BECOMING A BABYSITTER GONE WRONG! -You Should Know Podcast-
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Alrighty. Hey everybody, welcome back to the Usual Podcast, episode 122. If you are new here, if you haven't already, you look below, you see that subscribe button isn't pressed. You're wrong. If you think you're wrong, you're wrong.

below that you see that comment section is it fulfilled with your name guess what even more wrong go and fill that out get your good karma let's talk about something real quick i know i've said in the previous intros that we're gonna start rolling out announcements big surprises right we started last week announcing that cam and live are having a little baby round of applause a little baby all righty that's what that's uh with your information you have now it is here we go

Another announcement, two weeks in a row. Are you ready? Cam and Peyton, me and Cam, will be at DreamCon Austin, Texas this year, participating again in the Creator League 5v5 basketball game. Round of applause for that. That will be happening July 27th, live streaming on the Creator League YouTube channel. And there's something special about this year, right? The draft has happened.

It is Team Mark Phillips versus Team Duke Dennis. Last year, co-host Cam and I took home the victory playing with Mark Phillips. This year in the draft, things got spicy. Cam went second overall. First, well, no, second overall, right? Second overall to Team Mark Phillips was drafted right after that.

to team Duke Dennis. That means co-host Cam and I will be going head-to-head for the first time since we were in college. Now, let me make something very clear. And to everybody that is watching the Creator League, I vow, I promise that co-host Cam is going to be put on his behind because of this elbow right here. Live on Creator League.

It will probably be on other streaming services afterwards. Millions of people across the world will see this. Who is the better basketball player? Me or co-host Cam? I know I love the boy. I know he's my co-host. But there's one thing. In between those lines, we are not friends. He is my arch nemesis. I will grab his manhood, twist it, and put it in my pocket if I have to, and he will do the same for me, and I will invite it. My target's a little larger. I want y'all in the comments section right now to pick who you think is going to win.

Team Mark or Team Duke. We will see you at DreamCon July 27th. We love you. Now on to the rest of the episode. The You Should Know Podcast. We got co-hosts, a.k.a. dad, Cam in the building!

I added... I don't know if I like that. No, my claps are always... Not that, not that. I said in the building. I normally say... We're in a building. Back in the studio. Do it again and say we have co-host dad Cam. Let's put a poll up on the screen. Does Cam deserve two intros?

Majority says no. Run the episode. Let's go. Back in the flesh, and I'm a father. You are a dad. It's not in the, the seed's not out yet. No, it's not. It's still a seed, like on the bun. I don't have a, it's not its own bun.

But it's alive, the heart's beating, and it's good. Would you like to clear up some rumors about your future child? Let's clear it up. There's already some rumors about your future child. It's not yours. I said your future child. I know, but that's one rumor. It's not yours. You have no part in this child. You had no sexual intercourse with my wife. Let's start there. I don't even think those are the rumors. I don't think those are the rumors at all. Did you? No. Okay. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. But first thing I saw in the comment section below. Let's hear it.

I'm not ready for the day that Cam has to take months off the podcast. Let me tell you something now. Oh, no shot. He won't ever get a couple of games. We have already discussed as a twin-headed dragon snake team killer. I'm not a snake. As the two team captains, we've already discussed this.

Me and my wife as the power couple of the century. Boom! We've discussed... I love that ad-lib. Thank you. As the power couple of the century. Boom, boom, boom! I just wanted one. I don't care what you wanted. I do the ad-libs. You do the speaking. People are losing interest in what you're saying. I didn't ask for a three-round burst. I didn't ask for what you wanted. For the power couple of the century. Boom. Okay. We discussed it. And no, the baby is going to get a lot of my time, soul, energy, and love. But...

The podcast will always. Yeah. It's like we record like once or twice a week. It'll take about four or five hours. He's going to be with that kid. Don't worry about it. Second of all, run them. Run all the rumors. A lot of people think I'm the actual like blood uncle of the kid. There's so many TikTok searches.

Peyton and Liv siblings? Yeah. Is Peyton blood related? Yeah. Is he actual uncle? To answer you, yes. He is Olivia's brother. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, we came out of the same placenta. I thought you were going to say something. Are you going to eat the placenta? I'm not eating shit that comes out of my wife. Can I have it? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Can you have my kid's placenta? I'll refrigerate it. Maybe put a little seasoning on it for Thanksgiving.

Imagine I come over, I think you're giving me a pork shoulder, I'm biting into my wife's one-year-old dry-aged placenta with barbecue seasoning on it. Her age is like wine. I'd throw...

Age is like cheddar cheese. It gets moldy and nasty. I'd throw up. No, you can't have a placenta. No, I'm not eating the placenta. I guarantee my wife's not doing that shit either. No, back to the uncle. He is not blood uncle, obviously. We've said this multiple times. He does not share blood with Olivia. But they have known each other just as long as I've known him and I've known Olivia. We all came in cahoots at one time. That's why they are brother-sister. We are brothers and we are lovers. You know something now, pal? What?

You know you proposed to Olivia some odd years ago. I did. I did.

You were there. You know you had. You were there crying in a garden behind a bush. God bless. 110 degree weather, and I was hungover. So when your balls sack off, hungover crying. Hungover. They thought you were on drugs. Yeah, 100%. You're in a bush going. Security came over, and they're like, what are y'all doing back here? I said, you need to go. I'm about to capture a life moment here. There we go. But. What were you thinking about? I was thinking, you dated Olivia as well before you married. That's normally the timeline. That's typically how it goes. There we go.

Y'all kept your relationship from me, uh, relationship, uh, secret from me at the beginning. A hundred percent. That is the biggest betrayal that I've ever done. You're such an idiot. No, we did not. Second off, did it not cross your mind when you were going to propose to Olivia, uh,

You're like, I gotta talk to her dad. I gotta talk to her mom. I gotta talk to Peyton? Are you nuts? No, that didn't cross my mind. Isn't that a little messed up? Hey bro, do you mind if I marry your friend that's my love interest? No, not that. Is it okay? Is it okay that I marry Olivia? That you give your attention more to somebody else now.

Like, didn't you not, did that not cross your mind as a best friend and a former lover? Not in the slightest. Former lover, not in the slightest. You haven't held my Johnson since Black Ops 4 released. No, my God, no, we didn't. Remember that we went to, we watched Prisoners in my bed, on my twin bed in Seminole Nation. It was a good night. And then we went to the garage. It was a good night. And we ate burgers.

It was a good night. Honestly, you're a lady killer. And in that case, in that night... I was a boy. You were a boy killer. You were a killer of boys. My pants had a stain on them. Back to... I think we set the record for amount of boy tongue in a dormitory. 100%. A lot of boy tongue was shared. And it wasn't from macaroni. I know what your taste buds feel like. You've played...

virtual tongue boxing with my uvula. He said, your tongue's throwing jabs at the back of my throat. That ain't, what are we doing? We're back. We're back. Hello to Cam's future kid. Hello, yeah. God, look.

Oh my god. You just gave me like a heartbreaking realization. No. Everything I've ever said on this podcast, from wiping my ass certain ways to bleeding in my ass certain ways, out of my ass, not in. Internal blood. I guess it was in and then out. All these things I've said, my kids are going to be able to see. You ever seen Triple H's intro? Sometimes I bleed out of my butt like that. Like a hot spring?

Your asshole is shooting blood like a geyser. You ever thumbed a garden hose and sprayed people like that? I don't know how much of this can go in. I don't know, CJ. We'll have a meeting. I don't know. I don't know. Okay. We'll watch it posted. God bless. Let's get to something. He's seen the comments about you coughing.

Yeah. You do cough a lot, and it's starting to annoy me as well. It's been recent. Basically, I caught a little bug, small bug. Some call it a beetle. I caught the beetle, ate the beetle. It had diseases, right? I'm just kidding. Caught a small bug. I was down and out for like two days, but now the cough's been here for like three weeks. Nice. I don't know what it is. Cool. Go get a doctor. I don't believe in them. The You Should Know Podcast.

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We went to all these places, right?

One thing I don't get and I can't ever ever budge on this. Your smell on the road. Huh? The way you smell on the road. Oh, no, no, no, I'm content with that. But I will die on this argument. I don't ever want to go sightsee. Ever. Like that's not fun. You know what I mean? I don't give a shit about a Mona Lisa. That bitch ain't never done shit for me. You know what I mean?

Who is that? You want me to go travel to Rome to go see a painting behind a rope? Piss on your grave. How about that? You think I want to go to North Dakota to see a carved Abraham Lincoln on a mountain? Cool. Oh, let's go see the Pentagon. Pint the fuck off, huh? Sorry. See, you know what I mean?

That's not fun. You are on one right now, and the Mount Rushmore is certainly not in North Dakota. Where is it? It can't be North Dakota. Where is it? It's not there. I couldn't tell you where it is, but it's not there. And you're such an iPad kid. No, no, no. I've been like this since I was a kid, and there wasn't iPads around. Exactly, but now there is, and you're an iPad kid. I've never cared about national...

monuments respect though respect why i don't think you do respect because you don't want to go to the grand canyon no you have no interest in seeing the the grandest of canyon if i pass by it and we can stop i'm like oh yeah let's go see it how much is the ticket it doesn't matter it does it does let's say it's 40 bucks 40 bucks i can do it okay how what do i get what do i gain you get to say you see the grand canyon with your own that's not what people are doing there you know what they're doing

Instagram story. People are sightseeing for other people's validation. Hey, newsflash, don't give a f*** what y'all think about me. Okay, and that's fair. That's fair. But to see it yourself is amazing. You wouldn't want to see the Coliseum. The Pantheon. I don't know what the Pantheon is. I thought that was a ribbon. I've won a Pantheon before. It's soccer. Paisel. 7th grade.

Pflugerville Athletic Youth Sports. I hate when you say it after you go Paisel. Pflugerville Athletic Sports, the orth association. So you wouldn't want to see the Great Wall of China? No. You wouldn't want to see the Pyramids Giza? Library Alexandria? Who's Alexandria? I met Alexandria one time.

You're the worst. You're the worst. But okay, explain to me what I gained, except for the validation of saying I went to go to this place. When people say that to me, I'm like, hear me out. Say we continue on this growth, right? Here in 10, 15 years, for whatever reason. Am I alive? You're very much alive. Hope to God. Let's find something. Okay.

There's a structure that we built that becomes a staple monument to Dallas. That's really cool. Like dope as hell. This is the YSK sculpture. People come from all around the country to see it. They're really bored. Now people come from all around the world. Would you not want, like, say you're gone, right? We're dead and gone. God bless. And people still come and see that. Is that not amazing? When I'm dead, I don't care what's going on in the mortal world. I don't care.

I'm with Jesus. It's history. But is it really, though? Yes, yes. Is it really? Yes, it is. No, it's not. Yes, it is. It's history. I don't like people that just don't care about history. I respect history. What we're seeing is refurbished. You ever bought a refurbished iPad before? That USB port has been plugged in and out several times. There's dust. There's dust. You know what I mean? But it still works. But it's not the original one.

You think it's a fake Coliseum? Have you been to the Alamo? Yeah. Are you... They blew the shit out of the Alamo. You think that's the same wall? They probably... Probably some of it was standing. They had to remodel it. You know what I could go do? You know what I could go do? I could go... I could just go to L.A., right? And go to a sound studio. And then have directors make that. It's the same shit because it's not the actual one. What do I gain from seeing the Mona Lisa? Who is that? I don't know. Like, literally, who is that? I don't know. I guess some random broad way back in the day...

She must have had some fire clam. I'm sorry. We're going. We're going. You're pissing me off. You are degrading, belittling, and not understanding things that have come before you. I know. So what if people said the same thing about us when we're gone? I don't care. I don't care about the mortal world. That's going to happen. I'm sitting up there in my golden plate hanging out with Christ. That's the biggest thing. Yes. That's great. I don't care. That's the best thing ever.

I'm saying like, I've talked to girls before and they've been like, I want to travel the world and I want to go see those four little... Because it's dope. I want to see those four little stones in Iceland. Yeah, okay. What do I give... Go outside. I'll take you to go see some rocks.

It's not the same. Is it though? Historical importance. It's like a... But it's not the same rocks. Okay, imagine Pokemon. You open up cards, right? Regular cards. I can buy and sell. Exactly. I can't buy and sell those rocks. I'm giving you things. Rocks is your regular card. You get a train or a little energy card or something. But then you pull that prismatic, double ultra rare Charizard.

You're holding that. Your heart's fluttering. Your fanny's fluttering. But you don't even get to hold these things. You don't get to touch them. You just get to see them. If I can see something, Google images. That's not the same. Shit's in 4K. That's not the same when you're looking at the Pyramid of Giza and you're butt naked and hairy in your bed. That's actually the exact same thing. No, it's not. That's like saying being at the NBA Finals game is the same as watching it on your TV. Watch this. That's not the same. No, no, it's...

completely different because you don't know what's going to happen. You're witnessing the actual history. That's different. You are a part of the history if you were there. You are a part of history. Exactly. I can throw something in this game right now and that hot dog that I just threw on LeBron James is going to affect the course of history for

Exactly. That's different. No. It's the same thing as just going to see an old Polaroid image. It's the same shit. You know what I mean? You're disrespectful. I respect history. Don't take this as I'm not respecting history. I just don't want to go see that. I don't care.

The people that do it simply for the Instagram, I understand that. It's 90% of people. That is a lot. You know what I mean? People take pictures just to say, ooh, I went here. It's like, enjoy the moment. But we'll have to agree to disagree because I'm literally going to drag your bony ass to Rome with me. I'm not going to Rome. You are. I hate to break it to you. Matter of fact, you actually are because we did a blood oath handshake. I've never touched blood with you. You would not be alive if you had touched my blood. All right?

Had it bad. That's, that's, that's crazy. Alright, we can mute it. We can mute it. We'll keep it, but we can mute it. Huh? Huh? You're a sick man. You're a sick man. Mosquitoes run from you. Mosquito, a whole hive would die if they went after you. I'm the reason vampires are extinct. Oh my, oh my god, speaking of vampires. Okay. That guy in his car that we saw the other day. Which one? The guy had the biggest cross I've ever seen hanging from his...

Made of baboon or not baboon. It was made of bark off of a tree. You know how, okay, imagine your little rear view, your mirror right there. Some people have a rosary hanging. Some people have a cute little cross that their kid made in vacation Bible school. I had Gucci Mane in 2006. You had a Gucci Mane sticker scent smell good. That was pretty epic. It was the first time I've seen something like that. Got it from Zoomies. It was pretty lit. This guy, we get stopped at a red light next to him. I turn over. He's in a lifted truck.

This cross is this big hanging from his mirror made of like birch. It was like ropes together. It wasn't even like a cool design or like something he bought. It's like he went up to a tree and went...

He's a vampire hunter. No, it is Van Helsing. His field of vision was corrupted. It was the biggest. I really wish I would have took a picture because y'all aren't even fathoming how big this shit is. The crazy part is when you look at him, you're like, that's not a man of crime. Yeah. He looked like he's done some evil things in his life. It looks like his day job is something that he doesn't do on Quicken tax books. Oh, my God. You can't report that. You can't file that. Nighttime job, he walks around with onions and steaks. He tries to kill the vampires.

He looked like the Undertaker when he used to ride a motorcycle. There you go. That's exactly right. You know what I mean? Marlboro red sticking out of that right side of his lip. How was your week, Bubba? Would you smoke a cigarette? Would I smoke a cigarette?

Maybe not necessarily for what it comes with, but for like an aesthetic. For an aesthetic? I would hold one. Say you're in France. Someone throws you a stogue. Wouldn't go. What am I going for? You know I don't like to sightsee. Say you're in France. Okay. Someone throws you a stogue, lights that joint, says put it up. It makes you look like a real Frenchman. I would do it. Take this flick. Do I get a croissant and a small bagel? You do get a beignet and a glass of tea. Isn't a beignet what cleans your ass?

I have a beignet in my bathroom. You have a bidet? Oh. A beignet is a beautiful little donut-looking creature with powdered sugar on top that makes you on the inside. Fun fact, I figured out that bidet that I had on my toilet, it's not a bidet. So I've been spraying my ass with something that's not supposed to go in there. What is it? It's like a toilet scraper, like a water toilet scraper. It's so powerful. And I was like, why is my... This is hurting! I was like, why do I have a bruised bum?

You know what I mean? You ever get butthole cramps? No. What? No. See, you? Oh, yeah, you do. Y'all get butthole cramps. Like, you ever, like, breathe in too hard and your lung hurts? Yeah. It's like the same thing, but down under. No, you need to. We're going to the doctor. I probably should. No, we're going to the doctor. No, you need to. Last time I went to the doctor, I got a physical. You know me and my physicals. Time out. I understand you like physicals. Yeah, I love them. And we could have just went on a different path right there. Mm-hmm.

you haven't been to a doctor in seven years yeah about except for for a major surgery is that bad i should probably go no no that's bad but like you haven't been to a doctor you haven't been to a doctor before covid was everything yeah during a pandemic yeah post pandemic

And everything in between. You haven't been to a doctor since you were an athlete. Like, what for? If I feel fine, I'm fine. And if I go out, I want to go out just living my regular life. I don't want to know. Oh, you're going to go out. There's no if. It's like a when at this point. You're going to go out, and I think it's quicker than we're expecting. Praise God. I hope not. That's not when. Praise God. But how have you? That's like saying, what? Since last time you've been to a dentist.

My wisdom tooth surgery? Okay, I'll think about it. Are you talking about like a cleaning? But before that. Oh. I think when I got my braces off in like high school, like 9th grade, 10th grade.

for dentists dentists terrify me and one thing about the dentist i went for my wisdom tooth surgery and it like solidified the fact that i'm not going i'm never going back to the dentist because all the nurses are victoria's secret models oh yeah i'm like oh you can i don't want you in my mouth you see in the black tar that i have on there or do you no i don't because they'll be like oh you're he's attractive what the

She goes, oh my god, this guy's kind of like dead ass. What if someone gagged from your oral health? And he threw up in my mouth. He. Whoa. We were talking about Victoria's Secret Model women. I'm saying the dentist that I used to go to. He was a man. Big, strong fingers. I remember his knuckle hair. I used to always want knuckle hair because of him. You know what? That brings me to a question. You wanted knuckle hair because of a dentist? Yeah, his shit looked like an ape. I was like, Cobalt.

All right. Yeah. I just thought of something else. This is the conversation. This is the gift that keeps giving. Because you're giving me little gems. Would you accept someone hitting on you in a place of business around other co-workers? Yes.

I know you're a macho man. Am I though? I don't know. I'm just kidding. You're pretty sassy. You're a sassy broad. You're a sassy girl. But in terms of masculinity and sex that you exude from your body, your female pheromones are high levels, okay? You can walk in a room. Kind of make it be hard. I keep talking and you're just like...

You just see your pants start moving. Get off me. Okay. This is a wild episode. Okay, you walk in a room. Let's just cut the shit, okay? You know what? Once and for all, we're cutting the shit. Episode 122, shit's being cut. You're an attractive guy. Thank you. We all know that. Don't do that. Don't do that. I'm being honest with you. I'm being vulnerable. You're an attractive man. You're quite tall, big frame, got decent hair. You're a good guy.

Mouth is there, right? It's alright. I can hide it. Your mouth is good. You just don't brush enough. I got good mouth. You got good mouth. Hello to you. Good mouth, attractive man. We all know that. And you know that. Okay. Do you know that? I'm aware of that. I want you on the record. I'm aware that people think that, yes. Okay.

And what is even more, what is more giving and attractive is you don't have a crazy ego that some people with your blessed genetics and looks would have. So that being the baseline, here we go. When you walk into a room, fannies flutter. Okay, God bless. Some things tingle in some women. It's happened before. We're not going to say it happened. Did you take like a census, like a survey? No, I had binoculars and I was outside, okay? I'm just kidding. No.

Now, God bless. I also know you're very anxious. You're always in your own thoughts. It's a dark, scary place. Dark, scary place. And you'd want things to be one-on-one. You don't want other people snooping in your business. You don't like that. So now, let's say you're going to deposit a check, right? Let's just do bank. You deposit a check inside. You didn't feel like doing the drive-thru today. I hate the drive-thru. You're going in. She's like, hey, how's your day? You go, oh, I'm good. And she keeps going. Yeah.

Three employees are behind her. They're all can hear everything. Yeah. Guys, girls, everything. Okay. And she is verbally, verbally chasing you right in the flesh. How do you react? What do you do? I'm flirting back. Okay. But I'm talking, it's not like a, you look good. How's your day? Where are you going? It's like, I want you. Like I need you. How bad?

And she goes, "9 out of 10 bad." I'll be like, "Okay, well we can...we can...slow down, you're scaring me." Okay. And then I'll be like, "Well, we...well, uh, here's my number, we can talk sometime." She goes, "No, I don't want to..." Am I attracted to her? Yes. Oh, then yeah. She goes, "No, I don't want a number. My lunch break's in 20 minutes. Wait for me." "Oh man, no, you're scaring me. No." "No, what are you scared? You're not a man?"

I am. I'm a boy now. Oh, you're a boy? Yeah. Show me what that boy tongue does. Oh my God. Yeah, she's doing this in front of her coworkers. Okay, this is the second time. It was the flight attendants on this. You've had fantasies about my sexual experiences. It's not a fantasy. I want you. But you're very like, you like when somebody's dominating me. No, no, no. Do you want to dominate me? Dude, I miss it. No, I'm just kidding. I like seeing what you think you would do in this world. Oh, I would flirt back. Okay, a bank is different. Let's say we're at a bank.

Like a 7-Eleven. Like a Cracker Barrel. No, no, no. A gas station. Let's say somebody's coming and busting my table with some non-slips on. I like the groundwork. Like that's what, you know, if you weren't all black Walmart Skechers, oh my god, you could have my offspring.

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? If you have some calluses on those fingers from washing or from lifting heavy boxes in the back room of a Walmart. Okay, non-slips. That's your bag? Yeah. You set it tight. That's my thing. Okay. Why are you so worried about my love life? I like it. I'm not going to lie. I like it.

It's intriguing. It's fun. I like... Is it intriguing? What's intriguing? I like being a fly on a wall. It's intriguing. I want to see you naked. Well, you have. And it's not fun. My love life isn't fun. It's actually very disappointing and very depressing. That's... Well...

Okay, the depressing part is something you keep on the inside. Yeah, 100%. The fun part, I might have lied. It's actually quite sad. No, it is sad. And to the point where I've been obsessed on TikTok with this family of four that has 12 followers on TikTok. And I don't know what my algorithms are, but...

Every time, every like six video, it's a video of this black family of four, regular degular. They don't even post like, get ready with me, these are fun videos. It's like a little slideshow of their beach trip. Or like they're in their kitchen and the daughter made a little icing on the cake. I love this little family. I don't know their names. I could go find it. They literally do nothing interesting. It's just the fact that they pop up on my For You page. Do you want a family of your own? No. No.

No, I don't. Why does everybody think I want... Our editor, CJ, spoke and said cap in the background. Why does everybody think I want kids? Why does everybody think I want kids? I didn't say kids. I said family. Does that come with a family? It starts with a wife. It doesn't mean you have to get pregnant right away. Do you want to settle down? No. Are we addressing all the comments right now? Is this Patreon? No, okay. Talk about something else. Get it off of me. The You Should Know Podcast.

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Okay, honestly, no, we're gonna go right back to you because I have a very, very important thing. Okay. Okay, the announcement is out. Me and Liv, we're having a baby. God bless. Uncle P in the flesh. Now, I have a very important thing for you. You have a gift? You're gonna, oh no, I don't, I don't give gifts to you. I'm just kidding. I know. No, stop, stop, stop. I love giving you gifts. It's just, I don't, you're different. After, after you stop kissing me, the gifts stop too, huh? Nope, nope, nope. Kisses are still coming. You get best sows on Sundays. Hello. Hello.

I have an uncle quiz. We're gonna do an uncle quiz. Because this is very important. Very important to me and Liv that you pass this. Okay. So the quiz, the parameters of the quiz, say our kid's five or six. They're very cognitive, very interested in life. They come stay the night with Uncle Pete. That's dangerous. But you have no clue what a five or six year old is ever gonna say. I don't know what any kid does. You have no clue what's coming out of their mouth. What do they need?

So I'm going to hit you with sample sentences that our child might say, and you have to respond to them, and you better pass this test. So we're going to see what you keep to yourself, what you lie about, what you censor. We're going to see all of it. This isn't good because I'm going to need a babysitter when I'm babysitting your kid. Like I need somebody supervising me to make sure the kid is okay. So we're just going to get straight to it. We're going to get straight to it.

So, again, these are sentences that will go five or six-year-old kids staying with their uncle for the first time. They're super curious about life. Uncle's house is different. Boom. First one, okay? Uncle, why is there so much trash here? Uncle, why are my eyebrows so light? Oh, is this a boy or a girl? Can we say it's a boy? Doesn't matter. Just assume. Either, whatever you want. Oh, because your dad has light eyebrows. Okay. Uncle, why is that woman over there shirtless? She's my...

I paid her to be. What does that mean, Unc? What does that mean, Unc? I'm kidding. Well, okay. Oh, no! You're almost failing. That was almost an automatic F. Like, the quiz was ripped from your hands. Okay, re-ask it, re-ask it. Okay. Uncle, why is that woman shirtless? And who is she? Oh, please close your eyes. My kid's already seen it! My kid has been exposed to breasts...

And now it's asking its uncle. Do I kick it over so it forgets? Kick my kid? It's like a smoke bomb. It's like they get disoriented. They don't know. They're like, what's happening? There's titties and feet. I don't know what happens. I don't know. Liv is going to kill you after hearing this. I know. Okay. I'm going to give you one more chance. One more chance. One more chance. Serious answer. Uncle, who is that woman? Why is she shirtless? Oh, she's going to provide you a friend here in nine months.

You're gonna have a friend. She's uncle so she's naked so you can have a friend. Uncle who is she? I barely know her name too. You're failing so bad. All right.

asking that okay first of all they're curious that's unfair curious that's unfair they see it they're gonna ask about it that's unfair because i would not have a naked person in my house big things jiggling over there stop yeah stop i would not have a naked person in the house while your kids are okay well that that's good ground you still failed the question well that's it's an unrealistic question because it's not gonna happen hopefully where do we go when we sleep where do you mean

That's what I'm asking you, Unks. What? Where do we gozers when we sleep? So you're real dumb, okay. Well, let me tell you something stupid. You go to your bed, hopefully. Not location, dumbass uncle. Where do we go when my eyes are closed and I wake up and it's new day? Hey, some things in life you don't need to ask questions for. I don't know. So you're not smart either, Unk? That's why, Uncle Shroop.

I can't stay. Oh, man. You gotta mute that. Oh, man. Okay. Oh, Liv might not ever let our kids stay. Okay, what? All right. Uncle, I was wondering this, but I didn't get to ask Mommy. Why do we have to wear clothes? Because you'll go to jail if you walk out with no clothes on. What's jail? Oh, it's a place where killers and murderers and evil people... I want Daddy! Daddy!

What would you say to that? I'd be like, please, because you're screaming in my house and you're ruining my peace. Get out. And you f***ing stink. You complaining little whiny bitch. There's a couple more. There's only a couple more. And you are f***ed. There's a couple more. That one was good. This kid sucks. They're curious. Okay, here we go. Okay, why are they asking me? Because you're the only adult with them. It's you and them in the house. Okay.

Okay. And whoever the naked lady was. Yeah, whoever the naked broad with her goodie bags hanging out in front of my son is. Whoever that raunchy little woman is. All right, here we go. Okay. Uncle, can I have chocolate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner this weekend? No. Yes. No. If you don't tell your parents. Matter of fact, this is a parent one. Outside the quiz room. My kid comes and stays over. What are you feeding him? Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Give me the rundown. McDonald's breakfast. McDonald's lunch. We can go...

We can go Mexican for dinner. You're... Oh. I can't cook. Don't bring it to my house if you want them to be well-nourished. Tell a buddy to pack a lunch. I don't know. That's your job. I'm not their parent. We're here to have fun. Take them to Toys R Us. All right.

Last one. All right. Uncle. Yeah. You ask so many questions, kid. God damn. I'm trying to drink a beer and watch the game. Shit. Shut your mouth. What's beer? It's something that's making me tolerate you. Here we go. Okay. I'm so sorry. I just finished potty training, but I pissed in your bed. What would you want me to do? Call your dad.

Call him. But what do you want me to do about the pee on your pillow case? Not much you can do, but I promise you, you're not going to have the chance to do it again. I peed where you rest your head. First of all... There might be pee on your bathroom floor, too. Yeah. Wait, you're five or six peeing on... I'm five. I finished potty training Scary Nightmare About Goodie Bag Woman and peed where you lay your head. So I'm going to have to talk with your dad and your mommy. Okay. And if they ever want you to see Uncle P again, that's going to be fixed. All right?

So you go ahead and call them. But uncle, I love you. Imagine the eyes. Oh my God. How much you love Ruby. It's a cute, say it's a cute little girl pissed in your bed accidentally. Her eyes, her little curls. She just loves you so much. But uncle, you're my favorite uncle. I just realized, little kid, you're a little cross-eyed. Oh, you have issues. You're going to wear sunglasses in Unky's house because you scare him.

Anki doesn't like making direct eye contact with you. Okay, enough of my kids. Dogs bark when you look at them. Oh, shit. You're going to have a hard time getting a driver's license. God, dude. He said, draw that. Dogs run the other way. It's fucking wicked. Oh, they go, oh. Imagine my poor, sweet little girl. She's at a dog park. Doggy! It's like, it takes off running. She's like, doggy, come here, doggy.

She's like, "Ah, puppy! Come here!" The dog's like, "Hurr, hurr!" Gets in a corner. Oh, man. Oh, your kid's gonna hate us, bro! Oh my god, and you said you're gonna make my kid look like Ray Charles! He's gonna wear sunglasses in your house, dog? It's like, your kid has like a little like, kit whenever it walks in the door. I'm dripping wet. They're like, "Do I have to?" I'm like, "Please, 'cause I'll get scared of you!" It's like a robe, glasses, they're just like... Oh, man.

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Alright, we're back. Oh man. I'm sorry I didn't mean to talk about your kid like that. Holy shit, that was so fun. Future niece or nephew, you know I love you. Here we go. Just don't ask those questions at Uncle P's. Yeah. Last thing on kids. Speaking of kids. Okay. It was just Daxon's birthday, right? Happy birthday, Daxon. Love you, buddy. Love you, Daxon. That's your Uncle P, Uncle Cam. Fantastic kid. That's my sister's son. So we went over to my sister's house. Nice. You know my sister. I love your sister. Health freak. Yeah, great cook. Cooks everything natural, organic, all that stuff, right? Yep.

There's a pinata for his birthday. First thing that pisses me off, it's not even the classic pinatas. The world's getting soft on us. It's not even a stick-headed thing now. They make pinatas where you pull a string.

Huh? There's 30 strings at the bottom. You keep pulling until you find the right one that just opens it up. That's soft. That's soft. That's a participation trophy if I've ever seen one. No, whoever's as strong as it beats that pinata. Beats that pinata, then you go with Pharaoh. And you get all the candies in there. Oh, my God. See, I'm glad you said that. All the what? The candies in there. Like what?

Reese's and Lollipops. If you got a good piñata, you get one of the Mexican lollipops with all that yin-yang on it. It's not. It's Tahin, maybe. Tahin and Chamoy. For Preston's, we had scorpions inside of our lollipops. Oh, that's creepy. That's Indiana Jones. That's Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Raider of the Lost Ark. I went to a white person's birthday party one time. They had little sample Mountain Dews come out of there. I said, nah.

We're at a trailer park. Alright, here we go. Sorry. Sorry. Why is your backyard so sandy? I'm glad you brought that up. Tell me why. All the strings get pulled out. Shit doesn't even work. Doesn't even open. So my sister goes in there. Helps Daxon. Birthday boy, right? He's already scared of the pinata. Doesn't even know what it is. He's only three. Four, maybe. I forgot. He's one of those. Three. She opens the pinata. Peyton. Grapes.

cherry tomatoes, celery, and portabella mushrooms fell out of the pinata. You would have thought that these kids were working for Gordon Ramsay on a challenge of Chef's Kitchen and they had to make a salad. It was the saddest shit I had ever seen in my entire life. All the kids went...

Oh, there was full-blown fruits and vegetables, and then there was packaged crackers, slices of prosciutto. I said, a charcuterie board just took a shit out of this pinata. It was the healthiest, lamest pinata I've ever seen. Whose idea was that? My sister. Heather. She's a health nut. I love her to death. But holy shit. Give the kids some sugar.

Give them some sugar. Yo, the shit popped open and it was like a fruit bar, like a fruit salad tray. I'm not going to lie. If I was there, I'd have been like, Heather, what the fuck? I started screaming, making fun of my sister in front of her friends and they all started laughing and it was bad. What did Heather say to explain herself? One kid filled his bag and said, mom, you can have it and literally gave it to his mom and jumped back in the pool.

Bro, I was blown. That is bad. Cheese sticks. Heather is a hell of a mom. Packets of hummus. Hell of a mom she is. I said, is it a pinata for 40-year-olds? Hell of a mom she is.

That's a strike. Two more and you're out. That is a 96-mile-an-hour fastball right down the pipe. You know how whenever kids are growing up and they're super like, don't drink, don't smoke, and then they get to college and they drink and smoke? Dax is going to get to college and be like, where's the candy? He'll be like, where's a piece of pie? Because I've been eating hummus and celery for all 18 years of my life. He was like, I feel like Captain America, but I don't.

I want some gluten. He goes, I'm tired of this six pack. Hand me a bush light. He said, I want some love handles a little bit. It's going to be a rude awakening. That is, that's bad. Her kids went feral over it. Oh, yay, favorite snacks. Every other kid there was like, what the, is that a mushroom? I said, am I making a pizza? It was bad, bro. I can't imagine. It was bad. I can't imagine Coralie and Daxon being like, yeah. Oh my God, they were so excited. Oh, our snacks, mommy. Every other kid.

There's not even a fruit roll-up in this? Like, there's not... Is that a date? What?

Is that a date? It was sick work, bro. Oh, having a protein shake and a piñata is crazy. Having an unassembled acai bowl fall out of a piñata is wicked work. And creatine monohydrate come out of it. Oh, my God. Yeah, little packets of electrolytes fall out. I said, what are you doing? We got liquid hypoion here. Is this a CrossFit invitational? What is happening? Oh, my God, that's hilarious. It was the craziest shit ever. I know you said this last thing about kids. Okay, what was my favorite subject in school?

I got awards for it. English. English. I said science and I said, you don't know potions. I was great at English. And I thought at an early age, I was a future author. Like I was like, I'm going to be a best-selling author because I love to write. I would always get hundreds on my essays. Anything below 100, I would cry. That's such a weird claim to fame you live by. Until I realized my essays weren't original. And I want to know if anybody else...

finish their essays like this like as a kid for school essays. Oh my god, I'm so excited. I know exactly how I finished mine. I think depending like a free writing essay? Free writing like maybe not. Like fictional like you get to be creative. Okay. Okay, go for it. At the end of every essay it was like my claim to fame. You know like J.K. Rowling has her claim like you know it's a J.K. Rowling book or you know like whoever these famous authors are that's their book because of a certain thing. I wanted to make mine early and at the end of every essay

essay I would put and then they woke up didn't everybody do that no I thought and then they woke everything you've ever written was a dream I was writing from the POV of Martin Luther King you didn't write yeah Martin Luther King Jr. Jr. over here you didn't write a single thing that was real

Everything was a dream? Because I was always like, I was like the M. Night Shyamalan of Rowland Elementary School. I was like, there's the twist. I was like, that's what we're going to find right here. Your teacher gets so tired of it.

She's like, hey, stop making this dream. She's like, do something where they're awake, please. This shit is annoying to great. I'd be like the 140 characters before because essays. I thought I was writing novels. Oh, you're like one page. Yeah. Oh my God. And then I'll be like, and then they woke up and I thought I would literally like drop the pen after that. Then they woke up. Okay. So,

So wait, y'all didn't end y'all's essays? I thought everybody did that, and then I woke up. I ended my essays probably the Caucasian-est way of it all. How'd you do it? I literally summarized everything I just said once more. In conclusion? In conclusion, this happened, this was the trial they got through, and it all worked out. So that's the difference between me and regular students. You just wanted the formula of what you're supposed to do. I just wanted to finish it. You wanted to leave a mark. Come on now. You wanted your jersey to be retired. Come on now. Enroll in middle school.

What? Oh, one thing I just remembered. I swear to God, this is true. I swear to God. You're scaring me. Your eyes have got so big. And it's so cringy. And like my butthole just got tight. So for Rolaine Elementary School, I was the first class to like go to that school. Right. And so outside by the playground, it was like fresh cement. And so they had all of us put our hands in the fresh cement.

Until I went to high school, every summer, I would go past my handprint and I'd be like, I did that. I was so proud of it. I would walk towards it like that was a Hollywood Walk of Fame. So you were a 13-year-old, 8th grade basketball prospect going to your 5-year-old hands saying...

It like meant something to me. Like I felt like, like, cause I, I'm always like my, my, my legendary stat. Like I want to be a legend. Like I want to solidify something in this earth. Like have a mark. Yeah. And that concrete right there, your five-year-old hands. And when, then they woke up, those are, those are your, your first legacies. Yeah. But then I started getting real heavy into breaking and entering the houses like model homes. I would go in and like rob them, but it put everything back.

Like, I would move the vase upstairs. You know what I mean? Me and my friends would break in a model home. You are a serial killer. You... Oh, my God. That would be the type of serial killer you are. What? If you were one. You'd go in, do the crime, and then your trademark would be moving one thing where it's not supposed to be. And you'd leave that. That'd be your breadcrumb. You know how serial killers, like, they love the chase? Yeah, you want that one little mark. That would be you. I would leave a piece of my back hair on the counter. You would off someone.

And then you would literally just like tilt a picture for me. 100%. Oh my God, you'd be such a creep. I was a weird ass kid. You wore suspenders and a tail. You don't have to tell us twice. I think it's because I went through... You were very strange. I think it's because I went through a lot of trauma as a kid when I moved into my first apartment, right?

So as a family, this is a really nuts story, and I hope people don't find it insensitive, but it's a very true story. The fact you're prefacing this, I am... I'm just telling a story about something I have been through. I actually witnessed it. Okay. And now that I think about it as a grown man, it probably did leave a little mark on me. Oh, I am... I am all ears. So we...

As a family, me, my mom, my dad, my brother, we moved to this apartment as our new house was getting built. The apartment wasn't in the most affluent area, right? So there's a lot of people. It was like a commuter apartment. You stay there for a little bit and you leave. No one's living there for a while. A lot of black and miles. Like smell. Wow. Be careful. Like smell. What else was there, huh? Cigarette smell. What else?

Marijuana smell. What else? In commuter apartment, probably a little alcohol. Yes, there's a lot of weed, there's a lot of like thugs, there's a lot of- No, no! What? No, don't no! There's gangs at my apartment. No. Yes, there was. We had graffiti on our trash can. Okay, but you said it, not me. Okay, yeah, there was a lot of like sketchy characters in my apartment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of foreigners there too. Okay. So, one day, my family was out, we were getting groceries or something.

We go back into my apartment, right? And in my apartment, there was a balcony. The view was like a trash can in a park, right? And a lot of police activity happened at that park, right? A basketball goal with half the backboard broken off. That's what it looked like. You get the image, right?

Swish or miss. And so we were like in the middle apartment. So there was balconies below us. There was balconies on top of us. This story is about the balcony on top of us. Okay. Right? We're putting groceries up. We're putting groceries up. And we hear like, we hear this noise. Now, noises were normal because it's a lot of yelling, a lot of screaming. You hear something break. Yeah. This noise was a noise I've never heard before. Okay. I started hearing. Okay.

And I was like... Someone's lawn mowing? There's no lawn to be mowed here. There's no lawn to be mowed. Someone's weed eating their metal fence? And it's above us. It's directly above us. Yeah, no grass up there, I'm assuming. My mom hits one of those patented, you get the broom, you hit the ceiling. Two seconds later. I'm like...

That's not normal. They have a NASCAR in their living room? What is this? My chore, because my mom didn't give me much responsibility, my mom would say, Peyton, go to the balcony and water the trees. What are they called? Plants. Water the plants. Don't have a tree on your balcony. Yeah. My mom would say, go outside and water the plants. I was excited about it. I get a little bit of responsibility. I get to keep things alive, right? I go to the balcony, right? And the noise is ten times louder.

That's not the problem, though. So they're on the balcony at this point. You're assuming. Wait for this. Okay. I look up. On the railing of the balcony above me, it's wet. Like, there's like, it's rained outside. It's like little driplets and droplets of something on top of that balcony. But I can't make it out yet. But then I look to the right on that wall. Red streak just going down the wall. And I said, Mom! Mom! I thought somebody was getting...

My mom goes, "Oh hell no!" She pokes her head out of the balcony to look up. The family above us just moved in from Bosnia. Apparently in Bosnia it is a normal thing to axe a goat at your house. I look up, they are axing a goat in half on the balcony. My mom calls the police, right?

And I'm not trying to be insensitive, but we're in Pflugerville, Texas. I've never seen a goat, let alone one getting slaughtered above me.

There is so much blood. I'm like, they come with the police come upstairs. I follow because I'm nosy. I'm like, we're all trying to figure out what the hell is going on. And we weren't aware of the culture of the goat thing. And they were very apologetic. They're like, they were so confused that this was a disturbance in this apartment.

And I'm not going to do the accent because I'd be insensitive, but essentially they were like, I'm so sorry. Like, this is what we do for like, whatever. Yeah. Like this, we're making dinner. And I said, you can just go to Target. Go buy a pork shoulder. I swear to you. I thought Dexter Morgan was above me. Blood drip. It looks like the Messiah's coming back. You would have thought Dahmer was cooking up there.

You gotta be... That is trauma. They got evicted. They got evicted immediately. 100%. You can't do that. Like, you literally can't have a full-size goat and ax him in half in the middle of Pflugerville, Texas. I'm sorry. You know what I mean? The most exciting thing we have is a McDonald's. We just got a Zaxby's and we lost our mind. Do you know what I mean? Like, we don't have cattle like that. Could you... Okay.

Okay, please let me play with this for a little bit. Okay. Could you imagine say the railing was like really wide? And a goat head just went and fell onto your balcony. Like just scream. Oh, oh poor family. So now you understand.

Why I have... Is that why you jump when you hear loud noises? If you hear a car alarm, like a horn around Peyton, he'll be like... Every time. I've been through some things that kids shouldn't experience. Dude, that is...

Did you have pissing contests with your boys? Oh, my God. For distance? We did. Okay. We did. Cool. Oh, there were some athletes that I used to... Oh, in my school? Mm-mm. God, they'd be trying to jump over streams. They would always make fun of me because I'd have too much dribble. Like, at the beginning and the end. I never had a strong start and a strong finish. You had penile blockage? You know? Had to break that crust? No, it was like a nerve thing. You never had, like, a shitty water faucet and it goes...

You had a shitty penis. You had a crusty penis. Come on. You had lint on the hole, and you had a... And it was like... You know, like a bad faucet goes... And then you finally get the stream? That was me. And then when you close it, there's always a couple of... PPD. I still struggle with PPD. You struggle with PPD. You give me a pair of underwear back, and they were not the same color when I gave it to you. I was just about to tell you. You look at the shorts you gave me the other day. Whole left side, because I hang left. Wet.

I'm not sure what it was from, though, because I remember I fully took your pants off to pee because I knew there was going to be some drippage. You got ass naked? As a respect for you. In your own home to take a piss? 100%. That's the most freeing thing. How many minutes a day are you naked? Oh. How many minutes a day are you naked? Oh, how many minutes are in a day? You know what I mean? I can give you an accurate answer if you tell me that information. You know what I mean? I'm naked a lot.

I'm naked a lot. Okay. Sometimes, CJ, do you ever hear thuds in my room upstairs? I do naked suicide sprints in my room. I'm like, I got to free this. You know what I mean? Because you need a weed eater for my ass hair. And the only way to open that up. Okay.

Okay, naked suicides in your bedroom. Oh my God. There's simply not enough room for that one. You're doing short gallops back and forth, just dangling. Sometimes I turn on the Fitness Grand Pacer test on YouTube on my TV and I'm like, can I beat my time from yesterday? How many down and backs can I get? Butt naked swinging.

I'll be here just sweating. And the longer you run, the more length you get. Blood does flow. A famous doctor once told me, you run, the blood flows. Yeah. See, but when I do physical activity, I don't know what it is. It hides? It hides.

- It goes away, it hibernates. It doesn't hide, it hibernates. My penis is never smaller than when I just had a great back day. Like, never in my life. If I go lift weights and I come, like, I leave the gym, it's like, who am I? - Even leg days? - No, leg day doesn't matter. - Leg days, I was like, I might change my profession. - Because the southern hemisphere is flowing with blood. - You know what I mean. - If I'm focusing on an inner chest workout, I am dickless. In the middle of chest, in the middle of cable flies,

I literally don't have genitalia. I swear to God. It inverts itself. I don't know what that, I don't know if that's a syndrome, I don't know if that's something I need to work on. I don't know if there's blood blockage or if I'm so focused mind to muscle. I'm like, let me get a fantastic pump and it's like, if I had to pee, it'd come out of my left thigh because there's no penis to be found.

It is. Let's just say if I were to get pantsed in a public gym, underwear and all, I'd have to bomb the gym. I'd have to kill everyone in half a mile radius. Or I'd have to leave the country, change my name, change my profession. Do you have goals in life? To not be pantsed in a public gym? No, like bucket list goals? Maybe a couple. Maybe I can't spit them off the top of my head. You don't have to. Is there ever a fear that comes with some of your bucket list goals?

Give me an example. So I have a bucket list goal, right, of being on a court side at a basketball game. Okay. We were talking about being butt naked. Oh, no, I'm moving. I'm moving. The train is going. He's going to say something crazy. No, I have a dream of being court side at a basketball game, right? Like an L.A. Lakers primetime game, you know what I mean? If you want LeBron in it, you've got to hurry up on this goal. You know, I can make it happen.

But there's this overwhelming fear that I have. Because you know when I'm anxious, I lose control of ligaments. My hands, I shake a lot. Your sensory motor skills. I can't. I can't. I have a big fear, and I've had nightmares about this. People have good dreams? I've never had a good dream. Let me put that out there. Have y'all had good dreams? You have good dreams?

Yeah. Never had one of those. You've only had nightmares. Literally, in my whole life, I've only had nightmares. I've never been like... You've never had a good dream? No. Just dreaming sleeves you like this in the bed? No. The closest is a wet dream, but...

What? That was a boy. I've had dreams of encounters with celebrities that I love. I've had dreams that I was a gladiator back in times. I've had sexual dreams. They all leave me with a smile. See, I get those, but my dreams are like episodic. Like, I'll meet LeBron James. I go outside hit by a Hummer. You know what I mean? Like, I never have a happy ending. Like, I'm always running from something in the rain, and Oprah's always f***ing there, dog. Oprah's everywhere, bro. I don't know what she did to me.

I remember you told me that the first time. He said every single nightmare he has, there's some... It could be the smallest or biggest cameo, but Oprah Winfrey is in that motherfucker every time. I swear to you, like, two months ago, I was in, like... Like, I had a dream that our house got robbed. Oprah was on the TV, brother. I don't know what, like...

I need a meter. You need a therapist. Like, someone that can really deep dive into this shit. I don't know, but about courtside. Yeah, back to basketball. But I have a fear that I'll trip a ref or I'll throw up on the court or spill my drink. LeBron goes, tears his ACL. I ruin LeBron's career. Oh, I kill you. You know what I mean? I would personally hurt you if that happened. Like, I just had that fear.

That was it. That was literally it. This is therapy for me. That's why I say so much on this microphone. That's good, but you know what I mean? That was it? That's it. The You Should Know Podcast. This episode is brought to you by PDS Debt. You know, P? What up? Getting into credit card debt, honestly, it's way too easy. Terrifying. Kind of scary. It's like a slope that you keep sliding down. Getting out? Well, the system's set up so that we don't. I know that. If you're struggling with credit cards,

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So what, okay, what's another one? Let's talk, let's see. I don't think they're all associated with fear. I don't have many bucket lists. What's another one? I don't have any. Do you want to be, do you want to have, do you want to own some sort of real estate at some point in your life? That's a bucket list. Yeah, yeah. You always say you want to have a big old house with some nice land behind it. There's no fear with that associated, is it? And then a disease comes and kills all my cattle. You know what I mean?

You remember that one TikToker girl with the ostrich that would come up in the screen and all her cattle died? Yes! I have a fear of that happening. What happened to her? She's okay. Is the ostrich? Oh, no clue. I'm scared of ostriches. Or the cattle. I don't think so. I think a lot of them died. Ostriches look evil. Ostriches are the devil. Inherently, they look like they come from Satan. And they can't change anything about that. Let's say something real quick. Pointy-ass face, creepy-ass eyes, and a bald little nutsack-looking head.

The community might come for me, P-E-T-A. Okay. They might come for me. Let's tread very thinly. Let me say this in the nicest way I can. Lightly treading. There's a lot of animals. I want all animals to be healthy. I want them all to be okay, and they all deserve to be here. Okay? We love animals. Sometimes I'll go past some animals, right, or maybe a little bug or an insect, and I say, if this thing did not exist, would we be okay? Okay.

What are ostriches doing for us? You know what I mean? What is the point of the lie? Oh! What is their nine to five? What do they do to better Earth? Do they release a gas that we need? Maybe. I get it. That we need that kills mosquitoes, that mosquitoes then kill this vermin and that vermin. You get me? DNA and bacteria. But like a June bug. Are we kidding? Or are you just here to inconvenience my walk? You know what I mean? Are you here to...

with my front porch lantern and scare my wife. Is that your sole purpose? Is for my mom to break a kneecap because she's scared of your crunchy little back? Is that your purpose, Junebug? To hell with Junebug. I'll stand on that. Ostriches, they're kinda... It'd be cool to hug an ostrich. If it was for you. Are you nuts? That's a...

If it was friendly, it'd be cool to hug it. I'm not going to lie to you. I would say this. If I never, never were to come in contact with an ostrich again, I would be okay. Because, whoa, again. Again, my grandma and grandpa, rest in peace, she's dead. My grandma, she is. I paired her with a fire extinguisher. Told you that last episode. I used to make fun of her veins in her legs. She had real, like, lightning blue legs. And I'd be like, do you run faster because of those?

What? I loved her. She liked these jokes. She was a fan of the podcast. But now she's gone. Fun fact about my grandma. But they had emus, which I thought were ostriches. They're basically just little miniature ostriches, right? And they'd pass out. And so Preston would go and chase after the emus and they'd pass out.

They'd faint? Yeah, they're like fainting ostriches. Maybe I'm confused. No, it was goats he would chase after. And then the ostrich was a friend of the goat and attacked Preston and I witnessed it.

And that f***ed me up. That's what happened. My grandma had fainting goats and emus. That's a real thing. The emus, I don't think they were fainting. I think there might have been a sniper working a tree line. No, the goats. The goats would faint. The goats faint. That's a real thing. So Preston would chase after them, and they were like, God damn, this six-year-old has size 13. He was like, come here. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Come here, baby goat. Boom, boom, boom. Running like that.

Preston I love you, you were in the background "GET HIM BUBBA GET HIM" Like just creepy as shit Preston was like "FRIENDLY EVIL"

And so I remember it was just like normal football. Imagine playing football in youth and Preston Cleet stepped on you. It ruined your career. You're amputated. Amputate that limb, whichever one he stepped on. He's trying to like work for a tackle. He's like, oh, he trips and falls. He goes, it'd be your whole foot. It'd be like you got bit by a shark. Your whole arm just mutilated. You know, the funny thing is, you know, if siblings like get in a fist fight sometimes, Preston would immediately get on his back. He'd be like.

Get back! He'd be kicking the shit out of you. He was out of my horse. Oh my god, a sweet chin music from Preston sent you to the afterlife. I could split it at him. It'd be like Doctor Strange. It'd be like... Your soul just leaves. And then he grabs it, takes it, pours it in his coffee and goes... For the people that don't know, Preston has a 17 wide and he's 6 foot, so...

That's an abnormal. That's an abnormal. Oh, God, Preston, we love you. Dimensions on that person. Love you, Preston. Greatest guy I've ever met. Here we go. Holy shit, you are. You're the best. True of all desk pays. But, shout out. Man. But. Back to the fainting. He would chase. I remember he, it was just like a normal thing. He would go into the pasture and just chase the emus. Or he would chase the goats. And they would pass out and he would be like laughing. And then my grandpa would be like, go!

That's his thing. What? I've never told you. It frightened me. What did you just say? My grandpa, his thing was get. Like you'd say get to his grandchildren or to the animals? Everything. Playing a basketball with him trying to shoot a free throw. What? What grandpa was this? The white one. I've never met the other one. And he said this to everything. But to you and Preston? Oh, he came from that.

You know what I mean? Shut up, then. I don't think he's watching. He said, he said, yeah! And so I remember, this is a long story. I was watching Preston chase the goddamn goat. It was faint. And I'd laugh and I'd turn and try to shoot some basketball. And I heard screaming going on. I looked over and Preston was getting jumped by two emus on the ground. But then he said, the birds go, they're fucking sore. At the very two emus.

That's funny as hell. Preston, we love you. Grandpa, choose a different word to yell. I have a confession. Okay, keep going. What? I have a confession. Honestly, it's not a confession. More of a I have to bring something to light that really pisses me off. Okay, tell me. And I hope this is also not insensitive, but your Johnson's hanging out. You might have to check that. I literally felt like the inside of my hole get a little cold, so it might have hit the fan. Here we go.

The Johnson was hanging out on camera. Come on. I had to tuck it in my sock the other day. Good morning to you. Here we go. We call that a long rope. Keep going. Here we go. Your confession. It's not really a confession. It's more of something that I've noticed that's happening more often that it really rubs me the wrong way. Okay. And this might be insensitive.

So I'm going to preface it with that. Oh, God. We are toting a fine line here at YSK. And this is a comedic podcast. If I preface it with that, you know it could be bad. But it's a true thing. When people lose their job and go to their Instagram story about, oh, my time here is, oh, I think I'm going to transfer and try something new. You're not a running back. You're not going in the transfer portal. You don't play for saving. Just get a new job.

When people go to their Instagram stories talking about, my time here was fun. It was great. I met the best people. This isn't reality TV. Go get a new job. Go apply at Subway. It's like the only people that know what you're talking about are your four co-workers that follow you. You're not the ultimate fighter. Like, you're not on a contract, a four-year performance-based contract.

You're not going for a max deal on Indeed. Yeah, it's not your contract here. People go to their Instagram stories when they lose a job or they transfer to a different field or something. It's so strange to me. And they give a memoir about their time there. It's so strange to me. They write a retirement speech. It's like, you worked at the cold cuts for eight months. It's like, hey, Firehouse Subs is two blocks over. Go get the job with them. Oh, like, I'm not a small forward. Yeah.

What are you doing? It's like, hey, we went to high school together. Have your following, dude. We don't give a shit. It's like, bro, we're all working. Yeah, we're all trying to figure it out. I don't need to know what your next clue is or where you're going to sign in free agency. Okay, what's worse? The people that post about their jobs

Were the people that post about them taking a social media break. Oh, man. Which one is worse? Man. People that post about a social media break, bro. It's insane. I will block you. I never want to hear from you again. That's bad. I'm not going to lie. I'm still taking jobs, though. Really? You're not a free agent. You're not on the trading block. You're not on a scouts list. There's somebody close to us that have done that. There's who? I can't say their name, but they've helped us out a lot for celebrations.

Oh, they did that. Oh, yeah. Oh, I love them. It's not necessarily to them. I know. I'm not saying you weren't a free agent either. Just go. I love you to death. But but I don't know. People like people that post people that post on social media saying they're taking a social media break.

It's like someone videoing themselves eating a double cheeseburger with grilled onions talking about, I'm starting my diet. Oh! It's the... It's so back... Oh, let me say something. I've kept this in for years. People that cry record themselves crying. Oh...

Oh, you have a special place in hell? Stop, stop. No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't care. I'm not trying to be mean, but wow, how? Yeah. I've been real sad in my life. I've cried a lot. Never once thought to whip out the iPhone. Like, let me document this tear. Never once said, oh, I'm sad. Where's the tripod? Are you genuinely sad? Let's talk about it. Are those people genuinely sad that record themselves crying? I think, and this is, to me, it's a little selfish. I think they are genuinely sad, but then they immediately think,

Let me get some sympathy or capitalize on it by recording. Let me stop real crying.

Set up tripod, wireless mic, and application. Putting on a road mic to cry is outrageous. That's honest to God. That deserves a misdemeanor. I swear to God. If you've done something else, if you've done anything illegal in your life, then you put on a road wireless mic to cry, you need to serve a sentence. You're like, I don't want an echo on this too. Oh my God. And they got a parrot. They got a parrot.

No, no. Flicking on a ring light to shed a tear is crazy. No. Oh, my God. Adjusting the focus is crazy. Oh, my God. It's like you are. But think about the process of this. I'm sad.

I'm starting to cry. Yeah. Got to document it. They got to do like this, hit their camera, set it up, light on. Exposure down. Microphone. Connect the hub for the mic. What's the point where you end the video? At what point are you like, we got enough footage, we can move on? And then you got to end the video, go to your social media, click your story, put the story up, and then hit upload. All that? That's insane. You're not sad. That's what I'm saying. You're...

willing to argue they're happy at that point because they think i think you're happy and if that's your coping mechanism the power to you but there's no way if you if that actually actually bothered you yeah and you were actually sad there's no way you post that there's no way while still being sad it's impossible that doesn't click in my brain it simply doesn't work no it doesn't it doesn't you should know podcast

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okay i'm not gonna lie i might be it might be because i'm a dad now okay if i simply see other people crying yeah about something emotional reality tv show regular tv show on a tiktok something my my my eye ducts start to open oh you're getting soft i'm getting soft if i see somebody if i see somebody cry on a reality tv show especially like those relationship reality tv shows i say they need help oh no no no oh 100 but you just met them two weeks ago basically it was like a group of friends like a

A group of girls. It wasn't relationship-wise. One of the girls that was there the whole time, she got voted off. And the other girls were like, oh my God, it's just so sad. And they were all tearing up and trying not to. You could tell it was genuine. If it's the guy and the girl, it's like you've known each other for two weeks. Like, no. They've all known each other for two weeks. I understand. I would never cry over somebody I met two weeks ago. I don't give a shit. Never would either. But I was watching. I was like, man. Man. Oh, wow. I was like, oh. Oh, no. You're soft now. Yeah, it was bad. It wasn't that bad. That was an exact picture. Have you ever cried over me?

Like, cried about something I've gone through? No. But, like, if I've seen you tear up and I know what it's for, my tear ducts will start going. Wait, you've never felt bad for me? No. I've been through a lot since you've known me. Yeah. You've never cried for me? No. Wow. But you cry over some random shit you saw on a reality TV show? You're saying as if, like, I'm sitting there just thinking about you crying. No. That's crazy, bro. You've never just sat and cried about me. When you got married, I was like, it's...

over exactly something okay and something happened that's what i'm saying like you when i see you tear up like after our first live show you your tears started first and i saw you i knew why you were emotional you were involved in it though you just said my wedding you were involved in my wedding no okay but i've cried over when dusty died i cried for you you didn't not a not a single tear single tear sorry lisa

Not a single tear. Love Dusty. Okay, okay. I'm trying to think of something. No, yeah, whenever you win that one bad summer. I was like, I felt bad and I teared for you. It had nothing to do with me. I did it in front of you. Are you crazy? Because I was crying with you. No, no, but you weren't crying at the time. I just felt bad for you. I'm saying there's no shot. There's no shot. Don't paint it to me like this. There's no shot. You've never cried over me. There's no shot on a Thursday at 930. You're sitting there eating chow mein by yourself. You think of me and you cry. Yes. That's...

Whenever you announced your pregnancy, that had nothing to do with me and I cried. Because we took, because that is. That had nothing to do with me. You didn't cry? Exactly. Your initial thing was, have you ever thought about something that happened to me and cried? Yes. And you said no. Because I'm telling the truth. That's, you don't think that's mean? No. I have cried with you. I've seen you cry. But only things that involve you. No. Name something that didn't involve you that I've cried over. That you've cried over too.

I can't even think. Oh, my God. You can't. I just said one. Everything. But exactly. But that's a cryable moment. There's cryable moments that I've had that have happened. You've never cried over me. But name one. Name one where I genuinely should have. Because I've cried. I don't want to say all the depressing dark shit that's happened in my life. And I've seen you cry through all of those. And I've cried with you. You're not.

I haven't shed a tear when you've shed a tear. First off, you've cried in front of me like twice. Literally like three times. And I can name all three. I can name all three and all three times I equally shared the tears with you. Four, actually. Four. Name. Day before my wedding. Yeah.

You cried, I cried. Day of my wedding, you cried, I cried. Day of our first live show, you cried, I cried. We told you we were having a kid, you cried, I cried. I've seen it four times and I've cried with you four times. I just named every time. Okay, look at that. Everything revolves around you. You're selfish. No, don't do this. Why don't you cry over me? Don't do this. Okay, when my dog dies and I'm crying, you're not going to cry for me? Yes. You will not cry. You will not cry for Malcolm. You don't even love Malcolm. You've never bought him a treat. You've never bought Dusty a treat.

That's different. Oh, but that's different. Oh, that's so different. Okay, that's so messed up. You've never cried over me. Peyton. That's our best friend in the chat. Our best friend in the comments right now. Our best friend in the comments. First off, the live show one was because of you. That was not because of me. I'm not going to say what. At the end of the show, you were thanking certain people, and you got choked up. You weren't even on me.

You were thanking certain people. You got choked up, and I said, damn. Bro is really emotional in front of me right now. Vulnerable. I feel his heart. I can feel those emotions. And I got watery-eyed like a son of a gun. That's different, bro. Oh, my God. I plead my case. It's different. You played easier for me. You're done. For a whole summer, you were going through a little dark patch. And I shed a tear that had nothing to do with me. Also, also, if we're being practical and honest –

For being practical and honest, I am way quicker to be moved to tears than you. Is that true? Yeah. Okay. With that being said... In public. With that... Exactly...

I'm your best friend in the whole world. You don't let me see you cry. You were crying and speaking to me and you pulled your ball cap down like you're a secret agent. You don't like anyone seeing you cry. I was screaming crying in front of you. There's differences. So that's probably the gate that's keeping us from being this feng shui. Because you know why I had to hide my tears in front of you? Because you saw a goat head when you were six!

That's why! No, because I know your vindictive evil personality and you will use that against me one day. You'll be like, "You soft bitch, remember you cried in front of me?" No shot in hell. That's-- Oh my god, that's so you! When have I ever? When have I ever? You know Steven do that. When have I ever? When have I ever? That is such a pain thing. No, I'm a-- you know I'm a man of morals. You asked me to say salt and vinegar chips just so you could put it on video, you cut the video down, you took out the V. That's all I'm gonna say. You did that. That's you.

Speaking of one more thing that you have that I hate. The 12-incher, huh? Good morning to you. Good morning to you. Now, if I had 12 inches, I'd cut half and give the rest to charity.

Because I can do a lot with the three I have. Well, cut half, but then take that other half and cut it up and just throw out twos. I'm the Salvation Army of Johnson's. Just lend me a two for the weekend. Just throw that. I'll get some stitches. Hey, people that steal from Salvation Army belong in hell. If you have the means. No, you're going to hell. A lot of people go to Salvation Army to thrift shop.

And I've seen people steal out of Salvation Army. That's sick work. And I say, you're never going to see the pearly gates. Have you ever thought about how expensive some things are in Goodwill? No. I saw a busted CD player for $65. I said, artists don't even make CDs anymore, for starters.

The bitch looks broken half, like literally snapped in half, and someone Elmered it back together, and you're charging me $65? That's another day. Okay, go back to what you said. That's crazy. Something that you have that I hate, don't you dare wink at my friend and editor. Oh my God, y'all are creeps. Anyway, your Prada shoes are godly uncomfortable.

Those bitches are made for war, not for fashion. Okay, I took my pregnancy pictures with my beautiful wife. I needed some suave shoes that matched my fit. I said, hey, P, you got some black nice shoes. Let me wear them Prada Johns. He said, of course, best friend. Gave them to me. Great lad. I thought I was in Fallujah when I had those on. You...

There's no way you wear those past an hour and a half, 90 minutes max. No way you're enjoying wearing them. You know the fun fact about those? I've worn them for two live shows. My heels have bled every single live show. Bro, she literally pulled out her camera at first. There was a flash on. I thought it was a flash bang. I thought I was in the middle of battle.

Pure... No comfort. No, it's really for the aesthetic. Pure tactileness. Pure... Like you're ready to work. Yeah, 100%. You can kick the shit out of somebody with them. Bro, the most uncomfortable shoes ever. It turns my socks black. Like they die on them. It turns it black. Bro, I thought I was a lieutenant. It was bad, bro. It was unreal. Who do you think would be better in the front lines of war? Me or you? 100% you because you'd get scared and run the other way. So chances of survival? You. No, no, no. You'd go...

You can just take off. Go the other way. No, 100%... I'd get sniped like that. They'd be like, that's the biggest target head we've ever seen. I'd be a sniper's dropper. Oh, my God, yeah. You can't hide that head. That'd be the easiest one-shot kill ever. No, 100%. I would be better. I would be better. Simply because you have too much pride. Especially if I'm going out to fight for my country. Yeah. I'll save my life. No, that's... Me too. If we were there for the same reasons. Well, yeah. You'd be...

I don't even know if we can dabble into this. You say it. I don't know. You'd be the type to get shot in the leg. You'd just lay down and stay there. Hey, pretend. Wait for the night to end. You'd be like... And they clear up. They're like... Your drink spilled. So much liquid just pouring onto our concrete. Concrete. They'd be like... Clean your dead. We'll give you the night. And you're like this...

You start going, that might be insensitive. And I did not mean to be at all. I love all of our soldiers and thank you all so much. Oh, yes. A round of applause for our men and women and forces. There you go. Thank you so much. I would make the meanest syrup sandwiches for everybody, you know, at war. Two things. I used to make a mean syrup sandwich in college. You remember that? Stop saying it like that. Syrup sandwich. Syrup.

Syrup. Dude, that's the- okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Kim, last one. That's the last one. That's the last one. Now I'm starting to feel like you're starting to attack. And just argue. If you're just trying to argue, say you're just trying to argue. No one says syrup. I will dedicate- Syrup. I will dedicate the next ten minutes of my life ruining you. Syrup. Okay. Basic spelling. S-Y. What does that say? What the f- Syrup.

What are you talking about? S-Y? What are you talking about S-Y? C. C? Yes. Because when I spelled C in Spanish 3, it was S-I, not S-Y. Oh, but what language are we speaking right now? English. S-Y, C, Psy. C. Psy. Syrup. Let's go with yours. Syrup. But the R makes it the Y, the I.

You're not. You're speaking voodoo right now. You're not even. You're on a different alphabet. Deadass. Okay, deadass. Where did you grow up? Syrup. Texas. Same place as you. Okay. Okay, what do you call soda? Soda. Right? People that say. Okay. People that say pop piss me off. People that say pop say syrup. You deep south confederate flag waving. That's who you. Can I say that? Syrup. You're not winning. We're not relating. And we're not deep south in anything. Kim, syrup.

Everyone you know says syrup. Think about that. CJ, CJ, what do you say? Syrup. Where's CJ from? Arkansas. Harris, Arkansas. Google that. Google Harris, Arkansas. Harrison. Google it. Do your Googles. Find out. You got damn right they say syrup out there, boy. That's exactly what they do. So if that's what you want to go off of, he's not from there, I promise. I promise he's not from there.

Syrup. Syrup. Say it with me. Syrup. Okay, give me an explanation why. Because that's what it is. Period. There's no fight in this. Let's Google it. Google it and hit the thing. No, that bitch don't know nothing. You said let's Google it. Listen to this. What sound does S-Y make? Oh, there's 427 pronunciations of S-Y.

Thor? You're kidding. I swear to you. What do you know? American pronunciation of syrup. Syrup. Syrup. Cam. It literally says under it. It's spelled S-Y-R-U-P. You know how they do the, like, how to pronounce things? Yes. Like, for Cam, it's like baby B. Yeah, like the breakdown of syllables. This says two syllables. S-U-R-U-H-P. Sir. Let me see it. Sir. Let me see it. One more time.

Syrup. That's fine. Let me see it. What do you know? Let's see. You leave out information. Maybe click the Islands of Congo pronunciation. Is syrup pronounced syrup or syrup? As others have noted, this is an accent-based thing. So you're using an accent. You're the one using the accent word.

from the same place. You're using the same place as Harrison, Oklahoma, Arkansas. No, that says American pronunciation. Listen. You and me are from the same state. Everyone you know says syrup. You are a Disney kid. Is it syrup or syrup? Wait. Yeah. Are you nuts? He's getting me hard. Who is that? I don't know. Okay, Cam, deadass, I'm better at English than you. That's fine, you little essay-riding goon.

I'm gonna give you an English quiz. Give me an English quiz. And don't lie. I'm not. Give me an English quiz. Because you folded on your syrup. Yeah, hey, we couldn't find nothing, hey. It sucked. Like, everything was... Every single website was like, here's some worksheets for you. Yeah, yeah. I was gonna give him a quiz. Hey, if y'all have quizzes, send them to the Instagram or Discord or whatever. So, according to my calculations, I passed. What's a noun? What's a noun? Person, place, or thing. What's a verb? Action. What's a pronoun? Wait. Wait.

It's tricky waters there. What about an adjective? Ask me an adjective. Let's just go to the next. What are all the... A-I-O-U. Vowels is the word I was looking for. Yeah, I'm beating you and you're the quizzer right now. I'm answering the questions for you. All right. I think it's time for people's favorite segment. You know what that is? Pop culture. Paying it care.

Pop culture, painting camp. Pow! Cam. What's up, Tampa? Tampa Cam. Tampa Cam. Look at Tampa P. One of the things, you know, we bonded on when we first met each other. You asked me a very... I think this question set our friendship up. You said...

What's your favorite rapper? Every time I said Eminem. And you know what you said? Me too. And you know what we did? Listen to it. Listen to it. Now.

Eminem, this past week. He has dropped his 12th studio album, The Death of Slim Shady. Coup de Grace. It's Coup de Grace. Coup de Grace. I said Coup de Grace. And you're better at English, huh? Coup de Grace, right? Yes. So, let's be honest here. What the hell does that mean? Coup de Grace is like the kill shot. Oh, okay. The Coup de Grace is the final blow whenever you kill something. Okay, the Coup de Grace. Yeah, the Coup de Grace. God bless, better English. Here we go. So, the thing about Eminem, right? Mm-hmm.

I would say his last... I love Eminem. I think he's the best pen-to-paper rapper we've ever had. He can rap words and put words together and make them make sense better than anybody ever has in history, in my opinion. And that's why I love them as a youth, as a teenager, and as an adult. But... I agree. I'm probably going to agree with your next sentiment as well. I think the overwhelming sentiment of the world is...

As you grow up, that content is kind of like, he struggles with content and making good songs now. Yes. I feel, I am all. Well. What? I wouldn't say he struggles with making good songs. I 100% agree on the content. Because I'm not going to say his songs are bad. My sentiment, and I hope I'm not taking words out of your mouth.

My thing is, he doesn't make re-listenable music. That's not a good song, man. I don't deem... You know what I'm saying? I don't deem that... There's movies that are good movies that you kind of just might not want to watch again for certain reasons. Could be length. Could be like the lead actor was kind of shitty. You don't like the lead actor, but the overall movie was good and you enjoyed it. That's how I feel about Eminem's...

newest music over the last five, six years. That's fair sentiment. It's still good because he's still saying crazy shit, crazy cadences, double, triple entendres, but I'm really not going to plug up to Apple CarPlay and go straight to that. Exactly. That's kind of how I feel. IMO, in my opinion, the last great, great Eminem album was

recovery i am that's one of his best albums ever that's such a beautiful LP2 was good it's a good album i thought that was great i thought there's definitely some returnable songs there is but there's a lot of that aren't and it's like it's a good album recovery is like unreal for a reason it's so good millions sold like well Eminem's gonna sell millions he could fart on a mic he's gonna sell it's Eminem um he dropped a new album

And this is my first time when an Eminem album dropped that I didn't immediately go listen to it. It's because he's released singles and features here the past X amount of years. And it's all kind of been like...

Oh, man. You know what I mean? Like you wrapping those words together really good. Bro. And that's it. And it honestly pains me. Yeah. It hurts. Remember the other day I was like, the way I feel about it. I said this in the car. We were listening to it before the gym. The way I feel about him now is how I would feel about LeBron. If LeBron was still playing, but he was averaging like 10. Yeah.

That's how M is. Still a goat in his field. You can't discredit any of his body of work. But it's like, as he keeps going, that M effect. And this isn't like, I love him in there. I love him, man. Because he said in multiple songs, y'all doing all your reviews and whatever critics and da-ba-da-da-ba-ba-da-da. And it's like, that's not what I'm doing right now. I'm just like, I don't know. It hurts me because of how much I love him in there. Like, I'll turn on Relapse right now.

word for word in his crazy shit when he was saying wild nut stuff all of recovery LP2 Eminem show like it's just now it's talking about the new album it's kind of like damn what'd you feel about the new album same thing first off

The more I grow up, I think I'm not a fan of concept albums. I'm not going to lie to you. It takes more creativity to make them, but I don't think I like them. It's no replay value, really? It's like, I know the story. Yeah. It's like, why? I don't want to listen to it again. It's because I don't need the two-minute skit at the end of the song in my car. At all. Again. At all. Yeah. At all.

At all. It's great on the first listen. You know, I don't even listen to skits. I swear to God. Did you not listen on the first run? Did you skip them? On this one, I didn't. No, I delete them. Oh, you have. Yeah, obviously. They don't stay in my phone. I'll be damned if I hit shuffle and Paul Rosenberg's in my ear talking about, am I listening to the album? No. Yeah. Get out of my phone. It's like the eighth one he said that. But overall. Rank it. Okay, say your opinion and rank it one through ten. Opinion. Mm-hmm.

It's kind of what we just said. Has some great bars. He's trying his best because he is... Bro's like 50. People forget that. He's 51. So he's trying to stay up to date with lingo and like... That's... Why? You don't need to. I know you don't have to, but he's trying because I get... I don't know why. He's trying to stay up to date with lingo and like in pop culture and certain news things that are happening. His bars are always amazing. Um...

Again, replay value, I feel, is very low. Fuel. Fuel will be added in my gym playlist. Just the beat. JID helps a lot as well. JID is crazy. And, I mean, I don't know, bro. Evil's a great song. Yeah, Evil's going to beat on Evil. Even the intro, bro. It's like a minute and a half renaissance or whatever it's called. Yeah. The way he comes in on that, I was like, I low-key wish this was a full song. Premonition, I remember off the last. Premonition off... That was fire. That was fire. But overall, score-wise, I mean, I'd throw it like...

I'd throw it like a six. That's high. That's a high. I know, but I love him. I'm not going to sit here and say, this is dog shit. Because I appreciate this artist. Yeah. But it's just like... He's the GOAT, in my opinion, still. Still. That's what I'm saying. I'm not taking anything away from him. It's just hard. It's like if LeBron was playing in his 26th season, and he's averaging seven points. It's like, bro, you're good. Yeah. You're good. And I'm not saying I don't want Eminem to stop making music. I just don't really like this. It's the...

The thing about this album, I'll talk about this album specifically. You're more music than me. I love the concept of, you know, it's 2024. It's a very sensitive era. We're going to bring Slim Shady back. And the whole album is a battle between... Argue good and evil, right and wrong. Yeah, it's between Eminem and Slim Shady. They're arguing the whole time like this. I just didn't need 35 minutes, which is like half the album, in a row of like...

That. Caitlyn Jenner jokes. Yeah. On every song. And fat jokes. Every song. Every song, there was like... A Caitlyn Jenner joke. And I was like, okay, I get it. Like, that Slim Shady, that's your bag, do it. Like, I'm not saying from a sensitive point of view, I don't give a... I'm saying, like, that's what I expect from him. But, like...

There was not a point where I was like, oh, this is fire. That's the old Slim saying wild, reckless shit. It was like that shock value that I used to get as a kid when I'd hear it. And I was like, this is good. But I've heard this eight songs in a row now. Let's get Marshall in a little bit. Let's talk about something now. You know what I mean? And then out of nowhere, we get a beautiful song to Haley right after you were just talking about Lizzo. I'm like, okay. And then I feel like the album kind of was a bad ending.

With the Jelly Roll song, him and Jelly Roll is a beautiful song, but I feel like that Jelly Roll song that he used for the hook just came out on Jelly Roll, just released it, and now you're sampling the hook. He also put him as a feature, and Jelly Roll even posted on it. He said the second he got the call from him saying that he loved that song and he would love if he could be a part of his album, he was all stoked for it. I get it, and I love Jelly Roll. I love him. Jelly Roll's a very nice guy, so I'm at the ACMAs, or AMCA, whatever it's called. I'm just saying, like,

I feel like we got that song already whenever he made Castle in a Rose on... Yeah. It was like the same song. Yeah. And I was like, wait, that's how we're ending this album? Like, I definitely agree. I think the ending should have been Slim going... I think the ending should have been like Duel of Fates in Revenge of the Sith. It should have been like a seven and a half minute song of Slim Shady providing nothing but terror...

Like saying crazy wild shit. Didn't he die though? He died on Guilty Conscious 2 though. Yes, but I'm saying imagine. Imagine it ended like Slim Shady going absolutely feral and then M comes in as like the good and goes so crazy back but in a good way and then that's the death and then that's like closed curtains. And no hate. Baby Tron never needs to be on Eminem album. Yeah, no. That doesn't make sense to me. I don't get it. I hate the song Toby.

I told you McGuire got bit by a spider. Well, me. Probably a goat. Like, no. I literally don't want that. I actually don't want to do that. Like, yeah, that's strange. But all I have to say, Em, we still love you. I still have an Eminem shirt. I got it from him, actually. He's seen you live in concert, and I would love to. I almost passed out when I saw him in concert. We could go. He's going to be in Austin. When? October. What, like a taco shop? No, he's a performer. It's for F1. We'll try to get to that. That'd be sick. All right.

Let's get out of here. And that was... Pop Culture! Paying in cam! Pew, pew, pew, pew! Pop Culture! Paying in cam! Pow! Get us out of here, come on. Thank you all, you beautiful little faces and big old smiles for coming back. Episode 122 is in the books. We appreciate you so, so much. Now in live time, the tour is finally over. The baby announcement is finally out. There's nothing else to hide from you. And we have so many things coming. So like P said earlier in the intro, make sure you follow

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Now? No. Not? No. Never? No. What is it? You blank something. I blank that. I need that. Uncle needs help. There we go. Uncle needs help. Secret code. Leave it everywhere. Leave it on Instagram, TikTok, full link. Leave it everywhere. We absolutely love y'all. Uncle needs help. Uncle needs help. Uncle needs help. Confuse the casuals. We'll see you again next week. Remember, when I take a wall of bears, I'll make it onto Christmas. We'll see you.

Next time. I'll tell them to put the Johnson up.