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cover of episode MEETING HIS BABY FOR THE FIRST TIME! -You Should Know Podcast-

MEETING HIS BABY FOR THE FIRST TIME! -You Should Know Podcast-

2024/11/11
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You Should Know Podcast

Key Insights

Why did Peyton feel the need to prepare for Beyond Scared Straight?

Peyton was getting in trouble a lot and his mom threatened to send him there. He watched the show and tried to prepare by doing things like putting a Kool-Aid packet on his lips to mimic the experience.

What was Peyton's biggest fear as a kid?

Peyton's biggest fear as a kid was Beyond Scared Straight, a program he watched with his mom, who threatened to send him there if he kept getting in trouble.

Why did Peyton almost throw up after trying baby food?

Peyton almost threw up after trying baby food because the consistency was unpleasant, feeling like a loogie and reminiscent of when he got his wisdom teeth taken out.

What was the worst mall Peyton visited and why?

Peyton visited what he considered the worst mall in America, filled with bizarre stores like a beef jerky outlet, a place selling wooden carvings of Jesus, and a gymnasium with basketball courts. He found the variety and quality of stores unacceptable for a mall.

Why did Peyton think a lightning bolt is hotter than the sun?

Peyton thought a lightning bolt is hotter than the sun because he read a news article claiming so, and he couldn't understand how people could survive lightning storms if this were true.

What did Peyton do when he found out how much he owed in tolls?

When Peyton found out he owed a significant amount in tolls, he almost threw up and considered going to jail instead of paying. However, he eventually paid the tolls.

Why did Peyton think tire rotation is unnecessary?

Peyton thought tire rotation is unnecessary because he believes tires are circular and should wear evenly regardless of how they are used, questioning the logic of rotating them to wear evenly.

What was Peyton's reaction to seeing his unborn child's ultrasound picture?

Peyton was terrified by the ultrasound picture of his unborn child, describing it as looking like a cast member of Insidious with a creepy, ghoulish appearance.

What unusual food combination did a girl cook for Peyton?

A girl cooked an unusual combination of ground beef and banana for Peyton, which he found so repulsive that he walked out without eating it.

Chapters

The hosts discuss various dating experiences where poor manners were a significant issue.
  • Dating experiences involving beef and banana served with a fork from a dog's mouth.
  • A woman breaking her nose playing basketball at Dave and Buster's.
  • Kissing in a photo booth after a date.

Shownotes Transcript

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Find the detail that moves you with immersive dining experiences from Sapphire Reserve. Chase, make more of what's yours. Learn more at chase.com slash sapphirereserve. Cards issued by JPMorgan Chase Bank and a member of FDIC. Subject to credit approval. The You Should Know Podcast. Hey everybody, welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast, episode 138. Round of applause, please. Don't flip it, don't flip it, stop it. Hey everybody, welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast, episode 138.

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As you saw last week, we released the RDC World episode. A lot of y'all loved it. It was fantastic. It was one of the best collabs we've ever done because it was just literally a bunch of friends hanging out. And there was a lot of bleeps in there because we forgot the cameras were on. So in a couple weeks on Patreon, we will be releasing the uncensored version of the RDC World episode.

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Oh, I did the mouth thing. Dude. No. That was weird. Anytime you wear a shade of blue, it exfoliates your eyes. Does it really? Yeah, you look like Bambi's second niece. What?

Like sweet and confused. A girl? I'm a girl when I wear blue. I'm a female deer. You'd look cute in a onesie, if I were to be honest. Like a big old onesie. I'd look thick. You are a thick girl. I'd be carrying a caboose in a onesie. It'd be wicked. What is up with me being a girl? You just said I'm a girl in two different things. Well, that's fine if you're a girl. No, it's not. Okay. Because I'm not a girl. Oh, okay. I've never seen what you got downstairs. I've never took a wink at it. I've never seen it. I haven't. No, I know you haven't seen it, but you've seen it.

No, I haven't. You've heard of it. Oh, I've heard it. I've heard. I've heard the folklore. I've heard the mythical tales down on the old Spanish trail. Old Spanish. How was your week, Bubba? How are you doing? How are you feeling? How are we? We are fantastic. I woke up a lot of mucus. But outside of that, it's a solid week. It is a solid. That's one thing about you. And I need to. There's always something that's made me irritated at you. It's made me hate you. Right. You're right. Yeah. Yeah.

You don't have manners. How do I not have manners? Yes, I do. You really don't. You don't have manners. I don't have manners? You don't have manners. I'm the most manning person ever. They call me Peyton Manning. No, you... That was good. That was fine. That was fine. You fly no flag and you honor no creed. What do I do that's not mannerful? You... Oh, my God. You're like a... You're like a... Just a...

Yeah, like a little like you fuck- you do manners in social settings and you do all that but as soon as we're behind closed doors you defile me. How? You make me feel small and wicked. You don't feed me. You don't do any of these things. You don't- you have manners in public but not behind closed doors and that's the true face of a coward.

That's how you are. That's who you are. You don't have manners. You know why? If you sneeze. I'm myself. You don't cover your mouth. Bodily function. You cough. Don't cover your mouth. Bodily function. And you spit on people. I do not spit on people. You spit on people. You do spit on people. I do not spit on people. Yes, you do. What am I, a racist? I don't spit on people. No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't spit on people. I spit when we are walking outside and on the...

Off chance here and there, someone might be close to it. Yeah, but you don't check your surroundings. That's fair. But that's not manners. And then I say seven out of ten, people are like, Cam, because you're hitting them. I'm not hitting people with spit. You're not checking the downwind. There's no downwind. There's no waterfalls of saliva. I'm simply going, and the piercer will be like, oh. I'm like, oh, sorry, little loser guy. I'm just kidding. I love you, Chris. They'll be like, oh.

Okay, who has more manners? Mirror you. You have more fake manners. You have more fake manners. How can you call them fake manners if I do them every day? Because you only do them. That's manners. You only do them in the public eye. Behind a closed door, you are undoubtedly yourself, which involves being a monster. How? A wildebeest of a man. If I'm by myself, who do I have to be mannerful for? You FaceTime me, and the first thing I see is either your happy trail or your... So, is that very mannerful? That ain't mannerful.

- Braden Manning, you're showing me your dust star and I'm trying to ask you what channel the Lakers are playing on. And you wanna talk about manners? When you answer the phone from my phone call, it's my head. It is me, my face. - 'Cause it takes up the whole screen. - Okay, big head joke, that's fine. I'm either seeing like an ant trap

of belly hair or I'm seeing your undercarriage. - Okay, but that's just friendly banter. - Who sleeps, no, that's not having manners. Who sleeps with food in their bed? You, not me. - That's not manners, that has nothing to do with manners. - Who gives a whip when they're bathing themselves? You, not me. - That's not manners. You're getting manners confused with cleanliness. That's not the same. - Whose kitchen smells like rotten . Oh my God, it's yours, it's not mine. - That's not manners. Manners-- - Having manners is making your house not-- - Manners, no, it's not, it's my house, I can do what I want in there.

Cam, when's the last time you held the door for anyone? That's a bad habit. Thank you. That's not manners. That's a bad. Okay. Well, I say, Hey, what's up, buddy? And you go, Oh, nothing. How are you, bitch?

Where's the manners in that? Okay, that's the thing. That is something I was going to bring up this episode. Why is it just with me you care whenever I call you a bitch? Because they don't. Or when they do, it's a joke. Yours is 24-7 and it hurts my soul. It's a loving bitch. That's not a thing. When that girl called you a bitch in the club, you liked it. That was one time when I was in college. I didn't know any better. That was one time.

It was a long time ago. She said, you fine, bitch. I said, thanks, thanks, all right. I said, I guess I did put the shit on, but all right. I said, you like my ball cap? Oh, she scared me. Okay, but later that night, I picked up Olivia drunk off the Whataburger floor. Yeah, that was a rough night. Very rough night. Okay, but you called me about that. You said, Peyton, this girl called me a bitch, and it was kind of nice.

Okay. You didn't say that? I did not say it was kind of nice. I said I did know how to react. I didn't know how to respond. Am I exposing your kinks? No, this isn't a kink. No, no, no, no, no, no. I said I didn't know how to respond. It had never happened. It was like getting sucker punched. You didn't see it coming. Yeah. So you didn't see how... You don't know how to defend because you're just knocked out on the ground. But you hugged. You didn't punch back. I did not hug her. I went...

I tipped my hat to her. I said, all right. Does it generally bother you when I call you those names? No. Because it's a loving thing. I know. I know it's out of love. I'm just kidding. But sometimes I feel malice. No, no. Never malice. No. Sometimes I feel malicious. No. If I'm ever actually angry, I'm not going to call you those names. I'm just going to talk to you stern. Yeah. You're...

What? You're different when you're angry. You're different when I'm angry? No, you're scary. You're a scary mad. My secret is I'm always... Yeah, because it's always right there. But then one little tick, it's like your anger meter is like a little thing of gasoline, right? And then things that piss you off are little sparks. And if one pisses you off enough...

the whole tube and then you just hate everyone around you. No, but it's not. You don't hate everyone around you, but it seeps out. No, but when I call you derogatory names, that's out of love. It's the way I grew up. Like, I honestly didn't know my... Hug me. No, I honestly didn't know my mom's first name until I was like 14 because my dad would always call her Heffa. Where the Heffa at? Heffa. Yeah, like a cow. So you... Yeah, like, where the Heffa at? And I'd be like, oh, mom's upstairs. Like, that's what I just... He's like, mama, dad said where's cow at? Dude.

You didn't know your mom's first name? Well no and like this is how we talked in my house like we would defile each other out of love like we would just say rude things to each other that's how we express love but then your little sensitive prancy piss ass came around saying that's hurting my feelings. Because when I grew up my mom was like hey sweet butter plums she's like I hope you have a grand day at school sweetheart make sure you take good notes and tell me if I can help you on your homework.

And I was like, yuck. Dude, homework as a kid? It was terrifying. I think it's one of the reasons I dropped out of school. Homework was terrifying. No, I'm talking about my dad. Oh. Wait, he had to help you? He would make me impress and sit down by each other. And it was on this glass. I remember that goddamn glass table. It sucked. And we'd get these math-like little stapled papers, right? And that was our homework. And he knew I wasn't going to do it. But I can say it.

I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. I can't focus at home. Yeah, when I'm at home, home is fun and entertainment. School is school and work. Yeah, and dad, I smell your ground beef cooking. I want some of that. I want that. Give me food. I remember he would sit down next to me, and I get my anger from my dad. Like, I'm quick, and he's quick too. And so he would stand over me, right? He would just tower over me, and I remember his breasts. Like, I just remember his pink breasts with a little stubble hair on. He got the same chest as my dad.

And I would be trying, and then he would try to tell me how to do it, and he's stupid as shit. He got kicked out of college. He didn't know. He didn't get kicked out because of his grades. He got kicked out for other reasons. He was having too much fun. And so he would be trying to tell me how to do it, and I couldn't. Like, my brain wouldn't click, and he'd be like, Motherfucker. Come on, man. I'd be like, how are you not getting it? I'd be like.

And he wasn't mad that I was stupid. He was mad that I wasn't understanding him. See, mine was completely opposite. I remember in like second grade, we were doing very elementary like geometry, which is shapes and angles and stuff like that. Yeah, right? Rotusque. There you go. That wasn't right, but I'm trying to make you feel like you're part of something. Thank you. So I go and I ask my mom for help. She goes, we didn't learn geometry until the 11th grade. And I said, alright.

are you shitting me? I said, 11th grade, you learn geometry later to find out, obviously you take geometry in high school and it's like more, but I was like, mom, I'm just asking like, how big is the circle? Can you help me or not? She's like, I don't know.

I was kind of shit out of luck. I was like, all right, thanks for nothing, Lisa. Yeah, no, my mom tried to get a tutor. Didn't work. I was like, I don't respect her. Yeah, my mom tried to get me a tutor. I said, I'm not driving or I'm not getting dropped off at a Kuman math center and going in there. I'm like, no. You went to math centers for your tutoring? No, my mom tried to get me to go. First off, math is my favorite subject until I hit 11th grade. So I was like, why am I even tutoring? I enjoy math. I don't need to go here. She was like, your grade can get up a little bit.

I was like, you have a 98, let's get a 99. Who are you? You're not a big suit. I don't need to impress my grade. And I just hate, I never went to tutoring. She wanted me to do it for some reason though. Maybe she wanted me out of the house. Probably. She's like, I ain't sick of this kid. He keeps writing on my boxes. Oh my God, dude. And my mom tried to take me to people's houses.

And I just remember like I would see their cat running across and then their son was ugly. And I was like, I can't focus with that thing next to me. Are you kidding me? You want to know something more awkward, bro? So my mom in the early, in the early years of school, like kindergarten, first, second grade, I would get home before my mom, before my dad, all that. So I'd go to my neighbor's house.

And me and her, we'd go in, her parents would greet us at the door and immediately say, let me see your folder. And when I was young, I'd always finish my work first, talk a lot, get in trouble. Imagine someone else's parents like disciplining you and saying, I can't like, here's your snack, but you don't get to play the game. You don't get to play with the toys. You have to sit on your couch until your mom gets here.

because I acted up in school and they're not even my parents. And I'm like 13 feet away from my front door that at the time I don't have a key to. And the shit was hell. - Wait, so your parents allowed someone else to discipline you? - Yep. - Okay, no, no, we're different because if somebody tried to discipline me, they're getting disciplined. That shit's not happening with my parents. It's not happening. Your mom would be like, "Wait, so what'd you say you gotta do?" She goes, "You wanna say it again?"

What'd you tell my son to do? Okay, speaking of kids, right? You're about to have a baby. About to have a baby. You're a couple months away from having a baby. Okay, round of applause for that little rat coming to the world. Hey! That's my job! That is, that is, that is. I'm quite here. You're going to be funny. You're going to be the fun gunkle. Fun. Mmm. I am not the gunkle. That is Markel Washington.

We love Markel. We love Markel. I meant to say Funkle. Yeah. Funkle. Funkle. Funkle. I meant to say Funkle. And so. Wrong letters. And no, I'm going to make your kid, he's going to have tough skin. Yeah. And he's going to, he's going to, like, I'm not going to bully, well, kind of, like the same way I pick on you. I'll allow it. Trip him a couple times. Trip, throw him in the dirt, take his face and go. Huh? You're going to accept that?

He's like, oh, I'm not having fun. No, not going to do that. See, damn it. You always go one step too far. Yeah, don't strike him. But I went up and I saw your lovely nursery at your new house at your compound, your mansion. Oh, my God. And I said, wow, this is beautiful. And I never had this. There's sea salt. And I was like, what is all this? But it was nice. It looked great. Okay, thank you. But then I was starting to worry because I've never...

Past the point of like the action to have a kid, I've never thought about what a kid is. Like babies. I've never thought about it. What the hell does that even mean? You never thought what a kid is? It's a kid. It's a baby. I'm trying to think of like... I was thinking about this on the drive up here because I looked over at Liv and she's pregnant. Okay. When they come out, is that their first breath of...

No. Okay. They are breathing in the little sack of goo they're sitting in now. What are they breathing though? Heart's beating. There's oxygen in Liv. So they get a percentage of oxygen. Yeah, they get a cut. They get a back door. They get 10% off the top. Liv gets 80, the kids cake and 20. And that's why his heart rate's at 150. Oh my God. He's currently forming thoughts. No, he's not though. He can hear us talk. I think

That's bullshit at this stage at 28 weeks. We were told by the doctor in multiple apps that he can now hear us So don't say anything. They would upset you Oh my god, your uncle's kidding your uncle's kidding the other night The other night I had a 25 minute conversation with my wife with my wife's belly show with your white I had a 25 minute conversation with my wife's belly the other night. I really said I was like I

Hey, guy. It's our first really kind of breakthrough moment, man. I said, my name's Cameron. That's your first conversation with your son? I swear to God. I didn't know what to say because I'm just looking at skin. And I know there's a soul behind that. And I was just like, hey. I'm not going to lie to you.

It doesn't work like that. It does work. Oh, you have a kid? Oh. Oh, you're a doctor? Oh, tell me about the first conversation you had in Lisa's tummy. Oh, can't remember it, but it was had. My mom played Beethoven on her way back on the interstate. That's why you are here. That's why I am exactly the way I am. I was four years old. Trying to do music. Other kids were like cheering on the cowboys. I was in my room. Making symphonies. My mom played bodies. Let the bodies hit the floor. Your mom...

Crazy palate. I love her to death. She is like, the more, it's like an onion. Every layer we peel back, you got uncles you didn't know. She's obsessed with light bulbs. She likes being barefoot, but only in her backyard. She listens to hardcore heavy metal. She carries brandies and gloss in the purse.

Allegedly. Allegedly. And her own dog took its life. It's like, it is a lot of layers, dog. And it just kind of makes me understand where your thought process is. Did I talk about it? Is that public knowledge? Oh, I don't know. I think. I don't want to say this story. It is so sad. Yeah, it's such a sad story. And if it's not, Mama Hart and I absolutely love and adore you. And you're amazing. I think you said it. Okay, yeah, that dog's dead. That was all a joke. No, that dog's bad. Yeah. Back to the story.

Back to babies. So I spoke to him. I was like, Daddy works for a podcast. Doesn't know what that is. No, but I said it's basically like me and your Uncle P. We sit out on a couch and we talk to each other every week. And then your other uncles are there. They do stuff behind the scenes. And Mommy shows up. Whole conversation, right? So then whatever reason for me, I was like, how often do babies eat? Because I don't have a kid, right? I have no clue. And I go, why are you laughing? I'm just imagining your kid with a lazy eye and a lisp.

What? What the f*** does that mean? Why would you say that? Why would he have a lazy eye and a lisp? That'd be so cute! He's gonna be out here, he's like, "So, uh..." He's like, "So, um..." "So my daddy said..." "What..." "What the..." He's not... But what if he came out, he's like, "I really thank you for..." Is he Donald Daffy Duck?

Well, you have a lazy eye. That was a picture from Philly. That was a crooked picture from Philly. So you have the lazy eye. He might get it from you. And then the lazy eye from your uncle. Then what does he get from you? Just the bug eyes?

Anyway, back to feeding, right? So I sit there and have a full conversation with Liv. I'm like, bro, I keep seeing videos because now my TikTok is getting like swarmed. Dad talk. It's like, your kid is never going to sleep. I'm like, that sucks. It said babies eat every two to three hours for the first five months of their life. Oh, he gets that from his dad. Now that's fair. That's a good one. But I at least sleep at night and then I wake up starving. But...

Bro, he's going to wake up in the middle of the night, two, three hours. Yeah. And then once they hit solids, they can eat the baby foods and stuff like that. You don't got to, what? Have you ever tried baby food? I feel like I have, but I don't remember. Yeah, I have. Actually, I went through a stint in middle school or high school. Was it good or bad? Can't remember. I feel like my taste buds changed. Like, I'm like a, like, I peel like a snake on my tongue. Like certain, it's like weekly too. Like certain weeks, like I've been really wanting, what's the, what's the fish?

Salmon. I really wanted salmon recently. It's salmon. And I've never had it. So you don't remember if you liked it or not? No. Let's find out together here today. Got some baby food for you, brother. Let's try it out. Do you want organic apple spinach and kale? Or what about pear, carrots, and peas? Because they both look like a shit stand on the back of my underwear.

Oh, damn. Wait, what are the flavors? Pick the poison. This is... Apple spinach kale or pear carrot pea. Oh, this sounds like some health nut shit. Oh, no, this just looks optically horrible. It's bad. But we're going to try it today. No, I'm not doing it. What's up with my face? Because I've never tried it either. Okay. Oh, you're going to get the cooler one. What are you, a barbarian? This smells fantastic. Does it really? Oh, I might come and babysit more often. There we go. We got him. We found his fishing line. Well, then...

Y'all are gonna walk in the pantry and be like, "Where's my kid's food at?" What the f***? That does not smell good! Let me smell. Let me smell. Man! That- Let me smell yours first. No, mine smells good. It smells like Gerber. That smells good. That's like a- Let me smell that one.

That one can't smell as good. Oh, shit. You gave me the ratchet one. The rancid. That smells like my after the gym. Yeah. No, literally. It smells like I just did four sets of box squats. That's what this one smells like. All right. Let's try it. Here we go. Oh, man. And I got a fork, which isn't the best. We'll try both. We'll try both. Okay. Did you just twist and... Oh.

Oh, yeah. Oh, the consistency seems to make me gag. I don't like that. No, this isn't good. How are you going to feed this to them with a fork? No, this isn't good. No, not a fork. That'd be very dangerous. No, no, no. They just didn't have spoons at the front. Okay, let's try this baby food real quick. You want to go same time? Let's do same time. Okay, my flavor. Actually, no. You go first. My flavor is pear, carrot, pea, baby food. What's yours? My flavor is organic apple spinach with kale. Probably a fork wasn't the best idea. No, but they didn't have spoons. Go for it. All right.

Let it hit the back of your mouth. Oh. Oh. No. It's dead ass, the consistency of it. Okay, I can't let him be by himself. I'm about to throw up, dog. Here we go. That's the consistency. He's nasty. He's like a loogie. You big back bitch. That is awful.

Consistency's bad. It's horrible. It's like whenever I got my wisdom teeth taken out and I was throwing up. It feels like that. I don't want your fork, you creep. I don't know where your tongue is. Oh, no, no, no. No, that's on me. No, that's on me, but I can't do the consistency. I can't do that consistency. I can't do that consistency. Why would you just shoot it out of your mouth like a cannonball? No, I need a drink. I got you. I got you a drink.

You're about to give me breast milk? No, I got you a Diet Coke. Just for you to slam it down. There you go. I know you like the back of my hand. Is it my birthday? No, it's just a regular Wednesday. We can, you know you love it. Dude, this is fantastic. Thank you so much. Oh my God. No, no, your flavor's worse. Oh my God. How much can you drink without burping? Not a lot, but it's good. Oh.

Your eyes were crossed! You were like this! Not a lot, but it's good. I've had Diet Coke in a week. Oh, why? You just gave me the needle. Now I'm back. And I'm better. Oh, thank you so much for that. Oh my god. Maybe I'm not gonna come back. That consistency is... No wonder babies throw up all the time. Yeah, no, that's honestly, that's bad. That wasn't fun. That looks like my underwear when I had too much Chipotle. Here we go. Yeah. Okay, so...

Okay, there is a weird thing. That was a fantastic thing you did there, Kim. Hey, I'm not going to lie, though. The flavor of those is not bad. It's not terrible. The consistency is yolky. I can't do it anymore. I'm starting to get hives, dog. What's in that? Was there pineapple in there? Oh, f***. No, I don't think so.

Wait, no, did I kill him? Oh, wait. No, no, there's no pineapple. Peas, carrots, peas, water, lemon, pineapple. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Peas, carrots... Why did it say peas twice? Oh, it's pears. Pears, carrots, peas, water, lemon juice, concentrate, and vitamin C through absorbic acid. No, okay, so...

That burp was revolutionary. That burp, you would have been promoted if this was back in the day, way back in time. And you let that out, they would have made you a prophet. How long do you give kids baby food? Oh, that's a hell of a... Mama Liv, what are we thinking? I don't know. I remember I was in elementary school and there was a kid bringing a baby bottle of milk to class. Hey, that kid needed... That was a cry for help. That kid needed attention. Wait.

middle school elementary school oh shit elementary school I thought you said he was in seventh grade no no no he was in world geography learning about Russia sipping out of a baby bottle I was about to say no he needs help okay and I'm thinking of a childhood now I'm thinking about being a kid one of my biggest fears as a kid and this might be an irrational fear and I'm about to expose a lot about myself like I'm about to deep dive into some like things that I'm a little scared to talk about and it might have

change how I am as a man today more than likely one of my biggest fears as a kid was beyond scared straight there was a stint in like middle school elementary school like in elementary school going into middle school right

I was getting in trouble a lot. Like, I was fighting. Like, I was, like, I got in trouble for cussing a lot. Like, I was just kind of being, like, bold. And then my mom, that's at the time when me and my mom were butting heads in the household. Like, we were, like, fighting every day. And one of her things was, you keep f***ing with me, I'm going to send you to Beyond Scared Street. Because we used to watch that. She's a dog. And I remember...

I was like, it's not that bad. Like, I'm harder than these kids. I wasn't. No, not in the slightest. Like, I idolized Bieber and Jeff Hardy. Like, I would not have survived. You had literal posters of a shirtless Zac Efron in your room talking about what's good. Like, no. And so I remember I watched Beyond Scared Straight the day she said that. Mm-hmm.

And it was the episode where the kid put the Kool-Aid packet on his lips. Legendary. And he said, I'm going to give you a kiss or whatever. He said, you're so sweet. I'm going to kiss you. Yeah. And so I remember I was like, well, if I'm going to go to Beyond Scared Straight, I need to prepare. And so I remember I took a Kool-Aid pack because we had those in the house. You didn't.

I took a Kool-Aid pack. I went upstairs into my personal bathroom, locked the door. For some reason, never mind, I'm not going to say that. I wet my lips a little bit so it could stick and I put it on and I was looking in the mirror and I was like, you did not do that. I tried a lot from that show, but I can't say everything because they went to that special section in the jail. Wait, what? You know that sometimes they would take them to that different section of the jail where they had to get the protective custody? Yeah.

You should have seen what I did after I watched that episode. No, no. I raided my mom's closet. Was it too much? Too much? Back.

Back to the Kool-Aid, you freak. You self-Kool-Aid your own lips for jail-style lipstick so you can be ready to piss a perpetrator. Are you kidding me? Are you absolutely kidding me? Your mom didn't threaten Beyond Scared straight on you? This is how I knew I needed my ass whooped. But I was like, dude, if I went on that show, I literally wouldn't say anything. I wouldn't do what they told me to because they can't put their hands on me.

You've been a carrot. That'd be a lawsuit waiting to happen. You've been a carrot. I knew I needed to get slapped. That would have been the best thing for me. And I remember my mom told me to pack my stuff. She said, like a couple weeks later, I got in a fight with her again, and I was getting in trouble in school. And my mom said, you're going. They're on their way. And I said, oh, shit. And I remember she gave me this like. You got a Kool-Aid? No. You said, oh, shit, they're coming. You put the Kool-Aid in your pocket.

No, she said, you got to pack up your stuff. And she gave me like this box. And I was literally packing my room and I didn't know what to pack. I brought like a binder and like a CD player. And I remember I sat on my curb and I was like, the bus is coming. And I was boohooing. Damn. They never came. She got to you. Yeah. She was a good mom. But she still is a good mom. She's here. Yeah. She was a good mom. You should know podcasts.

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BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash YSK to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P dot com slash YSK. Now on to the rest of this episode. Do you ever think about living in somebody else's body? Deadass just thought about that. What does that mean? Like how they walk.

No. Okay. Just a quick question. I don't care how they walk. I do think about like how you say something. And honestly, I think you're rubbing off on me, but like wrong traits. Like not physically rubbing. We do that on the weekends. But I'm saying like you're rubbing off on me for me thinking you would say outside the box, welcome to being a new you. I say, I don't want to think that. And I never have until I've met you and you keep speaking around me. I think listening to you just speak, it felt like you were speaking a different language. Dude, dude.

You literally felt like you were speaking Japanese to me. Is that a language? Japanese is a language. It's from people in Japan. Okay, okay. Why are we called... Well, I guess, yeah, never mind. But the English, there's two different Englishes. Is there Old English and New English? Yeah. Like King James Version? Not necessarily, but... What's other English? Like Britain English. They say things completely different. That's slang.

No, that's English. That's slang. We all speak English. They don't have different words. Where does English come from? England. Britain. England. England. Yeah.

Where do you live? America. Dallas. Texas. Yeah. That's not the same English. Yes, it is. I understand it's English, but they say things different. That's what slang is. Dude, son of a bitch. Slang is like cool things you say. Wait, so they have words that don't exist over here? Yeah. Name one. They call things completely different. Other than a cigarette. F-

Yeah, cancer. What do you mean? Shouldn't say that. Cannot say that. They need to change that one. They need to change that immediately. But that's slang. They need to amend it. I don't think you're... Because it's still a cigarette. They just call it something. That's slang. Okay, they call fries chips, and we call them fries. That's slang. So who's right? It doesn't matter right or wrong. If both people think they're right, then who's the real right one? Everybody's right under God. That's...

That needs to be discussed with the jurisdiction. We all speak English. They're just speaking a slang. So everyone speaks English. Yeah, they don't say, damn, it's lit. Have you ever thought about that? Good time.

Good time. It was a great time to chew. Yeah. No, but okay. Regardless of English, I experienced the worst mall in all of America this past week. Worse than Willow Bend? Oh, my God. No offense to Willow Bend, but that's the worst mall in Dallas. Willow Bend is a treasure chest compared to this mall. Really? I simply, after walking around, because I was trying to find a very specific store, I wrote down. That was quiet. I wrote down.

I was trying to find a very specific store. And I literally started writing down the names of shops that were in this mall. Okay. And it is...

It's unacceptable. This is a mall. This isn't an outdoor mall. This isn't an outlet. You walk in through doors, and it's all connected like a mall. Like North Park, like Stonebriar, it's a mall. Is it open? What do you mean, is it open? No. You think I broke into it? Like I was having a big hide-and-seek game? Is it new? No, no. It's super old. Okay, that's probably why. But tell me what they said. But it's been renovated. Oh, okay. Tell me what it's about.

In this mall. These are all in the same mall. Okay? First off, you have a literal storefront for beef jerky outlet. That's lit. That is ass. What is their monthly income? The one guy working looked miserable. I'm sorry to you. He looked like he hated beef. I want to go there. Okay. First store, I'm going to rank these stores 1 out of 10. First store, 10 out of 10. If I can get some jerk at a store, I'm getting that jerk.

We actually, I went somewhere in like Corpus Christi and it was like a beef jerky store and they had elk by sun. They had horse. They had a crocodile jerky. Is that legal? I don't know, but I ate it. To slay a horse and then cook it very well done and make it beef? But it tasted great. They had ostrich jerky and I was like, yeah, come on.

I think you were buying from poachers. Maybe. They don't do that. They don't file their taxes. They're selling horse. They did only accept cash. Yeah, I'm telling you. Hey, across from Beef Jerky Outlet, Bethlehem Star. This is in a shopping mall. Bethlehem Star. Is that like in hell? I look into it and no, no.

oh no what's bethlehem you started freaking out bethlehem star is good the whole store was a woman in there with trunks of tree wood making wooden carvings of jesus christ that was the entire business model and the store was as big as our studio she's losing money every month i'm convinced shout out to bethlehem star go shop with her in jesus hey guess what was next to bethlehem star in a mall a

Discount tire. If you go to a mall to buy a new... To buy a rim or a Michelin tire? To get off a donut? That's insane work. Inside the mall. This is in the mall. How big was that store? The discount tire? It's like a regular...

Like a regular one. Maybe a little smaller because it's a mall. That's lit, kind of. Discount tire. Seven stores down, Fieldhouse USA. What's that? A whole gymnasium. There was eight basketball courts where they host tournaments. This sounds like the best mall ever. What? That's sick. This is the worst mall ever. That's a big mall. You can buy tires, jerky, and Jesus? Yeah, you can buy elk jerky. You can buy wooden Jesus. You can fix your...

Flat tire, and then you can go watch youth basketball. And then after that, there's another one called King's Junior Barbershop. Okay? That's fire. That's fire? Where's the king? I don't want his son cutting my hair. Don't ever put junior in the name of your store, because now I immediately think it's less than. Wouldn't that be the prince? Yeah, well, Prince's Barbershop? So you can get your hair cut, you can fix your tire, you can talk to Jesus, you can watch basketball, and you can eat beef jerky. Right. Guess where you can go next? Where? A&T Corp. Night vision and thermal optics. They're selling Modern Warfare.

Hey, get some bulletproof tires, catch a basketball game, and go get a thermal scope.

This is all in the same, I swear to God. The next one, Stone Age natural rocks and crystals. You can buy rock? They should call this World Mall. You can buy anything in this mall. You can buy gravel in there? 100%. It's like they literally just had sediment on a shelf. Go to the bathroom. I come out. In the bathroom, in the hallway of the bathroom, there's a Test America. What's that? You can sign up to take your fucking ACT in this mall, and I'm not kidding, bro.

bro I swear to God bro I'm not joking you can take a test you can try to make it into college you can fix your tires you can praise the Lord you can watch basketball buy thermal optics and then you can take a stop at the store Q what's Q the name was just Q what do they look in there it's little plush toys and weird little like toys shit just call Q that's cool next door to Q three dollar store

store and their sign says everything's $2.99. Really? Oh! They said what? I want you, okay, if I told you there's a store. Can you even buy clothes in this mall? I'm telling you. Oh, there's all the clothes places. You got your Abercrombies. There's a Rainforest Cafe too. Oh my God. You know the mall that I'm talking about. No, but Rainforest Cafe, I had my first kiss there. I tried to. What happened? Did you fail? No, I started crying because the storm happened.

And it scared me. Did she stay throughout the date? It wasn't a date. I was a kid. I was with our parents and everything. I was with my family. Who the hell were you trying to smooch? What do you mean? Did you just have a straw? Did you just... Are you smelling toast? Her name? I don't remember. Brother, you said I tried to have my first kiss. I said, who'd you kiss? And you said, what do you mean? I was with my family. What are you talking about? Who are you kissing? What's happening right now?

Was this in Arkansas? Who are you kissing? Were you on a date? But then you said you were a kid. And then there was no date and you were with your family. But you're still trying to land your first smooch.

I feel like I'm on a f***ing, like a jigsaw puzzle. I'm trying to make this make sense. No, it was like a field trip or something. Or like a family get-together with other families. That's what I was about to say. You're digging a grave right now. It was like, dude, like all my cousins came in town and I was experimental. But then that crocodile scared me.

Who were you? You took field trips with other families? Non-sanctioned by Pflugerville ISD? You took family field trips? I was at Austin ISD at this point. I was really young. I don't give a shit what independent school district you were in. Your family took willing field trips with other families? How does that even happen?

I think they're chaperones. Was it through the school or not? I don't remember. What the? I've never heard anything like this. No. I've never heard anything like this. I just remember there's a girl I really like, I think, and she was pretty, or maybe I was just... I don't remember. Mute it. I saw her, and it was romantic because it was dim, and I heard the trickles of the rain, and I was like, dude, this is romantic. And I wanted to kiss her, and that was my objective, but...

And then a big ass bear came out. And you went, ah, mom! So who's the girl? No, no. This is different. This is a different level. I don't remember. This is a different level. You tried to kiss a family member on a family field trip for your first kiss at a Rainforest Cafe. I did not try to kiss the family member. I don't know. You're taking family field trips with other families and chaperones. Was Rainforest Cafe the best as a kid?

I only went once as a kid, and honestly, I got scared too. It's terrifying. It's a scary place. Dude, it's so scary. All the merchandise is overpriced, and the food's below average. See, I don't remember any of that. I just remember the bears and the pigs and stuff.

Did you go to the right Rainforest Cafe? You went to like the Barnhouse Cafe, Bears and Pigs. I remember I went to Chuck E. Cheese as a kid for my, I think it was like Paul's, like my Uncle Paul. You remember we just found out who he was. Here we go again. Here we go again. And I remember there was a bunch of kids, and I remember Chuck E. chased me around. I never went back to a Chuck E. Cheese again. Chuck E. Cheese was creepy. It always smelled like cigarettes. It always smelled like cigarettes. And then a kid threw up in the ball pit.

No, that's grounds for termination. But the thing I liked about that, or maybe that's Mel's Bowling. Whenever you would put the tickets in, it would go, or was that Chuck E. Cheese? Yeah, Chuck E. Cheese. Who's Mel? Mel's Bowling in Georgetown, Texas. Mel's Bowling. Yeah, I went there with my grandma, who's dead of cancer. She would take me there all the time. And she was a local legend because she worked at the school. And the Green Bay Packers came, and they liked her a lot.

Did you ever have that one guy that'd come to your school in a singlet and he'd bend a frying pan? Rachel's Challenge? Is that the right program? No, you did not. Rachel's Challenge. Dude, I was the president for the Friends of Rachel's Club in my high school. In high school? I was 17 holding quarterly meetings about how we could make the world a better place. You suck.

Weren't you a hall monitor too? No, no, no, no. You had the vest. No, no, no. That was for like a Halloween day. Oh, like a neon day. So it wasn't Rachel's challenge. It was not Rachel's challenge where a big guy with a bald head and a singlet was bending a frying pan. You had the circus coming to your school? Oh my God. When we were in elementary, we had an old, we had an old PE coach. He'd sit down. You could see his nuts. My gym teacher's skin came off one time.

What does that mean? What does that mean the skin came off? It was like a big piece. I just remember there was panic and people came.

I just remember it was on the ground. Oh, my gosh. I remember he would sit down. I'm not going to say his last name. His first name was Bill. He'd sit down, and he'd be like, today we're playing dodgeball. It was nuts. We'd just go, and there'd fall out, bro. Oh, my gosh. The best part of, like, gym classes as a kid was the rolly things, those flat things. Oh, my God, yes. The rainbow tent. Oh, my God.

God, all of it. Bro, dodgeball was fun until the world got soft. I didn't like dodgeball. I played sumo wrestling one time, stabbed myself with pencils in my own bag. That was good. That was YMCA, though. Oh, God. Oh, man. You know what I didn't like in school, though? Well, you know what I don't remember from school? What?

What? I'm so sorry. I just remembered another one. What? You know, okay, remember how you have the cookie fundraisers? If you sell enough cookies, you get prizes and stuff? Yeah. So one year... Money laundering, yeah. Yeah, money laundering in school. One year, the main prize at my elementary school, or this might have been middle school, was...

a mobile gaming arcade would come. Like a mobile game. Games to you. Games to you. Whatever the hell. I had that for my birthday. So they did that and then they had the money pit. That thing they were in. The little thing. I was so excited and I begged my mom. Oh my God. I was frugal. I wanted all the money in the world. I begged my mom. Can you take it to work? I begged my dad. Can you take it to work? I sold enough to go inside the money pit.

So it was the day of the thing, and only certain kids that hit a threshold got to go to this party. Everyone else was still in class. So we go to the party. Certain kids that hit the next threshold got to do the money. I was like third in line for the money. I was sitting there trying to strategize. I was like, I'm going to lift my shirt up, have the back tucked in. The second I got in, they cut it on. I started grabbing a couple dollars. The wind got in my mouth, and I literally sat in there and coughed for 30 seconds. I literally talked. I left with like six bucks.

My mom sold like $900 of cookie dough for me to leave with a five and a one. Dude, you were the worst kid ever, dog. For 30 seconds and they just pulled the plug. Get him out. Get him out. Oh my God. Then I cried because I was so excited for that and then I didn't get to do it. Yeah, I remember GameCube came to the house one time and President let me on the van because I wasn't good at games. Hmm.

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I can't even focus right now, my mind's moving at like a million miles per hour. Can you smell they're cooking something? Babioloso. Right there in the caf? Oh my- in- okay. In the caf, hey. It's- we're not in Juco.

We're not struggling anymore. It's a cafe. I don't think that's a depiction of struggle. You call it a caf when you're going quick throughout life and you're basketball and you're sweaty. Yeah, let's go to caf. So you call cafeterias cafes. Universal. Okay, let's break this down. Cafeteria. The fa? Believe it or not, it's not F-A. It's F-E. Cafe. It's a cafe. Cam, what?

You're speaking of musculature. You're saying a calf. So you call the office building that we work in, the cafeteria we have in there, you call it a cafe? They don't sell teas and crumpets, dog. That's a cafe.

Okay. They sell brisket sandwiches and beef stroganoff, dog. That is a cafe at its finest. It is small. It is delicate. It sells meals. You're thinking it's like Emily in Paris. You can get a scone. That's what a cafe is. You have to have some kind of pastry and a coffee treat. Okay. Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, in your weird little mind, a cafe only sells scones and cookies. That's not what a cafe is. You have to at least sell the pastry to be a cafe. You can buy a honey bun and a cookie right there. 40 feet away, you can buy a honey bun and a cookie. You can buy a honey bun in there? I've literally bought a honey bun in there. Oh, my God. I've bought a honey bun, and you know they always have the cookies by the little bowls of candy, too. Okay, but a cafe. That's a cafe, and it's based definition. So if they only sold barbecue, right? Barbecue, lasagna, and ribs, and burgers.

And burgers. That would be a cafe still? That'd be a restaurant. Do they only sell barbecue ribs and burgers? Yes. No, you can buy teas. You can buy cookies. You can not buy tea in there. Holy shit. You bought tea in there? Lipton's? I don't like... I'm not a fan of tea. I'm not a believer in tea, but they sell it.

That is a cafe. I know it's good for you. I can't get behind the taste. It tastes weird. It tastes herbal, like a medicine. Really? Arizona tea? You don't like Arizona tea? Oh, Arizona tea. Now that shit. 99 cents a can for 28 ounces of goodness. Fire. Back to the cafe. It's not a caf. Okay, why are you calling it a caf? What does caf mean? You're so Webster. You're so definition. That's a short for cafeteria. Holy shit. What does a caf mean? I just associate cafes with like innards.

And that's your problem. That's your problem. A cafe sells food, sells small amounts of food, and it's a nice place. That's a cafe. You know what I read the other day that doesn't make sense to me? I've been going through news. I've been trying to get more into news. That is a scary place. Yeah, because I don't really like it. It's confusing and it brings me gloom. It's always gloomy. There's never like, oh, this kid won a medal. It's always like, this guy's going to jail for 20 years because he did this. And even if they do say, oh, this kid won a medal, he's dead now. Yeah, he's back.

He won the medal, but he was in a fatal accident. God bless that kid. I read, I don't believe this, and now I understand the term fake news. Fake news is very real. I don't believe this. I read this news article, and it said that a lightning bolt is hotter than the sun. I believe it.

Why do you just believe it? Did you hear that? First off, let's see. Someone probably studied it, right? That's kind of how that would work. Someone did that, brought it to said news station, and that's not a riveting report, but they wanted to speak on it. But isn't the sun the hottest thing ever?

That's also incredibly wrong. Incredibly wrong. There's so many stars that are hotter, bigger, way larger than the sun. The sun is our life bringer and life giver. So the sun is the hottest thing we know. That's still wrong because we know about the other stars. I'm not making it up.

It's science. It's science. Bigger stars, hotter stars. Further stars. But they said if the sun... I've always learned this. I've always learned this in class. If the sun were to get even a little bit closer, the Earth is gone. 100%. It'd be too hot for us.

If a lightning bolt is hotter than that and a lightning bolt hit my backyard one time, why am I not a corpse? Why am I not sizzling snapping bacon from Dunkin' Donuts? That's so good. That's so good. Lightning bolt. Believe it or not, lightning bolt, very small. Sun, astronomically big. Do you wrap around that one? Okay. But it doesn't matter. It's not about the size of the dick. I mean, it's...

It's not about the size of the boat. It's about the motion of the ocean. Exactly. And your ocean is very large, very far away. Thank you. Your ocean is very, the real ocean, you creep, is very large, very far away. In this metaphor, that's the sun. The lightning is right here. In you. In you.

How are people struck by lightning and still alive then? If it's hotter than the sun, if the sun were to slap me on the ass, I'm done. I'm going to burn to a crisp. Because the sun is enormous. Okay, a fire, a small fire the size of my hand. Right. That's a thousand degrees. Where is it? For simple math, it's in my palm. Okay. That would hurt like hell. Your hand is done. It's done. If it's hotter than the sun. Let's say. And you're going to put the sun in your hand. You son of a bitch. Let's say this small fire is a thousand degrees for easy math. Okay. Okay.

This small fire, size of my hand, 1,000 degrees. Or a fire the size of this room is 500 degrees. Which one's hotter? Obviously that one. But which one is emitting more heat? That one, if it's hotter. Dude. The one in your hand. I'm dead ass. Kim, that doesn't make sense to me. If something... Okay, say... Would it hurt more if I threw one drop, one drop of boiling water, boiling water, threw it on your back? Yes.

Okay, one drop. Or if I got a whole pot of water that wasn't quite boiling, but it was still hot as shit, and I threw the whole pot of water on you. That's a false comparison. Oh my Jesus Christ. You can't say one drop. Say you were to get... A lightning strike is not even a drop compared to a boiling... You act like whenever there's lightning storms, there's only one lightning. Bow, bow, bow, bow. Have you ever seen a lightning storm? Thunder? Oh, because you're out in the field getting struck by lightning left and right. I've been struck by... Ow! Ow!

I've been struck by lightning. I told you this. I still don't believe that. Ask Meemaw. Well, you can't. No, you can't. She's gone. We can't converse anymore. God bless her. I'm sorry. She's an amazing woman. That just proved my point. A drop of water in a pot of water? If you wanted a false comparison, that was false. You want a real comparison? Drop of water is a lightning bolt? Hey, go and jump into Lake Michigan and heat it up to hundreds of degrees. That's the sun. That would probably hurt less because if it's not as hot.

I'm just saying, if something were to be sharp, right? Say you were to get a little bitty pencil that's sharp, right? It's the sharpest pencil in the world, but it's this big, right? And then you were to take a big pencil that was dull, and you were to hit you with it, which one's going to hurt more? The little pencil's going to feel like acupuncture. The big one's going to feel like

Conan the Barbarian's here at your favela stabbing you through the chest and your whole family's dead now. What did Conan O'Brien do? I didn't say O'Brien. I'm not talking about the night host ginger guy. I said Conan the Barbarian. Okay, but you're not understanding me. Holy shit. If there's lightning storms, there's so many lightnings and it's hitting people, it's hitting houses, things set on fire whenever you hit lightning. It's taking down trees. Because it's hotter than the sun. Exactly. So how are we, if there's lightning storms, literally storm

taking up the environment that you're in of something that's hotter than the sun, how are we still preheating? We should be burnt, dog. Because the sun, the sun's so much bigger. And how are we testing that? How do you know? Who's caught lighting the door? That's a grand question. Some guy's in the mason jar. He's like, he just snags it like it's a pot fly. He's like,

He grabs that bitch. He's like, he puts a lid on her wig, takes it back to the lab, and they're like, ooh, ah, it's hot. He's just sitting there catching the shit. No, that's a valid question. Like, y'all believe anything, dog. I swear to you. Payton, what would a thermostat on the sun? No, shit, no, shit, no. That's another great question. Who told the sun to open up its mouth and lift their tongue and put a thermostat under there? Okay, I don't think you can throat swab the tongue. Ah, ah, ah, ah.

You know the sun has so much waves. If the sun even burped, we'd be done. If the sun was like, a wave would go. We would all just be like, the sound effects. Am I a walking soundboard? No wonder people like listening to this on Spotify. Yeah, 100%. One more comparison. And I want you to be partial. And I want you to be, honest to God, I need you to close your eyes. Okay. You know the fear of closing my eyes in public. Please, if you hit me, Cam, I'm bringing out the fart spray. No, you f***ing don't.

I'm a sprayer in your car. Oh my God, that'd be the worst prank ever. I'm not. No, stop, stop. I'm not touching you. You can get all weird if you want. Okay, please, please. Pinky promises you're not going to touch me. No touching will happen. You mother. I'm just kidding. Okay, what would hurt worse? Okay. If she left again. Sorry. A very, very sharp knife. Okay. One sharp knife. It's sticking you real quick, coming right out.

Or, and it's very small. The point of it is very small. Sounds like my sex life. Or. Small in and out. Or. Sorry. If. God, please. Small in and out. Sticking you real quick. Or, if you laid down on an entire bed of thumbtacks, all glued pointed directly up. Initial pain. The little knife.

Cam. Cam, you can listen. He is not 100% right. If you lay on thumbtacks, Cam, yeah, it's going to be uncomfortable. It's going to hurt. If you stab me with the world's sharpest knife. I didn't say I'm going, am I killing you? Imagine this. You're going to cut me open like some butter, dog. Exactly.

That's some butter, dog. Or a million thumbtacks all at once. The power of a million thumbtacks going every, every, every centimeter of your skin. That's not fair.

Neither is lightning versus the sun. But I'm saying the whole environment is taken up by thunder. That should burn the earth. We should have no crops. First off, it's not the whole environment. It'd be like one thunderstorm over Pflugerville. Don't talk about Pflugerville. Two towns over, it's dry and sunny. Yeah, Pflugerville should burn. No, Pflugerville should burn for multiple reasons. Don't talk about Pflugerville. No, Pflugerville is creepy and it's nasty. They got a lot of weird people. The sun could encapsulate over a thousand earths.

And you're talking about a measly thunderstorm in Little Elm. Speaking of space. That scares my dog. Speaking of space, space is not a... Who was talking about space? The sun's in space. That's a fair point. I was about to say, do I have that wrong too? No, that's a fair point. When I don't... Do you know... You... I think I talked about this already though. I think you need to take a drink. I think you need to take a drink. I think you need to take a drink. Oh!

No, it's all on me. I wore blue. No, bro. No, my shoes. No, paint my shoes. For real. No, no. It's not my fault. It's not my fault. It's not my fault. It's not my fault. It's not my fault. It's not my fault. You told me to go. I didn't tell you to slurp and chug it, you creep.

You know I like my DCs. Oh, no. Cam's over there. My name's Cam. I decided to wear $2,000 shoes on the podcast. Nowhere near. Did it get on you for real? It got all over me. It's on my arms, my legs, my shoes. I couldn't see. The carbonation went in my eyes. Did you shake that before you gave it to me? No, you started just chugging it, moving it back and forth. Look, it's everywhere. It looks like we stabbed a Diet Coke.

Oh, man. That wasn't even a bit. My legs are sticky. Thanks, Bruce. We're good. Oh. The You Should Know Podcast.

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No, I know. My leg is sticky. No, mine too. I'm very sticky. You shat that everywhere. Dude, that was bad. Oh, man. There is going to be an incredible amount of mites and flies and bugs and grubs in our studio. Speaking of losing body control, go ahead. Go ahead.

What was your first point? I said, speaking of losing body control, right? No, back to space. I think I talked about it already. Did you know that there's satellites everywhere? Yeah. I thought we had one. Dead ass. And then they showed a realistic picture of space and it was like,

Thousands of satellites. Yeah. You think one satellite is doing it all for us? I didn't know. You think one satellite has HBO Max, Garmin navigation systems, Apple Maps, your toll tags, all cell towers on Earth. Old tags? Toll tags. Let me say this.

Pay your toll tags, kids. I don't know. Is toll tags universal? Is that all over America? Do they have toll roads? I think so. There's tollways everywhere. So I've had a car since I was 16 years old.

I've had a car since I was 16 years old. I've been driving every day since I was 16. And one of my anxiety mechanisms to cope with my anxiety is to drive. Yes. So they're coping. Not if you don't have a toll tag. Yeah. I haven't had a toll tag ever. I'm 25 years old, and I haven't had a toll tag since I started driving when I was 16.

Now, I've been getting mail from the toll saying, hey, this is your bill for the toll. And I said, when I look up at the thing, it's only like $225 every time I go through. I didn't realize, hey, you've been driving for almost 10 years every day. Yeah.

Yeah. And you used to live in a different state too. And you go through multiple checkpoints on a tollway. It's not a one way to 25, you're good. Every time I go home, I'm going through a toll. Every time I leave home, I'm going, it's right outside my house. That is true. Same thing when I was back home, Cam.

CJ's mom came over this weekend and she goes, "Payton, you gotta pay your tolls." 'Cause she saw my mail. And I said, "Oh, it's alright." And she goes, "No, if you don't pay your tolls "a certain amount, it could be a misdemeanor." Like you could go to jail. And I said, "Well, I don't want, you've seen my butt. "You've seen my butt." - You've seen my butt. My butt is not a jail butt. - I don't wanna go to jail, it is a jail butt. - That would be the number one draft pick in a jail ass draft.

A jail ass draft. You're going first round. Put him right in the starting five. There's like make the stallion car to be paid in jail. Oh my God. And so I said, okay, I don't want to go to jail. Let me go pay my tolls. There's a QR code on the paper. Cam, I put on the QR code. It said, put in this pin number that's linked to your account and what you owe. I opened up that toll website. Can I guess? Can I guess? I don't, I do don't want to say how much it was.

It's that bad? It's genuinely, I could, let me put this, I could buy a car. I could buy a car. Peyton? With how much it was. Stephen Harden. Yeah. You could purchase another vehicle. Yes. With how much money you owed Uncle Sam for driving on his nice road. Yes. 100%. I almost shit my pants. I almost threw up. I literally was like, take me to jail. I didn't want to pay it. Did you pay it? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh my god. Oh my god. You have to tell me off camera. Okay, can I do one guess? Yes. And you just say simply higher or lower. Be ridiculous though. Be ridiculous. Because it's ridiculous how much I spent. Well, you already told me that you could buy a car. We're talking like an 07 Civic? You could buy some off a lot. I don't know. Just guess. It's bad. Pay your tolls. 20 grand.

If you, if, okay, I'm actually gonna, I'm actually gonna, I just started sweating more. If I look at you, I'm gonna do that again, okay? If I look at you and I say the number $20,000 and you look back with your Ojos into my Ojos and you nod and say, nope, it's higher, we're gonna have a problem and we're gonna have to talk. You ready? You know the rules and registrations of the game? Here we go. My singular guest is 20 grand.

Peyton, you're- Peyton. Peyton, you're absolutely kidding me. I've been so depressed. You are absolutely kidding me. I can't pay my bills. You had more than $20,000 in tolls. Yeah. What are you, Amazon? Are you delivering? I used to- I drove- When I lived in college, my second Juco, I would go home every weekend because I had a girlfriend at the time.

every weekend and my school was two and a half three hours away oh my god you know how many tolls you gotta go through i'm 25 cam i've been driving since i was 16. no one told me nine years 20 but it's more than 20 oh my god you're spending more than two thousand dollars a year on tolls what are you doing yeah take a service road no i did enjoy the drive i'm about to now and i'm about to just get a toll tag or that or a bike yeah get

Go get a mongoose. Try that out. I don't want to talk about it. Now my stomach hurts. Oh, my God. I almost took him to court. No, real quick. You would have lost. And I still got to pay the fees here at this parking garage. I haven't paid them here either. And so I'm just not going to. I'll go to jail for that. Peyton, we are going to get evicted. Why? Because you're not paying us.

You have to pay things in life. That's how they work. Sometimes there's a fee and then there's a late fee. And when they say, oh, that didn't scare him enough. Let's go handcuff him. But like says who?

Says, I don't know, cops. Cops, internet, movies, pretty much anything in front of you would point to the fact that you got to do that or you might get arrested. And as we know, you and your ass, you would be a prized possession in any cell block that you go into. So I don't want to hear horror stories from prison for you. I don't want to lose my friend. And I like where we work. That'd be a shit reason to go to jail. That'd be the shit. Oh, you'd probably get your ass beat the first day. What you here for? I didn't pay my tolls. They go, what the fuck?

You just say, I'm doing life for some hard shit. You over here want a toll tag? If they put me in jail next to somebody who's in there for life for not paying tolls, that's their fault. I don't deserve that. I don't deserve that. No, that'd be bad. But go ahead. I was going to say, speaking of car, okay, the other day I went to a car wash. I love the car wash. Because we recently went to Oklahoma, came back, car was super dirty. I go through the car wash, and this guy gives me unsolicited advice. I hate that. And then it struck me very, very wrong.

Why? Fundamentally, I think he is incorrect. But then I thought about it, and the whole system does it. I'm going through the car wash, and right when he—you know they're doing this? Yes.

okay right when i saw put it neutral he goes window window trying to line you up they're trying to line you up with the thing yeah he's like left left come back he goes all right put your window down i said that's not right you don't tell me i said you're you're gonna prank me i'm on there's aston kutcher behind yeah i don't want the water in my car not at all this isn't water right he goes no no for real and i was like i lean out because i literally think i'm like why am i even opening i don't even know this guy yeah he goes you need to get your tires rotated so they uh so they wear evenly excuse me word for it

I can see the little early signs of wearing on your tires. You get them rotated so they can wear evenly. Am I the mechanic or am I getting my car cleaned? So that's the first thing, right? Yeah. Here's the issue. Isn't a tire a wheel? It's a circle. Every part of it is touching the road every time I use it. How is it possibly wearing unevenly? How many right turns do you take?

What the hell does that mean? What does that even mean? It doesn't matter if I turn right, turn left? Yeah, it does. No, it does not. And if you brake a lot. I'm telling you. It's a tire. Listen to this. It's going like this. So they don't all evenly go.

When you're driving on squares, you got square tires. It is literally a circle. No, listen. Oh my God. When you take a right turn, is your right front wheel and your right back wheel doing the same thing? No, it's not. They're not. Uneven.

Did you think you just cracked Da Vinci's code? You said uneven. No, I make the turn and then I start driving again. What are you saying? I'm saying your wheels aren't all moving in sync at the same time. Okay, so then why didn't he say, hey, your front tires are going to burn out quicker because your back ones will stay straight. He said get them all turned so they can wear evenly. First off, I don't like that phrase. Wearing tire. Yeah, because they were unevenly moving, so you got to realign them to get them moving evenly. Reset.

It's like, you know whenever you're doing the, what's the old game? When you're doing an Etch-A-Sketch, you remember Etch-A-Sketch is you gotta shake and reset the drawing. Your car's the drawing, reset it. A Kia and an Etch-A-Sketch. That's what we've got to. A Kia and an Etch-A-Sketch is how you're defending this mechanic car wash guy. It doesn't f***ing matter, it's a circle. Every part of the tire is touching every part of the road. Exactly. Unevenly though. You go in reverse, right? Yeah.

yeah your back tires are moving more than your front ones oh yes they are no yes they are they start slightly in front and then okay first off i don't even think that's true you ever been in reverse and you're cutting the car yes your wheels are going different directions than your back ones that's happening so that means it's gonna wear unevenly you know what okay cool so then if i get it readjusted what the does that do because then the same thing's gonna happen again so is this a ploy for money is he

with me or is he stupid? No, I'm saying it's so you can last longer because if it continues to uneven, it will last less. If you realign even, redo that sketch. Are you f***ing with me right now? Are you genuinely trying to piss me off? No, I'm giving you the science. Peyton, if it's shit and then you redo it, it's going to be shit in a new spot. No. And then you redo it in a new spot, shit in a new spot. Okay. You ever had a jacket on? What is that? What is a jacket on?

You ever had a jacket on? Oh, I thought you literally said, what, you ever had a jacket on? No, yeah, I've worn a jacket, you creep. A zip-up jacket. Yeah.

Zip up. So whenever you're zipping up a jacket, right, it's supposed to go even. Don't tell me some stupid. It is even. It's a zipper. Exactly. Well, you ever, it ever got unaligned? That has absolute. It's right. A jacket is in circular. Let me cook. I'm in the kitchen with grease and olive oil right now. No, you're in the kitchen with like pink food coloring and like flour. Like you're making a weird ass concoction. I would make a cake. Here we go.

So you know whenever you're zipping up a jacket, it's supposed to be aligned. Those are your tires. Yes. Supposed to be aligned. Say you move a little too much to the left, you move a little too much to the right. Now it's uneven. You can continue to zip that jacket up, right? You can continue to zip it up, but it's going to be cattywampus. That's your tires are cattywampus. What you want to do is realign your zip-up jacket. No more cattywampus. Now you got your curmudgeons. What are you speaking? I hate you.

I'm trying to come to you with some synths, cattywampus, and mudgywubbins, what'd you say? What was the second part? Camudgeons. Camudgeons. You know what camudgeons are? No. You've never heard of camudgeons? You're speaking in tongues, dog. Camudgeons, that's not racist. Is that? I didn't mean it. I wasn't racist. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Camudgeons. Camudgeons. You sound like you're from Elf. Camudgeons. Camudgeons is a real word. A cotton-headed ninny muggin'. Oh! What the f*** did you say? That's from Elf. Yeah, that's

That's from Elf. You called me a cotton-picking n***a. What did you call me? I said, for the sake of my life, a cotton-headed nanny muggin. Cotton-headed doesn't sound right. I don't know if you should say that. You're a cotton-headed nanny muggin. Stop saying that. That is extremely offensive. I'm getting offended. You shouldn't. Don't tell me what I should get offended at. No, you shouldn't. It means you're a little elf. You're a little cotton-headed nanny muggins. Stop saying it. That is so close. What is that from? Elf.

What year was that made in? Will Ferrell, 04. It could have some intent. Okay, what was I saying? Speaking of bodily fluids. No, curmudgeons. No, curmudgeons. You don't know what curmudgeons are? Brother, that sounds like a disease. Curmudgeons. She got curmudgeons last week. Go get your curmudgeons. What is that? It's like get your get back.

Commudgeons means get your get back. I'm going to get my lick back. Commudgeons. You've never heard of commudgeons? Hey, they hit a stain on the block. Let's go get our commudgeons. You don't have to talk about that. You don't have to talk like that. You think you're getting some respect if you say that? No, it's a word. It's in the English dictionary. Commudgeons. Holy shit. Spell commudgeons for me. K-U-M-U-D-G-E-N-S. Commudgeons.

Go get your curmudgeon. You're not being serious. This is a real word. I'm going to call my mom. Oh, that doesn't do much. Oh, you got my mom ignorant. No, I'm saying curmudgeons. I could say, yeah, flop-a-dop-a-woppas. And that's my family word. Call my mom flop-a-dop-a-woppas. Curmudgeons is a real word. No, that's bullshit. Watch this. Hello, mom. You're on the podcast right now. Say hello to everybody. Hey, mama. Okay. Yep. There we go. Thanks. Okay, mom. Yes or no, is curmudgeon's a real word?

Yeah, it's a real word though. Okay, I always thought Shanna was real. Izzy? Okay, mom, what does curmudgeon mean? Yes, yes. So curmudgeon, what does it mean? Yeah, get your gig back. Okay. Hey, what does flop-a-woppus mean? Flop-a-woppus. We used it in my household. Sure is a real word. Flop-a-woppus.

Exactly! It's nonsense and bullshit! Commodions isn't a word! It can be a family tradition all you want it to be, it's not in Webster's. It's not real. Mom, okay, did you teach me something wrong? Yeah. Was it your mom? Why does she sound sad? Wait, mom, how many siblings do you have? Oh my god. Wait, we talked about this last week. How many siblings do you have? Oh. What's his name?

Earl? You have a brother named Earl? Who's Earl? I have an Earl, don't I? How old's your brother? Goddamn. Your brother has kids? Her brother has grandkids. Why have I not met any of these people? Bullshit.

Damn, I was evil. No, I don't remember that. Why was he into guitars? Let's talk about that. Because of Drake and Josh. No, you're not. Oh, please do. Okay, thanks, mom. Where do they live? Why haven't I met these kids? The kids and the grandkids. What about Earl?

Mom, that's your job. We'll talk about this later. Goodbye. My mom's a sick bastard. You were into guitars? Let's start there. Yeah. That's the biggest thing I got from that. You liked to rip it on a guitar. Hey, I used to literally try to play the guitar all the time. You're shitting me. Me and my grandpa's like, that's when we tried to bond. Because he loved guitars too. Like a classic? Like a guitar? Like a...

I don't even need to like electric. I had two electric guitars. You are absolutely kidding me. Y'all didn't know that? Can your mom please God send a picture? Oh, I probably have a picture of it. That's so obvious. And I used to wear a long horns wristband on my forearm and a tank top and jeans and boots.

He thought he was Kobe Bryant mixed with Trace Adkins playing the guitar. You wore a sweatband to play an instrument. I was always meant to entertain. You were always meant to do some shit that didn't quite add up. I don't think my family is real. I think my mom has lost it. Those people aren't real. I'm going to trust your mom over you. After all the evidence, I'm trusting your mom over you. My mom spends 14 hours a day on a coloring book, dog. She's not there. She looks at lights and she's in awe.

She's lost it, bro.

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No, oh my god. I don't know how I didn't show you this. Okay, me and Liv, we went to a baby appointment two days ago. And it was a sonogram appointment, which is like, doesn't happen, the one with the pictures. Remember how last time you had the cute picture? The ultrasound. Yeah, ultrasound, sonogram, same thing.

She was going through, taking her pictures, and right when she took, it was the profile, like a side view. Of her? He was cute. No, of the baby. Oh, okay. Right when she snapped the picture, he turned. Oh, he's sick. Oh, no. That's lit. Oh, no. He's ugly? Oh, my God. My nephew's ugly? Oh, my God, bro. It's I love you to death. Whenever you see this, you'll understand the picture I'll show you when you're old enough. He looks like a creep.

Creep like a ghoul. Can we put this up on the screen? 100%. Okay. It's terrifying, dog. Okay. But that's... I just want your reaction first. That's his face. Holy shit! That's his face. I swear to God. Your wife's giving birth to a beast. Bro, it literally looks like he's in there like... Yeah, look at him. Look at that. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, no. No, I didn't sleep well. That is a cast member of Insidious. No, literally. Come here. Here. Real quick. Ready? Okay.

Fourth camera reaction. Dude, he's sick. It looks like there's no air. There's no air in there whatsoever. He's being vacuum sucked. It looks like he's sealed like a good steak. I don't know. He turned. I guess he could sense the thing because it was on the side of his face and it was all pretty. And then he literally, she was like, and as she clicked the button, he turned and that's what we got. I literally, I audibly gasped.

in in the room i literally went oh my god okay but that's not fair that's not fair and you can put this up on the screen too because this was cam as a baby yo you look awful cam as a kid that is a mix of a troll an elf and some dough dog that is not a good baby i look like an unbaked loaf i look like i had a twin and i

that looks that looks i look i look huge i look terrified oh my yeah this i hope to god my son's but i audibly aghast dude no that would literally that took a lot of my excitement away from your kid no 100 it was terrifying that is an awful bro it was i literally went oh my god that kid is 90 eyes he was like this he

He said, yeah, I got it from you, bro. And then the woman goes, what? What's wrong? I said, no, that's just a creepy-ass picture. She goes, oh, I think it's cute. And I said, bullshit. Do you also worship the devil? Yeah, Lucifer. I bet you do think he's cute. Dude. No, Cam, I'm not going to lie. I'm going to love him. You know that, Liv. I'm going to love him. If he looks like that when he comes out.

He's coming over. Anytime he comes over to my house, he's going to look like Rey Mysterio because he's going to have a mask on. Cam, he's not walking into my house looking like that. I love him to death. I love him. If you, honest to God, if you masked my son because of how hideous he was, that would be the lowest point I think a human's been to. He's going to look like a luchador, dog. He's going to look like Nacho Libre walking into my house. Are you kidding me? If he looks like that...

He better develop some skull before he works in them. Oh, my God. I don't think I've heard the word luchador in 12 years. A luchador. Oh, my God. What game? There were those little eggs. Those little eggs. They were little fighters. They were dressed as little cartoons. Oh, my God. What were those? They were like little beans magnets. Oh, my God. That was so lit. I had a Mexican warrior. He was a luchador. That's sick. Oh, my God. Is a luchador like a Mexican...

Fighting? Style of like wrestling? I don't think it's a style of combat. I think it's what they're called. Oh. They are the El Luchadors. I'd like to be educated. Luchador might mean something. I don't know. Maybe wrestler. Would you rather take $50,000 a year for 10 years? Okay. $100,000 a year for 10 years? Straight? Or you get to be the sole father of Mu Ding? Who's Mu Ding? Who's Mu Ding? Mu Ding? Mu Ding! Who's Mu Ding? Mu Ding.

Am I about to blow your mind? Blow it. Blow me. You haven't seen that cute little pygmy hippo, Mooding? Uh-uh. Who's Mooding? Peyton, you're shitting me. Oh, wait. The hippo on TikTok? The cute little baby hippo. Oh, yes. $100,000 a year. What is wrong with you? He's cute and all. I get it. It's fun.

I'd rather that fat penguin. No! You seen that big ass penguin in Australia? I want that. You wouldn't want Mu Ding! He's not... He's adorable! He's cute, but doesn't serve much. They live 50 years. Really? 50! Imagine a 50 year pet. Why would I want a hippo that outlives me? He was just... That's a good point.

He's going to be sitting there packing your stuff in a box because you died. He's like, he's packing your stuff up. He's a pygmy hippo. He's small. Oh my God. He's fat. He has rolls. He's like purple and he's always wet and his caretaker messes with him and then he tries to strike back with teeth, but he doesn't have them yet. So he just bites him with guns. Yeah, he's cute. Oh my, you'd really take money over that? You're heartless.

You're absolutely hard. What do you even feed a hippo? Bro, probably carrots and rabbits or carrots and celery. What is he at, Wingstop? Yeah. But you feed him vegetables. You wouldn't want to hit, you're not a humanitarian. You're not a humanitarian. What's a humanitarian? Someone that loves the world. I want to build a school. You're a humanitarian. Would that be counterproductive if I built a school though? It probably, no. Oh my God. I built like an arts class. You should build like a Montessori.

Oh. Isn't that a church? No. It's a type of school. It's like a private like schooling, but. I don't believe in, well, I do believe in private school, but I want everybody to become. You don't believe in private school. Well, no, I'm saying I believe in it and I misspoke. I mean, I don't want to build a private school because I feel like that's not inclusive. But it's not necessarily, it's more of, it's.

the kids are learning stuff way better. There was a stat, it said like 10 of the biggest businesses in the world, eight of the CEOs were graduates from Montessori's. You can graduate as a kid? No, you're done. It's a school system still. How long do you go? You can go to the 12th grade. Oh, wow.

Yeah, they were like, I don't care about Friday Night Lights and a cheerleader that's kind of cute when you were 17. That's legal? Do you learn math? Yeah, they learn math stuff, but they learn business. They learn real things. That's what I'm saying. Okay, that's sick. No, I wouldn't, I don't want you to learn anything like that. I want you to learn something cool like how to podcast. Dude, that'd be sick. I don't want to be like a school like that. Uncle P's. No. Peyton. Yeah? Daddy P's. No. DJ P. Peyton. Peyton. Peyton Harden. Peyton's Podcast School. PPS. Yes. Peyton's School.

Payton School of Podcasting. Payton School of Podcasting. And you get cool lunch at Ground Beef. You ever... Okay, quick story and we'll get out of here. There's this girl, right? Why am I already... You have a power, bro. You have a power within you. There's this girl, right? And we never dated, but we always had this flirtatious vibe with each other.

And she, we were really close at one time. She went and got a boyfriend. It didn't work out, obviously, because you're not with me. I'm just kidding. She had a boyfriend. It didn't work out. So we weren't talking whenever she had a boyfriend because out of respect, because we used to have flirtatious energy. Never, never, never, never smooched. Nothing. She got out of the relationship. She hit me up, said, Peyton, I'm really into health and wellness now. And I see that you're trying to get on the right track and stuff like that. And I just kind of miss you. I want to talk to you.

I got an apartment. It's by your house. Come over. And I said, God bless you. I'm coming. I come over and she goes, Hey, I'm a cook for you. Oh, Oh, I'm gonna jump to the end of this story. Her number is blocked right now. Cameron. She cooked me ground beef. My favorite. I love a good ground beef.

Especially if it's greasy. No grease in the ground beef. Greaseless ground beef. Greaseless ground beef. I was watching her cook this ground beef and I said, you're doing something to me. I was feeling it. I was like, I love you. You love me. You know what I like. Smell it. Female pheromones. You know what starts my engine. Jet fuel. She continues down her kitchen and she goes, this is the magic part of the meal. And I said, oh my God, she's about to put an exquisite seasoning on this ground beef. Something you've never even heard of. She goes and grabs a banana. Banana.

I swear to God. She grabs the banana. First of all, I said be careful. She starts to peel the banana, cuts up the banana, puts it in the ground beef bowl. She serves me ground beef and banana and says, you don't know what's good until you had this. I looked at it, looked at her, flipped it, walked out. You don't have access to me anymore. Who are you?

Who are you? I would have immediately said, and you don't know how good your life's been with two eyes up to this point. I would have clocked her. Bananas and ground beef. Yeah. That is worse. I would argue that is worse than what my dog eats. Dude, Cam. And she was, I was like, like, I was almost like giggling. Cause I was like, she's like, no, it's funny. Take the fruit out. Yeah. And she's like carrots and peanut butter.

She's not pregnant. Like, she's just sick in the head. Who is this girl? You know her. No, I don't. Yeah, it is her. No, wait. No! It is her. No. Yep. No. It is her. I swear to you. I just lost so much respect. I almost did a second phone call just now to call her to confirm this. Beef impanet... Was the beef seasoned? No. No.

Because she's on this health thing. Yeah, she's on like primitive grounds. Yeah, it's disgusting. She's like, let's do a carnivore diet. It's honestly disgusting. That's probably what it was. She's probably on a carnivore diet. And she has this big ass dog in her house. And I'm glad I didn't take a bite of that ground beef banana because she was biting the... She was biting, using her fork, biting the ground beef banana, eating it up, swallowing that shit. And then getting some for the dog. The dog was biting off the fork. I said, she's... Mute that. She's... Sorry, that is well... That is... Bro, you...

Can we quickly recap, just off the top of my head, some amazing interactions you've had with women? Yeah. You went to a woman's apartment where she served you beef and banana. Yeah. Okay. You went to a woman's apartment where she had a flying squirrel. Mm-hmm. It smelled like ass in there, too. It smelled like a zoo. You've gone on movie dates that were oh so bad. You've gone on... Movie dates that are at 9 a.m.? Yeah. You've gone on a 9 a.m. movie date. You've gone on dinner dates that were unacceptable. Girls that didn't show up to hibachi? Yeah.

Girl broke her nose playing basketball to Dave and Buster's. Grow up. She gave me an emerald pearl. What? Topgolf? Goddamn. Bro. Oh my God. Can we, okay, can we, can we put it out here? Maybe. And it's up to you. Can we maybe throw it out here? Yes. That coming soon. Yeah. To Patreon. Maybe. Just maybe. You know where I'm going. Maybe. Hey, look at me. 20. V1. V1.

What is a 20v1? We bring in 20 various... I can't. Why? Because the girls that I do go on dates with, I'm like friends with them though. Like I have to be comfortable around you. But I think that's the problem. I think that's the problem. You're friends with them, you like them, but then when you see the true self, it freaks you the fuck out. I can't go on dates with strangers. You like this person, then she's serving banana and beef to you with a fork she puts in her great Pyrenees' mouth. And now you're like,

Up, ick, see ya. You like this girl? She goes with Dave and Buster, shoots a basketball, breaks her nose. That was cute, though. See ya. That was cute, though, because we kissed in the photo booth. You need to not know the broad and just get her from ground zero. No, I can't. I don't like telling... I'm so sick and tired of telling people my favorite movie, my favorite color, like... No, no, no, no, no.

Like, I got to explain to you my family tree again. I don't even know Paul. Yeah, I thought I had an Earl. Apparently, there's a PJ. There's somebody. Marilyn with guitars. And you wanted him dead. And you wanted him dead. That is bizarre. I've been without hits as a kid. That is wicked, bro. All right, Cam. Fantastic episode. Get us out of here. Fantastic episode. Appreciate any and everybody for coming back to episode 138, You Should Know Podcast. We absolutely love y'all. As P said in the intro...

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That is me as an enormous baby, and I look very strange. I just look gooey. Like moldable. Anyway, confuse the casuals and get your good karma with this week's secret code. W-U-E. Woo. W-U-E? Uh-huh.

I don't know. What is it? Where's Uncle Earl? Where is Uncle Earl and his shredding guitars? Confuse the piss out of everyone and bring that good karma with Woo. That is spelled W-U-E. Where's Uncle Earl? We absolutely love y'all. Cannot wait to see you back next week. We love you. Remember, one out of ten qualifiers. Don't make it home to Christmas and we'll see you next time. No, I had no clue he played guitar.