HOOKING UP WITH THE ELDERLY! (Ft. B.Simone) -You Should Know Podcast-
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We don't have too much rhythm in the studio, as we can see. But guys, welcome back to the Usain Bolt Podcast, episode 115. We are one show in to the summer live tour Denver. It was Boulder, Colorado. Thank you all for showing so much love.

The show was amazing, I guess. Let's break the fourth wall. This was recorded before because there's a lot of travel and a lot of things that go into it. But next episode, we'll give you a full recap. We have the rest of the tour coming up. We're going to Washington, D.C. We're going to Philly. We're going to Phoenix. We're going to Vegas. We're going to Houston. We're going to Chicago.

We're going everywhere and we cannot wait to see you. This is an exciting, exciting summer tour because we're not touching the road again until 2025. But let me tell you something. If you're new here, if you haven't already, look below. You see that subscribe button isn't pressed. You're wrong. Even more below that, you see the comment section said, Fulfilled with your name. Guess what? Even more wrong. Go ahead and feel that. I'll get your good karma. We're on the road to 1 million subscribers by the end of the year. I don't care how many comments say it's not achievable. We don't even want you here.

But to those that do believe, we love you, and I'll give you a kiss on the tongue. Now on to the rest of the episode.

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free shipping with the code PSH at Manscaped.com. That's 20% off the free shipping at Manscaped.com and use code PSH. Never forget where you came from if you know what I mean. Happy Father's Day from Manscaped. Now on to the rest of the episode. The You Should Know Podcast. We got co-host Cam! Strong toes. Back in the studio! Hey!

People love me. For once. I love you. For once. I like your shirt. It's brown. It is brown. Let's take a poll. Let's take a poll in the comments. Right now in the comments. This is the quickest CTA we've had other than the intro. Put in the comments at what time, Sam, do you think that shirt's going to be black under the pits? Put shirt becomes black at and then drop the time because it's...

You know what I mean? We'll be cooking. Just know that. How was your week, Bubba? Hey, the week was fantastic. You want to know why? You already know why, but I'm still going to say it to you. We just went and had a fantastic time in Boulder, Colorado. Hey, I set them up. You know why, guys? Because that hasn't happened yet. But that's fine. So you're lying. I'm not lying. I'm going to have a fantastic time. Do you plan on having a fantastic time? Can I tell you something that happened? F*** me. Sure. Sure. Tell.

my weakness so you know we had lunch just now right we had lunch i i scarfed it down i was very hungry i was a hungry boy you're hungry you're hungry hungry hungry hip hungry little hippo i played hungry hippos it was a fun game never the best at it though intrusive thoughts too early i can't say it but hungry hippos right uh i was hungry so i ate fast one more time hungry hippos hungry one more time hungry and so i was walking right and then i had a carbonated beverage because i'm addicted to carbonation

It's a carbonation. Do you get addicted to just carbonation? I believe so, yes. Yes, it is a scientific fact. To just carbonation. Yeah, I think the feeling on your tongue and the throat. I get a lot addicted to things in my throat. I have a throat addiction. A lot of throat work. A lot of throat work. You got a whole filing cabinet of addictions to the throat. They call me the throat king. Yeah, they call me the plow king.

He's a throat king. You're the throat king. Oh my god. If you got that tattoo. Throat king. That's my king right here on the throat. But I threw up in my mouth. Right here, because I was walking right here. I threw up in my mouth and I felt a fry. A corner of a fry. Oh my. Hit the back of my tooth. And I don't know if you saw me, because you were talking to me when it happened. I was going like, what? Trying to get it because it was stuck.

Choked on a lifesaver one time, same thing. I was only breathing through the hole in the lifesaver. You know that's why they call it a lifesaver? Because if you do choke on it, there's a hole. Is that really? Dead. Yeah. Because if it gets lodged, you still through the little hole. If somebody were to be choking in a restaurant, would you be the first to jump up in Heimlich? I don't believe in Heimlich.

Now explain that to the audience. I don't believe in Heimlich. Why don't you believe in it? I'd give him a grizzly forearm. I would give him just a whack. Whack on the back. I'm a W-O-B. I'm a wob guy. You're a whack on the back guy? Not to be confused with wobble. Wobble, baby. That's the first time I felt the buttocks on my crotch.

It was during the Wobble 7th grade dance. Yeah, because you know how 7th grade dances, it would start off with girls one side, boys one side, because everybody's too socially awkward. You know I was the most. But at that time, Katy Perry and Avril Lavigne were really popping. So I was in my bag. I had my studded belt, bedazzled blazers, and vest.

I looked like I came from Soul Train. I looked like I just did a line and went down a line. You know what I mean? Line and a line. Line on line crime. So they did Wobble Baby Wobble came. And then so, get in there.

Yeah, yeah, and the first yeah, yeah is whenever I was like yeah, yeah get in there. Yeah. Yeah, we're still solo at this point It's like get in there

No, I was on a woman. So my first sixth grade encounter with women's and buttocks is I was wearing long Nike shorts with a double, with a regular Nike sock and an elite Nike sock that matched the pattern on the shorts. You get horrid face.

But I think my first catching butt was to Soulja Boy, I believe. Crank that? Crank that. Sick butt catching experience. And then we ended up doing a line. That sounded great, dude. That sounded great. Sixth grade, I'm like, crank that Soulja Boy. Crank that Soulja Boy. Yeah! I'm like, ah! No, a line of like, boy, girl, boy, girl, boy, girl.

Boy, girl. So y'all are the human centipede of twerking. I believe so. That's weird. It was like we did a soul train, but it just became a twerk train. It was really hard for movement when you got to correlate with 16 other individuals. Wait. I was like, we're going... Excuse me, man. Left or right? Let's get some rhythm. Get off of me. Are we going right or left? It was bad. You know how wildly endorphined you got to be at that age to whatever crank that comes on? You're not hitting the dance moves. You're twerking. Oh, I didn't sleep for two days.

It happened. I said, damn. Life changed forever. I said, to hell with Call of Duty. Oh, speaking of like old memories, when I used to be sad, my parents would put on Nelly. And when I would cry, it would make me stop crying. Like when you were a baby? Yeah. No, I was saying full sentences. Oh, I think my mom played Mozart when I was young.

Miserable, miserable childhood. Helped a lot because now I know random, the random things. No, but I'm saying like whenever I'd just be randomly crying, I got a boo-boo, I fell on the ground, whatever. I was upset about something in the house. They doing that in LA. I'm going down, down, baby. You know what I'm saying? You're like, yeah, yeah.

You start just vibing. You're like... My mom dropped me out of a car one time. She is not going to appreciate this story, and I'm going to preface it with, Lisa, I love you to death. You're the world's best mom. You already know that. But yeah...

Me, as a child, I fell on concrete. My head. So that's where your head size comes from. Yeah. That's where your head size comes from. It's the swelling of the skull. The swelling of the brain at a young premature age. Oh. Long story short, my mom pulls up, parks the car, right? I was a smart little bastard. I already knew how to unbuckle myself. Quite young, though. But I'd put two and two together. You push this, I'd get more free. Yeah. So I pushed the button. So now I'm just like, okay.

I started leaning on the door, right? My mom already exited the vehicle. She doesn't know I'm out of my thing and leaning on the door. She opens that door. I just fell out. Wham! Mom starts crying and I got a big head. Did y'all... My mom also split my head open with the doorknob. No, you can't do it, Lisa, like this. You cannot do it. No, no, no. No, mom. No, it didn't happen. No, it did not happen. Oh, it did. Oh, it... But it did because there's a scar. I'm trying, Lisa. There's a scar right here, mom. I...

We're a comedy podcast. I mean, hell, it happened. But I'm saying no slander on my mother. She's a fantastic mother. These were both my fault. The other story, she's going to check the mail one day. I'm probably like three. Perfect height with the doorknob. And I'm watching the TV. I'm like fixated on this TV. And then out of nowhere, she's like, all right, I'm going to go check the mail. Do not come to the door. I'm going to be right back. And I was just watching the show and I freak out. I'm like, where the hell is my mommy? So I go up to the door and I'm like...

Mom, and you know our door is like a bank vault. It's like a... Yeah, yeah, yeah. So my mom comes back. I was like... And I just immediately split wide open. She takes me to the sink to wash the blood off and then straight to the medical services and ER.

You all right? I'm glad you got that out. I'm glad that trauma is out of you now. No, it was never in me. I mean, they were honest mistakes, and they were both my fault. So I can't get mad at her. Well, I'm glad you took accountability for your mistakes. So one time my dad whooped mine. I'm just kidding. I was going to say, no, we can't. You're about to get a phone call. Yeah, definitely. No, fantastic parents. Oh, I was going to say a story, but my mom definitely wouldn't appreciate that story. Boy, get that shit out of here.

I couldn't do it. But summer's coming up, right? It is. Summer's coming up. We're doing the summer tour. It's going to be so fun. It's going to be fantastic. We're going to all take a vacation afterwards, right? One of the ideas was thrown around, and you know everybody that knows me knows I'm very against this.

It's cruise ships. Yes. God, you should believe it. Don't believe in them. Don't believe in them. It's so funny. Too much trust in the fish pilots. They're not fish pilots. Whatever they're called. I don't like them. I don't like them. Don't trust them. You don't even know Craig. You don't know him. You ever been to an LA Fitness in a locker room? Yes. And you see an 80-year-old with his Slim Jim working out.

He's just out and about. He's got white little hairs. A little nut sack hanging out on his side. Yeah, and he's so confident and pink. That's cruise ship vibes. I feel like I'm just going to get an old, blubbery...

White and pink man. It's a whale of a man. No. A cruise ship is lit. I feel like it would always smell like pool on there too. No. God, you have such a skewed perspective. No, Bubba, no. There's nude cruise ships now. That's frightening and intriguing. I would do it, but I would have to get a roster list before. I'd have to know who's on this. Who's going to be on this boat? I'd have to know your five-man roster. You walk in, right? Yeah. Let's say you get on a nude cruise. Yeah. That's good alliteration too. Nude cruise. Nude cruise. Nude cruise.

Hello. The new news crew. We're back again, butt-ass naked here for day three. Yeah. So imagine you walk on, first thing you see, 70-year-old woman, butt naked. What do you do? I'm into it. Teach me things. Teach me about prohibition. Water my well. What?

Why is everybody looking at me like I'm a creep? If she's hitting on me... I didn't say she was hitting on you. Oh. Your mind went there, Bubba. I said you just walk on and see her. You said, teach me some things, Gladys. I said, hey, Martha, come over here. What? I have appreciation for the wives. Bro, but cruises are lit. You need, like... Once you get on the cruise, you don't pay out of pocket. Okay, cool. I'm saying my number one thing... Shut up. Don't start. Don't start. Don't start. Ooh!

Ooh, Big Bang Hank, I'll buy the damn cruise. He said, hey, fish pilot, take me to Guam now. No, but my biggest thing is I don't understand, and I know it's a big thing a lot of people talk about. I don't understand how the hell they float.

Boreancy. Shut the f*** up. How about that? That thing is 15 tons. Probably a little more. Way more. 100 tons. Way more. 1,000 tons. Way more. 15,000 tons. Way more. 100,000 tons. Like a lot more. I don't know the answer. Okay, and that doesn't make sense to me. So the Titanic, right? Correct. That guy has to buy some ice, right? The Penguin. Penguin House. Hit the Titanic, right? Penguin House.

You ruined a home. You crashed into a neighborhood and they sunk your existence. And so you're saying a little bit of ice can take down this whole thing by itself with a thousand people eating enchiladas and churros. But it's... What kind of cruises? You don't know what happens on cruises. Where do they go? I just don't get cruises and how they float. And there's no way you can tell me it's just because there's... What is a buoyancy? What does that mean? I think... So you're saying the heavier something is...

So a cruise ship weighs anywhere from 70,000 to 180,000 tons. And so you're saying... So if I put 180,000 elephants, right, in a big-ass net, and I just threw them in the ocean, I could set sea? No. I would be okay to set sea on that thing? You'd just hop on one's back...

Imagine 180,000. Is there even 180,000 elephants? I don't know. I'd venture to say no. I'm starting to think... Are you all right over there? We can't hear you on the mic. You don't have one. We can't hear you. I'm starting to think that a lot of these animals aren't real. Don't do that. How many goddamn...

What are the Komodo dragons? Oh, Komodo dragons are lit. Can't go to a zoo. If you can't see it in a zoo, don't believe it's real. But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about cruise ships. Explain buoyancy to me. Go ahead. I don't know the science behind it. But you damn accepted it, didn't you? I sure did. And I went and I survived and I'm here to tell my story. This is a me movement. How far is the bottom of the cruise ship to the ocean? So I think there's like a layer, but then there's like little rails that have sockets and there's turbines.

Something's working overtime. And that's an unbelievable amount of balance. That's an unbelievable amount of balance for a cruise ship. Well, there's built-in things. When you go to the dinner room, like when you go to the ballroom where you dress up for the nice dinners, you literally sit there, and as you're eating, you look out the window, and it's just like water. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Water. No, no, no. And you're literally like this.

Is there ever a point where you jump off into the water? Oh, God, no. Okay, no, that's not a part of it. Well, I couldn't do it anyway. There were some heathens that threw furniture off one time. They got arrested when they left. Nice. They have a casino. Is there table games? Yeah. Oh, okay. They have a casino. They have a shopping mall. It's literally... That's not a good idea because the dealer's staying on the cruise ship, correct? Yeah. You give me the bad cards, I'm finding your room number. I'm going to 304. You know what I mean? That's so smart. They have clubs. And I don't

But yeah, but I don't like being stuck on a group, on a thing full of a group of people that I don't know who they are. Like I'm stuck with you. Like y'all are my roommates for the next month. How long are cruises? A month at sea? How long are cruises? Kill me now. Like five to seven days. You can take a five day cruise. Oh, oh no. You're telling me.

You can get from the Gulf of Mexico to Jamaica, Mexico, and back in five days. Yeah. That's how big ships with big engines work. How fast are cruises going? Like 80.

I was about to say, there's no way. No, but you have to understand, they're going the whole time you're asleep. The whole time you're doing anything, they're moving. But you stop. Yeah. And you do that in five days? Yes, easy. Something about y'all cruise people. Typically a five day you have two stops. A seven day you have three. I don't believe it. You can go to Jamaica, Guadalajara, and Yucatan. I don't believe cruise ships. And then back to Houston. I don't believe in them. Now move on. They're fun though. I really want you to come. It's fun. We can just go to a beach. You look good on a beach.

No, I enjoy it on the beach. The You Should Know Podcast. This episode is brought to you by electric e-bikes. This spring, get out there. Enjoy the weather. Recapture the magical feeling of riding a bike with electric e-bike. With an amazing variety of models built for all riders of all abilities, it's never been easier to fall in love with riding again. Plus, electric e-bike ships free and

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We'll be right back.

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sent you there in the post-checkout survey. That's L-E-C-T-R-I-C-E-Bikes.com. Now on to the rest of the episode. The You Should Know Podcast. How much would it take for you to participate in Power Slap?

how much money would it take for you to be a member on the organization of powerslash i think you have to have a mental illness to be on that first of all you can't you have to have the wires not connecting oh you would want to fight if you lost the coin toss if you got whacked first you'd really be like first off you'd probably be like just

Drop! But if you did, if you were just like, your shit's bruising up, big white palm, looks like you're fighting for Saruman. Looks like you're straight out of Lord of the Rings. If you had a white palm right there, you would literally be like, oh no, I'm good. You would go to stick it. If I lost the coin toss on Power Slap, I'm slapping the judge first. Like, I'm slapping the judge. But how much do I have to get paid? Like a guarantee. You just get a guaranteed purse of, let's start at 50k.

50K? 50K. Get your shit. Kiss the back of my ass for 50K. They're not making much more than that. 25 mil. What? 25 million.

Ask me what I would do for $25 million. Ask me what I would do for $25 million. What would you do for $25 million? I'd give up my whole life and I'd go somewhere else. I'd switch my $25 million. $25 million, you can't talk to anybody in this room but Liv. $25 million, I'd punch everybody in this room, including Liv, for $25 million? Are you nuts?

25 M's? M's. You need more morals. Oh, no. It seems like money has too much power on you. Money has no power on me, but 25 million, I get to do this for the rest of time. You got to pay taxes on that. First of all, it's half of that gone. Okay, I get to go home with 13. 13 million. If you can get 13 million, name something. Let's play this game. For 13 million? No, 25 pre-taxed. Okay, what would I do? No, what I'd do, give me some scenarios. Okay. Is he recording?

Is it recorded? You don't know what he's going to do. He didn't tell you. Just a little higher, a little higher. You're only 26. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Oh, God, no. Oh, good morning. But it's like, how much is an assassin? That's what I'm saying. Like, how much could I really get away with? But you're not too good. I mean, that's a good point. But you have to. It's a three-step plan. It's a three-step plan. Get it done. Get the payment. Get him out of there. The You Should Know Podcast.

Alright, you know how I went to watch my niece play softball the other day? Sounds miserable, but yeah. It was a tough time. Love her to death. She's fantastic. Yeah. I hope her athletic days treat her well. It's hard to watch. I'm not going to my kid's games until they're 10. No, my kid won't play. My kid's not going to be on a team with his friends from the neighborhood. You're going to be in an organization, or you're just going to train with me until you're good enough to go play for real. I'm putting my kid in a work camp. My kid's never going to play basketball where it's like they hit the backboard and they get a point. What are we doing? That's stupid. They don't call travels. Yeah, the...

Kids fucking tucking in like Frank Gore. I played in a Paisel, Pflugerville Athletic Youth Association League, something like that. Ours was called Lisa or Liaza. That's not your wife. That's your mom's name. Would you marry a woman with the same name as your wife? That'd be strange. Would you marry a woman with the same name as your mom? That'd be strange work, but yes. I couldn't. I wouldn't care about the name as much as the soul.

What's in there? That's, who are you? Jesus Christ? No, I'm saying. Like, be a person. Well, she's got to have a good soul. So you would be like, so you would walk past somebody and you'd be like, damn, like not somebody, you walk past your wife and be like, damn, Lisa, you look good. Oh, no. You'd say, damn, Arnita. Oh, God. No, no, that's bad. That's naughty. Oh, would you? That's sick. Oh, would you? No. Okay, okay. Would you marry someone with the first name of my mom?

Like damn Lisa, that's still so many jokes. I can't I can't no no, okay. Oh, no nice got through with Lisa my ears Okay, what about somebody with the same name as your sister? Oh god, you would marry somebody the same name as your sister No, no, I couldn't honestly no that's a weird. I could not that's like what if my name was Tony and lives like Tony And I'm the same name as your dad. He said hey, Tony. Oh god. No, no, no

Sorry. Sorry. It had to come out. All right. But you know how I went and watched him play t-ball. Yes, it was rough. It was very hot outside. Regardless. So my nephew's there too. Daxon. My dog. You love Daxon. He thought he... He mistaked another man for you. He just pointed at this umpire and he said, Uncle P. I said, no, that's not him. He said, that's not him. You gotta stop that. It's not a good look. And yes, he was, if you're wondering. Here we go. So here we go. Bring it back. Here we go.

You wanna know something that I noticed while looking at Daxon? Yeah. And I thought back, and then we went to their house afterwards, and I saw even younger clothes of his. Okay. Why the hell do baby clothes have pockets on them? Why do baby clothes have pockets? See, the kid has a billfold I don't know about. What is he, a little crumb snatcher? He's keeping a grape and a cheese cube in there. What sick bastard wants them to look so much like us they put pockets on baby clothes?

That's f***ing madness. How is that utilized? Ever. He's got a little foot phone. He's like, he can't even speak. And he has a pocket. Think about it. What is that for? It's to steal things. Yeah, it's for these little crumb snatchers. And they run off like this. Can't even f***ing walk right yet. They steal a grape and they're just like, just take it off. Why is your kid running like a little monkey? That's how they all run. They...

They don't run right. Daxon runs like this. Wait, why do they have pockets? No, seriously. Have you ever seen a baby put his hands in his pocket? Yeah, what, is he going to go like this? He's sitting there just like this. He's like...

Two, three years old. Oh my God. What would be the utilization of a baby pocket? There's none. That's what I'm saying. There's no shot. It has to be. What could it be for? A play phone? It's almost a hazard, would you think? One of the fake hammers? What is he, Bob the Builder? That has to be a hazard because they get caught on these. Yeah, let them put it in that pocket and fall, broken arm. We should sue the guy who made, oh my God, you're throwing up. Oh my God. Oh, it was there. Okay, but okay. Staying on babies. You know something else? What? Have you ever thought about...

It's so regular for a baby to go to sleep and wake up in a completely different location. I'm talking 40 miles away. It's just so regular. They go to sleep in their house, they wake up, they're their grandmas. 38 minutes away, they're just like, oh, f***.

Imagine that as an adult. Imagine you fell asleep right there on the couch. You woke up. You're in your bed. The biggest panic. You're in your bed. You have to go call the police. What the fuck? I just started swinging at everything. The baby's doing like. Bro, they're just happy. Think about that. Dude, that is. But they used to be my favorite. Go to sleep in the crib. They wake up. They're poolside. That would be my favorite thing as a kid is falling asleep on the couch and then waking up in my room because I know my parents took me there. That was my least favorite thing as a kid. I hated that. Why? I would. I would.

Verbally get angry when my parents would move me from the couch to the bed. Why let me sleep? Why do I have to go to the bed? You're waking me up out of my slumber because it's a hard time falling asleep Soon as you throw me over and I wake up just ruined it What are you doing to tell you something happened before oh my god your eyes are watering It's gonna happen it might happen if you vomit on yourself. I swear. I'm I'll get naked. I'm sick you go

You go, oh, I'm like, nothing. Yo, has a friend ever made you, like, or tried to make you throw up? Oh, no. I had a girl one time do it. I was dating her at the time, and we got drunk somewhere, and she took me back home, and I was needing to throw up. But that was at a time when I didn't, like, make myself throw up, and she was doing it. She 21 jumps you. But I was blocking it because I just enjoyed the intimacy.

You threw your tongue up as a force field and you were just sitting there. She's like, ah, it's not working. You're just like this. 100%. You're a creep. Okay, but yes. I have never gone... No. I don't even like doing that to myself. That's hard for me. The fact that you can just be like, I'll be back real quick. Yeah. Even if I don't feel good, I'll do that. And it always makes me feel good. You do that? You've done that before? Don't tell them that. Because they shake my hand. I'm like, don't watch him. You're like...

What's up, yo? I'm like, and they're like, this is like, god damn. Imagine right behind the craters, like, alright, it's go time, boys. And they're just like, pee, pee, like. Oh my god. That's hilarious. Oh, that's, that's gross. I know, it is bad. Oh my god. But I did, but you did, that's strange to me that you didn't enjoy. I hated it, bro. Waking up in a different location. One time, my dad.

One time he woke me up and I was trying to get out of his hands. I was like, bro, you know me with couches. I appreciate a good couch nap. I didn't know that. As a kid, I didn't know you. I didn't know what you were into. I still love couches. A couch nap just hits different. Yeah, it is true. Don't wake me up. That's the worst thing you can do. I was talking to my dad and we were just going through different things and one of my dad's favorite snacks

is Oreos. He loves a good Oreo. But me and him got into a little fight, right? Me and my dad got into a fight about how we eat Oreos. Okay. Oh my God. I need to know how you eat Oreos because if you side with my dad, the podcast is over. Is it regular Oreos or thins? Oreo thins. What the f*** is a thin Oreo? What is a thin Oreo?

You don't know what an Oreo thin is? I hate people like you. Honestly, to hell with people like you. It's the calorie-friendly way to still enjoy the amazing American snack. You are eating a paste that you don't know where it's from and a cookie that you don't know where it's from. Exactly. So if I want to watch my figure, I get the thins. It's less cream and smaller chips, smaller cookies. Are you at that age where you're watching your figure? If I want to, I can count calories. If you eat a thin Oreo, burn in hell. Oh, they're coming for you.

Enjoy yourself. That's a snack. Eat a goddamn celery stick. Eat some hummus and pita. Some crunchy water? Yeah. So is it thins or regulars? It does matter. It does matter. Regular. Okay. Because I was going to say, okay, regulars, how do you eat it? I don't know how you eat it. How does it come? How does the Oreo come? A cookie. How do you eat cookies? Oreos are different. It's completely different. How do you eat a sandwich? There's no such thing like an Oreo. An Oreo isn't a sandwich.

An Oreo is a sandwich. Essentially, it's a cookie sandwich. A cookie sandwich. So, cookie sandwich. Okay. It's layered like a sandwich. Answer how you do it.

What do you mean? HR, you eat an Oreo. I stab it with a fork and I submerge it in the milk. No, you don't. I swear to God. No, you don't. I swear to God. No, you don't. I swear to God. No, you don't. No, you don't do that. You can't even do that. You can't even do that. You literally take the Oreo. The fork fits perfectly in the cream. You stab it in the cream. You submerge it in the milk. Let it take a little hot bath. And then when you pull it out, it's so gooey. Oh my God. It's so good. And you don't have to touch it with your fingers. I think you're the only person on earth that does that. Bullshit.

I thought you were going to go with the alternative of people that open it up and lick it. Oh, God. Like, that's strange as hell to me. People that do that, because you wouldn't do that with a sandwich. It's not a sandwich. It's a cookie. It's a cookie sandwich.

Meaning cookie. What's the second word you said? Cookie first. What's the second word you said? What's the second word you said? It's built like a sandwich, but it is a cookie. What did you just say? Is an Oreo a cookie or a sandwich? What did you just say? It's a cookie sandwich. So that means it's a? It's built like a sandwich, but it's a cookie. You're a white person. Yeah. Liv is a black person. Yeah. So she's black. I'm white. And you're a person. Sure.

So a cookie sandwich and a BLT sandwich... Can you put tomatoes on a Oreo? You can do whatever the hell you want. I'm saying... How do you eat your Oreo? Like a damn sandwich. Bite it. Because if you do the licking material, right? If you lick one, then you just got these leftover brown shit crackers. No one wants that. Yeah, those suck. People that... No, I used to take it off and scrape it with my teeth. Here's what I do.

to ensure I got all the cream. Burn in hell. And then I would put, swear to God, then I'd put the cookie in my mouth and just suck on the cookie to where it got soft enough to where it kind of crumbled. Because you're right, it's a shit brown cracker at the end of the day, so...

That's the only way I can get over it. So what do you think is more regular, the way I eat it or the breaking and licking? Oh, breaking and licking, you're a psychopath. But you're both wrong until you use a fork. When you go fork method on an Oreo, you'll never go back. Once you go fork, you never go back. Cam, the thing about an Oreo, it comes in this tube and you just take it out and you bite it. Why do you have to make things so difficult? If you're doing the Oreos with milk, there's literally not a better method.

Stab it with the fork. I can't eat milk. No one eats milk, you jackass. I can't drink. I'm lactose. Yes. The whole room has to evacuate. It's COVID all over again. Six feet. So you do it with water. You eat your Oreos with water. What is he saying? Honestly, what are you saying? If I eat Oreos dry, best believe I have a bottle of water next to me. I thought you meant dipping it. I was about to say, but what are you talking about? God, no. Just drink it. If I eat it dry, I don't have... Diet Coke. I don't...

I don't drink water, really. Your teeth are rotten. Your teeth are rotten. Diet Coke, the Oreo gets crammed in there and then you just let it marinate in DC. Yeah. No, you go regular Oreo. And that's another thing. You're a big ass individual. Don't give me a half bite, you little creep. Put the whole cookie in your mouth. Why are you half biting it? Do you eat many Slim Jims?

Mini Slim Jim. Do you eat the little mini Slim Jim? Yeah. They're way bigger than an Oreo. And do you do it all in one bite? No. All right, so shut the hell up. It's way bigger than an Oreo. An Oreo is like this big. Fit the whole thing in your mouth. You're a grown-ass man. So a Miss Debbie's Muffin, you just throw it the whole thing? The mini muffin? Hell yeah. Why? That's strange. Because it's one bite. I love to...

Oh, my God. I'm going to say I love to fill my mouth with happiness. Oh, my God. That's the biggest. So a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, do you just half bite it? Whole thing. Whole thing. So you just got a wide mouth. I fit a lot in there. Cookies and snacks. No, I'm saying I bite my Oreos. I thought you were going to have to back and forth, but you, I can't even argue with you because that's just weird. Your shit is, bro. Your shit is more weird, Kim. You have to use utensils and props. You soak it in the milk and you don't do it. It doesn't.

- Your fingers. - Okay. - You don't get it under your fingers, you get to enjoy it soggy and deliciousness with the milk. - I don't like sog in my mouth. I don't like sog. - See, you're not real. - Because the whole thing about an Oreo is the consistency of the crea-- What is the cream in an Oreo? - Fantastic. - What is that? - I don't know. Oh my god, Double Stuff? Especially a Double Stuff. Especially a Double Stuff. Double Stuff fork in the milk, about 12, 15 seconds.

You ever heat up an Oreo? Oh my god, no. Oh my god, try it. You heat it up? Warm up an Oreo. What is up with you and shit has to be warm? Because I like to enjoy the luxuries in life that I am blessed with. Microwaves. A nuclear box. That's what you like. Yeah. You like to nuke everything. I like to eat not everything, but some things, yes. You just like to warm a warm... Do you like warm cookies or cold cookies? Warm. Alright. So what are you talking about?

Dude, you could be a lawyer. Oh my God. You run laps around me. Okay, because that means I'm right. With your words and you pick them so meticulously. Because I'm right. An Oreo doesn't have to be warmed up. Did I say have to? How do you warm up your Oreos? You shove them in a bowl, heat them up. Put them on a paper plate. What the hell is wrong with you? How else am I supposed to do it? Just raw dog it on the microwave?

A paper towel maybe. You're not going to need for milk and forks. You're paper plating a sleeve of Oreos and heating them up with no beverage. And if you do have a beverage, it's a Diet Coke. You're eating like a six-year-old at grandma's house. Who eats sweets with water?

that's your pig to cleanse the pal that's the ginger for your sushi big boy that's that's the cleanse your palate you enjoy the sweet you bring it back to neutral enjoy the sweet endorphins skyrocket and water brings you back down that's the piggly time that's the piggly time that's when you eat bad the

piglet you're supposed to eat nasty drink nasty and then eat a goddamn caesar salad or something afterwards who cares and that's where you drink your water that's like getting a mcdonald's double quarter pounder large fries with a oh my god you suck that's it your life is miserable back to reality enjoy back to reality your life is miserable you eat small ass cookies in two bites are you eight or twenty no because i like to savor my moments

You know how to savor it even better? What? Put that lactose bullshit to the side. Stab that bitch with a fork. Let it take a milk bath for about 20 seconds. And you will never go back. You will enjoy those farts. That's how good those cookies will be. You're not enjoying the pure creation of an Oreo. You're adding all this science and shit to it. I could say you're not enjoying it either because you're heating it up. Your nuclear microwave box. I'm not saying I always do, but I'm saying have you. That was a side point. I'm not saying I always do.

Cam made me chicken one time in college and I almost got lockjaw. That's what Cam did. Let's put that out there. You're sitting there chewing on a belt. You're like, it's leather. Okay, well we had to use a microwave. So we were set up to do... I was at your hometown. You cooked it. It was me and you in the house. It was me and you in the house and you put that bitch in the oven.

I did. I put it in the oven. That's exactly what I'm baking. What am I baking? The chicken? No, I don't bake chicken. You don't do much to it. You got it from H-E-B. You took it to your house. You put it in the oven. No seasoning, no preparation. You put it in the oven and then I chewed on it and I lost a molar. I lost the filling. I was like, what is this? Hey, what'd you make for me when we went home?

I don't know what it is. You didn't even make a bed for me. You didn't make anything. You didn't make a bed, a drink, a dessert, a snack.

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Who's a better host, me or you?

Whenever one of us comes over, who's a better host? When one of us comes over to each other's house, who's a better host? Me. You are smoking something. You are smoking something. Name two things you're better than me at. I have more seats and I provide food. You don't provide shit. Your wife does. Oh my God, you ate at my house two days ago. If you were single, you wouldn't provide shit for me. You ate at my house two days ago. You have a partner. You ate at my house and I made that food. No, you don't. Oh, fuck.

- You don't make it. - You made that chicken, I'm sorry. I forgot. You made it that night. - Cam. - Oh yeah, you made it and I went out and what? Bought the chips and queso and salsa. - And you made me do what? - 'Cause I didn't have my wallet, Pierce. Pipe down, Zelman. - Okay, listen. If it was just me and you single, right? Me and you single.

Let's just pretend like we're in the same situation you are. There's just no lift, right? I am a better host than you with no help. What? Cam, you're talking about seats? I have three floors of seats. You can pick a story. And where's the TV, jackass? Three floors. Four or five different rooms of TVs. Pick one. Okay, next time let's go, hey, y'all three, you're going to be in section one. Y'all's tickets are on the second floor and then P's going to go up top. Okay. You see that, Dunk? Have fun with that. Listen, my couch, it can seat about six.

This couch can sit six. Six. CJ. If we're sitting five, if we sit five, my nutsacks glued to my thigh. If we sit five, your couch is fantastic. I'm not knocking the couch. My couch can sit six people. Your couch can sit five. The right side of my couch in that little bubble can sit three by itself. What the is his measurements? When Bob the Builder asked, what Diego Go measurements are you doing? Three bar stools. That's 789.

So that's nine people. Two mushrooms. Ten, eleven. Eleven? We don't even know eleven people. First off, your couch isn't sitting six. I hate to break it to you. Oh my god. Oh my god, yes it is. My couch is the same size as yours, you just have a little extra leg room. You just have, my couch is the same size. You can fit four. If you didn't have that extra little laying down part, it's the same size couch. But we do, so you can't say that. But there's no backing to it, you're sitting on the window. No you're not, there's backing.

There's not a window right back there? What are you- There's a window behind the back of the couch. You know what I'm fucking saying. You're not sitting on the window. You're sitting on the back of the couch. It's like this. There's no backing on that part on the leg part. There's no backing. That's not the odd. I'm not talking about the odd. I mean the leg part where you lay down. Where you can lay down. Yes, there is. Facing the TV. There's no fucking back part where you- I was just there. How the fuck is there a cushion? Is it floating? No, there's not. No, there's not. No, there's not. Okay, other than that, the seating. What are you better hosting at? I don't know.

I have provided food. You can't say you don't provide shit. Your wife does. If it was up to you, you would have protein bars and protein mix. No one wants to eat that watching the game. If it was up to you, I'd get purified air and unpurified water. That's what I did. Did the last time we didn't have a, we had a party over here. Did I not spend $200 on pizza?

That one time I had to spend $200 on Domino's pizza? Oh, that one time. And it was $94.66. But that one time you did. And that was appreciative. Very highly so. Anytime y'all come over and I say, what do y'all want to get? I'll door dash or something. Oh my God. Oh my God. You're pissing me off, bro. It is liar McLying day. So why didn't we get something the other day? I was at the ACMAs. And whatever the fuck.

- Kim, y'all were at my house and I wasn't even there. - Exactly. - That's not me hosting, that's CJ. - I'm not talking about that, the time before. Oh my God, what came out of your mouth word for word? You have one more time on the stand, Mr. Harden. If you lie, your hand has already been on the Bible. You're lying in front of us and God. - Because I didn't invite y'all. You invited, you said, "Hey, I wanna come over." And I said, "I already ate." So y'all can get your own food 'cause I already ate. Bring your own food. That's me being a good host. Wait, what the hell happened the night before that? That's the night I said, bring your own food.

Talk on the mic. This is audio platform. What are you talking about? Oh, I'm about to get naked. We're going to sumo wrestling. I have games. I have a piano. What games? First of all, what size is your TV? You rat bastard. Mine's 85. How big is mine? 86. Oh, well. So TV, when? No. Couch even? Nope.

Couches, you can. My God, bro. Food, even without Liv. So you can't say that though? Okay, so food, null and void. We can't bring it up. No food. Who has better drinks? Who has better drinks? Who has better drinks? Who has better drinks? You had fucking sativa. What was it called? Ziva. That healthy shit. That was like five months ago. And you asked for one. Because I needed Coke. And that's all you had. All you have is half open diet of Cokes and liquor. What?

That's all you have. You don't even have water. You have four half-drink with your mouth on the little nozzle. Diet Coke, two liters. All of them have been opened. All of them have been drank and straight from your gutter. Are you nuts, bro? Kim, are you absolutely nuts? Discord.

Put them on that one website. I cannot believe I just did that. Oh my God. Okay, okay. We're going to end this. And then you have liquor, which is highly appreciated. Every time y'all come over, y'all finish my bottles. So obviously I like it. We did not finish your bottles. What liquor have we drank the last three times we've been there? The Lalo. The Lalo killed it. The 1942 killed it. The Lalo, you're saying killed it like it was full, like it was a crisp seal. There was six shots left and three of us took two shots.

That's what I'm saying. Y'all kill it. And I even bring liquor to your house. So I'm hosting at your house. No, you brought that because what'd we have? We had the food, so you brought the drinks. You're a great host. I'm the better host. You can't. Out of me and you. You can have that, sure. The live is better than both of us. I don't know why it came down for me, but whatever. And I have Krabby Patties. Yeah, what the f- Yeah, you have Marshall's Krabby-

Ross. That is nasty words. First of all, buying food from Ross is fine. Buying food from Ross is like buying food from Click Car. It should never happen. Cam, Ross has the best desserts right at the checkout aisle. You can get a goddamn sock, a keychain, and a snack. Exactly. That doesn't raise a red flag for you? No. If I can get a keychain, disinfectant wipes, a candle, a men's body fragrance, and a sack of s'mores all in one crevice aisle before I hand them my card...

To hell with your establishment, and I'm not eating. Hey, sorry, mister. I only go to places that are as expensive as Neiman Marcus. Somebody has to come with champagne on a tray for me. I like to go to Ross. We never got champagne at Neiman. I want that to happen. It's because you're there. They say, oh my God, that attractive, very expensive light skinned bag.

And his nasty, smelly, pig-headed white friends with him. Put the champagne back. No. Cam, what's wrong with Ross' food? I just don't get food from Ross. Ross is a sleeper for shorts, undies, plain white tees, a couple toys, good dog treats. And then you can always check the shoes even though they never have it. But, fun fact, cheap basketball shoes, if you just want to wear them to tear them, Ross is your place. Name another place where you can get Krabby Patties. TJ Maxx.

Same thing I'm saying, but we name another place. That's name another place. You've got an 80 box What is it a memory set Krabby Patties with a best snack is a kid Krabby Patties ever made? No, they were the best snacks ever made They were so good as a kid though, but again, you're 25 and I still eat those like a sandwich. Oh

You do. I like it. It's this big. It's the experience, dog. I have imagination. Sorry, you live in taxes and debt and mortgages. Not like you have it. I'm saying that's your mindset. You're like, oh, adult, adult. Oh, like real life? I look at rainbows and sunshine, and I still think I'm a dragon when I go outside. You look at a Krabby Patty, and you're like, my leg! You just turn into SpongeBob. Send you in a box floating down the river, Grandma!

Dude, you honestly, you make me sick. And you know what? One thing you, like, I don't know if you do this. When I go to people's house and they're hosting me, one thing I don't like, oh my God, it's going to piss me off even saying it. Oh my God. When people put chips in a bowl, you pretentious little prick. We've done that before. I know. We've done that before. We've definitely done it before. It's easy access. Give me the family size. It makes it feel like a restaurant. It makes it feel more classy. Yeah.

But who you doing that for? You. I don't want that. If you're doing it for me, do what I want. I don't want that. If we do it for you and do what you want, all we'd have is beef jerky and Jack. I'm just kidding. We'd have two packs of family-sized beef jerky and a bottle of bourbon. If it was up to you, all we'd have is pre-workout and dumbbells. Oh my God, that pre-workout story? You gotta tell me. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh, you have to tell us. So I have a wild pre-workout story and it went south really quick. Oh my God. So Cam is my lifting like dad. He's been like taking me to the gym and getting me exercise and all that. But I've hit this point where I'm not motivated to go to the gym anymore. Yeah, got to get you out of that. I'm just tired and I can't lift a lot of weight. So Cam brings over crack cocaine. Cam brings over this utensil and he calls it

It's called pre-workout. And I was like, what is pre-workout? It's this tub full of powder with this little scoop in it. And he goes, just pour this one scoop into your water, right? Just one scoop. And so I was like, I don't know. I don't know. It seems like a lot. So for my first time, I just went a half scoop to go to the gym. He gave me a half scoop. I felt a little energetic. Felt a little tingle in your back. I got a good workout in.

Fast forward a couple days later. We had a meeting early in the morning and I stayed up late the night before. I believe it was at 9 a.m. And the meeting was like 30 minutes away. So you have to get up early, get prepared, get all your notes ready. Me and Cam had this meeting. I didn't have time to go get a coffee before the meeting to get energetic. So I remembered Cam brought over

pre-workout. So I was like, I remember what half a pre-workout scoop did to me. Let me put that full pre-workout scoop in a water and chug it before I go to this meeting. That's when things went south really quick. So I take this pre-workout, one full scoop, put it into a water, shake it up. This thing was like kryptonite pink. Like, is kryptonite pink or is it green? Kryptonite is green as hell.

- It was Kirby pink. It was Patrick Star pink. It was the pinkest thing I've ever seen. It was pink. - Hello. Hello. Good morning. Let me see that. - So I have this pre-workout. I don't drink it yet. I'm driving. Cause I was like, I don't know. I want it to kick in like as soon as the meeting starts. - Oh my God. Another horrid decision. - I get about five minutes away from the meeting. And I'm like time to pre-workout. I take the pre-workout and I'm like, I just need to down this so it can hit me as soon as I get to the meeting.

I chug the whole pre-workout. Now, I didn't know that this thing got side effects. Yeah. One of the side effects is itchy face syndrome. It makes you feel like there are little beetles running in and out of your eyes, ears, nose, and mouth. Like an ant army is having a civil war on your face. When I tell you my face felt like Velcro as soon as I got out of my car, I'm like,

I'm like, what is going on? I literally asked you, I was like, are you having an allergy attack? Because we got there, I got there a little before and I was waiting and he gets out and he's literally like...

I was like, what the fuck? He's like, are you good, bro? Like, are you being attacked? He was like, no, no, no, no, no. I was like, oh my God. I'm getting irritable. It's like my, like my butthole. Like it was like, I'm telling you how it felt. It was itchy. There were lightning shots. There was a lightning rod in your bum. Exactly. My fingers were like this and like it got to a point I was double scratching my face. But the worst part was the main part that was itching on my face was my nose.

I was going to absolute town on the inside of my nose, how itchy it was. Because it was like the most uncomfortable itch I've ever had in my life. Me and Cam meets up with me in the lobby. He's noticing how itchy I am and uncomfortable. We get onto the elevator. We walk into this boardroom. I'm telling you, there's about seven grown-ass men in suits in this boardroom. And I'm in there. And to make matters worse, we're literally dressed like this. Like we didn't know we were supposed to be like this.

So we look we're walking in basketball shorts I think I have like like some dunks on and shit you were in your short shorts and they're like I'm talking dressed to the nines I'm like, oh like these are executive people like big boss people. It was a bad I look like I'm from World War Z like and I'm dressed like I like I haven't had a home in three weeks You know what I mean? God, I'd probably don't smell too good either. I didn't get the baby stayed up late Oh my god, so we get into the meeting and

My hand didn't leave the inside of my nose for five minutes. As we're talking, I'm trying to fight it off, right? I'm hitting him with a, uh-huh, yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh. It's my turn to talk, right, in this meeting. So I put my hand away from my face, and I start to speak. Now, as I'm speaking, right, something wet is starting to hit the top of my lip.

And then it touches the inside of my mouth. And I said, last time I checked, I didn't lick a penny. Cam looks at me. Tell them what you saw when you looked at me. You know when you get those boogers that are like on the wall of your nose and you pick them?

Oh my god, I wanted to record so bad. Oh my god. I wanted to record it so bad so then you can see him realize and he's like He goes okay. I gotta show it he goes. Oh my god. Oh my god

Bro, honestly, to hell with them two for not telling you. Yeah, because they were just looking at me bleed. I was side by side. So when you're talking, it was on this side of your face. So I didn't see it until you like pivoted. They're all just looking at you. You got a bloody nose. Like, that's so rude. But he literally goes...

Oh, my God. And he goes, I'll be right back. He turns to, like, go, like, push the, like, swivel chair out. Hits over his water. This shit was literally... Guys, this shit was out of a movie, bro. I was panicking because I'm socially awkward. And so, you know, I told you... I already know I'd be tripping if I was just like, oh, my God. But you, you're like, oh, my God. You said...

Oh my god, I'll be right back. You spanked that fucking water.

And they gave us the paper. It's like, you already sent this in the email. Yeah, there's papers in front of us with documents and contracts. It was like that Dave Chappelle of me when he was like, boom, he runs out of the board. It was like that exact thing, but I was an accident, and I knocked it over because I was socially awkward. I just get socially awkward, and I get super anxious whenever I know I'm embarrassing myself. Don't have control of the limbs. I thought you were sweating like a bitch. I had to wipe my ass in the bathroom because I get sweaty ass syndrome.

Imagine slapping over water. Your nose is bleeding. We look like we just left pickup. We're in a boardroom of executives. You go to the bathroom to fix your bloody nose, and then you wipe your ass from sweat. Yeah. And then I came back with the tissue. They were pretty nice about it, though. Oh, we didn't get the deal. Yeah.

Don't ever take pre-workout ever

ever again in place of coffee. You literally have to do something physical to let the itchiness leave. You probably thought you were like a schizo. You were feeling whole hand. I was like itching like two-handed and that nose, bro. That nose was something vicious. Dude, yeah. I have a scar in my nose right now. Low-key, we should do that challenge.

Oh my god, we should do something like that. What? On like Patreon or something. Like a pre-workout job? We literally both take like a scoop and a half and then go do something in public. No, I genuinely don't want to feel that ever again. Oh my god, we should do that. I almost ripped my earrings out, bro. Dude, it was the... Don't do... Be careful with your pre-workout. Pre-workout should be used in the portions that it tells you to and obviously at the gym or before something physical. Oh shit, let's get... Holy shit, that was funny. Let's get Mama Liv on. The You Should Know Podcast.

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And use our code YSK at checkout. That's 20% off your first order when you shop better hydration today using code YSK at liquidiv.com. Now on to the rest of the episode. The You Should Know Podcast. We got Mama Liv on the podcast. Hey! Wow. How does that make you feel? All right, all right, all right. How does that make you feel? Like this big. Oh, you didn't see what I just did. I hit the...

What was that? Oh, no, nothing. I can't. It's an inside thing? It's just off pot thing. Oh, oh, oh. It's a cute little family thing. Beautiful, gorgeous little woman. You back on here, girl? Yes, I am. I wanted Mama to live on here because I wanted to ask. I wanted to just kind of

dig at you oh we're digging that cam i like that yeah she loves that you love it one of the things that you do and live please tell me this bothers you when he does it too when cam goes oh no or oh shit and then he's silent for like three minutes after and we're like what's what happens

Yep, I will have to agree with you on that. And usually it's about NBA basketball, LeBron, or something like a dog video on Twitter. It's nothing life-threatening. It's the most annoying thing ever, bro. It drives me crazy. I do do that. I'm sorry. But the non-responding... I go, oh my God! Everyone's like, did someone die? Like, what? And I go, they fired Budenholzer.

We'll genuinely ask you. We'll be like, Cam, what? What? What? And you'll be like, no. No. No. No. But Cam, what? I've learned to just not care anymore. I'm so sorry. Somebody can be dead that we love. It's like the boy who cried wolf. What if that actually happened? What if that actually happened? I was like, oh my God.

And then you're just like, that's bullshit. And I was like, CJ's gone because it's your fault. You did that. That's not my fault. And your ears are dirty today. It's been a long day though, so I'll give you that. They're not too dirty. I cleaned them this morning. Cam has an ear thing. I don't have an ear infection. I didn't say ear infection. I said ear thing. You said infection. I said ear thing. Genuinely the word that came out of my mouth was thing. No, I know, I know, I know. But the non-response, that's what gets me because that drives me nuts. It's selfish almost. It's ignoring.

It's so funny. Let go, LeBron. Our Twitter's more important than your wife. Not at all. She, okay. So I'll be fully invested in a TikTok, right? Like I'm fully watching a video. I've been watching it for 20, 30 seconds. She goes, she goes, hey, what about that thing last night? Did we ever get that done? That quiet, that vague, doesn't say babe, doesn't say Cameron. I'm just like,

And she goes, all right, appreciate it. I'm not going to lie to you. That might be sometimes, but most of the time, that's not how it is because I'm there for most of the time. I don't just start a random conversation. Yes, you do. Hey, babe, we're trying to get your attention. She will do that. I will get your attention because you used to say, I don't know, you're not talking to me. I don't know if you were talking to me. You do that, bro. You little fingers. You know I'm talking to you. I have a question for you. Okay.

do women experience like that, that, that just like urge sometimes that like fight within you to like, like fight you like as a man, like there's some, you know what I'm saying? There's some points as a man, we're just like, I just could, I could punch a wall right now. I could just, I thought you were talking about like just wanting to fight me in general. No, no, no. Like as a man, sometimes we just get that. Like I just need to squeeze something or like, or just yell or mine's more of, I just want to cry. Like,

Like I get so, I'm just like, like, yes, I get angry, but you have to make me angry. But if just like stuff is like, like this morning, how things were flustering you, like you immediately like do your weird shit. You're like, yeah. And like, yeah, I'm more like, just run it, run in my room, cry and I'll be good.

Okay, that's worse. You're just like... Wait, Cam, I don't like how you put that on just men do that. I think you have to go to therapy. No, I'm saying you never had that urge. You could just yell or like just...

If something's happening, but not just out of the blue. I didn't say out of the blue. I'm saying there's sometimes. He got angry this morning. And I'm saying that because he got angry this morning because. Because we left this morning. I had to blow my nose. I was trying to leave. I was trying to turn the car. The music came on out of nowhere. She's chirping in my ear. These are normal things. My water bottle's falling over. My phone's sliding off my lap. And I was just like.

No, Cam's screaming in the movie theater. Oh, my God. He did, and it makes him so mad. I'm like, I'll say it so calmly. Yeah, she pisses me off. You're crazy. Like, just calm. Yeah, what if I told you you were crazy in one of your heated moments? Bro, if I act like that, I hope you... If I'm going... I'm acting...

You tell me I'm crazy. See, that's easy. I hope you do. See, but what about the normal stuff you do that I think is crazy? That I nag? That stuff? Yeah, what about all that? That's not crazy. That's not crazy. We're going to go by my rule book. So basically what happened at the movie theater is like the trailer was playing. We all just got our food, our snacks. We just took a couple pictures. It was hectic. And then we sat down.

And the movie theater we're at has this little tray that comes in front of you. It's a trash tray. And his popcorn, his phone, and like his drink, and a hot dog. And a hot dog. It was all in this little punk ass tray. I'm trying to move shit. The tickets are falling on the ground. My wallet falls out of my pocket. The phone's sliding again. I'm like, all right.

Just breathe, calm down. So I take the popcorn. I go, let me set this down there. I set it down there. Of course, the movie theater is pitch black. I finish my dog. I open my candy. Everything's good. I go to recline the seat, knock over my popcorn. Freshly buttered. I haven't had a single piece. And the part that irked the piss out of me is all the good buttery popcorn. Where is it? At the top. All of it's gone now. And he spent so much time.

popcorn i was yelling at him because i knew y'all were getting hunted in a good way like the fans wanted to take pictures but we're about to miss our movie and i was like cameron like the butter's there babe like let's go like we're gonna miss our movie like this cam was like what the he was like it's so didn't the meat it's too loud i can't think it's like shit it's too loud this punk gastro is so small it's so dark in here i didn't see that they couldn't even hear it i went for my popcorn and a third of it's on the ground i just spent 14 on a bucket and then out of nowhere he just gets calm and he just starts eating the popcorn

Because sometimes I need a minute to just lash out. You need medicine. And then come back to reality. You need medicine. I was wondering if you ever just get that. No, bro. You have help. You have it in the mouth for the both of us. They're just.

Are you the type to punch a wall when you get mad? No, never been into punching walls. Me neither. Never been into hitting architects. Architecture. He bites his hand. I don't bite my hand anymore. You do, Kim. Here's like a literal, like, you like made indentions on your hand the other day. And it's like me and Peyton slowly just like look, ow! Me and Peyton just slowly look at each other like,

Did that just happen? Y'all both slowly looked at each other and went, I'm in love with the weirdo. No, whenever you do that, I just laugh, bro, because I literally feel no sympathy for you. That's awesome. This is the funniest thing ever. Like, you're insane. I want to ask your mom if you used to do those sort of things, certain things when you were younger. I used to slap the shit out of my leg when I would die in a video game. Because I'd be playing and it was too late, so I couldn't be loud, so I'd be like...

And slapped my leg just like that. Oh my god. Yeah. Because I couldn't shout. But you never did that in sports. Like watching you play basketball. Like you wouldn't like. I think it's bad. Because basketball is a real thing. Like you're going up against another human. Sometimes you're going to get bested. Like I never. The only time I get mad is when I like stoop. Honestly the only time I get mad in basketball is like.

bad refs. Yeah. Like, if I miss shots, I'm like, bro, I'm not going to make every shot. Like, I'm going to keep shooting whatever. But I've never been like, God damn it, I'm playing so bad. Like, I'll get mad at myself if I do something stupid or if refs call...

Just bad fouls. PTSD. See, y'all both have weird little quirks about you. I don't think I genuinely have a weird quirk. No, like genuinely not even trying to bring something. I genuinely don't think I do. Like you don't get angry? No, but like he bites you. You do weird shit. You go cry in rooms. No, you just get very quiet. Yeah, you get quiet. You know the second you're upset. Oh, the second you're upset. When something bothers him,

It is a shifted move. Leave him alone for a couple minutes. No jokes. No jokes are going to be laughed at. Or he's like real serious. Like he'll be very serious. Like, all right, guys, let's go. Like, he's done. I'm like, oh, he's upset. Bubba's angry. He's very calm about most other things.

It's like me too, though. You know how you always say, you can tell, you're like, what's wrong with my bubba? Same thing. But you're more like a little kid. Yeah. You're like Pau, almost. No, I don't Pau. I just stay quiet. You Pau. I stay quiet. No, you're a powder. You are a powder. You...

Well you're a nagging I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. I don't care. I'm kidding. I don't care. But you do pout babe and that drives me and you get that from your dad like you're like the I'm gonna show you something. You're like one of those like I'm gonna show you. I'm not sharing my candy. Yes that is him. I'm taking my ball I'm going home. Exactly who you are. Bro. But why am I pouting? You don't have the nerve to say fix your attitude.

But one thing about me. Sometimes you wake up and choose. But I will say it as soon as I wake up. Does that make it better? No, it doesn't. But one thing about me, everybody in the room is going to know Liv's having a bad day or I'm going to have attitude. You were just like. So that makes you cooler that you put your bad, your anger on display. I'm literally trying to suppress it for others, but now I'm pouting. No, I don't think. Get the out of my way. No, I suppress. You pout. Yes, you pout. What's the difference?

I'm just like literally on my own. Like I'm not like, they're going to be like, whatever. Like I'm just going to be like serious. You're like, whatever. You puff your lip a little bit. No, I don't go. No, our coach, he's saying, y'all got to do better. His lip would quiver because he was so angry. No, Cameron, you pout. It's okay.

It's okay. You were spoiled growing up. I want to play a game with y'all. Oh, I like games. Oh, God. It's going to be bad. There's a viral trend going around, and I don't know what it's called. It's called the alphabet game, I assume. Okay. And so basically, we have to form sentences going with each letter in the alphabet. So I'll start with A. The next thing you have to say is B. Then C. Then it comes to me, D, onward, and so forth. I might have to say the alphabet a couple times, too.

to remember where we're going i'm not i'm not alone because i don't know how to do the alphabet unless i sing that's fine okay so do we have to make it a cohesive story we're trying to try to make it a cohesive story i don't want to start because that makes me nervous you just said you're starting with that you just said you okay yeah you do gotta start okay um apples are great because they are sweet come get some damn they look good eating them is very fun

Friday night are the best times with apples? She turned into song Friday night. Oh, it's time with apples. Okay, so let's start from F. We start from F. You start F. New sentence. Oh, new, go. New sentence, okay. Get off of fruit. Okay, okay. Dr. Seuss over here, what was that? Freddy... There you go, go. Freddy likes to play video games.

God damn. All right, Freddie likes to play, uh, Freddie likes to play video games. God damn, he's a legend. Ice, ice, Freddie. What is she doing? She's singing. You're like a, you're a little poet. You're like making songs. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You have J. I have J? Yeah.

New story. We suck. You keep turning to Randy Jackson. Like, you're going, ice, ice, Freddie. All right, Jay. Friday, time to mess with apples. You start. You start. Hold on. I got one for Jay. I got one for Jay. Let's work. Just because I'm texting her doesn't mean we did nothing. Kalatapins might have been there, but I didn't take any. Is Kalatapin with a K? Yeah. Okay. Loser. If the worst player in this game ever...

Like, he's a loser for doing that. It's supposed to be like we're telling one story. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Let me try again. Good God. Start with L. Start with L. New sentence. You said colitis. Colitis. Go to L. New word. New sentence. I'm about to bite my hand. Start a story. I'm about to bite my hand. Lauren got a fat ass. Maybe I might look at it. Nothing I ain't going to start to finish, though. Oh, damn. You better back up. Please let me grab that thing. Quite a rumpf.

She has on that one. I don't know what the f*** you is. That's good. Quite a rumpus she has. Here we go. Right up over here so we can meet up. I got it. I'm gonna keep going. Okay, okay. Stacey might have a better one. Trina packing a hitch trailer though, boy. You do the you. Umbrella's gonna be needed to hide the rain from that ass. Very much so, I say. Am I a slave? No, you're

Very much so, I say. Why are we talking like we're in Bridget? Oh my god. CJ's bringing over paper so we can have the alphabet. What the hell is this? What the f*** is this, CJ? It's your letters. Oh. Okay, okay, bet. You want to start a new sentence? Alright, go. We're good, let's go. Okay, A. New story, we have the cheat sheet. Let's make an actual, like a good story. Like a good one. And not just, like, let's try. After dusk, the wolves come out. Because of this, all the cattle goes and hides. Come, my little wolf.

Children, let's have a party. What the fuck? What is she doing? Come on, my little children. Let's have a party. Are you P. Diddy? Oh, oh. Oh, why? Oh, why? I take my little children. We're talking about wolves. We'll just mute it. I like it. Go. Okay. New sentence from A. Here we go. We're going to get a full one. Let's go. A lot of people say I smell.

Because you don't tend to bathe. Check your drawers. I don't know if that's a good idea. Dookie might be in there. Egg salad reminins. Egg salad reminins? What? Is that what you said? Reminins. For sure. I believe that's true. For sure, I believe that's true. Good morning. Smells like ass. Killing people with your stint, you are. Why are we talking like Yoda, dog? Okay, go. Wait, what?

No, seriously. The You Should Know Podcast. Okay, Liv had to, we have to sub Liv out. We got intern Pierce. I think Liz is shitting her pants. Yeah, she had a bad burrito before we recorded. Bad burrito. Okay, new story. Here we go. After all that, you do this to me?

Believe me, I didn't even try to. I cannot believe you did this. You started with an I. What the hell, Pierce? You failed. I said, I can't believe you've done this. You said, I cannot believe you've done this. It's the same thing. Just go, go, go. After all this, I can't believe you did this to me. But trust me, I didn't mean to. I just can't believe it. Oh, God. It's hard, dude. It's hard. It's with this third mic. The third mic is ass. Okay, new sentence. Aphrodite was beautiful. What? Because she had that thang on her. Mm-hmm.

I don't know, dude. What did you say? Aphrodite is beautiful because she had that. What even is that? That's a woman, Pierce. Pierce. I have no clue who that is, dude. Okay, new sentence. New sentence. Start with the woman. After the baseball game, we went home because it was late and the lights turned off. Can't believe we lost 10-9. Dodgers are still good, though. Even though they didn't even start their starting pitcher. Dude, we lost. Good game, though.

K sucks. K is hard. Good game, though. Killing them would have been a better upset, though. I struck out on a pitch right down the middle. Jesus Christ, you played for the Dodgers? No, he plays for the suck-ass Astros. Hey, be careful. Luckily, we beat them in the World Series. My ass hurts. Quietly, you got spanked. That's why. Oh, you rankin' bitch.

Please stop talking to me like that. Try to be a little better at baseball and maybe I will. We're getting there. Ring the guy up on a strike three call. Strike three? I thought there was four. Williams thought there was four too and that's why he's not on the team. Up in the stands I see a sexy beast. Vanessa or Venus? We are out of order. I had Z next and you just had a V. No, I didn't.

No, I didn't. We don't even know the goddamn alphabet. Hey, I did. All right, this is a great. Mine was flawless. Zion would be good at first base. Baseball story completed. I didn't do X. See, you messed up. You messed us up. All right, great, great game. Great game. Let's do a shout out Mama Liv and her wild ass answers.

No, we got B. Simone on the podcast right up on the... Go B, go B, go B, go B, go B, go B. Y'all get on B, get on the same chords.

If you think out of us two, who's off beat? If you look at my skin, right? You're half. You are half. You are half off beat. I am 100% not on the beat. You're in a different song. I am a Slavic baby from the mountains of confidence, and I'll try that. I don't know. But we'll get it better. Hey, thanks for coming, B. This is very impromptu. I didn't know it was going to be me again, so sorry.

so excited we didn't either but this is so special i know we got it we got it first of all b simone's on tour right now round of applause b simone pull up to a city near you go support go you're gonna laugh your ass off i'm gonna just let you know beforehand and we have the link for her tickets in the description of this video on spotify uh youtube everything so if you want to take it you go you go grab that ticket you go grab that ticket hold on tight willie wonka golden

You're going to be in Dallas, which is where we're at. We'll record when you're going to be. Born and raised in Dallas. I graduated from Skyline 214-972-469. I'm a little more ghetto than them, so let me just shout out to all my hoods, Pleasant Grove, South Dallas. Yeah! I can let it out, finally. I got someone with me. I'm from Pflugerville, Texas. I'm not going to lie. Try to spell Pflugerville. Yeah. Wrong. Wrong.

F-U. Wrong. I'm at, right? P-H. Closer. Closer. I swear to God, he's from a sick place. Okay. No, that is a... We have the... No, Pflugerville's nice. Don't try to... We have the Deutschenfest. I don't know what that is. The Deutschenfest. It's a German festival and they have bouncy houses and it's where I had my first little...

I grabbed a little culo in the Deutchin Fest, you know what I mean? Over a nice pretzel. What the hell is a Deutchin Fest? What is being celebrated at this festival? Oh, it's some German shit. I don't know, but we went. You're just drinking pints with a Dutch braid on a bouncy house, grabbing a culo. I was about 12.

12 to 15. Oh, I was nasty at 12 years old. 12-year-old you in a bounce house? Have you seen me? No, no. Have you seen 12-year-old Peyton? 12-year-old Peyton had suspenders, Troy Polamalu hair. He had a tail clipped to his jeans. No. Oh, my God. Wore Supras and walked around with a skateboard. That was 12-year-old Peyton. Wow. Wow. That is a nasty.

He was being himself. Thank you. I appreciate it. Thank you. And I wore bedazzled blazers for class presentation. What were you presenting? A bust of Saddam Hussein. I made a paper mache bust. Jesus Christ. Got an A plus on that one. I sure did. God bless you. You know what I mean? That was a highlight of my middle school years. Bullshit, because that's a real thing. You actually made a paper mache bust. What the heck?

Okay, I don't know what's so funny. This is so funny. Like, why couldn't it have been like a bust of like Martin Luther? Oh, of course it's got to be Martin Luther. Oh, Cameron. Martin Luther. Take it to Luther. I was just saying, why couldn't it have been a person that spread good? Why are you doing an evil man? I didn't pick it. We picked it out of a hat. It was Coach Welch's class. He had big forearms. He would drink a

Pints, not pints, gallons of water every class. Pints. Yeah, great looking man. Pints of water, yeah.

We got to tell everybody how we met, all right? Which is absolutely insane because I thought I met y'all today. No, yeah, that did take a sliver of my soul with you. I'm not going to lie. You're going to leave the studio in a sliver of my soul with you, but it's okay. I thought I met them today. I bought them flowers. I was like, congratulations. I didn't know what to get two grown-ass men who are going on tour, but here's some flowers. Cameron, you can give them to your wife. Yep, there we go. Peyton, you can give them to whoever you're from.

Good morning to you. Good morning. That's what we do. Coffee's hot on the table. It would be Cameron. I would give him to Cameron. Okay. Stop. Okay. Ain't nothing wrong with a little boy tongue. Okay. My flowers and life is going to live, but... It's alright. Well, we're roommates. Oh yeah, I bought them flowers and I got here and they told me the story of how we actually met. And I was like, wow. So...

So did you feel some secondhand embarrassment from that? A little bit. A little bit. I think that was wanted. In the nicest way, I think you should. Just a little, like a little jab. Well, no, be nice to me because I have a bad memory because of trauma. Oh, well, we can do the trauma. And now I've opened the floodgates. And now I am ruined. My brain doesn't know the difference between good moments and bad moments, so it forgets everything. That's a, that's.

We're getting deep. We're getting deep. We're getting deep. I'm like, what the? I don't know what to say. I go, so we met in a. So we're doing it. What was his name with the forearms? I can tell you a story that I haven't told anybody, right? And it's about you. Okay. So we first met when we were opening up for Rory and Maul in Dallas about. Yeah. So ago. Like two ish. Two years. About. Yeah. About two years ago. Damn. What did she say?

I thought she said 2019. I don't think that was before COVID. I said, I know you're lying. No, it was about two years ago. How the hell do you remember the date? Oh, okay. She has a cheat code. And I don't even know if we could... So there was a thing going on around the internet that...

You were going viral at the time, right? You're going to get me canceled again. No, no, no, no, no. About what? It was about you and bathing. Oh, yeah. We could talk about that. That's fine. And a lot of people know me because I don't like to bathe. How often do you bathe? It depends on how I'm feeling. Seriously. Is the sun out? Let me tell you something. I'm not getting up to take a shower to get back in the bed. I'm not doing that. I feel that. I know that. Like, if I'm not going anywhere, I might not shower that day.

Okay. Well, so wait, do you go into bed with all day on you? Sometimes. Good morning to you. See, that's what I'm talking about. You get a little must on those sheets. Add some character to that silk. Good morning to you.

Yes. And so when I saw you, I was like, finally, I found someone who smells like me. I don't stink. Do you stink? Oh, my God. Take off these pants. Clear the area. It's all in the crotch and the webbing. It's the webbing. It's right there. Jesus, Peyton. So now that we got the accord that y'all stink together. I stink, but don't bathe.

finish the story on how we actually met. Not today, B's version, but how we actually met. I thought I just met these men today. We opened up for Rory and Maul for their live show in Dallas and surprise guest was B. Simone and I was like, I like B. Simone. That's so cool. And then you came out on stage and then we talked for a good little bit after the show, actually. What did we talk about? Apparently it wasn't memorable, but...

You did say you had seen some clips before. You said you saw the Helen Keller clip, and then we were like, you went, oh my God, she's still not remembering. She's like, Helen Keller? Oh my God, she's still not remembering. No, it's okay, we're going to give her a pass. I'm so sorry. And then you made cool hand gestures at us. What did I do? Yeah, your fingers were quite crooked and interesting. They were, they were... Y'all. The fingers were crooked and erect. Good morning. That's a good word. Y'all.

No, I'm seriously feeling, I'm about to cry. No, don't cry. Don't feel bad. We're here now. We can talk about therapy. Therapy is good. We can. I slid in one of my therapist DMs one time. What are you doing? Don't. What are you doing? Finish the story about how we met. Yes. Oh, well, it's my fault.

She looked good. Good morning to you. And I felt like she cared and I don't get that often. So come on now. That's a bundle. That's a bundle deal. But that's how we, that's, that's how we met. She's like,

I wish y'all could see Liv behind the camera. She's so cute. She's like... Yeah, so the story. So we did meet. We actually hugged then and there, exchanged names and some moments in time. But if you ask me, we met about 30 minutes ago. And we have a picture to document the moment. It's actually physically evident that this happened. Pop up the picture right here. It's not just in our imagination. I'll send it to CJ. Yeah, we'll post it.

It was a great flick, too. Wow. It was. And your guest appearance was actually quite funny. It was. Oh, wow. It was hilarious. Thank you. It was hilarious. I remember that a little bit. Will you remember this? Yeah. It's documented. I'm going to have it on YouTube. I will go back to the clip. Episode 115. There we go. At the show that hopefully Bea is pulling up to. We're not going to spoil it for y'all because you've got to get your tickets to find out which city she's going to be at. Good morning to you. We can't tell them?

It's your thing. I'm sorry. This is not my show. Oh, my God. I thought you were about to throw. Blood of Christ in Nazareth. Cleanse him. Oh, my God. That was a demon. What was that?

That was a spirit. Because I have the power. I can control where it's coming. You know what I mean? It's upstairs or downstairs. We're going back door, front door. How do you control that? Keep it in the hallway. On the stairwell. On the stairwell. Jesus. I have great body control. I thought you were about to throw up. Oh, okay. Be quick.

Quick question. What is your stance on bodily fluids? Like a good sneeze, like a cough with liquid. Wait, what is a cough? Stance as far as... Do you hate it? Does it gross you out? Do you understand all humans do it so you're more appropriate with it? I think it's how you do it. Like being on a flight, don't just sneeze. Excuse my language. I'm really trying to stop cussing y'all. I'm doing so good. Don't freaking sneeze. There we go. Like you need to do this.

Or do you need to do this? Like, don't. And don't sneeze in your hand. That's why I don't shake people's hands. Okay. So don't give. Like, if people do this, I always do this. So you pound it, but this is how you do it so they don't get offended. Pound. Like, let's practice. Okay. Here we go. Good morning. No, you're trying to shake my hand. Oh, good morning. Hello, B. Hey, baby.

I love your hair. Wow, I love your hair. Are you lying to me? Oh my God. No, but you see how I just went, I changed. Immediately. That's good. So you're not offended by the handshake, go straight into a firm. See, I can do that sometimes, but I normally give a slap on the back. I'm like, oh, hey. Don't hit me. But it's a love pad. Don't do that. No, what are we on, the gridiron? And it better be above the waist. Well, no, I am a man of consent. He's like, thank you for coming. He's like, damn.

That's a... No, okay, so... Yeah, I don't touch people's hands. I don't... I don't blame you. I'm a nice guy. I give a lot of shakes, but I'm immediately...

Afterwards, I need to start deploying the fist bump. Just do this. You're decent with a fist bump. You often do fist bumps. Yeah, but my body's so nasty. You know what I mean? I feel like I can't get sick. Why do you keep saying that? Because I just hugged you. What is going on? Well, it's love now. Now I got to go to urgent care. As soon as I leave here, I got to go to urgent care. Check my throat. Check my throat and my ass because I hugged Peyton. Urgent care.

Now I gotta make a stop. Just for being on this damn couch. Oh, a good physical. Oh, goodness. Stop it. You ever got a physical? Oh, they don't get those. I get... I feel like I just got a pep smear. What episode is this? Oh, yeah. I learned what that is. That seems violent. Yeah. God bless the woman. God bless us for real. I got one of those. It doesn't matter. Well... Let's leave this quickly.

Oh, my God. But bodily fluids, right? Yeah. What's your favorite? To receive and to give. We are on a, this is an iceberg. We could slip very quickly. This could go left or right. Let me think about my answer before they chop this up and make it something it's not. There we go. My favorite? Mm-hmm.

Am I saying wrong things? Oh, no. We're on that line. You know how people jump over? I don't want to. Should I jump? Jump. Get out of there. Gross. Here we go. Here we go. We'll make it better. Ready? Be your favorite fluid in three, two, one.

Oh, no, I wasn't even thinking about that one. Oh, you liar. I swear to God. You can't tell me the two triple D natives were the only one on there. No, I swear, I was thinking more of a toot. That's what I was going for. First off, if your toots are in fluid form, you need metamucil, you need something. You need some Pepto.

You got skid marks? Toots are air. Toots are air. Toots a little... Oh, sorry, clean colon one and two. You never have a little bit of... A little friendly? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. That's called shit. Yeah. In your pants. Shitting your pants. Yeah. Shitty booty ass, as my wife describes it. Cam, I know you're not... I've seen Cam. We were roommates. Oh, my God. I've seen him shit his pants. Okay.

Cam said, well, look, this might be true. I've seen him shit his pants, wad it up, throw it in a trash can. I've seen it with both my eyes. You've seen me. You are lying in front of B, the world, and God right now. You have seen me shit my pants and dispose of the underwear. All in one take.

It was a fruit of the loom. There was a hole in the right ear. Maybe it was a skid mark. Got you right there. Don't wear fruit of the loom. I don't believe that little basket. Fruits? No. No. That's not happening. Well, now I feel weird and gross, but... Yeah, you should. Appreciate it. A weird, gross liar. First, let's go back to you. So you shit your pants often. You were thinking shit little skid marks is your favorite fluid. I'll get one out.

Jesus. But who am I trying to impress? How old are you? 25. Okay, that's fine. You know what I mean? You can shit in your pants. You know what I mean? That's fine. You're right there. You're right there. You're right on the mark where you need to stop. She goes, she goes, 26, let's call it quits. Let's just call it quits. Let's call it quits. We've done enough. I don't plan on stopping. I plan on going all the way until diapers are appropriate and then I can really get it off. You know what I mean? You just wake up. Quits.

Like you're just getting straight to it? You are sick. Okay, there's a question I have that we ask every guest, the three that we've had. Oh my God. Oh my God. All right, all right. So Cam says he's my best friend. You got a best friend, right? Out of you. Well, that's one really thing. Must be nice. Cool. Think of one really good one. Your top best friend you would die for, kill for. Jesus, relax. You know what I mean? But I'm trying to get you there. You know what I mean?

Imagine, right? I ask Cam, Camoing, something happens to my arms, right? Woo wee! Accidente. I believe you said car accident. It doesn't matter how it happens, you know what I mean? I got no arms anymore. You have no arms. Could be a Jaguar. Okay. A what? A Jaguar. Limbless Peyton. Limbless Peyton, right? I have to think, sit up and think. Mm-hmm.

I gotta go to the party. You know what I mean? Good morning. Where's your mama? Thank you. See? Oh my God. That's not right. That's not right. I asked him would he white me if I needed to. He would. Cameron would. I said I would, but I said I just, I honestly feel. That would be the most ridiculous. I just saw it. You're like holding on. You're like, Cameron, I'm not white.

No, B, stop. It's the paper still brown. No, you're giving him ideas. Get the wet wipes. You are giving him ideas that don't need to be planted in his skull. He also said, not only with a little poop, but I'm also going to have to bathe. He said, would you take care of me? You could take a shower. In all my crevices. You don't need to take a bath. Who's going to wash my ass? Like, who's going to scrub a dub? Rub a dub, dub. You know what I mean? You need a wife. Thick.

And because you don't have said wife as of right now, I said you can sign me up for like maybe once a month. But I said I just feel like someone else falls in line before me. Maybe mama here. As of now, it is you. But I want Kim to see all of me. Where's your mom? Austin, Texas. Well, you would need to move to Austin. We'll put you on a little greyhound, limbless on a greyhound. You can just sit there.

See, the person next to you can switch your songs for you. I've rode the Greyhound before. Oh, yeah. Have you? No, but I've... I don't know if I can say this story. I was talking to this girl one time. You put her on the Greyhound. You idiot. I'm about to slap the shit out of you. God damn it. You said someone on a Greyhound? You were there. I was there? You were there when she arrived. What? Freshman year of college. And she got on. What? Wanted to see you. Come on now. That's me.

Get on that Greyhound. You know how dangerous the Greyhound is? There's drug addicts on there. Oh, I wasn't aware until afterwards. Oh, there's a lot of addicts. There's a lot of stuff on the Greyhound. Ooh, wee. What'd you go on the Greyhound for? That's irrelevant. The girl that was... She said, I was headed to my Greyhound appointment. You don't remember? That's irrelevant.

That's hilarious. Oh, my panties are twisted. Good morning. That was the girl you bought the ticket for. That is hilarious. So we're talking about girlfriends, first dates, all that. Okay. I have a very hard time with first dates because I'm a socially awkward man. Don't know how to do it. Okay. Okay.

i was talking to a girl she was one of the artsy girls that's what i'm into you know what i mean toes in the grass barely wear shoes no flip-flops you know what i mean like the armpit hair gets a little too long before she gets rid of it jesus you know what i mean you know really legs look like a seven-year-old boy are you really into that i'm into everything okay you said you can't name anything i'm not

I'm so scared about this coming out. Okay. So we're actually artsy. You know what I mean? Natural deodorant. That doesn't work. I tried it. Musty as hell. I smelled like a double quarter pound. It was bad. It smelled like a garden. I smelled like a grilled onion when I did that. It was bad. Jesus. Blessed be thy name. Oh, but when I did it. Okay. She went.

You said, rawr. You had an exorcism on the couch. And I said excuse. Yeah, and she said excuse. You said I'm good at controlling upstairs, downstairs. But it's bullshit. A demon just left you. A literal gargoyle escaped from you. Satan literally. Oh, my bad. Continue. Artsy girls, here we go. Artsy girl. And so she, I was going through her highlights. Because I'm a good stalker, grade A stalker. I'll find out what your family ate for dinner. You know what I mean? So...

So I saw her highlights on her Instagram story. She liked art. Okay. And museums. Okay. Now, I was hitting her with the DMs, right? Yeah. I said, hey, what's up, baby? You know what I mean? Hey, girl. No. Damn. I'm sure it didn't sound like that. What? Going back to your regular voice. Yeah, so quick. What?

I said, damn, baby. I was like, I got this nice museum downtown Dallas. You know the one right over here? Oh, you got the museum. You got the museum. I know this nice museum we can go to. I got his tickets. There we go. There we go.

I took her to the museum, right? She hated it. That. What is the... I cannot have fun in a museum. You had to be quiet and stuff? Yeah, it's like... Quiet. They didn't let me take pictures. What's the point of me going to this museum if I can't take pictures? Yeah, very true. So I think museums are the worst first date spot. What is the worst first date spot to you? Probably...

Okay. And a movie, the movies. The movies is just, everybody knows that now. Like by now, it's don't take me to a movie on the first date. We cannot talk. We cannot get to know each other. Don't touch me. It's like. Yeah, the popcorn is right here. Like don't first date. Come on. We haven't even talked yet because we're watching the movie. That's very true. And you want to put your hand on my thigh? Relax. Come on. No, no.

Come on. On a good scene? Please. On a good scene? No. Come on now. No. A little smooch scene? He goes, the guy finally got the girl. Come on. Let me just go. Horrible first date. What's the worst first date you've ever been on? Jesus. Oh, Lord. Jesus, take the world. I need to know.

From Oak Cliff. Oh, there we are. He was a dangerous man. I was scared. And I'm not one of them girls that's going to hold you down. I'm sorry. I'm not going to jail for my man. I'm not doing that. I'm so respectful. As soon as they come. But see, it's not snitching. If you say on the first date, I'm a snitch.

That's very true. It's not. You are forewarning. I'm letting you know if they come knocking. Hey, I'm going to say his address is this. His mom's name is this. He drives that. What? Here is the key to his front door. Go knock it down. He's got a dog. You just got to pet him twice. Go to the back room on the left. I'm telling. So it was a dangerous first date. And I was young. You know how you're young and you like the bad boys? Yeah. And I realized I'm not...

- Damn, sounds awfully, awfully familiar. - She said, "Why you looking at me?" - So you were a runner? Like they had you like... - No, she wasn't. - Oh, they had you like, "Hey, you know what I mean?" - Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

Please don't edit that and put it on a reel. Hello, Discord. Oh, yes. Oh, my God. I tried so hard not to do that. You're an idiot. Don't look at me. Don't look at your camera. Good morning to you.

Yo, I'm lightheaded now. That shit was funny. I immediately got eight degrees warmer. I am sweating. My God. So you weren't a runner. What are you asking? Like, did they have you go pick up like some sweets or something? No. Oh, I told you no. Then what was, I don't understand what was so bad. I was with him while he was selling drugs. Oh, there we go. Oh, stay in the car. Yes. Oh, did you record? No. Oh. All right, cop.

I was scared of him. Oh, I'm sorry. We didn't even make it to dinner. I was like, I just want to go home. Oh, I'm so sorry. Okay, without reopening it fully because the book is completely open at this point, what activities were held on this first date? He picked me up. We actually got pulled over. In his... Who was the car? It was a scat pack SRT. No, I'm just kidding. It was a helipad. No, I'm just kidding. I can't say that. It was...

A Chevelle. A 67 Chevelle. Great suspension. I don't know cars, but it was a candy paint car on rims. Oh, my God. It was candy paint 212s knocking on the trunk. Oh, my God. The whole block could hear him pick you up. Oh, my God. Oh, oh. I'm like, turn it down. He picked you up, put some zero. He was ready. Okay, so he picked you up. You got pulled over by local law enforcement. We got pulled over on the way back. Okay. But we didn't make it to eat first. We were supposed to go eat. Okay. We went.

We went to, I know now, I didn't know in the moment, it was a trap house. He was in there for a long time and I was in the car by myself. That's so scary and sad. I feel bad. I really do. Like that sucks. No, I was young though. Like high school? No, it was maybe 19. So after I graduated. But still like. Yeah, like not being in that life and then. No. And then being in it not by choice. Not by choice. Yeah, that's scary. So yeah, she hold the car real quick. I'm like. An hour later. I'm hungry.

No, seriously. He came out like walking fast.

Nice. Yeah, don't nice that. That's sick. Because I think everybody had that phase of, I want to be a drug dealer. For sure. It was either drug dealer or SoundCloud rapper. Yeah. For sure. I tried. I didn't ever sell anything. I never got that high up in the system. That boy, dumb as... Losing profits. Can't say shit. I couldn't eye an ounce. I was like, nah, it's two pounds. I was like, oh no, what the fuck is going on in here? I was like, it stinks in this motherfucker.

No, Tim, you would have been the accountant for the joint. Oh, I would have had that shit down to a scythe. At Cox, our passionate sales professionals are driven to achieve their best in work and life. They sell the greatest B2B technology solutions created by our greatest tech minds. They provide industry-leading managed cloud services and systems that simplify car buying.

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