BIRTH PAIN SIMULATOR GONE WRONG! -You Should Know Podcast-
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Hey everybody, welcome back to the Asian O' Podcast episode 132. If you are new here or if you haven't already and you look below, you see the subscribe button isn't pressed, you're wrong. If you look even more below that and you see that comment section isn't fulfilled with your name, guess what? Even more wrong. Go ahead and fill that out. Get your good karma. Real quick, real easy on this intro. The live show is now available for you to buy and have and watch and download and hold for the rest of your life. Link in the description right now. Round of applause for that. Hey!

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Hey, man. Hey, bub. Oh, my God. You heard it? My back just snapped. Bro, what? He gave me a weak-ass hug and his whole spine went... I was like, oh, my God. How was your week, bubba? It's been a long week of moving. You have been moving. Oh!

Oh my god, no, no, absolutely not. That's where I'm starting. That's exactly where I'm starting. You're a sabotagee. You absolutely sabotaged me this week. You're moving? 1,000%. I mounted a whole TV for you. Yeah, cool. It left a hell of a lot of smudges on it, too. We had to Windex the piss out of that screen. But anyway, you sabotaged me. How? And you know exactly... How? He knows exactly... You're not talking about the goddamn groceries.

Peyton, okay, let's break it down for them. Let's see who's in the wrong. Okay, break it down. Break it down. Break it down because you needed me and you're not... Okay. And you said yes and then you failed. Okay, go ahead. So what does that mean? Okay, go ahead. Okay. Go ahead. So... Oh my God, go ahead. Oh my God, go ahead. I move in to my new house on Monday. My fridge doesn't come until two. Stand up, you crooked man.

I move in on Monday, fridge doesn't come in until Tuesday. That's your fault! But I- How is that my fault?! 'Cause you- okay, you don't wanna- I didn't know when I was gonna be locally available at my house, so I had to put the Tuesday fridge in the fridge on Tuesday. Then who's fault is that? Then who's fault is that? Who else has fridges? Okay, keep going. I asked you and you said yes! I didn't just throw it on ya! Keep going, my fault, keep going. Hey, pardon self. Yeah, pardon self. Pardon me, I just popped out the floor. So...

Monday, I move out. I know how long I have a fridge, but I still have groceries. I create a U-Haul box, right, of my cold things. First of all, you asked me to use one of my boxes. Shut the fuck up. No, you're not right. Shut up, dude. Shut up. Do you want to go first or do you want me? Okay, well, you can go first, but don't tell lies. Hey, buddy. Be resourceful. I'm going to speak. You lazy sack of shit.

Half a second of nothing, and then that's when you know you can go. Okay, go ahead, Mozart. Okay, I don't know what that is. Long and boring, like my sex. Long, it takes me forever to get to the finish line. And it is boring. We're in one position. Hey, some of us don't have that luxury, bro. Anyway.

I leave Monday. I don't have a fridge until Tuesday. I have groceries. Here we go. I say, hey, Pete. So look, my fridge doesn't come until tomorrow. Can I pack my cold things up? You come and grab it because you're already coming over here. Because you needed me. You son of a bitch. Oh, my God. He's going to come over here because I do need him. But that's the thing. That's the beauty of a question. I asked you and you said yes. Who else was there?

Oh. Mike and Lisa. Peyton. Go ahead. Sorry. Sorry. Oh, my God. But you're just being stupid, and you're taking a long time. I'm taking a long time because you keep interrupting me. Okay. I pack my groceries, sauces, salmon, some chicken breast, some chocolate syrup, all of it, cold stuff. He takes the box of colds, takes it home, puts it in his fridge, exactly what he signed up for. Thank you, Bubba. You're a great man.

Tuesday comes, he comes out to the new house, he gets the box out of his fridge, he's ready to take it, mind slips, forgets it, $90 of groceries gone. First of all, there's so many things wrong with it, it's not $90 worth of shit in there. How much is salmon? You had store-brand salmon! Store-brand my asshole! It doesn't eat salmon! It's an expensive meat. I had a pound of chicken, I had three fillets of salmon. Okay, we'll wait until we get into the intricacies of your nasty-ass concoctions of food you had. First of all,

Cam asked me to drive 45 minutes out to his house. Holy shit! Oh, no! Oh, so it's the world's ending when I interrupt you. But you did it four times to me. 45 minutes? 45 minutes. It's a 26-minute drive. Because you said, Dada, I don't know how to function without you. Baby needs milkies, is what you said. And I said, okay, baby, latch on. I'll give you what you need. And you said, first of all, when he asked me, I'm looking at fourth camera now because your face disgusts me.

I'm looking at y'all two beautiful white women. When Cam said, hey, I need these groceries to be refrigerated, how many people down the line that he was already with could have taken it to his house? His mom and his pap. Holy shit. They're already there. He just wanted daddy's milk. He wanted daddy to give him something. And then the first thing he asked is, AP, do you have a box that I could put this stuff in?

You're moving, dawg. You got boxes everywhere. Okay, the beauty of this is you're naming shit that is, it all goes out the window as soon as you said yes.

It goes out the window. Because that's the kind of guy I am. Could I have asked someone else? I lived through Christ, brother. Could I have asked someone else? Yes. Yes. Okay. But I didn't. I asked you. You said yes. Okay. I asked you for a box, but then I realized I had my own. So then I boxed it up. And what was the thing? Oh, you said you'd do it. That's like asking me to drive your Kia K5 through a NASCAR race and then mad if I wreck it. You should have just done it yourself or taken it out of the race. Oh!

Your mommy and daddy, dude, they were already with you. Okay, I'm not done. Holy shit, but they weren't supposed to come on Tuesday, and I knew you would. So I asked you. I wasn't going to. I wasn't going to. You actually said, I don't want you to come to my house until it's fully done and decorated. Did he not say that, CJ? CJ. CJ. Did he not? He did. Okay, thank you.

And then, okay, so let me break this down. First of all, he's asking me to package his groceries, right? We're putting the groceries in the box. You shut your colonizing ass up. I'm going to give you the respect and I'm going to bury you when I get to speak again. Okay, all right.

He asked me to put these, oh my God, to put these weird ass ingredients into this box, right? He's like, we need these. This is the good stuff that I want to bring over to the house. I already threw away half the stuff that's in the fridge. I said, okay, so I'm thinking it's going to be meat. Like the salmon, that was okay to put in there. The chicken, that was okay to put in there.

This mother, he gave me a whipped cream that had this much left in it, bro. I tried to squirt some out because I like to do that. Son of a bitch. I put the nozzle in my mouth. You son of a bitch. I did. I put it in my mouth. You never told me you were using. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You didn't sabotage me. You f***ing scammed me. You got an $80 box of groceries. You just had a Kroger pickup straight to your car. You scammed me. No, okay. And I put it in there and it was doing one of those little.

Drip sorry. Yeah, it was doing one of those like little half drips in my mouth I was like why does that happen and then you had Taco Bell sauce that we had crushed on the outside because it's been used in forever and this much left Holy shit, dude, and then you had icicle pops. Okay, cool You can refreeze those and then you had Hershey kisses caramel drizzle you fat big bad

You don't need that! Nope, you're done. Okay, the whipped cream, that's for my dog. Ever heard of a pup cup? She likes dessert too. The caramel syrup, that's for my wife's coffee. She likes it, asshole! When's the last time you drank coffee? Holy shit, she had one this morning! Holy shit! For Instagram. And the popsicles are because she's pregnant! I know, Liv.

She, the only thing pregnant. Holy shit. You asked for my grocery so you can eat them. It makes sense. It makes sense. I didn't want that nasty ass. Oh my God. It all goes out the window when you said yes. Okay. You accepted responsibility and you failed at your job. That's it. If you brought the groceries and they, they fell out of your car in transit, I'm not that

that mad that's a freak accident you said yes you were supposed to bring them to even laid them out and then you didn't and they were all wasted and done okay and then you said the whipped cream you stole right from under me and then half the drinks in there were already mine that I gifted to you let's put that out there the

The alcohol in there, that was mine. That you stole from me. Just like you stole the Alani news from me whenever we got a brand deal with them and I didn't get to eat any, drink any of them. Holy shit. The alcohol that was in there was yours. The three white cloths that were in there were yours? Yes. Prove me wrong. Holy shit. Prove yourself right. Because I can say exactly where those came from. Who drinks the most alcohol in the Fern Group?

That's you. Okay. That's you, and we're going to talk about it. Who supplies the most alcohol in the friend group? Holy shit. Who supplies the most? Holy shit. When's the last time you bought white clothes? Holy shit. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's your time to be honest. Oh, my God. You can save yourself. That was the last time because you stole from me, and I was like, I'm never doing this again. Okay. So God's honest truth, the Lord and Savior that blesses us both every day. God, thank you. Those were bought from Ryan David Clifton. Bullshit. Bullshit.

Everything I've ever loved. Where is he? On my life, your life, everyone's life. That's K-Rob. That's CJ. That's awfully convenient. This is a hectic way to start the episode. That is awfully convenient. I'm just saying. And then you started adding on more responsibilities to me whenever it was time to return the groceries. You called me and said, hey, can you do this? I need this. I need this. I need. I need. I want. I need. I need. Can you please, daddy? I need you. And then I was like, okay, okay. I got you. I got you. But I can't think all this. And so I was grabbing the groceries out of the fridge. I...

I didn't even put the box in the fridge. I sorted them in my fridge for you. And you had garlic, brother. Yes! Who wants to re-buy condiments? We had minced garlic. Good to use. Garlic's a condiment? No, I'm saying all the rest of them are condiments. But minced garlic, it's good to use. Why should I re-buy them? The ketchups, the barbecues, the Taco Bell sauce, and the crusties means that you pour it out of the bottle and there's a little left on when you put it back in the fridge. We're going to get off this. We're going to get off this because we've got to start the episode. But...

Yes or no, were you at, right down the road from my house that same day going to that furniture store? No. That was literally the next day. You bastard. You bastard. And you said I had to ask you to help me this, this, that, third. It was hold the groceries, deliver the groceries. You hold them in your fridge and bring them the next day. Two steps. Okay, don't ask me to do shit no more. I won't do nothing for you. I didn't even say that, but you're trying to flip it on me. Sorry. I'm trying to be a good friend. I've never asked you of anything.

Whenever I'm moving? When I'm moving? When I'm moving, do I? I never asked you to do anything for me when I moved. Did I? Did I? I hired movers. I used my hard-earned money and not my friend's hard labor. Who was there when the movers were there for you? You were not.

You wouldn't even give me the decency. Holy, I'm about to vomit. I'm going to throw up. You wouldn't even give me the decency to drive all the way to my house. I had to meet you halfway at 6 in the morning. Remember that? Do we not meet at a Dick's Sporting Goods, brother?

I mean, I either gotta punch you or puke. There's no other in between. I met you at six o'clock in the morning to get a key for your new place in case your movers beat you there and then I never even had to do it but I never complained. - Yes you did.

Holy shit. You said, oh my God, look at the traffic. I have to go back in. Not only that was very freshly into my new car journey and I thought I ruined my transmission because I put it in manual for you. I was stuck on the tollway going 17 miles an hour and I didn't know what was going on and I called my father and woke him up.

So you're blaming your inadequacies in your brain about car knowledge. Oh, you shut your damn mouth. I'm saying you said be here at 6 at a Dick's Sporting Good in Dallas, Texas, and I was there at 6. Because, hey, have you ever heard of you owe me one? After all the things I've done for you, moving this, taking care of that rat-ass dog you have, getting fleas for her. You love that rat. Don't you talk about that. Don't you talk about her. You love that rat. I do.

But I don't have to take care of her. And then you know what Cam said the other day? He said, AP, the first like two months Malachi's around, I'm going to need your help, brother. I said, need my help. And he goes, yeah. He's like, I need help with like diapers and like stuff like that. Can you come over? And like middle of the night too, because you know, Liv's just got off this nine month pregnancy. I'm a lazy sack of shit. So I'm not getting up. Will you be there? That's what he said to me.

So, who's the better friend? That's what I said to you? Yeah. Who's the better friend? The guest room that I have labeled as yours in this nightstand drawer, there's condoms, honey packs, there's chewing bubble gum, and there's an iPhone charger. So you tend a little bottle of tequila in the back corner. So you tell me who's the better friend, you slimy, saliva-mouth-having bastard. Yeah, who's the better friend, you sick son of a bitch?

Oh my God. I am hot. Oh my God. No, okay. No bullshit. Can I tell you a story that happened? We're moving out. Okay. We're moving out. You know my old apartment building. To go to the trash cans, you'd have to go down the elevator. First of all, your old apartment building was a maze, bro. No, it was bad. It literally was like a, like,

If you were intoxicated and that was your first time there, you'd be terrified. You know, I am a little sad that... Okay, I know you know your story. I am sad that you are moving out of there. Why? One, because you're closer. Yeah. Two, because you had some Victoria's Secret models living in that building. I'm not going to lie to you. I found a couple of them in there. There was... You can just fake pretend that I still live there and you'd be like... It's called stalking. You go... Yeah. You're like...

They'll be like, who are you here for? My friend, Cameron. You go, I think he's in your room. I'm going to check there. You go, get out the way. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Totally kidding. Totally kidding. But...

So as we're packing shit up, naturally you're always going to find stuff that you don't want anymore. You throw it away. Yeah, God bless. So Liv finds her backpack, all of her cosmetology school stuff. Remember that journey? She's in there for three weeks, a couple thousand dollars. She said, I don't think I want it anymore. I said, here we go. Here we go. Anyway. Anyway.

She finds all of her cosmetology stuff, and in there, there's one of the fake heads that has, like, the good hair on it. Okay? Careful. What does that mean? It's like... It's like salon... It's like a... Like a sew-in. Like, it's almost... It's damn near real hair. Okay, I just... I just didn't know what you meant by good hair. No, stop. I didn't know what you meant by that. I'm just saying... I chose that 32 top-shelf bundle Brazilian. No, I'm just kidding. So...

I'm taking a trash trip. I have the big wagon and I'm also holding stuff. What? You're so white. A trash trip. I was taking my trash trip. So I get in the elevator. We're on the third floor. I hit one. A million out of a million times. When you get to the first floor, no one's there. This one time, door opens, woman right there. She's on her phone. Okay. She's probably a mom. She looks up and she immediately goes, ah, who are you? And I went, what the fuck?

I look down, I'm holding the two things that were in my head were a blue hammer in that head, that cosmetology head. So I have the wagon behind me that has like trash bags. She goes, oh, who are you? And I go, whoa, man, what are you talking about? I look down, I have a hammer and a skull in my hand. And she goes, oh.

Oh, you really scared me there for a second. You need to... All right. And I go, oh. And I look down and I'm like, ma'am, I'm going to the trash can. She goes, yeah, you better. You better? I said, who are you? You better. But me being me, I just walk off and I'm sitting there just looking at it the whole time. But dude, she like damn near jumped out of her own skin. Dude, that's hilarious. But I always make myself... I think we talked about this on the podcast before. I always make myself known to not be a threat whenever a woman's around. You're like...

I swear to God, I'll get on the whole other side of the hallway or if we're both going downstairs, I'll wait until I hear that door open and then I'll continue to go because I know it's scary. That's very thoughtful, yeah. But since we're talking about stories about our old places, this is in my new place, right? And I can finally tell the story. I think the Statue of Limitations is off. I can talk about how I saw that woman tied up outside of my house. So if you remember like... Oh my God.

couple months ago. It was a while ago. We made like these little like inside jokes about it. So I was, I just moved into my house, right? And there's a house directly across there. Our front doors are facing each other, right? Directly across.

And I like this neighborhood. It's quiet. It's like older people. I'm the youngest one there. So like no BS is going around. I just came from living in the hood and like I saw crazy stuff all the time. And I moved out there because like I was getting recognized in my apartment and I didn't feel like safe. You know what I mean? So I was like, this is a safe place. I was like, I was sitting in my, on my couch one day.

And I was watching Breaking Bad. I was like, everybody's talking about Breaking Bad. I've never seen an episode of it. It's one of those things I just never got around to. So I was turning on Breaking Bad. I was like the first 20 minutes of this episode. To my left is a big glass door. And you can see everything. So you can see everything when that's open. But I had my drapes over it. So it was blacked out. I couldn't see outside. I was watching Breaking Bad. First 20 minutes of it.

And there's a scene, like a little bit of commotion has happened in the show, right? And it was leading up to like this, a scene that you know some stuff's about to go down. Yeah. But they're in a car. It was two people in a car and it was a quiet scene. And I just hear, like, and I was like, I was looking at the show. They got someone in the trunk. I said, I don't really get where the director's trying to take us with this one. Like, I'm not understanding. And then I hear,

And I go, no, this isn't the show. This can't be. I pause it. And that's when I lived alone. And so my house was dead silent. I waited like 30 seconds. And then I hear, and I was like, nope, that's something outside. So I get scared. I grab my knife. All right. I grab my knife out of my kitchen and I, and I peek out of my blinds like this. I'm like this. And I'm looking outside.

I swear to God, the house directly in front of me, the front door is wide open. There is a woman laid out in like the middle of my house and her house. She's tied up like this, bro. Her legs are tied. Her face is tied and her hands are like semi-tied. Like she can break free if she wanted to. But then I saw her phone next to her. And now, so my question was immediately, I'm like, okay, I've never seen this happen. I've never seen someone tied up in my life, but I know that.

If you're trying to escape this house that you're tied up in, you have a phone here. How'd you get your phone right beside you? So I immediately go and call the po-po lease because I'm the only one seeing this. And I ain't no snitch. But I didn't want her to be in dismay. And I didn't know if Jeffrey Dahmer and Hernandez was right there. So I said, hello? They're like, 911, what's your emergency?

And I said, hello, what's your emergency? Hello? Hey, y'all there? And you know I don't like to have panic in my voice. And so I was like, hey, there's a woman tied up outside my house. And I shouldn't have said that. Like I shouldn't have said my house. First red flag. No, no. Over there. Far away from where I live. And so the first question the operator asked is like,

Is she with you? And I said, oh, no. I don't know who this is. It's like my neighbor. And they're like, what do you mean she's tied up? Is she safe? And I go, well, I'd assume not. Like, I don't think people just do that for fun. She's bowing, hands and feet screaming. And they're like, so, is she injured? And I said, hey, man, she's tied up. She's screaming. And it looks like she needs help pretty quick. And then my neighbors, like...

across the street next to that house came out and started like checking on her and like untying her and I said okay I gave the address and I hung up because I was like I don't want to do that and they called me back

And he ever got a call from 911. That's scary. And they go, Peyton. And I go, okay. How do you know my name? I was like, all right. They say, whenever the police get there, would you, is it okay if they come to your door and ask you for help? And I said, oh no, I was just kind of making you know some shit's happening that shouldn't be happening. Oh, I promise you I can't do that. I will literally faint. I can't do that. And so come to find out, I don't know the full story, is that couple across the street

is known for that activity. So she's been known to like make herself look like something has happened. Like a damsel in distress. Yes. Like she'll, cause she is in a bad situation where her husband or boyfriend, wherever that is, has done bad things, but she just won't leave it, which I don't blame her cause it's, it's toxic and it's hard. And you know, people go through their own things.

But her way of trying to get out of it is making new scenarios to be like, hey, he did this. So immediately when the cops got there, I could hear them. I literally opened my balcony. I was sitting up like this. I was like, oh, shit. Because I can do this. It's not illegal to do that. And they were saying like, they were like looking at each other, like doing all that.

But then she got like really smart and she's, remember there's a ring camera on the front door and apparently a couple weeks before that he may have harmed her outside of the house, which God forbid, I hate that. If you hurt women, you belong in hell. And then so I remember they, as soon, she showed it on the phone and it was this quick. She goes like that. They look at it, they go and then run up the stairs and they grab them out and they walk them out.

And they moved out. They don't live there anymore. And now a fan lives in that same house across the street. Like, literally, he moved in, he saw me walk in the house, and he goes, Peyton! And I go, f***! You go, hey, Jan? Yeah, we need to break the lease. I gotta get out of here. Dude, my realtor, bro, can I talk about that? I don't know if this is staying in. Go for it. The lady who gave me this house, I fell in love with her. Oh, that sounds like an episode. Mute it, but...

I love you. Dude, she's so pretty. And she was supposed to go on a date with me. I think she had a boyfriend the whole time, though. That's the story of my life, right? Why does everybody I love have a boyfriend? Oh, my God. The You Should Know Podcast.

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Did you ever struggle with women? Did you ever have a problem? No, yeah, whenever I was like rat tail, like long hair, but okay, strange thing. I don't think you struggled. No, okay, let me tell you. I think you just pulled a different crowd. No, no, I struggled. Okay, so like in my kindergarten years, that's when I was having like ditty parties in the playground. No, wait. No, no, wait, no. No, okay, wait. No, I'm just saying we had freak-offs in kindergarten.

I can't say that. Oh, you can say it, but it's sad because it's true. Yeah, no. I was making out with two girls at one time in kindergarten. I was having dunk...

I was having dunk contests on monkey balls. Yeah, I know. Okay, so... But that was my... So I started off hot, right? Real hot. Very hot. And then puberty started coming around and I smelled like a Burger King kitchen, right? My hair was long and it was... Okay, that's the thing about my long hair. I had long hair, but it had knots in it. I had to get them cut out. Like, I was dreading up. You looked like you lived in Malibu. Like, every day you were on a beach surfing waves. And I had gaps in all my teeth, but there was still plaque in between them. Like, that's...

That is almost historic. Oh, my God. That's bad. No, that is like some industrial. If I went like that, I could feed a family of rats. You know what I mean? They would eat for a week. You lay on your bed and you go. They go. They clean you. They run off. Yeah, so during that time. But then I think. And I've got to have this conversation with my mom, right? Okay. Okay.

She low-key was a pimp named Slickback for me. I remember one time wearing Freddy's frozen custard, right? And I was wearing, for some reason, I think this was a fashion statement I was trying to make. Oh, God. I was wearing a sweater vest with a light blue collared shirt under it. I swear to God. And I don't remember why I was wearing it. Carlton? And then so...

And so I remember we were in the line and in front of us there was a group of older girls, like middle schoolers. So I was still like elementary school, right? Or like sixth grade. They were probably like eighth, ninth grade. Older grades or elementary? No, that's middle school. I said middle school. I was about to say, okay, okay. And so I was in my nasty era, but I was wearing a sweater vest and I'm pretty sure I was wearing basketball shorts. See, like I don't know what the,

What's happening with my attire? My lay was nasty. It looks like you got in the car naked and you drove to like a garage sale. Like that was the best you could find. I was like, give me one, huh? You're like, just walk around. I remember one of the girls turned around to me and my mom and she goes, oh my God, your daughter is so pretty.

And my mom was like, oh no, sweetheart, this is my son. This is my boy. His name is Peyton. And you were like, hey. You turned around. Your teeth are gapped. Your hair's natted. Yeah. Natted. I meant to say not and matted and they fused. It's okay. And then I guess my mom was trying to help a play out. She was trying to help a brother get some. And so she started sweet talking these girls for me and saying my athletic achievements.

And I remember one of the girls caressed my cheek, and that set it off for me. That's hot. Yeah, but a little strange that mom was the wingman. I don't think mom was trying to get that to happen. She was just trying to prove I was a boy. You're going to know, he has it. Like, he's got one, I'm telling you. They're like, no, that girl is just going through a rough phase. You're like, no, he plays football. He skateboards. You're just sitting there.

You're just waiting, like, trying to have your case sold? Yeah, so then she caressed my face and that set it off because I felt a feeling I've never felt before. Wait. It was bad. I was wearing basketball shorts, if you know what I mean. I was about to say, did you pitch a tent? Could have gone camping. Mr. B's 24-hour challenge video, you know what I mean? And so...

And so after that, that's when I got into my bag of like, I'm going to try with women. I like these. So you were macking. So your origin story of when you started flirting, macking, making the calls was in the sixth grade? Well, technically kindergarten when I was having ditty parties at the playground. Oh, yeah. No baby oil. That's remarkable. That is absolutely insane. Can we talk about ditty real quick? Let's not. He's going under the jail, first of all. Good.

A thousand bottles of baby oil. A thousand. Let's, okay. So for the people that don't know if you're living under a rock, Diddy is going to jail. He's a freaky boy. Yeah, forever. And they found, when they raided his house, a thousand bottles of baby oil, right? That's like buying from Amazon and having it, like, the thing fulfilled every month for a decade. And you're buying a case. It's like, you are a freak. Okay, and my thing is, it...

It takes me four years to get through one bottle of baby oil. No, I swear to God, from when I met Olivia at Seminole all the way to last year, she had the same bottle. It was like five, six years of baby oil. It's like Vaseline. You never get a new Vaseline. It's a once-in-a-lifetime purchase. You purchase baby oil and Vaseline once in your life, and it lasts you your entire life.

It is a one-stop shop. Is there anything in your house that people would be like, okay, that's a little too much of that? Like you have something you have too much of? I'd say either Yu-Gi-Oh cards or... Wait. But that's from childhood. You still got them? 100%. I can't let them go. Do you look at them?

Do you ever ponder? During COVID, I took them out, spread them all out, and I reorganized them. And I asked my fiance to help me with it. I felt this big. I felt like the smallest version of me I've ever been. I said, you want to come duel? I'll teach you.

No, okay, Cam tried to get us to do that in Austin during DreamCon. We went to the mall, and he bought a Yu-Gi-Oh! pack. First off, don't you ever, a pack? What's it called? I bought a deck. I bought two decks. My fault. I bought two decks. CJ said, yeah, I'll try to learn. I tried to get him to learn, and he was like, uh, uh, uh. And when I did it, it was way too much to explain, and it was hard. Because when we played, you were saying Yu-Gi-Oh! like, look at their HP and their power.

I don't know. Yeah, when I grew up, it was like, whose card looks the best? You know what I mean? That's how we played it. He said the n***a word. No, wait, no, wait. No, I did not. No, I did not. He just said that. No, I did not. I heard you say it. No, I did not. We have film. No, I did not. Okay, well. We have film on you. That's what we have film on. I can say it. I would say either Yu-Gi-Oh cards or dog treats is something that I have a very...

a very large amount and I shouldn't. You know what? I have one dog. She weighs nine pounds and I have enough to feed a pack of like cane corso's. You know what I don't have enough of? What? Socks. Or food. Socks. Dude, how many days in a row have I been wearing these socks?

I count three off the top of my head. I think I'm at four or five. Okay, you got to start doing your laundry. Let's just talk about it. That is a fact. You have to. Like, you either have to do laundry or you have to get made on a bi-weekly service. Is it me? It's must. Is it me or does laundry, like washing clothes, seem a little pendergredial to you? I actually don't like how you said that. What? Say laundry again. Laundry.

Okay, that's better. First time your R was awfully just like airy. You were like laundry. Yeah. Like there was no R to it. It was like laundry. You love things with a hard R. Laundry. There's an R in there. You said laundry. But it does feel old. But you're not in a weaving basket with a washboard and you're hanging on a clothespin. I just genuinely don't. It makes me feel lesser than. Like my ancestors look at me and be like, you don't need to do that anymore. You know what I mean? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. That's so far-fetched. Just wash your

Clothes. You stink and you wear the same socks. You actually smell good. Thank you. I'll give you that. Your body smells good. Your clothes though, they carry a natural smell. Yeah, that's a fact. That's a fact. But it's okay. Have you ever lied too much to where you have to stick with it? Like you have to stick with it. I used to be the best liar in the world. That scares me deeply. It would be like a goal of mine to see how long I can stretch this lie and weave this web.

Is it allowed... Are we allowed to call you a sociopath? Is that what that is? That you're getting awfully close. I never touched anybody. That's not what that means. I thought you had to hurt somebody to sociopath. A sociopath would be like, they lie, they believe their own lies. No. I didn't believe it. I knew I was lying, but I had joy in that. Oh. That's not normal. You're not... You're digging. You're going...

You want to kidnap someone? You want a Menendez brother? Now you enjoyed lying. No, I did enjoy it. Past tense. What was your lie? Can you remember one? Probably. I swear to God I didn't text that girl. Oh, oh. I'm talking about let's get deeper, bub. I'm talking about you had to lie and you had to hold on to it and almost to where it was the new truth because you were caught up. I'll tell you my story. I was going to say that I'm straight. Oh, man.

In fifth grade. Yeah. I don't know if your school did this. Whenever you would wait for the teachers in the mornings, like when you get dropped off, all the classes would line up in the gym and they would just wait there. That's how our school did it. So you'd line up in your class and the teachers would come in and get you to take you to class. So we'd lined up. I left my bag there and I had to go use the bathroom. Right. So I go use the bathroom. When I come back, my bag at like a volume 10 is playing Obsessed by Mariah Carey. Why are you so obsessed with me? You had that on. Boy, you are.

Okay, so okay, so full blast full volumes playing that yeah I walk back the little girls in my class are laughing pointing at it Cameron's bags playing girly music the cool kids in the back of class going hey You're you're a weirdo. You're listening to that Okay Nate Diaz your class

So immediately, immediately, the first thing I could think of, I have to lie, I can't go out like this. I'm in the sixth grade and I'm listening to Mariah Carey by choice. Yeah. Off my Nokia, I might add. Wow, okay. On a Nokia. How the hell did you get that on there? It was a cool app, I guess. I don't know, before apps, I don't know, something, they just had a built-in music. Joe broke a Nokia. I plugged it into my mom's desktop. I gave her a virus. It was LimeWire, but I got,

I got Mariah Carey. So anyway, you wanted that shit. The second I get up, everyone's laughing at my bag. And then I get close enough. I can hear it. And I go, Oh shit. I immediately go, wait, what are y'all laughing at? Try to be defensive at first. What are you laughing at? Huh? And they go, whose bag is that? Whose bag is that? It's playing girl songs, music, whatever. And I go, I was like, my bad. I grabbed it. Right. And they go, why are you listening to that? That's so girly. That's so strange. You, I go, Oh no, no, that's my grandma's phone.

They go, why the hell do you have your grandma's phone when you're about to go to English? And I'm like, it's touche. But I kept lying. And I go, oh, well, my grandma can't really see that good. Here we go. I think she put it and slipped it in my bag and she thought it was her purse. They both have zippers. Okay. So I say that. I love you, Meemaw.

And they go, oh, no, no, no. That's your phone. And they just make me. And I literally take it out. And I was so dead set on like not being caught with this. I said, I don't even care about this phone. I left it in the gym floor. And in my mind, that was, I was like ditching the responsibility. I was like, bro, this clearly isn't mine. I don't care about it. And they were like, do you even love your grandma? Why would you throw your grandma's phone away? And I was just double under the jail, bro. And then the worst part about it, the line starts walking out. And I literally was like.

I grabbed that phone so quick, and I was like, I turned it off, no music coming out, and I just went, and I walked in class. I was pissed off all first period. Bro, see, that's the difference between me and you. See, that's your canon event that we both have had. 100%. But you went about it differently. I've had that same thing, right? I had a binder, right? You remember binders? It was like the white binder, the three rings that you open up, and it has folders on the inside, right? I did a red one. It was leather. Nice. Okay. All right, cool. All right. Loser. I don't know.

So, but, and you know, in the front part, it had that clear thing and you could put different things in there. I would cut out high school musical like pictures and I put it in. I love high school musical. It's a great, great cinema. And so I put that in there. I had Vanessa, I had a lot of Zac Efron, like, like a uncanny amount of shirtless. Zach was in my binder right there for everybody to see.

And I thought, this is swag. You know what I mean? That's hot. This is pop culture. And I remember I left it in the classroom, kind of same thing. And then we all came back into the class. And then the teacher was like, yo, hey, girls, whose thing is that? And everybody was, all the girls were like, no, no, no.

i was like ten toes down hey that's my i was like it's me i liked it i told you at recess i would go and do high school musical choreography with all the girls and i would teach them that they're doing the dance wrong because i spent the hours learning it you know what i mean that's wicked so you just straight up you straight up embodied it and you just yeah i i wore my own merch to sixth grade every day of me with makeup on dressed as a grandma grandma's cookies

It was my first YouTube video ever made. I know. Yeah, and full makeup and a wig. You know what? You showed me a bit of it. I did? Yeah. Way back when. You said this is the first one I ever made. You were in the kitchen or something, right? Yeah. And I had grandma's cookies and I was pressing because he wanted a cookie. That's how the video ended. It was 30 seconds. I might have saw the whole thing. I might have saw the whole thing start and finish. Okay, but speaking of my grandma, right? Did you ever? Never mind. Go ahead. No, don't ever what? Your grandma. Wait. The one that's dead of cancer. So yeah, she died of cancer.

Dead. Made me a pallbearer. Heavy. So, I... It's a fact. She was. I was like, Meemaw, I saw her on the way out. Somebody else is in here. Like, they gave me the wrong one. Yeah, they bury her with their favorite dumbbells? What the hell is this? He goes, is this real cedar? He's knocking on it. And so, I remember my grandma...

She lived on land, right? And on her front porch, there was like this, like just a regular, like foldable, like WWE chair, like one of those. Right. But I'm about to go somewhere else where you don't know I'm going. And I was really into like preserving artifacts. Like I wanted to make money. Like I've always been like, I want to like sell something and make money. And so I knew if an old person had something for a while, it's probably a value, right?

She had this old foldable chair at the front and it was a regular Walmart, like WWE chair. And I said, "Memo, how long have you had that?" And she goes, "Uh, like two years." And I go, "Oh my God." But in my mind, her two years is like two years before she was born. - It's like 20, it's like 50. - Yeah, so we're when dinosaurs were around at this point. So I was like, "That's a valuable chair."

And so I remember going to her kitchen and grabbing a trash bag and putting a trash bag over her chair. And I'd be like, don't touch it, anybody. We're going to sell that when Meemaw's dead. And we're going to be rich. And then you said this to the others. Yeah. And no one smacked you. No, but that's why my family was good. They let me go with my imagination. I love it. But I remember every time I'd go back to Meemaw's house, the trash bag would be gone and I would throw up.

- Dude, I'd be like, "Yo, is no one trying to get paid out here?" Like, I would get hot as hell. - You're like, "Who's taking the bags off? You're scrubbing it down, you're sanding the chair." - Yeah, I told it to sell like just an aluminum chair. - That's awfully dumb, but you were a child. What age? - I don't remember, like six probably. - Oh, then you're good. - Yeah. - And that chair was worth a million dollars to you at that point. - And I saw my cat Spot get hit by an 18-wheeler outside of Meemaw's house. You ever seen Dynamite?

That cat exploded. Oh my god. That's something I did not want to visualize. You'd have thought that would have been an exploding cat. You'd have thought I made that cat the way it exploded. Sorry. Like I swallowed a pack of black cats. Okay, you spoke about grandparents and you reminded me I choked my grandfather once. He was asleep in his recliner. He got home from a long day at Lowe's and he was asleep. You know how old guys sleep. They go...

He was asleep like that, mouth wide open. I just saw an episode of a show where someone poured a little liquid into the person's mouth. Nice. So I wanted to replicate it, but I had the purest intentions. But the only thing that he had was that thick milk, buttermilk. So I was like, my grandpa looks a little dry up there. He's dead asleep. I said, let me get him. But he's a tall guy in his recliner, and I was young, so I went a little too high, and I went... He was like...

He shot up in the recliner. And he was like... What the... I choked his ass. I had the purest attention, though, because I was a kid. That's what that reminded me of. I was just trying to... That was about to sound wicked, but I was... You were trying to what? I was trying to lubricate his mouth. Because he was asleep and it was a very dry mouth. I was trying to make it wet. But with buttermilk, I ended up pouring probably about a six-ounce shot right down his gullet. He was like...

Waterboarding your grandpa is crazy. I was going to ask you, have you ever walked into a fight at school? We had fight week at my school. See, that's impressive. Was there anybody recording it? Yeah. Could we find this documentary? Well, we had a video on YouTube, but the AP, I told this story a hundred times, the AP came in and started beating up one of the students, and so the video got deleted. That's just in principle. That's sick. Yeah. Yeah.

But did you ever personally, like a non-scripted, it's not fight week, no one's created the octagon. Yeah, basketball. You just walked into like a bathroom and two guys were going at it. Oh, yeah, 100%. You know what I do? None of my business. Walk out. That's probably the first time I've ever embodied that. And I think it's because I was absolutely scared. That's the first time I ever embodied your, my name's Bennett, I'm not in it. I walked in, two guys are swinging for the fence. And I said, I don't even got to pee anymore. I was like, I'm fine.

I'm fine. I'm completely fine. And I walked right back out. I started walking fast to my class. I was like, maybe they saw me. Knowing you, I'm surprised you didn't go, stop it! Leave him! I'm like, Jeremiah doesn't deserve of him! No, I literally said, oh, I was like, I'm good. I dried up quick. Okay. What? You dried up? You were wet? I might have pissed myself. I don't know. Don't remember. I saw on the news this week, right? In Dallas, there's a lot of loose animals.

What? There's a lot of loose animals, like animals breaking free from zoos and stuff like that. And I've seen videos of like bears just running around the street, right? What are you, Revelations? What do you mean there's loose bears? If I see a loose Kodiak, I'm kidding.

I got to. What am I going to let it destroy my K-5? It's been all over my For You page recently on TikTok, just animals being loose in neighborhoods. And then there's a guy down there. I didn't even tell this story. Holy shit, I forgot. When I lived in Houston, literally, I lived in an apartment, but there's houses by it. Two houses down, a guy had a tiger in his house. I swear, in the middle of downtown Houston. He got arrested. As he should. He was a part of Exotic...

He's a part of exotic... He's a part of... Everybody slow down. He was a part of exotic animal trading. What a business. But my question to you is, what animal would you hate to see loose on the street? In a fearful state or I'm pissed off that it's out? Either just like, holy shit, I don't want to see that animal on the street loose. Oh. A holy shit moment for me would probably be...

A full-grown male black panther? That would be terrifying. That would be absolutely scary. But more of a pissed-off thing? A little penguin. I'd be mad if I saw a little penguin. You would hate to see a penguin? Yeah. Why? What are you doing here? Why are you waddling around?

Because he got loose. So far that way. He got loose from the zoo. Exactly. What, is he supposed to just walk down the sidewalk? Take him to a freezer. It's like a football. Give him some ice cubes. Take him to a freezer. Build him a new... I'd be pissed if I saw a penguin. I don't know why, really, but it's like...

No, you're not supposed to be here. Or flamingo. Any bird. Ostrich would be mine. Oh. Ostriches are the devil's creature. You know, my life goal is to rent an ostrich. To do a one-hour ostrich rental. I promise you I won't. And have him chase you without you knowing it. Cam, my heart would stop. I'm like, bro, come here. And I open the studio doors and he's at the bottom of the hallway and he goes...

No, no. Brother, fast as shit. I'd get hawked and I'd die. Exactly. But what if he was trained that when he gets up to you, he just gives you a nibble? I don't like nibbles. But then as soon as he gets close enough, you go, get back! It's like... And it just drops. Dude, okay. An animal that people have fears of that I don't understand is crocodiles. Genuinely dead ass. You're shitting me. Yo, stop.

Half our bags and shoes are crocodile. You know what I mean? Steve Irwin used to make crocodiles his bitch. Steve Irwin is not of this world. Exactly. RIP to the goat. Exactly. Goat talk for real. What is the fear of crocodiles? Have you seen a crocodile on land? I don't know. Impenetrable skin, 200 razor sharp teeth, and it's going to bite you and roll like Donkey Kong in a barrel. It's going to absolutely rip you apart. I don't think they have impenetrable skin.

Okay, how would you kill a crocodile then? You tell me. You stab it. Oh, you stab it through its scales that are as hard as titanium. Its tummy. You think a crocodile is going to roll over like a little dog and go, you just said crocodiles roll. Let that motherfucker roll on me. When he rolls on you, it's because he has your rib cage in his spout. He's going to go whap and then roll. I think it is irrational to have a fear of crocodile.

Okay, you know what? I'm going to play along. Tell me animals that you are afraid of. Ostriches. Crocodiles are so much more scary than an ostrich. Not at all. An ostrich is a big-ass cotton ball with skinny little twig feet, and it runs quick. It runs 45 miles per hour, and it's 6'7", Cam. Imagine me running 45 miles per hour, Cam. That's fine. You have a soft little belly. You're a big old bird. And they bite and spit. They bite with what? Their regular stupid little diamond-shaped mouth? A crocodile is going to open up like this.

If you get in, you're done. Yay. If you want to get away from a crocodile, guess what you can do? Take a step back. They're slow as shit. Crocodiles gallop. They literally gallop on land. Are you dumb? Cam. Tell me crocodiles don't gallop. Did you not watch Animal Planet as a kid? Steve Irwin? No.

They would literally be slow as shit and they would be stuck with their mouth open. That's because they're waiting for you to come in. Exactly. You got to go into that. If that's your fault for being too explorative to want to go inside of a dino's grill. Okay. One-on-one, you're definitely beating an ostrich before you beat a crocodile.

That is 100% fact. Are you nuts? Peyton and your naked body and your bare hands, you're going to kill that ostrich before you can even think about killing a dog. First of all, they can float a little bit. Ostriches. They can float a little bit. And you're saying if I was six, me, with feathers, dog, and say my neck was a foot longer and I floated on your bitch ass, you're panicking, dog.

And then you try to run away. Why are we in the water? Why are we in water? I didn't say water. You just said I'm floating. They float. They can float? I said float like in the air. That's impressive. Exactly. So it's like a stealth team mission. Exactly. They can just stand and float on you. David Blaine 6'7 with feathers. Are you kidding me? You're definitely, definitely, definitely beating the ostrich before you beat the crocodile. How would you even go about barehand beating a crocodile? Get on its back. Get on its back. Kim, they don't have good lateral movement.

But how would you, what would you do? Sit there and tell the story? Eyeballs, eyeballs, eyeballs. It's like the same thing as a shark. You can beat a shark now. No, no, I can't swim. You're more afraid of an ostrich than a shark. Well, I don't go in water, so I'm not really fearful of sharks. I don't go that deep. What would you have a better chance of beating, shark or ostrich? Ooh, ostrich.

Because I would die before the shark got to me, Kim. I can't swim, brother. I'm drowning before the shark gets to me. You need to be studied. Your fears are so irrational. I'm just saying, crocodiles are not that scary. Yes. And I'm scared of a lot of shit. I'm scared of basic conversation. No. Okay, first off. What? I'm scared of basic conversation, but I don't think that. How's your day going? Fine. What are you up to today?

huh what are you up to you're going no stop please oh my god i want to do something i want to do that so bad what second channel something we have to do that we have to do like an impractical joker setup and put you in awkward situations oh that's one of the videos we're not gonna we're not gonna get into yeah we're not gonna get it but oh my god we have to question for you good morning to you i already know the answer but more this i want to tell a story you've had a time where you were broke right yes okay

I'm sitting with my wife the other day. For whatever reason, she starts going through her Snapchat memory. We get about three, four, five years deep. It's her birthday one year. She pulls out, if I had this video, I would plug it in. I'd show y'all. She pulls out the birthday video, okay, of me surprising her before I went to basketball practice as I was in college. I bought my girlfriend of three years, I bought her for her birthday a pack of Lipton Teas.

A pack of Lipton Tees. A four pack of Body Armor Lights. Sugar free body armors. I bought her two bags of twin snakes and you're not ready for the best skiff of it all. What? I bought her a goddamn Bic lighter. For what? A Bic lighter with an extendo barrel so she can get the candles without burning her finger.

First of all, I bought my girlfriend a max of $18 for mile seven for her birthday. Okay, but first of all, why'd you get her so much liquid? She likes her drinks. She was part choice. She likes her drinks. A six pack of Lipton herbal green tea. Yeah. A four pack of body armor lights, sugar free. A Bic lighter with an extendo spout and two bags of twin snakes. Is she getting high or is she celebrating birth? What? Like what?

I was so, and then the worst part of the video, she pans up and there's a cute little stupid card I bought, probably Dollar Tree. She pans up, she goes, it says, oh, I have the sweetest boyfriend in the world. And I go, happy birthday in the video. And you can literally hear her behind camera. She goes, thanks. She was like depressed. She goes, thanks.

The next year, I show you now, I go, hell no. There's no way, no way that's what I got you. You probably could have gotten flowers. No way that's what I got you. So we go up a whole year in Snapchat memories. January 8th, the next year. The next year. It was a little better to step up, but it was on the bed. It was just like, I got my idea for that year. I'm going to get her like 30 different gifts. Okay. But of all different sizes and stuff. So I got her like a North Face backpack and had a pair of shoes in it. The rest was kind of trinkets, okay? A stimulus check hit. So a stimulus check did. Hello, COVID. Anyway.

So backpack, shoes, main focal point, everything else, little things. I started looking into the video. These are all things that I'm re-gifting to her. I didn't even buy them. One was a tumbler that her sister made for her. I put it on the bed. One was a picture frame that she bought for me. I put it on the bed. And I was so, I was more, was I like that self-conscious about my gift giving back then?

Another one was a snack pack of like these snacks that our neighbors bought us.

And I took it out of the pantry and put it on the bed for her birthday. So was this a part of the gift? Yeah. Or was this backpack the gift and you were decorating around the gift? I was like decorating around it, but I wanted to make it seem like I really went all out and like I got a lot of things. So she was like, this is my shit. Yeah, she goes, I already had that. Another one was a tumbler that she bought herself, but I threw a sticker on it and made it brand new. And I put it on the bed. Dude.

I say all that to say I've come a long way, man. Holy hell. Okay, I'm still caught up on your drinks. That's so strange to just get her a bunch of liquid. She doesn't even like tea. I don't know if she was going through a time in her life. I don't know. We were having this conversation about drinks earlier. It is so hard to describe the taste of soda. Oh, my God.

Like, we were talking about Sprite, right? I didn't know Sprite had a specific flavor. Lemon-lime. Okay, I didn't know that, right? And everybody was looking at me like, are you dumb for not knowing that Sprite is lemon-lime, right? But why are you making me feel dumb for that? Because I'm going to ask you this. What flavor is Dr. Pepper? There's 23 flavors. It starts with the bourbon cherries. It rotates to the vanilla on the second swig. No, I'm saying regular Dr. Pepper. No, I don't.

I don't know. I don't. But limit. Okay. But you were dumb for the Sprite because it literally says lemon lime soda. Okay. No, I get that. That was me not looking. But no one. I bet any amount of money to any person living. They can't describe the taste of soda or the flavor of soda. Dark cola. Yeah, you can't. Diet Coke.

can't describe the flavor sometimes metal excuse me i get a little bit of metal when i drink dc just a tad bit like a little like that's the can that's the can you pour it in a cup you'll be fine okay but like but like a fanta you can obviously it's an orange soda yeah you know what i mean but any dark flavor like what is the flavor of dark flavored soda you have to guess what is it i would say syrup i would yeah but no like maple maple

You know, like, same flavor you're getting from maple syrup? I don't think of pancakes when I'm drinking a Dr. Pepper. Pancakes aren't syrup. Pancakes are bread. You put syrup on pancakes. It's not a prerequisite. You can't say you think of pan... You can't say, oh, that... You can't drink syrup and say, oh, that tastes like pancakes. Name one time in your life you've made a spoonful of syrup to put the medicine go down. You've never... You're not...

You're not what's-her-name. You're not what's-her-name. I didn't get that reference. What's-her-name. The awfully white movie and she does a spoonful of sugar, helps the medicine. Mary Poppins. Mary Poppins. You're not Mary Poppins. You don't drink syrup by itself. The only time you've used it is on breakfast day.

Look me in my soul. Look me in my soul and tell me you've had syrup by itself. Did I ever say that? No. I said it doesn't taste like pancakes. You can't say you taste syrup and be like, oh, that tastes like pancakes. I said you can't say that. But I'm saying what else?

Name something else you put syrup on. Bacon. Okay. Bacon. Is that pancakes? No, but you said it's not a prerequisite. It's not. Syrup has to be on something. You've never took a spoonful of syrup. I said it's not a prerequisite for pancakes. I thought you were talking about the syrup. No. Okay. Well, then I apologize. Thank you. I was saying if you were to describe the taste of Coke, right? Just a regular Coke. It's like a...

It's only in the bottle

I agree. What is, what the hell? Okay, and you're going to piss me off and you know I have crippling ADHD. What is the flavor of soda, of dark sodas, Dr. Peppers, colas? I think I just asked. Pepsi. I think I just asked. No, you did, but I'm saying we have to get to the bottom of it. We're not going to figure it out here. No, I know, but we have someone, someone let us know in the comments. Let us know what the hell the actual taste is because I have no clue. But Sprite is 100% lemon lime. Okay. But when you think about it, it doesn't even taste like lemon lime.

That's what I'm saying. So that's why I was confused. But the only reason y'all know it is because it's on the can. Yeah, they're giving us poison. Let's just say that. They're giving us poison. You know what I don't like that you do on planes? And I never brought it up to you. And holy shit, I'm glad you brought that up. Why the hell on planes do you order ginger ale? Because it's fantastic. If you drink ginger ale without being sick, if you drink ginger ale, you've got to be senior citizen or deathly ill. When's the last time you had a GA? Whenever I had a tummy ache.

See, that's what's wrong with you. You only use it for its beneficiaries. You only use it to get something out of it. If you drink a ginger ale on a sober, just easy going day, it is gas. Dude, drinking ginger ale makes me feel like I'm back in Jim Crow. Like I just, it doesn't feel like of this time. Like I shouldn't be drinking this. You know what I mean? Like, like Cam has to use that different bathroom. Like I can't go in there with him.

Honestly, that makes no sense at all, but I kind of feel you. It feels like an aged drink. It feels like I'm drinking something that's not for... Like our grandparents founded ginger ale. But, bro, it's fire. There shouldn't be VR and ginger ale in the same timeline. Like, that's not right. You know what I mean?

It's just not right. Someone switch the timelines. Bro, I'm telling you, drink it on an easy stomach. First off, it might be the goat of sodas because it's fantastic by itself. Not okay. Ginger Ale is the best soda ever? Not standing on it. I'm not standing on it. Not the greatest of all time, but I'm saying, Dr. Pepper, you don't get that. My tummy hurts. I need a Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper is for kids. Dr. Pepper is a kid soda. It's too sweet. It's too sweet.

It's too sweet. You either have to be deep south, like deep, deep south, like sundown, or you got to be prepubescent. Dr. Pepper's too much. I love you, Dr. Pepper. Too much, though. I can't just enjoy that with a chicken nugget. What? Your teeth don't sound like Spongebob's shoes after? I don't... Okay. Coke, bro. Diet Coke's the... Oh, God, no. Diet Coke is the gentleman's drink.

That is a gentleman's drink. Don't you do that. Okay, I'm going to name sodas, and you tell me which is better, Diet Coke or Plank, whatever. Diet Coke. Diet Coke or Dr. Pepper. Diet Coke. Diet Coke, Ginger. Are you stupid? Don't even. Oh, that pissed me off. Sorry. Diet Coke or Sprite. Diet Coke. Diet Coke or Coke Zero. Diet Coke. You got to be on like. Coke Zero is fantastic. Coke Zero is God's nectar. You got to be a diabetic. What? To like it. You got to be a diabetic.

I don't know if I can say that. No, no, I'm not going to. I'm not letting you do this. It's not a healthy drink. No, no. Neither is Diet Coke. Diet Coke is the most healthy drink. That's why everybody has it. For such a creative, for such an out-of-the-box thinker, you think there's no sugar in Diet Coke? You think there's actually no sugar? Or is there no sugar that they're relaying to the FDA? There's no sugar that is being said on the can. I think there's methamphetamines in Diet Coke, so I'm not worried about the sugar. How is it the healthiest drink if you're drinking meth?

How is it that you think there's methamphetamines but it's the healthiest drink? All ginger ale does is make you feel good 36,000 feet in the sky and fix a tummy ache. But what does that taste on your tongue? It tastes good! Do you drink water then? What is the taste of ginger ale? Ginger ale is like a... It's like an English pub. It's like an old English pub with a hint of cider. Like a little apple. It's good. It's like a... It's good. It's gingery. That's why you like it. It's your lineage. Okay, no. You pissed me off. Something... Okay, no. No.

Something you actually do that pisses me off, this could almost be like a pet peeve. The other day, I went in your bathroom, wasn't supposed to, but I did it anyway, okay? You went in my bathroom? I went in your house, I went to the third floor, I went straight to the bathroom because I was looking in your closet, okay? You came in afterwards, but something that absolutely, it literally made the middle of my back stand up and itch, your shower, your shower is the, it is the actual definition of hell for me. How? How?

What's wrong with my shower? One of my biggest pet peeves, and I don't know if it's my crippling ADHD, I don't know what it is. When bottles are empty, and they can literally fall over non-stop, like shampoo bottles, conditioner, they're just empty. There's no integrity, there's no backbone. That pisses me off. And you, my friend, a solo man in this shower, had seven, I'm gonna say that one more time, seven empty on its back bottles of Method Men body wash.

Seven. Holy shit. I know you own a trash can. Throw them away. Holy shit. I'm so sorry to air your business out, but it itch. You don't play that game? It made me itch. Go for it.

Go for it. Well, let me explain myself first of all. Yeah. I run through body wash in the shower ungodly fast. How much do you use? That's my question. What is the appropriate amount of body wash to put on your hand? Three seconds. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You're putting it on your what? You're putting it on your what? On your loofah. You do a loofah?

You don't use a loofah. I use my hands. You use your bare hand. Okay, so... What am I supposed to use? Operation Why Is He Stinky found the cause. I get in. You're not... You get in with what? You're scratching yourself to death? Yes. That's not good for your skin irritation or your overall hygiene. So what I do is I pour like... And it takes up my... I don't want to see my hand without having a jelly filling. So I have it fully on my hand and I slap...

Yeah, it's- You said I get a full thing and I just... SCWARPY IN THAT THING! No, that's because it warps around. It like- sometimes if it's a really good one, I go for this and I'm like, "Oh, it's on my lower back today." Like, um, it's like this, I go... And I don't want to see like, it's all like filled up and I go... FU- Is that not regular? What am I supposed to do? First things first, hey! Instead of pleasuring yourself and playing Dungeons & Dragons with your own genitalia,

Let's just try to clean it first. And the first thing to clean it is to use something that cleanses and cleans your skin. Okay, I had an exfoliator hand thing. Yes. I smelled that shit after three uses. I said, that can't be good. Better than my hand. It's so much better than your hand. How? It smells like little rank ass. No, your ass smells like rank ass. And you're probably going, did you put your scrub right on your first use?

Yeah? What do you know? How am I supposed to wash my ass then? You think your ass isn't going to smell like ass? You're complaining about the smell. You went right downstairs. You went straight to the gooch. And so I'm supposed to use it again? No, but you wash it off. Wash it off? You wash it off. How to wash it off with what? Sit back and relax, Junior. Wait, can I explain how I was... I didn't finish how I... After my...

Go for it. Yeah, honest to God. What's step two? I fill up, slap it around. If it's a good one, I'll feel it on my lower back. And I'm like, hoo-hoo. And then so I slap it on, right? And it's sitting there. And I got to rush before it drips down my thighs, right? Yeah, sure. And so then I get my nails. And I just scratch in between my webbing. And I go like this. I don't ever want to dab you up again. I don't ever want to dab you up again. That means you're – Look at my fingernails. That's what's under there. Oh.

Oh my god. Oh, never mind. It's about the same length. Your middle finger looked extremely long. I just spit. Sorry. I don't ever want to dap you up again because I've... Okay, this might sound weird. That's like an exfoliator scrub with my nails. I've seen corners of your webbing. Yeah. And that's a dark... It's like pink and discolored.

It's pink this color. There's no hand. A pink. Oh, no. It's like if you cut open my leg and looked inside of it, like on the first layer of skin. That's what it is. That's called irritation. Oh, really? From your nails. You're chafing while you're soaking wet. Make it make sense.

You need the baby oil. You need baby oil, baby powder, Johnson & Johnson. You need it all. I had athlete's foot till I was 10. There would be little white dots right here on my foot all the time. It would feel so good to scratch. And I'd be like, Mom, get my spot. And she would scratch my spot. You are the absolute over-the-counter, I'm-going-to-wait-till-it's-gone warrior. Yeah. You had athlete's foot for a decade? On and off.

Oh, that makes it better. Yeah. On and off. It comes seasonal. I think I'm prone to, like, problems. Yeah. It starts with this. Like, it used to be a celebration when I'd go to my doctor, like, my dentist visits when I was forced to go. Like, ever since I was an adult, I don't go. But when I was forced to go as a kid, it would be, like, an achievement if I had under four cavities. Okay, I had jaws, mouths, too. I had silver teeth out the ass. No, it was after my silver teeth. Like, literally, I had full adult teeth. Oh.

So you went through hell, got all capped up, pain and all, and then you said, to hell with that guy, I'm doing it again? No, it's not even that. I think I'm just prone. I think I have weak enamel. Oh, that is... Are you diabetic? I don't know. I haven't gotten tested. You pre-diabetic? I don't think so. Diabetes running the gene code. I don't think so. I don't ask anybody their medical history. That is crazy. The You Should Know Podcast.

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Head to tryfume.com, that's tryfume.com, and use code YSK, or scan the QR code that's on screen to get a free gift with your order today. Now on to the rest of the episode. Speaking of bathroom stuff, okay, showering and all that, that's one thing. There's a second part of the bathroom.

That's the toilet. That's a big part. As Meemaw would say, who's dead, the commode. My Meemaw said commode too. That's an old white lady thing. That's old shit. Commode? Commode. That's bad. You know what Preston says? What? I'm about to go on the porcelain throne. He goes, porcelain throne to dethrone my coffee. Foundation. Okay. I'm kidding. I love you, Preston. A lot of people have weird toilet things, right? What's your favorite part about the toilet?

When the poop leaves my ass. What are you talking about, guy? Okay, but like something more spontaneous and fun. Like when I'm clogged and it really leaves quick. When I think it's going to be a three-minute poop and it goes...

falls right out no but you don't like some people like getting fully naked that's their favorite part they get fully naked they feel everything the wind you're going to hell you get you get butt naked to take a poop sometimes when it's too much when you're having a hard time and then some people like like watching tiktok on the toilets that's some people's favorite part getting away from their families they hide in the bathroom for a long time oh my god are you okay

You get butt naked scrolling through TikToks to get away from your family. Jesus Christ, guy. No, okay, but my favorite part of the... Oh, so those weren't... No, no, those are hypothetical. Okay. Stories I've heard before. Yeah, you've heard. My favorite part about number two, sitting on the toilet, right, is Poseidon's kiss.

Excuse me? Your favorite part about sitting down to poop is when that log cabin drops in there and it goes *snorts* it goes *sniff*

It gives you a little smooch on the sphincter. Dude, isn't it so refreshing? K-Rob knows what I'm talking about. K-Rob looks like he was struck by lightning. He is absolutely terrified. Oh my God, you're sitting there because my body overheats when I'm struggling and pushing because I've never had a smooth transition. And if I do, I thank the Lord. What are you pooping? It literally feels like cactus sometimes. So, what? Oh, what? Have you seen my butt? It's tight. It's hard to get things in and out. Stop. Stop.

Stop. What do you mean in? Kane Brown knows what I'm talking about. You said in and out. What do you mean in? Kane Brown knew what I was talking about. He sure did. We had to talk about our suction cup butts. Anyway, shout out to Kane and Nikki. How are you doing? But okay, when you're sitting there, right, and you're really hot, and you're pushing for dear Heavenly Father, I've scratched the porcelain on my tub before, and you're biting on your shirt to the point where your gums bleed, right, and you're sweating, and you're saying, please, please, please, over and over in your head.

And then you get it out and then just Poseidon just gives you a smooch on your... Isn't that so refreshing? I've never clenched my fist at a bowel movement. You animal. Is that so not? You didn't. Oh, so not never have I willeth. That's so strange. You just said when you're sitting there and you're getting ready and you're bracing and then you go and you scratch the shit and you bite your teeth and...

You need to get your stomach pumped. Let's just start with that because something's not right. I always think of Katora coming up and kissing my butt. Who? From the Avatar, the waterbender.

She's like relieving my butt with her hand. Not her physical hand, but she's controlling the water under my sphincter and giving me a kiss. Either you are ill, like you have a true sickness, or you're assholes like the needle of a pen. It is either the smallest hole ever, or you literally have something going wrong. You've had a blinking contest with this thing. I've blinked with those old toothless down there. Speak to them, toothless. That's...

Wow. That is remarkable. Beyond measure. That needs to be studied. It's relieving. It's like a cold pack when you have the flu.

I thought I had a bidet. So I have like this little tube next to my toilet. It's like a little like wiry thing and it has like a... You go... So for like two months, I was using it as a bidet until the point where I was starting to get marked up in my butt. Like it was so much PSI going into me and it almost came out of my mouth one time. How powerful it was. I was like... I was like SeaWorld attraction. I was like a dolphin. You could swallow a sword and it'll go out the back end. Exactly. But then...

And then I was like this can't be right like I shouldn't be like feeling this way in my butthole And I figured out it was just a water toilet scraper, and I was using that for the inside of me You know you know that's some bitches shooting hard. Oh my god. It could it could it It's like the carnival game. He's trying to keep it on the bullseye. Yeah, they use that Exactly what they do Your asshole's a carnival game. You have a carnival ass

Poseidon's not kissing. Poseidon's trying to win a plush toy. He's in there. He's got it locked down. He's like, we almost got him, boys. He's in there. Oh!

You're jumping and chasing. Okay, and I had this debate with my mom, which is crazy. In Austin, I had this debate with my mom. What are we doing? She said, every time I've gone number two, I've gone number one. Every single time. And she goes, that's so weird. No, that's very normal. That's so normal. Where is your guy?

That is about as normal as they can get. No, but my dad said, me neither. He said, sometimes, yeah, if I'm going for glory, I'll do two in one. But normally, he's like, if I got to shit, I'm shitting. If I got to piss, I'll piss.

Imagine having that control over your body. Yeah, but even if I don't have to pee, I'll get some drips. There will be some drips. I've got to take it out of the water. Okay. I'm like, come on. He had a fire man. I'm like, come on. Oh, I've been... Yeah, and sometimes I'll accidentally flush when I do that. It'll hit the little thing. Ah! Ah!

I've been caught in a damn urinal with denim on and I've been sitting there pissing and then it starts coming out and I said, oh, I gotta get to the toilet. Oh, wait a minute. Oh, yeah. I've never began a piss and ended with a poop. I think my pee and poop are in perfect unison. Synchronization. Okay.

So you've never done one without the other? I literally just went just now five minutes ago to take a piss, realized that I felt some pebbles. I set my ass down. But you also have like the bowel control of a toddler. Exactly. Cam will go, oh shit, I got a shit. It came out of nowhere. That's not normal. You should be feeling that concoction brewing. No. No.

I feel my poop. Yours is lined with silver on your inside of your stomach. So you never know. That's why you're sitting there fighting for your life. It's like a cannonball. You shit ski balls. That's what you shit. Oh my God. Another car. You have a carnival ass. We have found it. Your ass is that of a carnival. Fun to play with. And if you do it right, you get a prize. You've won a couple of prizes. He's gone home with some stuffed animals. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's, that's came from my ass right there. Right there. Mr. Woody.

No way. But speaking of our stomach problems. Oh, don't say our. I got a clean system over here firing on all engines, all cylinders. You know what's weird that you and your wife do? We'll talk about this later. Y'all watch each other poop. Cam literally will go into the bathroom when Liz's pooping, knowing she's pooping, and he'll go, oh, babe, you look so cute. Oh, I've given my wife a forehead kiss while she's taking a shit. That's so gross. Like, I understand y'all love each other, and y'all say that's how comfortable we are, but that's weird, dawg.

like that's not normal i'm not gonna lie i never did it before her ever well you didn't have the opportunity that's also true but i'm saying even at the beginning stages i was like what are you doing i'm shit and i was like i'm vulnerable i was like you can see my inner thigh right now get out but then she just made it such a norm she was like dude i grew up me and my brother and my mom we'd have to be getting ready for school my mom be getting ready for work all in one bathroom she's like my mom be in there sudden up gabe's butt naked taking a shit and i'm brushing my teeth and i'm like y'all are a

Circus? That sounds like... That is disgusting. What? I was going to say, that sounds like Gypsy Rose's house. Oof. The oof. The background oof. No, okay, but that is... You don't think that is strange? No, it is. It is. Like, that's not... Like, almost to the point where, like, I'm nervous for when the kid comes around. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. He'll be in the bassinet rocking. I'll be taking a shower and then he'll be pooping. Like, I don't want Malachi to be exposed to that. He's gonna. You know who's mom is.

Liv's a... There's a lot of parts about Liv that are very clean. A lot that are strange. Very strange. I mean, you don't really realize it until you do. Love lived to death. Sometimes she has the shins of a middle school boy. Oh my God. Sometimes her lower extremities, her legs, resemble a very young cub. Like a bear. Like a bear.

She looks grizzly as shit sometimes. They'll FaceTime me and they'll be like, they'll be, Cam will FaceTime me in the bed with Liv. He'll be like, dude, it feels like I'm laying next to a nine. That sounds weird. Actually, I can't say that. No, no, no, no, no, no. You said it. Oh, no, don't put the words in my mouth. Don't put the words in my mouth. Never said it once. I'll swear on everything.

No, I said it. But it doesn't sound good. It doesn't sound good, but you know what I mean. It feels like I'm laying next to a small, prepubescent cousin of mine. Yeah. Just prickly hair starting to cut. We're watching a good film. Well, you know what we mean. They can't clip this and put it out of context. Yeah, you know what we're saying, you creeps. Yeah, just like a... But speaking of stomach stuff...

On Patreon a couple weeks ago, me and Cam, Pierce, and CJ, we all did a period pain and birth pain simulator. And it was one of the best things we've ever filmed. And this is the kind of stuff you get to see on Patreon and you'll get to see on Patreon more because we're really about to revamp Patreon in 2025. And the stuff that y'all get on there is going to be insane. And a lot of y'all want more than one episode a week. You technically already get that now, but...

You might get early access and uncensored and ad-free on Patreon coming in 2025. So this is a sneak peek of what you get on Patreon. You get the full thing right here. If you like this, go over to Patreon and enjoy. Alright, we're going to do a period pain simulator right now. And I'm very nervous. Actually, I'm not. I'm like half and half, if I'm being honest. I just honestly don't know what to expect. Yeah, I have no clue. But it can't be...

Too bad. It can't be too bad. It can't be. Like, it's going to suck a little bit, but not like, ha, ha. Yeah. I don't think I'll scream once. I think the most is I'll bite my teeth down. Ooh. Here we go. So, Cam, you put it on me. Oh, I'm putting it on you? Yeah. That's kind of sensual. Golly. All right. I'm going to take my shirt off. You're welcome. All right. Right, guy, guy. Where are you putting these at? Okay. No, I'm not looking at your body. I'm saying you look like an uncle because you're like shirtless, but you have slacks.

You have dickie pants with no shirt. Looks like you're about to watch the Green Bay Packers. I'm actually getting nervous now. I don't like this. Here we go. First of all, what are you doing? What are you doing? You're not going down here? I guess, you creep. I thought it was right there. You're just going to have a little hair on it. Oh, it's cold. Yeah, it's cold. You spit on my arm. He's getting so nervous. No. Here we go. Okay.

Okay. We're working. We're working. This is way lower than I expected it was going to go. You damn near showed me your douche and said put it on.

Alright, here we go. Okay. So. Okay. We have to do an honorary, a man's... What word? An honorary. An honorable, honorary man's code. There's no cheating the other person. Okay. I'm so scared. I'm actually so scared right now. Okay. Do you agree with me? Yes. You will not cheat me. No. You're going first. I'm gonna shit. I have to poop. You're going first. Okay. Start it on one and then we'll work our way up. Oh my god. There's like different hands and motions. Okay. Okay.

Cam, Cam, Cam, Cam. I'm not gonna do... I don't know what to click. Dude, level one. Oh, okay. Is it coming on? Level one. I feel it only on this one, though. I only feel it on my lower left. Oh. Do it again? Okay, now I feel it everywhere. Okay, slow down. Slow down. That's level one. Okay, but you gotta say level one before you do it. Okay, so this right here... Wait, that's a rubbing. Let's do that. Wait, let's do... It feels kind of good. Let's do mode. We're gonna do that.

Alright, here we go. Do you feel it? It's a pulse, though. I want it to be like a... Okay. Give it a pulse. The first one you had, that was good. It was? Yes. But it just wasn't on all four. Now you have it on only this bottom left one. So many buttons. Okay.

Here we go. There he goes. Okay. Wait. So. Yeah. Okay. That's level one. Okay. All right. It got hotter. Okay. So. It's getting stronger, Cam. No, I'm relaxed. You gotta say what you're doing. It's on. I'm telling you. So, can you feel all four pads? Yes. Okay. That is level one. Okay. Okay. Describe level one. It's like a little tummy massage. It's like a little tummy massage. Okay. You are now going to level two. Okay. Okay.

Okay, alright, hold on, hold on, hold on. You're on level 2. Hold on, it's- I feel it in my pee pee dog. Hold on. You're on level 2. Okay, it's in my f***ing leg. It's in my leg. Do you want me to stop? Okay, holy shit, that's 2? That's level 2. What's it go to? We can go to level 10. No, go to 3. Go to 3? Yeah, we're gonna- Alright. Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop, stop, Kim! Stop! I'm trying to take- I'm trying to move it, bro.

Okay What?

Okay, tell me okay, maybe a new setting maybe we try to keep it where it's at. I like this okay, but Maybe maybe new city. I like it. Are you this words? I feel it's fine. Just keep Sweating so much You look like a naked baby. Okay, that was level three and my knees I felt it in my knees dog So we're gonna we're gonna try to work up to four I think I'm ever erectile dysfunction after we're gonna have to try to work up to four. All right Okay, here we go. Ready?

Okay, okay, okay. All right. No forks. Okay.

It's off. You gotta say what you're doing. It takes a lot of clicks. Say what you're doing. That was level four. Okay, but say this is level five, then do it. Okay. I said we're going to... It's still going. I said we're going... Okay, we're going to get you back to one. We're back to level one. We're back to level one. Breathe, relax, stop sweating. Can you say level five and then click the button because you're going, ready? Level five. Okay, I got you. I got you.

Okay, so level four. We're at four. We're going to try to get to five before tapping out. You're on level one right now. Relax. Okay, give me the sign. Give me the go when you're okay to attempt level five. Okay, I'm ready. Say this is level five and then do it. Okay. Are you ready? For what? I was going to say it. I was going to say it. Okay, are you good? You're rested? I'm as good as I can be. I'm nervous about the health of my legs after this. Okay, yeah. Don't know if you should be feeling it. I don't know. It's like I'm locking up. All right. I can't.

Here we go. There's so much sweat coming. Oh my god, it's like it's gonna wax me. Dude, that's not sweat, that's glue, brother. No! You're gonna look like a hairless cat. Okay. Meow! Okay, here we go. We are now going to level five. Are you ready? No, but yes. Here we go, level five. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, I'm taking it off, I'm taking it off, I'm taking it off. Bear with me, bear with me, I'm taking it off, I'm taking it off. Okay. It's okay. Okay. It's so many... Okay. Okay.

Okay! Dog, what the f***? There's no way you'll feel that. No, that's bullshit, because now I'm getting terrified. I should have went first. Cam, dog, it feels like, it feels like literally, like, someone's taking, like, those electric, I can't see.

It's like someone's taking those electric sticks and being in me. I feel like all in my webbing and behind my legs. Yeah, I think you might be getting like a, what's it called? Carpal tunnel, but in the legs. Fucking leg tunnel. Okay. Level six. Do you want to attempt level six? Yes. This is your verbal commitment to moving on. Verbal consent. Level six. Level six. Here we go. He can't even speak or see. He's like, level seven. Okay. Level six in three.

Two, one. He couldn't even make it. He couldn't make it. Oh, my God. No. Oh, no, no, no, no. No, you don't look good, brother. We got to end it. You don't look healthy. I don't want to keep going. I don't want to keep going. I don't know. It's more of a fear thing. I don't know if I'm supposed to be feeling this way. There's so much liquid on your chest. What the fuck?

What was that look? No bro, if you're trying to look around the room and see stars, we're done. Okay, I think the lights are too hot. Okay, level six. Yeah. That's good. That's solid. Let's get them off. Let's, no, no, no. Let's go to ten. No, no, no. Give me ten. No, no, no. Give me ten. Are you sure? Are you sure? Yeah, give me ten. I don't know if that's safe. Give me ten. Give me ten. I don't know if that's good for you. Give me ten. All right, we're going to ten right now. You got to seven.

No, then it doesn't count. Give me the 10. Okay, we're going to 10 in three. Let's go to 10. We're going to 10. I can't. I have to click the button. Stop. It's gradual. Here we go. We're going to 10. Brace, buddy. Brace, buddy. No, no, no, no, Cam. Okay, keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Shit. Shit. Shit. End it. End it. End it. We're coming off. We're coming off. We're coming off.

And the worst part is that was only a level nine and eight. I can't get there all the way, brother. I can't do it. I love you too much. I got to apologize to some of my exes. Yeah, you do. This is what it feels like. Okay. Oh. There's no more stimulation going. He is crying.

I'm crying. Dog, no, that's no joke, bro. Oh, my God. There's no way. There's no way. There's no way it's that bad. It feels like the tip is on fire right now. Oh, God, no. I think you might have went too low, man. I think you, I think, I think it was getting some veins. Yeah, let me help you. Oh. Let me help you. Here we go. Oh.

Kim, that's not right. I know, brother. I know. Ow, it burns and itches. Oh, no, you might have done something wrong. I go, because we didn't read shit. Oh, no, I'm nervous about getting these bottom ones off. Here we go. That's fine. Oh, there's like one hair. A little appetizer. Holy shit. But the higher you go on the thing, the more you feel it up top. It's the lower ones that you feel in your cooter. Oh, man. Dude, it feels like my cooter's on fire, bro. Oh, my God.

Okay, so before we transition to me, Pete, immediate thoughts. Treat it like a post-game interview. Just talk, whatever comes to mind. Immediate thoughts is I think my next coitus experience, it's not going to work. I think I'm going to need some honey packs or some blue chew. I don't know. I shouldn't have felt it there. Yeah, you might have went too low. I think I had a mind of it. It started going like this in my pants. It was like, help, help, help, help, help. It was just jerking all over the place. Bro.

good morning to you and then it was like who is she who is she and then and then when it got to 10 it felt like everything in here started going here no bro it's the lower ones that it was shocking down here and my legs lost control what if like not to scare you but if you like shit blood later what would you think oh my god

I'd be like, I'm really on my period. Oh, man. No, for real. All right. Oh, you got to teach me how to use this thing. So, basically, yeah, this is the hard part. So, it's already on the right setting. It's on setting one. So, this is channel A, channel B. So, you're going to hit A. You have to hit plus. So, that's level one. You hit B, plus. So, now I'm at an even level one. And then, so, to turn it down, it's just minus, minus? Yeah. A minus, B minus? Yeah. And you got to go quick, bro, because I know your fingers aren't the best, but you got to work with me. Okay, okay.

Okay. Due to the fact that I have a wife, I'm not going to go completely shirtless, but I will apply the pack. That's only for her, you freaks. Yeah, here we go. No, don't you even say that. Okay. Oh, my God, bro. Yeah, that's bullshit. This can't be. Oh, shit. Liv's legs are in operating. No, it's literally like I was getting shocked in my legs. That's what it's like. Okay.

Oh my god, I'm already getting nervous, bro. Okay, and how do I hit start? Like, to make it go as a middle button? Yeah. Ow! Stop! No, no! No, it was more of shock. It was scare. You turned it on, but it was on my thumb. It was on my thumb. That's why I threw it. It was on my thumb. I didn't expect... I'm drooling. No, he's gonna be bad. No, I didn't expect... Holy... Yeah, honestly. Ah! Turn it off, you f***ing bro! It's scaring me! Turn it off, bro! What are you doing? Is it off? Oh, off? Oh, yeah, it's off.

Yo, Cam's so soft. This is going to be good. I honestly got to go check my penis. Okay, guys. So now I'm applying the pads. We're supposed to go low and then too high. It's fine. It's there. I just had to slap it around a little bit. You had to wake her up? I've never seen it like that. Okay. I have the two lower abdomens applied. Don't touch it. Holy shit.

Alright guys, we're all padded up, strapped up. Payton's about to give me the period cramp or labor pain simulator. We got the pads on. Two are low on the V-line. Two are in the middle abdomens. Okay, so how do I do this again? I'm not going to lie, more of my scaredness is coming from you. Okay, it's on. It's on. I'm feeling level one. I'm feeling level one. Okay. Okay. And now we're going to go to... Should I? We're going to go to level two. You should probably wait. Just give me a second to talk. Okay.

Give me a second to talk. Give me a second to talk. That was level two. Give me a second to talk. No, it's not on level two. No, something's on now. There it's level two. Okay, something else is on. Give me a second. That's level two. Level two, A and B. There's a pain in there. There's a pain. It's... Okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay. Just give me a second. Wait a second. I haven't moved it. We talked about it.

There's something okay in my life I'm feeling a tube. I've never felt before okay, okay, so what it started I gotta get my initial thoughts before we go into it. Okay? I'm just like So

I might have got an early taste of level two. I'm feeling the tube. I didn't know it was inside of me. It's like extracting something out. But we got two on the V line, two about the middle of the abs. Here, quick peek. The two other ones are kind of low. So I'm definitely scared about the lower ones. So remember, when you turn it on,

Yeah. You're gonna go, "Alright, we're at level whatever." Yeah. Then you hit it to that level. I experience it. When I scream, you decrease the level. Okay. We're going to- Are you ready? I will rip these off or break the device if you do me dirty, 'cause I did you as an honest- I'm doing you some- As an honest man. I got you. You ready for level three? What happened? No, give me a- Give me a natural- That's level three. This is- Now you're completely level three. How are we feeling?

Yeah, yeah, we're feeling it. We're feeling it. What, the top ones are... The bottom ones. It's the bottom ones. The top ones are like kind of... You feeling it? Yeah. Okay, the top ones aren't as bad. I don't know if I should flex or not. Should I go to level four now? No, you should take it down. I took it down every time for you. Okay. Okay. Okay.

There you go, Ken. He's doing good. He's doing good. Okay, the top ones, the top ones feel like I'm doing an intense exercise. Yeah. The bottom ones feel like torture. Yeah. So your legs, how are your legs feeling? Is that legs activated? I was feeling a natural clench. Yeah. Okay, how'd you sit? Because I think I naturally keep trying to straighten out, but then I curl up in a ball. All right, so what are we doing? Level four now? We're going to go to four, and you have to click them quick and get to four. I'm trying, brother. And then take them off. Level four, ready? No. Something's off now. It's back on. It's back on.

Level four, here we go. It's back on. Yeah, I know. Level four. No, it's back on. It's the bottom ones. I can't even. I can't. I can't talk when it's on. I can't talk when it's on. My neck's hurting. Okay. Okay, I got level four. I passed level four. Okay, you're level four. Ow. Okay. Because I clenched so hard on my neck. Okay. Okay. Level four thoughts.

Okay, it's get it's it's I didn't think the jumps would be that significant I should know based off yours the jumps are significant Yeah, I can definitely tell four is a different beast from three five is gonna be a different beast for four Okay, I'm trying to go fast on that one, but it's the switching over to B Yes, the hard part that's ass cuz when it's just one of them you can kind of tame it as soon as that second one kicks in You're just like yeah fuck hundred percent. Okay, you ready for level five ready for five. Here we go. Here we go Tell me what it's coming

I ripped my pants. I ripped my pants. I felt the bun. This is level five. Ow! Ow! Ow! No! Turn it off. Turn it the f*** off. Payton! Payton, bro. I f***ing said turn it off when I say it. I did. It literally felt like an alien was crawling out of me, bro. Oh. I turned it off, bro. Oh. Oh, wow. Level five's different. Oh, man.

I will. I got all the way to eight. I have a taste in my mouth. I have a weird taste in my mouth. Describe it. Level, that was five? How, bro, how are you talking? My biggest, I was trying to yell and I couldn't even speak. I was like, oh man, the bottom, the bottom ones are bad. Yeah, I'm telling you, that's the one. Oh, the bottom ones are bad, bro. My stomach literally felt like, like something was like going, like trying to escape, bro. Oh shit, okay.

Alright, give me five seconds, give me five seconds, I'm gonna take a deep breath. So we're going to level five or six? Five? Six, that was five. Hey, when I tell you to- I didn't say start. I didn't say- I didn't say start. Ow! Ow! That's level six. He turned off the top ones! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh my god! Oh, no, no, no, no, no! No! Oh man! Oh man! Oh man!

Bro, you're only on six for like one second. Yeah, now it's the top ones that are more visceral. Oh, man. Okay. Oh, my God. So funny. Okay. You got to get to eight. Or can you get nine and beat me? Ten? I got nine? You were nine and seven. You couldn't even face the nine long enough for me to get the other one. I guarantee I won't. Oh, shit. I don't want to lose the challenge to you, but man.

Alright, I'm good for seven. Hey, I'm not gonna lie, you have to click quicker. You absolutely have to get the second channel there quicker, because it's either top or bottom, whichever one you do, one's full force, like, punching my ass. It's a first, A, whatever it is. Oh, man, bro. Alright, level seven, are you ready? Shit. Please, please, when I tell you to stop, please stop. Okay, you're mashing. Okay. Hold on, I'm not even there. No, but you're one of them's on. Okay, okay, okay.

Wait, that's only six. Here we go, here. Here's seven. This is seven. That's my fault, I couldn't count. That's my fault. I was at six. Oh man. You have to count it. What is ten? Alright bro, you got to seven and then you went for all the glory. I'm not climbing the ladder. I've matched you so far. I hit seven and seven.

Just do your best button mash one side to the top immediately as soon as I start screaming just switch the other one button mash You're screaming at five so it's hard to tell cuz it's like It's builds up. Oh my sucks. All right. Okay. We just wait. Oh My god live if I put you on this right now, our kid would come out like magneto. He come out with powers, bro He'd be he'd be absolutely touched. Oh man

Can't wait for I can't wait for you to like it am I going to all the glory here all the glory You're going all the glory not no wait No Oh my god, I felt in my ankle, bro now I know what you say that was uh, oh It was eight and a half. It was like it was eight and

- An eight. That's why I'm trying to push so it can be even. I'm trying to get you to nine. - Oh my God, you don't click quick enough. Oh my God, how the? There's no-- - Was it eight, right? - There is-- - That was eight. - There-- - No, I was clicking it, but I was seeing how many clicks I was doing. That was like one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

It's like little dots. There's no... There is no way. There's no way this is what a period feels like. No, it can't. Bullshit. Bullshit. No, hell no. Give me an epidural of it. For sure. Give me a whole other drug. Anyone that does natural birth, props to you. Oh, man. Okay.

It is crazy how- no don't you don't don't you- I'm not I'm not Yes you are, you literally said you're going to. I'll rip them off. I will rip them off bro. Don't don't do it bro. It's on one bro. No, it's on one until you mash it. I'm not gonna mash it. You're mashing it now! No I'm not. Stop! Pee out! No! Oh my god bro it gets so bad bro. Bro. You don't understand. They don't get it bro. Okay, I'm not gonna lie.

I put the left side up to 10. Bro, that on my last one, that was 10 on one side. That was intense. The You Should Know Podcast.

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