BECOMING A FATHER? -You Should Know Podcast-
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Please. Okay. It was a little premature. It's all right. Here we go. I like the excitement. I'm always here for the excitement. I'm always here. I love it. I love it. I love it. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to Usain Bolt Podcast episode 95. We are back and we got great news. Tampa tickets. There's only a few.

left and as soon as those sell out we have an after party announced for you Tampa come celebrate the birthday with the whole you should know family's gonna be a great great time at that show can't wait to see you Tampa Florida and then Austin Texas my hometown we are coming for our live show on March 1st and those tickets are available right now the link is

in the description below. I want the Austin, Texas show, the hometown show, the special show with all the friends, all the family, and all the beautiful You Should Know podcast fans. I want that to be the fastest selling out show we have ever done. So go right now. Click the link in the description to get tickets for Austin, Texas and Tampa, Florida. Let's sell that out. We love going on the road. We love meeting all you people you know.

that those front row tickets, those front section tickets sell out quick. The meet and greets sell out quick. So if you want to come at all, I suggest you get them now and you figure out your plans on how to get there later. We love you so much. We have a very, very, very special episode planned for you guys. Great things coming 2024. We love you. And now on to the rest of the episode. The You Should Know Podcast.

Oh, Heineken Zero Zero is an alcohol-free option to the original Heineken that you love, I love, and we all love. I love Heineken, and I love Heineken Zero Zero. Cam, a little bit about Heineken Zero Zero? You want to know what's crazy about it? Tell me. 100% pure, genuine, brewski Heineken taste. Woo! Just because it's alcohol-free doesn't mean you're losing the flavor that you love. Woo!

Ooh, that means it's perfect for all the times where you would like a beer, but you can't have the alcohol. That sounds like a great time to me. What are some of those times you could think of? You got work. You're at a lunch break. There you go. Early morning workout. Maybe you're just hanging out with the boys and you just really want to stay true to your dry January goals. Heineken Zero Zero is a perfect, perfect option for a beautiful, amazing beer taste that you crave forever.

But it's alcohol-free. Cam right now, we're at work, but guess what? Oh. Boom. Heineken 00. A little cheers to me. Cheers to you. Cheers to the crew. Hello, Slurpee McGee.

It's amazing. I really don't think we should tell them that this is the second case that we already cleared the first. I know, I know. But yeah, it's absolutely fantastic. Heineken 00, 100% taste, 0.0% alcohol, and only 69 calories. Hello. Now you can. Click the link in the description right now and buy yourself some Heineken 00. Remember, you must be 21 and up to purchase. Enjoy Heineken responsibly. Now on to the rest of the episode.

The You Should Know Podcast. My big, hip, nasty, toe, LASIK surgery friend to make an entrance. Hey, go Cam Wynn. Go Cam Wynn. Oh, Cam Wynn. Oh, he's sagging. You're sagging. You're sagging. Sit down, buddy. We got co-host Cam. I hear voices in my head. They're trying to make me understand. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. We just...

We got co-host Cam back in the studio! How are you feeling, co-host Cam? I'm feeling good. I don't like how you do that to me. I like touching the little veins you have there. Did you-- you know one of the craziest things? You look like Pennywise when you do that camera.

I don't like that. Sorry. Do you think I would go in public with you if you looked like that? Probably not. Actually, matter of fact, absolutely not. You would be completely ashamed of me. You'd say, hey, bro, I'm going to go to the mall. You'd tell me which mall I'd pull up. You'd be at the other mall. You literally, you would, yeah, it'd be bad. No, no, I would always be around you with a ski mask on.

To hide your identity because you're still ashamed of me. No, you with the ski mask. I have to hide my own identity. That's low. I need you to ask me the question you always ask me. How was your week, Bubba? The week was cool, but about 15 minutes ago when I take my pre-ritual pee every time, I took probably a top seven longest poop in my entire life. Not duration of poop, more of length of turd.

We're not doing that. We're not talking about poop. That should be our 2024 resolution. We haven't made a resolution as a couple.

We haven't made one as a couple yet. Talk more about poop. Less about poop. More poop. Because I was feeling bad. Turned nuggets? Stop it. Okay. Speaking of nuggets, I ate nuggets. That's what I'm throwing up. I had a top seven in my entire life. You didn't congratulate me. Because I want to avoid the poop topic on the podcast because you want to know why? I was sitting at my home, right? I was on my TV on the couch and I was watching us because I do a weekly review. Did you just say on the TV watching the couch? No, no. Did I?

You said I was on my TV watching the couch. You need to be struck. You need to- this hand, I need to remove this ring and slap you. Why are you so violent? It's just because I love you. I just want better. But I was watching the TV on my couch, butt naked, and I was looking at you specifically. That's okay. And I was watching the podcast and I was like, I was trying to eat something. I think it was P.F. Chong's. I was eating P.F. Chong's, right?

And I was watching the podcast, and then we started talking about fecal. Right? There was a lot of fecal convo. A little butt action. A little backdoor play. A little fucking bunghole talk, huh? A little of your little loop-de-doop-de back there. The little chewed bubblegum spiral thing. A little bit of that balloon knot. That little tie-up. You peed into it? I was going to say something knot. A little pink little knot. A little tie-up. That's gross.

That's so gross. Continue. I am so sorry. Let's go. I was watching and we were talking a lot about the bodily functions of the rear end. A little pitter patter. Cool.

I couldn't eat my Mongolian beef. And I was like, I was like, the people that do eat during this. I feel so bad. I don't. I'm like, you need help. Like, if you can eat while you're watching this. Fair point. So I think it's a 2024 resolution for us into the You Should Know podcast. You're hearing it here first. We're going to try, because we can't make promises that we will, but we will try. I'm not sure if you said try the first time.

Dude, something's going on with this speech. We're going to quiet, huh? There was no tea. No, okay. Why? Normally, all my power goes to my brain in my regular life. I have all this energy from sitting and not doing anything, and it just flows straight to my brain. Oh, I know what you're about to say. For the past two days, I've been working out. Round of applause. Let's go. Let's go.

2024 new Uncle P Uncle P turning into Daddy P RIP THAT SHIRT OFF YOU B**** YOU SICK SON OF A B**** GET DOWN AND GIVE ME TEN YEAH! WHAA! You got me acting up, dawg. Oh, don't ever snort. Don't ever snort. We had such a cool moment. Such a dudes being guy moment. You ended by going *snort* Well, okay. How far can we push the dudes being guys moment to the point where we gotta ask some questions? Are we not talking about- As long as- I think we're good.

As long as we're not growing as long as we're not growing or showing we can't help that sometimes. You can't help it. You need to. No, you've never been doing long algebra in a class. Come solve this problem up on the board. Oh, no, sir. Can't do it. I'm so sorry. Nurse's office. Act nurse. I need to go to the nurse. Let me use your hoodie. I've never had that problem as a kid. Never in my life. There was a kid. I can't say his name for legal reasons, but there was a young man that

Gatorade bottle in the back of my history class in seventh grade. Cutting that out. Cutting that out. It's a fact. That same kid two years later broke the desk. He sat on the desk the rest of the day. Oh, I thought from the... Oh, no. That man is... His desk...

I'd be like, prison, right now. Absolutely put him in jail. No, but okay, so I've been working out the past two days. I'm so happy. And I think I figured it out. Okay. I think I figured it out. First of all, we can finally close the saga on your friend, Romeo. We can finally close that saga because as soon as Cam switched gyms,

Romeo, oh my god. Peyton started getting the invite to the gym. Boyfriend Romeo's gone. You've gotten the invite every time. Oh my god, you just broke the news to him. What? Romeo doesn't know I've left. Romeo doesn't know you. I went, you stupid. I always went. He's mine. I don't care how cool and suave you look. Dutch Bros commercials. I was on Snapchat one time and I saw Romeo on the Dutch Bros commercial. Love you, Romeo.

Tell him you like him. I've never met Romeo. How do I know? He doesn't know me. But he likes you. I don't care. Okay. He's a very good guy. Oh, time out. I'm getting a whole Romeo committee here. What the hell did he do that's so much better than me? He's a great guy. So as soon as Cam left that gym. That's bullshit. I talked about this on the heartbreak episode of Patreon. A

Talking about this is a hard part because I'm a good rebound. Everybody wants me as a rebound. As soon as Romeo didn't work out, guess who came crawling back for gym boyfriend? Cameron Kennedy came back for Peta Ueda. Peta Ueda got an invite every single day to the gym. You refused to go because it was 12 minutes away. Now that we're at a gym four minutes away, you're like, oh, I'll be there. No, and I've made it back. I think there's a bug in my shoe. I think there's something in my shoe. Something moved, and it wasn't me.

I think I figured it out. No, we've made a agreement. I'll go to the gym with you every day. No problem. With a stipulation. Go ahead and tell them. Yeah, tell me how ass this is. He goes, I'll go to the gym with you every single day if you come and pick me up. Yeah? How bad do you want me there? How bad do you want to be better? Not really. You're the one complaining to me every day. You're the one... That's sad. You skinny little cricket. Cricket.

What did I do at the gym today? They said, hey, get that cricket boy off the ground. You go, okay. No, because this is a thing. Kay wanted me to do a workout where I'm sitting on the floor of a gym.

That only looks good if you're at a certain weight. I can't be cricket boy. You have to understand, you look good and you look like you belong. You are a former collegiate athlete. Yeah, talk to me. You want me to pump that head up? I got you. I'll pump something else up. Here we go. Pump me up. You look great. You look great. Your body looks good. Your confidence is high. Your testosterone is soaring. We had a great leg day. Leg day releases testosterone. Hello. Good morning. Good morning.

I'm not going to go there. Never mind. Leg day was good. We had an amazing back day today. Tomorrow we got chest to finish the trifecta, and then you're rewarded with a rest day. Can you do that for me? And then you take that four days. Push, pull, legs, rest. Push, pull, legs, rest. You do that for about, I don't know, three years straight, and then you're Gucci. No, this is the thing. I think Cam's intimidated by me.

I think Cam's intimidated by me because I have natural genes in my body that if I work out for a week and a half straight, I'll look exactly like him. His physique he's been working on for three years. I could pitch a tent in the gym for you to where you never leave for three weeks straight. You couldn't get close. You couldn't even get close. You want to know the three-step method? A three-step method for you to look like me within a week? Okay. Step one.

Get on your knees. Step two. Whoa, hello, good morning. Step one, get on your knees. Step two, grab a Bible. Step three, pray because it's not happening, loser. You can't do it in a week. I love you to death, but this is hard work and dedication.

Hello, on to the next. Okay, I was thinking about this and I really, I haven't brought this up to you, but I was in the shower thinking about this. Because that's where the best thoughts happen. Thinking about what? Am I included in your shower thoughts? Always you. Why are you naked and wet and more than likely have some amount of suds on your body and you decide to use your brain on me?

No, no, no. Use your brain power. Use your mind. Thoughts. Nothing physical. No, nothing at all. I'm not there when you're busy. This is it. This is what happened. Oh my god, your guest bathroom shower sucks ass. Oh my god. The water pressure is like someone spitting on my head. This is one of my biggest pet peeves. This is one of my biggest pet peeves is low water pressure. Oh my god. I hate when it feels like somebody's spitting on my neck. It's like... It was a bad shower. Bad shower. Sorry I can't afford good showers like you. Bad sucks. I have two working showers in my house. Ooh, good job, Cam. I have two working showers. You have three working floors. You want to play that band for band guy? What's on your wrist? Oh, wait.

- Hey, thanks to you. - Good morning. - All right, I was thinking about this and I wanna know, please don't make me feel bad because it meant a lot to me. - Can't promise. - Do you feel like we've met before? - What? - What does that mean? - Like whenever we were like teenagers and kids, I feel like I've met you before.

What are you saying to me right now? What the hell does that mean? I know we've talked about like we've played basketball against each other probably somewhere we've crossed paths. But I feel like we've talked before like as like teenagers. Oh my God. You don't remember? It never happened. I feel like I've known you. You do know me. No, like before. This is life. Like this was meant to be.

It was, but we never had a prior conversation. No, like when we were like 15, 14, 16. When we were 15, you were all the way in Austin. I was all the way up here. But I was not. We moved around. You weren't a nomad. No, you weren't. No, but you never left Dallas? You didn't even have a driver's license. You never left your hometown? Of course I didn't. Okay.

I never popped into like a Starbucks, ordered a drink, and said, hey, this guy looks cool, and talked to you. First off, I wouldn't have spoke to you back then. You had a tail and long hair. I would have been like, holy shit, opposite direction immediately. So that's the first thing. No, you don't feel like at summer camp we've met? Like at a summer camp? What summer camps did you go to? I don't know.

None. I would venture to say you've never been to a summer camp because two reasons: One, you have anxiety about staying overnight places, and two, nevermind, you can't. No. I'd say it. You wouldn't. Nope. You just can't go to summer camps. 'Cause I can't swim? Most summer camps involve bodies of water and you would have been deathly afraid.

And they didn't have a life jacket long enough for your creepy torso. Be careful. I'm sorry. Wait, we did meet. It's called when we met for the first time in college. I feel like I remember genuinely having a conversation with you. What are you saying? I'm dead ass. No BS. I feel like I talked to you. What are you saying? Please remember it. I was hoping you would remember it. There's nothing to remember. You know when you go to a psychic greeting and they have you smell a certain smell and you remember the thing? I was hoping that would be this. Oh, this is a tarot card moment.

You read a line in your palm and you've met me prior to actually meeting me now? You don't remember? You think you're in the multiverse. You think you're Miles Morales. Just because you're wearing a Batman shirt doesn't mean you're in that universe. He wasn't in the multiverse. I know. I know. I've soiled myself. No, not... Oh, that's you. You stink. We met and it's called college. No. On your visit. Okay, but you're being so close-minded right now. Your UPS box with tape over it. Get a box cutter and open up your brain.

Dude, if I hear one more, I'm the shepherd, you're the sheep. We never met before. No. Okay. Look at me in my eyes when I say this. I've been looking in your eyes all the time. You're the one that goes and looks away. But deep. Like, pass through me. Look through me. Look through me. And remember, little 14-year-old Cam. Big head, little neck. Huge head, little neck. Can't really stay still. Yeah, I can't yawn too hard. LASIK is recovering. Asthma bad. Okay. And you see me, right? Pimpily. Who? Who?

Pimp-a-lay? What'd you say? Pimp-a-lee? Oh, Pimp-a-lee. Pimp-a-lee long-haired tail boy. Yeah. Long spine. Bootcut jeans. Didn't really know what deodorant was. Supras on the feet. Supras and skinny jeans with a tail. Studded belt. Truck fit hat. Oh my god. Polka dot. Truck fit hat. You don't remember talking to me? I swear to god, Cam, I feel like I've talked to you before. Okay. Simply because I love you. I'll humor this. You were bigger than me. What'd we... Oh, hello. What'd we talk about?

That's why I needed you. What do you think 14-year-old pimply truck fit wannabe and golf wang Peyton had involved with, had anything remotely near to what me, 14-year-old Roman history buff, weird kid, Lord of the Rings lover, slight basketball advocate Cameron Michael Kennedy did? Eminem. What do you think? Eminem. Something like that. So we met at a coffee shop. I didn't say, why are you going to a coffee shop? Maybe that is it because your brain keeps going to coffee shops. I'm going summer camp.

go to summer camp. I went to like Brandy Perriman. What is that? That sounds foreign. Brandy Perriman. Sounds like a science teacher or a foreign city. It was an elite shooting camp. Oh, God. Oh, you poor soul. Scout 100. Scout focus. I did. Scout focus.

Hold on. I have video of my scout focus. I have video of my scout focus. Hold on. Did you go to the one in Dallas? I did go to the one in Dallas. Did you go to the one? Where's that? AAA Academy. No. No, the one where the middle of it has like an upper balcony separating the three courts and three courts. It's where Zoe had her summer camp. That one. I went to one there as well. That's the one I went to.

Did we meet hold on hold on but busted your ass like no way oh no that's what I was nice definitely That's when you played cheap you dirty bastard whenever I was getting zero skills to use your elbow That's I was getting d1 envelopes every day. Yeah, we're gonna do an almost be like we could use a brute We could use a bodyguard as a snipe. I was just a 6-3 sniper with your elbows you're like dude Cam broke the couch okay, I was gonna do the rest of this episode of Burger King. Okay. Well I guess you don't remember I guess that's not

I guess that's not like a resolving memory for you. You're so crooked. We didn't meet.

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Okay, well, we did meet, but you're talking about coffee shops and stuff? It made me remind me of something. Of a good coffee. No. Oh my God. What happened? This man, the first day he went to the gym two days ago, no pre-workout, no Red Bull, he gets the forbidden drink. Oh, I got the forbidden drink. He got the forbidden drink that y'all have banned him from consuming. He was in the gym like... He was cracked out of his mind. What?

That was you. Yeah, I know. It felt good. I have sweated twice as much since this couch is broke before it did. Say that again in an English sentence. Sweated isn't a word. I will agree upon that. But I have produced more sweat from my armpits in the last 30 seconds due to the couch being broken. I am unbelievably ashamed by it than I did at the beginning. You understand that you say things that could be three seconds long and you make them four minutes. That might be a disease. I'm...

there's blood on your finger if there was blood from a laugh okay what were you saying coffee shops okay i want to know if you did this like things i don't know if it's illegal or not i don't know this thing that i used to do all the time as a kid me and my dad what happened oh sorry sorry wait or no oh my god i'm gonna say something unbelievably bad whenever we'd go to the grocery store right

We would be walking around the grocery store. And you remember they have, grocery stores have like bread aisles, bakeries. They have bakeries and grocery stores. And they have the little, they have the little doors you open up, grab you a, grab you a donut. Oh yeah. You'd eat it in the store. I would always eat my food in the store. Like I would go to the chip aisle and I would grab a Cheez-It.

Okay. Open it up and I'll snack on Cheez-Its, but then we would bring the empty Cheez-It wrapper and pay for it. And then I'll see a Coca-Cola diet, of course. Open it, drink it throughout the store. Now, is that wrong? And is it illegal? Did you used to do it? The first thing before I answered those three questions, did they have singular Cheez-It packets on the aisle of Cheez-Its? Yeah. Where did you shop? They always have single Cheez-It packets.

You've never gone to a grocery store with a single Cheez-It packet? There's never been a snack-sized packet by itself in the main aisle with the boxes. It's not snack-sized, stupid. A singular Cheez-It packet. It's not snack-sized. They have family-sized ones. But you have to open the box that contains all the... That's never a thing. Yes, they do. That's like telling me they have the gas station-sized bag chips on the chip aisle. No, they don't.

Literally, no, they don't. This is what pisses me off, Cam. You don't know everything. You've never been to every grocery store. Just because you shop in Wonderland with Alice doesn't mean that I deserve to be screamed at. They don't have single serving bags of chips open unless it's in the variety box. Do you realize what your next 48 hours is going to look like? Snowy Blizzard. DMs of people going to the grocery store and showing you that. It's...

If you go to a grocery store, Walmart, Kroger's, Tom Thumb's, Whole Foods, Sprouts, whatever the hell, Publix. If you go to those and they have like the 69 cent bag of chips on the chip aisle. They're like $2.25. Well, no. Inflation's a bitch, but it used to be. If they have those on the chip aisle, please send me a picture. And you know what I want you to do? Because that's not real. You get one picture of it. Agree right now. Shake. Okay. You get one picture of that. Shake. Shake my hand. There you go. Shake my hand. This is our contract by law. Actually, you didn't say that. No, you already shook. But you didn't say it. Shh.

This is what you do. You have to come into the studio next episode, right? Butt naked. All leather. I don't own all leather. You have to wear all tight leather with a leather mask on and chains around your neck with handcuffs. It's obnoxious. You have to get on your knees and apologize to me. Are you having a fantasy right now? Are you? Did you just try to sneak in a little pleasure moment for you? You creep. I wouldn't like, I couldn't even do it.

But you agreed on it. My ass would pop out of those leather pants. You know it. That's a fact. I'd have to get like double plus size pants for my ass. That's ridiculous. I need to stop doing leg day. So you never did that as a kid? I always did that as a kid. Okay, so you the whole time? So wait. But not with Cheezus. I did it with a popcorn chicken.

Oh, so you'd go to Walmart and you'd get that popcorn. But that's normal. Walmart popcorn chicken. You eat it around the store and then you scan it at the end. Did you pay for it? Yeah, always. Because my dad would make me. I'd do the popcorn chicken, protein shakes, chocolate milks. Until we went to high school. Me, Jimmy, Clarissa. You're going to jail because I just said you by name. We would have these late night study sessions for Algebra 2. That's not good. Not Algebra 2.

Calculus. I was in calculus, AP calculus my senior year. You were in AP calculus? When I read all the cheating stories, those are the ones I would cheat in. I believe that. Yeah, never did anything. There's no shot you knew anything. I was so confused. I was like, this isn't real. Cheese it.

And so we would go into Starbucks and there was a Starbucks in the Target. So we'd go to Target and there was a Starbucks in the Target. We'd study there for a little bit. I'd be like, hey, guys, I'm out. And then we would walk around and then Clarissa and Jimmy showed me the cotton candy grapes.

Have you ever had a cotton candy grape? The green grapes are cotton candy? Yes, but I'm not so big on them. I didn't like them either. But they were new. And Clarissa and Jimmy would be like, they're over there. And they would just open that pack and they would just eat them right there. And then we would leave. And you didn't pay for them? I didn't eat them. Go to hell. You deserve jail time. What's the most illegal thing you did as a kid? As a kid, the most illegal thing? This one time in 4th grade, I was butt naked running across the football field.

I'm kidding. Your face. Oh, my God. No, I'm kidding. I never did illegal activities. I always thought it was bad and frowned upon. The most illegal... Wait, what do you do? That's a crazy thing to say. That's not a kid. You did that as a kid? Yeah, I did not do that as a kid. No, you didn't. Probably the most illegal thing I did as a kid, I'd buy the 19-cent candy sticks. I was smoking Marlboros when I was about six. It's not illegal. It's not, but it felt bad. The most illegal thing I did in high school, and I don't know if I've ever even said this on the internet or told anybody. You're starting to twitch.

Me and that group, right? The three amigos. Delinquents is what I'll call them. We would sneak onto the University of Texas football field at like 11 p.m. You told me. You told me that. And we would just lay down at the middle, the 50-yard line, and we'd just look up. Oh, my God! You wanted to be in a Disney movie so bad!

Oh my god. Oh my god. If you somehow get a terminal illness, that is going to be my life goal. To get a terminal illness? No, to get you in Disney. Because you've wanted it for... Oh my god, who sneaks on a football field to look up at the stars? That's the cringiest shit I've ever heard. It's a Big 12 stadium. It's one of the nicest stadiums. DKR? Open your f***ing blinds and look at the stars. You got a little rush from just sneaking in. I get that part. You sneak through the gate because you're awfully skinny. You just go right through the bars and you lay down. That...

That was so fun. That is so Netflix original TV show shit. Sorry that my childhood wasn't full of Bakugan in the Roman Empire and T-Pain. Sorry. I actually did shit when I was in high school, you loser. Sorry I wasn't doing math problems all day. I was enjoying my youth. You took education seriously. We are, but it really wasn't fun, but I just took it seriously. I have a question for you now that we're on education. Okay. I'm nervous.

Do you think speech therapists are allowed to have accents? Wait, why wouldn't they not? That's f***ing difficult. That's not... Imagine trying... You're like, eh, raw? And they're saying something in a whole different... So you're saying somebody in America can't have an Australian accent? I don't think that should be allowed. Because your sole job is to teach them to speak correctly, but they're literally learning with an influence. But if they have a stutter, then it doesn't matter. Hell no.

I don't think, I think job requirement, a speech therapist is not allowed to have an accent. See, this is how I know you don't have a speech problem like I did. They were there for like lisps, stutters, and stuff like that. Imagine. So it doesn't matter if you have an accent. But if they're trying to get you to talk right and do what? That's just not right. That's not right. Okay, say I have a lisp and teach me in an Australian accent. It's like, you can't do your R's. A lisp isn't for that. Okay, don't leave that S there. Excuse me. Don't leave the S. Say a word with F, S. S.

Oh my days. No, you can't do that. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, all crockies and rise there, right? Go for it. Give it all, mate. Right? All right, then teach me an English accent. Don't say S's. Can't do the... Can't do that. A speech... That's like... You can't do that. Do you realize you are going to get cancelled? I know, maybe. But it's not a... It was just also a shower of thought, to be honest. But... I was thinking about being a dad. Yeah.

I was thinking about being a father, right? Late night. Alone. A little cold. A little hot. Almost like I had the flu. So I was... I was thinking about being... I don't know if that was funnier. More funny. Hello, English. Or a little cold. A little hot. Like, what? You ever lay in bed at night and you're like, I'm gonna wake up sick? Dude, you're sad. Like, you... We need a... We need, like, a straight-up dedicated prayer time for you. Because...

You shouldn't be thinking illness. Illness is 50% mental, 100%. No, I would say 25. 50% mental, 100%. 50% mental, 100%, not 25. No, you're never like, you get a little chilly and you get high out of a sudden. Out of a sudden. All of a sudden, and you're like, I'm going to wake up sick. So anyway, I was a little hot, a little cold, thinking I was going to wake up sick. I was like, what if I was a dad? Exactly. And then one of my biggest fears of being a dad is a fear that I didn't even think about.

You know whenever your kid's in elementary school, right? You don't have any control who they're friends with, right? They might have a connection with a kid in class and they're like, that's my friend now, James. Cool. James doesn't have much of a personality. Cool, be friends with James. But then it gets to the point where I want to go to James' house or James wants to come to our house, right? Well, I want to have a play date with James. Cool, it's developmental for a young kid to have play dates. I want you to go hang out with people. Socialization. Don't be like your father and stay at a dungeon. Yeah, don't do that.

I meet James's parents. What if not even that they're bad people? Just, you know, those people you just simply don't connect with and you just automatically don't like them. Yeah. What if they're one of those people? And then the kids become like best friends to where like, say they're like our level of best friends. So the parents like almost have to be together and like you have to hang out with them. What would you do in that situation? Because that's the biggest fear of mine that I didn't even know I think I should have.

I think you have to shatter his hopes and dreams. You're not seeing James. You can't speak to James. His parents are creeps. That's bad, Kim. No, honestly...

Hell, that's a hell of a... That's like a... That's an honest thing that could happen. That's like a Dr. P, but like Dr. Phil, Dr. P. Yeah. Not a love Dr. P. That's some... That's deep thought. Because that's a thing that could happen. Like, probably happens a lot. That's intense. It's like you just hate the... Like, you just... Not like they're bad people. You just don't vibe with them. Yeah. It's like one of those people you just don't want to be around. Oh, man. Okay. Honest answer. The kid can still be friends if that's the best friend, if they love him. But...

I don't know how long it can go. Because there's no way we're hanging out. There's no way I'm going to the birthday party that you're inviting. I'll drop you off. Matter of fact, commando role. I don't want him to see my car. Dad, I want you to come and watch me jump on the play screen. Absolutely not. His dad's a loser and his mom works with lasers. Oh, you know my parents had a bounce house company? Did y'all know that? We called them moonwalks. Did y'all know that? What'd y'all call them?

You called the bounce house moonwalks? Yeah. I thought you said the company was called moonwalks. If they're called bounce houses, dumbass, it's a house and you bounce in it. There's literally zero room for interpretation. It's just called a bounce. Dude, you're... Oh, my God. You're childhood... I swear to God you were taught a different language. Like, you were not taught English from Merriam-Webster. There's no shot. No. You call playgrounds playscapes. That's what they're called. You call bounce houses moonwalks. You just wanted to be...

I wanted to be different in everything you did. You would do anything to stand out. Oh my God, you were the type of kid that would listen to the EDM music that did not sound good just to say you did it.

Oh my god, you had the black little earbuds instead of the Apple ones. Oh my god. Skull candies? No, okay. We would always have moonwalks in the garage. Don't you dare say that. I thought the company name was Moonwalk. What was the company name? Hardened Bounce? What was it? What was it? No, I don't know. I don't know. Wait, is this real? Swear to God, my parents had a moonwalk company.

I swear to God that's what we would call it. And so it would be like... Is this like a side hustle or is this like their profession at one point? They had jobs. They just did... They rented moonwalks to the... Stop. You're pissing me off. I swear to God. You're doing that shit on purpose. No, I swear to God. Like, you go around my family, call my mom right now and ask her what to call. I will literally call your mom. Call my mom right now. I might have to have her disown me as a son. Your call has been forwarded. Call my dad. Do you want to know what I have your dad's name saved as? Mark Harden, bald-headed daddy.

Alright, quickly, before you say, or quickly before anything else is said, you're currently on the podcast, alright? Yeah, what's up? Yeah, what's up? Alright, here we go. So your son just told me something that I can't quite wrap my head around and I don't know if it's fact. So I need 100% honesty. Imagine we're in court. Your son just claimed that you and your wife had a business, a little side business, back in time when he was a kid, selling what? What did y'all sell?

The jumpers, man. Kids commotion. Wait, no, no, dad. Oh! No, no, dad, but what did we call them at the house? What did we call them at the house? Jumpers? No, mother f***ers. Yes! No, what did we call them? Yeah! Yeah! Okay, right, we called them moonwalks. Every time, like on a Saturday, I was like, can you get the moonwalk out?

Yeah, the big slipper slide. That's the only way you can get around water. It's a moonwalk. It's a bounce house. Yeah. All right. That's it. Thanks for siding with me. No, he didn't. It took four tries. All right. See, we have moonwalks. I'm going second level of proof. I'm literally going to enter in moonwalks.

So Google it right now. They popped up. Yeah, okay. And then second level, I'm going to call Preston. Okay, but it says amazing bounce house moonwalks. So it's not just moonwalks. Bounce house moonwalks. All right, I'm going to call Preston just because you didn't believe me. Because Preston grew up with me. His speaker is awful. Okay, Preston, you're on the podcast right now, so don't say anything questionable. I have to get your confirmation on something. Do not lie, Preston. All right, Preston.

What did we call those inflatable things that we used to play on and mom and dad had a business of it? Yeah. All right, Preston, I'll call you later. Goodbye. I love you. Told you we called the moonwalks.

If you've ever called that a moonwalk a day in your life, leave it in the comments because this is just a strange family at this point. I don't know what to say about this family. Yeah. Remember I told you that story on like, I think it was before we even did the podcast together. Whenever I was just doing TikToks and the neighbor's kid came over and they were on the moonwalk and they're older than me and I got mad they didn't let me on because it was like, this is a big kids are playing. I deflated on them. I remember that story. Yeah, it was on the moonwalks that my parents was on a bounce house.

I didn't know your parents funded the business. I didn't know that. Yeah, so we would rent them out, and then we had slip and slides. And so there would be like this big inflatable slip and slide with this hover over, and you could go. It was like 20 feet long. You'd go and slide through it, and the water would come down. It was sick. The only time. So you got to do that on a regular weekend basis? Yeah, if no one was renting them. That explains it a lot.

What does that explain? Oh, that explains so much. One, if you're bouncing 24/7, that's why your brain's mush. That's why you can't just really conjure simple thoughts, have decent logic. But the second thing that explains. Your fear of bodies of water. Wait, how does that make me fearful of bodies of water? If my son was scared of water, I'd go, "You know what? It's alright, buddy. Don't w-" I toss him in. I toss him in. I see his fight or flight skills and then I jump in and save his life. You know what I'm gonna do to your kids? Your family? Your family? You're scared of water?

They buy a slip and slide. You've been handed your crutch for life. You have been handed your excuse. No, I would go to the community pool regularly. What? Oh my God. Please Google, please, please Google today's date and tell me if it's National Lie Day.

oh my god i would go to we had a community pool oh my god it was right outside my elementary school did your parents fund that too no they thought was that was the pool six inches deep no my parents didn't buy the moonwalks their friend had the more company they're like we have all these moonwalks y'all do it and just rent them out to people it was gang affiliation it was the whole the whole cul-de-sac was in on it no so our community pool right they would have this big tower in the shallow wind where i stayed i never got in okay i was like five nine at six years old like i would still stay in the shallow park

And it was where all like the little infants would stay with their floaties. And they'd be like... And I would just be standing there with them. I'd be like... Y'all can't swim either? You're just sitting there. And then there was like this big tower and it filled up with water and it would dump on you. And I would always panic. I love those. Oh my God. Oh, funny story about that. The first time I went to Hawaiian Falls here in North Texas, I...

severely, some could say grossly underestimated the amount of water in that tub and like the huge tower. It's like a huge playground. I'm talking 50, 80 kids are on it. The tower's getting ready to bump and like fall over and spill over. I literally went, I had my mouth open. I literally got waterboarded. I fell on the ground and screamed for help. Yo, you talk about me, dog.

I literally thought it'd be like six gallons max and it spread across everybody. I went like this. You would have thought I was dumped underwater. Just plunged with my mouth. I lined a bath. I literally was like, and I, oh my God, I had nine silver teeth. I had a nasty gap, probably bleeding Dorito fingers. And I just looked under that big ass jug and I went, you had the same mouth as gypsy rose. I was like, I fell to the ground, bro. Oh my God. My dad broke his neck at Schlitterbahn.

I swear to God. He had to get fusion surgery on his neck. I think my dad had two surgeries on his neck. He broke his neck in Schlitterbahn and one of the tube rides. I swear to God. I never told you that.

of water is so understood now it's so understood him and my my cousin paul oh my god you can't swim your dad almost died in a tube ride like no wonder you hate water it's schlitterbahn and they're in the big tube ride where it's like doubled up and you're like ones in the front ones in the back and they got through i guess the dude pushed them too hard or something and they slipped and my dad fell out the tube in the middle of the thing like in the close i think my

Broke his neck on it there. Bro, I have a horror story of Schlitterbahn 2. I swear to God, the first time I went, it's not nowhere near as funny. But the first time I went, me and my brother, because he lived in Houston. He's a lot older than me. We went and we got on damn near one of the same rides. It's a double tube. I'm in the front because you've got to put the heavier person in the back. And we start going. And it was like an immediate descent. And right as we're going, it went... And all the water stopped. Oh, shit. And we literally got stuck on this ride. And I was like...

If we fall down, we're going to be trapped in this tube because there's no water. And my brother was literally having to hold on to the post to where the tube didn't go in. And he just held it for like five minutes until the, because it was like, imagine here's the beginning, right? So here's the worker. We're like right here. So the worker can't help us. Like we're past the point of arm's reach. Like he would fall on top of us. Imagine being like this on a tube.

We're not in the tube yet. We're not in enclosed yet. We're like, it's... So you see daylight. Yeah. You go down the drop and then the tube starts. Okay, I got you. So we're literally like... I was like... I was probably like...

Like 9, 10. How'd you get out of that situation? He literally held it for five minutes and the guy was like, hey, the water's about to come back on. My brother was trying. And then it came back on and we just went down. Even when we went down, it still wasn't like super slippery and fluent. It was like, ee, ee. Damn, that's terrifying. It was pretty fucking scary as a kid. My dad also had to get taken to the hospital after we went to Disney World after the teacup ride. He figured out he had like vertigo or something. He got the teacup ride, started throwing up. Bro.

You said your dad had a fusion neck surgery from a tube ride at Schlitzel. Yo, were you there with me or Jordan whenever my dad got off the plane and he had to hit a knee because he got dizzy? That was Jordan. You've broken so many bones. Your family didn't consume milk. You'll all have horrible calcium levels.

You've broken so many bones playing the same sport that I've played my whole life. And the worst I've done is a massive ankle sprain. Holy shit, dude. Oh my God. Oh my God. Please, can you tell that story? Please can you tell that story about your dad with a burrito? Okay. Please can you tell that story? We were in Vegas.

cried laughing when he told me this first time. Me, J. Will, and my family, we went to Vegas for like a basketball tournament to watch. Oh my god. And so my dad's always had like a problem. It was after Disney World. Like, he's never been the same after the teacup ride where he had to go to the hospital and get his brain scanned or something. And so my dad, we got off the Southwest flight. Why did you have to say that?

Southwest flight is the best flight in Vegas. So we got off the Southwest flight. Oh, fuck. I'm getting the attack. And as soon as we got off the flight and go to the baggage claim, something wasn't right with Mark. His eyes were dead. What does that mean? Like my dad. You know when you look at somebody and it's not them? He's like...

But you know my dad is like, he's just a man's man. He's not going to go out on a shield. He'd have to die before he has to throw up. And so we were going to the baggage claim and he was just swaying a little bit. I was like...

What's wrong with dad? And my mom was like, you know how you get this vertigo stacking up? And I was like, is he good? And she's like, he'll be alright. And he's supposed to drive us. Oh no. From the airport. And so we get our thing. He's struggling to get his bag off the thing. But he's a strong guy, so they never have problems with that. I was like, something's not right with dad. We get outside. As soon as we hit breeze, my dad goes, oh. There's a small audience outside.

200 people on cement in an airport pickup in front of 200 people triple fusion i can just imagine yo oh oh no holy i need it i need a small break hey when did you figure out your parents names

What? You know what I mean? Like Mike and Lisa? Like their real name? When did you realize they had names? Oh, shit. When did you realize that? I don't know, dude. I damn sure it wasn't as old as Gabe. Dude, Liv's brother, Gabe, got pulled over. He was like 18 years old. He got pulled over for speeding or some shit. And the officer goes, is this your car? He goes, no, it's my grandpa's. He goes, what's his name? He goes, Pa. It's my pa's car. He goes, no, what's your grandpa's name? He goes...

Paul. He didn't know his grandpa was fucking there. You're 18. You're driving. I was probably like seven. Really? I probably heard something like, okay, I think for me it was like hearing my grandparents call them by name. Like, Lisa, come in here. I'm like, who the hell is Lisa? No, dude, about a year ago I saw a trend on TikTok and it was like, go gather your pet and have them sit in front of you and tell them your name because they've never heard it. And we literally grabbed Ruby and she sat down and she was like, and I said, Ruby, I'm Cameron. She went, what?

I do the same thing. And I went, this is your mom, Olivia. She hated it, bro. She did not. We always say, go live with your dad. Go live with your mom. Come with dad. Whatever, bro. My head's banging. I gotta pee.

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All right, we're back from a break. We're back from a break. Holy hell. Not only did I have to drain the sea monster, but I also, I'm sorry, a bit explicit. My head was starting to hurt from the laughter. No, that was funny. Holy shit. My parents and my brother actually made their first appearance on the podcast because we had a moonwalk company. Okay, I have a question for you. I have an answer for you. Do you think there's a difference between elderly and old people?

I mean, age-wise, yeah, probably. No, not age. More of like characteristics. Defining nature. I feel like the older you get, the more senile and mean you get. Okay, perfect. So let's break. So my definition, right? If I had to make a book about it. Elderly. Your cute grandparents can still cook. They knit in their free time. Always a little cold, you know? Okay. They wear mittens. Probably beanies. Stuff like that. Old people. Rude as hell.

So mean, senile, and not quite there. That's my biggest goal. Whenever I'm old, I want to be so mean to people. Why? Just because you can. I'm on my way out. What are you going to do? That's a hell of a point. I had a grocery trip from hell dealing with old people last week. Old people at a grocery store might be top 10 worst people in the world. Old people, not elderly. Three things happened. Three different old people.

We go to Sam's trying to buy some bolt groceries for the week. The first thing I see, I swear to God, we parked the car. We're walking in and there's a car. You know how you can see reverse lights on a car? Yeah. There's a car reversing and this old woman by herself, she's walking out of the store and she literally goes like this. She's walking. She gets right behind that car and she goes, literally starts looking in the sky. I swear to God, she was like this.

She thought somebody was calling her home. And I was like, me and Liv both looked at her like, she's going to get hit by that car. Like, what is she doing? We walk another 50 feet into the store. I peek again. I'm like, that was weird. She's still standing there. Just dead still. I swear to God, it's like she factory reset. She clocked out. Yeah, something happened. She literally was just like this. And then they honked at her. She wasn't moving. She was right behind the car. Did she jump? No. That's what I'm saying, bro. That's another. Lights were on. Nobody home. She literally was just like this. So I'm like, holy shit. That makes me sad. Oh, no.

This is why it's not sad. So me when I go to Sam's immediately go get pizza. Yeah every single time I go to the line this old guy He's in one of the electronic wheelchair thingies, right? Let me get two slices of pepperoni pizza I'm like hell of a man good order takes his card the man goes sir. We don't have tap He goes he's just hitting his car on things sir. We don't have tap. Oh, okay. Okay. He puts it in Okay, you know how when you have to enter your pin. Yeah that sometimes there's a little lag. Yeah, okay So this old guy goes

And hit like eight numbers. I'm like, sir, that's your PIN. And this is me being nice. I said, oh, that's your PIN, not your phone number. He goes, oh, I knew that. I knew that. I go, all right, then just enter four. I was like, just do your PIN then if you knew that, asshole. But all right. So he goes, he's literally typing like 10 numbers. To the point the cash register guy looks at me and goes, and I go, no worries. We're all good. Peyton, when I tell you this man couldn't get it to work, two minutes.

Not an exaggeration. It has been two full minutes. That doesn't make you sad? No. It's like, let someone help you. So then the guy takes his card, puts it in, and goes, what's your pin? He goes, I'm not telling you that. And I go, I mean, that's a decent answer. I understand that. But he goes, I'm not telling you. It's like the guy's trying to help you get your pizza. Just be nice. Just accept the help. Get your pizza. Go enjoy it. So he then takes out the credit card. He goes, these don't require pins. Start.

Starts tapping and I go There's no tap so then he sticks the credit card in it goes approve the cash register guy literally out loud audibly goes oh And the old guy goes what and just starts getting annoyed and I'm like dude. It's ridiculous Okay, okay He turns to me and goes these things don't even work that good and I was like yeah, I guess I

I'm going to get out of my way. That's the second thing. We go. I eat my pizza. We're going throughout the Sam's. This woman. This is the third and final straw for me with old people. They just need to stay at home. Some of them. Some of them. Some of them. This woman is in the aisle. Okay? Yeah. She's like, her cart's here and she's standing here. So there's not really much wiggle room for me, right? I go, excuse me, ma'am. It's just me and Liv walking to get groceries. Excuse me, ma'am. Nobody. She doesn't hear me. I go, excuse me.

"Ma'am, excuse me, ma'am." She doesn't hear me. So I'm like, "Alright." So I try to wiggle through. When I say like a feather of my ass, like a singular ass hair touches her cart,

And she bumps her cart barely. She goes, excuse me. I said, yeah, that's what I was saying to you. I said, that's literally what I was trying to say. I was trying to say excuse. She goes, could you not? Where were you raised? And I literally. Oh, shit. It took. Olivia saved the day. It took everything in me because I already had two. The first one really didn't have anything to do with me, but she definitely was. She's probably called home right then and there. She was probably just being just going up as we saw it.

i was so close pete you know me i was so close and liv goes let's just go let's just keep going but liv had my back she gave her the mean eye too she's like don't talk to my man like that yeah i literally said excuse me two times i barely an ass hair touches your cart and she goes well excuse me and she just gets this attitude dude old people at the store are the worst it's like what the hell use instacart do something

Just stay in the Volkswagen. Let a young chap bring you your groceries and go back home. No, but I have a similar story at a grocery store with an old person. You just reminded me. There was an old woman leaving a grocery store. She had hella water in her cart, but her cart got stuck over like a small bumper and she wasn't strong enough to push it. So being me, I was like, let me help her out. I go to the front of her cart and I was like, I got you, ma'am. And I pick her cart up and pull it over the thing. I thought I was going to be a nice guy. She goes, oh, wow. And I go, no.

normally that's a thank you but don't worry she goes oh wow i didn't ask you for help because i didn't think you'd be strong enough to do it i said you have 12 days left yeah i would have said really you think you can i took everything in me not to pick that cart back up and put it over the bump and say now you figure yeah you should went oh wow i'm not there you go she goes security she goes this

Bro, but I had to get that off my chest. No, but some people are- There is a distinct difference. Elderly, cute, you love them, you love giving them little kisses on the cheek. I don't like kissing old people. I love kissing- I don't like kissing old people's skin. I kiss Memo on the cheek. It's very soft. I don't like old people's skin. It smells like Aveeno, Aveeno, that lotion. Have you seen an old person's legs?

They're so yellow. They're so bruised. See, every vein. Oh my God. Every vein. The little spider web shit that's going on. We're going to get canceled. We love old people. Well, I love elderlies, but I... I love nice old people. I love nice old people. I love nice any age. What kind of old person do you think you're going to be? I already know what I'm going to be. I'm going to be the nice grandpa. Oh, really? 100%. To my family, yeah. But I'm going to get a porch. I'm going to get a house with a porch. A car porch. I'm going to get a rocking chair. I'm going to have a coffee. Sit there and smoke a stove and go, what do you want?

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I had to. I'm going to get up there and rock my chair and I'm going to see some kids having a good time. They're not going to play outside at that time in the world. Oh, no. That means I don't know. You're going to see kids playing good video games through the window. Say there's some kids on their bikes or whatever going out there. Stranger things. I'm going to be like, get the fuck out.

- Get off my porch! - And they're not even near me. - You just rack a shotty. They're like, "Ah! "Old man Hardin is at it again!" - We had this when I went to St. Francis in Austin as a kid. Went into preschool and kindergarten. Our recess area, what's it called? - Playground. - Playground.

It was like bordered by a big, scary two-story house. And we made up a story about that house. It was like haunted and stuff. Those are the best times ever. Those are the best. There was like mythical folk tale lying stories about a creepy ghost that's in a house or some shit. And there's a thought that I've been having, right? That's dangerous. You know how I'm anxious about everything? Everything on earth? I'm always on the defensive. 24-7. What do you think the worst place to get attacked is?

The worst place to get attacked. Yeah. Okay. First answer anywhere. Why am I being attacked?

What did I do to elicit someone violently attacking me? Okay, anywhere- Cuz attack is a- is a- that's a damn sure like a definitive word. Yeah. An attack. No, it sucks anywhere, but there's some places like I really hope I don't get attacked right now. Where do you think's the worst place to get attacked? A bathroom stall. Like a bathroom stall that I am so fearful. That's one of the reasons I don't poop in public.

Imagine that, right? Bro, imagine you're pooping, right? You're in a stall, right? And you just see hands under you, grabbing your ankles. What are you going to do? You're safe. There's four walls around you. They can go under. Imagine they just crawl under. Give me your shoes, dog. If a guy crawls under and you don't stomp his brains in, make a brain filet on the ground, and you don't just curb the piss out of him, then you literally stand up and piss on him. Okay.

Talking about I'm scared there's a crawler getting my ankles. No, imagine. I'd literally go, ah! Right on his head. So you would stand up with your meat out. With a raw butthole, every part of me can be dangling, slapping my bare denim jeans, my Levi 501s. If a man is on all fours crawling under a stall, I would literally go for an all-time PR in my vertical jump. I'd go...

Stop. I would absolutely break his hand. Okay, that's the difference. When I'm in such a vulnerable position as a toilet. You don't think, dude. I'm so defenseless. God, you have to be more vigilant. Vigilant. Vigilant. What is that? What is it? Village person. No, I'm saying like that's like pants are. Okay, so right. I'm pooping, right? Say I'm pooping, right? I'm pooping, huh?

Like this. I thought our literal New Year's resolution was to stop talking about poop. But continue. I'm pooping, right? First of all, untouch your knees. Untouch your knees. I swear to God, if I ever saw you poop, first off, that'd be a scary sight. Second, if I saw you poop and your knees were touching, you have more problems than you can imagine. So untouch your knees. I'm pooping, right? That's like a good plate for your phone. A plate? Put that on a t-shirt. That's a good plate for your phone. You heard it here first. So you're on your plate for your phone, right? You're pooping, right?

My pants are around my ankles. I have no mobility. My backside's open.

No, it's not. What stalls in the middle of the bathroom? Where are you going? No, my back, my butthole. Oh, your bunghole. Okay. Your rectum. Okay. Your spider's web. The back barnyard is just flowing. Right. And so I can't, you know what I'm saying? My lateral movement's not there. They're grabbing ankles. They got me. No, they don't. Yes, they get a quick straddle. You just get loose. You literally go... Watch how fast I can do. Exactly. That first one...

That measly little, that guy's like, ow. That's all you would have gotten. Ow, stop. Okay, in the second place, I'm so scared of getting attacked at. The power outage. If the lights go out, I immediately think six gang members are after me. What? The whole west side's coming for me. Like, I have no beef, right? No one has a problem with me right now. But as soon as those lights go out, I'm like, everybody's coming. Like, where though? If you were by yourself and the lights went off, you think you're getting attacked anywhere.

By myself lights are off. There's 18 people in this house right now, and they're coming to get there's no defense like what am I supposed to do I Swear to God I have power outages. I'm just like I'm swinging in the dark. I'm like Bro, oh my god. That's what I'm gonna do next Christmas. I'm a bike turn the power. I'm gonna buy cameras and install them in your house without you knowing I

I might see a lot of man meat. I'm not going for that. Just know I'm not going for that. Honestly, a horrid spot for me that I think getting attacked, a horrible spot to get attacked, would be at least a 30-story conference building.

Why would that be? Because if you get attacked on the top level, you can't go, like, you either go in the elevator and you're trapped with the attackers. You have to go down the stairs, you lose your cardio, and they're probably faster than you. It's just not good. I don't like being vulnerable situations. At a high place. Yeah. Oh, a plane would be a bad place. Not so bad, believe it or not. Really? You've been attacked on a plane? 2012, we were going to Vegas, right? So back to the story, it's not been told? No, hell no. I think high up in the air, power outage is solid.

Shouldn't be too scared if you know you're alone though. It's just like wow the lights are off probably should go flip the breaker but bathroom stall is a abysmal answer. That is a horrid answer. I got attacked on a play skate by a guy named Eli and he gave me a burn on my arm and I was doing the fake cooking out there. They had a fake cooking set up and I was making pancakes and Preston watched. Where did you go to school? St. Francis. They had a fake cooking space on your playground. On the

And you, of all the children, chose to make pancakes during your recess. I would have beat your ass in elementary school. I was racing other athletes. I was pretending to have a dunk contest on the monkey bars. You were making gravel pancakes. Rock breakfast. You were making rock breakfast. I was racing other...

Future Olympian. I was a man of many trades. I did both. I was wearing avias and board shorts with a collared shirt from Walmart. Ew. I was wearing avias, board shorts, and a collared shirt from Walmart during the winter. With a necklace and a shark tooth. I was racing Olympians, and you were making rock breakfast. And so I was playing with it. I was playing. I'm making my pancakes, right? I was about to feed the whole grade with my rock pancakes.

And Eli came over and he goes, he called me some kind of mean name and he grabbed my arm and he just started going like this, like twisted my arm. A tough burn. He gave me a bad burn on my arm. I don't know why, I just didn't hit him off me, but I was just like, ow. You're too busy holding your fake ass spatula. It was probably some kid's flip-flop and you were sitting here making rock breakfast. And I started crying, right? And me and my brother. You started crying? Yeah, you heard it. From an arm burn? You heard it. Take your rock mashed potatoes and crack them in the skull. No, no, I'm scared to fight.

And I started crying and I looked over right by the slide. Guess who was there? Bigfoot. Preston was right there behind the slide. He was just peeking. And then he started. No, no, no. Your mom should have beat both of y'all's asses. She punished Preston for that. And you didn't get punished? No, I was under attack. I was a victim. You were under attack. Yeah. Maybe stop being Rachel Ray and defend yourself. Who's Rachel Ray? It's a cook. Oh.

Maybe just drop the Gordon Ramsay Act. Put down your rock breakfast, your sand hash browns, your wood chip oats. Put down your wood chip oatmeal and say, hey, get off me, Eric. What was his name? Eli. I told Preston to this day, if I ever, even as a grown man, if I see him getting jumped, I'm just going to watch. You're just going to sit there and watch and cry? I'll be like, Eli. Yeah, that's funny. I now have a new working suspicion that if you weren't 6'7", you'd be an easy licker.

If you were every bit of 6'1", people would walk all over you. Never. Never. I'll have people... Oh my God, bro. Why were you making breakfast? What grade was this? Oh, it was like kindergarten, first grade. I was young.

I had no sense. My bones weren't developed yet. In first grade, I would sneak footballs from my house into my backpack onto the playground to where I could organize a seven-on-seven league. We had four teams. Yeah, that's where I got all my fights. I threw an annual championship game every year around November. And you'd go into class smelling like horrid. I went into the class smelling like a disposal pit. It was horrible. I think it's time for people's faves.

segment. You know what that is? Pop culture, pay in the camp. Pop culture, pay in the camp. I think I want to say something. I want to talk about good old Gypsy Rose. Excuse me? What did you just say? What gypsy language did we just hear over there?

Okay, Gypsy Rose. Yeah, you're going to low-key have to fill me in too. I've read some headlines, but I never knew the backstory. Gypsy Rose, what year did this happen? Because I remember when this was happening. I think it was like 2014. Yeah, so I was like high school. I remember when this was happening. So Gypsy Rose, she's a victim of Munchausen syndrome. You know what that is? No. So it's basically whenever you're made to feel like you're sick. So her mom would say she was sick. She got all her teeth extracted. Her taste buds taken out. She got a feeding tube, took chemotherapy. Nothing was wrong with her.

The mom would do it for the benefits and the mom was messed up and sick. So she was abused, like very messed up. And obviously that develops mental problems for the kid, right? She's a little kid who's messed up. Then Gypsy met this boy who has mental problems, right? They fell in love, right? They fell in love. They started hanging out.

They went to a movie theater while the mom was there. They went to the bathroom. They bang banged. She and then she was realizing, I'm not sick. There's nothing wrong with me. Like, I feel fine. My mom's just making me go through all this shit and there's nothing wrong with me. Now, the boy, I'm telling you, he has mental problems, right? Mm hmm. She says, I want to fall in love with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. We can't with mama in the picture. You could narrate short stories. I'm so locked in. Gypsy.

Homeboy that's a little messed up Let's take care of mom She supplies the knife Allegedly I think It's in the house Boyfriend that's a little messed up Goes into the house Mutilates mom Bad You can go through the details Of how bad it got And what he wanted to do With the dead body afterwards Mutilates mama Takes care of mom They get arrested Me no likey They get arrested As they should Man who murdered He's sitting down for the rest of his life

I feel, I don't feel, it's hard because he has mental problems. That's what you're saying. And because he was also kind of led to do it. He was led to do it. Gypsy got eight years, whatever. She's out. She's free. Now she's on a press run. Gypsy's on Good Morning America. She got 8.1 mil on Instagram. She's doing Get Ready With Me's on TikTok now. She's living her best life. That's a sick 180. And she's married now. She got married while she was in jail to a guy.

And she made an Instagram post saying, honey, don't worry about what the haters are saying. You have fire pee pee and you're giving it to me. Good. Happy wife. Happy life. Fire pee pee. Whole time homeboy that she fell in love with is sitting down for the rest of his life. Not even a card or nothing. She's on a press run. But she went through. I couldn't imagine. I couldn't imagine. I couldn't. That's why she has silver grills. Now it's because she got our teeth extracted. Jaws teeth.

From 007? Straight soap. Gypsy Rose is... And this is what I want to say. Oh, no. I'm terrified. Now... I'd literally have... Under my jacket. It'd be like this. As soon as you make a sudden move... I'm kidding. Sorry. Sorry. Allegedly. I don't own guns. Blessings to everybody involved, right? I hope everybody is okay. It sucks what Gypsy had to go through. Murder is never the... Answer. The answer. Ever. It's hard to feel bad for them because he did... He is...

He does have mental problems. Like, it is diagnosed he has mental problems. The fire pee pee guy or the old one? I'm saying which guy are we talking about right now? The OG boyfriend. OG boyfriend. Okay. Sit her down. Sit her down. Is fire pee pee good? Yeah, no. He seems to be, he seems to be, doesn't struggle with any mental disabilities. I don't know him personally, but he seems to be okay. Okay.

He's proud of her. He's not proud of everybody. He's proud to be with her. He's sitting down these interviews my girl big old dude This is my girl all over and they're doing press tours and everything. They're on the view there at the Good Morning America The Vitals Pike or whatever dude for the bachelor's name is yeah, Nick Nick Yeah, he they're doing a whole press run and she's talking about like what I did was wrong

murder is not the answer and I'm getting my back burned by fire pee pee boy I love you honey come here yeah so that's terrifying now that you feel about now that you heard the story how do you feel about the whole situation being from an ignorant standpoint you don't really know you just gave me a quick like cliff notes um first thing of course first thing of course um of course murder is not the answer ever

She had lived a terrible life at the beginning. I couldn't imagine that. Yeah, it sucks. Being forced. High medical grade. Chemotherapy is no joke. Imagine doing chemo to a body that doesn't need it. How is that even going to react? It's going to mess your body up. She was taking a feeding tube. Bro, she extracted her teeth. Wasn't there a movie about this? Yeah, she got a Hulu series. No, no, no. An actual movie, though. Not a Hulu series. I think there was a movie about a mother that...

was like drugging her daughter probably hurt but there was a series of hulu oh wow uh but to answer bro i don't know how you can even answer to that i don't know what to say like you think she should have sat down for the rest of her life as well she definitely should have got more than eight years because she took advantage of somebody who has a she took advantage of someone to essentially kill someone else through a third party so eight years just doesn't seem like enough i would say in any other circumstance like say uh they're talking about this aurora and maul

In a gang situation, right? If you hire a hit, you're going to jail for the rest of your life. Exactly. Same thing. But I think it's because she was a victim. See, but that's not justice. That's not justice. I still don't think you murdered somebody. It's not right. It's not right. It's not right. I do have sympathy in that circumstance that she had to go through that. I do as well. But say if you murdered a random middle-aged white mother and...

And this other person murdered a random middle-aged white mother. Just because they might have went through more than you or that person did something to them, is it not murder at the end of the day? But that's... It's not self-defense. I guess it could be, though, couldn't it? If you're going through all this stuff. No, that's not self-defense. I don't know the law. Self-defense is someone actively trying to harm and endanger you. Isn't that actively harming and danger somebody you put them through all this stuff? No. Was it literally while that was happening?

yeah or like she was over it no she was she was still like the mom wouldn't let her do that like now there's some gray area that's what i'm saying but if you read crazy i want to go read about it if you read how he did it and what do you want i'll tell you off camera or in the extent not the extent of yeah tell me off camera it's insane but we didn't do this last week but since we're talking about love the range love i want to bring out the best love doctor in the world i only think it's right he makes an appearance talk to me

Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P, the best love doctor in the world. Coach, Cam, Secretary, Cam, give me something. All right, Sion, are you ready for this week's? I am. I hope it's toxic.

I actually went with a non-toxic one. I've seen if Dr. P could really speak and pull some heartstrings. You're testing the doctor? I'm testing the doctor. He's the best. I'm sorry, Lord. But he's the best in his job. I am the best. Give me something. So this is more heartfelt for all the ladies, maybe. Ready? This is from Lydia. Dr. P loves the ladies.

I am really struggling to find someone who loves me for me and not for my money or for my body. Someone who likes me, all caps. Every time I think I have the one, they end up losing feelings or not caring about my needs. How do I go about finding someone who actually like me for me or am I just meant to be alone? You, ooh, I can help you with this. I can help you with this. I knew you could. Don't touch me. Yes, sir, you're right. This is the thing. I'm so sorry. You're looking, and that's the problem.

why are you worried about it don't look i know it can get lonely sometimes but once you start searching you start getting hurt speaking her heart don't don't tell me we're the lowest honestly you're right i don't know why i did that please this is the thing a lot of people have this issue right they're searching for somebody they're searching like oh here here here be confident in being alone be okay be like i am the prize

I am the prize. I am what people are looking for. It's a good mindset. Let them come and look for me. And then, once they come approach you, don't let everybody have access. Don't let everybody have access. Because you're giving access to people that might be talking a good game, but make them work harder than that. Make them prove themselves to you, queen, because you're the one. You are the prize.

You're up here, they're down here. Make them climb that Mount Everest with no oxygen. Make them not have bananas in the backpack. Well, that's like fine. Don't you... You need oxygen if you're climbing Everest. It's the highest point on Earth. But if somebody's strong enough and willing enough... They can't do it. I promise you they can't. It's 29,000 feet. They need oxygen. They need a tank. They need a whole damn crew. They need a guide. You know who does it? Who? Superman. And she deserves her Superman.

It's called another plan. But, okay, so one thing to quickly tag off of it. What would you say? I don't want to play devil's advocate, but what would you say if, like, say someone has been alone for a long time, they finally get that feeling, and it's almost euphoric. So they don't want to make the person go hard. They don't want to have to make them earn it. They kind of just want to be a little loose and kind of like they haven't felt it in some months, maybe years. That's fine.

But then what if it's the same cycle? Do they have to change that if they want to change it? If you want to be loose, you want to go off your feelings and not your mind, go with it. But you can't be mad at the outcome.

You're speaking, boy. I am. Don't call me boy. Doctor, doctor, doctor, sorry. I don't know. What? The lights are bright. I didn't say it like that. No, that's fine. If you want to just lead with your heart and not your mind, go for it. But you have to be prepared for what comes with that. And that might be heartbreak. So is it a split 50-50? 50% heart feelings, love, 50% brain logic. I've done this before. I know it's going to happen. 50% or the percentage that you go with your heart can lead you to going with the rest of your life.

The part that you go with your heart can make you activate your mind to explore that more. Activation. Activation. The heart's the activation. The mind is the pursuit. God, you need to write like a little Hallmark card. Don't tell me what to do. You're right, sorry. And that was... Dr. P! Dr. P! Dr. P!

Dr. P, I got to do a new octave. All right, Coles Cam, get us out of here. What is coming up? What is available this week? Oh, beautiful, amazing people on the other side of the screen. If you have not got your Tampa tickets yet, there are only but a few left. That's Dr. P. I'm Dr. Seuss. It didn't even rhyme that good, but...

There is some Tampa tickets still available February 17th, one day after the beautiful Uncle P's birthday. It's going to be his birthday show. Happy birthday to you. Extra energy. It's going to be fantastic in Clearwater, Florida, Capitol Theater.

In the description, in the bio, on all of our socials. Go get those. But also, now, right now, if you want to start planning a little more into the future, look at that little crystal ball. March 1st, the kid is coming home. The hometown hero returns to Austin, Texas 512 at Emo's Theater to perform a hometown ceremony show. Austin 1st. Tickets are now available. Also in the description. Also in our bios and social medias.

You know what I'm excited for? What? The You Should Know fans to meet all the people I grew up with in that clash. Oh, God. Because there's going to be so many options because a lot of those people I went to elementary school with them. Oh, God. No, I literally have a picture with him and a tail. Yeah. So you can be like, did you go to school with Peyton? Just go up to people. Did you go to school with Peyton? Be like, yeah, how was he? And be like,

Weird. Oh, he's really scary and he's missing a lot of teeth. But I also heard... I had the gypsy mouth. I also heard Uncle P... That was crazy. Silver Jaws tooth. James Bond. Hello. I also heard Uncle P is planning on dropping some exclusive Austin Live Show merch only at the Austin Live Show to give love back to the 512. So if you want a chance to get limited, very limited, and one-time only merch...

You got to get your ticket. Austin, Texas, March 1st, Emos Theater. And I'm going to say something. There's going to be something announced on stage at the Austin, Texas show that the masses will learn about in about six months. So y'all will know first at the Austin show. It's going to be an amazing time. It's going to be amazing. But to confuse the casuals and get your good karma, leave it on all the comments. Leave it on Patreon. Shout out all the koalas. Leave it on TikTok. Leave it on Insta and YouTube.

The secret code for this week. What is it? A-T-B-C. You're just going to have to tell me. About to get cold. It's about to get cold. I'll be in L.A., baby. It is about to get very cold here in the motherland of Texas. It's already very cold in other places. Welcome to Texas...

January, February, where it's always freezing. Get your sweater. Get a little snuggie. I'll be in L.A. Maybe be a little butt naked in the snuggie watching the episode just like your favorite host does. But A-T-B-C, about to get cold. Leave it everywhere. Confuse casuals. We absolutely love y'all. Thank you for coming back. Episode 95 was a blast. We love you so, so much. And remember, 110 Klobber is only home to Christmas and we will see you

Next time. Hello. Austin, Texas. Tampa, Florida. See you soon. Bada. Bada boom. Sold. Huh? Just sold my car on Carvana. Dropping it off and getting paid today. Already? What? You still haven't sold yours? You told me about it months ago. I just. Is the offer good? Oh, the offer's great. Don't have another car yet? I could trade it in for this car I love. Come on. What are we waiting for? Ah, you're right. Let's go.

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