I'm looking for it, man. What? I heard... The coffee shop? No, no, no. It's that way, bro. Hey, take a right. I just... I live in your same building. I saw you coming out the elevator. Oh, so you're watching me and shit. Were you trying to run my pockets?

What's good, bro? I can't run in pockets. Oh, now you got jokes. You're a funny guy. Big comedian, huh? I don't see why this has to get so physical. I'm trying to... I haven't touched you yet. I'm about to put these paws on you, though. I just wanted to... Hey, another thing is, I don't like how you got both your hands open toward me. Show some respect. Put them shits in your pocket. Oh, you're going to cross them? Okay. I take that as a threat. Give me a chance. Hold on. Man, don't tell me what to do. All right, all right.

Hey, man, I saw you coming out the building, and we live in the same building. I just moved in from North Carolina. That's pretty weird, bro. I saw you? Yeah. I came in from North Carolina. What, do you need a friend or something? What are you talking to me for? Well, I have a... I like that grass. Cool. We got straight concrete around here. Wrong building for you. No, I mean that smoky. That smoky. What are you saying? I can't help you with that. I went to a private school. It'll be $40. Oh, $40 for the smoky? Yeah.

Here you go. Man, you got-- it's $40 right now. You get nothing. Here you go, $40. I ain't giving you shit. I got nothing to give you. Don't ever let me see your face again. Freeze! Freeze, please! You suck. See, you absolutely panic. No, okay. I don't panic. Matt, you know what? No, let's take it to the next level. Okay. What if they caught you? Caught me? How calm, cool, and collected would you be if they caught you? I'd run. Oh, you'd run? No, I don't-- Little Bambi would run from the bush.

No, my other informant friends are here with me. Oh, your other informant friends? You got a squadron? You got a whole case study open? Let's role play that, okay? You get in with the guy, okay? You're cool with him, right? Yeah, we're cool now. I appreciate you, dog. Did you already give me the stuff? I don't know which part we're on.

What part are we on? Okay. So it comes out. Boom. Say we're at a little house party. You're like two months into the operation. Oh, okay. Yeah. So you're really deep. We're deep. We're friends. I bought the whole North Carolina bullshit. We're cool. Okay. I invite you to the crib. Yeah. You go to the bathroom. You leave your phone on the thing. Okay. I see a message. It says Sarge. And it says, need new information updates for our higher ups. Okay. Come out the bathroom. I press your ass. Yeah. Ready? Here we go. And scene. Hey, dog. What's this on your phone, bro? Who's Sarge? Oh, that's my friend. That's your friend. What's his name? Sarge.

His name is Sarge? His name's Sergio. Are you a cop? No. You're a cop, bro? Can I explain before you yell at me, bro? We're friends. Listen. You better say something right now. Listen. You better say something right now. I'm trying to. You're yelling at me. Oh, what are you getting offensive? No. So look, his name is Sergio and he owns a tattoo shop. So his name's Sergio, but he got him as Sarge. Yeah, like Serge. You just read it wrong. So why would you put Sarge? What are you talking about? He needs information for higher ups. I wanted to get a matching tattoo. You wanted to get a matching tattoo with who? Me? Man, that's some freak shit, bro. You're a cop.

Show me your wallet right now. Oh, you're a cop? Yeah, that's it.

Are you nuts? You said, yeah, I'm a cop. It's because you started yelling at me. What do you think they're going to do? We're supposed to be friends. What do you think, SWAT's going to kick the door down and save you? Maybe. You would be the FBI would never, ever, ever go to your LinkedIn, your Indeed profile. They would, oh my God, it would be the furthest thing from reaching out to you. No, but people aren't normally as mean as you. You would absolutely suck as an informant. No, if I got some practice. No, it's just because you're not a good person. It's fine.

I'm not a good... You think these guys are just good people? Yeah, in bad situations. Oh, aren't you a big Martha Stewart with your big old heart? Do you even know who Martha Stewart is? I think she cooks. Yeah, and she was in jail. And she kept it ten toes down. Yeah, that's what it was. She didn't snitch. You would snitch. Honestly? Oh, I would snitch when you just went on a rant about how you'd be a good PI at Informant. Okay, honestly, Cam. Honestly, you love me, right? Yes, I wouldn't snitch on you. I wouldn't snitch on you. Okay, let me give you a scenario then. Okay, go. You wouldn't snitch on me. No.

I would not snitch on you because I have full faith in my heart that you would do everything in your power to get me out. You think I'm a lawyer? So much I can do. I'll give you shout outs on the podcast maybe. That's it? Okay, give me the scenario. Maybe I will snitch. Rat snitch.

Say I turn into a... Like, say... A bang-bang, hands-up type of guy. Say I bang-bang somebody. Okay. And I hit him. Okay. Then they found him. Okay. And they say, go to jail, Peyton. And then...

You in your heart. I think you're painting this picture to where you're going to have to end up stitching on me. The way it sounds already, you said you bang bang somebody, you hit them, they confront you and you go, Cam knew. Like that's literally where this was going. Okay, that's not a good scenario. I'm not sure I would have snitched. Jesus. New scenario. Say we robbed a bank together. Okay. They only catch me.

They only catch you. They see two people on the CCTVs. Listen, listen, listen. So say we robbed the bank together, right? Okay. You got caught. You're the only one that got caught. But they know there's two people in the car. That's unfortunate. And they say, Cameron. Michael Kennedy. We will let you off free. No jail time. Nothing on your record. If you tell us who that other person was in the car that robbed the bank with you. If not, you get 25 years no parole.

Kiss my ass. It was a homeless guy I met under the street. He needed the money too. But they say if you lie to us, you get the penalty. Wow. So you can't lie. Okay. I'd say lie detector test isn't admissible under the court of law. You wouldn't snitch on me? No. I would throw you under the bus so quick. Oh my God. You're seeing your life from mine. You should have robbed the bank, dumbass. You did it with me. You wanted just as much.

That's insane behavior. No, but if we're talking realistically, you're the one that probably formulated the whole thing, did the strategy, so it should be on you anyway. Why am I? Okay, if we're realistically, we're not robbing a bank. So let's do something else. It's like two years. I'm not snitching on you.

If we end up, say it's fraud. And it is complete like, it wasn't no. It wasn't anything like we didn't intend to do any crime. Something gets caught up. We get audited, whatever. And it's like, it looks bad, but it wasn't what it meant to be. And I'm facing three years. And they go, or you tell us exactly what Peyton did. And we cut you for 90 day sentence. I would say, I already told you once. We did not mean to do any of this. Peyton did not do anything that was illegal or any suspicious activity. Good.

Now, bastard, what would you do to not let me sit in there for over a thousand days? First of all, I'd be like, is it hard proof that they have us?

Because I wouldn't just admit that, like, I didn't mean it. Well, they think they have us. Oh, die with the lie until they have something. They had something and they said that. No, no, no, no, no. The lie is already dead. I'm already six feet in the cell, okay? What are you doing to get me out? So what's the scenario? Say, like, I'm in jail. That's the scenario. I'm incarcerated. And they say, what's my offer? What's my offer? You're no, you are out. I didn't snitch on you. So they said, you know what? No, you said, what would I do? So give me the offer again.

There's no offer. Listen, dumbass, you just said no. What would you do? They only caught me, but they think it was both of us. I take all the blame. Okay. So you are scotching. You're asking what I would do about it. You are living day-to-day free life like you normally would. Vacation. Vacation. What do you want me to do? Go to the bar exam? No, I want you to be a lawyer. I want you to go get the best lawyer. I can't afford that. Yeah.

Make some scrap and make some shit shake because I'm not rotting in that cell. I'd visit you. You'd visit me, bring me meatloaf. I don't want that shit. I don't want to see you on the other side. I want to be on the other side of the barge. I'd bring your dog. You'd bring me Ruby. Oh, we could do telephone podcasts. You're going to give me a burner and I'm going to record a song on a Motorola Razr? No, you can do it on the phone. You get a one call a day. Mm-hmm.

No, you better get me out of that jail. I don't know who you think I am, bro. Jason Bourne? You're a sick bastard. I would be literally researching every day. Because you live with a guilty conscience. I would be researching every day. So you wouldn't be living with a guilty conscience if your best friend was incarcerated for something we both didn't need to do. You got caught, dawg.

Eat it. That is bullshit. You're gonna eat a left cross when I get out. That's what you're gonna eat. And then you're going back. I'm snitching again. He hit me. You are a... He's a felon. He hit me. You're a sicko. He owns a gun. That is unbelievable. What? He's a felon with a gun. Get him. Who said I had a gun? I'd just make it up. I'd give you one. That's unbelievable. Alright, I like this. Give me some more would you rathers. Give me a would you rather. Would you rather. Would you rather sneeze every time you have to say hi, hello, how's it going? Oh god. Every time. Nope.

Or, anytime somebody asks you a question, you fart.

You just poop your pants right then and there. Oh, that's sick. Some of them are loud. Some of them are quiet. Some of them are a little... They all stink. They all stink. They all stink on a 7 out of 10 scale. All of your sneezes are like aggressive sneezes. So every time I say hi, I sneeze? It's not like a little... It's like a gazoom type of thing. Yeah, it's like a... No, public sneezing is my biggest fear. What does that mean? What is scary about that? No, I had to go to the nurse in school. I was trying to hold a sneeze for two periods. What?

My nose bled. Oh, you almost had an aneurysm by simply not wanting to sneeze. What is scary about sneezing in public? Because it's so disorienting and it's so damn vulnerable. You see inside of me. I don't like that. You're going, your mouth's open, nose is open. Yeah. Okay, so what do you think? And I can't cute sneeze. Every time I sneeze, some shit's hitting the wall. You just said cute sneeze. Yeah, you know girls give me... You're not a girl. You don't know what I got. So you want to go...

That right there? Yeah, a little cute sneeze. When I sneeze, that shit is violent. Yeah. And it's always going to hit something. And I got to... Oh, let's up the ante. Let's up the ante. Okay.

The farts are now 8.5 out of 10 stink. I'm talking about you can clear a damn elevator. But the thing is... Or... There's visible booger slash snot. Oh, hell no. I always think I got... You're gonna be Pootie McGee. The amount of questions you get. The amount of questions you get. You're gonna fry yourself. You're gonna gas grenade yourself. You're on the phone. Hey, so what happened last... Oh, shit.

Hey, Peyton, what was that? Oh, and they're going to, are you all right? Those are all questions. Can we take a picture? Yeah. Oh, oh my God. Oh my God. Our fan interactions. Hey, are y'all the guys from the podcast? You're just shitting on yourself. You really believe you'd have a wet crack. I already do.

But now it'd be Louisiana. But the thing is with me, dude, I naturally don't smell good. You need to stop saying the word dude. Every time you say it, I think you have skinny jeans and a skateboard. The way you sound when you say dude, you definitely have a Justin Bieber. You're like, see with me, dude. How long do you think you can hold me on your back? Right now, none. None. Like zero seconds. Okay, would you, for $4.7 million, I have to latch onto your shin like a koala bear for two years. Yes. You wouldn't go anywhere.

I wouldn't do anything but things in the house. What about when you have to poo? You'd be sitting there smelling shit. You'd be eye level with porcelain. You'd be eye level with sphincter and fecal matter. I breathed in my dad's poop the other day. It was so violent. And I really think that man needs some help. You breathed in your father's shit. I don't know if I can say this. He's going to get mad. He did work at the mall. We went to the mall together. And I was using the urinal. And he was using...

dude that's not my fault dog god made us it's you know what i mean shut up continue please and don't do that again you were using the urine i was using the urine i'm using the urinal trying to keep my balance and he was in the stall next to me and when i literally almost like disowned my father like it was one of i tasted it for two and a half hours afterwards okay

Are you sitting there mouth breathing like a fish? I have a bad mouth breathing problem. I didn't learn how to breathe out of my nose until I was 14. I swear to God, no, every time I used to have bad mouth breathing issues. I'd bite my tongue all the time. I panted like a dog almost. Nah, it's a troubling thing to remember because every time I'd be sitting in my living room and my mom would be like, close your mouth. Oh my God. You're sitting there getting coached how to breathe. No, I did exercises. I swear to God, I Googled it. How do you breathe through your nose?

It's the same time I had my back brace. I didn't like the fact I made it out. God is good. God is good. You were in a Ninja Turtle back brace, which currently I need. You were breathing out of your mouth like an animal. Yeah. You had a tail, long hair, crooked teeth, didn't smell good. Deodorant didn't work. Not too many friends. Decent. That doesn't make me feel too good. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. There's some things I hate about you. Oh, ditto, buddy.

Ditto. Your fingers, disgust. My fingers? Your shits are like this. Because I'm a man of work. No, you're a man of sport with low dexterity and hand-eye coordination. There's so many chest passes you went to catch like this. That's not how I broke my fingers. It's because I grabbed jerseys. Then you're a dirty bastard and you deserve your fingers broken. Your fingers are like Little Debbie sausages. No, they're not. And you feel like Spider-Man.

What does that mean? You're like clammy and wet and you can shoot a web any time. I'm clammy and wet? Yes. Swipe the back of your knee. You do it. No, my knee. No, freak. Right here. Your shorts are very high up. Your shorts are riding up. I can almost see all of your leg lineage. I want to practice MMA but only wear boxers. That's a weird thing. I've always wanted to do that too. I've been doing it. Like that video with Mike Tyson? Yeah. How he's boxing just in boxes. Yeah. Right.

thing to say we just said that's a very weird you're a sick mother you're i think it's time for people's please favorite segment you know what that is pop culture pop culture he have no rhythm because i was on a different beat so you change it out of nowhere hey get your pet fly and take him home with you jeremiah

You know what? I was gonna let you go first this week. I'm going first. My pop culture, Netflix dropped it. That is scary. So is your breath. So is your head. Oh! You asked me a question. Yeah, right there. I'd be like, what's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? You'd be like... I'd shit myself at that point. My pop culture this week is the... Give me a quick drumroll. Dramatic.

Johnny Depp vs. Amber Heard documentary. Boom. Live on Netflix right now. Me and Olivia are going to watch it tonight. It's kind of weird because it's one of those things I already know how it ends. So it's not going to be the best of watch. But I just want to see all the... It's not good? You've already seen it? It's not like a documentary. Oh, it's not? It's not like where there's confessionals and people are talking and you're going to get an interview from Johnny Depp. So it's basically just like a 1440p version of everything we saw through social media. Exactly. So basically what it is is they take...

footage from the trial they play the like reference actual footage from like the shit that was admitted into the trial and then they showed like social media reactions and I'm like I only did one episode so maybe they do more after that oh there's episodes yeah it says it says seasons on it

I'm not watching that shit. Oh, I thought it was a one... It'll get better then. If you only did one episode, whatever pilot episode... Dude, Ozark had the greatest pilot episode ever. Oh my god, it was so good. Oh my lord. So did Suits. Suits, Suits pilot was good. Because it's like an hour and 45. Suits pilot was good. Suits is a great show. We're both currently binging that. I finished it. What? No, you did not. I'm trying to say it so they don't spoil it. Oh. Well, okay. Um...

Yeah, don't spoil that. But I guess I'm not watching it. Maybe it does suck. I was kind of interested in it, but I guess not anymore. Oh, they're doing the Love is Blind. They're doing the after the altar thing. It's supposed to be after the altar, but they're doing flag football. I don't give a shit who can run a 40. And they already did after the altar with that group. Money. For real, though. Are they still together? Those couples? What's his name in Chelsea? What's his name? They do the played soccer? Kwame and Chelsea are. That's a surprise.

Oh, oh, I'll switch my topic. Okay. So disregard what I said, people. Apparently it sucks, according to Payton. Um, the... Okay, help me out. Love is Blind. Yep. The season... It might have been the same season. The guy who... I forgot their names. I think the... The guy who was like a serial killer? Kind of, but no. Um...

The girl that was really weird had the weird stuff in her apartment. It was like really when they went to Mexico, she got sick. She didn't like, okay, did you see that? That thing on social media? He came out, he's starting a union against these shows. And it was like a huge, I think that's going to be a documentary that I would watch.

So basically the guy, I forgot that couple's name. It was one of the couples that clicked from the beginning. They ended up marrying each other, whatever. But he has this interview with somebody, and he's basically going on talking about how they are unfed. They're given all the alcohol they want, but they only get to eat when food is given to them. There's no sunlight. They don't have their phones. They lose track of time and days and stuff like that.

What's your viewpoint on that? I'm trying not to. Oh, let's hear it. I can't. It's spicy. It's pop culture. I don't like talking about controversial things on the podcast. It's pop culture. Let's hear it. It's spicy. I feel like there should be better living conditions for everybody. Right? I do believe that the workers and the contestants should be... And they were talking about the pay. They should be treated and paid accordingly to how much they are working. Right? Because they're bringing in millions of dollars. They deserve compensation in good conditions. That's the statement. But...

From my experience of how reality TV works and people I know that have been on reality TV, it is very, very laid out how everything's going to go. Yeah.

So I would be surprised if they didn't know what they were signing up for. And you can change your mind when you're there. That's fine. And I don't know anything for sure. This is not 100% fact. But I'm assuming that they got that contract. They got laid out of everything it's going to be. You already know whenever you're in reality TV, you don't get your phones. You already know they want you to lose track of time. That's in every reality TV show. There's no clocks. There's no nothing, obviously.

If they're not getting fed and stuff like that, yeah, that's wrong. And they're not getting paid right. But yeah. And really, in reality TV shows, you don't get paid. That's like... Yeah. No, your whole thing is reality TV and you're there for the exposure. Everybody gets on reality TV to make a career. To make a platform. Everybody does it. There's not... I'm not saying there's not one person. No one gets on it for... Like, the only reality... The only...

It'd be like game shows. There's a slight chance that you win the million dollar case on Deal or No Deal. But if you're going on a dating show, it's for America to fall in love with you or to hate you. Either or. Talk bad about you. Talk good about you. They're talking about you. And then you have a platform. Look at any reality TV show's Instagram while the show is airing.

they are promoting themselves. They're like, oh, the sponsors came in. This came in. Like, look at this. I'm starting this merch line of the cool thing I said. Look at Harry Jowsey. Harry Jowsey is probably one of the prime people to ever monetize their shit. He's a...

He's a millionaire now because he said things on Too Hot to Handle that he knew when he was going to say that he was going to make merch about it after. He was so smart, and then he made companies out of it. He did it smart. That's what everybody does, but they're just not as good as monetizing themselves off of it. So, I mean, I hope that everybody gets what they want out of it. And another thing, read your contracts.

Any point of life. I know I'm not telling you to go on reality TV, but read your contracts. Because apparently he was like, if you leave, if you get sick or tired of it or whatever, you could be sued up to $50,000 in damages. Yeah, don't sign it. Yeah, it's like sign it and deal with it while being nice. Everyone, of course, deserves to eat and stuff. Or don't. Yeah.

That's crazy, though. I feel like both sides can meet in the middle. I feel like there's a happy medium for everything. You just don't let greed and all that get in the way. And then everybody would be happy-go-lucky. Bro, I think that's a big thing. Greed is everything. Greed is the rule of, like...

evil now everybody wants more and i think that's why people say like businesses and they're talking about this on rory and maul everybody's like business is hard business is tough it really doesn't have to be like it's tough when you are always chasing something bigger better bigger better yeah and it's like you're never satisfied it's like just be honest and say this is what's going to come out of it this is what we want what do you want and it's not hard to find a happy medium it's really not

If one side's not trying to screw over the other or get something out of the other, then it's easy. But you heard it here first, folks. That was Pop Culture Paying in Kim. Pop Culture Paying in Kim. Woo!

I did it too early. You did. All right, guys. He did a shoe flip way too early. That is sacred, and he just ruined it for us. But we absolutely love you all. Thank you for tuning in. Don't you put your hands up, you little jazz hands. We absolutely love you all. Thank you for tuning in to Episode 75 of the You Should Know Podcast. We can't wait to be here next Monday. And like Peyton said in the intro...

There's going to be someone special next week. We're just going to leave it at that. I think it's next week. It's either next week or the next next week. Stop farting. I'm not even asking questions. Stop farting. But you've got to come back to see that. Any questions you have, everything is linked in the bio below, in the description of this video below. Everything, social medias, questions, Patreon, Koala Club. You've got some stuff cooking for you. Tell them about some stuff we're doing. Patreon coming. We are...

Now, this was a very old idea that is now being finalized and in the works. The field day is in the works, people. Me and Peyton. High production. Me and high production, high sweat volume. We are going to be dripping in sweat. Basically, for all of our new family members and maybe even new Koala Club members, me and Peyton are going to go on a one-on-one gladiatorial games against each other where we physically compete in a lot of events. And the winner takes home the grand prize of pride and bragging rights.

Let's put up real money. I don't like that game. I can have your new corner. You can have mine. Deal. Just kidding. But yeah, so be on the lookout. That'll be coming very soon. We have a little challenge coming next week. It's already done. Of course, the beautiful Mama Liv, her season is always in continuance. And we're about to film a what right now? An extended episode. An extended episode that only the Patreon Koala Club members get to watch.

Access. You're rough and naughty. So, join the Koala Club to see everything behind the scenes, see what we do when we're not doing this right here. We love you. To confuse the casuals and get your good karma, this week's code is... Look at me up there. You look very Gremlin-esque. What's your code, bubba? Secret code is P-P-B-I.

Peyton breaks in Peyton bad informant. I'm a good informant Peyton bad informant confused casuals leave it on all Instagram posts. Got that sweet stuff dog on the phone Hey, I'm not a cop. I promise trust me All right, this is episode 75 we love you so much remember safe Have a great week when at a 10 quality bears don't make it on a Christmas and we will see ya. Wait, ah What is it?

Is your vehicle stopping like it should? Does it squeal or grind when you brake? Don't miss out on summer brake deals at O'Reilly Auto Parts. O-O-O-O'Reilly Auto Parts.