When A Secret Life Leads To Murder - What Happened To Sharon Lopatka?
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- Hi friends, how are you doing today? It's Monday, which means it's murder, mystery and makeup Monday. I forgot like my name and stuff. My name is Bailey Sarian, if you're new, hi. Every Monday I sit down and I talk about a true crime story that's been heavy on my

Noggin. And I do my makeup at the same time. If you're interested in true crime and you like makeup, I would highly suggest you hit that subscribe button. When I was trying to do research for a story today, I was like, just kind of jumping around. I couldn't find anything that was catching my interest, but I found this story and I was like, oh, shh.

Warning. The following presentation is intended for mature audiences. It contains graphic descriptions of crime scenes, sexual assault, adult dialogue, strong language, there's sexual fetishes, oh my gosh, this is long, just lots of sexual discussion that some might find disturbing. Fewer discretion is advised. E!

This story is interesting for sure. I need to sit up straight. Okay. Sharon Lopatka was the oldest of four daughters and she was born in 1961. The family lived in Baltimore, Maryland, and they would attend Baltimore's largest Orthodox Jewish synagogue while growing up. In high school, Sharon played volleyball, field hockey, and was said to have many friends or just,

normal amount of friends in high school. Her senior and junior year, she was a nurse's aide, she was a teacher's aide, library aide. She also sang in the school's chorus. And one classmate would say that Sharon was just as normal as you can really get, okay? Not much is really said about her relationship with her parents, but I'm assuming, and this is a personal opinion, but I'm thinking that they were probably strict just because of their reaction at the end.

So again, but I don't, we don't know. We don't know. Sharon got married in 1991 to a man named Victor and he worked as a construction worker and Sharon thought he was just very handsome. She fell in love, you know.

You know how it goes. But Victor was Catholic, and because of this, Sharon's family just did not approve. It was said that they felt embarrassed or ashamed that their daughter would marry someone of a different faith. So they ended up cutting ties with her pretty much completely. So the family cut her off, but Sharon said that it was like her way of breaking away from the family.

So Sharon and her husband, Victor, they ended up moving to Hampstead, Maryland, and they stay in like a cul-de-sac little area.

little area and they had like a small ranch style track home. I was kind of reading two different, what seemed to be almost two different stories. It was like some of the neighbors would say that Sharon and Victor both kept to themselves and they didn't really mingle too much with the neighbors. But then I was reading another article that said like some neighbors were friends of theirs and they were lively and bubbly and so nice. So I guess it doesn't matter 'cause I mean luckily this story has nothing to do with neighbors. So, but I was just trying to paint the scene.

Anyhow, so 1995, Victor and Sharon are living together, you know, they're married, doing married people things. And then during the day, Victor would take off and he would go to work. And Sharon, she would be at home and she's kind of looking for some extra income. And Sharon would enter the World Wide Web. Oh yes. Do you remember AOL had those like disc, those CDs everywhere?

What was that about? But yes, that, AOL, Sharon was on it and she was putting it to use. To bring in some extra income, Sharon, she started a website with a friend called Dion's Secret of Home Decorating Guide. And Sharon and her friend, they had a huge interest in home decor and they thought, "Hey, what if we like put this in a book and made a book?"

which they did. And people could purchase the book online, but they also went around to their community and could sell it to like the church women and stuff like that. I like home decor, so cool, I'm into it. So that was one of the things that Sharon would operate was that website, but she also operated several other websites. One of them was psychic readings and spiritual advice.

I don't know if Sharon was psychic or had spiritual advice, but sure, she was doing it. She also had an adult chat line where people could call in like a 1-900 number and pay a higher rate to chat with her. Do you remember those adult sex lines or whatever? The party lines and stuff like that?

Are those still around? Sharon also ran ads for different companies and she, I mean, yeah, she kept herself busy online is essentially what I'm getting at and trying to find ways to make some income. I'm not fully sure if her husband Victor like knew what she was doing, the sex lines and stuff like that, but she was doing it, doing it. Sharon wasn't just using the world wide web for work.

Nay nay. She would also spend a lot of her time chatting it up in different sex chat rooms and browsing pornographic websites, which is fine, you're allowed to do that. She soon would kind of venture into the more unconventional sex sites like necrophilia, bondage, and a variety of different fetishes. Of course, like we all know now,

Using a fake name or building a fake identity online is pretty damn easy. But then it allowed Sharon to remain completely anonymous and it gave her the freedom that she needed to pursue her sexual fantasies.

So Sharon had a variety of different names or like identity she used on different websites. For example, she would tell people online that she was a five foot six and a shapely 102 pounds, or I'm sorry, 121 pounds, very specific. That's kind of when I feel like you know someone's lying is when they say like 121 pounds because most bitches, if they're 121 pounds, they're just gonna say they're 120.

You know? Anyways, it doesn't matter. That's who she wanted to be, good for her. And then the next day, her new persona would be an aggressive 300 pound dominatrix who promised strict discipline. Then she would be Nancy Carlson, who would make any type of sexual video of the customers choosing.

Mm-hmm, anything, you know? Sharon would post on these sites saying, quote, "I am 25, I have blonde hair, green eyes, "and I'm 5'6, weigh 121 pounds. "Is anyone out there interested in buying my worn panties "or pantyhose? "This is not a joke or a wacky internet scam. "I am very serious about this. "If you are serious too, you can email me.

Panties is like just the grossest word ever. Panties. Another one of her posts said, quote, Hi, my name is Nancy. I just made a VHS video of actual women willing and unwilling to be knocked out, drugged, under hypnosis, and chloroformed. Never before has a film like this ever been made that shows the real beauty of the sleeping victim.

There was never any evidence that Sharon actually made these videos. So we don't really know, but I think it was all talk. Let's hope because that last one is a little concerning. In November of 1996, Sharon was again going onto her chat rooms and posting about how she wanted to be tortured to death. Now this was causing some alarm in the chat room because fellow bondage

Enthusiasts, participants, the community, some of the bondage community, there we go, felt like Sharon was crossing a line and trying to explain to her, because they were going back and forth, but they were trying to explain to her that there's a difference between fantasy and reality. And just really trying to explain to Sharon that you can't just come into this chat room saying this wild stuff. That's not what the community is all about.

But Sharon, she was upset by this and she had written back, "I want the real thing. I did not ask for you preaching to me." Now there were numerous responses to Sharon's posts and many people were offering to fulfill her fantasy of being tortured to death.

but eventually they would stop talking to her altogether because they realized that she wasn't role-playing. Sharon was being serious. She wanted someone to torture her to death. So they just were like, "Hey, I'm outta here." Eventually as time went on and Sharon kept posting, she would meet one man in a chat room who was more than willing to give Sharon exactly what she desired. Enter to the scene, Robert Glass.

Robert Glass was a 45-year-old computer analyst who worked for the Catawba County government in North Carolina. Robert was said to be more of a

a quiet guy, he was more introverted, he kind of stuck to himself, mind his own business, you know. Robert would keep himself busy by work. He worked a lot and at his job, he helped program the tax rolls and voter system for the Catawba County and worked at his job for over 16 years. Robert was married for 14 years to his wife named Sherry. And they had three children together ranging from the ages of 10,

down to six, they were actually really close in age. Sherry said in an interview that Robert knew his computers, that computers in general were just his passion, but Robert would spend more time on the computer or spending more time just focusing all of his energy on his computers than he would on the marriage. Sherry said that he would spend hours upon hours on the computer and she had that gut feeling like, you know,

What's he really doing on there? I'm gonna find out. And while Robert was away at work, Sherry, she was like, "I wanna see what he's up to." So she logs onto his computer. Sherry sees a bunch of emails that Robert had saved onto his hard drive. Like they were saved onto his hard drive. Not just emails that were sitting there. Like he saved them all. He had a collect,

huge collection of all these emails. So she's going through and she sees that he was using or posting emails or posting on AOL using a pseudonym, either Toyman or Slowhand is what he was going by. Sherry said that she just kind of started reading these emails and she was growing more and more concerned because the posts, the emails were, quote, raw, violent, and disturbing, end quote.

Sherry said that when Robert came home that evening, she, you know, asked him about it, like, hey.

And she said that when she asked, all of the color had drained out of his face and that he really didn't even have anything to say. Now the emails, I'm not sure what they said because I couldn't find them. I really wanted to know, but from my understanding, they were just very sexual, very graphic. Sherry said after she confronted him about it and he really had nothing to say, that was the moment she realized she had no idea like who this,

who he was, like he has this whole secret side that she's never seen before. And like, who is he? Sherry said towards the end of their marriage, Robert just was not interested in her anymore. He wasn't attracted to her. Anytime she tried to show love and affection, he would push her away or just turn her down. And he just told her one day that he wasn't attracted to her any longer, which,

That sucks. So Sherry knew it was over. So then in May of 1996, Robert and Sherry separated. Sherry moved and she took her three kids with her. So Robert's just living by himself now. So in August of 1996, Robert and Sharon, they actually started chatting with each other when they met.

or crossed paths in a fetish chat room. Robert was making posts about inflicting pain and Sharon was there talking about her desire to be tortured, which sounds like a match made in heaven, right? Perfect. So Robert and Sharon started emailing each other. Sharon had asked Robert if he would be the one to fulfill her fantasy and how she wanted to be bound and strangled as she climaxed.

Robert would just respond to her messages describing in great detail how he would fulfill her wish. Their emails and relationship would continue for months. And after the fact, police would recover about 900 emails between the two of them. They were like writing a book.

Again, I wish I could find some of the emails, but I really wasn't having much luck. It's really none of our business, but I'm a curious cat. And I just wanted to know what it said. After months of talking, Robert and Sharon decided to finally meet, right? They should meet.

months they've been communicating, both wanting to fulfill their sexual desires. Let's meet. So on October 13th, 1996, Sharon told her husband, remember she's married, she tells her husband Victor that she's going to visit a friend in Georgia. So she takes off in her blue Honda and she's heading towards the train depot in Baltimore, Maryland. Sharon boards the 9:15 AM train to Charlotte, North Carolina,

And she ends up arriving there at 8:45 PM. It's a long ass train ride. Robert's actually there at the train station waiting for her. And once she arrives, he, I don't know what he does, flags her down, "Hey, it's me."

They end up getting together into his pickup truck and they drive about 80 miles to his home in Lenore, North Carolina. Honestly, like an 80 mile drive from the train station to his home, I would love to know like what that conversation looked like during the drive. I mean, was it awkward? What did they talk about? Were they comfortable? Was it weird? So Sharon would be there for about three days and what happened in those three days, honestly, nobody really knows.

And that's the end of the story. Just kidding. But yeah, nobody really knows what happened in those three days. So let's go back to Maryland really quick. And we're gonna go stop by, see what Victor's up to because Victor is Sharon's husband. So he's becoming a little worried because he hasn't heard anything from Sharon. Okay, not only that, he finds a letter.

he finds a letter that was left by Sharon. In this letter it said that she was leaving him and she would not be returning and she told him not to go after her killer. That's what it said in this letter, not to go after her killer, which is like, what the F are you talking about? I thought you were visiting a friend in Georgia. Sharon wrote, quote, "If my body is never retrieved, don't worry, know that I'm at peace." End quote. Like, oh, oh no, oh no.

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That's thrive, T-H-R-I-V-E, market.com slash M-M-M. Thrivemarket.com slash M-M-M. Mother's Day. So Victor then decides, I'm going to go look on her computer and see, I don't know, maybe there's some answers or something. So he does just that. He goes and he looks on her computer and guess what he sees? What?

Well, he sees some emails from this dude named Slow Hand. He finds these emails, they're obviously a little concerning to him. About a week goes by and with no sign of Sharon at all. So then Victor goes and he files a missing person report on October 20th. And he also provided the emails to the investigators because there's some clues there. So when investigators saw the emails, they described them as being,

strange, because they described in great detail how this person's slow hand was going to sexually torture the missing person and ultimately kill her. So this police department actually had a computer crime unit, which is surprising in 1996,

because I don't even think a lot of places had that, but this police department did, so great. Computer crime unit. Police at the time thought it was almost unbelievable that a woman would actually hop on a train to go get murdered, you know, even though that's what all of the emails were saying. So they were able to track Robert down and they kept surveillance on him beginning on October 22nd in hopes to find some sign that Sharon was still alive. But during their stakeout, they...

saw no sign of Sharon. On October 25th, a search warrant was issued and they waited until Robert went to work. And once he did, that's when they were gonna go inside the home. So Robert leaves, bye. Okay, let's go in. They go in.

Robert was living at that time in a turquoise trailer and it was said to just be an absolute disaster on the inside. There was trash everywhere. There was like garbage bags everywhere. Dirty dishes were just building up in the sink and on the counters.

and there was drug paraphernalia and thousands of computer disks. They were going through all of Robert's belongings and while doing so, they were able to find some stuff that belonged to Sharon. So they're like, okay. So they keep looking. Finally, they go outside.

Oh shit, Mayday. Okay, so while they're looking around the property outside, they see this little area up in the front. It's about 75 feet from Robert's front door. An officer spots what seems to be newly turned dirt.

Oh no. So it looks like something was buried. So what do they do? They start to dig. So they're digging in hopes, I don't know. I'm sure that must be a really crappy feeling. About two and a half feet down, they hit what seems to be a knee.

So once they find this in his yard, that's when the officers, they radio the other guys who are watching Robert at work, doing surveillance on him there. And they tell them, "Hey, go ahead and arrest him because we found a knee, we found a knee." So they do just that. They go in and they catch Robert as soon as he's walking out of the men's restroom and they place him under arrest. It said that when he was placed under arrest,

He didn't say a word. He didn't say a damn thing. I look scary.

Good. Okay, so back at Robert's place, the police, they actually remove boxes upon boxes filled with thousands of computer disks from his trailer. They also removed bondage equipment, a pistol, pornographic magazines for research, cameras, videotapes, and most of all Robert's computer. So while in custody, Robert was questioned. They're like, "Hey buddy, so do you wanna let us know like what happened?"

Robert told investigators that for several days, he and Sharon had acted out their sexual fantasies in his trailer. He confessed that Sharon had willingly allowed him to tie her up with a rope, and he also was using household items as, you know, like to insert it into her body.

I'm not laughing at that, I just don't know, I can't think of the word probe, but I feel like probe is for aliens. But most of all, and he kept saying this, it was consensual. This is what she wanted, she gave permission. Robert also admitted that

While they were having sex, he put a rope around her neck and while she climaxed, he pulled it tighter, tight as he could during intercourse. But again, Sharon had allowed him to do this. But then Robert said that

he accidentally strangled her to death while in the middle of their sex play. Robert said, "I don't know how much I pulled the rope. I never wanted to kill her, but she ended up dead." He also tried his best to explain to officers that it was just a terrible accident.

It's unclear though why he buried her in the backyard. I couldn't seem to find an answer there. I have a feeling that maybe it was discussed beforehand. Again, there were over 900 emails. Maybe that's what they had discussed, but I'm also not sure and that's not a fact. That's just my opinion.

I don't really know. When Sharon's body was dug up, her wrists and ankles were bound with rope. She had scrapes on her chest and her neckline, and there was also still a rope around her neck. Sharon's body was sent to North Carolina's chief medical examiner. Sorry, it's not funny, but come on. His name is Dr. Butts.

Yes, it's good, come on. That's good, great. Dr. Butts, yes. Dr. Butts determined... Oh my God, I'm like five years old, I'm sorry. Dr. Butts determined that the cause of death was consistent with strangulation. There were other tests done and they actually showed some inconclusive evidence of sexual torture or mutilation, which Dr. Butts,

believed that Sharon died three days after she arrived in North Carolina. Robert's attorney came back and said that this autopsy report completely supports Robert's claim that Sharon's death was indeed an accident. His attorney said, "It's hard for me to believe that a woman was tortured for three days if the medical examiner of North Carolina couldn't find any indication of that.

It's much easier to understand or picture an accident occurring during sexual activity than it is to conjure up an image of this man as a cold-blooded premeditated killer. Police kind of seemed torn because there were some that were saying that Sharon intended to meet Robert specifically to be tortured and killed.

But on the other hand, according to police, the emails written by Robert were detailing how he was going to kill Sharon actually proved further evidence that this death was instead premeditated and not like an accident. They were torn. Police had confiscated all of like Robert's computers and everything, right? While they're doing their research, they come across

A lot of child pornography ranging from photos to videos. So not only is Robert being charged with first degree murder, he obviously now is being charged with these added sexual exploitation charges for good reason. He had child porn on his computer.

Now I just have to say, just because Robert is a shit person who had child porn on his computer or killed Sharon, does not mean that everyone who participates in bondage or the fetish sex play, the BDSM community is similar to or associated in any way to what happened here in this story we are talking about. I hope that you are mature enough to understand that and can separate the two.

But this is also the internet and I know how it goes. There's probably going to be some people in the comment section who are upset. But this has nothing to do with the BDSM community. These two are just more extreme and we'll talk about it. But I just want to make that clear before anybody thinks I'm trying to associate the two together. Do you understand what I'm saying? Thanks, because I know you do. So once the media got a hold of this story, they're like, wow, sex.

drugs, bondage, like let's run it. Some outlets were focusing more on the dangers of meeting people from the internet, but then there were those stories focusing on Sharon and Robert's sexual fantasies in a very negative light and just trying to find anything they could about Sharon that would prove, I guess, that she's just this like,

Weirdo, oh my God, oh. It's '96, the media wasn't very kind to anybody, especially women who did things differently. Sharon's death though, it did create a lot of debates and internet discussions around the topic. Some were blaming the pornographic websites for her death, and many people were calling for a censorship of the internet to prevent similar deaths and to protect the children. There were anti-censorship

activists who argued that the internet was a useful tool, allowing people to express themselves more freely and to voice their ideas, thoughts, and views in an open form, often anonymously. During the trial, there was a great debate.

Should Robert or maybe someone in like a similar situation be convicted of first degree murder in the first place? I know that some of you are thinking, "Yes, of course Bailey, shut up." But ignore the child porn stuff, which is sounds awful.

Ignore it for a second. But let's take a step back and observe the situation. There was over 900 emails between Sharon and Robert going into great detail about how she wanted him to torture her and kill her. And in many of those emails, Sharon was giving Robert permission to do just that.

And I know you may be thinking, "This story, Bailey, just sounds so familiar." Bailey, haven't you already done this story already? I see those comments all the time. I'm like, "No, why would I do a story twice?" Anyways, but this story is kind of familiar.

Some of you may remember the video I did on Armin Mavis, remember? The cannibal cafe? Is that ringing a bell? Well, if you aren't familiar or didn't watch the video, it's fine. Armin did almost the exact same thing. He posted online that he was looking for some sweet lovin'. Armin also posted that he wanted to kill somebody and eat them. And Armin also found someone online who agreed and gave permission to Armin to do just that.

I believe it was on videotape or it was in the emails. No, it was on videotape. I was on videotape. He got permission from his victim to do that, to kill him. He wanted his skull to be an ashtray. It was wild. So Armin, he eventually got charged and he was sentenced to life in prison in 2006. And I personally was a little torn. I mean, yes, nobody should ever kill another human being. I just feel like that's not your call to end someone's life, but.

if the victim gives permission it's like this weird gray area and what I'm getting at is this is kind of a pretty similar situation there was no etation going on like in in Armin's story but this is kind of the same thing I mean she was giving permission over and over and over again throughout the emails so it said and it's like well is that a first degree murder charge I don't

I don't know, it just really got me thinking. And that's why I decided to do this story in the first place, because it makes me think, like what is the right outcome here? If someone didn't have child porn on their computer, you know what I'm saying? Anyways, but back to Robert. So his trial was focusing on that gray area. So the media is reporting on this case and Sharon's death. It was leading to an increased interest in understanding deviant sexual behaviors. Psychologist Richard von Kraft,

He first coined the terms sadist and masochist to describe behavior in which sexual arousal was achieved through the infliction or reception of pain. And psychologist Sigmund Freud was the first to combine the two terms into sadomasochism in an attempt to emphasize the mutual exchange of the use of pain.

during sexual intercourse. A controversial form of deviant sexual play practiced by some sadomasochists involved the use of strangulation. Erotic asphyxiation involved intentionally with pain

permission is done by cutting off the air supply for you or your partner with choking, suffocating or other acts. People who are into this say it can heighten sexual arousal and make orgasms more intense to put it simply. But I do have to be responsible and say that different types of breath play as it's also referred to pose different risks and may lead to serious injury like cardiac arrest,

brain damage from lack of oxygen or even death. If any of this is piquing your interest, please understand and educate yourself on the potential dangers associated with it. And it's a good idea to talk to a professional sex therapist or ask a professional sex therapist before even attempting to do it yourself. And please keep in mind that many experts actively encourage people to pretty much stay clear of trying this because it can

and easily go from fun sex to serious harm or death. I'm sure there are going to be a lot of people in the comment section who will say otherwise, but I also have to be responsible, kitty cats. According to the American Psychiatric Association, about 250 deaths occur each year in the United States involving strangulation or choke holds during sexual activity. So in Sharon's case, it was believed that she went into the relationship with Robert with one,

apparent intention, to die. Some would say or suggest that Sharon in short was a suicidal masochist. Masochism is pretty complex. According to the American Psychological Association, some patients suffer through harsh,

self-criticism, bodily harm, or even tormenting thoughts of death without actually killing themselves. And then some of these patients ultimately may go on to die by suicide. The relationship between masochism and suicide is complex, but yet it can be interconnected. Back to Robert. So Robert was facing the first degree murder charges for the sexual strangulation death of Sharon. It actually ends up getting dropped down or just reduced to voluntary manslaughter.

The case against Robert Glass dragged on for over three years. So on January 27th, this is now the year 2000, Robert pleaded guilty to voluntary manslaughter, as well as six counts of second degree sexual exploitation of a minor.

that came from the pornographic material that was found on his computer. Robert was sentenced 36 to 53 months in prison for the manslaughter of Sharon and 21 to 26 months for the possession of child pornography. Robert was sent to Avery Mitchell Correctional Institution in North Carolina and get this, karma or something, I don't know, but on February 20th, 2002, two weeks,

Robert was about to get out, so he's sitting there waiting, he's almost ready to be released, a free man. At 1:30 in the morning on February 20th, Robert had a heart attack and died. Now ain't that some shit, right? Honestly, I mean it sounds mean, but like I'm not mad at it, 'cause he had a lot of child porn on his computer. I mean, have you ever noticed when people get caught with child pornography, a lot of the times they only have to serve like

Six months or something. It doesn't make any goddamn sense to me. It really doesn't. That's a whole nother story we can talk about because that stuff pisses me off, but whatever. Anyways, so he dies. Sadly, Sharon's parents, they had little to say about their daughter Sharon's death. And they even tried to say that Sharon wasn't their child because of how just embarrassing

The whole thing was, like they didn't want to be associated with her because the media and the press was just running so hard on this whole BDSM thing. So like they just wanted nothing to do with it. The whole thing was just really sad. Robert's ex-wife Sherry was shocked because she had no idea of the secret life Robert was living. I didn't look into where like the kids are now because they have nothing to do with it, so leave them out of it. So that's the story about Sharon.

I mean, I think like Sharon was struggling with something much deeper. I personally don't think it had anything really to do with sex. And I'm not also trying to say anyone who participates in the BDSM community has some problems or anything, but based off of how they described her emails and how she wanted to, I just think it was something a lot deeper, you know,

Rest in peace to Sharon, whatever she was going through. I do hope she's at peace now. Robert, meh, you know. This story piqued my interest because it got me thinking about that gray area. Let's just say you're the starring role in this, okay? Let's ignore actually this whole story, ignore it all. Let's just say you and your partner decided, "Hey, we wanna spice it up tonight." And you're like, "Yeah, let's do it. What do you wanna do? What do you wanna do, babe?" And then your babe is like, "Why don't you choke me?"

Yeah, let's do it. Now let's say you go a little bit too far and you accidentally kill your partner. You obviously didn't listen to me say that you should research and educate yourself on the situation, but you did it and you killed your partner. What do you think should happen? Because it got me thinking, what should happen? I mean you killed somebody, you have to have responsibility for that choice that you, that it was an accident. I don't know, I...

I don't know, I was thinking, yeah, manslaughter, I mean, that sounds about right, but at the same time, it's like, should you even serve any time? Let's just say you, your life is 100% squeaky clean and this happens, what should happen? I would love to hear your thoughts down below on that. And I like hearing your guys' perspective on things.

because I talk too much. I love and appreciate you guys so much. Thank you for hanging out with me today. I hope you have a really good rest of your day, a good rest of your week. Make good choices. Please be safe out there and I'll be seeing you later.